Transcript

#39 Stephen · Heavyweight

0:00
Speaker 1: Today's episode is part two in a series. If you
0:03
Speaker 1: haven't listened to the first part, Justine, go back. Listen
0:07
Speaker 1: to that and I'll meet you back here for part two.
0:15
Speaker 1: Remember when we did karaoke for my b day?
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Speaker 2: We never did karaoke on your first day.
0:19
Speaker 1: Johnny, Yes, we did. You and I did a duet
0:23
Speaker 1: Island's in the Stream.
0:25
Speaker 3: Never.
0:25
Speaker 1: And then we got into a fight on stage because
0:28
Speaker 1: you wanted to do the Kenny Rogers part. So we're talking, John, Honestly,
0:31
Speaker 1: I really enjoyed this conversation, that conversation.
0:34
Speaker 3: I really enjoyed talking.
0:35
Speaker 1: You didn't enjoy it at all. Talk again, really looking
0:39
Speaker 1: forward to it. Oh well you wish me. Well, that's
0:43
Speaker 1: like your way of telling me to drop dead. From
0:55
Speaker 1: Gimblet Media, I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this is Heavyweight Today's episode.
1:02
Speaker 1: Steven right after the break.
1:21
Speaker 2: Hello, Justine, can you hold on just one second? Okay, Sorry,
1:27
Speaker 2: I lost the remote from my TV and so I
1:31
Speaker 2: have to use my phone as a remote.
1:32
Speaker 1: A phone is a remote. Brave new world we live in.
1:36
Speaker 2: I know it's amazing, but.
1:37
Speaker 1: We have more important things to talk about.
1:40
Speaker 2: That's true.
1:41
Speaker 1: So tell me what happened when we last spoke. Justine
1:45
Speaker 1: and her mother had hatched a plan. They were going
1:48
Speaker 1: to sit Justine's brother Stephen down so their mom could
1:51
Speaker 1: tell him the truth that his dad, Gary wasn't actually
1:54
Speaker 1: his biological father. Stephen is trying to save up money,
1:58
Speaker 1: so he's currently living with their The idea was for
2:02
Speaker 1: Justine to go over to the house and lend emotional
2:04
Speaker 1: support while her mother came clean. But on the day
2:07
Speaker 1: in question, she said, she.
2:10
Speaker 2: Literally doesn't know what words she's going to say. She
2:14
Speaker 2: doesn't know how she's going to form the sentence.
2:19
Speaker 1: After being afraid for over thirty years. Her mother was
2:22
Speaker 1: at a total loss about how to finally explain things
2:25
Speaker 1: to Stephen. She was paralyzed, so Justine stepped up and
2:30
Speaker 1: said she would tell Stephen the news. She'd tell him
2:33
Speaker 1: the truth about his father. When Justine got to the house,
2:42
Speaker 1: she sat down in the living room with Stephen and
2:44
Speaker 1: her mom. Justine began by telling Stephen that when she
2:48
Speaker 1: was a little kid, Gary had told her a secret
2:50
Speaker 1: that he forbid her from telling anyone. Justine had always
2:54
Speaker 1: felt like the secret she carried with her had created
2:57
Speaker 1: a wall between her and Stephen, but now she was
3:00
Speaker 1: ready to share that secret with him. How adopted am I?
3:05
Speaker 1: Stephen asked, taking a half hearted stab at a joke.
3:09
Speaker 1: Stephen has a tendency to laugh and joke around when
3:11
Speaker 1: things get tense. It's something he calls the need to
3:15
Speaker 1: joke to cope. He's been doing it since he was
3:17
Speaker 1: a kid. It's something his family often finds inappropriate and
3:21
Speaker 1: a little irritating. But today Justine made a point of
3:25
Speaker 1: saying he was free to react any way he wanted.
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Speaker 1: He could make jokes or get angry or sad, whatever
3:33
Speaker 1: he needed.
3:34
Speaker 4: Was okay, I'm just like, okay, what's about to happen?
3:43
Speaker 1: This is Stephen?
3:45
Speaker 4: And then she just said dad is not your real dad.
3:50
Speaker 1: As Justine spoke the words, Stephen's mouth broke into a
3:53
Speaker 1: huge smile, but no jokes came out. Stephen's smile was
3:58
Speaker 1: one of relief.
4:03
Speaker 4: I had had all this pent up frustration with my father.
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Speaker 4: To find out that I wasn't actually related to him
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Speaker 4: made me feel better that way, as like, oh, so
4:12
Speaker 4: I don't have to care about him anymore, you know,
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Speaker 4: I didn't have to feel guilty about that.
4:18
Speaker 1: Throughout his life, Stephen had to deal with all of
4:20
Speaker 1: Gary's bad parenting without the pluses that Justine received. Try
4:25
Speaker 1: as hard as Stephen might to bond with his dad,
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Speaker 1: Gary remained emotionally remote. In fact, there were long periods
4:32
Speaker 1: where Stephen and Gary didn't even speak. But despite the
4:36
Speaker 1: years of bad blood, Stephen says he'd never actually suspected
4:40
Speaker 1: Gary wasn't his father. That day when he first asked
4:43
Speaker 1: Justine if he was adopted, he was just doing what
4:46
Speaker 1: he always does, joking around.
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Speaker 4: Like what was the most off the wall thing that
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Speaker 4: I could guess that she was trying to keep from me?
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Speaker 4: And I was like, there's no way this is it, right?
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Speaker 4: And if she had his look on her face, and
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Speaker 4: I was just like, oh, I'm just kidding. My reality
5:02
Speaker 4: was that Gary was my dad, right, and so really
5:07
Speaker 4: didn't have any reason to question that at all.
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Speaker 1: After discovering his true paternity, Stephen decided not to confront
5:14
Speaker 1: Gary because it seems that after all the years of
5:17
Speaker 1: pretending to be on death's door, this time Gary really
5:21
Speaker 1: was dying, and along with his failing physical health, his
5:24
Speaker 1: mind was also deteriorating. Recently, Gary's wife let him know
5:29
Speaker 1: that the secret about Stephen was out, but it didn't
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Speaker 1: throw Gary into a rage. In fact, he didn't react
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Speaker 1: much at all. The secret that dictated a family's every
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Speaker 1: move for decades was now something Gary was too ill
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Speaker 1: to even hold on to. In the weeks after learning
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Speaker 1: the truth, Stephen kept ruminating and his initial feeling of
5:57
Speaker 1: relief grew more complicated.
6:00
Speaker 4: No, I felt, I don't want to say lost, because
6:02
Speaker 4: I feel like that's potentially cliche. Couldn't really focus at work.
6:08
Speaker 4: I just couldn't really get it out of my head.
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Speaker 4: One thing I kept on telling myself was that it
6:12
Speaker 4: doesn't change anything. It's like I was still raised the
6:14
Speaker 4: way I was, But then I at the same time,
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Speaker 4: it changes everything right as I got I'm thirty three
6:20
Speaker 4: years old and I'm just now finding this out. It's
6:23
Speaker 4: like having a reality just crushed.
6:33
Speaker 1: Stephen began spending a lot of time on Facebook. Facebook
6:36
Speaker 1: is where he found his biological father, Brian Kirby. From there,
6:41
Speaker 1: he discovered the profiles of Brian's children, Steven's half siblings.
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Speaker 1: Stephen would click through, looking at each of their photos
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Speaker 1: over and over.
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Speaker 4: I'd look at it constantly. But it was around Thanksgiving
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Speaker 4: where things kind of just came to head. I just
6:55
Speaker 4: really felt sad. I felt depressed. We were supposed to
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Speaker 4: go as a family over to my Grandma Jones' house,
7:02
Speaker 4: and I just kind of told my mom, it's like
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Speaker 4: I can't because I was just thinking, like, it's there's
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Speaker 4: something missing, you know, what is what is the holidays
7:11
Speaker 4: to the Kirby's, What are your Thanksgivings?
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Speaker 3: Like?
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Speaker 1: So Stephen went down to the basement, put on his
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Speaker 1: headphones and started playing a favorite song of his by
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Speaker 1: a band called Liars. Stephen likes listening to it when
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Speaker 1: he's trying or writing. Then he chose a half sister
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Speaker 1: to message on Facebook.
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Speaker 4: She had a smile that just maybe reminded me of
7:40
Speaker 4: my own smile. So I wrote her a letter just
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Speaker 4: kind of explaining who I was, with the hopes that
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Speaker 4: this one had come across as some Arabian prints that
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Speaker 4: has millions of dollars. But I can't get to it now.
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Speaker 4: So send me this and then I'll send you that.
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Speaker 1: What was it that you that you wrote?
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Speaker 4: Well? I could, I mean like I could pull it
8:01
Speaker 4: up and read it, but honestly, I am god awful
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Speaker 4: at reading out loud. Let me find it real quick.
8:10
Speaker 4: I've been struggling to figure out how to approach this.
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Speaker 4: So here I go. All my life, I've never been
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Speaker 4: able to relate or connect with my dad. I felt
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Speaker 4: different than him in so many ways and never knew why.
8:24
Speaker 4: Within the last six months, I discovered that my dad
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Speaker 4: quote unquote, is not my father.
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Speaker 1: Steven starts the message by offering up all the names
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Speaker 1: and dates he can anything to prove he's not a scammer.
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Speaker 4: And I can't help but wonder what your life's like,
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Speaker 4: what are your hobbies? Who broke your heart? Who do
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Speaker 4: you love? Dang it? Sorry, try not to cry. Oh,
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Speaker 4: the choice is yours. I know this is a lot,
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Speaker 4: and I don't know if you know about me, but
9:01
Speaker 4: I'd rather try to reach out than live a life
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Speaker 4: of regret. I would love to meet you, slash hear
9:08
Speaker 4: from you, but I unfortunately understand that may take time.
9:12
Speaker 4: I don't want anything except to know you. I am happy,
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Speaker 4: I love a good life. I have a great job.
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Speaker 4: I am talented, I am artistic slash musical. I love
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Speaker 4: my family. I will be here, hoping and dreaming of
9:31
Speaker 4: hearing from you until I do.
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Speaker 5: Our.
10:00
Speaker 1: After Steven sent his message, Kirby started coming out of
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Speaker 1: the woodwork. In total, he had six new siblings and
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Speaker 1: he exchanged messages with several of them. Stephen spent a
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Speaker 1: particularly long time messaging with a sister named Shannon, who
10:15
Speaker 1: became a sort of point person for the family. Stephen
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Speaker 1: asked if Brian, his biological father, had heard what was
10:21
Speaker 1: going on.
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Speaker 4: And she said, he's actually right here, and then there
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Speaker 4: was a pause. She messaged back and said, he wants
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Speaker 4: to know if you if you want to meet I
10:33
Speaker 4: was like, I was trying to hold back because all
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Speaker 4: I wanted to be like was all caps, like yes,
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Speaker 4: exclamation marks right, And I was like, that would be good.
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Speaker 1: Shannon suggests that she and Stephen meet up after the holidays,
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Speaker 1: and so in early February, they make a plan to
10:55
Speaker 1: get a drink at a bar where Shannon used to work,
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Speaker 1: and the lead up to meeting Shannon and Stephen worries
11:01
Speaker 1: he gets uncomfortable in social situations and has trouble maintaining
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Speaker 1: eye contact. What if he's too awkward? What if they
11:08
Speaker 1: have nothing to talk about. When the night arrives, Stephen
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Speaker 1: don's jeans and a plaid shirt and heads to the
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Speaker 1: bar where Shannon and he drink beer. They talk about
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Speaker 1: jeeps and trucks, about how they have the same round cheeks.
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Speaker 1: As the evening progresses, Shannon shares details about their father.
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Speaker 1: She tells Stephen how Brian never learned to swim, how
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Speaker 1: he's funny and warm, how he's her best friend. Shannon
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Speaker 1: also says that when she was growing up, Brian would
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Speaker 1: sometimes get drunk and talk about the child he never met.
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Speaker 1: It turns out that a month before Brian got Stephen's
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Speaker 1: mother pregnant, he'd gotten someone else pregnant, the woman he'd
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Speaker 1: eventually marry, Shannon's mom. Shannon is only a month older
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Speaker 1: than Stephen, even though they're the same age. Throughout the evening,
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Speaker 1: they each try to play the role of the older sibling.
12:02
Speaker 1: Stephen orders breadsticks to ensure Shannon is eating something, and
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Speaker 1: Shannon refills Stephen's water glass to make sure he'll be
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Speaker 1: okay to drive. In this way, they take care of
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Speaker 1: each other. After that night, Shannon begins working on a
12:20
Speaker 1: plan for Brian and Stephen to meet, and Stephen says
12:23
Speaker 1: he'll update me when a plan is set, but then
12:26
Speaker 1: months pass and I don't hear anything. Finally, on the
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Speaker 1: first of April twenty twenty, a little over a year
12:32
Speaker 1: after this whole thing started, Justine sends me an email
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Speaker 1: that reads, we need to talk.
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Speaker 6: Okay, so a couple of things. I went, let's thank
12:42
Speaker 6: you on.
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Speaker 1: So Stephen and his biological father still haven't met, but
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Speaker 1: Justine tells me that Stephen is about to meet the
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Speaker 1: rest of the Kirby siblings, all of them and all
12:53
Speaker 1: at once. But it won't be over dinner or drinks.
12:57
Speaker 6: They are all going to scirch for his biological dad,
13:01
Speaker 6: who went missing a couple days ago. Whoa, and it's
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Speaker 6: like not looking good.
13:11
Speaker 1: The Indiana State Police put out a missing person's alert
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Speaker 1: the day before, stating that Brian Kirby was last seen
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Speaker 1: wearing a gray sweatshirt with Tennessee printed in white letters
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Speaker 1: and blue jeans. He has blue eyes and red hair.
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Speaker 1: He is believed to be in danger and may require
13:27
Speaker 1: medical assistance. Neither the alert nor any of the news
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Speaker 1: coverage offers an explanation for Brian Kirby's disappearance, but Justine
13:35
Speaker 1: heard through the grapevine that Brian had been out with
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Speaker 1: a friend and the friend's girlfriend and that things turned violent.
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Speaker 6: There was some kind of a dispute and I don't know.
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Speaker 6: At first. The girlfriend said that her boyfriend came back
13:50
Speaker 6: home and like she had to change his clothes, that
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Speaker 6: his shirt was bloody. Then a couple days later she
13:57
Speaker 6: changed that story and said it was muddy.
14:00
Speaker 1: Stephen and Brian were supposed to meet a few weeks earlier,
14:03
Speaker 1: but Brian has lung disease, and when COVID hit, Stephen
14:07
Speaker 1: worried that it might be better to postpone. So now
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Speaker 1: Stephen is heading out in the height of a pandemic
14:13
Speaker 1: with siblings who are strangers to him, to help search
14:16
Speaker 1: for the missing father he never got to meet locally.
14:21
Speaker 1: Now this he is waged three news. The Kirby siblings
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Speaker 1: never find their father, but the police do.
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Speaker 4: A murder mystery over tonight after a Jennings County man's
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Speaker 4: body was found burned with his remains scattered in different
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Speaker 4: parts of the county.
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Speaker 1: In May of twenty twenty, the police arrest a man
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Speaker 1: named Alan Morantos, who pleads guilty to the murder, loading
14:41
Speaker 1: the body in the vehicle, burning the body at another location,
14:44
Speaker 1: and then discarding.
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Speaker 7: The remains in very spots around the county.
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Speaker 1: Brentos James kind of jails. Steven stops going to work
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Speaker 1: for weeks. He just crashes with his new sister Deanna.
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Speaker 1: Although they just met, she lets him sleep on her
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Speaker 1: cow in the trailer she shares with her two kids.
15:03
Speaker 1: In Brian's obituary, Stephen is listed among his children. I
15:16
Speaker 1: reach out to Stephen, but don't hear back. Justine tells
15:19
Speaker 1: me that Stephen's been depressed, that he's not ready to
15:22
Speaker 1: talk about Brian's death. When I think back to Stephen's
15:26
Speaker 1: vulnerability and enthusiasm around meeting Brian, it's easy to understand why.
15:32
Speaker 1: And then several months later, Justine writes with more news.
15:36
Speaker 1: After a long stay in hospice, her father Gary died.
15:40
Speaker 1: She says she was grateful to be with him when
15:42
Speaker 1: it happened.
15:43
Speaker 4: So this is your daddy. We again to the real
15:46
Speaker 4: end of this stape. I love him more than anything
15:49
Speaker 4: in my life.
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Speaker 8: Take care.
15:52
Speaker 3: Mike.
16:00
Speaker 6: Hello, you have reached Justine's voice fan. Leave a message.
16:04
Speaker 6: Oh and tell me what is something that you are
16:07
Speaker 6: really good at?
16:08
Speaker 1: I Hey, Justine, it's Jonathan uh And I guess I'm
16:13
Speaker 1: really good at keeping in touch over the years. Okay,
16:17
Speaker 1: I'll talk to you soon.
16:17
Speaker 2: I hope.
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Speaker 1: At this point, it's been over two years since Justine
16:21
Speaker 1: and I first spoke. In a year since Brian was murdered.
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Speaker 1: When Justine and I connect, she tells me that in
16:27
Speaker 1: recent months, she's been worrying that her decision to reveal
16:30
Speaker 1: Stephen's paternity was a bad decision.
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Speaker 7: I think, like I'm still at a point where I
16:40
Speaker 7: feel part of me a little guilty for like, this
16:47
Speaker 7: sounds so silly that for telling the secret that I
16:50
Speaker 7: wasn't ever supposed to tell.
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Speaker 1: You know, and you mean guilty toward to your.
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Speaker 7: Father, I guess so, or even like even towards it
17:00
Speaker 7: doesn't make sense. I know it was the right thing
17:02
Speaker 7: to do, but it's hard for me to say that
17:04
Speaker 7: like that it was a good that I feel good about.
17:11
Speaker 7: I don't know. Maybe part of me feels guilty that
17:13
Speaker 7: I held it.
17:13
Speaker 9: In so long.
17:14
Speaker 4: Maybe that's what it is.
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Speaker 7: I think I'm just not fully I haven't fully processed
17:19
Speaker 7: it to the point where I feel like I did
17:22
Speaker 7: a good thing.
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Speaker 1: Justine is left wondering what telling Stephen actually accomplished. There
17:28
Speaker 1: was a wall between them before telling him the truth,
17:31
Speaker 1: and now there was still a wall, and because of her,
17:34
Speaker 1: Stephen's grief was doubled. He was forced to live through
17:37
Speaker 1: the death of not one but two fathers all in
17:41
Speaker 1: the space of less than a year. Stephen has been distant,
17:44
Speaker 1: pulling away, and Justine fears he might be angry with her, like.
17:49
Speaker 7: Things just haven't been the same with us, and.
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Speaker 9: I don't I don't know.
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Speaker 1: If that's because of.
17:58
Speaker 7: The situation with me telling him or maybe I just
18:02
Speaker 7: maybe at some point I need to hear it from him.
18:05
Speaker 7: You know that it was a good thing.
18:09
Speaker 1: It's a hard question to ask someone. Was my crushing
18:12
Speaker 1: your reality a good thing? But after the break, Justine
18:16
Speaker 1: tries to ask Stephen.
18:18
Speaker 3: Just that.
18:41
Speaker 9: We had my son Griffin's third birthday party.
18:44
Speaker 1: Today's the day Justine and Stephen are set to talk,
18:47
Speaker 1: and Justine joins the zoom first.
18:49
Speaker 9: This is the best age for presents, he like. After
18:51
Speaker 9: the day's ever, he was like, Mom, I love presence,
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Speaker 9: just like.
18:55
Speaker 1: In the close to two years since that day in
18:57
Speaker 1: their mom's living room when Justine told Stephen the truth,
19:00
Speaker 1: the two of them have never sat down for a
19:02
Speaker 1: heart to heart. Stephen and Justine have both recently moved
19:06
Speaker 1: and are living farther apart than they ever have. Justine
19:10
Speaker 1: in Illinois, Stephen in Arkansas.
19:13
Speaker 4: Hello, howdy.
19:15
Speaker 1: Steven's been alone in the small rural town for a
19:18
Speaker 1: few months. Now he's down there fixing up their grandmother's cabin,
19:21
Speaker 1: and his red hair and beard have grown shaggy. He
19:24
Speaker 1: joins the zoom from a couch a quaint curtain behind him.
19:28
Speaker 1: Are there grandmotherly type things in the back? It looks
19:31
Speaker 1: like there's some little chatchkiz.
19:33
Speaker 4: What are some Betty Boop figurines? She's much to collect things.
19:39
Speaker 1: Before the call, Justine told me she was feeling nervous.
19:42
Speaker 1: So I take it upon myself to get the ball rolling.
19:46
Speaker 1: One of the things that I talked about with Justine
19:48
Speaker 1: was whether her telling you, But then I stopped myself.
19:56
Speaker 1: After years of having their relationship middlemanned by parents by secrets,
20:01
Speaker 1: maybe Stephen and Justine need a chance to talk to
20:03
Speaker 1: one another directly. Well, maybe I should, I should allow
20:06
Speaker 1: just justin. Maybe like you should just you should just ask.
20:11
Speaker 9: Yeah.
20:16
Speaker 3: I don't know why. It's making me feel emotional, but
20:22
Speaker 3: you know, I guess I.
20:23
Speaker 9: Never thought to ask you, like directly, Like, uh, do
20:31
Speaker 9: you think it was a good thing that that the
20:37
Speaker 9: truth came out? I guess that I I guess that
20:40
Speaker 9: I told you you know about that?
20:44
Speaker 1: Well, Justine wipes her eyes. Stephen tries to offer an
20:47
Speaker 1: answer by way of a story. It seems that a
20:51
Speaker 1: few months after Brian's murder, Steven set off on a
20:54
Speaker 1: trip to Kentucky to meet Brian's brother Barry. They ended
20:58
Speaker 1: up spending the day together. Stephen helped Barry feed his cats,
21:02
Speaker 1: and Barry took Stephen around to some Kirby family landmarks
21:05
Speaker 1: in the area. Then they sat down to eat together
21:08
Speaker 1: with some cousins, young nieces and nephews.
21:11
Speaker 4: And then that afternoon where we went outside and we
21:14
Speaker 4: were sitting out there, and then Barry came out and
21:16
Speaker 4: he said called ambulance. You could just barely understand what
21:19
Speaker 4: he was saying because he had just started coughing up blood.
21:22
Speaker 4: Oh my god, I mean like it was. It was
21:24
Speaker 4: splashing on a driveway.
21:26
Speaker 1: As it turns out, two weeks earlier, Barry had been
21:29
Speaker 1: in a car crash. He was while being examined at
21:32
Speaker 1: the hospital that Barry learned he had undiagnosed lung cancer.
21:36
Speaker 1: That's how he came to be coughing up blood on
21:38
Speaker 1: the driveway that day.
21:40
Speaker 4: And the first thing that I thought of was the kids.
21:43
Speaker 4: I told the kids. As I get in a four wheeler,
21:45
Speaker 4: and I need you to drive down the driveway and
21:50
Speaker 4: then go up that trail and I'll be right there,
21:54
Speaker 4: because I didn't want them to see that. And I
21:57
Speaker 4: remember me walking down on a hill to go meet
22:01
Speaker 4: up with the kids, and I looked back at Barry
22:02
Speaker 4: and he was just looking at me with big eyes.
22:06
Speaker 4: I just kind of nodded my head because we all
22:08
Speaker 4: knew that that was the end.
22:12
Speaker 1: By the time Stephen comforted the kids and walked back
22:14
Speaker 1: to the house, Barry was dead.
22:20
Speaker 4: The way I always like to tell it, because I
22:22
Speaker 4: try to look on the bright side, is said it
22:23
Speaker 4: was a beautiful day for Barry. It was his last
22:26
Speaker 4: day on earth, and he got to visit his grandma's house,
22:29
Speaker 4: his great grandma's house in the family cemetery.
22:35
Speaker 1: This story about Uncle Barry doesn't feel like the reassurance
22:39
Speaker 1: Justine had been hoping for. In fact, it feels like
22:43
Speaker 1: the opposite. Yet another blood relative was gone no sooner
22:47
Speaker 1: than Steven had learned about him.
22:49
Speaker 9: I mean, I cannot understand what it feels like to
22:54
Speaker 9: discover one father, lose him horrifically, meet a new uncle,
23:00
Speaker 9: lose him horrifically, basically in front of your eyes.
23:05
Speaker 1: You know, to hear the fact of you know, what
23:08
Speaker 1: you went through, A lot of people would say, man
23:10
Speaker 1: like that, not to cause offense or any of it.
23:13
Speaker 1: That guy's pretty unlucky.
23:15
Speaker 4: No, one hundred percent. I know that that's got to
23:17
Speaker 4: be everybody's response. But it's all the things that happened,
23:21
Speaker 4: We're going to happen regardless of whether I was there
23:24
Speaker 4: or not. And it's a sad story, but same times, like,
23:28
Speaker 4: there's so many good things that come out of it,
23:30
Speaker 4: you know, as far as me being.
23:31
Speaker 1: There, Stephen was able to be a comfort to the
23:34
Speaker 1: kids and give Barry a great last day that makes
23:38
Speaker 1: him proud.
23:38
Speaker 4: And the fact of the timing of Brian being murdered,
23:42
Speaker 4: it's if you can find it positive in that, it's
23:44
Speaker 4: that it brought me and my sister brothers and sisters
23:48
Speaker 4: on a curby side closer together a whole lot faster
23:50
Speaker 4: than what have ever happened before.
23:52
Speaker 1: Stephen looks over at Justine and directly addresses the question
23:56
Speaker 1: of whether learning the truth was a good thing.
23:59
Speaker 4: Yeah. No, I want to change. There's a lot of
24:02
Speaker 4: things I would change, but I don't regret it. I
24:06
Speaker 4: should have known and I one of my biggest fears
24:09
Speaker 4: always you or mom, the feeling bad or regret or
24:12
Speaker 4: sorry for me, or like, man, we really shouldn't have
24:14
Speaker 4: told him. And really it was the greatest thing to
24:16
Speaker 4: ever It's difficult to say, but it's the greatest thing
24:19
Speaker 4: that's ever happened to me. I've always felt kind of
24:28
Speaker 4: like a free spirit in a way, but really kind
24:30
Speaker 4: of holding myself backward about how what other people would think.
24:35
Speaker 4: I didn't necessarily realize how lost I was as an
24:40
Speaker 4: individual until I was able to meet and connect with
24:43
Speaker 4: the Kirbys. We're all really similar in a lot of ways,
24:46
Speaker 4: and a lot of those ways I used to really
24:48
Speaker 4: kind of fight and feel like I wasn't supposed to
24:51
Speaker 4: be like that because my mom's not like that, Dad's
24:53
Speaker 4: not like that, Justine's not like that.
24:56
Speaker 1: Well, Stephen struggled in school. Justine excelled, attending a gifted
25:00
Speaker 1: program and eventually becoming a teacher. Doing well in school
25:04
Speaker 1: so you can go to college, so you can start
25:06
Speaker 1: a career that becomes your life. Stephen tried to do
25:09
Speaker 1: those things because Justine and his mom had. He wanted
25:12
Speaker 1: to please them, be like them, but he always felt
25:15
Speaker 1: like he was falling short with the Kirbys, Stephen saw
25:19
Speaker 1: a different way to live than the one he'd grown
25:21
Speaker 1: up with. Life was more improvisational. For instance, one night,
25:26
Speaker 1: when Stephen went out drinking with his sister Shannon and
25:28
Speaker 1: her friends, they got too drunk to drive home and
25:32
Speaker 1: ended up crashing at a friend's nearby hotel room. In
25:35
Speaker 1: the middle of the night. Shannon got out of bed
25:37
Speaker 1: and went out for a smoke, but she forgot to
25:39
Speaker 1: take along a room key, and she forgot to wear pants,
25:43
Speaker 1: so she appeared at the front desk demanding to be
25:46
Speaker 1: led into a room that she had no business being in,
25:49
Speaker 1: all while not wearing pants. The whole gang was kicked out,
25:53
Speaker 1: but it wasn't the end of the world. In fact,
25:56
Speaker 1: Stephen thought it was pretty fun. His new family is
25:59
Speaker 1: warm and huggy. They say I love you a lot.
26:02
Speaker 1: When Stephen feared he might be intruding on Shannon's life
26:05
Speaker 1: by texting too often, she told him, you will never
26:08
Speaker 1: be a bother.
26:09
Speaker 4: They really have changed me. And it's like I've told
26:12
Speaker 4: the Kirby's, Do you guys help me make sense? The
26:16
Speaker 4: way I've lived this last year is the night and
26:19
Speaker 4: day compared to what I have in the past as
26:21
Speaker 4: far as just kind of there's really kind of going
26:23
Speaker 4: for a lot of stuff and living for metaphorically for
26:27
Speaker 4: the first time in my life.
26:29
Speaker 1: Stephen says he's always wanted to travel, to just get
26:32
Speaker 1: in a car and drive. He remembers countless conversations with
26:35
Speaker 1: Justine where she'd encourage him to go.
26:38
Speaker 4: We've talked about it over and over again.
26:40
Speaker 9: Yeah, I remember so vividly, like Stephen coming to my
26:44
Speaker 9: house and we're on the couch and he's just like,
26:46
Speaker 9: I have this urge, like I just want to go somewhere.
26:50
Speaker 9: And I'm like, okay, so just do that. You know
26:52
Speaker 9: what's stopping me? And he's like, well, what's mom going
26:55
Speaker 9: to think? Or who's going to watch the dog or whatever.
26:58
Speaker 9: I'm like, I'll watch the dog. Mom will be a fine,
27:01
Speaker 9: you know, Like he and even in my mind I knew,
27:03
Speaker 9: like he's probably not going to go.
27:06
Speaker 1: But about a month after Barry's death. In two months
27:08
Speaker 1: after Brian's Stephen jumped in his car in Indianapolis and
27:12
Speaker 1: just started heading west the Badlands Glacier National Park, Washington State,
27:18
Speaker 1: all the way to the Canadian border. On the road,
27:21
Speaker 1: he slept in a hammock bathed in the river, fried
27:23
Speaker 1: up spam and eggs at rest stops, and saw the
27:26
Speaker 1: Pacific Ocean for the very first time.
27:29
Speaker 4: I had Barry and Brian looking over me, and honestly
27:32
Speaker 4: all the time I really kind of felt felt their presence.
27:35
Speaker 4: I just kind of drove, just said either felt right
27:38
Speaker 4: or didn't feel right, and for Nettville right will then
27:40
Speaker 4: take a left turn instead of a right term. You know,
27:42
Speaker 4: It's like in those moments, which I had so many
27:44
Speaker 4: on that trip, It's like, what have I been doing
27:47
Speaker 4: for the past thirty three years when I could have
27:50
Speaker 4: been doing this?
27:52
Speaker 9: You know, the Stephen that I am talking to today
27:55
Speaker 9: is like the real Stephen that was always inside like
28:00
Speaker 9: wanting to get out, But like, hey guys, is this okay?
28:03
Speaker 3: No?
28:03
Speaker 9: Okay? So I like it's obvious to me that this
28:09
Speaker 9: other side of the family is his has like completed
28:13
Speaker 9: him in a way.
28:19
Speaker 1: So to Justine's question, it seems clear that she did
28:21
Speaker 1: do the right thing. Stephen thinks back on that day,
28:25
Speaker 1: Justine told him the truth, how she gave him the
28:27
Speaker 1: permission to react however he wanted, be it with sadness
28:31
Speaker 1: or anger or even by joking around. It was all Okay,
28:35
Speaker 1: Stephen could just be Stephen.
28:37
Speaker 4: And I've never felt like that's right until that moment.
28:40
Speaker 4: It meant a lot. It made me feel if you
28:43
Speaker 4: were really good and accepted. There's nobody, nobody else on
28:49
Speaker 4: this planet that I would have wanted to tell me
28:53
Speaker 4: the news than you.
29:00
Speaker 3: It was amazing to hear you say that you wouldn't
29:03
Speaker 3: have wanted it to be anyone other than me. It
29:07
Speaker 3: makes me feel really special. I'm really close to you,
29:16
Speaker 3: and it makes me feel like it was right.
29:24
Speaker 1: The secret that had become a wall between Justine and
29:26
Speaker 1: Stephen was coming down. They didn't share the same father,
29:31
Speaker 1: but they shared the same fact. Finally there was reality
29:37
Speaker 1: and it wasn't crushing either of them.
30:00
Speaker 10: O cans ok, I canais be found.
30:13
Speaker 5: I canlis be found.
30:30
Speaker 8: Now that the Fernditures rip turning to its good will home,
30:39
Speaker 8: now that the last month's rent is skating with the damage,
30:44
Speaker 8: POS take this moment to dissolve, if we meant it.
30:51
Speaker 10: If we turn.
30:54
Speaker 8: Remember felt around for five to.
30:59
Speaker 1: From things that leaves. This episode of Heavyweight was produced
31:07
Speaker 1: by Senior producer Khalila Holt, along with Stevie Lane, Moheeny mcgauker,
31:11
Speaker 1: and me Jonathan Goldstein Special thanks to Emily Condon, Jorge
31:15
Speaker 1: just Alex Bloomberg, Sharon Mashihi, Connie Walker, and Jackie Cohen.
31:19
Speaker 1: News footage courtesy of Gray Media Group, Incorporated and Wave
31:23
Speaker 1: three News. Bobby Lord mixed the episode with original music
31:26
Speaker 1: by Christine Fellows, John K. Samson, and Bobby Lord. The
31:30
Speaker 1: song Stephen listens to in the episode is the Other
31:32
Speaker 1: Side of Mount heart Attack by Liars. Additional music credits
31:36
Speaker 1: can be found on our website Gimletmedia dot com slash Heavyweight.
31:40
Speaker 1: Our theme song is by the Weaker Thands courtesy of
31:42
Speaker 1: Epitaph Records. Follow us on Twitter at Heavyweight. We're always
31:46
Speaker 1: looking for stories, so send us an email at Heavyweight
31:48
Speaker 1: at gimletmedia dot com. We'll be off for the next
31:51
Speaker 1: two weeks as we finish another two part episode, so
31:54
Speaker 1: we'll be back November eighteenth.
32:00
Speaker 2: The bott