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What do narcissists really want from you · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So what do narcissists want from you?
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  Is the question I get a lot of times of all of my social media
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  platforms. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammett. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist, and welcome to another episode of The
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  Narcissist Code. In today's episode, y'all we're
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  talking about just that. What do they want?
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  What do narcissistic people, toxic people, what do they
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  really want from you as a human being, as a partner, as a, you
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  know, just a relationship in in any type of relationship
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  dynamic. What do they want from you Ask
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  yourself that question. I know a lot of people go just
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  like supply control, money, whatever this is that.
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  So this video, I'm going to get deep with you.
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  I'm, I'm going to get deep with you here y'all go and put your,
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  your shoes on, your your your your trench boots on.
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  We're about to get deep. We're going to get deep right
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  here. So I know narcissists want
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  control. That's that's that's so super
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  simplistic, and I've made videos about that before.
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  Narcissists want control. Yeah, they want narcissistic
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  supply. They don't want to be by
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  themselves. But at the core of it, y'all at
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  the core, I think a lot of narcissists want you to validate
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  their existence. And I know even that right there
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  sounds super simplistic, but I think a lot of narcissists need
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  you to validate their existence. It's not even a want anymore.
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  It's a need. Narcissists need people.
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  And I made a video previously about how some narcissists want
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  to be alone, but they need people.
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  They need you. Narcissists do need people.
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  They need you to validate their existences on this planet.
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  Because without you, who who am I?
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  Without people? Who are they without a
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  significant other, Without a job, a good job, without
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  something? Who?
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  Who is the narcissist at their core?
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  Who? They need you to make them to
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  make them feel real. It's just like am IA ghost.
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  Do I really exist? Am IA real?
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  Pinocchio. Pinocchio is Pinocchio was a
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  narcissist am IA real boy right now.
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  You know what I mean? They don't We don't feel real.
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  A lot of people asking me this is like, what what about your
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  wife made your wife different and made you made you say what?
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  Your wife. This is that.
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  Yeah, I've been working myself for a long time and I've I've
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  become super introspective over the last six years of therapy.
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  I mean, I've been working myself almost 20 years, but over the
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  last six years of therapy, I've been digging deeper, deeper into
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  my super introspective like I've been, I've been getting super
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  introspective for myself, looking deeper within myself and
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  like, what is it about my wife? It's really not my wife.
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  It's what she represents, you know?
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  It's really not her. It's what she represents.
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  And what she represents is realness.
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  I'm real. I'm a real person because I'm
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  associated with her, because I'm attached to her, because I'm.
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  I'm with her, literally. That's how that I she I'm real.
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  I'm a real, I'm a real boy. You know what I mean?
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  The Pinocchio voice. But I'm real.
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  Narcissists need you because you make them feel real.
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  And I don't get you a lot. I'm going to get a lot of
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  pushback on this, especially if the self award narcissist, they
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  get a hold of this video. I'm real anyway.
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  No, no, no, no. Who are you?
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  Who are you? If you're a self award
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  narcissist watching this, who are you without your person?
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  Who are you without your kids at your core?
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  Who are you? Go right now.
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  Don't think about, oh, I don't know, who are you?
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  Because I just what I realized is my wife.
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  Yeah, I love my wife, but she does make me feel like a real
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  person. Like, I matter because of her.
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  You see what I'm saying? Because of her, I feel like I
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  matter because you're because of you and narcissist might feel
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  like they matter. And this is not me trying to
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  tell you to stay with them again.
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  If you're looking for a sign to stay in a tax relationship, this
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  ain't it. You know, if you're looking for
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  a sign to stay with a toxic person, this ain't it.
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  You know this ain't it. Because, like just because they
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  need you around, because you make them feel real or you make
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  them feel validated does not mean you should go back to them.
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  Because most narcissistic people, they want they they they
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  they just because they need you don't mean they're going to
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  treat you better. It doesn't mean they're going to
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  do better for you. It doesn't mean they're going to
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  be better for you. You know, why wouldn't they?
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  They gotten this far by being bad.
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  They they're going to continue to be bad.
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  If they if their if their bad behaviors are rewarded, why
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  would they change their bad behaviors?
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  You know that's the big deep part of it right there.
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  They need you to feel alive because without narcissistic
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  supply or the validation or whatever they receive from you,
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  who are they? Seriously, y'all.
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  Even even social media is narcissistic people.
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  Even the narcissists that are on social media, the political
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  narcissists, who are they without?
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  You Who are they without their supporters, their blind
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  supporters, their cult members, whatever y'all want to start
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  with, who are they at the bottom of their core?
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  Who are they? You know who?
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  Who? Who?
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  Like an owl. They need you to feel that.
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  They need you to feel real because before like it, it's
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  just they need you. They want you.
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  What do they want from you? They want you to be around them
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  so they can get the narcissistic supply, so they can get the
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  control, so they can get all of that stuff to make them feel
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  real. All this stuff, balls into one
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  ball, 11 mesh ball to make them feel like a real person at the
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  end of the day. That's the space that so many
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  fall into right there. They want to feel real.
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  They don't know how to do real human emotions.
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  They don't know how to be real people.
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  They don't know how to do real things.
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  They don't until they encounter you.
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  That's what they learn from you. All my videos this week are
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  coming together, right? That's what they learn from you
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  how to be real. They learn from you how to
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  exist. They learn from you how to do
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  things in real life. These hair ties are super tight.
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  Y'all got to take this somehow. Sorry, this is super.
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  It has no give. That's pulling my hair out.
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  They need you to feel real. They do, he said.
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  He's getting to that space right there, so when the nurse says I
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  don't need you, I don't need you here.
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  They need somebody here. They might not need you here,
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  but they need somebody here. It has to be somebody they can't
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  do by themselves. They hate to do by themselves.
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  Why? Why?
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  Why? Why?
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  Because they don't feel real. They don't feel grounded without
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  you here. They don't feel grounded without
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  having people around. They don't feel grounded without
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  having without having their kids.
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  They don't feel grounded Without they they don't matter.
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  They want to matter. At the end of the day, I know
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  everybody wants to matter, but when a narcissist wants to
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  matter or a toxic person wants to matter, they go to they go
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  above and beyond to be extremely abusive and toxic as hell.
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  You know what I'm saying? When they want to matter, intent
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  matters. The intention behind the actions
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  matters, but also the impact. Intent over impact.
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  No impact over intent. That's my I have that.
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  I don't have it on right now. Impact over intent.
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  Like the intent absolutely matters.
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  Y'all impact matters too, but the intent matters too.
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  I didn't mean to hurt you, but you did.
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  You cheated. What the hell?
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  What did you mean? What did you mean to happen?
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  You you weren't doing that. You wanted to do it and not have
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  me find out. Is that what it is?
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  I never meant for you. I never meant to lie to you.
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  What do you what? You never meant to lie.
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  I never meant for things that end up this way.
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  What? Why you do that, man, You know
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  what I mean? Intent.
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  Intent matters. Y'all.
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  But the impact is greater. Impact over intent.
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  That's why you If the intent is over the impact, you come up
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  with a negative, you come up with a undefined, like a like a
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  division problem. If there's smaller number, no.
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  If the bigger number. Intent over impact intent.
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  Intent is bigger. You know, you don't get the
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  whole number, you get a decimal point.
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  But it happens though. Y'all.
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  Seriously. They want you to be around them,
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  to make them feel real, to make them feel validated, to make
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  them feel like they need to exist.
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  They have a purpose. Like you might be there, you
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  might give them purpose, but giving them purpose, they don't
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  know what the hell the purpose is.
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  You might give them purpose like they have a purpose on the
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  planet, but they don't know what it is.
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  They don't know how to act. Sometimes they need you to
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  ground them, to make them feel like a human being, to make them
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  feel like they're not a bad person.
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  They need you to make them feel like good people.
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  Sometimes they may, they need you.
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  They want you to around to make them feel normal, you know, at
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  the end of the day, they want to feel normal.
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  They want to look normal. So how do you how do
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  narcissists, the people blend in?
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  Like it's like aliens. How would an alien that looks
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  like? How would an alien, a humanoid
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  alien, How would they blend in? How would they look normal?
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  How would they go by doing that? You know what I mean?
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  How they would come to Earth, they would go to school.
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  They would get married and they would have kids.
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  When they that's how they fit in they would that's that's the
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  that's the that's the main way to make you look like an
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  Earthling right. You would have friend you.
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  I go to Earth. I get married.
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  I have kids. I go to school maybe.
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  Get a good job. Maybe.
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  Work. Maybe fit into society so I can
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  feel normal. They need you, They need you to
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  feel normal. Y'all you know, so don't ever
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  let. Like that's why I made this
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  video. So don't let ever let a
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  narcissist tell you that they don't need you.
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  They need somebody. They might not need you
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  personally, but they need somebody.
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  That's why they can't be by themselves.
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  Like, be by yourself. Like if you don't need me, be by
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  yourself for a little while. Don't jump into another Don't
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  jump into a new relationship. Just be by yourself for a little
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  while. Don't get on Tinder.
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  Don't get on Bumble. Don't try to clap anybody's
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  cheeks. Don't have any kind of
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  interaction with a person of the opposite sex or the same sex.
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  Whoever you're attracted to, don't have, don't.
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  Don't have any interaction with them.
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  Be by yourself a little while. If you don't need me, if you
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  don't need people, if you don't need anyone, you never had him.
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  Nobody's ever been there for you.
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  Be by yourself a little bit. Do it on your own.
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  Be a hermit. See how you laugh?
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  No, they can't do that. Y'all, they'll pretend they want
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  to do that, but they can't do that because they know they they
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  need people around them to help them feel like human beings.
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  I'm just being realistic with you.
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  They need people. They need those people around.
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  They need you. You know what it is?
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  It's a process. It is a process.
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  It really is y'all. So I just hope people, when
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  you're dealing with narcissistic people, that you understand that
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  it's like, yeah, they need you. They might act.
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  They they go pretend like they don't.
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  They go act like they don't. I promise you.
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  They go pretend and act like they don't need you.
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  But I promise you, they do. So it's a it's a very unique
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  process. It's a very unique dynamic to be
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  a part of y'all. So you have to, but you at the
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  end of the day, you have to empower yourself to, you know,
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  just be you, be your own character.
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  Be you and your own character in this book, y'all.
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  And just because they need you or want you around doesn't mean
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  that you have to be around. They need you be your lead.
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  No, they need to treat you better if they want you around.
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  Like there's certain requirements.
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  Y'all just don't let people be around you.
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  They treat you like crap. Please.
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  Because at the end of the day they're going to keep.
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  Why would they stop doing it? If it works, you know why would
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  they stop doing this type of stuff If it workshop.
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  Anyways, y'all so glad you're here.
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  Thank you for tuning in to another episode.
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  I truly appreciate everything one of y'all.
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  Make sure you like and subscribe to the memberships if you
• 11:18
  haven't already. Out mental illness is out peace.
• 11:22
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  Y'all. If you haven't already, make
• 11:26
  sure you hit that like and subscribe button so you don't
• 11:28
  miss any uploads. Turn on that notifications bill
• 11:31
  as well. Thank you so much.
• 11:32
  See you later.