Latest / The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast / 140. Breaking Silence | The Transformational Power of Self-Aware Communication

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140. Breaking Silence | The Transformational Power of Self-Aware Communication · The Kathie Owen Perspective Podcast

• 0:00
  Kathie: Self awareness and communication skills are closely related.
• 0:04
  Kathie: And it's important to cultivate both to improve your interactions with others.
• 0:10
  Kathie: So let's start by understanding what self awareness is.
• 0:15
  Kathie: It is the ability to recognize your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, as well as how they impact both yourself and others.
• 0:26
  Kathie: And that's what we're going to talk about today.
• 0:30
  Kathie: You're listening to Kathie's Coaching Podcast.
• 0:32
  Kathie: I'm your host, Kathie Owen.
• 0:34
  Kathie: aNd today we're talking about the importance of self awareness and communication.
• 0:40
  Kathie: When you're self aware, you're better able to understand your own biases, your own emotions, and your own communication style, which can lead to more meaningful and respectful conversations.
• 0:54
  Kathie: It's so important.
• 0:55
  Kathie: When I was a child, my mom used to just make me be quiet.
• 0:59
  Kathie: I couldn't stand up to her.
• 1:01
  Kathie: I couldn't express myself.
• 1:04
  Kathie: So communication for me became very, very difficult in my world because my mom would actually hit me if I talked back to her, it was a lack of respect in her eyes.
• 1:19
  Kathie: In her defense, I understand where she was coming from.
• 1:22
  Kathie: She didn't understand how to teach these things, but I really had to learn self awareness to become able to communicate better.
• 1:32
  Kathie: There's ways to recognize signs of low self awareness and what that looks like in communication.
• 1:41
  Kathie: So the other day I was approaching a conversation between two women and I needed to ask one of the women a question, but the conversation that was going on was Absolutely no self awareness whatsoever.
• 1:59
  Kathie: And it was very poor communication on both person's parts because what happened was they were talking about their daughters.
• 2:07
  Kathie: One was going, my daughter did this and the other one was relating something.
• 2:13
  Kathie: My daughter did this and it was so awkward to be standing there because it was like, Both of them were not listening to each other.
• 2:21
  Kathie: They were only talking about themselves.
• 2:25
  Kathie: This is a sign of low self awareness, but what's funny about self awareness, it's a continually developed process and it's just something that we're always working on.
• 2:38
  Kathie: For example, you're never totally self aware unless you're like, a Zen master or something like that.
• 2:45
  Kathie: So it comes and goes.
• 2:48
  Kathie: It's funny when you understand what self awareness is, you become more aware and able to understand what's going on in conversations and where is lacked and where it needs to improve because lack of self awareness can affect those around you.
• 3:09
  Kathie: You know, in my example, it made me feel excluded.
• 3:13
  Kathie: And then I also had another example that made me feel frustrated and it, it will lead to strained relationships and even misunderstandings.
• 3:23
  Kathie: So what happened was I was at a dinner the other day at a restaurant with a bunch of family and friends and I got up to go to the restroom.
• 3:31
  Kathie: And when I came out of the restroom, I, Was trying to walk through the hallway, but when I was met in the hallway, there was a couple that was embraced in a long hug, like.
• 3:45
  Kathie: If I didn't know these people, I'd be like, y'all need to get a room or something because they were so unaware of everything that was going on around them that I couldn't even get by them.
• 3:56
  Kathie: So when I walked by them, I know I made a face because I was like, dude, y'all are blocking the hallway.
• 4:04
  Kathie: Go get a room.
• 4:05
  Kathie: This is what I was thinking to myself, but it turns out I knew who the woman was.
• 4:10
  Kathie: I knew who both people were, but they were just so unaware of what was going on around them that it was awkward to say the least.
• 4:21
  Kathie: Not only that, this woman came up to me to explain her relationship with this guy.
• 4:27
  Kathie: That I already knew all the details of the relationship.
• 4:31
  Kathie: And I felt offended because it was like, she goes, I saw you make a face.
• 4:35
  Kathie: And I'm thinking to myself, yeah, because y'all were so rude, taking up the whole walkway.
• 4:41
  Kathie: And she explained to me.
• 4:44
  Kathie: Her whole relationship with this guy that he was just a friend and da, da, da, da, da.
• 4:49
  Kathie: And there was so much lack of awareness of what was going on in the whole situation that I felt frustrated, I felt excluded, and then there was a complete misunderstanding going on.
• 5:03
  Kathie: So you see what happens when you're not aware of what's going on around you and what's happening.
• 5:10
  Kathie: I talk about this a lot in, in the gym.
• 5:13
  Kathie: This happens so much in the gym, people get so zoned in on their workouts that they don't pay attention to what's going on around them.
• 5:21
  Kathie: And it's almost like they become preoccupied with their own self that they don't pay attention to their taking up equipment or their taking up space in the gym.
• 5:32
  Kathie: And it's just, I've been in the gym for so long that this is something I study and I analyze, but it has to do with self awareness.
• 5:41
  Kathie: In the military, they train you to be understanding of everything that's going around you a hundred percent.
• 5:49
  Kathie: You understand what's going on behind you, what's going on in front of you, because you always have to be ready for situations.
• 5:55
  Kathie: And I talk about this a lot.
• 5:57
  Kathie: So if you've been listening to me lately, you know I've been calling out unethical marketing.
• 6:03
  Kathie: And if you're ready to take a stand against unethical marketing, I invite you to download My brand new playbook, it's for coaches, but I also want my, my coaching clients to understand that I come from a place of authenticity and transparency.
• 6:21
  Kathie: So when I say that, what I'm doing is I'm.
• 6:25
  Kathie: Building trust with you.
• 6:27
  Kathie: And I want you to understand that I am take a stand against unethical marketing and influence.
• 6:34
  Kathie: And because I do that, I have a lot of people who follow me, who understand exactly what I'm talking about.
• 6:39
  Kathie: So I created a new download that.
• 6:42
  Kathie: That is all about how to have your business be more ethical and also to market that way as well.
• 6:50
  Kathie: And it's very relatable to today's episode and you kind of can kind of tell what direction I'm headed in to talk about these things.
• 6:59
  Kathie: So I invite you to download that today.
• 7:02
  Kathie: Now back to the episode.
• 7:05
  Kathie: And today I'm going to give you some practical tips on how to improve self awareness because, as I said, this is an ongoing thing.
• 7:14
  Kathie: I'm not perfect by any means.
• 7:16
  Kathie: I'm not even judging people because of the way they have this conversation.
• 7:21
  Kathie: What I'm doing, and I've always done this since I was a kid, is I'm analyzing what's going on in the situation.
• 7:28
  Kathie: Because, as a kid, I had to analyze what people were thinking.
• 7:33
  Kathie: and what they were doing.
• 7:34
  Kathie: And then once I got into college, I really understood why I did that because that helped me communicate what I was thinking, what I was feeling, if only to myself, which is so important.
• 7:48
  Kathie: So regular self reflection is one of the ways you can improve on self awareness.
• 7:55
  Kathie: Take time to think about your interactions and include What was said and how it may have been received, you know, you can journal this, you can take time and think about how did I interact in that conversation.
• 8:11
  Kathie: And when you do this, I can promise you, you'll be given another opportunity to either improve or work on something when you did your self reflection that you saw that you might want to do better.
• 8:25
  Kathie: And another thing you can do to improve self awareness is seek feedback.
• 8:29
  Kathie: But when I say feedback, you want to find a trusted friend or colleague for honest feedback about your communication styles.
• 8:40
  Kathie: As a person who was married to a narcissist, I can understand that when you start to seek feedback, especially from somebody who's not trusted, even if it's your spouse, what can happen is they can gaslight you.
• 8:56
  Kathie: They can send, they can find out where your weak parts are just like my mom would do.
• 9:01
  Kathie: She would find where my weak spots were and she would gaslight me and it helped.
• 9:08
  Kathie: To have a trusted friend or colleague to help me with this.
• 9:12
  Kathie: And by that I had to, I spent many years in therapy that helped me understand my communication styles and understand where I was talking, especially to myself in a way that wasn't helpful.
• 9:27
  Kathie: And then there's mindfulness and emotional intelligence and emotional intelligence, I've been really studying lately because that is helpful when you understand your emotional intelligence, you understand your emotions, because emotions are just energy in motion, you don't want to stuff them like my mom would try to get me to do is stuff my emotions.
• 9:51
  Kathie: I had to work through so many different things because of my Oh, I'm sorry.
• 9:55
  Kathie: upbringing and the way I was raised.
• 9:58
  Kathie: So I had to work on my emotional intelligence, but that's where the psychology came in.
• 10:04
  Kathie: And I started understanding, Oh, this is why I get reactive.
• 10:07
  Kathie: This is why I do this.
• 10:09
  Kathie: This is why I can understand why that girl was so defensive.
• 10:15
  Kathie: If you understood the, the technicalities of our relationships and everything, she was so worried about what I thought about her and her relationship.
• 10:25
  Kathie: With this guy who is just a friend, but there was more to it.
• 10:28
  Kathie: Like perhaps maybe she had another husband that she was worried about.
• 10:34
  Kathie: I was going to judge her on that.
• 10:35
  Kathie: So that's just comes from having the emotional intelligence to understand.
• 10:41
  Kathie: Oh, okay.
• 10:41
  Kathie: I see where she's coming from, but at the same time work on my communication as well.
• 10:47
  Kathie: So maybe I don't make that face as I'm walking by.
• 10:50
  Kathie: So it doesn't offend her.
• 10:53
  Kathie: If that makes any sense.
• 10:55
  Kathie: But that's where you want to come from.
• 10:57
  Kathie: And my next point, super, I'm always working on this, is be kind to yourself because self awareness is a journey and definitely not something that happens overnight.
• 11:09
  Kathie: It's essential for you to be patient and kind to yourself as you work on improving your communication skills and self awareness.
• 11:17
  Kathie: This is a lifelong journey and the journey and the destination.
• 11:22
  Kathie: are one.
• 11:23
  Kathie: And when you understand that, you can work on this every day, get better today than yesterday, and also try to, um, work on your emotional awareness as well by being kind to yourself and encourage open communication in your life.
• 11:40
  Kathie: In general,.
• 11:41
  Kathie: It's so important to be open and honest When your communication with, with friends and family and colleagues and clients and express your thoughts and concerns respectfully when they feel that someone's communication style is affecting them negatively.
• 12:00
  Kathie: What do I mean by that?
• 12:02
  Kathie: I mean, I didn't say anything when I jumped in on that conversation where they were going, my daughter did this.
• 12:08
  Kathie: And instead of listening and coming back with something, that woman could have said, well, that's cool.
• 12:15
  Kathie: And this, this is really neat and interesting instead of jumping in and talking about, Oh, this is what happened to me.
• 12:22
  Kathie: It's.
• 12:23
  Kathie: Being kind to yourself and others and don't don't come out and just go, Oh my goodness.
• 12:30
  Kathie: What are you doing?
• 12:31
  Kathie: Why are you hugging that guy that y'all need to get a room?
• 12:34
  Kathie: That's not even a Effective communication and it's also going to affect them negatively, so I shared these stories of how improving my own self awareness positively impacted my communication and my relationships.
• 12:51
  Kathie: And it's my hope that I inspire you to take action and do the same because there's a thing I believe in as a ripple effect and this ripple effect in my personal life and my professional life, it leads to better relationships.
• 13:08
  Kathie: It leads to enhanced teamwork and more effective communication, which is something I've always had to work on since I was a kid because I was so pushed down to not communicate at all, especially when I was upset.
• 13:25
  Kathie: So the key takeaways you could take from today is just be kind to yourself.
• 13:30
  Kathie: Start becoming more aware of yourself.
• 13:33
  Kathie: There are great books on this and in fact I just finished um, a book by Renee Rodriguez.
• 13:40
  Kathie: I'll have a link to it in the show notes and description below.
• 13:43
  Kathie: And it was something more about improving my communication as a public speaker, but this also brought to my attention that self awareness is super important when you're trying to communicate and when you're trying to coach somebody or you're trying to improve in your business and your life in general.
• 14:02
  Kathie: And so self awareness is really important.
• 14:06
  Kathie: Also, I encourage you to check out Emotional Intelligence.
• 14:11
  Kathie: It's a book called EQ.
• 14:12
  Kathie: I'll have a link to that in the show notes and description below.
• 14:17
  Kathie: And I trust that you found today's episode helpful.
• 14:21
  Kathie: If you know someone who can benefit from this, please share it with them.