Latest / Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald / Comic Rachel Feinstein, D4vd Murder, RHOC

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Comic Rachel Feinstein, D4vd Murder, RHOC · Juicy Scoop with Heather McDonald

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Heather MacDonald has got the Juicy Scoop. When you're on
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: the road, when you're on the go.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: Juicy Scoop is the show to know. She talks Hollywood
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: tales for real life.
• 0:14
  Speaker 3: Mr.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Saving Serial Data and Serial Sisters. You'll be addicted and
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: addicted fast to the number one tabloid real life podcast.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: Listen in, listen up.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Woo, woo. Heather MacDonald. Juicy Scoop. Hello and welcome to
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Juicy Scoop. All right, we have some juicy update on
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: this crazy crime that happened with the singer David. I
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: talked about this last week. So there is this 20-year-old
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  Speaker 1: singer named David. He has some hits. He was on
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: tour and his Tesla was found and because there was
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: a very bad smell coming from it, so it got towed.
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  Speaker 1: And in it, in the front trunk of the Tesla,
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  Speaker 1: they found a very decomposed body. That person we now
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  Speaker 1: know was a missing teen. She's been missing since 24,
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  Speaker 1: over a year. She was only 15. Her name is
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: Celeste Rivas. And They connected it to David because it
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  Speaker 1: was his car that was registered to him. He has
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  Speaker 1: canceled his tour dates. He is supposedly cooperating with the
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  Speaker 1: authorities on this. Her family is from Lake Elsinore. There
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: was a vigil for her. The body was so decomposed,
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  Speaker 1: it was only 77 pounds. And they don't know what
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  Speaker 1: caused her death, being that it was such a decomposed
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: That's going to take some time, I think, for the
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  Speaker 1: autopsy to figure out. Maybe that's why they're waiting to
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  Speaker 1: officially arrest him. Maybe they're trying to figure out when
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  Speaker 1: she died and if, in fact, his alibi would stick.
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  Speaker 1: Maybe he was in Europe or something for two months
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  Speaker 1: and it would be impossible for him to do this.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: They were, by all accounts, a couple, it sounds like.
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: There is a teacher that has spoken to his classroom
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  Speaker 1: and is doing interviews that he actually... taught them, like
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: had each of them in his classroom, I think at
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  Speaker 1: one point, but certainly knew her. And he's telling his class, like, beware,
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  Speaker 1: this girl went missing. Now her body has been found.
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  Speaker 1: She got involved with a man that was older than she,
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: who she met on the internet, on social media. So
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  Speaker 1: it was sort of like a lesson to his class
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  Speaker 1: to be so careful and People are very confused to
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  Speaker 1: where her parents are in all of this or her family.
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  Speaker 1: You know, before we'd always hear about trafficking with teenagers,
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: there was a time many years ago, decades ago, when
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: a young teen girl would go missing and they were
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: just called runaways. Like, oh, they just ran away. They
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: just ran off with a boyfriend or they hated their
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: parents and hopefully we'll find them. But it wasn't like
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: this person is missing, either, you know, kidnapped, trafficked, dead.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: they went on their own volition or whatever. So I
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: don't know if that was the case, but the parents
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: or the family did say she was missing. So she
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: was reported missing. They share a tattoo of the exact
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: same thing on the same inside of the middle finger
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  Speaker 1: named Shush. So supposedly they met when she was only 13.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: So that would have made him 17, maybe 18. He's
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  Speaker 1: only 20 now. And this is where it gets crazy.
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  Speaker 1: he had a song called, the song is called Romantic Homicide,
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  Speaker 1: came out on his 2023 album. And there's a video
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  Speaker 1: to it where it's a body being put inside the
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  Speaker 1: trunk of a car and being dragged. There is a
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  Speaker 1: romantic actress, a girl playing a romantic lead in it
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: that people feel she sort of resembles Celeste. There is
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: He has a bloody shirt on him. He was selling
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: shirts from the video. His merch had these like bloody
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: shirts where it's like handprints of blood on a white
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: shirt that you could buy.
• 4:24
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• 4:27
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• 4:31
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• 4:36
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• 4:41
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  Speaker 1: Of course, people are very curious about it. This guy
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  Speaker 1: has said about it, showed it, talked about it, sang
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  Speaker 1: about it, has the tattoo, everything. And so people are like,
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  Speaker 1: why is he not being arrested. And the only thing
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  Speaker 1: I can think of is that they need to know,
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  Speaker 1: they need more time to figure out when in fact she, um,
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  Speaker 1: her life ended and how, and they just really want
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  Speaker 1: to make sure before they arrest him that they definitely,
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: that he is definitely the one. Could he have had
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  Speaker 1: someone else do it was maybe there was, you know,
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  Speaker 1: they were romantic for a Became involved with her and
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  Speaker 1: maybe that person is the one that in fact did it.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: In case he's telling that, we don't know. But the
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  Speaker 1: fact that he was obsessed with this, wrote a song
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  Speaker 1: about romantic homicide and here a girl that he clearly,
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: in my opinion, had a romantic relationship with, though that
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: is quite controversial being that he was in fact over
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  Speaker 1: 18 and she was a child. That obviously wouldn't have
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: been great for his career if it had come out. Yes,
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: Elvis Presley was over 18 dating Priscilla Presley, but that
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  Speaker 1: was 60 years ago, and it does not fly today.
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  Speaker 1: So because of the interest in him and his song
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  Speaker 1: and all the connections and how it's basically he's just
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: telling on himself, according to this, David earned his biggest
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: streaming day of all time on Spotify on September 21st.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: with 12.1 million streams just that particular day. So it's insane.
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  Speaker 1: And I hope the family gets their answers. Supposedly a
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  Speaker 1: spokesperson for the family has started a GoFundMe, I assume
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  Speaker 1: to pay for her funeral costs. Last I checked, the
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: goal was 20,000. I'm sure they've gotten to it by then.
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  Speaker 1: But we have yet to hear from the actual parents.
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  Speaker 1: And we're... how long they were really concerned, if they
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  Speaker 1: know anything about the relationship that she was having with
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  Speaker 1: this singer, how they met, where the tattoo happened from.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Of course, who did the tattoo? I'm curious about that
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  Speaker 1: since you have to be 18 to have a tattoo
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  Speaker 1: and clearly she wasn't. There's so many questions. So that
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: is really what everyone is talking about. Okay, little update
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: on Real Housewives OC before I get to my hilarious
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: interview with the very funny comedian, Rachel Feinstein. I just
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: want to cover this. So in the war between Gretchen
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: and Tamara and bringing up the past, as we've spoken before,
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: there was a very disturbing episode 13 years ago or
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  Speaker 1: 17 years ago, I think, in which Tamara is seen
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  Speaker 1: with her adult son, who was 22 at the time.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: Let's get Gretchen, who was with a older man who
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: was her fiance, who was since passed. Let's get her
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  Speaker 1: naked wasted so she does something she regrets. And they
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  Speaker 1: film it all. They show him going in the bathroom
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  Speaker 1: with her and trying to kiss her. And it's all
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: on mic. And it's all available for you to watch
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  Speaker 1: on Peacock today. That gets out there. She says, I
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: should have gone to the hospital, she tells Katie. Katie
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  Speaker 1: said that she went to the hospital. Then she said,
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  Speaker 1: I said I should have gone to the hospital, but
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: I didn't. So it's a case of woulda, coulda, shoulda.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Is Gretchen a liar? Is you know, what's Tamara trying?
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  Speaker 1: Is Tamara trying to catch her in a lie to,
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  Speaker 1: you know, get the heat off of her for what
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  Speaker 1: she did 17 years ago, which I'm sure she wouldn't
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  Speaker 1: do today and is very inappropriate. Then we find out
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  Speaker 1: that Tamara, I guess, tried to be one of those
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  Speaker 1: real housewives that had a song during the no hate
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  Speaker 1: campaign of 2008, in which there was a whole campaign
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: of wanting to make it legal that gay couples could
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: get married. And so you would do this like photo shoot.
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  Speaker 1: A lot of people did it. And so she was
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: going to do a no hate because it was Prop
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: 8 campaign. And so Gretchen says in the episode, oh,
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  Speaker 1: she tried to be a singer. I have four songs,
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  Speaker 1: but Tamara, who's made fun of Real Housewives pop singers,
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  Speaker 1: actually has a song too. And they call Slade and
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  Speaker 1: then Slade on a speaker, you know, on a FaceTime, says, oh,
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  Speaker 1: you want the song or do you want when it
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  Speaker 1: was recorded when she was having sex with this boy
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: band guy? This guy was in a 90s boy band
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: that supposedly Tamara got with while recording this song. And
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  Speaker 1: while they were being romantic, it was the recording in
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  Speaker 1: the studio was still going on from when she tried
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  Speaker 1: to sing this song. And this was 13 years ago.
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  Speaker 1: And this guy is married and he was married then,
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  Speaker 1: or at least with his now wife. And, you know, she,
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  Speaker 1: Tamara denied it. And she was either with Simon or
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: just starting to date Eddie, but it was before she
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: was married to Eddie. And so this all comes out
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: and it isn't really boding well with the audience. The
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: audience is like, why?
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: Why?
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  Speaker 1: Is that when we bring back an old cast member,
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  Speaker 1: for whatever reason, it's all about hashing up old drama.
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  Speaker 1: It happened with, you know, Alexis Bellino a little bit
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  Speaker 1: with the boyfriend. And now it's got now it's happening
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  Speaker 1: with Gretchen and Tamara. And it's just a very interesting thing.
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  Speaker 1: It's like every day it kind of shifts in who
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  Speaker 1: is really obsessed with whom. Is it Tamara obsessed with Gretchen?
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  Speaker 1: Is it Gretchen obsessed with Tamara? Who's digging up the
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  Speaker 1: old thing? Who's keeping the skeleton? Who's the skeletons or
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: who's the bone collector? And I don't think the audience
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  Speaker 1: really cares, in my opinion, if, in fact, Tamara did
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  Speaker 1: do something sexual with this guy 13 years ago. I
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: just don't think anyone cares. Or maybe it was more
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: than that. Let's see. 2008, what year are we in?
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: How many years? I can't even do the math. Anyway,
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: it was a long time ago. Doesn't seem like people care. Um,
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: and so every day, the, the waves shift of, of
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: who really is the enemy here. And the rest of
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: the episode seemed a little sticky. They had a sleepover.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: They went to the Abbey and the girls went to
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: the Abbey and they were dancing around. And ever since
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I heard from gay men and my friends that they
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: actually are over a bunch of straight women going to
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: gay bars. They're like, can we just have one thing? Like,
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: we're not that into it. We're not really that into
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: having the bachelorette parties. roll up in here and as
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: if they're going, you know, on a museum trip or something.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: I don't know. And so I'm like, God, are they
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: even excited to see these housewives come and like dance
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: on a table and do this whole thing? So they
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: do that with Gretchen and Emily and Heather. And then
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: the next morning after they have their $ 15, 000 sleepover where
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: they bring in the beds and everything like you would
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: for your little spoiled 12 year old to have a
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: sleepover with like the canopies and the living room and
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: the candy bar, they drill Gretchen about who pays for
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: what in her household with Slade and why have they
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: not gotten married? And she's put on the spot and, um,
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: And then, you know, that's sort of uncomfortable and that's
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: going to all come out. And they were, she was
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: on Watch Robbins Live defending herself. So we are watching,
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: as you know, Gretchen and Slade came on my show
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: maybe like six weeks ago or so, a month ago.
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  Speaker 1: And it was quite juicy. They'd never done my show
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: before and they are a fascinating couple. And this is
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: all playing out and where it's going to land and
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: who is on whose team and what's happening. So that's
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: the juice there. And some people are tired of it.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: And they're like, I'm over this darkness. I'm over bringing
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: up the past. But I feel it's pretty juicy because
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: it's all there for us to go back and watch
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: on Peacock. So Peacock and Bravo must be loving this.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: And if anything, I think they will continue to bring
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: back past housewives as a friend of to stir the pot.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: I think they did it with Lexus Bellino. I think
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: they did it with Gretchen. And I think it will
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: continue to happen in the franchise because I actually think
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: it works. Okay. So now don't forget you guys to
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: buy your tickets, low ticket alert, November 14th at the
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: BravoCon weekend, MGM Grand, Brandi Julie's prize guests, all housewife Bravo, fun,
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: hilarity happening. HeatherMcDonald.net. Also, every Wednesday, brand new Juicy Crimes
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: episodes drop and right on the Juicy Crimes feed. The
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: link is here below. Please subscribe to that. Spread the word.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: It's also on YouTube. Subscribe to the YouTube and leave
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: a review if you are so inclined. So now with
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: my very funny friend, Rachel Feinstein. Hello and welcome to
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: Juicy Scoop. I have a return favorite from the East Coast. comedian, mother, daughter,
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: wife of a beloved firefighter, Rachel Feinstein. Welcome back to
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: Juicy Scoop.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: Thank you. I love it here. Look at this lovely
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: young man. You're gorgeous. I wish for you mountains of ass.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: You're a marvelous young fella.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: She's talking about my son, Drake, who is here producing
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: this episode here. No, thank you for coming out. What
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: brought you out to the East Coast besides coming on
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: Juicy Scoop?
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: I'm working on this.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: Pilot that's based on my specials. But we're just like
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: in the beginning stages now where like the studio is attached,
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: but we're figuring it all out.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: That is very exciting.
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: Thank you. I'm excited.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Do you feel inspired that there is another wave of
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: like sitcoms based on standups lives with the success of
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: Leanne on Netflix.
• 14:45
  Speaker 6: I do.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: I think Leanne's hysterical.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: I like binge watch everything she does.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I, I love her as a person too.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: I don't know her personally. She's a delight.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: She is such a delight and so incredibly genuine.
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: That's what I've heard from everybody.
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: She hasn't changed yet. Like as a mom and a
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: grandmother now just goes to her head. She just becomes
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: like a complete bitch. Um, Yeah, I think it's an
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: interesting time to see like what, if this wave could
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: come back. Because remember when it was so popular and
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: people were getting development deals that had no reason to
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: get a development deal, but you get a little chunk
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: of money and then the show wouldn't go. But, you know,
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: back when, it's like there's always such a copycat thing.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: So I like remember when like, you know, Seinfeld hit,
• 15:32
  Speaker 1: and then Everyone Loves Raymond, those were like good, but
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: then it was just, it seemed like everybody. Like, who's
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: our Seinfeld? Oh, I'm, you know, I'm the Boston Polish guy.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: Let's do a show about a Boston Polish family or whatever.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you used to need like four minutes to have
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: a fucking TV show. You needed four minutes of stand-up.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: You basically just had to go on TV and be like.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: I'm Russian.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: And like, you do the math. And like a fun-loving shrug.
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: And that would be your entire act. And then they
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: would give you a TV show based on that.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: So true. I always said like you had to have like... like, yeah,
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: four minutes on a platter, spelling it out. That it's like, my.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: Dad's from here, my mom's from there. And that was it.
• 16:14
  Speaker 2: Just fucking million, just hurled a million dollars right at
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: your dumb face. But then you would go on tour
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: and fucking bomb because you had no act.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: I remember there was this girl during that time. Also,
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: this same girl started like how I did in LA.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: And so people would say, Well, like how you got
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: to get up every night. You can't in New York.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: You know, how are you doing this? I'm like, I
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: don't know. But like people have approached me and said,
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: I think you have a sitcom in you because I did.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: Like I worked with my parents. I would do my
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: mom's voice. I had these, you know, these brothers that
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: were kind of crazy and inept. I had, you know,
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: all I did have all the makings for it. I
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: still do. And but it's just different now. Now it's,
• 16:53
  Speaker 1: you know, husband, kids, whatever.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: But, um, no, even my aunt grew up near your
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: family and she was like, she was like, Oh, the McDonald's.
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: They're very exciting. They are very exciting. She was like
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: almost angry about it. She's like, they're a fun family.
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: They're fucking interesting. Rachel Lois said so.
• 17:10
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: And I also think, well, this was one of the
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: jokes that this girl had and I don't know where
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: she is, what she's doing. She's listening to this. It's
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: her joke, whoever she is. And the joke was I'm
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: half Irish, half, um, I don't even know how to
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: say it. Okay. Denmark is in Holland, right? So what Danish? Okay.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: I'm half Irish, half Danish. So that means I get
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: drunk and drive into a windmill.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: And that, and then she got his show. I had
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: every joke I had was like that, by the way,
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: when I started, it was just like, I have ADD
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: and bulimia. So I go into the bathroom and I'm like,
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: what did I come in here for? I don't know.
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: I'm going to the mall. Like every single thing I
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: wrote was like that. That's funny though. It was like,
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: fun loving shrug sitcom.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 18:00
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: That's how it used to be. Yeah. I think like, thank,
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: I mean, in a way I'm like, thank God I
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: didn't change my aggressively Jewy name because that didn't happen
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: to me. And I don't think like, yeah, Rachel Feinstein,
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: isn't it? Like it needs to be like, I feel
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: like I have a name that doesn't immediately people don't want. Like,
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: it's not like a hot name. I'm going to regret
• 18:17
  Speaker 2: everything I'm saying right now, but yeah. I mean, Jews
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: were not known for our hot names, I'm sorry. Yeah,
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: like there's not a lot of like Susan Weintraub's in porn.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: But I feel like back then, I feel like- No.
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: Idea what my point is.
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: No, but I do kind of feel like back then,
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: I felt that when I would go to the comedy
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: store back then, that it was all Jewish comedians. And
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: I felt like, oh, if I had a really funny
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: bar mitzvah bit, Right. Maybe I would get something.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: Cause it was just, no, there's plenty of Jews in comedy.
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: I'm only talking about my name.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: Not like the most beautiful name. Like not, not the
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: most like, yeah. Like, like people change their names. You
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: know what I mean? Like Jon Stewart is, I mean,
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: Jon Stewart was like, I don't know. I think it
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: was Jeff Ross was Jeff Lipschultz, Jon Stewart. Jeff's a
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: good friend of mine, but I'm not, I'm just saying
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: Jeff's Jon Stewart was, I don't know. Sean Lebowitz or
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: some shit. I don't know what he was, but yeah.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: So I'm saying sometimes they, they kind of like, there's
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: just a name that's a little bit. So I'm, I
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: don't think that comedy has a lack of Jews in it.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: No, I think, but I do think a good name is,
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: is a good name if you're willing to change it.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: I always remember there was a, the story was there
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: was this comedian named Andrea Abbott and the story was
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: that wasn't her name. But she changed it so that
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: when people would look for actresses to hire in like
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: the SAG-AFTRA book, like it was literally a book, she
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: would be at the top of the list because of
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: having a double A name.
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: Oh, that's a really good point, though. Those things matter.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: They do.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: I mean, then they did. Now I don't think, you know.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: Shit matters. So yeah, even when I named my special
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: big guy, which is named after my, because my husband
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: calls me big guy, but I still was thinking A, B, C,
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: like I'm, you know, and also I run a little dumb.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: So that is also why I'm thinking of things like that.
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: Planning on rewarding your staff this year struggling to choose
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: between a shop gift card or a pay anywhere card
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: stop choosing with options card your employees get both they
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: can spend with ireland's favorite retailers or choose a card
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: you can tap and pay with all in one reward
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: you choose who to reward and how much options card
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: handles the rest it's valid for five years with no
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: fees chipping away at the balance make your rewards more
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: rewarding visit optionscard.ie today.
• 20:32
  Speaker 6: I'm Darman, and this is What Happens Next. Each week
• 20:36
  Speaker 6: on the show, I sit down with extraordinary people who
• 20:39
  Speaker 6: have faced tremendous setbacks and yet somehow have found a
• 20:43
  Speaker 6: way to turn them into their greatest strengths.
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: Life is one long lesson of chaos.
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: I'm heading to the Emmys, and I have police complaints
• 20:51
  Speaker 2: filed against me.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: When your free will is about to be taken from you,
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: what would you.
• 20:55
  Speaker 6: Do if it was given back? Where did that need
• 20:58
  Speaker 6: come from where you thought that you had to succeed
• 21:01
  Speaker 6: in order to feel loved?
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: He said, I have a work dad.
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: I need a home dad.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: What happens next? When I came in, he started crying.
• 21:07
  Speaker 6: Everybody in life encounters hardships. What defines them is not
• 21:12
  Speaker 6: those hard moments that they go through. It's about what
• 21:14
  Speaker 6: happens next.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: I decided to risk it all.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: I realized how valuable every day was. You're worth the work. Listen, Dara,
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to pull punches. You can use your
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: voice even if it's shaped.
• 21:24
  Speaker 6: The stories are different, but the impact is the same.
• 21:28
  Speaker 6: Only one question matters. What happens next?
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: I also think that's a great idea if you're thinking
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: about a child's name. Because, you know, I remember my...
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: So my daughter's name is Mackenzie. My other son's name
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: is Brandon. And then Drake. And you know what? Drake
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: was the first one to be able to spell it.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: Because it's fucking five letters.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's easy.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: So like, you know, oh, Max knew how to spell
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: his name at, you know, four. I would hope so, Max.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: I would hope so. Like... So if you're into bragging
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: about your kid, think about these things when you give
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: them a hard name with like an accent mark and,
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: you know, two things. Yes.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: My daughter's Frankie, so it's not that hard. Well, her
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: real name is Alina Frances Brennan, but we call her Frankie.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: But she, yeah, that's not that bad. That's not that hard. Yeah.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: She can, I think she can swing that. She wants
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: to be a cashier anyway, so she's going to be fine.
• 22:28
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: Her goals aren't too lofty.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: How old is she now?
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: She's five.
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: Um, I love, okay. So you have a daughter. I,
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: I raised, you know, my stepdaughter as well, but I
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: do identify more if I'm on the spectrum of identity
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: as a boy mom, because the majority of my years
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: of raising children were just these two boys being crazy
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: and my husband. And I do feel that If I
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: was able to have raised a husband and two sons
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: before I ever started dating, I would have been a beast.
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: I would have known exactly... Nothing would have hurt my feelings.
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: I would have known... I know... Because you know what
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: these animals are up to. I'm just telling you.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: You've watched them. You've tracked these, excuse me, pigs. Again,
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: you're a marvelous young lady. But you've watched them from
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: the beginning and you know how they work.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: And I look back and I'm like, I can't believe
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: that I ever thought that a guy was even... thinking
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: about this at all.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the thing I do realize with my husband.
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: Because you know when you go back in time and
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: you're like, when you go back to your first date
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: and you're like, oh, when you did this, I thought this.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: My husband wasn't thinking.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: They're never thinking.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: There's no inner monologue. If you opened his brain like
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: it was a canister, there'd be like a Giants t-shirt
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: and like a potato inside.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: Like remember when you were like going to prom or
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: whatever with whether you liked the guy or not and
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: you're like thinking, I bet he's wondering what my dress
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: is going to look like and what color it is.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: Unless he's gay, he was not wondering.
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: He was just like, what time do I have to
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: be there? And if I like you, I hope we
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: make out or get to figure you out.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: That's my husband in a nutshell. There's no secondary thought ever.
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: There's no second thought. I'm telling you, if you opened
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: up his head, there would just be a cross and
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: a lighter in it or something, like a big lighter.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: I think the big problem is that Women hype each
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: other up too much. And they constantly are telling each other.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: That you deserve and you need somebody that's going to cherish.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: You deserve somebody better and kick him to the curb
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: and he doesn't care about you. And so then when
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: you're like getting in a fight with your husband, you're like,
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: if this was filmed and the world saw it, they
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: would be like, run for the hills. He's horrible. But
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: if you also just think, he's not a woman anymore.
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: He's not a woman.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: He's not your girlfriend. He's not your friend. He's not
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: your sister. He's not your mother.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: Every fight I've ever had with my husband, he has
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: no idea what the fuck I'm talking about. And usually
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: he gets kind of sleepy in the middle because he
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: just gets kind of fatigued. Nothing makes my husband have
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: a good night's sleep like me sobbing. Like I'm just
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: crying and he's just like just nodding off. Because he
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: truly has no idea what the fuck I'm talking about,
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: what I need, what I want. It's anyone's guess in
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: his mind. He just gets real, yeah, he just goes,
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: he's out like a light when I start weeping.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to say, you're not going to get
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: your needs met by marrying a man. By marrying a
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: straight man. If you want to have a lavender marriage,
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: I can totally see the appeal.
• 25:23
  Speaker 2: I didn't know it was called a lavender marriage. That's
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: the best phrase ever.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: You haven't heard about a lavender marriage? It's making a comeback.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: I get it.
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: Because gay men are sick of other gay men. They're like,
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: I've had enough. They suck. And then women are just like, well,
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: I don't want a straight man that like doesn't, you know.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: So they're like, why don't we go back to like
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: the 50s when like lavender marriages happened and people were happy.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: They still fucked enough to have a couple kids.
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: And then, but then they were like best friends. They
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: went antiquing.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: I will say, antiquing is amazing. I will say that
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: when I was, for some reason, when I was dating online,
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: I attracted a lot of gay men and I would
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: have the best banter with them. And then I get
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: so excited because they'd be funny. I'd be like, oh,
• 26:06
  Speaker 2: this is hilarious.
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: So they were gay, but they were still, like, hoping
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: to get married to a woman and hide it, or
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: they didn't know they were gay?
• 26:12
  Speaker 2: Totally in a closet. I didn't... I mean, in my mind,
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: there's no way they didn't know, but they weren't admitting
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: it to themselves on some level. But I had so
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: many times where, because I get so excited, and I'm such, like,
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: a fucking hopeless, dumb, dumb romantic, and I would just...
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: I'd be on the road and I would go back
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: and forth with these guys on text. And by the
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: end of the weekend, I was just like fucking humping
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: every pillow available. I was like, this man is my husband.
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: He's hilarious. He's fucking hot. And I get to the
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: date and he was like, smart pencil skirt. And I'm like,
• 26:39
  Speaker 2: no fucking man that wants to be inside a woman
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: knows what a pencil skirt is, not one.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: They would know what a pencil skirt is?
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: One guy said smart pencil skirt.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: What do you think, if you had to guess, describe
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: what a straight pencil skirt would look like on a woman?
• 26:53
  Speaker 1: Not even knowing.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not supposed to.
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: Just try for $ 100. Just try. It doesn't go out
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: as much. Okay, pretty good. Not bad. Where does it
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: hit the leg? Where on the leg does it? What
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: do you mean low? Like here, halfway? No, not really.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: It's right under the knee. He guessed mid-calf. That's called T-length.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: Get with it, you fucking loser.
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: Obviously, you don't like dick. Whatever. Not cool. I feel disgusting.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: I remember thinking like there was a, now thank God
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: my husband and I kind of have, we do have
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: our own bathrooms, which has been the greatest thing about
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: this house. But throughout the years, I was like, he
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: has watched me put on my makeup forever. And I'm like, Peter,
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: do you think that you could like identify what these
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: items are? If you had to, being that we've like traveled,
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: you've seen it laying around, which has irritated you, you know? And,
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: and he was like, no. And I'm like, I mean,
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: how can you not like know that this is for
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: like eyelashes and mascara? And then I thought, but I
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: don't know how to do anything in the house. I mean,
• 28:12
  Speaker 1: I know what a screwdriver, I would not know how
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: to fix something. I don't want.
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: Oh my God. No, I feel so bad because my
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: daughter is like, how come daddies can fix things? My
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: mommy's can't fix anything. And I'm like, cause that's, that's
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: true in our home. She's just like, How come daddy
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: knows how to fix all of my toys and whenever
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: something breaks, you just go ask daddy? I'm just like
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: such a dumb hole in that way. I'm just like,
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: I don't know, ask dad. I'm the fun one, all right?
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: But people fix shit.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: I am the fun one too. And I, that's exactly
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: what I was attracted to.
• 28:37
  Speaker 2: I bring a party, yeah.
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: Peter likes to, some of the beautiful traits he has,
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: I felt like I picked a good match because I
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: found this guy that did everything that I hated to
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: do just blew off and procrastinated about and also didn't
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: know how to do. So right off the bat, he
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: had told me that he had like taken down like
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: a whole cabinet in his condo himself and like made
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: it more of an open concept kitchen.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah. See that puts me to sleep, but I need
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: it done. But I was like, but I was like, yeah.
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: Cause my mom always said, find someone who's handy, you know,
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: then it was cause my dad wasn't, but he was the,
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: he was, what was wrong with my dad is he,
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: Wasn't handy.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: But he thought he was? Yes.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: And so then when we moved next door to my parents,
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: my mom was like having a covert relationship with my
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: husband because she would be like, Peter, it's Pam. Bob's
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: going to the VA at two o'clock. Yeah. can you
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: come over here and change these light bulbs he's he
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: will I don't need him going on a flatter and
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: falling off and then I just remember one time I
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: go I just one time I heard my dad like
• 29:51
  Speaker 1: in the background we don't need fucking Peter here to
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: fix it and I'm like Yeah, we do. Like, what
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: are you doing, Dad? Like, stop with the ego.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: My mom does that. My husband, my dad knows because
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: he's a Jew. Jews aren't known for fixing things.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God. So my sister married a Jew, Michael Goldstein, nicest,
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: best husband ever. And I do say that right in
• 30:09
  Speaker 1: front of Peter.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of sweet Jewish husbands that are just
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: not known for fixing.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: My mom always said that, too. She would say Jewish husbands,
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: they give the best gifts to their wives. She was
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: so jealous of her friends that were married. to Jewish guys.
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: And it's true. My sister always has like a beautiful
• 30:24
  Speaker 1: Todd's new handbag or Bottega or like he goes to
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: like a real jewelry store.
• 30:30
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: My dad was not like that, but I think there
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: are like the higher end Jewish people. We were like
• 30:35
  Speaker 2: the kind of, we were a little jacked up our family.
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: Like we had a car, none of the doors worked
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: on the car. Cause my mom was so, my mom,
• 30:45
  Speaker 2: whenever she would go to the mechanic, she would come
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: back and she'd be like, Salvatore has an autistic son.
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: And so I'm like, what the fuck does that have
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: to do with our car? And she would, yeah, my
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: mom would just basically spend all our whole college funds
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: at the mechanic and we would just have the same busted,
• 31:01
  Speaker 2: jacked up car. None of the doors worked. The only
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: door that even would open was the back door, but
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: there was no springs on it. It would just fall
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: and slam shut. So I was dropped off. This should
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: make a lot of sense of why I'm a comedian
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: and one of the many things that went awry in
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: my life. My dad would drop me off at like
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: high school and they called the Feinstein barf mobile because
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: it smelled like puke because my brother puked in it
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: so much in vacations. which were to the fucking Liz
• 31:22
  Speaker 2: Claiborne outlet because my mom needed to get new pumps
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: or whatever. So he would put a broomstick up. That's
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: how he would hold it up. And then we'd all
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: have to climb up because there was no springs out
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: the back door of the car and come back in.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: My dad just used a lot of masking tape and
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: like a free weight. You know one of those big
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: round weights that you would put on like that? So
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: there'd always be like, let's put this weight over here
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: with some masking tape. And somehow, I don't know.
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: Give me an example of one of the things he
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: would use a freeway to. It's so funny.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: I don't even know. I just remember, like, I can
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: literally see Matt and him being like, just hold this here.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: And I was just, like, helping with it. And then
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: when I could drive, we would– I was so bad
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: at going and getting what was asked of me from
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: Ace Hardware. Ace Hardware was a store.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: I hate those stores.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: I don't– I always wondered– if the guy that owned
• 32:18
  Speaker 1: the Ace Hardware near our house was like a trust
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: fund multimillionaire, because there would be so many people working there.
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: And I was like, how does this place survive? Like
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: there are so many people helping, but even with all
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: the people helping, I would still go and then come home.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: My dad would be like, that's the wrong thing. And
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: I have to go back to Ace Hardware. I'm like,
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: this is the wrong, it's a one and a half, da, da, da, da,
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: not a one and one fourth quarter.
• 32:47
  Speaker 2: That's like a biblical pilgrimage to have to go back.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: Go back to Ace Hardware. Multiple times. Multiple times.
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: Oh my God, Heather.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: I mean, it was just.
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: You don't deserve that. Look at you, you're a fucking flower.
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: You don't deserve to have to make multiple trips to fucking, yeah,
• 33:01
  Speaker 2: that's crossing a fucking desert in biblical times.
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: It was horrible, horrible, horrible.
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: You don't belong there. Look at you.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: No, I don't. Fucking sweet Daisy. Yeah, I absolutely hate it.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: And now, like, you know, sometimes my husband will wake up, like,
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: early in the morning and just decide, like, shit needs
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: to be put away.
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: And cleaned up. Oh, that's my husband's whole fucking mood. Oh,
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: my God. That's my whole life. He gets up in
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: this fucking real fucking manic, hypomanic fucking state. And he's
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: just like, yeah, we got to start getting shit squared away.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: I'm like, get the fuck out of my room. Like,
• 33:34
  Speaker 2: I just came home from fucking Orlando. Like, I need
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: a fucking break. I did five shows, and my husband
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: just gets up, just got to start cracking away. When
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: I left, that's what he was doing. That's why I
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: was telling you. He's like, yeah, we need a gondola.
• 33:48
  Speaker 2: And he says it in the dumbest way, where I'm like,
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: maybe we do, but whatever you're going to invent.
• 33:52
  Speaker 1: A gondola like a boat?
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: Like, no, not a gondola.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: Sorry.
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: I'm so dumb. What's the other one that, you know,
• 33:57
  Speaker 2: I'm asking the man in the room. This is so stupid.
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: I get it mixed up with the.
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: I'm imagining your house in New York with like an
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: Italian gondola.
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: What's an over... Oh, I know you.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: A gazebo.
• 34:14
  Speaker 2: Not a gazebo. It's like it goes off the back
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: of your house and it's like a piece of something
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: that you go in the shade and you relax under it.
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: It's like a gazebo. Maybe it's a gazebo, but there's
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: another word.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: No, but I know what you mean. A veranda.
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, veranda kind of thing. But whatever it was, whatever
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: the word is, my husband sound even dumber than I
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: sound right now saying it somehow. He was like, oh,
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: we need a fucking veranda. And I'm like, no, we
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: don't because you're going to bring four firemen over here
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: and they're going to just paint fucking Jordan Peterson blowing
• 34:41
  Speaker 2: the founding fathers on top of this veranda. Like, just
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: give me a beat and let me find something nice.
• 34:46
  Speaker 2: So he just wants to explode everything and build everything.
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: And then he would, but he would just make things heinous.
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: He would just paint like a giant, he, our house
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: would look like a commemorative coin shop if he and
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: the firemen designed it. And I'm like, I need five
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: minutes so that it's not heinous, you know, but he
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: just gets up and it's like, he wants to just
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: walk in. get cracking away and I can't relate. He
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: likes to put together furniture and stuff.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, you don't realize like, yeah, okay, maybe
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: I left like a purse or a pump downstairs or
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: a shoe or whatever. I'm like, but everywhere I walk
• 35:18
  Speaker 1: is like a rogue screwdriver, a screwdriver that's electric. There's
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: always like just one glove like on the patio table.
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: It looks like somebody just freshly murdered somebody in the house.
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I could just walk around with like a basket,
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: like a giant shoes. And so I'm like, so now
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: since you like freaking woke up at 4.30 a.m., for
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: some weird reason, now we all have to suffer.
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: Every time my husband gets in this mood, I'm just like,
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: were you molested? I say that to him with everything
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: because when he starts fucking hammering me with his OCD shit,
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: I'm like, who hurt you? Was it a priest or
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: a family friend? I'm not doing this with you right now.
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: I need two fucking more hours. I had a late
• 35:59
  Speaker 2: show last night. I mean, I know it just does
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: not work out. I have to perform for drunk plots.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: No, sometimes he'll start and I'm like, what's good is
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: I got to a place where I just would go,
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: now I go, I can't talk about this Because in
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: an hour and a half, I have to record.
• 36:15
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: I have to record. I have to be a funny delight.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: And you're stressing me out. And you're like, I don't
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: want to talk about curtains or whatever right now. And
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: so we always say that. But I will say. with
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: my sons, so I think it's great that he puts
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: them to work. What's the point of having a 6'5
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: and a 6'3 human that came out of your crotch
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: if they can't do shit for you?
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: I'm in it, yes.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: So it's like, I'm all for ordering them around. However,
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: they still are my babies. And I do feel like sometimes,
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: so the thing that makes my husband go crazy is
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: hands in your pockets. Get your hands out of your
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: pockets so he'll be explaining something. of what he wants
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: them to do. And they just inadvertently have put their
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: hands in their pockets. And he's like, why are you
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: putting your hands in your pockets? Why are you putting
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: your hands? And I'm like, oh my God. So then
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: one time Drake was like, I'm like, what are you
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: doing Drake? And he goes, oh, I'm just looking for
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: pants that don't have pockets. I don't want to trigger
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: dad next time we work. And I'm like, oh my God,
• 37:17
  Speaker 1: this is so hilarious.
• 37:18
  Speaker 2: Did you tell your husband that? Did he feel bad?
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: I was like, I go, hey, dad wants to do
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: some construction. So can you guys just wear my Lululemon leggings?
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: They don't have pockets you can put on because I
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: don't want you to inadvertently put your hand in your
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: pocket while he's explaining what you have to move in
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: the yard. Like, God. They're not fucking on their phone
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: while you're talking. They just put their hand in their pocket.
• 37:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I never knew that even fell under the umbrella
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: of impolite anything. Yeah, I've never heard of this. You
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: can't have hands in your pockets? Yeah. Yeah, if you
• 37:49
  Speaker 2: were like, yeah, if you had your phone, if you
• 37:51
  Speaker 2: were on Pornhub or something maybe, but yeah, your hands
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: in your pockets? I didn't even know that was like
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: a sin in In polite school. I can't think of
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: any words today. I'm just.
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God. But I do love your story about
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: how you say your daughter, though. She's only five because
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: I love talking about the differences between my friends who
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: are who raise girls or raising girls. and the boys.
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: And especially when they get older. I mean, at all stages,
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: I have bits in myself in my standup when I
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: noticed the differences of when they were younger. And now,
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: of course, it's a whole different thing as they are adults.
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: And the biggest thing is the communication between a girl
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: mom who's got a girl in high school or college
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: versus us raising boys. And if anybody was to read
• 38:40
  Speaker 1: the text exchange, between myself and my sons, you would say, Heather,
• 38:46
  Speaker 1: this guy is not that into you. Like, when are
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: you going to get the hint that he, like, it's
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: literally like all these things, you know, I love you.
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: And then it's just like a K or nothing. And
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: I'm like, if it was anybody other than a man
• 39:03
  Speaker 1: that I have birthed, I'd be like, Fuck you. Fuck
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: this dude. Like, what do you want from me? Like,
• 39:09
  Speaker 1: anybody would tell you, blow off this guy. He does
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: not care about you. The opposite with the girls is
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: that the amount of times that a girl mom's daughter has, like,
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: ruined a, like, a sorority weekend with, like, my adult friends. Like,
• 39:25
  Speaker 1: where the teenager is calling all the time and the
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: girl what is she like crying there's always something there's
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: just a bit always something one time my friend finally
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: did realize that she called her she said to her
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: daughter she goes she goes Carlin, I'm with Heather right now,
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: and she just reminded me, this is the fourth girl's
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: trip that you have.
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: Derailed. Derailed.
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: Like, it was like, one time it was a boyfriend breakup.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: One time it was like they got caught drinking on
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: the boat. Another time it was like something went wrong
• 39:54
  Speaker 1: at the house. Another time it was like something with
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: her ex-husband. Like, I don't know, but it was always...
• 39:59
  Speaker 1: And the girl is like such a delight and they
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: have such a great relationship. Sure, but sure.
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: I've heard it from everybody. I'm like waiting because I'm like,
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: I have a five-year-old and I've heard all the warnings.
• 40:07
  Speaker 2: I mean, at this stage, I understand it way better.
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: So this stage for, it's like more fun for me,
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: but I dropped her, but I have all the warnings
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: about when she's a teenager and I'm fucking terrified. But
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: I took her to class. I took her to her
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: nursery school and I'm sure I'll get shit for saying this,
• 40:20
  Speaker 2: but the girls were playing these very complicated, somewhat manipulative
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: games and like they had costumes on. the boys were
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: just slamming into each other. And I thought it was
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: a special class. I was like, is this, what are those,
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: why are they here? Like they were just slamming into
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: each other. That was the whole game. That was just,
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: they slam onto each other and then they stop slamming
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: their bodies against each other. They were like deep emergency
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: morons in my humble opinion, okay? I was like, my
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: friend was explaining to me. She's like, no, that's just
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: the way they are. Cause she has like three little
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: boys and they're, they came to stay with me. I
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, bring the whole family over. They were
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: punching each other in the face and stuff. I was like,
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: what's going on? You know, my daughter, it's just a
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: lot of like, she's judging me. She's, she like knows,
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: she has a lot of opinions about everything. She also
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: gives me tips that I feel like she shouldn't know
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: about my own life, which almost hurts more than the judgment.
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: Like the other day she was like, she was just
• 41:14
  Speaker 2: watching me try to get out the door. Like whenever
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: I have to go somewhere, she watches me get ready
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: and I could just see, she's just kind of like
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: taking it all apart. My systems, I have no systems. Okay.
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: So when you watch me, it's just a joke. She goes, mommy,
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: I think your problem is that you have too many bags.
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: And I was like, fuck, she's right. Like she should
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: not know this. She's just like, yeah, you keep starting
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: things and then there's too many bags started. So you
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: don't know where things are. And then she just goes, ugh.
• 41:39
  Speaker 6: Like, yeah.
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: And then she just kind of walked out like I'm
• 41:40
  Speaker 2: never going to get through to her. I joke. I
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: joke about this on stage, but it's true. She sighs
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: a lot. And I'm like, you have to earn a
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: sigh in life. Like you can sigh like that when
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: you're going through like a toxic divorce or something. She
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: just gets up. She's five. What problems does she have?
• 41:54
  Speaker 2: And she's like, oh, God. Like she fell off the
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: bed once and she still talks about it like it
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: was an old drinking story. She's like, oh, that was
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: crazy that night when I fell off the bed. I
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: don't remember anything after goodnight moon. Like she acts like
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: she's lived this kind of long sort of boozy, long
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: suffering life. And I'm like, you have no issues. I
• 42:12
  Speaker 2: just serve you food that you reject because it's served
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: on the wrong color plate. Right. But that's what it
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: feels like for me personally, because I'm sure I'll get
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: shit for saying this, but my daughter is just like,
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: I feel like I live with this kind of older
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: woman that dissects a lot of what I do all day.
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: And she's hilarious, but like, and she doesn't, mess my
• 42:31
  Speaker 2: shit up really but she's just way more aware that
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: I was I was not prepared for this like she
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: is thinking about all of it everything yeah and.
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: That's what that's what I think is just so like
• 42:42
  Speaker 1: really interesting when you do start to raise a child
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: and it's like you you understand whether they're girls or
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: boys or whatever you so much like makes sense like
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: you do learn a lot as a parent about just
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: society in general as you're like raising someone and you're
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: like oh my God, why did I like, like stress
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: about that? You know, and you're just, and then you
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: try to like tell your kid, like this shit doesn't matter.
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: High school doesn't matter. Like, you know, just that's like
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: the whole other thing.
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: I'm just like, I really struggle yet to teach her lesson.
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: Like I, I, cause I, I, I come up with
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: these perfect monologues and I'm so proud of myself. Like
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: just how gently I handled something, but I feel like
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: she doesn't listen to any of that. She kind of
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: dismisses that. She just does what she sees anyway. So
• 43:29
  Speaker 2: That's something I feel like I struggle with, like, as,
• 43:32
  Speaker 2: you know, as a parent, is that I try to, like,
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: I'll try to solve something and give her this lovely monologue,
• 43:36
  Speaker 2: but she's just already made her mind up. You know
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: what I mean?
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah. You know what I'm saying?
• 43:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: So now, with your firefighter husband, last time you were on,
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: we kind of, like, talked about, like, how you guys
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: fell in love and everything, and, but I want to
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: know more, because I'm going to ask kind of, like,
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: the uncomfortable question, which is, of course, he, you know,
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: doesn't cheat, but What do you think about how firefighters
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: have such a bad reputation of being philanderers?
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, half of my act is just like mocking firemen. So,
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's not like, I feel like, I feel
• 44:13
  Speaker 2: like the reason now.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: Firemen, police.
• 44:16
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 44:16
  Speaker 2: I feel like half of my crowd is now like
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: first responder families and like firefighter families. And I feel
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: like I give them a lot of like, I give,
• 44:25
  Speaker 2: I just mock the guys all the time, but I
• 44:26
  Speaker 2: feel like they don't care. They're a lot like comedians,
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: you know? So yes, a lot of whatever, like they're,
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: they're not, look, I mean, I say this exact line
• 44:33
  Speaker 2: in my special. I say, imagine if your husband was
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: spending the night with 12 dumbest friends for half your marriage.
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: Like you think it's good. You think they come back
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: you know, with better ideas. No, my husband goes for
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: like one 24 hour shift and I'll come home and
• 44:46
  Speaker 2: I'll be like, Vinny says, you know, the earth's not
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: necessarily round or whatever. He made some, you know, he
• 44:51
  Speaker 2: did his research on it. So yeah, no, I, I'm
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: not here to like, like spread the news that they're
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: just the wisest bunch of them. They're whatever you would
• 44:59
  Speaker 2: expect if a bunch of guys are spending the night
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: with each other, you know what I'm saying? However, that
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: what does work in my marriage, um, is that they're,
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: they're like comedians because they, you know, they go spend
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: the night at this house for half the week. They
• 45:15
  Speaker 2: can't work on holidays all the time. They say unspeakable
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: things to each other because they sit around at a table,
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: you know? And so he doesn't, every guy that I've
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: been with has thought it was fun that I do
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: this until I'm really doing it and they're really with
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: me and it's, you know, I'm missing things and I'm
• 45:32
  Speaker 2: missing weddings and I'm missing stuff, you know? And he's
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: the first guy that doesn't give a shit. He's almost
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: like an accidental feminist and, Make sure you know that
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: my husband probably thinks.
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: Wait, I just want to say that's a great Instagram
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: name if someone hasn't taken it.
• 45:47
  Speaker 2: Accidental Feminist?
• 45:48
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because my husband probably thinks feminists are like Nazis,
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: but I'm sure he does. He's probably like, oh, I
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: heard that ladies are feminists down the road. He probably
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: thinks they're fucking Nazis, but he almost is because he
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: doesn't care what I do. I'm on my own, and
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: I think it's because he loves his life as a fireman.
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: They all got Plenty of issues because of what they
• 46:09
  Speaker 2: see on the job.
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 46:11
  Speaker 2: And I relate very much and have learned so much
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: from a lot of mostly women, some men that come
• 46:16
  Speaker 2: to my shows that are married to, and they explain
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: things to me, even things that are happening in my
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: own home. Like I'll joke about him being like extreme
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: OCD and these kind of drills he does with me
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: in the mornings. And they're like, that's because he does
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: that at the firehouse. I'm like, oh, okay. Like, so yeah,
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: they explain things to me.
• 46:31
  Speaker 1: My dad was the fire chief in Long Beach, Long Island,
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: New York. And he said his earliest memory... His earliest
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: memory was him being with his dad and the friends.
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: And they were giving him alcohol. And he was like
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: a toddler. And every time he'd fall, they would like
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: laugh and like give him more. And they're like, bring
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: Bobby over or whatever. And I was like... And my
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: dad was like telling us about it. My mom's like,
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: that's absolutely horrible. Like you're like a baby, you know?
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: And he's just like, no, it was fun. They liked
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: it when I like came by. And I'm like, wait, what?
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: Well, it's almost like, okay, being in the fire department
• 47:21
  Speaker 2: is a lot like, I'm sure I'm going to start
• 47:23
  Speaker 2: getting shit for some of the shit I say, but
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: the firemen don't generally care. But now that he's chief,
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: I should probably watch my mouth.
• 47:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, he's a fire chief now?
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: Now he's a chief. That's sexy. It is kind of.
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: But then he pisses me off that I'm like, oh,
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: that uniform is kind of cute. Yeah.
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 47:35
  Speaker 2: And people salute him. And I'm into all that shit.
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh, yeah.
• 47:38
  Speaker 2: I like a uniform. I like all of that kind
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: of stuff. Yeah. And then when I come by the firehouse,
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: they treat me better than he treats me. It's like
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: the cheese fucking wife, you know?
• 47:46
  Speaker 6: Right.
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: So I'm property of the fire department now. And so
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: they like make me whatever snacks I want. That's the
• 47:54
  Speaker 2: other problem with having a girl is that when she
• 47:57
  Speaker 2: comes to the firehouse, or the challenge for me is
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: because she talks to every man now cause she grew
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: up in a firehouse and I have to teach her
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: men are bad. Like I can't get it through to her.
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: I'm like, no, don't talk to them all. You should
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: be suspicious. No, she talks to every guy because she's you,
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: she thinks that cause she goes by the firehouse, they
• 48:14
  Speaker 2: give her anything she wants, you know, she just sits
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: back in her fucking, she sits like where they call
• 48:20
  Speaker 2: things in on the radio. And, um, she sits in
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: this little kind of booth and they play for her.
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: They have like Moana 2 on. She's like, no, I
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: said one next to, like she orders them around and
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: they just like bring her sweets all day. So she
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: thinks that's men in general, you know, because they do
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: that because her dad's the chief. So then when we
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: go into like an Uber or something, she'd be like, hi,
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: can you put this on for me? Put the Disney soundtrack.
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: And she talks to them. Like they're just going to
• 48:45
  Speaker 2: give her everything she wants. And that's the opposite. You
• 48:47
  Speaker 2: want your kid to think. I'm like, no, strangers are bad.
• 48:50
  Speaker 2: She's like, not the guys at the firehouse. Yeah. They
• 48:53
  Speaker 2: put on my movies and my playlist for me, actually.
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: So I'm trying to really get, I try to, I'm
• 48:58
  Speaker 2: trying to get some seed of doubt into her that
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: men are not great. She needs to be suspicious of
• 49:03
  Speaker 2: them at this age. Yeah. Yeah. Like I was, my
• 49:05
  Speaker 2: dad used to take me to Orioles games and I
• 49:07
  Speaker 2: saw that men would piss in that circular fucking trough.
• 49:11
  Speaker 2: After that, that's all it took. I was like, I
• 49:12
  Speaker 2: don't trust any of you. that you're cool with this
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: just pissing in some circular fucking disgusting bath you are
• 49:18
  Speaker 2: all pigs after that i didn't even i wouldn't look
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: at him for a long time after that i wonder
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: if we did it on purpose do you know what
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: i'm talking about that little circular bath yeah wait where
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: is the bath what do you mean in the bathroom
• 49:30
  Speaker 2: there's like a trough in some places and they like
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: not just like outside urinals but in the he had
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: to take me in the men's bathroom because i guess
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: my mom wasn't there so It was like a big
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: circular tub.
• 49:42
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: It was a piss tub and they would all stand
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: around it and piss like towards each other in the street.
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: Different than the trough, the pee trough thing.
• 49:49
  Speaker 2: Yes, because it was circular, which I found more foul.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: Oh my God.
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: And I saw that and I was like, so you
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: guys are cool with this? You're all disgusted. And that
• 49:56
  Speaker 2: did it for me. But I have to do something
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: to sort of teach my daughter.
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: I remember my dad would try to like explain- cause
• 50:04
  Speaker 1: he just loved talking and he would like try to
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: explain like what's going on, like with whatever, some sports
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: team or some manager. And my sister and I would
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: be so bored and be like, you know what? Cause
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: like we weren't paying attention. And he'd be like, you
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: know what? Some guy is going to be really turned
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: off by the fact that you're not interested in this.
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, guess what? It wasn't a problem.
• 50:25
  Speaker 2: You weren't interested in sports.
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: Not a problem. Like not an issue. Do you imagine
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: if like women were like, pissed off that their husband
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: didn't know who Dorinda Medley was from Real Housewives of
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: New York. I'm sorry.
• 50:43
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry.
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: How can you not know one of the forefathers of
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: Bravo TV?
• 50:48
  Speaker 2: They would be like, okay. Yeah, because if you know that,
• 50:51
  Speaker 2: you don't want to be inside us. That's what I think.
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: Exactly.
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, no, guys don't really care.
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: They don't know. Yeah, they don't care. I completely agree
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: with that. But your dad, did you go by the
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: firehouse a lot as a kid?
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: No, no, no. It was my grandpa.
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: Your grandfather?
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: Did he bring you to the firehouse? No, so my
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: dad wasn't part of it.
• 51:06
  Speaker 6: Right.
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: Just the grandpa was. The grandpa was, like, dead before
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: I was born. Oh, okay. And, no, but I think
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: it's really cool. And, like, I love, like, the old-fashioned
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: photo that they, you know, which they had. It was
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: so long ago because my dad has passed and he
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: had me at 45. So, like, this is a really
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: long time ago. But I think it's so... I mean,
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: I think it's, you know, obviously so cool and great.
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: And I always just like wonder about, you know, like,
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: you know, it's, if you want to find a guy,
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: I think it's a really easy thing to do if
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: you have like a child or something. And then you're like, oh,
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: I just want to bring my son over to see
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: the big fire trucks.
• 51:41
  Speaker 2: I always think about that. Yeah. Like it's such an
• 51:43
  Speaker 2: easy way to do it. Also people take their kids
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: by the, I'm just out there trying to, you know,
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: think about other sort of Because I did a lot
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: of my life was just spent trying to find a guy.
• 51:52
  Speaker 2: Me too. So taking hot tips, going to steakhouses because
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: I heard men hang out at steakhouses, that kind of shit.
• 51:57
  Speaker 2: You too? I was always looking because I had to
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: look in a really concentrated way because then it was
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: like work, work, work, look for a man.
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 52:03
  Speaker 6: Oh, wait.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: Finish your story because then I have a funny- No,
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: I want to know what you did. I don't have- Okay.
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: I have mentioned this on the show before, but it's
• 52:10
  Speaker 1: making a comeback because there's a really funny Instagram or
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: TikTok or something where they have found- I guess they're
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: real VHS tapes of video dating from like... Oh, wait,
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: I saw these.
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: They're amazing.
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: They're so funny.
• 52:28
  Speaker 2: They're hilarious. I love these.
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God. Okay, so I did real estate, right?
• 52:34
  Speaker 1: And I was doing real estate with my parents, and
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: I had some money, okay? And I did two things
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: with that money to find a husband.
• 52:46
  Speaker 2: What are they?
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: Okay. The first was $ 1, 100. This is so long ago.
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: This is like 28 years ago. $ 1, 100 to join Sports
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: Club LA, which was the most fabulous, exciting, workout, rich
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: person thing in the heart of like- Probably not, it's
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: probably been bought by somebody else. But this guy that
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: I went to college with told me, Heather, if you're
• 53:15
  Speaker 1: looking for a rich executive type guy that's in the industry,
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: you have to join Sports Cabalet. So I did. I
• 53:22
  Speaker 1: remember I didn't even know how to write $ 1, 100. I'd
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: never written a check that much in my life to
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: join that. And it had valet parking, and it had
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: a pool up there. And I would go there at
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: the end of the day and sometimes get dinner. And
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: it had a restaurant with wine.
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: Did you meet people? Because my thing was I'd go there,
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: but then I'd get too shy when I was there.
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: I would see Michael Bay there all the time.
• 53:45
  Speaker 6: Really?
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: The director.
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: And I would just go and do my thing and
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: hope that someone didn't come up to me and say
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: I was doing it wrong because I didn't know what
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: I was doing. Or that they did.
• 53:58
  Speaker 2: No, I did.
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: I went on a date with the doctor. I did
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: go on some dates. Actually, I met a handful of
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: guys that I dated from there, but nobody was good.
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: So then the next thing I did after that was– Literally,
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: it was on Sepulveda on the other side of Sepulveda,
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: right around like, let me think, Santa Monica Boulevard in between.
• 54:18
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: So this is kind of like around like Westwood, UCLA,
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: like on your way to Century City area for people
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: that don't know. Anyway, was a place called Great Expectations. Yeah.
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: And that was like $ 2, 500 to join.
• 54:34
  Speaker 2: Oh, wait, it was a gym called Great Expectations?
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: No, this is the dating service. This is where you
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: do the VHS tapes. Oh. And I was 25 when
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: I joined, and it was my 25th birthday.
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: Did you find the tape?
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: I don't know where my tape is, no.
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: Great expectations if you're out there.
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: Somebody has it.
• 54:53
  Speaker 2: I want to see your tape. We've got to find it.
• 54:55
  Speaker 2: I bet you we can find it.
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: So anyway, I remember my dad and mom took me
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: out to birthday. I remember exactly what I wore. It
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: was my 25th birthday. We went to Joffrey's by the
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: Sea because my birthday is June 14th. Joffrey's like right
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: in Malibu. And I said, I joined this thing because
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't want to like wake up at
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: 30 and not be married. I want to have kids
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: and I want to get married and I want to
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: find like a quality person that's like, I knew I
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: wasn't going to find them at the Groundlings or at
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: the Improv.
• 55:24
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: Because none of those guys were good.
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: No, nothing grosses me out more than a man with
• 55:30
  Speaker 2: like a headshot.
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: And then, oh, I said it. So then I was
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: going to try to go for the executive. I really
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: did want to find an industry Jewish guy that was like, oh,
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: look at my funny shiksa. Let's get her a sitcom.
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: That was my initial goal. I met a guy at
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: a party who was a William Morris agent and I
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: went up and gave him my VHS tape of my
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: one woman show and we ended up making out in
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: his office. And then he never sent me out on
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: anything and I was like, Can I get my VHS
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: tape back? Like awful. And so I was always thinking
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: like that would work for me. There was this guy
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: named Joel Gallen. He was a big, I think that's
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: his name.
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: He produced like- Joel is such a smear of a name.
• 56:19
  Speaker 1: Anyway, he produced, and I'm not going to say anything
• 56:22
  Speaker 1: bad about him, so I'm going to use the name
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: because there's nothing bad about the story about him. It's
• 56:26
  Speaker 1: just kind of embarrassing. Anyway, he was like producing Jenny
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: McCarthy's like sketch comedy show. And he was doing like
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: a lot of like, I think he does a lot
• 56:36
  Speaker 1: of standup specials and stuff. And Jennifer Coolidge was my
• 56:40
  Speaker 1: friend at the time. And she, and I was like
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: always like looking for like a traditional guy. Like I
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: was like the traditional Catholic girl at like at the Groundlings.
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: It just like wanted to like have a normal life,
• 56:53
  Speaker 1: you know? And then somebody just canned me a sitcom,
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: you know? Anyway, and so she calls me and she's like, hey, Heather,
• 57:00
  Speaker 1: I was trying to this guy. I think he'd be
• 57:02
  Speaker 1: a really good match for you. And, you know, so
• 57:05
  Speaker 1: she sets up the date. So I meet him at
• 57:08
  Speaker 1: the dinner. And right off the bat, he was like.
• 57:14
  Speaker 1: I could tell he was disappointed because he was like,
• 57:17
  Speaker 1: now this is before you can choke it. This is
• 57:20
  Speaker 1: why I have to remind young people. This is before
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: you could just look up someone's Instagram, you know, Google, whatever.
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: She just had to say, there's this girl. She's really funny.
• 57:30
  Speaker 1: I think you'd like her. She's pretty, whatever. That's what
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: she probably said. So I meet him for dinner and
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: he does recognize me from probably a showcase or something.
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: Maybe that's why he was disappointed. Yeah, he was disappointed.
• 57:42
  Speaker 1: He couldn't have been disappointed in your look. I don't know.
• 57:44
  Speaker 2: He was probably doing some math in his head. Like
• 57:47
  Speaker 2: she's hot, but she's in the industry and I'm worried
• 57:49
  Speaker 2: about that.
• 57:51
  Speaker 1: Yes. So, so maybe I don't, but right away he's like, Oh,
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: I think I re like I've met you or have
• 57:58
  Speaker 1: seen your stuff or something. And I was like, Oh,
• 58:01
  Speaker 1: so we sit down and like, I could tell like
• 58:04
  Speaker 1: he's not interested though. I would have gone on another
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: date with him because I was like, you know, I
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: wasn't someone to like, just immediately be like, no way.
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: If I thought they were like kind of normal. And
• 58:15
  Speaker 1: then I remember we started talking about the industry and
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: I'm like giving ideas and whatever I think is funny
• 58:21
  Speaker 1: or good or whatever. And then he goes, well, who
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: are some funny male writers that you know? Like who
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: are some funny writers? I need to hire some funny writers.
• 58:31
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, I'm a writer. He asked you for fucking, oh, mother.
• 58:35
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm a writer. But instead of saying that,
• 58:38
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, and then I just start like
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: listing off guys that I think are funny and all that.
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: So then I just remember coming back to my apartment
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: in Santa Monica and Jennifer leaving me a message like
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: on my answer. We've seen that she was like, hey,
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: I talked to Joel and, you know, it was basically
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: it was like a letdown. And I called her and
• 59:02
  Speaker 1: I'm like, your call was like every letdown from an agent. Like,
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: they're going to go in a different direction.
• 59:08
  Speaker 2: They have your energy, but they just want to go
• 59:09
  Speaker 2: in a different direction. Yeah.
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: He thinks you're great. He thinks that you're talented. You know,
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: it just, it wasn't a match. This wasn't your job
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: to get anything that you could say. But yeah, so then,
• 59:24
  Speaker 1: so I did this video.
• 59:27
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 59:28
  Speaker 1: And they asked me things. And now listen, I would,
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: I don't think I was, I was not like, I
• 59:36
  Speaker 1: still have things wrong with my face. And so I
• 59:38
  Speaker 1: was not like a fucking perfect, like Julia Roberts looking person.
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: But I guess just because I was like kind of younger,
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: it was besieged with people wanting to meet me. I mean, hundreds.
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: I like, I went in, you're supposed to go in.
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: It's like a library. You're supposed to go in. and say, oh, hey,
• 59:57
  Speaker 1: I just want to see, like, does anybody, is anyone
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: interested in me? And then you can, like, look at
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 1: their photo, and then if you're interested, you can go
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 1: in this room, and they'll give you their tapes, and
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: you just go through their tapes, and you're like, okay,
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 1: I would like to meet them or not. There were
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 1: so many. I was like, I don't even know where
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 1: to begin.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounds exhausting.
• 1:00:15
  Speaker 1: It was exhausting. So then I go, can you just, like,
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: direct me? Do you know who these people are? I
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: said to the girl, can you just give me, like,
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: five people, like, worth dating? Yeah. So basically I did.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: And then if I would get these people that would
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: want to go out with me and I could, I
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 1: could ignore it or I could give them a reason.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 1: And so sometimes I would say, you know, now at
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 1: this point there were so many people to choose from.
• 1:00:38
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay, let me just find someone Catholic
• 1:00:40
  Speaker 1: or Christian because I'm not going to like convert whatever.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: So then not limited to people. But one time there
• 1:00:45
  Speaker 1: was this person who didn't go to college and I
• 1:00:48
  Speaker 1: just was like, educate. I just clicked like education. And
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 1: then they could write, like, a horrible or nice letter
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 1: to you, like, pleading their case. And then it would
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: get mailed to you. Like, they didn't know where your–
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 1: the guy didn't know your address. But then the company would, like,
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 1: mail you.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because the guy would come make a suit out
• 1:01:08
  Speaker 2: of your skin. Yeah. Can't let the guy know your address.
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: So I remember, like, I opened the letter, and it
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 1: was just, like, this super– like– Like now I get
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: them every day, you know, being in this business. But
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: this is before like Instagram and comments.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 2: I will say they always say like girls can't let
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 2: go or girls are needy. Every time I go on
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 2: like a bumble date and I wasn't into the guy,
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 2: I just like wouldn't call him again. But the guys,
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 2: if I didn't, or if the guy blew me off,
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 2: I would get it right away and that would be it.
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 2: I would accept. I think we're more prepped as women
• 1:01:38
  Speaker 2: to just accept like a stream of rejection. I would
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 2: just not, I wouldn't even think, I would get hurt,
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 2: but I would never think to contact him. But when
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 2: I would go out with a guy and I didn't
• 1:01:50
  Speaker 2: call him again, I'd get these long fucking furious, just
• 1:01:53
  Speaker 2: like taking down my entire character. And I'm like, I'm sorry, Bert,
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: but you were fucking, you didn't pay for any of
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 2: my drinks and you complained about your ex-wife Diane the
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 2: whole time and it wasn't exactly fucking walk in the park.
• 1:02:06
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry. Doesn't mean that I'm some sort of heightened
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 2: cunt because I don't want to go out with you
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 2: twice where you swing your legs. He was swinging his
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 2: legs in the chair and fucking... Were they little legs?
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 2: He had little silly foolish legs, yes. And he just
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: kept complaining about Diane. He's like, the thing about Diane,
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 2: he was fucking just really revved up. And then he
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 2: was like, at the end of the date, I'm not
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 2: going to look into your eyes and be like, I
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: don't want to go out with you anymore. I'm just
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 2: going to be like, that was great. If they say,
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 2: let's do it again, I'm like, sure. I don't feel
• 1:02:33
  Speaker 2: like you need to do that when you're out on
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 2: the date with somebody. If you're in a long relationship,
• 1:02:37
  Speaker 2: then you owe somebody an explanation. Other than that, just
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 2: don't call me. That's it. We went on one date. Whatever.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: I mean, I do think that's what's great about texting
• 1:02:44
  Speaker 1: and all that stuff is that you can just, because,
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 1: so then I would get this, I got this letter
• 1:02:50
  Speaker 1: and it really did like kind of, it just turned,
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: that was it. I never went back to the place.
• 1:02:57
  Speaker 1: It was just like this, first of all, it wasn't
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: like working out. It was too much work. The guys
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: weren't good. I remember I went out with a Mormon
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: guy that was cute. And I didn't really understand what
• 1:03:11
  Speaker 1: Mormon was. I thought it was like Protestant, like another
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: offshoot of Catholicism. You just didn't believe in Mary and
• 1:03:18
  Speaker 1: like priests could get married. I didn't really understand. And
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 1: I just remember he said, no, I give 10% of
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 1: everything I make to the church automatically. That's part of it.
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: So that was it for me.
• 1:03:33
  Speaker 2: That was it for me.
• 1:03:35
  Speaker 1: I was like not interested in that. And then there was,
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 1: but this guy, the guy that wrote the letter, I
• 1:03:39
  Speaker 1: just remember it was like this, like reading it on
• 1:03:42
  Speaker 1: this thing. It was like a card that you could
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 1: do and like send. And, and it was just like,
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 1: you know, I find that people that go to college
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 1: are some of the most meanest people, like, you know,
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 1: the grammar and everything. And I was just like, oh,
• 1:03:54
  Speaker 1: my God. Like, this is just too much. This is, like,
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: not even fun. It's too much work. This other guy
• 1:03:58
  Speaker 1: was an anesthesiologist who was, like, 38 and tall. And
• 1:04:02
  Speaker 1: I was like, okay. Like, I was like, oh, my God.
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: This could be good. Is this too good to be true? Yes,
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: it was.
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 2: It always is.
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 1: He was a fucking weirdo.
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: Of course, a 38-year-old tall guy with dark hair when I'm, like,
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: 27 who's an anesthesiologist and lives in a nice house
• 1:04:20
  Speaker 1: that he owns and is not married. Yeah, there is
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: something weird.
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah, there usually is.
• 1:04:25
  Speaker 1: There was.
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 2: And I feel like I always knew, well, I attracted
• 1:04:30
  Speaker 2: pretty crazy guys, but I also feel like the ones
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 2: that I got, I'd be like, I would just, I
• 1:04:35
  Speaker 2: started to lower my expectations. I would have a friend
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 2: come over and we would do it together. Like we would,
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 2: when we would go online, we used to call it
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 2: family Tinder, but I just like to have a friend
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 2: that go through the pictures with. And my friend found
• 1:04:45
  Speaker 2: this guy and she was like, he's not exactly a veterinarian.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 2: I'm like, well, what does he do? And she's like, well,
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 2: I guess he kind of, he works for like, I
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 2: don't remember the name of the place, but it was
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 2: called like Paws of Freedom or something. And basically it
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 2: was like euthanasia for cats. And I was like, basically
• 1:04:58
  Speaker 2: he's a cat assassin. And so I was like, that's weird.
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 2: If you only kill cats, if you're a veterinarian, lovely.
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 2: But if your job is just, and so my friend,
• 1:05:09
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you have a friend like this.
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 2: She was like a master researcher. Like every guy I'd
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 2: go out with, I mean, I'm not making this up, Heather.
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 2: I went out with this one guy. She's like, She
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 2: was like, okay, I talked to his boss and I'm like, wait,
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 2: this is my first date with him. How did you
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 2: find his boss? She's like, he broke up. His last
• 1:05:23
  Speaker 2: marriage was with a Hasidic woman and he just wasn't
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 2: as religious with her. as her, that was the problem.
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 2: She found his fucking boss. She has three kids, by
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 2: the way. She's a public defender herself. She's a lawyer,
• 1:05:33
  Speaker 2: and this is what she's doing. Within 24 hours, she's like,
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 2: I got it. Talk to his boss. Like it was
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 2: a direct order. I'm like, I didn't ask you to
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 2: do this, bitch. But she's, I mean, the best friend
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 2: in the world that she did this for me. But
• 1:05:44
  Speaker 2: so my friend was like, okay, so she went and
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 2: she found all of the reviews of his cat assassinations.
• 1:05:50
  Speaker 2: And so I guess he would just stop by your
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 2: house to kill your cat for you. They called it
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 2: like putting down or whatever, but I'm sorry, you're a
• 1:05:57
  Speaker 2: fucking cat assassin. If you're a veterinarian, you put him down.
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 2: If you have a door-to-door service where somebody could not
• 1:06:03
  Speaker 2: be able to order their cat dying like Uber Eats
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 2: or some shit. And so one of the fucking comments
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 2: was that they felt like he was very gentle inside,
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 2: but they worried that it wasn't a great, Because it
• 1:06:15
  Speaker 2: made her feel a little uncomfortable as she was saying
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 2: goodbye to mittens or whatever the fuck her dad's name was.
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 2: Because she said the guy was on the lawn with
• 1:06:24
  Speaker 2: the syringe out. And she was like, he shouldn't have
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 2: had his syringe out as he was crossing your lawn.
• 1:06:30
  Speaker 2: It's like he had no shit. Because you were just
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 2: one of many fucking deliveries.
• 1:06:36
  Speaker 1: Like how quick does it have to be? Like you
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 1: couldn't have just brought it in like an old medical bag?
• 1:06:41
  Speaker 1: Like an old fashioned like house call bag? Called medical bag? Like,
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: that is crazy.
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 2: He had a needle cocked and holding it casually as
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 2: he was crossing the line. And my friend almost went
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 2: out with this guy. And I was like, that's insane.
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 2: You can't, because he was probably one of three assassins.
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God. Cat assassin.
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 2: I'm like, no. That's not something that should be done
• 1:07:03
  Speaker 2: where somebody stops by your place. No, that has to
• 1:07:05
  Speaker 2: be done after a lot of, you know, thought and prayer.
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 2: And it has to be done at the fucking doctor's office. Yeah,
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 2: cocked and fucking ready on the lawn. And then he
• 1:07:16
  Speaker 2: had the fucking nerve to knock on the door and
• 1:07:18
  Speaker 2: be like, let's talk about what your cat meant to you.
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 2: You don't give a shit. You're here to kill cats
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 2: as briskly as possible.
• 1:07:24
  Speaker 1: Now, you obviously talk a lot about your husband and
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 1: your family and your act. And it appears that your
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 1: husband does not care. Has he ever said, I don't
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 1: like that bit? Or, well, you really kind of got
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 1: that wrong?
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Honestly, the only thing that he got really jealous
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 2: of or upset was because I had a joke about
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 2: that I dated this cop before him, this FBI agent.
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 2: And there's a little bit of rivalry.
• 1:07:47
  Speaker 1: Why do firemen and cops hate each other? They don't
• 1:07:50
  Speaker 1: hate each other, but why do they, like, it's so funny.
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 1: And they like to say the same thing.
• 1:07:56
  Speaker 2: They're very similar.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 1: I know. So they always like to say, like, that... Well,
• 1:08:03
  Speaker 1: I think it's almost like the same thing that like
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 1: my dad would say back when he was in the military,
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 1: like during the war. He would say that the Air Force,
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 1: they would be like, oh, the Air Force, steak and
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: ice cream every night. He was a Marine. Like they
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 1: think that they have it easy. So I think like.
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 2: There's a lot of that in my comment section because
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 2: I'll be like first responder. They'll be like, first responder,
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 2: my ass. We're the one who secured the scenes. I
• 1:08:26
  Speaker 2: don't even understand what they're talking about.
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 3: I'm like, whatever. I don't know.
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but there's, like, a lot of arguments about who
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 2: secures the scene. It all sounds exhausting to me, personally.
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 2: I'm like, it all seems kind of, like, annoying to.
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 1: Have to get out of bed and do that. So,
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: because you talked about dating a cop, that's so funny.
• 1:08:40
  Speaker 2: I know, and now I'm talking about it again, because
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 2: I'm such a dick.
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 1: But, yeah.
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 2: Like, that, like, he'll get a little bit weird. He'll, like,
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 2: bump on that a little bit. But, like, the most
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 2: insane things he doesn't care about at all. Like, we
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 2: were hooking up once, and he lasted, like, you know,
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 2: it was pretty quick. It was maybe, like, three, four-minute stops,
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 2: and he he was like, I was like, come on Pete.
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 2: And he's like, that was awful, right? He thought it
• 1:09:04
  Speaker 2: was hilarious. He's like, yeah, I really kind of phoned
• 1:09:06
  Speaker 2: that one in. He's like, you could put that in
• 1:09:08
  Speaker 2: your skit though. He's like, yeah, you can put it
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 2: in your talent show. I'm just laying there like throbbing
• 1:09:13
  Speaker 2: with loneliness. And he's just like, hey, high five, good
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 2: sesh or whatever. And he's like, yeah, donation to the
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 2: old skit box. Yeah, he didn't care. He doesn't care.
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 1: The old skit box.
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, he didn't care at all. So I
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 2: don't know. The things he cares about are surprising, but
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 2: it's very few and far between that he cares. And
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 2: I do think that is one of the fun things
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 2: about him is that Yeah, look, he, what he's thinking
• 1:09:36
  Speaker 2: about most of the time is fire. He preferred to
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 2: be inside a flame than a woman. He cares about fire.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 2: He doesn't care about the nonsense. I'm, you know, peddling
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 2: on stage.
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah. In a way, my special was my, like, was
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 2: me trying to get my husband to make eye contact
• 1:09:49
  Speaker 2: with me because I made this entire hour almost like
• 1:09:51
  Speaker 2: about his job. This is more sad that I'm realizing it.
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 2: It's not like a fun loving thing, but yeah. And I,
• 1:09:58
  Speaker 2: it's like, cause then all the top brass of the
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 2: fire department were at the taping. So it was my
• 1:10:01
  Speaker 2: way of being like, see me, me that, you know
• 1:10:04
  Speaker 2: what I mean? Like pay attention. Cause yeah, I don't
• 1:10:06
  Speaker 2: think he cares about much. I think it was, I
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 2: think it's.
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 1: A very interesting life. I would like to interview, I
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: would love to have like a round table discussion with
• 1:10:20
  Speaker 1: female comedians who are currently still married to their husband,
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 1: which there aren't a lot of us. And have the
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 1: husbands all talk about it.
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 2: That would be fascinating.
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 1: Because also, he doesn't like.
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 2: When I talk about him to other people. But I
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 2: think for some reason he thinks the stage is different.
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 2: He doesn't like when I... talk to his family or
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 2: like I back up my point and I'm like, yeah,
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 2: but your brother said that, like that will piss him
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 2: the fuck off.
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 2: Which is fair, but that'll make him angry if I'm
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 2: like using it to anchor an argument.
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 2: But if I'm just doing my little schizoid stage about
• 1:10:55
  Speaker 2: some nonsense.
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 1: I've complained about my husband to his mother.
• 1:10:58
  Speaker 2: Sometimes you have to because they understand.
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 1: She's the greatest mother-in-law on earth. Yeah. I try not
• 1:11:03
  Speaker 1: to do it because as my sons got older, I thought,
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 1: how am I going to feel about like Drake's wife
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 1: calling me when I'm 83? Yeah. and bitching about him
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 1: as if I fucked up somehow by raising your husband.
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 1: And then I realized, I'm sorry, I've had the husband
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 1: longer than she had him under the roof. So anything
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 1: he does wrong is actually, it is my fault. I
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 1: raised him longer than her. She should be like, what
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 1: did you do to my, I handed over a perfectly
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 1: nice guy at 33. Yeah.
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 2: I mean, I mean, why did you make him such
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 2: a dick?
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 1: Why'd you make him such an asshole?
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 2: No, I get wrong for doing that when I've done that.
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 2: But my husband is really not, he doesn't communicate fucking
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 2: anything fucking ever. And sometimes it makes me crazy. So
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 2: I have to like make some sort of quilt out
• 1:11:52
  Speaker 2: of what's actually going on because he won't fucking tell me.
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 2: His father, I've heard his father give him this advice.
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 2: He's like, you know, what do you say? He's like,
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 2: do what you want. Apologize later. I'm like, no, that's
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 2: not good advice. Come on. What the fuck? So that's
• 1:12:05
  Speaker 2: my husband. That's our whole marriage. I don't know what's
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 2: going on. So when I first met his family, I'm
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 2: thinking he came with me on the road. He came
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 2: with me to different crazy situations and shows. I'm thinking
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 2: they've heard all about me. No, they hadn't heard anything
• 1:12:17
  Speaker 2: about me. He brought me for Christmas. I brought 40 presents.
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 2: Because first of all, I'm kind of obsessed with Catholic guys.
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 2: I've only dated Catholic guys. I just love all the
• 1:12:25
  Speaker 2: ceremony of it. I love fucking Catholicism.
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 1: Oh, I love that.
• 1:12:29
  Speaker 2: I joke about it on stage. As a Catholic, I
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 2: love that. I'm sorry. Yeah, but I'm so into Catholics.
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 2: I tried to steal my friend's communion dress when I
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 2: was a little girl. Is that what it's called for communion?
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 2: Oh my God, because it was like a little white dress.
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 1: I pretended it was my wedding day when I wore
• 1:12:42
  Speaker 1: that white dress. It's so beautiful, that dress.
• 1:12:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was so jealous. So I was going to
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 2: his house and I was doing Christmas. Jewish girls are
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 2: fucking jealous of Christmas.
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:12:50
  Speaker 2: So we go all out. Like I'm the one in
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 2: the family that's way more of a bigger deal for
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 2: me than my husband with my daughter. So I brought
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 2: like 40 presents. We get there. they all looked furious.
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 2: And I thought it was because I was bringing the
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 2: wrong things. Or because he was bringing a Jewish girl.
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 2: I didn't know. It was because he didn't tell them
• 1:13:06
  Speaker 2: he was bringing me at all. Until five minutes before
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 2: he got to the house, he was like, bringing a girl.
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 2: And they were like, Jesus Christ, Pete, what the fuck?
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 2: We have nothing for her. So I didn't understand all
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 2: this till later. So I was like interviewing her family. Like,
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 2: what was it with Chris? Like, what happened that night?
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 2: And then they explained to me, Pete didn't tell us
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 2: until five minutes before you got here. So I'm thinking, like,
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 2: he's met like some celebrities, you know, like, he's gone
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 2: to all these different places with me. They know he's
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 2: dating a comedian. Like this guy's barely been outside the
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 2: archdiocese of fucking Brooklyn. Of course they fucking know about me.
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: They didn't know.
• 1:13:39
  Speaker 2: Anything, you know? So they were some completely confused and enraged.
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 2: So that's, that's what it feels like being married to him.
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 2: It's like, nobody knows what's going on. Like, cause he
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 2: doesn't tell anybody anything. You know, my mother-in-law's intense. He
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 2: had a very And she's a very, like, oh, my son.
• 1:13:54
  Speaker 1: You know? Right.
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 2: She would have preferred to marry him. You know, it
• 1:13:57
  Speaker 2: didn't work out for her.
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 1: I think it's the same thing. Like, it was like,
• 1:14:00
  Speaker 1: I thought, like, this must be so interesting to people
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 1: for you to say that you're, like, dating a comedian
• 1:14:06
  Speaker 1: or whatever.
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 2: You didn't get a shit.
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 1: No, it was the same thing. And then I just remember, like, years,
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 1: not even that long. I've been married 25 years. So, like,
• 1:14:13
  Speaker 1: just a couple years ago, my sister-in-law was like, oh,
• 1:14:17
  Speaker 1: I remember, like, him saying, oh... this girl is just
• 1:14:21
  Speaker 1: so fun. I'm just going to marry her. And it
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 1: was just like, just the confidence of just like, yeah. Like,
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 1: why wouldn't she say yes? Like, I found her. Like,
• 1:14:31
  Speaker 1: she's just going to, this is going to be a
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 1: good one for me. And I'm like, not like.
• 1:14:34
  Speaker 2: I'll just pick her. But it is sweet, though. It
• 1:14:37
  Speaker 2: is sweet. There's something very sweet in that. I just
• 1:14:39
  Speaker 2: have fun with her is what he's saying. But yeah.
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 2: But I know what you mean. Like, he, yeah, my
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 2: husband never was worried that he wasn't going to be
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 2: able to get me. He was just like, yeah. He
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 2: was basically just like, yeah, I guess I'll settle up here. Like,
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 2: it was like his time to leave the bar.
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 2: That's how he saw it.
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:14:52
  Speaker 2: He's like, what do I owe you? Go ahead and
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 2: take this one. She's kind of a guess.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 2: Same thing. Yeah. Okay.
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 1: The other thing I love that you do in your act,
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 1: you do very good voices and characters. And I like
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 1: your whole point of view about the early 1950s movie
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 1: and the way women were portrayed. And I think it
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 1: is so... funny of just like, you did this one
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 1: sketch I saw on your Instagram where, and it's so true,
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 1: like you're at a restaurant with this, with a man and, um,
• 1:15:30
  Speaker 1: and you like are about to order. And then the
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 1: guy's like, wait, just tell the story.
• 1:15:35
  Speaker 2: Well, I order, I made my husband do this too.
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 2: All the time. We were first dating. I'll start my
• 1:15:39
  Speaker 2: order and I make him interrupt me. And by the way,
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 2: that's a good way for me when I was dating
• 1:15:42
  Speaker 2: to decide whether I should go forward with the guy,
• 1:15:45
  Speaker 2: whether a guy would.
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 1: Be fun to be with. So I'll go, you know,
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 1: and I'll be like, it's going to go do a
• 1:15:50
  Speaker 1: bit with you.
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 2: If they're willing to be humiliated publicly, then they're my guy.
• 1:15:55
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 2: So what would you do? I like to go along
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 2: with my horse shit.
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 1:16:00
  Speaker 2: Um, so, I would just go out to dinner with
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 2: him and I'd be like, well, I'll have a big
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 2: fat pot roast with some taters on the side and
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 2: then maybe a macaroni and cheese too. Well, shit, I'm
• 1:16:09
  Speaker 2: worth it, aren't I? And then I would tell Pete
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 2: to interrupt me and be like, no, no, no, she'll
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 2: be having the salad. God damn it, why would you
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 2: even think you would order for yourself? You know, like...
• 1:16:18
  Speaker 2: And then the waiter would go away furious at him.
• 1:16:21
  Speaker 2: But I always thought it was so funny.
• 1:16:22
  Speaker 1: Like the waiter would say he was such a rude, like,
• 1:16:24
  Speaker 1: man of all.
• 1:16:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, what a pig. Yeah. And also I'd make him
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 2: take me out of places if we had to leave anyways.
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 2: I'm exhausting, by the way, to date, I'm sure. But
• 1:16:32
  Speaker 2: we'd be like out someplace at a mall or whatever.
• 1:16:34
  Speaker 2: We'd be in a store that we were going to
• 1:16:35
  Speaker 2: leave anyways. We'd be at Costco. And I'd be like,
• 1:16:37
  Speaker 2: can you pick up my arm like this? He'd be like,
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 2: that's it. We're leaving right now. I'm like, I don't
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 2: want to go. It's not fair. I wanted to stay
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 2: for another couple minutes. It's not fair. He's like, that's it.
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 2: We're done. We're leaving right now. You don't get any
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 2: more warnings. And I'm like, but it's not fair. I'm
• 1:16:52
  Speaker 2: just a woman, but I deserve to have fun too.
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 2: Let me just stay and do a twirl or whatever.
• 1:16:56
  Speaker 2: And I just helped to pick my arm up like this.
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 2: It just pulled me out of place. I love it
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 2: when he just picks up and does it.
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 1: You were never afraid that somebody would, like, look to
• 1:17:04
  Speaker 1: see if you were doing, like, the hand signal for, like,
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 1: trafficking and, like, call the cops?
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 2: I should have been, yeah.
• 1:17:10
  Speaker 1: Then the cop comes and it's the guy you used
• 1:17:12
  Speaker 1: to date.
• 1:17:13
  Speaker 2: If we were doing.
• 1:17:15
  Speaker 1: You can do this as one of your episodes of
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 1: your new sitcom. That's what it has to be.
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I was never like, I don't know. I mean,
• 1:17:23
  Speaker 2: now I'm surprised he does it as much now that
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 2: he is a chief. Like in our area where we live,
• 1:17:26
  Speaker 2: it's like a lot of firefighter families. Like nothing could
• 1:17:29
  Speaker 2: matter less where I live than just being a random
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 2: Jew comic. I'm just some weird whore that takes Ubers
• 1:17:34
  Speaker 2: at night. And nothing could matter more than being like
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 2: the fucking FOIA chief. Like I live in a very,
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 2: you know, very conservative, very firefighter, first responder area, you know,
• 1:17:43
  Speaker 2: like so. And his, my family, they're, they're very different.
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 2: They're just, you know, my mother-in-law is just always cleaning
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 2: and it's all about just, you know, China. Life is
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 2: all about, her way of looking at the world is
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 2: like the outside world is this daunting force that's coming
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 2: to take everything from your family. And my, my mom's
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 2: way of looking at the world is just like, can
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 2: I adopt every beige person I see, you know, like.
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 2: It's just never, everybody can move in and then it'll
• 1:18:09
  Speaker 2: fix it, you know?
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 1: Is it comfortable when the in-laws get together or is
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 1: it very rare that they ever do?
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 2: I think my mom, I joke about this on stage,
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 2: her being so liberal, she's racist, but I think my
• 1:18:17
  Speaker 2: mom is so excited that I have, she's got a
• 1:18:20
  Speaker 2: Latina in her family. You know, like it's like my
• 1:18:23
  Speaker 2: mom loves my mother-in-law who's Colombian. So my mom's talking
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 2: to her. She's just doing like an inner kind of
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 2: jazzy Latin jig of delight. So she loves it, you know?
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 2: And my family, like my side of the family, they
• 1:18:33
  Speaker 2: were like giving toasts about like immigration and stuff at
• 1:18:36
  Speaker 2: the wedding. I'm like, can you guys, is that our wedding? Stop, yeah.
• 1:18:40
  Speaker 2: It's a lot, ask, like a lot of comics were there.
• 1:18:42
  Speaker 2: And like Anthony DeVito was like, I remember when your
• 1:18:44
  Speaker 2: dad gave that speech about immigration and didn't, you know,
• 1:18:46
  Speaker 2: a toast and didn't mention you or Pete. I'm like, yeah.
• 1:18:50
  Speaker 2: that was a little weird. That's how I grew up.
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 2: It was just like all, just like black men carrying
• 1:18:54
  Speaker 2: coffins and like Steve Biko did not die in vain.
• 1:18:56
  Speaker 2: I'm like, it's my bat mitzvah. Can you guys settle
• 1:18:59
  Speaker 2: down for a fucking second? And his family, very much
• 1:19:02
  Speaker 2: the extreme other way. They're very super conservative, you know?
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 2: So I feel like it's two extremes and my, but
• 1:19:08
  Speaker 2: my family is so excited.
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 1: Which does make a perfect sitcom. What? There are a lot.
• 1:19:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah. It is a crazy.
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 1: It is good.
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 2: They couldn't be more different.
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:19:15
  Speaker 2: They couldn't be more opposite. But I've been always very
• 1:19:18
  Speaker 2: attracted to, I like super, I like just dusty fucking,
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 2: you know, traumatized fucking men. I like dudes, you know,
• 1:19:26
  Speaker 2: like just some, I don't like any irony. If I
• 1:19:28
  Speaker 2: can remember what a guy's wearing, I don't want to
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 2: remember your outfit. Then that means I'm not into you.
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 2: Does that make sense? Yeah.
• 1:19:35
  Speaker 1: No, it doesn't.
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 2: I don't want, sorry. I really feel like high today.
• 1:19:39
  Speaker 2: I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm here in
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 2: my fucking blazer and I'm barely making sense. I mean,
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 2: if a guy has a guy's outfit should not be
• 1:19:46
  Speaker 2: a series of like sassy risks. I don't want some
• 1:19:49
  Speaker 2: stylized man. That's what I mean. Just a normal shirt
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 2: and no more pants. You shouldn't know about clothes. You
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 2: shouldn't know what they're called. That's fine.
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 1: What about when you do have to go to something?
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 1: will he wear what you say?
• 1:20:03
  Speaker 2: Yes, he wears whatever I say. That was when I
• 1:20:04
  Speaker 2: knew that I wanted to marry him. I said, can
• 1:20:06
  Speaker 2: I throw out some of the things in your closet?
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 2: And he was like, sure, whatever. He didn't care.
• 1:20:09
  Speaker 1: That's good.
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 2: He knows what he doesn't know. I mean, sometimes it
• 1:20:13
  Speaker 2: extends to he's not exactly emotionally, he's a desert, but
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 2: his friends had lost somebody important in his life. And
• 1:20:22
  Speaker 2: he's like, well, what do I do? I'm like, well,
• 1:20:24
  Speaker 2: reach out to him. I'm like, call him. He's like, well,
• 1:20:25
  Speaker 2: what do I say? And I'm like, Well, just say
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 2: you're thinking about him and you know, you're here for,
• 1:20:29
  Speaker 2: but he really doesn't know. And he's just like, like
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 2: he's shaking. He just hands me the phone to do
• 1:20:33
  Speaker 2: the texts. He doesn't know what to say in any
• 1:20:36
  Speaker 2: of those moments. Like he's yeah. He has no idea
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 2: like none.
• 1:20:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 2: So he's not the guy that is going to soothe me.
• 1:20:43
  Speaker 2: If I'm sad, I have to tell my husband, your
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 2: hand should be on my lower back right now. Like
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 2: I have to put, I have to adjust his body
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 2: language to my situation. I have the.
• 1:20:51
  Speaker 1: Exact same thing.
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 2: Do you? Yeah.
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 1: And I kind of, and again, I finally got to
• 1:20:58
  Speaker 1: a place where I'm like, I'm just going to, like
• 1:21:02
  Speaker 1: when people say, what's the secret to saying, don't want
• 1:21:05
  Speaker 1: anybody to ask me that, but if I was to say,
• 1:21:07
  Speaker 1: what's the secret to staying married so long? It's kind
• 1:21:11
  Speaker 1: of accepting what your partner is and their limitation and
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 1: what can be changed and what can't. And a big
• 1:21:17
  Speaker 1: part of what can be changed is your reaction.
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:21:21
  Speaker 1: Like, you're not going to get that. You can go
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 1: running down the street hysterically crying and he might not
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 1: get in the car and follow you. So now you're
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 1: down the street and now you've made it a bigger thing. Like,
• 1:21:38
  Speaker 1: now you've made it a much bigger thing and you
• 1:21:40
  Speaker 1: have to walk back. And while you're walking back, you're like,
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 1: this is the, like, what am I doing to myself?
• 1:21:46
  Speaker 2: Like, I don't know.
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 1: I just think so much of it is just like,
• 1:21:50
  Speaker 1: Like let it- And not.
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 2: Personalizing what they don't- Don't personalize.
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 1: And I don't believe that everything, the whole don't go
• 1:21:56
  Speaker 1: to bed angry, I disagree. Yeah. Sometimes just go to bed.
• 1:22:00
  Speaker 1: A new day is a beautiful gift from the universe.
• 1:22:05
  Speaker 1: And that is- Every day there'll be a new day, hopefully.
• 1:22:07
  Speaker 1: And because there might not be, you shouldn't waste a
• 1:22:11
  Speaker 1: day- Yeah.
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 2: Like our therapist gave us this. And they're not really
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 2: going to change. It's like, I'm not going to change.
• 1:22:17
  Speaker 2: I must be infuriating to live with. I'm shedding debit cards.
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 2: I left my wallet at the hotel today. I had
• 1:22:23
  Speaker 2: to use my friend's ID to get through the gate. Yeah.
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 2: Do you shed debit cards too?
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 1: Shred?
• 1:22:29
  Speaker 2: Shedding debit cards. What does shed mean? I just leave
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 2: them everywhere. I shed them. I like shed debit cards.
• 1:22:34
  Speaker 4: What?
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 1: Because I don't know where my credit card is right now.
• 1:22:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like on the way in here, I was like, fuck,
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 2: what if I took an Uber? I wouldn't have been
• 1:22:42
  Speaker 2: allowed in the place. I'd like to have my wallet
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 2: at home. So yeah, I don't know what happened to
• 1:22:47
  Speaker 2: my credit card.
• 1:22:48
  Speaker 1: I know that it's in this house somewhere because I
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 1: ordered something from TikTok and I took it out of
• 1:22:52
  Speaker 1: my little wallet. And I remember seeing it somewhere and
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 1: I don't remember the rest. So we share the same
• 1:22:58
  Speaker 1: credit card. So I'm like, I prayed to St. Anthony
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 1: to find it.
• 1:23:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 1: And I was really confident. This is the Catholic stuff
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 1: I love. I was really confident because I went to
• 1:23:07
  Speaker 1: church for the first time in a while. Finally went
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 1: to the first Catholic church in this neighborhood. So I
• 1:23:14
  Speaker 1: was like, oh my God, I'm definitely going to find
• 1:23:16
  Speaker 1: it today. I'm going to do the St. Anthony prayer.
• 1:23:18
  Speaker 1: I'm going to find it because I was just dreading.
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 1: Then I told Drake that I can't find the card,
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 1: but I really don't think it's missing to the point
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 1: where we have to cancel the whole thing because he
• 1:23:29
  Speaker 1: uses it too. And it's like on your things, you know?
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 2: Was he upset about it or no? Well, listen, he.
• 1:23:38
  Speaker 1: Is not Mr. Organized. I have brought home checks from
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 1: the road that he has misplaced, and then I've had
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 1: to call the venue and say, like, You know, we
• 1:23:49
  Speaker 1: know it hasn't been cashed. So just reissue it. So like, no,
• 1:23:52
  Speaker 1: he is not. So I have to remind him of that.
• 1:23:55
  Speaker 1: Like you're not a perfect person. Like you have gotten
• 1:23:58
  Speaker 1: in a car accident too. You know, like it's not
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 1: just me hitting the curb for fun. Okay. So anyway,
• 1:24:06
  Speaker 1: so it's just like constant shit like that. So like,
• 1:24:08
  Speaker 1: so like, where is, So I just finally said, I go,
• 1:24:12
  Speaker 1: I have some bad news, you know? And then he
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 1: was like, thought it was something, you know, really bad.
• 1:24:17
  Speaker 1: And I go, I just don't know where this card is,
• 1:24:19
  Speaker 1: you know? And I'm like, and it turned out it's
• 1:24:23
  Speaker 1: going to be fine because we're going to get a
• 1:24:25
  Speaker 1: business one or something anyway. But no, I don't like, yeah.
• 1:24:30
  Speaker 2: I lose all of them. I don't know where anything
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 2: is ever. Yeah. I fuck his life up. And his
• 1:24:34
  Speaker 2: goal in life is not to get my shit fucking
• 1:24:36
  Speaker 2: up his shit. Like when he wakes up in the morning, because.
• 1:24:39
  Speaker 2: There's some sort of key he has that like opens
• 1:24:41
  Speaker 2: all the subway doors or whatever. I don't know. It's
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 2: like some special universal fire chief subway key. Might have
• 1:24:48
  Speaker 2: lost it. How did you lose it? I think this
• 1:24:51
  Speaker 2: is our old place. I think we had, because now
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 2: we have just like a code, but I think we,
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 2: you know, I just, I borrowed the keys and I
• 1:24:59
  Speaker 2: lost the keys with him. And he's like, that has
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 2: my universal fucking subway key on it. That's a pretty
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 2: bad mistake. Oh my God. I fuck his life up
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 2: so bad. I must be enraging to be with. Let
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 2: me just make sure it's very clear here that I
• 1:25:12
  Speaker 2: am very much half the problem. Like when we went
• 1:25:14
  Speaker 2: on our honeymoon, I don't even realize that I'm being
• 1:25:16
  Speaker 2: offensive sometimes. Like I was arguing with him about the,
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 2: like giving away the window seat, you know, on a
• 1:25:22
  Speaker 2: cross country flight being the ultimate sacrifice. And he's like,
• 1:25:25
  Speaker 2: that's not the ultimate sacrifice. It's giving your life away.
• 1:25:27
  Speaker 2: I'm like, no, it's not. It's a window seat on
• 1:25:29
  Speaker 2: a fucking cross country flight. Like I don't even listen
• 1:25:32
  Speaker 2: to myself and realize what a twat I am a
• 1:25:34
  Speaker 2: lot of the times. But no, I lose everything. I mean,
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 2: I fuck his shit up. Our therapist gave us an
• 1:25:43
  Speaker 2: assignment and they were like, you for one week, give
• 1:25:47
  Speaker 2: Rachel one assignment of something that could make you happy
• 1:25:50
  Speaker 2: or feel loved in this marriage. And Rachel, you ask
• 1:25:53
  Speaker 2: Pete for one. And I said, maybe a compliment. Yes,
• 1:25:56
  Speaker 2: I ask for compliments all the time. He never gives
• 1:25:58
  Speaker 2: me compliments. We either do He won't give me a single.
• 1:26:01
  Speaker 2: You know what he said? He says the material of
• 1:26:03
  Speaker 2: what I'm wearing. He goes, denim. I'm like, no, you
• 1:26:05
  Speaker 2: can't scream polyester. That's not enough. He says my materials
• 1:26:08
  Speaker 2: of my clothing. That's his compliment. Or if I go,
• 1:26:11
  Speaker 2: do I look okay? He goes, well, I don't know.
• 1:26:12
  Speaker 2: Are you comfortable? Nobody fucking asked me if I was comfortable.
• 1:26:16
  Speaker 2: I'm not giving birth. I'm asking. He's like, I don't know.
• 1:26:19
  Speaker 2: Are you comfy? Fuck off. Yeah.
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 1: No, he doesn't.
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 2: Or if I say anything about my weight or something,
• 1:26:25
  Speaker 2: he'll be like, well, I don't know. What are your goals?
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 2: You don't ask the woman if she wants to be
• 1:26:28
  Speaker 2: less fat. what are your goals? Do you want to
• 1:26:33
  Speaker 2: be less of a pig than you are right now?
• 1:26:35
  Speaker 2: I don't know. That's what I hear when he says
• 1:26:37
  Speaker 2: that to me. What are your goals?
• 1:26:38
  Speaker 1: See, but you know, like this is like really comforting
• 1:26:40
  Speaker 1: because I think when you, whatever your husband's shortcomings are
• 1:26:44
  Speaker 1: in your mind, because you turn on TV or you
• 1:26:48
  Speaker 1: see someone being like, oh, like my sister's husband is
• 1:26:52
  Speaker 1: very complimentary to her and very like, like if she
• 1:26:58
  Speaker 1: came out in an outfit, you know, anything, he's just
• 1:27:01
  Speaker 1: always like, look at your sister and like, you know,
• 1:27:04
  Speaker 1: all like, you know, but then she's like, so annoying, like,
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 1: you know, whatever. And, um, or she'll complain that he,
• 1:27:12
  Speaker 1: you know, had to get a handyman to like help
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 1: bring in a tree, you know, a Christmas tree.
• 1:27:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:27:18
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, but I'm like, who cares? But she's like, yeah,
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 1: but we had to bring Peter over to like, finally
• 1:27:24
  Speaker 1: put up this, like, chandelier, or now she can ask Drake.
• 1:27:28
  Speaker 1: Now I'm like, you can ask any of them to
• 1:27:30
  Speaker 1: just do what Michael doesn't want to do.
• 1:27:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:27:32
  Speaker 1: Because he bought you a Bottega bag, and he says
• 1:27:36
  Speaker 1: you're gorgeous. So to me, I think that's better. But
• 1:27:40
  Speaker 1: to her, she's like, I would like someone that would
• 1:27:43
  Speaker 1: know how to, like, put in a chandelier. You know, like,
• 1:27:46
  Speaker 1: it's like everybody has their thing. Yeah.
• 1:27:48
  Speaker 2: No, my husband got me, yeah, the Costco pajamas or
• 1:27:52
  Speaker 2: fucking– like one of those plastic tins full of like
• 1:27:55
  Speaker 2: candy from Costco. I'm like, fuck off. Fuck you. I
• 1:27:58
  Speaker 2: told him not to get me stuff like this, but
• 1:28:00
  Speaker 2: he just only gets me those things. He's not that guy.
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 2: He's not the lavishing.
• 1:28:04
  Speaker 1: We, yeah, we, he, a few years in, we kind
• 1:28:07
  Speaker 1: of both just like don't give gifts that involve one
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 1: of us going to a store really. Like I don't
• 1:28:14
  Speaker 1: do it because in the beginning of him being into golf,
• 1:28:17
  Speaker 1: I would like go and get golf stuff. And he
• 1:28:19
  Speaker 1: was just like, you know, Okay, Travis Matthews was having
• 1:28:24
  Speaker 1: a 30% off sale. Like, I know how to get
• 1:28:27
  Speaker 1: the clothes. So now I'm like, I'm not going to
• 1:28:30
  Speaker 1: go try and buy you.
• 1:28:31
  Speaker 2: So now you like make a meal or do something
• 1:28:34
  Speaker 2: like that? No.
• 1:28:35
  Speaker 1: But you do.
• 1:28:36
  Speaker 2: This is fascinating. Now I need to adopt it so
• 1:28:39
  Speaker 2: I'm not so sad every time my birthday rolls around.
• 1:28:42
  Speaker 1: Well, and for my whole life, I've planned my birthday, whatever.
• 1:28:48
  Speaker 1: I have friends that will say, hey, we're like, like
• 1:28:52
  Speaker 1: tonight I'm going to a girl's dinner. I have groups
• 1:28:54
  Speaker 1: of girls and we'll do a girl's dinner thing. Forever.
• 1:28:57
  Speaker 1: With my husband, I will say for my birthday, this
• 1:29:01
  Speaker 1: is what I'd like to do. That's a great way
• 1:29:04
  Speaker 1: to do a trip. I like like a Cabo weekend
• 1:29:07
  Speaker 1: trip thing. And now I'll say this is what I
• 1:29:09
  Speaker 1: want to do. And then he'll be like, well, for,
• 1:29:11
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm doing this for my birthday, whatever. The
• 1:29:15
  Speaker 1: actual birthday, we do do like cards and do something nice.
• 1:29:20
  Speaker 1: But yeah, like we both like it's a ways for
• 1:29:22
  Speaker 1: him to go and try and buy me like a handbag.
• 1:29:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:29:26
  Speaker 1: And it's a waste for me to go buy, you know,
• 1:29:30
  Speaker 1: some golf shirt that he knows that he could get
• 1:29:33
  Speaker 1: 50% off.
• 1:29:33
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:29:33
  Speaker 1: My husband wants.
• 1:29:34
  Speaker 2: To do everything discounted too. And that's going to like
• 1:29:35
  Speaker 2: infuriate him.
• 1:29:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Like my husband's very like financially all about the discount,
• 1:29:40
  Speaker 1: the cheap deal.
• 1:29:41
  Speaker 2: He notices every time he's overcharged for something. Like it
• 1:29:44
  Speaker 2: could be like a nickel over.
• 1:29:45
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, I know.
• 1:29:45
  Speaker 2: He's on the phone. People could be robbing me blind
• 1:29:48
  Speaker 2: right now. I probably pay for every hotel I go
• 1:29:50
  Speaker 2: to like three times. I never check anything.
• 1:29:52
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:29:53
  Speaker 2: He like meticulously, his goal for me was to put
• 1:29:57
  Speaker 2: the caps back on everything in the medicine cabinet. They
• 1:29:59
  Speaker 2: were like, what would make you feel loved by your wife?
• 1:30:02
  Speaker 2: And it's like, he's like, put the caps back on everything,
• 1:30:05
  Speaker 2: you know? And I live a capitalist, I'm a capitalist bitch.
• 1:30:08
  Speaker 2: And I'm sure it's annoying to be with me, but
• 1:30:09
  Speaker 2: I don't know. He always goes, why don't you just
• 1:30:12
  Speaker 2: put your things back in the same place? I'm like,
• 1:30:14
  Speaker 2: you assume that I know what my hands are doing.
• 1:30:15
  Speaker 2: It feels like they go away from my body. They
• 1:30:17
  Speaker 2: take trips. I don't know what they're up to, you know?
• 1:30:19
  Speaker 2: But I'm always like, I'm not that. But look, he's
• 1:30:23
  Speaker 2: also not the guy that's going to compliment. That's not
• 1:30:27
  Speaker 2: his deal. And by the way, if I compliment him,
• 1:30:29
  Speaker 2: he doesn't need it. I could be like, you look
• 1:30:30
  Speaker 2: so hot. He's like, whatever.
• 1:30:31
  Speaker 1: He's like, I try to do it thinking that it
• 1:30:33
  Speaker 1: would result in a compliment back. I'm like, that's a
• 1:30:36
  Speaker 1: cute new jacket. And he's just like, all right, whatever.
• 1:30:40
  Speaker 1: It's this thing where they send me the clothes once
• 1:30:42
  Speaker 1: a month, whatever it does.
• 1:30:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, he doesn't need it.
• 1:30:46
  Speaker 1: See how I gave you a, like, I want the compliment.
• 1:30:49
  Speaker 1: So now I just, I did just real, I realized
• 1:30:52
  Speaker 1: several years ago, like it's just not, I don't think
• 1:30:56
  Speaker 1: it's a conscious, I don't do it. I just think
• 1:30:58
  Speaker 1: some people are going to do that. And then they're
• 1:31:01
  Speaker 1: just not. And I also wonder if, because like who
• 1:31:06
  Speaker 1: can say that their partner honestly is getting accolades and
• 1:31:10
  Speaker 1: love on a daily basis for what they do, which is,
• 1:31:14
  Speaker 1: You know, you, people saying your thing is funny, going
• 1:31:17
  Speaker 1: to your show, being excited to see you. And I
• 1:31:20
  Speaker 1: kind of feel that they are like, well, then why
• 1:31:21
  Speaker 1: do I have to do it?
• 1:31:23
  Speaker 2: That's kind of my husband, yeah.
• 1:31:24
  Speaker 1: I don't know, but I don't think they think like that.
• 1:31:27
  Speaker 2: He doesn't think it through, but that's what he's doing.
• 1:31:29
  Speaker 1: I don't think my husband is sitting back and going like,
• 1:31:32
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to tell her that she looks incredible
• 1:31:35
  Speaker 1: and that's my favorite dress that she ever wears. You know,
• 1:31:38
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to say that because she gets it
• 1:31:40
  Speaker 1: enough from the Juicy Scoopers. I don't think he thinks
• 1:31:43
  Speaker 1: it like that. I just think, and I think back
• 1:31:48
  Speaker 1: to the early days and yeah, when you're younger and
• 1:31:52
  Speaker 1: there's no kids, maybe you're a little more like romantic,
• 1:31:54
  Speaker 1: but it wasn't that different.
• 1:31:56
  Speaker 2: It wasn't much. Our first date, I took off my
• 1:31:58
  Speaker 2: jacket and my husband just goes, sons out, guns out.
• 1:32:00
  Speaker 2: I'm like, that was like my big compliment. Yeah, it
• 1:32:03
  Speaker 2: usually rhymed. It was so stupid when he was set
• 1:32:07
  Speaker 2: up with me, my friend. This other fireman that set
• 1:32:10
  Speaker 2: us up, he sent my husband a text. He's like,
• 1:32:12
  Speaker 2: any interest in meeting a semi-famous Jewish jokester? The least
• 1:32:16
  Speaker 2: arousing expression I've ever heard put together.
• 1:32:18
  Speaker 1: Oh, I brought a semi-famous Jewish jokester. Any interest in
• 1:32:22
  Speaker 1: meeting her? Yeah.
• 1:32:23
  Speaker 2: And then my husband wrote, they screenshotted me this. And
• 1:32:27
  Speaker 2: I saw a picture of him. I thought he was hot.
• 1:32:29
  Speaker 2: But I was like, I'll meet him in spite of
• 1:32:30
  Speaker 2: this response. But he wrote back like, single, ready to mingle.
• 1:32:34
  Speaker 2: There's always a rhyme. And I was like, oh, God. Christ. Christ.
• 1:32:37
  Speaker 2: But then I was like, I'll meet him. Yeah, he's
• 1:32:38
  Speaker 2: pretty cute. But that's him. There's just like a rhyme
• 1:32:41
  Speaker 2: or something like that. One time he wrote me this
• 1:32:44
  Speaker 2: beautiful card and it was about growing old together. And
• 1:32:47
  Speaker 2: it was some of them. I was crying when I
• 1:32:48
  Speaker 2: was reading it. And I said to him from the
• 1:32:51
  Speaker 2: therapist told me to give an assignment. I was like,
• 1:32:53
  Speaker 2: just write me like a beautiful card about what you
• 1:32:55
  Speaker 2: think about. Usually his cards read like a.
• 1:32:58
  Speaker 2: Like a seventh graders yearbook. He always like, it's always
• 1:33:01
  Speaker 2: a lot of numbers. He's like, one kid, one house,
• 1:33:05
  Speaker 2: five years, we could do anything. I'm like, what the
• 1:33:07
  Speaker 2: fuck does that have to do with me or you
• 1:33:08
  Speaker 2: or our marriage? It's usually just like one wife, one child,
• 1:33:13
  Speaker 2: anything's possible, have a great summer. Like it's the dumbest
• 1:33:16
  Speaker 2: thing you've ever read in your life. So she was like,
• 1:33:20
  Speaker 2: so she's like, I was like, write a real card
• 1:33:22
  Speaker 2: about like how you feel about me. So he wrote
• 1:33:24
  Speaker 2: this long thing about growing older and then there was
• 1:33:26
  Speaker 2: a picture on it. of me and him or two
• 1:33:30
  Speaker 2: old people holding hands, like a drawing. And I was like,
• 1:33:32
  Speaker 2: this is beautiful. And he's like, yeah, well. And then
• 1:33:36
  Speaker 2: I thought, I'm going to go ahead and Google these words.
• 1:33:40
  Speaker 2: And he absolutely stole it from the internet. Every fucking
• 1:33:45
  Speaker 2: word and the drawing on it, just fully plagiarized.
• 1:33:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:33:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Before that, he gave me roses with a note
• 1:33:52
  Speaker 2: in it that one of the other firemen put in
• 1:33:53
  Speaker 2: it that said, roses, fastest way to say I love you,
• 1:33:56
  Speaker 2: sides fucking. That's how he said I love you to me,
• 1:33:58
  Speaker 2: by the way.
• 1:33:59
  Speaker 1: Was sides fucking?
• 1:34:00
  Speaker 2: Sides. He didn't even spell besides. First time he gave
• 1:34:03
  Speaker 2: me flowers, first Valentine's Day. And there was a card inside,
• 1:34:06
  Speaker 2: fastest way to say I love you, sides fucking. And
• 1:34:09
  Speaker 2: I was like, Pete, did you write this? Because it
• 1:34:10
  Speaker 2: was typed up, you know? And he goes, I think
• 1:34:13
  Speaker 2: Anthony from the firehouse put it in there. But I
• 1:34:14
  Speaker 2: was like, But he hadn't said I love you yet,
• 1:34:16
  Speaker 2: so this was his way of saying I love you.
• 1:34:18
  Speaker 2: I had to be like, wait, is this mean? Is
• 1:34:19
  Speaker 2: this you trying to... He's like, well, I was going
• 1:34:21
  Speaker 2: to say it tonight at some point. Yeah, I was
• 1:34:23
  Speaker 2: thinking about it.
• 1:34:24
  Speaker 1: Every Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, and birthday, I do get
• 1:34:29
  Speaker 1: Costco roses.
• 1:34:31
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:34:32
  Speaker 1: And I love them. And for a long time, I
• 1:34:36
  Speaker 1: don't know if it's still the case, it's two dozen
• 1:34:40
  Speaker 1: a butchel, okay?
• 1:34:41
  Speaker 2: So 24 roses.
• 1:34:42
  Speaker 1: And one... valentine's day i came home and there was
• 1:34:46
  Speaker 1: only 12 and i for like a second because i
• 1:34:50
  Speaker 1: always was that person's like i don't want to ever
• 1:34:52
  Speaker 1: walk around the earth like being so confident like not
• 1:34:55
  Speaker 1: me you know whose husband doesn't cheat like you know
• 1:34:58
  Speaker 1: so i'd always like imagine like the worst case scenario
• 1:35:00
  Speaker 1: like if i came home and his car was there
• 1:35:01
  Speaker 1: i'm like what if i just walked in and it's
• 1:35:03
  Speaker 1: just like he and a dude were fucking in the
• 1:35:05
  Speaker 1: living room like i have to just prepare my brain
• 1:35:07
  Speaker 1: for that so if i see it i don't like
• 1:35:10
  Speaker 1: Lose my mind, whatever. So, you know, cause I always
• 1:35:12
  Speaker 1: think about all those like housewives and stuff that would
• 1:35:15
  Speaker 1: talk about like my man. And those are always like
• 1:35:17
  Speaker 1: the worst marriages. Right. So I'm like, I think the
• 1:35:20
  Speaker 1: fact that I don't like over glamorize this, like is,
• 1:35:23
  Speaker 1: is what's keeping us, you know, on the track. So anyway,
• 1:35:27
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh my God, like, where is the other?
• 1:35:33
  Speaker 6: Doesn't.
• 1:35:34
  Speaker 1: Like, how is like, I'm just not going to notice
• 1:35:37
  Speaker 1: that's what, and I was like kind of joking, but
• 1:35:40
  Speaker 1: kind of not. So I think I like did like a,
• 1:35:41
  Speaker 1: like a, a story or something about it. Like you guys,
• 1:35:45
  Speaker 1: I guess this is it. Like Peter has another family
• 1:35:47
  Speaker 1: that we've never known about and where are the other flowers?
• 1:35:51
  Speaker 1: And then someone like wrote and was like, no Heather on, like,
• 1:35:55
  Speaker 1: I just went to the Costco and on Valentine's day,
• 1:35:58
  Speaker 1: they are splitting them up. Like there's, there are ones
• 1:36:01
  Speaker 1: where There were probably ones you could still buy 24,
• 1:36:03
  Speaker 1: but once he saw you could only buy 12, that's plenty.
• 1:36:06
  Speaker 2: That's plenty. That's what Pete would say too. He had
• 1:36:08
  Speaker 2: to get whatever's fastest.
• 1:36:10
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:36:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah. That's my husband too.
• 1:36:11
  Speaker 1: So that was my, yeah. Yeah.
• 1:36:13
  Speaker 2: Usually it's not that deep. Yeah. And it's kind of
• 1:36:15
  Speaker 2: helps to know that sometimes.
• 1:36:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:36:18
  Speaker 2: But I would have thought the same thing too. I mean,
• 1:36:21
  Speaker 2: you never know, but I mean, I feel like, yeah,
• 1:36:23
  Speaker 2: with Pete, usually there's not some complicated second story.
• 1:36:27
  Speaker 1: Wait, your husband's name is Pete too. I just realized that.
• 1:36:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:36:29
  Speaker 1: And mine's Peter.
• 1:36:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:36:30
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:36:32
  Speaker 1: But it's always weird when people call him Pete. Like
• 1:36:34
  Speaker 1: his new friends and stuff will be like, what's up
• 1:36:37
  Speaker 1: with Pete? I always remember, I was like, I've never
• 1:36:39
  Speaker 1: called him Pete in my entire life. I only call
• 1:36:41
  Speaker 1: him Peter.
• 1:36:42
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I call him Peter, but usually most people call
• 1:36:45
  Speaker 2: him Pete, so I call him that. But his mom
• 1:36:46
  Speaker 2: calls him Peter and she always, his mother was always
• 1:36:49
  Speaker 2: encouraging him to go to therapy. And I always think
• 1:36:51
  Speaker 2: about how she used to go, Peter needs to get
• 1:36:53
  Speaker 2: to know Peter. Peter needs to get to know Peter.
• 1:36:58
  Speaker 2: And I was grateful. I was like, yeah, he does.
• 1:36:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:37:00
  Speaker 2: But he would probably just go to therapy and talk
• 1:37:01
  Speaker 2: about like the flooring in the house or how the
• 1:37:04
  Speaker 2: floors were level or something like that.
• 1:37:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:37:07
  Speaker 2: Peter needs to get to know Peter.
• 1:37:10
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:37:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:37:11
  Speaker 2: But, you know.
• 1:37:12
  Speaker 1: Well, I love that we have so much in common.
• 1:37:15
  Speaker 2: I know. I think that I feel like our husbands
• 1:37:18
  Speaker 2: would probably really hit it off. Oh, my God.
• 1:37:19
  Speaker 1: They would totally hit it off.
• 1:37:20
  Speaker 2: My husband loves Costco so much. Like, he's obsessed with it.
• 1:37:23
  Speaker 2: We honeymoon through Costco, everything.
• 1:37:25
  Speaker 1: I'm a little bit sad because now Peter is doing
• 1:37:29
  Speaker 1: Instacart from Costco.
• 1:37:31
  Speaker 2: Oh, he is doing Instacart. Yeah.
• 1:37:33
  Speaker 1: And he's like, and I go, but to me, it's
• 1:37:38
  Speaker 1: very fun to go.
• 1:37:39
  Speaker 2: To go.
• 1:37:40
  Speaker 1: I like to go with as many family people as
• 1:37:45
  Speaker 1: possible that are around because I like to look what
• 1:37:49
  Speaker 1: they have. And I like to be like, would we
• 1:37:51
  Speaker 1: want this? Do we want this? I like to look
• 1:37:54
  Speaker 1: at the furniture. There's something so comforting. To me, it's
• 1:37:59
  Speaker 1: one of the happiest places on earth. If I find
• 1:38:02
  Speaker 1: out that my husband and son went to Costco without me,
• 1:38:05
  Speaker 1: I don't know. It just really bums me out. I
• 1:38:08
  Speaker 1: don't know why I like it so much. I just
• 1:38:10
  Speaker 1: still do.
• 1:38:11
  Speaker 2: It is satisfying to just be able to.
• 1:38:14
  Speaker 1: I just like to see all the new, what they.
• 1:38:16
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like when they have new specials and stuff.
• 1:38:17
  Speaker 1: Or like there's like furniture or there's some like weird thing.
• 1:38:21
  Speaker 2: Or the samples.
• 1:38:22
  Speaker 1: I always love the samples.
• 1:38:25
  Speaker 2: When they start to describe it to me, I'm like, ah,
• 1:38:29
  Speaker 2: that's enough. It's going right in my dumb fate. No
• 1:38:31
  Speaker 2: questions asked.
• 1:38:33
  Speaker 1: Or when it's just a weird piece of bread, I'm like,
• 1:38:36
  Speaker 1: come on, with a little butter on it. That's not
• 1:38:38
  Speaker 1: an appetizer.
• 1:38:39
  Speaker 2: No, I love a sample. I love free samples. Since
• 1:38:41
  Speaker 2: I was a kid, I've always loved them.
• 1:38:43
  Speaker 1: I remember the day they stopped the samples due to COVID.
• 1:38:46
  Speaker 2: That was fucked up. That was the hardest part for me.
• 1:38:49
  Speaker 1: That was honestly so awful. Like, it was it. That
• 1:38:52
  Speaker 1: was it.
• 1:38:53
  Speaker 2: The hardest part was that and not being.
• 1:38:55
  Speaker 1: Able to get a blowout.
• 1:38:56
  Speaker 6: What?
• 1:38:56
  Speaker 1: What did you say about the blowout?
• 1:38:58
  Speaker 2: The samples and not being able to get a blowout
• 1:39:00
  Speaker 2: for me. I was pregnant, and that was still the
• 1:39:02
  Speaker 2: hardest part for me. Not being able to get a blowout. Like,
• 1:39:07
  Speaker 2: having somebody blow my hair out. Like, the truth was
• 1:39:09
  Speaker 2: coming out about how I really look. I rely on
• 1:39:11
  Speaker 2: a team of people to paint an active lie on me.
• 1:39:13
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I have to give birth without a blowout?
• 1:39:16
  Speaker 2: Fuck this. Yeah, I wanted to look better.
• 1:39:20
  Speaker 1: My mom, every photo that she had after giving birth,
• 1:39:24
  Speaker 1: she would wear her own nightie, like bring her own,
• 1:39:27
  Speaker 1: she called it a nightie, her own thing, and she
• 1:39:29
  Speaker 1: would get her hair done. And like, and then she said,
• 1:39:34
  Speaker 1: I was so late that like, she was just, it
• 1:39:36
  Speaker 1: was such a problem because she kept like wrapping it
• 1:39:39
  Speaker 1: around in toilet paper every night so it could stay.
• 1:39:42
  Speaker 1: Cause it was like a, like a, like it's the bouffant,
• 1:39:44
  Speaker 1: like whatever. And cause she was, you know, had to
• 1:39:47
  Speaker 1: take that one photo. And back then they would just
• 1:39:50
  Speaker 1: put gas on your face and they somehow take the forceps.
• 1:39:54
  Speaker 1: I don't know how they got it out if you
• 1:39:56
  Speaker 1: weren't like actively pushing. And then they would just say,
• 1:39:59
  Speaker 1: she said, then they would tap you and say, it
• 1:40:00
  Speaker 1: was a boy. It was a girl.
• 1:40:02
  Speaker 2: Take the baby, and then she would wake up and
• 1:40:05
  Speaker 2: take the photo. Oh, so they would put you down
• 1:40:07
  Speaker 2: fully for the birth? Yes. By the way, that sounds fantastic.
• 1:40:12
  Speaker 2: Just to have somebody knock you right out and just
• 1:40:15
  Speaker 2: be like a gift to your baby. Oh, my God.
• 1:40:17
  Speaker 2: I didn't know they put you fully out.
• 1:40:18
  Speaker 1: Back then, yeah.
• 1:40:19
  Speaker 2: Wow, yeah. Everything was about setting your hair in those days.
• 1:40:22
  Speaker 1: Also, they were like, that's really bad. What kind of
• 1:40:25
  Speaker 1: drugs went into the child's system? And I'm like, yeah,
• 1:40:29
  Speaker 1: that's what Gen Xers are. I don't know what we are. Um,
• 1:40:33
  Speaker 1: this was so great. Tell everybody, I know you do
• 1:40:36
  Speaker 1: a lot of standup. You're on the road. Where can
• 1:40:38
  Speaker 1: they get more of you in their life?
• 1:40:40
  Speaker 2: Um, you can go to my, um, follow me on Instagram,
• 1:40:43
  Speaker 2: Rachel Feinstein underscore. I post a lot of my dates
• 1:40:45
  Speaker 2: there or go to my website, rachel-feinstein.com. I'm hurling myself
• 1:40:49
  Speaker 2: to a lot of different places. And when I'm not
• 1:40:51
  Speaker 2: at home, just stirring an empty bowl, waiting for my
• 1:40:54
  Speaker 2: husband to come home and give me meaning again. But
• 1:40:58
  Speaker 2: that's how it used to be. It used to be
• 1:41:00
  Speaker 2: you just would set your hair. Half your life was
• 1:41:02
  Speaker 2: setting your hair and just waiting for the same guy
• 1:41:04
  Speaker 2: to come back home again. I mean, it is good
• 1:41:06
  Speaker 2: we can go on stage and talk shit.
• 1:41:08
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 1:41:08
  Speaker 2: I have no point to what I'm saying. I should
• 1:41:09
  Speaker 2: be cut off and blocked by now, by the way.
• 1:41:12
  Speaker 1: Wait, I have to ask you, what do you think
• 1:41:13
  Speaker 1: about the trad wife movement of young Gen Zers that
• 1:41:19
  Speaker 1: marry and they make their own bread? Do you follow
• 1:41:23
  Speaker 1: any of those girls? Yes, I do. And the joy
• 1:41:26
  Speaker 1: of it and- All of that.
• 1:41:29
  Speaker 2: I think that they're all snacking on Xanax all day
• 1:41:31
  Speaker 2: because they all look like they are. And I've always
• 1:41:33
  Speaker 2: thought about those group wives when they're married, when your
• 1:41:35
  Speaker 2: husband has like seven different wives.
• 1:41:36
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 1:41:36
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:41:37
  Speaker 2: And then just like, everything's fine while me and Jenny
• 1:41:39
  Speaker 2: and all the girls get along. Yes, we do. That
• 1:41:42
  Speaker 2: is a Xanax voice. I think they're chomping on hard
• 1:41:45
  Speaker 2: meds all day and they need dough. Yeah.
• 1:41:48
  Speaker 1: And they're fine. There's a lot of, I remember when
• 1:41:50
  Speaker 1: I did like that Wise Guys in Salt Lake City,
• 1:41:54
  Speaker 1: they're And, you know, it was one of those five
• 1:41:56
  Speaker 1: show weekends where you just have like the afternoon to yourself.
• 1:41:59
  Speaker 1: And I was like walking around and there were so
• 1:42:01
  Speaker 1: many ads for drug addiction places. Because I do think
• 1:42:05
  Speaker 1: because they don't drink alcohol and stuff.
• 1:42:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:42:08
  Speaker 1: A lot of them do get on some other altering
• 1:42:10
  Speaker 1: things and then become sadly addicted. Yeah.
• 1:42:13
  Speaker 2: Because their eyes, they look like they're not in their
• 1:42:15
  Speaker 2: own bodies. Like they're fucking... Yeah. They have left the building.
• 1:42:19
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:42:19
  Speaker 2: I think a lot of... I mean, look, I try
• 1:42:23
  Speaker 2: to do some of those... those, you know, when I
• 1:42:25
  Speaker 2: had a toddler, I watched a lot of those videos
• 1:42:27
  Speaker 2: and I tried to do a lot of those different
• 1:42:29
  Speaker 2: activities with her. But whenever you, I don't buy it
• 1:42:32
  Speaker 2: when you are, I like the whole idea, like don't
• 1:42:34
  Speaker 2: get them much toy rotation, all that kind of shit.
• 1:42:36
  Speaker 2: But when you have a little kid that age, especially toddler,
• 1:42:40
  Speaker 2: mine's five now, she's not really a toddler anymore, but
• 1:42:43
  Speaker 2: like your house is jacked up. Shit is everywhere. Right.
• 1:42:45
  Speaker 2: So what are those like minimalist ladies that are like,
• 1:42:47
  Speaker 2: I just weed dough and then we go look for
• 1:42:49
  Speaker 2: pretty things in nature. Like I try to do that.
• 1:42:51
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 1:42:52
  Speaker 2: But things just get hurled. There's smears everywhere. There's just,
• 1:42:55
  Speaker 2: I already have smears myself. Like I'm always worried about
• 1:42:58
  Speaker 2: like leaving debris or just excreting tanning salon lotions and
• 1:43:02
  Speaker 2: shit at people's furniture. I don't buy it. If you
• 1:43:05
  Speaker 2: have a spotless home, you have a toddler, I don't
• 1:43:08
  Speaker 2: believe you. I don't care if you're a stay-at-home mom. Yeah,
• 1:43:10
  Speaker 2: I don't believe you. Yeah, that you're just kneading dough
• 1:43:13
  Speaker 2: and then just these neat little activities. No, it's not
• 1:43:15
  Speaker 2: like that.
• 1:43:16
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:43:17
  Speaker 2: It's a little more jacked up. But I think the
• 1:43:19
  Speaker 2: dresses are cute. I love dresses, and I love those old, like,
• 1:43:22
  Speaker 2: country dresses.
• 1:43:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I can see the desire of it, but I
• 1:43:25
  Speaker 1: don't think it can last forever. So get your education, girls.
• 1:43:28
  Speaker 1: Get your education and make your own money.
• 1:43:31
  Speaker 2: That's right. Make your own money. You don't know what
• 1:43:32
  Speaker 2: the fuck your husband's doing. He comes in the last
• 1:43:34
  Speaker 2: frame and puts his arm around his leg. How's it going,
• 1:43:36
  Speaker 2: little lady? Like, yeah, he could be anywhere inside of me.
• 1:43:39
  Speaker 2: And he could be at a glory hole for the
• 1:43:40
  Speaker 2: rest of the day. You don't know what the fuck
• 1:43:41
  Speaker 2: he's up to.
• 1:43:41
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:43:42
  Speaker 2: Get a check from somewhere. All right.
• 1:43:44
  Speaker 1: We're going to go to lunch.
• 1:43:45
  Speaker 2: We can't glory hole.
• 1:43:48
  Speaker 1: All right. Love you. Bye.
• 1:43:53
  Speaker 5: They think you're done for the day, but they don't
• 1:43:55
  Speaker 5: know about the drawer. The drawer. Just the one square
• 1:44:01
  Speaker 5: before bed. Or two, you know. Nobody's watching.
• 1:44:07
  Speaker 1: You deserve a treat.
• 1:44:12
  Speaker 5: With eight flavours to choose from, you can choose the
• 1:44:14
  Speaker 5: flavour you favour with Cadbury Dairy Milk.