Latest / Come Together with Ephraim Herschmann / #141: Sheekha Singh / Avoiding Burnout / Balancing Life / India -> Nebraska -> Canada

Transcript

#141: Sheekha Singh / Avoiding Burnout / Balancing Life / India -> Nebraska -> Canada · Come Together with Ephraim Herschmann

0:01
Welcome to another episode of Come Together
0:15
and we're Live Chica. Welcome.
0:17
I'm so happy to have you on. I'm so excited for this
0:19
conversation. Thank you friend.
0:21
It's a pleasure to be on your show of.
0:23
Course, so I came across your profile on pod match and a
0:29
couple of things immediately jumped out at me.
0:31
And one of them was your book, your newest book about burning
0:38
out ambition and kind of how to maintain, you know, your
0:45
maintain productivity despite occasional burnout.
0:49
And it struck me as particularly important because I, I'm someone
0:56
that in the last couple of years, let's say, since I've
1:00
just turned 30, So since I turned 25, I had gotten married,
1:06
had two kids, bought a house, sold the house, started a
1:09
podcast, started teaching and started jujitsu, you know, and
1:15
maintaining sales and doing other work.
1:17
And throughout the last couple of years, there have been so
1:22
many times where I just felt like throwing my face in a
1:26
pillow and screaming or, you know, running away forever or
1:30
doing and, and, and, and, and I've been trying, I've been on a
1:34
personal journey to try and figure out how to maintain my
1:38
productivity, be kind to myself without beating myself up
1:42
because I know that when I do that, I end up burning out even
1:45
faster. And, and how to keep it up.
1:48
And, you know, so I would love to hear your thoughts and you
1:51
look like you do so much on your own.
1:52
And so I'd love to hear about you and how you managed to
1:54
balance everything. Of course.
1:57
And thank you again for that wonderful question.
2:00
Congratulations first of all. Thank you.
2:01
I think. You deserve a huge kudos for
2:04
doing all of those things. That to Josh when you turned 30,
2:08
that's a lot. So I have to tell you, it sounds
2:11
like you're an overachiever and that's exactly why I wrote the
2:15
book. It was, I know it was intended
2:19
for overachievers, but like you mentioned, for people like us
2:24
who want to do multiple things and give our 100% all the time,
2:29
we have this expectation on our shoulders and this kind of a
2:34
goal that we set for ourselves, which is not healthy.
2:39
We think it is healthy because we've done it in the past.
2:41
And you know, you're like, oh, yeah, I'm, I've been doing this
2:44
from 25 and now I'm 30. I can do everything.
2:47
But the truth is it sometimes ends up taking more out of you
2:53
than you originally intended for it to do.
2:56
And by it I mean your dreams, your goals, milestones, your
3:01
whatever you want to call it, like different name for the same
3:05
thing. So the problem here is I wanted
3:08
to tackle it from first of all, I didn't know that I was burning
3:13
out because like you, I also end up doing a lot of different
3:18
things and I feel like I can give it my best all the time.
3:23
And so in doing that, I put myself through so much that I
3:28
did not even realize that I was burning out.
3:30
I didn't know that all the symptoms that I had were
3:33
pointing towards burnout and that my body was saying please
3:36
stop it, we've had enough. And you?
3:39
Describe some of the symptoms that you a feeling because I'm
3:41
curious about that. Yes, definitely.
3:44
Fatigue, constant irritation, then snapping at your partner or
3:49
your kids or your pets or whatever.
3:52
Getting annoyed by smallest little thing and then putting
3:56
yourself through so much and saying it's just another
4:00
project, I can do it, it's just one more hour, I can do it, It's
4:03
just one more thing and I can do it.
4:05
Sometimes it can also be occasional dizziness, loss of
4:09
appetite and also faking would be one of the biggest symptoms.
4:14
So if you find yourself that you're faking a smile or you're
4:17
trying to be someone because you've been that in the past and
4:20
you loved it, that would also be one of the symptoms of burnout.
4:24
And so I started doing this and I realized that, wait, why am I
4:28
constantly being annoyed and irritated that my partner for no
4:31
reason, you know, I'm doing everything that I wanted to do.
4:34
I'm having a podcast, I'm writing a book, I'm doing this,
4:38
I'm doing that, handling my 9:00 to 5:00 job.
4:41
And then finally I was like, OK, I think I have to do something
4:45
about it. So when I started doing my
4:47
research, I realized that most of it is related to what success
4:52
means to you. Nice.
4:55
Yes, because for overachievers, you know, you ask anybody
4:59
anything, no matter what the definition is, end of the day,
5:03
they want to be successful. And the reason why they're doing
5:06
this is they're trying to check off all those boxes.
5:09
I was the same. You were the same.
5:11
But when I realized that the definition of success is what
5:14
kind of molds the entire being of yourself and why you're doing
5:20
certain things, that was when I realized, OK, I'm taking a step
5:23
back. I don't have to do all of this.
5:26
I'm going to be fine even if I don't record one podcast episode
5:29
today. So that was the whole intention
5:32
why I wrote the book and added a lot of different tips after each
5:36
chapter in the book, added a lot of science back, art articles,
5:41
research articles, and then added the immigrant point of
5:44
view because, and I can speak to it later on, but that was the
5:47
whole high level overview of burnout and overachievers.
5:52
I love it, I love it. I love that.
5:53
Sounds amazing. Can I ask if you don't mind,
5:58
because I actually had experienced a lot of these same
6:00
symptoms as as you're describing, particularly the
6:04
suppressed appetite was something that happened to me.
6:07
And I found myself. And it's funny, my mom, who's a
6:11
typical Jewish mom, you know, sat me down and said, you're too
6:13
skinny. And he said, hey, you know, you
6:15
lost, you lost a lot of weight. You're stressing me out.
6:17
And I'm like, I promise, I'm not like avoiding.
6:20
I'm not trying to avoid food. I just find myself just, you
6:22
know, I find myself blinking and the whole day's gone.
6:24
And I realized that I didn't do anything, you know, and it
6:26
wasn't even, it wasn't even conscientious.
6:29
But a lot of times it almost feels, especially when we're
6:32
trying to accomplish something, like we're almost like in a
6:34
Daydream where we sometimes forget that like, hey, I should
6:38
be, I haven't laughed in a while, or I haven't, you know, I
6:41
have been snappier. How come I have been a little
6:43
bit less patient? What do you think we can do or
6:46
people can do to even wake themselves up to even be aware
6:50
that they might be starting to burn out?
6:53
Thing, and this sounds very stupid and very weird when I
6:57
tell this to everyone but the thing and So what I did was
7:00
before I even I get to the actual answer to that question,
7:04
if I'm what I did was I actually implemented all the tips that I
7:08
mentioned in the book. And so it's tried and tested.
7:12
So one of the most important thing that I can suggest to
7:15
people who are undergoing all of this is take 10 minutes, 10 to
7:20
15 minutes and do nothing. I'm telling you it makes a huge
7:25
difference. And I actually, because, you
7:28
know, people like us are so dependent on our calendars and
7:33
our, you know, schedule that we do everything according to it.
7:36
OK, this time to this time you're doing this, this to this.
7:39
I even got anxious because, you know, before this, I'm like, OK,
7:43
I have to be on this from 12:00 PM.
7:45
And then I have another thing. So what I do, and it sounds very
7:49
lame, but I actually schedule time to do nothing on my
7:53
calendar. And when you say nothing, you
7:54
mean scroll on your phone or what do you mean nothing?
7:58
Nothing. Just sit.
8:00
And do nothing. I know it sounds very weird.
8:03
No, it's amazing. I love it.
8:04
Yeah. Yeah, because I live in Canada
8:06
and winters, you really cannot do anything.
8:10
Quite literally, it was -32 this weekend.
8:13
But in the summers when I when that reminder would pop up on my
8:17
calendar saying, oh, it's time to do nothing, I would just sit
8:20
out in the front yard or the backyard and just stare at the
8:23
plants or the trees or people walking by and I did nothing.
8:27
And it's so difficult. Like it sounds easy, but it's so
8:31
damn difficult because 1st, if you're an overachiever and you
8:35
have 10 things on your list, your mind is going to be OK.
8:39
What am I going to do next? Oh, you know what, I should
8:41
reply to this e-mail or I should go check this thing.
8:43
Maybe I should just tell my editor one, I got another idea.
8:47
You know all those things. So you will be forced to train
8:51
your mind to actually think nothing and do nothing.
8:55
It's very difficult. Sounds super easy, but very
8:57
difficult. So that is one of the things
8:59
that you can start and 2nd actually you're already on the
9:03
right track because you, you know that you're losing appetite
9:07
and that you've lost that appetite because you have made
9:11
sure that you've scheduled your entire day and filled it with
9:16
things that you thought were giving you joy.
9:19
So my entire goal when I was going through all of this was
9:23
that you know what? I can do another thing.
9:24
Why? Because I love doing it.
9:27
I can add another interview on the podcast.
9:30
Why? Because I love being a podcast
9:32
host. So things like that.
9:33
But then when I realized, OK, my fitness is all over, I'm not
9:37
doing anything, or maybe I'm overdoing it.
9:40
I remember one day, again, it was winter of last year, and I
9:44
was editing on the laptop. I'm like, you know what?
9:46
I shouldn't be just editing and sitting on a chair for so long.
9:50
So I got my walking pad out and I started walking and I didn't
9:53
realize that I walked for at least I think 10 to 12
9:58
kilometers at a stretch without even realizing it because I was
10:01
constantly on the laptop. And next day, obviously, I woke
10:05
up to blisters on my food, on my feet and I'm like, what is going
10:09
on? So the first step, you are
10:12
actually halfway there because you've realized it and you're
10:16
aware that you're doing this thing.
10:18
So second is try to make sure that you're cutting things off
10:22
and setting boundaries even with yourself and your goals.
10:26
The biggest thing that anybody can learn is to say no.
10:31
Yeah, once you start, and for people like us, it's very
10:35
difficult because we know we can do it, We've already done it,
10:38
and we know we're going to kill it.
10:39
Like another episode. Yes, let's do it.
10:42
Another thing, yes, let's do it. But just to protect your energy,
10:46
you got to be selfish. And the minute you start saying
10:49
no, you are automatically going to see that difference.
10:53
Yeah, yeah. That's, that's, that's, that's
10:55
really great advice, especially the just being because I think
10:59
that I think our brains, I don't believe have been meant to be so
11:04
stimulated constantly on, you know, it's such a regular basis
11:08
with so many over, over stimulate.
11:12
I just like everything is just coming at us all the time.
11:15
Our phones, our screens that, you know, traffic, emails,
11:17
texts, like there's no, there's no break until just putting time
11:21
aside is, is so important. The other thing I wanted to and
11:25
something I noticed. And now I'd love to hear your
11:27
thoughts on this. And then I want to also, I would
11:29
love to hear about the immigrant, the immigration
11:31
process and about India a little bit.
11:34
I have a good friend from that I post college that that was that
11:39
that's from Mumbai that actually lives there now and he's one of
11:42
my favorite people in the entire world.
11:43
And, and I'd love to just hear a little bit about your story.
11:47
But one thing I did notice and want to hear your thoughts was,
11:51
you know, I'm sure everyone you live and die by your calendar.
11:55
You have like those things that you have, you know, schedule
11:57
that you want to do every day. And especially because a lot of
11:59
success comes from habit building.
12:01
And a lot of times when you build habits equals routine.
12:04
And one thing that I noticed was sometimes if you try to keep
12:10
everything dialed up to 10 all the time, then everything comes
12:15
crashing down. But if you kind of play around
12:18
with different things and you say, OK, today, this week, the
12:20
podcast could be a level 6 effort out of 10.
12:23
But that means everything else could stay at 8 or 9 out of 10.
12:26
And then the next week, OK, well, you know what?
12:28
I'm pretty tired physically, so maybe I won't work out as hard
12:30
this week. But everything else is able to
12:32
be maintained at A at a higher level.
12:35
You learn to kind of how to balance and be kind to yourself
12:40
when you let one thing of all those things you're dealing
12:43
with, you know, not be optimal just for the sake of letting
12:47
everything else continue. Do you find that that something
12:50
that happens to you? Exactly, yes, 100%.
12:53
And you're right. Exactly right.
12:55
What you mentioned was rescheduling your life.
12:59
That's what I did after I finished the book.
13:02
I did. After, you know, I finished all
13:04
the research and I actually implemented those.
13:07
I sat down and I thought to myself, what would happen if I
13:12
don't take on another guest for the podcast?
13:15
What would happen if I don't release an episode this week?
13:19
Nothing, nothing great's going to happen.
13:22
The world's not going to end. Nobody's going to stop.
13:25
Your analytics will still be fine.
13:27
People might miss you if you have a huge following.
13:30
I'm not Joe Rogan, but still, you know, you'll be fine.
13:34
And there are people in the world who are not doing all the
13:38
things that you're doing, and they're still living an amazing
13:40
life. So that's exactly what I did.
13:44
When you decide to take control, I call that taking control of
13:47
your calendar. I tell people all the time, I
13:50
used to be a productive activity, you know, fanatic.
13:55
Like I was obsessed with all the apps.
13:58
I was obsessed with using different kinds of things my To
14:02
Do List everything. But then when I started changing
14:06
my mindset and thinking about things that way, that's when the
14:09
shift started. Yeah, right.
14:11
Exactly. Know what your body is trying to
14:14
tell you and be aware of how you're acting with people who
14:18
are close to you. And then adjust just all other
14:22
things and prioritize accordingly because juggling too
14:26
many things literally, quite literally drains all of your
14:30
energy because you're wearing a different hat all the time.
14:33
Yeah. Like if I have my 9:00 to 5:00
14:35
job, I'm my mind is totally different.
14:38
But when I'm a podcast host, I am acting in a different way.
14:42
And then I have to switch hats and be a different person.
14:45
So yeah. And people just say, oh, yeah,
14:47
you're staring at screens all the time.
14:49
But even that drains your energy because you're talking.
14:52
You want to be good. You want to be presentable, and
14:55
you want to be the best. And like you said, you know on
14:59
days that you're feeling low, maybe cancel that interview or
15:03
cancel the meeting or don't work out too much.
15:06
It's OK if you don't get your 10,000 steps that day.
15:08
You're still going to be fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
15:11
And I think it kind of goes back and forth because there's
15:15
certain people that need to hear this and then there's certain
15:17
people that need to hear the opposite of this.
15:18
And, you know, and that, you know, we need a little bit of
15:20
urgency in our in our day-to-day life.
15:22
And I think that everything is all about finding that perfect
15:24
balance and trying to figure that out.
15:26
So if you're listening and you know, you're using this as an
15:30
excuse to allow yourself to have another day off when you don't
15:32
know that you necessarily necessarily need one, then we're
15:35
not telling you quite to do that.
15:37
But we're, you know, we're talking about burnout over here.
15:39
And I think that it's, I think it's really important.
15:42
So, so far we have almost like an outline of steps that we've
15:45
already kind of made our way through, which would be to take
15:48
some time on a regular basis to do nothing.
15:52
And it kind of allow whatever is going to bubble up in our head
15:54
to just emerge naturally. And that becomes, and to learn
15:58
to recognize ourselves essentially.
16:01
And then with that, you can learn how to reprioritize your
16:05
schedule, your calendar, take control over it and and then
16:08
identify things that are healthy or unhealthy and how you can
16:12
figure out tackling it. And I like, I love the example
16:16
of, of, of juggling too many balls because there's the way I
16:19
like to think of it is if one of them falls, you could at least
16:23
like, OK, one falls for now. But if all of them crash at one
16:27
time, then it's a nightmare. And then you have the risk of
16:30
all them breaking. So and so it's going to happen
16:33
eventually. You either learn to figure out
16:35
to let a ball slip every now and then, especially if you're
16:37
balancing too much or, or you risk just one big burnout and
16:41
that and that happens too. Can you?
16:44
So let's use the second-half of this to talk a little bit about
16:47
who you are. If you want to tell me a little
16:48
bit where you can't, you know where you came from and who you
16:49
are of. Course, yeah, that was the whole
16:53
point of adding the immigrant point of view for the second
16:56
book. So I'll also tell you what the
16:59
first book was about because it kind of ties to my story.
17:03
I grew up in India and I moved to Omaha, NE in the US in 2014
17:11
for my master's degree. I got a master's degree in
17:14
Management Information systems, worked there for some time,
17:18
wanted to write a book. 2014 you said?
17:21
I'm sorry. Yes.
17:22
OK, gotcha. Cool.
17:25
Worked in, worked in Omaha for some time, and then I wanted to
17:29
write a book. I was on the H1B visa, which is
17:33
the work visa in the US, and you cannot have any other passive
17:36
income other than your 9:00 to 5:00.
17:38
So I decided I have to do something about this urge to do
17:43
something. So I'm applied for permanent
17:47
residency in Canada, got that, moved here in 2020 and been here
17:53
since. I'm yeah, five years.
17:55
It'll be 6 years this summer. And then published my second
17:59
book in Jan of this year. That was what we're talking
18:03
about. Awesome trip.
18:04
So how so? You said you came to the states
18:07
when for for for masters programs?
18:10
So you must have been your early 20s.
18:11
Yes, that's. Correct.
18:13
OK, gotcha. And what was, I mean, I think
18:17
most people don't know what Omaha, NE is like.
18:21
What was the what was the, what was the culture shock like for
18:24
you coming from one place to the next?
18:26
You know, the first thing is I didn't realize how quiet it was
18:30
because I come from a southern city in India, Hyderabad, and I
18:36
am used to being around people and I am used to going to
18:39
places, hanging out with friends all the time, celebrating
18:43
things. And when I came to Omaha,
18:46
everyone was so different than all my friends back home, even
18:51
though they were Indians. Like I had the community.
18:54
Great people. But still, you know, it's like,
18:57
oh, what are we doing for New Year's Eve?
18:59
Nothing. What are we doing for a
19:01
birthday? Nothing.
19:03
And that was obviously very cold because, you know, it's the
19:07
Midwest and winters are brutal. We had no car.
19:10
We had nothing. So I had to walk in winter to
19:14
the classes. I did my internship to pay for
19:18
the rent and everything else. So you would have your
19:21
internship from 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM and then your classes from
19:27
5:00 PM to 8:00 PM. And then after that, you have to
19:30
be just grilling yourself trying to get the assignments done,
19:35
trying to get your housework done.
19:38
You know, you're sharing rooms, apartments, you're trying to
19:40
cook, you're trying to save money, all of that.
19:43
So it was just chaotic. Wow, very chaotic.
19:46
Yeah. So you it's says that you're
19:49
working a lot harder than the average college college student,
19:52
unfortunately, but that's but I'm sure that I'm sure that had
19:56
a huge impact on you. What was the internship that you
19:57
did? I was a Java engineer for a
20:02
company called Union Pacific. Oh it was so much fun.
20:05
I had to wear formals even on Fridays.
20:11
And and and and and and tell me so.
20:13
So Canada makes makes sense, especially because because if
20:18
you want to be able to do anything extra like you said,
20:20
then then you got to be able to do that.
20:22
Where'd you move to? How do you like Canada?
20:24
It's so much fun, it's beautiful.
20:26
First of all, it's amazing. People are so friendly.
20:30
Again, Omaha, I made great friends, great Co workers.
20:33
I'm still in touch with a lot of them.
20:35
So many people have visited us in the past years from Omaha, so
20:39
I love the connections that I made there and I'm really glad I
20:43
got experienced that. But people in Canada are less
20:48
non judgmental, I mean compared to the Americans and they're
20:53
very friendly, very sweet, very friendly.
20:56
We moved here during COVID and I remember we were in the the
21:00
Toronto downtown. I moved it to Ontario.
21:04
Now I live 3 hours from Toronto in a very small.
21:08
Town Toronto. I've noticed you you don't have
21:09
the second T in there. So yeah, but I remember it was
21:17
2020, September, COVID, Canada had very, very strict rules and
21:21
we were lost. We had to go to this government
21:25
building and we just couldn't find it.
21:28
And just a random due to smoking on the side of the road is like,
21:31
Oh my God, are you guys lost? Do you need help?
21:34
Can I help you with something? And I'm like, I'm sure, OK,
21:38
because we're not used to this when we were in Omaha.
21:41
Not so like, yes, people are friendly where you go on a walk,
21:44
people smile at you, but not this friendly.
21:46
And then we started to realize, wow, Canadians are really very
21:49
sweet and kind and fun. I'm one now, but.
21:53
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It makes sense.
21:56
It looks like you're kind of people.
21:57
I think that, you know, I was reading a great book.
22:03
I'm sure, I don't know, I'm sure you've heard of it called Oh
22:06
man, it was about social media. Jonathan hate the ancient
22:15
generation. And one thing that he one thing
22:18
that he was talking about was the fact that in America at this
22:22
point, for some, for whatever reason, and there's probably a
22:24
ton of them, we all kind of look at other adults and other
22:28
strangers, like potential threats.
22:30
And like everyone that you don't know is a danger or is stranger
22:35
danger is whatever. And like, and the truth is that
22:37
I'm sure that it came probably well and you know, with some
22:41
good intentions and probably came from somewhere.
22:44
But what we inadvertently have done was just make a very, very
22:47
suspicious Society of like everyone else.
22:50
And I don't know how I would feel, especially if I were you,
22:54
if I was just a woman walking around lost trying to find a
22:57
building, if I was just by myself trying to find a guy.
22:59
Because I don't think it's funny.
23:00
I'm and I talk to my friends about this all the time.
23:02
I'm 6430. I'm a 30 year old man and I
23:07
don't, I don't imagine myself as a six, 430 year old man.
23:10
I look at myself like I'm just me.
23:12
I'm just, I'm just a dude, you know, and someone walks up to me
23:15
and goes, Hey, you need help, you know, do you need any
23:16
direction where to go? I would run.
23:18
I wouldn't even know what to do. It shows you the extent of, of
23:22
how suspicious we are. It's it's a really, really
23:24
interesting thing you say that that does, that culture doesn't
23:28
exist as much in Canada. Yeah, no, everyone's like you
23:32
don't get the feeling that you have to run away from something.
23:35
You're so welcome. Even if you just go stop at a
23:38
bar or restaurant, there are chances that at least five
23:43
people talk to you and you will walk out of the bar making
23:47
friends. That's good after, right?
23:50
Yeah. It's the best feeling.
23:50
It's the best feeling. Can you tell me about the
23:52
research project of writing your books and what went into that?
23:55
It sounds like there's a lot of, there's a lot of different
23:59
topics that you need to kind of read about and learn about in
24:01
order to really speak about this.
24:03
So how'd you go about that? Correct.
24:04
So that's where the immigrant POV comes in the picture.
24:08
When I started doing the research, I wanted to figure out
24:11
why I'm doing this, and I found the entire reason to be the
24:16
definition of success. And I realized that for me at
24:20
least, my past or my immigrant experience plays a huge role in
24:28
what I believe success to be or success to look like.
24:33
You know, when you move countries, when you're starting
24:35
from scratch, especially if you're moving to a developed
24:38
country, there are expectations on your shoulder no matter who
24:42
you are. You can come from a rich family
24:44
or a poor family or a middle class family, doesn't matter.
24:47
You have, you know, people tell you and it starts from a very
24:51
young age. If you were a smart or a bright
24:54
kid and if you were into multiple things, people often
24:59
tell you, oh, you know what? You're going to be the next so
25:02
and so or you're going to be someone great one day.
25:04
Your teachers tell you that oh, you have a bright future.
25:07
You know you're going to be someone amazing someday.
25:09
You're going to be a big person and you somehow forget about it
25:14
as you're growing up. But then after a certain point
25:17
in life, you're sitting down and you realize, OK, what did they
25:20
mean when they would tell those things, right?
25:24
And what did I even do? They must have seen something in
25:28
me, and they must have thought that I'm capable, but all I'm
25:31
doing right now is doing my job and paying bills.
25:33
Is that what's called being successful?
25:37
And so I thought that me thinking that way drove a lot of
25:42
my projects and my actions. So I kept wanting to prove to
25:47
all those people whoever said, oh, you know what, You're going
25:49
to be someone someday. Like, yes, I, I am going to be
25:53
that someone someday. And I ended up doing this, this,
25:55
this and this because I thought, OK, that's what's called being
25:58
successful. And so when I started doing the
26:00
research, it's actually proven that most of the burnout,
26:04
especially at workplaces, one, obviously it depends on the
26:09
systems that you have for yourself.
26:11
Second, it's on the definition of success.
26:13
And that's heavily more like it tends towards the negative side
26:19
of things for immigrants because 1st, that's culture shock.
26:23
Second, you're trying to improve your lifestyle, you're trying to
26:26
be someone better. And then there's the baggage
26:29
thing like your parents, your responsibilities, you're like,
26:33
oh, now you're earning more. You're, you have a good
26:35
lifestyle. What about people back home?
26:37
What are you doing to help them? And so now you're in this
26:39
constant cycle. But then on the other hand,
26:42
you're like, OK, I am there now. I have a big house, I have a
26:47
car. I have, you know, family.
26:48
I have this, I have that. But somehow it doesn't look like
26:53
I'm successful because constantly as an immigrant,
26:57
you've been taught while you were growing up a different
27:00
definition of success. So what was the definition?
27:03
What was what's? What's the definition you grew
27:05
up with? So for me, what I grew up with
27:07
you, you need to be rich, you need to be, you need to have a
27:11
good, you need to settle down. And that's what's called.
27:13
Being successful. Right.
27:15
So I thought, OK, I'm settled down now.
27:17
I'm 33, I have a house, I have a car.
27:19
Now what? So, so all those things play a
27:23
huge role. And when I started doing my
27:26
research, I realized that that is in fact true.
27:29
How you perceive success drives a lot of the things that you do
27:32
in your adult life and that work, that is one of the most
27:36
important thing that causes burnout.
27:38
And the second thing I wanted to touch is systems.
27:42
Often times systems don't work for us, they work against us,
27:48
especially for overviewers, right?
27:51
Like I said, calendar, it's a productivity tool.
27:54
You're scheduling everything. But how does it make sense if
27:57
your calendar has failed from 9:00 AM to 9:00 PM?
28:01
That is not productive. So things like that.
28:03
So you need to try. I have a lot of research in the
28:06
book where I try to figure out all these reasons, Backed it up
28:09
with articles, proven strategies for burnout and what it means to
28:13
find success. So someone, let's say there's an
28:16
immigrant watching or listening to this episode and they're
28:19
like, yes, that's what I thought success being successful was,
28:22
but what is success to me? Then there's another article
28:27
that I've cited from one of the books called Finding Your True
28:30
North, and that tells you what it means to actually find what
28:34
you love and what a successful life looks like to you.
28:38
So yeah, there's a lot of things.
28:40
Go check it out and it's going to be helpful.
28:42
I I'm sure, I'm sure. Well, what, what how is your
28:45
sense of how is your sense of success change?
28:49
What do you look at it as now? No burnout.
28:53
That's what you look at. You look at like success equals
28:55
balance or healthy. Yes, balance.
28:59
And second thing is I want to be present.
29:03
My friends make fun of me saying that oh, we finally got an
29:07
appointment in your schedule and then we finally got time to be.
29:10
So. I just want to be present and I
29:14
don't want to be tied to my calendar.
29:16
I want the freedom to be financially free, but also to do
29:22
things that I actually love without getting burned out.
29:26
Yeah, I grew up with, and I love this.
29:29
I'm very lucky I have this. I grew up with the mentality.
29:31
A lot of people go up with the mentality of you have to achieve
29:35
XY and Z to be rich. You need a million dollars, 5
29:37
million dollars, 10 million, whatever it is, or you need XY
29:40
and Z car, XY and Z, whatever. The way we grew up was, we just
29:44
want to do what we feel like doing.
29:45
So like, you know, if this week we just feel like getting pizza,
29:48
then like that's all like we want, you know, and like, OK, so
29:50
how do you figure out a way to make 20 bucks to make some
29:51
pizza, you know, to get some pizza or, you know, like there
29:54
was no, it was no, it was always very subjective.
29:56
There was no, it was always, hey, what do we, what do we
30:00
want? And sometimes in life, and you
30:02
know, we, everyone goes through this curve where as you go
30:05
through responsibilities and take on more aspects of your
30:08
life, you got to make more money.
30:09
And then, and then as your expenses go down and you're, and
30:13
you become a little bit less being this, you're less the sole
30:18
orbiter of money in your, in your life, then the money goes
30:21
down. And, and you should be OK with
30:23
that because at the end of the day, like there you are
30:26
exchanging, like there is a, there is a trade off happening.
30:28
And you are getting presumably, hopefully time back.
30:31
You are getting flexibility. You are getting the ability to
30:34
invest in yourself and your passions and and finally to not
30:38
burn out. I think it's wonderful.
30:42
Where can people find you and find your, your, your social
30:45
media or whatever it is before we before we close out for
30:48
today? Sure.
30:49
So all my books are on Amazon. You can search for my name or
30:53
you can search for the title. The second one is Unburnable
30:56
Ambition and Anything About Me. All the writing stuff is on an
31:01
Instagram handle that says Shikha Singh, under score writer
31:05
for all the writing stuff. And the podcast is Rise and Tell
31:09
with Shikha again, all the information you can find on my
31:12
website, shikasingh.com. Awesome.
31:14
You're gonna share it. And this is so much fun.
31:16
Thanks so much for coming on tonight.
31:18
Thank you so much, it was a pleasure and a blast to be on
31:21
your show. Yeah, So nice meeting you.
31:23
Best of luck with everything. Talk soon.
31:25
Bye.