Latest / feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell / how to stop overthinking

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how to stop overthinking · feel your feelings with Ethan Jewell

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  Are you living inside of the what if or the what is?
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  Living in the present moment is important yet impossible if we
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  are consumed by overthinking. A person who spends all their
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  time thinking will have a hard time growing and improving.
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  Don't get me wrong, it is important to think and analyse,
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  but at a certain point that thinking holds us back.
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  At a certain point we lose the what is and live entirely inside
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  the what if my name is Ethan Jewell and welcome back to feel
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  Your Feelings. I've spent far more time than
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  I'm willing to admit. Just overthinking, overthinking
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  job interviews, family events, seeing people, poems, songs,
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  podcast episodes and general life.
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  If thinking too much was a sport, frankly, I would be a top
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  notch athlete. Unfortunately, overthinking does
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  not get us trophies, It does not get us on a pedestal and instead
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  it leads us down a miserable path of anxieties and worries.
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  This is no way to live and I believe that living in the right
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  now is the most important thing that we can do for our mental
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  health. So join me and let's think about
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  why we overthink the effects and the downsides that it brings,
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  and what we can do in order to fight the beast that is
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  overthinking. So why do we overthink?
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  If we break it down to its core, it really stems from an
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  evolutionary urge to examine all possible outcomes for survival.
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  I mean, think way back in the day when a caveman wanted to
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  leave his cave to go hunt. He would naturally be thinking
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  of any and all dangers that could be waiting for him.
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  But unfortunately for me and you, this has led to anxieties
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  that plague us whenever we leave the house.
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  Instead of looking for the tiger that could eat us, we are
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  watching for potentially traumatic or painful situations
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  that could hit us at any moment. Instead of it helping us
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  survive, it actually hinders us from thriving.
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  However, this instinctual explanation of why we overthink
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  it can only take it so far, so let's look a little deeper.
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  Sanam Hafiz, a neuropsychologist in New York City, explains that
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  when you are overthinking, the brain attempts to reduce your
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  anxiety by cycling through possible scenarios and
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  attempting to predict what will happen.
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  So whenever we are unsure, whenever we are anxious or we
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  are scared or just don't know what will happen, we we start
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  the cycle of overthinking to try to analyze every possible
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  outcome. It places us into a state of
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  hyper vigilance. This can stem from a place of
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  hurt or being traumatized where our brain will naturally try to
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  protect us from further traumas. As a result we are placed into
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  this hyper aware state of being. In this state, we are constantly
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  thinking about what others say, what they do, what could happen,
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  what we're doing, what what what we need to be worried about in
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  order to try to avoid future hurt, in order to try to take
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  control. This leaves us living in the
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  future instead of enjoying the present moment.
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  We are looking at the what ifs instead of the what is.
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  When you feel as though you don't have control, you begin to
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  worry. You begin to not know exactly
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  what is happening. We naturally want control, but
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  some of us become obsessed with knowing what is going to happen.
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  We become obsessed with analysing potential scenarios.
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  I know I've been through this so heavily in my relationships, in
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  my personal life with my career. Instead of simply letting life
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  flow and letting life run its course as we should, I try to
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  control every single aspect. And you just can't do that.
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  I mean, you might be thinking, So what?
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  It seems perfectly fine to live inside of the what if it seems
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  fine to be prepared for unpredictable scenarios.
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  However, overthinking does a lot of hidden damage beneath the
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  surface. I know it seems like analyzing
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  situations, people, or circumstances would allow you to
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  calm certain fears and anxieties.
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  However, overthinking does quite the opposite.
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  Some studies show that thinking too hard about stressful events
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  can lead to anxiety and depression over time.
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  Over examining every outcome does not give you a sense of
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  peace, but instead overwhelms you with everything that could
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  be. This distress.
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  Restlessness and constant attention to detail is
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  exhausting and can cause more mental health issues.
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  Long term depression and anxiety feed from a brain that is
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  thinking too much. You are not gaining more control
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  by thinking, instead you are losing it and you are losing the
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  ability to take action. Overthinking also leaves us
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  feeling stuck. When we over analyse every
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  potential outcome of a situation, we experience
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  information overload which makes our decision that much more
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  difficult. We'd become paralyzed with all
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  of the what ifs instead of moving forward.
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  I know I experienced this with my mental health for years.
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  I always wanted to do something to improve my depression, but I
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  found myself over analyzing my recovery.
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  I knew I had to do something, but I kept thinking too much
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  about what I needed to do and how I needed to improve.
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  You see, the problem with overthinking is that our mind
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  can almost always come up with another worry question.
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  That worry question will then keep you where you are.
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  You will be so concerned about the what ifs and where you could
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  end up in a negative way that you will never take action to
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  begin with. For me, this led me to be
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  overwhelmed by all of the options, worried that I wouldn't
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  make the right decisions, and I ended up not making any progress
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  at all. For me, more thinking meant more
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  suffering. Overthinking causes us to suffer
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  twice. When we overthink something, we
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  are setting ourselves up to potentially suffer multiple
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  times. Think about it like this, If
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  you're overthinking a job interview or a date, you are
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  already living in the future and already going through all the
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  emotions that may come with that.
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  If you're overthinking something going wrong, you're already
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  placing yourself inside of a world where things do go wrong.
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  You are already undergoing the suffering that could come with
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  that circumstance. By thinking, what if the job
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  interview goes wrong? What if I mess up during the
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  day? You are already leading yourself
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  down the path of anxieties and worries about something that
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  hasn't even happened, a circumstance that doesn't exist.
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  By working to eliminate overthinking, you are making
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  sure you suffer the least. That should be a goal in all of
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  our lives, to suffer the least amount possible to go through
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  the least amount of pain possible.
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  By eliminating or more realistically reducing
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  overthinking and living in the future, we are able to ensure
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  that we don't suffer more than necessary.
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  We can ensure that we live in the moment.
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  Living in the moment is a good way to truly soak up life.
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  It's how we ensure that we are present in order to have
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  impactful experiences and make a lasting connections with others
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  and ourselves. This cannot exist if we are so
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  tangled up in a web of thoughts that we get torn away from the
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  present moment. So what can we do in order to
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  fight the complicated battle that is overthinking?
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  Well, a lot of solutions come from having a healthy
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  relationship with your thoughts. The first thing I'd immediately
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  suggest is therapy. Specifically CBT or cognitive
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  behavioral therapy. The entire purpose of this
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  therapy is to literally rewire the way we think about things
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  and have our brains work in a healthier way.
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  By engaging in this kind of therapy, we can ensure that we
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  handle our thinking patterns in practical ways.
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  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you shouldn't think about
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  situations, circumstances, relationships, feelings and
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  emotions. You absolutely should.
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  Examining and thinking about parts of our lives is what makes
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  us human. However, it's only useful when
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  it is done in a healthy and progressive way.
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  When we can observe our thoughts and take action in a logical
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  way, there is no productivity. There is no gain when we are
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  consumed by thoughts and torture ourselves over potential
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  outcomes and tragedies that have yet to happen.
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  You must work on becoming an observer and philosopher of your
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  thoughts, not a victim to them. I do recognize the unfortunate
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  fact that therapy is not available for absolutely
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  everybody. There are options.
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  I would highly recommend looking into what is available around
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  you, but there are other actions that we can take.
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  I always recommend mindfulness meditation and taking moments of
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  silence and sitting with your thoughts.
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  By doing this, you allow yourself to become familiar with
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  your thought patterns and engage with yourself in healthy
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  discourse. That should be the goal.
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  Think about it like a conversation with yourself.
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  There is no healthy dialogue when your thoughts are messy,
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  unorganized, angry, chaotic, and filled with what ifs.
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  By sitting with your thoughts and talking to them in a healthy
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  way, you can accept certain anxieties as facts of life,
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  understand potential outcomes, and approach situations to the
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  best of your ability. Without being consumed.
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  You can determine what thoughts are useful to you and what
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  thoughts are simply going off on their own and trying to disrupt
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  you. You can accept and move on.
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  This is an incredibly healthy and necessary application of
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  mindfulness and self-awareness. Engage in practices of
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  mindfulness, such as meditation or deep breathing to bring your
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  focus back to the present moment and calm and overactive mind.
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  Ask yourself if your current thoughts are productive or if
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  they're a product of your anxieties.
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  Then hold on to what helps you and let go of what hinders you.
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  Challenge negative thoughts. Ask them questions Often.
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  If I'm having an anxious thought, I will go down a line
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  of questioning to try to get to the root of it.
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  Let's say I'm overthinking a project I'm working on.
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  I'll ask myself Why? Well, because I'm afraid that
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  other people won't like it. Why?
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  Well, because I I care what other people think of my art.
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  Why? Because I want my art to be
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  accepted by others. Why?
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  Eventually I'll get to a question that I can't answer and
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  I'm often able to debunk my own overthinking.
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  I want to remind you I'm not a doctor, psychologist, or a
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  mental health professional. I can't give you some research
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  verified method that has a guaranteed success rate.
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  However, these have worked for me.
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  These practices of awareness and mindfulness and challenging my
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  overthinking have helped me in my battle to calm my racing
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  thoughts, and I'd be willing to bet that they can help you too.
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  So take that deep breath, examine those thoughts that you
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  have, and take control of what you can learn to accept that you
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  can't control everything. And that's OK.
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  Life isn't about control. If we could control every single
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  aspect of our lives, we wouldn't have the unique experiences that
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  make us human. If there wasn't unknown, there
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  would be no challenge. There would be no excitement.
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  Allow your lack of control to exist.
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  Allow those anxieties to exist. Allow your overthinking to
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  exist, but don't hold on to them.
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  Don't let them control you if unchecked are overthinking can
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  ruin our ability to make decisions and it can ruin our
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  own perception of ourselves. So please practice, learn, and
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  grow. That's going to wrap it up for
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  today's episode. If you need help feeling your
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  feelings, please check out my music on all platforms under the
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  name of Ethan Jewell and I almost guarantee it'll make you
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  cry. I'm currently coming out with
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  new music that I learned how to sing for.
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  I literally spent the last year learning how to sing for them,
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  so please go check those out. Also, shoot me a message on my
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  Instagram at Jewel Boy with an I under score and let me know what
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  you thought about today's episode.
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  O thank you so much for being here.
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  Thank you for learning that your thoughts do not have to define
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  you. And as always, thank you for
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  feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.