Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #146 Creating Unique Family Traditions

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#146 Creating Unique Family Traditions · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:00
Speaker 1: Kids. You need to share, you know that thing. When
0:02
Speaker 1: it came to Kylie's mango, there was no such thing
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Speaker 1: as sharing as like who touched Ruymngoes Captain Frankie. It's
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Speaker 1: the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time poor
0:14
Speaker 1: parent who just wants answers Now. Hello, My name is
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Speaker 1: doctor Justin Coulson, the author of six books about raising
0:20
Speaker 1: happy families, and dad to six daughters with my wonderful
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Speaker 1: wife and co host missus Happy Families. Who's smiling at
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Speaker 1: me like sunshine right now? We are just so happy
0:31
Speaker 1: about having six kids and having the chance to talk
0:33
Speaker 1: about what it is to raise a happy family on
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Speaker 1: this podcast. And today we're going to talk about book
0:39
Speaker 1: club because for those of you who are not Happy
0:40
Speaker 1: Families members, every Wednesday night this month, that's four consecutive
0:45
Speaker 1: Wednesday nights, we're running a book club about my book
0:47
Speaker 1: twenty one Days to a Happier Family. Well, Kylie's running it,
0:50
Speaker 1: I'm not involved in it. And what are we talking
0:52
Speaker 1: about tonight?
0:53
Speaker 2: Well, tonight who are actually looking at creating strong family
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Speaker 2: traditions and making family life fun.
1:00
Speaker 1: You know, I like the second part more than the
1:01
Speaker 1: first part. When you talk about creating strong family traditions.
1:04
Speaker 1: My instant reaction is, oh, that sounds hard. And I
1:07
Speaker 1: think about family reunions that I used to have to
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Speaker 1: go to as a kid, and I didn't know anybody,
1:11
Speaker 1: and it was so boring, And I don't know, the
1:14
Speaker 1: idea of creating a family tradition sounds like hard work.
1:19
Speaker 1: And it wasn't until I wrote the book that I
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Speaker 1: discovered that family traditions don't have to be hard work
1:23
Speaker 1: at all. In fact, we've got a whole bunch of
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Speaker 1: them that we didn't even know we had.
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Speaker 2: Well, you know, it was funny because while I was
1:28
Speaker 2: reading up in.
1:30
Speaker 1: Preparation for book club, I love that you're studying my books.
1:33
Speaker 1: That makes me I'm so glad.
1:35
Speaker 2: Well, can I tell you, outside of recording this podcast,
1:37
Speaker 2: book club is actually my favorite thing to do in
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Speaker 2: my week. I absolutely love not only being able to
1:44
Speaker 2: spend time with other parents who are like minded and
1:47
Speaker 2: striving to create happier families, but I.
1:50
Speaker 3: Actually do get to read your books.
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Speaker 2: Because it's been a while, I haven't really had the
1:54
Speaker 2: opportunity to immerse myself in it because I'm living it.
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Speaker 1: Is it true just out of interest that you've only
1:58
Speaker 1: read two of my six books, is true? Okay, So
2:01
Speaker 1: I want you to keep doing book club until you've
2:02
Speaker 1: done all since the month books. That's the deal. So
2:05
Speaker 1: now that you've read too, you've read what your child
2:07
Speaker 1: needs from you, which is a very quick read two
2:09
Speaker 1: hours and twenty one Days to a Happier Family. Have
2:11
Speaker 1: you read the whole thing of twenty one Days?
2:12
Speaker 2: You have?
2:13
Speaker 4: I have?
2:13
Speaker 1: Yeah? Which one did you like best? Oh?
2:16
Speaker 4: Now you're putting me on the spot.
2:17
Speaker 2: I think your writing's getting better with age. So twenty
2:21
Speaker 2: one Days is definitely Having now read it almost twice now,
2:26
Speaker 2: it's definitely a better read.
2:27
Speaker 1: I'm really excited for what you think about Nine Ways
2:29
Speaker 1: to a Resilient Child, but that can be next year.
2:31
Speaker 1: Let's talk about traditions.
2:32
Speaker 3: Well, I wanted to.
2:33
Speaker 2: Share a quote that I found. Don't get a big head,
2:37
Speaker 2: you're about to quote me, but you say, traditions give
2:42
Speaker 2: the promise of wonderful memories, but they also give our
2:46
Speaker 2: children and are something to look forward to. They build
2:49
Speaker 2: optimism and hope. And I just loved that because I've
2:52
Speaker 2: seen it in our children. There are a few traditions
2:56
Speaker 2: that we have created over the years that have actually
2:59
Speaker 2: really come out of hardship for our family that the children,
3:04
Speaker 2: even now without with that hardship gone and overcome, they
3:08
Speaker 2: still anxiously want and wait.
3:11
Speaker 1: So for that moment, I think I know which one
3:13
Speaker 1: you're thinking about. But is this a Christmas tradition? This
3:16
Speaker 1: is a Christmases so tell everyone about that.
3:19
Speaker 2: So way back when when we were quite young and
3:22
Speaker 2: you were a student, we didn't have a lot of money,
3:24
Speaker 2: and obviously stockings are a big deal for children.
3:27
Speaker 4: They really want to have a stocking.
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Speaker 1: Well, it's funny because even the Christmas stocking, that's a
3:31
Speaker 1: that's a Christmas tradition that you've brought from your family.
3:33
Speaker 1: And my family we had a stocking, but Mom just
3:35
Speaker 1: used to chuck some junk food in it. Whereas you
3:37
Speaker 1: do stocking so differently that you put so much thought
3:40
Speaker 1: into the Christmas stocking. And maybe as we get closer
3:42
Speaker 1: to Christmas, we can talk about what you do and
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Speaker 1: why you do it. But the specific tradition that you
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Speaker 1: want to share about our economic hardship and the stocking.
3:51
Speaker 3: Is well, the stocking is so big.
3:54
Speaker 1: Well, that's because you bought big stockings. When I was
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Speaker 1: a kid, MoMA had little stockings that she jammed full
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Speaker 1: of junk food. You've got these stockings.
4:00
Speaker 2: Is so big, and there's nothing worse than getting a
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Speaker 2: stocking that just a few things.
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Speaker 3: Stuck in the toe.
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Speaker 2: And so I tried to think of what I could
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Speaker 2: put in the stocking that would fill it up but
4:10
Speaker 2: wouldn't cost us an arm and a leg, because we
4:12
Speaker 2: didn't have a lot at that point in our lives,
4:14
Speaker 2: didn't have anything, and so one of the delicacies. So
4:17
Speaker 2: actually there was two delicacies in our home that we
4:20
Speaker 2: very raally got to have, and generally it would be
4:23
Speaker 2: saved for your eye because one of them is a
4:25
Speaker 2: treat that you absolutely loved.
4:27
Speaker 4: And one was mine.
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Speaker 2: If I had a little bit of spare money, I
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Speaker 2: would buy the biggest mango in the fruit shop that
4:34
Speaker 2: I could find.
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Speaker 1: So I don't like mangoes at all, but Kylie loves mangoes.
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Speaker 4: I do, and over time, each of the children have.
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Speaker 2: Decided that they just loved them as well, which was
4:45
Speaker 2: really upsetting to me because up until then I had
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Speaker 2: this whole mango to myself.
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Speaker 1: You know, that whole kids, you need to share, you knowing.
4:52
Speaker 1: When it came to Kylie's mango, there was no such
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Speaker 1: thing as sharing. It's like who touched mango? Captain Frankie.
5:00
Speaker 3: I did it over a few days. It was such
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Speaker 3: a delicacy.
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Speaker 2: So I decided one year that I would buy a
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Speaker 2: case of mangoes and that would fit in the toe
5:09
Speaker 2: of the stocking. So they obviously got a few little treats.
5:12
Speaker 2: But the other delicacy in our home was a ginger.
5:15
Speaker 1: Beer Bunderburg ginger beer.
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Speaker 4: And you just loved a good ginger beer, nice.
5:20
Speaker 1: Chilled hashtag, not sponsored, just putting it out there, just
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Speaker 1: saying I really love it. I really love a good
5:26
Speaker 1: Bunderburg ginger beer.
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Speaker 4: And so did the kids.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And because we had no money and Bunderburg
5:32
Speaker 1: ginger beer is like one of the one of the
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Speaker 1: more expensive soft rinks you can buy from the from
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Speaker 1: the soft drink islet at the soupermarket, we would buy
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Speaker 1: some ginger beer and it would be in the fringe
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Speaker 1: of the kids be like can I can, I can I?
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Speaker 1: And as soon as we would open one, I wouldn't
5:44
Speaker 1: get any because I'd have to share it with the kids,
5:45
Speaker 1: and I'd be like, oh, this is so unfair.
5:47
Speaker 2: Everybody would get a sip of one little bottle wouldn't they,
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Speaker 2: And so Christmas was something that they really looked forward
5:52
Speaker 2: to because with that big mango and that ginger beer
5:55
Speaker 2: bottle in there, it pretty much filled up their stocking
5:57
Speaker 2: with a few little other treats.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, and so that's kind of become the tradition. And now,
6:01
Speaker 1: I mean, we can probably buy mangoes a lot more
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Speaker 1: readily today than we could back then when we were students.
6:07
Speaker 1: We've got enough money to buy mangoes if we want
6:10
Speaker 1: to have them, but we still don't really buy them
6:12
Speaker 1: much because they are a bit of an extravagance. But
6:14
Speaker 1: the kids know every Christmas morning they're going to wake
6:17
Speaker 1: up and there's going to be a ginger beer and
6:19
Speaker 1: a mango. And that's I mean, we're not supposed to
6:21
Speaker 1: do this, but that's pretty much what they have for
6:22
Speaker 1: breakfast on Christmas Day. They're so excited about their mango
6:25
Speaker 1: and their ginger beer. So let's talk more about how
6:28
Speaker 1: easy this is to create these traditions. In just a
6:30
Speaker 1: sec I've got a couple that I want to share,
6:32
Speaker 1: and I reckon you have at least one more.
6:33
Speaker 5: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having
6:37
Speaker 5: to feel bad or in Trouble the do's and don'ts
6:39
Speaker 5: of discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits
6:42
Speaker 5: with love, compassion and humanity. Find it now at happy
6:45
Speaker 5: families dot com dot au slash shop.
6:48
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast, The podcast for the time
6:51
Speaker 1: poor parent who just wons answers. Now we're talking about
6:53
Speaker 1: how easy it is to create traditions, and how those
6:56
Speaker 1: traditions don't just give us memories and roots that anchor
7:00
Speaker 1: into a hopefully a wonderful past, but they give us
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Speaker 1: hope and optimism for an exciting future. We've just been
7:06
Speaker 1: talking about how Christmas is the time that the kids
7:08
Speaker 1: look forward to because they know we've got a tradition
7:10
Speaker 1: that the stocking will have at least a mango and
7:12
Speaker 1: ginger beer, not to mention all the other treats and goodies.
7:14
Speaker 1: You know what one of my favorite traditions is tell
7:17
Speaker 1: me you will hate this one.
7:20
Speaker 4: I already know. I know what you're gonna say.
7:22
Speaker 1: It involves my mom is the one you're thinking of. Yes,
7:27
Speaker 1: so my mom cannot sing to save us all. I'm
7:29
Speaker 1: so sorry. Mom. If you listen to the podcast, my
7:31
Speaker 1: mom she knows it. And because she knows it, when
7:34
Speaker 1: she sings, she actually intentionally makes herself sound like a
7:37
Speaker 1: strangled chicken.
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Speaker 3: She does.
7:41
Speaker 2: She really, even when we're supposed to be serious. It's
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Speaker 2: very hard to sit next to her.
7:46
Speaker 1: Either that or she goes operatic. But it's never in tune.
7:49
Speaker 1: It's just w anyway, my mom. When we're singing Happy Birthday,
7:53
Speaker 1: something happened many many years ago. I don't know who
7:55
Speaker 1: or how it started, but basically we sing happy Birthday,
8:00
Speaker 1: and it's just awful. We well, we sing it in
8:02
Speaker 1: big voices, Happy birth Yeah, we really belt it out.
8:06
Speaker 1: But then when we get to happy birthday, dear Kylie,
8:11
Speaker 1: and we just hold that note until the last person
8:15
Speaker 1: can't breathe and has turned read and is ready to
8:16
Speaker 1: pass out. And then we happy birthday to you. But
8:19
Speaker 1: we don't just sing you. We again, we hold it,
8:22
Speaker 1: and happy Birthday has become a tradition of long, loud,
8:26
Speaker 1: overblown ridiculousness, off key, and it's got to be off
8:30
Speaker 1: fee key. Everybody sings different notes.
8:33
Speaker 2: It's honestly, I think that all of our neighbors can
8:36
Speaker 2: hear us for about a mile and think someone's being strangled.
8:41
Speaker 1: And we've got such a big family that we sing
8:42
Speaker 1: it regularly, so they're all hearing it again and again
8:46
Speaker 1: and again. So for me, as terrible as that is,
8:50
Speaker 1: I just love the fun and I love the tradition.
8:53
Speaker 1: And after we've sung Happy Birthday, we tell the birth
8:55
Speaker 1: story of the person whose birthday it is, which I
8:57
Speaker 1: really love and the kids love that as well.
9:00
Speaker 2: For us as parents, it keeps it alive for us
9:02
Speaker 2: because it's really hard to keep track of the ball,
9:03
Speaker 2: but they definitely remind us if we.
9:05
Speaker 1: Get the story wrong. Hang on, were you the one
9:08
Speaker 1: that we rushed to the hospital at three am? Or
9:10
Speaker 1: at one am? Anyway? So that's one of my favorites.
9:14
Speaker 1: So let's do one more each really quickly.
9:17
Speaker 2: Well, the last one is actually probably one of my
9:18
Speaker 2: favorite ones, and it's actually brand new. It's really just begun.
9:21
Speaker 2: It's come just like our mango and ginger beer. Out
9:25
Speaker 2: of hardship, out of COVID, out of COVID, COVID has
9:28
Speaker 2: created something amazing. So we had two birthdays during isolation
9:32
Speaker 2: and Miss ten was devastated. This is a big birthday
9:34
Speaker 2: for a double digits.
9:36
Speaker 1: It's exciting. No birthday parties because of government regulations.
9:39
Speaker 2: No birthday parties, no friends, just no family. We couldn't
9:43
Speaker 2: even have our extended family over like it was really
9:45
Speaker 2: hard and so trying to kind of think outside the box.
9:47
Speaker 4: How could I make this day special for her?
9:50
Speaker 2: And anybody who knows me knows that I love putting
9:52
Speaker 2: on a big event and so utilizing all of the
9:56
Speaker 2: wonderful bits and pieces I had from Chanelle's wedding last year.
10:00
Speaker 2: We had the fairy lights, and we had the crystal.
10:02
Speaker 4: I put on.
10:03
Speaker 1: A big fancy Royal Dalton put together menus for the
10:07
Speaker 1: kids for this little restaurant that's.
10:10
Speaker 2: Exactly right, and the kids just loved it. They got
10:14
Speaker 2: to get dressed up and get a little bit of
10:16
Speaker 2: makeup and the hair done. I had my oldest daughter
10:18
Speaker 2: drive them around a block so that actually felt like
10:20
Speaker 2: they were arriving at a restaurant. They thought that was
10:22
Speaker 2: just the ba.
10:22
Speaker 1: I was dressed up in the TUXI though, welcome to
10:24
Speaker 1: the restaurant. And then we had a special name, which
10:26
Speaker 1: I can't reveal because it's a family secret, But we
10:29
Speaker 1: had a special name for the restaurant based on a
10:31
Speaker 1: previous fun family experience and it was pretty eppic, wasn't it.
10:34
Speaker 4: It was?
10:35
Speaker 2: But it's become a tradition because one of our daughters
10:39
Speaker 2: just turned eighteen a couple of weeks ago, and when
10:42
Speaker 2: I asked her what she wanted to do, she said,
10:44
Speaker 2: can we.
10:44
Speaker 1: Just do insert name of restaurant here and.
10:48
Speaker 4: Have the restaurant?
10:49
Speaker 2: And what I love about this one is that this
10:53
Speaker 2: is actually a dinner party that we've set up just
10:56
Speaker 2: for our girls, So you and I aren't actually at
10:58
Speaker 2: the dinner.
10:58
Speaker 1: Night were slaving way in the kitchen, just dying with
11:01
Speaker 1: I don't know how people are professional cooks because the
11:03
Speaker 1: pressure is on. They've each ordered different entrees, different means,
11:06
Speaker 1: and different desserts. We've given them three or four options each.
11:09
Speaker 1: I mean, it's it's pretty full on in the kitchen
11:11
Speaker 1: when you're getting that many meals together.
11:13
Speaker 3: It's it is, it is. It is very stressful.
11:16
Speaker 2: But what I'm loving is that there's something that's come
11:19
Speaker 2: out of, you know, this difficult situation has become something
11:23
Speaker 2: that the kids really looked forward to. And at the
11:25
Speaker 2: end of our eighteenth daughter's birthday, our six year old
11:28
Speaker 2: turn around and said, Mommy, can I have this particular
11:30
Speaker 2: birthday for my birthday next year?
11:33
Speaker 1: She wants it when she turns seven we can say it.
11:34
Speaker 1: It's called Little Marley's Secret. That's what we've called the restaurant,
11:37
Speaker 1: Little Marley's Secret, and the King.
11:39
Speaker 4: Might share it with you one day.
11:40
Speaker 1: But the story, oh the story.
11:41
Speaker 4: Is a good one.
11:42
Speaker 1: In fact, let's I don't know if we can. It's
11:44
Speaker 1: a bit embarrassing for that child. One of the kids
11:46
Speaker 1: did something terribly embarrassing at Little Marley's Beach on the
11:50
Speaker 1: in the Royal National Park south of Sydney, and that's
11:53
Speaker 1: where it came from. But that's the.
11:54
Speaker 3: Kids love it.
11:55
Speaker 2: They love that. That's the name of the restaurant. It
11:57
Speaker 2: comes up every time we sit down at the dinner
11:59
Speaker 2: table and I think that.
12:01
Speaker 3: You know, again, it's a celebration.
12:04
Speaker 1: But that's what traditions are, right, It's a celebration of
12:06
Speaker 1: in that case, silliness, but family time together, somebody doing
12:10
Speaker 1: something embarrassing and now we've turned into something really joyful
12:13
Speaker 1: and connective. Yeah, that's the traditions, and we've got a
12:17
Speaker 1: handful of others. I mean, you do this amazing stuff.
12:19
Speaker 1: Every Valentine's Day. You send the kids to school with
12:21
Speaker 1: lunch boxes full of pink Valentine's treats, and I.
12:25
Speaker 4: Do love doing that.
12:26
Speaker 1: So I mean, you're really responsible more than me for
12:29
Speaker 1: the extraordinary, beautiful traditions that we have in our home.
12:31
Speaker 1: One of my favorites is one that we've actually solen
12:33
Speaker 1: from overseas, from Iceland. There's this thing called jola bocaflu.
12:37
Speaker 1: I don't know if I've said that correctly, but it
12:39
Speaker 1: basically means reading new books. And so every Christmas Eve
12:43
Speaker 1: we send the kids to bed early with a new book.
12:46
Speaker 1: We buy them books for Christmas, and they get one
12:49
Speaker 1: of their new books for Christmas on Christmas Eve and
12:51
Speaker 1: everyone goes to bed early, lights nice and low, hot chocolate,
12:56
Speaker 1: and we read books until we fall asleep on Christmas Eve,
12:58
Speaker 1: and that tradition.
13:01
Speaker 2: Now the the kids love having an opportunity to be
13:04
Speaker 2: guilt free in their reading, because it's a big deal
13:09
Speaker 2: in our house getting a night to yourself to just
13:11
Speaker 2: read a book.
13:12
Speaker 1: Okay, So the take home message, well, you know, at
13:15
Speaker 1: the beginning, you talked about the fact that as a parent,
13:17
Speaker 1: it seems overwhelming to have to create these traditions, and
13:21
Speaker 1: yet what we've experienced, as we've shared the things that
13:23
Speaker 1: we have with everyone today is that they've actually create
13:25
Speaker 1: themselves as we're intentional about the time that we spend
13:29
Speaker 1: with our families.
13:31
Speaker 3: Inevitably, traditions are created.
13:33
Speaker 1: Yeah, we find stuff that we like doing, and then
13:34
Speaker 1: we say, let's do that again. And if you make
13:36
Speaker 1: it on the same day and the same time, not
13:38
Speaker 1: only have you got those memories, but then you've got
13:40
Speaker 1: something to look forward to. And that's I think that's
13:42
Speaker 1: what's worked for us with traditions. I'm sure that there
13:45
Speaker 1: are other families that do it way better. If you
13:46
Speaker 1: do traditions that just rock. Let us know podcasts at
13:49
Speaker 1: Happy Families dot com dot au so book club it's
13:52
Speaker 1: happening tonight for those of you who are Happy Families members.
13:55
Speaker 1: If you're not a member, by the way, you can
13:56
Speaker 1: find all the information about how to become a member
13:59
Speaker 1: at Happy Families do au Just click on the membership
14:02
Speaker 1: tab and you'll get all the info about how you
14:04
Speaker 1: can join Kylie missus Happy Families to talk about all
14:07
Speaker 1: the other great stuff that's in twenty one days to
14:09
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