Latest / Wedded Wednesday with Pastor Don & Lisa Smith / Manna for Marriage Part 2 - Parenting and the Divided House - 1-21-26

Transcript

Manna for Marriage Part 2 - Parenting and the Divided House - 1-21-26 · Wedded Wednesday with Pastor Don & Lisa Smith

• 0:09
  Don Smith: What if marriage advice didn't have to feel like a lecture or a counseling session?
• 0:14
  Don Smith: But welcome to a weekly coffee date for your marriage that we're calling Wedded Wednesday.
• 0:20
  Don Smith: I'm Pastor Don Smith along with my wife Lisa, and we are right there in the trenches with you.
• 0:25
  Don Smith: And this podcast takes the pressure off perfect and puts the focus on purposeful.
• 0:31
  Don Smith: Our desire is to give you Bible-based tools to work on your marriage, not just in it.
• 0:37
  Don Smith: Each week we get real, we keep it lighthearted because marriage is hard enough without being stuffy.
• 0:43
  Don Smith: We want to leave you with one practical challenge to actually use before the next podcast.
• 0:50
  Don Smith: Whether you're in a great season or barely holding on, I want you to pull up a chair, get a cup of coffee, and let's be intentional together.
• 1:03
  Don Smith: I just want to say very quickly here.
• 1:06
  Don Smith: Thank you to Colton Gasho, who's always a savior.
• 1:10
  Don Smith: He's been teaching me how to run these lives, and there's a couple of applications that happen that uh I think I know how to run, and then the next day when I'm on my own, I don't get it done.
• 1:20
  Don Smith: And Colton comes in and just fixes it.
• 1:23
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 1:23
  Lisa Smith: Yeah, I don't I don't know anything about all the technology stuff.
• 1:27
  Don Smith: So if you get to watch us live on Facebook on Wedding Wednesdays, on Wednesdays, you should probably give props to Colton Gosho because anytime I can't make it work, he does.
• 1:38
  Lisa Smith: Oh yeah.
• 1:39
  Don Smith: Yeah, I get a little frustrated for sure because I don't understand why.
• 1:42
  Lisa Smith: Just a little.
• 1:43
  Lisa Smith: Just a little, y'all.
• 1:44
  Lisa Smith: It worked perfect last week.
• 1:46
  Lisa Smith: Why doesn't it have worked this week?
• 1:48
  Lisa Smith: Don't start throwing things.
• 1:51
  Don Smith: Oh, it's always a test.
• 1:53
  Don Smith: It's a battle for Wedded Wednesday, isn't it?
• 1:55
  Lisa Smith: It seems like it.
• 1:56
  Don Smith: It's like the devil doesn't want us to talk about marriage.
• 1:59
  Lisa Smith: Because you have no problems at all with your talk about it podcast.
• 2:04
  Lisa Smith: None.
• 2:04
  Lisa Smith: None.
• 2:05
  Lisa Smith: It's always Wedded Wednesday.
• 2:06
  Lisa Smith: The devil fights us.
• 2:08
  Don Smith: And if you're listening, I think, and you're watching, right?
• 2:10
  Don Smith: Thanks for being here every week and supporting it.
• 2:14
  Don Smith: But I promise you, uh, you if you know anything, I've got the talk about it with podcasts with Pastor Don.
• 2:21
  Don Smith: And uh man, I I have no problems with that thing.
• 2:24
  Don Smith: But every wedded Wednesday, uh boy, the devil fights us, which is why I think this is such a great conversation.
• 2:32
  Don Smith: And I I get so flustered about it because it means so much to it means to a lot to us.
• 2:38
  Don Smith: He is frazzled because I don't understand why it doesn't work.
• 2:43
  Don Smith: But I do know that there's a devil, an enemy who doesn't want us to talk about what it takes to make marriage health healthy.
• 2:50
  Don Smith: True.
• 2:50
  Don Smith: And uh we have been in a conversation here at Firm Foundation Ministries.
• 2:54
  Don Smith: Those of you who come to church here or maybe watch us online, you know that we're in the middle of our manna for marriage series.
• 3:01
  Don Smith: Uh and uh this past Sunday we talked about parenting.
• 3:06
  Lisa Smith: Yikes.
• 3:07
  Don Smith: How'd you think it went?
• 3:09
  Lisa Smith: I thought it went well because I yes, it was about parenting, but honestly, I think you can imply or apply all of it to any type of any relationship.
• 3:21
  Don Smith: But we were we were definitely targeting.
• 3:23
  Don Smith: Specifically, yeah.
• 3:24
  Lisa Smith: But you know, in the past you've had people ask for parenting for sure.
• 3:27
  Lisa Smith: Uh I mean we have a whole on the teachings and stuff like that on parenting.
• 3:31
  Don Smith: Yeah, I mean, we have a whole thing that we've done on biblical parenting.
• 3:35
  Don Smith: Yeah, we uh worst attended uh sermon series we ever did was biblical parenting.
• 3:40
  Don Smith: Yeah, even though several people actually can do something on the book of Revelation and people just come out of the woodworks, right?
• 3:48
  Don Smith: Or you can do something on like spiritual warfare, people come out of the woodworks, but do something practical like biblical parenting.
• 3:54
  Lisa Smith: Well, and I don't think some people think that's spiritual.
• 3:58
  Don Smith: But it is enough.
• 3:59
  Don Smith: But it's see, parenting is an incredible spiritual thing.
• 4:02
  Don Smith: And if you've been married for a minute and you got kids, you understand the wrestling that being a parent and being married, right?
• 4:11
  Don Smith: Can be, I mean, marriage is hard enough as it is, but then when we add in raising a family, and so what could be more spiritual or what could be more practical than digging into the scripture about raising the next generation?
• 4:24
  Don Smith: Yep.
• 4:24
  Don Smith: How how how we should do this?
• 4:26
  Don Smith: So uh I've got some questions for you today.
• 4:29
  Don Smith: Uh, did you get some feedback from anybody from the message on Sunday?
• 4:34
  Lisa Smith: You know, I didn't get any feedback, but there was a couple that was sitting behind me.
• 4:39
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 4:39
  Lisa Smith: And as soon as the amen was said, they looked at each other and they started talking, and I could tell they were talking about you know, like, okay, how can we do this different because I noticed this with one of the children or something.
• 4:56
  Lisa Smith: And I I almost want to think they're more of adult adult age children or older children, sure.
• 5:03
  Lisa Smith: Uh not littles.
• 5:04
  Lisa Smith: So I I thought that was pretty cool that right away they started to say, okay, let's put this into practice.
• 5:10
  Lisa Smith: Let's get on the same page.
• 5:12
  Lisa Smith: How do we do?
• 5:12
  Lisa Smith: I mean, right there, yeah, they started discussing it, and I went, you know, I don't know if everybody received it, but that couple received it.
• 5:21
  Don Smith: That's yeah, and I think that's good because let's just be honest.
• 5:24
  Don Smith: How many married people are, you know, in the phase where they're now raising children?
• 5:30
  Don Smith: And uh, you know, when you got kids in the house and you're raising children, that puts an added weight on being married.
• 5:35
  Don Smith: Let's just be honest.
• 5:36
  Don Smith: Okay, it's not a burden, it just puts an added weight.
• 5:39
  Don Smith: All right.
• 5:39
  Don Smith: But the problem is uh all of a sudden uh marriage comes with its own struggles.
• 5:45
  Don Smith: True, but then raising children comes with its own struggles.
• 5:48
  Don Smith: And what we've done is we've combined those things, okay?
• 5:51
  Don Smith: And then all of a sudden you and I have sat with with married people who are struggling, and they often, uh, because of that added weight, see the kids as a problem.
• 6:03
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 6:04
  Don Smith: And so I made this statement on Sunday your kids aren't your problem.
• 6:09
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 6:09
  Don Smith: I made that statement.
• 6:10
  Don Smith: It's your divided heart.
• 6:12
  Don Smith: What do you think about that?
• 6:13
  Lisa Smith: I think it's true.
• 6:14
  Lisa Smith: I think we end up being competitors in that in parenting.
• 6:20
  Lisa Smith: Because let's be for real, we do want our kids to like us.
• 6:25
  Don Smith: Right.
• 6:25
  Lisa Smith: You know, and so you heard a lot more about the dad.
• 6:32
  Lisa Smith: Oh, yeah, you're the fun parent, and I have to be the disciplinary because well, moms are usually with the kids a little bit more because most men work outside.
• 6:45
  Lisa Smith: That's I know that there's some uh some that's not always the case, but majority of the time the men work outside the home, and the moms are usually the ones that are with the kids all the time.
• 6:57
  Lisa Smith: And so when dad comes home, he's like, fun dad.
• 7:01
  Lisa Smith: So we use this illustration of Jacob, Rachel, and I did threaten our kids before with wait till your dad gets home.
• 7:07
  Don Smith: Oh, it's always happened, it's always happened.
• 7:10
  Don Smith: Um, and that kind of thing.
• 7:12
  Don Smith: And we we've said this, I said this on Sunday to follow this up.
• 7:15
  Don Smith: That you don't really need yelling in the house, okay, to fall apart.
• 7:19
  Don Smith: What you need is two parents pulling in opposite directions, and it can happen that way, right?
• 7:23
  Don Smith: And so you can have unity in your marriage if you have secrets in your parenting.
• 7:27
  Lisa Smith: So, how do how do you think that we can overcome unity in your marriage if you have secrets anywhere?
• 7:32
  Don Smith: Yep, and we're speaking directly towards parenting.
• 7:35
  Don Smith: Yeah, uh, but you're right, uh, no secrets are allowed in marriage, but especially in parenting, because that is where it can happen.
• 7:41
  Lisa Smith: I think the secret of you feeding Melan ice cream really late, and y'all, I didn't know about that for years that that had happened.
• 7:52
  Don Smith: Yep.
• 7:53
  Don Smith: My daughter and I, uh Lisa's working third shift uh early on in our marriage, and uh so it was my job, uh, you know, to put the kids to bed and all that good stuff.
• 8:02
  Don Smith: And and our daughter, uh, her and I had a moment, uh, whatever it was, I can't even remember what it was now.
• 8:08
  Don Smith: She probably doesn't either.
• 8:09
  Don Smith: And uh, you know, uh she remembered ice cream.
• 8:13
  Don Smith: The long story short, in the end, uh, you know, the Holy Spirit spoke to me, and uh, you know, I just wanted to, I just want I knew you were gonna be upset if I did it.
• 8:23
  Don Smith: But um, you know, I late, late, late at night, I got her out of bed because she wasn't happy and she was upset.
• 8:29
  Don Smith: I wasn't happy, and I and my heart was broken.
• 8:32
  Don Smith: And so I was just like, get up out of bed and let's have some ice cream.
• 8:35
  Don Smith: And man, she was like healed instantly.
• 8:38
  Don Smith: And I was like, don't tell your mom.
• 8:40
  Lisa Smith: You all kept that secret pretty okay.
• 8:42
  Don Smith: Now that's a little thing, but what we're talking about major stuff, major kind of aspects of it, right?
• 8:49
  Don Smith: Uh, because the demonic strategy in marriage is that uh your children get signed up for a war that they didn't really most parents put their kids against register for against each other.
• 9:03
  Don Smith: And so we wanna we want to overcome this because uh what happens is every child inside of a home uh that is divided in this way becomes a specialist in some type of dysfunction.
• 9:17
  Don Smith: So talk to me about that a little bit.
• 9:20
  Lisa Smith: Well, what you end up doing is putting your kid in the middle of may maybe your own marriage problems.
• 9:26
  Don Smith: See, there you go.
• 9:27
  Lisa Smith: Okay, something that should be handled by two adults that are married.
• 9:31
  Lisa Smith: Ooh, that's really good.
• 9:33
  Lisa Smith: You bring your children into the mix of it, and then you could have one parent resent the child because the child always sides with you, but you're actually pitting that child against the children.
• 9:46
  Don Smith: I think it's really good in the sense that sometimes we we don't I don't think we do that maliciously.
• 9:51
  Don Smith: Some people might do that just because they're looking for relief, and this is you know, the child is someone who I I find agreement with or I find joy in.
• 9:59
  Don Smith: Right now I'm not finding joy in my spouse.
• 10:02
  Don Smith: And so all of a sudden these alliances start happening, not maliciously, but they just kind of start happening.
• 10:09
  Don Smith: Um, and uh the one who's caught in the middle is a is a children.
• 10:14
  Don Smith: Is the child.
• 10:14
  Don Smith: Um, and then that child all of a sudden becomes dysfunctional in whatever area that happens.
• 10:21
  Lisa Smith: Well, that child ends up learning how to manipulate lie or cheat, steal, whatever it is, you know.
• 10:29
  Don Smith: So that's what happened with Esau, right?
• 10:32
  Don Smith: And uh Jacob in the sense that they learned their dysfunction from their parents.
• 10:40
  Don Smith: Um and uh I I'm not real sure that there was any maliciousness going on.
• 10:45
  Don Smith: I just think that there was With the boys?
• 10:47
  Don Smith: Yeah, with the with the parents, in the sense that uh, you know, there was this struggle.
• 10:52
  Don Smith: They they didn't have peace and they found peace in an area and um they that all of a sudden caused a war that they didn't intend to happen.
• 11:02
  Don Smith: Uh and the boys grew up.
• 11:05
  Don Smith: Well, the boys grew up though in dysfunction.
• 11:09
  Lisa Smith: Uh I believe that uh, you know and each of them thought they were helping their parent the parent that favored them.
• 11:17
  Lisa Smith: So how do you think they're trying to bless their parents?
• 11:20
  Don Smith: We have to be very careful that uh we don't allow our children and our marriages to become weapons against one another.
• 11:27
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 11:28
  Don Smith: Uh no matter what age they are.
• 11:29
  Don Smith: We also whether they're little or we have to be careful to make sure that we don't allow them to become trophies either.
• 11:35
  Don Smith: Uh and I think that's uh that's important.
• 11:38
  Don Smith: Uh, because what we want is we want our children to be our legacy in our marriage.
• 11:43
  Don Smith: We want them to write the gospel message of our marriage, right?
• 11:47
  Don Smith: Which tells the story of love, covenant love, right?
• 11:52
  Don Smith: And that creates health.
• 11:53
  Don Smith: So, but you and I have we've sat with couples uh that have really wrestled in their marriage and their children have become casualties of that.
• 12:05
  Don Smith: And uh that's a sad part of it.
• 12:08
  Don Smith: So, what we're asking you to do on Wedded Wednesday today is we're asking you to to go back and listen to the sermon again and to take the devotionals this week and move into those so that you can learn, okay, how to have tools like that couple that sat behind you on Sunday.
• 12:26
  Don Smith: They were like, Okay, we've got we've got to put this stuff in practice.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 12:30
  Don Smith: They didn't know that you heard them say that, but they're like, we've got to put this in practice.
• 12:34
  Lisa Smith: It's not eavesdropping, they were right behind.
• 12:37
  Don Smith: Yeah, well, uh church can be pretty closely packed sometimes.
• 12:41
  Lisa Smith: Um I mean, there was no details, but I could tell they were talking about something that maybe you know they knew was going on within the world.
• 12:52
  Don Smith: So you're you're a woman of great wisdom and uh discernment.
• 12:56
  Don Smith: If you could share with us, if you could share with us as married people how to not let our children become casualties of our marriage struggles.
• 13:07
  Don Smith: What what would you what kind of advice would you give us?
• 13:12
  Lisa Smith: If you need to talk to your spouse, talk to your spouse.
• 13:15
  Lisa Smith: Don't make the child do it.
• 13:16
  Don Smith: Okay, that's a great don't put them in the middle of your arguments.
• 13:19
  Lisa Smith: Don't put them in the middle.
• 13:21
  Lisa Smith: And so I made this statement And if you want something from your spouse, you ask.
• 13:24
  Lisa Smith: I mean like Don't say don't make your children do it.
• 13:27
  Don Smith: I made this statement that Isaac and Rebecca never had this come to Jesus meeting about parenting, and that's why they failed.
• 13:33
  Don Smith: And so what you're saying is children don't belong in the middle of your arguments or your struggles as mom and dad.
• 13:42
  Lisa Smith: You know, growing up, um I never heard my parents talk about the finances or the bills.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 13:49
  Lisa Smith: I never like I mean, shoot.
• 13:52
  Lisa Smith: I lived a happy childhood.
• 13:54
  Lisa Smith: I mean, I just not everything was perfect in my life, but I never worried once where food was coming from.
• 14:00
  Lisa Smith: I never they never discussed finances or if there was a struggle with finances.
• 14:08
  Lisa Smith: I never knew about it.
• 14:10
  Lisa Smith: Because as a kid, I don't think you need to carry that weight.
• 14:14
  Lisa Smith: They didn't put you in the middle of that.
• 14:15
  Lisa Smith: Can we afford it?
• 14:16
  Lisa Smith: That wasn't your weight to carry.
• 14:17
  Don Smith: And so they did a good job by saying that's not their weight to carry.
• 14:20
  Lisa Smith: I I want to think that you and I did okay with that too, because we had times we struggled financially.
• 14:28
  Don Smith: Sure.
• 14:29
  Lisa Smith: And uh, but the Lord always came to the show.
• 14:31
  Don Smith: Hey, Spring Richardson is watching.
• 14:33
  Don Smith: Hi, Spring.
• 14:34
  Don Smith: Spring knew us before we got married.
• 14:36
  Don Smith: How about that?
• 14:37
  Don Smith: She's been a life, she's been a a life, how would we say this?
• 14:41
  Don Smith: She would be a marriage life friend.
• 14:43
  Don Smith: I knew her a little longer than you did.
• 14:44
  Don Smith: Yeah, hey, Spring.
• 14:46
  Lisa Smith: But um now you made me lose my train of thought.
• 14:51
  Don Smith: We were talking about you our your parents not putting you in the middle of the street.
• 14:55
  Lisa Smith: But like, you know, if we didn't have money for Christmas and stuff, us making sure we didn't do the same thing.
• 15:03
  Lisa Smith: But then the Lord would show up and all of a sudden we'd have a little bit of money for Christmas.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 15:08
  Lisa Smith: They didn't know when we had car troubles, unless you were out there having a fit trying to fix something.
• 15:15
  Don Smith: That's for a different podcast.
• 15:16
  Lisa Smith: But we we tried to keep those type of struggles between us and like like you had shared on Sunday, we tried very hard never to argue in front of the kids.
• 15:29
  Lisa Smith: We say fight, disagreement, we tried real hard not to do that type of stuff in front of them because they needed to see unity between us.
• 15:39
  Lisa Smith: And so if there was a disciplinary thing that needed to happen, that is one of the reasons why.
• 15:44
  Lisa Smith: Wait till your dad gets home.
• 15:46
  Lisa Smith: Because I want to talk to him about what the punishment should be for this.
• 15:49
  Don Smith: Listen to that, okay?
• 15:50
  Don Smith: Because that was that's something that's very because that statement gets said a lot.
• 15:54
  Don Smith: Wait till your dad gets home.
• 15:56
  Don Smith: But Lisa meant that in a way that was not like he's gonna punish you when you get home.
• 16:01
  Don Smith: No, she's saying you have to wait till your dad your dad gets home because he and I need to have a conversation, and then together we're gonna speak to you about the situation.
• 16:11
  Don Smith: There's a big difference, isn't there?
• 16:12
  Don Smith: Yeah, between wait till your dad gets home.
• 16:14
  Don Smith: It just puts this unfair fear in the heart of a child that he's just gonna come home and be this ogre who punishes them and and not need to know the details, okay?
• 16:25
  Don Smith: And so they start to view him that way.
• 16:27
  Don Smith: Right.
• 16:27
  Don Smith: So you never did that.
• 16:29
  Don Smith: You said you said to them very clearly, wait till your dad, but they knew that means, hey, we're gonna have a conversation together, and then together we're gonna speak to you about this situation.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 16:42
  Don Smith: And I always thought that was something very, very uh amazing that you did.
• 16:47
  Don Smith: Uh it helped us both.
• 16:48
  Don Smith: Thank you.
• 16:49
  Don Smith: Uh no, it helped us both parent.
• 16:51
  Don Smith: What happened then is uh you never created in our children's heart an improper fear of dad.
• 16:58
  Lisa Smith: Right.
• 16:59
  Lisa Smith: But I did let you be the fun dad.
• 17:01
  Lisa Smith: I think I was more of the disciplinary majority of the time.
• 17:04
  Lisa Smith: Um and I think But that's because I was with them.
• 17:07
  Don Smith: You were, yeah, because I was working and you happened to be home.
• 17:09
  Don Smith: You were just home more than I was.
• 17:11
  Don Smith: Uh and that's okay.
• 17:12
  Don Smith: M moms can be that way.
• 17:13
  Don Smith: It can be that sometimes it's the opposite direction.
• 17:16
  Lisa Smith: After a few years of us being married, and that was our choice.
• 17:19
  Don Smith: We decided, hey, we our kids are just requiring so much attention that we made the financial decision that, hey, you're gonna stay home so that our kids have our focus.
• 17:31
  Don Smith: Now we're not beating up parents who don't do that.
• 17:33
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 17:34
  Don Smith: We're saying what we did.
• 17:36
  Don Smith: We sat down together as a married couple and we said, what is our value to our children inside of our family?
• 17:45
  Don Smith: This means we're gonna have less finances, but it means we're gonna have more intentional focus.
• 17:52
  Don Smith: And that's the thing I used as I got to close.
• 17:54
  Lisa Smith: I could be the chef, the chauffeur.
• 17:58
  Don Smith: As and and as I got close to the end of the message on Sunday, that's what I really focused on was the word intentional.
• 18:05
  Don Smith: Now it's a it's a unique word.
• 18:07
  Don Smith: We wouldn't need it if we didn't have to be.
• 18:11
  Don Smith: To be intentional means you have to do the opposite of what is natural.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 18:15
  Don Smith: So uh when you're struggling in your marriage, what's natural is to look for allies.
• 18:21
  Don Smith: And uh you look for allies to those who are closest to you.
• 18:24
  Don Smith: And sometimes those allies get recruited, not volunteered.
• 18:29
  Don Smith: You know what I'm saying?
• 18:30
  Don Smith: They don't volunteer.
• 18:30
  Don Smith: And that you recruit your children as your ally.
• 18:33
  Don Smith: You I don't I'm not saying you do that maliciously.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_02: Not on purpose.
• 18:37
  Don Smith: But what we're trying to tell you inside of this, don't let your house be divided because you uh draft allies uh who are not supposed to be a part of it in that sense.
• 18:50
  Don Smith: Um your marriage struggles are between you and your spouse.
• 18:55
  Don Smith: Um and if I just say this.
• 18:58
  Don Smith: You can say anything you want to.
• 18:59
  Lisa Smith: I know that this is about marriage, but those of you that are divorced and have children together, please don't do this to your children.
• 19:08
  Don Smith: Yeah, and it's the same, you're still a parent.
• 19:10
  Don Smith: Yeah so let's say you're you have experienced the tragedy.
• 19:13
  Lisa Smith: Your ex is still their parent, also.
• 19:16
  Don Smith: Yes, that's for sure.
• 19:17
  Lisa Smith: Even if you've remarried, okay, that child is doubly blessed then because they have to more parents who love them and nurture them.
• 19:27
  Lisa Smith: So just please don't do that to your kids.
• 19:30
  Don Smith: Yes.
• 19:31
  Don Smith: Uh, if you have experienced the tragedy of divorce, we wouldn't wish that on anyone.
• 19:35
  Don Smith: No, we literally would not wish that on anyone.
• 19:37
  Don Smith: Uh, but it is a reality in the world that we live in.
• 19:40
  Don Smith: And then all of a sudden, uh the children do become weapons.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 19:45
  Don Smith: Uh, and uh that is the worst thing we can do to children.
• 19:49
  Don Smith: I believe it is to use them against each other uh or to use them as leverage uh because you are really creating uh children who are going to have serious dysfunction in the future.
• 20:04
  Don Smith: And we're just trying to encourage you to look for ways to not, I'm I'm not saying uh, you know, that what you experienced isn't legit.
• 20:11
  Don Smith: What I'm saying is you don't have to create casualties in a war that's got plenty of them.
• 20:17
  Don Smith: You know what I'm saying?
• 20:18
  Don Smith: And um we would encourage you to realize uh that you still have a responsibility to these children, okay, to make sure that they don't experience the heartbreak that you've experienced.
• 20:30
  Don Smith: Right.
• 20:31
  Don Smith: And I told the story about that as well.
• 20:32
  Don Smith: I come from uh, you know, a background where my parents divorced when I was very young.
• 20:38
  Don Smith: Um and um I I I wound up living with my dad most of my life.
• 20:43
  Don Smith: Uh and the one thing that I love about him, which is why I can have a good relationship with my birth mom today, uh, is because he made an incredible point to never ever ever uh uh do anything negative about her or say anything negative about her.
• 21:01
  Don Smith: He went out of his way to make sure that we saw her and could spend time with her and could talk to her and uh she could be a part of our life.
• 21:10
  Don Smith: And man, that's been an incredible example to me.
• 21:13
  Lisa Smith: And that's even after he remarried.
• 21:14
  Don Smith: Yes, uh, because uh I think yeah, it was early on that he remarried and and those things.
• 21:20
  Don Smith: And you know, my birth mom and my what the world would call my stepmom, I don't really call her that, but uh, they could both be listening now.
• 21:27
  Don Smith: So love you both.
• 21:28
  Don Smith: Uh, you know what I'm saying?
• 21:30
  Don Smith: And uh uh dad doubly blessed.
• 21:32
  Don Smith: Yeah, I'm so grateful for a dad who didn't make me a casualty in a war.
• 21:36
  Lisa Smith: Yep.
• 21:36
  Don Smith: Uh that I didn't cycle.
• 21:38
  Lisa Smith: Because that could have been so easy to do.
• 21:40
  Lisa Smith: But anyhow, that's that's a here's the deal topic.
• 21:42
  Don Smith: I told them on Sunday, I said, I love the fun sermons.
• 21:45
  Lisa Smith: Mm-hmm.
• 21:45
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 21:46
  Don Smith: I really do.
• 21:47
  Don Smith: I love the fun sermons.
• 21:48
  Don Smith: But when we when we start talking about marriage and then we start talking about parenting, right, it it really robs the joy out of the room.
• 21:55
  Don Smith: Even today on Wedded Wednesday.
• 21:58
  Don Smith: Give us something fun to listen to.
• 21:59
  Lisa Smith: I don't think it Robs the joy out of the room.
• 22:02
  Lisa Smith: I think it is sobering for people.
• 22:04
  Don Smith: I think I agree with you.
• 22:05
  Lisa Smith: Because I think some people probably are looking and going, Ooh, I have dropped the ball in this spot, or I've done.
• 22:12
  Lisa Smith: You know what?
• 22:13
  Lisa Smith: We we all have dropped the ball.
• 22:16
  Lisa Smith: None of us are perfect.
• 22:17
  Lisa Smith: So that's why we share these things.
• 22:20
  Don Smith: Yeah, and that's what we want Wedded Wednesday to be.
• 22:22
  Don Smith: That's what we want our marriage sermon series to be.
• 22:24
  Don Smith: We want them to be incredibly practical.
• 22:25
  Don Smith: In other words, we're going to give you something biblical that you can readily apply.
• 22:29
  Don Smith: And so I would encourage you, regardless of what.
• 22:33
  Lisa Smith: Say it again today.
• 22:34
  Don Smith: Say it again.
• 22:35
  Don Smith: That's so good.
• 22:35
  Lisa Smith: What good is the word of God if we don't apply it to our lives?
• 22:38
  Don Smith: Think about how that affects our marriage, our children, parenting, right?
• 22:43
  Don Smith: Um, and I I just I just love this.
• 22:45
  Don Smith: A house divided cannot stand.
• 22:47
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 22:48
  Don Smith: Uh those are the words of the Lord.
• 22:50
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 22:50
  Lisa Smith: Was it the the Bible is our instruction manual on how to be married, on how to raise children.
• 22:57
  Don Smith: It's all there.
• 22:58
  Lisa Smith: It's it's all there.
• 22:59
  Lisa Smith: How to deal with all relationships.
• 23:01
  Don Smith: If the Lord would say a house divided cannot stand, uh that would mean to us that a house united, even with problems, okay, even with struggles, I think can withstand hell itself if parents learn to choose unity before it's too late.
• 23:17
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 23:18
  Don Smith: And so take Lisa's example here when she would say, Hey, wait till your dad gets home.
• 23:24
  Don Smith: It's not a thing.
• 23:24
  Lisa Smith: It wasn't a threat.
• 23:25
  Don Smith: That dad's going to be a punishment.
• 23:27
  Don Smith: It's it just means you have to go wait, okay, until dad and I have this conversation, and then we are going to come and have uh our decision towards you over those things.
• 23:37
  Don Smith: And and that just what that did is that also endured anticipation in our children's life that uh they they they were waiting for dad to get home because, hey, I'm gonna get an answer.
• 23:49
  Don Smith: You know what I'm saying?
• 23:50
  Don Smith: Not, hey, I'm gonna get punished.
• 23:53
  Don Smith: Even if it wasn't the answer they wanted, okay?
• 23:55
  Don Smith: They were still in anticipation of me coming into the scenario.
• 24:00
  Don Smith: Right.
• 24:01
  Don Smith: So this is the unique thing that I think I want to point out here.
• 24:04
  Don Smith: The they lived in anticipation of me coming into the situation, not in dread of me coming into the situation.
• 24:15
  Don Smith: Right.
• 24:15
  Don Smith: Even if they knew, okay, it wasn't going to be good, all right, they still knew that you and I came together.
• 24:24
  Don Smith: And we were united.
• 24:25
  Don Smith: We didn't do it out of anger.
• 24:26
  Don Smith: And so we just want to encourage you, if that's one thing that you can begin to practice in your parenting, okay, is choose unity before it's too late.
• 24:35
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 24:35
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 24:36
  Don Smith: Choose unity before it's too late.
• 24:38
  Don Smith: Uh and so we we give you these three things, right?
• 24:41
  Don Smith: This front door huddle every morning, right?
• 24:44
  Don Smith: You you you need to ask yourself, how will we be united today as parents?
• 24:48
  Don Smith: Okay, and and where, second question, where will we be tempted to be divided as parents?
• 24:53
  Lisa Smith: You know, this are legitimate questions.
• 24:55
  Lisa Smith: This is also good to do for those of you who don't have children right now, and but you want children, and eventually they're gonna come in, you can still do this and put this into practice.
• 25:07
  Lisa Smith: How will we be in unity as parents?
• 25:10
  Lisa Smith: When our when we do have children.
• 25:12
  Don Smith: We we also challenged every parent in the room.
• 25:14
  Don Smith: We had three services, you know what I'm saying?
• 25:16
  Don Smith: Uh, I mean, a thousand plus people uh in them, and we literally laid this challenge out to them.
• 25:23
  Don Smith: We said, You got to do a favoritism audit.
• 25:26
  Don Smith: Oh, because come on, right?
• 25:28
  Don Smith: Which child do I naturally defend and which child do I naturally criticize?
• 25:32
  Don Smith: You have to be honest with yourself in that.
• 25:34
  Lisa Smith: And according to you, I defend everybody.
• 25:37
  Don Smith: You listen to the sermon, no, you it's hilarious.
• 25:40
  Don Smith: Even the next day, my grown daughter is sending me pictures of text messages between her and a mom saying, Yep, dad, she's still defending you.
• 25:50
  Don Smith: It was hilarious.
• 25:52
  Don Smith: Absolutely hilarious.
• 25:54
  Don Smith: The last thing we want you to do is this united front, which is what we just told you.
• 25:57
  Don Smith: Okay, wait till your dad gets home or wait till your mom gets home.
• 26:00
  Don Smith: That should always be a statement that says we're gonna have a conversation and then together, we're gonna come.
• 26:07
  Don Smith: And I think that's that's pretty powerful because I need to talk to your mom first.
• 26:12
  Don Smith: I need to talk to your father first.
• 26:13
  Don Smith: That needs to be what that means.
• 26:15
  Don Smith: And then we're gonna sit down and have this conversation.
• 26:18
  Don Smith: Uh, so I uh we just wanted to kind of review it a little bit because what happens to messages on Sunday mornings, especially super practical messages, is by Monday afternoon we've forgotten them.
• 26:29
  Don Smith: Even we can say, man, Sunday, that was so good.
• 26:32
  Don Smith: And so during our our our marriage season here at uh Fern Foundation Ministries, we want to stay intentional about not forgetting the good things that the Lord has been giving to us.
• 26:45
  Don Smith: And so, parenting, while it might not be one of the fun sermons, okay, it is one of the most practical things I think you will ever hear, especially when we get a biblical perspective for it.
• 26:58
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 26:58
  Lisa Smith: Yeah.
• 26:59
  Lisa Smith: It's good.
• 27:00
  Don Smith: It's good.
• 27:00
  Lisa Smith: I I enjoy practical ones.
• 27:02
  Lisa Smith: I I enjoy messages that step on my toes and challenges me sometimes.
• 27:06
  Don Smith: Yeah, it's good.
• 27:07
  Don Smith: So we want to thank you for being here.
• 27:09
  Don Smith: If you're listening on the podcast, uh, we just want you to realize that uh, you know, we record these um and because they're live on Facebook when we do them.
• 27:18
  Don Smith: So there's really no editing that happens here other than a a little tweaking here or there.
• 27:22
  Don Smith: So, like as people are chiming in on uh the internet here, um, you know, we we comment back and forth.
• 27:29
  Don Smith: So, you know, if you're listening to the podcast later, you may be like, What's that?
• 27:34
  Don Smith: Well, we're also doing it live as well.
• 27:36
  Don Smith: So, uh, and some of our lifelong friends, like Spring and Pastor Rick, who discipled us, uh, you know, uh, they they're chiming in here.
• 27:44
  Don Smith: What a wonderful blessing that is inside of it.
• 27:46
  Don Smith: Do us a favor, uh, just like, share, subscribe.
• 27:49
  Don Smith: Okay.
• 27:50
  Don Smith: Uh you wherever you get your podcast at, Spotify, Apple, iHeartRadio, whatever it is, uh, the Wedded Wednesday with uh Don and Lisa is on there.
• 28:00
  Don Smith: You can subscribe to that.
• 28:01
  Don Smith: And you know, every Wednesday that we drop one, uh, you'll see it there.
• 28:05
  Don Smith: Uh, it's it's super good.
• 28:07
  Don Smith: It's super good.
• 28:07
  Lisa Smith: I'm going, have I subscribed?
• 28:10
  Don Smith: Oh my.
• 28:10
  Don Smith: See, we're gonna have pray for us.
• 28:13
  Don Smith: We're gonna have, yeah, uh, it's good.
• 28:15
  Don Smith: So, because Facebook only keeps these live for 30 days.
• 28:18
  Lisa Smith: 30 days, I guess.
• 28:19
  Don Smith: So we wanted to find a way to keep them forever.
• 28:22
  Don Smith: And so just turning it into an audio podcast was the way.
• 28:25
  Lisa Smith: Because people have asked, oh, where did that go?
• 28:27
  Lisa Smith: And I'm like, oh, it's gone.
• 28:29
  Don Smith: Yeah.
• 28:29
  Lisa Smith: And so now we found a way to save them.
• 28:32
  Don Smith: So thanks for joining us today.
• 28:33
  Don Smith: Happy wedded Wednesday.
• 28:35
  Don Smith: Can we pray for you?
• 28:36
  Don Smith: Can we pray for them?
• 28:37
  Don Smith: Sure.
• 28:37
  Don Smith: Let's do that.
• 28:37
  Don Smith: All right, Father, forgive us for building kingdoms and favoritism in our homes.
• 28:41
  Don Smith: Uh, Lord, we ask that you forgive us for making our children choose sides.
• 28:45
  Don Smith: And so today we just want to begin to tear down every wall.
• 28:49
  Don Smith: Uh, we want to renounce the spirit, uh, you know, uh, that sees our children as those that would serve us, or the spirit that would see uh the ability to scheme in secret and uh to divide our homes.
• 29:06
  Don Smith: And we want to declare that our homes will be something of unity, uh, not because we agree on everything, but because we've decided that nothing will divide what you have joined in Jesus' name.
• 29:17
  Lisa Smith: Father God, I just thank you for everyone that's listening, Lord, and I pray right now, Lord, that you show them ways to be intentional in their marriage and intentional in their parenting, Father God.
• 29:28
  Lisa Smith: That they will build on the relationships instead of a personal need or want.
• 29:37
  Lisa Smith: But Father God, that they can see their children for the future, Lord, and who they're gonna grow up to be, and that they want to nurture that to be more like you, Father God.
• 29:49
  Lisa Smith: And I just thank you that you're gonna bring unity to the homes that may be a little divided right now, Father God.
• 29:56
  Lisa Smith: And that you're gonna be the center of their marriage in Jesus' name.
• 30:01
  Don Smith: Jesus' name.
• 30:01
  Don Smith: Hey, we love you guys.
• 30:02
  Don Smith: Amen.
• 30:03
  Don Smith: Thanks for joining us each and every Wednesday that we get to do this.
• 30:06
  Don Smith: Uh, and again, all your support is like, share, and subscribe.
• 30:11
  Don Smith: It's the it's the wonderful thing, especially subscribing to the podcast version of Weather Wednesdays.
• 30:19
  Don Smith: Um, we don't get to come every Wednesday, but we do it every Wednesday that our schedule allows us to.
• 30:25
  Don Smith: Um, so uh we're looking forward to what God will do with it in the future, but that's all because you guys come back each and every week.
• 30:32
  Lisa Smith: Or technology.
• 30:34
  Don Smith: Yeah, doesn't get in the thank God for Colton who helps us each and every week with the live part of it.
• 30:39
  Don Smith: So, hey, we love you guys.
• 30:40
  Don Smith: God bless.
• 30:41
  Don Smith: We will see you next week.
• 30:44
  Lisa Smith: Bye.