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How Do You Stop Performing and Start Speaking Authentically? | S1E005 · The Inspired Speaker Network

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  Danielle Benzon: If you're tired of hiding your brilliance behind
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  stage fright scripts or playing it safe, then you are in the
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  perfect place. This is the inspired speaker podcast, and I
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  am your host, Danielle Benson, professional rebel voice coach,
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  and your guide to speaking with confidence, charisma and zero BS
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  around here, we don't chase perfection. We choose
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  connection. So grab a hot beverage, warm up those vocal
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  cords and get ready to fall wildly in love with the sound of
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  your voice. Let's get inspired.
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  Welcome back to the inspired speaker Podcast. I'm glad that
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  you've stayed with me thus far. I'm really excited about this
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  podcast and where it's going to go and what we're going to do
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  together, because I think you've noticed that this isn't just
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  about public speaking. For me, this isn't just about marketing
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  or representing your brand, even though that is so important,
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  this is also about authenticity, living your life out loud, being
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  true to who you are all the time, not just when you're on
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  stage that's important or on camera, but also when we're in
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  our lives, when we're talking to Our loved ones when we're by
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  ourselves and alone, dancing and singing in our bedroom. It's
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  really important that we know how to connect to ourselves.
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  This is important for communication. It's important
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  for decision making. I can hear now in my voice, because I've
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  built this relationship with my instrument I can now hear when I
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  feel good about something and when I don't. It's an extra kind
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  of check in to navigate the world, to make sure that I feel
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  good about what I'm doing, that I'm following my heart, that the
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  world is not that the world feels right, that kind of
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  strange thing to say, but that my world, the world that I'm
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  creating, is what I want. Because it's so easy to listen
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  to the voices in your head, to listen to other people what they
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  think that we should do, and having this, this voice to come
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  home to to be able to come home to yourself and check in and be
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  like, okay, checking in with my breath, checking in with my
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  emotions. What's going on? Because most of us walk around,
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  what 20% alive? Most of us walk around in autopilot. You go to
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  work, you make dinner, you go to bed, you watch TV. How many of
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  us are really fully living. And that's what I want for you.
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  That's what I want for the whole world. Big part of that is
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  learning how to connect into the body again, how to inhabit the
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  body, not just work on it, but live in it with our emotions.
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  And yeah, some of those are unpleasant, but how to honor
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  those, how to move through them, how to learn from them, how to
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  embrace every single part of the human experience. I don't know
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  about you, but I want to be 100% alive every moment of my life. I
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  don't think it's possible to be 100% alive every moment, because
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  we have to do things like planning and waiting for things
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  we don't wait for. But even then, there are things that we
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  can do to bring more joy, more aliveness, more texture and
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  magic to the world. I think that one of the main things that is
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  wrong with the world today is that we are so disconnected from
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  our emotions, so disconnected from other people's emotions. So
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  empathy is not something that's happening a lot of the time, and
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  that's why we have, I mean, not to get to, like, save the world,
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  but kinda, that's why we have wars. That's why people have
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  fights with each other. And you know, all of this violence that
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  happens, I think so much of it stems from a lack of empathy, a
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  lack of really good communication skills, and that's
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  what we're learning here. And I'm not expecting to like change
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  the world and have world peace, but kind of if we could all get
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  more emotionally mature, emotionally responsible. If
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  we're not being led by our knee jerk responses anymore, if we
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  are able to kind of go, Okay, this is what I'm feeling. Let me
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  honor it. Let me voice it. Let me put it into words, and let me
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  be accountable for it, while also being able to express it,
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  and also being able to hear what other people are expressing and
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  try on where they are deeper. Listening is a huge part of
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  communication. It's a huge part of speaking as a speaker. When
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  you're up on stage or, goodness forbid, on Zoom and people are
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  falling asleep, you're gonna notice, you know. It's not just,
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  this isn't a broadcast system. This is a communication system.
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  It's a conversation system. And I just really believe that if we
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  can all just on a personal level, if we can all learn to
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  connect to our emotions better, understand them, better honor
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  them, express them, understand other people's emotions. See
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  them, see them more clearly, because we have a better
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  understanding of ourselves, it's easier to understand others.
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  Have more empathy. Listen better, really try on, breathe
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  in what other people are saying. I think we could change the
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  world. I really do I really, truly believe that if every
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  human just took responsibility for themselves, for their truth
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  and for their empathy and their respect and their understanding,
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  I think we could create a ripple effect that could change the
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  world. I know that sounds very lofty, and I am just one small
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  person. But I do believe, I believe that's true, and I want
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  to do my bit to help people connect to themselves, to help
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  people understand themselves, to be able to express themselves
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  clearly, so that other people can understand them, and we can
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  begin this real exchange, real connection between human beings,
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  and then between organizations, and then between countries,
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  religions, all sorts of things. I know I'm getting very big, but
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  I wanted to share my dream with you today, because this is
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  what's behind everything that I do. It's not just a job for me.
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  This is a calling. This is what I truly believe in. I want you
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  to join my community. There's a link below with all the
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  information about how you can join a community. It's very low
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  cost. It's a monthly subscription. There's no, you
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  know, no lock in. You can do it month by month. You can cancel
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  whatever you want. But what's cool about it is that it's a
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  community of other people who are also inspired, also
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  inspiring, also wanting to go out and change the world and be
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  more free and fiery and courageous and truthful and
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  authentic in the world, and we can all support each other. And
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  there's time with me every month, there's time with me.
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  There is an online library of resources for you to work on
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  your own and build your own practice. It's really exciting.
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  It's pretty much everything I have to offer. I've just built a
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  huge library. There you go. It is very much, you know, do it
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  yourself, but there's always opportunities to connect with
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  me, to talk with me, to ask me questions. Because this isn't
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  just like you said. I've said this before. This isn't just a
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  job for me. This is my whole world. This is my life. This is
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  my life's purpose. And I really want you to join me in whatever
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  capacity you can, even if it's just continuing to listen to
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  this podcast, because I am going to create more and more and I'm
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  going to have more and more series come out. I'm going to do
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  some interviews. We're going to do some like deep dives into
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  vocal tips and training. We're going to do some industry
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  exploration. We're going to do all sorts of things when it
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  comes to the the mastering, the art of speaking, but this is
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  also a human medium, and we need to connect human to human. So if
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  you've enjoyed this, if you're having fun here with me, then
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  please do take a look at the community. Check it out. See if
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  it's for you. I would love to support you, because for me,
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  every person that I interact with, if I can help you connect
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  to yourself, to your voice, to your breath, to that truth and
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  that safety and that courage and that fire within you and help
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  you to express that every time I do that, even if it's in a
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  teeny, tiny, little way, I feel like I've done something good,
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  and that's what keeps me going. So please do check it out. I am
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  going to be back next week for more information on the inspired
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  speaker Academy and what I do, and how I do, and my system and
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  all that fun stuff, but I just wanted to share today the kind
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  of deeper meaning, because here's something to leave you
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  with. There are many layers of truth going on all the time, and
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  you can choose which truth you're living in. And I learned
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  this as an actor, because a lot of people, when I told them I
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  was an actor, they're like, Oh, you're an actor. So you you're
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  really good at lying. Actors aren't good at lying. Actors are
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  really good at finding the truth. That's my job as an
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  actor. My job was to take these imaginary circumstances, this
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  life that wasn't mine, that's been made up or or adapted from
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  a real life, and figure out how I can find my truth in these
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  words, in this character. It was about, for me, acting is about
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  finding the deeper truth the human. Humanity in everything.
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  And so I've kind of been experimenting with this idea of
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  multiple truths a lot, and it's true. I mean, you ask the
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  bystanders at an accident, they'll all have different
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  stories. They're all true. So there are multiple truths going
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  on the world. And obviously there are facts. I'm not saying
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  there aren't facts. There are definitely facts, but we all
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  have perspectives, and there are multiple things that are true at
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  once. Truth is complex, and so as a human, the reason this is
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  important as a human, as someone who is expressing who it's
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  trying to communicate with you, I have multiple truths going on
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  inside of me. On the surface level, I have things like, I'm
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  nervous, it's kind of hot, these lights aren't exactly what I
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  wanted to do for this. You know, whole lot of things that I'm
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  kind of judging myself for. I want you to like me. There's
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  always that's always there that I don't think wanting people to
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  like you ever truly goes away. There's all that stuff, all that
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  nervous stuff, and that's true. It's not untrue. It's true for
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  me. But if I focus on that the way that I speak to you, it's
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  not going to be very effective, because all you're going to see
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  is my nerves. You're going to see my needing, my need for
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  validation. You're going to see my need for perfection. I'm
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  going to I might not even get this out, because I'm going to
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  try and do it 17 times because I want to get it perfect, so I
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  could focus there, but it's not going to serve me. But
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  underneath that surface layer, there's so much more and around
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  about, kind of in the middle, if I'm if I'm kind of thinking of
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  the truth on a depth scale, for some reason, kind of somewhere
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  in the middle there is my confidence, my competence. I
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  know what I'm talking about. I've been doing this for more
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  than a decade now. I know my stuff. I know what's important
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  to me. I know what my clients have experienced. I've seen
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  them. I've seen them come back to me in tears so happy about
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  how something went and just the gratitude that flows between us.
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  I've had all these wonderful, affirming, confidence, building
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  experiences, and so I'm pretty solid in what I'm talking about.
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  I feel very comfortable messing up on camera and keeping going.
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  I feel very real and authentic. And that is kind of my I feel
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  like, I call that my competence kind of confidence layer, and I
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  can rely on that. And if I focus there, I'll probably come across
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  as quite effective, real, authentic, maybe a little bit
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  fun, I hope. But there's more, and this is what we were talking
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  about today. What's really deep down there, deep in the depths
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  of me, the thing that drives me, the thing that always brings up
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  emotion, is the world I want to live in, the things I want to
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  change, deep down in the depths inside of me is the world that I
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  want to live in, the things that I want to change. I want it to
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  be okay for me to cry in public. I want that to be all right. I
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  don't want people to judge me for expressing an emotion or for
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  just feeling an emotion when other people are around I feel
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  like that's wrong. I don't want to have to pretend I'm okay when
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  I'm not. When someone says, Hey, how are you doing? And you've
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  had a bad day, I prefer to say, you know, not so great. I've had
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  a bad day, instead of I'm fine. You know that masking social
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  contract that we have about everyone has to be okay all the
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  time. I'm tired of people telling me what to do with my
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  face. I mean, I'm a smiler, but when I'm not smiling in public,
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  which is maybe only once a year, if I'm walking down the street
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  and I'm not smiling and someone tells me, Oh, you look so much
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  prettier when you smile. I want to live in a world where that
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  doesn't happen. I want to live in a world where people have
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  empathy, where people take accountability for their actions
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  and their emotions, and you can't take accountability for
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  your actions without taking accountability for your emotions
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  first, because if you don't know what you're feeling, you don't
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  know why you're acting. So we have to connect before we can be
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  powerful people out there in the universe. We need to understand
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  this. We need to master our relationship with our limbic
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  system, with our nervous system, not dominate it, not control it,
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  but have a working relationship with it so that we understand
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  ourselves and why we make the choices that we make, and why we
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  take the actions that we take. And that's the world that I want
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  to live in. So please join my community. I will see you in the
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  next episode. Thank you so much, and keep breathing.