Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 3 - Episode 265 - How to choose your responses

Transcript

Season 3 - Episode 265 - How to choose your responses · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

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  Welcome to the Good Morning from the Chicken Coop podcast with
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  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and mastermindset
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  coach. Filled with inspiration,
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  distinctions, perspectives, and possibilities, we help you to
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  cultivate a mindset that leads you to create the best version
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  of yourself you could ever imagine.
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  Join Kim every morning from one of her favorite happy places,
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  her chicken coop, along with all her chickens.
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  Hey everybody, good morning from the chicken coop.
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  So today. We are.
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  Talking about choosing our responses now.
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  This is something that's very hard to do.
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  I want to be very clear about this.
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  This is not an easy thing to do to choose your response because
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  typically when you are in a situation where you need to
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  respond your first inclination. Is to just.
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  Respond and that is with the emotion that is driving the bus
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  in that current moment. And it may be unresourceful
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  because as you were preparing that response or hearing the
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  information that was being presented to you, you were
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  coming up with that response already.
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  It was. It was right there on the.
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  Tip of. Your tongue.
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  And you were? Crazy thinking about that.
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  You were not thinking about all the things that you were going
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  to choose. Instead you were thinking about
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  whatever this person is saying. I want to.
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  Come back with this. Oh yeah?
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  Well, what about this? We all do it.
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  It's not just you. You're not broken.
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  It's something that we all do and it's a very hard thing to
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  get past. Believe me when I tell you this
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  is something that I struggle with too, because I am human and
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  it is a very, very challenging thing to pull yourself out of
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  that mode and actually choose a response.
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  The key to this, in my opinion, at least for myself, and again,
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  you know, I'm, I'm always trying to work with you guys on what
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  works for me because if I work with what works for me, then
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  it's first hand. And if it works for me and then
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  it works for my clients, then I have an evidence procedure that
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  shows you, hey, listen, in the real world, this is something
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  that works. It's not theoretical.
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  It's definitely something that works.
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  So when you're talking about choosing your responses, the key
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  to that one level down from that is to be in a true listening
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  mode when you are hearing whatever is being presented to
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  you. And often all of this is coming
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  in usually under a stressful situation, whether it's just
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  stress in general at work, whether it's an argument,
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  whether it's something that's disrupting your world or not,
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  that's typically where it's showing up.
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  And then you have to make a decision at that point in time
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  to listen fully, be present and fully listen so that you can
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  then pause and choose your response.
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  And you know, even if you're in an argument, it does not require
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  an immediate response. You may feel compelled to do an
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  immediate response because you're just like, I want to
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  shake this person. I want to be able to get this
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  person to understand my point of view.
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  But everybody shows up into the arguments and the disagreements
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  wanting everyone else to understand their point of view,
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  you see? So it's kind of hard because
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  nobody's going to give ground. It's not like there's a mediator
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  sitting there taking it all in. It's usually two people having a
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  disagreement, 3 people having a disagreement, whatever it might
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  be. And that disagreement is
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  full-fledged different points of view.
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  So you have an opportunity that to stop and pause.
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  You also have an opportunity to say, you know what?
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  I'm not prepared to answer that right now.
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  I'm not prepared to give you my opinion on that right now.
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  The most important thing you can do is just pull back.
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  Just pull back and say, you know what, I need some time to
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  process this. And in doing that, that's the
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  beginning of choosing your response and not just saying,
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  hey, you know what? Well, here and then going back
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  at them. And I know that's one of my
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  hardest things because I already probably have been thinking
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  about it as they're talking. I know I have because that's
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  just how brains work. And I'm, I'm hearing every point
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  and I'm like, well, here's my counterpoint, here's my
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  counterpoint, here's my counterpoint.
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  And in doing that, it causes even more frustration because
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  they don't give a crap about your counterpoint.
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  They're focused on their point and wanting to know if you heard
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  their point. So it becomes a very convoluted
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  situation for most of us and it becomes very hard for us to be
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  able to snap ourselves out of it once it starts.
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  So the key to it is always deciding to listen.
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  If you know you're walking into an argument, if you know you're
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  walking into a difficult situation, choose to listen 1st.
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  And if you choose to listen first, then you're going to be
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  in a much more of a powerful position because you're going to
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  be taking in all the information.
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  And quite honestly, when you're just in that listening mode,
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  often what happens is you're disrupting the pattern of how
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  you guys communicate. And now they don't know what to
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  do. So in not knowing what to do,
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  they're like, OK, and you're not responding.
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  So they're like, OK, and now you have disrupted them, which is
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  what's needed in order for change.
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  So try this, hopefully it's helpful and I hope that you guys
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  have a very blessed day. And as you can hear in the
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  background, Delilah is all worked up because she's chasing
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  a bug. Anyway, I hope you guys have a
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  very, very blessed day and I will see you all tomorrow.
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  Bye.