Latest / Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist / S3E3 - Parent Companion for Play Therapy: How Child-Centered Play Therapy Works

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S3E3 - Parent Companion for Play Therapy: How Child-Centered Play Therapy Works · Play Therapy Parenting: Real Parenting Questions Answered by a Child Therapist

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  You're listening to the
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  Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
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  Hi,
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  I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks The Kid Counselor.
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  This is the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast where I give you insight,
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  awareness,
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  and enlightenment about your parenting and your relationship with your kids.
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  In today's episode,
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  we are continuing with season 3,
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  Parent Companion to CCPT.
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  And today we are talking through how does child-centered play therapy work.
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  So we've talked about
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  why CCPT works,
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  but now we're going to dive into how it works,
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  specifically through the lens of differentiating this play therapy approach
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  from others.
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  In other words,
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  often
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  we will hear about play therapy
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  as a blanket
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  approach,
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  and we tend to think maybe that it's just one
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  thing.
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  But in reality there are very different
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  approaches there are very different theoretical models,
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  and those are fancy words to say
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  there are different approaches
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  that
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  have
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  data behind them
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  that say these are the techniques that you're going to use
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  this is why these techniques are effective,
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  this is how you conduct a play therapy session.
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  It all comes back to a theorist.
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  And so there are people in the past that have determined
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  by study and proof and data
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  this works
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  so then if you really feel that that suits
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  your personality and it makes sense for your approach,
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  you're going to follow that model
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  and child-centered play therapy.
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  Is what we talk about on this podcast very different from directive play therapy,
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  which are different kinds of approaches
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  so I want to make it real clear,
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  especially if potentially your child-centered play therapist
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  recommended this podcast season for you.
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  I want you to understand what this approach is,
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  what it looks like and how it differentiates from directive approaches
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  because there are different types of play therapy.
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  So let me start with the directive approaches so
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  that you have something to compare and contrast.
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  So a directive play therapy approach.
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  Looks like
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  the therapist selects ahead of time,
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  different activities or games
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  or worksheets or crafts.
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  They have something in mind going into the session.
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  We're going to do this today.
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  The therapist also directs the conversation
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  while in the session,
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  so
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  draw how you're feeling
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  or play out your family
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  or we're going to do this activity about the anger monster
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  and we're going to talk about it.
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  So essentially,
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  a child comes into a directive play therapy session
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  and the therapist already has
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  an agenda that structures
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  the play session.
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  And the focus of these directive approaches
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  is on
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  goals,
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  meaning
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  we're going to work on this thing.
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  It's usually lessons
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  that are trying to be imparted.
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  And skills that are taught by the therapist to the child.
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  And from the outside looking in,
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  directive play therapy looks structured
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  because
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  the child sits down
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  and they work on something
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  and there's discussion,
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  so it looks like it's very structured and formulaic.
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  It looks active,
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  meaning from the outside looking in,
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  oh,
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  look at all the stuff that you're doing.
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  You're,
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  you're talking and you're coloring and you're doing this activity
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  and you're making this craft and you're doing this worksheet.
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  So it has an active appearance to it.
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  And it
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  seems parent friendly.
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  It is parent friendly.
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  What I mean by that is,
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  parents almost always
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  want,
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  quote,
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  something to be happening in session.
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  And so if a parent looks in and sees that
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  their kid is sitting at the table doing a worksheet,
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  that's very parent friendly.
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  It's parent approved
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  because,
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  oh good,
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  you're actually doing something.
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  All right,
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  so that's what directive play therapy looks and feels like.
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  Now we'll contrast what CCPT,
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  child-centered play therapy looks like.
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  The child chooses what to do in the playroom.
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  So there are selected toys,
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  very intentionally selected,
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  they all serve a purpose.
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  The environment is there.
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  We talked about that in an earlier episode.
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  The relationship with the therapist is there.
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  And the child chooses what to do when they're there.
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  And then the therapist follows the child's lead.
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  Responding therapeutically.
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  to their decisions
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  and their choices and their emotions and their statements and their behaviors.
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  There are no pre-established lessons.
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  There's no outcome
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  imposed
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  in the session.
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  There's no agenda essentially.
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  And from the outside,
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  it often looks
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  simple.
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  It often looks like,
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  quote,
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  all they're doing is playing,
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  end quote.
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  But there is so much happening under the surface.
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  And
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  one of the things I,
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  I have a pre-consultation video that I send out to parents
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  and one of the last things that I say in that video
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  before I even meet with the parents for the first time,
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  what is in that included in that video is how hard
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  child-centered play therapy is,
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  how much work it is,
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  how difficult it is,
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  how deep it is.
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  It's hard on the child,
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  it's hard on the therapist,
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  the process is hard,
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  the work is hard.
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  It looks
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  unnecessarily easy and simple
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  from the outside.
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  He just goes in there and plays the whole time.
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  She just painted for an entire hour.
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  But there is so much happening under the surface.
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  There is so much happening at a deep level.
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  There's therapeutic change taking place.
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  So
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  the key difference between these two,
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  so child-centered play therapy is non-directive,
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  meaning
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  the therapist is not going to tell the child what to do,
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  and then there are directive approaches,
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  so the difference between these two is who leads
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  the change,
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  who leads the process.
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  In a directive approach,
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  the therapist leads.
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  Therapist is in charge,
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  therapist decides.
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  In a child-centered play therapy approach,
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  the child leads.
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  And
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  why does that matter?
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  Who leads is an important factor.
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  Why does it matter so much?
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  Well,
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  if the child is leading,
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  that means they own the process.
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  That means they accept responsibility for it.
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  That means that they're bought in.
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  That means that they're invested.
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  That means that they are dictating the pace
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  and what they're tackling when.
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  It also helps them to build confidence because
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  when you assume responsibility for an outcome,
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  you learn that you're capable,
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  you learn that you're competent,
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  you you learn that you can trust yourself.
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  And
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  if a child leads,
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  they work through struggles in their way
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  on their time schedule.
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  When we go back to Landreth who
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  is kind of the pioneer of the whole model,
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  wrote all kinds of books and,
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  and really was the,
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  the predominant educator in this model
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  for many years before his retirement,
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  he talks about you can't rush
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  a child through their work.
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  He also says,
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  I can't presume to know better than the child
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  what they need to do when.
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  So we honor
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  their way of doing it,
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  their time frame,
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  their pace,
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  when they're ready,
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  willing and able to tackle things.
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  All of that is important
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  because
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  if they're allowed to do that when they lead,
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  they don't feel pressure.
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  In general,
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  but I can give you some specificity there.
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  They don't feel pressured,
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  which,
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  who wants to feel pressured?
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  But they don't feel pressure to
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  perform.
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  They don't feel pressure to please other people?
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  They don't feel pressure to comply.
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  They don't feel pressure to cave or concede.
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  In contrast,
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  they feel fully accepted.
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  And through that acceptance.
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  It creates trust and safety.
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  And within trust and safety.
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  Comes
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  self-enhancing behavior.
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  And real healing,
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  I mean,
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  this is a,
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  this is a big picture concept.
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  Real healing
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  comes from processing.
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  Your stuff,
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  not from being told what to do.
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  Think about something you've struggled with in the past,
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  your own anxiety,
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  your own anger,
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  your own grief,
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  your own loss,
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  your own
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  failure, w whatever you've dealt with,
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  when you've finally healed from that and when you've truly healed from that,
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  it's because you processed it.
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  You wrestled with it,
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  you thought about it,
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  you dealt with it.
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  When you were ready,
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  you faced it.
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  When you weren't ready,
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  you avoided it.
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  You probably had someone that maybe gave you some wise words
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  or came alongside you and helped or supported you or,
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  or gave you things to think about,
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  but you processed it.
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  You weren't told,
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  oh,
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  just pick yourself up by your bootstraps,
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  you'll be fine.
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  I mean,
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  you might have been told that,
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  but that's not where healing came from.
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  That's a very American concept,
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  by the way.
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  If you're an international listener,
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  pick yourself up by your bootstraps basically means like when
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  you fall down and when you get knocked over,
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  you just have to get yourself back up,
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  you know,
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  that kind of mentality.
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  That's a very American rugged individualism kind of idea there.
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  But
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  we all can understand that
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  when you truly heal,
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  it's because you've processed stuff
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  and it was your journey.
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  It was your pace.
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  You ever heard the phrase you can't go around grief,
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  you have to walk through it,
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  and everyone grieves differently and it takes everyone a different amount of time.
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  That's the same thing with kids.
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  They can't be told what to do
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  to heal.
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  They can be told what to do,
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  and they are all day long,
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  but that does not produce healing.
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  And child-centered play therapy builds long term
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  growth.
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  They develop self-esteem
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  that carries with them forever
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  they develop self regulation
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  which
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  follows them forever they build an emotional vocabulary
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  that carries with them forever.
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  They learn problem solving they learn coping,
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  they learn resilience,
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  they learn
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  bigger worldview.
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  They have other orientation.
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  These are things that serve them for the rest of their lives
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  because they're working through this,
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  they're figuring this out,
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  they're guiding the way.
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  If you just tell a child what to do and you have them sit and do an activity.
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  It's a short term behavior fix.
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  My phrase that I use all the time is it's putting a band-aid on a gaping wound.
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  In that moment,
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  yes,
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  they talked about the anger monster and they colored that worksheet.
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  Two weeks from now
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  when someone
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  jumps them in line on the playground,
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  not jumps,
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  jumps in front of them,
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  I guess both might make you mad,
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  but
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  hopefully kids aren't jumping each other on the playground.
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  When a kid jumps in front of them in line,
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  cuts them off,
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  they're not waiting their turn,
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  and it ticks them off.
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  Understandably,
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  how dare you?
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  I've been waiting in line and you cannot cut in front of me.
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  That is not fair.
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  All the things that kids are going to react appropriately so.
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  Is that anger monster coloring activity
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  going to really do anything in that moment
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  when that kid has emotions through the roof?
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  Is that going to somehow help that child calm down
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  in that moment when all they want to do is hit that kid for cutting them in line?
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  I'm sure not.
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  They're not rational.
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  They're not cognitive.
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  They don't have abstract reasoning.
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  Their emotions are gonna take over and when emotions take over,
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  they're gonna be mad and they're gonna show it.
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  CCPT on the other hand,
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  they learn self regulation,
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  they learn emotional vocabulary,
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  they learn self-control,
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  they learn to let things go.
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  They learn other orientation.
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  They learn empathy
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  These are long term gains that they get.
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  That's when growth takes place.
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  It's not a short term fix ever.
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  So from the outside,
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  directive therapy might look
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  more impressive.
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  Wow,
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  they did an activity about feelings today.
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  But CCPT's strength
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  is that it taps into the child's own pace,
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  the child's own choices,
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  the child's own readiness.
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  And the child's ownership
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  over the process.
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  And that's what creates deep lasting change.
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  And that is why I and the therapists that are recommending this podcast to you
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  are so
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  passionate about this,
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  because
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  directive play therapy is like
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  handing a child a script.
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  And saying
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  read this
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  out loud to me.
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  child-centered play therapy.
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  Gives kids
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  the stage.
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  The freedom
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  The relationship
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  The environment,
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  the safety.
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  To tell their own story.
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  And that's when growth happens.
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  That's when you will see long-lasting
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  longitudinal change,
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  and when they're 30 and 50 and 70,
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  those things will still be present in their lives.
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  And that's really what we want for our kids.
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  My tagline for a really long time
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  has been
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  my mission rather,
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  a world full of happy kids who become happy adults.
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  This is what happiness looks like
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  when you develop the skills that you need
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  to function well.
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  That's what CCPT provides
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  for kids.
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  So
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  I'm hopeful that encourages you.
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  I'm hopeful that that helps you understand what this means,
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  what this looks like,
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  because we,
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  we do need to understand how this works,
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  especially if you're going to consider child-centered play therapy or
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  you are in the active stages of child-centered play therapy,
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  you need to understand why
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  this matters and why we do this.
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  So I'm hopeful that that encourages you.
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  If you have questions or comments,
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  I would love to hear from you,
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  brenna@thekidcounselor.com.
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  Love y'all,
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  we'll talk again soon.
• 15:31
  Bye.
• 15:32
  Thank you for listening to
• 15:33
  the Play Therapy Parenting Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.
• 15:37
  For more episodes and just subscribe to our newsletter,
• 15:41
  please go to www.playtherapyparenting.com.