Latest / Connor with Honor: AI, Real Estate and Real Life / I Said the Word. My Brain Heard Permission. Day 6: 311.5 and Starting Over.

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I Said the Word. My Brain Heard Permission. Day 6: 311.5 and Starting Over. · Connor with Honor: AI, Real Estate and Real Life

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I did yesterday?
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: I ate donuts, and I need to tell you exactly how it happened.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Because it didn't start this morning, it started two days ago.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: On this show, when I sat in front of this camera and I told you I was thinking about eating donuts while recording an episode about not giving in.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: I said the word out loud, I gave it a name, I gave it oxygen, and the saboteur was listening.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: It always is.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: So let me tell you about something about seeds.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Two episodes ago, I told you a seed doesn't need your permission to grow.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what I didn't tell you.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you're the one planting it.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Not a commercial, not a smell from the apartment next door.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Not somebody eating lunch at the office.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: Me.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: I planted it.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: I said donuts into a microphone, and my brain filled it like a contract waiting for a signature.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: And this morning, well, it came to collect.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: Let me give you the number first, because the number is part of the protocol.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: And the protocol doesn't care how I feel about the number.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: The scale said 311.5, up from 306.4, up from 301.2, just two days before that.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're doing the math, I've given back 10 pounds in two days.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: 10 pounds of momentum.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: 10 pounds of proof, handed back to the addiction like a refund.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: And I stood there on the scale.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: I took the photos, shirt off, every angle, no flexing.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: You could see it.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: No good lighting.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Photos that hurt because that's what we do here.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: We don't document when it's going well, as every other influencer out there.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not an influencer, but every picture you see, oh my God, how much effort, how much starvation.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: We documented it, period.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you what it felt like.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because I know there are people who will never step on a scale after a binge.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: They skip it.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: They tell themselves, I'll weigh in tomorrow when the water drops, or I'll wait till Monday, when I've been good for a few days, and they think they're being smart.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: They think they're protecting themselves from a bad number, but what they're really doing is hiding evidence from the prosecution.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: They're shredding documents.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: And they're deleting the security footage because, well, if the number doesn't exist, then maybe the binge didn't either.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's how the saboteur maintained control.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: It re-erases the record, and without a record, there's no accountability, and without accountability, there's no change.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: So I stepped on that scale, not because I wanted to, but because the protocol required it, and the protocol is bigger than my feelings.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now here's where I need to be very careful because there's a version of this story that has a villain in it.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: And it would be very easy to tell that version.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Someone I love, someone who supports me, someone who was in the car with me was part of the moment where the donuts became real.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I could sit here and build a case.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: I could talk about how opportunity was presented, how the door was open, how the path was cleared.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: And some of you watching right now, you do that every single time.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: You point at the person who brought the cake to the office.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: You point at your spouse who ordered the pizza.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: You point at your friend who said, come on, just have one.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it feels good for about five seconds because blame is it's a painkiller.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: It numbs the part of you that knows the truth.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: And the truth is this nobody forced me, nobody forced my hand, nobody held me down and put a donut in my mouth.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Ha! That'd be the day.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Somebody I love was in proximity to the decision, and I made the decision.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Full stop.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: Now let me be clear about something.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to name anyone, I'm not going to describe anyone.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to create a situation where somebody who loves me becomes a character in a story about my failure, mine, because that's what weak people do.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: They use the people closest to them as shields.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: They use love as an excuse and they use support as something to blame.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: When the support didn't come in the exact form they needed, in the exact moment they needed it.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: That's not fair.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: And more importantly, it's not true.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: So let me tell you why this matters so much, because I know some of you right now you're in a relationship with someone who eats differently than you, who doesn't understand what you're fighting, and brings home takeout because they love you.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Suggest ice cream because it's Tuesday night and they want to spend time with you.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: And every single time you feel the pull, and then you eat the thing, and then you blame them in your head.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Even if you would never say it out loud, you build a silent case.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: You collect evidence.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: You feel a mental file with them every time.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: You keep it.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: They put something in front of you, something that you shouldn't have eaten, and that file becomes a wall between you.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: And they don't even know it exists because you never told them.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_00: You never said the words, and instead you carry resentment towards someone who is just trying to share a moment with you.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's what food addicts do.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what food addiction does to relationships.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: It turns love into a trigger.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: It turns generosity into a trap.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_00: It turns the person who would do anything for you into an unknowing accomplice.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that's nobody's fault but the addiction itself.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's what's true.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: I had the power, I had every tool, I had the protocol, I had five days of momentum, I had a memory of what 301.2 felt like on that scale.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: I had all of it and I gave it away, not because somebody made me, but because I chose to.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that word chose, the most important word in this entire episode, because the moment you accept that, it has a choice, you get something back, you get agency, you get control, and you get the one thing the saboteur doesn't want you to have, which is the understanding that if you can choose to fail, then you can choose to get back up.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: The saboteur wants you to believe it just happened.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: It wants to believe you had no say.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: It wants you to feel like a passenger in your own body watching yourself eat the thing you swore you would never eat again, like some kind of out-of-body experience.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: And for a moment, it does feel like that.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: But it's a lie.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: You were driving, you were always driving, your hands were on the wheel the whole time.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now let me talk about architecture, because I told you two days ago that you beat addiction with architecture, not willpower, and I meant it.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: But here's what I left out.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Your architecture has to include people, not just schedules, not just plans, but keeping yourself busy.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Because the humans in your environment, the ones who love you, the ones who eat with you, the ones who ride in the car with you, the ones who have their own relationship with food, that has nothing to do with yours.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: An architect doesn't blame the weather.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: An architect accounts for it.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: If you build a house on a hurricane zone and the roof flies off, you don't blame the wind.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: You blame the blueprint.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: The wind was always coming.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: The question is, did you prepare?
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Did you build for it?
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: The people around you are not the wind.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: They're not the enemy.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: They're not saboteurs.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Most of them don't even know, don't even know what you're fighting because food addiction to them is invisible.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody can see it, nobody can measure it.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: There's no breathalyzer for a donut like there is with alcohol.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: So what does that mean for the architecture?
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: It means you communicate.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: It means you say out loud, I'm fighting for something right now.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: I need you to know that certain moments are dangerous for me.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: Not because of you, because of me.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: The drive past the donut shop is dangerous for me.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: And the moment after a meal when something sounds sweet might be a good idea, that's dangerous for me.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I need you not to open that door.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Not because you're doing something wrong, but because I'm not strong enough yet to keep it closed on my own.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the vulnerability.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: And vulnerability is the most powerful building material an architect has.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Stronger than discipline, stronger than schedule, stronger than willpower, because vulnerability does something that nothing else can.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: It lets other people into the blueprint.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: It gives them a role, it makes them part of the architecture instead of a variable you can't control.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Now I didn't do that.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't communicate clearly enough.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't set the perimeter, I didn't build for the wind, and the roof came off, and here I am.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: 311.5.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Talking to you with Donut Residue still in my system.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: The taste still in my memory.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm telling you that this is not a failure.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: This is a lesson I couldn't have learned any other way.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: A lesson until now I haven't been able to articulate as clearly.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's what I know now that I didn't know two days ago, or forgot to remember conveniently.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Saying the name of the thing gives it power.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: I said donuts and my brain heard permission.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: I did not mean it as permission, I meant it as honesty.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: But the saboteur doesn't care about your intent, it cares about your words, it cares about what you say, and it builds a case with it.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Think about that for a second.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Every time you've said out loud, oh, I could really go for some tacos right now.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Or man, a milkshake sounds amazing, or I've been craving pasta all week.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: You think you're just making a conversation?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: You think you're just being honest about a feeling, but your brain doesn't hear conversation.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Your brain hears an order, here's a request, and it starts processing that request in the background.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like a tab you forgot to close on your computer.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: It's running, it's using energy.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: And sooner or later it pops out to the front of your screen and says, hey, remember that thing you asked for?
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: Here's your chance.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's what happened to me.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: I opened the tab two days ago and this morning it popped up and I clicked on it.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: Remember what I told you about stage two in negotiation?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: The saboteur builds a legal case for why this time it's okay.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Well, guess what testimony it used this time?
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: Mine.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: It played back my own recording and said, see?
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: You were already thinking about it yourself.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: You said so.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: You basically already decided.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: You might as well make it official.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: That's how sophisticated this thing is.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to use your own honesty against you.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: It will take the bravest thing you said, and it will weaponize it.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not ready for that, it's going to win.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: So what do I do now?
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: Same thing I always do.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: Same thing I told you to do.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: Three days water, not as punishment, but as a reset.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: That protocol isn't a prison, it's a home, it's a comfort in of itself.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm walking back through the front door right now.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm walking back with new information, remembered information.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: No this.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: The blueprint has now been updated.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: The architecture now includes something I didn't have before, it didn't have before.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: It has a perimeter for proximity, a plan for people that I love.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: Not a plan to avoid them, but a plan, and not a plan to blame them, but a plan to include them, to communicate with them, to tell them what I need before the moment arrives.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: But once the moment arrives, it's too late.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: You don't negotiate with a saboteur in real time.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: You set the terms in advance, or you will end up losing.
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Let me give you a real example of what that looks like because I don't believe in theory.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: I believe in blueprints.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: So tomorrow morning when I wake up, I'm gonna have a conversation, a real one, not hints, not hoping they're gonna figure out, not between the lines talk, not passive aggressive signs when the drive-thru comes up.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say these words.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm on a three-day water fast starting now.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: During those three days, I need you to not offer me food if you can help it.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: I need you not to suggest we stop somewhere.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: I need you to not bring anything into the house that's not already here, not because you did something wrong, but because I need the path clear.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: And if I say I'm hungry, don't not believe me, because that is not me talking.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: That is addiction wearing my face.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is what communication looks like when you're fighting this thing.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's specific, it's uncomfortable, and it's gonna save your life.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what most people, why most people won't ever do this, because it requires you to admit you're weak.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: And we don't do that, especially men who used to wear a badge, especially men who built businesses and trained thousands of people, standing in front of a camera telling other people how to be disciplined.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Admitting you can't handle a donut feels like a contradiction, but I don't think it is.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: It's the most honest thing I'll ever say to you.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: And honesty is what the saboteur fears most.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: The saboteur lives in the dark.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: It lives in secret, it lives in the gap between what you say and what you do.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: And when you shine a light on that gap, when you say out loud, I'm struggling and I need help, the saboteur loses its primary weapon, which is isolation.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to think about something today.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to think about who was in the car with you last time you failed.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it was just you.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: You fail all by yourself because I do that so much.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: But don't blame you, don't blame them.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Understand the architecture.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: Where was the gap?
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Where was the opening?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: Where was the moment the saboteur walked through a door that someone else opened without even knowing they were opening it?
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: And then I want you to ask yourself, did I ever tell them?
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Did I ever say the words, this is what I need from you?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you didn't, and the blueprint was incomplete, then it's on you, same as it is on me.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now here's the part where I tell you the thing before I believe more than anything.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: The version of you that fails and gets back up is stronger than the version that never fell.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: I said that before and I meant it before, but I mean it differently now, not because I'm saying it from the other side of victory.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm saying it from the floor.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm saying it with 311.5 on the scale, a donut glaze still metaphorically on my fingers, and I'm saying it anyway, because the protocol doesn't wait for you to feel worthy.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: The protocol doesn't wait for motivation.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: The protocol doesn't care about your feelings.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: The protocol says, get up, step on the scale, take the photos, tell somebody and start again.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to say something to the person watching this who ate the thing last night or this morning or 10 minutes ago or who's sitting there right now with that familiar sickness in their stomach.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Not from the food, not from the shame.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: I want to talk directly to you for a second because nobody else is going to say this to you.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: You didn't lose the war.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: You lost a skirmish.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_00: A skirmish is a small fight inside of a bigger campaign, and campaigns aren't won by the army that never takes a hit.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: They're won by the army that takes the hit, regroups, updates the plan, and moves forward before the enemy can consolidate its position.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm doing right now.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not sitting in the rubble feeling sorry for myself, having one of those grandiose pity parties I'm so famous for.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: I'm updating the blueprint while the mortar dust is still in the air.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I wait until I feel better, if I wait until shame passes, if I wait until Monday, the saboteur builds a fortress in the gap between now and then, and the next assault gets even harder.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: So don't wait.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever you ate, whatever you did, however bad the number is on the scale this morning, the protocol starts now, not when you're ready, not when the timing's right, not when you've had the meal prepped and bought the supplements, and told everybody on social media right now for this moment, with the evidence of failure still on the counter, you start.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because the counter gets clean, the box gets thrown away, the scale resets tomorrow, and either you reset it or you don't.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's the only decision that matters right now.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what I'm doing.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: Right now in front of you, day six, three eleven point five, three days later starts now.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: The blueprint has been updated, the perimeter has been set in the saboteur, got last night, but it doesn't get today.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to find why.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: You just have to embrace your due.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Connor.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: We'll see you in the next one.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for watching.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: This is the last addiction.