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Influence · Relationship Talk Thursday

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  Speaker 1: A husband.
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  Speaker 2: A husband has to give his wife that he has
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  Speaker 2: to give her a safe space. If she feels like
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  Speaker 2: her words are not valued, or she feels that her
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  Speaker 2: opinion doesn't matter, she's not going to give it to you,
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  Speaker 2: and you have to let her know in subtle ways.
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  Speaker 2: And when certain things come to your mind, you're like,
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  Speaker 2: that was a good idea. Say that to your wife,
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  Speaker 2: that was a good idea. You should not be championing
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  Speaker 2: trying to humble her. You should be champion trying to
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  Speaker 2: make sure that she feels safe enough to say whatever
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  Speaker 2: she needs to be, whatever needs to be said, because
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  Speaker 2: there might be some things that you don't like what
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  Speaker 2: she says, but when you're by yourself, you realize, yeah.
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  Speaker 1: She was kind of telling the truth there. Yeah, that
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  Speaker 1: was some good wisdom.
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  Speaker 2: And then as a woman, you got to be careful
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  Speaker 2: with how you say things because you could be saying
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  Speaker 2: something really good, very powerful, but the tone and the
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  Speaker 2: how you're saying it, and when you're saying it cannot
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  Speaker 2: be received and it wasn't and it's not and then
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  Speaker 2: you can't go back and be like, see, you don't
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  Speaker 2: listen to me. No, let's talk about our tone, girlfriend,
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  Speaker 2: because we can really turn because we have so much
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  Speaker 2: power with our words, we can turn a whole situation around.
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  Speaker 2: We could turn it upside down, we could turn it
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  Speaker 2: for the good, we could turn it for the bad.
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  Speaker 2: And I think when we really uh in our heads
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  Speaker 2: realize how powerful we are, we will not be loose
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  Speaker 2: cannons with our words or with the information or the
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  Speaker 2: wisdom that we give. We would be very intentional with
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  Speaker 2: what we give out because we know how powerful our
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  Speaker 2: influence is.
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  Speaker 3: Inspiration thirteen ninety Family Its Relationship Talk Thursday and Sonya,
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  Speaker 3: they come in here strong.
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  Speaker 1: I never had it this way a husband and a wife.
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  Speaker 3: You know, I've had the love doctor, I've had relationship relationship.
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  Speaker 1: Expert, but together a couple and y'all.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, y'all gotta tap into this anointing that's in
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  Speaker 3: this room fastest, Jamon and Eric Glenn the passa damone.
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  Speaker 1: You said you love this.
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  Speaker 3: Topic, which is influence and action, speak life, set tone, shape, legacy.
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  Speaker 3: We've been lifting up the woman, the wife, femininity. Why
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  Speaker 3: is this topic so important to you?
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  Speaker 4: She's so powerful, how she can set a tone and
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  Speaker 4: speak life and just make you feel like you can
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  Speaker 4: accomplish anything. I mean it's like early on in our marriage,
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  Speaker 4: my wife when she was learning me with try to
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  Speaker 4: fight my environment, the need for how it needs to be,
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  Speaker 4: why I gotta be this, and why I gotta be
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  Speaker 4: like that, and why the candle gotta be and why
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  Speaker 4: everything gotta be set. And you know I was telling her.
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  Speaker 4: I was like, yo, I've always been consistent. You see
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  Speaker 4: how I live. This is the optimum environment for my productivity.
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  Speaker 4: It's necessary. Once she stopped fighting it and just embraced it.
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  Speaker 4: I mean, she is the tone setter, you know what
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  Speaker 4: I mean.
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  Speaker 5: She is.
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  Speaker 4: She can shape my day when I wake up, before
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  Speaker 4: I leave a house, she can de escalate me when
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  Speaker 4: I come in. She she sets up the way she
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  Speaker 4: sets me up when we get ready for bed.
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  Speaker 5: The little things she do to it. She turned down service.
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  Speaker 4: The way she spray you know, bed spray on the
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  Speaker 4: on the bed, something to drink on the side, some water,
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  Speaker 4: you know, just a snack, a meal.
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  Speaker 5: You know, just the little it's the little elements.
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  Speaker 4: That she provides such an atmosphere that makes me want
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  Speaker 4: to thrive. If I feel like I'm incapable of accomplishing something.
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  Speaker 4: Her perspective, her words back to me gives me strength,
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  Speaker 4: you know, it's really I think a woman, a woman's
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  Speaker 4: worth is incomparable, and woman underestimates the value of the
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  Speaker 4: strength that she brings us. Well, she gotta watch what
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  Speaker 4: music she listened to, what shows she watched, what she
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  Speaker 4: playing in the house, what gets in her spirit, because
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  Speaker 4: whatever gets in her spirit can impact your spirit. So
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  Speaker 4: I love that influence, that ability. When she's too silent
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  Speaker 4: or too quiet, it irritates me making some decisions right
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  Speaker 4: now in our family, we got a lot of transitions
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  Speaker 4: going on, and she's been very passive and very quiet,
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  Speaker 4: and it's been frustrating for me because I'm like, why
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  Speaker 4: you don't got nothing to say? Why you're not speaking up?
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  Speaker 4: And She's like, I'm processing, I'm not really sure how
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  Speaker 4: i want to chime in. And I feel like I'm
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  Speaker 4: trying to navigate a season without her, not that she's
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  Speaker 4: not present, it is not vocal, and it feels like
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  Speaker 4: I'm lopsided, like I'm trying like because I'm trying to
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  Speaker 4: I'm leading with my mind in the way I do
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  Speaker 4: and I'm trying to get a sense of where she
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  Speaker 4: is in the decisions that we have to make. And
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  Speaker 4: she's quiet, and it feels very awkward. Not that she's
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  Speaker 4: always vocal, but I can always feel her presence in
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  Speaker 4: a moment because she sets a tone, she provides strengs,
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  Speaker 4: she is direction, and when she's quiet, then it makes
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  Speaker 4: me uncomfortable.
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  Speaker 1: Pastor her God influence of a wife speak life. I
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  Speaker 1: feel like.
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  Speaker 2: A wife is extremely instrumental in this part and the
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  Speaker 2: influence and setting the tone and the environment. And I
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  Speaker 2: think early on in our marriage, I thought, I thought
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  Speaker 2: that it was not that necessary.
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  Speaker 1: I thought that, you know, just.
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  Speaker 2: Falling in line and learning this man, and just being
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  Speaker 2: submitted and not saying anything and and not you know,
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  Speaker 2: having a voice, even though because you had such a
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  Speaker 2: big voice and you had you have such a great
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  Speaker 2: opinion that this could really de escalate this marriage, that
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  Speaker 2: it could really call some real uh RIfS in it all.
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  Speaker 2: And I realized I think it was having a conversation
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  Speaker 2: with my grandmother and my cousin one time, and it
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  Speaker 2: was we were saying to my grandmother. We was like,
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  Speaker 2: but Grandma, you know, we have to kind of pull
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  Speaker 2: away with our family so we can kind of set
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  Speaker 2: things up.
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  Speaker 1: And she's like, Oh, you don't need to do it.
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  Speaker 2: It's like, yes, we do, because we're so strong that
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  Speaker 2: if we don't, if we don't figure out or immerse
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  Speaker 2: ourselves in this world that we're trying to create, we're
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  Speaker 2: gonna miss a moment. And in that pulling away, it
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  Speaker 2: showed me that when I don't say something, even though
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  Speaker 2: I'm thinking it, that I'm not being my true self
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  Speaker 2: and I'm not giving my husband the best part of me.
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  Speaker 2: I'm not giving my family the best part of me
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  Speaker 2: so that I could keep the peace.
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  Speaker 4: I think also when you consider that, think about how
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  Speaker 4: especially because with me, my love, her love, my love language.
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  Speaker 1: Is words of affirmation, so you.
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  Speaker 4: Know it's for you. My presence is enough for me.
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  Speaker 4: Your your words, your affirmation adds so much value and
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  Speaker 4: so much wisdom and so much perspective that you're silent
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  Speaker 4: and sometimes feels, you know, so loud, but it's not
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  Speaker 4: really because you're being loud.
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  Speaker 5: You're absolutely present.
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  Speaker 4: It's just that wisdom, that perspective is the missing perspective
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  Speaker 4: because words matter. I think when you understand that, you
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  Speaker 4: know also because words matter. On the flip side, thankfully,
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  Speaker 4: you're not a nagger, You're not you're not the contentious,
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  Speaker 4: you're not the yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know,
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  Speaker 4: because you understand the weight of your words and how
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  Speaker 4: you navigate that. So it's been helpful to help you
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  Speaker 4: understand how I value what you say and your contribution
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  Speaker 4: and your communication while you're still learning. You know that
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  Speaker 4: that is important to me, because it's not as important.
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  Speaker 1: Do you create in your home peace?
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  Speaker 5: Pressure?
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  Speaker 3: Is that a question that both parties should be asking
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  Speaker 3: themselves in this place.
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  Speaker 2: I try very hard to, like extremely hard, to make
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  Speaker 2: sure that our home is a place of peace and
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  Speaker 2: not a place of pressure.
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  Speaker 1: And it is. It's a I have to say, it's
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  Speaker 1: it's a lot of work.
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  Speaker 2: It's yeah, it's a lot of work, only because there's
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  Speaker 2: other people in the house that you know, that are
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  Speaker 2: not going for the same goal that you are. And
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  Speaker 2: you know, and I had to realize it, embrace that
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  Speaker 2: my husband likes our house to look like a museum.
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  Speaker 2: That I just had to just whatever, a museum. No, everything,
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  Speaker 2: it's a museum. It is a museum, and whatever, Okay, okay,
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  Speaker 2: go ahead, but understanding that I said that only to
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  Speaker 2: say that my husband, you know, he has always kind
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  Speaker 2: of like worked from home, and so because of that,
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  Speaker 2: the sermons, the lessons, the segments, like the music, like
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  Speaker 2: all of those things are necessary for him to that
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  Speaker 2: is his calling and his purpose, and so it's necessary
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  Speaker 2: for me to set an atmosphere where that can flourish,
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  Speaker 2: not die, that that can be something that he feels
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  Speaker 2: proud of to have at home. So I take much
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  Speaker 2: pride in making sure that it's peaceful. I take much
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  Speaker 2: pride when people fall asleep in my house. I take
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  Speaker 2: much pride in that because I worked really hard to
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  Speaker 2: make sure that it is a very peaceful place. It
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  Speaker 2: is a place that people want to run to and
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  Speaker 2: not run from.
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  Speaker 4: Have a place of prayer, place of study, place of preparation,
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  Speaker 4: cermer preparation, study, counseling, reading, thinking you got out of
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  Speaker 4: that stuff I have done as a part of my
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  Speaker 4: house is where I function. I I function am I
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  Speaker 4: so thankfully I'm married a woman who grew up in
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  Speaker 4: a similar environment, in an atmosphere. So she would do
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  Speaker 4: small things that I never ast for, like on Saturdays,
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  Speaker 4: empty the house and take the kids to go see
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  Speaker 4: on a grandparents tour and take them to see the grandparents.
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  Speaker 4: So I would be at home all day by myself
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  Speaker 4: as I prepare for Sunday to be with my thoughts
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  Speaker 4: and my kids, and I feel like they bothering me
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  Speaker 4: if they come to talk to me because they were gone.
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  Speaker 5: And she created this.
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  Speaker 4: Atmosphere on her own, on her own initiative, because she
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  Speaker 4: felt like that would be conducive to help me be
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  Speaker 4: most productive and forever. That's me as a pastor or
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  Speaker 4: a preacher. But every profession has as particulars. If you
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  Speaker 4: were married to a doctor, you're married to a lawyer,
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  Speaker 4: you're married to somebody's married to you. Every profession has
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  Speaker 4: its particulars, and it's the spouse's responsibility to be sensitive
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  Speaker 4: to those particulars and create an atmosphere that your spouse
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  Speaker 4: wants to come home to, not run from home because
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  Speaker 4: they can get that atmosphere somewhere else but can't have
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  Speaker 4: peace in their home. You want your spouse to come home,
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  Speaker 4: drive past all the other houses to come home to
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  Speaker 4: get to your house. Then you want to create a
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  Speaker 4: space that's gon do to them feeling like a king
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  Speaker 4: or a queen when they arrived.
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  Speaker 1: That's tough.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, a master class and with less than two hours
• 11:08
  Speaker 3: with the glas, But check this out. Yeah, Pastor Erica
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  Speaker 3: has a coaching class. And then you guys have so
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  Speaker 3: many books, the Power Couple ebooks.
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  Speaker 5: So, yeah, my wife is teaching.
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  Speaker 4: So we've been on tour for Power Couples people acts
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  Speaker 4: all the time. She's had some great teachers, and she
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  Speaker 4: also is a teacher by calling, so she has had
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  Speaker 4: some great teachers. She is a great teacher, and so
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  Speaker 4: people keep asking for coaching. So she's doing a wives
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  Speaker 4: master class. She's a crown coach. Able says that a
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  Speaker 4: wife is a crown to her husband. So she's teaching
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: about being a crown. What that looks like four weeks
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  Speaker 4: on a Saturday in the morning. It's online. People can
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  Speaker 4: join from all over the world. Because people have asked
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  Speaker 4: everywhere we go. I would say if she was a wife,
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  Speaker 4: that shouldn't be teaching a class. The first one to say,
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  Speaker 4: she is definitely worthy to teach a class because she
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  Speaker 4: practiced it, not because she's perfect, but she's practicing and
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  Speaker 4: she lives on purpose.
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  Speaker 5: And I think it's some things that you can.
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  Speaker 4: Gain from her, glean from her if you participate. So
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  Speaker 4: you know, it's not alone class, it's only four weeks.
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  Speaker 4: It's be advantageous if you get the opportunity to jump in,
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  Speaker 4: drop in, listen to her wisdom and glean from that
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: so wives can have a community and a place where
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: they can grow together.
• 12:30
  Speaker 5: While she's working on the Wives, I'm on a.
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  Speaker 4: Manhood podcast on YouTube, speaking and talking to the men
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  Speaker 4: and nolp them get sharp and get ready because.
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  Speaker 3: You know, yeah, ya yall, y'all on assignment and you
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  Speaker 3: poured into each other's assignment. I love that, So make
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: sure you guys check out the podcast every Thursday. Go
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: to Inspiration thirteen ninety dot com, or you can download
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: the iHeartRadio app and check it out.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: Relationship Doctor