Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / The Enneagram Eight and Burnout | An Eight's Wholehearted Journey with Melodie Kenniebrew

Transcript

The Enneagram Eight and Burnout | An Eight's Wholehearted Journey with Melodie Kenniebrew · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast, the Enneagram for Real Life.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Here is where you'll find conversations where faith meets story and strategy for lasting transformation.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Amy Wicks, here to help you find wisdom and wholehearted rhythms for moments that matter most.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you're learning your type or deepening your spiritual formation, these conversations will remind you that the Enneagram shines a light, that Christ is the transformation.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Last week we started the month all about the Enneagram 8.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about the Enneagram 8's fierce longing for justice, their desire for autonomy, and even their struggle to access vulnerability and the invitation to let tenderness coexist, strength.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I am excited to dive in today to have Melody share with us what it looks like to live as an Enneagram 8, what an eight looks like in real life.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Now, Melody is an Enneagram mate who has been on this wholehearted journey for a minute.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: She is not only in my current coaching cohort, she is officially a certified wholehearted Enneagram coach.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: And she is kind and honest and does, has done this courageous work, inner work that I know will resonate with you deeply.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: So please listen closely so you can hear how transformation for an eight isn't just about becoming softer or less.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: It actually is about becoming whole.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's shining strength that isn't about domination and it's offering boldness that can be received well by others.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: And ultimately living in the passion that will protect, not overwhelmed.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Melody, thank you for being here and sharing your story today.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be so good.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: I think so too.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for inviting me, Amy.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Last year you honored us with your wholehearted journey in our summer series.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Today, you might make mention to some of those moments, but we're going a little bit deeper because you've continued the work, not only as an individual, but as becoming a certified whole-hearted Enneagram coach.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: Tell us a little bit first about when you began to recognize the Enneagram 8 pattern, because it wasn't an easy journey for you.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't a quick, noticeable, this is me.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_02: No, and especially when you when you find out that I had taken altogether for now, five tests.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_02: And the last three, yours was one of those, probably very close to the end, did say eight, but I still was sitting sitting on the fence thinking, well, maybe um a seven, maybe I'm this, and I'm just gonna sit there as a seven.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, possibly eight, maybe eight, but yeah, with a seven wing, um, until I was sure.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_02: And then uh while I was working with you, I became sure.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it was a slow element, and I would just like to point out this is why the Enneagram at first blush feels simple and easy, but then when you really do the work and dive in, there is so many layers.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: There we are complex human beings.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: We can't fit everything verbatim, what we see out there, or even what's in print from a very well-rounded approach to the Enneagram.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: It takes that being willing to dive in and peel back the layers of our story.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: I'm interested for you when you did like read the eight, and as you're diving in it, was there something that repelled you or pulled you, or just was a little bit difficult to accept, going, This is truly who I am?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Or is it that maybe you tried really hard to not be some of those character traits in life?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it was a little bit muddled to wade through that description.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, there were some things that I knew fit, such as the desire for autonomy.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_02: I knew that.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_02: I even remember telling you that autonomy is really important to me.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I know that I'd read that under the eighth, but I was still rejecting it, perhaps because some other things, it just in so many ways it's been the eights have been presented.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_02: I've heard them like bulldozers and snowplows, and and to me that it sounds so boxy, industrial, colorless, gray, and there was I didn't hear anything about the boldness or adventuresome.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_02: I think from how I experienced ateness, is okay, yes, uh it eights get things done, but I maybe because I've been in the Navy, I see us more as a Navy jet fighter coming in and clearing the field for the fleet to be safe and do their job, not a clumsy old chunky bulldozer or something like that.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_02: It needed to have a little bit more zap and and push to it.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_02: There's that, and also um something I've heard about Ace and it seems like we're all supposed to swear.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, really, just that profanity.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I just didn't grow up in a household where I heard that, so I don't do that.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_02: I do use some slang now and then, but profanity in a way.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_02: So there was that.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_02: It's like assumed this is what you do, and so this is what we're gonna do because we're eights, but nah, that's not necessarily so.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: I would agree.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: And this is where hearing the story, you give dimension and color and flavor to the personality that I think is easy to miss when we're trying to talk about a type in one sentence or even in a chapter, to be fair.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: It is challenging having just finished a book and writing about each type, giving each type a chapter and putting it in a colorful fictional story.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: I knew there was still so much left unsaid.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: But I love that illustration of making a path for safety, taking that step ahead, but not in a boxy, bullish way, but in an honoring, planned, and thoughtful way, even as you describe in your experience with service.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for offering that.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: When you were processing this, when we first got together, finding your Enneagram type wasn't just the primary.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: There was a lot of things to sift through for you.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: But ultimately, what was a pattern that you were feeling stuck in?
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Or that moment you're going, I need a guide to help me clear some of the things that have piled up that are preventing me from moving forward in my dream and my relationship and the other things I know God has for me, but just feel a little bit out of reach.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's not easy for an eight to ask for help.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: That takes a lot.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, maybe I had to ask for help because I was out of control.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_02: It's about being in control, and I was out of it.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: I knew God had called me for something, and I knew I wanted to build something, but I and I had so much going on, and it was more than I could handle, and I kept feeling my plate, you know, kept feeling my plate with more and more things to do.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_02: It's almost like um I kept doing and doing, taking say uh uh more courses and trying uh this change on my blog or maybe uh planning another outing, but just doing, doing, doing.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um to fill something.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_02: I wasn't exactly sure what I was supposed to do.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_02: And at the same time, I was also extremely physically tired.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_02: I know you put those things together, that doesn't make sense.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_02: If you're really tired, don't you just sit around.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_02: Well, no, I don't just sit around, I do more and more and more and more.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_02: And uh, you know, I just I just pushed through it.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_02: I got a coach.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: I just that that's that's why I got in touch with you.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_02: I needed to, I knew I needed to work this out.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_02: There supposedly were people locally, but I am in a a relatively small town, and I didn't find such a person, so I'm glad I found you.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, well, I have been honored and privileged to get to do this journey.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think you touch on something really important to highlight, and maybe you could even expand on a tiny bit more.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I see the pattern with eights and filling the plate.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: And eights in general have a high capacity, but it's almost as if an eight doesn't understand that there is capacity or doesn't want to be told that there is, almost as a seven wants to be boundless as well.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: The eight, the driver intensity and maybe meaning and purpose and just to keep going often brings this eight to a place of burnout or where they go, I'm not just one thing over max capacity.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like three or five deep in max capacity.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: So tell maybe just tell us a little bit more, because that is a pattern and it's hard to break for an eight.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: I've seen an eight again and again come up against this, but then go back to it the moment there's a little bit of margin.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_02: Even as you're saying that, I'm saying, I know it doesn't make sense, but I really felt like I could do anything I set my mind to.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, I guess it's a good, I've never wanted to play pro basketball or anything like that.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_02: So that wasn't on there.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_02: But the things that I set my mind to that I like, yeah, it's like let's do this.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_02: And um and I do, I have pushed through.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_02: If there's a gift God has given me, it's perseverance, but I've used it in ways that don't even make sense.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_02: Once to get something done, to get something done technically, I had a goal to get it done the next for the next day.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_02: It didn't work, so I stayed up another 24 hours.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: I was up continuously for over 48 hours getting this thing done.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_02: Man, you know, it didn't make any sense, but that I would do things like that.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_02: Crazy.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, Melody, you're not alone in that.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I know we you and I have walked through those moments and talked through that and come to a place of balance.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: I think it kind of it touches on this idea that AIDS might hold tightly onto something and insist your way even when it wasn't working.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: Tell me more about that because I think the ones and the nines, when we just talked about the nines all last month, they do that too.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: There's a stubbornness, a quiet stubbornness, a subtle stubbornness that creeps in with A, it's a little bit more bold and loud, but tell us what the inner world looks like around.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm gonna make this work by sheer grit.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness, that's happened in relationships when I was much younger, but where you know this isn't good, it's toxic, the person's crazy, they're making you crazy too, but no, we're gonna make this work.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, yeah.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_02: Or in yeah, there was a time when I didn't see I was having a little problem in college.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: I went to a fine university the first year, and then I decided I had two really good friends there, but I needed to transfer.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_02: Why?
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_02: I look back and I go, I don't know.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: I was trying to think, I just felt restless.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_02: That's what I remember.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_02: I felt restless.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_02: And that's the first time I was thinking, well, maybe, you know, back then when I was thinking, why did I do that?
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a seven because they're restless and everything.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: But as I keep going on, I said, no, I think I left because I was looking for a certain kind of, I can't find a better word for it, intensity.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_02: So I went to this other school, loved it, made friends there.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_02: And then that year I wanted to put a transfer through through there too.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_02: And like, what?
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_02: So I was thinking, I was restless as no, but I'm I was looking for something.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_02: And whatever I thought it was supposed to be, it it just wasn't enough for me.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's so interesting.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_02: So, anyway, though the people there, the the um the dean, he she found out that I put through my papers to leave.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: Now, this the second college is a lot smaller than the university I went to.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_02: So she noticed, hey, one of our students is leaving.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_02: What's going on with this?
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: She talked with me, she convinced me to stay, and so for some reason I was not interested in politics at all at school.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_02: I decided I needed to run for class president so that I could have like a bond, a closer bond between me and the school that would make me stay.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_02: Interesting.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_02: I had no interest in that at all.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_02: No desire.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_02: It's kind of like this saying I heard, I don't know who said it, but something you can never get enough of what you don't really want.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I was just interesting.
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_02: Always doing stuff like that.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_02: That.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_02: Oh wow.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_02: That's my story.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, uh, but Melody, thank you for offering that one because I think it gives an illustration about the shadow side for the eight that is often just labeled as lust.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: And when we say that word, it's sort of offensive, especially to the female believer, going, lust, I'm not a sexual maniac or something.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: We automatically go to that.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: But I feel like if you could give some other color to it or understanding around that drive for something, like you said right there, it's almost like the grass is always greener and going after it to touch on the intensity and to fulfill something, but it's always a little bit out of reach.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Is that fair?
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Is that helpful to give some better understanding around a word that is feels really loaded, especially for the AIDS?
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_02: For me, I have had a craving for experiences.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_02: And so even growing up, I used to go up to people and ask them to dare me to do things.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm so glad, as a child, I'm so glad no one ever told me to go to the fire escape and jump off the building or something.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_02: Seriously.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_02: I may have tried.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_02: That's incredible.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: I would do that.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: And just knowing you, your drive for experiences and adventure and all of that, there is that shade of the seven-wing for sure in you.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: And as we did the story work and we unpacked it, it's more about the drive for the that feeling of newness and almost conquering a little bit of like, I've got to figure this out and not from an accomplishment standpoint, but almost like a I can do this, I can get to the other side of this and figure it out and do this thing.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes I think about me getting through things and I don't even like saying it, but the chronic illness that I have getting through that, so many times I have thought, okay, I'll talk about this when I get through it, or I'll be able to help others with it once I get through it.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_02: So interesting.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_02: However, I've come to the point where I I don't know that I'll get to the other side of this until I get to the other side.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_02: That's just it.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's okay now.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_02: That's something that's something that I've learned.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's so real.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: I believe that someone listening right now needed to hear that or just understand that layer to you, the depth that you understand what it looks like to want to get through it.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: And the limitation is real.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: And there is maybe not until we're face to face with Jesus that we're delivered of this.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you for offering that insight.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: Faith is everything to you, to me.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: And so, what does it look like to combine this?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because not everybody out there takes Enneagram work and combines it with spiritual direction and all of that, right?
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because everybody has their unique way, but that is the wholehearted way.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: There is, in my mind, in my experience, I don't think transformation is possible just with the tool.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_00: I think we need to partner with the Holy Spirit.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: So, what has happened in your faith or in your relationship with God as you've done this work, as you've been on this journey, not only in discovering your type, but also, you know, just even expanding your world with the limitations that you currently have to deal with.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_02: If we're talking about expanding my world with the limitations, it's really tried to impress upon me how important it is to get more rest.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_02: And I've been hard-headed.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_02: That was my mother's word for my persevering spirit.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_02: I've been really hard-headed.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_02: And there's that, it's it's still working.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_02: It's hard for me to stop.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_02: And um, what else?
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, I've learned how to wait.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_02: I've learned how to wait.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_02: Wow.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_02: I do.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_02: Tell us about that.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_02: Well, let's say I was working on that project, that technical project that took me days to do, and I was awake the whole time.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_02: I could say, all right, I'm going to stop this now, and I will come back to it tomorrow, because obviously I cannot make that deadline.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_02: I'd given myself a deadline, it needed to be done.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_02: That's not in the will of God.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_02: And so that was poorly planned, but whatever, I'm really hurting, damaging this body that He's created and given me.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_02: And um it's not the heavenly body, it's not, it's not gonna just stay perfect.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_02: This one wears down.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: And so um I'm not gonna be good for myself or anybody else if I give in.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_02: If I give in, if I give in to what I want.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: That takes waiting, takes trust in God.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: What does it look like for an eight to be able to truly trust God?
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: Because I think that's a challenge.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_02: I have to trust his timing.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_02: Looking back, I've been able to do a lot and in a certain amount of time.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_02: And so uh my tendency is to say I can do this and this and this by just say within three days, but I find out no, it's not gonna work.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_02: It may take nine and some days like it's been taking me a month.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_02: Just it's just things come up, and uh some days I used to say that I had a bad day or I had some bad days.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_02: Some days are bad, some days I can sleep really poorly and just not have any energy.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_02: But then when I have it, I can use it.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_02: I just have to use the calendar differently.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_02: I have to have a lot more mercy with myself.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_02: That's a little rough.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_02: That's a little rough.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's a big one.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_00: When you're trusting God in this process and going with his timing, knowing that ultimately he doesn't want you to harm yourself in doing his work.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: How does that invite you, or or how does that even give a deeper meaning to the idea of God invites us to be whole, not less or whole, not accomplished or whole, not be performative in some way, or these other things that we place in ourselves that we we are thinking God is asking us to, when instead He's just saying, I want to invite you to be whole.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_02: It's the most important thing is for me to grow in a relationship with Christ.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_02: The most important thing is for me to yield to the Holy Spirit so that what God imagined when He created me would come to be.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_02: My role or my thing isn't to get the Get things done.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_02: Even right there next that sounds like, yeah, that sounds good.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_02: But no, that's that's not that's yeah, that's not my thing.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_02: He's got another plan which will allow me to get things done, but certain important eternal things, you know, things that really matter and count.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_02: And I have to trust too that whatever other things I want to get done, he's has somebody else for that.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_02: I don't have to do, I don't have to do, I don't have to do at all.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you don't have to do it all.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_00: I know in the technically it was February, I think I did a little conversation around response versus responsibility.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I think in general, any type struggle can struggle with the heavy burden and the heavy yoke of responsibility.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_00: And you and I have had many conversations about it.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: I I think that for an eight, it is hard sometimes to discern between response versus responsibility.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: Can you give us any insight of how where your identity shifted in a point where you could lean into what you just talked about, which is being obedient to the Holy Spirit instead of demanding from yourself more than you could possibly give.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_00: Even though you are about getting things done, you've shifted and you're thinking about getting the right, the best things done that the Lord has for you.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_02: Right now I'm just I'm trying to think of a time maybe when I've just let something go, because I know I have, um whereas I was going to do this, but I don't I don't have to do this.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_02: I have this uh picture in my mind, or this idea that whatever I say I'm going to do, whatever I purpose to do, I need to do because that's what I said, or that's what I'm saying.
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_00: That's just how you naturally do.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_02: But sometimes, you know, things have to change.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_02: I have to be a little bit more flexible.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_02: Flexible.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_02: And people understand that.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, okay.
• 24:14
  SPEAKER_02: My husband does this.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_02: He asked me about this.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_02: I love speaking foreign languages.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_02: So I've been practicing with a lady from Japan and also an Italian woman.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_02: So should we ever have to cancel?
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_02: She calls me and she tells me she has to cancel, she has something she has to do.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_02: We talk every two weeks now on that day.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_02: It was one of those really bad nights.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm not feeling well.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_02: It's not even that I have another appointment.
• 24:39
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not feeling well.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I would hesitate to call and cancel.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't want to cancel.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_02: I felt like I've been flaky.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_02: I said I was gonna be there.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_02: I want you to be able to count on me.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: I know I've come up in a world where there were people who I could not count on.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_02: I don't want to ever be like that.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_02: So, anyway, what would happen?
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_02: I would tell the Lord, look God, I'm so tired today.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just I cry to the Lord about it, but I wouldn't call this person and cancel.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, on the phone.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, Melody, I can't go.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, yay! So my husband wanted to know.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_02: He wanted to know this is so good.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: Why?
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: Why do you say hallelujah when someone cancels on you, but you can't cancel on them?
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_02: There's still that going on.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, Melody, this is so real.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I I am sure I can relate.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I know many of my friends who are listening, they're relating as well.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I think for you, what I have seen, if I could just say it, this confidence, not only the grace and the mercy of God, but that he's happy and delighted and can cover our shortcomings.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: And while you're a follow-through it kind of gal, he's like, but I'm a follow-through at God.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: And you're a human gal.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: So I've got it.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I've seen that shift in you.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, even in our weekly calls and processing timelines and decisions that you're making, I've seen you recently step back and go, wait, I want to find out what God has to say with this, not just check the box and get through it because I'm just, I want to get to the other side and I want to follow through with this promise.
• 26:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's that's been beautiful to watch blossom.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I, it's it's still unfolding in my life.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I think for all of us, women who have been used to being the super responsible person for whatever motivations, whatever reasons, family origin, the dynamics, our generation in in general, there it's a new way of doing, but it starts with a new way of believing, believing who we are in Christ, believing that belovedness, that we can rest in that.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it's okay if we fall short of it and are actually human and have human needs.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_02: God's done that a lot for me.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_02: He's canceled a lot of appointments for me.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my goodness.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'd love to hear for you.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: I know one of them last year, I loved you highlighted some of the stillness practice that you incorporated after our work together and how that helped you.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just curious to know if there's any other practices or rhythms that have been helping you along the way when you feel either the armor going up or a practice that's helped you feel be softer to yourself ultimately, or any even verses that have connected to you while you're working through your story.
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_02: I have memorized Psalm 23 and a portion of Isaiah 40, the part that leads up to and includes who will mount up with wings as eagles and anything that's going to tell you about getting strong and getting strength when you're when you're tired.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I put it in there.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_02: Totally.
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_02: Sometimes when I'm really, really tired, but I haven't gone to sleep yet.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just I'm just meditating on those verses until I do.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_02: I also go on long brisk walks.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_02: And um oftentimes before I go, I've been praying about something.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_02: And so it's during the walk that uh things get cleared up.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_02: God talks to me and uh it's different when I come back.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so do you do those walks in silence?
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_00: Do you listen to music?
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_00: What's your typical how do you partner with anything, or is it the silence and the moving that is helpful?
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_02: I used to go out and start listening to something, but I changed to where I won't either I I don't listen to anything at all, except the sounds of nature and people, you know, as they go by, hey, you know, kind of thing.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_02: But um I won't listen to anything on my way out.
• 29:06
  SPEAKER_02: Not until the way back, if I have um my earbuds with me.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_02: But that's it.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'd rather just BS, the two of us.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for giving that glimpse because that has been a game changer for many, many women.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: And that has been a new healing point for many of them, is a walk, at least a portion of it done, as you've mentioned, where if they're thinking through something, it becomes a conversation with the Lord and a prayer practice that often illuminates an answer, at least makes room for an answer to be able to be received later.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because the answer's there.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: The Lord's talking to us all the time, but sometimes we're too busy, too noisy, too distracted to receive what the Lord is saying.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I love that.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: And brisk, brisk walk, key word.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_00: There's no meandering for Melody.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_02: That's true, that's true.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_02: I've got somewhere to go.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, always, always.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: There's so much more to your story and journey that I really want people to get to know.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_00: And what I'm glad for is that at some point I know that Melody is going to be starting a podcast and we'll be able to listen to her beautiful, rich amber voice.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm I'm looking forward to that moment.
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: And there will be many stories because you have stories for days.
• 30:38
  SPEAKER_00: You have stories for years.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you've lived a full rich life.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you've hinted at a few of those.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_00: But as we look forward to that, in closing, what would you tell a fellow Enneagram 8 who's starting this journey, who is thinking, yeah, maybe it's it's time to get some support, to not have someone take over or control me or tell me what to do, but to offer the warm, wholehearted guidance that I'm in desperate need of, or maybe even someone who's recognizing a pattern but doesn't have language for it or an a name for it yet, or maybe is afraid of the name because that's real too.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_02: I would tell them that what they have, what they offer, the strength of character that they offer, and that energy is an arsenal that they want to be used.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_02: This is gonna sound corny, but they want to say it.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_02: They want to use their strength and their power for good, right?
• 31:47
  SPEAKER_02: You don't want to just be pinging things all over the place and nothing really lands and makes a difference, and to scatter your energies here and there.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_02: I would say help so that I can make my aim true and not waste any of that gorgeous energy and in as much as possible help and encourage and avoid bruising people along the way because really that's that's why each of us is here for the other person.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_02: And so if you get help, then you can really excel in that job.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that is good.
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_00: Such wise words.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for that.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for sharing your story.
• 32:40
  SPEAKER_00: And I know they were just bits and pieces.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_00: You you are deep and wide.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_00: And so I know that this is going to encourage those who love an eight, those who are an eight, and wondering if the wholehearted work and journey is worth it.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_00: So thank you.
• 32:56
  SPEAKER_00: I do appreciate you sharing and being part of this.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: I love having you be one of the coaches now officially, and saying, hey, Melody's your gal.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_00: She's absolutely someone to work with.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're an eight listening and you're going, ooh, I think I want someone who's an eight as a coach, Melody would be a great fit for you.
• 33:17
  SPEAKER_00: But thank you for offering everything you did today.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: And friend, as you continue to listen, whether you have questions about an Enneagram eight or you want to know more about our wholehearted coaches, just check the link in the show notes or say hi to me on Instagram or send me an email because I love hearing from you.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: It makes all the difference.
• 33:38
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, if you are innate, just know your strength is a gift.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: And you also don't have to carry everything on your own.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_00: There are those who love you, who want to partner with you, and best of all, Jesus, who's saying, Come to me, all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_00: So hitch up your yoke to him because it's easy and light.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you, friend, for listening.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: And Melody, thanks again for being part of this conversation.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, Amy.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_02: I had a great experience.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks so much for joining me for the Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_00: If this conversation spoke to you, please share it with a friend.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_00: You can also visit simply wholehearted.com to take the free Enneagram quiz and also get your personalized podcast playlist specific for your Enneagram type.
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, friend, your starting point doesn't have to be your stuff point.