Transcript

Sarah Moshman · Mommywood

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Mom. Hey, I'm your host.
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Emily V. I'm an actor teacher, and a new
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mom. Once my daughter arrived, I went
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on the hunt for answers to all my questions about being a
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working actor. Mom, and what did I find?
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Well practically nothing. So here I am asking all the
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questions to try to figure out how people do it, how our
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mothers balancing and not balancing Parenthood in this
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crazy. Three.
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Join me. And my amazing guess.
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As a, we take a real look into the life of a working
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entertainment industry moms everywhere.
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On this episode, I'm talking with Sarah marshman.
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Holy shit, you guys? She is amazing.
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This was my first time ever meeting or talking to Sarah.
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And wow, I am floored by her. General by all she dies, by the
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way, she speaks by her authenticity, and her
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vulnerability, and being so honest and open and candid about
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work and motherhood, this episode, I feel like just
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totally epitomizes what I was searching for for all this
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information and truth about what it takes and how it feels to be
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a mother in this industry and have such a drive.
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And then becoming a mother on top of everything, we talked
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about a plethora of stuff. In this episode, we talked about
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how Sarah's career the seeds to her career.
1:53
Have been planted for a long time and we're growing before
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she had babies. And when we talk about How
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people do it all? Or people ask her how she does
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it all? She says, I don't, she also
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talks about how she feels like there is such a need to tell a
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story especially about motherhood and ambition.
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She also talks about how our careers can remind us help.
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Remind us of who we are when motherhood can be so
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overwhelming. We also talked about the
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catch-22 the happiness and sadness of having opportunities,
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but also feeling like we have no choice, but to take those
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opportunities. And there is no break for people
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who don't have the financial freedom to choose their next
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projects. We also talked about the feeling
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of having to do everything which really encompasses.
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Motherhood in the entertainment industry when you feel like you
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can't lack on either end but you have to at some point.
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You can't really do it all at least, not at the same time.
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So wow, I really hope you enjoy this episode.
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I learned so much. I felt so good talking to Sarah
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and I hope you Guys, take away a lot from this episode and enjoy
3:35
Sarah marshman. Thank you so much for for being
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here. It's so nice to meet you.
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I've heard great things about you from Alice and Alice a new
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mom. Yes, and I'm just fascinated
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with all that you do. I was just creepily Googling you
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and looking Your website and, like, Emmy Award, winning
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director teacher, all of the things.
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And I was like, how, how do you do?
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I mean, by the way, are we rolling right into this?
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Or we read Outlook, and so on. Well, first of all, so many of
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those seeds were planted before I had children.
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So I always like to say, but, like when I was busy, when I
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thought I was so, So busy, you know, truly, I made two of my
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featured documentaries before I had kids.
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And then the third one, I started when I was pregnant with
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my first child. So, you know, careers, take a
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very long time to cultivate. I'm still very much in my
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journey, but I think a lot of things that are finally starting
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to get exciting are seeds that have been planted, you know, for
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many, many years. So, like, like anyone, there's
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nothing that happens overnight, right?
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It's always just like, seems we all, we only see the tip of the
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iceberg, when there's like, all that work and You're in
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rejection underneath. So we can control and someone's
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like, how do you do it all the time?
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Like, I don't like hanging answer is, I don't know.
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That's good to know because I see I see people on him.
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Like how and, you know, you gotta remember that.
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It's like, especially through social media for people now,
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it's like, how does everything look so perfect?
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And I love that. Now, it is Little bit more of
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people being like, actually, this is what it really looks
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like and this is what I do is transparent as possible because
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it doesn't serve anyone to act like it's all shiny and perfect
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and easy, cuz it isn't, right? And I think that's where a lot
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of my filmmaking comes from is like, I need to tell a story
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because I'm struggling with something and, like, I've been
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trying to talk about that. More out loud in public of like,
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I struggle like my latest film which Alice worked on called.
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Uh, yeah, about the first mother.
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Space Alice was such a wonderful collaborator on that film.
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And that one really came from this intersection of motherhood
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and ambition, which I think so many of us face like how do you
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continue your career or start a new career or find a new chapter
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of your career at any stage in her motherhood Journey but
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especially when your kids are so young and need you so much all
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the time. It can be so overwhelming.
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So that that intersection to me is like so juicy and so ripe for
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storytelling and yet there are so few stories.
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He's about that and then when I was told about the story of dr.
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Anna Lee Fisher who in 1983 happened to achieve her greatest
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dream of being asked to go to space?
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Right? Can you imagine achieving your
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greatest dream? But wait for it.
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You happen to be eight months pregnant.
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So like what do you do? And there's a real person.
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It's a fiction film based on a true story.
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And so I just thought what a perfect encapsulation, you know,
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I'm not an astronaut I have no myself.
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I know I'm not that important but like Whatever like it's a
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parallel story of what we all go through and as a filmmaker,
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there's so many moments like that, where a job comes up and
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you're like, I would love to do that, but it requires six months
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of travel or I would love to do that but I won't be able to put
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my kids to bed for like three weeks.
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You know, is it worth that sacrifice and you're just
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constantly recalibrating your definition of success and how
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you find confidence in your work?
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If you can your self-worth, your identity.
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It just is all uprooted and question as soon as you have a
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kid. So I Juggle with that every
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single day. And this make this film really
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helped me kind of process. Some of that and help put that
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on screen. That's amazing.
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I so how old are your children? Are you have a daughter and as
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an aside? Yeah.
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So my daughter's for almost five and my son is 10 most to so
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essentially by ventoux but you know, foreign one.
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Yeah. So you started this film when
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this last one, they were talking about when I say I was just
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almost won. Yeah.
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And honestly, both kids, I just felt like making a film as crazy
8:07
as it sounds was the only way I could find myself again is when
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you have a kid it just completely rips your identity to
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shreds. Yeah.
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You're like wait a second. I thought I was also a wife and
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a friend and a sister and a daughter.
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Like I thought I was many things.
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Yeah, motherhood just like takes up the whole pie for a while.
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And I've been a filmmaker since I was kid, like this is all I've
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ever wanted to do is make movies and your focus warthog.
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Oh, right? Yeah, grew up in Chicago.
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I love that. I'm from st.
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Louis. So we got Midwest love.
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So to me, like my pie, my identity has been largely taken
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up by being a filmmaker, right? And I did not necessarily dream
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of motherhood or like pontificate and what motherhood
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would be like it just sort of happened.
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Like when I turned And I had a little bit of Career Success,
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I'm 36. Now I sort of like my husband
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and I have been together for everything together, like, 18
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years married. Nine years.
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I think we've kind of turned to each other.
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Were like is it time like you just sort of go?
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Yeah. Well like I didn't think about
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it really. I mean I really didn't know what
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I was. Yeah.
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I've been to its family must do. So it just sort of happened and
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that it happened quickly. I feel very fortunate that I
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didn't struggle with fertility. However I didn't really have
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much. More time to like think about it
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and then you're pregnant and right, that's a whole new phase
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and so yeah, same thing with my daughter.
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This was in 2017, December 2017. So, right around that time zone,
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the me to movement was unfolding and I along with so many of us
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have had our own experiences with sexual harassment.
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And so at that time, I picked up the camera and got to work on a
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documentary about sexual harassment.
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That's what that's all I know how to do in moments of like,
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curiosity and discovery. Bird and like wanting to explore
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something as I just pick up the camera and start asking
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questions. And so even though I was eight
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months pregnant with a little bit of a parallel Journey with
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Anna Fisher, I was eight months pregnant in 2017.
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I started doing interviews for a documentary which then became a
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film called nevertheless. Which took me, you know, two and
10:19
a half years to make. But at that time I kind of felt
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like, oh my identity is getting like changed and morphed into
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this motherhood thing and I don't know how I feel about it.
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And then once I, I had my daughter to be perfectly
10:32
transparent. I think it's important to say
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these things out loud. Especially in this forum.
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It wasn't just like Rush of love like I get frustrated when all
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we hear is like oh my God, my heart is beating outside my body
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and like all of this love we all say it and it's not that I
10:50
didn't feel that but I for me it was more of a slow burn.
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Like over time I was like oh my God this is such a profound
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love. I am so honored to be this
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person's mother. Her like what a responsibility,
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it is to raise a daughter, to raise a son as well, of course.
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But it was like, it was like I can only Define it as like a
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wave kind of like slowly coming up my body.
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Yeah, it doesn't always happen, right?
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When they're handed to you, and I like that, I one of the
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classes. I took like the pregnancy
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classes. Yeah.
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Address that very briefly about being like, you know, some
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people feel that instant connection and some people don't
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and I'm glad that they Brought that up there and be room for
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open. Yeah, as we feel so bad.
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Like, am I doing something wrong in my not feeling what I'm
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supposed to be feeling. So yeah.
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But it kind of all makes sense to me in hindsight because then
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I feel like my responsibility mode, like my producer mode took
11:46
over of like, okay, change, diapers breastfeed, but you just
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kind of like, get in the cycle of it all.
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Yeah, and it's so much work and if you're so sleep-deprived and
11:56
overwhelmed and like, life is so surreal and like it's just This
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is the phase of life, whether you're ready for it or not your
12:02
identity changes in an instant. And I think having a film to
12:06
work on during that incredibly difficult weird time of life.
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Just gave me sort of an anchor, you know, like something to hold
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onto even though independent filmmaking is so up and down to
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be bad and you're not. So if you're making a film.
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But um, but still, it gave me like a creative outlet and
12:22
purpose and identity that I recognized, in myself, in an
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otherwise incredibly confusing time.
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Of life. So it's interesting that with
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both children 3 years apart. I found a film to work on to
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sort of like anchor me in an otherwise very disorienting
12:39
point in my life. Yeah.
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And that film nevertheless a now Unbound.
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I'm just kind of given me so much self-worth and competence
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and like, reminded me of who I am, you know, when mother had
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can feel so overwhelming. And like, I don't know how to do
12:54
this and like, what am I doing? You know, like, am I any good at
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this like Especially when they're newborns, you know, you
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just give and give and give and give you don't get a lot back.
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And finally, they start walking and talking and saying I love
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you. And it's like amazing and really
13:10
hard but like it's more fun and they're smiling and they're
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looking at you and like they repeat you, you know, like it's
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there's so much joy but the beginning is just so hard and
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you have no frame of reference for what is coming.
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So you're just like, oh my is this how it always is?
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Is this how it's It's always going to feel so yeah, it's it's
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almost like being a filmmaker and making these films although
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it's crazy is like how I survived, you know.
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So it's profound to me to like figure that out.
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So then I guess I was going to ask if you took a break from
13:49
working on it, it's hard to like I know it's hard to like take
13:54
legitimate breaks, but did you pause at all or did you just
13:58
continuously? After after you had your baby,
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did you take any little? Did you take any break?
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Or did you just find that continuously having the the
14:10
film's to focus on help? Do just yeah I think a little of
14:16
both I mean you know, there's no federally mandated maternity
14:20
leave so as an independent filmmaker I'm also whether I
14:23
like it or not just not set up with those resources.
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So that's really hard. I'm going to California.
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We do have, you know, disability by Ford Disability and working
14:31
away and all of that. But you know, as an independent
14:34
filmmaker, when an opportunity arises, you got to take it.
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I mean, no matter what really, and I hate that, that's true,
14:40
but it is. And so after both kids on top of
14:43
wanting to work and finding, you know, that self-worth in work.
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I also just didn't have the luxury of being like, I'm not
14:50
working for three months or Ike. I'm not taking a job for six
14:53
months, like, I just couldn't do that financially.
14:55
So, after my daughter, I had a teaching job lined up.
14:59
Like what? Five weeks.
15:01
So, I probably took a month, you know, and then I'd but that
15:04
endo's in person, you know, I'm like teaching a college course,
15:08
on Independent filmmaking, but I liked it, I liked having like,
15:11
okay, every Wednesday, I'm out of the house and I hated having
15:14
to pump out of the house for like I just wanted to like
15:17
remember that I was a human being outside of my home and
15:20
outside of motherhood. So as hard as it was, I'm glad I
15:23
had that. But also I kind of didn't have a
15:24
choice. Yeah, yeah yeah.
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I'm with my son, same thing. The pandemic, I gave birth to
15:31
him and December 2020. So not only am I an independent
15:33
filmmaker where work is up and down.
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Now we're adding the pandemic where work is really hard to
15:37
find remotely. So I had this remote directing
15:41
opportunity and I couldn't just say no it was an exciting
15:43
opportunity that I wanted to take but also it was like I gave
15:48
birth and I was like texting with the producers like the next
15:50
day. I mean it just was like this.
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It is what it is, you know. Yeah, I felt like I couldn't be
15:55
like, don't talk to me for a month, I would have bought the
15:58
job. So It goes both ways.
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I'm like, happy that I had those opportunities and also sad that
16:03
that's the reality that we live in forests.
16:06
Always those catch-22s. Yeah, I mean, I, you know, I'm
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tremendously privileged. Don't get me wrong with
16:11
resources and, and my parents came and helped they live in
16:15
Chicago. I live in LA, so, you know,
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don't get it twisted. I wasn't going to like end up on
16:19
the street, but still, it was, I feel like mothers should be
16:23
required to have two, three, four, six months, you know, to
16:28
like bond with her baby. And I wonder how How things
16:30
would have been different for me.
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Truly if I had had that like time, but I just felt like I had
16:35
to do it all. I had to keep the jobs going,
16:38
the filmmaker thing going, and I had to try to bond with the baby
16:41
and breastfeed and it just it was way too much for any one
16:44
human to take on as it is for all of us, you know, it's about.
16:48
But so, did you make a conscious choice to do to do it again with
16:55
your son, or did it? Also just happen to be that that
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timing? Something you're working on at
17:02
the same time? Yeah, I mean well with him it's
17:05
like I got pregnant. Read the top of pandemics we
17:08
were like week to, I think of lockdown and were like, surely
17:11
this can't last that long and then it just was like a
17:14
completely different pregnancy experience.
17:17
I couldn't see anybody you know, and then when he was born, my
17:21
parents had drove across the entire country to be here
17:24
without flying I mean, just insane.
17:26
So I'm so grateful, they were here but like literally like so
17:28
many of my friends like L, haven't even met my song and
17:31
he's almost, you know, it was just such a lonely experience
17:35
having him. My husband couldn't come to a
17:38
single appointment, the entire pregnancy, not an ultrasound
17:42
nothing. I was like lucky that he was
17:45
able to be in the delivery room because it was pre-vaccine.
17:47
So, it was just sometimes it's like hard to acknowledge.
17:51
How much anxiety, we all had at that time, but then to be
17:54
pregnant and she's so afraid of covid, pre-vaccine.
17:56
Like, I don't want to pass it to the baby and then with Speeding
18:00
after the vaccine trying to like I was so done with breastfeeding
18:04
emotionally. But I was like, oh my God, I
18:06
have to give my baby some of this vaccine through the milk.
18:08
Like it was just like so much. So yeah, it was kind of two
18:13
different worlds, literally between the two kids and but,
18:17
yeah, I'd say overall, I'm just someone that's like when an
18:19
opportunity arises for a project that I'm passionate about,
18:23
whether it pays or not, I'm just the kind of person to be like
18:26
yes, we're doing that figuring this out.
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So, Then I assume that there were like, you said, times were
18:33
wait. You said it's too much for one
18:34
person but you still did it so I so I'm sure there were those
18:39
like overwhelming moments and and I'm always curious like
18:44
doing both where it's like You survived like you you did do it
18:53
but you did. You're doing you're doing it
18:56
all. What is do you just feel like
19:03
sometimes one has to just take priority or over the other
19:08
because I feel it is hard to do it all.
19:11
But do you feel like It's just a given take or how do you find
19:19
that you when it's balanced? What does that look like for you
19:25
or is it ever balance it ever balance?
19:29
I don't think it is. I mean I think somebody put it
19:31
well with like this idea that we're juggling all these like
19:34
glass balls in the air right. But they have different senses
19:37
of values of some days. I'm juggling the career balls
19:40
very well but I'm not juggling. The mom one's very Well, and
19:44
some of them drop, and that's okay, you know.
19:46
It's like there's just some days where I feel like I'm just
19:49
totally killing it. Like, I want an award.
19:51
I got into a festival. I'm making a movie cool and
19:54
then, but I miss spend time, and I feel crappy that I did.
19:57
I wasn't there for my kids like, or I'm totally momming so hard.
20:01
And I take him to the zoo and I'm at the park.
20:03
And it's like, yeah, but I didn't do anything to for me
20:05
today, and I don't just mean career.
20:07
I mean, like, for my mental health myself care.
20:10
There's so many days where mother had just feel so
20:13
suffocated. Eating.
20:14
Like, just like, oh my God, I'm just in service of these beings
20:17
all day. And again, you don't get this
20:19
like immediate payback. There's not like I earned a
20:22
paycheck for this like, this equals that.
20:25
Oh my God, I wish like you just see.
20:26
I used to have to believe like, okay, they're learning how to be
20:29
a person for me. Whether that means they saw my
20:32
husband and I be in love and like they're learning that
20:36
they're learning what it looks like to be in a relationship
20:38
with someone or to be kind or I get frustrated with my kids all
20:42
the time and I'll say, I'm sorry.
20:43
Sorry, I got frustrated. I shouldn't have said that, you
20:46
know, like owning up to my mistakes.
20:48
You know, I have to hold in my heart that they're learning how
20:51
to be a person every single day in the tiny ways that no one can
20:55
even quantify yet. Yeah, it's really hard to hold
20:58
that when you're frustrated, when you're feeling so
21:00
overwhelmed in a day. So I would say there isn't
21:04
balance, but I think I'm really good at fighting for the things
21:08
that really matter to me, whether that's like, my friend
21:11
needs me. And I need to talk to her for
21:13
the next power. And like, that's what I need
21:15
right now. And, and my husband gets that
21:17
like, my husband Ryan, I've been together so long and I'm just so
21:21
grateful to have a partner that, you know, he is needs, of course
21:24
as well. But like, I think he fully
21:26
Honors that my career has sort of taken a front seat in our
21:29
relationship. You know, usually we say the
21:31
opposite, that the woman's career has taken a backseat in
21:35
my marriage. It's taken a front seat, right?
21:37
It's all that I've ever wanted to do and I'm so grateful that
21:41
Ryan has helped me. Do that.
21:42
Like, he's I would say if anyone's a primary caregiver to
21:45
our kids were very much equal, but it would be him.
21:48
So like if somebody's sick or whatever, you know, he's the one
21:51
taking off work, not me. Like I would never be able to be
21:53
like, sorry, I can't come to said today, like that's just not
21:56
going to happen, right? Not possible.
21:59
Yeah. So I mean, having Ryan as their
22:02
dad and my husband is 100% a huge part of this equation, but
22:06
also I'm just, like, really Fierce about my alone time
22:09
especially with the kids now, so like I get up.
22:12
This is, are you going to be Are you serious?
22:14
Yes, I get up before them so that I can walk every day.
22:18
So like I get up this morning, I got up at six.
22:21
Twenty, I walk two miles, I have like a bike path over here.
22:25
Takes me about 40 minutes and it just starts me on the day.
22:29
So much better than if I'm like waking up to screaming or crying
22:32
or like, having to serve someone else.
22:35
Like I'm naturally an introvert. I like quiet.
22:37
And that is the opposite of what this house has.
22:40
It's so chaotic, it's like between the hours of 7:00.
22:43
And 8:30 and 5:30 to 8:30 at night.
22:46
It's just like tornadoes in the house.
22:49
I'm like the witching hour that I fully accept that that's just
22:52
this phase of life and it's not going to last forever and and
22:55
older mothers will be like you're going to miss that.
22:57
I'm like, all right, we'll see. But like for me like taking a
23:02
walk in the morning is like almost like a moving meditation.
23:05
Like a listen to podcast, sometimes I'll call a friend in
23:08
the midwest who's like been up for a little while or just walk
23:12
and listen to nothing. You know but that's my time and
23:16
once we drop the kids off depending on my work schedule I
23:18
try to get a workout in like exercise is really important to
23:21
me. Helps me feel like myself so
23:22
just like base. Those are like Baseline things
23:25
for me that make me feel good in a day and if I don't get those
23:28
things, I'm not going to feel as good.
23:30
I'm not going to be as good of a mom, truly or partner.
23:33
So there are certain things like that that I fight for in and do
23:37
I get to do it every day? No.
23:38
But they're like pillars of like my health and mental health.
23:42
I definitely have a Therapist, I didn't for a while and I have
23:45
one again. Now, I see every couple weeks
23:47
and that's just really nice to have an outlet.
23:49
I wish everyone could have if it has a therapist, we all need
23:53
them. And she's also a mom and that's
23:56
just a really great Outlet as well to talk with.
23:58
A mom was a little bit further ahead and her journey than me.
24:00
I can say like what you're feeling is totally normal day.
24:03
Okay? Yeah, yeah and then just like
24:06
career stuff, you know, not only financially, I'll say to my
24:09
husband, like I got to take this job, it's x amount of time but
24:12
it'll pay this much or Got to be out of the house for this amount
24:15
of time. He's like I get it.
24:16
I'll figure it out the hard part I'd say with living in Los
24:20
Angeles is that we don't have a village.
24:22
You know it's like we were all promised this like fake Village?
24:25
Like do they just need my address because they never
24:29
showed up? Yeah.
24:33
Yeah. Cuz you do are you both from
24:37
from the Midwest? You know, anything about you met
24:40
in high school? Like, we're from the same
24:42
Hometown I know. Our parents are all in like the
24:47
same like one mile radius. At least you only have to take
24:51
one trip when you're gone. It's true.
24:53
Holidays are pretty great, but when you don't have anyone out
24:57
here. Yeah, that's we have no family
25:00
out here and it's worth it. You know, we've been out here 14
25:03
years, I couldn't see our life, any other way at this point,
25:07
but, of course, we have had so many tearful conversations over
25:10
the years of like, should we just move home?
25:12
Like what are we doing? Is For the and yes, we both love
25:15
it. Here, we want to raise our kids
25:16
here and, but, you know, that means we have 45 babysitters in
25:22
rotation and sometimes we still can't get a babysitter to go do
25:25
the thing we want to do or when my daughter is sick home from
25:29
school, like there's literally no one to call because like,
25:31
what babysitter's going to come over and watch a sick kid,
25:34
unless they're family writing. So it can get really, really
25:38
lonely in those moments where you're just like, how is the
25:41
system setup like my kids sick. Don't have child care.
25:44
But I have to work today. Like how is this all supposed to
25:46
work? Like I get so overwhelmed when
25:49
those things happen because when all the trains are moving and my
25:51
kids are in child care, full-time.
25:52
Like I'm okay, you give me a full day without children.
25:57
Oh, I can move mountains like it's my son's home today.
26:02
Like I only have this amount of time now because he's just needs
26:06
me so much throughout the day. So yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:10
Lack of the village I think was like the big.
26:13
Misnomer like the, the hidden secret of modern motherhood,
26:17
like we all think. Oh, our friends are going to
26:19
help our friends are going to come over or like so-and-so's.
26:21
A mom will just like, get our kids together.
26:23
Maybe you won't like to watch anyone else's kids, like I'm
26:27
sorry. I I want to be a good friend
26:29
like if someone's in a pinch and they really need me to help.
26:32
I want to be that person who can help, but I'm also over here
26:34
super overwhelmed too. So it's like really cookie to
26:38
navigate, you're like, where's this Village that we were all
26:40
promised yeah especially like It is like you're saying having
26:44
those moments of us, should we just move back home?
26:46
Because it is II feel like it is hard and you know, it's so
26:51
great. You know the Midwest ER and and
26:53
even here I guess people have different Lifestyles.
26:56
I don't know about you but we're just in a in an apartment.
26:59
So even if like like I would love to have like oh well watch
27:03
your kit. I mean maybe not this age.
27:06
She's only 3 months but when they're older and play outside
27:09
or something. If I yeah go play in the
27:11
backyard but like we don't Don't have that here.
27:14
But, um, so can I ask, what is your husband in the industry at
27:18
all, or does? Yeah, and goodness, Ryan is not
27:21
in the film industry, but he's certainly the biggest supporter.
27:25
So, if I ever need him in any capacities, I was there for me,
27:28
he works in sales remotely for this incense company, he's sort
27:32
of like a jack-of-all-trades, he's also in the beer industry,
27:34
so he bartends he's a homebrewer.
27:37
He like knows how to make his own beer.
27:39
I'm cool has very entrepreneurial Tendencies and
27:42
his vision. In was to open his own Brewery
27:45
and then the pandemic kind of took that all away and he sort
27:48
of finding his dream again and finding his way back into the
27:51
beer industry, I to the pandemic really.
27:53
Rocked Us in so many ways, financially certainly, but we're
27:58
both sort of like freelance entrepreneurial bouncing from
28:02
thing to thing, which is really hard with two kids.
28:06
So we're both looking for more stability.
28:08
However, that looks like it doesn't necessarily mean a
28:11
nine-to-five, corporate job. But I think there's some some
28:14
happy medium for both of us to find over time.
28:18
So that it's not so like oh this month you're making this and I'm
28:21
making this like we're both kind of freelance if you will and
28:26
he's more like the beer industry and during the pandemic he
28:28
actually started his own bagel and coffee business which was
28:31
made. So like everyone who had a
28:33
sourdough starter. Yeah, Ryan's are making
28:36
incredible. Sourdough bagels.
28:38
And roasting is on coffee and so he runs his own small business
28:42
out of our home. As well.
28:44
So yeah, we're both kind of all over the place.
28:45
Like I'm a teacher, I'm a speaker.
28:47
I'm a filmmaker. What's up?
28:49
What's up? What's his company called you?
28:52
It's called Stellar Atlas and the website's stellar, stella762
29:00
cosio, and he's on Instagram as well.
29:03
And yes, Bagels. If you're in the LA area, he
29:05
makes Incredible sourdough. Bagels and pretzels, bagels and
29:08
coffee. So, yeah, it's definitely fun to
29:11
have fresh bread around the house.
29:13
House. Yeah, especially when I was
29:16
pregnant. I was like, this is amazing.
29:20
I'm curious if you cuz I'm so glad that.
29:24
Now you said, you know, they'll like that getting up early for
29:28
you is important and taking those walks and being able to
29:31
work out and like, knowing what's important or you as those
29:34
pillars, did it take you. Did you like, think did you
29:39
already know that ahead of time? Like these are things?
29:41
I know I'm gonna need We're having a kid or like once once
29:45
this baby comes, I know that I'm going to need these things or
29:49
did it take you time to figure out the like okay?
29:52
These are the things I need. And oh yeah it time I've always
29:56
loved exercise but I don't think I saw it as part of myself care
30:00
or like mental health routine. I didn't really put that
30:03
together. Yeah, because I had other
30:05
opportunities for that but I think after my daughter was
30:10
born, I certainly turned to Fitness at the six week.
30:12
Mark, Like, after the checkup, and they were like, if you're
30:14
good, I definitely started exercising, and felt a little
30:17
bit better. But after my son, I was just a
30:20
lot more intentional about my fitness routine and I started
30:24
this program is called 168 Fitness.
30:28
My friend had done it after her second kid.
30:30
And it just really transformed my body my life.
30:34
I mean, it was just such a wonderful program for me, maybe
30:36
not for everyone, but it was like, I learned so much about
30:39
nutrition that I never learned before.
30:41
And that was part of a to like, These late nights, you're not
30:44
sleeping at your especially your face and you're just sort of
30:47
like hour-by-hour. It's so easy to just eat crap
30:50
all day and night because you friggin deserve it and, and it's
30:54
easy, right? So like I knew like, in in my
30:59
heart, I knew that like, if I just let myself eat whatever, I
31:02
would also feel bad on top of being sleep deprived.
31:05
And so, second time around, I feel like I learned, no, I
31:09
really need to dial in my nutrition so that at least on
31:11
eating nourishing foods, It's and like even if I'm
31:14
sleep-deprived at least I'm I'm feeding my body.
31:16
Well like I just really wanted to feel as good as possible
31:21
during the pandemic after pregnancy, after we were knew we
31:24
were done. Having kids, that was also part
31:26
of it, like, we have two kids were, like 100% done.
31:29
My husband took care of that and so that was kind of freeing to
31:39
be like. Okay, I'm not going to get
31:40
pregnant again, like I won't mind forever body.
31:43
Well, and like, I'm not talking like I'm gonna get my body back,
31:46
but it really wasn't like that. I wasn't like, I'm going to lose
31:48
x amount of weight. It was just like, I don't feel
31:50
good. And so I started this program
31:53
that my friend had done and it's yeah.
31:54
What was it called? Again, it's called 168 Fitness,
31:58
and it's run by this awesome husband and wife, Chad and Anna.
32:01
And I'm, you know, it's nothing revolutionary.
32:03
I just learned a lot about nutrition and I started tracking
32:05
my steps and my trusty Apple watch.
32:08
And so that was really, a fun journey to be on as well.
32:11
Like, on top of You know, wanting to be back in film.
32:15
It still is very much depend emic.
32:17
So also, there weren't a lot of opportunities for film.
32:20
So, I was doing this program and that felt like something I could
32:23
do for me everyday. Like if every day, I'm paying
32:26
attention to my nutrition and eating a good nourishing foods.
32:30
And then on top of that working out, like I wasn't like didn't
32:33
hit the heavyweights on the city park.
32:36
I built up to it, but I started strength training and like
32:39
lifting heavy weights, which I hadn't really done before he
32:42
died down a little, but Is mostly doing like cardio stuff
32:45
and it and it just really transformed my physique and so
32:49
I'm only putting a number two, this two for dramatic effect but
32:52
it really wasn't about the number but I lost 70 pounds.
32:57
Wow in 2021 and I'm proud to say that I've kept it off for over a
33:02
year now. And it's really just an
33:05
indication of like thank you of Having learned.
33:08
Like I had never put it all together like the Fitness and
33:11
Nutrition. Getting enough sleep.
33:13
Leap, you know, once your baby allows you to sleep through the
33:14
night, it's quite revolutionary. Yeah.
33:17
She's yeah, I'm lucky. She's already doing it.
33:20
So, knock on wood and she'll wake up every so often, but
33:24
that's great. Yeah, and it comes in phases,
33:27
we, my daughter was a superstar sleeper from six months on
33:30
because we did the sleep training thing.
33:31
And then, as soon as my son showed up, she was like, hold my
33:34
beer. Yeah.
33:38
Once you get used to something, then it changes.
33:42
So it's like, Life lesson, you know?
33:44
I think honestly, the what I keep telling myself and others
33:48
is like motherhood in a nutshell, is this like Paradox.
33:52
I keep saying it over and over. If you can wrap your brain
33:55
around two contradictory things being true at the same time that
34:00
something can be wonderful and terrible like all in the same
34:05
moment. Yeah.
34:06
Then you're okay like because is when I post that Instagram
34:10
picture of me looking very happy with my kids.
34:12
That's It's real but like two seconds later, they're screaming
34:16
and running around and crying and it's so effing hard so like
34:20
yes. And like yes both.
34:23
So that's like to me, there's this really amazing study done
34:26
and I'm going to butcher it until we paraphrasing, but it
34:29
was like a long-term and short-term study of Parenthood
34:32
and basically the long and short of it was like the long-term
34:34
study was like over the course of your life.
34:37
Are you happy that you had children like well how would you
34:39
rate your happiness on having children you know in the grand
34:42
scheme of your life? Like, you know, let's say 90
34:45
plus percent said, wouldn't change a thing?
34:48
No regrets like gave my life more meaning, or purpose.
34:51
I'm so glad I had kids, like, all this great stuff.
34:53
Cool. All Right, Guard term they did.
34:57
This study again, totally paraphrasing where they would
35:00
like buzz a parent like every 10 minutes or every hour like rate,
35:03
their happiness, on a scale of 1 to 10 completely miserable
35:07
everyone. Oh my god.
35:09
Well that's nice, that's it. Can you You handle the
35:14
short-term sacrifice for the long-term satisfaction.
35:18
It's like an investment in your future.
35:20
I don't need to put it in such, you know, cold terms but like
35:23
her. But I think about how lucky I am
35:26
to Bear. Witness to book of my kids
35:28
lives, like, as much as they'll let me, and right now, I'm
35:30
seeing so much of it, but like, as they get older, they're going
35:33
to decide how much to involve me in their life, but like
35:36
sometimes I just get so excited to like meet my son in a year,
35:40
you know, like that, I get to see him grow like what?
35:43
If that is like, I like fiercely independent, love my work, want
35:48
to make 10,000 more films in my life.
35:50
And at the same time, I kind of want to go sneak into my son's
35:53
room and like, Wayne has driven stare at them, you know, like
35:56
it's I love that I love you. It's really that it really is
36:00
both sides and that things don't always balance because I know I
36:06
feel like it's like what am I doing that?
36:10
Like, and, and I've been so lucky to talk.
36:13
Talk to to talk to ya, maybe as an artist, as a mom, and
36:30
you're gonna have so many more tools to bring to that role
36:33
because you will have been there.
36:34
And you'll have that empathy and like, we don't often articulate
36:38
how much we're learning and growing like you're not thinking
36:41
about it, if you had to write down right now, Directions for
36:44
someone else to go, take care of your kid, which maybe you've had
36:46
to do by now be like six pages long.
36:49
And he'd be like wait what, how did I learn all of us?
36:52
Like we don't often have the time to really see how much
36:55
progress we make is so focused on the baby as soon as the baby
36:59
comes. It's not about you anymore at
37:00
all. You're just this like empty
37:02
vessel and her like wait a second.
37:05
I've learned so much. I've grown, I'm changing like
37:07
your brain is literally rearranging, you know, it has
37:10
moment so I think it's Cool to be able to see how much we grow
37:15
as moms and as human beings, you know, as as these kids get
37:20
older. And that's what a gift that is
37:21
like and for me as a filmmaker, like I couldn't have made
37:23
Unbound before I became a mom, like, I brought so much to that
37:27
film because it's about mother at it.
37:29
You know, I wouldn't have been the right filmmaker for it until
37:32
I had gone through all that and I just wrote my first short
37:35
screenplay ever and it's all about.
37:37
I'm hoping to make it next year. And it's all about these, like,
37:41
early days of motherhood. Superb.
37:43
Do you superraw visceral? Kind of surreal?
37:45
Because I need to process all that I went through, and I
37:48
definitely couldn't have written that before I had kids, and I
37:50
definitely couldn't directed before I had kids.
37:52
So you are learning and growing and becoming a more, you know,
37:56
well-rounded artist by being a mom.
37:58
And I think our skills are just not valued in that way like
38:02
being a mother. In The Working World is such an
38:04
asset like we can handle so much.
38:07
You're a warrior is like when I hear other woman's birth stories
38:10
I'm just like, what? How did you?
38:13
Go through that, you like bled out on the table or like you
38:15
almost died or. Yeah.
38:17
Or even if everything goes fine, just pushing everything
38:21
incredible. Yeah.
38:23
That is valued in our current modern world, like we are not
38:27
valued for how incredible we are as human beings and all that we
38:31
take on and although we think about all that we handle on a
38:34
day-to-day basis. And so did his wife that was
38:38
honored more, you know, and it's it's odd that we don't talk
38:42
about it so much. Which I feel like as soon as I
38:44
got pregnant, I was like, how, how did mothers had a women
38:50
who've been pregnant? Like, how do you not talk about
38:55
it all the time? Like how do you not walk into a
38:58
room? And you're like, I did this and
39:01
that's what I did. And just, he and again, like you
39:04
said, other people's like birth stories where you just like You
39:10
don't think like, I guess and now I'm like, oh my God, I was
39:16
such a terrible friend. I didn't like ask these and I'm
39:20
like, where was I? And I'm like, you just don't,
39:23
you don't know what to ask, you don't know.
39:25
That's it's so lonely. That's part of what my new short
39:28
is about. It's like the loneliness of like
39:30
when your friends haven't had kids yet and you've gone through
39:32
this a profound experience and they just don't even know what
39:35
to ask you like they just have no idea what you've gone through
39:38
and you're like, How I want to talk about this, I want to
39:42
process this with the person. I thought I knew best my best
39:44
friend and and then you're different phases of Life.
39:47
Yeah. It's just really, it can be very
39:49
lonely. If you're the first of your
39:50
friends have kids and then all of a sudden, they're like, I'm
39:53
so tired or whatever and you're like, are you?
39:55
But you must be so tired because you can sleep in.
39:59
Like you're just like a weird phase of life in our 30s.
40:05
I think and 40s because people are getting married and having
40:08
kids at different times or not getting Not having kids,
40:10
everyone's version of life is A-Okay with me but it just is,
40:14
can be very lonely, you know, it's very true.
40:17
Um, oh my gosh, well I gosh I could ask you so many more
40:22
questions, but I'll ask you, one of my, I tend to ask this for
40:27
the last question for everyone of like, what has been a
40:31
lifesaver for you, like having kids and your career either like
40:38
a mantra or a Baby product or just been like, I recommend
40:45
this, I needed this. Yeah.
40:48
Oh my so many things. I guess I'll just stick with the
40:51
Classic. This too shall pass.
40:54
I think that helps me a lot, you know, just the good and the bad
40:58
bright like you can be in a moment that is so unbelievably,
41:02
wonderful and know that it's going to turn on a dime.
41:05
As soon as they don't get to eat the snack, they wanted or they
41:08
don't want to get in the car. Or they're tired and they don't
41:11
know it like something's fun, it's just like soaked in the joy
41:16
because it will pass, you know? And then of course the opposite
41:20
side. You know, when things are
41:21
terrible and they're screaming at you or you're feeling so
41:24
overwhelmed, it's like that will pass to and those moments feels
41:28
so long. Like the minutes, feel endless,
41:31
when your kid is upset sick, screaming crying.
41:35
It just feels like am I ever going to get through this and
41:38
you will? And then You'll look back and be
41:40
like, alright, I got through that, I can get through it
41:43
again. You know, I gonna get through
41:44
both sides. I guess, you know, we all need
41:47
to hear that this too shall pass at.
41:49
It's it's hard. When I'd again older mothers
41:52
tend to be like, oh my God, you're going to miss it or goes
41:55
by so fast, you won't remember and you're like well I'm
41:57
remembering it now my kids me advice I guess but like just
42:02
like all the clichés are true. I get it but like it's still
42:06
hard to hear it in that moment when you're like I'm really
42:08
struggling. I don't want to think about Out
42:09
when I'm 60 and my kids are home.
42:12
You know, I got that's not the solution right now Carol, you
42:15
know, for whatever exactly. Like I'll videotape on my phone
42:21
and I'll take more pictures. Yeah, that's to shop fast other
42:25
things but I think that's just tried and true advice in life.
42:29
But certainly with Parenthood and yeah, I mean, we're all just
42:32
figuring it out and doing our best every single day.
42:34
I have so many moments where I'm like, I'm a terrible mother very
42:38
rarely in my thinking like I'm I'm killed it.
42:40
I'm a great. Mom was very poorly.
42:42
You killing it. So I'm gonna do each other a
42:46
disservice by like assuming everyone's like doing great.
42:49
But we're not like we're all doing our best and I just try to
42:53
embrace it like I'm doing my own version of motherhood.
42:57
Like this is the Sara maschmann version of motherhood and it
42:59
might not be your version of might not be anybody else's, but
43:01
like, based on who I am and how I was raised and what I want in
43:05
the world and how I, you know, experience mental health this is
43:09
this is the best. I got and I'm not perfect and
43:12
it's okay, you know? So I try to sort of pulled that
43:15
my heart but moment-to-moment and kick.
43:17
It is very overwhelming on a daily basis to be very clear.
43:22
Well, I'm glad that I'm not alone.
43:25
You are not and you're so new. I mean it's really just say, I'm
43:29
very phrase I'm so glad you have this outlet and this podcast to
43:33
talk to other moms like what a gift this is because it's so
43:36
easy to not have these conversations and then to feel
43:39
Siloed and like, oh God, that's I can't handle it.
43:42
I'm the only one. And it's not.
43:43
We're all were all struggling. We're all just trying to figure
43:48
it out, you know, every day and we're all like, hey, how did you
43:50
handle this? How do you potty train?
43:52
How do you get them to go to sleep?
43:53
How do you breastfeed the girls? Just like what?
43:57
Yeah, I feel like a lot of it is just, like, figuring it out on
43:59
your own, which yes, of course, kind of do.
44:03
But it's like, if people would have told me half of the things
44:06
that, like, That like they told me later on when I'm like, oh my
44:10
gosh, I did this and they're like, oh me too.
44:12
And it's like well that would have been good together.
44:16
Yeah. Any struggle that you have
44:19
someone's gone through it and there is a mom to talk to about
44:21
it and you're not alone. Whether it's like this weird,
44:24
rash they got, or we're interpersonal conflict.
44:28
Like, my kids being bullied at school or something, you know,
44:30
like there's a mama there to tend to hear about it.
44:33
And luckily, there are more and more communities online to
44:35
connect with and friends. And, you know, We want to do is
44:39
feel like we're doing a good job.
44:40
So like we just need a couple mom's to text or podcasts like
44:44
this to listen to you to feel like we're not alone.
44:46
That's all we want in. Those moments is like you're not
44:49
a bad mom, you're doing your best.
44:50
It's okay. Get some sleep, wake up.
44:52
We'll try it again tomorrow. You know, just we just want our
44:56
kids to be happy and healthy and safe, you know.
44:59
That's really, that's all I want.
45:02
Yeah. Oh my gosh, it was so good to
45:04
talk to you. I know you have a busy schedule
45:07
and you're killing it. And I look for you the all the
45:11
things that you're doing are so great and it's been so great to
45:15
talk to you and I really appreciate you taking the time
45:18
and I hope to get to meet you. And yes we use.
45:21
Let's do it. Yeah, I would love that.
45:24
All right. Well take care and give those
45:27
kids and snuggles. Well I and that is a look into
45:33
mommy would and a special thank you to my producer.
45:38
Leah trip with Laurel Canyon creative.
45:41
And thank you to Edith much for my theme music and don't forget
45:46
to follow mommy would podcast on Instagram and Tick-Tock and
45:52
please leave a nice review and a few Stars while you're at it.
45:58
And I hope you enjoyed this episode of mommy would and take
46:03
care.