Latest / Jess Ask / From Insight to Impact: Applying Life’s Wisdom in Real Time | Featuring Crystal Morris | S3E9

Transcript

From Insight to Impact: Applying Life’s Wisdom in Real Time | Featuring Crystal Morris | S3E9 · Jess Ask

0:06
Hey, it's your girl, Jess. You've just entered a safe space for
0:10
Kingdom entrepreneurs and creatives to decompress, have fun, and yeah, you've guessed
0:16
it a safe place to just ask. Before we get into it, be
0:21
sure to subscribe and download the podcast, follow me on all platforms at the
0:27
Jessica S. Smith and invital friend. Also make sure you d m me
0:35
your feedback and questions so we can keep the conversation going. Now, let's
0:40
get into this week's episode. So are we recording matter or we just pray
0:47
before we go? We just we're just going. We're talking now, Okay,
0:54
ready, I can't we thank you God, it's God. We honor
1:04
you, Father, we lift your name, we magnify you. God.
1:08
We ask it you just have your way in this place. God, do
1:11
what it is that you do. God, be who you are. God,
1:15
be the almighty God that you are. God. We love you so
1:18
much. God, we honor you. We do not take you for granted.
1:21
God, we don't take what you do for us lightly. God,
1:23
we lift you up in this place today. God, I ask it you
1:26
just move in a way that you've never moved before. God, Lord,
1:30
invade our space. O God, in the name of Jesus God, our
1:34
conversation God. In the name of Jesus God, let your power, let
1:38
your glory reside here. In the name of Jesus God. We lift you
1:44
up. God. We magnify you, God. We draw close unto you
1:48
God, in the name of Jesus God. You said if we would lift
1:51
you up, God, that you would do the drawing. God. So
1:53
today we lift you God, we magnify you, we honor you, we
1:57
adore you. God. There is absolutely none that can compare to your splendor,
2:02
your mercy, your goodness, your kindness. God. We love you.
2:07
We love you, We love you, we love you, we love
2:09
you. We love you God. We love you so much God. And
2:14
we thank you for your unconditional love. God. We thank you that you
2:17
cover us, God, that you keep us, that you have protected us
2:21
God from dangers seen and unseen, Oh God. And so that we asked
2:24
that you would just do what you do God. We surrender to you today,
2:29
God, and we asked that you would just have your way. We
2:30
love you, we honor you. It is in your name that we do
2:34
pray. Amen. Amen, thank you, Amen, Thank you Lord,
2:38
Thank you. I mean but you, but you use a mic as a
2:47
difference. I'm introverted, first of all, very introverted. I don't like
2:54
singing. Yeah, I got you there, I got you. That is
2:58
it's easier for me saying I nervous when I sing, but to sing,
3:01
yeah, because I've been doing that most of my life. But if any
3:05
other reason you want to give me a mic, it give it makes me
3:07
very fearful, like I don't need it mike otherwise I get it. You
3:12
know, I don't sing as much. I don't think that's my calling.
3:15
I used to think I was gonna be, you know, famous for singing.
3:19
You know developed that my my folks sing, my dad sings, or
3:23
pop on my mama's side, sing I got a cousin that can baby that
3:27
Whitney Houston's song she hit them notes. You hear me, cousin be cousin
3:31
and okay, chassity be psyching it that Whitney. Okay listen. So but
3:39
it's interesting that you brought that up, because I I I literally heard the
3:46
Lord tell me this morning. He said, if you didn't sing, you
3:51
would never know how how to touch a mic. Wow. And so some
3:55
a lot of times we we neglect the vocal part of the responsibility of the
4:04
mic. When we have the gift of worship and anointing for worships, sometimes
4:10
that's the segue to other things. Right, So, like I know,
4:13
for me, like I know, I'm supposed to be doing more than singing,
4:15
but singing is where I'm comfortable. That's where it was birth. You
4:19
know, worship was birth in me through singing. And so I understand,
4:25
like you gotta do something else other than singing, but singing is where I'm
4:29
come comfortable. That's your safe place. Absolutely before before we get too deep,
4:32
beto, because we already went there. We already Crystal the Crystal.
4:40
For me, it's the Crystal Clear, okay, this is call it Crystal
4:45
Clear, Okay, because it's just the or it's just the embodies. She's
4:49
just embodied. I love Crystal. I feel like I could do this all
4:54
all the podcast, slip my hands in worship. Chris the Morris. That's
5:00
your name, y'all. I'm gonna tell y'all secret. I was gonna call
5:04
the woman got Crystal Myers. Where I get it from? I don't know
5:10
that ain't her name I received it? If his name is the Mya,
5:25
come on, y'all play play this part at the wedding. Listen, Man
5:31
of God. Let me tell you that this is how you said it.
5:34
This is how you said it. Look, you get her to come in
5:38
the room and this view this video is playing, and you you know,
5:42
if you you don't screen record, just ask us for the record and we
5:45
can do yes, right, and then you just have it plaster on the
5:48
wall and you say Jessica on just as the podcast it was said that her
5:58
name would change to my and you get down on one knee. She turns
6:08
and then the lights come on and everybody like mine yours. I am dramatic,
6:15
but if you need help, if your name is Mallards, you're gonna
6:19
girl. I'm so weak anyway. Crystal Morris, y'all, this is fun
6:25
fact. I don't know Crystal. Crystal is the first guest that I really
6:30
don't I'm not familiar with. And I got to talk to the woman of
6:33
God and was like, okay, because you know, our executive produce a
6:36
shout out to the desertrating. She goes to church with Crystal and she learned
6:45
about because she was like, I think she'll be perfect for the pod,
6:46
Like really, and so that's why we purchase partners, because we you know,
6:50
we just be vibing. We just be vibing. So I was like,
6:53
okay, cool, let her, let her come on, but I
6:54
need to talk to her because I don't know, I don't know were gonna
6:58
have a conversation. I need her to be comfortable. Baby. That conversation
7:00
we had comfortable is an understatement. Okay, it was flowing. I'm like,
7:05
okay, okay, she just answering the questions like so, I'm really
7:09
excited for you guys to know her, get to know her, and for
7:12
me to get to know you, because I'm like, just what I've encountered
7:15
and what I understand of you is just your your prison is just so like
7:20
I feel real airy right now. I really I can't explain, like,
7:25
oh, I just feel like I'm like, God, y'all, we'll talk.
7:41
But fun fact, y'all, the real, the real fun facts,
7:44
the funny part. The Woman of God tells me on the pre show call
7:51
that we are family like, and I told her that she was a liar,
7:56
Like, I'm so sorry, let me let me apologize. I told
8:00
a woman got I told Chris christ I said she was lying, but She
8:03
is my bonus mom's first cousin. I don't like you lying, you know,
8:13
black folk wanting because with everybody, I ain't famous yet, Like,
8:16
just ain't got to be my cousin. Everybody, you ain't gotta be my
8:22
But hey cousin, Hey cousin. I love it. So we cousins,
8:26
y'all. We just you know, this is our first encounter, this is
8:30
our first time meeting. So I'm really excited. So you see it first.
8:33
It's a Crystal and Jessica thing. Justica and Crystal. Can you tell
8:39
the people about yourself? I want them. I want you to because I
8:41
feel like I'm about to go on the third head. Well, I am
8:46
a mom to one daughter, Thank you lord. I was married four fifteen
8:52
years, divorced for a little over five. I work full time work from
9:00
home, but ministry is my heart. So I have the opportunity to serve
9:07
at the Purpose Church under leadership of the One and God. Give it up
9:15
about the game. That's my but it's such an honor to be able to
9:24
operate in ministry with her. So I mean, that's my life. I
9:30
sing, of course, that is the foundation of who I am. Worship
9:33
is everything to me worship. Yeah, so that's Crystal and the lyric God.
9:46
So Crystal, listen, you say that you like to see really so
9:52
throughout this throughout this time, I think we can play a little game,
9:56
you little game, my god, my God. Do you like it?
10:01
Do you like it? And so I'm going to ask you certain questions period
10:05
of times and as God, you know, allows us to flow, because
10:07
this is what we flow here. Just I just thought about, you know,
10:11
it's so crazy. I did this this morning. I did a story
10:13
this morning. I said, I'm setting up for just ask the podcast.
10:20
Okay, our song it which is what she's about to do. She's about
10:22
to sing her answer your kind of sort of okay you there, I'm in
10:28
vain there and maybe she was warming up for you. Yeah, okay,
10:37
but you and if you end up singing prophetically, by all means, do
10:41
it. Okay. But the game is going to be I'm going to ask
10:46
you a question and you can respond like the woman to gods, or you
10:52
can sing a song that comes to mind with your answer. Okay, okay,
10:58
So the first question, uh huh, what song? What is the
11:05
song that you woke up with on your heart this morning? Oh? You
11:09
are good good father. That's who you are. That's who you are,
11:16
That's who you are. And I'm love by the who I am, the
11:22
too I am, the too I am. You're a good good father.
11:30
The two you are. Yeah, the two you are, the who you
11:35
are, and I'm love by you, the who I am, the too
11:41
I am, the too wi am. My god, oh y'all, I
11:54
got chills. I don't know if I would be able to do that.
12:01
I don't think I will be crying. It's not having me. I'm like,
12:09
what did I just getting yourself into? Okay? Oh my god,
12:18
man, can you go into perfect? You are perfect and all of your
12:22
ways you are perfect in all of your ways. You are perfect in all
12:31
of your ways. To you are perfect and all of your ways you are
12:41
perfect, and all of your ways you are perfect and all of your ways
12:48
TOAs. You're a good good fuck. The two you are, the two
12:58
you are, the two of you are, and I'm love by you.
13:05
The too high am, the too high am, the too hie. You
13:13
are perfect and all love your ways you are perfect, and all love your
13:20
ways you are perfect, and all love you ways to us, you're a
13:30
good, good fuck. Onions yes, lord, Okay, before I respond
13:41
to that, why do you think that was on your heart? What's the
13:43
explanation of the song that worships and how you embodied it like it's it's a
13:48
story behind it. I don't just say like just some of the things recently
13:54
that he has allowed me to walk through, even just the trendransition and moving
14:01
from one home to the next, and how he just brought it all together,
14:05
how he just man, it happened without a you know, no glitches,
14:11
no issues. And I couldn't say that all the time like before,
14:15
you know, it was such a struggle. It was so hard to be
14:18
able to move, Like anytime I bought a house it has been hard,
14:24
but this time it was so easy. Like he just made it so easy,
14:28
I'm telling you. And then just the whole situation of how it came
14:31
together, like he worked it out from A to Z, you know,
14:35
and so he's a good father. Yeah, so what what is the difference?
14:39
You just say you bought a house, so that means you don't even
14:41
had houses. Bless God for that. Okay, the ability that multiple Okay,
14:48
that's a blessing with it, right, But you said that it was
14:52
easier this time. What do you think the difference. I'll just say,
14:58
you know, sometimes we go through processes and we don't capture what we need
15:03
to know, like we just go through them and just just to say we're
15:07
going through them. But when I've purchased homes in the past, I've taken
15:11
the information and was like, Okay, so next time, I don't know
15:15
what to do, like what paperwork you need to have and everything that you
15:18
need to have in place, Cause if you know you want to do this
15:20
again, then you know what you need to do. And so it just
15:24
means that maybe not today I won't buy a house, but maybe next time
15:28
I buy a house and I'll know this is what I need. So Number
15:31
one, I need to make sure I'm paying my bills on time. Yeah,
15:33
you know, being a good steward of what he's given you, taking
15:37
care of not just his house first, but also making sure that Okay,
15:41
once I take care of his house, he'll take care of mine. But
15:43
the only way that that'll happen is I do what I'm supposed to do with
15:46
what he's given me. That's so good. So yeah, it's just a
15:50
matter of me taking what he's giving me and being a good steward over that.
15:54
I haven't always been that. Yeah, listen, So that's so real.
15:58
Yeah, just now to be able to look at my credit and not
16:00
speaking arrogantly, but speaking from a place of taking what I was taught,
16:04
applying it and using it. And so when I look at where I used
16:10
to be versus where I am now, I know it was God. I
16:12
know it was God. When I got the clear to clothes, the lady
16:17
was like, this is the cleanest file I've seen wall and so everything they
16:22
asked me for I sent it, sent it like as soon as they were
16:25
saying it. Because I'm one I when people ask me stuff, I like
16:27
to gone. I don't wait on it, I like to gone send it.
16:30
So as soon as they sent me email with MS. Morris, we
16:33
need ABC. Okay, here's ABC. What else you need? So he
16:37
just worked it out, he worked it out. That's you just said a
16:41
mouthful. The one thing, the one thing that stood out to me that
16:45
you said was that you took the knowledge, you applied it, and because
16:52
you applied it, there was something that was birthright. And I think a
16:57
lot of times where we as her people period kingdom or not we want to
17:03
be so information driven instead of using the information to drive the purpose. What
17:08
is the purpose of the information? What is the application of the information?
17:12
And then even in our in our and I was telling my pastors, I
17:17
get so frustrated with us in the church. It's like, we get all
17:19
this information, we get all these downloads, we get all these prophetic words,
17:22
we get all of it, and then we go in uh hant haunt
17:26
to the house and lay dormant. And so we want more word for a
17:30
feeling instead of a future. And so it's like there has to be action,
17:40
like its coupled with the word. You can't just have a word and
17:42
there's no type of action being taken. There's something that you have to do
17:48
with the knowledge. So what do you do with this? How do you
17:49
apply it? How do you take what you've been given and use it for
17:53
your good and your life and to change your life? Like my pastor,
17:57
man, she be spiting so much word, but it doesn't matter if I
18:02
don't take what she's given me and use it. You know what I'm saying.
18:06
And you don't want to neglect the poor, like you know you have
18:08
your leaders who poor, poor, poor, But if you're not using what
18:12
they've given you. It's almost like you're wasting their time. You are,
18:17
you know, And so don't waste the people time. Listen because I ain't
18:19
gonna lie. I was. I was there, Like we've been talked about
18:22
it with our coach. She has given me plenty of words of almost the
18:27
last four years, and I'm just not acting on some like as far as
18:32
marketplace wise like other stuff. It was like, okay, cool, you
18:36
know. I was able to execute and get in a house, a car
18:38
and all and stuff like that under her guidance. And then it came to
18:42
a point where this year like just executing in the business field and whatnot.
18:52
The thing about this, this is the thing when you're connected to a level
18:56
of oil it got to go through you. You got for some reason like
19:02
that that's not pouring just the poor like they're pooring for your dig digestion,
19:07
right, And so what happens is we'll be able to regurgitate what they've taught
19:11
us only in acting on it. And so the best honor that we could
19:17
give someone that has done a poor is action is action. It's like I
19:23
don't care about how much you cry. I don't care about. It doesn't
19:26
matter. Show me, honor me by taking what I've said, what I've
19:32
you know, gone through tears, my experience, and I'm really trying to
19:34
give you wisdom. So you want to experience experienced just so you can take
19:40
action on it, just so you can take You become accountable for that,
19:45
you really do. You become accountable for the poor, like when they're giving
19:49
you really what you need, like your life is in their mouth, literally
19:55
it is. And so when you don't take heed to that, it's not
19:59
on them, it's on you. And so you've missed the moment because you
20:03
wouldn't take heed to the instruction. Take he yeah, take take here,
20:08
my pastor says all the time, show me the fruit. And so what
20:11
does your fruit look Let's talk, let's take let's le let's what does your
20:15
fruit look like. People don't really understand who past the Gates is. Man.
20:19
When I say, if you had a force a gangster pastor, I
20:25
don't know if I met she the most trial she like when I say real
20:33
real pastors of the South, if it was would be sorry. She is
20:41
real pastor and Tria Gates she's real? Real is an understatement. I love
20:48
like love, it's only one. And so when you talk about somebody pouring
20:56
from a practical place, oh, I need I need practicality because I don't
21:02
get all the the the Greek and Hebrew words and stuff like. Even though
21:07
I'm getting into it, I'm still I still gotta make this thing practical.
21:10
Now. It's nothing like a pastor that knows how to preach but does not
21:14
know how to teach practicality. And y'all get that. We love you,
21:25
man, she deserves it. Man, as we're talking about grabbing on and
21:30
actually doing what has been poured, if you're not in a place of action,
21:36
then you have to take a self examination and be honest with yourself.
21:40
That's if is that the true voice that you're supposed to be connected to?
21:42
Anyway? If it is, then what's the problem. So now you have
21:48
to take that self examination and why aren't you moving in action? Now you
21:52
also have to self examine. Okay, so this is this who I'm supposed
21:56
to be connected to? Or is this who I wanted to be connected to?
22:00
Right? So in that space, then you have to be like,
22:03
okay, Lord, ask God to send you to lead you to the to
22:07
the correct voice. And not only that, and when you get real with
22:11
yourself, before you even ask the question of am I connected to the right
22:15
voice, have I done the work within me to even desire to act on
22:19
the things, Because even if it's the wrong voice, God can still use
22:23
that person to tell you something accurately. This time last year, this time
22:29
last year, I was at a church that I ended up leaving right and
22:33
I was like, okay, you know, not to say that they weren't
22:37
for me. I was there for a purpose and I had to understand what
22:40
my purpose was there. But in this season I understand like they were.
22:45
I was being developed to be able to manage my pastors, the relationship with
22:49
my pastors. Now, God gave me an image through where I was last
22:52
year this time through that and yeah, they holy go feel, Holy Spirit
22:56
feel. I learned about the five fold through this ministry, like I ain't
23:00
no none of this, But this was also an established environment. This was
23:03
also established. There were ten plus years at the point where I where I
23:07
encountered them right, But then I go to a I'm at a church now
23:12
that is building. We knew. If I didn't have that experience, I
23:17
wouldn't know what to do I would be like I wouldn't be able to be
23:21
utilized like I'm being utilized right And so now it's not saying is this the
23:25
voice that I'm connected to? Just a voice I'm connected to? But God,
23:29
why do you have me in this place? And then what are you
23:33
doing through me? And what do you want me to be keen to?
23:36
What do you want me to pay attention to? Because it might not be
23:37
that you even use the tools right now, are taking action right now,
23:41
but the order that you can give is to even reward with a thank you
23:47
or reward was like you know what I heard you? Sometimes I actually is
23:51
just regurgitating what you said and telling you my takeaways from it. If we
23:56
got we we if passor gates PGPC up there and you just like mm hmmm
24:03
mm hmmm. What encouragement is there for them to go for the Father versus
24:07
just for themselves? Like how do we pour back into them the encouraging words,
24:10
the the amens, the hallelujahs, the I'm getting it like evidence evidence
24:17
that I get it like it might not. You might not see the fruit
24:19
of it right now, you eventually see the fruit of it, But I
24:23
get it. I understand it, so that that is so good? How
24:26
do we honor our leaders with that through action but also through confirmation that that
24:32
is being recept recepted. So okay, so next song. Okay, let
24:40
me give you a disclaimer. Okay, so yeah we we we kingdom or
24:44
whatever. But if you if you go to like one of them songs or
24:47
whatever, ain't no judge, man, I love a needle baker. Okay.
24:56
So you brought up that your mother m hm, and that's the first
25:02
thing you brought up. And so what song does your your daughter reminds you
25:08
of mmm mm hm oh I feel it in your belly. Uh, that's
25:22
a difficult one actually, mm hmm. Did I get a little deep for
25:29
you? Yeah? Yeah, because she was like a miracle. Mmm.
25:33
Yeah she was a she was a miracle. Yeah, your miracle. Yeah,
25:41
she was a miracle, like for real, Like I had experienced like
25:45
six losses, five or six losses before her. Yeah what m m yep,
25:52
I had a My first pregnancy was a tubal pregnancy tuble like topic in
25:57
your tube okay, And so they had to take one of my tubes and
26:03
then so I ended up like each time I would get pregnant, it would
26:04
just not be a success. And so when I got pregnant with her,
26:08
I was just like, God, this feels familiar, Like this feels like
26:12
the same. And he was like, it's not, even though it feels
26:17
it's not. And so when we went to the doctor, like the very
26:21
first time, I was telling the doctor everything that I had experienced, you
26:25
know, with the losses that I had before, and she was like,
26:26
come on, let's go see this baby. And like soon as she did
26:30
the ultra sound, like you could see baby. I had never seen baby
26:33
before. Wow. Never like each pregnancy, I never never even got to
26:37
that point where we could see actual babies like in the womb. And so
26:42
I was like, wow, this is so crazy, like we're actually having
26:47
a baby. Like we could hear her heartbeat, like it was that well
26:52
you Like I was like crying. So that doctor, like that goes back
26:57
to what we were just talking about. The voice and the connection was so
27:00
important. It takes somebody. She had. She had to be a one
27:03
guy. I don't know, but she was just like, come on,
27:06
let's go see this baby, let's go see this listing. I'm telling like
27:08
I'm pouring my heart out like, this is what I've experienced. It feels
27:11
like what I've experienced before, And like even though some of the signs looked
27:15
like what it was before, it wasn't what it was before. So we
27:21
have to be careful about that. Like even though sometimes it may feel like
27:25
what it was or it may even resemble, that doesn't mean that it is
27:29
what you think you know. And so you have to override that with faith.
27:34
Can you say that? Override that with faith? Like you have to
27:40
be so steadfast and what God is saying and that what he said is what
27:45
it is. If he said, this is not what it was, this
27:48
is not what it was, and you have to walk in that because what
27:51
can happen is because you doubt so much, you can cause what should be
27:56
to not be. So you just have to be very careful. So once
28:02
I saw her, it was up from it was a round, was a
28:06
wrap? We having a baby, having a baby. Yeah, you just
28:11
said so much that my chells was on my right thigh when you had just
28:15
yeah your miracle. Yeah that is so good. What fun fact? Okay,
28:25
y'all ready for a fun face. I haven't even talked with the audience
28:27
this year. Your girl is a miracle baby too. Wow. Yes,
28:33
wow. So they told my dad that he only had a two chance of
28:40
being able to you know, yeah, and because he was the one that
28:49
was conceiving right, Okay, he was just making it work right, right,
28:59
help for Lorten. So that's why I said I'd be able to be
29:02
mob for my words, because I was a little But he only had a
29:07
two percent chance. Wow. And so my mom had We knew that my
29:11
mom worked, you know, great, y'all. Forget We knew that she
29:25
was operating well, right, you know, because she is by my brother,
29:30
my brother at sixteen or no, seventeen, seventeen about to be eighteen.
29:34
So she had my brother, we're six years apart. And then she
29:38
goes to Birmingham and she meets my dad and you know, they get married
29:44
or whatever, and now they're trying for children and nothing's happening, right,
29:48
And so so the stories told to me, you know that the doctor gave
29:56
him a two percent chance. Right. And so when when we as miracle
30:03
children exist, that means that something has has to be birthed from us too,
30:11
right. And so I say this to say, like I'll get so
30:12
excited about hearing hearing about miracle pregnancies, because that that child, they might
30:22
even give you hell, like I ain't gonna lie. I say, yeah,
30:26
my mom, I like the very the very person that pushed me out,
30:30
like I gave her pure hell. I gave my dad a little hell
30:33
too, but I probably gave more hellide my dad. But they're the ones.
30:37
They are the the the promise I'm hearing the word promise projectors, like
30:45
the the the promised movers, the person that the people that you will see
30:52
exude and exemplify what God has already ordained over the bloodline. And so that's
30:57
why the enemy tries to block it, block it because if you can have
31:03
so many failed attempts, then you don't really realize that the real thing is
31:07
actually the real thing. Just like we were talking about relationships, I've had
31:11
so many failed relationships that I can't even realize my heart is not postured for
31:17
the real thing because you're used to disappointment. That's so good, That's what
31:23
it is. That's so good. We made relationship and coven it. We
31:30
made relationship and coven it with disappointment, and we expect you in it.
31:37
We expect disappointment more than we expect what God has already seen, like his
31:44
word, don't lie, it don't ever, it don't it does it doesn't.
31:48
And so what give me? At what point did you start expect?
31:55
I know you said that with your daughter, but it was there any point
31:59
of the pregnancy where you would like nervous about it going the opposite way?
32:04
And how did you overcome that? Yeah? I was nervous just because of
32:07
what I had already experienced, you know before, and it's just the human
32:10
side of us. I was nervous, but it was just like what helped
32:16
me overcome is that every day I would see her like the growth, where
32:21
I would feel her like things I never got the opportunity to experience being pregnant.
32:25
I was just like, oh, she gonna be fine. And then
32:29
every time I would go and get an ultra sound, I would see her
32:31
grow more and more. So that was just everything to me that helped me
32:37
stay grounded, that helped me remain without anxiety, you know about it situation,
32:45
because life can cause you to be anxious and you know, depressed and
32:52
sad and gloomy and all these things. But just to see the promise come
32:58
forth, like to actually why from stage to stage, and then every time
33:01
I would go to the doctor, like she's where she should be, you
33:05
know, And so that just gave me hope, like, Wow, we're
33:07
really going to see a baby. What did that process do for you and
33:10
your relationship with God? And oh man, with your husband at the time,
33:15
Oh man, it was everything because I truth speak, truthfully speaking,
33:20
I had told my husband, I was like, hey, I know you
33:22
want kids, and if you feel like you need to go, you can.
33:24
I released them to go. WHOA I did. I did because I
33:29
understand how some people are when they want kids. They just want kids,
33:35
and so if you can't produce their desire, then I just felt like it
33:38
was easier for me to just send them like release him. Hey, I
33:42
know that you say you love me. I know that we've been in this
33:45
for a long time, but hey, if you feel like it's easy for
33:49
you to just go, then I'm releasing you to do that because I get
33:52
it. I understand. But it helped us, you know once, like
33:59
we got that like she's actually gonna be here. We named her before we
34:04
were pregnant, so she was already named. Like I remember sitting down like
34:08
one day and we just kind of wrote out of confession, like about our
34:13
family, and we named her like first middle named her. So we didn't
34:19
even know that our first pregnancy would be a girl, but she was already
34:22
named, so we were already calling her fourth anyway. And so they just
34:27
raised our level of faith as a concerns things of God, and just to
34:30
see his word come to pass it is mind blowing, I know, Like
34:36
sometimes you know, you may hear God say oh I'm doing this, I'm
34:39
doing that, But sometimes it's those things that you have waited years and years
34:45
and years and you feel like He's not gonna do it, you know,
34:49
And I've seen you do it for others. I watched you do it for
34:52
the other people away, and I'm wondering, are you gonna do it for
34:55
me? Am I worthy of you doing it for me? Like I know
35:00
my life is Jack though I know I haven't always been what you wanted me
35:02
to be. I know I haven't always followed your guidelines, are your rules?
35:07
But am I worthy enough for you to do that for me? And
35:10
so for him to do it for us, it was just like Wow,
35:14
God, So I really can't ask you for anything looking back at it,
35:20
even what you're saying, like, because I've experienced it too. I think
35:22
probably we all experienced like God, you've done it for others, like even
35:24
for marriage for me, Like I want to be married. I want to.
35:28
I want to. We're gonna work on that because I'm a little awkward.
35:32
It's like, it's okay, but I do. I want to be
35:37
married, I want children, I want all these things. And I'm like,
35:40
God, why hasn't happened for me yet? And I'll get Okay,
35:45
so if you want the people that told me, don't take offense to it.
35:50
But just this is my my transparency, Okay. I get I get
35:54
a little frustrated when I hear, oh, well you're not believing or you're
35:59
not doing this, so you're not then I'm just like, at this point,
36:01
one person telling me, hey, don't think about it, the next
36:05
person said, if you don't think about it, you don't not believe in
36:07
and you're not acting upon me and you're not doing this. I'm so I'm
36:10
so sick of this rule book. I can tell you what I did.
36:13
Okay, pregnancy was, and I'm just gonna speak from this angle. Pregnancy
36:19
was like what I ate, like I woke up thinking about it. I
36:22
was consumed with it. That's the first ay and so and then I would
36:28
teeter and tighter, like my faith would be like, Okay, I believe
36:30
you God, and then the next day be like, I don't know if
36:32
you're gonna do it. Then next day I believe you God. And so
36:35
I remember one day guy told me, I'm telling you. I was riding
36:37
in my car and he said, Crystal, figure out what you want,
36:42
number one. And he was like, stop going back and forth. And
36:46
he was like, because what's happening is your angels are confused. They are
36:52
confused because one minute you will say I won't and then the next minute I
36:57
don't know if. And so he says, stop confusing your angels. They
37:01
are waiting on you. And so every time you say okay, God,
37:06
I'm ready, and then the next moment I'll be like, well, I
37:08
don't know if you're gonna do it. He said, stop doing it.
37:10
He said, so decide what you want and stick with that. Stop speaking
37:16
one thing and then speaking here you So number one, you have to speak
37:20
what it is you want and stop teetering and tottering between this or that.
37:24
What is it that you want and then number two, you cannot be so
37:28
consumed with that thing, because then that thing has become now an idol.
37:32
Idol. Okay, so if it has become an idol, then God is
37:37
he's already jealous. He's like, no, So you have to figure out
37:42
what you want. Number one. Stop. Number two, don't make it
37:46
an idol. Find yourself serving God the best way that you know how,
37:52
and those things that you desire then will be added. I just I just
38:00
feel like I lost my neck. So that's what it was for me when
38:05
I wanted to have a baby. I'm telling you it was bad. You
38:07
don't understand. It was bad. Like every time I would like have a
38:12
cycle that was a two day later, I would be taking a test.
38:15
It was bad because I just felt like I was less than a woman if
38:19
I couldn't produce. Sh That's one of the things that we are created for
38:22
to produce, and so if I ain't producing, then what what's the purpose?
38:28
You know? That's just how I felt like. I'm married now,
38:30
I wanna have a family with my then husband, and I it's not happening,
38:35
So what's up with that? You know? And so I just felt
38:37
like I'm not producing I'm worthless. W I'm not doing what I'm supposed to
38:43
do because my body is not doing what it should be able to do.
38:46
Oh my gosh. And so it was bad. I'm no, you know,
38:50
it was bad, and most people don't know this. It was bad,
38:53
like the way that I w. I don't even think he's aware of
38:55
how bad it was. It was bad, like I would you know it
39:00
every time it was a day late or a week and sometimes you know,
39:02
I'm telling you, your mind is very powerful. You can think yourself into
39:07
that, like your body will respond to you thinking, oh, I may
39:12
be pregnant, and it could cause things within your body to happen, like
39:15
my cycle would be delayed because I'm like, I just want to be pregnant.
39:19
I just want to be pregnant. But that was just crazy, instead
39:22
of me just being a wife doing my du you know, enjoying it,
39:28
you know what I'm saying, and when it comes, it come. And
39:31
so that's what helped me. I just stopped doing it. I stopped acting
39:36
crazy. I stopped you know, making that baby an idle. I stopped
39:40
doing that. And once I stopped and just relaxed and tried to follow what
39:45
God wanted from me, then it happened. You just said something. First
39:51
of all, the whole angel thing. If y'all not watching, I had
39:55
to get up out my seat. We're confusing our angels. What that just
40:04
gotta settle that that has I'm gonna go to sleep on that, because it's
40:07
almost like they don't they're waiting on you. My pastor always says that they're
40:10
waiting. Your angels are waiting for you to basically put the command out,
40:16
you know. And so if what you're saying is not consistent, what are
40:22
you saying? You you want this or you want that, but what your
40:25
language is not consistent, it's very consistent. So they're probably like, what
40:35
we are we blessing her? Are we not blessening? Are we gifting her?
40:37
Are we coming to a rescue? Or what? What are we doing?
40:42
Wow? WHOA? So you you brought up another point. Okay,
40:50
you brought up another point. You said that you were so consumed with being
40:54
pregnant that you were not as as a good wife that you probably could.
41:02
Can you go through that because I'm we doesn't. We was just talking about
41:06
this and I ain't never been married because has never been married or whatever.
41:09
So the comfort that we have with the marriage topic, it's kind of like
41:19
you know what I'm saying, like how am how am I gonna show up
41:21
there? Like you need to be this like white blah blah blah. It's
41:23
like, you know, so since the woman of God, what does that
41:30
mean? What would you buy? Like what type of advice would you give
41:34
to the woman that's finding herself consumed even even in so much of uh spirituality?
41:42
Because some of our that's something like on YouTube, I see a lot
41:45
or whatever that some women get so hyper spiritual that they forget their in the
41:52
house home. I'm gonna let you. I'm my voices off for this,
41:57
okay, because that's not my lane. It's not my lane when I say
42:00
be a wife, like I think I missed the mark on that. And
42:05
I feel like I missed the mark because I was ignorant to what a wife
42:08
was, and so like I would like punish him like not by by not
42:15
having sex. And I'm just being honest, like if he you know,
42:19
if I felt like you pissed me off, well don't touch me. And
42:22
that's not God, that's not his will for you and your marriage. And
42:27
then my mouth was flying, so I would say crazy stuff. And that's
42:31
another thing. You have to watch what you say to your spouse because it
42:36
has the ability to do one of two things, make or break, and
42:39
so if you're mishandling him, it only pushes them out. You know what
42:46
I'm saying, And then you wonder, like what's going on? Well,
42:50
what have you been saying? That's still what are you saying? And so
42:57
just that thing like making sure number one, when you get married, first
43:00
of all, you need to know that it's God before you do it.
43:06
And if you know it's God, then you need to go in giving yourself
43:09
to that mate. First. What does that look like? Meaning like,
43:15
there are some sacrifices that you are gonna have to make that you may not
43:19
agree with. He is the head, wow, Okay, And that means
43:22
that you have to follow his leader. And that doesn't mean your voice is
43:25
silenced. That's not what that means. That just means, Okay, I'm
43:30
gonna trust the God am to do what it is that you call him to
43:35
do. I didn't call him to lead this home. You did, and
43:37
so I have to trust the fact that you call him to lead, and
43:39
so I have to stand behind him. Now I can give my perspective,
43:45
I can tell him how things make me feel. However, he is the
43:49
head. So for somebody body like you're talking to me and this is right
43:53
because we want to learn. Okay, So for somebody like when you go
43:58
back to the understanding that he's the head and you know, the whole submission
44:01
thing from what I hear and I understand, especially like from single women,
44:06
especially for us that are in the fold, that are in you know,
44:09
they are the chosen ones that are are are are building and have built the
44:15
relationship with God. What do you what advice do you have for us that
44:19
are looking to do that? But then you encounter someone that is not on
44:22
that same level because what I've heard some people say, I'm just gonna say
44:27
some people some people is that they don't want they don't want anyone that is
44:35
not more advanced than them spiritually. Well, it goes back to what do
44:39
you want? What do you want? Seriously, like it's up to you,
44:44
Like every female and male that desires marriage or desires some type of godly
44:49
relationship, you have to go into it knowing what you want. Yeah,
44:52
and my pastor says, like, what are none negotiables, like what are
44:59
things that are just like I ain't putting up with that, like you know
45:02
what I'm saying, Like for me, I don't have an issue with a
45:05
man with kids. Why because I have a child and so I understand.
45:08
However, don't come around me smoking. I don't smoke. You know.
45:14
It's just some things that I don't want in a mate. And so you
45:16
have to know what you want first, and so what you want can be
45:22
what it is. That's good. He's that kind of god. That's good.
45:25
You know what I'm saying. He can give you what your heart desires.
45:30
So it's to each his own. What are you looking for? What
45:34
do you desire to make? And so what you desire is what it can
45:37
be. I think that's the key to what you just said. What I
45:42
desire what can be? But is that what I'm going to be served a
45:45
rich at face value? Like as soon as I So it's practical talk,
45:51
right, like from what I've experienced and what I see, right is that
45:57
normally like what I've experienced, this is my experience. What I've experienced is
46:00
that there is still a level of development with some uh in some cases right,
46:07
whether it's male or female. Right, But let's talk about the woman's
46:12
perspective being in the church or whatever. For one, if you really look
46:16
at the church and you really look at the ratio of women to men.
46:23
Let's talk realistically, y'all. Let's talk realistically. Am I really finna get
46:30
a man that's more advanced than me spiritually? And it's possible, But am
46:35
I really willing to do the work? Really? I think we This is
46:40
me. I think that when we close ourselves to Okay, if you don't
46:44
know more Bible than me, then for me, like I ain't saying you
46:47
gotta know more Bible, but you gotta be able to pull me up in
46:51
some areas, yes, yes, yeah, some areas. You gotta be
46:54
able to pull me up in some areas, Like I don't want to be
46:57
the one pulling you up all the time. And I get that, But
47:00
what if the area he needs to be he needs to be pulled up is
47:02
spiritually I'm speaking straight like spiritual, Like what if he's down in the area,
47:10
but he's he's very financially sane and sound. What if he you know,
47:15
has all those other attributes and not saying he does not believe in God?
47:19
Because that's nothing. Nego not only God, but you better say Jesus
47:23
name loud, it's you come in. Yeah, I'm sorry God, wrong
47:32
kid, you started this song. You know that's the key. Jessica.
47:37
I think that just goes back to hearing from God and understanding the purpose,
47:45
understanding your purpose and if I truly I truly believe, because that's the same
47:51
thing I think about sometimes too, is like, as I'm growing and developing
47:54
an understanding who I am and what God is calling me to do, my
48:00
top non negotiable is that he has to be a man of God right now.
48:04
Does not mean that he is operating in you know, on the pool
48:08
pit. He don't have to be preached, but you have my own personal
48:14
relationship with God, right and so, and knowing that I don't believe,
48:20
and I think I said this other I don't believe that God would bring me
48:23
somebody that that is contradicting to who I am and what I'm called to do,
48:32
right and so it's if he is, if that is the man that
48:37
God has for you, I think I think you should be pretty comfortable in
48:43
your relationship with God to hear him to say this is your man of God.
48:46
Right. So if he's saying this is your man of God, then
48:50
it's like, okay, Lord, what areas you should be It's like,
48:53
okay, these are the areas that I'm weak in. These are the areas
48:57
that he's strong in. And as you're spending time together, you be able
49:00
to see those things and God would give confirmation of yes and no. So
49:06
I had a friend, it's a female friend, and she has always said
49:15
that she believes that she's going to be the one to bring her husband to
49:19
Christ. Okay, and so sometimes because that's obviously what she wanted. And
49:29
so with that, you just kind of kind of understand what kind of comes
49:35
with that. So that means you have your meeting a guy and you're okay
49:39
with marrying somebody who was not connected to Christ. So that comes with other
49:46
types of warfares and other types of things that may come up. Right,
49:51
but God literally honored what you said or you that's just what you chose because
49:55
that's what you wanted. And so just going back, I went to the
49:58
beach for my birth and this was so and I've been really marinated on this
50:01
thing. I went to the restaurant for dinner. It was just me by
50:05
myself. And the guy says, because the restaurant wasn't that busy. He
50:08
says, do you want to sit inside? Do you want to sit outside?
50:12
You want to set at the bar? And I say, oh,
50:15
it don't matter. And this man said, just choose. Wow. He
50:21
said, just just as simple as that. And I said, choice the
50:25
bar because I really wanted to say at the bar the whole time, when
50:29
you really could have said that, but I could have said that from the
50:30
jump. Wow, he said, but you said, I'm gonna tell you
50:35
why you said it don't matter. You did that based on what was more
50:37
convenient for him and not what you wanted. Whah. Yeah. It was
50:44
like, okay, I'm gonna just wherever you want to put me. No,
50:46
you're not gonna put me just anywhere. You're gonna put me where I
50:50
wanna be. Yeah. So, if we are just open and honest with
50:57
what we want, we submit this request to God God, and we trust
51:01
that he hears our heart. He knows who we are. If he knows
51:05
who we are, and he knows who is going to be, who is
51:07
going to match and be compatible and be able to really build the kingdom,
51:13
and that don't mean it's gonna be perfect all thet but it means that there's
51:16
gonna be it's gonna be perfect. Yeah, so y'all just to tie and
51:22
for me since yeah, you started it, I just heard y'all that was
51:30
so good. That was so good. This is why this platform was so
51:32
good because we get real, like we make it practical. Like she looked
51:36
at me like why why you couldn't why you can't have it? And I
51:39
don't want it? And it's not Let me say this real quick, Yes,
51:43
I think what what what? You also have to we also have to
51:45
be careful with I think sometimes we trust the voices in our in our in
51:52
our spaces, and we trust people around us and we see a lot sometimes,
51:57
but we also just have to go back to God. Right, so
52:00
somebody else's story and situation doesn't mean it has to be our story in our
52:02
situation. You know what I'm saying. We really like have to trust God.
52:07
That's why it's so important I'm learning just to build that relationship with him
52:13
because Holy Spirit get well. He'd be like, hey, the flag,
52:15
red red flag on the red flag on the play, red flag on the
52:20
play. We'd be like, oh no, he just X Y and Z.
52:22
He oh, I can't my annoying and can do X and it could.
52:27
But if he's telling you, hey, that's not him, then we
52:29
have to listen to Hey, that's not him. You know what I'm saying.
52:31
So I think because this is this is me too, because we kind
52:34
of kind of together just as we're as we see and you know, we're
52:37
understanding things. It's like, oh, well, you know they're annoying and
52:43
broke the yolk and now they are a successful X Y and Z couple.
52:46
Right, Well, he could have came already to the table, right.
52:51
It ain't work. So every situation is different. You just you just gotta
52:54
trust the voice and the God that's in you, right, all right,
52:59
And that's where I'm getting to as far as what I'm hearing both of you
53:02
saying, It's like, all right, what do you want? And are
53:07
you willing to believe that you can have what you want because you're worthy of
53:12
it? Right? So that's a I mean, I was, y'all can
53:15
hear in my language? I don't think that we can tell girl, don't
53:20
don't no extra. I can tell I can just tell how you bag off
53:27
of it. But my thing is this. It's like the balance between Okay,
53:36
I can have what I want, but then who does God want from
53:40
me? And so now I'm just like, okay, I don't know you
53:45
trust for me. That's just a soul such a sisal subject and something I'm
53:51
still maneuvering through. We understand, Okay, y'all not coming for my next
53:58
to day love you just like, oh my gosh, cousin, cousin,
54:04
why are you doing me like a family be acting up? You just barbecue
54:12
just tripping? Speaking of barbecue, what song you like hearing to the barbecue?
54:20
Oh? Man, I don't even think I've been to a barbecue a
54:22
long time. But when you went to the barbecue and a song that you
54:25
like trap music? Yeah, let me tell y'all something people you know?
54:39
I like you know something you know? Okay, So there's a line,
54:47
there is a line that has to be drawn. But I grew up on
54:51
the west side of Birmingham. Mine. I grew up in East Lade.
54:53
Listen, I grew up in the country. So so when I when I
55:00
hear tell me what you know about like, it does something? It does
55:07
something? Okay? And if we don't, if we just don't understand,
55:13
you know, just there's nothing wrong. I think we like, here goes
55:17
this hyper spiritual part about it. I think there's a balance, right,
55:22
I'm not indulged with it's like half of the bathing. Now, I don't
55:24
like listen, you have to be mindff like that. I don't know who.
55:29
I'm so out of a ski I don't want to hear it song no
55:31
more like I heard the children listen to it the other day and I was
55:35
like, I don't even understand what you're talking about, WOD, but I'm
55:40
gonna let you have it. I don't understand it now, but from when
55:43
I grew up or whatever, Like barbecue music is music to me, so
55:50
in order listen at the barbecue, listen, you know, but not it's
55:54
a place where not at the church, you know, you know how on
55:57
the Instagram they have some church funny something real that they have. The church
56:05
is like going a little bit too far. You go too far in it,
56:09
like I'm a I'm a I'm a woman a god that enjoys a little
56:14
trap music. You know what I'm saying. I appreciate. So it was
56:15
just it's just you felt like family when you said that you did felt the
56:21
connection I felt I felt. You know, sometimes we can just be so
56:25
righteous and holy and just saying, y'all just I loved. I love listening.
56:31
I love I love T Jakes. Don't like to listen to TD Jake's
56:37
at the barbecue? Okay, okay, so what about do you listen?
56:45
Toned A Baker? Yeah, okay, what's first song? First song that
56:49
come? Let's go. Let me see. I can't do her no justice,
56:54
but yes you can like no, no, no, I'm horrible with
56:59
words, so I ain't gonna chop of words. Hold on, let me
57:04
look listen. If y'all didn't know, I love my girl Anita, I
57:08
was supposed to go see I was supposed to go see her tonight. But
57:13
counsel the concert. Yes, they counsel the concert, and I'm so I'm
57:19
so in my feelings about it. So my feelings about it. It's probably
57:23
sweet little that's problem. I was thinking that you were gonna go there.
57:28
Yeah. I don't know the words either. I don't. I don't like
57:30
the say some people. So because sweet sweet your name, what you said?
57:46
You ain't know what you said? Yeah, I'm a word. Now,
57:53
who's your favorite vocalist. I don't know. I promise on singles,
58:00
folks, I don't know sing like I don't know. I love a lot
58:06
of people. I don't know. I have a favorite. Who you listen
58:07
to right now? Mm hmm? Travis Green a lot? You know what?
58:15
He's solid, Yeah, very he is solid. Yeah. Oh and
58:22
I love Todd Yes, okay, let's go there. How do you how
58:30
do you just take the Bible just start singing it? Come on, like,
58:35
have you ever done that? Oh? Oh? Oh? Can we
58:39
do it right now? Yes? I've taken the word and just read song
58:45
from it? Okay? Oh? Or I had to make the I had
58:52
to listen. I purposely made this conversation a little lighter because they was coming
58:54
for my knick, both of them. I couldn't do it no more.
58:59
I couldn't want to like a project my confession. I felt I felt that
59:08
he, I felt that he. I felt my chest getting a little heavy.
59:13
Listen. Is your phone working? Yeah? Who did you try to
59:15
get the Bible? Yes? Yes, I'm trying to get to the word
59:22
of God. I am trying to get to their words of God. Is
59:29
it on wi Fi? You know what? You might be smart? Hold
59:34
on oh no, the WiFi nailed him, like, just see his favorite
59:37
favor. Let me see what's your favorite scripture? Probably Jeremiah twenty nine and
59:52
eleven? Are you okay? One of my favorite? Okay? You ready?
59:55
You need me to me, me, me me, for I know
1:00:02
the thoughts that I think toward you said the Lord thoughts of peace and not
1:00:10
of evil to give you, and expected to give you, and expected it.
1:00:21
For I know the thoughts that I think twart you said, the Lord
1:00:29
thoughts of peace and not of evil to give you, and expected it.
1:00:43
Glory to God, For I know the thoughts I have for you, plans
1:00:50
to prosper you, plans to give you a whole man of future. For
1:00:57
I know the thoughts. I thing that's a whole that's a whole weapon.
1:01:05
Right there. I just saw somebody struggling with something. Right, So you
1:01:09
go to the scripture, You go to the Bible. You find that scripture.
1:01:12
You may not even can't even sing, but Heaven responds to sound and
1:01:15
movement. If you start just how you start singing that singing that song,
1:01:19
and things start getting in your spirit. Boy, the atmosphere, if you've
1:01:22
had the atmosphere, go and It's something about like the repetition of it,
1:01:29
like the repetition of getting it into your spirit, and you started, but
1:01:31
you really started to believe that thing. I'm so glad we were just recording
1:01:36
that. Mm hmm mm hmm. It's one thing to sing something, but
1:01:45
it's something else to worship it. I think that the transition from singing to
1:01:50
worship is the belief part and the no when did when did? When did
1:01:57
you have? We talked about treasure as you you were in a a season
1:02:00
of a lot of transition. We just talked about the house and then we
1:02:02
talked about, you know, once being married and not being married. What
1:02:07
was the trans What does the transition look like for you from being being a
1:02:10
singer to being a worshiper. H Like I always song like singing is natural
1:02:20
for me to do. But from to transition from just singing to worship.
1:02:25
It transitioned from from me not knowing him to knowing him to knowing him.
1:02:30
That's the only that's true worship, you know, is when you have a
1:02:35
relationship with him and when you know him and he knows you. Okay,
1:02:43
when he when you know him and he knows he knows you. Let's talk
1:02:47
about it. Let's let's talk about that. So what does what does it
1:02:52
look like to allow God to know you, to be honest, to be
1:02:58
transparent because he knows you, don't get me wrong, He's aware of who
1:03:01
you are. He knows every part of who you are. But when you
1:03:05
can be transparent and honest with him and tell him, like God, this
1:03:09
is where I am, this is what I struggle with. These are my
1:03:13
flaws, these are my issues. They that worship me, what must worship
1:03:17
me in spirit and in truth? Meaning there has to be a level of
1:03:21
honesty that comes with that. And so when I talk to like worship teams,
1:03:27
I tell them truth is where it is, Like you want to be
1:03:30
honest with God, He doesn't want to show. He wants honesty, you
1:03:37
know, and that's what keeps it pure. I think that that's why we
1:03:45
see a lot of downfall first in the worship ministry, because now we have
1:03:57
accessibility to different aspects like social media, the lights, the camera, the
1:04:01
action, the enormous amount of pressure to people please instead of God please,
1:04:11
and like, I think that it's so important to realize and utilize those gifts.
1:04:20
I think that's also why God didn't allow me to go back into singing
1:04:26
because that was a part of my doing, Like I'm such a doer,
1:04:30
and I felt the need to expose that gift, write that ability, and
1:04:39
I felt I felt most comfortable like you, But even just looking back at
1:04:44
it as we're talking, like I felt like, I feel like maybe I
1:04:47
leaned on that too much versus what was really really supposed to come out of
1:04:54
me. And so God kind of shut that down. And I don't I
1:04:58
hadn't sang with the well I did it with my last church, but even
1:05:03
that was frustrating. But even in singing and that, like I said,
1:05:08
it was purpose because it taught singing with them or worshiping with them, taught
1:05:13
me prophetic flow. It taught me to prophetically flow and and and and be
1:05:20
okay with what I was hearing. So it taught me that. And then
1:05:24
on top of that, utilizing what coach teach us about prayer activation and activating
1:05:28
themselves in prayer, Like I think sometimes we pim pimp our own gift.
1:05:32
We were so mad about other people pimping our gift, and we pimp our
1:05:35
own guilt like we pimp, we pimp and we say Okay, God,
1:05:42
I'm gonna do this so that you can do this, so that you can't
1:05:45
operate here and it shouldn't be so that it should be. This is what
1:05:49
I'm called to do. Were back in the game. Back in the game,
1:05:54
the battery tried to design. It's trying to design and trying to but
1:05:59
it wasn't. I'm so weak. So I was like trying to avoid the
1:06:12
subject. But it really keeps coming up. Right. I appreciate call,
1:06:16
yeah, And I think it's really important because not to get off the subject
1:06:23
of marriage. And I think just because I'm uncomfortable with the subject of marriage,
1:06:29
it was I was trying to back away from it. But this is
1:06:33
not my platform, right, And so what we discussed is that you will
1:06:39
once a a wife to someone who is also the father of your child.
1:06:48
Right. And you mentioned not being a good wife or being the best wife
1:06:55
you probably could have been. You said something man about punishing punishing him?
1:07:04
How what at what point did you come to the realization and what did that
1:07:08
conversation with God look like? And have you forgiven yourself and have you received
1:07:14
the forgiveness if there has been with your uh punishing anybody in marriage is just
1:07:26
like I said, it's not a god thing. It is not a god
1:07:28
and meaning like our bodies don't belong to us like I get what. You
1:07:32
know, what society has made us believe is that, hey, I'm even
1:07:36
tho I'm married, I can pretty much do what I want to do.
1:07:40
But it's not the case. Like we are. We enter into marriage for
1:07:45
covenant of marriage and to consummate marriage, and that requires that we give of
1:07:51
ourselves freely even when we're upset. You have to just get over it.
1:07:57
Get over it, you know what I'm saying, Because that's that's when the
1:08:00
enemy comes in. When you relinquish what it should be theirs and just vice
1:08:05
versa. They should be yours, you know what I'm saying. And so
1:08:09
y'all should both be equally able to give up your selves one to the other.
1:08:15
I just had to sit in it, you know what I'm saying,
1:08:18
And not saying that I was a bad wife, but I wasn't the best
1:08:21
wife that I could have been. And so just facing that fact that helps
1:08:27
me face the responsibility of the fact that we're not together anymore, not just
1:08:30
because of him, but because of us. You know, we equally took
1:08:35
part in the demands of our marriage, and so because we equally took part
1:08:40
in it, I know that I got some stuff that I had to work
1:08:45
on as well, you know, in order to be successful in the next
1:08:47
there was some things that I had to face and understand that, like God,
1:08:51
next time, I get it. Oh, I get it now,
1:08:56
because it's just like you could have gotten it then, but you just didn't
1:09:00
have wise counsel around you. And so now that I'm more mature and that
1:09:04
i'm I understand and now I've been around wives and not just wives, because
1:09:11
single people, even though they're not married, they have great a great wealth
1:09:14
of knowledge. Paul was single and he had a great wealth of knowledge,
1:09:18
and so just being around the proper people to help you navigate through those things
1:09:24
is very important. When you're married, you need wise counsel, wise counsel,
1:09:29
wise counsel. When you're going through something and you can't navigate it just
1:09:34
between you and him, then you need to be able to go to someone
1:09:38
that maybe that doesn't know you guys, but has a wealth of information that
1:09:43
can help you navigate through whatever seasons that you're facing. So you and him
1:09:48
have like did y'all try counseling. So y'all was just trying to figure it
1:09:53
out with yourself. That's the that's the thing. You could be isolated at
1:09:58
a marriage. You can isolate your marriage, and isolation really causes dysfunction and
1:10:05
all that good stuff. And so what at what point? At what point
1:10:10
did you come I guess mature enough to announce and just settle in the fact
1:10:17
that it wasn't all him. I mean I was. I knew it when
1:10:21
it I mean when it was at the end, I knew it wasn't all
1:10:25
him in it. I knew it wasn't all him. But sometimes you know,
1:10:30
you don't face the fact with that person even though you know it's not
1:10:33
all you. I know, I got a part to playing this as well.
1:10:39
But after the fact, like I apologized to him, I was honest.
1:10:42
I was apologize, you know for some of the like even the hurtful
1:10:45
things that I've said to you, just the lack of you know. And
1:10:54
so I had to apologize to free me, to free me, to free
1:11:00
Yeah, I had to apologize to free me. And we're good now,
1:11:03
you know, we have to co parent or whatever the case may be.
1:11:06
But yeah, I had to apologize to free you. Yeah, I think
1:11:13
so much. So we looked so for so much forgiveness, like like oh,
1:11:16
I need to forgive you, but never position ourselves that we need to
1:11:21
be forgiven and like you saying that it is so so powerful. And then
1:11:27
I also settle him, like to let him know, like I get it,
1:11:31
Like I do. I understand that, you know, I want to
1:11:33
be It's all the time. I was a food sometimes you know, I
1:11:38
said crazy stuff, you know, and so I understand, Like, and
1:11:41
I wanted him to be aware that I took I took ownership of my part.
1:11:46
Wow, I took ownership and I understand. That's so good. Yeah.
1:11:50
So just just one last thing so before we wrap this up, because
1:11:56
I really feel like this was what we were supposed to talk about because a
1:11:58
lot of people, you know, it's the season of a varide, if
1:12:00
you know, prophet is typically Montgoment, Like she said that, and it's
1:12:04
actually happened. It was last year and then extended this year, and it's
1:12:08
a lot of marriages and things are popping up. But to the single women
1:12:13
as ourselves, like what how how has your your knowledge in your face value
1:12:21
type of experience helped you in your single journey. And what's the one thing
1:12:29
or the few things that you would leave for somebody that is in the single
1:12:31
journey? What do we need? What do we look for? What?
1:12:34
How can we be better? Before we get to that place? I would
1:12:40
say how to be better is, first of all, we are aware of
1:12:45
what our flawed areas are. And you can't tell me you're unaware. We
1:12:49
are aware. And so I think just sitting in it and working on it,
1:12:57
like doing the actual work, not saying, Okay, I know I
1:13:00
got a nasty attitude. I'm work on that, and you really don't actually
1:13:03
work on it, and so you need to work on it with proof of
1:13:06
evidence that what you're doing is actually working. And so while we're waiting to
1:13:13
be found, we need to be working in those areas that we know.
1:13:16
Like so, if you know you don't do well in finances, get with
1:13:20
somebody who can help you budgeting, you know, get things in order and
1:13:25
things like that. So when he does come, that's an area that he
1:13:29
doesn't have to worry about, or you don't have to worry about because you've
1:13:31
already done the work. Your treatment of people. You know, God is
1:13:36
love. He doesn't mishandle people. And so if you have an issue with
1:13:40
how you handle people, you need to work on that, like just giving
1:13:43
you some practical things. Communication, if you don't know how to talk,
1:13:48
you need to work on that. Okay, Communication is huge in marriage,
1:13:53
really huge in any type of relationship where it's work personal. You need to
1:13:58
know how to communicate effective communicate. And then I'll say, you need to
1:14:01
know how to serve and not just serve, but you need to know how
1:14:05
to know how to serve. Well, uh serving, Well, yeah,
1:14:12
when you are marriage, you serve at each other and you need to know
1:14:15
how to do that. And if you have an issue with serving, you
1:14:16
don't need to get married just period. But yeah, and just making sure
1:14:25
that you spending time with God. That's the most important. Yeah, spending
1:14:31
time with God, that you are talking to him and that you're hearing from
1:14:36
him, and that you're doing what he's calling you to do regardless, because
1:14:41
that has to go forth whether you're married or not. Whether you're married or
1:14:45
not, don't really reco matter the relationship do so. I thought I was
1:14:49
for the end this. I really thought there's one more thing. What about
1:14:57
the woman the man that's listening to us right now, that's on the verge
1:15:02
of divorce, that's separated that it's frustrating their marriage. What word do you
1:15:08
have for them? What encouragement do you have for them? In this season?
1:15:13
I will say, if you can get the help, get the help.
1:15:17
Divorce feels like death, no matter how bad it could appears to be.
1:15:25
I feel like, if it's savage, savageable, doe to work,
1:15:29
you know, do to work. If you've invested time and into this individual
1:15:33
and at one point you felt like you loved them or you did love them,
1:15:36
whatever it is, I feel like you can work through it now.
1:15:42
There are some situations where you just can't. And I understand that. But
1:15:45
for the situations that you know, like we're just being petty right now,
1:15:49
let's grow up, okay, and let's work it out. Let's do the
1:15:54
work. Let's because you gotta you gotta understand, once you get divorces,
1:15:57
you gotta learn people all over again, like you gotta start from the bottom
1:16:01
all over again, learning somebody new. And there's nothing wrong with that if
1:16:04
that's what God has predestined for your life. Yeah, However, it doesn't
1:16:11
have to be that way. I just feel like we don't put in the
1:16:14
work. And because we don't put in the work, it's easy for us
1:16:16
to give up. It's easy for us to walk away because it takes work
1:16:21
to work. Its work. It takes work to work. You know,
1:16:25
you got to put in work, and so a lot of people don't like
1:16:28
to do that. But I would just admonish you put in the work.
1:16:31
It's worth it. Marriage is beautiful, it really is, and it could
1:16:36
be everything that you desire if you put into work. And so I would
1:16:41
just suggest work it out, you know, And if you don't feel like
1:16:45
you can do it, just based upon you and your wife or husband,
1:16:49
why whatever it is, get someone go to if you have a church,
1:16:54
go to your pastor and they can help direct you, guys, counsel you
1:16:59
guys. Now, just like I said, it's some situations where you just
1:17:02
cannot you know. Yeah, and so I get it, I understand.
1:17:10
But then there are a lot of situations where you can. And so if
1:17:14
you can do, it's more opportunity to restore the relationship than it's tonight.
1:17:20
But when we focus on the things that we are mad at or said it
1:17:25
instead of like doing the work on us then we get so we get too
1:17:30
caught up to the where it has to feel because that's our thought process,
1:17:32
that's what we believe. We believe more in the in the breaking than the
1:17:38
repairing. Yep. And if that's what you're always talking about, Like,
1:17:42
man, we always talked about like if we got a divorce from each other,
1:17:46
and it would be crazy. But you don't realize what you are doing
1:17:50
is sowing seed. You are declaring it out of your mouth, and you
1:17:56
don't. You don't often think of the fact that, Okay, if I'm
1:17:59
saying this out of my mouth, then it's a possibility this, this seed
1:18:02
may grow and this may become something that I really didn't want it to be,
1:18:08
you know. And so because we've been saying it, oh, if
1:18:10
I get a divorce or if you do this, I'm gone, or you
1:18:13
know what I'm saying, and I think about it, like God, don't
1:18:15
ever leieve it. Do you know how many times he could but he won't,
1:18:20
just for the mere fact he loves us so much, you know what
1:18:24
I'm saying. And so you got to extend grace in marriage a lot of
1:18:29
it, yeah, a lot of it. Yep. I got a ending
1:18:39
you got a song. No, Crystal got the song. So if I
1:18:45
think we should go out on a song of praise, you know, seal
1:18:49
it with a praise that you know, wherever you are in the journey,
1:18:56
you know, distrust in God, that you know it's gonna all work out
1:19:00
for our good and his glory. So just gonna do her thing, and
1:19:04
then Crystal gonna lead us on the body here with a song of praise and
1:19:09
gonna we're gonna be We're gonna be your choir. I love it. So
1:19:13
this has been just asked the podcast with our sister, our cousin Crystal.
1:19:21
I was about to say myers again. I don't know where that name.
1:19:25
I don't know Crystal. We just gonna call you. That's fine, Crystal
1:19:30
J. Crystal J. Okay, y'all, it's been a pleasure. Thank
1:19:34
you so much. Life can be much more simple when you just ask send
1:19:40
us out, Crystal. God is able to do just what he said he
1:19:46
would do. A he's gone up for field ever read from Mauch to you.
1:19:56
Yeah, don't give up God, because he won't give up on you.
1:20:04
He will Okay, I I hadn't done it in a while. My
1:20:14
daddy don't critique me. I'm like, you should have done this, all
1:20:16
right? You guys have a great one. Hey, y'all, thank you
1:20:26
for listening to just ask. If you enjoyed this experience, be sure to
1:20:30
like coming and rate so others can find the show. If you'd like to
1:20:33
stay connected with me, feel free to follow me at the Jessica Smith on
1:20:39
all platforms. Again, I'm your girl, jess Until next time,