Latest / Wellness In Every Season / Your Personal Success Map

Transcript

Your Personal Success Map · Wellness In Every Season

0:02
SPEAKER_02: This is episode 209.
0:04
SPEAKER_02: Today I have with me Sahil.
0:07
SPEAKER_02: We are going to be talking about what is success to you.
0:14
SPEAKER_02: Welcome to Wellness in Every Season.
0:17
SPEAKER_02: We talk all things wellness to help you align yourself, align with your goals, get find balance in your life, and just recalibrate yourself.
0:27
SPEAKER_02: If you are listening for the first time, welcome, welcome.
0:30
SPEAKER_02: I'm so glad you're here.
0:32
SPEAKER_02: And let's get started in the rest of the podcast.
0:37
SPEAKER_02: First of all, Sahil, thank you for being here.
0:40
SPEAKER_02: And if you don't mind, give us a little bit about you and then let's dive into the story.
0:47
SPEAKER_02: And I will also let you know ahead of time, he is a TEDx speaker.
0:53
SPEAKER_02: So I will make sure that is also linked in the show description.
0:57
SPEAKER_02: I will definitely be listening to it.
0:59
SPEAKER_02: But it will be a variation based off of that talk.
1:02
SPEAKER_02: Is that correct?
1:04
SPEAKER_00: Certainly has some elements of it in there.
1:06
SPEAKER_01: Perfect.
1:08
SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you for being on.
1:11
SPEAKER_00: Hotel, thank you so much for having me on.
1:14
SPEAKER_00: Really appreciate it.
1:15
SPEAKER_00: And for everyone who's listening, if you get value from this, make sure that you leave a five-star review for this amazing podcast.
1:22
SPEAKER_00: So here's something I think about a lot.
1:25
SPEAKER_00: And it's something that your listeners already know, but haven't perhaps said it out loud.
1:30
SPEAKER_00: The definition of success most business owners are chasing was never actually theirs.
1:37
SPEAKER_00: They inherited it from family, from culture, from the people around them.
1:42
SPEAKER_00: And no matter how many milestones they hit, it never quite feels like enough.
1:48
SPEAKER_00: Because the whole game was built on someone else's criteria.
1:52
SPEAKER_00: And I know this because I lived it.
1:55
SPEAKER_00: At 36, I had fivefold net worth growth in 10 years, business across two continents, all of it.
2:03
SPEAKER_00: And I nearly died in a car crash because I was running so hard, I fell asleep behind the wheel.
2:10
SPEAKER_00: And to make matters worse, my wife one day wakes up and tells me, I don't recognize you anymore.
2:19
SPEAKER_00: And the thing is, it wasn't because I was doing anything wrong.
2:24
SPEAKER_00: I was doing everything I was supposed to do.
2:26
SPEAKER_00: And that's what made it so confusing.
2:30
SPEAKER_00: The system I was following was working perfectly.
2:35
SPEAKER_00: The problem was it just wasn't my system.
2:41
SPEAKER_00: And so that's when I started asking myself, but if this is what success is supposed to be, why am I not feeling successful?
2:54
SPEAKER_00: Am I being ungrateful?
2:58
SPEAKER_00: Am I not being happy for all the things that I've been blessed with?
3:02
SPEAKER_00: But like I just said, it wasn't my system, and I had to redefine what it meant to me.
3:08
SPEAKER_00: So that's kind of how I started this journey to discover what success meant.
3:13
SPEAKER_00: Because if I look back at how my life was, I was waking up with a heavy head and a blocked nose.
3:21
SPEAKER_00: I was in constant inflammation, my body was bloated pretty much all the time.
3:26
SPEAKER_00: There were relationships with important people in my life, my wife, my father, where things were a bit rocky.
3:35
SPEAKER_00: But rather than addressing them, I just kind of slipped it under the carpet, thought that over time it would just go away.
3:42
SPEAKER_00: But the reality was I was too afraid to face reality.
3:48
SPEAKER_00: And I did that by just focusing on what I thought was success, which would take all this pain and frustration away.
3:56
SPEAKER_00: And that was just working on the business.
4:01
SPEAKER_01: So, what were the things that you were doing wrong that you thought were right?
4:10
SPEAKER_01: This is quite a lot.
4:12
SPEAKER_00: I was afraid of confrontation.
4:14
SPEAKER_00: One of the habits that I had was that I was much more of a people pleaser than I am today.
4:20
SPEAKER_00: And I want to set the record straight.
4:22
SPEAKER_00: I don't think it's bad to please other people.
4:24
SPEAKER_00: I think that's great.
4:25
SPEAKER_00: It's always nice to think of the other person, but not when it harms you.
4:30
SPEAKER_00: And that's the premise of my TEDx talk, where I really spoke about how pleasing others almost cost me my life because I was saying yes when I truly wanted to say no.
4:42
SPEAKER_00: I was afraid of confrontation.
4:45
SPEAKER_00: I wanted to make the other person happy.
4:48
SPEAKER_00: And so I just bottled everything up inside.
4:52
SPEAKER_00: But as you're already aware, by keeping it all within me, it started to affect my health.
4:58
SPEAKER_00: My energy levels started to go down.
5:00
SPEAKER_00: I would have these energy dips.
5:02
SPEAKER_00: And when I say energy dips, just imagine something that would perhaps take me half an hour to complete would take me more than two hours because I just couldn't function properly.
5:14
SPEAKER_00: But I kept ignoring it, thinking, you know what?
5:17
SPEAKER_00: It's just a dip.
5:18
SPEAKER_00: Let me find a way to get that energy back up, let me push harder, let me sleep less, let me run faster.
5:27
SPEAKER_00: But that was only taking me to a literally grade.
5:30
SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, I discovered that I was walking down the wrong path before it was too late.
5:39
SPEAKER_02: That's a big deal.
5:40
SPEAKER_02: And I think all of our listeners will be able to relate in some way, shape, or form.
5:46
SPEAKER_02: Either their current selves or past selves, or they're gonna be the in the future, or they know somebody, which also share it if you think of somebody during this.
5:56
SPEAKER_02: So lack of sleep, energy dip, ignoring conversations that you need to have, probably putting too much on your shoulders that you should have delegated.
6:08
SPEAKER_02: What else did you do that is super common for others to relate to?
6:16
SPEAKER_00: Well, I want to emphasize on the sleep part because I thought that just by doing exercise, that was good enough in terms of taking care of my health.
6:26
SPEAKER_00: But what I didn't realize is that waking up early with an alarm, and I want to specify with an alarm because today I still wake up where the first digit is usually five, and then it's something, you know, depending on the day.
6:44
SPEAKER_00: I'd there's a probably a half an hour, 40-minute window in which I wake up, but I'd wake up naturally.
6:49
SPEAKER_00: I go to bed by a certain time and I have this nice cadence that's in place.
6:53
SPEAKER_00: Before I wanted everything, socialize, watch things on TV till late at night, go party, anything.
7:03
SPEAKER_00: But that meant that I was sleeping fewer hours.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: So I'm nothing against waking up early for myself, but not when it's when I'm waking up with an alarm, rather than when my body is saying I'm ready to take on the day.
7:20
SPEAKER_00: And the second part was my food habits.
7:24
SPEAKER_00: Nowadays I do a blood test every six months just to understand what are the levels of the essential vitamins and minerals in my body.
7:31
SPEAKER_00: Because what I didn't realize is when I was going through all these challenges, and the we all know about the mind-gut connection, one of the doctors I met, I love what she told me.
7:41
SPEAKER_00: She said the statement you are what you eat is actually somewhat incorrect.
7:47
SPEAKER_00: It should be replaced with you are what you absorb.
7:52
SPEAKER_00: Just because I eat the right foods, if my body's not absorbing the essential vitamins and minerals, that's still going to cause a problem.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: And in my case, certain vitamins levels had gone down so low that it was borderline danger.
8:12
SPEAKER_00: And the result of that is what caused these energy dips that I was facing.
8:18
SPEAKER_00: Now, I just want to say for a second, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a medical practitioner.
8:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm simply sharing my experience.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: Anyone who's listening to this, please don't come to your own conclusions.
8:29
SPEAKER_00: If there's something that is on the medical side, get a blood test done and seek to a professional who can analyze those results and share with you what it means for you.
8:38
SPEAKER_00: I'm simply sharing what this meant for me.
8:41
SPEAKER_00: But in my case, as a result of this, my energy levels dipped so low that I would suddenly fall asleep.
8:48
SPEAKER_00: And that's what had happened behind the wheel.
8:50
SPEAKER_00: I pushed myself so hard that I fell asleep behind the wheel and had a near-fatal car accident.
8:57
SPEAKER_00: I was lucky that no other cars were involved, that I just went off the road into rocks and trees.
9:02
SPEAKER_00: I was lucky that even though every airbag that came out mine didn't, I'm still standing here alive, speaking to you and your audience today.
9:13
SPEAKER_00: It's almost like I was given another chance at life.
9:16
SPEAKER_00: But even then, fun as you I can laugh at it, but now rather than addressing it, I just said, you know what?
9:23
SPEAKER_00: If this happens, I should just ignore driving at night.
9:26
SPEAKER_00: And so I stopped driving at night.
9:28
SPEAKER_00: And it was only a few years later that I actually drilled down and made myself the first my own first priority.
9:35
SPEAKER_00: That's when a ship started happening.
9:39
SPEAKER_00: Because before that, everyone else was the priority.
9:41
SPEAKER_00: As a people pleaser, my wife was the priority, my kids were the priority, my parents were the priority, my close friends were the priority.
9:49
SPEAKER_00: But what about me?
9:51
SPEAKER_02: How did that change your relationships for people who are listening and they're thinking, well, that's just kind of narcissism.
9:58
SPEAKER_02: It shouldn't be about you first.
10:01
SPEAKER_02: Explain to us why this was important, how this happened.
10:05
SPEAKER_00: So I went on this retreat with some fellow entrepreneurs, and we all agreed to no judgment.
10:12
SPEAKER_00: And I felt this huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
10:15
SPEAKER_00: I didn't have to pretend to be someone that I'm not.
10:19
SPEAKER_00: I didn't have to try to impress anyone, I could just be me.
10:24
SPEAKER_00: And the only word I can use to describe how I felt during those four days of the retreat is euphoric.
10:31
SPEAKER_00: And when I was coming back, I wanted to share, write down all these wonderful experiences I had.
10:36
SPEAKER_00: So I asked the hostess on the airplane, can I please get a pen and paper?
10:40
SPEAKER_00: And I started writing.
10:42
SPEAKER_00: And as I started writing, tears started trickling down my face.
10:48
SPEAKER_00: And I'm thinking to myself, Sahel, what's going on?
10:51
SPEAKER_00: It's not like you to cry.
10:55
SPEAKER_00: But I didn't care about what other people thought, no judgment.
10:58
SPEAKER_00: I just said let it flow.
11:01
SPEAKER_00: And as I started to reflect, I realized that if this is the man who I am, who I experienced in the last four days on this retreat, and who is this man that I'm going back to?
11:13
SPEAKER_00: Because that's a man who's has a lot of fear, specifically a fear for judgment.
11:19
SPEAKER_00: And I said to myself, well, I want to be more like that guy.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: And I know we live in a world where there is judgment.
11:27
SPEAKER_00: I know we don't live in a judgment-free world, but even if I'm half the man that I was during those four days on the retreat, that's still way better off than what I was at that time.
11:38
SPEAKER_00: And so I realized that I had to make myself the first priority.
11:43
SPEAKER_00: And it's not to say that I don't care about others.
11:47
SPEAKER_00: But by becoming the best version of myself, I can be the best father, the best husband, the best son, the best friend, the best boss.
11:59
SPEAKER_00: So it's coming from a place of serving others, that when I'm authentic, when I'm in a good and happy place, I can serve better.
12:09
SPEAKER_00: But if I'm saying, if I'm a cup that is near empty, what do I have to share?
12:15
SPEAKER_00: I'm draining myself.
12:17
SPEAKER_00: But if I'm a cup that's overflowing, I've got plenty of water or tea or whatever that drink is inside to share with everyone that I care about.
12:28
SPEAKER_00: So I understand that, and especially the people-pleasing version of me used to always think, oh, that's so selfish.
12:34
SPEAKER_00: But now that I've experienced what I have, I feel my relationships are a lot more authentic because now I'm holding on to the boundaries where it's crossing the line of what is against what I believe in, you know, my core values.
12:50
SPEAKER_00: And Otum, I'm gonna share this because a lot of people may not realize that when you shift, and this is when I truly understood, no pain, no gain.
13:05
SPEAKER_00: I knew that some people preferred the old version of me, the people-pleasing version, where I would say yes to everything that they wanted, but now I started to say no.
13:16
SPEAKER_00: And I also realized that some people I may lose along the way.
13:22
SPEAKER_00: But what I came to realize is I would much rather someone hate the real me rather than love the version of me that's not real.
13:36
SPEAKER_01: How did taking care of yourself help you see and understand other people's boundaries?
13:46
SPEAKER_00: One of the biggest shifts that I focused on as well was understanding that there's multiple perspectives to everything.
13:54
SPEAKER_00: Previously I'd be stuck in my perspective, but this is how I see the world.
13:59
SPEAKER_00: But that's based on my upbringing and my experiences and the things that I've read and picked up along the way.
14:05
SPEAKER_00: However, your experience is very different from mine.
14:08
SPEAKER_00: You see the world differently from me.
14:10
SPEAKER_00: Does that make it right or wrong?
14:12
SPEAKER_00: No.
14:13
SPEAKER_00: It's just different.
14:15
SPEAKER_00: So rather than being judgmental, which is what I hated in my mind, because I thought I was being judged, I said, What's the opposite of being judgmental?
14:24
SPEAKER_00: And that's curiosity.
14:25
SPEAKER_00: So rather than being judgmental about others, because that's not how I wanted others to treat me, I said, let me be the role model of how I would love others to be with me as well.
14:36
SPEAKER_00: And that's being someone who's curious to understand why I'm saying what I am or doing what I do.
14:43
SPEAKER_00: And the same was for me.
14:45
SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to understand.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: And by understanding them, I'd go, wow, whether I agree or don't agree, that doesn't matter.
14:51
SPEAKER_00: But I certainly understand where they're coming from.
14:54
SPEAKER_00: And so that developed into building stronger and deeper relationships with other people.
15:02
SPEAKER_00: And I do want to share this one thing.
15:04
SPEAKER_00: I realized that with many relationships, some of the conversations were shallow.
15:08
SPEAKER_00: And I would come home sometimes and go, oh, that was, you know, I didn't really enjoy the company of the people that I met.
15:15
SPEAKER_00: We just had shallow discussions, like how the weather and things like that, politics, sports, etc.
15:22
SPEAKER_00: And I said I wanted to have deep conversations.
15:25
SPEAKER_00: And what I realized is, well, Sahil, what did you do about it?
15:31
SPEAKER_00: You're pointing fingers, but look in the mirror.
15:36
SPEAKER_00: Look at yourself.
15:37
SPEAKER_00: What are you doing to enable deeper connections?
15:42
SPEAKER_00: And I realized that my door was shut.
15:46
SPEAKER_00: And so now whenever I meet people, I'm consciously opening the door and letting them know that they can walk through if they would like.
15:53
SPEAKER_00: And if they do, that's wonderful.
15:55
SPEAKER_00: And if they don't, that's fine as well.
15:58
SPEAKER_00: Because if they're not ready, it's okay.
16:00
SPEAKER_00: I'm not here to judge.
16:02
SPEAKER_00: But if they are ready to walk through, I'm ready to have some deep, meaningful conversations with them.
16:08
SPEAKER_00: And so many relationships shifted because we now started talking about things, about our perspectives on different things of life.
16:18
SPEAKER_00: What are the challenges in our lives?
16:20
SPEAKER_00: What are the things that are going really well in our lives?
16:23
SPEAKER_00: And just started building much stronger bonds with the people who I'd known for years, thinking I knew them well, but now I knew them at a much deeper level, just in a matter of a few months after starting to opening the door.
16:36
SPEAKER_00: So that's something that I found was a big shift was being curious as well as letting other people know that, hey, I'm ready if you are.
16:45
SPEAKER_00: But regardless of your choice, I will love you the same.
16:50
SPEAKER_02: That's a big deal because we have moments in our lives where we're not really ready to walk through that door with somebody else because we're dealing with our own stuff and we're having our own huge shifts in life.
17:03
SPEAKER_02: And that reminder that that's a reflection of that person when they're having those moments, and that's okay.
17:12
SPEAKER_02: And it makes me think about in the remake of Jumanji, the first one, there Jack Black is the one who says it, but he's talking to another character, and I'm totally going to butcher it.
17:24
SPEAKER_02: This made me fall in love with the movie.
17:26
SPEAKER_02: And he's talking to this one girl about her judgment, and he's saying, Maybe you're quick to judge other people before they judge you.
17:37
SPEAKER_02: So it's that way of protecting yourself.
17:39
SPEAKER_02: But the way that Jack Black says it, the tone of voice, everything is just perfect.
17:45
SPEAKER_02: And when I watch the movie, it's like, oh, he's speaking to me because it was already on my mind.
17:51
SPEAKER_02: And it caused me to do a lot of reflection and to reflect on other people when they've been very judgy around me, and it they're trying to bring me in to also judge and the feelings that I get around that.
18:06
SPEAKER_02: And it's an important opportunity for all of us to have to reflect on those times where we've been uncomfortable with other people judging us or trying to get us to judge along with, or when we've been judged, or when we judge other people.
18:21
SPEAKER_02: And it's that reminder of, oh, this is somewhere where I need to grow.
18:26
SPEAKER_02: And I think that's also why sometimes we have a hard time having those deep conversations with other people because we have so much grow that we're working on right now, and we know it's gonna add this other layer when we talk to somebody.
18:40
SPEAKER_02: Oh, here's something else that I need to work on.
18:42
SPEAKER_01: Oh, goody, with this lack of energy that I have if I'm not taking care of myself.
18:48
SPEAKER_02: I think it's important, and I'm very grateful that you took the time to explain why we need to work on ourselves.
18:58
SPEAKER_02: Because we have such a society around us where we have one side saying we need to work on ourselves, and the other side saying no, we need to be working on other people and helping other people and give gives where you're coming from.
19:14
SPEAKER_02: Uh if we're in the middle here, we're working on ourselves and it overflows.
19:20
SPEAKER_02: And when you were talking about how we can have whatever in the cup, it made me think about if we are taking care of our own internal dialogue and it's positive, we're gonna have something good in that cup.
19:36
SPEAKER_02: But if we're not, we're gonna be having something disgusting in that cup, and that's going to be overflowing to other people.
19:44
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely love what you said.
19:46
SPEAKER_00: It reminded me the previous version of me, and you know, I do get into this every now and again.
19:53
SPEAKER_00: I have to pull myself out.
19:55
SPEAKER_00: I was always on the run.
19:57
SPEAKER_00: I wake up and it's like go, go, go, all the way till I get to bed.
20:02
SPEAKER_00: And I had very little time for myself to think and reflect and kind of zoom out and really look at my life from a much higher plane.
20:13
SPEAKER_00: And what I realized I was doing was I was focusing on a lot of things which were urgent, putting out the fires, and focusing less on what was really important.
20:24
SPEAKER_00: And if I look now, it's kind of shifted the other way.
20:28
SPEAKER_00: Critical things come up every now and again, but I'm focusing a lot more on what's important in line with my definition of success, as opposed to the inherited version.
20:39
SPEAKER_00: And I can shift to that in a minute and have the listeners understand a basic framework that can get them started on their journey, is.
20:52
SPEAKER_00: And if I look at my life now, I'm working fewer hours.
20:56
SPEAKER_00: I'm spending more time on the things that are really important to me, such as making sure I get home in time for dinner with the children every day or as much as possible, spending time on some of my hobbies, being able to travel.
21:09
SPEAKER_00: I'm a mountaineer, so if there's any excuse I get to go to the mountains, I'm like, let's go.
21:14
SPEAKER_00: But I could only do that because I started to put in systems and processes that supported my definition of success and where I wish to go in life, kind of like designing your own life.
21:29
SPEAKER_00: And I have less stress now, I'm more fulfilled, but I'm not gonna lie, it's it's it came with addressing a lot of things which were dark for me, things that I was avoiding because I just kept thinking, I don't want to confront this, so I hope it goes away.
21:47
SPEAKER_00: Or time will heal.
21:49
SPEAKER_00: But I realized that time doesn't heal, it just suppresses.
21:52
SPEAKER_00: And every now and again a trigger happens and boom, it's back.
21:58
SPEAKER_00: So what I realized is Clarity of knowing what success meant to me and then taking steps in that direction, just one step at a time.
22:06
SPEAKER_00: Because even like you said, when I talk to people, I realize, ooh, area for growth.
22:11
SPEAKER_00: Ooh, another area for growth.
22:12
SPEAKER_00: Ah, a third one, a fourth one.
22:14
SPEAKER_00: And the list goes on and on.
22:17
SPEAKER_00: But then you have the choice and the ability to say, okay, you know, the list is long.
22:22
SPEAKER_00: What is a higher priority for me based on what my definition of success is?
22:27
SPEAKER_00: Let me work on that first.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: So the key is really defining what success means to you first.
22:35
SPEAKER_00: That's where it all begins because it gives you clarity.
22:40
SPEAKER_02: That's what we're gonna dive into more.
22:43
SPEAKER_02: And you said that we're gonna have a link to that in the show description, correct?
22:47
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
22:48
SPEAKER_00: But let me give you the background, which will make the process you go through on the link a lot easier.
22:54
SPEAKER_00: So in the mountaineering world, we have something known as the seven summits.
22:58
SPEAKER_00: That's the tallest mountain on each continent.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: I've climbed two of the seven.
23:04
SPEAKER_00: And in the mountain world, they say when you've conquered all seven, you've conquered the world.
23:11
SPEAKER_00: And that got me thinking.
23:12
SPEAKER_00: I said, Well, what about your internal seven summits?
23:17
SPEAKER_00: Which you can conquer to conquer your own inner world, which brings you joy and happiness.
23:24
SPEAKER_00: And some people say, Well, why not three?
23:27
SPEAKER_00: Or I said, Well, if I said three, everyone would choose health, wealth, and relationships, or some variation of those.
23:33
SPEAKER_00: It's too easy.
23:35
SPEAKER_00: But by focusing on seven, you actually start thinking about other things that are important for you as well.
23:42
SPEAKER_00: Like for me, what I realized, autumn, is that fun and recreation was very important for me in my definition of success.
23:50
SPEAKER_00: Because if you're not enjoying the journey, then what's the point?
23:56
SPEAKER_00: So that was again my definition.
23:57
SPEAKER_00: So I started to understand what are the seven elements that make up my definition of success.
24:03
SPEAKER_00: And just to give an idea to the audience, it was health, relationships, fun and recreation, career stroke, finance, personal growth, spirituality, and philanthropy, giving back, community service, all that fits into the same bucket.
24:25
SPEAKER_00: Now, all of these seven may not necessarily have the same level of priority.
24:30
SPEAKER_00: So I would also prioritize them.
24:34
SPEAKER_00: Because I could sacrifice some versus not being able to sacrifice others.
24:40
SPEAKER_00: And let me give an example.
24:42
SPEAKER_00: These seven summits, imagine seven balls and you're juggling them.
24:46
SPEAKER_00: Now, some of them are made of crystal and some of them are made of rubber.
24:49
SPEAKER_00: When you drop a crystal ball, it shatters into thousands of pieces.
24:54
SPEAKER_00: And when you drop the rubber ball, it can bounce back.
24:57
SPEAKER_00: So I realized for me, for example, health and relationships were crystal balls.
25:03
SPEAKER_00: Because if I ignore them for too long, I may get a chronic health issue.
25:09
SPEAKER_00: And on the family side, I may have someone who doesn't want anything to do with me, whether it's a child, a parent, or a spouse or a friend, a dear friend.
25:20
SPEAKER_00: It's not going to then come back.
25:21
SPEAKER_00: Whereas finance, for example, if I drop it, you know, I lose money.
25:25
SPEAKER_00: We've all heard stories of people losing everything and then bouncing back.
25:29
SPEAKER_00: It's possible.
25:30
SPEAKER_00: It's not easy.
25:30
SPEAKER_00: I'm sure it's going to be very stressful, but it is possible.
25:34
SPEAKER_00: So I prioritize these seven summits.
25:36
SPEAKER_00: And now, whenever I make a decision, I ask myself, what is the impact on these seven summits?
25:43
SPEAKER_00: Because the previous version of me, which was very focused on wealth and fame, not being a Hollywood star, but rather my company being well known in the industry.
25:55
SPEAKER_00: I just looked at what's going to make my company grow, get more media attention, and make more money.
26:03
SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing: every time you say yes to something, you've said no to something else.
26:10
SPEAKER_00: Because you only have a finite number of hours in the day.
26:14
SPEAKER_00: All the greats that you might have in your mind, whether it's world leaders or athletes, they all had the same hours we do, yet they were able to achieve greatness.
26:25
SPEAKER_00: So I realized that I was saying yes to things that were affecting very important elements of my life.
26:35
SPEAKER_00: So I now look at the seven summits and I ask myself when I make a yes decision, what am I saying no to?
26:42
SPEAKER_00: And am I okay with that?
26:45
SPEAKER_00: Because if I'm not, then perhaps I need to relook at the decision I just made and modify it.
26:51
SPEAKER_00: So there's a lot more clarity now once you understand the impact of your decision is, and that means you can make better decisions.
27:00
SPEAKER_00: And once you make better decisions, which are in line with your definition of success, you start to feel more fulfilled.
27:09
SPEAKER_00: So that's kind of the background of the success audit that the audience will be able to do, where they can start the journey of discovering what success really means to them.
27:23
SPEAKER_02: I think that's huge.
27:25
SPEAKER_02: How many people think they're afraid to say no to things, so they say yes all the time?
27:31
SPEAKER_02: And they're not realizing the no's that are being said because you only have, like you said, so many hours in a day, even if you're not getting enough sleep, which means you're not as productive.
27:45
SPEAKER_02: It means you're gonna burn out at other times, you're gonna be sick when nobody else in your family is sick because your body is saying, Nope, we're done, we're gonna shut down.
27:56
SPEAKER_01: That's really big.
28:00
SPEAKER_02: We've all had moments in our lives where we're we're afraid to say no, so we're saying yes.
28:06
SPEAKER_02: And that's really good to reflect on.
28:09
SPEAKER_00: And that makes the decision easier because before the people-pleasing version of me would say, Oh, but it it makes the other person happier.
28:16
SPEAKER_00: But now when I look at my definition of success, which enables me to be a better father, a better husband, a better son, a better friend, a better boss, I go, Well, actually, when I say yes here, it means these other areas are getting affected.
28:33
SPEAKER_00: So I'm doing a disservice to all these people that I care about.
28:39
SPEAKER_00: Now, I do want to say, I do sometimes say yes when I want to say no, because it doesn't really make a big difference.
28:48
SPEAKER_00: I'll give you an example.
28:50
SPEAKER_00: My wife and I used to go to the cinema frequently, and I've now become extremely picky in what I watch, so I don't like to go very often.
28:59
SPEAKER_00: But I don't tell her no, every now and again she'll say, Oh, it's been a long time since we went to the cinema.
29:04
SPEAKER_00: I really want to watch this movie.
29:07
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter whether I'm going to like the movie or not, if I'm interested or not, I care about my wife, and every now and again, if it's important for her, I just say, you know what, let's go.
29:18
SPEAKER_00: And then we have a nice evening together, spend some quality time.
29:24
SPEAKER_00: Because then I'm also thinking about the relationship part of my seven summits.
29:28
SPEAKER_00: But again, if she was asking me every week, that would be a problem for me.
29:32
SPEAKER_00: But if it's happening once every three months, that's fine.
29:36
SPEAKER_00: Once every season, that works for me.
29:40
SPEAKER_02: I was just thinking about that in terms of like it.
29:48
SPEAKER_02: Not going to like take from me.
29:50
SPEAKER_02: What else do you want to share with regards to success and how it's changed your life and how it can change other people?
29:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
30:00
SPEAKER_00: There's a book that I'm actually working on.
30:02
SPEAKER_00: It's my second book.
30:03
SPEAKER_00: I'm co-authoring it with Dr.
30:05
SPEAKER_00: Marshall Goldsmith, and the working title is Success on Your Terms.
30:08
SPEAKER_00: I just wanted to share the three stages in that because this is very important for the readers to understand that the first part that we spoke about is gaining clarity of what success means to you.
30:18
SPEAKER_00: Now, I also want to state, please don't get attached to your definition.
30:23
SPEAKER_00: It's your definition based on your current phase of life.
30:28
SPEAKER_00: When your life shifts, maybe you move to a different country, you have kids, or your kids are now adults and they're no longer living at home, perhaps a parent passes away.
30:38
SPEAKER_00: Those are big changes in your life.
30:40
SPEAKER_00: And you may start to see the world differently than you see it today.
30:43
SPEAKER_00: And it's possible that with your changed perspective, that your definition gets modified.
30:48
SPEAKER_00: And that's okay.
30:50
SPEAKER_00: So I just want to share that.
30:52
SPEAKER_00: But the second part of the book really focuses on what are the behavioral habits that might be getting in your way that you may be aware or not aware of.
31:02
SPEAKER_00: Because as we're climbing up these mountains, we're all carrying baggage in a backpack.
31:09
SPEAKER_00: You can't climb a mountain with no luggage.
31:13
SPEAKER_00: You have to carry certain essential tools and food.
31:16
SPEAKER_00: So I would love to encourage the audience to think about whatever it is that you're carrying in your backpack, is it giving you enough benefit?
31:27
SPEAKER_00: I just want to repeat that.
31:28
SPEAKER_00: Is it giving you enough benefit?
31:31
SPEAKER_00: Because if you just carry the things you need and declutter or eliminate the things that are weighing you down or that are not essential, you can ascend much faster.
31:45
SPEAKER_00: I was carrying a lot of baggage.
31:48
SPEAKER_00: And I was carrying a lot of things that I thought were useful, but they weren't giving enough benefit.
31:56
SPEAKER_00: And that was slowing me down and making it harder for me to ascend.
32:02
SPEAKER_00: Let's kind of take a mental note of what is baggage?
32:06
SPEAKER_00: And here's a simple tool that you can use.
32:10
SPEAKER_00: At the end of every day, I ask myself two questions, and this exercise literally takes about two minutes.
32:16
SPEAKER_00: So it doesn't really eat into your time, and it can help a lot.
32:20
SPEAKER_00: The first question is what drain my energy levels today?
32:26
SPEAKER_00: I keep a little diary and a pen next to my bed, I write it down.
32:30
SPEAKER_00: And I do that every day.
32:33
SPEAKER_00: Now I don't want to end on a note that is negative.
32:36
SPEAKER_00: So the next question I ask myself is, what raised my energy levels today?
32:41
SPEAKER_00: And the end of each week, I start looking and do I see any patterns?
32:46
SPEAKER_00: And I start to notice there are certain things that happen again and again that either raise or take away my energy levels.
32:55
SPEAKER_00: And the stuff that raises my energy levels, I ask myself, how can I do more of that?
33:00
SPEAKER_00: Because that's clearly working for me.
33:02
SPEAKER_00: And the stuff that's draining my energy levels that's happening consistently, that's clutter.
33:09
SPEAKER_00: That's weight that you're carrying that you don't need to.
33:13
SPEAKER_00: And then I ask myself, well, who are some coaches or mentors that can help me overcome this?
33:19
SPEAKER_00: Or are there any online courses or things that I can read about on the internet that can provide tools that help me to release this weight so that I can start to scale my summits faster?
33:32
SPEAKER_00: So that's a quick exercise that people can do to identify and eliminate the clutter that they're carrying.
33:38
SPEAKER_00: And then the third step, the third stage of the book really focuses on momentum.
33:43
SPEAKER_00: When I climb these high-altitude mountains, the best way to describe it is my mentor and my co-author, Dr.
33:52
SPEAKER_00: Marshall Goldsmith, told me yesterday.
33:53
SPEAKER_00: He said for a golfer, when they're focusing on the championship, they're not focusing on the shot.
34:01
SPEAKER_00: And the shot is most important at that moment.
34:03
SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter what the previous shot was, the current shot is the most important.
34:08
SPEAKER_00: And then the same on the mountain.
34:09
SPEAKER_00: If I'm focusing on the summit, I'm not focusing on the next step.
34:14
SPEAKER_00: But it's the next step that needs my focus.
34:16
SPEAKER_00: And no matter how hard it is, all I think about it's not the big leaps and jumps and all of that.
34:22
SPEAKER_00: It's just Sahel, get your right foot in front of your left foot.
34:27
SPEAKER_00: Celebrate that.
34:28
SPEAKER_00: Now put your left foot in front of your right foot.
34:30
SPEAKER_00: Celebrate.
34:31
SPEAKER_00: And just keep that on repeat.
34:33
SPEAKER_00: And it's that discipline of doing it again and again and again.
34:37
SPEAKER_00: The small steps that are achievable, you eventually, as long as Mother Nature allows you, you make it to the summit.
34:44
SPEAKER_00: So it's, you know, there are various tools that people can use to make sure that there's momentum every single day.
34:52
SPEAKER_02: How often do we revisit this to see if it needs an adjustment?
34:57
SPEAKER_02: It makes me think about when I was first learning how to drive, and my stepdad was sharing with me that you need to be looking right here, halfway, and then where you're going, right?
35:09
SPEAKER_02: And you need to continue doing that.
35:11
SPEAKER_02: You're driving in the correct lane or you need to shift when you do.
35:14
SPEAKER_02: It made me think about with mountaineering how it's one step in front of the other, but there are times where you need to make sure am I going in the right direction still?
35:25
SPEAKER_00: There's two things that I do that help me a lot.
35:27
SPEAKER_00: One is once I've defined my seven summits and it comes as a visual, I keep that visual on my desk.
35:34
SPEAKER_00: So every day I'm looking at it.
35:37
SPEAKER_00: I'm not assessing it, I'm not asking myself, where am I?
35:41
SPEAKER_00: Where do I need to go?
35:42
SPEAKER_00: But it's just reminding me that these are the seven most important things in my life.
35:47
SPEAKER_00: But what I do as a review is a monthly review.
35:51
SPEAKER_00: So I'll ask myself, how did I rate myself?
35:55
SPEAKER_00: For example, if I rate myself today that this is where I am, and I give myself a rating out of 10, and then I ask, well, what does a 10 out of 10 look like?
36:04
SPEAKER_00: So I know where I am and I know where I need to go.
36:06
SPEAKER_00: And every month I'll ask myself, okay, I was a four out of 10.
36:11
SPEAKER_00: What am I this month?
36:14
SPEAKER_00: And four doesn't necessarily have to be a five, four could even be four point one.
36:18
SPEAKER_00: It's still progress.
36:21
SPEAKER_00: By looking at it daily and by doing the review every month, it keeps me moving in the direction that I need to rather than going off track, like you said.
36:30
SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, you keep taking steps one after the other, and you realize, oh, I've climbed the wrong mountain.
36:37
SPEAKER_02: Or I've just got around it and not of it.
36:41
SPEAKER_00: I love that.
36:41
SPEAKER_00: I haven't thought about that one.
36:43
SPEAKER_00: That's a great addition.
36:46
SPEAKER_02: I really love, and I'm going to implement it myself, the idea of what did not get me where I want to go, what did not energize me, what did not uplift me, fulfill my seven summit, and then what did.
37:01
SPEAKER_02: And I like that too.
37:03
SPEAKER_02: Because there's times where when I am falling asleep thinking of something negative, I don't sleep as well, or I have bad dreams, or whatever happens.
37:11
SPEAKER_02: Where when I fall asleep feeling fulfilled and super aligned, usually it's no dreams, which is my favorite when I don't admit it's just that really deep sleep.
37:23
SPEAKER_02: There's a very big difference between what you're meditating on and how your sleep, what your sleep score is.
37:33
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
37:34
SPEAKER_00: And it's the same way that I love what you said because how you spend that last hour of the day, for example, can have such a big impact on your sleep.
37:45
SPEAKER_00: If you're reading something that is bringing your energy levels down, it can affect your sleep.
37:51
SPEAKER_00: If you're watching something that is bringing your energy levels down on TV, that can affect your sleep.
37:58
SPEAKER_00: If you're having a fight or not so great conversation with a loved one, that can affect your sleep.
38:03
SPEAKER_00: So that hour before you go to bed is so precious.
38:07
SPEAKER_00: And you get to decide how you wish to use it so that you can have a good night's rest.
38:12
SPEAKER_00: Because ultimately, what I found is when you have a better night's rest, it's not just the hours you sleep, but it's also the quality of your sleep that's important.
38:20
SPEAKER_00: And when the quality of your sleep is better, the next morning is just so much more enjoyable.
38:27
SPEAKER_02: I can conquer the day, I can conquer that mountain.
38:31
SPEAKER_02: I normally start off by saying your business.
38:35
SPEAKER_02: So tell us your business name and where to find you for those who are interested.
38:41
SPEAKER_00: My business name is Zanti International.
38:43
SPEAKER_00: So Xanti is actually an ancient Indian word which translates into peace.
38:50
SPEAKER_00: My personal belief is that when you become successful by your own measure rather than something that's inherited, then you live a life that is more fulfilling, which means it takes you away from a life of regret, and that brings inner peace.
39:06
SPEAKER_00: And by having more peace on the inside, that's the energy you give out and the energy you attract.
39:13
SPEAKER_00: So that's the name of the company.
39:14
SPEAKER_00: And for people, if they wish to find me, the best is to go on my website.
39:19
SPEAKER_00: And I would suggest that they go specifically to the success audit, which is complementary for all the distance here.
39:27
SPEAKER_00: And they just have to go to www.sahilmethod.com slash success hyphen audit.
39:35
SPEAKER_00: So that's www.sa I L M E H T A backslash success, and then a hyphen and then audit.
39:47
SPEAKER_02: Perfect.
39:47
SPEAKER_02: And it's linked in the show description, so don't worry.
39:50
SPEAKER_02: And then your ideal clients that you work with.
39:55
SPEAKER_00: The ideal clients that I work with are generally business owners who have checked all the boxes of what the world generally sees as success, which is primarily monetary and to some level fame.
40:12
SPEAKER_00: They've got the lifestyle, they've got the money, they probably have the family, the nice watch, the car, the handbags, the house, the holidays, but they feel something is missing inside.
40:26
SPEAKER_00: And they feel that when they hit the next milestone, that's when they'll get happy.
40:31
SPEAKER_00: But the reality is if you're already successful in the external world and it doesn't bring the fulfillment you're looking for in the internal world, it's a time for change.
40:43
SPEAKER_00: It's a time to address what success really means for you.
40:47
SPEAKER_00: So those are the people that I generally work with.
40:50
SPEAKER_00: They're the hero, they're the ones who are going to make it to the top of the mountain.
40:54
SPEAKER_00: And I'm there as their Sherpa, their guide, to support them on that journey.
40:59
SPEAKER_00: Rediscover what success means to them.
41:01
SPEAKER_00: More importantly, identify the excess weight or the things that are not giving enough benefit that's in their backpack and to eliminate that so that they can scale faster and then provide the tools so that they can move forward every day.
41:15
SPEAKER_00: And what I'd love to say as well is my goal is to make people self-sustainable.
41:21
SPEAKER_00: If someone needs to work with me for more than a year, that means I've not done justice to them.
41:26
SPEAKER_00: So usually the time together is anywhere from six to twelve months.
41:32
SPEAKER_02: I think that hits on anybody who is wondering because so many people go to therapists and they've been to the same therapist for 20 years.
41:41
SPEAKER_02: But it can be a problem.
41:43
SPEAKER_02: That means that blind spots are still not being noticed.
41:47
SPEAKER_02: And I feel like that's the biggest difference between coaching and therapy is coaching is we are working on one thing and we are diving deep, and there's a time limit.
42:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
42:01
SPEAKER_00: And look, I would say that there are moments where therapy is required.
42:05
SPEAKER_00: However, therapy really focuses on the past and takes you into the past and digs deep and gets to some of the root causes.
42:12
SPEAKER_00: Coaching really focuses on the present, the now, and looking forward.
42:17
SPEAKER_00: So according to me, that's one of the differentiating factors between coaching and therapy.
42:23
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
42:25
SPEAKER_02: And there's so much empowerment.
42:28
SPEAKER_02: And I am literally your coach.
42:31
SPEAKER_02: Think of a sport.
42:32
SPEAKER_02: And I am getting you there, I'm cheering you on.
42:35
SPEAKER_02: And you are taking the reins, and you're the one going.
42:39
SPEAKER_02: And there's so much joy in that.
42:41
SPEAKER_02: Thank you for being on.
42:43
SPEAKER_02: And I'm so glad that I did not introduce your business and I let you do it at the end because it shows how much thought you put into it.
42:51
SPEAKER_02: Anytime I hear the word peace, I feel it in my body.
42:54
SPEAKER_02: I feel it viscerally in such a good way.
42:57
SPEAKER_02: And really at the end of the day, that's what everybody is looking for.
43:02
SPEAKER_02: That's what one of the measurements of success is if you really dive deep for most people.
43:08
SPEAKER_02: And they might not realize it.
43:10
SPEAKER_02: And that's what the big thing that they're missing from their life.
43:13
SPEAKER_02: So I'm so glad that you spoke about this and that we had a minute to really pow out how do we want to and have this be the best for the listeners?
43:21
SPEAKER_02: Because so many of us are floundering, thinking I need to be going this way for success.
43:29
SPEAKER_02: And this is why I'm not fulfilled when actually, no, it's something completely different.
43:35
SPEAKER_02: And we're on the wrong mountain.
43:37
SPEAKER_02: Thank you for being on.
43:38
SPEAKER_02: Thank you for all of the insight that you shared.
43:41
SPEAKER_02: I'm so grateful that it was not a fatal car accident and that you survived and now you're thriving and that you're sharing this with us.
43:51
SPEAKER_00: It's my pleasure.
43:51
SPEAKER_00: And I'd love to leave the audience with a very short story to close with.
43:55
SPEAKER_00: And the story goes something like this a sailor goes up to the captain.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: Says, Captain, it's the end of the month.
44:02
SPEAKER_00: Can I please get my pay?
44:04
SPEAKER_00: And the captain says, Sure, come tomorrow.
44:08
SPEAKER_00: So then the sailor goes to bed and wakes up the next morning all excited, thinking about the ways he's going to spend his money.
44:15
SPEAKER_00: And he goes to the captain, Captain, can I please give my money?
44:18
SPEAKER_00: And the captain looks at him and says, Hey, didn't I tell you come tomorrow?
44:24
SPEAKER_00: So folks, there are many nuggets that you probably picked up listening to this.
44:29
SPEAKER_00: Don't wait till tomorrow.
44:31
SPEAKER_00: Take this one thing that resonated with you and applied today.
44:37
SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much for listening to this episode.
44:40
SPEAKER_02: I hope that you found the answers that you needed and you had some amazing aha moments.
44:47
SPEAKER_02: Please share this episode with others because it helps us align ourselves and then better align the world so that we can seek the healing that we really are looking for.
44:57
SPEAKER_02: As part of the legal language, I am a certified life coach with a bachelor's in applied health.
45:04
SPEAKER_02: That is what I am leaning on for this.
45:07
SPEAKER_02: This is general advice taken us.
45:10
SPEAKER_02: See you in the next episode.