Latest / Comedy Central Stand-Up / Juanjo Albiñana - Soy motero

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Juanjo Albiñana - Soy motero · Comedy Central Stand-Up

• 0:00
  J Comedy Central Podcast. Hahahaha Ha, Well, Well, Well, Good
• 0:21
  night, yes I introduce myself, my name is Juan Juel Villana. I
• 0:23
  ' m an executor there, I grew up, I grew up too much
• 0:26
  as you can see. I' m fat and see what he' s
• 0:28
  trying to fix. For example, you' ll all know that wearing slimming
• 0:31
  black clothes, as I spent six months with the hearsay black shirt and I
• 0:33
  didn' t lose a kilo. You know and look and see that before
• 0:35
  I was much better than now. I was so fat, I got tired
• 0:38
  of climbing stairs. What do you say, Juanjo, everybody' s getting
• 0:39
  married up stairs. I mean escalator. You know, that' s where
• 0:43
  I got tired and how Montes was better. I was joking. I was
• 0:44
  told, Jun Joa what do you do I say I' m the one
• 0:47
  who sweeps away ah sweeper not the one that' s going to burst.
• 0:48
  Hey, what are you doing? Look, he' s traveled all over
• 0:59
  Spain, I' ve heard different ways to call him the fat ones and
• 1:00
  in my land, in Albacete, that' s where I' ve heard
• 1:03
  the strongest insult for a fat man. Look what I explain on the scale
• 1:03
  of insults for fat is fat normal, fat shit, it' s happening
• 1:07
  to you and the maximum is you' re lustrous. There' s fat
• 1:12
  shit about nocilla. Hey, like I don' t know, put me
• 1:17
  down once at the Albacete fair. It' s good the day after the
• 1:19
  performance. I' m going around the fair walking around I look old.
• 1:21
  The elders are super sincere. He tells me tones the casto shop there in
• 1:23
  the tent. Essa I' m not saying yes I' m saying she
• 1:26
  ' s known as being like this. Lustrous or leftover old bastard. I
• 1:30
  ' m not fat, it' s like those people say, it'
• 1:33
  s not about metabolism, it' s not that I don' t have
• 1:34
  liquid. No, no, I' m fat because I like to eat
• 1:36
  pussy. Besides, I really love cheese. These so famous I can'
• 1:38
  t say marks. I' m gonna say the ad music. Go go
• 1:42
  go, go live. Well, I screwed up. I love this is
• 1:46
  that what happens, is that they' re well- tied, especially the
• 1:47
  red part. I can' t do it with her You know I know
• 1:49
  that. And besides, here where you see me chubby and such he likes
• 1:59
  a lot of sport. One thing I love to do is play a game
• 2:01
  with colleagues. The whore of these games, with friends it' s time,
• 2:05
  while with an official game it' s two parts of forty- five
• 2:07
  minutes with your colleagues. The time is until you die you can be three
• 2:10
  hours playing, uh, messing up the whole doorman, eating pipes. You
• 2:13
  ' ll tell me how to eat pipes with gloves. You know the other
• 2:16
  command a joint. Hey, man, come on in, then pass it
• 2:19
  to your son- of- a- bitch. There' s not always
• 2:21
  one like a color shirt from either team. You don' t know who
• 2:23
  ' s coming. You know. And the strongest thing is that when you
• 2:25
  ' ve been playing for two hours and fifty- seven minutes, one asks
• 2:29
  how much we' re going. I tell us to put thirty- two
• 2:30
  to zero and another one doesn' t go, four to six, we
• 2:32
  don' t go to seven or eight. Until you say the magic phrase,
• 2:34
  come the one who marks wins and you say shit. Why I'
• 2:38
  ve been here for two hours and fifty- seven minutes hitting goals, man,
• 2:44
  that' s what you' re fucking or I' m fucking for.
• 2:50
  Then, the normal thing is that you' re having a few reeds
• 2:51
  with colleagues and one says hey man, it' s been two months since
• 2:53
  we played football and one says you' re going to. I' m
• 2:54
  picking up the last fucker. I don' t like sports very much.
• 2:57
  Strange things happen to me with sport. He' s recently stopped with the
• 3:00
  car and he was at a traffic light and I see in the back,
• 3:02
  there' s the center of a guy' s face. So what the
• 3:06
  hell is going on? I get out of the car, I go to
• 3:07
  the back and I see the guy in a racket at hand, dressed as
• 3:10
  a tennis player, looking at the tennis ball that I have the rowing ball
• 3:13
  that you know that typical ball. I' m not saying what you'
• 3:15
  re doing, says Prandor, I know I' m saying you' re
• 3:16
  a dumb guy. I mean, I really like tennis. There' s
• 3:19
  one thing I think life needs to be done. I' ve gone a
• 3:21
  tennis game from this nadal rafa and in one of those silences towards the game
• 3:23
  and scream that mythical phrase of let' s go rat. I did it
• 3:28
  once. I did it once in one of these games was Yokobis versus ber
• 3:30
  said there was nothing. You know, uh, yeah, I don'
• 3:34
  t, Covic. I eat I look at myself as saying Wat Fack Man,
• 3:37
  that this in castella meant something, as well as what it says lustrous
• 3:42
  uh no. I don' t know. I really like sport, for
• 3:50
  example, formula one. I follow him a lot, but I have to
• 3:53
  say there would be someone. Someone has to say, and it' s
• 3:55
  just that Formula One cars are a shitty minimum that the car asks for a
• 3:59
  small piece, separates half the track. I' ve got an opl stuff
• 4:00
  from the 29th year, actually, three hundred and two miles. I'
• 4:03
  ve lost suspension screw, engine pistons, two turbines, some reactor, bononse
• 4:06
  de autos and it' s still miles away and I don' t know
• 4:11
  what limit the formula is going to reach. One day I imagine Fernando alone
• 4:12
  there on the wheel of prey saying we had to leave the race because we
• 4:15
  lost one of the stickers was from the pot Santander, which is our sponsor
• 4:23
  and it is not what I have, it is what I am and that
• 4:33
  you are millionaire and you not that there is a silly thing that has occurred
• 4:39
  to me incredible and I will tell it. I' ll leave it there.
• 4:41
  And I just think that speaking of fernandaloso, which is asturian, I
• 4:43
  think the playmobiles, the mythical dolls, that we' ve all had in
• 4:46
  childhood. I don' t suppose you know them by the Cliffam Movil.
• 4:47
  I think they' re from Asturias, because the only way they have to
• 4:50
  drink is to sing and watch. I leave it there you know the loose
• 5:03
  one that and the truth is that many of the homobrologists pull it out watching
• 5:06
  TV, I watch it with my mother, it' s albacete and it
• 5:09
  gives me a different perspective of television coming out of her comments. For example,
• 5:11
  I saw with her a documentary about astrology. They did not say that
• 5:14
  the earth travels through space at a speed of two hundred and fifty kilometers.
• 5:16
  For the second time, my mother has nothing but a right to say plainly
• 5:19
  and I' m always tamed. Hey, I' ve been speculating albacete
• 5:24
  alege one day. One day I took him to Santiago Bernabo that to see
• 5:26
  a Madrid Party was Bernabeu to burst full of people and I deserve how unique
• 5:29
  this is. If it has to see at least a thousand people here.
• 5:32
  My mom hasn' t had three zeros, so I don' t hear
• 5:36
  that I know my mom' s a normal mom. I believe that,
• 5:38
  like many mothers, it is carried away by the horoscope paraimadre, everything that
• 5:41
  the horoscope says is totally true. For example, my brother gets my head
• 5:44
  off not until I get something. My mother let it be Taurus or get
• 5:48
  in bad milk. My brother starts super brute to break it all at home
• 5:51
  and mother let him be euro recently or with my brother on the phone and
• 5:55
  he was crying. I say it' s past. Says my girlfriend put
• 5:57
  the hides on me. I' m saying clearly you' re auro uncle
• 6:00
  has no more than a bonded batho. No. No, no mother is
• 6:05
  a normal mother, my father, also my parents in general. I think,
• 6:09
  like a lot of us here, my parents took that nude baby picture
• 6:12
  of me. I think we all have this one. Eh above the bed
• 6:15
  or bathe it. There are two versions. To goes for families. Not
• 6:17
  that I wonder at what time, if it happens to your parents to take
• 6:19
  that picture. No. I imagine my mother just bathed me and my father
• 6:23
  came and said," Get lost" Don' t look at what I
• 6:25
  can think of Look, we' re going to take a good picture of
• 6:30
  him, and when he gets older, we show those colleagues and we don
• 6:31
  ' t laugh at him. The worst thing about this joke is that comics,
• 6:33
  when we come up with something, the first thing we do is point
• 6:36
  on the cell phone not so that a note hasn' t been uploaded.
• 6:38
  No, and we usually shorten it to take less, because I' m
• 6:41
  freaky lately because on my cell phone I have a note about this joke in
• 6:44
  which she puts pictures. As a naked baby. Imagine I lost my cell
• 6:48
  phone or they stole it from me. They' re gonna think I'
• 6:51
  m a priest. You know not that as many monologues told him I took
• 7:03
  him out watching television and recently a documentary about dolphins and said that dolphins masturbate
• 7:05
  with the deck of boats, that is, from the top by the action.
• 7:10
  I in the background a cruiser thinks shit. I fucked him, I
• 7:12
  mean, if he gets close to him, they make the little crossover comes
• 7:16
  to my coral. I was fucking sponge yesterday. I mean, there'
• 7:19
  s one thing that one thing the animals are talking about and so there'
• 7:21
  s a fashion that has been put on among the animal lovers is to have
• 7:26
  two dogs, one big big one and the other little chip breed. This
• 7:27
  to be meant, the little one is the food for the big one,
• 7:29
  or some for the indoors and some for the outdoors. Not that, because
• 7:32
  like the parents who have two children, one of each igu, they take
• 7:34
  him out there to teach him and the fat one they have in the garden.
• 7:36
  No bastards. Anyway, uh, no, but that' s where
• 7:48
  I learned what to know. There are programs that I had shown many said
• 7:50
  on TV and I had seen the street not this one, that go to
• 7:53
  the best several of each city. I realize in these reports that they do
• 7:55
  on the streets the moment that the trapiche was in the video was the neighborhood,
• 7:58
  because the report asks the kid what you do and the guy releases the
• 8:01
  most suspicious answer in the story, which is a bit of everything. You
• 8:05
  have to make a living, which is to ask him where his boy'
• 8:07
  s uncle is, you go to college and there' s medical school,
• 8:09
  law school, and he gives him a little of everything he makes a living
• 8:11
  for. Not what are subjects introduced to the pharlopa atracama in monologous armada.
• 8:16
  I don' t know. No, no, no, no, no,
• 8:20
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 8:22
  no, no, no I haven' t seen him get him in the
• 8:24
  middle of the desert, he has to get out alive, he gets him
• 8:26
  in the middle of the jungle, he has to get out alive. Faggots
• 8:28
  get in a street neighborhood to see if he gets out alive. Hey,
• 8:31
  I want him not to get out alive. Well, I' ll get
• 8:33
  out alive when I' m two, and speaking Spanish, I dressed with
• 8:35
  a chandal, all he can say is this. Park here on parca,
• 8:37
  here you' re done fucking here, eh no, but burn that yes,
• 8:46
  the one I love is the one in the room look No. I
• 8:48
  ' ve seen Jimenez here. No, and this guy I' ve been
• 8:52
  following for many years. One day he turned and told me what the Gilipolla
• 8:52
  does let me in pay to see I just came to see what foolery.
• 9:05
  Well, I' ve been listening to him for many years as a guy,
• 9:09
  especially on the radio, a few years ago. I promise that I
• 9:11
  heard this saying there that jeme tells you let' s hear a sisychophony in
• 9:16
  which you can hear clearly Don Pedro and you hear so much, not so
• 9:26
  much, Eh, Don Pedro, tendententer. The strongest thing is that,
• 9:31
  then he said let' s hear a psychophony in which we haven' t
• 9:35
  really been able to figure out what it says And don Pedro this guy has
• 9:50
  paranormal hearing. No, but what a good time I' ve had with
• 9:54
  astro- tronologists. I travel a lot. He traveled by plane. There
• 9:56
  ' s a whore of being fat and traveling by plane and it' s
• 9:58
  that the stewardesses before taking off, they' re forced to count all the
• 10:01
  passengers man with the machine of Nuncio Axel. From which click click click.
• 10:03
  Of course, when I see myself the aunt stops click liva calculating she tells
• 10:07
  me by eight the bastard you know it doesn' t have to be easy
• 10:09
  to get her slippered well, because they are also obliged to when the good
• 10:11
  arrives to their destination and leaves to the passengers of the plane. They have
• 10:13
  to fire every passenger and like nice. When you' re looking forward to
• 10:16
  your home, you have to be like you were doing that shake thanks to
• 10:20
  a raised, thank you CD bkt By, thank you that what' s
• 10:22
  really going on is to get fucked up assholes, come look at my house,
• 10:26
  come on lustrous you know no that I don' t know there aren
• 10:33
  ' t any Holonnario. It happened many times when I' m going to
• 10:35
  catch a flight, usually when you get to the boarding gate, they ask
• 10:37
  for your boarding pass and you don' t. And sometimes I go with
• 10:39
  those big earphones that honor you to hear it as a fucking sound. No.
• 10:43
  And when I' m boarding the girl who' s there with the
• 10:46
  ticket, she tells me you have to take off your headphones. I mean,
• 10:48
  I didn' t pay for them. I hear you perfectly says it
• 10:50
  ' s not to recognize you in the DNEI drigo. Let' s see.
• 10:54
  Miss, you' re telling me that if you go around your house,
• 10:56
  suddenly your little son shows up with headphones. You' re gonna tell
• 11:00
  him who you are how you got in here. No, no, no,
• 11:03
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 11:07
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 11:11
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 11:11
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 11:11
  no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 11:11
  no. Uh, apart from riding motorcycle friends, apart from leaving na,
• 11:22
  there were lots of bikes traveling. I' m a biker. We have
• 11:24
  some moter that tonight. I mean big bike. I know that the derby
• 11:28
  varians and the trick is running a lot. It' s mythical. That
• 11:30
  bike, uh, always has it in a neighborhood car. Trick. That
• 11:31
  runs amazingly that I think it was called different because it varied a lot from
• 11:35
  owners. You' d steal it from someone else, so I' d
• 11:37
  take it down from there. No, but, well, someone here who
• 11:39
  has a big engine to raise your hand over there, because you save like
• 11:41
  me when you do quietly for an ottovia at 200 miles an hour. The
• 11:46
  typical, true, well, some known that tonight. Well, some of
• 11:50
  you will be watching us in case you' re here. We' re
• 11:52
  a hundred and twenty kilometers an hour in compliance with a law. Hey,
• 11:54
  I' m gonna leave it on a bike first. I do not know
• 11:56
  you have not noticed the insect factor, i e half an hour ago and
• 11:58
  the bike you see nothing, because the screen of the helmet is full of
• 12:01
  phosphorite blood of mosquito that leipata its locity. It' s like Pa,
• 12:05
  Pa, Pa, what the fuck are mosquitoes, pigeons or deer? This
• 12:07
  is, they love milk mojitos. One of them tried to steal my bike.
• 12:11
  The bastard girl tells me and what she told me, Gordo in suio
• 12:16
  told me p me, p you. What else have I noticed dedicating these
• 12:20
  homenologists that if I go wrong with this to the last one I get to
• 12:22
  work after that civil guard, because I get bored to the minimum and if
• 12:24
  I stay at night in a control there stopping cars on the road, to
• 12:28
  the third car that stops him I put it I know, for example,
• 12:33
  I appear with a red nose of clown there hello good night girl already drugged
• 12:46
  me, or worse with the red nose, but pretending that I do not
• 12:48
  wear it good night. The papers, please forgive people, but you took
• 12:54
  a clown' s nose You' re laughing at my kid. I don
• 12:58
  ' t have it on my face and it' s a dead body in
• 13:01
  the back seat. He' s not a friend you' ll be here.
• 13:01
  I' m looking at a dead body that' s not a friend
• 13:03
  that' s gonna be taken out. He' s a cabero, he
• 13:05
  ' s not a caraver to see a girl that you dedicate yourself to a
• 13:09
  little bit of everything to make a living, to see something to declare yes,
• 13:15
  pin pan de mala casita. Nee has seen it not well, mantamala
• 13:26
  garitos. Unfortunately, I wonder the system will have a father and if he
• 13:33
  has a father, it' s not like mine seems to him the typical
• 13:35
  Spanish father with bad shit. My pare is a baker of shit like breads
• 13:37
  we' ll imagine that my stop is the father of a kid who'
• 13:39
  s seeing street people sees his kids come out normal. My stop is always
• 13:43
  the same watching TV sitting on his couch, smoking with his face of Clinybood,
• 13:50
  an armchair in which only he sits. I once tried, he was
• 13:52
  working. I' m gonna sit down, call my cell phone and tell
• 13:56
  me to get up as a missile. Right now that you don' t
• 13:58
  sit down even though even if it isn' t there, even though it
• 14:03
  ' s been working for hours now, why, because even if it isn
• 14:05
  ' t there, it' s warm this thing that happens, that has
• 14:07
  accumulated farts. Oh, how do I know, but I, who is
• 14:07
  his soul, his spirit still there you don' t get close and hear
• 14:11
  whole nonsense about I don' t know, I don' t know,
• 14:13
  no, but we' re not going to imagine what it looks like to
• 14:13
  him to stop this kid he' s seeing. Oh, you street kids,
• 14:16
  and he' s not bad and he' s going to the room.
• 14:18
  There, no, no, no, no, no, no,
• 14:28
  it comes to you with the pussy whistle and knock on the door. There,
• 14:33
  oh, my son, it' s called bars, the kid,
• 14:35
  the pim man. Tama the little house, it' s called without real
• 14:35
  life. He doesn' t give a shit about the name. He beats
• 14:37
  the pills more than he gets, but not him. No. Now be
• 14:39
  seen on TV or. Whether Pipa takes the case. I wasn' t
• 14:45
  gonna teach you. I take Pipa, but she doesn' t have the
• 14:48
  little houses. And to everyone I often tell a shit that jumps fogs.
• 14:50
  You know how I tell you, it doesn' t jump fog. This
• 14:52
  is what we used to say to him in Albacete. Not that he doesn
• 14:58
  ' t, but he' s talking about the civilian guanas before. And
• 15:05
  I didn' t know before I went to Catalonia, that there' s
• 15:07
  no civilian guard there. Everything came there, you' re a squadron to
• 15:09
  my squadron muse. I' ve been it acete and they' re not
• 15:11
  a shepherd' s name or something like that they know a stable boy,
• 15:13
  I don' t know, I don' t say, I don'
• 15:16
  t even know how they' re dressed someday to go to Catalonia, they
• 15:16
  ' re going to stop me and I' m going to fuck it up.
• 15:16
  They' re gonna say good, not even the papers. You who
• 15:18
  are I' m Mosu of Squad, because go with the goats to me
• 15:22
  that you are telling me these modern shepherds with motorcycle. I don' t
• 15:26
  understand. Take off the mojitos from the helmet you don' t see.
• 15:28
  Uh, well, he' s traveled a lot. I know, for
• 15:31
  example, that people have prejudices about the people of Albacetheños. Murcia recently acted.
• 15:37
  Before the performance, I' m talking to the owner of the place
• 15:39
  for a while. Half an hour after talking to him, he asks where
• 15:41
  you' re from. I' m an albacete, says go, for
• 15:45
  you speak well to be an albacete. He told me this. Murciano has
• 15:48
  seen with the emurcianos or has not made fixed that good that jones is that
• 15:54
  yes, I have to recognize that the Murcian is a positive language, because
• 15:56
  you start sad and end up happy. If you say something mutian, look,
• 16:00
  I' ll put my face on it. Sad, I' m
• 16:00
  gonna do something. Morcelo Mira San Pérez del Pinete. I' m sad
• 16:15
  about it. Let' s say that what doesn' t or or for
• 16:18
  bad news also help didn' t make it die, Mom, not or
• 16:19
  I who know helps you don' t or change my name. According to
• 16:22
  the Spanish area, you change my name. For example, I' m
• 16:25
  in Catalonia, they call me Jones, I' m in Pibasco, they
• 16:26
  call me Juanchón or, for example, in Malaga, you' re a
• 16:29
  Malaga friend. You take comic gartion that I stop a comic maybe you know
• 16:30
  it my very friend. I' ve already been hounded by my name.
• 16:33
  I in Malaga don' t call myself Juanjo, I call myself wow,
• 16:36
  and that very carilloso tells me wow you love me not wayo ta who wau
• 16:40
  wa. Of course I have a cat at home. As a result of
• 16:42
  this, I realized that she is Malagueña. When he gets in heat he
• 16:45
  calls me wowu wenou you love me wow don' t change my name just
• 16:56
  here in Spain. He' s also been living in London. He'
• 16:57
  s doing monologues in English. This is watching. If you search the Internet,
• 17:00
  you will see videos of me acting in English. There I came to
• 17:03
  a comedy venue and they made me point my name on a role not then
• 17:07
  the presenter introduced me. I don' t know if you know that the
• 17:10
  jack for the English don' t, the pronunciation don' t have jack.
• 17:11
  I don' t mean my name is Juan Jo with two jos.
• 17:11
  An Englishman prolunces my name and can die on the spot. Don' t
• 17:15
  be there John then I left it there, I say to see that it
• 17:18
  ' s something that God was then the guy said wal Cam the Stage.
• 17:22
  Not welcome to the stage I, that is, my name in Spain in
• 17:30
  English seems rather Chinese, not that. And besides, there is one thing
• 17:33
  that of the Chinese that we now have so many here in Spain and such
• 17:37
  I don' t know if you know this that the Chinese are, there
• 17:40
  are so many in the world that are the greatest weapon mass destruction, that
• 17:42
  is, if everyone agrees in the world and jumps at the same time to
• 17:45
  fuck up, that is, you can hesitate to go to the Chinese sea
• 17:48
  you tell Chino listen forgive me it seems abusive to me three euros for a
• 17:52
  taper so small and you say to what jump, To what jump? That
• 17:55
  I can tell him to jump you, I bring you the store that I
• 17:56
  weigh. Hey, I was living there in London, too. It'
• 18:07
  s doing me later in English. So I went every day in the academy
• 18:08
  to English, the calan academy is worth the kalan method to learn English.
• 18:11
  I really did this. You can search for it online. The method consists
• 18:15
  of repeating the same phrases in English every day. So, you' re
• 18:18
  learning, not because of that klan method, because it' s going to
• 18:22
  catch you I don' t know and now repeating all the day of my
• 18:23
  offering in English and you' re learning. And I have to admit that
• 18:25
  with this method. Have I learned a lot? Have I learned a lot?
• 18:26
  Have I learned a lot? Have I learned a lot? And have
• 18:27
  I learned a lot? Not for that reason, in London we have said
• 18:30
  now I live in Barcelona, live with my girlfriend, living in pairs is
• 18:33
  very nice, but it has its things. There' s such a mess
• 18:36
  for boys with girls and girls with boys, and sometimes your partner leaves his
• 18:37
  toenails long, either for sloppyness or for aesthetics. Well, the guys,
• 18:44
  for the aunt' s sake, for aesthetics. No. And recently I
• 18:45
  was walking there was no curl in bed. Not all of a sudden,
• 18:48
  she lowered her leg fast. He made me here Hus cut me from here,
• 18:52
  cross over bleeding and everything, I looked at the fingernail with which he
• 18:53
  had cut me and put in the nail bows rally albacete. You know,
• 19:06
  I had to go to the doctor and, of course, my girlfriend tells
• 19:07
  me when you get to the doctor, tell them it' s me.
• 19:08
  Don' t tell me it' s ridiculous and invite something, and I
• 19:11
  ' m a terrible liar. I say, I get there and they call
• 19:12
  me a doctor, well, boy, how you' ve done to yourself.
• 19:14
  That' s what I' m saying, so I took the knife
• 19:22
  and my girlfriend and nothing when I scared my girlfriend, she touched my leg
• 19:25
  and cut me here and sputum what' s wrong with you, man,
• 19:27
  I don' t lie, I don' t lie. But good.
• 19:29
  The truth is that funny things happen to comedians when we travel around acting Spanish
• 19:32
  cover. Acting normally, it happens to us that during the performance two girls
• 19:36
  get up and go to the bathroom together. Many comedians have talked about why
• 19:38
  women are going to go to public toilets together. I have a new theory
• 19:41
  of my own, because there' s a monster in the girls' bathroom.
• 19:45
  The monster plays pussy then you go together, because while one of me,
• 19:51
  the other entertains the monster, okay, I imagine myself in a scene
• 19:52
  like I showed it and I touched it. I want to play and the
• 19:56
  other one let me look, let me friend, I want to play what
• 19:59
  the monster will be like. I' m sure it' s either chubby
• 20:00
  or albacet brown. He makes monologues. I don' t know, no,
• 20:03
  no. Once acting a cop girl told me no, Juanjo, let
• 20:14
  ' s go together because we talked I say this, how it goes you
• 20:17
  ' re there. Jotía closes us that I love him lindre, is that
• 20:22
  ah we love him. I don' t know. I prefer the monster
• 20:25
  you know, I' d rather get the idea that there' s a
• 20:26
  monster. You don' t have to fall together. You know, I
• 20:29
  sound like a colleague, but to put him away, I lock him up
• 20:32
  with me who brings the plague, you know, but not to talk,
• 20:36
  I mean, I think it' s a thing of putting colleagues in the
• 20:37
  toilets. And I just don' t know what engineer came up with in
• 20:41
  some houses putting the bathroom light switch out of the bathroom, because if you
• 20:45
  ' re gonna shit and it' s in your colleagues, you' re
• 20:47
  gonna shit in the dark. Sure. As soon as you take the challenge,
• 20:49
  you' re getting paid for not saying there' s no latch.
• 20:52
  Without that pest, you' ve got to be there holding the door.
• 20:55
  And if the doors are far away and you don' t get there,
• 20:56
  you' re sold. Yeah. The only thing you stay to hear through
• 20:59
  the door. As you say, come on, I can record this.
• 21:00
  We uploaded it to YouTube. That' s right, the restrooms I know
• 21:14
  have things, for example, when those buttons that there are timers that you
• 21:17
  press you go slowly that only gives you time to pee, I would have
• 21:18
  to put it by size. I' m gonna piss you, I'
• 21:22
  m gonna shit, I' m gonna come loaded, take it there,
• 21:26
  you know, no, I know not and the bathroom. I realize there
• 21:27
  are the public bathrooms. I realize that two types of guys are the ones
• 21:30
  who wash their hands after pissing and the ones that aren' t worth it.
• 21:32
  I' m in between. I' ll wash them. If there
• 21:33
  ' s a guy and pick me up, I' ll wash it and
• 21:36
  if you don' t go around, by appearance. You know. Anyway,
• 21:44
  I' m gonna finish up now, folks. Thank you very much,
• 21:45
  good night, so long. Thank you.