Transcript

Boo Hag Hunt · The Danger Zoo

0:03
Password accepted. Welcome to the Danger Zoo.
0:08
Welcome to the department of Anomalous and Non human genetic
0:12
entities, reconnaissance and zoological occult operations.
0:15
I am Coyote the game warden and I'm here with the boys and I
0:20
don't have any skin. Do you guys remember what
0:22
happened last time? And didn't you like sleep with
0:26
some old witch lady? And you woke up next morning and
0:29
your skin was gone. Checks out.
0:32
I was slept with by force. Terrible, terrible, terrible,
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terrible. You guys remember anything else
0:38
that happened the last episode besides you guys waking up to me
0:41
screaming? Well, I mean, we kind of like
0:43
fucked around a little bit around the house.
0:46
OK, yeah, OK, So what do we do in this episode then?
0:52
No, it's bit to solve the mystery of where did your skin
0:57
go? The mystery mission start.
1:05
OK. OK.
1:06
So sounds like an investigation should be afoot.
1:10
Yes. Fully found.
1:12
Any clues? Oh, if.
1:15
Oh yes, if only someone had found, I don't know, a piece of
1:18
parchment that may have warned a said situation that we find
1:23
ourselves in. Yes, that would be nice.
1:27
So I am still just just putting like skin on me.
1:31
And then Nidal, I guess his constitution isn't too great.
1:34
He kind of just faints into the chair right there.
1:40
Well, that's no good. The one with the chess board on
1:42
it. Yeah, it's he's faced out of the
1:45
chess board. Face down, ass up.
1:49
What a pussy. I'm going to reach into my
1:53
pocket, pull out that note, and reread it.
1:58
Oh, you, you had the note? I thought Hazy had the note.
2:02
No Hazy was making snacks. Unappreciative fucking people.
2:10
Oh yeah, I remember now. He made us a Charcuchi board.
2:14
With love. Yeah.
2:17
All right, well, so at this point I'm pulling out my note.
2:21
Look at you and look at the note again.
2:24
Don't sleep by the river with your back laid bare.
2:30
Hey guys I think I found a clue. What is it?
2:34
Would you get Velma? Cheekies.
2:37
So I found a note that said don't sleep by the river with
2:41
your back laid bare for the bow hag drift silent on the
2:46
mountains air. If you wake up hollow and
2:49
stripped of your skin, take a look at Coyote.
2:52
You'll know. You'll know she was there and
2:58
she let herself in. Win back your hide for the full
3:04
moon climbs high, or she'll wear your face till the day you die.
3:12
That's not good. Super cryptic, no idea what it
3:15
could have been, probably nothing.
3:18
I I told you that you should stop sleeping naked because your
3:21
back was bare. You lost your skin.
3:24
I don't need to. I'm sorry there's only two or
3:27
night show moon. What?
3:31
It's only two nights to the full moon.
3:33
Yeah, go ahead. That's how I said you go, go,
3:36
let's go back. I'm going to check the room for
3:43
open windows and signs of forced entry we're.
3:47
Going to do a perception role for everyone for that one since
3:50
you're all in the same room. Rut Row, Reggie.
3:54
Oh, come on. Rot row, Reggie.
3:58
Somebody. Somebody's awake.
4:00
Oh grandpa, with the save there, you and Hazy are just kind of
4:05
like staring at each other's bar.
4:09
Grandpa notices that there is a window to the east that is open,
4:14
but he got a net 20. Not only does he notice that, he
4:17
notices there's security cameras in every corner of this cabin
4:22
that nobody had picked up on before.
4:25
Interesting. Very interesting.
4:28
Are they wireless security ones or is there a wire attached to
4:31
them? There's a wire to him it it goes
4:34
to the room in the South. OK.
4:37
Well, I guess I go to the room in the South.
4:39
OK, just you thought he. Don't mean anybody.
4:43
Everybody's welcome to come with me if they want to.
4:47
I guess I'll follow. Okie, dokie, grandpa goes in
4:51
there when you guys walk in, this is the same room that hazy
4:56
saw. It's like some weird stuff out
4:58
there and he just left, but you guys follow the cable in in this
5:01
top right corner area where grandpa's going to is a little.
5:06
There's a couple monitors up on the wall.
5:08
That's where the cable ends. Nice.
5:11
I feel like we should have noticed this before.
5:14
I can't believe Hazy missed that.
5:17
I mean, there was an Appalachian ghost woman beckoning him from
5:20
the outside last night, so I imagine his attention was
5:23
pulled. Oh, he actually gives his
5:26
attention to women. What a sip.
5:28
Who talks to women? Well, OK, so I guess I'm are
5:36
these are these bookshelves? To the left, yes, there are
5:40
bookshelves. What is that?
5:41
What all these things are along the walls?
5:43
Those are bookshelves. To the left side is a bunch of
5:47
bookshelves. To the right is it's not quite a
5:52
chest, It's it's a crap. What is that thing?
5:58
It goes in the wall. It's flat.
5:59
It's worth a shelf. It's a fucking shelf.
6:02
Jeez. Wow.
6:03
Holy crap. It's a shelf with.
6:06
Let's see, hold on. What's on that shelf?
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You don't see anything on the shelf.
6:12
Oh. So it's empty.
6:16
You don't see anything on that shelf.
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I need you to answer the question is it empty?
6:20
You don't see anything on the shelf.
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Just say it's empty. You don't see anything on the
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shelf, I told you. OK, well I'm going to start
6:30
going through these books then. Right on, right on.
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I'm going to start going through them looking for anything that's
6:37
out of the ordinary. OK, you're flipping through the
6:40
books hazy. What are you doing?
6:45
I guess I will walk towards the outside porch to the north.
6:53
You walk through the door in the north and you go out to the
6:57
outside porch there, the little mud room.
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Yeah, I'm just going to look out into the distance, see if I see
7:03
anything, make sure I got a wise back, you know?
7:08
Yeah, you don't see anything out there.
7:10
You see some steps and you're just looking out tonight.
7:12
It's a nice morning. It's been really good with some
7:15
pancakes and bacon. Nah.
7:18
This bacon tastes like coyote rump.
7:21
Oh no, don't eat my rump, Grandpa.
7:24
You take a look at the security cameras.
7:27
Yeah, I'm going to see also if there's a well, if it looks like
7:30
are they recorded on tapes or anything, possibly, maybe rewind
7:34
to see what happened last night. So you notice underneath the
7:37
monitors there's a looks kind of like a keyboard and it has a
7:40
tuning knob to it where you can go Fast forward or reverse on
7:44
the cameras and you notice it has been recording.
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It's not just a live feed. Oh, then I want to try and
7:52
rewind to essentially when we leave you alone in there and
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then up to where your skin is gone.
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Your fucking skin goes. You start going back and you see
8:04
me kind of flailing around on the table and everyone just kind
8:07
of panicking around me. And then it goes back to me
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asleep with my skin off and everyone's outside of the room.
8:13
And then you see my skin being slurped off of my body.
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But the camera is at a weird angle and you can't see what's
8:22
slurping off of my body. Missing the money shot, got it.
8:30
But while Thadi is going through books, he finds something about
8:34
Boo hags from the Gullah Geechee people of the South and Boo hags
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they are known to be in the Southeast region like South
8:45
Carolina and Georgia Coastal. Kind of weird for a Boo hag to
8:50
be this N into Georgia. Must be getting warm.
8:55
It's because of global warming. Probably.
9:00
Probably. Yeah, the the ecosystem up this
9:04
up this far north can support them now because of global
9:07
warming. The Boo hags that's survive off.
9:10
I guess I didn't tell you what they survive off.
9:12
Go on. Oh no, you can continue.
9:14
Go ahead. No, I'm good.
9:15
You didn't roll that high. Read harder.
9:22
Read it again. There's like a there's like a
9:24
vein popping out of my forehead as I read the passage again.
9:28
You go to read it again, your dyslexia kicks in.
9:30
You're like, I don't know something about Santa Claus and
9:33
stupid deer. Wait a minute, Santa Claus.
9:38
Yep. Guys, we got to go to North
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Pole. That's where.
9:43
That's where coyote skin is at. I'm yelling from the pool room.
9:46
I don't think it's in the North Pole.
9:50
OK, well is there any other that I go through all the books?
9:54
Is there anything else for me to look through on this bookshelf?
9:58
We'll do one more investigation for you.
10:01
What's your stat? 2.
10:06
You don't see any more books on the Boo Hag, you just see some
10:10
surviving wilderness and Chattahoochee river history and
10:15
some something about how to build your own shotgun.
10:18
Not. Sick the Chattahoochee history
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book. What time period is that from?
10:29
A little bit before the Civil War.
10:32
Before the Civil War. It's an old book.
10:37
Hey, Hazy, did that woman you saw last night, did she look
10:39
like she could be from the Civil War era?
10:43
I mean always possibility for sure, I'll say yes.
10:48
OK. Do you want to roll for
10:50
Remembrance Hazy or do you just want to go with yes?
10:53
No, that's the thing. Roll for remembrance.
10:56
Sure. Give me an give me an
10:57
intelligence that. Intelligence.
11:00
Fuck you Nat 20. 10 Nice. No, he remembers her being from
11:05
the late 1800s. Oh.
11:09
No, she was from the late 1800s. Hey just out of curiosity, what
11:17
was the civil war? Yeah, I think you should verify
11:23
that before you give us a time period.
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Well shit, now I look stupid. Not you the the TM.
11:34
No late 1800s to 1900s. OK, OK, OK.
11:40
Anyway, also while looking at the cameras, are there any
11:43
recording from outside or are they all inside?
11:47
What's your investigation stat? 3.
11:53
Yeah, there is cameras almost everywhere in this cabin.
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Oh OK, I'm going to look for one that would show one of the
12:00
windows that would be facing towards the river that would be
12:02
most likely going into the pool room.
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So you see it is a camera that is on the southeast of the
12:12
building looking directly north towards the river.
12:16
You don't see anything going in the window, but all of a sudden
12:21
you see hazy on the outside of the window walking up to it.
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Uh oh. Hazy.
12:29
What? I'm going to double check the
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time stamp like this. Is this is during his your skin
12:37
disappearance? Just before it.
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No hazy. Come on guys.
12:44
Yo Hazy, can you come here for a minute?
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Open. Come be bobbing in.
12:49
What's up, everybody? I pulled Taser on you.
12:52
Why did you do it? Why did you do it?
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Jesus, you guys surrounding him. Yeah.
13:01
I mean, I'm just going to ask him, hey, what do you see in
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this, this video right here, I'm going to replay right that spot.
13:07
Well, I mean, I see somebody walking up to the window.
13:10
What's that proven? Looks like one handsome fella if
13:14
you ask me. Yes, but the timestamp indicates
13:19
that this was around the same time that's the coyote skin
13:23
disappeared. That's cool.
13:26
So why'd y'all call me in here? Because you did it.
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Why did you do it? So why the fuck are you right
13:32
there? Well, what happened?
13:34
Why are you? Why are you at the window when
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his skin is getting pulled? You guys, you guys are
13:38
forgetting the word allegedly. You guys can't prove that.
13:41
Oh, you don't understand. That's in America.
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Where you're not in America right now.
13:46
We're in a cabin in the woods. There's no allegedly it's on
13:49
camera. What is going on?
13:52
Yeah, the closest cop is about 45 miles away, and even he
13:55
doesn't want to come here. And even if he was here, he
13:57
would have rushed you. That too.
14:00
That too. I feel like this is entrapment.
14:02
Owned up to it. Why did you steal his skin?
14:04
Is it because it's it's more clean than yours?
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Wow, what the fuck? Hold up.
14:13
Why'd you do it? Well, allegedly, I don't know
14:18
what you're talking about because that ain't me.
14:21
All right, we're going to do a charisma roll roll for you,
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Hazy. Well, what's your What's your
14:25
stat? Oh God.
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Her diplomacy. 01. Fuck off you both of you are
14:34
just going at Hazy. And Hazy actually pulls out a
14:36
picture on his phone, a time stamped photo of himself, and he
14:42
has his nuts out and he's a Rabian Google thoughty while
14:45
he's sleeping. Yeah, see, my time was Occupado.
14:49
Grandpa, go ahead, Grandpa, go ahead and check the check
14:53
another camera in the bedroom to see if that matches Hazy's
14:56
alibi. We didn't sleep in the bedroom
14:58
last night. Oh, sorry.
15:01
Fuck. They didn't.
15:02
That's right, They slept up on the rock.
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You can't check it. There's no cameras out there.
15:06
Well, that's good, because I don't know what half those words
15:08
even meant put together. Arabian goggles is when you take
15:12
your nut sack and you put them on somebody's eyeballs while
15:14
they're sleeping. Yes, and I would have woken up
15:18
for that. I would have felt the warm, the
15:20
warmth of his testes on my eyeballs and woken up.
15:23
I would have been very gentle. Hold on, how?
15:27
How long ago was this and when's the last time they've showered?
15:30
I'm just wondering from the standpoint of a smell
15:32
perspective. Oh, good point, good point.
15:34
Smell my face, smell my face. Do they smell like balls?
15:40
Is that an investigation? Hold on.
15:43
So how are we going about this? Who's going to smell Dottie's
15:47
eyeballs? And then who's going to smell
15:50
Hazy's balls to make sure the smell matches?
15:53
Well, it has to be Grandpa because.
15:54
Coyote, if we got something for you to investigate.
15:57
I can't go. I can't do it.
16:01
He's got to be grandpa. There's got to be you, man.
16:03
There's got to be you. I just plopped my guts up on the
16:06
table. Yeah, I guess.
16:08
All right, let's go over that new plan.
16:10
This is for coyote's skin. You can't back down.
16:15
You guys found my skin yet? We're working on it.
16:19
OK, and it's going to keep eating this cheese and slowly.
16:23
You're welcome. Thank you.
16:25
Cheese is great for your skin. You're going to, you're going to
16:28
get down there, you're going to smell his balls, right?
16:32
And then you're going to compare it to the smell of my eyeballs,
16:34
All right? You're going to smell 2 sets of
16:36
balls just right now, all right? So what you can do here,
16:41
grandpa? It's called a standoff.
16:44
What we do is you pick whatever skill is the highest for both of
16:47
you. Like if he wants to roll
16:48
strength and you want to roll charisma or something, you can.
16:51
And whoever rolls the highest gets to explain how they use
16:54
that skill set to win this argument or debate.
16:59
OK. Is that to me too or is that
17:02
between them? No, you're just the ball sack
17:04
here. Yeah, I'm just holding the ball
17:06
balls. You're.
17:06
Just holding your balls. You're evidence.
17:09
All right, well, I I did cope with in a possible way a
17:13
theoretical. OK.
17:15
Well, now we just got to roll it out.
17:16
We got to let the dice decide now, all right?
17:20
Grandpa, what skills? It would probably be
17:23
intelligence if this is a straight stat check.
17:28
What's your intelligence? So it would be a three.
17:32
Dottie, what do you use in strength?
17:34
Yeah, 6. Oh God.
17:38
God damn it, OK. He just flicks over the balls.
17:46
Not. 20 Fuck off 30 OK thought he wins.
17:52
How do you propose you fix this situation?
17:57
Well, since I won using my strength, obviously this is
18:00
going to physically manhandle him between these legs.
18:07
All right, we're not going to go.
18:08
We've had too much ball talk here.
18:11
Grandpa smells it. He smells your eyes.
18:15
They check out. Damn it.
18:18
Oh man, 20 minutes of just balls.
18:22
What is happening? So I should pull my pants up?
18:25
Yes, go ahead and pull your pants up hazy.
18:29
This is why we'll never get monetized I.
18:31
Don't want the money anyways. I mean, it was fun.
18:34
It was fun for me. I'm going to let a cigarette.
18:37
Was the door open? Did you get to see that from the
18:39
pool table? I just kind of laying here just
18:42
eating. I know I smell in enough salami
18:45
right now. Grandpa, you're up.
18:49
What are we doing? Remembering memory wipe stuff.
18:53
Anyway, going back to the video obviously and re looking at it
18:57
and now that we know he's probably not a skinwalker and
19:02
trying to see if we can see more.
19:06
I need more information from the video of that time stamp because
19:10
it looks like him. From the letter, I'm assuming
19:14
that she came from the river, so I'm going to go to the river.
19:18
Down by the. Grandpa, why you do that?
19:20
Give me what's your investigation stat again?
19:23
I'm going to roll with advantage now that you know it's not hazy.
19:26
3. Oh, sweet.
19:29
OK, yeah. So when you look at it this
19:31
time, you see when it walks up, it looks at the camera slightly
19:37
and the way it's eyes looking out, the skin that it's in
19:42
doesn't quite match up. And then you realize there's no
19:45
skin on this face. But you thought it was hazy.
19:50
It's just an eye and just muscles and tendons, but you can
19:54
only see it for a brief second before it comes inside.
19:57
So it's Coyote. Coyote took his own skin.
20:01
I'm confused. Problem solved.
20:02
Yeah, yeah, I swear. I'm still trying to figure out
20:07
how you thought that motherfucker was me.
20:10
I don't even remember getting off and walking over.
20:12
I do sleepwalk sometimes, that might have happened.
20:17
Shut up, Coyote. Yeah, but wasn't the time stamp
20:20
on that trunk of video before the one where we saw coyote skin
20:25
leaving his body? Yeah, there's. 2.
20:29
I want to go out to the river and investigate.
20:31
I'm assuming it came from the river due to the note.
20:34
I want to follow him and slap you in the belly on the way by.
20:39
OK Oh yeah, you got to slap me and I just move out of the way
20:42
real quick. I'm hypersensive right now.
20:45
Don't forget touchery. Very nice.
20:48
You and Toddy, grandpa, are you still investigating inside or
20:52
are you going to go outside with them?
20:55
I mean, freeze a crowd. How'd you guys come out there?
21:00
You see a guy in a boat just fishing out there.
21:04
What the fuck? I'm going to pull out my gun.
21:07
No, no, no. Let me handle this.
21:08
Let me handle. This Jesus boy, I forgot.
21:11
Grandpa, are you still inside or are you coming outside?
21:14
I'm going to continue to investigate just the room in
21:16
general, probably take a look at those books because maybe he had
21:19
a hard time reading. Maybe I could find something he
21:21
missed while they're doing that. Nerd.
21:25
All right. Right on.
21:25
Right on, right on. Let me let me handle talking to
21:28
this fisherman. Grandpa, oh shit, you find a
21:34
whole section on the Boo hag talking about the way to capture
21:38
it is to salt and pepper it heavily.
21:41
I knew that fucker could breed. Salt and Pepper's hair.
21:45
You're just mad because I I made you sniff someone's balls.
21:50
That's why he could read so much better.
21:52
It's like smelling salt for him right now.
21:53
He's wide awake and you find that the Boo Hag will steal
22:00
someone's skin and parade around in them and they'll look like a
22:03
normal person during the day, but at night they become
22:06
skinless. Will they become that normal
22:09
person? The guy out there.
22:12
No, the person's skin they stole.
22:16
What happens to the skin? Do they look like you?
22:19
That's a good question. Do they just drop the skin at
22:24
night? So wait, how did it say to trap
22:28
them? Salt and pepper.
22:29
You have to put salt and pepper on their skin to trap them in a
22:32
skin, or salt and pepper on them to keep them from going back to
22:36
their skin. But also, they could be held off
22:40
by a salt line, kind of like ghosts.
22:45
All right, Daddy, what are you doing out here besides stopping
22:47
Hazy from shooting an innocent man?
22:49
I'm going to yell this innocent man.
22:52
What's? Your name.
22:54
He looks back at you and he says, Tony, what's your name?
22:59
The fuck did you just say, Tony? Daddy, he says.
23:05
Fuck you Daddy, fuck you, OK? OK, all right.
23:10
I'm sick of this kid. I'm sick of this kid.
23:11
We did the skit. I'm sick of it.
23:13
I'm going to say, hey, did you? Did you see someone walking
23:17
around in loose skin earlier? Let's roll for persuasion.
23:25
What's your Charisma Negative. 1.
23:28
Not 20. Oh, you talk about the Boo hag.
23:30
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:35
Damn and get one of y'all. Yeah, Damn, that shits crazy
23:42
man. So you.
23:43
Going get skin back. We're going to try where?
23:46
Where Do you know where we can find the Boo Hag?
23:49
Shit man, you and Boo hag central, there's so many of them
23:52
around here you got to be careful.
23:54
My ex-wife was a Boo hag. Bitch took everything from me.
23:59
I like the stuff. Did you when they were skinless
24:03
at night? Was it more fun that way?
24:06
He looks around. He leans.
24:09
He leans towards the he leans towards the shore.
24:13
Yeah, No biz. I, I, I gave it a shot, you
24:18
know, I'm not one to knock a new thing, you know?
24:22
But after a while, she just kept bringing back other people's
24:25
skin. And I was like, I don't know, I
24:27
feel like this might be cheating.
24:28
So I had to call it quits. But I mean, a judge isn't I, I
24:32
tried to tell a judge, hey, she's still people scared.
24:34
He didn't believe me. I bet that judge was a Boo hag
24:36
too. Well, I think this guy's telling
24:40
the truth. That was my test.
24:42
This sounds like a wonderful town, this.
24:45
Town's all right. Did you see one early this
24:51
morning since you were off? Since you're fishing, you're
24:54
obviously out here early. No, I just came from in town.
24:57
I was going to go into the cabin, but then I saw the lights
25:01
were on. I thought, OK, somebody's
25:02
already here. So I figured I would just fish a
25:04
little bit. I came from upstream and.
25:07
Didn't see a Boo head. I didn't see shit.
25:13
OK, you want to help us? No, I'm good.
25:18
Not even a role for persuasion there.
25:21
Oh you good man. Damn, I don't try to fuck with
25:24
Boo hags anymore. I'm you can't get me to do that.
25:28
OK, well at least we got some information about them.
25:32
I mean, grandpa got more information.
25:33
You just know there's Boo hags around.
25:36
And I know that they can be docile and married.
25:41
That one could be docile and married.
25:43
Why are you trying to wipe one up?
25:44
What's happening here? Or I could like use bait till we
25:48
were out the boot hack. You know, like.
25:51
Like a dating app bait. Like what?
25:53
What is your plan to get this thing out?
25:55
I could put on my Daisy Dukes and a tank top and parade around
26:00
the property. Go on B date and try and get you
26:03
a boot hack. Nah, man, I'm gonna parade
26:05
around the property looking. Just yeah, you know, just
26:07
showing off some skin towards the river.
26:09
Oh, look at this nice skin. Yeah.
26:12
You go, go wash that boat. You need to go wash your eyelids
26:16
for sure. Still got hazy ball juice on
26:20
there. Really clean.
26:23
Apparently not. Grand buckets smell.
26:28
Wait, what's today? Oh yeah, yeah, probably not.
26:31
What the fuck? Anyways, his boat starts going
26:34
down he goes. I'll see y'all later man.
26:36
You go to town. If you need more information
26:37
about the Boo hag. They're not going to give it to
26:40
you right away. But you don't know, you might
26:42
make friends. Just keeps drifting down the
26:44
river out of sight. Bye new friend.
26:51
I want to go to the South side of the property now.
26:55
To the South side of the property OK like where the tree
26:59
line is or? Yeah, Yeah.
27:02
I want to investigate the tree line to see if there's any
27:04
evidence of something passing through there.
27:08
OK, so you come to the tree line down here, Hazy.
27:12
What are you doing while he does that?
27:14
I guess I'm going to walk up the coast towards the northeast.
27:20
You got to follow that guy kind of what?
27:23
What guy? Oh yeah, yeah, I'm just making
27:26
sure he's out of here. OK, grandpa, what are you doing
27:29
while you're in there? At this point, at this point,
27:33
I'd probably be leaving that room, heading into the kitchen
27:35
to take stock of how much salt pepper we have.
27:39
OK, you come in here, you go do all the doors.
27:42
Don't. Don't dumping into the kitchen.
27:45
There doesn't seem to be any like big things of salt and
27:48
pepper in the kitchen itself, but you see that there's a
27:51
storage room to the South of it. You go through here.
27:54
As soon as you walk into this room, your skin starts to crawl.
27:59
You feel like something is touching you.
28:01
Go ahead and give me a scaredy plus roll.
28:06
Five baby. Oh shit, yeah.
28:09
You just realize there's a spider on your shoulder.
28:11
You brush it off. What's your investigation stat?
28:16
3. Yeah, you sit down on a bag and
28:21
you just look around. You don't see any salt and
28:22
pepper. See.
28:25
All right, So what kind of investigation role do you want
28:28
to do over by the tree line, Duddy?
28:34
I'm investigating for like paths evidence of living beings
28:41
walking through the tree line recently.
28:44
Like do you want to do like a nature check?
28:45
Just a overall investigation check, like a lore check.
28:49
Probably a nature check. All right, give me your stat for
28:53
that. 2. Now you don't see anything over
28:56
here by the tree line. Sorry, Hazy, What's your?
29:00
Are you also doing a nature check?
29:02
No. I'm going to put on my fucking
29:04
amazing NWO glasses and jump start this fucking
29:08
investigation. There you go.
29:11
There you go. Says Let's see, Detects
29:16
unnatural frequencies and tracks fresh frequency trails with a
29:19
successful perception Instinct Wisdom check.
29:24
OK, you put your glasses on, you just look around.
29:26
You don't see anything here. You go to look back at the cabin
29:28
to yell at the guys, and you see what looks like frequencies
29:33
coming out from the window that was right next to the pool room.
29:37
And it actually goes northwest and then along the riverbank to
29:43
the northwest, the exact opposite direction you were all
29:46
looking in. I'm going to come across the
29:48
radio. Hey everybody, want to meet up
29:52
at the stump in front of the house, Huddle up.
29:58
Team meeting. Got it.
30:00
Sounds like a good idea. Oh, if I have the time I'm going
30:06
to grab that book that talked about the the salt pepper stuff
30:10
so I could show them. Absolutely.
30:13
You're all at the stump. We need salt, pepper.
30:18
What do you got to easy? I'm just letting y'all know I
30:21
put on my super sweet NWO glasses and apparently it reads
30:27
a trail going up there northwest up the coast.
30:31
Towards town. Got it.
30:34
Time out What are these glasses? The new world New world order
30:38
glasses dude. Hey my super sweet fucking NWO
30:41
glasses, come on man. Just going to kind of stare at
30:46
him wearing his glasses for a second and they do what?
30:50
They made me look like a fucking bad ass brother.
30:53
It's something funny, Coyote. It's just.
30:56
An explanation, you guys, grandpa's brand new to this that
31:00
you just refuse to give him any kind of information.
31:03
You're just like, you need to figure it out, brother.
31:06
Quit asking questions about my fucking attire, Sir.
31:12
What do you want, narc? He's just bad that he doesn't
31:14
have any trip. I'll come over the radio.
31:20
You guys always go do it. Shut the fuck up, Kylie.
31:24
We're working on it. I run it out of Saloni.
31:30
Good. So anybody else found anything?
31:33
Well, I say we head to the northwest.
31:35
So. So you see some trail that heads
31:38
towards town, See. With my super sweet NWO glasses.
31:42
All right, well, the good news is we got to go that way anyway
31:45
because we need to pick up lots of salt, pepper.
31:48
Oh yeah, I used all that for the charcuterie.
31:51
That's my fault. Yeah, let's go to town, guys.
31:55
Coyote, we're going to go to town.
31:56
See you later. Can you guys bring back to or
32:00
salon and Cheese? I know they're showing salt and
32:04
water here. Yeah, sure man, Whatever, Fuck
32:11
you. So you guys are going to move
32:13
West northwest up the river to the next map I'm assuming?
32:18
See. Yes.
32:20
So who's going? Who's going first?
32:23
Me, me, me, me. I'm going first.
32:25
All right, thought he's coming in first then.
32:29
Well, no, Hazy has to be at least behind you because he's
32:33
the glasses that follows the trail in there.
32:37
Wow this pond looks so pretty. I could die next to this pond.
32:42
It's a nice bleed out spot for sure.
32:44
Yeah. The forest trail eventually
32:47
spills out into a little wider clearing with the sound of
32:50
rushing water grows even louder. By the bridge, the Chattahoochee
32:54
cuts across your path. Here, it's cold blue current
32:57
curling around smooth stones and shallow banks before sliding
33:01
beneath the narrow wooden bridge.
33:03
The dirt trail continues. What?
33:04
Part of the Chattahoochee is. Blue.
33:06
Isn't it Chattahoochee? Like pretty brown.
33:09
Yeah, it's super. It's super fucking brown.
33:12
They don't make brown watered maps.
33:14
What do you fucking want from me?
33:16
My back. Continue, though.
33:17
Broken planks and scattered boards suggest the crossing has
33:20
seen better days. Yellow leaf trees cross the
33:23
riverbanks. Something fills the miss.
33:27
The mud around the banks is torn up, churned with deep hoof
33:30
prints the size of dinner plates.
33:32
The smell of wet animal hangs heavily in the air.
33:35
You can hear the occasional grunt and snort somewhere in the
33:38
trees as a few wild boars root through the brush.
33:42
Then you notice. That sound again, please, one
33:47
more time. I'm almost there.
33:51
And then you notice a hoof print the size of your torso.
33:57
Thoughty. Oh.
34:00
Something needs killing or fucking around here.
34:04
OK. That's all the description
34:06
you're getting at this place. I am stunned for words,
34:11
gentlemen. Well, I'm going to skip, you
34:15
know, without a carrying the world towards the trail that
34:18
we're following. The frequency trail or the trail
34:21
of the road here? No the frequency trail.
34:24
I have a one track mod. Oh OK, well you see the
34:27
frequency cuts South of here as soon as you get onto this map.
34:31
Oh shit. Well, I guess we're going South
34:33
then. South it is.
34:35
All right, onto the second map. That didn't last very long.
34:41
He's going to go and then 30 and then Gramper.
34:46
Is this supposed to be the town? What is?
34:49
Let them read. You want the description or not.
34:53
It's OK, Go ahead, read it. You Crest a Ridge in the trees,
34:56
thin just enough to reveal a small mountain settlement tucked
34:59
along a winding Rd. a handful of wooden buildings clustered
35:02
together in a loose crossroads. Transformation, drought,
35:05
transformation. Formation.
35:07
Tin roofs catching the sunlight and chimneys trailing thin
35:11
threads of smoke. There's a general store with a
35:13
wide porch, a small church with a simple steeple, and a few
35:17
weathered homes set back behind a split rail fencing.
35:22
This is the kind of place where everyone notices strangers
35:24
immediately, and where rumors travel faster than trucks.
35:28
But in your little narrow view, you guys don't see anything
35:33
directly South of you. Well, I feel like this is also
35:37
one of those places where everyone shares the same last
35:39
name. So when you come in here, you
35:42
see it's a trail straight from north to South into this town
35:46
and you see some buildings. You can't really see anything
35:49
else in there, but it's a straight shot in there.
35:52
All right, well, if I see the general store, I'm headed
35:54
towards the general store. OK.
35:58
I trust y'all you know with. What are your What are your
36:01
glasses? So I'm saying I trust y'all have
36:04
in my back so I'm just going to blindly keep following that
36:06
trail. Well, I'm going to follow them
36:08
then. Soon as Hazy gets to the town
36:13
here, you guys don't see anything.
36:15
The town doesn't look abandoned. It looks like it's taken care
36:18
of, but it doesn't look like anyone's here.
36:19
However, Hazy sees a whole lot of frequencies, and the
36:24
frequency you guys were following just kind of gets
36:26
mixed and lost in the shovel of all the other frequencies.
36:29
This town's definitely not abandoned.
36:30
There was definitely people just around walking and messing up
36:34
your trail. Hazy.
36:36
So there's definitely people walking and messing up my trail
36:39
guys. They're all boob eggs.
36:42
They have to kill them all. Oh, goodness gracious.
36:46
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
36:48
So I'm going to pull out my gun Hazy.
36:51
We're going to go ahead and do you a luck check for you real
36:53
quick. As you guys are walking to this
36:57
town hazy, you see what looks like a wanted poster on this
37:01
first building to the east. Is it him?
37:04
Please help me. It's a picture of him and.
37:05
It is a picture of you hazy awesome with a phone number in
37:09
for a tip line so you can call and there is a $50 reward for
37:14
any information. I'm writing down the phone
37:17
number. I'm I'm going to take off $50.00
37:20
out of my pocket and hand it to him and then I'm going to take
37:22
that poster off all. Right, you take the poster up
37:25
and you RIP it up. Too late, I already have the
37:27
phone number. And $50.
37:31
And $50 you better, you better act right or I'm going to call
37:34
this number. All right, Grandpa, you're just
37:37
going to walk by these guys. They're being idiots.
37:39
You walk into town here and you're going to the general
37:41
store, you said. Yep.
37:44
All right, you walk in there. Are you guys following Grandpa
37:47
or are you guys going to go do your own thing?
37:48
I'm going to push Toddy and then I'm going to run towards
37:51
Grandpa. You start to pump with grandpa.
37:53
All right, hold on. It's like 2 two little brothers
37:58
fighting while their grandpa takes him out on town for the
38:01
day. This is perfect.
38:04
So you guys enter this general store.
38:06
Is he that much bigger than us in in Game 2?
38:08
No, I'm just, I just wanted you to see what he looked like.
38:11
And Grandpa, you walk in, you don't, you don't seem any
38:15
danger. And all of a sudden this guy
38:16
pops up behind the counter and he's like, oh, hello, how are
38:20
you friends? What can I get you?
38:23
Are you German or Dutch? German.
38:26
OK, good. OK, good.
38:28
I am not German, I am from Chicago.
38:33
But are you though? You're from the cock.
38:36
Da I mean yes. Anyway, do you have salt and
38:43
pepper like sacks? Large amounts.
38:48
Let's do a charisma check, grandpa.
38:52
Not 20. You're a luck friend.
38:54
All I sell is salt and pepper since the blue hags took over.
39:00
I see. He just puts 2 giant fucking
39:02
bags in front of you free of charge as you've killed those
39:06
fucking sings. They're ruining my business.
39:10
Anything else you want to say about them and like maybe about
39:13
how? Yeah.
39:14
What? What else do you know about?
39:16
Do you know where they're coming from?
39:17
Do they have a base of operation?
39:21
You're running a whole business selling salt and pepper.
39:24
You should be happy. No, he's only selling salt and
39:27
Peppers because I won't. Never.
39:29
Oh. Oh, you almost got me to give
39:31
you some back story. No, Sir.
39:34
No, Sir. You've got me muddle lugging
39:36
you. Son of a bitch you.
39:41
Son of a bitch, he mentions. Lately people have been coming
39:43
in asking for strange things late at night, like salt and
39:46
mirrors and red thread. Oh, I think we should get some
39:49
of that is. That what the kids call it.
39:51
He says an old woman from down the river once told him those
39:55
things. Keep the Knight Riders out of
39:57
your skin, whatever that means. That's not funny.
40:03
He's clearly unsettled. I like this guy.
40:06
Wait, what did he say? Keeps the Knight Riders out of
40:08
your skin. The red thread, right?
40:12
Mm hmm. See.
40:14
Good thing, good thing Baby Bird isn't here with us.
40:18
Yeah. That's the end of the thought,
40:23
all right. If you if you know, you know.
40:29
Does it? Is there anything else I can
40:31
help you with besides the pepper and salt?
40:33
What's that in your hand, old man?
40:35
Yeah, any single women in town? Zingle women.
40:40
There's a couple I am looking at but my advance is they're not
40:45
doing so well, you know? No, I meant like, is there?
40:48
Is there like any widows? As is the old widow Nancy.
40:53
She is the river widow. Where's she at?
40:57
I love to get the piece of Nancy.
41:00
Where's she at? She is a river widow.
41:04
She's on the fucking river. What do you mean?
41:06
Where North-south, East, West, Left, right.
41:11
My my main man, I don't try to get into other people's
41:15
business. You should go looking for it
41:18
yourself. We've got a few questions for
41:20
her, That's all man. You've obviously been there.
41:23
That's cool. Hey man, I'm trying to help you
41:26
home skillets, but I don't know her whereabouts.
41:30
This German accent's slipping. I need help.
41:33
I'm going to pull out my gun. No, no, I'll call the number if
41:36
you pull out your. Gun.
41:37
Oh Jesus Christ. He goes, I see him reaching for
41:41
his gun and I pull out my phone and start dialing the number.
41:45
A German standoff, as they like to say.
41:49
Ignore them, they're idiots. So what more do you know about
41:53
the those hags? Zaboo hags.
41:55
That is nasty work. They like to write your skin
41:58
when you are sleeping. I don't sleep with my windows
42:02
open and you definitely don't bite them inside, especially if
42:05
they look like somebody you know.
42:07
Do you know any way to lure one out if we wanted one?
42:12
I don't know why would you want to lure one out.
42:14
To kill it. To fuck it.
42:18
That's not me, you know. They call me.
42:21
They call me Klein the lover, not Klein the fighter.
42:24
That's why I said I want to fuck it do.
42:26
You know of any way if it had stolen the skin of somebody?
42:30
Is there any way to track? Was that the end of the
42:36
sentence? No, it's kind of zoned off.
42:40
I'm. Thinking, OK, I thought it was
42:42
more and I mean, yeah, you can. Is there not much difference in
42:48
people? You could probably extract the
42:50
footsteps, maybe Bizarre though, I don't know.
42:54
I am not a hunter. Not a lot of woods in my area in
43:00
Chicago where I am from. Chicago.
43:03
What part of Chicago? Ah, the north side, the Waukegan
43:08
area. No fucking way.
43:10
Shut up. Shut, shut up.
43:14
Never mind, I'm not even going to go there.
43:19
I'm never going back to that place.
43:23
Well fuck, I had an idea but you bring up Waukegan.
43:28
This completely ruined my train of thought.
43:30
Sorry. I think we should go look for
43:34
this hag. What do you guys think?
43:37
See. OK, sounds like a good idea.
43:42
Well, I guess we guys have to walk up and down the river until
43:43
we find her then. Why don't we go ask somebody
43:47
else other than this one fucking weird German guy?
43:50
He's awesome. I am Brazeku as a kid.
43:54
Say man. Shut the fuck up, weird German
43:56
guy. Is there anyone in town that
43:57
might know more about you? Look like a gypsy, do you know
44:00
that? Yeah, I do, motherfucker, and
44:02
I'm going to pull out my gun. Ignore him.
44:04
I told you he's an idiot. You're a Jesse and he starts
44:07
screaming at you. Gizz the fuck out of my.
44:09
Star, my gun's already out. I suggest you calm down.
44:12
Sir, I'm just look at him. Get the fuck out.
44:15
Next time. Are you guys shoving Hazy out
44:18
or? Yeah, I'm shoving him out the
44:20
door as I'm telling on dialling the number.
44:22
Bitch, you better behave yourself.
44:25
Yeah, you're shoving him out and then grandpa, before you go to
44:28
like walk away, you grab the 2 bags of the pepper and salt to
44:31
take, right? Yeah.
44:33
When you do that, the German man puts a hand on your hand and he
44:36
tucks some red thread into it and he goes.
44:37
Watch your friends, they might not be the peoples who think
44:41
they are. From 1 old man to another.
44:44
Yeah. Appreciate it.
44:46
I slipped with my back to a rock, not to the river.
44:49
No, he sees Gypsy now. You can't trust nobody.
44:52
I see how it is, motherfucker. Dunka, Shane.
44:55
Dunka, Shane, as you walk out, I mean, take it easy.
45:00
Damn it. Well, I'm going to go.
45:05
I'm going to go knock on the door to I guess that's a Tavern
45:10
to the southwest. The big building.
45:13
Yeah. OK.
45:16
What are you? Are you guys following?
45:19
I'm going to follow them. I'm going to walk that one to
45:21
the South. This must be a business.
45:23
I'm not going to knock. I'm just going to walk in.
45:26
Yeah, you just walk in to this business hazy.
45:29
You're going to the South here. Just kind of glancing windows.
45:34
Just going to look through the windows.
45:36
Very Gypsy. Pervert.
45:41
Let's see Hazy. Let's do a perception.
45:43
Let's do a perception role for you.
45:45
Perception 0. Oh, that's not good.
45:50
You go to look into this window and as soon as you do, somebody
45:56
empties a piss pot into your face.
45:59
Motherfucker, I'm going to pull out my gun.
46:01
And you take one point of damage.
46:05
Oh, you can't really just be going into people who's like,
46:07
you know, and like that are places and stuff.
46:09
You're down to 16 HP. I wasn't in anybody's place.
46:14
They threw piss outside of you're.
46:17
Peeping calm Sir thought of you walk into the bar and behind the
46:22
bar you see a sweet old lady no, not too old she's probably in
46:28
her 40s she's behind though she's.
46:30
Like 40. Say a 40 year old lady behind
46:33
the bar, she's just wiping it down.
46:34
There's no customers in here and she just looks at you and she
46:37
goes. Hey stranger, how can I help
46:41
you? Hey stranger.
46:44
And I sit down at the bar and I'm like, what'd she got the
46:47
drink back there, huh, honey? OK, hey thought.
46:50
You walk up there, you sit down at the bar, and as soon as you
46:52
do, the front door slams behind you and locks, and you turn
46:57
around, look at the door, and when you turn back, you look at
46:59
this lady. Something seems off about her
47:02
eyes. Her eyes, you say?
47:05
If you can make it that far. And that is all we have time for
47:08
today on today's episode. And grandpa's somewhere back
47:13
there. He's probably outside.
47:15
I'm covered in fucking piss. Hey, she's covered in piss,
47:19
everybody say goodbye. What else is new?
47:21
Bye, motherfucker. I wasn't being perverted, I was
47:27
investigating. Transmission lost.
47:32
Teen status unknown.