Latest / Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home / Justin Su'a -Building Values, Grit, And Systems

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Justin Su'a -Building Values, Grit, And Systems · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, I'm Riley.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm Ryder.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: And this is my dad Joe.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_03: Hey everybody, it's KJ Cox with the quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome to season seven.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_03: Can't wait for this season as there's a lot of great guests ahead.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_03: If you're new to this podcast, really it's simple.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_03: It's a podcast where we interview dads, we learn about how they were raised, we learn about the life lessons that were important to them, we learn about the values that are important to them, and really we learn about how we can work hard to become a better quarterback or leader of our home.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_03: So let's sit back, relax, and listen to today's episode of the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_03: Well, hey everybody, welcome to the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_03: This is Casey Jcock, your host.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_03: This is season seven, and we're gonna we're gonna make this the first episode of season seven.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_03: We're recording in uh early December, and uh, without the the one and only of Paul Stalter, uh this episode doesn't have its own.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_03: So shout out to Paul for making an just introduction to our next guest.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_03: His name is Justin Suwat.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_03: He is a leadership performance expert, he's a CEO or founder of the leadership, I mean of the uh performance advisor group.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_03: This cat, everybody, has done uh a lot of cool stuff from working with uh the U.S.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_03: Army to the IMG, the Red Sox, folks in the NHL, NBA, PGA, LPGA, CNBC, ESPN, Sports Illustrated.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_03: I'm making them blush.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_03: But everybody, that's not why we're having them on.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_03: We're having them on.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_03: We're gonna learn about Justin the Dad and how he is working hard, just like all of us, to become an ultimate quarterback or leader of their household.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_03: So without further ado, Justin Suwal, welcome to the quarterback dad cast.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks so much, Casey.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: You're uh we're gonna talk about my uh my favorite topic.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_03: Let's go.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_03: I know.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's the one thing I always joke about that like sometimes us males, our our ego sneaks up against the way, and we have these jobs, what's corporate or you're a pro athlete or whatever it is, and we think we're so cool, but in the end, our kids don't give two shits.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: You're absolutely right.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: They do not care.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_03: No, we think they do, but they don't.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: No, they don't.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_01: They don't.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_03: Um with all I say that with all humility, but um, okay, we always start out each episode gratitude.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_03: Um, so tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: As a dad today, you know what?
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm grateful for just the time I have with them.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: So we have a 19-year-old, an 18-year-old, and a 17-year-old.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: And now everything we're just talking about time horizon.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: We're talking about the last time that we are putting up the Christmas tree together, all of us three.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: The last time that uh my daughters went out together, just the two of them went to the beach, or my 18 and 17-year-olds.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: And we're just very mindful of the of every second, every day that passes, and we're a little bit more um, we're leaning into the present a little bit more.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's something I'm grateful for, just the moments to be able to spend together, even the small, the small little moments, eating together at dinner, laughing at our on our bed, talk telling fun, funny stories, though those little things.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm really grateful for.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_03: Well, uh it's it's uh I think it's important to do those things because uh time does not slow down.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_03: Um I'm almost 50, and um I have kids similar age as you.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_03: I have a 19-year-old who will be home from college tomorrow.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, and then I have a 17-year-old senior who will she's just started her basketball season and she'll be playing hoop next year, where I played football at college, which is like the Uncle Rico, the like coolest Uncle Rico story ever for me personally, because I'm like like you'd have told me 30 something years ago when I played football in college and my daughter is gonna play hoop there.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_03: I'd be like, What?
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_03: No way.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_03: So and whether she plays a minute or a thousand minutes, just being around that program, I'm just grateful for that.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_03: But what I'm most grateful for grateful for today is my son will be home tomorrow.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_03: As I just mentioned, he's he's taking finals today and tomorrow, and uh just getting the whole family back for a month.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_03: And um we have a new puppy in the house, which is another freaking craziness that we signed up for ourselves, and it's a great mindset test.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_03: I'll tell you that, man, each and every day.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_03: But um okay, well, bring me inside the Sua huddle.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_03: We got we we got three kids, but I'd love to learn a little bit more about how you and your wife met and then tell me a little bit about each uh each each child you got.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so it was in 2003 when we met.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it was uh it was at Church of All Places.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: It was her brother one day.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Her brother was uh came up to me and he says, What ethnicity are you?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Well, I'm half Samoan, half Mexican, and uh, and I didn't even know who this who he was.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Very, I didn't know he was.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: And he says, I'm gonna introduce you to my sister.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna like her, and she's gonna like you.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: It was, I'm like, Who are you?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what do you who do you think you are?
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Wouldn't you know?
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: The next week he walks in uh with uh with this with this woman.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, she's it she's in her 20s.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Uh we were 22, and um it was one of those moments when you see a person, and I'm I thought to myself, probably inappropriate to say this, but I was like, wow, he really outkicked his coverage.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, wow, and she's stunning.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: I haven't forgot about that conversation the week before.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: And uh he goes, Justin, right?
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, yeah, he goes, This is the sister I was my sister I was telling you about.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um you're gonna like her and she's gonna like you.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: And from that moment on, he was absolutely right.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: We've married, we've been married for 23 years, and um, we have three kids, 19.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Our son is Jerome, 19.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: He's a music producer, lives in Los Angeles, and um, then we have an uh 18-year-old daughter who's a senior in high school.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, she loves to read books, she loves school and education, and then our eight and 17-year-old daughter.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, she's an actor.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: She's into acting, and uh, she played The Rock's daughter in the Fast and Furious movie, has her own TV show on the Disney Channel.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: My son, the music producer, he uh produced songs for Drake and Bad Bunny, and uh so yeah, our kids are are all over the place doing doing different things.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_03: That's like wait, I guess I guess I hear we got our own TV show and then Drake music.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, we got he produced for Drake and he has a couple of Bloodboard Music Awards now.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: He has his clothing line now, and so yeah, really uh really fascinating, fascinating story inside the suit of home and just how we uh a lot of stories to share.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_03: How um was it your it are you musically uh you know feeder inclined, or was it your wife, or just they just kids just drew?
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: No, no.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, my my parents grew up, so in a Polynesian culture, I don't know if you've ever been to Lua, there's a lot of singing, a lot of dancing, a lot of performance, but I don't play an instrument.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_00: My wife doesn't play an instrument.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: I could sing a little bit.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: We love music, but we're a sports family.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: We we are they they grew up around Red Sox players, NFL athletes.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: They they've been to World Series, they grew up around, that's all they know.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: None of my kids got into sports.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: And uh and they all chose a different path and they love it and they're passionate about it.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: And um we feel very lucky and blessed and fortunate that they found some things that they like and they got really good at it.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And um it's uh yeah, we'll see, we'll see where it goes.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, none of us are moo musically inclined in particular.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_03: That's so cool.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_03: I are you karaoke guy?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: Uh we love karaoke, yes.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: We love it.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_03: I'll I'll sneak in some karaoke too.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_03: I I am a self-taught guitar player.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, nice.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_03: And uh it's super therapeutic.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_03: I'm the guy, I'm the guy that will play like six chords, and if you if you don't play guitar, like, oh, this guy's pretty good.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_03: But the people who play guitar are like, oh, this guy sucks.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I heard.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: My friends who play guitar, they're just like, hey, learn these master like these six chords or eight chord, whatever.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: And and then they showed me all these songs that they're like, this this how many songs you can play with six chords.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, wow, that's fascinating.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_03: You'd be surprised how many songs you can play with three chords.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's that's cool.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_03: That's it's fun, it's fun.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_03: And so, like, um, like I play a little bit this weekend.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_03: My daughter's like, Dad, that I don't think that was one of your best dad.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that's true.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: I that's what I love about family.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_00: You get the the the true, honest opinions, particularly from our kids.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: They will let you know.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, but then I'm but like, if I can get them like, dad, that was actually pretty good.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, let's go.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, right, exactly.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_03: So I um I always like asking my guests to go back in time and uh to talk about what was life like growing up for you and talk about the impact that mama and dad had on you now that you're a father.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's so interesting.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: That nature and nurture uh conversation and how it is both.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: It is both.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think it is one or the other, but growing up, I I I came from two very ambitious parents.
• 8:25
  SPEAKER_00: My father was an immigrant uh to the United States, born and raised in a family of 10, living in Los Angeles, a city of Pacoima.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: And they had three bedrooms with 10 kids and uncles and aunts and animals, and uh there were two loves growing up, and he loved music and he loved uh and he loved uh fighting.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: And uh he was like long story short, he grew up music and fighting and ended up going to BYU of all, and then he decided he's like, I'm really good at church softball.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Let me try out for the baseball team, having not played baseball.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um I talked to the head coach of this day, and he goes, I just signed your dad up.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: I just accepted your dad because he was just great attitude and he worked really hard.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: His senior year ended up leading the country in home runs.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: He sighed with the Dodgers uh after that and um went on and played.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: And my mom, uh, she didn't graduate high school, but she followed him in his dreams, and then together they started a trucking company with one little pickup comp truck that turned into a multi-million dollar trucking company and by the Los Angeles airport, and they were just loving parents.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: We they just cared so much.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_00: My dad ended up coaching my baseball teams and uh yeah, a lot of a lot of storytelling and singing and dancing and and fun and just learning lessons about respect and discipline.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: And uh my parents worked very, very hard.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, but they're those, they're the kind of people who said, go after whatever you want, chase your dreams, like go what do whatever you want.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: We've done it.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: My mom's like, I've never didn't even graduate high school, and I'm the bite, I'm the president of a multi-million dollar company.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: My dad's like, I didn't even play baseball, and I signed with the Dodgers, and and so these are this kind of like what they instilled in our mind.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Just just go for it, and you can swing for the fences in anything you do.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: And um, yeah, if we took that, uh I took that with me and everything I did.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think enough parents do that, exactly what you did, and the power, I I'm a big mindset guy myself, and the power of just like like the word behind me, people can't see at home, but it just says believe, and yeah, it's a Ted Lasso theme, but it's also just to remind me that I believe what I do matters.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_03: Um, help them people because when you have belief, you're already confident and way more confident than most.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_03: And I love and I have it's funny, I've told this story multiple times in this podcast, but I'll share it with you.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_03: One of my best buddies, his son is like in the juniors hockey right now.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_03: And when he was he was my son's best one of his best friends, and they used to when he's growing up, he's like, Yeah, I'm definitely gonna do PGA, probably will play MLB too, and if I have time, then I'll be NHL, I'll just probably do pro sports all three.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_03: And the sad dad's like, Yeah, why wouldn't you?
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_03: And just that power of like believing.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_03: So, and I love that you can reflect on that.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_03: I love your parents did that for you, and uh, that's it's really, really cool.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: I I love that you said that.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: I that's exactly how my parents were.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, great, do it.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: When our came when my son's like, I'm gonna produce for Drake at nine years old, ten years old, great.
• 11:22
  SPEAKER_00: You you good.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: When my daughter's like, I want to be an actor, and we always say with our kids growing up, is like it's not about what you want to be when you grow up, it's what do you want to be now?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: And uh that we like we were dogged on that, and um yeah, and I and I attribute that to my parents, like they're just like, okay, go for it.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like we don't need all this.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I'm a big probabilistic, rational engineer type mind as well.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: And uh combining that with a strong belief and coming up with a plan, and yeah, so I mean there's somewhat we well, the conversation probably go there, but yeah, I I I love that.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: What?
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: So did I hear you have 10 in the house when you were growing up?
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: No, not me.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Not your dad.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: I had my younger sister, younger brother.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, okay.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: So five of you, um uh how take me back to how did your dad go from church league to the Dodgers and be what I it's so interesting, he just loves to compete, and um, and so yeah, he there was underhand softball back in the 70s, like that's what they did in seven sixties, seventies, and he just enjoyed it.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: He loved whether it be flag football or like basketball, he just loved to compete and he was at school studying, and it was he had no intentions, it was a whim.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: He I think he said he's he saw a sign that said baseball trials today.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, Yeah, I'll pass the time doing that while I'm here.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: And he went and he walked on, and he was the number six outfielder, he says, as a junior in 78.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then in the offseason, he's like, you know what?
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: I want to contribute, I want to be a starter.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then he was the captain, a starter, and led the country in home runs.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: And it's one of those like wild stories.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: And growing up, I'm like, really, Dad?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Are you serious?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: But then to hear the stories from his teammates and then from the head coach, Gary Pullins, who's now at the ABCA um um like presidency or like advisory board, I believe.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: I can't know the exact title, but to hear it come from them, they're like, Yeah, your dad was an absolute savage.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: He has no background in baseball, and he just did it.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: And and that is literally my parents.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, it doesn't matter if you've never done it before, work hard, go do it.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like, do it.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Like, okay.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: Was your mom an athlete?
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, not an athlete at all.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, she would say, yeah, she would say she's like the least non-athlete, and she just supported my dad and supported us growing up, and she's the heart, she's the care, she's the love, she's the the the the person the crut shoulder the cryon, and she's the the heart of the home, and and uh the dad was highly competitive and and get after it and go, and so they an incredible combination uh between those two.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: I was very, very, very fortunate to be raised in a home like that.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_03: What where do you think your dad's competitive grit and mindset came from?
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know exactly, but I I would guess.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, when you have when you have when you have seven brothers and three sisters in a home, is like I I would guess that there's a lot of you, you there's a lot of competitiveness that happens in there and from music to sports to fighting.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, literally they fought.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: They fought, fought.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: And he was a gold glove boxer, third-degree black belt, and it's just you are raised to fight.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: Polynesians in general, the Samoan, Tongan, VG, and you look at rugby like the islands, you you don't back down and you go.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so it just tends to be a cultural thing combined with uh how they were raised, combined with being one of the young ones in the home of siblings who are really, really good at what they do.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that all of that kind of uh created a nice little concoction of uh a competitive nature.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's it's that's interesting.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_03: I um one of my former college teammates, shout out to Mike T from American Samoa, and he uh I interviewed him like four years ago, and we and he was like the most loving, uh empathetic, but yet high energy.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_03: And like when that switch got flipped, like he was a D-lineman.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, he was a beast.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_03: But it was like you get that's what I love about like your guys' culture.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_03: It's like you get the best of both.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_03: You get like this loving family, I mean like music, and but then all of a sudden when it's go time, it's like here we go.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's go time.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's so true.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it's uh fun, loving, singing, happy, and then when the switch gets flipped, it flips.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I I have yes, exactly.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_03: As you reflect on like values mom and dad taught you that um maybe that you you learn through a story, um, and maybe you even share those with your with your kids now.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_03: Tell me what comes to mind.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right out the gate is is respect and discipline, uh, being a respecter of of people and and a non-respecter of people, even to say that, where it's like it doesn't matter who you are, you could be the president of a company, or you can be someone who is on the lowest part of the hierarchical chain, whoever, I don't want to diminish anyone's roles or jobs who's listening to this, um, but someone who you would not deem as someone who you would uh treat kindly for no reason.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's how they were.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_00: It didn't matter the neighbors, didn't matter your creed, your religion, your gender, your where you're from, like who you are.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: My parents are huge on re show respect, respect people.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: You're not better than anyone, you're not worse than anyone.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think a lot of it came to because they they started at the the bottom bottom.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like they I saw where they came from, and I saw their homes, and I saw how we came from.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: And then through their all of their work and their effort and sheer grit, they put our family in a much different living circumstance that they didn't have growing up.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so funny.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: My brother and I were talking the other day.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: He says, Did you know that?
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like, did you even really like wasn't it funny how mom and dad never let us feel like we were affluent?
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: They never let us feel we didn't, but you look back and you're like, oh my goodness, like, look at where we were raised, but we didn't feel that way.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Our parents never let us feel that way.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: And it was still, they taught it hard work, and so disciplined was the other one.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_00: Just be disciplined in everything you do, work hard and um and build systems around your habits and wake up and be on time, and all of those are things that come up all the time.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: Another thing that we talk about as well, it's kind of inherent, is just being storytellers.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's a Polynesian thing as well.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's just the art of telling story.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: When you do luau, when you go to a luau, it's dance, it's storytelling through the art of dance.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, when we gathered around the table and we ate together, dad would tell us stories about how he failed, the stories at work, stories um of discipline, constantly just telling us stories and capturing our minds and our hearts, and and these are stories that we continue to tell.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so uh they're really, really good at doing that.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, like respect and discipline, hard work, treating people with kindness.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then in general, Polynesian people, uh, for those, if you gather a room full of polynomials, they just tend to be a faith-based people, faith in family, faith in family.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: You you you take care of your family and you're a you're driven by faith.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: And um, that's constantly.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: We're a hymn singing, church-going, prayer uh-oriented family.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: And again, that's what I love about the Polynesian culture too.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's like there's no Bible bastion, it's not our church, your church.
• 18:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, no, we we however you wish to worship, you worship.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_00: And even if you don't, you don't.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's just that's just tends to be how the culture is and how we were raised as well.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Just love and respect people and um and uh and then just yeah, give back, just be a light.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: I think that's another one.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: Just just be a light to people.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: And I think those are those are some of the main ones.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, a lot of that speaks, and so I'm it it it you'll you'll one thing you learn about me, Justin.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like obsessed with curiosity, like obsessed with it.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_03: And I mean, to the point of like every time I send people an email, instead of saying best wishes or best regard or have a good day, it's stay curious.
• 19:23
  SPEAKER_03: And it's selfishly, it's rhyme me to stay curious.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_03: And so, like when you say all that, my mind's going all over the place because I'm like, I want to ask him this, I want to ask him this.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_03: So but one thing that your dad did that I absolutely frigging love, and I don't know if you've you've ever, you and your sister siblings have talked about this, but I would be willing to bet if I was reading the defense here, there wasn't many things that there what you guys were scared of, or fear there was not a there was fear would fear was probably not prevalent.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_00: Is that my my and it's so funny you say that, you're right.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: We and we didn't even talk about it.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't even like an all right, we're fearless family, we're fearless family.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's just how we were just, I don't want to say trained, but uh indoctrinated almost is like go for it, like do it.
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, we the way things were viewed.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, we might oh another thing, my dad made me run for president every ever since I was little, all the student body things, because I had to, he he's like, I just I don't care if you get voted or not, just go practice speaking in front of people.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, that was one thing that my dad I remember as well, is he learned in really young, uh I think he read in a newspaper one day.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: He says that he learned that that one of the biggest fears in by Americans was not death, it was public speaking.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so he said, he goes, you know what?
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to teach my kids.
• 20:44
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and then he kind of used logic, goes, Why are people afraid of public speaking?
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, they're afraid of what people think about them.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: They're afraid to be in front of people.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so what he did to all of us kids, he goes, Okay, I am going to help my kids.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: If I can give my kids a competitive advantage and help them not be afraid of public speaking, if I can give them those tools, they're going to be head and shoulders above everybody else.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so he would make us perform.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like he would rooted fear out of us by, so I remember, you remember the mailman or the milkman would literally come to our neighbor, our front door in the mailbox right there.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: He would make us dance for the mailman.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: He would make us perform at restaurants where we're at.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: We would have to speak at our uh student body government.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: I spoke at every single graduation.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: We'd speak at church.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like my dad would just always have us either sing, dance, or speak.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: And um at all times.
• 21:39
  SPEAKER_00: And uh and you just get used to it more and more and more, and then it gets to a point to where you're just like not afraid of anything.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_00: You're not afraid of public speaking, you're not afraid to dance, you're not afraid to perform, you're not afraid to speak up.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: And me, all of our siblings, if you meet all of us, you'll see that at any moment we can think on our feet, we can perform, we could sing, we could dance, we can speak at any moment with no fear.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: And um, and and I I attribute a lot of it to my parents.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_03: I think so.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_03: I there's three pillars that drive my life that like so clear for me.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's it's igniting and teaching myself and others, be humble, be vulnerable, be curious.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_03: I think when those are present, look out.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_03: I think the best leaders have those traits.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_03: I think the best cultures have those traits.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, not cultures of like culture, but like teams and sales teams.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_03: And but I think what your dad did that I freaking love is he said he when you said he told stories of failure.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_03: That I think when you guys were kids, whether you know it or not, I bet you realize, well, hey, dad's telling me where he sucks and he where he struggled, then why can't I?
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm gonna I'm gonna go for it.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that's right.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_03: When I work at leaders now, and even my kids, I love telling my kids where I sucked.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_03: Or I love telling them when I threw, hey, dad threw four picks in the stadium.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_03: Four picks.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_03: Who sucked?
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_03: That's like four times.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_03: You'd think I learned to not do that.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_03: Now there are plenty of games I played great, but I I don't tell them that.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_03: I tell them where I stunk.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_00: That's such a good point.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_00: I think that is a that's so powerful.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: It reminds me of Sarah Blakely, a famous story.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: She's the one of the youngest self-based, yeah, we're at Spanx, younger, one of the youngest self-made female billionaires in the world.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I love her story.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: An interview asked her, How did you design the developed the mindset to be a billionaire?
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_00: And she attributed to her dad.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: Every day her and her brother would come home from school, he would ask the same question.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: In what did you fail today?
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: That was the question, not what did you learn?
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: How was school?
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: How are your friends?
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: In what did you fail today?
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: And she said when she didn't have a failure that day, dad would get frustrated.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, Oh, well, you didn't try hard enough then.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_00: And when your dad asks you that over and over and over again, you start to fear failure less.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: And uh you're almost excited for failure, excited to get outside your comfort zone.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that really resonated with me because I was very similar to my parents as well.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I think, and that's what sport can teach us, failure.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_03: It's like that you know one's you're never gonna make every free throw, you're never gonna make every putt, you're never gonna complete every pass, you're never gonna hit.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, baseball's a game of failure, right?
• 24:04
  SPEAKER_03: And number of times we've heard that.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_03: And so um, I think when people can and you I mean get our kids to to to lean towards it, like your parents did, like Blakely's dad did, and you just embrace wow, I don't, I didn't, yeah, yeah, I lost, but no, I get to learn.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_03: And there's something you can take from that.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_03: And um, the people that I think in life struggle with that, they it's excuse based.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_03: There's this happened to me, it's more of a victim mindset, a scarcity, and versus you can look at it like, no, what a gift, what a what an absolute gift that this has happened.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_03: Now, sure, I do I want to happen again?
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_03: No, but at least now I have if I slow down to think about what how did it happen?
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_03: What do I need to do differently to make sure it doesn't happen again?
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_03: And just like live in it, it's just like you realize that we all have this stuff in common.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_03: We're all flawed, we're all flawed humans.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_03: Um so I I absolutely love the other thing that your parents did that I also love is uh, and maybe this is again culture, but like I I am not, I don't go to church, not because I don't want to, but I look at a Bible scripture every morning.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_03: I have gratitude practice every day.
• 25:06
  SPEAKER_03: Um, like I just watch a show um it's on Netflix, it's called or Apple TV, it's called like they don't want us or something.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_03: And it's about like the Jewish community.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_03: And my friend, his wife is Jewish, and I was like, I think I could be a rabbi.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_03: I was like joking with her, and she's like, You 100% could be a rabbi.
• 25:21
  SPEAKER_03: Like, because it was just like this positive, and and whether it doesn't matter what, and that's the thing, and maybe it's pushed me away, not to get too far up track or Justin, but that pushed me away from religion is like sometimes when it's like so judgy, or and I'm like, listen, man, I I don't know about you, but I haven't attended a Zoom meeting with God.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_03: So how do you know the truth?
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_03: If what your faith gives you happiness and you know, ability to grow and ability to lead, and you believe in something bigger than all of us, awesome.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_03: Go celebrate it.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_03: And I just it sometimes just rubs me the wrong way when people like try to put me in a box and say, oh no, you you shouldn't believe that.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_00: And so I don't know.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's funny, my wife says something about my parents, kind of like to align with that.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: If you have good news, if you have something you're passionate about, if you have something that good that happened to you, our joke in the house is we got to call my parents.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you tell my parents that you have good news or you love something you're passionate about, it could be anything, my parents will amplify that and make you take faith feel like you're amazing.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: They won't, they won't minimize it, they won't one-up it, they won't joy thief it, they'll be like, that's amazing.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_00: You want to open a business or you want to start a restaurant.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: How did you get into that?
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_00: What made you and it whatever it is.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_00: And it's if if you if I go to if somebody goes to my parents and says, you know what, I'm gonna join a different religion, or I'm not gonna go do a religion anymore, which happens, which has happened.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_00: My parents are like, that's awesome! Good for you.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you probably went through the ringer to go through that.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: Good, that is incredible.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: We love you so much, and that is, I'm just so grateful for that.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: Just the non-judgmental do what you do.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: We love you.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: We we're and uh hey, we'll see you at Thanksgiving, or hey, we'll and it could be like I don't want to get into like really strong political thing, but like they just love you.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, hey, hey, do you believe that?
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome, okay, we love you.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, you're gonna we'll see you at Christmas, or like, oh, do you believe in Christmas?
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, well, we'll see you December 25th, or whatever like it's just that and that's why I'm so grateful for that's what I mean by like the respect and the care and the love, and just non-judgmental, and hey, let's just we're all just trying our best, we're all just trying to figure it out.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_03: 100%.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and it's genuine too.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I can I can see I wish everybody exactly right, uh you know, it's genuine, and so like when you feel that genuine love, the fear goes away and you can just celebrate stuff and yes, yeah.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_03: They're allowing you to be your best version of yourself.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_03: You're now your kids are gonna be their best version of their self, hence their success they're having, which is so cool.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_03: Um have you ever asked mom and dad, like one day, I'm gonna start a trucking company.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_03: Why not?
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_03: Like, how does that, how do you, how does that happen?
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_03: Then I'm not surprised how successful they've been, but like I'm curious, what was the the tipping point when they decided to do that?
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think a lot of their creativity spawns from like utility after like what problems they're trying to solve.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: So, what I mean by that is so my dad, so my dad, in addition to being a a musician and uh yeah, I think he got I think he got a full right scholarship to one of the most gifted music music schools in in California.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: And then he went to play baseball, uh professional baseball, coach in baseball, black belt, gold gloves boxer.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: He was an actor, acted in in uh Eddie Murphy's uh movie Golden Child.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_00: So he's done a lot of commercials, he's done a lot of different things.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_00: My mom, she was a cocktail raitress, and then she went into uh doing the business and doing that.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: It started where there was a point to where I was born, he got away from baseball, they needed money.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: My dad's like, okay, let me go drive trucks, uh drive a little pickup truck and make little deliveries.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: So he made a little delivery, kind of like an Amazon type thing back in the, again, this is back in the 80s, early 80s.
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_00: And he got, I think it was like$200,$300 for making a little delivery across from one part of the Los Angeles to the other.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: Blew his mind.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, wait a minute, I just got$300 for that.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: And he starts doing math.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_00: He tells, well, if I do that, I can buy a better truck.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: If I could do that, I could buy two pickup trucks.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: If we do that, we can buy a semi-truck.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_00: If we do that, and that's just how they worked.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_00: And my mom's like, okay, and we can do this and we can do this.
• 29:35
  SPEAKER_00: And next thing you know, they have a fleet of 30 semi-trucks, 150 employees.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_00: They're partnering with Mattel and just an IBM, and uh, yeah, and so it just went from something small to something big.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: And that's another thing.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: My parents, they swing for the fences, they they're just like, go for it, like swing for the fences and go be great.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: And that's like they they're big on not thinking small.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like you can do whatever you want to do, just do it.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_00: Well, someone's gonna do it, why not you?
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly, exactly.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: And it and what's interesting when I got into my got my master's in sports psychology, I learned all these techniques and these tips and the like these visualization and self-talk and all this.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: And in my mind, I'm like, oh my goodness, I didn't know these things had a name for it.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: This is how I was raised.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is what I was raised doing.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: And my parents are like, there's they didn't like we don't even know there's name or science to it.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's like this is just what you do.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you don't need you don't they didn't know about self-talk or or yeah, pause like positive feedback loops and reinforcement and culture.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: There's just just it's just what they do, and so it was really cool.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_03: You'll I'm gonna I'm gonna throw myself under the bus here.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_03: You'll uh maybe you'll laugh at me at this one.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_03: So I just got done working out this morning and I like I've I I was self-talk was big for me in football, self-talk, so shouldn't I work out?
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_03: And my wife's like, what was going on in there?
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_03: Like, it was just like it was it was sounding like there's a freaking giraffe who was getting murdered in there.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_03: It was just me talking to myself because I was like, I don't like doing like longer cardio, like I do old man CrossFit, but I was just like, my lungs were burning, and I was talking to myself, and my wife's like, that was if anybody heard that, you'd be embarrassed.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, I wouldn't.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_01: Do it work for you.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 31:25
  SPEAKER_03: Um, okay, so you uh you're his mom and mom and dad are still with us?
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_01: Correct.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_03: Awesome.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that's a good picture.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_03: My um I lost my dad, unfortunately, December 29th, 2021.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_03: My mom's still with us, but um I got a picture of Pops over here on the side of the desk.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_03: It's kind of neat story.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_03: It's uh a picture of me and him, one of my last games I played in college at a school called Southern Oregon, and NAID2 school back then, and um my son plays golf there right now at Southern Oregon.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness, that is so cool.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_03: Kind of neat to um just think about.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_03: But um okay, so transition.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_03: Now you got your three kids, they're 19, 18, 17.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, are there any values that you have taught you and your wife have taught your kids that maybe are are weren't as hammered as home by mom and dad, your mom and dad or her parents?
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so I think that's a really good point, a really good distinction as we move into my own family and our own huddle.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: I love that you said that.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: I think who I married, Melissa, my wife, the single most important thing decision I've ever made in my life.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I that is, and it's not even close.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I realize that very distinctly because the nature of my job, I was gone a lot.
• 32:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I say was because now not so much, but I was gone so much.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_00: And her being at home to essentially raise the kids by herself on many occasions.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: I missed anniversaries, I missed birthdays, I missed holidays.
• 32:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like baseball, you it's it's in the summer.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: You're missing there, no, there's no vacations that you're working.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um and then he goes right into NFL training camp, and then it goes and you just go nonstop.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so that was huge.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_00: And so to answer your question, some of the big things that we added on to it.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_00: Like, so we we we continued the and also she comes from an unbelievable parents, uh, two immigrants from Argentina.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so she grew up in a home where she witnessed entrepreneurship, she witnessed hard work, she witnessed her dad out building businesses, her mom working as well.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: So we both came together and ended up working and noticed, working hard.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_00: So something that we talk about very, very often is decision making.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_00: We want our kids to be elite decision makers.
• 33:37
  SPEAKER_00: And that is one thing that we talk about all the time is being able to pause and to take a look at decisions.
• 33:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, how are you making them?
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_00: What are you considering, reverse engineering success, reverse engineering failure?
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_00: We talk just like that.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: Another thing that we just kind of nestled in there, we talk a lot about probabilistic reasoning.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like we literally, my kids know exactly what that is.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, they know about success.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about we can't guarantee success.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so, but what they do know is what can we do to increase the probability that we will be successful?
• 34:13
  SPEAKER_00: And do everything you can to increase the uh the surface area of success, like to position ourselves for success.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_00: There's nothing that's we can guarantee, but can we position ourselves for it?
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_00: So a little, so for example, my daughter, who's had multiple interviews, uh auditions rather, and she knows after after an audition, we just kind of put a put a probabilistic uh number on it.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: What's the probability you'll get it?
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: She'll be like, oh, like 35, 75.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_00: Like, okay, it's so let's just say it's a 90% chance it works.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_00: What does that mean?
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: And then the thing is there's a 10% chance it doesn't.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_00: Not to feel discouraged, but to be able to have rationale be rational about like if something doesn't work, it can't be like, oh my gosh, it didn't work.
• 34:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, no, success or hard work is necessary but not sufficient.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_00: Grit is necessary but not sufficient.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_00: Positivity is necessary but not sufficient.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_00: And sometimes things you can work really, really, really hard and still not get what you want.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's life.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_00: Life is unfair.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's something that we talk about often.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um, we are huge on critical feedback.
• 35:18
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, we were we got that over like growing up, but even now, more so, like with my kids, like very critical feedback over what they're doing well and then what we're not doing well, ourselves included.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_00: And so we are, and I think that was accelerated because they were professionals at young ages.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, my daughter, I mean, she's in the professional she's sitting with Ryan Reynolds and Dwayne Johnson and Kevin Hart at 10 years old.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, she's on the red carpet, she's the star of a TV show at 13 years old, getting feedback.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so she's waking up at 5:30 in the morning.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_00: She's on set from getting dressed from 6 to 7.
• 35:56
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, she's uh she's working from 7 to 4.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_00: She has homework from 4 to 8.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_00: She does her scripts from 8 p.m.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_00: to 9 p.m., wakes up and does it all over again at 13 years old.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's like they had to learn super fast how to how to just accelerate the problem.
• 36:14
  SPEAKER_00: We talk about accelerating excellence.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: Also, too, we always talk about watering their ambitions.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, hey, where do you where's your curiosity going?
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: Go for it.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like jump in your curiosity.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: And um, instead of like, what do you want to be when you grow up, like, what do you want to be right now?
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_00: Go for it.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like, like lean into that.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then we're also big on like if even if the odds are against you, like I'm not a big fan of, or our family isn't, people can disagree all the time, is like two or three are not going to college.
• 36:43
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, like that's not for them.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm finishing up my PhD, I love school, my wife loves education.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_00: Our kids, it's not for them.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_00: Great.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm not gonna shove them there, I'm not gonna force them there.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_00: They're gonna do it.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_00: And there are trade-offs, okay.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like, be aware that this might happen.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, you're willing to, you're willing, like it's not for everybody.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so we are that's something that's hard for some people to wrap their head around, but that's just how we operate in our families.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, they we didn't force our kids to play sports.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_00: I would have loved my son to play sports and baseball.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_00: Nope, didn't didn't well, okay.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I get that my buddy is like, oh, do you hate that?
• 37:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, no, like it literally did not bother me.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm we deal with it all the time.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so another thing is like, so our son and my our daughter in particular in their in their jobs, we say it's like the odds of being a an A-list celebrity are very low.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_00: The odds of being a earning a very good living as a producer, very low.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_00: And we ask him, what are the percentages?
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_00: And they're like, oh, probably 3%.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, no, probably less than half percent.
• 37:47
  SPEAKER_00: Less than half percent, you'll be you'll be able to do this for a living, probably.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just guessing.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I said, but son, do you love it?
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_00: He goes, I love it.
• 37:56
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 37:57
  SPEAKER_00: Are you willing to do what it takes to increase the probability, even though it's low?
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, yes.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, okay, great, go for it.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_00: Like, who am I to tell you, like, you're not gonna want any regrets?
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like, go for it.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's how I was raised.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's how my parents like, go for it.
• 38:09
  SPEAKER_00: Go for it, and uh you'll figure it out along the way.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_04: Hi, I'm Betsy Robinson, CEO of Tier Four Group, a women-owned and diversity-certified technology recruiting and executive search firm that connects exceptional talent with extraordinary companies in 43 states across the U.S.
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_04: At Tier Four Group, relationships are at the heart of everything we do.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_04: Whether it's with our clients, our candidates, our vendor partners, or with each other, our mission is to go beyond transactions and create long-lasting partnerships.
• 38:42
  SPEAKER_04: We don't just help companies find talent, we help them find the right talent.
• 38:47
  SPEAKER_04: And that starts with truly understanding our clients and candidates.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_04: It's not just about filling roles, it's about fostering success for the long term.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_04: This is the recipe for success that's landed us on the Inc.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_04: 5000 six consecutive years and has us outpacing our competition across the country.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm thrilled to support Casey Jaccox's podcast.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_04: Casey's philosophy aligns perfectly with ours, prioritizing relationships over transactions.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_04: His insights on building trust, empathy, and connection resonate deeply with the way we do business at Tier 4 Group.
• 39:25
  SPEAKER_04: We were honored to have Casey as our keynote in our 2024 kickoff, and all of our new hires read his book, When the Relationship Not the Deal, when they start here with us.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_04: So if you're looking for a partner who values relationships as much as results, visit us at tearforegroup.com or connect with me, Betsy Robinson, directly on LinkedIn.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_04: And while you're at it, keep tuning in to Casey's podcast.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_04: You'll walk away inspired to strengthen your own relationships, both personally and professionally.
• 39:56
  SPEAKER_04: And as Casey always says, stay curious.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_04: And so
• 40:00
  SPEAKER_03: I interviewed I interviewed a guy named Adam Hood, who is a country music singer, songwriter.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I saw him play at a conference where I was uh speaking, and this dude was just like like wow, he's good.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_03: And so then I talked to a guy, and then I ended up interviewing him.
• 40:15
  SPEAKER_03: He was a guest on the show, and he said that there was the chance of becoming a like a music star or becoming a um uh producer with like a big hit was was it was it was easier to become a starting pitcher in Major League Baseball than uh producer.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_03: Blew my mind.
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_03: So like you're kind of like you just essentially said the similar thing, just in a different way.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_03: And but again, if you love it, and the dude's 51 right now, still, yeah, and he never once signed with a label because he goes, I didn't want to give it away.
• 40:44
  SPEAKER_03: I'm just taking my long way, long way.
• 40:46
  SPEAKER_03: Just doing it.
• 40:47
  SPEAKER_03: Exactly right.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly right.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's something that uh those are some things that we I love that.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 40:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's some of the things that we discuss and we talk about.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_03: I a couple things I want to dive in there because you said some really powerful stuff here.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_03: So elite decision making, I love the word elite.
• 41:02
  SPEAKER_03: There's I always talk, I got taught this at age 41, I'm much older than that now, where there's good, there's great, and there's elite.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_03: There's ways to decipher and talk about what the type of habits or behaviors are going to create good outcomes, great outcomes, or elite outcomes.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_03: Um, you said probabil probabilistic, probabilistic, if I can speak English, reasoning.
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_03: Um, for those that maybe heard that, they're like, I don't know what that means.
• 41:23
  SPEAKER_03: Maybe talk talk to us about what that means.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_03: Probabilities.
• 41:28
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of saying that, instead of saying that, oh, okay, I'm gonna achieve, it's like saying, okay, I'm gonna achieve this goal, goal X.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_00: Then we ask our kids, what's the probability that you're gonna achieve it?
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_00: What are what are the probabilities, like the honest, the thing, if you take and consider things that you can't control?
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_00: 70%, 85%.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_00: We want to teach our kids that there's a difference between process and outcomes.
• 41:53
  SPEAKER_00: We've been doing that their entire lives.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_00: You can have a great process, but still have a bad outcome.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_00: You can have a bad process, but still have a good outcome.
• 42:01
  SPEAKER_00: An example I give, the analogy I give is going through a stoplight.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_00: You could run a stoplight and cross through it unscathed.
• 42:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, great.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_00: Does that mean it was a good decision?
• 42:11
  SPEAKER_00: No, that was a terrible decision.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_00: You just got lucky.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_00: Or you can stop at a green light and a car comes barreling through and you would have got hit if you would have.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_00: No, was that a good decision?
• 42:21
  SPEAKER_00: No, you that was dumb luck.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_00: You got lucky.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_00: And so a lot of times where it's it just we just try to help our kids understand probabilities.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_00: Whenever they're doing decision making, so okay, what are the odds of this happening?
• 42:33
  SPEAKER_00: How can we increase the odds of success?
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_00: And we always talk about that.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then we reverse engineer, okay, what would make this be a terrible decision?
• 42:43
  SPEAKER_00: And what are we called that um, so they call it a premortem in business, where it's essentially you just destroy the idea.
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_00: What would make this a terrible idea?
• 42:52
  SPEAKER_00: Where are all the things that can make it bad?
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then what you have after you answer that are things you need to avoid or things that you just need to take account of.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_00: And those are literally discussions that we have at that we've had them since they were little kids, just to help them fully understand what they're getting into because it's not so black and white.
• 43:10
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, there's a lot of constraints that lead to performance, that get in the way.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's like a major leaguer saying, Oh, we're gonna uh okay, we want to win the World Series.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 43:20
  SPEAKER_00: What's the probability?
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_00: Like you see then sports, what's the probability of this team winning?
• 43:24
  SPEAKER_00: All we want to do is increase the probability of it.
• 43:26
  SPEAKER_00: We can't guarantee anything.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what probabilistic reasoning.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_00: We want to increase, we want to take consider takes consideration of probabilities, and then how do we tip the scales to increase the odds that we get what we want?
• 43:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's what it, that's really what we talk about all the time.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_03: So good.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_03: I love that.
• 43:44
  SPEAKER_03: Um I hope that there's a lot of dads or moms you're listening, taking notes.
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_03: If not, rewind it, watch it again, because I always tell people like a book is a great book that just goes to the shelf, but a book becomes wisdom when you reread it and you study it.
• 43:56
  SPEAKER_03: And so, like, you've dropped a lot of nuggets that I know that of 330-something dads I've interviewed over the last six years, we've not talked about like those specific things.
• 44:07
  SPEAKER_03: You're making me think about like all my journey in in life through sports, through business.
• 44:12
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, critical feedback is one of the most important ones.
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_03: Um I learned a framework that uh I kind of helped massage and make my own.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_03: It's when you put a number inside of a question.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_03: So and so instead of like, hey, how'd the meeting go?
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_03: Versus, hey, tell me two things that I did great in that meeting, tell me two things I could have done better.
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_03: So you're you're looking for a number, you're looking for specific feedback, and then do something with it.
• 44:34
  SPEAKER_03: And so I I use that with my kids.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, tell me two things you liked about your performance or your game or your team, and tell me two things you didn't.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_03: Great.
• 44:40
  SPEAKER_03: And then the power of saying, Oh, tell me more.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_03: Tell me why.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_03: You get to the gold.
• 44:46
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_00: I'm a huge fan of data and numbers, as you can probably tell.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, you could also use scales, and so you can stay on a scale of one to ten.
• 44:54
  SPEAKER_00: So uh you can so we we we have athletes who have a workout scale how good was a workout?
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_00: Good.
• 45:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's like okay, I'm not getting a lot of data from that.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_00: Scale of one to ten, how good was it?
• 45:04
  SPEAKER_00: 10 being the best you've ever had.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, seven.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, you said seven.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_00: Why did you not uh, or or eight?
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, why eight?
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_00: Why wasn't a nine or a ten?
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it could have done this, or why was it uh if a guy goes, Oh, it was a three, okay, what why was it why was it not a one?
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, because of this.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_00: And so it it just there I love what you said that putting some kind of number, and then if you keep aggregating the numbers, if you keep asking that question day after day after day, then you start to see trends.
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_00: And then I so now we're getting a whole nother topic that I absolutely love.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and I joke with people, I said if you if you are genuinely curious and your body language is positive, and I say, Oh man, Justin, tell me more about that.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_03: The chances of you, the prob probability of you saying, Casey, go screw yourself, I don't want to tell you more about me.
• 45:49
  SPEAKER_03: You're you're gonna tell me more about it.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 45:52
  SPEAKER_03: Because I'm making you, I'm making you feel like, oh, he makes he's really interested in what I'm talking about.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_03: He wants to learn more about me.
• 45:59
  SPEAKER_03: Yes.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_03: And sometimes we as humans, moms, dads, and business, life, we don't slow down to realize how important that is.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_00: That is so true.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_00: That is so true.
• 46:08
  SPEAKER_00: One more thing, I'm sorry, I know one more thing that just popped out.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_00: You just reminded me of this.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_00: Something we would teach our kids to do.
• 46:15
  SPEAKER_00: We do two things I wanted to share.
• 46:17
  SPEAKER_00: Every night before when they were young, till they can talk.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_00: So we would ask them the three same questions every night when we were tucking into bed.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_00: We did it all throughout their lives.
• 46:27
  SPEAKER_00: What was the best part about today?
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_00: What did you learn?
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_00: What are you gonna do better tomorrow?
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_00: Every day, since they were like, since they could speak.
• 46:36
  SPEAKER_00: That quite that question is how I discovered my son had his first kiss uh when he was in kindergarten.
• 46:42
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, that's how I found out like my daughter was observing her siblings and learning from their mistakes when she was seven, like answering the same questions every single night.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, we wanted them to be positive, we wanted them to learn, and we wanted them to focus on what they can control.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so those are three questions that we asked.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then another one that we talk about is the environment.
• 47:03
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, we know they're very kids are very influenced, easily influenced.
• 47:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so we would tell our kids to practice, we'd have days where they'd practice sitting alone at lunch.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_00: Because as kids, like just to practice, see what it feels like to be able to sit by yourself.
• 47:19
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, because we don't, then we always say the environment will win and they will make bad decisions because they want to fit in with the crowd, because they want to do what other people do.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so talk about being elite decision makers, like you got to be very mindful.
• 47:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if you're okay sitting alone and not care what people think and just still be pleasant and they go sit with new people, we even did that, go sit with new groups.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_00: We were big on that.
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_00: Practice making new friends and even sitting alone, like the person who could stand alone, um, that'll help being able to help you walk away from situations because you're not afraid of being alone when you become older and an adult.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_03: Wow, that's powerful, man.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_03: You you made me also realize I um so in 2020 when we were going through like you know, social unrest and black lives matter and just a lot of like powerful stuff, like being a middle-aged white guy, I was not checking a lot of diversity, diversity boxes.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_03: And uh I was one of those white people, um uh Justin, that when I heard the word privilege, I was like, wait, wait, what?
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_03: I I worked my ass off.
• 48:20
  SPEAKER_03: I was we're talking about privilege, I just didn't get it.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_03: And what you just said made me and so like I have a great friend who I met.
• 48:27
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like beyond grateful for this guy who's helped me so much just be more curious, understand more cultures.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_03: And so, like when I met him, I went back and I thought of every uh teammate of color or different culture I interviewed him on the podcast, every single one.
• 48:41
  SPEAKER_03: And I and one of the things I told him was, I'm man, I'm sorry I wasn't more curious back when we played when we were 18, 19 years old.
• 48:45
  SPEAKER_03: I just didn't even think to ask these things.
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_03: And it was really cool to hear just the conversations, but um what he made me think about was like he goes, Case, how often, how many times have you thought about you know, when you go to a restaurant, you're the only white family there.
• 49:01
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, I don't think it's ever happened.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_03: He goes, That's privilege.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you have to be the only person of color in that spot, or the only woman in that spot, or the only man like it makes you think about things differently.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_03: And it and that again, uh I don't want to Pandora's box, I mean, but for me, that changed me so much.
• 49:19
  SPEAKER_03: It took my curiosity to another level, my empathy to another level.
• 49:22
  SPEAKER_03: When I wasn't maybe even I was just going too fast in life to slow down to think about them.
• 49:26
  SPEAKER_03: So when you shared that story about your kids going to you know eat lunch by themselves, it made me think like when I bet I bet they have a lot of empathy and under and understanding of others when they see that, they probably go out of their way to help them.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's a really good I've never connected that dot until you just brought that.
• 49:43
  SPEAKER_00: I never, I never thought about that to look around and say, hey, who might be feeling like they're the only one?
• 49:50
  SPEAKER_00: I like that.
• 49:51
  SPEAKER_00: It could be or could be they might be the only one, they're the they're new to the group, or they're the only one with a certain back.
• 49:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's a really, really good point.
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_00: They're the only one with everyone has a black shirt on and they're the only one with a green shirt on.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe they, it's like, oh, like, yeah, that's a really that's a really good point.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_03: Huh.
• 50:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um, you said some ago before I dive in, I want to learn more about your work real quick, but you you said, you know, you're some of your kids aren't gonna go to college.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_03: School's not for everybody.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_03: I a thousand percent agree with that too.
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_03: Um I I have if there was an SAT for EQ, I think I'd test off the charts.
• 50:27
  SPEAKER_03: I barely passed the SAT because I just didn't have the I didn't care.
• 50:30
  SPEAKER_03: I didn't didn't care.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_03: Now, is that the right answer?
• 50:33
  SPEAKER_03: No, maybe not.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_03: But like my son, he's taking a final today or tomorrow.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_03: I hope his Southern Oregon teachers aren't listening, but it's like environmental science.
• 50:42
  SPEAKER_03: My son's not gonna be a weatherman.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_03: He's not gonna go the ocean and work on saving plants and like and not studying weather systems.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_03: That's not what he's gonna do.
• 50:51
  SPEAKER_03: So if he gets a C on the test, I don't care.
• 50:54
  SPEAKER_03: I don't care.
• 50:55
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm just like, bro, try your best.
• 50:58
  SPEAKER_03: Um if it makes you feel better.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_03: Now I'm not saying don't try, but give yourself grace if it doesn't get the outcome you want.
• 51:04
  SPEAKER_03: But as long as you can say, hey, I die, I worked hard, I studied, I just didn't understand it.
• 51:07
  SPEAKER_03: I went to a tutor, I got, I tried to get help.
• 51:11
  SPEAKER_03: I I'm not handy.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_03: I can't fix anything.
• 51:14
  SPEAKER_03: Me neither.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_03: No, but I can type fast and I can talk in front of big audiences.
• 51:20
  SPEAKER_03: But it's like I, you know, it's why I try to like want my kids assess to realize that you're not you might not get A's on every single test, but you can give effort, an A effort, and you can give an A on your honesty and an A on your work ethic.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_03: But if you if you don't get the grade you want, then let's self-reflect and say, hey, did you half ass it?
• 51:39
  SPEAKER_03: Um, did you just tell me you wanted to study you didn't, or you just just didn't get it?
• 51:44
  SPEAKER_03: Because school is not for everybody.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_00: I love that.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_00: I my kid we were talking about this story when my daughters, they were both in the same grade.
• 51:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, when they're in fifth grade, we got these emails, or they that we got this package from their teachers.
• 51:58
  SPEAKER_00: And there was this big standardized test in elementary school, fifth grade.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the teacher, I could feel the tension from the teacher in the letter to us parents.
• 52:07
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure your daughters have a good night's sleep and a great breakfast.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_00: This is a big test.
• 52:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's standardized.
• 52:13
  SPEAKER_00: We've been training for this.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of nerves and anxiety.
• 52:17
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, it's gonna, it's gonna play a huge role and all this stuff.
• 52:21
  SPEAKER_00: And she gave us two index cards.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_00: Your child's gonna probably feel nervous and scared and all this.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, please, I'm gonna hand these cards out to your daughters, uh to your children, and give them some test-taking advice, some encouragement.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I to this day remember what I wrote.
• 52:38
  SPEAKER_00: I told my wife, she's like, What are we gonna write?
• 52:40
  SPEAKER_00: I said, Oh, I know what I'm gonna write.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_00: I know what we're gonna from both of us.
• 52:43
  SPEAKER_00: I grabbed the two and I wrote it down, I put in the envelope, and I knew my daughters were gonna die laughing when they saw this.
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_00: Um and my wife, she goes, like, what did you write?
• 52:53
  SPEAKER_00: I said, it in in the on the on the index card, it says, This test doesn't matter.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say that.
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_00: I was gonna guess that.
• 53:02
  SPEAKER_01: This test there, there you go.
• 53:04
  SPEAKER_01: This test does not matter.
• 53:05
  SPEAKER_01: And then, and uh, I hope the teacher didn't see it, but she was blowing this up to make it seem like their lives were on the line.
• 53:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, okay, like this isn't this test doesn't matter.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_03: I think keep going.
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_01: Go ahead, no, no, go ahead.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_01: That was it.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_03: I was just gonna say, like, I if if parents can do what your parents did, and we're all flawed.
• 53:28
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm not saying I I just I'm gravitating to you and your family because I it's how I think too, and of but like when I hear, like I was at I play I play golf, and um I was at our golf club the other day, and and this guy named Gary came out to go, hey, when's Ryder getting home?
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, Oh, he'll be home next week.
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_03: He goes, Man, I like I tell you, he he's a different kid, and every time I talk to him, he he gave a hell of a handshake, he asks me great questions, he's so respectful.
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_03: Uh like that to me, when I hear that, it's more important than hey, I shot 68 today, dad.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_03: Awesome.
• 54:01
  SPEAKER_03: Well, tomorrow you could shoot 90.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_03: Golf's hard.
• 54:04
  SPEAKER_03: But like knowing that they have the qualities of just being a good person is to me like one of the biggest measurements of success in life.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_03: And so if you get a D on a test, but you're a great person, and people that know they can count on you, and and that you have trouble, they got your back, and you're gonna open the door for your wife or your whatever, like doing the little things in life that I think are really, really important.
• 54:27
  SPEAKER_03: I celebrate those as a dad.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love that.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_00: It might this isn't mine, so I heard this somewhere, but they're like celebrating eulogy qualities, not resume qualities.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_00: And resumes are our achievements, did this, did that, achieved this, and eulogy qualities are like how you remembered, and it's uh the kind of person you were, how you treated people, and that's cool how you're you're you're more in you care more about the eulogy qualities than the resume qualities, and that's uh yeah, I know that's that's that's so fascinating.
• 54:58
  SPEAKER_00: I know there's nuance to it, and and I love what you said too.
• 55:01
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I could we can do part two where I can share all of my failures, and uh like, oh how much, how yeah, how much I struggle, and you're like, oh my goodness.
• 55:11
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully the kids could overcome the the obstacles of their dad.
• 55:16
  SPEAKER_03: We all do, ma'am.
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_03: So talk to us about the work you're doing now and and how did you get into uh performance coaching?
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_00: It it just kind of was a roundabout.
• 55:26
  SPEAKER_00: Went to BYU to play baseball, got my degree in broadcast journalism, wanted to be the best broadcaster I could.
• 55:32
  SPEAKER_00: That part that pivoted into being a high school teacher.
• 55:35
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be the best teacher for the rest of my life.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_00: I loved it.
• 55:39
  SPEAKER_00: That went into being a mental skills coach.
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_00: I thought I was gonna do that industry for the rest of my life.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then in 19, it kind of pivoted more into um more into like leadership and more uh connection and system.
• 55:54
  SPEAKER_00: Then I got into it, was introduced to systems theory and systems thinking uh for systems building for performance.
• 56:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then in 2000 and two years ago, ended up leaving the Tampa Bay Rays full-time.
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_00: And leading up to that, it was I started, I started doing mental skills coaching with young kids, uh like nine-year-olds.
• 56:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then that turned into helping parents help their own kids, just giving parents like a toolbox.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_00: That turned into doing mental skills at the U.S.
• 56:23
  SPEAKER_00: military in San Antonio, when turned into being the head of mental performance at the IMG Academy, turned into being a mental performance coach for the Red Sox and Browns.
• 56:32
  SPEAKER_00: And then in 19, I started to realize, okay, I don't want to get out of the mental performance exclusive world, and I started studying other industries, systems theory, decision science, uh, mental models from from uh from behavioral economics and math, and like I just loved it.
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it knocked off the mental performance moniker, got rid of the word mental, and just kind of went into a different industry, uh, more of performance advising.
• 57:00
  SPEAKER_00: And then now, as this as the founder of the performance advisory uh uh uh performance advisory group, we exclusively work with head coaches and presidents and GMs and pro athletes and just uh kind of behind the scenes being the but what I love is like all of my stops at broadcasting, teaching, all of those accumulated skill stacks that kind of adds to uh all combined together with my experiences kind of uh uh turn me into kind of like a little unique perspective for people.
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_03: That's cool.
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_03: Um, is there one, as you think about all the you know, different industries you've impacted, pro sports, pro athletes, is there one common theme or gap you feel like you solve for them?
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_00: Uh systems, building systems.
• 57:46
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and that's a people who know me, they just that's why I kind of go by like a I'm a process coach or an advisor to help people build processes.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_00: And so getting nailing down the basic premise is wherever there's consistency, a system is in place.
• 58:01
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to be consistent, then I sit down, I'm like with you, I'm like, what does that mean?
• 58:06
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I want to be more, I want to communicate better.
• 58:08
  SPEAKER_00: And then now it's like, okay, what does that mean?
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_00: Let's create a system for communication.
• 58:14
  SPEAKER_00: What are what are what are the first principles?
• 58:17
  SPEAKER_00: What does it look like behaviorally?
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, how are you gonna measure it?
• 58:20
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, what are gonna be the constraints to it?
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then we're gonna document it and we're gonna keep a score to see trends.
• 58:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, now we're gonna know that.
• 58:27
  SPEAKER_00: What next?
• 58:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so building systems, I think people say they have their goals, but they don't have systems uh for everything, for anything.
• 58:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's that's what I that's what I that's what I do for companies and organizations.
• 58:41
  SPEAKER_03: Love it.
• 58:42
  SPEAKER_03: Um, how can we how can people how can I make it easy for people to find you and learn more about you?
• 58:48
  SPEAKER_00: Instagram, uh, Twitter, LinkedIn, uh just at Justin Sua.
• 58:54
  SPEAKER_00: And then you have access to my newsletter there and my podcast there.
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um I love the newsletter and the podcast because it's essentially if you want to know what I'm all of the clients I work with now, they're private.
• 59:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't, I don't publicize the teams and organizations I work with, but I'll leave all the lessons that we have in the um in the newsletter and in the podcast.
• 59:15
  SPEAKER_00: You get to hear the topics that we're discussing uh without me sharing any names and divulging anything in particular.
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um I I've never been told I can.
• 59:25
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't like to.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's great, man.
• 59:28
  SPEAKER_03: That probably creates it drives your value up because people can trust you more.
• 59:33
  SPEAKER_03: Um where where is your where can we learn more about your podcast?
• 59:37
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it's it's you can do a Spotify, you can go to uh it's called Increase Your Impact Podcast.
• 59:44
  SPEAKER_00: So it started, it was for parents, it was for dads and for moms.
• 59:47
  SPEAKER_00: Started in 2015, two to three minutes every episode.
• 59:50
  SPEAKER_00: We're on episode 2194 today.
• 59:53
  SPEAKER_00: And um, and it the genesis of it was I thought to myself, wow, like.
• 1:00:00
  SPEAKER_00: I have access to a lot of great coaches and lessons.
• 1:00:03
  SPEAKER_00: I what about all the parents, the dads, and the moms who don't have access to this information?
• 1:00:08
  SPEAKER_00: You know what?
• 1:00:09
  SPEAKER_00: Let me just give it to them for free.
• 1:00:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so the secret that I always tell everybody, if you want to know what we are talking about, all the lessons that I'm using with these that I'm learning from these coaches and players at the highest level, it's in the podcast.
• 1:00:20
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't share names.
• 1:00:21
  SPEAKER_00: I just literally it is in the podcast.
• 1:00:24
  SPEAKER_00: If you, if you hear today's episode, it was from a conversation I had with a professional athlete yesterday.
• 1:00:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and so it's I I take the lessons from the calls and my in my uh being there in person, and then I put it on the podcast for everyone for free.
• 1:00:39
  SPEAKER_03: Man, you got a new follower, and I know my son eats this stuff up.
• 1:00:42
  SPEAKER_03: He'll be and so I'm gonna share it with my daughter, my wife, and my and my son.
• 1:00:45
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 1:00:46
  SPEAKER_03: Increase your impact.
• 1:00:47
  SPEAKER_03: I'll make sure that's linked in the show notes.
• 1:00:49
  SPEAKER_03: Um, we'll make sure your your uh Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn are um linked in the show notes as well.
• 1:00:55
  SPEAKER_03: The last part of the podcast, Justin, would I take you through?
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_03: It's called the lightning round.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, and this is where I show you the negative hits of taking too many hits in college, not bong hits, but football hits.
• 1:01:06
  SPEAKER_03: Your job is to answer these questions as quickly as you can, and my job is to try to get a giggle out of you.
• 1:01:11
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, okay.
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:01:12
  SPEAKER_03: Are you ready?
• 1:01:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:01:15
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, we're both guessed how laughing.
• 1:01:16
  SPEAKER_03: I won't I won't look at you so you won't make it easy.
• 1:01:19
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:01:20
  SPEAKER_03: Uh true or true or false.
• 1:01:22
  SPEAKER_03: Uh your dad uh uh once struck out 19 people in a major league baseball game.
• 1:01:28
  SPEAKER_03: My dad?
• 1:01:28
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, false.
• 1:01:29
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:01:30
  SPEAKER_03: True or false, you uh hit 13 home runs in a game at BYU.
• 1:01:37
  SPEAKER_01: False.
• 1:01:38
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:01:39
  SPEAKER_03: Uh true or false, you uh you played every single position in college?
• 1:01:43
  SPEAKER_03: False.
• 1:01:44
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:01:44
  SPEAKER_03: Uh favorite movie of all time is um Man of Fire.
• 1:01:50
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:01:51
  SPEAKER_03: If you want to laugh, what is your favorite go-to movie?
• 1:01:55
  SPEAKER_01: Nacho Libre.
• 1:01:58
  SPEAKER_01: Because my kids love that movie so much.
• 1:02:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, this is so dumb.
• 1:02:02
  SPEAKER_01: And then they watch it, watch, I'm like, oh my gosh, this is so silly.
• 1:02:05
  SPEAKER_01: And then we just like we just quote it all the time.
• 1:02:08
  SPEAKER_03: So good.
• 1:02:09
  SPEAKER_03: Uh if I went into your phone right now, what would be one song or genre music that might surprise the people you work with?
• 1:02:15
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, movie scores.
• 1:02:17
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:02:18
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:02:18
  SPEAKER_01: I think movie scores, yeah.
• 1:02:20
  SPEAKER_03: Favorite 80s sitcom.
• 1:02:23
  SPEAKER_01: Golden girls.
• 1:02:25
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, Blanche.
• 1:02:27
  SPEAKER_03: Fantastic.
• 1:02:28
  SPEAKER_01: My grandma used to watch it, and I just sit there and watch it with her because when I go visit grandma and we just watch Golden Girls.
• 1:02:34
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think our kids realize how much gold we had.
• 1:02:36
  SPEAKER_03: Sitcom, like Facts Alive, oh my god, different strokes.
• 1:02:41
  SPEAKER_01: Different strokes?
• 1:02:42
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god.
• 1:02:43
  SPEAKER_03: I was a punky brewster guy.
• 1:02:44
  SPEAKER_01: Punky Brewster.
• 1:02:45
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, wow.
• 1:02:47
  SPEAKER_01: Wow.
• 1:02:47
  SPEAKER_01: Punky Brewster was awesome.
• 1:02:49
  SPEAKER_01: Punky Breister.
• 1:02:50
  SPEAKER_03: You don't hear too many Punky Brewster shots on podcasts, but that's happened a lot.
• 1:02:54
  SPEAKER_01: I could I could have gone that route.
• 1:02:55
  SPEAKER_01: Punky Brewster was awesome.
• 1:02:57
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, if I came to your house for dinner tonight, what would we have?
• 1:02:59
  SPEAKER_03: What would we have?
• 1:03:00
  SPEAKER_00: Uh tonight, tonight in particular, we're all going out as a family.
• 1:03:05
  SPEAKER_00: We're going to fresh kitchen tonight.
• 1:03:06
  SPEAKER_00: But uh, if you would have came last night, would you say salmon?
• 1:03:09
  SPEAKER_00: Salmon and salad and rice.
• 1:03:11
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, if you were to take Melissa on a vacation right now, sorry, kids, uh, you don't get to go, but it's just you and Melissa, where are you taking her?
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_03: We're going to Italy.
• 1:03:19
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:03:20
  SPEAKER_03: There we go.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_03: Um, if there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title.
• 1:03:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um uh GoForI.
• 1:03:28
  SPEAKER_03: Solid.
• 1:03:29
  SPEAKER_03: Now, Justin, you don't, I don't know if you know this, but I just went to Amazon and GoFor It Sold out.
• 1:03:34
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, on my recent trip, I tried to buy it, go for it in the airport, it's sold out.
• 1:03:38
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, I went to Barnes Noble, it's sold out.
• 1:03:40
  SPEAKER_03: And so now uh Hulu and Netflix are are fighting to produce GoFor It in a movie.
• 1:03:47
  SPEAKER_03: And you are now the casting director.
• 1:03:49
  SPEAKER_03: I need to know who's gonna star you in this critically acclaimed hit new movie.
• 1:03:52
  SPEAKER_00: Ooh, um, I'll probably just go with my favorite actor, Denzel Washington.
• 1:03:57
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, nice, nice.
• 1:03:58
  SPEAKER_03: Denzel is a beast.
• 1:04:00
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, and then last and most important question, tell me two words that would describe Melissa.
• 1:04:05
  SPEAKER_02: Humble.
• 1:04:06
  SPEAKER_02: Number one.
• 1:04:08
  SPEAKER_00: Two words that humble and serviceable.
• 1:04:14
  SPEAKER_00: She just loves to serve people and help them.
• 1:04:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:04:18
  SPEAKER_03: Lightning rounds complete.
• 1:04:19
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, we both giggled.
• 1:04:20
  SPEAKER_03: Again, I make no sense when I ask these questions, but it's super fun to do.
• 1:04:24
  SPEAKER_03: Uh, this has been an absolute honor, man.
• 1:04:26
  SPEAKER_03: I'm so grateful that you spent time with us today.
• 1:04:28
  SPEAKER_03: I'm so grateful for Paul and uh all my friends and our core friends at uh Limitless Minds and those who've spent time at IMG.
• 1:04:35
  SPEAKER_03: I have not, but um we we have some similar connections, which is kind of neat to see it all kind of come full circle.
• 1:04:40
  SPEAKER_03: But I'm grateful for you.
• 1:04:42
  SPEAKER_03: I'm grateful for our time, and I hope to have a chance to meet you in person soon.
• 1:04:45
  SPEAKER_03: That'd be a blast.
• 1:04:46
  SPEAKER_00: Likewise, thank you so much.
• 1:04:47
  SPEAKER_00: This is this is one of my favorite interviews.
• 1:04:49
  SPEAKER_00: I loved it.
• 1:04:50
  SPEAKER_03: Cool, appreciate you, ma'am.
• 1:04:52
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.