Latest / Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET / Episode #164 w/Dr. Stephen Paul Edwards

Transcript

Episode #164 w/Dr. Stephen Paul Edwards · Kickin’ It With KeKe: Life, Love, & MINDSET

0:03
Speaker 1: Welcome to Kicking in with Kiki.
0:07
Speaker 2: Kicking it you Ki Ki, kicking it the ki Ki
0:15
Speaker 2: for a little personality, switching up the storyline on God,
0:19
Speaker 2: we making and story and books cards one day at
0:23
Speaker 2: a time.
0:24
Speaker 1: Much problems to the side, enjoy yourself, free your mind.
0:31
Speaker 3: Kicking it with Ki keep.
0:40
Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, Hello, and welcome back to another episode of
0:43
Speaker 2: Kicking It with Kiki, Life.
0:44
Speaker 3: Loved, Mindset.
0:45
Speaker 2: I am your host, Kiki Chanel, award winning author, lifestyle
0:49
Speaker 2: blogger and owner of nineteen lifestyle magazine.
0:53
Speaker 3: Around here we talk.
0:54
Speaker 2: About life, love, mindset, growth and all the things that
0:58
Speaker 2: help you evolve into your best So today I am
1:01
Speaker 2: joined with a very special guest. But you guys already
1:04
Speaker 2: know how I like to do. I like to give
1:06
Speaker 2: my guests the opportunity to tell you who they are.
1:09
Speaker 2: So I'll turn it over to doctor Stephen Edwards. Doctor Edwards,
1:14
Speaker 2: thank you for somebody kicking with me today.
1:16
Speaker 1: Well, I'm excited to be here, Kiki. Yes, so you're
1:20
Speaker 1: asking me who I am? Is that right?
1:22
Speaker 2: Yes?
1:22
Speaker 3: Tell the listeners who you are, what you do? Go
1:25
Speaker 3: ahead and let.
1:26
Speaker 1: Them know, all right, Well, the honest answer to that
1:29
Speaker 1: question is I'm still trying to figure it out. But
1:32
Speaker 1: I'm further along than I was before I started. So
1:36
Speaker 1: I don't like to say I am these things. I mean,
1:39
Speaker 1: I mean, I could reel off a bunch of things
1:41
Speaker 1: I've done or that I do, but that's not who
1:43
Speaker 1: I am. Right, So who I am is a hopeless romantic.
1:50
Speaker 1: I've been married four times.
1:52
Speaker 3: Oh wow.
1:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know what the record is, but I'm
1:55
Speaker 1: going for it.
1:56
Speaker 2: No.
1:56
Speaker 1: So, but I've never given up hope.
2:00
Speaker 2: There you go.
2:01
Speaker 1: Let me just say that. But I have realized the
2:04
Speaker 1: marriage is not for me. So I now tell people
2:07
Speaker 1: they say, you're gonna get married again, I said, listen,
2:09
Speaker 1: I'm unmarriageable, right, So that's one thing about me. I
2:12
Speaker 1: am unmarriageable, right. But I have learned a lot about
2:16
Speaker 1: relationships besides not to be in one. And so I
2:22
Speaker 1: you know, I'm a I'm a what do you call
2:25
Speaker 1: it a seecret. I don't know if that's the right word.
2:26
Speaker 1: But I've always wanted to grow in my spirituality right
2:31
Speaker 1: ever since I was a kid. And you know, you've
2:34
Speaker 1: gotta be careful what you ask for, right, because that's
2:36
Speaker 1: not an easy journey to take, right. And I've definitely
2:39
Speaker 1: had my ups and downs, been through a lot of
2:41
Speaker 1: pain to get where I am today, and I got
2:45
Speaker 1: a lot more pain to go, I'm pretty sure. Right. So, this,
2:49
Speaker 1: this relationship that I went through in this book was
2:52
Speaker 1: what I would call the dark Knight of the soul, right,
2:55
Speaker 1: So I had to go through the heart, the heat,
2:58
Speaker 1: the fire, the trauma, the challenges that this beautiful lady
3:04
Speaker 1: brought into my life and gave me the gift of right. So,
3:08
Speaker 1: you know, so I fall maddel in love with her,
3:11
Speaker 1: which was the drawer, right because of qualities that she
3:14
Speaker 1: has before we get into and at the same time
3:17
Speaker 1: she almost killed me, so which was good. Right, you
3:21
Speaker 1: got the fire and you got the you know, the
3:23
Speaker 1: both ends of it, right. So it was a beautiful
3:25
Speaker 1: experience and I have nothing but gratitude and love to
3:28
Speaker 1: her for it. And I believe this is true or not.
3:32
Speaker 1: As a different thing, I believe she was a master
3:35
Speaker 1: teacher for me, that the relationship was never ever meant
3:40
Speaker 1: to work. She came into my life to teach me, right,
3:43
Speaker 1: and she did on a big scale. But that doesn't
3:47
Speaker 1: mean it. You know, at the end, we knew it
3:49
Speaker 1: was untenable, right, Well, I knew it was untenable and
3:52
Speaker 1: there was no way we could have stayed together. But
3:54
Speaker 1: that doesn't make it easy, you know, it doesn't make
3:56
Speaker 1: it easy because then the lesson that you learn is
3:58
Speaker 1: yet you have to love some enough to let him go.
4:01
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm hmm.
4:04
Speaker 1: Yeah. And so that's that's the tough part. What are
4:06
Speaker 1: the tough parts? So I don't know, maybe that's a
4:09
Speaker 1: little bit of long, long introduction to you who I am,
4:12
Speaker 1: but hopefully it's given people a little bit of understanding of,
4:15
Speaker 1: you know, what I've been through a little bit that's
4:17
Speaker 1: made me who I am today.
4:19
Speaker 2: Absolutely, and thank you for coming to kicking me. It
4:21
Speaker 2: is a pleasure to have you here. So we'll just
4:24
Speaker 2: go dive into this conversation from a life perspective. What
4:29
Speaker 2: are some early experiences? Are internal beliefs that silently shape
4:35
Speaker 2: the relationship patterns We keep repeating.
4:40
Speaker 1: Well, obviously this isn't your first rodeo, so you know
4:43
Speaker 1: it all starts with your children, right, And this is
4:46
Speaker 1: the famous pastor, I think it was Germany, he said,
4:49
Speaker 1: give me your son until he's seven years old, and
4:51
Speaker 1: I will show you the man. So true, it's all
4:55
Speaker 1: formed in those early years, right, So for me, I
5:00
Speaker 1: love me. When people say I had a really hard upbringing,
5:02
Speaker 1: I go, yeah, you and everybody else, right, But anyway,
5:05
Speaker 1: as a child, you don't know that. As a kid,
5:07
Speaker 1: you're going through school, you're going through this trauma at home.
5:10
Speaker 1: You think everybody else is just you know, it's going great,
5:13
Speaker 1: their parents are perfect, and you know you're you're the
5:15
Speaker 1: only one, so you don't want to talk about it,
5:17
Speaker 1: right because you don't want to be an outcast, you know,
5:21
Speaker 1: and little do you know. But anyway, so I'm not
5:24
Speaker 1: trying to say I'm the only one had a traumatic
5:26
Speaker 1: childhood by any stretch of the imagination. But it was
5:28
Speaker 1: traumatic for me. And really, at the end of the day,
5:30
Speaker 1: is how you perceive it, right, So you know, for me,
5:33
Speaker 1: how I perceived it was a very controlling, harsh, you know,
5:39
Speaker 1: unloving environment, which just made me want to run away
5:43
Speaker 1: from home, which I did. I ran away eight times,
5:46
Speaker 1: but they kept bringing me back for some reason I
5:48
Speaker 1: don't know, anyway, So I was so frustrated and I
5:52
Speaker 1: was so angry because it was so controlling that when
5:56
Speaker 1: I went to bed at night, I used to bang
5:59
Speaker 1: my head. I mean literally, this is not a joke.
6:01
Speaker 1: I used to bang my head on the pillow until
6:04
Speaker 1: I was so exhausted I fell asleep. Oh wow, it
6:07
Speaker 1: was the only way he gets to sleep. So and
6:10
Speaker 1: then so all this pent up anger, it's got to go.
6:13
Speaker 1: It's gotta come out, right, and you kind of you
6:15
Speaker 1: can only hold it down for so long and it's
6:17
Speaker 1: going to explode. So at sixteen years of age, I
6:19
Speaker 1: had my first experience of a manic behavior mania, right,
6:26
Speaker 1: which was pretty intense. Right, So I'm not gonna go
6:29
Speaker 1: into the whole story, but the bottom line is one night,
6:34
Speaker 1: this is the end of it, not closely in it,
6:36
Speaker 1: but before I got admitted to an asylum, right, I
6:37
Speaker 1: mean literally I got taken into a mental home. I
6:40
Speaker 1: was driving my car on the wrong side of a
6:42
Speaker 1: bridge doing one hundred miles an hour. This is after
6:46
Speaker 1: I've been out for like four days, no sleep, no food,
6:50
Speaker 1: completely high convincing everybody through all kinds of things, because
6:53
Speaker 1: when you're in mania, you can do amazing things, most
6:56
Speaker 1: of which you don't remember. I choked to I've decided
6:59
Speaker 1: I was gonna in a nightclub, and I told the
7:01
Speaker 1: best DJ in town that he was going to be
7:03
Speaker 1: my dj. I found the premises, told the guy who
7:06
Speaker 1: owned the premises to give me a five year at
7:08
Speaker 1: least with six months for free. I got a phone
7:12
Speaker 1: call from one of my friends at three o'clock in
7:13
Speaker 1: the morning. We're out somewhere partying, and this guy goes, yeah,
7:18
Speaker 1: this girl wants to meet you. I mean, that's pretty
7:21
Speaker 1: much all you had to say to me at that age, right,
7:22
Speaker 1: I go, where is she? She owns a brothel? Right,
7:25
Speaker 1: I went, what you know? She owns a brothel? So
7:28
Speaker 1: I go, okay, where is it? Right? So made a
7:31
Speaker 1: bunch of friends go out there every party for four days.
7:33
Speaker 1: Then I leave there and I think I'm sixteen, right,
7:37
Speaker 1: So I think maybe I should go home, Right, So
7:39
Speaker 1: I go, I've got to go home. I'm driving on
7:41
Speaker 1: the wrong side of the road one hundred miles an hour.
7:43
Speaker 1: I get home. My parents get out, like what the
7:45
Speaker 1: hell is going on? Because I tried to, you know,
7:47
Speaker 1: try to get in quietly another chance. So they come
7:49
Speaker 1: out and I go, listen, just so you know, I'm
7:51
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ and I'm going to have stigmata any meaning.
7:55
Speaker 1: So overall overall, it was a really good night. Right.
8:00
Speaker 1: Then they decide we got to take him. We got
8:02
Speaker 1: to take him to hospital. Right, So they take me
8:04
Speaker 1: to the nearest saying asylum, like there was a bunge
8:07
Speaker 1: of them. No, so they take me to this mental home,
8:10
Speaker 1: mental home. I don't know what it's called. But anyway,
8:12
Speaker 1: they took me there, and a lot of people weren't
8:14
Speaker 1: very they weren't very cognizant, right, but I was so happy.
8:18
Speaker 1: I was as high as a kind. I mean, I
8:19
Speaker 1: couldn't have got this high off crack. I don't think
8:22
Speaker 1: I'm never tried crack, but I don't think I could
8:24
Speaker 1: get that high off crack. I loved everybody, you know
8:27
Speaker 1: what I mean. And so they because they strapped me
8:29
Speaker 1: to a check because in normal terms, this is crazy,
8:32
Speaker 1: you know, and other patients were waking up, you know,
8:35
Speaker 1: about four or five in the morning now, so they're
8:36
Speaker 1: waking up, and you know, people are saying, well, I'm
8:39
Speaker 1: going through this and said, listen, it's gonna be fine.
8:41
Speaker 1: I had no idea what's going on. So anyway, so
8:46
Speaker 1: then they've got to bring me down, right, So they
8:49
Speaker 1: give me I don't think I don't even think they
8:51
Speaker 1: have it anymore, electro convulsive therapy ECT. And so they
8:57
Speaker 1: put like I don't know how many thousands of volts
8:59
Speaker 1: through your brain. You have a invulsion, and they hope
9:01
Speaker 1: that something is going to come out of it. Right,
9:02
Speaker 1: you're gonna shake it off. So you know, I'm joking
9:05
Speaker 1: about it. But that's intense, right, that has long term,
9:08
Speaker 1: lifelong consequences. Right, So I go through all that. Then
9:14
Speaker 1: I had trauma at school, and I was joking with
9:16
Speaker 1: you earlier about you know, my mom did literally send
9:19
Speaker 1: me to school in school clothes that were way too
9:22
Speaker 1: big for me. My overcoat used to drag on the floor.
9:25
Speaker 1: I had to roll up the sleeve so I could
9:27
Speaker 1: see my hands. A part of it came down in
9:30
Speaker 1: front of my face and it had fur. I looked
9:31
Speaker 1: that the grim reaper. Right, that cod that co would
9:36
Speaker 1: have fit me today, right, And you know how kids
9:39
Speaker 1: are if you look stupid, they're going to tell you stupid.
9:42
Speaker 1: And the teachers back then, you know, Edwards, come here
9:47
Speaker 1: you what are you wearing?
9:49
Speaker 2: Right?
9:50
Speaker 1: What are you wearing? I'm not really sure, sir. So anyway,
9:55
Speaker 1: so I got this is humiliating. It's funny now, but
9:57
Speaker 1: back then it was true. Tizing time, I was nine
10:00
Speaker 1: years old, I was buying my own school clothes. I
10:04
Speaker 1: had to find a way to get out of the pain,
10:06
Speaker 1: right right. So that is why clothes became very important
10:11
Speaker 1: to me. Fashion became very important to me because I
10:15
Speaker 1: don't want to be laughed at anymore, right right, And
10:18
Speaker 1: so I've always wanted to look good, look you know,
10:21
Speaker 1: look good. So that affected me in a big way
10:26
Speaker 1: later in my life. So these are some of the
10:27
Speaker 1: things that I went through to get me to the
10:30
Speaker 1: point where I when I went through all this, and
10:35
Speaker 1: I went through the trauma of my parents, my father
10:38
Speaker 1: was very successful. He decides he wants me to come
10:40
Speaker 1: and work in his business, so one day it can
10:42
Speaker 1: be half mine because my uncle was the partner. And
10:45
Speaker 1: then without telling me, you sold it. I was working
10:48
Speaker 1: when he sold it. Wow, what else could go wrong? Right?
10:52
Speaker 1: So that set me on a very destructive path, right,
10:58
Speaker 1: doing really ridiculous things to drugs. I was very lucky.
11:01
Speaker 1: I didn't get I didn't get addicted, and that was
11:04
Speaker 1: nothing to do with me. It was just him in
11:05
Speaker 1: my biochemistry. I was so lucky because I obviously had
11:08
Speaker 1: friends that did die, you know. So to go through
11:12
Speaker 1: all that, then I get serious, start a business, lose
11:15
Speaker 1: the business, start another business, do very good at that
11:19
Speaker 1: and then lose it. So I have this thing where
11:23
Speaker 1: I build things that up, become very good at it.
11:25
Speaker 1: Then I just imploded it and then I recreate myself
11:28
Speaker 1: right and usually move somewhere else. So I became kind
11:31
Speaker 1: of nomadic. But what again, the gift in that tiki
11:35
Speaker 1: was that I could reinvent myself over and over again.
11:38
Speaker 1: It's difficult for people to do that normally because you
11:41
Speaker 1: live in the same city, so people always see you
11:44
Speaker 1: the same way and they tend to throw the identity
11:46
Speaker 1: on you, so it's it's difficult to break out of
11:48
Speaker 1: it right, Whereas I was able to let it come
11:51
Speaker 1: burning down, crashing down, and then reinvent myself right. So
11:56
Speaker 1: there was a gift in that too. So but I've
11:59
Speaker 1: done that over and over again. And to make a
12:02
Speaker 1: long story a little shorter, this relationship, which the book
12:05
Speaker 1: is about to some extent, was another of a situation
12:09
Speaker 1: in me burning everything down. I went through another divorce,
12:13
Speaker 1: I was exhausted again. I burned out again. And that's
12:16
Speaker 1: when for me, as I experienced my life, I've realized
12:19
Speaker 1: that's when I go through the greatest growth, because my
12:21
Speaker 1: walls are finally down right, finally stop fighting, right, I'm
12:26
Speaker 1: willing to just say I'm going to let it all
12:27
Speaker 1: go and see what happens. And then that's when all
12:31
Speaker 1: the usually when all the shit happens right right right.
12:35
Speaker 1: And then she comes waltzing in like I'm at a
12:37
Speaker 1: point where I'm completely adrift, don't even know what i
12:40
Speaker 1: want to do anymore, and she walks into my life
12:42
Speaker 1: and I go, that's what I want to do, right.
12:45
Speaker 1: So you know, she's she's like almost six foot in
12:50
Speaker 1: a bare feet, which she is never in a bare feet,
12:52
Speaker 1: so she you know, she'd be six foot five right,
12:54
Speaker 1: I'm five eleven, right, so she would tower above me.
12:57
Speaker 1: And it's a former international supermodel. I mean, what are
13:00
Speaker 1: you going to do? I mean, you know, there's an
13:02
Speaker 1: opportunity of a lifetime. I'm going to go with it
13:04
Speaker 1: right right. Be course, little did I know where that
13:07
Speaker 1: was going to lead right led me through one of
13:10
Speaker 1: the most powerful, transformative experiences of my life.
13:16
Speaker 3: Wow, that is amazing.
13:18
Speaker 2: Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your experiences.
13:21
Speaker 2: And that's the overall premise of the podcast, to have
13:24
Speaker 2: individuals like yourself to come on and share your experience
13:28
Speaker 2: so that it can help other people see and know
13:31
Speaker 2: that I'm not the only person that has gone through this,
13:34
Speaker 2: and if he can do it, I can do it.
13:39
Speaker 1: You just told everybody the reason I wrote the book.
13:40
Speaker 1: It's exactly right, you know, it's so true. And the
13:44
Speaker 1: words you use at the beginning, I wrote it down
13:47
Speaker 1: because it's the key is to be vulnerable. Yes, And
13:53
Speaker 1: I hate to generalize, which is usually a good thing
13:56
Speaker 1: to say before you generalize, Right, I would say it's
14:00
Speaker 1: harder for men to be vulnerable than for It's not
14:03
Speaker 1: easy for either. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying
14:05
Speaker 1: it's easy for women either, because women are scared because
14:07
Speaker 1: their vulnerability can be taken advantage of, right often by men. Right,
14:11
Speaker 1: So I'm not saying it's easy for women. I'm just
14:14
Speaker 1: saying it may be a little bit harder men. But anyway,
14:17
Speaker 1: who cares. But you know, the bottom line is what
14:19
Speaker 1: she Tomas taught me was unbelievable. You know, with Tony
14:25
Speaker 1: Robbins for three years, I've worked with Brother Keithsak. I mean,
14:27
Speaker 1: I've worked with some amazing people, and don't get me wrong,
14:29
Speaker 1: I learned profound wisdom from them, but this experience was
14:34
Speaker 1: the most teachable moment of my life, because what was
14:37
Speaker 1: happening in this is that she was reflecting back at
14:41
Speaker 1: me myself. Wow, you know so well, like what, Well,
14:48
Speaker 1: she was totally authentic. She didn't care what anybody thought
14:53
Speaker 1: about her. That's very freeing, right, It's like geez, you know,
14:57
Speaker 1: she's like, this is me, Take me or leave me?
14:59
Speaker 1: This this is who I am. Right. Yeah, you could
15:02
Speaker 1: also say that's a bit a bit of a brat,
15:04
Speaker 1: which she was a brat. I mean she was born,
15:06
Speaker 1: she was born into wealth. The father's a billionaire, right,
15:08
Speaker 1: so as she was used to doing whatever she wanted
15:10
Speaker 1: when she wanted, you know, and that was it. But
15:14
Speaker 1: still that's still living authentically. She gave me something I'd
15:19
Speaker 1: never really had before, Kiki, because I've been living this
15:22
Speaker 1: life for a long time. I was, you know, doing
15:24
Speaker 1: very well. I mean I was making multimillions of dollars,
15:26
Speaker 1: living in a mansion with the sexual Remember how bad
15:28
Speaker 1: could it be? Right? But the point is there was
15:31
Speaker 1: a lot I was. I was living this image, right,
15:34
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And I didn't want anybody
15:36
Speaker 1: to see behind that image. Right, And so it makes
15:41
Speaker 1: you feel alone.
15:42
Speaker 2: Right.
15:43
Speaker 1: You could be on a stage with thousands of people
15:45
Speaker 1: and you're talking, but you're alone, right, and then you
15:48
Speaker 1: come off stage and people say, oh, you're amazing, that's incredible.
15:51
Speaker 1: That's not who I am. Right, you don't know you know,
15:54
Speaker 1: you don't know me. And now that makes you feel
15:57
Speaker 1: like it's hard to be out there because people, you know, people,
16:01
Speaker 1: you're gonna find cracks, right, the people, because that's not real.
16:04
Speaker 1: You canna live that way, right. I had all these things,
16:07
Speaker 1: like some of the things I told you about when
16:08
Speaker 1: I was a kid, banging my head on the pillow,
16:10
Speaker 1: being an asylum, and some of the things you never
16:14
Speaker 1: want people to know about about you because how will
16:16
Speaker 1: that change that perception? Right?
16:18
Speaker 3: Exactly?
16:20
Speaker 1: So you know, one of the things I'm kind of
16:23
Speaker 1: proud of in a way is that I just finally
16:25
Speaker 1: put it out there. I didn't just tell my friends.
16:28
Speaker 1: I mean, I told the whole world, right and put
16:30
Speaker 1: it in the book. So, but that's the freedom I'm
16:33
Speaker 1: talking about, right, And she gave that to me, right,
16:37
Speaker 1: because now you know, there's nothing you can say about
16:39
Speaker 1: me that I haven't said myself, you know what I
16:41
Speaker 1: mean exactly.
16:42
Speaker 2: I have a niece dis like that, she said, before
16:44
Speaker 2: I have anybody else tell my experience. I'll just tell
16:48
Speaker 2: it first. Like sometimes she'll call me and she was like,
16:50
Speaker 2: tee the boo, I have something to tell you. I said,
16:52
Speaker 2: let me prepare myself because she gonna go all in.
16:55
Speaker 2: And I love that about her because she is so
16:58
Speaker 2: open and free and she really doesn't care. I'm telling
17:03
Speaker 2: you because I don't want you to judge me of
17:05
Speaker 2: something that somebody else said.
17:07
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you can know the truth.
17:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's how I felt about putting this in
17:11
Speaker 1: the book. At least, at least is me saying it
17:14
Speaker 1: right as opposed to someone else finding out about it,
17:18
Speaker 1: because that puts you on the defensive anyway.
17:21
Speaker 2: Right.
17:21
Speaker 1: So yeah, so now you know, don't get me wrong here. Right.
17:26
Speaker 1: So I went through this experience. This is at the
17:28
Speaker 1: end of the journey obviously, right, I'm still here, but
17:32
Speaker 1: I did learn some powerful lessons that have helped me immensely. Right, So,
17:36
Speaker 1: what I would say is, I'm further along the road
17:37
Speaker 1: than I was before this happened, and I've learned things
17:40
Speaker 1: about myself that are profoundly changed the way I feel
17:44
Speaker 1: and in relationships. You know, Well, first of all, I
17:46
Speaker 1: haven't been in a relationship for four years, which is
17:48
Speaker 1: fantastic for me because I went on too. I mean,
17:51
Speaker 1: I had four wives. I mean, what does I tell you? You know,
17:53
Speaker 1: so I was very often in a relationship. But you know,
17:58
Speaker 1: but having this time alone has been amazing. I mean
18:02
Speaker 1: because of the experiences that I had with Tomorrow's where
18:05
Speaker 1: I'd given myself away, right, I gave myself away. I
18:09
Speaker 1: lost my identity, I lost all my stuff, but I
18:12
Speaker 1: almost lost my sanity. I mean seriously, I was this
18:16
Speaker 1: close to being back in the asylum, right. So, and
18:20
Speaker 1: if it hadn't have been for my therapist telling me,
18:23
Speaker 1: you know, she said, look, Stephen, you got to realize something.
18:27
Speaker 1: You're losing not just losing your stuff, You're losing yourself,
18:30
Speaker 1: right And if you keep going on this route, you
18:32
Speaker 1: are going to lose your sanity, right And so you
18:34
Speaker 1: got to realize something. And for reasons that I get
18:36
Speaker 1: into in the book, we don't need to go into
18:37
Speaker 1: right now, there's no way that she was ever going
18:40
Speaker 1: to change. She was never going to be healed because
18:43
Speaker 1: she's not meant to in this lifetime. And that was
18:46
Speaker 1: also a lesson for me because I'd always believed I
18:48
Speaker 1: can fix anybody. No, you can't, right, now, yeah, you can't. Right. So,
18:52
Speaker 1: but that was a great thing for me because I
18:54
Speaker 1: always had to believe I either call this positive whateverything.
18:57
Speaker 1: I think, Well, anybody can change. Everybody's here to change.
19:02
Speaker 1: She's not here to change. She's here to be a
19:04
Speaker 1: master teacher. She made that sacrifice before coming down here,
19:09
Speaker 1: that this is what I'm going to do in this life.
19:11
Speaker 1: And but I came to that realization because of her. Right.
19:15
Speaker 1: So my therapist said, look, she's never going to change,
19:17
Speaker 1: She's never gonna be She was also in an asylum
19:19
Speaker 1: when she was sixteen, just to be clear what a
19:21
Speaker 1: fear of that is, right, and she was terrified of
19:25
Speaker 1: having to go back there because she was still carrying
19:28
Speaker 1: this disease. Right, There's no way she was going to
19:31
Speaker 1: go to therapy because if the therapist, you know, you
19:35
Speaker 1: can pick her up, bring the white van, you know.
19:36
Speaker 1: I mean. She was terrified of that, whether it was right,
19:39
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So she was never going
19:40
Speaker 1: to go to therapy. Not a chance, right, And so
19:43
Speaker 1: my therapist says, Stephen, you've got to realize something. The
19:46
Speaker 1: only possibility of her even being able to live with
19:50
Speaker 1: what she has, and even then it's going to be
19:52
Speaker 1: really really difficult. She has to go to therapy. Therapy
19:56
Speaker 1: at least three times a week. We're going to go
20:00
Speaker 1: once in a year, let alone three times in a
20:02
Speaker 1: week myself. My therapist said, you got to realize something.
20:07
Speaker 1: She's not you know, she's not going to change. This
20:09
Speaker 1: is the way it's going to be. And if this
20:10
Speaker 1: is what you this is what you're prepared to accept,
20:13
Speaker 1: know what you're getting into, because this is it. It's
20:15
Speaker 1: not gonna change. Yeah, And if she's not willing to
20:19
Speaker 1: do the work, then she doesn't love you enough. M
20:24
Speaker 1: I mean, that's a good therapist because that's you know
20:27
Speaker 1: that knocks you in the stomach.
20:28
Speaker 2: Well, that's like a good punch of reality right there.
20:31
Speaker 3: You know.
20:32
Speaker 1: I mean even though it isn't you, you could feel
20:34
Speaker 1: for me Jesus pretty intense, right, every very intense.
20:39
Speaker 3: Wow, Like that hit hard right there.
20:41
Speaker 1: Like yeah, So I had to accept that. And that's
20:44
Speaker 1: when I'm saying it wasn't easy because I loved her.
20:46
Speaker 1: I mean I still love her. I just I can't
20:48
Speaker 1: be with her right And that you have.
20:50
Speaker 2: To learn how to love like you have to learn
20:52
Speaker 2: how to love yourself more than the person that is
20:55
Speaker 2: causing you harm. Yeah, you know, because once you lose
20:59
Speaker 2: yoursel up, it's hard to get it back. You get
21:01
Speaker 2: yourself back, you have to callaw and fight.
21:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, no kidding, and I almost did, right, So it
21:06
Speaker 1: took me a while to get through it. But yeah,
21:09
Speaker 1: but that teaches you another lesson. Right, If you love someone,
21:13
Speaker 1: you have to love them enough to let them go. Yep,
21:18
Speaker 1: it's easier to I don't know, it's not. You know,
21:20
Speaker 1: nothing's easy, right, but it's problem. I don't know. Maybe
21:23
Speaker 1: it's been easier for me in the past to let
21:25
Speaker 1: someone go that I didn't love anymore. It's very difficult
21:28
Speaker 1: to let someone go that you just don't want to
21:30
Speaker 1: let go right, love them, you know, But you just
21:33
Speaker 1: come to the realization, the cognitive understanding. You know that
21:38
Speaker 1: my therapist Sid Stevenen, you gotta understand something. You stay
21:40
Speaker 1: with her, it's your choice. But I'm telling you you're
21:42
Speaker 1: going to go insane. You are going to go in
21:46
Speaker 1: and sing because it will never change.
21:47
Speaker 3: And it's just listen to your therapist.
21:50
Speaker 1: Me too, me too. We would be having this conversation.
21:56
Speaker 1: I mean, I'd be back in a saying asylum right
22:00
Speaker 1: over the phone.
22:01
Speaker 2: Right So at one point, what point does awareness becomes
22:05
Speaker 2: responsibility in breaking those unhealthy disciples?
22:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, well that's a really good question. So I have
22:15
Speaker 1: a belief and I've had it for a long time,
22:17
Speaker 1: and even through this this situation, and if you get
22:20
Speaker 1: a chance to be in the book, you'll see this
22:22
Speaker 1: comes up a lot. So my belief is this, nothing
22:25
Speaker 1: happens to you, everything happens for you. Now, So how
22:31
Speaker 1: did I rationalize this? So I'm in this crazy relationship
22:35
Speaker 1: with her. Obviously you're not going to stay in it.
22:38
Speaker 1: You're not going to stay in any relationship if you're
22:40
Speaker 1: not getting anything out of it, right, So I was
22:43
Speaker 1: getting a lot out of it, So I had to
22:44
Speaker 1: weigh it up right, So she would do something. She
22:47
Speaker 1: would get try to get me arrested, get thrown at
22:49
Speaker 1: my house so she could take my house off of me,
22:51
Speaker 1: and everything right, all this stuff right, and then I
22:53
Speaker 1: would The book is called the Venus fly Trup, So
22:57
Speaker 1: she is the venus fly Trup. I mean literally, she's
22:59
Speaker 1: the and I was the fly. I was constantly trying
23:02
Speaker 1: to get out of a situation that she was trying
23:03
Speaker 1: to get me into, right for reasons that I got
23:06
Speaker 1: into in the book. But anyway, I was going to say,
23:11
Speaker 1: so I was the fly, she was the venus fly trap,
23:14
Speaker 1: so she would do things to get me into but I,
23:16
Speaker 1: but I. But on the other side of it, I'd say, Okay,
23:18
Speaker 1: you know, we'd end the situation and I'd almost get arrested,
23:23
Speaker 1: and then the chapter would end. Let's say, the chapter
23:25
Speaker 1: would end, and then the reader's going, oh my god,
23:27
Speaker 1: thank god, it's over, right, and then you start the
23:30
Speaker 1: next chapter and we're back together again. But how could
23:33
Speaker 1: you possibly get back together after that happened? Right? So
23:39
Speaker 1: I would say, yeah, well, you know, it's just we're
23:42
Speaker 1: just getting started. Right. So I would say, look, I
23:46
Speaker 1: thought about it, and I thought I could break up
23:49
Speaker 1: with it. Absolutely, no one's forcing me to stay here.
23:51
Speaker 1: I'm making a choice. I could break up with it
23:54
Speaker 1: and I could go back to a relatively boring life, right,
23:59
Speaker 1: or I'm here with a six foot supermodel living in
24:04
Speaker 1: a mansion with a section room. Let me see, let
24:08
Speaker 1: me add this up and let me make a decision. Right,
24:10
Speaker 1: So I go, I think I'm gonna stay right, right,
24:14
Speaker 1: of course, right, And then I go, and then until
24:17
Speaker 1: until I didn't right, And again, like I said, the
24:20
Speaker 1: universe is so powerful, you know, God, universe, whatever you
24:23
Speaker 1: want to call it, it's so powerful because there was Because,
24:26
Speaker 1: like I said, in the end, I didn't even have
24:28
Speaker 1: a decision. God took that decision out of my hand. No,
24:32
Speaker 1: you cannot have her, right, you can't. You can't stay there.
24:35
Speaker 1: This was happening for you for a period, for you
24:39
Speaker 1: to learn these lessons that will serve you better in
24:43
Speaker 1: the future. You'll be able to be more of who
24:45
Speaker 1: you really are, and you're going to bring that to
24:48
Speaker 1: your work, right, just gonna make your work even more powerful.
24:52
Speaker 1: So I had so many positive outcomes, but it had
24:57
Speaker 1: to be without her because it also had to be
25:00
Speaker 1: me letting go. I had to make sure and you
25:03
Speaker 1: said it a few minutes ago. I had to love
25:05
Speaker 1: myself enough to let her go, right right, And I
25:10
Speaker 1: had to say, no, I'm worth more than that, m right,
25:15
Speaker 1: And I've gone. I've got a life to live, and
25:18
Speaker 1: it's not gonna happen with this situation. Right, Eventually we'd
25:21
Speaker 1: have both been living on the street.
25:23
Speaker 3: Right.
25:24
Speaker 2: Wow, Well, how do you like when you were going
25:28
Speaker 2: through that? How did you determine your self love versus
25:32
Speaker 2: the self deception? When it came to that particular relationship.
25:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, well in the end, because they'll throw all the
25:39
Speaker 1: way through it. I was letting. I was giving myself
25:43
Speaker 1: away right until there was almost nothing left to give.
25:47
Speaker 1: And you know, she was a taker because I mean,
25:50
Speaker 1: like I said, always used to get in with it,
25:52
Speaker 1: but she wanted and whatever whatever she wanted, she would get.
25:55
Speaker 1: But it was never enough. It was never going to
25:58
Speaker 1: be enough. It wouldn't have matter how much I gave.
26:01
Speaker 1: And because of her illness, she had total paranoia and
26:05
Speaker 1: a tremendously a tremendous fear of abandonment. So she would
26:12
Speaker 1: go through these times of paranoia. She had changed. A
26:16
Speaker 1: mood would change, and I'm not this is not a joke.
26:19
Speaker 1: This a mood would change in ten minutes, wow, from
26:23
Speaker 1: total love to total hate. And this is part of
26:26
Speaker 1: the problem she had, so which I ended up having
26:29
Speaker 1: the problem with her. So but I learned how to
26:31
Speaker 1: deal with it a little bit. But the point is
26:34
Speaker 1: I was giving myself away, Kiki. So you caught on
26:36
Speaker 1: it right right there. You know, you said, when did
26:39
Speaker 1: you get it back? When did you start to realize
26:41
Speaker 1: right that you were losing yourself? And really, you know,
26:45
Speaker 1: times throughout the situation. I would think that, but then
26:49
Speaker 1: I would go back. You know, have you ever been
26:51
Speaker 1: And I'm sure you know ladies that have been in
26:53
Speaker 1: toxic relationships, and you can explain it to them, right,
26:57
Speaker 1: And you say, you know, whoever it is, it's not
27:01
Speaker 1: gonna you know, it's a bad it's a bad situation,
27:03
Speaker 1: you know, and if you don't leave him, it's just
27:05
Speaker 1: gonna get worse, right, right, And they go, yeah, you're
27:08
Speaker 1: absolutely right, And then you think they're saying right, and
27:11
Speaker 1: then they go back to him right, and you go
27:13
Speaker 1: the hell you just said? I know, but I forgot
27:15
Speaker 1: or whatever, you know, because because they've weighed up in
27:19
Speaker 1: the mind, whether consciously or not. Yeah, but I like
27:23
Speaker 1: this about him, you know what I mean? And I
27:25
Speaker 1: can fix the other part. You're right, you don't realize
27:28
Speaker 1: he's such a nice guy. You know, you don't know
27:31
Speaker 1: him like I do. When you're not around. He's perfect.
27:35
Speaker 1: You only know the bad things about him. And you're going,
27:37
Speaker 1: oh my god, we've got a lot here, right, I
27:40
Speaker 1: don't even a life check. It's not gonna help her.
27:43
Speaker 1: She's going down, right, And all you could do is
27:48
Speaker 1: a good friend is just saying I'm just gonna be
27:50
Speaker 1: here for the fallout, you know, when she's finally got
27:55
Speaker 1: to the end of her tether, when she's finally sick
27:58
Speaker 1: and tired of being sick and tired, then she's going
28:01
Speaker 1: to be ready. But not until right me, you know.
28:04
Speaker 1: But But what I realized now, which I didn't know before,
28:07
Speaker 1: is sometimes that's okay because there's still something for them
28:11
Speaker 1: to learn, And even if we could pull them out
28:13
Speaker 1: of it, we wouldn't be helping them, right because they'll
28:17
Speaker 1: probably say, well, I'm not going to date anybody for
28:18
Speaker 1: six months, right, And then they start dating again and
28:21
Speaker 1: they meet the same person and a different body. You're like,
28:24
Speaker 1: how did you pull that off? Right? You did a change,
28:27
Speaker 1: You're still attracting the same thing, right, And people, very
28:31
Speaker 1: often me included, have a hard time getting it. Yeah,
28:38
Speaker 1: I think most of us, you know. I say to people,
28:39
Speaker 1: have you ever been in a toxic relationship? And people
28:42
Speaker 1: say sometimes people say no, I say, really, well, you
28:45
Speaker 1: need to get out more often, right, I mean, And we.
28:49
Speaker 2: Can joke about it because we have gone on that
28:52
Speaker 2: helling journey and we're not in that place anymore. Yes,
28:56
Speaker 2: But for someone who is still in that toxic relation ship, Like,
29:01
Speaker 2: what would you say to them, like a listener right now,
29:03
Speaker 2: who knows that they're in a toxic relationship but they're
29:06
Speaker 2: just not I guess in denial, what would you What
29:10
Speaker 2: is something positive or encouraging can you say to them?
29:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, it depends on the person, honestly, Kiki, because
29:20
Speaker 1: there's certain people like you know, you and I gel
29:23
Speaker 1: very quickly, We can use we can have a sense
29:24
Speaker 1: of humor. We know both know we can laugh at
29:26
Speaker 1: a lot of things that a lot of people can't write.
29:29
Speaker 2: Right.
29:30
Speaker 1: You know, I wouldn't be talking to someone who's in
29:33
Speaker 1: a toxic relationship that's freaked out in a lot of pain,
29:36
Speaker 1: and who doesn't have a sense of humor the way
29:38
Speaker 1: you and I would talk, right, because that would be
29:40
Speaker 1: too much. It would be too soon, too much, too soon, right,
29:45
Speaker 1: So you got to deal with everybody differently. But so
29:48
Speaker 1: what would I say? I just want to preemp that
29:51
Speaker 1: by saying it would depend on the person. But some
29:54
Speaker 1: of things that have been very important to me, and
29:56
Speaker 1: I mentioned this earlier, Coming to this belief is so
30:00
Speaker 1: important and it sounds so simple, but it's profound, Like
30:04
Speaker 1: saying that this isn't happening to me, it's happening for me. Now,
30:09
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you right now, I'm not going to
30:10
Speaker 1: start there right because there's a lot of women that
30:13
Speaker 1: have had tremendous trauma right with things happening to them
30:19
Speaker 1: that they would never in a million years from where
30:21
Speaker 1: they are now except that it happened for them. You understand,
30:26
Speaker 1: you know what I'm talking about, right, So you've got
30:28
Speaker 1: to you've got to take things slow, and you've got
30:30
Speaker 1: to help that person get to that point themselves. You know,
30:36
Speaker 1: me saying that would sound like I'm telling them that,
30:38
Speaker 1: and it would sound disrespectful and it would be just
30:41
Speaker 1: it would dishonor them, right, So we've got to go
30:44
Speaker 1: deep spiritual right before we can get there. And some
30:47
Speaker 1: people are not in that place right, so a lot
30:50
Speaker 1: of it would depend on where they are. But even
30:51
Speaker 1: if we can accept that on a smaller scale, and
30:54
Speaker 1: if we can put those traumatic experiences to one side
30:58
Speaker 1: and say, outside of that, could you accept that it's
31:01
Speaker 1: a possibility that things that you may think of happened
31:04
Speaker 1: to you maybe in some way happened for you, And
31:06
Speaker 1: would you be willing to explore how it happened for
31:10
Speaker 1: you and the silver lining It doesn't mean that what
31:12
Speaker 1: happened to you is right, I'm not conducting. What I'm
31:15
Speaker 1: saying is we could stay a victim our whole life.
31:18
Speaker 1: We could choose that that's a choice, or we could say, well,
31:22
Speaker 1: what if I found something from it that could give
31:26
Speaker 1: meaning to my life and help millions of other people.
31:29
Speaker 1: Like I was listening to a lady in Ireland. It
31:32
Speaker 1: was a documentary and she lived in Ireland and her
31:34
Speaker 1: daughter was Irish. Right, so she committed suicide. Her daughter
31:37
Speaker 1: committed suicide. She was a young girl, right, and so
31:40
Speaker 1: of course when that happened. As a mother, she blamed herself, right,
31:44
Speaker 1: that this has happened to me, right. But anyway, then
31:48
Speaker 1: her and her other daughter started a foundation in her name,
31:51
Speaker 1: in her daughter's name that helped young children or young
31:55
Speaker 1: teenagers that were thinking of committing suicide and not do
32:00
Speaker 1: it and safe lives. Yeah, you have a daughter, right,
32:06
Speaker 1: So the life of a daughter wasn't wasted like she
32:10
Speaker 1: thought in the beginning. It was actually a catalyst to
32:13
Speaker 1: save thousands of lives.
32:16
Speaker 2: Wow.
32:17
Speaker 1: So those kind of things, it's giving whatever meaning we
32:21
Speaker 1: give life becomes the life we lead.
32:23
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that I love that.
32:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, what tell like you told us the name
32:30
Speaker 2: of the book. How can we get the book? Where
32:32
Speaker 2: is it? Tell us tell the audience how they can
32:35
Speaker 2: go and get the Vita s Fry Trap.
32:38
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, unfortunately were sold out. I'm kidding. I'm kidding, right,
32:42
Speaker 1: So so that'd be cateacoled to say, wouldn't it yet? No,
32:46
Speaker 1: you can't get I think the allching went off in
32:52
Speaker 1: a couple of months to souther based Good look now,
32:55
Speaker 1: so uh, I think for me, the best way to
32:59
Speaker 1: get the book is we've sent you a link, right,
33:01
Speaker 1: so you can your listeners can get the first three
33:07
Speaker 1: chapters of the book for free. I sent you a link,
33:10
Speaker 1: so they've got to do this. Click on the link.
33:12
Speaker 1: Those three chapters are free, so you can get a
33:14
Speaker 1: sense of whether you like the book, whether it's something
33:16
Speaker 1: you want to read more. You want to get more
33:17
Speaker 1: information that you can buy the book if you want to.
33:20
Speaker 1: So that's number one. Secondly, Oh yeah, so obviously I
33:25
Speaker 1: give counseling now, right, I mean from an experience, right,
33:29
Speaker 1: I went through it, right, so, and I do use
33:33
Speaker 1: humor in what I do obviously, right, I'd be impossible
33:37
Speaker 1: for me or not through.
33:37
Speaker 2: Right.
33:38
Speaker 1: So, but people have to understand that humor comes from pain, right,
33:43
Speaker 1: Humor comes from pain. So I can laugh at things
33:47
Speaker 1: that most people can't because I had the pain of it, right,
33:49
Speaker 1: and I've been through it. You said that earlier, right, So,
33:52
Speaker 1: but I also use my humor as a way to
33:55
Speaker 1: interrupt the pattern, the thought pattern that's causing the person pain. Right.
34:01
Speaker 1: So you know, people say, well, I'm broken. I say, really,
34:03
Speaker 1: you send me a photograph and show me where the
34:05
Speaker 1: breakage is, right, My spirit's broken. No, it isn't. It's
34:09
Speaker 1: not broken. You know what I mean. Right, No, it's
34:12
Speaker 1: not broken. You are not broken, And I ain't fixing
34:15
Speaker 1: you because I tried that. It doesn't work.
34:17
Speaker 3: It doesn't work.
34:18
Speaker 1: It does not it doesn't work. Right. But I can
34:21
Speaker 1: give you some tools that you can do, some repairs
34:25
Speaker 1: on your mindset that can help you get past it all.
34:27
Speaker 1: But you are not No, You're a whole person. You're
34:30
Speaker 1: a beautiful soul, a beautiful spirit. And you just got
34:34
Speaker 1: to realize that about yourself, right and accept it, because
34:39
Speaker 1: I promise you, at some point in your life, people
34:41
Speaker 1: have told you you're not you're not perfect, you're not
34:44
Speaker 1: worthy and you started to believe it without even realizing it.
34:49
Speaker 1: So we're going to change that belief. So and then
34:52
Speaker 1: I'm going to you know, what are your beliefs. You know,
34:54
Speaker 1: you believe in God? Cool, So, as you know, God
34:57
Speaker 1: really does make a lot of garbage, right, He makes
34:59
Speaker 1: human that are just terrible. But he tries people go, what, yeah, no,
35:05
Speaker 1: it doesn't make any garbage, right? How could he? Why
35:09
Speaker 1: would he? Why would he create a human being that
35:12
Speaker 1: is less than perfect? It's just in our eyes and
35:17
Speaker 1: our judgment that we think something, including ourselves isn't perfect.
35:22
Speaker 1: That's a lie. That's a lie. Right, And so these
35:26
Speaker 1: are the kind of things that will say which are true. Right,
35:29
Speaker 1: it's true, it's the truth. So you just beat people
35:32
Speaker 1: with the truth.
35:33
Speaker 3: People with the truth.
35:35
Speaker 1: Over the head with it right, right, And so you know,
35:40
Speaker 1: it's just it's just it's beliefs is so important, but
35:44
Speaker 1: even more so, and I think you said this at
35:45
Speaker 1: the beginning, Keiking, it's patterns. We have patterns of behavior
35:50
Speaker 1: that we learn when we're children, until the point we
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Speaker 1: don't even see them anymore. We don't even realize that
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Speaker 1: we're repeating these same patterns and we're drawing all these
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Speaker 1: experiences into a life in you know, in the in
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Speaker 1: the hope that we're going to see the pattern and
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Speaker 1: stop blaming God, other people, anybody. Take accountability, right right,
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Speaker 1: that's one of my favorite words. Yeah, it doesn't mean
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Speaker 1: you're a bad person. It just means you've got some
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Speaker 1: patterns of behavior that are not serving you.
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Speaker 2: Right.
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Speaker 1: It's like saying, if you made a cake every day
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Speaker 1: and you hated the taste of it, but you keep
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Speaker 1: making the same cake, whose fault is it?
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Speaker 2: You're making a cake, You're taking a cake.
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Speaker 1: Shave the recipe, right, and then maybe you'll fight a
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Speaker 1: cake you like, right, right, But you got to do.
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Speaker 2: The work, right, have to do the work.
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Speaker 1: So you know, Grandma didn't get the favorite meal you
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Speaker 1: have out of a book. She created it. She tried
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Speaker 1: different things, different amounts, different recipes, and she won't give
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Speaker 1: you they she will she know she won't because you
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Speaker 1: haven't earned it, right. You know, you got to go
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Speaker 1: through what I went through to make that cake or
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Speaker 1: your own cake, right right. It won't never taste better
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Speaker 1: than hers, but you can try.
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Speaker 3: You could try. That's the point.
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Speaker 2: You have to try. You have to try that. This
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Speaker 2: has been amazing, This has been amazing.
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Speaker 3: Before we get out of here, I.
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Speaker 2: Want to ask you this question about mindset, right, how
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Speaker 2: do we shift our mindset from just going through a
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Speaker 2: relationship to actually growing through a relationship?
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Speaker 1: Yeah? Okay, Well, you know they always say the first
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Speaker 1: step is awareness, right, And we've talked a lot about
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Speaker 1: those things, like, you know, not being a victim. Uh,
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Speaker 1: you know, if you're a woman in a relationship, he's
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Speaker 1: not doing it to you, he's doing it for you.
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Speaker 1: What do you mean he's painful, he hits me or whatever? Yeah, well,
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Speaker 1: why don't you walk away? Why don't you leave? You're
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Speaker 1: you're saying it's okay, not him, and you're the one
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Speaker 1: in pain, not him. So when would now be a
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Speaker 1: good time to leave without resentment, without anger, and say, hey,
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Speaker 1: he gave me a gift. How do they give you
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Speaker 1: a gift? He made me tap into my own strength,
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Speaker 1: my own courage to walk away. He's made me a
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Speaker 1: stronger woman. This experience has made me a stronger woman.
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Speaker 1: No man is going to come into my life and
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Speaker 1: do that again, because I won't allow him. But it
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Speaker 1: starts without fixing fixing this situation by getting out of it. Well,
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Speaker 1: how do I leave, how do I leave with the kids?
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Speaker 1: And we can figure that out. The first thing has
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Speaker 1: to be you're making a decision that you're not going
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Speaker 1: to put up with this anymore. Absolutely, And the rest
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Speaker 1: hard to believe. The rest will come to you. God
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Speaker 1: will have the right person walk into your life and say, hey, listen,
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Speaker 1: if you need to, you can stay with me for
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Speaker 1: a while and we'll figure out where we're going to
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Speaker 1: go from there. Or I know this place that will
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Speaker 1: take you in until you get yourself on your feet
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Speaker 1: and they'll even help you. Right, these places exist, these
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Speaker 1: people exist, but you have to be open to doing
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Speaker 1: your part for them to come into your life.
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Speaker 2: Absolutely, I love that.
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Speaker 1: I never said it's going to be easy. I just
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Speaker 1: said it's going to.
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Speaker 3: Be worth it, right, Absolutely, It's always worth it.
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Speaker 2: It's never going to be easy, because if it was easy,
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Speaker 2: you would have did it the first time it happened.
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Speaker 1: There you go, yeah, yeah, yeah. But then once you've
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Speaker 1: done that, what can you do? You can help other
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Speaker 1: women do the same, right, you can be the strength
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Speaker 1: that they might need in that situation, you know, to
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Speaker 1: help them get out too. Now, how much better will
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Speaker 1: you feel about yourself when you're doing those kind of
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Speaker 1: things and staying in a toxic relationship where you are
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Speaker 1: being abu used not just physically, because you get abused
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Speaker 1: emotionally too when that's happening, right exactly, And those leave
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Speaker 1: even worse scars than the physical abuse, right, and.
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Speaker 2: They carry over from relationship to relationship, especially if you're
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Speaker 2: not you're not getting the hip, or you make a
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Speaker 2: decision that I need to change this pattern. I need
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Speaker 2: to stop this cycle. I need to love me enough
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Speaker 2: to say yeah, love is not supposed to hurt.
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Speaker 1: Yeah. And when you change that pattern, Kiki, you know this,
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Speaker 1: it doesn't happen again, right, because there's no need. Right,
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Speaker 1: You're not going to your energy is not going to
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Speaker 1: draw that in again because you've got it. You've you
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Speaker 1: already got it. Now it may do because it will
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Speaker 1: be a test, right are you going to go back
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Speaker 1: to that? And you go no, no, and God goes good,
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Speaker 1: you pass the debt you again, just so you know.
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Speaker 2: Right, well again, Doctor Elwis, thank you for coming to
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Speaker 2: kick it with me. Thank you Gas for tuning in
40:59
Speaker 2: to another episod soord of kicking it with Kiki, Life,
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Speaker 2: love and mindset. If this conversation resonated with you in
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Speaker 2: any way. Make sure you like share, subscribe, tell a friend,
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Speaker 2: and remember to keep growing, keep loving, and keep your
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Speaker 2: mindset strong. All right, til next time, Purple hugs.
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Speaker 3: What up beekended with you,