Latest / Cash Confident with Brie Sodano / Rewrite Reality: Story Emotions & Generational Patterns
Transcript
- 0:01Speaker 1: Welcome to the Cash Confident podcast.
- 0:03Speaker 1: I'm Brie Sedano, your fearless host, personal finance expert and the visionary behind the revolutionary Cash Confident community.
- 0:10Speaker 1: Get ready to embark on an electrifying journey where we redefine the rules of money and empower women to harness the immense power to craft the life they truly, truly desire.
- 0:22Speaker 1: This podcast is the ultimate resource, meticulously crafted, for women who are ready to unleash their financial prowess and embrace a life of abundant success.
- 0:32Speaker 1: We leave no stone unturned as we delve into the depths of money management, mindset mastery and the undeniable influence of emotions on your financial decisions.
- 0:43Speaker 1: Prepare to rise above the societal limitations and break free from the chains that have held you back, as we equip you with the tools and knowledge to make bold, confident choices with your cash.
- 0:55Speaker 1: We believe that true financial power begins with knowledge, and that is exactly what we deliver.
- 1:02Speaker 1: So buckle up, my fierce and ambitious friends, as we embark on this transformative journey to becoming Cash Confident together.
- 1:10Speaker 1: Oh, hello, hello, everybody.
- 1:17Speaker 1: You're here for the Cash Confident podcast.
- 1:20Speaker 1: I am your host, brie Sedano, and today we are talking about story, emotions and patterns, and I'm obviously thrilled to talk about this, because every time I make an episode and hang out with you, I am thrilled, all right.
- 1:38Speaker 1: So money is one of the places where generational patterns show up big time.
- 1:48Speaker 1: And here's a.
- 1:52Speaker 1: I'm going to just start with the way that humans kind of understand life and then we're going to get into money.
- 2:00Speaker 1: But look at when you're born.
- 2:02Speaker 1: You're a fresh little baby human straight out the womb.
- 2:06Speaker 1: You are learning at incredible speeds.
- 2:11Speaker 1: The synapses in your brain are forming and you are learning language and human interaction and love and compassion and how to navigate the world safely and basically all of what it takes to be a human in your family, in your community, in your neighborhood, in your country, in your language.
- 2:32Speaker 1: You're learning everything and by the time that you're 10 years old you know you don't have the wisdom of life or anything, but you know how to be a human Like you're.
- 2:45Speaker 1: Basically, a lot of your neural synapses are baked in right and so when it comes to money, most of us did not get very intentional conversations around money from our parents.
- 2:59Speaker 1: I've talked with many, many people across incomes.
- 3:02Speaker 1: This is especially true of middle class.
- 3:06Speaker 1: Poor people tend to talk about money.
- 3:08Speaker 1: If you grew up in poverty, money tends to be a bigger topic, and the same thing for wealthy people.
- 3:12Speaker 1: But the middle class, which is where most of the people that I've talked to kind of come in to see me have not had many conversations where there was like an intentional teaching of money and for some people there's conversations around money like I'll save money for a rainy day, or don't use credit card debt, or don't depend on men for money, or money doesn't grow on trees, or whatever the learning was.
- 3:37Speaker 1: But as we kind of grow up, we see our relationship with money and there are things that are not explicitly taught or that are not explicitly taught, that are more implicitly taught, right?
- 3:51Speaker 1: So maybe your parents didn't say to you, hey, we really struggle financially.
- 3:57Speaker 1: We have a lot of lack and scarcity in our lives.
- 4:01Speaker 1: This is what we do to cause this.
- 4:04Speaker 1: But you may see, wow, I didn't get the same kind of clothes, I didn't get to go on the same kind of trips.
- 4:10Speaker 1: I lived on one side of the tracks, other people lived on the better or right side of the tracks, or I lived on these kind of places and other people in my community had a very different lifestyle.
- 4:23Speaker 1: So we do a lot of learning that's really implicit.
- 4:30Speaker 1: So we're not learning from big conversations or big teachings or things like that.
- 4:36Speaker 1: We just know what we know because we saw it happening, and this plays into generational patterns of money quite a bit, and so a lot of the work that I do with clients is really around generational stuff, because most of the time people are trying they're coming to see me because they want a life that is vastly different than what they grew up with.
- 5:00Speaker 1: Right, if you wanted the same kind of life that you grew up in, chances are you're gonna do okay because you already have the learning that's necessary.
- 5:08Speaker 1: But most of the people who are coming to see me didn't grow up the way that they wanted.
- 5:12Speaker 1: Maybe they had plenty of money, but their parents worked a zillion hours a week and they don't wanna work a zillion hours a week.
- 5:17Speaker 1: Or maybe their parents had a situation where money was just enough or money was not enough and they want plenty.
- 5:25Speaker 1: They want more.
- 5:26Speaker 1: Maybe they want their own business and they grew up raised by municipal employees.
- 5:32Speaker 1: I was talking to a lady recently who was raised by a teacher, or two teachers maybe, or like a teacher and somebody else who worked in a municipal government and she wanted to be an entrepreneur and her belief structures were so vastly different for the like, what she grew up with needed to be so vastly different for her to be able to create some entrepreneurship, right?
- 5:56Speaker 1: And so it's just like, if we have these programs, these stories, these emotions, these patterns, these financial programs and we want something different than what we're programmed for, we have to, like, really rewrite those aspects of the subconscious, and that's kind of what we're talking about today.
- 6:16Speaker 1: But I just wanted you to understand the way that this all plays out.
- 6:19Speaker 1: So we learn all of these things and then, basically, we are set up to recreate our parents' patterns, unless we choose something different on purpose and by choosing something different I mean we choose it, and then we have to, most of the time we have to go in and rewire our belief structures, rewire, sometimes, stories that we have.
- 6:41Speaker 1: Sometimes we need to release emotions that we have, and oftentimes this will show up in patterns, and so, all right, so that we're just gonna keep getting into it.
- 6:54Speaker 1: So for many people listen the way that when all right, I'm trying to think of the best way to explain this when I'm working with people, we have there's a mental realm, and the mental realm there's the level of, like, conscious thought, right, so we have the conscious thought level of awareness and this is the level of your brain where, like, you can hear your brain talking, right.
- 7:22Speaker 1: So if your brain is, this is the place where, if you have a voice who, like, really bothers you, this is in your conscious level of mental awareness, right, you're aware of that level, you can hear it right.
- 7:33Speaker 1: And then we have this realm of story which, for some people, kind of comes back with.
- 7:42Speaker 1: Some people will come back to a story if there's an emotional trigger or even sometimes like a smell or a visual something or other.
- 7:51Speaker 1: And the realm of story is kind of like where we, where we put meanings to things and there's generally an emotional component, right?
- 8:02Speaker 1: So if let's just say you're, you're a little kid, you're at the store, you're asking your mom to buy gummy bears, she's annoyed, maybe she's had a long day or whatever, and you ask too many times and she loses.
- 8:19Speaker 1: She loses it and she gives you all smack and she says stop asking for those gummy bears.
- 8:24Speaker 1: And she means it.
- 8:25Speaker 1: And you're five and you may make that interaction mean I never get what I want.
- 8:31Speaker 1: There's no point in asking, right, that could be a reasonable meaning.
- 8:36Speaker 1: You give that exact sort of sort of circumstances.
- 8:39Speaker 1: You may Make that that same situation mean that asking for things makes me wrong and bad and I get in trouble for it.
- 8:47Speaker 1: You may make that mean, while my mom is a bitch, she's she's the worst, right.
- 8:54Speaker 1: So the the story, the realm of story, runs a little bit deeper than our conscious awareness, because that's where we put meaning to things.
- 9:03Speaker 1: That's basically where we install belief structures.
- 9:06Speaker 1: Now, what's interesting about the realm of story in our minds is that that's also the place where there's a lot of stored emotion and when we have Belief structures that are there, that are deep, and there's also a lot of emotional charge, that's there that these are the places where we recreate patterns.
- 9:26Speaker 1: So I'm gonna tell you a story to demonstrate.
- 9:29Speaker 1: All right, so at one point I had a client who Would spend a lot of money on gifts and picking up lunch tabs and and paying for things for people, and this did not feel like generosity to her.
- 9:51Speaker 1: This did not feel good to her and she could mentally see that there was actually no obligation.
- 9:57Speaker 1: So maybe some of the examples are spending like a hundred dollars on a kids birthday party gift, like that her kids were gonna go to where she really didn't have the budget for that and really like a $20 gift Would have sufficed and been just fine, but she would really go over and really over give right and the same.
- 10:18Speaker 1: The same client had Paid for a trip for a boyfriend of hers, like as like a zillion years ago by the time she came to see me, and she didn't ask him for his half of the money, like they'd agreed that they would each pay half, but she ended up booking the trip and so she just never asked for the money that they, that they'd agreed on right, that they'd agreed.
- 10:42Speaker 1: So you know, it wasn't like a bait and switch or anything, and when she would go out with people, she would often find herself picking up the entire tab for lunches or Dinners or drinks, you know, with her friends.
- 10:52Speaker 1: And again, this was not expected and this did not feel like generosity to her.
- 10:55Speaker 1: And so, as I'm working with her, we're trying to get to the bottom of this pattern, of this behavior, because this is this is a behavior that she was aware of and when it was and she wanted to stop, but when it was time to actually Stop it, when it was time to not do it, she would find herself taken out her credit card and, and you know, doing these things anyways, and then really have beating herself up and having a lot of regret for it.
- 11:21Speaker 1: So, as we're talking about this, we go into the realm of story and she tells me the story.
- 11:27Speaker 1: She's 10 years old, her dad gives her money For, well, her I'm kind of messed up this.
- 11:38Speaker 1: Right, she's 10 years old and a friend of hers is taking her to an amusement park and they are paying her way because she's 10 years old, right.
- 11:47Speaker 1: So they're, they're buying her admission or whatever, and her dad gives her a hundred dollar bill.
- 11:51Speaker 1: Now, it did this.
- 11:52Speaker 1: This story was probably taking place, maybe the 80s, all right, so he gives a 10 year old $100 in the 80s, okay, which is a different amount of money than it is today, and he does not give her instructions with this $100.
- 12:09Speaker 1: He just gives her the $100.
- 12:12Speaker 1: And her dad expects her to pick up the to pay for everybody's dinner when they go out to dinner, to pay for everybody's dinner.
- 12:20Speaker 1: And the dad gives her this money as a thank you gesture, right, but he didn't give her these instructions and she's a 10 year old girl, so why would she be picking, like it doesn't make sense, but anyways.
- 12:29Speaker 1: So she gets home with the, with the, still with the $100.
- 12:32Speaker 1: Because she didn't pick up the tab and she didn't spend any money that day.
- 12:35Speaker 1: And she thinks that her dad is gonna be so proud of her for saving the money and not spending it right.
- 12:40Speaker 1: But instead he's mortified, he's horrified.
- 12:44Speaker 1: He was like, dude, you were supposed to pay for everybody's dinner and she was like, oh, I don't know, and he made a joke about her being cheap.
- 12:52Speaker 1: He made a joke about her being cheap and it hurt her feelings a lot.
- 12:57Speaker 1: Like it hurt, it really hurt her feelings.
- 12:59Speaker 1: And for the next I mean still to the day that she was working with me her dad would still make jokes about her being cheap.
- 13:07Speaker 1: All right, so here's where this is, here's where this is tying together.
- 13:13Speaker 1: So, like she in the realm of story, she gave this story a meaning of I need to buy stuff for everybody else so I don't have to be cheap and really feel my feelings being hurt, right?
- 13:30Speaker 1: So inside of that story there are still unprocessed feelings from that 10 year old kid whose dad was poking fun at her in kind of a cruel way.
- 13:43Speaker 1: You know what I mean Like she was really upset about it and I think he was teasing.
- 13:46Speaker 1: He probably didn't mean it in such a way.
- 13:48Speaker 1: So, look, we have this situation where we can see look at, when we look at this, you're probably an adult, is you're listening here, but we can see this as an adult.
- 13:55Speaker 1: So we see that that he kind of dropped the ball in the communication and he was busting her chops and did he probably really think that she was cheap?
- 14:03Speaker 1: No, but she was 10 and super sensitive and like you know.
- 14:06Speaker 1: So she and she made that mean.
- 14:09Speaker 1: So that story came to me.
- 14:11Speaker 1: I need to buy everything for everybody, so people don't think I'm cheap, because being cheap is the worst.
- 14:16Speaker 1: And then people make fun of me and my feelings are hurt and it really really sucks.
- 14:20Speaker 1: So here we are.
- 14:22Speaker 1: You know she comes to see me 30 something years after this story happened and she's still doing this pattern.
- 14:31Speaker 1: Now her dad has the same pattern.
- 14:32Speaker 1: It just doesn't show up the exact same way.
- 14:34Speaker 1: Her dad is also super generous, but her dad gets to give from generosity because he's a generous.
- 14:40Speaker 1: He's a generous man, right, like, right, like he offered.
- 14:45Speaker 1: You know he would gave the $100 just as a thank you.
- 14:47Speaker 1: And you know, and then I, as she told me more and more about him he, the more I know about this man he does have a generous heart.
- 14:54Speaker 1: So in that attempt to pass down generosity, it got a little corroded right.
- 15:00Speaker 1: So she does the same thing that her dad does, which is pick up the tabs and do all these super generous things, but it doesn't feel generous because it's not from her overflow, it's cutting into her right, it's cutting into her budget, it's cutting into her family's wellbeing, it's causing credit card debt and it's problematic.
- 15:17Speaker 1: And we had to rewire those stories and essentially retell that story and process those hurt feelings for her, for her to be able to break that pattern.
- 15:31Speaker 1: Because when that pattern was invisible, right, when it was running from that story realm and the conscious level, she'd be like I don't want to do this, I don't want to buy this.
- 15:40Speaker 1: But the issue was a layer deeper, it was in this realm of story, and so that was part of, you know, the work that we had to do was to find this old story, retell the story and then let go of those feelings, right, because basically the story was what it was.
- 16:01Speaker 1: And then there was this emotional component of her being unwilling to be like her, being unwilling to experience other people thinking she is cheap.
- 16:13Speaker 1: So everything that she was doing over giving was all from this place of I don't want people to think I'm cheap.
- 16:20Speaker 1: I don't want people to think I'm cheap, you know.
- 16:23Speaker 1: So she was going to birthday parties with $100 gifts and she was, you know, picking up tabs for dinner she can't afford.
- 16:28Speaker 1: And she's paying for a vacation she can't afford.
- 16:30Speaker 1: And she's doing all these things she can't afford because she doesn't want people to think that she's cheap, because she's unwilling to experience the hurt feelings you know that that would cause.
- 16:41Speaker 1: But that was carrying on for more than 30 years.
- 16:45Speaker 1: So I want you just to understand this, because sometimes, when people are working with their money mindsets, they are really working in the conscious realm.
- 16:55Speaker 1: They're really working at that top layer where they can hear their thoughts.
- 16:58Speaker 1: Now, listen, if you have a limiting belief that you can clearly hear articulated in your mental chatter, like, oh, I hate money, or money's the root of all evil, or people are greedy and they're the worst you know, if you can hear that, then those beliefs are definitely worth addressing.
- 17:15Speaker 1: But a lot of times, with these patterns, with behaviors that show up in unwanted ways.
- 17:21Speaker 1: A lot of times you're not going to find the solution in that top level of awareness.
- 17:27Speaker 1: Sometimes you have to go a little bit later, a little layer deeper, and oftentimes it's not just mindset work.
- 17:33Speaker 1: Oftentimes you have to release the stuck energy.
- 17:36Speaker 1: You have to let yourself feel the hurt feeling.
- 17:40Speaker 1: You know, because most of the time we're able to process joyful feelings.
- 17:44Speaker 1: You know we're able to process our happiness.
- 17:46Speaker 1: We're able to process, you know, the lighter side of feelings.
- 17:50Speaker 1: It's generally the shame, the guilt, the anger.
- 17:52Speaker 1: You know the hurt, the, you know the harder stuff that is left unprocessed.
- 17:58Speaker 1: That's the stuff you know.
- 18:00Speaker 1: And most of us were taught to judge our feelings and taught to not let ourselves fully have our emotional experiences right.
- 18:07Speaker 1: And this, if you had parents who maybe gave you a popsicle when you were crying and said, oh, stop crying.
- 18:13Speaker 1: Or said something like, well, if you're crying and I'm going to give you something to cry about, you know.
- 18:18Speaker 1: Or you got sent to your room if you were having big feelings.
- 18:22Speaker 1: You know those sort of things where we come to judge our feelings is not safe, because when we're little kids and we're learning how to be humans, that's, that's part of what we learned.
- 18:30Speaker 1: We learned that, all right.
- 18:32Speaker 1: Well, I'm not allowed to be angry.
- 18:34Speaker 1: It's not safe.
- 18:34Speaker 1: I get in trouble if I'm angry, Right?
- 18:36Speaker 1: So we all have some undoing to do, you know, in our emotional fields and in our, you know, mental realms and things like that.
- 18:48Speaker 1: But I just want to point this out because I think this is a really important thing to become aware of, because a lot of times when I'm talking to people, they're working on their money mindset for a really long time, which is wonderful and beautiful, and I'm, I mean, I teach money mindset.
- 19:04Speaker 1: I'm an advocate of money mindset, but when it really comes down to it, we have to look at the right place to solve the right kinds of problems.
- 19:14Speaker 1: And pattern work doing, doing work with patterns generally is a deeper realm of consciousness.
- 19:21Speaker 1: It's not.
- 19:22Speaker 1: You're not generally going to find the solution to generational patterns at the top of the mind.
- 19:28Speaker 1: You're going to have to run a little bit deeper.
- 19:30Speaker 1: And yeah, that's it.
- 19:33Speaker 1: But I just wanted to tell you.
- 19:34Speaker 1: So there's, you know, these realms of stories is where a lot of the programming for patterns shows up.
- 19:46Speaker 1: And when you know that and you can find these stories and, you know, acknowledge the feelings that you had when you know, when the story was installed, like be and then also be, like kind and compassionate and gentle with yourselves as you, as you release, you know, any stuck feelings.
- 20:06Speaker 1: Or you have to reframe a story or rewrite it, but that's where we can like, rewire ourselves for different realities.
- 20:16Speaker 1: So that client, once we found that story and we acknowledged how shitty that situation was, and she let I mean she she had a little cry in my office.
- 20:27Speaker 1: This is when I was still working in my office and you know, here in Connecticut, she had a little cry.
- 20:33Speaker 1: And then a week later she said hey, I went out to dinner with my friends and we split the tab and I didn't feel any compulsion to pay the.
- 20:42Speaker 1: I didn't.
- 20:43Speaker 1: I didn't feel any compulsion to pay that tab.
- 20:46Speaker 1: And so, fast forward, you know, a year after we'd worked together, she'd paid off a substantial amount of credit card debt, like more than $40,000 in the year that that we were.
- 21:00Speaker 1: You know, since the year after that we finished working together and every now and then she calls me and tells me like, oh, she has money in the bank or she's paying cash for her family vacations or she just was checking with me and just let me know how well she's doing, and a lot of the work was was from this, because there was so much money bleeding through this compulsive generosity but and we're going to call it really obligation and it was unauthentic, it wasn't true generosity.
- 21:30Speaker 1: You know she was paying for people's lunches and then feeling bad about it.
- 21:34Speaker 1: So I just want to point this stuff out to you because a lot of times, you know, I see people really working on stuff and trying to sell problems, but they're really looking in the wrong place and they don't really have the methods to kind of kind of do that deeper work.
- 21:49Speaker 1: So I just wanted to teach you about this the realm of story, because I think it's juicy stuff.
- 21:53Speaker 1: And what's super cool about this level of work is that you know, in this podcast and when I'm working with clients, we're playing it to their financial lives.
- 22:02Speaker 1: But this sort of stuff happens in love relationships and body relationships.
- 22:06Speaker 1: You know family patterns don't just pass down in money.
- 22:12Speaker 1: They pass down in money health, love, decorative tastes, I mean, like all of it.
- 22:17Speaker 1: So, anyways, I just wanted to explain this.
- 22:20Speaker 1: I hope you learned something juicy, and I do.
- 22:23Speaker 1: I'm gonna just take a couple minutes and have a little shameless plug.
- 22:27Speaker 1: I have a new offer out that is called Rewrite Reality.
- 22:30Speaker 1: I was actually talking about this on podcasts that were probably a month ago and I changed the name of it, but we were calling it Wired for Wealth.
- 22:39Speaker 1: So if you were listening to the mine set episodes part one and two, I referred to this but I was calling it Wired for Wealth, but I decided that Rewrite Reality was a better name.
- 22:49Speaker 1: So, anyways, so this program is a six week mastermind and in the six week mastermind I'm going to be teaching a lot of the processes that I use to work with clients in these deeper, deeper levels we're gonna be working with really learning how to work with the mind, to apply the power that the mind has to essentially rewrite reality.
- 23:16Speaker 1: So, like and when we have that example from the client that I was talking about today, we rewrote that one story, that bit of programming, that bit of code that was deep in her subconscious, and then that reality changed, like immediately, within a week, something that had plagued her for more than 30 years and caused we totaled it up had caused more than $75,000 of credit card debt that she could recall cause.
- 23:39Speaker 1: We talked about this in my office and that was before we even stopped counting.
- 23:45Speaker 1: So this pattern had caused her more than literally $75,000, and we were able to change it in like a week.
- 23:53Speaker 1: So Rewrite Reality.
- 23:56Speaker 1: We're doing this.
- 23:57Speaker 1: I'm teaching how to do these things on your own right, how to navigate your focus, how to navigate your attention, how to navigate your realm of story, how to recall beliefs, how to release old emotions, how to use your mind to change your vibration and lead your vibe, and, essentially, you're gonna come away with the ability to create your life much more cleanly.
- 24:22Speaker 1: So, if you like law of attraction and the word manifestation, we're gonna be talking about how to manifest a life that's much more clean.
- 24:27Speaker 1: And this is not the.
- 24:30Speaker 1: I mean, it's woo woo, where we're gonna talk about attraction and manifestation.
- 24:35Speaker 1: But it really comes down to if you have subconscious programming that does not match the life that you're trying to create, you're not gonna be able to take the right actions, you're not gonna be able to use the right words, you're not going to be able to see the right opportunities, because it's all within you, right, so, anyways.
- 24:51Speaker 1: So I'm teaching that to Six Week Mastermind.
- 24:53Speaker 1: There's gonna be six live modules where I'm gonna teach these powers, teach these processes, and then there's gonna be six application like coaching calls, along with everyday support via WhatsApp, which is like a Voxer.
- 25:10Speaker 1: It's a text and chat app that you would have on your phone, so you would have some support on your phone and it's really, really gonna be super like.
- 25:20Speaker 1: It's gonna be life-changing in all of the best ways and I'm really like, I'm so thrilled to teach this.
- 25:26Speaker 1: A lot of this work is work that I've.
- 25:27Speaker 1: These are my processes that I've been doing with my private clients and my business clients for years, and now I have them so dialed in that I can teach them in a group setting at a fraction of the cost.
- 25:40Speaker 1: So I'm oh, I'm like tingling.
- 25:43Speaker 1: I'm really excited and honored to be able to deliver this work in this kind of way.
- 25:49Speaker 1: So, listen, if this is for you, the link to the program is gonna be in the show notes.
- 25:53Speaker 1: If you're on my email list, you're gonna be getting emails about it.
- 25:56Speaker 1: You know you could find me on socials if you're looking for a link, and just send me a DM, and on Instagram or Facebook or any of the places, and I could get you a link.
- 26:06Speaker 1: But they'll be in the.
- 26:07Speaker 1: They'll be also in the show notes, and so this this program is gonna be great for anybody who really wants a different reality, anybody who maybe also is like a coach and wants to learn some different kinds of cool processes that have worked for my clients, anybody who feels like they get stuck and in their own way and is ready to stop doing that.
- 26:32Speaker 1: This program's gonna be great for anybody who wants to really understand the depths of themselves.
- 26:37Speaker 1: A lot of this work that we're gonna be teaching about is really it's not top of the mindset.
- 26:42Speaker 1: We're really going into the deeper realms, going into the energy, that kind of stuff.
- 26:48Speaker 1: So if you have any questions, feel free to let me know.
- 26:49Speaker 1: I love you, I appreciate you.
- 26:51Speaker 1: Thank you for listening.
- 26:52Speaker 1: I hope that I get to see you and rewrite reality.
- 26:55Speaker 1: It's gonna be a chef's kiss, super good, and that's it All right.
- 27:01Speaker 1: Bye everybody.
- 27:06Speaker 1: It was my pleasure and joy to talk with you today.
- 27:08Speaker 1: Thank you for listening.
- 27:09Speaker 1: If you found value in our conversation, I kindly ask you to share the show with a friend who deserves to unleash her financial power.
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