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Toiya Sosa: Driving Change Through Bold Conversations · The Bold Lounge

0:08
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Boltland Podcast.
0:10
SPEAKER_01: My name is Lee Burgess, and I will be your host.
0:14
SPEAKER_01: If you're anything like me, you love hearing inspiring stories of people who have gone on both journeys and make positive kinds of stories.
0:24
SPEAKER_01: Every week we'll hear from someone who's taking a week of order.
0:34
SPEAKER_01: They use away, they persisted, and ultimately achieved their bold.
0:47
SPEAKER_01: I believe everyone has a bold story waiting to be created.
0:51
SPEAKER_01: Tune in and get ready to be inspired.
0:59
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Bold Lounge.
1:00
SPEAKER_01: Today I have Toya Sosa.
1:02
SPEAKER_01: She is the Chief Diversity Officer of Riverside Health System and a fellow chief.
1:06
SPEAKER_01: Welcome, Toya.
1:07
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
1:08
SPEAKER_01: It's so good to be here with you, Lee.
1:10
SPEAKER_01: I'm excited for our conversation today.
1:12
SPEAKER_01: We've talked a couple times around different topics, and today we get to talk about being bold.
1:17
SPEAKER_01: So I would love for folks to be introduced to you.
1:20
SPEAKER_01: So can you introduce yourself to the audience, please?
1:23
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
1:24
SPEAKER_02: So my name is Toya Sosa.
1:26
SPEAKER_02: I am the Chief Diversity Officer at Riverside Health System.
1:30
SPEAKER_02: I also am a proud single mother of two, one a teenager and one is a young adult, one's about to start college and one about to finish college.
1:40
SPEAKER_02: So I am just as much a proud mother as I am diversity officer.
1:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we wear so many hats.
1:47
SPEAKER_01: Like I always ask everyone, how do you want to be introduced?
1:50
SPEAKER_01: And it's interesting, like, well, which which one of my titles or roles do I say?
1:54
SPEAKER_01: Because you know, you could do an intro probably three minutes long with everything that we do and the things and and the roles that we play in our in our lives.
2:03
SPEAKER_01: So lovely to have you.
2:05
SPEAKER_01: I'm excited to talk about being bold.
2:07
SPEAKER_01: And wondered from your perspective, what does bold look like?
2:11
SPEAKER_01: How would you define bold?
2:13
SPEAKER_02: So for me, bold means stepping out of the box that people put you in.
2:19
SPEAKER_02: It means escaping that box, but also recognizing who you are, what your purpose and joy is, and living up to your own expectations of yourself and not of others.
2:32
SPEAKER_02: Also, I think being unapologetically you, despite your own fear and doubt, because we all have our own fears and doubts.
2:42
SPEAKER_02: I was reading an article not too long ago about all of the negative words that we say to ourselves.
2:50
SPEAKER_02: And I was surprised to see that it was 400 negative words per minute that we say to ourselves.
2:58
SPEAKER_02: So it's so important that we reevaluate the dialogue that we have with ourselves and make sure that we're giving ourselves our own positive affirmations.
3:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
3:08
SPEAKER_01: I think I've heard the factoid students, some of those like four out of five of our thoughts are negative, whether they're about ourselves or about something we're doing and thinking about that.
3:17
SPEAKER_01: I know I post a lot about that.
3:19
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't mean like I'm positive all the time, it just means I'm being intentional about being positive and remembering how that actually then leads to how I act, how I feel, my outcomes.
3:30
SPEAKER_01: And so it's easy, you know, life is life and no one's life is perfect.
3:35
SPEAKER_01: And I think just to be intentional about it, right?
3:38
SPEAKER_01: And so I think that's a very important part that you said about your, you know, your definition.
3:44
SPEAKER_01: I think another piece was unapologetically you, which we've heard that before.
3:49
SPEAKER_01: And I know you and I both in healthcare, and I know at times like I'm not sure I could come to work and be my authentic self, you know.
3:59
SPEAKER_01: So I use my example of wearing a hat and stuff like that.
4:02
SPEAKER_01: But even outside of that, like, you know, being able to like talk about concerts or things I've done and things like that, which I think is you know very important for us to feel comfortable, one in our own skin and confident, and then be able to be ourselves in the workplace.
4:18
SPEAKER_01: So much courage.
4:19
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it takes courage, right?
4:21
SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it's scary, right?
4:24
SPEAKER_01: So when you think about your definition, where where do you go to when you hear that word bold?
4:31
SPEAKER_01: Like think about your first moment being bold.
4:33
SPEAKER_02: Oh my gosh, I have so many bold moments, but when I oh my gosh, when I think about my first bold moment, I'll I'll put some context around this.
4:45
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
4:46
SPEAKER_02: When I think about my first bold moment as a professional, I'll start there because I had many in my childhood.
4:53
SPEAKER_02: I think about when I was 18 years old, and I'm gonna call that stage in my life asserting myself.
5:00
SPEAKER_02: And there are four stages.
5:02
SPEAKER_02: There's the asserting myself, believing in myself, upscaling myself, and redefining or pivoting.
5:11
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
5:11
SPEAKER_02: So when I was 18 years old, I had just graduated high school, and I was going into my freshman year of college, majoring in mass communications, and I was so bold at that time, unapologetically bold.
5:28
SPEAKER_02: I mean, I had so much courage.
5:30
SPEAKER_02: And I got my sister and I said, you know what, we're going to drive up to Wavy News 10.
5:37
SPEAKER_02: It's a local news station, 35 in the market at the time.
5:41
SPEAKER_02: And I was like, I'm going to let them know that I am not going to leave their building until I get an internship or a job.
5:50
SPEAKER_02: That's how bold I was back then.
5:52
SPEAKER_02: I had not even started college yet.
5:54
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
5:54
SPEAKER_02: So I went in.
5:56
SPEAKER_02: The first guy I met was like the mass control guy.
5:59
SPEAKER_02: He took me to the newsroom, introduced me to the lady that handles internships.
6:05
SPEAKER_02: And I walked out with an internship.
6:07
SPEAKER_02: And a year later, while still in college, started working for them as an associate producer and assignment editor.
6:14
SPEAKER_02: So I, you know, I wish I could be that bold today because I think life happens.
6:21
SPEAKER_02: I think you mature some and that begins to calm down a little bit.
6:25
SPEAKER_02: But when I was 27, this was my believing in myself moment.
6:29
SPEAKER_02: I decided to get out of the mass communications media industry.
6:35
SPEAKER_02: There was something very specific that happened that made me do that, and decided to go to work for just a regular, you know, company and try to work my way into public affairs, which is kind of people think of that as the softer side of mass communications or media.
6:51
SPEAKER_02: So I did that.
6:52
SPEAKER_02: I went to work for Geico and started out, you know, entry-level, worked my way up, and eventually was asked to establish an oversee of public affairs department.
7:05
SPEAKER_02: Um, there was not a program that existed previously in the region.
7:09
SPEAKER_02: So I was basically being asked to build something without a blueprint.
7:15
SPEAKER_02: And it terrified me.
7:17
SPEAKER_02: I was like, I don't know that this is where those negative words come in and that doubt in myself.
7:23
SPEAKER_02: I was like, I don't know that I can do this.
7:26
SPEAKER_02: But I showed my regional vice president, I can definitely do this.
7:30
SPEAKER_02: I didn't know how, but I was like, I'm gonna do it.
7:34
SPEAKER_02: And to make a long story short, I built that department out.
7:38
SPEAKER_02: You know, it we did so much in the community.
7:41
SPEAKER_02: I built a name for not only myself, but for the company.
7:45
SPEAKER_02: And eventually, you know, he told me you you went far beyond my expectations.
7:50
SPEAKER_02: So that really gave me the foundation to really believing in myself and knowing that I have the skills to really become a really good professional.
8:00
SPEAKER_02: And then when I was 39, it was the upskilling.
8:02
SPEAKER_02: So I had been in that role for 15 years or something close to that.
8:08
SPEAKER_02: I'm not gonna say my age.
8:11
SPEAKER_02: And I decided, you know, I had my kids, they were really young, and I decided, you know, I want to go back to school because I need to show that I can grow and evolve and build skills that I don't currently have now.
8:28
SPEAKER_02: And so I went back to school, got my uh master's in business administration, and then went on to get my master's in law later on.
8:37
SPEAKER_02: But that was my way of building up my skills so that I could further advance.
8:42
SPEAKER_02: And then that last stage that I told you about redefining or pivoting, I was like, I've done so many things in my career.
8:51
SPEAKER_02: Even after I came to work for Geico, I had done some moving around and gained some additional skills and experience.
8:58
SPEAKER_02: And I thought, how can I pull all this together?
9:00
SPEAKER_02: You know, I have a degree in law, and my undergrad degree is in mass communications.
9:05
SPEAKER_02: So I've worked in media, I've worked in public affairs, I've worked in diversity somewhat, but I was wearing a lot of hats.
9:12
SPEAKER_02: How do I bring all this together?
9:13
SPEAKER_02: So when I got this role at Riverside Health System as chief diversity officer, I really felt as though it was a big pivot and it was a way to bring all my skills and experience together.
9:25
SPEAKER_01: Great.
9:25
SPEAKER_01: So like every layer added to the next layer, added to the next layer in the sense of your journey really unfolding, but not so much that's what you intended to do.
9:35
SPEAKER_01: It just kind of came to you.
9:37
SPEAKER_01: And some of the things that we talk about on the podcast is people just trusting themselves to make the change or do the next thing because you just really don't know what it'll lead to.
9:49
SPEAKER_01: And kudos to your sister for driving you up there, you know, because sometimes sometimes when we have this, you know, boldness in us, some people try to like say, You're crazy.
9:59
SPEAKER_01: I'm not taking you up there, you know.
10:01
SPEAKER_01: I don't want you to get hurt, or I don't want you to get your feelings hurt, you know, and like as a you know, I'm assuming a big sister, I don't want you to like I don't want you to hear no, you know, we don't want to be protective and and things like that.
10:12
SPEAKER_01: So I think you know, from from that perspective, kudos to her for for her support and then like look of all it's led to, right?
10:19
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
10:20
SPEAKER_01: So it sounds like you've got some bold in your tank in the sense of something that's been feeding you to like learn and grow and evolve and and believe in yourself.
10:29
SPEAKER_01: Where does that come from?
10:31
SPEAKER_01: Like, what nurtured that for you, or did it come innately for you?
10:36
SPEAKER_02: Well, a couple of things.
10:37
SPEAKER_02: I think my mother nurtured that in me.
10:39
SPEAKER_02: My mother was also a single mother.
10:41
SPEAKER_02: She she and my dad divorced when I was very, very young, and she had four kids, and she held it down by, you know, practically by herself.
10:52
SPEAKER_02: My my father even gives her those kudos that, you know, you really raised them.
10:59
SPEAKER_02: Yes, I contributed, but you did this.
11:02
SPEAKER_02: And and she was such a strong role model for me.
11:06
SPEAKER_02: I mean, she she taught me everything I know in terms of how to carry myself, how to communicate with people, how to be strong in moments when you feel weak.
11:18
SPEAKER_02: She was such a role model for me, and she still is.
11:21
SPEAKER_02: So I I credit her for that.
11:23
SPEAKER_02: And then I also credit my faith, which she gave me the foundation for that as well.
11:28
SPEAKER_02: But I think in times of doubt, in times of fear, in times of, in a way, you know, despair, talking about mental health, we all have moments of depression.
11:39
SPEAKER_02: And those moments, my faith really carries me through.
11:44
SPEAKER_02: So I would say, you know, my mother and my faith.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: Excellent.
11:48
SPEAKER_01: Excellent sources of boldness in your tank for sure.
11:52
SPEAKER_01: One of the things you talked about was, you know, as we grow older, life, and I wrote, dims your boldness.
11:58
SPEAKER_01: You know, I wrote that in what you said, because it can lessen a little bit, or we're or we think too much, right?
12:03
SPEAKER_01: Or we we in between our ears try to logicalize something.
12:07
SPEAKER_01: And I know that's not a word, but you know what I mean.
12:09
SPEAKER_01: We try to make sense of it and really sometimes we talk ourselves out of it.
12:13
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
12:14
SPEAKER_01: And being bold is kind of listening to that voice, acknowledging it, being thoughtful, being safe in our thoughts and in what we want to do.
12:23
SPEAKER_01: And I and I think an important piece, and this came up in another conversation we had, is like being bold doesn't mean being, you know, thoughtless.
12:32
SPEAKER_01: It it's you're you're actually being thoughtful, but you're listening to a voice, right?
12:37
SPEAKER_01: Or a feeling or a gut check.
12:39
SPEAKER_01: Or you feel butterflies, and you're like, Well, that must mean I'm growing, something's gonna be different.
12:45
SPEAKER_01: Where where can you, and as you guide your staff and the people that you lead now, do you feel like there's something we can help people in a sense to like listen to that voice or at least think through it?
12:59
SPEAKER_01: Don't don't dim it too much.
13:01
SPEAKER_01: What advice would you give someone in that type of situation where they're thinking about doing something different in their career or maybe getting another degree?
13:09
SPEAKER_01: Because they like learning and they really want to learn a new field, but they're older or they're established, or whatever the words are, where sometimes we think we don't have choice as we get older.
13:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
13:20
SPEAKER_02: So first I want to say how spot on you are with that.
13:24
SPEAKER_02: I mean, as the reason I didn't want to start talking about my journey when I was a child, and I started when I, you know, became a professional, is because as children, we are very bold because we have really nothing to lose.
13:41
SPEAKER_02: You know, we we're still in our parents' home, we have people watching over us, we don't have responsibility.
13:49
SPEAKER_02: So it's easier as a as a child to be bold or as a young person still living in in your parents' household to make those bold moves.
14:00
SPEAKER_02: As we get older, we have more responsibility.
14:03
SPEAKER_02: We might have children, we have a job, and if we lose that job, we have a harder time keeping the things that we have, our home and our car, and things that give us that independence.
14:14
SPEAKER_02: So it's harder for us to make those bold moves because we're so afraid that we're going to lose everything that we've built, you know, up to that point.
14:25
SPEAKER_02: But I would say, you know, to encourage others to make those bold moves, I think the only thing that we can do is inspire them through our own stories, exactly what you're doing today, Lee, and and and through your your uh your business.
14:43
SPEAKER_02: I I think that life experience is really the only thing that can really teach us to make those bolt moves, because I can tell you, every single bolt move that I've ever made in life, I've never regret it.
14:58
SPEAKER_02: Now, I'm not saying that I've always succeeded in those bolt moves, but I've always learned something that helped me to get to the next point, or I've succeeded.
15:12
SPEAKER_02: And it just every time we succeed, or every time we learn something that we didn't did not know before, it gives us a little bit more courage to step out on faith the next time.
15:23
SPEAKER_02: I think bold moves for those of you that hold faith near and dear, like I do, it's another way of saying step out on faith.
15:32
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
15:33
SPEAKER_02: Right.
15:33
SPEAKER_02: And I love I I love that passage that says God would not take you this far to leave you.
15:40
SPEAKER_02: Right.
15:41
SPEAKER_02: And I always think about that.
15:42
SPEAKER_02: You take one step, he's gonna take 10 more.
15:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, there's a plan for you, right?
15:47
SPEAKER_01: And there's a journey and a path you're on, and it isn't straight.
15:51
SPEAKER_01: And I think the sooner, like, we realize that in the sense of for what we think it is, like I I think I shared this with you.
15:58
SPEAKER_01: There was a picture of our plan and God's plan, and like our plan was point A to point B, and it was a straight line, and his plan like had valleys and peaks and valleys and peaks, right?
16:08
SPEAKER_01: You get there, and it's where he wants you to be.
16:10
SPEAKER_01: So, like I remember making bold moves or standing up for the right thing, in my opinion, in an organization.
16:17
SPEAKER_01: And my team at one point said, We're scared for you because no one's ever stuck their neck out or stood up or said that out loud, even though we've all thought it.
16:27
SPEAKER_01: And I remember telling my team, I said, God has my back and I'm gonna do the right thing, and I'm gonna, you know, and I remember them like big eyed emoji, like at me in the sense of like, yeah, but I should have said that, but I did, you know.
16:38
SPEAKER_01: So it's just like you're you're actually you're taking steps forward without proof because you have faith, right?
16:45
SPEAKER_01: So I think it's so important for that, and like the journey is just waiting to meet you, you know, and I think that's the hardest part when you see and you talk to people and you know they have it in their heart to take it a different path or a different step, but they're fearful, and fear is normal, like in these types of situations.
17:04
SPEAKER_01: So I don't want anyone to everything being bold means you're fearless.
17:08
SPEAKER_01: Um so I think it's a normal thing to feel uneasy or have a little bit, I'm scared of what may happen next, but it doesn't stop you, and that's the difference, right?
17:19
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't stop you from moving forward, and then look at you look back, and someone asks me, would you change anything?
17:24
SPEAKER_01: Would you go back?
17:25
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, you know, besides losing my brother, there's not much that I would change, right?
17:32
SPEAKER_01: In the sense of like, you know, things that I wish, you know, my career and things like that.
17:37
SPEAKER_01: Outside of of that, I like I just don't think because I learned from those things, right?
17:42
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
17:43
SPEAKER_02: And and if I if I can just say this, Lee, because I recognize it so much in you as well, is those of us that really don't focus on the material stuff, don't focus on titles, don't focus on you know, tangible things, but focus on what's most important in life, which are people.
18:07
SPEAKER_02: Because you know, you mentioning your brother and saying that's the only thing that you would look back and and and change or what have you.
18:15
SPEAKER_02: I mean, life really is about relationships.
18:21
SPEAKER_02: And at the end of the day, when all is said and done and we have lived this life, that is what is going to matter most.
18:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
18:30
SPEAKER_02: How did you inspire, empower, encourage, love, care about the people in your life?
18:39
SPEAKER_02: And I think that's so important to success.
18:43
SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, if you're trying to get to a certain place, don't think about that place you're trying to get to.
18:48
SPEAKER_02: Don't think about where you are trying to get to, but think about the people around you.
18:53
SPEAKER_02: Because, you know, one of the things that has always got gotten me through pain is being able to refocus that and look at how I can help other people.
19:04
SPEAKER_02: And in doing that, I'm able to get through my own pain.
19:09
SPEAKER_02: Somehow I'm able to reach my own goals and you know, achieve, you know, a certain level of you know, success, if you want to call it that.
19:18
SPEAKER_02: But I think when we just refocus on others and not ourselves and focus on relationships with people, I think that's what's most important.
19:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, very, very powerful.
19:31
SPEAKER_01: I had a guest on my podcast, and we have a follow-up talk, and it's really taking our hardships and to help others and like spinning it.
19:40
SPEAKER_01: And like you don't even know your experience and what you're doing and how you've you know gone from A to Z.
19:47
SPEAKER_01: That inspires other people.
19:49
SPEAKER_01: And in the people who are listening, like your story is important, your journey is important, and don't underestimate how powerful it is to somebody else.
19:58
SPEAKER_01: So I think that's like you said, so important to keep the big picture in mind, but also know that we're here for a purpose and we're here to do good and to help others.
20:09
SPEAKER_01: And if we're not doing that, then I feel like I'm not doing my job.
20:12
SPEAKER_01: And so that's really what I have been able to focus on more so now.
20:19
SPEAKER_01: I think before in the corporate world, I was really focused on task at hand and surviving COVID without you know everything going on and protecting my team and you know, moving really fast.
20:30
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we lose that, and so I'm glad I've regained it.
20:34
SPEAKER_01: And I think the other thing in there is making sure you take care of yourself because it's on you know, we hear a lot about self-care and how it's important, but somehow we don't do it for ourselves as much as we should.
20:47
SPEAKER_01: So when you're thinking about these different bold journeys, and kind of I love the you know, the assertive, the belief, the upscaling and the redefining slash pivoting.
20:57
SPEAKER_01: I love how you kind of categorized your different layers of bold, really.
21:01
SPEAKER_01: When you think about building that blueprint, whether it's like with the job that you had that someone asked you to build something from scratch, or you know, probably in the job you have now as chief diversity officer, you're you have built the blueprint and then you're continuing to evolve it because things happen and impacted and things that you you know maybe didn't know were coming or now here.
21:23
SPEAKER_01: So, how does someone stay on top of that and make sure that they don't lose the bold edge in a way as they're working, even in the corporate setting, even with all the responsibilities that we have?
21:35
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, it's the faith piece, but as we take it and we kind of put it in the corporate construct, are there certain things that we can do to be more empathetic or more aware or understand the importance of our employees feeling a sense of belonging?
21:51
SPEAKER_02: Yes, I would just say, you know, like I said before, relationship is everything.
21:55
SPEAKER_02: And talk, you know, that communication with your the people.
22:00
SPEAKER_02: People that you work with and for.
22:01
SPEAKER_02: And I think that's so important.
22:04
SPEAKER_02: And a lot of times, you know, in the corporate world, you know, in business, we will sense that something is wrong with one of our team members, but perhaps we don't feel bold enough to, you know, ask them, are you okay?
22:21
SPEAKER_02: Is there something I can do?
22:23
SPEAKER_02: Um, but I think when we have built those relationships with our team members, it's easier for us to detect that something is wrong and to feel bold enough to go to them and talk to them and let them know that you're there for them.
22:40
SPEAKER_02: And I think that's so important in the business world for us to do that.
22:44
SPEAKER_02: Wellness, like you said, is so important for our team members as well as for ourselves.
22:49
SPEAKER_02: So just as much as, you know, I'm saying if you sent something wrong with your team members, you know, ask them if there's something you can do, you know, build that relationship so you can have those conversations with them and keep that door of communication open, it's just as important for us to recognize when something is not going right with ourselves.
23:10
SPEAKER_02: Um, so back to that whole wellness piece and mental health, you know, as women um, I think that we carry a lot on our shoulders.
23:20
SPEAKER_02: We wear a lot of hats, like you mentioned before.
23:24
SPEAKER_02: And we're always, I think we have that innate sense in us that we want to be, we we want to take care of everybody else.
23:31
SPEAKER_02: We want to be nurturing.
23:33
SPEAKER_02: And a lot of times we put ourselves on the back burner.
23:36
SPEAKER_02: But I don't know about you, Lee, but I can tell when I'm not myself, right?
23:43
SPEAKER_02: When I have those days where I just want to lay in bed and not get out of bed, or or those days when I just feel like I just want to be by myself, you know, I can sense when I'm too stressed.
23:58
SPEAKER_02: And in moments like that, we just have to take those bolt moves to say, you know what, everything else can wait for a moment.
24:04
SPEAKER_02: I need to step out, take a deep breath of fresh air, get out in nature, you know, do some stretching, some yoga, go to the spa, do something that's going to get my mind off of the everyday, you know, stresses.
24:22
SPEAKER_02: And um, and when we when we do take the time to do that for ourselves and for our team members that we work with, and for our family and for our friends, we're just able to function so much better.
24:36
SPEAKER_02: We can be more productive, and we can just be there more for the people that we care about.
24:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that mental time out, right?
24:44
SPEAKER_01: And it looks different for everybody, yeah.
24:46
SPEAKER_01: I I can't meditate to help myself.
24:49
SPEAKER_01: Like I just I can't stay that still, and I don't know why.
24:54
SPEAKER_01: I just haven't been able to hone it.
24:56
SPEAKER_01: But I like to run, and I think it's just the you know, like if I get out, and I'm not like a fast runner and I'm still working on getting in shape, but like, and I like to run in groups too.
25:04
SPEAKER_01: So for me, that's just probably the being around people type of thing that I like.
25:08
SPEAKER_01: But that is so like for me, like I can like I can think clearer.
25:13
SPEAKER_01: I'm tired, but I'm you know, but it feels so much, it's a different type of tired, right?
25:18
SPEAKER_01: And I've talked about this a little bit with some folks of like it's okay to feel tired, but when you know it's the wrong kind of tired or the wrong, you know, feeling overwhelmed before the day even starts.
25:29
SPEAKER_01: And I was definitely there.
25:31
SPEAKER_01: I'm almost positive.
25:32
SPEAKER_01: I would say I was burnt out in my last, you know, roles as I came into, you know, before I started my own business.
25:39
SPEAKER_01: And you know, you don't want to get to that point.
25:41
SPEAKER_01: And I think being able to kind of do those mental timeouts, getting a good coffee, going to the bookstore, just looking around for I we I used to go to the gift shop at the hospital.
25:50
SPEAKER_01: Believe it or not, like we had a really awesome gift shop, and they probably still do.
25:54
SPEAKER_01: And and I would just be like, Oh, I'm gonna smell this candle, and I'm gonna like, you know, I'm gonna walk around the outside to get to the gift shop.
26:01
SPEAKER_01: I don't know, maybe that's a little retail therapy, I don't know.
26:04
SPEAKER_01: But um, I usually buy something from my mom or my daughter while I was there, but it was just like because they had really cool jewelry, so it was just like something that gets your mind off of it.
26:13
SPEAKER_01: So that's a really important thing for us to understand about ourselves and also for our staff who have a lot going on.
26:19
SPEAKER_01: I think that's the thing is just all the layers of life right now.
26:23
SPEAKER_01: School starting back up, new routines, and you know, everything doesn't all start at the same time, and now activities are starting now that there's a week or two under the belt of school, and so it's just like you know, kind of a repositioning of our lives in the sense of the who we're who we're supporting and helping like our families, but also just don't forget you in that equation, it's really important.
26:46
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely, and it can be the smallest things, like I I like I love fuzzy socks, so so I'll put on my fuzzy socks and get something hot, like a coffee or a tea, and just snuggle up in my bed.
26:59
SPEAKER_02: And for me, that is like the best moment ever.
27:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I I have a hoodie and a blanket, it's not like a baby in a way.
27:06
SPEAKER_01: Big baby.
27:08
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and fuzzy socks.
27:10
SPEAKER_01: I will never I like you know, that's half of my drawer.
27:12
SPEAKER_01: So yeah, like there's just something, especially when you wear heels all day, like the socks feel really good.
27:17
SPEAKER_01: So, yeah, so I love that.
27:19
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't have to be big and it doesn't have to take days, it can just be a moment that you give yourself.
27:24
SPEAKER_01: Right really, real important.
27:26
SPEAKER_01: I'd love to talk about your book because we haven't talked about this.
27:29
SPEAKER_01: So you've written a children's book on diversity.
27:32
SPEAKER_01: Is that correct?
27:33
SPEAKER_01: Can you tell us a little bit about it?
27:35
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so first I'll I'll just let you know like what time in my life I wrote this book because it it took me only 17 years to get to this place where I'm releasing this book now.
27:48
SPEAKER_02: So yeah, 17 years, and I know that because I wrote I started writing the book when I had my daughter.
27:55
SPEAKER_02: So I was at home, she was an infant, and I needed something to do because, as you know, as infants they sleep all day um for a little while.
28:05
SPEAKER_02: And she's 17 now, so 17 years ago I did that.
28:08
SPEAKER_02: Um, the book is called Strange Top Heel, and it's uh it's a children's book with all these different characters.
28:16
SPEAKER_02: The characters are animals, but it's like one animal mixed with another.
28:23
SPEAKER_02: So it might be a cat mixed with an elephant, so it's a cat with an elephant trunk, uh, different types of animals like that.
28:33
SPEAKER_02: My children are multicultural, so as they got older, they experienced uh some bias and racism at school.
28:41
SPEAKER_02: And so I thought, you know, that these were other chapters in the book that I could add to it.
28:47
SPEAKER_02: Um, just to, you know, I thought as kids, you know, make it creative, make the characters fun, uh, but talk about some of these heavy issues about being different and being feeling accepted, but also appreciating you for you.
29:05
SPEAKER_02: And so that's basically the journey that this book takes you on through these characters is not fitting in, getting bullied in school because they were different, but then meeting up together at this place called Stranget Top Hill.
29:21
SPEAKER_02: They all run away to this place, they meet each other and they find out through you know different challenges that what made them different actually makes them special.
29:32
SPEAKER_02: I think it's gonna be a good book for children that are that feel like they are different and the parents want them to see that that difference really makes you who you are and makes you special.
29:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
29:44
SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of adults can read that book.
29:46
SPEAKER_01: I mean short read for us.
29:50
SPEAKER_01: I invite you to to read it, it will be out soon on Amazon.
29:53
SPEAKER_01: So okay, and all the information will be below for for everyone to to look into that.
29:58
SPEAKER_01: But there's a lot of synergies there with what you talked about that a child experiences that adults may be experiencing or they never really understood like what they went through, like some of the unpacking of like our experiences, our shadows, why we do or say what we do, and understanding some of that is is is so important.
30:21
SPEAKER_01: So the earlier you can, the better.
30:22
SPEAKER_01: So I love that it's a children's book.
30:24
SPEAKER_01: Some of us have already in their our late 40s, early 50s, and like we're doing some of our unpacking now, just making for myself.
30:31
SPEAKER_01: So it just it's important for people to understand like the power of being unique and the power of conversations where you could have a difference of opinion, but it's okay to have the conversation because I think if we agree all the time, it's a very boring world, and we also probably don't move the needle very much if we agree all the time.
30:53
SPEAKER_01: And so I think there's uh some important messages there for us as adults to take home and and to apply, especially just being unique doesn't mean or different doesn't mean it's bad.
31:06
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
31:07
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and there's value in it.
31:08
SPEAKER_01: So as you think about your journey, I mean kind of your uniqueness, and maybe something that in the past, either just by how someone made you feel or by just an experience you had that you thought wasn't good, but is now really awesome, and actually taking you to the next levels of your life.
31:26
SPEAKER_01: Is there anything that comes to mind for you?
31:29
SPEAKER_02: So something that I experienced in the past is I work a lot in the community, started at an early age, continues today.
31:39
SPEAKER_02: So I work with a lot of different charitable organizations, social impact organizations.
31:46
SPEAKER_02: And one of the, well, two of the ones that I was working with at the time were the NAACP and the Urban League Young Professionals.
31:56
SPEAKER_02: And where I live in Portsmouth, Virginia, we had a statue.
32:02
SPEAKER_02: Uh, it was a Confederate statue, it had been there, of course, for many, many decades.
32:07
SPEAKER_02: And the residents did not like this huge symbol that you would see as soon as you come off the interstate and enter the city of Portsmouth.
32:17
SPEAKER_02: You see, you would see it is right at the center of the city.
32:20
SPEAKER_02: So I worked with the two organizations to try and just bring awareness to the fact that yes, there is pride for some individuals whose ancestors fought in the war, regardless of the side they were on.
32:36
SPEAKER_02: But at the same time, those symbols are hurtful and painful to certain people because of what they represented and the fear and everything that that came with feeling like you weren't equal, feeling like you couldn't walk down the street and get a drink of water from the same fountain, you know, things like that.
32:58
SPEAKER_02: And then so many, so many people that had to die because of it.
33:03
SPEAKER_02: So working with those two organizations, you know, we we went to city hall, we marched, all of that to try and remove that statue.
33:12
SPEAKER_02: It did not happen then, it happened much later.
33:15
SPEAKER_02: But getting to your point, I was able to meet a lot of individuals that day.
33:20
SPEAKER_02: It the city hall was packed with people from all walks of life.
33:25
SPEAKER_02: And I remember, you know, I had to get up and make a speech to city council.
33:30
SPEAKER_02: There were some on one side that did not like that, some on the other side that did.
33:35
SPEAKER_02: And I remember leaving.
33:37
SPEAKER_02: So I sat down from giving the speech.
33:40
SPEAKER_02: There was a woman who was on the opposite side who felt a great pride in having this statue because her ancestors fought in the Confederacy and whatnot.
33:50
SPEAKER_02: And I remember when I sat down, she said, I have never heard that perspective before and I appreciate it.
33:57
SPEAKER_02: And here is someone that came there to march against taking down the statue who told me that.
34:03
SPEAKER_02: So I thought, wow, I have at least touched one person to be able to come outside of her perspective and see another one.
34:12
SPEAKER_02: And then leaving the event, getting on the elevator, I was joined.
34:18
SPEAKER_02: Me and my friend were joined by two gentlemen who were part of a group.
34:26
SPEAKER_02: I won't say the name, but it was a hate group.
34:29
SPEAKER_02: And all I could think was, oh my God, I'm getting on this elevator with these two, you know, people from the this hate group who are here, you know, petitioning against what I'm trying to do.
34:40
SPEAKER_02: What are they gonna do or say?
34:43
SPEAKER_02: But that was my own bias because actually what ended up happening was a great conversation about how I impacted their perspective.
34:52
SPEAKER_02: So I'm sitting here thinking, these are two different people that I never would have thought would have even listened to what I had to say, who did.
35:00
SPEAKER_02: Now, I don't know if that impacted them further, you know, further along the way, but I thought, wow, communication with people that don't think like you, that don't look like you, that don't share your same experiences is so important.
35:15
SPEAKER_02: That's the only way that change will happen.
35:18
SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
35:19
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love this in the sense of the power of the conversation and the presentation of a different vantage point because you know, someone thinking they have pride in something, but not realizing how it can be so painful to other people.
35:35
SPEAKER_01: And someone thinking one way about how someone looks or how they could perceive or how they're associated, and then you have this conversation that's very different, like you know, and but you never would get to the realization or the understanding or the deeper understanding.
35:52
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't mean you always agree either at the end.
35:54
SPEAKER_01: That's I don't think that's what either of us are saying, but you understand where someone's coming from.
36:00
SPEAKER_01: You may continue to have differences, but you know, I think understanding one another and being able to have a conversation where you know you might not agree, but still continue to have the conversation professionally and with kindness and with empathy, I think is incredibly powerful.
36:16
SPEAKER_01: So and incredibly bold, like getting on that elevator, that's bold.
36:23
SPEAKER_02: Yes, and you know, and another thing is, you know, you you think about it and you're like, you know, someone like that, you you know, a lot of people would just write off and say, that person will never change because they their beliefs are deep rooted, but it just further proves that people can change.
36:40
SPEAKER_02: And and also what someone believes doesn't necessarily make them a bad person.
36:47
SPEAKER_02: You know, this person may have been taught this.
36:50
SPEAKER_02: I I honestly don't think people are born with hate in their heart, they learn that, that learned behavior.
36:56
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so uh, you know, I think about the passage that says we fight not against flesh and blood, but against principalities.
37:04
SPEAKER_02: And many times it's not the person that we're fighting against, it's the it's the principle that we're fighting against.
37:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I think we can extrapolate that.
37:13
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, this is a very poignant moment, but I think we can extrapolate into some of the everyday moments too that occur and realize like when we're having a difference of opinion, or we're seeing someone maybe coming in to a meeting with not the intention that we had hoped they would, or we get challenged uh in something that we thought we agreed to, that there's power in conversation in in the right place, in the right space.
37:40
SPEAKER_01: And I think having an open mind to that too, and I think I think that's where growth mindset comes into because someone with a growth mindset is okay with conflict, is okay with talking it through and like trying to understand it.
37:54
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's really important because I think some of the challenges that I see seem like I'm always like, well, that's a fixed mindset type of issue right there, you know, because someone thinks this is the way it is, and that's the way it's always gonna be, and it's never gonna get any better.
38:08
SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Oh, that's such a sad place to stay and live.
38:11
SPEAKER_01: So I think it also takes a growth mindset to do some of the things that you just talked through and shared.
38:17
SPEAKER_01: So that's very important for people to understand kind of how that can also lead us to some of the things that we do and say and how we act, is our mindset for sure.
38:26
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely, and how we work in teams and with one another, whether it be in just personal life or in business life.
38:34
SPEAKER_02: And and I'll leave you with this book that I I read, I saw the movie as well, called Best of Enemies.
38:40
SPEAKER_02: I don't know if you've seen this movie, it has Taraji Henson in it, but it basically talks about what I just talked about about how someone can change, someone with very deep-rooted beliefs can change.
38:53
SPEAKER_02: And the story is so inspiring because these are two people that could not be more different.
39:00
SPEAKER_02: Um, one was the leader of the KKK, and this is a true story, leader of the KKK in North Carolina, I believe.
39:08
SPEAKER_02: The other was a well-known civil rights leader.
39:11
SPEAKER_02: They became best friends.
39:14
SPEAKER_02: And um, through it all, he ended up renouncing the KKK.
39:20
SPEAKER_02: Um, like I said, they became best friends and they were best friends until he passed away.
39:24
SPEAKER_02: Um, it's just a really inspiring story that I encourage others to watch or read because it really does speak to what you said.
39:33
SPEAKER_02: It it teaches us that even though someone has a difference of opinion, it does not mean that number one, they can't change, that you can't work with them, that um, you know, that things aren't possible.
39:47
SPEAKER_02: It really teaches us the art of the possible when it comes to communication.
39:52
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, which takes effort on both sides, right?
39:55
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
39:55
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, people have to, you know, sometimes you feel like you're going 90%, someone's coming 10%, but I'm like, I'll take that 10.
40:02
SPEAKER_01: Give me that 10, and maybe that 10 becomes 20, you know, and then you know, and then 30.
40:07
SPEAKER_01: Like, I I kind of look at it that way.
40:10
SPEAKER_01: But before I think I was like, oh man, I'm always going 90.
40:12
SPEAKER_01: But now I'm like thankful.
40:14
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, okay, you've given me a door of 10.
40:17
SPEAKER_01: Let's go there.
40:18
SPEAKER_01: Let's, and I know at the end of it we'll probably maybe be in the same spot, but maybe I'll give you something to think about too, because I think that's something that maybe we don't know when we're talking with someone, too, of like what what little seeds we plant for just thought or mindset change or just you know understanding.
40:37
SPEAKER_01: So I think there's power in that, and a lot of power in the work that you do and in your book and and your messages that you share.
40:43
SPEAKER_01: So thank you so much for that.
40:45
SPEAKER_01: And thank you for being part of the Bull Bounce.
40:47
SPEAKER_01: I've really enjoyed having you.
40:48
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
40:49
SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much for reaching out and asking me to be a part of this.
40:53
SPEAKER_02: You are doing such great work, Lee.
40:55
SPEAKER_02: So keep it up, and I will continue to promote what you're doing because it's such a great cause.
41:02
SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much.
41:06
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to the Bold Lounge Podcast.
41:09
SPEAKER_01: Through the continuum of bold stories, vulnerability to taking the lead, you will meet more extraordinary people making a positive impact for others through their unique and important story.
41:19
SPEAKER_01: By highlighting these stories, we hope to inspire others to share the journey of those with bold people.
41:24
SPEAKER_01: We hope you've enjoyed this podcast and support to sharing the next bold journey.