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Short Stuff: Marrying Up · Stuff You Should Know

• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Hey, welcome to the shorts. So if I'm Josh and
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: there's Chuck, so let's go tally ho. So this one
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: is interesting. I think, Uh, it's about the idea, and
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: this goes by many names, all of which are fairly misogynistic.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: I think, um, marrying up, uh, gold digging, trophy wife.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: These sort of terms have long been used, even though
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: I did see that Forbes magazine claims to have invented
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: the term coined the term trophy wife in the nineties. Ah,
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: that feels like more of an eighties thing to me,
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: don't you think. Ay, that's what Forbes said. I read
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: that article. Um, but all to say the idea of
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: marrying up, which actually has a real name behind it,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: which is, how are you gonna announced this? Hypergamme a hypergammy,
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: hyper monogamy, hypergamy. Okay, hypergamy, hypergamy, that's what I'm going
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: with has to say about this hypergammey hypergammy Yeah, okay,
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: it's basically the idea of what you just said, marrying
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: up a woman trading something, usually her looks for a
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: higher socioeconomic status. She's marrying a husband who might not
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: look as good but makes more money. Um. And she
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: is from a lower class, but she's marrying up because
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: she has something to trade. That is the basis of it.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: And like you said, it's pretty misogynistic in in general
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: as a concept. The sad thing is is it was
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  Speaker 1: absolutely a part of human history for a very long
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: time up until very recently. Yeah, there's geographic hypergamy. Um.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: There was this journal article called cross Border Marriages colon
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  Speaker 1: Gender and Mobility and Transnational Asia where the author, Nicole
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Constable and by the way, thanks how stuff works dot
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: Com for this, talked about, Um, it's the same thing,
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: but it's actually um. In addition to finances, it's it's
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: you know, the lady from the farm moving into the
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: big city, Uh, to move up both geographically and financially. Yeah,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: moving from less developed areas to more developed areas, etcetera.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: So um. And again this is it was just a
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: thing for a really long time because this was while
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: women were considered inferior to men, or maybe we're prevented
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: from working outside of the house in some societies. At
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: certain times in the past, the one way that a
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: woman could kind of control her destiny was to choose
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: who she was going to marry. If her culture allowed
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: her to choose, and that this was a way to
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: like say, Okay, I'm gonna make a good life for myself.
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  Speaker 1: I'm going to choose carefully, and I'm going to choose
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  Speaker 1: the guy who makes the most money or has the
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: most status that I can get to marry me. Right,
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: and especially a lot of times you would have, uh,
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: probably a father pushing a daughter to do this, So
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: it's sort of like a whole families moving up in status. Uh.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: You certainly found this in different cultures around the world
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: in the past. I know that in eight one it
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: was first used or first found in a book kind
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: of like explicitly explicitly written about um in a book
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: called Panjab Casts. That was a book by Sir Denzil
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: Ibbotson where they talked about, you know, a man seeking
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  Speaker 1: to marry his daughter off to a member of a
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: tribe superior to his own. So I think culturally that's
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: it was a lot of times, you know, parents pushing
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: a daughter to do this. Right. So the thing is, though,
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: if this is like a worldwide cultural trait, even as
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: you have like increasing globalization, eventually you're going to reach
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: this kind of stasis where women who are at the
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: top of the social ladder and men who are at
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  Speaker 1: the very bottom of the social lader won't have anybody
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  Speaker 1: to marry because the woman can't marry up there's nobody
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: above her. The man can't marry down because there's nobody
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: below him. And apparently some research, especially up into the seventies,
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: found that this was actually the case in some cultures.
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: That's right. Uh, And then we came up with a
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: different word. And so maybe we'll take a break, what
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: a cliffhanger, and we'll tell you what the different word
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  Speaker 1: is right after this, alright, laid on ut bub hypogamy, hypogammy, man,
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: I think hypogamy if we're going with hypergamy. Yeah, but
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: I was also saying hypergammy and I like that too,
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: So hypogammy and hyper gammy. It really gets it across
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: a little more if you can't see it spelled out,
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: you know. I think I just pictures like the skit
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: of us when we're you know, in our eighties and nineties, respectfully,
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: like sitting around and debating how to pronounce things. Oh boy,
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: and I guess we're always will be in there with
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: Emily and you me too. I'll just be living together
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: in some like community in Florida in the future. Um,
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: and they're like just still rolling their eyes there. They
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: have a machine that rolls their eyes for them. So
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  Speaker 1: hypogamy is a marriage between a man of lower status
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  Speaker 1: to a woman of higher status. Yeah, like a Jefferson
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: and Marcy Darcy situation. I don't know what that means
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: from married with children Marcy Darcy's second husband Jefferson. I don't.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: I didn't see that shore well, I don't remember. I
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: mean I watched a little bit. But who were they?
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Was that they the neighbors or something? They across the
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: street neighbors? Okay, I think I remember that lady. That's
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: a lady who in real I've hated al Bundy in
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: real life. Right. Oh, I didn't know that? Is that?
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: I think? So? I think they really didn't like each
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: other if I'm thinking about the right person. I did
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: not know that. Uh. So there's also another word, um,
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  Speaker 1: and this is as it turns out, basically almost everyone
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  Speaker 1: is homogamy, which is marriage between people with similar statuses
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  Speaker 1: and characteristics. Yeah, in our modern world, homogamy seems to
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  Speaker 1: be ruling the stage. Yeah. In fact, I dug up
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: this article from two thousand fourteen and this from Business Insider,
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: But there was, it was all over the place, so
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: clearly there was just like a study published and researchers
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: compared UH quality levels UM such as attractiveness as socio
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: economic status within couples, and they found that basically the
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: trophy wife stereotype was bunk. Um. It does happen, and
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: that's why you see a news story like you know
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: Bill Wyman of the Rolling Stones in his I can't remember,
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: but let's say it was his fifties married like a
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: nineteen year old or something. You know, it's fairly cross
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: or the the old that ancient billionaire who was like
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: ninety that had like the playboy bunny wife. I can't
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: remember them. So like that stuff makes the news and
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: you see that stereotype sort of reinforced with these big,
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: splashy stories. But the sum of this study basically is
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: like that's basically rare, and that almost everybody marries people
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: that are like them. Yeah, and um, the one researcher
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: in that UM that article basically said, well, some people
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: are like no, Like, look at a doctor. A male
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: doctor usually has a really beautiful wife. And this researcher
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: was like, yeah, look at the doctor. He's probably likelier
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: to be beautiful too, And he's probably like doctor Hunk, right,
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: he's probably likelier to Mick Dreamy is more like um,
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: he's probably he's likelier because he makes more money and
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: because he's a doctor to be in better shape, to
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: not be overweight, to go to a dermatologist, to like
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: go to an expensive hairdresser and do these things to
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: be better looking. And then also, by the way, his
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: wife actually is highly educated and had her own career,
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: but she gave it up to stay home with the kids.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: So you're like missing stuff when you just make these
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: presumptions about it. And from what these researchers are finding,
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: like homogamy is definitely like the way almost everyone goes,
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: at least in the West in in modern times. Yeah.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: And I will also say, and the one bone pick
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: to have with his study is they only surveyed couples
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: in their early to mid twenties, So that makes a
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: lot more sense because I think the traditional sort of
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: stereotype of marrying up or the trophy wife is the
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: bill wyman, like the older rich guy who may be
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: on his second wife goes off and finds like some
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  Speaker 1: you know, young model to get married to the question though,
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: is is does this make for a good relationship? Like
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: people get married to people that are more like them
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  Speaker 1: across the board because those marriages seem to last more so,
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  Speaker 1: does you know, does the sixty year old retiring doctor
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  Speaker 1: who leaves his wife and marries the twenty two year
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  Speaker 1: old that they probably don't have a whole lot in common? Uh?
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  Speaker 1: Do those marriages work? So it depends, Um, it depends
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: on what kind of marriage you're talking about. What they
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: found was that I guess economically hypergaminus sure um, and
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  Speaker 1: homogeneous relationships or marriages didn't have any greater divorce rates.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: They then I think the general population maybe. And then
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: it was educational hypergamyss um marriages where the husband has
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: more education than the wife. Um, those are the ones
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: that resulted in greater greater rates of divorce. And I
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: think that's the stereotype that you think of out in
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  Speaker 1: movies where like, you know, the older very educated man
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  Speaker 1: marry some young dim wit and they just don't have
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: anything uncommon and that's destined to fail. Yeah, or like um,
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: Tommy Lee was really like embarrassed by Pamela Anderson's dizziness
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  Speaker 1: and was really mean to her from what Yeah, like
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: really mean and I think had a real impact on
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: her her self confidence for a while. But I don't
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  Speaker 1: know that Tommy Lee has some great educational background though
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: yeah he never struck me as like, oh who knows.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: I don't want to I don't want to cast dispersions.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: I don't know, Tommy. Don't judge a book by its cover. Uh.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: They also have found that this is becoming less and
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: less of a thing a period, just because obviously, you know,
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  Speaker 1: in in the modern age, there are plenty of women
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: who out earned their husbands and have advanced career wise
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  Speaker 1: further than their husbands. And I in fact, I know
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  Speaker 1: some people who like had stay at home dads instead
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: of stay at home moms because um, the wife and
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: mother had like ended up having a much better job.
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  Speaker 1: And I think, like that's just happening more and more
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  Speaker 1: because obviously opportunity has changed a lot since you know,
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  Speaker 1: the early days of like a family trying to marry
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  Speaker 1: their daughter off to a higher cast, right, and it
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  Speaker 1: has changed a lot, But sadly, there's still like a
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: big um there. There's the the perception of widespread hypergamy
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  Speaker 1: in America and Europe still to this day. But the
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: researchers found out it's not this idea of marrying up.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: It's that you can you can explain the whole thing
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: by the gender pay gap exactly, that if if women
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: were paid the same as men, there wouldn't be any
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: hypergamy in America or Europe anymore. Basically, yeah, so let's
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: get the gender pay gap closed. Why don't we? It's
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: always this makes me think of the Sydney Pollocks character
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: in the movie Husbands and Wives. He was It was
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: sort of that stereotypical thing where this older academic married
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: sort of a young woman who wasn't as smart as
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: he was, and she was just continually embarrassing him at
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: this party and he just snapped at the end and
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: they got in a big argument and he yelled, you're
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: an infant. And that's one of the lines I say
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: a lot. It's just a joke to Emily, and she
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: always thinks it's very funny. Who was it? Sidney Pollock?
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: Who great director, but boy, he was such a fun
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: actor in the movies that he was in. Yeah, he
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: was the eyes wide chuck guy. Right, yeah, okay, yeah,
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  Speaker 1: Sydney Pollock, alright, there's one other thing too, um uh don.
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  Speaker 1: Binary and gay couples I believe actually do have greater
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: differences of educational attainment. They're more likely to have differences,
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  Speaker 1: but I didn't see that they're more likely to end
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: in divorce. Yeah, very interesting. So that's it. That's hyper gammy.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: Hyper gammy, which means short stuff is out. Stuff you
• 12:57
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