Latest / Heavyweight / 2025 Update: Dina

Transcript

2025 Update: Dina · Heavyweight

• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Pushkin Khalila Holt, Welcome to the studio.
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: Thanks.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: Today's Encore presentation is an episode called Dina. Spoiler alert.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: You know who Dina is?
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: Your mom?
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: She's my mother.
• 0:31
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's right.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Even I have a mother, Khila Holt. You know when
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: you like call me like, what is it? You call
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: me a motherless cuss sometimes when you get upset. No,
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: this episode is about my mother. What do you remember
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: about the production?
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: I remember it, and I hope I'm not speaking out
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: of turn, no please, but I remember it being like
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: an emotional one for you to work on, like there
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: was a lot you had to delve into.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true. My wife Emily was like, you know,
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: you're doing all these episodes about other people and intimate
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: moments from their lives. You have to have a little
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: skin in the game. And yeah, it was kind of scary,
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: but I came out the other end stronger and jollier
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: and balder than ever.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: And if our listeners come out the other end of
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: this episode, they'll get to hear an update from Dina
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: herself on her birthday.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: That's right. Yeah, I talked to my mother to catch
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: up with her on her various projects. So let's get
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: ready to listen voraciously. I'm ready, but before we do,
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: let's hear a word from our sponsors.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: Thanks sponsors, Yello.
• 1:46
  Speaker 4: Why hello? Now, what kind of greeting is that you've
• 1:50
  Speaker 4: got your radio voice on? Could you elaborate on what
• 1:53
  Speaker 4: you mean by that?
• 1:54
  Speaker 5: I know in the first second if I'm being recorded,
• 1:56
  Speaker 5: or I could on your inflections?
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Well, I always talk like this, Jackie. Back to you.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: The way you're speaking with me now is never the
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: way you would normally speak. Okay, wait, hang on a second,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: I'm just talking normal. You're not talking normal your radio voice.
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: Hey, what's going on? It's still not.
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: It's still not. It's still not.
• 2:16
  Speaker 4: Hey.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: No, hey Jackie again Jackie, No, you wouldn't say him
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: like that.
• 2:20
  Speaker 4: How's it going?
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: Too much energy?
• 2:22
  Speaker 5: Hi?
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: I can tell anyway.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: It can't be a radio voice because I do a podcast.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: It's a podcast voice, all right, And welcome to the
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: show from Gimblet Media. I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this is
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: Heavyweight Today's episode. Dina. Hello, Hello, Okay, uh so we
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: just got to Montreal.
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: We wee? What's that?
• 3:05
  Speaker 6: Is that?
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: How you say yes in French?
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah? But you just say it once you to say,
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: we wit.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Folks are about to meet us, pick us up at
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: the airport to take us back to their place, where
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: we will be staying for the next five days, five days,
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: five days in my childhood home, in the childhood bed
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: i've not slept in in decades. My wife Emily and
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: I are here for passover, to sup upon the bread
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: of affliction. Growing up, though, it was everything of affliction,
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: candy corn of affliction, road trips of affliction, bedtime stories
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: of affliction. I moved out when I was nineteen, but
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: from age one to eighteen, what I remember most is
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: the vague feeling of worry permeating the household. Worry that
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: manifested is yelling, yelling through closed doors, yelling across the
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: kitchen table, my father yelling into a junk drawer, desperately
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: trying to find a working pen. My mother yelling into
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: a clogged toilet, desperately trying to make it go down.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: But more often than not, the yelling wasn't over anything
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: at all. We were just a naturally loud, anxious family,
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: a race of nervous giants shrunk into the bodies of
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: little Jews.
• 4:37
  Speaker 7: Man.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: When I move out of here, I'd say in my teens,
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: I'm going to live like sting peace and quiet, meditation,
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: tea and tantric sex. And now, after years of oolong
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: roubis and lemon roubis, I'm home again for my first
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: trip back with Emily and our five month old son Agi.
• 5:02
  Speaker 4: Day one.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: Here they are my parents. Tyota pulls up to the
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: airport pickup. They pass us and passes us.
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: Try to catch the eye. They don't see us here.
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: We're right here.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: My mother jumps out. She runs back towards us, pointing
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: at Oggie's ears.
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: His ears are exposed.
• 5:26
  Speaker 5: Hi, Hi, emily ears are exposed.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: Both my mother and father where their woolen caps pull
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: down well past their ears. In younger, stronger days, they
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: might have stretched those caps right down over their feet,
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: but they're old now. My mother Dina seventy two, and
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: my father Buzz eighty three.
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: I want to drive slowly, not too fast.
• 5:51
  Speaker 8: I want to go carefully.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Okay while Buzz is high strung. Dina's intensity is capable
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: of raising the emotional temperature of any space she occupies
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: in elevators, walk in pantries, and tiotas. Her powers are
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: especially cute, like.
• 6:10
  Speaker 5: A funny feeling in my throat, like it's like really emotional.
• 6:16
  Speaker 7: It's like a dreamed you know, it's like a dream.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like such a weird feeling.
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: I think the weird, elusive feeling my mother is trying
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: to describe is happiness.
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: It's just wonderful to see him.
• 6:32
  Speaker 7: But I hope he's going to be warm enough. Did
• 6:33
  Speaker 7: you bring him up something?
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: Home?
• 6:43
  Speaker 8: Sweet home?
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Walking through the door, I'm a twelve year old again,
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: home from school and looking forward to zoning out with
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: petticoat junction. I'm a sixteen year old rushing to the
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: bathroom to gargle out the smell of cigarettes. I'm a
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: forty eight year old, a grown ass man with a
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: grown ass ass. Parenting a newborn leaves a person with
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: no time for squats. So don't judge Alex.
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: So nice in here.
• 7:14
  Speaker 6: I don't believe it.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: Normally, the house, a modest, semi detached bungalow, has a
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: certain storage unit, bombshelter, vibe, walls of toilet paper, a
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: cold room full of canned fruit, cocktail needle points of
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: biblical scenes, and torreadors all leaned up against the walls
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: for fear of pounding in a nail and regretting it forever.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: But today the place looks positively sparse.
• 7:41
  Speaker 5: Johnny, Just don't open a closet or in shore everything.
• 7:45
  Speaker 5: I'll tumble on your head.
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: Because when you've heard you guys are coming.
• 7:48
  Speaker 5: I threw everything into the into the closets and hid them.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: My mother grabs Aggie and heads upstairs for a diaper change.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: Emily and I trail behind.
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: I want him to be fresh and clean. Oh you're
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: so sweet, You're so sweet, my angel. Where the fridge
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: is the bag?
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: The friggin bag contains the friggin's that my mother bought
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: for our visit. It turns out it's on her lap.
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: I kept the bill because I wasn't sure if you
• 8:17
  Speaker 5: want me to return them or not.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: Would you be able to return used diapers?
• 8:22
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you know me. I could return anything. I could
• 8:25
  Speaker 5: return anything.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: You know that, Johnny, I do know that returning stuff
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: is what my mother lives for. She sees it as
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: a staring contest, a game of chess, but with yelling.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: I remember once going along with her as she returned
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: a shirt she'd bought for my father two years earlier.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: It's missing a sleeve, she told the cashier, holding up
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: the article of clothing. The cashier turned it around and around.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: It's not supposed to have sleeves. The cashier finally said,
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: it's a poncho. A poncho, my mother repeated, as though
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: it were a foreign word, which in her I suppose
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: it sort of is. I don't care what it is.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: It's factory defective and my husband can't wear it. Whenever
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: she'd get this way, I'd adopt the stance meant to
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: convey filial loyalty, peppered with a touch of what Vietnam
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: vets call the thousand yards stare. I've stood next to
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: my mother through countless exchanges, arguments, spectacles and stinks. But
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: this is the first time I've stood by her side
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: as she diapers my son.
• 9:43
  Speaker 5: Oh look how much peep he has.
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: Oh, you made a lot of ppa baby.
• 9:50
  Speaker 5: See that's how I knew you were sick. When you
• 9:52
  Speaker 5: were a baby, Johnny, you weren't peeping.
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: What was wrong with me?
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: As a kid, it was easy to be embarrassed by
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: my mother. One time, a popular boy named Jordie showed
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: up at our house. I wasn't home, but my mother
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: answered the door with her hair on fire. My hair's
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: on fire, she screamed. The next day in school, Geordie
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: showed the whole class how she screamed it. He wiggled
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: his fingers in the air, looking as though he was
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: about to fall to his knees. That night, I asked
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: my mother what had happened. It was the barbecue, she said,
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: your father wasn't home, and I was so in the
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: mood for barbecued lamb chops. It seems that while examining
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: the chops for signs of spoilage, she leaned her hair
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: sprayed boufont too close to the grill. While this explained
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: the fire atop her head, it did not explain why
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: she answered the door while nursing a fire atop her head.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: Growing up, this kind of stuff happened all the time,
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: so I was always on high alert for humiliating emergencies.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: Being back home again, I feel the old muscle memory
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: kicked back in. What's that smells?
• 11:03
  Speaker 5: Something's burning?
• 11:05
  Speaker 4: Did you turn on the heater?
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: Did you touch the heat?
• 11:07
  Speaker 7: Though?
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: It turns out that one of the rag dolls my
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: mother had been hoarding somehow landed onto one of the
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: old lamps she'd been hoarding, and had begun to burn,
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: I could.
• 11:19
  Speaker 5: Have had a fire because I was so careless for
• 11:22
  Speaker 5: a hush shim rush.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: The day plays out as a series of minor disasters averted.
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: In the morning, my mother loses her cell phone. We
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: find it in the night table. In the afternoon, a
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: screw to my father's glasses falls out. We replace it
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: with a twist tie. At dinner, a waiter charges my
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: mother for a potato. She claims she didn't order, but
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: after ten minutes of Camp David's style negotiations, it's dropped
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: from the bill. Before bed, my father can't find his passport.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: Why do you need a passport? I ask, You always
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: need a passport, he says. We find it in the
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: night table. In the past, having someone witness all of
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: this would have made me feel anxious, But now having
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Emily here makes me feel like I have an ally.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: Turning to her in the midst of some crisis is
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: like looking directly into the TV camera and winking.
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: At the audience. N Doggy.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: Day two good. After we put Aggie to sleep, Emily
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: and I lie in bed. I ask for her thoughts
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: and reflections on the trip so far.
• 12:41
  Speaker 9: No comment.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Oh, come on, come on, no comment. How could she resist?
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: Look at how my mother acts with Aggie, I say,
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: trying to get Emily going. I saw her put a
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: pocket mirror under his nose while he was sleeping, to
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: see if he was still breathing. After every spoonful she
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: feeds him, she asks if he's choking.
• 13:02
  Speaker 9: You realize, though, that you say all that about Aggie
• 13:05
  Speaker 9: now too, like just a tiny little cough, and you
• 13:08
  Speaker 9: are doing it.
• 13:09
  Speaker 3: Is he breathing?
• 13:11
  Speaker 9: Can he sit like that? Can he touch that thing?
• 13:13
  Speaker 9: Can he eat that? Can he do that? Is he
• 13:15
  Speaker 9: supposed to be doing that?
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong? What's he doing? What's
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: he doing? Is he choking?
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: What's wrong?
• 13:22
  Speaker 9: You do a lot of that kind of thing.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: I concede to Emily that maybe I do just a
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: little of that kind of thing. But I wasn't even
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: in the parking lot of the ballpark of Adina Goldstein.
• 13:38
  Speaker 9: One day you dropped, You dropped Aggie off, and you
• 13:43
  Speaker 9: called me right afterward because you were so worried.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: You remember this, I do remember this. It was Aggie's
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: first week of daycare. He shares a babysitter with two
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: little sisters. But on that particular morning, when the babysitter
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: opened the door, she was alone. She told me the
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: girls were napping in another room.
• 14:05
  Speaker 9: You called me and said she was there alone.
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: She said, were in bed.
• 14:10
  Speaker 9: I don't know. Maybe she killed the whole family and
• 14:12
  Speaker 9: now she's going to kill OGGI and you weren't joking,
• 14:17
  Speaker 9: like you knew it was a crazy thought, but you
• 14:20
  Speaker 9: needed me to tell you she didn't kill her family.
• 14:24
  Speaker 9: She's not gonna kill Aggie.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: I did not need you to tell me that.
• 14:29
  Speaker 9: And you're misremembering you were freaked out.
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: You were freaked out.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: I thought it was very stoic.
• 14:36
  Speaker 9: You called me and said, I think the nanny is
• 14:39
  Speaker 9: gonna murder our child, and that she murdered the whole family.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: That we do daycare with.
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: I don't consider that stoic, all right.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm just imaginative.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: That's one way to look at it.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: Yet another way to look at it is that I'm
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: also crazy, just like my mom. Well, set my hair
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: on fire and open the front door. In the days
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: after Aggie was born, I couldn't stop thinking terrible thoughts things.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: I couldn't speak, not even to Emily. With this new
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: overwhelming love for my son came new overwhelming fears for
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: his safety, his heartbreaks to come, for his old age,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: his loneliness. So I started seeing a therapist. I explained
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: how worry was the lingua franca of my childhood. I
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: wasn't allowed a paper route because it was a good
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: way to get abducted, no barefoot in because of rusty nails.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: And I didn't even learn to swim until junior high
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: because water that's where people go to drown. Worry and
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: fear were how my mother communicated love. I said to
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: my therapist with a shrug. But love is love. The
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: important thing is that we feel it. But my therapist's
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: response troubled me. She said that love was the transcendence
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: of fear, that you might even say fear was the
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: opposite of love. Sitting at my childhood desk with Aggie's
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: toys scattered at my feet, my therapist's words returned to me.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: If I was becoming my mother, would AGGI someday become me?
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: Someone weighed down by fear and worry? Was our genetic line,
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: nothing more than an inglorious chain of Russian dolls. Should
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: my therapist save the notes from our sessions so I
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: can send Aggie to her at a discounted rate. I
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: didn't want my son becoming me, and there were only
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: two people who could help me understand how I became me,
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: One who charged New York therapy rates that might leave
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: me bankrupted before I'm cured, and the other my mother
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: day three. As a child, I fell trapped and embarrassed
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: by my mother. As an adult, I came to be
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: amused by her. It's only as a freshly minted father
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: visiting home for the first time that I'm beginning to
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: see that I am her. How much you pay for
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: apples seventy?
• 17:13
  Speaker 4: But if I'm desperate, this is what we normally talk about.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Where to get the best price on paper plates, Where
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: to get the best price on honeydew melon?
• 17:21
  Speaker 7: Dina?
• 17:22
  Speaker 8: What do you pay for a bottle of water.
• 17:25
  Speaker 3: Twenty four for a dollar eighty eight? Bottle water cox
• 17:30
  Speaker 3: twenty four for six nine?
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: Will you pay for a loaf of bread? But after dinner,
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: after Aggie's gone to sleep, my mom and I sit
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: down at the kitchen table to have a different conversation.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Emily is reading in bed, and my father's watching TV
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: in the basement.
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: It's just us.
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, go ahead and talk here I am Why
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: do you say here?
• 17:55
  Speaker 7: I am? Well?
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: Where should I say?
• 17:57
  Speaker 4: There?
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: I am tonight. I want to talk about the fear,
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: that thing my family lives inside, like a snowsuit with
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: a broken zipper that can no more be removed than
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: our own flos. I want to talk about the nameless
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: thing that binds all Goldstein's, that ignites us, propels us,
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: and ultimately paralyzes us. Well, I think about this stuff
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: now because you know I have I have a I
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: have a son, and I I think, but I think.
• 18:28
  Speaker 5: He's so beautiful, and I saw those blue eyes like
• 18:32
  Speaker 5: no hors bays eggs.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: My mother's not talking crazy talk, she's talking Yiddish.
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: So Bay's eggs.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what does that mean?
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: The bad oy shouldn't hurt them?
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: The bad eye, the evil eye, the belief that merely
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: saying something positive is enough to invite evil forces to
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: snuff the good thing out. So even bringing up a
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: normal son to mom question about good parenting is enough
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: to attract the eye. On the day of my bar Mitzvah,
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: my mother carefully sewed a red ribbon into my underwear.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: In this way, she reasoned, should the e the lie
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: turn its gaze upon me. I'd be protected by my underwear.
• 19:14
  Speaker 4: Why do you.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: Think you do that evil eyed stuff? It's what you say,
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: it's cuckoo.
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: I know it's cuckoo, but I can't help it.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: But then that's a superstition.
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: I don't know everybody does it.
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: I've never met anybody who puts red ribbons in their
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: own I'm saying I personally have never met anyone who
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: does that. So I can't say everybody puts red ribbons
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: in their underwear. But what what is it supposed to be?
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: Warding off? But what is the evil eye?
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: I don't know.
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: This is how conversations with Dina often go. The derail
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: hit dead ends. So when I ask her why was
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: our home the way it was? I expect more of
• 20:01
  Speaker 1: the same, But instead my mother grows quiet.
• 20:13
  Speaker 4: I worry, Yeah, I do too.
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: I'm afraid of.
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: This, afraid of that.
• 20:20
  Speaker 7: Well.
• 20:20
  Speaker 5: I was irrational. I wasn't thinking right, and I have
• 20:23
  Speaker 5: a chance to redo my a little bit.
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: Not with you, but with Augie.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: She stops talking and stares into her lap for a while.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: We just sit there.
• 20:38
  Speaker 5: I look upon this as a second chance. I want
• 20:42
  Speaker 5: to correct my mistakes. Johnny, I want to redeem myself.
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: That's it.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: My mother doesn't usually talk this way. If something's causing
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: her grief, she returns it to the store, sends it
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: back to the kitchen, and so talk of second chances
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: and redemption. The words sound weird coming out of her mouth,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: and I don't know how to respond. Where's all this
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: coming from?
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: I ask?
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: Are you thinking of something specific?
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: It's too painful. I don't want.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: Maybe if you talk about it, you won't talk. I
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: don't think it could be anything.
• 21:22
  Speaker 4: Then I can't.
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: I can't talk about it. Don't don't press me.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: Please, well, I don't want to force you. I don't
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: want to make you feel bad.
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: I am ashamed of myself.
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: Let's change the subject.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: And with that the conversation ends. I'd gotten to my
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: mother for answers about my childhood, but instead she's left
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: me with questions I didn't even know I had. What
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: had happened that was so bad? She couldn't even talk
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: about it? What was she so afraid to tell me?
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: After the break, I find out, Hello, Hello, So mom's
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: upstairs with Emily.
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: Do you have In day.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: Four, I sit down with my father to see if
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: he has any idea what the second chance is that
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: my mother's talking about. He's hesitant to talk because that
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: goes against the strategy of staying out of the drama.
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: In fact, most of my childhood memories of him are
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: of a man in bed, napping with a large volume
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: of World War II history splayed open on his chest.
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: This retiring nature might be the secret to having stayed
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: married to my mother for more than fifty years. What
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: is the thing that she is carrying around with her?
• 22:42
  Speaker 8: She's a very private person and she feels she doesn't
• 22:47
  Speaker 8: want to be intruded upon. Don't take it the wrong way.
• 22:50
  Speaker 4: So you have no inkling. You don't know what's going on.
• 22:53
  Speaker 8: It isn't even discussing with me. I don't know what guilt.
• 22:55
  Speaker 3: I don't know what she's talking.
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: Don't find it odd or intriguing in a way.
• 22:59
  Speaker 8: It's a touchy subject for her, and she's very reluctant
• 23:04
  Speaker 8: to talk about it.
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: Talk about it. What's the it?
• 23:07
  Speaker 8: I don't know. You have to ask her, and she's
• 23:08
  Speaker 8: going to shut down. She's gonna shut down.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: This means she'll try to change the subject or start
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: to yell. But today I don't care. I just want
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: to know what the big secret is. I wonder what
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: it is, I say to Emily, who knows? She says
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: while brushing her hair. So many things about your mom
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: are a mystery to me, like why is the kitchen
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: faucet always running full blast? And why does she keep
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: offering me paper towels? I think she says, you should
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: just let it go, but of course I can't. What
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: had my mother done that she wanted a second chance at?
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: Was it for the time she bought me a shirt
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: for my birthday that she later admitted was actually a dress?
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: Did you want to redo the time she dropped me
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: off at a birthday party and hollered out the car window.
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: Have fun?
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: But if you get diarrhea and someone's on the toilet
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: just making the bathtub die, arhea is not a time
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: for pride. Of course, I now see the wisdom, but
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: as a child, her words were a source of shame.
• 24:18
  Speaker 4: I need to know.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: So I invite my mother out for a Sunday stroll
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: with Aggie and me. Maybe if she can just relax,
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: it'll come out like diarrhea talk.
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: What should I say?
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: Let I just take your level, So tell me.
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: So, do you find walking with Hogy.
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: Relaxing, very relaxing, so nice.
• 24:43
  Speaker 5: It's a pleasure to walk with my little friend.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: To start things off, I lobber an easy question, cocktail
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: party stuff. What's your first memory?
• 24:58
  Speaker 5: Kindergarten? And we lived on Colonial four h three nine Colonial,
• 25:04
  Speaker 5: And I remember my father used to play peanockle and
• 25:08
  Speaker 5: he had a thumb that was the nail like the
• 25:11
  Speaker 5: thumbnail was very cut off, and all of a sudden
• 25:15
  Speaker 5: I thought of it and I started screaming and crying
• 25:18
  Speaker 5: and carrying on. I'm worrying. Oh, I remember how old
• 25:24
  Speaker 5: are you must have been four or five.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: So so an early memory as being at kindergarten and
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: remembering your father's thumbnail and starting to cry.
• 25:33
  Speaker 4: What was it that upset you about it?
• 25:36
  Speaker 5: Shorried about it because it wasn't like a regular thumb.
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: I was worried crazy.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: I tried to guide her towards happy reminiscences, but all
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: her memories are awful. Rheumatic fever, scarlet fever, her mother
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: slapping her in Woolworth's for whining about a balloon she wanted,
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: waking up in the middle of the night to find
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: a wall in the kitchen covered in moths.
• 26:00
  Speaker 5: Then I remember my mother's pressure cooker in that house
• 26:03
  Speaker 5: hits the ceiling and pea soup was flattered everywhere.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: All your memories, Let's hear another memory. With the small
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: talk exhausted, I trepidaciously bring the subject back around to
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: the do over.
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: I don't know, Johnny.
• 26:25
  Speaker 5: I don't want to talk about it. I don't want
• 26:26
  Speaker 5: to remind myself the way I f felt. Doesn't conjure
• 26:31
  Speaker 5: up good memories. Please, and that's the end of it.
• 26:35
  Speaker 3: I don't want to.
• 26:35
  Speaker 5: Go into details.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: Nonetheless, for the rest of the day, I can't stop
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: myself from asking for details. Here we go, I ask,
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: as she puts away the breakfast dishes.
• 26:48
  Speaker 5: I I have nothing more to say, Johnny.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: Leave me be, wait, I ask, as she cuts coupons
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: while watching Judge Judy with Emily in broad strokes.
• 26:58
  Speaker 5: Alone, Please Emily take them off me.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: And while she peels boiled eggs for lunch, Leave me alone.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: Later we all sit down for dinner and with it
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: some wine.
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: What's wrong with me? I think I'm off my rock.
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: My mother rarely drinks wine.
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: Oh my god, how did I get like this?
• 27:21
  Speaker 7: A mom?
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: You just had a glass of wine as she drifts
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: off into an inebriated slumber. I give it one last try,
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: can I Is there anything you need to tell me? No,
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: any secrets to reveal? No, I was getting nowhere. Day five?
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: All right, you want to change him? What any It's
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: our last day and I've decided to give it a rest.
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: I stop asking weird questions and we all just hang out.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: We talk about the price of things, We yell from
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: room to room, We search for lost cell phones, and
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: grow pleasantly bored word with each other's company. Overall, it's
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: pretty nice. Well, while putting Aggie down for a nap,
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: my mother has a question for me.
• 28:19
  Speaker 5: Sonny, what was it that you were hoping to get
• 28:21
  Speaker 5: from me?
• 28:23
  Speaker 8: Oh?
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: I really just want to be able to have a conversation,
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: that's all I'm not. I don't want to I don't
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: want to cause your distress.
• 28:30
  Speaker 3: They're not causing distress. It's it's what it was.
• 28:35
  Speaker 4: And I don't ever want to talk about old, painful
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: for stuff.
• 28:37
  Speaker 5: But what.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: She lays Aggie down, she stands over the crib. She
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: starts to say something, but then trails away. What we're saying.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: All right, I'm gonna turn it off. Then I was
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: not a doctor did I had no secret twin, and
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: my mother had no secret family. There were no murders,
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: no affairs. It turns out that my mother's big secret,
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: the thing that was so hard for her to say,
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: was that she was sorry for a lot of things,
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: some small, some not so small. Some I remember, some
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: I don't, calling me names, screaming at me a lot.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: How she could have been nicer to my girlfriends, How
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: she used to pull my hair, hit me. Hitting kids
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: was like the hula hoop. Back then, I say, a fad.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: Everyone did it. It wasn't right, she says. Back then
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: people didn't know better. I say, I should have known better.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: She says, I forgive you. I say, I don't forgive myself.
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: So I forgive her again, and I mean it, And
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: then I turned the recorder back on.
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: I love you, honey. You made it a little easier
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: for me. Thank you.
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: I love you too, Mum. When you become a parent,
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: your whole life changes, but you forget that some things
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: stay the same. I had been so focused on becoming
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: a better father that I forgot I was still a son.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: And maybe learning to be a better son is how
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: you become a better dad anyway, I want him to
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: be safe. On the last morning of our visit, my
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: mother and I head to the park. As a kid,
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: the park was someplace I usually went with my grandfather
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: or father. One of the only times I remember going
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: with my mother, two colleagues appeared out of nowhere and
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: began chasing us. I remember we separated and the dogs
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: chased her while I hid behind a tree. I look
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: around the playground from my own childhood with her. I
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: knew most things were out sandbox because someone could have
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: peed in there. Same for the swings, monkey bars, teeter totters,
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: and merry go rounds. But then something surprising happens. Picking
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: Aggie up out of the stroller, my mother.
• 31:26
  Speaker 5: Says, I'll take him down the slide.
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: He's never he's never gone down the side.
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: Come with Bobby, Honey, we'll go down the slide together.
• 31:33
  Speaker 4: Okay, you're gonna go with him down the slide. Well,
• 31:35
  Speaker 4: what do you think i'll put himself? I didn't. You're
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: not afraid to go down the slide. Why would I
• 31:40
  Speaker 4: be afraid? I don't know. Okay, be careful, Yeah, now
• 31:45
  Speaker 4: you've got my nervous I wasn't afraid be careful. I
• 31:50
  Speaker 4: don't know.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: My mother hands me back Aggie and holding onto the railing,
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: she carefully climbs the steps to the top of the slide.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: When she gets there, I climb up too and hand
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: Aggie back to her with hesitation. She positions him onto
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: her lap and I run around to the bottom of
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: the slide to await their arrival.
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: And you stand there and catch us in chase.
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: Part from me, and then Dina lets go, You're.
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: Gonna go down.
• 32:20
  Speaker 4: Whoo whoo. He's having fun.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: Huh, so much fun in fact, that my mother decides
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: to do it again, And so again she climbs up
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: the steps, all three of them, to the top of
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: the ladder, and from the grand height of three and
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: a half feet, my mother and son descend the toddler
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: slide once more.
• 32:48
  Speaker 5: Slidey snidey down the slide.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: Oggie loves it, so they do it again a third chance,
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: a fourth, and even a fifth. Then we move on
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: to the bouncy caterpillar, the rope bridge, and the swings.
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: Swam, sleepy doggies going sweeny.
• 33:16
  Speaker 5: The itsy bitsy spider quin up the water.
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: Parenthood is like a redo of your own childhood and
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: grandparenthood is like a redo of that. That's all life
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: is learning and relearning the same lessons over and over,
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: all of us, like those itsy bitsy spiders crawling up
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: endless water spouts, trying to make just a little more
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: progress each time we set out. There's comfort in knowing
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: that no one ever gets it right, no matter how
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: many chances we get. But hopefully at least a few
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: things go right, a few purely kind gestures somehow get through.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: And for everything else we ask for forgiveness, and if
• 34:01
  Speaker 1: we're lucky, we'll receive it, and if we're luckier, we'll
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: forgive ourselves too.
• 34:09
  Speaker 7: I love the horrors and faces.
• 35:02
  Speaker 3: Now that the fern entures returned to its.
• 35:07
  Speaker 5: Good will hol.
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: Now that the last month's rant is scheming with the
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: damage to take.
• 35:18
  Speaker 4: This moment to des if we mention Chi felt around from.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: It's been nearly a decade since I recorded that episode
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: with my mother. Recently I flew home to Montreal to
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: see her again, same airport, same toyota, same parents, nearly
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: leaving me on the current.
• 35:53
  Speaker 4: Oh I didn't, I've already gone in.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: I've come to visit this weekend because it's my mother's
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: eightieth birthday. She's planned a big dinner as well as
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: a visit to the Senior Center, where I'm told there
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: will be music and dancing.
• 36:06
  Speaker 4: You don't want to.
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: Come with me to the club?
• 36:09
  Speaker 4: Do you want me to?
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: Only if you feel like I can come for a
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: little bit, if.
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: You're gonna have to say, for like an hour and
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: a half, two hours?
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: So why can't I just drop in and say, Hi, Hey,
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: how much do you have to pay?
• 36:23
  Speaker 5: Well?
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: I can pay that, I know, but for five seconds
• 36:27
  Speaker 3: it doesn't pay.
• 36:29
  Speaker 6: One day they had the salsa.
• 36:35
  Speaker 4: I got up to dance. Then, Oh you like that?
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: I loved it, and they all loved.
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: Nobody was Dan, just your mom and me because they
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: know I'm always begging him to come dance, and I
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: couldn't stop dancing.
• 36:52
  Speaker 6: Hi, guys from Minnesota, Hello, because he's no.
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: Because some people watch on zoom, they don't come, okay
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: because they don't want to pay the five Do.
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: You think that's why you're hitting? Maybe they don't have trouble, No.
• 37:12
  Speaker 6: Don't want to.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: Maybe they can't afford it. They can't afford it.
• 37:15
  Speaker 4: There rich say they too long to stay. Just shut
• 37:22
  Speaker 4: up and kiss me. Let's clap our hands.
• 37:25
  Speaker 6: Whoa yeah, there we go. And how about some feet
• 37:30
  Speaker 6: in the tap of feet all the time.
• 37:33
  Speaker 8: Oh my gosh, you're almost dancing.
• 37:35
  Speaker 4: Watch out.
• 37:37
  Speaker 9: Whoa nice by.
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: Wishes to our March celebrants, Dean and Goldstein, March sixth today.
• 37:54
  Speaker 7: Thank you, thank you.
• 38:00
  Speaker 4: Do you have happy birthday?
• 38:11
  Speaker 3: Thank you, Johnny, Thank you, sweetheart. You made a.
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: Special So I wanted to talk with you about the
• 38:17
  Speaker 1: Dina episode. You were seventy two in that.
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: In that woman. I was a young girl at seventy two.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: What is different now that you're eighty? That's different than
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: when you were in your seventies.
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: I changed, I don't know. I'm trying to change even.
• 38:38
  Speaker 1: More in what way?
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm trying not to get so crazy over things.
• 38:48
  Speaker 1: So when you listen to yourself as a young girl
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: of seventy two, worried about Aggie, that he's going to
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: get cool, that he's not wearing a hat, how does
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: that make you feel?
• 38:58
  Speaker 7: Well?
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: I still worry, like when the children go naked, like
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: I call it naked, they don't button up their coats.
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: What are the things that you can think of that
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: that have changed?
• 39:10
  Speaker 3: Well? I got sick. That changed a lot.
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: This is when you had your heart attack.
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: I mean, I still get anxious sometimes.
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: What do you do to try to cope with the
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: anxious anxiousness?
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: I don't think so much.
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: What else changed though when you because I remember, you know,
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: before you went into the surgery, the heart surgery, you
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: had sort of made your peace. Yeah, you don't remember
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: any of that.
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: Oh, I wouldn't know. I was that brave. I didn't
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: realize that. The doctor told me that he told you
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: I wasn't going to make it. He told me when
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: they sent me into the basement of the Sante Hospitals
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: for tests, and the technician and the doctor there told
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: me was that I wasn't going to make it. And
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: I remember crying and I was all by myself in
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: that horrible dark basement, and then I said stop it.
• 40:08
  Speaker 3: I talked to my and I said stop it already,
• 40:11
  Speaker 3: It's enough. And I was okay. After that, you know,
• 40:16
  Speaker 3: I stopped crying and I went up and I did
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: what I had to do.
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: Going through something the way that you did with having
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: the heart attack the heart surgery, did it make you
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: more philosophical?
• 40:28
  Speaker 7: I don't know.
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: I'm still not a terrific person. I'm still not a saint,
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: even though i'd like to be. I still gossip and
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: I still say bad things about people, and I still yell,
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: and I still get mean. So I can't say I'm better.
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: I want to be better, but I'm not not as
• 40:49
  Speaker 3: good as I should be. I'm far from an angel.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: Do you ever think that maybe you're a little harsh
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: with yourself?
• 40:57
  Speaker 8: No?
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: So, how's your idioth birthday today? How's it feelingly?
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: Because you're here, that doesn't I don't feel like i'm old.
• 41:09
  Speaker 3: You feel in my heart some days I feel i'm sixteen.
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: Thank you for talking to me.
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: You're welcome.
• 41:17
  Speaker 4: I love you.
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: I love you more, Johnny, You're my precious boy.
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: Thanks to everyone who helped put the episode together. This
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: is the last of our summer encores, but I fear not.
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: Denigoldtem's Precious Boy will be back with a new season
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: of Heavyweight on September eighteenth.