Latest / I Said No Gifts! A comedy interview podcast with Bridger Winegar / Molly McNearney Disobeys Bridger

Transcript

Molly McNearney Disobeys Bridger · I Said No Gifts! A comedy interview podcast with Bridger Winegar

• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Well, I invited you. Hear I thought, I made myself
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: perfectly clear, But you're.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: A guess to my home.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: You gotta come to me empty, And I said, no guests,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: your own presences presence enough.
• 0:31
  Speaker 3: I already had too much stuff, So how did you dare.
• 0:36
  Speaker 4: To surbey me? Welcome to I said, no gifts. I'm
• 0:51
  Speaker 4: Richard Wineger. Oh oh, what's happened in the last twelve
• 0:56
  Speaker 4: hours of my life? I can't even begin I started
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: losing all five rounds of bingo, which was horrible. Then
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: I went to bed, and now I've spilled coffee on
• 1:06
  Speaker 4: two different surfaces. First was it found coffee and Eagle Rock,
• 1:09
  Speaker 4: of course, the unofficial sponsor of the podcast, and I
• 1:12
  Speaker 4: apologize to everyone there. That was humiliating. Then I drove
• 1:17
  Speaker 4: to the studio, saw two separate cyber trucks, and then
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: got to the studio and spilled coffee again. Someone's gonna
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: burst into the studio and just shoot me. Something is wrong,
• 1:28
  Speaker 4: Something's deeply, deeply wrong. So that's what I'm dealing with emotionally.
• 1:34
  Speaker 4: Now what else is going on the well as of recording,
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: we're a month away from the live show. But when
• 1:39
  Speaker 4: you hear this it'll be even closer. I don't know when,
• 1:43
  Speaker 4: but at the Bellhouse in Brooklyn. And we haven't even
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: said on the podcast who's going to be there yet. Look,
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: we've got Bowen Yang, We've got Jeff Hiller, Sydney Washington,
• 1:54
  Speaker 4: and music from Fen Lilly. We've gone too far. I've
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: gone too far with this thing. It's going to be
• 2:00
  Speaker 4: an absolute ball. Google it to get into the show notes.
• 2:04
  Speaker 4: We've got links everywhere for tickets in the live stream.
• 2:06
  Speaker 4: Do whatever you need to do. Who cares, Let's get
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: into the podcast. I adore today's guest. It's Molly McNerney.
• 2:12
  Speaker 5: Molly, Hi, I'm so happy to be here on a
• 2:15
  Speaker 5: terrible day for you.
• 2:17
  Speaker 4: Maybe you brought this. Maybe maybe your fault.
• 2:20
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I like I like your I might get shot
• 2:22
  Speaker 5: today as you and I are sitting in this small,
• 2:24
  Speaker 5: confined space together.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: Can't wait.
• 2:26
  Speaker 4: You may be somebody can here to rescue you. Yeah
• 2:29
  Speaker 4: from me? Never just I mean you do have your
• 2:34
  Speaker 4: eyes on the door. My back is to the door
• 2:35
  Speaker 4: right now.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: I'm looking for the exits. Yes, just in case the
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: bad luck continues.
• 2:40
  Speaker 4: I'll watch your eyes go wide, and then that'll be
• 2:42
  Speaker 4: the last thing I see I'm so happy to have
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: you here.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: I'm so happy to be here.
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: I have a lot i'd like to talk to you about.
• 2:51
  Speaker 4: There is something you were my boss at one point
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: years ago at this point, but there's something I've always
• 2:57
  Speaker 4: wanted to ask you about because it was an int
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: time in my life. I got hired at Jimmy Kimmel
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: Live at the fall of twenty fourteen, September. I think
• 3:08
  Speaker 4: at the time you were on maternity leave. Oh okay,
• 3:11
  Speaker 4: so my first like month and a half of the job,
• 3:13
  Speaker 4: you were not present. We didn't meet, and at this time,
• 3:16
  Speaker 4: to set the table, I was still maybe not outright
• 3:20
  Speaker 4: telling people I was straight, but at least hoping people
• 3:23
  Speaker 4: would assume this information. Okay, do you remember the first
• 3:27
  Speaker 4: time we met.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: I do remember the first time we met.
• 3:30
  Speaker 5: Well, first, I'd like to say that I knew of
• 3:33
  Speaker 5: your hiring obviously. I remember Jimmy was a big fan
• 3:38
  Speaker 5: of yours, as was I on Twitter.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Very sweet and he reached out to.
• 3:42
  Speaker 5: You, and then he emailed me and Danny Ricker the
• 3:45
  Speaker 5: other head writer or Gary Grienberger I believe, and said
• 3:48
  Speaker 5: I love this guy on Twitter.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: Well let's meet him. I was on maternity leave. I
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: don't think I met you, right, I did an interview, just.
• 3:54
  Speaker 5: Came into right, yes, yes, and then I came back
• 3:58
  Speaker 5: and I met you at the office.
• 4:00
  Speaker 4: Not true?
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: No, what where did I meet?
• 4:03
  Speaker 4: That's why I'm bringing this up.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: Okay, good.
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: It was at a Halloween party. And again I'm at
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: this point in history, I'm telling people that I'm at
• 4:11
  Speaker 4: least like completely closeted to everyone and telling people I'm straight.
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: At this Halloween party, I brought a woman with me,
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: and the first time I met you, I was dressed
• 4:22
  Speaker 4: as Anne of green Gables.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, yes that's right. Wait was that sALS
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: Halloween party?
• 4:27
  Speaker 4: Who's yes, yes, cousin sALS Halloween party.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 4:31
  Speaker 4: So it was this moment in like very interesting moment
• 4:34
  Speaker 4: in my life, like edge of coming out. But still
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: I cannot believe I was telling people this and still
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: picking costumes like a hand of green Gables for Halloween.
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that should have been a sign. Wait. Now, this
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: woman that you brought to the party was as someone
• 4:50
  Speaker 2: you were dating. Okay, so like.
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: Very casually, yes, I've seen her, you know, there were
• 4:57
  Speaker 4: years that I didn't see her, but that I ran
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: into her. A couple of years ago at another Halloween party,
• 5:02
  Speaker 4: and the first thing she said to me was the
• 5:04
  Speaker 4: last time I saw you, we were like dating.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: Wow, that's just a jarring feeling totally.
• 5:12
  Speaker 5: Wait, so I have to say, I don't recall that
• 5:14
  Speaker 5: that was the first time meeting, but now I can
• 5:16
  Speaker 5: completely picture it and feel it, and I don't remember.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: Is the question, did I know you were gay when
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: I met you?
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: No?
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: I was just wondering if you had any memory of this,
• 5:27
  Speaker 4: because to me, it was a very distinct meeting.
• 5:30
  Speaker 5: Yeah, now I do, I remember it, and I remember thinking, wow,
• 5:35
  Speaker 5: he looks a lot like I knew you from your
• 5:38
  Speaker 5: Twitter profile photo. I think it was a visual I
• 5:42
  Speaker 5: had of you, and it was different obviously when you
• 5:45
  Speaker 5: were dressed on Halloween.
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: Right, my Twitter photo looks like kind of like a
• 5:48
  Speaker 4: woman in prison. Yes, I think that my life until
• 5:53
  Speaker 4: that point, people are very confused as to who I
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: was as a person. Very I was a little mysterious,
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: I would say, And I do think a lot of
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: people thought like, this is like, if not a woman
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: in prison, like a very weird looking woman in all denim. Yes,
• 6:08
  Speaker 4: that's the only basically image of me on the internet.
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: Right, it's a beautiful.
• 6:12
  Speaker 4: It's a gorgeous I love that image. Were you, but
• 6:14
  Speaker 4: I don't feel like you were even in a costume.
• 6:16
  Speaker 4: I feel like this made such an impression was because
• 6:19
  Speaker 4: I knew you were my boss right and it was
• 6:23
  Speaker 4: a first meeting. I was just like, what could she
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: possibly be thinking right now?
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 6:26
  Speaker 5: I was delighted. I loved you so much on Twitter.
• 6:30
  Speaker 5: You could have been at that party dressed as anything,
• 6:32
  Speaker 5: and I would have thought it was the greatest costume.
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: In the world. But Salowy's had themes for his Halloween party.
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: Was there a theme?
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: Because I hope it was Anne of Green Games. I
• 6:42
  Speaker 4: do too.
• 6:43
  Speaker 5: He usually had a theme, like I remember one was
• 6:44
  Speaker 5: Hollywood Boulevard. One was too Soon, which was all now
• 6:47
  Speaker 5: you look at it to be canceled for what they
• 6:50
  Speaker 5: were there. There was all sorts of themes. I wonder
• 6:53
  Speaker 5: if there was a theme that there usually.
• 6:55
  Speaker 4: Is one Prince Edward Island.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we have to go back and see if there
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: was a theme. I'll ask Sally. He has an impeccable memory.
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I can't imagine mine was on theme.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: There's no way that made it into a theme.
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: I don't know, Yeah, I don't. I don't even know.
• 7:11
  Speaker 4: I mean, obviously love an of green Gables. Other than that,
• 7:15
  Speaker 4: I thought, I guess. I think I was probably out
• 7:17
  Speaker 4: of costumes of other redheaded people at that point that
• 7:22
  Speaker 4: I wanted to be, and that was I think that
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: was probably my Mount Everest.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: Now do you dress up every year for Halloween?
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: Do you?
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: No?
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: I actually hate it.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: Do you do?
• 7:32
  Speaker 4: Do you dress up?
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: I do?
• 7:36
  Speaker 5: My husband hates it, so it makes it kind of hard,
• 7:39
  Speaker 5: But I used to. I loved it as a kid,
• 7:42
  Speaker 5: and my kids now love it, so I feel like
• 7:45
  Speaker 5: I should dress up for them because I grew up
• 7:47
  Speaker 5: My mom always dressed up, and I always thought that
• 7:49
  Speaker 5: was cool.
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: Right. Do you do corresponding outfits with your kids? No costumes, not.
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: Out Yeah, no, I don't do that.
• 7:56
  Speaker 4: No.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: And we don't do like the white T shirt and
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: the denim photo on the beach either.
• 8:01
  Speaker 3: Ye.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: No, we don't yet. No, not into the whole matching thing.
• 8:06
  Speaker 5: But it's hard because Jimmy hates to dress up, so
• 8:10
  Speaker 5: you can't.
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: You can't do anything with him, right.
• 8:13
  Speaker 5: I usually just added like a witch or something lame
• 8:16
  Speaker 5: last minute, just make do it for the kids.
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: Tam was a witch every year she was it's a
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: great costume. Everyone should just be a witch for hell, witch,
• 8:24
  Speaker 4: I agree, everyone looks great in the costume that you
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: throw the hat on and any level of black clothing.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: You're a witch right on the and then you can
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: do whatever.
• 8:32
  Speaker 4: You want with the makeup. You don't even have to
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: have makeup.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: No, but you really respect when someone does.
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: Oh if they go for it. Do you wear makeup?
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: I haven't done a while. On Halloween, make a big
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: green I would. I will tell you every Halloween, I
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: say to myself. Next year, I'm gonna get serious about this.
• 8:50
  Speaker 5: Oh, of course, because I look around at parties or
• 8:53
  Speaker 5: even just out torturing my.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: Kids and I think, why didn't I put a little
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: effort into this? And it's always like the day before Halloween.
• 8:57
  Speaker 5: I'm scrambling and I swear and I'm not going to
• 9:01
  Speaker 5: do this next year, and I'll put an alarm on
• 9:02
  Speaker 5: my phone like for October first reminder, start thinking about it,
• 9:07
  Speaker 5: and I ignore it, and then I'm the same predicament
• 9:10
  Speaker 5: every year.
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: October first is not enough time. I feel like you
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: do have to think about it for six months if
• 9:14
  Speaker 4: you're going to have a decent concept.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: Totally now, I do it for my kids.
• 9:17
  Speaker 5: Like, I'll get on Etsy, and I always imagine these
• 9:20
  Speaker 5: women on Etsy getting so mad at everyone requesting these
• 9:24
  Speaker 5: custom costumes at the last minute.
• 9:26
  Speaker 4: I'm sure.
• 9:27
  Speaker 5: And now I get into this whole thing where I
• 9:30
  Speaker 5: when I'm buying something on Etsy, I want to know
• 9:33
  Speaker 5: as much as I can about the person selling them.
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: Oh, and I'm like, who am I supporting? Where's my
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: money going?
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: I've never thought about this.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I get really crazy about it, but it's really
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: hard to tell.
• 9:42
  Speaker 4: How are you finding out the information about these Etsy sellers?
• 9:44
  Speaker 5: Well, it's really hard to do. Sometimes you can't really
• 9:48
  Speaker 5: get a last name sometimes and if I DM with them,
• 9:51
  Speaker 5: you can sometimes get their name, and then I'll try
• 9:53
  Speaker 5: to do a quick Google search like or are they
• 9:54
  Speaker 5: on Facebook? And is my money going to like storm
• 9:57
  Speaker 5: the capitol? Like I just you know, I like to
• 9:59
  Speaker 5: know to know what's going on, But it's really hard
• 10:01
  Speaker 5: to find real information.
• 10:03
  Speaker 4: When both of your kids requested to be like a
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: patriotic eagle for Halloween, ran, it's some difficult sellers exactly. Wow,
• 10:10
  Speaker 4: that's a that's an interesting idea. I've never really considered that,
• 10:13
  Speaker 4: but yeah, you can really end up buying from some
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: dangerous people, I imagine.
• 10:17
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I just want to make sure I'm not buying
• 10:18
  Speaker 5: my kid's costume from someone who's trying to take the
• 10:20
  Speaker 5: rights away.
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: It is simple.
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: Have you ever found any bad Eggs?
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: No, but I've sniffed it.
• 10:25
  Speaker 5: I'm like, ooh, this is feeling like it could be bad,
• 10:28
  Speaker 5: So I'm going to go with the other lady.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: Like, you could always find.
• 10:31
  Speaker 5: A competitor selling a costume, and it might not be
• 10:33
  Speaker 5: exactly the one you want, right, but you feel.
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: A little better worth purchase.
• 10:37
  Speaker 4: It's worth it when you know that you're yeah, yeah, wow,
• 10:41
  Speaker 4: I've never thought about Etsy for a Halloween costume.
• 10:43
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's the place to go. But go early.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: They will charge you thirty dollars.
• 10:49
  Speaker 4: To ship it if you Oh course.
• 10:51
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: And is it like buy request or do they have
• 10:53
  Speaker 4: different options?
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: It's well, I just put in the name of what
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: I want.
• 10:58
  Speaker 5: So, like, my daughter wanted to be Wednesday from Adams
• 11:02
  Speaker 5: Family last year, right, should I just put in Wednesday
• 11:04
  Speaker 5: costume for kid eight her size? And then you get
• 11:08
  Speaker 5: a variety of options from different sellers.
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: Oh, this is incredible.
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: Some of them are some.
• 11:13
  Speaker 5: Of them are like putting clearly like getting stuff on
• 11:16
  Speaker 5: Amazon and just turning it on Etsy, which I don't like.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: I like to feel like it's actually been made in
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: someone's home.
• 11:21
  Speaker 4: Mm hmm. No, I've just uh, maybe I've watched a
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: YouTube about this. I don't know why, but about how
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: Etsy's kind of getting ruined by these that sort of
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: person where they basically will show a custom item but
• 11:32
  Speaker 4: it's not actually their item, and then they just have
• 11:34
  Speaker 4: like essentially a factory in China sent it to you
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: like Amazon.
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: No, I want it being made in like a living
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: room in Ohio.
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: Of course. I want it to smell like a basement. Exactly,
• 11:42
  Speaker 4: please exactly if it smells clean like plastic, No, it.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: Comes in plastic. It's not homemade.
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: No, that fabric better be from Joe An.
• 11:49
  Speaker 5: I want to smell a little bit of a cigarette
• 11:51
  Speaker 5: on it.
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: It's just ashed all over. Do you know what they're
• 11:56
  Speaker 4: gonna be for Halloween this year?
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Boring. My daughter wants to be a cat, which
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: I've tried to talk about it boring. It's a classic
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: cost it's classic. And then my son wants to be
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: he already already purchased them Grim Reaper. Oh, he's a
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: little obsessed with death, so that should be fun.
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: How old is he now?
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: He's seven.
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: That's the age I think when you become obsessed with death, isn't.
• 12:17
  Speaker 5: It totally He asked me questions about death on a
• 12:20
  Speaker 5: regular basis.
• 12:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I remember like first second grade, like starting to
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: become obsessed with death, and then being at the pediatrician's
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: office and they had like an illustration for parents that
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: was like, at this age they become obsessed with dying.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: Really.
• 12:32
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's well, it's good to know because it's completely
• 12:35
  Speaker 5: true and parents need to be like prepared.
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: How has that manifested itself?
• 12:39
  Speaker 5: Well, he lays in bed at night and asks me
• 12:41
  Speaker 5: things like he goes, when I go up to Heaven,
• 12:44
  Speaker 5: are they going to have burritos up there? And I'm
• 12:46
  Speaker 5: like like that type of that's the type of valid question. Yeah,
• 12:49
  Speaker 5: he wants to know, like what what is eating up there?
• 12:52
  Speaker 5: Who's going to be up there?
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: What kind of like all his stuffed animals get to
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: be up there? Things like that. So twenty presumptuous, he
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: assumes he's going.
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: To a Yeah, by the way, horse, come, we don't know.
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: You've got a whole horrible life ahead of him. Absolutely
• 13:05
  Speaker 4: he could make a lot of bad choices.
• 13:07
  Speaker 5: You could be in purgatory by like third grade. We
• 13:09
  Speaker 5: don't know, but yeah he does. He asks a lot
• 13:11
  Speaker 5: of questions about that and our son. It freaked me
• 13:14
  Speaker 5: out because you know, he had a open heart surgery.
• 13:17
  Speaker 5: He's had three of them in his short little life,
• 13:20
  Speaker 5: and he's totally fine and healthy and miraculous and he'll
• 13:23
  Speaker 5: love a wonderful, full life. But he asks, like, right
• 13:27
  Speaker 5: before his last surgery, he was asking a lot about heaven.
• 13:31
  Speaker 4: And it's freaking me out.
• 13:33
  Speaker 5: It's like, dude, please stop talking about death. He's like,
• 13:36
  Speaker 5: it's gonna be okay when I die, because it's gonna
• 13:38
  Speaker 5: be fun up.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: There and there's gonna be no pain. I'm like, okay,
• 13:41
  Speaker 2: what boy? Yeah, so that was fun.
• 13:44
  Speaker 4: Where do kids get Like, who provides the first information
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: about death to a child? Is it TV? Oh that's
• 13:51
  Speaker 4: a great question, older siblings.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: I don't many books. Oh, interesting books are cartoons?
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: Right? Really?
• 14:00
  Speaker 5: Every Disney movie has somebody dies, like the first five
• 14:03
  Speaker 5: minutes up right, just traumatic.
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: Very true.
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of death in kids movies.
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: Always a villain falling from a cliff or something. Yeah,
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: run over by a train, interesting, Yeah, and I wonder.
• 14:16
  Speaker 4: I guess there's just some point where your intelligence and
• 14:20
  Speaker 4: the world around you click and you're like, oh yeah,
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: this can happen to me. Yeah, oh yeah, then it
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: just haunts you for I mean, for the rest of
• 14:26
  Speaker 4: elementary school. I'm just like avoiding death at all comes.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: Are you afraid of death?
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: At the time, my two big fears were getting a tapeworm,
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: dying of a tapeworm, or rabies.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: Awesome, Well did those Where did those come from? Did
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: you hear a story.
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: The rabies came from? Well? I had a rat in
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: first grade because I was obsessed with ninja turtles. My
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: mom wouldn't allow for whatever reason, she decided a turtle
• 14:51
  Speaker 4: wasn't appropriate, but a rat would be fine. Splinter and
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: that's what my rat became. That's what it was name.
• 14:56
  Speaker 4: But it escaped into our garage and we all it
• 15:00
  Speaker 4: became rabid. My brother shot it to death with a
• 15:02
  Speaker 4: be begun. My apologies to the listener. Oh no, the
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: world I grew up, Oh no, But so that was
• 15:08
  Speaker 4: the first thing where I was like, oh, an animal
• 15:10
  Speaker 4: can become rabbit and spread disease. Okay, the tape worm.
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: God only knows it must have come from a sibling.
• 15:15
  Speaker 4: But I was afraid. I was deathitely afraid of eating
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: like raw bacon, all these things, right, and then having
• 15:20
  Speaker 4: this worm just living in me.
• 15:22
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's a terrifying visual for a child. I was
• 15:25
  Speaker 5: afraid of being kidnapped.
• 15:27
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I mean that's a curial classes.
• 15:29
  Speaker 5: I think that was I think there were too many
• 15:31
  Speaker 5: like movies and TV shows.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: Or kidnapping occurred. Maybe in the eighties. I feel like
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: there were the headlines of kids being kidnapped maybe.
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: Right, Is that still like a thing that is a
• 15:42
  Speaker 4: real concern, like in elementary schools.
• 15:45
  Speaker 5: Not to my kids. They don't have a fear of
• 15:47
  Speaker 5: being kidnapped. I wish they would, you know, a little
• 15:50
  Speaker 5: more fear. They are more afraid of robbers about it
• 15:56
  Speaker 5: because someone broke in, like down the street and driving
• 15:59
  Speaker 5: school and I saw cops in a helicopter and they
• 16:01
  Speaker 5: asked me what.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: That was about.
• 16:02
  Speaker 5: Oh, like, oh, I think maybe there was a robber,
• 16:04
  Speaker 5: and now everything's about robbers.
• 16:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I think that that's kind of natural to
• 16:09
  Speaker 4: life from Los Angeles.
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: Yes, agreed, Because we're.
• 16:11
  Speaker 4: Growing up in another set. You're not hearing a helicopter
• 16:13
  Speaker 4: every single night. No, I think I hadn't heard really
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: a helicopter until I moved to La Same and now
• 16:19
  Speaker 4: it's literally just a fact of life.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: It is.
• 16:22
  Speaker 5: I remember when I lived in West Hollywood and I
• 16:25
  Speaker 5: was working for the show, and that was right when
• 16:27
  Speaker 5: Paris Hilton was in and out of jail, and it
• 16:29
  Speaker 5: was just the sound of helicopters constantly, oh.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: Just following her around.
• 16:35
  Speaker 5: So then when I think of when I hear helicopter,
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: I think of Paris Hilton. It's a lovely memory.
• 16:44
  Speaker 4: When you were afraid of kidnappers as a kid, we
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: like in my elementary school, there was always like warnings
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: of like look out for this sort of car. I
• 16:50
  Speaker 4: remember people being like look out for the junkie green call.
• 16:53
  Speaker 5: Yes, you always have assumed it was like an unmarked
• 16:56
  Speaker 5: van with no windows like kidnapper vans.
• 16:59
  Speaker 4: Right, And I feel like that's just probably simply wasn't true.
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: It's probably like a new model for uh, what is
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: a Ford Escort?
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, totally total Ford Escar.
• 17:10
  Speaker 4: It wasn't like a nineteen seventy like a classic green
• 17:13
  Speaker 4: car driving around snatching kids.
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: Now, did that come from Scooby Doo or something? Well,
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: they had they must have.
• 17:19
  Speaker 5: I feel like, yeah, I don't know. I'm having like
• 17:22
  Speaker 5: a visual of a green I know they had their van,
• 17:25
  Speaker 5: right the.
• 17:27
  Speaker 4: Van, and yeah, there are a bunch of other like
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: kind of boat style cars in that kind of cartoon,
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: But I don't I mean, no one was ever kidnapped
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: within our neighborhood by a junkie green car.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: You know, but you don't know any you know, you
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: don't know where those kids went.
• 17:42
  Speaker 4: That's very, very true. We had a lot of missing children.
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: I'm in Utah.
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: Yes, no, I didn't get kidnapped. I didn't get a
• 17:51
  Speaker 4: tape for them, and I never got rabies. Congratulations, Thank
• 17:54
  Speaker 4: you so much. I'm open to all three at this point.
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: Okay, what are your fears now?
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: I don't really have any, Like, yeah, that's it. My
• 18:02
  Speaker 4: fears now are more about the people in my life
• 18:05
  Speaker 4: rather than myself.
• 18:06
  Speaker 2: Which, hey, you look at you. That's good. You've grown up.
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: I'm an adult now. I'm an adult that's happy to die.
• 18:15
  Speaker 5: Yeah, you're you're fine with all these to you, You're
• 18:18
  Speaker 5: ready to put out of your misery.
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: But I'm trying to think of like actual one thing
• 18:21
  Speaker 4: I do have a fear of is like this, weird
• 18:24
  Speaker 4: irrational fear of like being in a space where like
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: I raise my head up quickly and a nail goes
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: through my head. Like wow, I have like this weird
• 18:31
  Speaker 4: impalement fear.
• 18:32
  Speaker 5: Really yeah, you lift your head up and a nail
• 18:35
  Speaker 5: goes through it, right, like it's nailed on a wall behind,
• 18:38
  Speaker 5: like a.
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: Loose nail coming out of board or something. There's something
• 18:41
  Speaker 4: very visceral and terrifying about that.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: Is that new?
• 18:44
  Speaker 4: No, that's been a long time thing that like since
• 18:47
  Speaker 4: a kid, Like we would do a lot of work
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: around the house. And I think that helping my dad
• 18:50
  Speaker 4: and being like in the attic or whatever, I think
• 18:52
  Speaker 4: there's some fear of like it's gonna happen.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: That makes sense.
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: There's gonna be a nail in my brain.
• 18:57
  Speaker 5: Right, and now you're doing so much of that around
• 18:59
  Speaker 5: your own absolutely zero, And I thought thoughts that I
• 19:04
  Speaker 5: think you can let that fear go.
• 19:07
  Speaker 2: I have a feeling you're.
• 19:08
  Speaker 4: Not worth That's when it gets you. Yeah, right, when
• 19:10
  Speaker 4: you least expect.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: Exactly that's true. You're right. You got to keep your
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: guard up.
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: When you're simply incapable of home improvement, that's when it
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: gets the Nail comes story. Do you have any fears
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: like this?
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: I don't think I do.
• 19:22
  Speaker 5: I just have a recurring dream constantly. I know that's
• 19:25
  Speaker 5: very common, that I'm in college and I realize, oh
• 19:30
  Speaker 5: my god, I didn't study for a test.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: It still happens.
• 19:32
  Speaker 5: Still, Yeah, still do that, And still have this dream
• 19:36
  Speaker 5: that I'm in a class and I realized it's the
• 19:38
  Speaker 5: last day and I haven't been this whole time and
• 19:40
  Speaker 5: it's the final.
• 19:41
  Speaker 4: Oh no, Yeah, how was that still haunting?
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 19:44
  Speaker 4: I wonder if it's work. Yeah, having to wake up
• 19:47
  Speaker 4: every morning and have answers to Yeah, I mean like
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: writing jokes kind of feels like homeworks totally.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: You have to have it ideas every morning, right right? Yeah,
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: that maybe that is it.
• 19:57
  Speaker 5: And then I always have a fear that I didn't
• 19:59
  Speaker 5: take my birth from pill and I have not been
• 20:01
  Speaker 5: on the birth control pill for twenty years or something,
• 20:04
  Speaker 5: and I wake up like, oh, I forgot to take it,
• 20:06
  Speaker 5: and I'm like, oh, I don't have to. I don't have
• 20:09
  Speaker 5: to do that anymore.
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: What a weird built in fear. Yeah, but I guess
• 20:12
  Speaker 4: you just are so terrified of that for such a
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: long time.
• 20:15
  Speaker 5: Yeah, And it's like a thing you feel like you
• 20:17
  Speaker 5: forgot to take it, and if you do, then that
• 20:18
  Speaker 5: could be problematic.
• 20:20
  Speaker 4: I don't know, right, Wow, Yeah, I don't have any
• 20:22
  Speaker 4: recurring dreams anymore. I had them a lot as a kid.
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: But I guess the nail thing is the one big
• 20:29
  Speaker 4: and then I'm gonna I am going to die behind
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: the wheel knock.
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: I mean, oh no.
• 20:34
  Speaker 4: Near car accidents I almost caused today alone, probably eleven.
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: You're a terrible driver.
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: I'm getting worse you are. I'm getting so much for us.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: No, do you feel like you're a steady quality driver.
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: I do. I think I'm a pretty steady quality driver.
• 20:47
  Speaker 5: I will say I'm a competitive driver, though, and I
• 20:50
  Speaker 5: get a little impatient, and I realized I'm going to
• 20:52
  Speaker 5: get myself in trouble. But right, maybe you should maybe
• 20:56
  Speaker 5: the self driving cars in your future.
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: Oh, but that's scary. I don't trust any of these
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: Silicon Valley people to be behind the wheel either.
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: No, I don't either.
• 21:06
  Speaker 5: But I do think that you probably have a greater
• 21:09
  Speaker 5: chance of being in an accident if you're behind the wheel.
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: Yeah. Possibly, maybe I am worse than a robot.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're sure. I've always said that about you, You're
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: worse than a robot.
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: I want that to be spread around. That's to start.
• 21:24
  Speaker 2: I'm going to start.
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: No, I think what's kind of contributing to it are
• 21:29
  Speaker 4: two things. First of all, my boyfriend Jim is constantly
• 21:32
  Speaker 4: telling me I'm a bad driver. Okay, And then I've
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: taken off Whenever I use Google Maps, I take off freeways.
• 21:39
  Speaker 4: I unless I really have to use a freeway, guess where,
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: I will only do surface streets. So then when I'm
• 21:44
  Speaker 4: on freeways at this point, I'm very out of my element. Okay,
• 21:48
  Speaker 4: And essentially, like a senior citizen driver, I'm very slow.
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: I don't know what I'm doing. I'm missing exits.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: So when you and Jim go somewhere he drives.
• 21:58
  Speaker 4: He demands, ye lease let me drive. Why because occasionally
• 22:03
  Speaker 4: he'll complain, I like, I have to drive, drive everywhere,
• 22:07
  Speaker 4: like I offer every single time.
• 22:09
  Speaker 5: Jimmy loves to drive, and I love to be a passenger. Great, perfect, Yes,
• 22:13
  Speaker 5: I love to be a passenger.
• 22:14
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I love to be a passenger. I also love
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: to drive alone. If you do, I do like because
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: you get into like a flow state sort of thing
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: where you're like concentrating enough.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: You're a better driver when you're alone.
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, okay, Oh my god. If if I am
• 22:28
  Speaker 4: driving and Jim is in the passenger seat, we are
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: in three times as much dangerous because he's constantly like
• 22:33
  Speaker 4: gasping or be like you're gonna kill us.
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: Okay, that sounds really fun.
• 22:37
  Speaker 5: Now are you guys? Do you agree on the same
• 22:40
  Speaker 5: things to listen to in the car?
• 22:42
  Speaker 4: Ah, that's a really good question. I am kind of
• 22:46
  Speaker 4: in control because I have better taste. I simply have
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: better taste in music than he does.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: Would he agree with that statement?
• 22:54
  Speaker 4: He would? I think he probably would. He would say probably,
• 22:58
  Speaker 4: I know more about within popular music. I have a
• 23:02
  Speaker 4: better grasp of everything. A lot of the music I
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: listen to he doesn't want to listen to because, in fairness,
• 23:09
  Speaker 4: it's loud and obnoxious. But the other half of the
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: music I listened to he's on board with. So I'm
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: basically the DJ. Do you, guys, I can't imagine you
• 23:18
  Speaker 4: too get along.
• 23:19
  Speaker 5: You see, there's an eleven year difference, and he is
• 23:22
  Speaker 5: all about if we're at ugimmy to be yacht rock
• 23:24
  Speaker 5: all day, every day, And I like to listen to
• 23:27
  Speaker 5: things that are a little more current. Sure, I have
• 23:29
  Speaker 5: all respect for the yacht rock, but there's only so much.
• 23:33
  Speaker 5: Like Hollin Oates and Michael McDonald. I'm like, okay, I
• 23:35
  Speaker 5: got it man. And he also has a harmon. He
• 23:38
  Speaker 5: has a multiple harmonicas that he keeps on the what's
• 23:43
  Speaker 5: this called?
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Yuh thank you? He keeps multiple harmonicas on the visor
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: and then plays the harmonica while driving. And it's a nightmare.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: It's a nightmare.
• 23:56
  Speaker 6: That is dangerous behavior, dangerous. It's he's practicing, so it's
• 24:02
  Speaker 6: not exactly arable, and it's hell, it's.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: My hell on earth?
• 24:08
  Speaker 4: Is it every drive? Mostly Yeah, he's playing along to
• 24:11
  Speaker 4: the music on the car.
• 24:12
  Speaker 5: Yeah, oh sure, Oh Billy Joeld piano man, that one
• 24:16
  Speaker 5: actually is good. He can do that one really well.
• 24:18
  Speaker 5: But then he'll just add harmonica to songs that have
• 24:21
  Speaker 5: no harmonica.
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: When did this behavior begin?
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: Too long ago?
• 24:26
  Speaker 5: A guy would say, eight to ten years ago?
• 24:30
  Speaker 4: Oh no, yeah, what are you going to find an
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: instrument for you to play?
• 24:33
  Speaker 5: I have to tell you no, I have to tell
• 24:35
  Speaker 5: you the beginning, I've thought, Oh, this is charming, this
• 24:37
  Speaker 5: is cute. He's like learning, and he's not he's learning
• 24:39
  Speaker 5: he knows, and I'm like, oh, he's practicing an instrument
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: in the car. What a multitasker. And now I can
• 24:45
  Speaker 5: barely stand it because it's just really loud.
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: It's all his years in radio.
• 24:50
  Speaker 5: He's kind of he is like partially, Oh sure, everything,
• 24:53
  Speaker 5: everything for him has to be so much louder. And
• 24:55
  Speaker 5: I'm very sensitive to noise. Okay, And yeah it's not
• 24:58
  Speaker 5: a good combo.
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: Is he?
• 25:00
  Speaker 4: Do you have one of those little things like that,
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: like Neil Young? Oh?
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: Yes he does, Yes, he does.
• 25:04
  Speaker 5: He wears it around his neck and he holds this
• 25:07
  Speaker 5: so the harmonica holds out in front of his mouth
• 25:09
  Speaker 5: as he drives, and then he puts.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: It in when he's ready.
• 25:13
  Speaker 4: To me, it's incredible.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it is divorce.
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: It is simply divorce.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: Reconcilable difference right there, the harmonica.
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: Wow. Wow, I I mean, I don't even know what
• 25:25
  Speaker 4: to say. I mean, when that does lead to a
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: car accident, that's gonna be all over the news.
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: I know, I can't I kind of can't wait. I mean,
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: I wanted to be like a little one.
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, just like a minor, like you rear in somebody
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: and then you have to explain you were playing the
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: harm I want.
• 25:37
  Speaker 5: A shot of him getting out of the car with
• 25:39
  Speaker 5: that like thing around his neck.
• 25:41
  Speaker 4: Yes, I'm going to buy you a recorder. You can
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: have that in the glove bar.
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: Oh that's a great idea. That's a great look.
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: I think you too could have a little bay and
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: I should.
• 25:50
  Speaker 5: Break out an instrument like, Hey, that's the best way
• 25:53
  Speaker 5: to get him to stop.
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: Break out an instrument on an airplane. Yeah, take this
• 25:59
  Speaker 4: to a whole new level. I mean, well, speaking of
• 26:02
  Speaker 4: totally inappropriate behavior. Look, I was looking forward to having
• 26:07
  Speaker 4: you here on the podcast today, Molly. I thought, we'll
• 26:09
  Speaker 4: have a great time, we'll talk about all kinds of things,
• 26:13
  Speaker 4: and then we'll go home, everyone feeling their best. Everyone
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: feeling their best. So look, you texted me before you
• 26:20
  Speaker 4: got to the studio, and you've said, very sweetly, at
• 26:23
  Speaker 4: least in the moment, would you like any Poqito moss,
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: the Mexican food? And I said no. And then on
• 26:29
  Speaker 4: my drive here, I started thinking why would Molly offer this?
• 26:32
  Speaker 4: And then I started to realizing maybe she's done something wrong,
• 26:36
  Speaker 4: maybe she's already trying to make up for some mistake
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: she's made. And so I was it all kind of
• 26:43
  Speaker 4: came together. The podcast is called I said no gifts.
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: Let's just we all know that you've got the emails
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: and you show up to the studio holding a gift. Yes,
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: And so clearly this offer of food was not just
• 26:54
  Speaker 4: some good thing, good deed. It was ute trying to
• 27:00
  Speaker 4: cover your tracks. Obviously, this is a gift.
• 27:03
  Speaker 2: For me, yes, I okay, listen. I don't believe it
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: when people say no gifts.
• 27:09
  Speaker 5: And in fact, when I was married, when I got married,
• 27:13
  Speaker 5: I am still married and married for eleven years. This
• 27:16
  Speaker 5: was my first wedding, this was my second, my husband's
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: second wedding, and he has a nice amount of money,
• 27:23
  Speaker 5: and he said on the wedding invitation, no gifts, sure,
• 27:26
  Speaker 5: which seemed like totally the right thing to do, right right,
• 27:29
  Speaker 5: But I didn't like it, and I didn't want people
• 27:32
  Speaker 5: to actually take it seriously, and they almost all did.
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: And I don't like no gifts.
• 27:38
  Speaker 5: When people say no gifts, I see that as an
• 27:39
  Speaker 5: invitation to bring again. I mean, I spent my twenties
• 27:43
  Speaker 5: like spending my whole bank account will go to like
• 27:45
  Speaker 5: Creighton Barrel and Williams Sonoma and all the other places
• 27:48
  Speaker 5: I had to buy wedding gifts. And then it was
• 27:50
  Speaker 5: my day and it was no gifts, and I got nothing,
• 27:54
  Speaker 5: and I don't like no gifts.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: So here is yours.
• 27:56
  Speaker 4: That's a rough feeling. Well that does feel like justified?
• 27:59
  Speaker 4: Be this is fully justified? Should I open it here
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: on the podcast?
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: I think so. Okay, let's get into it here. It's
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: this beautiful white polka dot box.
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: You call that the like TV rappings that we call it.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: You know, when you give a gift on.
• 28:15
  Speaker 5: A TV show, like on a late night show that
• 28:16
  Speaker 5: I work for, you have to have the lid that
• 28:18
  Speaker 5: pops off. You can't actually wrap it because it causes
• 28:21
  Speaker 5: too much.
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: Noise, huge amount of noise, a little inside and look
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: at this, you're just going to listener is just gonna
• 28:27
  Speaker 4: hear the slip of the ribbon. That's it.
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: Now we're as somewhere.
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that really is ribbon off box asa more. Okay,
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: Oh my god, what is this?
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: It's your packet?
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: Oh my god?
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: Oh my is Bridger packet?
• 28:46
  Speaker 5: There is no he sent us in twenty fourteen, when
• 28:51
  Speaker 5: Jimmy asked him to submit to be a writer on
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: Jimmy Kimmelive.
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: This is and I've saved it.
• 28:55
  Speaker 4: Absolutely mortified.
• 28:57
  Speaker 3: I know, I.
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: Understand why you say no gifts.
• 29:03
  Speaker 4: I mean, there's literally no way I will share this
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: information anywhere. Well, I mean, the first thing that's really
• 29:10
  Speaker 4: horrifying to me is that the first page starts with
• 29:15
  Speaker 4: a resume, which I like that it's professional.
• 29:19
  Speaker 5: By the way, there's one word on that resume that
• 29:21
  Speaker 5: immediately got you a job interview.
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: And that that word is Letterman. Oh of course, yeah,
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: you interned it Letterman. Is that correct?
• 29:28
  Speaker 4: Yes, I interned at Letterman in two thousand and nine,
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: which David Letterman. I love that Jimmy Kimmel and I share,
• 29:37
  Speaker 4: I think deeply. Yes. So I mean, oh my god,
• 29:40
  Speaker 4: I cannot believe I'm looking.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: At You're sweating right now.
• 29:42
  Speaker 4: I might quit the business, give absolutely, That's what I
• 29:46
  Speaker 4: was afraid. The only thing that the listener will see
• 29:50
  Speaker 4: of this is me burning it.
• 29:52
  Speaker 5: Do you know what I tried. I'm probably going to
• 29:55
  Speaker 5: get in the mail tomorrow.
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: On Etsy, I found paper that has seeds in it.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: You know that you can plant and then grow flowers.
• 30:03
  Speaker 5: And that's my goal was to print it on that
• 30:05
  Speaker 5: so you could go bury it and grow flowers. And
• 30:08
  Speaker 5: I am going to still do that for you, and
• 30:09
  Speaker 5: I'll send it to to your home so you can
• 30:11
  Speaker 5: bury your packet and let it grow fruit.
• 30:15
  Speaker 4: Yeah, for the listener. You know, when you try to
• 30:18
  Speaker 4: get a job at a late night show, I don't
• 30:21
  Speaker 4: even I don't even know if this is how you
• 30:23
  Speaker 4: currently you gut probably still do kind of You have
• 30:25
  Speaker 4: to submit basically just jokes who created out of thin
• 30:30
  Speaker 4: air to the show, and it's a I will say,
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: kind of a trap. Yeah, because it's an interesting thing
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: where you have to shoot for the voice of the
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: show but also show who you are totally and it
• 30:43
  Speaker 4: kind of ends up being a nearly impossible task.
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: So you did a really good job at it.
• 30:47
  Speaker 4: I cannot imagine.
• 30:49
  Speaker 5: This is what the beauty of your packet is that
• 30:52
  Speaker 5: you did exactly that you understood the voice of the show,
• 30:55
  Speaker 5: but also.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: Brought this totally.
• 30:57
  Speaker 5: There's an Oprah joke in there that's the funniest things
• 31:00
  Speaker 5: I've ever read.
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, you wrote so well. It's totally it's
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: like a perfect packet.
• 31:07
  Speaker 4: Read it. Yes, Oh, they have to beat this out.
• 31:10
  Speaker 4: I will leave the business.
• 31:11
  Speaker 5: Okay, No, there are some good there's a there are
• 31:14
  Speaker 5: two bits in there that are so they made me
• 31:16
  Speaker 5: laugh out loud today, which is ten years later. And
• 31:20
  Speaker 5: the goal usually for a submission packet is so that
• 31:23
  Speaker 5: writers show that they can write timely jokes and then
• 31:27
  Speaker 5: bits it in the voice of the show, but also
• 31:29
  Speaker 5: feel original. And you did a lot of the topical
• 31:32
  Speaker 5: news jokes and then like the last two pages, that's
• 31:34
  Speaker 5: what it's like.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: We're Bridger shines. It's like full Bridger jokes.
• 31:39
  Speaker 4: I cannot believe what I'm looking at. I'm so sorry
• 31:41
  Speaker 4: to everyone listening because this just me my bones just shattering.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: Now, melting down right now.
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: Oh my god, I'm having I'm like shaking. Oh.
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: I feel terrible. What a terrible gift, but also wonderful.
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: I love it. He is a great peck. Can let
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: me read a joke in there? Get handed to me,
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: let me look.
• 32:01
  Speaker 4: I'm looking at this for another moment. I am just
• 32:05
  Speaker 4: oh my god, I'm just have you looked.
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: At your I mean, I assume like you wrote that.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: I haven't looked at since.
• 32:10
  Speaker 4: I mean, of course, especially with the late night packet,
• 32:13
  Speaker 4: where you're like when you do it, you're like, I
• 32:18
  Speaker 4: don't and then when you don't, get like you don't
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: hear anything. You're just you're like, I'll never look at
• 32:23
  Speaker 4: that again, right, And even when you do, you're like,
• 32:26
  Speaker 4: I don't want to know what my boss saw. Like
• 32:28
  Speaker 4: it's like your boss saw you naked.
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah, totally, I know.
• 32:31
  Speaker 4: I would rather my boss see meaning I will.
• 32:33
  Speaker 5: Say, I told so I told the room that Jimmy
• 32:35
  Speaker 5: kimme alive yesterday in a writer room, I thought I
• 32:37
  Speaker 5: was bringing the packet and they all gasp but then
• 32:39
  Speaker 5: laugh and like that's great and terrible at the same time.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: So I understand what you're feeling right now.
• 32:45
  Speaker 5: I think it's universally felt among every writer right now
• 32:48
  Speaker 5: listening to this feeling a little itchy.
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: I wish that the gunman that I had mentioned at
• 32:52
  Speaker 4: the beginning of the episode had gotten here a little earlier.
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: I was just gonna say, you know, you were right
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: about this day. It is getting worse. I'm sorry, sorry
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: that I was part of that.
• 33:03
  Speaker 4: Okay, I have found the Oprah joke.
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: It's such a funny joke.
• 33:05
  Speaker 4: Okay, I will say, this is not a bad, cute,
• 33:08
  Speaker 4: funny joke.
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: I love this joke.
• 33:10
  Speaker 4: This is it's almost like a yeah, I guess I
• 33:13
  Speaker 4: did like topical jokes and then just like weird joke
• 33:16
  Speaker 4: ish things. It wouldn't be like on the show.
• 33:18
  Speaker 5: This is not a traditional late night writer packet joke.
• 33:21
  Speaker 5: It is a very bridger joke. But I will say
• 33:23
  Speaker 5: you did a page of the topical type of set
• 33:26
  Speaker 5: up news story punch like punchline, and then you just
• 33:29
  Speaker 5: had fun with jokes like.
• 33:31
  Speaker 4: These got okay. So it's in quotes. It's a quote
• 33:34
  Speaker 4: that says Tomorrow on Oprah, and then the it's attributed
• 33:37
  Speaker 4: to Oprah picking out Tomorrow's outfit. It's so good, it's
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: very stupid.
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: I love it. I love that joke. It's such a
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: good joke.
• 33:47
  Speaker 4: I am. I mean, I'm still just the fact that
• 33:49
  Speaker 4: my resume is on the front of this.
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: I know, when's the last time you wrote a resume? Probably?
• 33:54
  Speaker 4: Then that's the weird thing about this industry is like
• 33:56
  Speaker 4: any other business. And that's why I probably got every
• 33:59
  Speaker 4: other industry good, because you actually have to submit resumes
• 34:02
  Speaker 4: and be a normal person, right this one. Once you
• 34:04
  Speaker 4: get a job, you never think about a resume again.
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: Never remember, like in.
• 34:08
  Speaker 5: Like college, things like stressful, like I have to know
• 34:11
  Speaker 5: exactly how like how to do a resume, and then
• 34:14
  Speaker 5: I remember taking on extracurriculars, specifically for my resume, ne
• 34:19
  Speaker 5: to pad it out.
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was like a yearbook and spirit club and
• 34:24
  Speaker 2: like all this.
• 34:24
  Speaker 4: Bush and those are all right here. I've got spirit club, cheerleader.
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: Are all there.
• 34:31
  Speaker 4: I mean it goes this goes back to me working.
• 34:33
  Speaker 4: I mean, I'm like telling Jimmy Kimmel, I worked at
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: overstock dot com. Why would anyone at the show care
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: about that?
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: I care?
• 34:41
  Speaker 4: I love it.
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: Well, it's gone now, right, So.
• 34:43
  Speaker 4: Did you put on a story about overstock dot com
• 34:46
  Speaker 4: they bought bed Bath and Beyond right changed completely to
• 34:51
  Speaker 4: they said, we're now bed Bath and Beyond. That lasted
• 34:54
  Speaker 4: one year and now they're back to being Overstock dot
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: Com really still own bed Bath and Beyond. The Beyond
• 35:00
  Speaker 4: is gone, right, the real like the true original bed
• 35:04
  Speaker 4: Bath and Beyond is dead, but they resurrected it and
• 35:06
  Speaker 4: tried to become it and then that I guess that
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: probably didn't work out or it was like I'm sure, I'm.
• 35:11
  Speaker 2: Sure online only because didn't all the bed Bath and
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: Beyond closed online only because I still have a lot
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: of those coup of course I need to get.
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: Rid of it.
• 35:17
  Speaker 4: That's all. Anyone has from bed, Bath and Beyond, I know,
• 35:21
  Speaker 4: and that's like when it's only online, people are like,
• 35:23
  Speaker 4: well I wanted the coupon, right, So I think any
• 35:27
  Speaker 4: branding like expert what I have been able to tell
• 35:30
  Speaker 4: the people Overstock like, first of all, people know the
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: name of your business, right, so don't change it completely.
• 35:36
  Speaker 4: And second of all, you're you're becoming a business that
• 35:38
  Speaker 4: went out of business.
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah that's very confusing.
• 35:40
  Speaker 4: So yeah, blew up in their face. Yeah of course
• 35:44
  Speaker 4: if I had been.
• 35:44
  Speaker 5: There, Yeah, well yeah, if you had, you know, instead
• 35:47
  Speaker 5: of writing opra jokes stuck with overstock dot com, maybe
• 35:50
  Speaker 5: you could have saved it.
• 35:52
  Speaker 4: But yeah, then it's got my I mean, I'm also
• 35:55
  Speaker 4: I have my professional skills on here you do?
• 35:58
  Speaker 2: What are they?
• 35:58
  Speaker 4: I didn't see those in Microsoft Office, Adobe Creative Suite.
• 36:02
  Speaker 4: Online resources. What does that even mean? I can use
• 36:05
  Speaker 4: the internet Google stuff?
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: What does all my resource?
• 36:10
  Speaker 5: That's like you ask someone like how to make I
• 36:12
  Speaker 5: can google? Like, how does that sound? More professional?
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: Online online resource.
• 36:20
  Speaker 4: That is not a skill strong writing and editing experience
• 36:25
  Speaker 4: in various genres. That's at the time simply not true.
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: Right, I mean, like your genres you're at Letterman and.
• 36:33
  Speaker 4: Craig Fergus not what are we talking about? Extensive knowledge
• 36:38
  Speaker 4: in both Windows and Mac operating systems.
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: Good, because a good late night writer needs those.
• 36:45
  Speaker 4: And then just general office and organizational skills.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: That's wonderful.
• 36:50
  Speaker 4: You need me to buy paper clips or refill the fridge?
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what we needed from you? This is just great.
• 36:58
  Speaker 4: This is I'm like, I feel like I'm string into
• 37:00
  Speaker 4: the sun. I'm just going absolutely blind.
• 37:02
  Speaker 5: Look, I will say, you physically changed when you open
• 37:05
  Speaker 5: that package, Like I really it's like saying ghost.
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: It really did.
• 37:09
  Speaker 5: I feel like you started melting a little bit. I'm sorry,
• 37:12
  Speaker 5: and I'm also delighted I have brought you back to
• 37:15
  Speaker 5: the past.
• 37:17
  Speaker 4: My Twitter follower count did grow, so that's good. Okay, great,
• 37:22
  Speaker 4: this was before the website became an absolute hell.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: I love God.
• 37:26
  Speaker 5: He used to love you on Twitter, and I don't
• 37:30
  Speaker 5: go on there anymore. So I'm sorry if I'm not.
• 37:32
  Speaker 4: I'm not tweeting. Yeah, I mean nobody. I mean you
• 37:34
  Speaker 4: get on there and it's just like racist and horrible psychos.
• 37:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like I should not be.
• 37:40
  Speaker 4: I get on there. I tweet out the link to
• 37:42
  Speaker 4: the podcast, so here you go, and then I and
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: then you get out, get out of there. But people
• 37:47
  Speaker 4: are still apparently using it.
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: I know, I'm very confused by that. It used to
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: be so fun.
• 37:51
  Speaker 5: He's just going there and just I love the I
• 37:53
  Speaker 5: mean you and like Rob Delaney, like Megan Amram, just
• 37:57
  Speaker 5: like reading people's great jokes ever day.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: It was happy.
• 38:01
  Speaker 4: It was kind of like a miracle. I mean, especially
• 38:03
  Speaker 4: for somebody like me who had literally no industry connections,
• 38:07
  Speaker 4: or like when I moved to Los Angeles, knew nobody here,
• 38:10
  Speaker 4: and it was like immediately this built in thing that
• 38:12
  Speaker 4: I could at least start kind of. I mean, that's
• 38:14
  Speaker 4: how I got my jobs, how you got your job,
• 38:16
  Speaker 4: first writing job.
• 38:17
  Speaker 5: Jimmy sent us your Twitter and said, this guy is great.
• 38:20
  Speaker 5: It's so crazy, and then that beautiful packet came into
• 38:23
  Speaker 5: my inbox. About a month after that.
• 38:25
  Speaker 4: I got that DM from Jimmy a month after I
• 38:29
  Speaker 4: had decided I was basically going to move back to
• 38:30
  Speaker 4: Salt Lake Sitting. Really, I was literally at the time
• 38:32
  Speaker 4: researching social media jobs in Salt Lake Sitting, being like, well,
• 38:35
  Speaker 4: I tried.
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: Well, you know you do have online resources.
• 38:37
  Speaker 4: I do have, so I write candidate, very.
• 38:41
  Speaker 2: Impressed, Well, I'm really glad you didn't quit.
• 38:45
  Speaker 5: I'm glad that you stuck it out because you are
• 38:48
  Speaker 5: such you are such a great writer. Just so you
• 38:51
  Speaker 5: were one of those employees Jimmy kimmelive, like the history
• 38:55
  Speaker 5: books of Jimmy Kimmel I writers.
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: I'm just a favorite.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: Oh.
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: I would say you have like one of the highest
• 39:00
  Speaker 2: approval ratings. Just personality and talent that makes me.
• 39:03
  Speaker 4: I mean, it literally changed my life. I've told Jimmy
• 39:05
  Speaker 4: that probably too many times at this point, but I
• 39:07
  Speaker 4: should tell you as well. I mean it like literally
• 39:10
  Speaker 4: saved my life.
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: So good, well your life's ending today, so I'm glad. Yes.
• 39:15
  Speaker 5: And then I believe it was last year we were
• 39:19
  Speaker 5: in rehearsal. We were doing a Mike Lindell bit. We
• 39:22
  Speaker 5: have James a Doomian does a great Mike Lindell impression,
• 39:25
  Speaker 5: and Jimmy said, you know who should play the KFC
• 39:29
  Speaker 5: manager Bridge or someone call him?
• 39:30
  Speaker 4: I think it was I don't remember, because Lindall had
• 39:33
  Speaker 4: just like gotten arrested at a Hardy's.
• 39:36
  Speaker 5: And it just came out we all and it was
• 39:38
  Speaker 5: one of those things like, of course you should play that.
• 39:40
  Speaker 5: And then you showed up and did you were wonderful,
• 39:43
  Speaker 5: and it was everyone was just so happy to.
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: See you back.
• 39:45
  Speaker 4: I should be playing a Hardy's manager on every TV show.
• 39:48
  Speaker 2: I think you should too. You did a really good job.
• 39:51
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I love it. Like I left that job feeling
• 39:55
  Speaker 4: very sad. It was another like when I got the
• 39:57
  Speaker 4: When I first got the job, I went out to
• 39:59
  Speaker 4: my car and cried, than when I left the job,
• 40:01
  Speaker 4: I went up to my car and cry. The only
• 40:02
  Speaker 4: thing I didn't regret leaving of that job was having
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: to at least professionally think about Donald Trump every time. Yeah,
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: which is something that you and the rest of that staff.
• 40:11
  Speaker 4: I mean, it's just you're made of steel. For me,
• 40:14
  Speaker 4: it was like I left the show mid twenty sixteen,
• 40:19
  Speaker 4: and so that's when all that this morons bullshit was
• 40:23
  Speaker 4: just ramping up. And even then I was like, I
• 40:25
  Speaker 4: don't know how much longer I can do this.
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: I have to tell you.
• 40:28
  Speaker 5: It definitely takes a psychological toll on everyone. And I've
• 40:31
  Speaker 5: told my therapist like, hey, I just you know, I'm
• 40:34
  Speaker 5: so angry and I'm so scared, and I'm just like,
• 40:36
  Speaker 5: you know, you you need to just turn all that off.
• 40:38
  Speaker 5: And I'm like, yeah, but I can't so.
• 40:40
  Speaker 4: Easy to sort of the job.
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: I have to do it in order to write right,
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: and it's so it's hard.
• 40:46
  Speaker 5: But there's also this part of you that very naively
• 40:51
  Speaker 5: thinks I have to absorb it all so that I
• 40:54
  Speaker 5: can inform other.
• 40:54
  Speaker 4: People, all right, because they need to hear.
• 40:56
  Speaker 5: We can't normalize what's going on in the world. And
• 41:00
  Speaker 5: but I'm sure we're not moving the needle at all,
• 41:02
  Speaker 5: but I think you are now. I don't know, I
• 41:04
  Speaker 5: feel like it's so split, and it's just like people
• 41:06
  Speaker 5: are in there. It's like Super Bowl Sunday. Every day,
• 41:08
  Speaker 5: no one's going to root for the other team.
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: It's like, I think, I actually these are some things
• 41:12
  Speaker 4: I'll say. First of all, I don't know if I
• 41:15
  Speaker 4: mean I think that there is hope. I mean, my
• 41:17
  Speaker 4: dad's not voting for Donald Trump, which is one of
• 41:19
  Speaker 4: the most I love my father. We have such a
• 41:21
  Speaker 4: great relationship, but he's been a lifelong Republican. Same had
• 41:25
  Speaker 4: he voted for Donald Trump twice and he told me
• 41:28
  Speaker 4: just a couple of months ago, I can't do it,
• 41:30
  Speaker 4: which to me, I just like, isn't that such a
• 41:32
  Speaker 4: much feeling? And so I think that there is that hope,
• 41:35
  Speaker 4: and I think Jimmy Kimmel alive really does. Like I
• 41:39
  Speaker 4: think the way the show operated for such a long
• 41:41
  Speaker 4: time in kind of an almost a political way, like
• 41:45
  Speaker 4: made it the perfect place to be. Like even Jimmy
• 41:47
  Speaker 4: has had enough.
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: Of this, right ye acause we never covered politics.
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: Right, never, and not like in an irresponsible way. It
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: just like wasn't part of what the show was, right,
• 41:56
  Speaker 4: And so when you hear somebody like a show like this,
• 41:58
  Speaker 4: that's like, we cannot handle this horrible person. Yeah, it's
• 42:02
  Speaker 4: like I think the audience, I think I don't know,
• 42:04
  Speaker 4: I think there is something important.
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: About Well, that's nice. I appreciate that.
• 42:07
  Speaker 5: My dad also voted for Trump the first time, and
• 42:11
  Speaker 5: then shortly after moved to Puerto Rico.
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you remember.
• 42:15
  Speaker 5: Then shortly after that the hurricane hit and that's when
• 42:18
  Speaker 5: Donald Trump went down and like threw bounty people's heads,
• 42:23
  Speaker 5: and I I had lost touch with my dad. I
• 42:26
  Speaker 5: didn't know if he was okay, And for days I
• 42:28
  Speaker 5: was like, I don't know if he's alive or dead.
• 42:30
  Speaker 5: And then I got an email from my dad about
• 42:33
  Speaker 5: five days after the hurricane hit, and it said I
• 42:36
  Speaker 5: just waited eight hours in line to get one gallon
• 42:40
  Speaker 5: of gas for sixty dollars so I could charge my
• 42:44
  Speaker 5: phone to tell you that Donald Trump sucks. And it's
• 42:50
  Speaker 5: the greatest email I've ever received in my life.
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: It was I thought.
• 42:54
  Speaker 5: I was like, I'm here, I'm alive. It's like, no,
• 42:55
  Speaker 5: I did all this to tell you. I just like,
• 42:57
  Speaker 5: sacrifice all this to.
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: Tell you that you were right.
• 43:00
  Speaker 4: He's for and country.
• 43:03
  Speaker 2: Yes, I agree, that is.
• 43:05
  Speaker 5: I grew up in a very conservative home. My dad like,
• 43:08
  Speaker 5: I used to listen to Russia Limba with my dad.
• 43:10
  Speaker 5: I bought I remember saving my babysitting money to buy
• 43:13
  Speaker 5: my dad a rush Limbaugh tie, going to Chesterfield Mall
• 43:16
  Speaker 5: and salist.
• 43:17
  Speaker 4: Is that TI?
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: Does I have rush On color like a Bill Cosby
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: ish colorful? I think that's my memory of it.
• 43:25
  Speaker 5: But yeah, it's interesting to grow up one way and
• 43:28
  Speaker 5: then kind of find your own way, which I think
• 43:31
  Speaker 5: is commendable to you and to me.
• 43:34
  Speaker 4: Of course, look at us, of course, you know, we.
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: Kind of found our own thing that makes sense for us.
• 43:39
  Speaker 4: I mean, and then it creates an interesting dynamic between
• 43:41
  Speaker 4: the people you grew up with. Yeah, it's hard, it
• 43:44
  Speaker 4: can get very difficult.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: Very difficult.
• 43:46
  Speaker 4: But I think, I mean, I both of my parents
• 43:48
  Speaker 4: are not voting for Donald Trump, which I mean to
• 43:51
  Speaker 4: me is just like I never would have thought this,
• 43:54
  Speaker 4: but like it's just got He's so horrible. Yeah, he's
• 43:57
  Speaker 4: so horrible. It's hard not to watching The of Eight
• 44:00
  Speaker 4: the other nights, like I can't believe someone's looking at
• 44:01
  Speaker 4: this guy and be like that's that.
• 44:04
  Speaker 5: Yes, insane person, insane. And it's also the same people
• 44:09
  Speaker 5: that were saying that Joe Biden was rambling and not
• 44:11
  Speaker 5: making sense, right.
• 44:14
  Speaker 4: The con man Right. Yeah, everyone registered to vote?
• 44:17
  Speaker 2: Please register to vote.
• 44:18
  Speaker 5: For God's sake, Let's see if we get more people
• 44:21
  Speaker 5: in Taylor Swift registered to vote with this podcast.
• 44:23
  Speaker 4: This podcast is i would say, probably twenty five percent
• 44:26
  Speaker 4: more powerful than Taylor's.
• 44:27
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, no one's reading her gifts.
• 44:30
  Speaker 4: I'm selling out arenas, bigger arenas than Where are you
• 44:34
  Speaker 4: doing your live show in Brooklyn at the Bellhouse? At
• 44:37
  Speaker 4: the beautiful Bellhouse. Right, That's another thing I miss about
• 44:41
  Speaker 4: Kimmel is when we would go to Brooklyn.
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: I love that.
• 44:43
  Speaker 4: It's such a fun time. Yeah, I'm looking forward to that.
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: We all are, we all are, we are. I can't
• 44:51
  Speaker 4: believe I have this. I mean, I'm going to look
• 44:52
  Speaker 4: and see if there's anything else I can say.
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: There are usable things in there.
• 44:56
  Speaker 5: There are very great your observational humor, the very very
• 45:02
  Speaker 5: Bridger comedy.
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: It's so unique, there really is. You don't realize maybe
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: I hope you do.
• 45:08
  Speaker 5: I hope you realize how rare your voice is, because
• 45:10
  Speaker 5: it's it's very sweet, just a bright light.
• 45:13
  Speaker 4: I love it. I mean, I'm just looking at this
• 45:15
  Speaker 4: and this is just, I mean simply the most mortifying
• 45:19
  Speaker 4: thing that could have possibly ever read.
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: Your Game of Thrones bit.
• 45:22
  Speaker 3: I like that.
• 45:22
  Speaker 5: There's a bit yeah, the first page so for those
• 45:26
  Speaker 5: still listening late night packets to traditionally have a couple
• 45:30
  Speaker 5: of pages of topical jokes and a couple of pages
• 45:32
  Speaker 5: of bit ideas, and Bridger did a very good.
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: Job with both.
• 45:36
  Speaker 5: And there's a game throw I don't think we ever
• 45:38
  Speaker 5: actually used any of these bits. But the Game of
• 45:41
  Speaker 5: Thrones bit makes me laugh.
• 45:43
  Speaker 4: I'm not reading this, Yes you are, There's no way.
• 45:47
  Speaker 5: It's so wonderfully dumb and wonderful.
• 45:51
  Speaker 4: I love it. Okay, it says so, it says Game
• 45:55
  Speaker 4: of Thrones recaf and again, any potential future employers this
• 46:01
  Speaker 4: was written over ten years ago.
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: Also, he has good organizational skills in the office, it says.
• 46:08
  Speaker 4: Game of Thrones recap. Jimmy explains that Game of Thrones
• 46:10
  Speaker 4: has a complicated plot and again this again was when
• 46:13
  Speaker 4: Game of Thrones was a topical thing. Yes, of course,
• 46:15
  Speaker 4: before it was run into the ground. Peak Jimmy explains
• 46:19
  Speaker 4: that Game of Thrones has a complicated plot, so it
• 46:22
  Speaker 4: helps to have a refresher of what happened in each
• 46:24
  Speaker 4: week's episode. He then introduces a clip, a dramatic sequence
• 46:27
  Speaker 4: similar to the show's opening credits, which, after ten to
• 46:30
  Speaker 4: fifteen seconds of build up, cuts to a simple title
• 46:32
  Speaker 4: card that just reads, something happened to someone with a beard. So,
• 46:38
  Speaker 4: I mean, if I were if I were running a
• 46:40
  Speaker 4: late night show, if I were the host of a
• 46:42
  Speaker 4: late night show, it would be canceled after ten minutes,
• 46:44
  Speaker 4: simple like this is the most irritating show.
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: No, nope, it's original, it's unique, it's so you and.
• 46:50
  Speaker 4: I love it. There was one point where I was like,
• 46:52
  Speaker 4: I can't believe Jimmy hasn't fired me, because.
• 46:54
  Speaker 2: I everyone feels that way every day.
• 46:56
  Speaker 4: There was one bit it was around Easter. I mean
• 46:59
  Speaker 4: like I would obvious. They do try to do things
• 47:01
  Speaker 4: that were according to the show. But then every once
• 47:03
  Speaker 4: a on like, I'm just going to do one for me,
• 47:04
  Speaker 4: and I pitched we just do a straightforward commercial for bonnets.
• 47:08
  Speaker 4: There was no other angle other that it would just
• 47:10
  Speaker 4: be like, literally a commercial for bonnets. I'm like, he's
• 47:14
  Speaker 4: going to just walk into the office and ask me
• 47:16
  Speaker 4: to leave.
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: Did we put it on the air?
• 47:19
  Speaker 4: Absolutely not, Okay, I remember, like, what is he talking about?
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: I love it, though.
• 47:24
  Speaker 5: You need that because I think people get comfortable and
• 47:28
  Speaker 5: obviously the goal in a late night show is to
• 47:30
  Speaker 5: write for the host and the voice of the show,
• 47:32
  Speaker 5: but it also gets irritating and everyone keeps pitching the
• 47:34
  Speaker 5: same stuff and you want new ideas. So you need
• 47:37
  Speaker 5: that bonnet commercial every now and then.
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: You just got to change it up. I love it.
• 47:42
  Speaker 4: I will say my favorite. One of the high points
• 47:45
  Speaker 4: of that show that I feel like was a nice
• 47:46
  Speaker 4: mix of everything that I was so happy to do,
• 47:48
  Speaker 4: was I pitched there was some sort of wind storm
• 47:50
  Speaker 4: or something in LA that was really horrible, and I
• 47:53
  Speaker 4: pitched that a traveling wind chime. Salesman interrupts Jimmy during
• 47:58
  Speaker 4: the monologue. Oh that's good, and we got to do
• 48:01
  Speaker 4: it with Fred Willard, Oh god, the best who I'm rip,
• 48:04
  Speaker 4: one of the all time best people, and that like
• 48:06
  Speaker 4: to me, it was like, oh, I got basically got
• 48:08
  Speaker 4: to do exactly the sort of thing I would want
• 48:10
  Speaker 4: to do with one of my all time favorite actors.
• 48:13
  Speaker 2: Not the best feeling.
• 48:14
  Speaker 4: Oh it feels so good. It's so good, Jimmy. I mean,
• 48:18
  Speaker 4: the show is like one of the few places anymore,
• 48:20
  Speaker 4: I think, because Jimmy loves lettermans so much, where you
• 48:22
  Speaker 4: still got to do weird little things like that. This
• 48:26
  Speaker 4: is the audience is probably baffled.
• 48:28
  Speaker 5: Right, Yeah, there's definitely things we do for ourselves on
• 48:31
  Speaker 5: that show, but we love it. It's fun to do
• 48:34
  Speaker 5: that type of thing. It feels really good to write
• 48:36
  Speaker 5: something you're proud of and then see it on You know,
• 48:38
  Speaker 5: it's such a fast paced thing too. You're in seven
• 48:42
  Speaker 5: o'clock in the morning, you're in your pajamas, you're stressed out,
• 48:44
  Speaker 5: you're looking at a blank page and you're just a
• 48:47
  Speaker 5: government dream where you didn't graduate college or whatever, and
• 48:50
  Speaker 5: you are just freaked out.
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: You don't have anything. Some days you really don't.
• 48:54
  Speaker 4: Some days you do.
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: Oh and then like by dinner time, you're watching something
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: that you thought of in the morning.
• 49:00
  Speaker 4: Right with like a celebrity or something where it's just like, oh,
• 49:03
  Speaker 4: there's something in no way I could have done this
• 49:04
  Speaker 4: as a person alone.
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: Right, It's crazy. This great team people around.
• 49:09
  Speaker 4: Multiple industry professionals had to deal with whatever stupid thought.
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: There's someone getting that bonnet or whatever that you need. Yeah,
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: it's wonderful. I love it.
• 49:19
  Speaker 4: Well, I think I'm sure the listener is furious that
• 49:23
  Speaker 4: I'm not getting more into this, but I'm simply literally
• 49:26
  Speaker 4: could not be more mortified. I mean, the fact that
• 49:29
  Speaker 4: you have access to an electronic copy of this makes
• 49:31
  Speaker 4: me so I'm going to hack and I'm going to
• 49:33
  Speaker 4: use my online resources to get into your email.
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: I would like to think, writers is this?
• 49:38
  Speaker 5: And Becky Dorf, oh sweet found that for me and
• 49:42
  Speaker 5: she keeps everything, and I just said, is there any
• 49:44
  Speaker 5: way we still have Bridger's packet, And within seven seconds
• 49:47
  Speaker 5: it was in my email and it made me so happy,
• 49:50
  Speaker 5: And I'm really.
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: Happy to be a guest here. That brought you the
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: worst gift, because I think I.
• 49:55
  Speaker 4: Might have There's no way that there could be a
• 49:56
  Speaker 4: worse gift than this.
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: No no chance.
• 49:58
  Speaker 5: There's no gift that I'll give you the visceral reaction
• 50:01
  Speaker 5: and just the wash of sweat that came over your.
• 50:03
  Speaker 4: Back, unless some one brings me the head of a
• 50:05
  Speaker 4: family member.
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 50:08
  Speaker 2: Will Arnett next week? Look forward to it.
• 50:13
  Speaker 4: Oh my god, Well, thank you for this. I mean,
• 50:15
  Speaker 4: it's nice to I'll probably never have another riding job now,
• 50:19
  Speaker 4: Oh yes you will. This is now. I'm now permanently ruined.
• 50:22
  Speaker 2: Now that's a ten year old packet which got you
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: hired on the show.
• 50:26
  Speaker 4: I would like to say, I think it probably in
• 50:29
  Speaker 4: the end was the online resources. Yeah, definitely, that was
• 50:33
  Speaker 4: the clincher for the show.
• 50:35
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 50:36
  Speaker 4: Well, I think it's time to play a game.
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: Oh I love a game.
• 50:39
  Speaker 4: We're going to play a game called Gift or a Curse.
• 50:41
  Speaker 4: I need a number between one and ten from you.
• 50:44
  Speaker 2: Seven.
• 50:44
  Speaker 4: Okay. I have to do some light calculating right now.
• 50:47
  Speaker 4: So while I do this, I am going to be
• 50:49
  Speaker 4: using some of my online resources. While I do this,
• 50:52
  Speaker 4: you have the mic. You can recommend, promote, do whatever
• 50:54
  Speaker 4: you want.
• 50:56
  Speaker 2: Great.
• 50:57
  Speaker 5: Well, I work, as you know, as the exect producer
• 50:59
  Speaker 5: and one of the cod writers Jimmy Kim Alive on
• 51:02
  Speaker 5: ABC and we have that every night for you to watch,
• 51:05
  Speaker 5: which we put a lot of great work into some
• 51:08
  Speaker 5: great jokes like Bridgers and some not and what else?
• 51:13
  Speaker 5: What else am I provoting? I'm promoting myself. I'm a
• 51:17
  Speaker 5: really good mom, guys. I somehow manage to have a
• 51:22
  Speaker 5: full time job and raise a year old ten year old.
• 51:24
  Speaker 5: And it's not easy right now, guys, it's not easy.
• 51:27
  Speaker 5: I have to ingest all this news every morning that
• 51:31
  Speaker 5: makes me want to die, and then put on a
• 51:33
  Speaker 5: smile and make pancakes and pack lunches and pretend that
• 51:37
  Speaker 5: the world isn't on fire, and put two kids in
• 51:39
  Speaker 5: the car and take them to school, and then I
• 51:41
  Speaker 5: go to work, and then I try to make all
• 51:43
  Speaker 5: this bad news funny and it's not that funny, guys.
• 51:46
  Speaker 5: It's not that funny, Okay.
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: So I'd like to promote that I'm still alive after
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: ingesting this news every day, spinning it around and raising
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: two humans that I don't want them to know how
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: terrified I am of what's going on in the world.
• 52:00
  Speaker 4: Thanks beautifully, beautifully done.
• 52:03
  Speaker 2: I grind my teeth and I chip my tooth and
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: things are a mess.
• 52:07
  Speaker 4: Do you have a mouthguard?
• 52:08
  Speaker 2: I need to get one. I chipped a tooth from
• 52:10
  Speaker 2: grinding away.
• 52:10
  Speaker 4: WHOA, I can't believe your dentist doesn't have you own
• 52:13
  Speaker 4: a mouthguard.
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: I know I need to be on one. Oh well,
• 52:15
  Speaker 2: I'm going to get in visil line. Ooman within visil line. Like,
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: that's a freaking clus I think that's fine. Ever seen
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: someone with a visilin like good idea? No, it's a
• 52:29
  Speaker 2: terrible idea.
• 52:30
  Speaker 5: I just need to get to the results. But it's
• 52:32
  Speaker 5: going to be sixteen months of I'm a grown ass
• 52:35
  Speaker 5: woman within visil line.
• 52:36
  Speaker 4: But in visil line has come a long way.
• 52:38
  Speaker 2: No, it hasn't. No, it hasn't. You still know it's
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: in visil line.
• 52:42
  Speaker 4: Butt. If Tom Cruise can go through braces publicly, anyone
• 52:47
  Speaker 4: could do in visil line.
• 52:48
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 52:49
  Speaker 2: That worked out great.
• 52:50
  Speaker 4: That was one of my favorite periods of pop culture history.
• 52:53
  Speaker 4: Tom had braces.
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: That was wonderful.
• 52:55
  Speaker 4: Good for him.
• 52:55
  Speaker 2: You're right, it's incredible.
• 52:57
  Speaker 4: Okay, this is how we play gift for a curse.
• 52:59
  Speaker 4: I'm going to name three things, and you're going to
• 53:01
  Speaker 4: tell me if there are a gift or a curse
• 53:02
  Speaker 4: and why, Okay, and then I'll tell you if you're
• 53:04
  Speaker 4: right or wrong because there are correct answers. Oh you
• 53:07
  Speaker 4: can fail big times. Okay, oh gosh, okay. Number one
• 53:10
  Speaker 4: This is from a listener named Emily. Gift or a curse.
• 53:14
  Speaker 4: Someone compliments your outfit and then they say it looks comfortable.
• 53:19
  Speaker 5: Oh gosh, you know, Molly in her thirties would have
• 53:24
  Speaker 5: said that that's a curse. Molly in her forties says,
• 53:27
  Speaker 5: that's a gift because you've complimented me. I look good,
• 53:31
  Speaker 5: and you're also telling me I look comfortable, which I
• 53:33
  Speaker 5: think is the ultimate goal. I'm not afraid of that anymore.
• 53:36
  Speaker 5: I used to wear really uncomfortable shoes, high heels.
• 53:38
  Speaker 2: Forget it. No, COVID changed everything. Comfort is a compliment,
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: and I'm taking it. It's a gift.
• 53:45
  Speaker 4: Absolutely, it's a gift we have. I'm sorry, but we've
• 53:49
  Speaker 4: reached a point in history when we went through normcore
• 53:53
  Speaker 4: for the from twenty twelve to twenty seventeen, and that
• 53:55
  Speaker 4: really broke down some walls for everyone to just be
• 53:58
  Speaker 4: comfortable at all times. And when you get the compliment,
• 54:02
  Speaker 4: everyone just wants to look comfortable. I mean, we're all
• 54:04
  Speaker 4: just looking comfortable. I mean the I think it all
• 54:06
  Speaker 4: started kind of the airport with people wearing pajama pants. Yes,
• 54:10
  Speaker 4: and then that kind of bled into reality and being
• 54:13
  Speaker 4: comfortable is a good thing.
• 54:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, to be comfortable and like, oh, I like the
• 54:17
  Speaker 2: way you look.
• 54:17
  Speaker 4: That's that's a dream.
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: That's a dream.
• 54:20
  Speaker 4: Unless it's someone who's a known enemy and you know
• 54:23
  Speaker 4: that they're trying to undercut you.
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, unless you're the Oscars.
• 54:26
  Speaker 5: Someone says you look good and comfortable at like a
• 54:28
  Speaker 5: black tie thing, maybe it's an insult, but other than that,
• 54:31
  Speaker 5: day to day, I'll take it.
• 54:33
  Speaker 4: Definitely a gift. Okay, very nicely played. Number two. This
• 54:36
  Speaker 4: is from a listener named Peter. Gift or a curse
• 54:39
  Speaker 4: calling presents prezzies.
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: Oh, curse, screw. You don't want any part of it.
• 54:44
  Speaker 5: Don't call blueberries bloobs, don't call prezzies presents prezies. Don't
• 54:48
  Speaker 5: call sandwiches sandos, hate all of it, don't get cute,
• 54:52
  Speaker 5: just call it. You didn't even save yourself a syllable present, Prezzy.
• 54:57
  Speaker 5: It's no, no, no, goddamn curse. And I will die
• 55:02
  Speaker 5: on that hill.
• 55:03
  Speaker 4: Oh unfortunately, Molly, that is a gift. No Prezzi's. First
• 55:09
  Speaker 4: of all, I've never heard anybody say this before. This
• 55:12
  Speaker 4: is the first time it's really coming to my attention.
• 55:15
  Speaker 5: And you liked the way it sounded, You liked that
• 55:18
  Speaker 5: that felt good inside when you heard prezies, you like
• 55:23
  Speaker 5: that makes that really Now I feel like my Prezie
• 55:26
  Speaker 5: wasn't so bad.
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: If that's if you think Prezzie.
• 55:28
  Speaker 4: Is good, Prezie is neither. A. You're not supposed to
• 55:30
  Speaker 4: feel good or bad while saying it. I think that
• 55:33
  Speaker 4: it's supposed to just send a shock to the system,
• 55:36
  Speaker 4: uh huh, to you and everyone around you, and it
• 55:39
  Speaker 4: makes everyone feel a little more alive. When why is
• 55:43
  Speaker 4: Molly calling presence prezzies? Is she okay? Nope?
• 55:46
  Speaker 3: No.
• 55:47
  Speaker 5: One time I brought a bottle of champagne over to
• 55:49
  Speaker 5: someone's house and I said thanks for the champs and
• 55:51
  Speaker 5: I almost just took it back.
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: No, I don't like shortening words. It don't need to
• 55:55
  Speaker 2: be shortened.
• 55:56
  Speaker 4: This all started with guawk, oh, fuck, walk, fuck.
• 55:59
  Speaker 2: All of it.
• 55:59
  Speaker 5: No like any of excuse my language, don't know, I
• 56:02
  Speaker 5: hate it all. Don't be cute, just use the word.
• 56:04
  Speaker 2: It was made for a reason.
• 56:06
  Speaker 4: Sando's a tough one to swallow.
• 56:07
  Speaker 2: It's all hard, all of it. All of it's bad.
• 56:12
  Speaker 4: Pressies. No, well, unfortunately you do not get the point
• 56:15
  Speaker 4: because it's clearly a gift.
• 56:17
  Speaker 5: Oh, I will I'm about to I'm gonna find that gun.
• 56:20
  Speaker 4: We were talking about Molly. We hate to see a
• 56:22
  Speaker 4: sore loser, so let's try to turn things around here.
• 56:26
  Speaker 4: Number three, gift her a curse and this is from
• 56:28
  Speaker 4: someone named Rebecca. And this is a long one gift
• 56:30
  Speaker 4: to a curse. When you and a stranger are walking
• 56:33
  Speaker 4: in opposite directions and you try to dodge each other
• 56:36
  Speaker 4: but keep going to the same side. Then when you
• 56:39
  Speaker 4: eventually figure it out and are able to pass each other,
• 56:42
  Speaker 4: the stranger says, thanks for the dance.
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: That's hard.
• 56:50
  Speaker 5: Gosh, you know, it kind of depends on how it's delivered.
• 56:54
  Speaker 5: And if you know what, tell you what, if it's
• 56:56
  Speaker 5: someone over the age of fifty, it is a gift.
• 57:00
  Speaker 5: If oh, you know what, I'm gonna be really like
• 57:04
  Speaker 5: biased here because it's.
• 57:05
  Speaker 2: Like, gosh, I'm not I'm being ages with this.
• 57:09
  Speaker 5: I you know what I'm gonna say, it's a gift.
• 57:11
  Speaker 5: And I know it's the wrong answer, but that's silly
• 57:14
  Speaker 5: that you're gonna call it the wrong answer because.
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: You like Pruzzy. But I think it's a gift.
• 57:20
  Speaker 4: I'm not confident.
• 57:22
  Speaker 2: It's more of a bresie. I don't know it's a gift.
• 57:25
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna say gift. No, God, I don't feel comfortable
• 57:27
  Speaker 5: with it though. If someone said that, I think I
• 57:30
  Speaker 5: not feel good. I'm really putting on a thought. I
• 57:37
  Speaker 5: respect this, Thanks for the dance. If it's an old
• 57:40
  Speaker 5: man gift, anyone else, curse, but.
• 57:43
  Speaker 4: You have to make it. You have to make a distinction.
• 57:46
  Speaker 4: There's no two answer here.
• 57:49
  Speaker 5: M hm. Against everything that my body is feeling. Am
• 57:54
  Speaker 5: I trying to get it right? Or am I trying
• 57:55
  Speaker 5: to tell you what I think.
• 57:56
  Speaker 4: You're trying to have the best day you possibly can.
• 58:00
  Speaker 5: Okay, If I'm gonna have the best day I can
• 58:02
  Speaker 5: possibly can, I'm gonna try to stay positive because it's
• 58:05
  Speaker 5: hard to be positive in this world.
• 58:07
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to say it's a gift, Thank you
• 58:08
  Speaker 2: so much. What a cute little joke you mane on
• 58:10
  Speaker 2: the sidewalk. I don't like it.
• 58:13
  Speaker 4: Gift Molly wrong, damn it, it's a curse you should have.
• 58:17
  Speaker 5: You're absolutely right, it's a curse, and I don't feel
• 58:19
  Speaker 5: good about myself.
• 58:20
  Speaker 4: You've already taken up too much of my time on
• 58:22
  Speaker 4: the sidewalk. Shut up and leave me alone. Totally.
• 58:24
  Speaker 5: I know, I totally agree with you, but it just
• 58:26
  Speaker 5: felt so negative, and after you're shitting on pressy, I
• 58:28
  Speaker 5: felt like, oh, come on, Molly, have a.
• 58:30
  Speaker 2: Little hope in the world.
• 58:31
  Speaker 4: Maybe instead of using your brain power to think of
• 58:33
  Speaker 4: your little joke, you could have thought about getting out
• 58:35
  Speaker 4: of my way. Yes, totally, thanks for the dance.
• 58:39
  Speaker 2: I hate him.
• 58:40
  Speaker 4: It's orderline sexual harassment. You're right. I don't want to
• 58:44
  Speaker 4: hear from you. You're annoying. We all know. It's a
• 58:46
  Speaker 4: frustrating experience. I'm flustered. I don't want to have to laugh.
• 58:50
  Speaker 4: I don't want to have to wonder what's going on
• 58:52
  Speaker 4: with you as a person. Leave me alone. No, thank you.
• 58:56
  Speaker 4: That's a curse. And unfortunately, Molly, you got one out
• 58:59
  Speaker 4: of three.
• 59:00
  Speaker 2: But if that person was wearing a T shirt that
• 59:05
  Speaker 2: said the name of your.
• 59:06
  Speaker 4: Podcast on it, it's what I would say, do not
• 59:09
  Speaker 4: tell anyone you listen to my podcast.
• 59:11
  Speaker 2: I said no gifts.
• 59:11
  Speaker 5: Now you'd be like, come on, if someone's wearing the
• 59:14
  Speaker 5: I said no Gifts t shirt coming to you, you
• 59:16
  Speaker 5: would maybe like it.
• 59:17
  Speaker 4: A little more. I would say, take that shirt off.
• 59:20
  Speaker 4: I don't want anything to do with you. You are
• 59:24
  Speaker 4: sullying the name of my good podcast.
• 59:26
  Speaker 2: Great now it's a shirtless guy doing it. Just got
• 59:28
  Speaker 2: so much worse.
• 59:29
  Speaker 4: Great, find something else to listen to.
• 59:32
  Speaker 2: All right, you know what I like. I appreciate your conviction.
• 59:35
  Speaker 3: I like that.
• 59:36
  Speaker 4: Well, uh, poor failure. I am poorly, poorly played, and we.
• 59:41
  Speaker 2: Have poorly played. I brought a terrible gift. I failed.
• 59:45
  Speaker 4: You know what?
• 59:46
  Speaker 5: This is why I keep having this nightmare that I
• 59:48
  Speaker 5: wake up unprepared for the test because of moments like these.
• 59:51
  Speaker 4: You are going down in absolute flame. Okay, well, this
• 59:56
  Speaker 4: is the final segment of the podcast. It's called I
• 59:59
  Speaker 4: Said No Email. People write into I Said No gifts
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 4: at gmail dot com, and my listeners are desperate for answers.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 4: They all have different problems in their lives. Will you
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 4: help me answer a question?
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: Yes?
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 4: Okay, let me get into the doc here. Greeting's Bridger
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 4: and surprise guest. What a great episode so far. That's
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 4: very nice of them to assume. Here's the problem I
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 4: desperately need solved. My daughter is in first grade and
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 4: will be invited to a number of birthday parties this
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 4: school year. I saw these keywords, I thought Molly could
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 4: be a perfect person. Yes, because I certainly, well, actually
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 4: I am. I'm good at answering every question. Are rather
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 4: than running multiple errands to pick up gifts for various
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 4: seven year olds like we did throughout kindergarten, what are
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 4: some fun and useful gifts I could purchase multiples of
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 4: and have ready to go when another birthday party rolls
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 4: around with gratitude.
• 1:00:50
  Speaker 5: Andrea, Okay, Andrea, I love that you asked this. I
• 1:00:57
  Speaker 5: this is my kind of go to for gifts for kids.
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 5: Are supplies, oh and books Okay, and you can buy
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 5: them buy the bulk. I also, if you really like
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 5: a friend I like, and I got this. This is
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 5: going to be the most obnoxious thing I've ever said.
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 5: I stole this idea from Oprah when we had our
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 5: first child, Oprah cent which is crazy. We got to
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 5: get from Oprah a giant basket of books. There were
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 5: two hundred and fifty children's books in there. Oh my god,
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 5: her favorite children's books. And then she went the extra
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 5: step and put a sticker on each that said Jane's
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 5: book Club.
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: It looked like the Oprah's Book Club, but say Jane's
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: Book Club. And so that's what I do now.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 5: But I only send like ten books. I don't send
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 5: to him for fifty but ten books like sending to
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 5: me giving kids books like here are the ten books
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 5: my child and I enjoy, best gift, and you just
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 5: buy a bunch of them, have them in little stacks.
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 5: Give books and art supplies. You know, my parents like
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 5: art supplies because like they're disposable. They go and use
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 5: them and then get out of them big plastic thing. Yeah, yeah,
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 5: you're going to put that right in a shutter.
• 1:01:59
  Speaker 4: I got you. I'm going to put this in the
• 1:02:01
  Speaker 4: cannon and fire into the atmosphere.
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and then this is going to be also an
• 1:02:05
  Speaker 5: earnest answer. But I also like making a donation to
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 5: Children's hospital when kids a birthday parties and go, hey,
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 5: little donation in your name to Children's hospital.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 2: And here's a favorite book of ours.
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 4: That's a good gift. Children are not give it a
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 4: donation to us.
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 2: Don't need anything else, mostly right, right.
• 1:02:23
  Speaker 4: I mean, Andrea clearly doesn't care about her child's friends.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 4: I think that that's pretty obvious. She or she got
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 4: tired of them during kindergarten. One of them offended her,
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 4: and now she's got some sort of she's some problem
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 4: that she's out to solve. She doesn't want to get
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 4: them anything good, she doesn't want to put any thought
• 1:02:41
  Speaker 4: into it. My suggest suggestion is go to the bank
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 4: and get a bag of Nichols. Then you know, the
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 4: birthday party, you just grab one out of the bag
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 4: in the car, and you're also set for meters, you know,
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 4: so you can also use that when you're parking in
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 4: the city and you're now prepared for both children's birthdays
• 1:03:00
  Speaker 4: and parking.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 2: Yes, that's a terrible gift idea year old.
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 5: Seven year olds don't want your filthy nickels, Okay, they'd
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 5: rather you give them like a pack of gum than
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 5: a pack of nickels.
• 1:03:14
  Speaker 4: Andrea is going to be the hit of the birthday
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 4: party circuit with her nickels. No, she's not gonna be
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 4: worrying about the meter running out. She's going to come
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 4: in with the single nickel or the child. I guess
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 4: the child will be the person sent in with the nickel,
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 4: and they're going to make a lot of friends.
• 1:03:27
  Speaker 5: They're the nickel kid. That's gonna be their nickname now,
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 5: because kids don't even work and change. They don't have change,
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 5: they don't have a use for it. There's not like
• 1:03:36
  Speaker 5: bubblegum machines. It's not like penny candy like our parents
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 5: talked about. They don't want your nickels, You filthy nickels.
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 2: Don't bring anything.
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 4: Currency, don't bring.
• 1:03:48
  Speaker 2: Don't listen to bridge or under this guys.
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 4: Come on, Andrea, go to the credit union, go to
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 4: your bank, whatever you wherever you need to go to
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 4: the at well, actually ATMs should give nickels. That's a
• 1:03:57
  Speaker 4: that's an idea for the banking industry. Look into it,
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 4: banking and street. Go to the bank or just scrounge
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 4: around the house for a few nickels. You probably, I
• 1:04:05
  Speaker 4: can't imagine your kids got more than two friends. This
• 1:04:08
  Speaker 4: family seems like losers. M get the nickels. Put them
• 1:04:12
  Speaker 4: in the glove compartment or that what's the middle thing
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 4: in the car, the box that sits between the two seats,
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 4: which we call that thing that you've lift up the console,
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 4: the console, oh cle center, console, mini coffin, the guinea
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 4: pig coffin in between the two seeds. That's now just
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 4: full of kind of loose change. And prepare for the
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 4: family to be run out of town.
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 2: Happy birthday to you. What a nice gift.
• 1:04:42
  Speaker 4: Everyone appreciates a single nickel, of course, Yeah, totally.
• 1:04:47
  Speaker 2: I throw those away.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 4: Must be nice, must be.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 2: I have no use for them.
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 4: Okay, well, Andrea, you've gotten your answer from me. From me,
• 1:05:02
  Speaker 4: we'll probably have to beep out a lot of what
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 4: Molly had to say. Her advice was borderline.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 2: We don't want too good of advice on this thing.
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 4: But Andrew, do not write back in. I don't want
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 4: to hear anything else about this situation. It makes me sick.
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 4: Oh gosh, Molly, Molly, Molly, Well, you've essentially I've been
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 4: assaulted with a piece of history of mine which is
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 4: making me question everything.
• 1:05:27
  Speaker 2: Don't you want to go back and rethink inviting me here?
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 4: I want to rethink my career. I'm going to tell
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 4: my agents and manager today that I'm leaving the business.
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 4: I'm going to crawl back to overstock dot com and
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 4: tell them that I could have saved them from the
• 1:05:42
  Speaker 4: bed bath and beyond disaster.
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 5: It would be so fun if we could submit that
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 5: packet right now, under a different name to all the
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 5: late night shows and see if we get a bite.
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 2: I bet we could absolutely not.
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah, someone would find out and I would become
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 4: the laughing stock of the industry.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 2: Even more so, I am absolutely not. I stand by
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 2: that packet.
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 4: Well, I look, I do appreciate the shock to the system. Good.
• 1:06:08
  Speaker 2: I'm glad you need it.
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 4: Very alive.
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it's like a cold plunch. I gave you a
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 5: cold plunch right here. The endorphins are going, and it does.
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 3: You know.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 4: It's a nice look back to think at some point
• 1:06:19
  Speaker 4: I could have. I mean, I almost completely ruined everything
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 4: for myself.
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 2: You are ridiculous. That's a great packet.
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 4: Oh, oh my god, it's so now.
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 2: I want you to write one now. My current day
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 2: isn't so terrible.
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 4: It is a stressful experience. I feel bad.
• 1:06:39
  Speaker 5: I have to read packets, you know, for my job,
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 5: and I always I always just feel bad reading them.
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 2: Of course I do.
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 5: I'm like, they put so much work into this, and
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 5: when you don't like it, I was like, hold on,
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 5: I'm gonna read it again. I try to read it
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 5: again the next day. I'm like, maybe I was just
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 5: you know, I don't want to bring my own stuff
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 5: on this. Let maybe I'm in a better mood I'm
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 5: gonna read it now.
• 1:06:56
  Speaker 2: Like, oh no, I still don't like it. Shoot, and
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 2: I feel bad. But there's a lot of good ones
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 2: like that one.
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 4: Oh, packets, packets, packets. I don't know. Well, thank you
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 4: for bringing this here. You're welcome, and I'm so happy
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 4: you could be here today.
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 2: I'm so glad I could be here.
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 5: I absolutely adore you podcast, and I just think you're
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 5: a special human being that we are all lucky to
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 5: have in our lives.
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 4: Oh God, bless we've come a very long way from
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 4: Anne of Green Gables.
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah we have. I'm so sad I forgot that. That's
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 2: how I met you. Now I can see it perfectly clear.
• 1:07:26
  Speaker 4: I've got a photo. I'll post it to Instagram. Maybe
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 4: that will run some liveries for you.
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 2: Please do it's it's.
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 4: It is a good costume. My mom made it for me.
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 2: I've got to check her out. I'm going to check
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 2: out our voting record online and see if that was the.
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 4: Fact that my mom at the time didn't realize that
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 4: I was gay. There's a whole bunch of things happening.
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 2: Wait, did your mom really make the costume?
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 4: You made the costume?
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 2: No, she did.
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 4: She's the best. That's amazing, it's incredible. She should start
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 4: at Etsy store. Yes, she should strictly a Green Gables car.
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 2: Yes, I did not realize your mom made it.
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 4: Incredible.
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 2: That makes it even better. Oh no, I can't wait
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 2: to see the photo.
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a really gorgeous costume.
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 2: Where is it now?
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 4: I think it's a my parents house. It must be,
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 4: because yeah, moving back and forth, you know, you're like,
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 4: I'm not moving anywhere.
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 5: Halloween costumes refresh my memory. It was a costume made
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 5: for that year.
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 4: It was before that year.
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 2: It wasn't like mom sent me the costume you made
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 2: for me in eighth grade.
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 4: No, she made it that year and mailed it to me.
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 2: That sweet and that was a request by you. This
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 2: is what I want.
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 4: Yes. The only thing I supplied was the wig, which
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 4: was a I've never seen frozen actually, but the redheaded character,
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 4: Oh yeah has pigtails, I guess right, yeah, Anna, yeah, Ana.
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 4: So I went to the store and bought one of
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 4: those and it worked well. I mean, that's a that's
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 4: a little life hack for the listener if they want
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 4: to be Anne of green Gables, get a frozen wing leg.
• 1:08:44
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's does she still like right now, if you
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 5: said to your mom, can you make me a costume
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 5: for Halloween?
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 2: Would she?
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 3: Oh?
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 4: Absolutely.
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 2: She's like sows and she sews.
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 4: She watercolors. She made the poster for our live show
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 4: I have right here. Do you want to look at this?
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 4: Of course?
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 3: Sure.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 4: And this was a big ask for her because I said,
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 4: will you paint a picture of a rat holding a gun.
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 2: From your childhood memory of your up splinter?
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 4: Oh that's great, and she was like, she was very
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 4: nervous about the gun element. But I was able to
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 4: convince her.
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 2: And this is at this, Oh my god, that's adorable,
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 2: really great.
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 4: She was a very good artist.
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 2: She's a really good artist. And who did that awesome font?
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 4: I am the person behind the font? You are? I
• 1:09:26
  Speaker 4: love a bit that on my resume that Yeah you
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 4: should if you have a special skill to add.
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 2: I love the colors too.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 4: You can pick a great poster. Isn't that great?
• 1:09:34
  Speaker 2: You need to have that hanging in this room.
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 4: She should start a poster business.
• 1:09:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love it. This was really nice.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 4: Nice.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 2: I like seeing you. Next time. I'll let me bring
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 2: Pikito moss.
• 1:09:45
  Speaker 4: Everyone, I'll bring you bring Poqito moss and something that
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 4: doesn't just shake me to my core.
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 2: Maybe a gift that will make you feel good inside
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 2: and outside. I'll try that.
• 1:09:53
  Speaker 4: Next step, listener, the podcast is over. It's simply coming
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 4: to an end. You knew that this was coming the
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 4: moment you started the podcast that eventually would end. And
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 4: now you're coming to terms with that. I hope you're
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 4: coming to terms with that at least, otherwise you're gonna
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 4: have a meltdown. I love you, goodbye, I said, No
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 4: Gifts is an exactly right production. It's produced by our
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 4: dear friend Analise Nelson, and it's beautifully mixed by Ben Holliday.
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 4: And we couldn't do it without our guest booker, Patrick Kottner.
• 1:10:26
  Speaker 4: The theme song, of course, could only come from miracle
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 4: worker Amy Mann. You must follow the show on Instagram
• 1:10:34
  Speaker 4: at I said no Gifts, I don't want to hear
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 4: any excuses. That's where you get to see pictures of
• 1:10:39
  Speaker 4: all these gorgeous gifts I'm getting. And don't you want
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 4: to see pictures of the gifts?
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: Well, I invit, did you hear.
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 1: Thun a man myself perfectly clear? When you're a guess, Tom,
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 1: you gotta come to me empty, I said.
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 5: No guests.
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 1: Your own presence is presents enough.
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 3: I already had too much stuff, So how do you
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 3: dare to surbey me?