Latest / Pursuit of Sassiness / Bob Saget’s Widow Feared Her Late Husband Wouldn’t Want Her To Date Again

Transcript

Bob Saget’s Widow Feared Her Late Husband Wouldn’t Want Her To Date Again · Pursuit of Sassiness

0:15
Speaker 1: Hey, I do Part two. It's your celebrity mentor Joan
0:19
Speaker 1: Vassos and I am joined here today and excited to
0:22
Speaker 1: welcome host of the podcast Comfort Food. We are here
0:26
Speaker 1: with Kelly Rizzo.
0:27
Speaker 2: Welcome John. Thank you for having me here so great.
0:30
Speaker 1: Well, I am excited to be here for first of all,
0:32
Speaker 1: to be talking to you, but also we are here
0:34
Speaker 1: for the iHeart Musical Words in Los Angeles. I have
0:37
Speaker 1: never been to this. I've watched it on TV. I'm
0:39
Speaker 1: always amazed by how many stars you can fit in
0:42
Speaker 1: one auditorium. Have you been here before?
0:44
Speaker 2: I have not. This is my first time. I mean
0:45
Speaker 2: I've seen the red carpet and stuff like that, so
0:47
Speaker 2: I'm really excited. I know, I know we get to
0:49
Speaker 2: be a part of it.
0:51
Speaker 1: Picking up my outfit today was like a lot of pressure.
0:53
Speaker 1: I don't know if you felt the sub may but
0:54
Speaker 1: I looked at the red carpet from years before and
0:56
Speaker 1: I was like, oh God, this is a lot of pressure.
0:58
Speaker 2: But they're the nice thing about it is you can
1:00
Speaker 2: kind of do what you want. You can kind of
1:02
Speaker 2: get away with anything or like wild, casual, elegant, formal, very,
1:09
Speaker 2: you know.
1:09
Speaker 1: So I think that made it harder. Yeah.
1:11
Speaker 2: I was just like, you know what, I think, I'm
1:12
Speaker 2: just going to be me and this is this feels
1:15
Speaker 2: like me.
1:16
Speaker 3: This feels good.
1:17
Speaker 1: I know, I've seen kind of people walking around the hotel.
1:18
Speaker 1: There's a lot of people in this hotel that are
1:21
Speaker 1: going to the awards. And I just saw I just
1:23
Speaker 1: saw bts.
1:24
Speaker 3: Oh did you really?
1:25
Speaker 1: I just saw Heather de Breah walk by and she
1:28
Speaker 1: had the most beautiful black suit on, and I was like, oh,
1:31
Speaker 1: that's so classy and elegant. See and now I feel
1:34
Speaker 1: like I look that I should go put on something else.
1:36
Speaker 1: You look stunning. That's the first thing I said when
1:39
Speaker 1: I walked down. I was like, oh my gosh, you
1:40
Speaker 1: look beautiful. Thank you for saying that. But now I
1:41
Speaker 1: feel kind of frumpy because she looks so like silish
1:43
Speaker 1: and then you let her hands on and now I
1:46
Speaker 1: look frumpy and.
1:47
Speaker 2: She looks frumpy.
1:48
Speaker 1: I mean, come on, well, we're here to talk about
1:51
Speaker 1: something not so you know, elegant and fun as the
1:55
Speaker 1: iHeart Music Awards. We're here to talk about something that
1:58
Speaker 1: we kind of have in common. We are both in
2:01
Speaker 1: the club that really no one wants to be in.
2:02
Speaker 1: We're black widows. And I want to talk to you
2:06
Speaker 1: about about your relationships. So Kelly, tell us about our
2:11
Speaker 1: listeners a little bit about your late husband, Bob Saggett.
2:14
Speaker 1: Everybody knows who Bob sagg it was because as we
2:16
Speaker 1: were growing up, we all watched him portray Danny Tanner
2:19
Speaker 1: on Full House. I feel like he was part of
2:20
Speaker 1: my household when I was growing up.
2:23
Speaker 2: So the show never goes anywhere. It's amazing. How did
2:25
Speaker 2: you guys meet and how long were you guys married?
2:28
Speaker 2: He found me the old fashioned way on Instagram. He's
2:33
Speaker 2: literally slid into my dms. The ten year anniversary of
2:36
Speaker 2: that is coming up in like a week.
2:38
Speaker 1: It's funny that you have that ten year anniversary like
2:40
Speaker 1: that's like a special moment. It's not like a way.
2:43
Speaker 2: I can go back and find the very first message
2:45
Speaker 2: he sent me, and I was a little like, huh,
2:48
Speaker 2: that's weird, that's he's not on my radar. It seemed
2:52
Speaker 2: a little did.
2:52
Speaker 1: You know who he was?
2:53
Speaker 2: Of course? Okay, of course you're pretty.
2:55
Speaker 1: You're younger than me, so he might not have been
2:58
Speaker 1: in your household and you.
2:59
Speaker 2: Were already six so when Full House came out, I
3:01
Speaker 2: was like eight. Yeah, but or no, yeah, nineteen eighty seven.
3:05
Speaker 2: I was eight, and but then, you know, I watched
3:08
Speaker 2: America's Funniest Home Videos I at my Grandma's house on Sundays,
3:11
Speaker 2: you know, when I was ten or twelve or whatever,
3:14
Speaker 2: and so I knew who he was. But then there
3:16
Speaker 2: was a big gap that he wasn't really on my radar.
3:19
Speaker 2: And then you know, I knew he had some like
3:21
Speaker 2: Edgier comedy, but then I just like, you'd give him
3:26
Speaker 2: a chance? Yeah, but kind of his friends at first,
3:28
Speaker 2: because he's still he was a lot older. He was
3:30
Speaker 2: twenty three years older. He wasn't really my type typically,
3:34
Speaker 2: but then he kind of charmed me and he was
3:37
Speaker 2: just so wonderful. I'm like, how can I not give
3:39
Speaker 2: this guy a chance? And he was very I would say,
3:43
Speaker 2: like persuasive but not invasive, if that makes sense. Okay, Yeah,
3:48
Speaker 2: he didn't come on too strong, but he was like,
3:50
Speaker 2: I like, you, I would like for this to be
3:52
Speaker 2: a thing, and if you don't, I understand, but if
3:55
Speaker 2: you do, let me know. And then finally I was like,
3:58
Speaker 2: all right, fine.
3:58
Speaker 1: Okay, I can't fake and there you're going to be
4:01
Speaker 1: that director I'm gonna have to answer exactly.
4:02
Speaker 2: And so then ten months later I moved to LA
4:05
Speaker 2: from Chicago.
4:05
Speaker 1: And then you were living in the same county.
4:08
Speaker 2: Now we were long distance for ten months, so.
4:10
Speaker 1: I always wonder about that. So when I went on
4:13
Speaker 1: the Golden Bacher and then all of a sudden, like
4:15
Speaker 1: I had men sliding into my dms and they were
4:17
Speaker 1: all for so like, so few of them lived in
4:19
Speaker 1: a reasonable distance from where I lived. I live in Maryland,
4:22
Speaker 1: right outside of DC, and so I kind of said
4:25
Speaker 1: no to all of them. I'm like, I don't say
4:26
Speaker 1: this working. It seems like it would be really hard
4:28
Speaker 1: to like have a casual date if you have to
4:30
Speaker 1: get on a plane to fly there. So I never
4:33
Speaker 1: did anything, but you did. You were brave and you
4:34
Speaker 1: did it. But you had a little background on him.
4:37
Speaker 1: You knew he was.
4:38
Speaker 2: How he was not, you know, some rando. I could
4:41
Speaker 2: find out that he was not a serial killer. And
4:45
Speaker 2: we you know, he travels a lot. I travel a lot.
4:47
Speaker 2: So it worked out we saw each other maybe every
4:51
Speaker 2: two to three weeks.
4:53
Speaker 1: Okay pretty often, yeah, a lot.
4:54
Speaker 2: And then I moved LA and then a year and
4:57
Speaker 2: a half after that we got married. And then we
4:59
Speaker 2: were married like three and a half years before he passed,
5:01
Speaker 2: so together for six years, six years total.
5:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, his passing was so sudden. My husband, his passing
5:09
Speaker 1: was long. He had cancer and I had him with
5:11
Speaker 1: me for two years after he was diagnosed. I have
5:14
Speaker 1: a hard time figuring out how in the world you
5:16
Speaker 1: process that. Can you tell me what your journey look like.
5:18
Speaker 1: I know this is hard to talk about, but I
5:20
Speaker 1: feel like whenever I talk about it, it helps other people.
5:23
Speaker 1: So I think these conversations are important. Obviously, you have
5:25
Speaker 1: a podcast that you do this all the time. So
5:27
Speaker 1: here I am asking you. I'm sorry, No, we don't
5:29
Speaker 1: go to the very well but to be this invasive,
5:30
Speaker 1: but we're putting this bad club together, so you might
5:33
Speaker 1: as well join again.
5:33
Speaker 2: It feels like you have an instant connection with somebody
5:36
Speaker 2: who's experienced the loss of a spouse. And I do say,
5:41
Speaker 2: you know, whether there was you lost your spouse to
5:43
Speaker 2: a long illness or suddenly. I don't want to say pros,
5:47
Speaker 2: but there are like kind of pros and cons to both.
5:49
Speaker 2: I feel the same way, you know, because you never
5:51
Speaker 2: want to see somebody sick and suffer, but also you
5:54
Speaker 2: have a chance to like get your affairs in order
5:56
Speaker 2: you have a chance to say goodbye whatever that looks like,
5:59
Speaker 2: at least have an opportunity to talk about what the
6:03
Speaker 2: future will be like, you know. And Bob and I
6:06
Speaker 2: didn't have a chance to do that.
6:07
Speaker 3: No, you didn't.
6:07
Speaker 2: You know, I have no idea like about dating again.
6:11
Speaker 2: It's like, to me, Bob would have been like, how
6:15
Speaker 2: dare you? Absolutely not, like never ever ever you were
6:20
Speaker 2: going to live in an attic and be alone for
6:21
Speaker 2: the rest of your life. And so part of me
6:24
Speaker 2: is almost like happy we didn't have that conversation because like,
6:27
Speaker 2: but of course everyone's like, no, you would want you
6:29
Speaker 2: to be happy. But I actually just did a full
6:33
Speaker 2: episode of my podcast on a minute by minute account
6:38
Speaker 2: of what it was like that day that I found
6:40
Speaker 2: out he passed. It was called the Day My Husband Died.
6:43
Speaker 2: And because it really is an interesting thing to kind
6:49
Speaker 2: of go through that dynamic of what that experience was
6:52
Speaker 2: actually like and is. You know, it was gut wrenching
6:55
Speaker 2: to go through it again and relive it. But at
6:57
Speaker 2: the same time, and I don't know if you feel this,
7:00
Speaker 2: but it's very cathartic for me to even feel sad,
7:04
Speaker 2: because then if I feel sad, then I feel connected
7:07
Speaker 2: to him, and I feel closer to him.
7:08
Speaker 1: I'm like, listening to this conversation, what you're saying, and
7:12
Speaker 1: I'm like, you are saying all the things that I felt.
7:15
Speaker 1: And it's funny how we had very different experiences. My
7:18
Speaker 1: husband was sick for a whole two years, but I
7:22
Speaker 1: remember the day he passed away, every minute of it,
7:25
Speaker 1: like it is. It is in my brain, in my mind.
7:28
Speaker 1: I can't get rid of it. It is just I
7:31
Speaker 1: remember them carrying him down the steps on the stretcher
7:33
Speaker 1: with him covered up. I remember every single second of
7:37
Speaker 1: that day, and it sounds like you could ReLit minute
7:40
Speaker 1: by minute. And there's very few days in my life
7:41
Speaker 1: that I can relive the minute by minute, but that
7:43
Speaker 1: is one of them.
7:43
Speaker 2: I just heard somebody and now for some reason, I
7:45
Speaker 2: cannot remember who this was, But like two days ago,
7:48
Speaker 2: I heard somebody talking about grief and they said that
7:53
Speaker 2: the day they lost their person, like the whole day
7:55
Speaker 2: is a complete blur, and they remember every single second.
7:58
Speaker 1: Again, it's true, truth.
8:01
Speaker 2: Something it feels like you remember every single second, but
8:04
Speaker 2: it also feels like a dream, like I felt like.
8:06
Speaker 1: I was floating above my body yes day. Yeah, I
8:08
Speaker 1: felt like I was there, but I just I could
8:11
Speaker 1: hardly connect to anybody or anything really weird.
8:14
Speaker 2: I remember everything, but then some things are kind of fuzzy,
8:16
Speaker 2: Like I look back, I was like, who was the
8:18
Speaker 2: first person to show up at my house? Was it
8:19
Speaker 2: this person or this person? But for the most part,
8:25
Speaker 2: I remember it well. And yeah, when you lose somebody suddenly,
8:29
Speaker 2: it's very, very very traumatic in the sense that that
8:35
Speaker 2: PTSD of that like loss in an instant, stays with
8:39
Speaker 2: you and to this day, like I, you know my
8:41
Speaker 2: boyfriend Breckon, If I can't get a hold of him
8:44
Speaker 2: for five minutes, the worst thing happened, you know, it's
8:49
Speaker 2: like I go, you do, I go full on right
8:52
Speaker 2: back to that feeling, and it's I wish, I wish
8:56
Speaker 2: I could like self soothe my way out of it,
8:59
Speaker 2: but I haven't yet figured out how to totally get it.
9:03
Speaker 1: There's days I think about John passing and it takes
9:07
Speaker 1: my breath away, like I almost can't breathe, Like it
9:10
Speaker 1: feels that intense still, and I think it's like a
9:12
Speaker 1: little PTSD. I think we need to get hypnotized or something.
9:15
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is.
9:16
Speaker 2: Oh, that would be amazing.
9:17
Speaker 1: I think we need to get do something because it's
9:19
Speaker 1: so painful.
9:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's exhausting to like put yourself through this.
9:23
Speaker 2: You know, some days I'm better, but some days it
9:25
Speaker 2: just hits me, like it happened historday. Has it been
9:27
Speaker 2: five years?
9:28
Speaker 1: It was five years in January?
9:29
Speaker 2: January?
9:30
Speaker 1: What January eighteenth?
9:31
Speaker 3: Oh?
9:31
Speaker 2: Okay, January ninth. Oh jeez, four years.
9:34
Speaker 3: Four years.
9:35
Speaker 1: So we're close to the journey. You're just a year
9:38
Speaker 1: ahead of me, a little bit ahead of you. I'm
9:41
Speaker 1: something really struck me that you said that. Bob would
9:44
Speaker 1: have said, no, don't date You're You're like I'm I'm
9:48
Speaker 1: your mind forever. Is kind of like the message I
9:50
Speaker 1: heard and John the week before he passed away. I
9:55
Speaker 1: remember it perfectly. He was laying down on the sofa
9:57
Speaker 1: he could hardly sit up so weak he had pancrettic cancer.
10:00
Speaker 1: And I was sitting kind of like in the crook,
10:03
Speaker 1: like right here, and he took my hand and he said,
10:06
Speaker 1: I want you to find somebody and get married again
10:10
Speaker 1: and have a relationship. And I said, oh my god.
10:12
Speaker 1: I said, I am not having this conversation with you.
10:14
Speaker 1: I said, you are not going anywhere. I had in
10:16
Speaker 1: my mind he was going to live. He weighed a
10:17
Speaker 1: hundred and twenty pounds and have been dying for two years.
10:19
Speaker 1: I still thought he was going to make it. I said,
10:21
Speaker 1: I'm not having this conversation with you. I was like,
10:23
Speaker 1: you're not going anywhere, You're not leaving me, We're not
10:25
Speaker 1: doing this. And he passed away a week later. And
10:27
Speaker 1: I thought back on that conversation about two years later
10:31
Speaker 1: when I was thinking, is this what my life is
10:34
Speaker 1: going to be? Am I going to be a widow
10:35
Speaker 1: at fifty eight and never have anything more? And that
10:39
Speaker 1: conversation was such a gift because I felt like it
10:42
Speaker 1: gave me he was giving me permission to date again.
10:44
Speaker 1: So I didn't have any guilt. Wow. Yeah, And you're like,
10:47
Speaker 1: I was lucky.
10:47
Speaker 2: Am I going to date?
10:48
Speaker 1: I'm going to go Well, it was such a failure
10:51
Speaker 1: dating normally, so big, Yeah, I'm gonna do it.
10:55
Speaker 2: I'm going to go all out.
10:57
Speaker 3: Yeah.
10:58
Speaker 2: See, I don't Bob I knew would have been like,
11:03
Speaker 2: absolutely not. It means you didn't love me. I'm jealous.
11:08
Speaker 2: How could you?
11:09
Speaker 3: You know?
11:11
Speaker 2: But but that's the only Bob I knew. And so
11:14
Speaker 2: I have to now separate and I always call it
11:17
Speaker 2: like Earthly Bob from Heavenly Bob. You know, Earthly Bob
11:20
Speaker 2: would have.
11:21
Speaker 1: Been like absolutely no, no, no, Heavenly Bob.
11:22
Speaker 2: Heavenly Bob would want me to be happy. But I
11:24
Speaker 2: got that message from his daughters, from his best friends.
11:30
Speaker 2: They gave me their blessing. They're like, he would want
11:33
Speaker 2: you to be happy. And I was like, are you sure?
11:35
Speaker 2: And I'm like yes, And I'm like all right. If
11:37
Speaker 2: the closest people to him give me their blessing and
11:41
Speaker 2: with it, then he'd be okay with it, meaning I'm
11:45
Speaker 2: okay with it.
11:55
Speaker 1: I got really good advice talking kind of to this
11:58
Speaker 1: whole thing. You kind of got permission from these people.
12:01
Speaker 1: I was on the Golden Bachelotte and I was really
12:02
Speaker 1: struggling pretty far through my season. I was probably halfway
12:06
Speaker 1: through my season and there's a psychiatrist or a therapist
12:09
Speaker 1: on the show, and she came into my room, Doctor Adrian.
12:12
Speaker 1: I will love her forever. I still speak to her,
12:14
Speaker 1: and she said, I said, I'm really struggling with this.
12:16
Speaker 1: I said, I don't think I can do this. I
12:18
Speaker 1: think I still love John. She goes, I said, how
12:21
Speaker 1: can I love somebody else? And still love John, and
12:23
Speaker 1: she goes, of course you can. She said. Picture it
12:26
Speaker 1: as two balloons. She said, John is in this hand,
12:29
Speaker 1: and he's this balloon, and you could still love him,
12:31
Speaker 1: and you can have another balloon in this hand, and
12:32
Speaker 1: it's okay, there's room for you to have both of them.
12:35
Speaker 1: I was like, I can still love him and still
12:37
Speaker 1: get this one. And that just kind of gave me
12:39
Speaker 1: this freedom. I was like, Okay, I need to tackle
12:41
Speaker 1: this in a different way. And that's what I will
12:43
Speaker 1: always love John. You will always love Yeah.
12:45
Speaker 2: And that's what I've been saying, is that it's the
12:48
Speaker 2: loves are totally independent. Like sometimes I'll feel guilty because
12:54
Speaker 2: I'm so happy now in my relationship and it's you know,
12:56
Speaker 2: I'm like, I love you so much. But then I'm like,
12:59
Speaker 2: doesn't that mean that I'm a bad wife to Bob?
13:03
Speaker 3: You know?
13:03
Speaker 2: But it's like, no, you can love one person with
13:06
Speaker 2: all your heart and love another person with all your
13:08
Speaker 2: heart and they're different, yep. And they can live side
13:10
Speaker 2: by side simultaneously and they don't cancel each other out.
13:13
Speaker 1: You're more mature than I did, because I couldn't figure
13:15
Speaker 1: that out until somebody told me. You I think you're
13:17
Speaker 1: more emotionally connected to this than I ever was. But
13:21
Speaker 1: I got good advice. I'm so happy to say, because
13:23
Speaker 1: I also have a person now, so I'm so lucky.
13:25
Speaker 1: We're both are really, really lucky. But I know that
13:28
Speaker 1: those you know, days and years right after Bob passed away,
13:32
Speaker 1: you and I probably had the same experience. And for
13:35
Speaker 1: everyone listening, let's tell some of the worst things that
13:39
Speaker 1: people should avoid saying to someone when they are grieving
13:42
Speaker 1: the loss of a loved one, because there's some bad
13:45
Speaker 1: ones out there. I don't know if you, I can
13:47
Speaker 1: tell you probably the worst ones that I remember hearing.
13:51
Speaker 2: Yeah, i'd like to hear that, because I strangely didn't
13:55
Speaker 2: get a lot of really bad comments, at least not
14:00
Speaker 2: from people. I know. There were some ways that people
14:04
Speaker 2: like weren't as helpful, but I didn't really have any
14:07
Speaker 2: bad like. I mean, what I've heard other people say
14:11
Speaker 2: are things like, oh, he's in a better place now.
14:14
Speaker 1: Yeah I had to.
14:14
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, but he's not here and I miss
14:16
Speaker 2: him here, so this was a great PA I be
14:18
Speaker 2: somewhere better, yeah, but I feel like crap. But it
14:21
Speaker 2: doesn't make me feel better. He's something because I'm sad, yeah,
14:26
Speaker 2: or because I feel like crap now, or like you know, oh,
14:29
Speaker 2: like I can't. People do say I'm Sure're like, oh,
14:33
Speaker 2: you'll get over it, but it's like, yeah, no, you don't.
14:35
Speaker 1: You'll feel better, it takes some time.
14:37
Speaker 2: You're like, it's like, but and you will, but like
14:40
Speaker 2: people don't want to hear that. In the moment, I
14:42
Speaker 2: feel like I'm a trick.
14:44
Speaker 1: Felt better. I feel different, Like I still think it's
14:48
Speaker 1: really painful, but it doesn't. It's like that a stabbing pain.
14:51
Speaker 1: It's adult pain, like or you know, it's just like
14:53
Speaker 1: each day is different. It's not as take your breath away.
14:57
Speaker 1: I can't keep stay composed. I'm right, I'm living now
15:00
Speaker 1: as opposed to suffering through it. Yeah, yeah, it becomes different.
15:03
Speaker 1: I feel like the one thing that struck me a
15:07
Speaker 1: lot was that people kind of avoided me. And I
15:10
Speaker 1: remember people saying I just avoided you because I didn't
15:13
Speaker 1: know what to stay and yeah, I'm like, well that
15:16
Speaker 1: makes it worse.
15:17
Speaker 2: Well, I probably. I'm sure there were people like once
15:21
Speaker 2: I finally went through loss, because I'd never really lost
15:24
Speaker 2: anybody before except my grandparents.
15:26
Speaker 1: Ye know, and you're so young that you've certainly, I mean,
15:29
Speaker 1: I guess you probably thought Bob was going to pass
15:31
Speaker 1: away before you did because you had a big age difference,
15:33
Speaker 1: but certainly not not ye old right. Yeah, So.
15:40
Speaker 2: You know, I was just very, very very sad. But
15:45
Speaker 2: at the same time, I had so much gratitude, like
15:49
Speaker 2: right after he passed, because you know, he wasn't twenty,
15:55
Speaker 2: like he lived this full, beautiful, amazing life and truly
15:59
Speaker 2: made the world a better place, and he had these
16:01
Speaker 2: incredible kids that he saw grow up, and you know,
16:04
Speaker 2: so it was like, well done, sir, Like good job,
16:08
Speaker 2: you did a great job. You lived while he lived
16:10
Speaker 2: this beautiful life, and so I was so grateful that
16:14
Speaker 2: I got to be a part of it. And I
16:15
Speaker 2: the one thing that people that I remember. And I
16:19
Speaker 2: don't fault him for this because I love him so
16:21
Speaker 2: much and he's the best, best, best friend. But Jeff
16:23
Speaker 2: Ross said to me at Bob's funeral, he goes, kell,
16:27
Speaker 2: you got robbed. You got robbed. And I remember at
16:30
Speaker 2: his funeral, yeah, five days after he died. I was like, no,
16:34
Speaker 2: I didn't, No, I didn't. Yeah, It's like I did
16:37
Speaker 2: not get robbed. Like what a blessing that it got
16:40
Speaker 2: to be in his life for six years instead of Oh,
16:43
Speaker 2: it's not fair, woe is me? Life sucks. It's not
16:46
Speaker 2: fair that I didn't have him longer.
16:48
Speaker 1: You have a great attitude.
16:50
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I don't like, I don't really know where
16:53
Speaker 2: it came from, because I didn't necessarily think that I
16:55
Speaker 2: would have been so positive about it, but it just
16:58
Speaker 2: kind of happened. I'm like, I'm not going to let
16:59
Speaker 2: this turned me into like a bitter, miserable person. Yep,
17:05
Speaker 2: you know, it was good. I think it's like kind
17:07
Speaker 2: of maybe who you were before is also who you
17:09
Speaker 2: are after grief.
17:10
Speaker 1: You know.
17:10
Speaker 2: But that was one of the things that somebody said
17:13
Speaker 2: to me that I was like, no.
17:15
Speaker 1: No, no, I'm not I'm not gonna accept. But he
17:17
Speaker 1: meant well by it. He meant like, you should, you
17:21
Speaker 1: should had more. This was just the beginning of your journey. Yeah,
17:24
Speaker 1: it was too quick. Do you ever get any messages
17:28
Speaker 1: from Bob since he's passed. Did you ever have a
17:30
Speaker 1: feeling he's there or he's sending you something?
17:32
Speaker 2: I had like one or two one I've talked about before.
17:38
Speaker 2: It's a little hard to explain, but there was this
17:39
Speaker 2: little wooden figuring that he had on his nightstand for years,
17:44
Speaker 2: like right by our bed, that his daughter had given him.
17:46
Speaker 2: It was really special to him. It was this like
17:48
Speaker 2: very unique, special little wooden figuring. And when after Bob
17:53
Speaker 2: passed and I had to look for a new home,
17:56
Speaker 2: I felt really bad about it because I was like,
17:57
Speaker 2: I felt like I was abandoning him. I move and
18:00
Speaker 2: I was leaving him.
18:01
Speaker 1: And so the house that you lived in together had
18:04
Speaker 1: meaning and you didn't want to leave it.
18:06
Speaker 2: We had to, we had to sell it. So when
18:09
Speaker 2: I found a new house, it was really conflicted about it,
18:11
Speaker 2: but I knew I had to, but still I was
18:12
Speaker 2: very conflicted. And this one house that I looked at
18:15
Speaker 2: that I I was like, I think I'm really going
18:17
Speaker 2: to like this house. I walked in and the first
18:19
Speaker 2: thing I saw was the same exact little wooden figurine
18:23
Speaker 2: on the mantle, and it's like, not, it's not like
18:26
Speaker 2: a g I Joe, like, this is a very unique,
18:28
Speaker 2: like artisan craft thing. And I was like, that's weird,
18:34
Speaker 2: my gosh, and I just started crying.
18:35
Speaker 1: I was like, this is the house, this is you
18:37
Speaker 1: were done?
18:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I felt like okay. He was like he said, okay,
18:41
Speaker 2: he sent you this, Yeah, yeah, this house has a
18:43
Speaker 2: nice little blessing over it, and yeah, so so you have.
18:46
Speaker 1: I do have him every once in a while too.
18:48
Speaker 1: It feels comforting. I remember that for the first year,
18:51
Speaker 1: I really had no signs from God, and I was
18:53
Speaker 1: mad at him. I was like, you like left me
18:56
Speaker 1: here alone, like send me a sign, like so I
18:58
Speaker 1: know you're okay. And I just didn't get one for
19:01
Speaker 1: a really long time. On the other hand, my daughter
19:03
Speaker 1: did and she would tell me. She's like, yeah, I
19:04
Speaker 1: saw Dad this morning. I'm where She's like, She's like,
19:07
Speaker 1: this hawk it comes to our house, like I had
19:09
Speaker 1: the like right outside of big city, right outside Washington,
19:12
Speaker 1: dw see, Like we don't have hawks like flying around
19:13
Speaker 1: our neighborhood. She's like, hey, it comes every morning and
19:16
Speaker 1: sees us. Because I stand out in the deck and
19:18
Speaker 1: I see him comes around every morning. I'm like, he
19:20
Speaker 1: probably has a nest there or someplace. But okay, and
19:23
Speaker 1: then I got that. I remember we were on so
19:26
Speaker 1: my husband was very bald and from chemo was part
19:30
Speaker 1: of it, but he's also like he was balding even
19:32
Speaker 1: before that. So we were on the way to the cemetery.
19:36
Speaker 1: It was the one year anniversary of his of his passing.
19:39
Speaker 1: All my kids, I have four kids and they're all grown,
19:41
Speaker 1: and we were on our way to the cemetery to
19:44
Speaker 1: visit him that day, bring flowers, and up above was
19:48
Speaker 1: a bald eagle like lying like flying above us on
19:51
Speaker 1: like a highway. Like we were going like seventy miles
19:53
Speaker 1: an hour down this highway and the bald eagle was
19:56
Speaker 1: just kind of leading us there.
19:57
Speaker 2: Oh and my you.
19:59
Speaker 1: Really, like, I don't think I'd ever seen a bald eagle,
20:01
Speaker 1: to be honest before. And my oldest son was in front,
20:04
Speaker 1: he was in his car and he's like, Mom, do
20:06
Speaker 1: you see that. I'm like, see what he's like, the
20:07
Speaker 1: bald eagle. And I'm I'm like looking up and I'm like,
20:10
Speaker 1: oh my god, that is the bald eagle. He's following
20:12
Speaker 1: us there. And then I was filming before I got
20:14
Speaker 1: chosen to be the Golden Bacherette. We were filming me
20:17
Speaker 1: at the cemetery. So they do like a package that
20:19
Speaker 1: then they present to Disney and to Warner Brothers. Bacher
20:22
Speaker 1: does and they were doing that package and they were like,
20:24
Speaker 1: we want to go to the cemetery. I'm like, I
20:25
Speaker 1: really don't want to go to the cemetery. It was
20:27
Speaker 1: actually the day after the anniversary of his death, and
20:30
Speaker 1: I didn't want to go. I didn't want to go
20:31
Speaker 1: with cameras. I thought it was invasive. I felt lousy
20:34
Speaker 1: about it. They're like, please, well, we will do it
20:35
Speaker 1: in a really nice way. And it had just snowed
20:37
Speaker 1: the whole day before. So we go. I'm really not
20:41
Speaker 1: wanting to do this with them. I felt like, this
20:43
Speaker 1: is a really personal thing, and it's been two years.
20:45
Speaker 1: It was a two year anniversary of his passing. And
20:47
Speaker 1: I go there and I told the producer, the executive producer,
20:51
Speaker 1: a guy named Jason, on the way we were in
20:53
Speaker 1: the car and the way I told him the story
20:55
Speaker 1: about that John comes and visits us as like an
20:57
Speaker 1: eagle or hawk and stuff, and I told him that's
21:00
Speaker 1: and I just kind of been passing. And so we
21:02
Speaker 1: go to the cemetery and we walk over to his
21:04
Speaker 1: headstone and I'm brushing off all the snow off of it,
21:07
Speaker 1: and I'm kind of looking around. I'm feeling very uncomfortable
21:09
Speaker 1: because I feel very odd being there with cameras, and
21:13
Speaker 1: I hear Jason's like, look up and he's standing with
21:17
Speaker 1: behind the cameras and I'm all the way over here
21:18
Speaker 1: and he's like look up and I'm like what what
21:20
Speaker 1: And he's like, look up and there's three hawks are
21:23
Speaker 1: clean the cemetery. Really weird, so so weird.
21:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, I sound like a freak.
21:27
Speaker 1: I'm looking at the camera going, I'm not a freak?
21:29
Speaker 1: Is it does sound really weird? But I just felt
21:32
Speaker 1: like that was like a sign from him, because I
21:34
Speaker 1: felt really uneasy about going on. You know, one thing,
21:37
Speaker 1: going on the Golden Boutchery, you can kind of like,
21:39
Speaker 1: you know, stay in the background, not really be a
21:41
Speaker 1: main part of it. But when you're the leader or
21:43
Speaker 1: the lead, and like you were going to be kissing
21:44
Speaker 1: another guys, you're going to be doing you know, you're
21:47
Speaker 1: going to be going there looking for really a husband
21:50
Speaker 1: or you know, a mate at least or a boyfriend
21:52
Speaker 1: or something. You plan to come off like matched up.
21:54
Speaker 1: You're hoping for that, so you can't hide anymore. And
21:56
Speaker 1: so I felt kind of guilty going on that, and
21:59
Speaker 1: I felt like I got it was kind of my sign,
22:02
Speaker 1: a little bit, my sign. Yeah, So I was so
22:04
Speaker 1: appreciative when wonderful they send a sign a little bit.
22:07
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't. I don't get I don't get a lot.
22:11
Speaker 2: I just started having I didn't have any dreams about
22:15
Speaker 2: him for maybe like two to three years, and now
22:18
Speaker 2: I've had like a couple, but nothing like too profound.
22:20
Speaker 1: How does it feel when you wake up, You're like,
22:24
Speaker 1: huh yeah.
22:25
Speaker 2: Just a little like whoa, that was weird, but not,
22:28
Speaker 2: you know, they haven't been anything too crazy yet. So
22:31
Speaker 2: nothing where it's like a nightmare or something where it's like.
22:34
Speaker 1: Oh, he's with you, he gave me a message and yeah.
22:36
Speaker 2: It's was just like we're at dinner and he's kind
22:38
Speaker 2: of just like sitting there next to me.
22:40
Speaker 1: That's so funny, Okay. And I and my mom has
22:44
Speaker 1: a dream about my dad almost every night. My dad
22:46
Speaker 1: passed away three months after John passed away. Wow, yeah,
22:49
Speaker 1: great year. And she has dreams about him all the time.
22:52
Speaker 1: And I'm I'm envious of her because I would love
22:55
Speaker 1: to see John. And one of my biggest fears is
22:58
Speaker 1: that the memories of him are fading a little bit.
23:03
Speaker 1: And I feel like, and this is the first time
23:05
Speaker 1: I remember going to the cemetery this year and like
23:09
Speaker 1: kind of talking to him, and it was the first
23:10
Speaker 1: time that I felt like life is moving on without him. Yeah,
23:14
Speaker 1: like my kids are getting married, we're having more grandkids,
23:17
Speaker 1: things that he isn't part of it anymore. Like he's
23:21
Speaker 1: not part of these new families that are starting, even
23:23
Speaker 1: though they're his kids. He's not part of this new
23:25
Speaker 1: like new generation. And it feels really lousy to me.
23:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like we just had I just had a step granddaughter.
23:33
Speaker 2: Bob's granddaughter was just born just a few months ago,
23:36
Speaker 2: and it's you know, you get so it's very bittersweet.
23:39
Speaker 1: It's like, I'm so happy he didn't get to be
23:41
Speaker 1: part of.
23:41
Speaker 2: It, right, I'm so happy to have her, but it's
23:44
Speaker 2: so sad that he didn't. He didn't get carry I know.
23:46
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm sure you know, he's here in some way,
23:49
Speaker 2: of course, and he gets to, you know, watch over
23:52
Speaker 2: her in his own way, but it's still very bittersweet,
23:54
Speaker 2: you know.
23:55
Speaker 1: Yeah, I kind of feel like they have a little
23:56
Speaker 1: angel up there watching out for him. So it's maybe
23:58
Speaker 1: a little comforting. You know, it's sad that there I
24:00
Speaker 1: here and that they missed these big life events. And
24:02
Speaker 1: I always felt like, you know, my husband had worked
24:04
Speaker 1: so hard to create a really great life for us,
24:06
Speaker 1: and then right when we were kind of at the
24:08
Speaker 1: age where our kids were all graduating from college. We're
24:10
Speaker 1: at the place where we could really start enjoying this life.
24:12
Speaker 1: You know, we could go and travel and we'd have
24:14
Speaker 1: our kids kind of taken care of, and we get
24:15
Speaker 1: to start doing like taking your grandchildren to Disney World
24:18
Speaker 1: and all of those things that I planned to do
24:20
Speaker 1: as a couple. He died right before we got to
24:22
Speaker 1: do all of those things, like that whole other half
24:25
Speaker 1: of our life that we were planning on doing it
24:26
Speaker 1: and kind of just got like disappeared to his poof
24:28
Speaker 1: I know, isn't.
24:29
Speaker 2: That crazy, Like you can't plan life, you know, no
24:33
Speaker 2: plan Yeah.
24:33
Speaker 3: Yeah.
24:34
Speaker 1: They used to say like if when God sees you
24:36
Speaker 1: planning life, he's laughing, he starts to laugh or something
24:38
Speaker 1: like that.
24:38
Speaker 2: Yeah.
24:38
Speaker 3: Yeah.
24:49
Speaker 1: Do you do anything today to kind of honor Bob's memory?
24:53
Speaker 1: I mean, his memory is in you know, is so
24:56
Speaker 1: many people knew him. He was such a star and
24:58
Speaker 1: always doing to be such a kind person. Yeah, but
25:01
Speaker 1: do you do anything personally like they try to keep
25:03
Speaker 1: his memory on life for you?
25:04
Speaker 2: Well, I mean I'm constantly talking about him, like privately
25:08
Speaker 2: and publicly all the time. I'm always sharing about Bob.
25:11
Speaker 2: He telling stories, talking about him, you know, on my
25:13
Speaker 2: podcast all the time, and you know, with his friends
25:17
Speaker 2: and his kids. And a big thing that maybe is
25:21
Speaker 2: the most important and I know would be so important
25:23
Speaker 2: to him, is that I kind of took over one
25:26
Speaker 2: of his roles for the Square Derma Research Foundation, which
25:31
Speaker 2: was his biggest charity that he was like the guy
25:36
Speaker 2: of the SRF for thirty plus years because his sister
25:39
Speaker 2: died of.
25:39
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, do you have a personal connection.
25:41
Speaker 3: Yeah, So.
25:43
Speaker 2: One of his jobs, I mean, he hosted the event,
25:45
Speaker 2: so I obviously don't do that, but he his job
25:49
Speaker 2: was to book the comedians. And so now that's what
25:51
Speaker 2: I've been doing for the last four years is I've
25:53
Speaker 2: been booking all the comedians and booking the talent for
25:57
Speaker 2: the event. The big huge benefit that they have every
26:01
Speaker 2: year called Cool Comedy, HOWK Cuisine and so that well.
26:03
Speaker 1: That's a great name right there.
26:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And so it's always like the world's best comedians,
26:07
Speaker 2: great music, amazing food by a celebrity chef, Susan Fenneger. Okay,
26:13
Speaker 2: And so that's one thing that I've done to kind
26:16
Speaker 2: of keep honoring him and to keep his work that
26:20
Speaker 2: he you know, his life's work, to kind of keep
26:21
Speaker 2: it going.
26:22
Speaker 1: I love that. And then they benefit from like it
26:24
Speaker 1: helps you maybe you know, feel good about like doing
26:27
Speaker 1: something to you know, carry on his legacy.
26:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like the least I can do.
26:31
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, did you ever because that's we're gonna skip
26:34
Speaker 1: on to now, like kind of where you are now
26:36
Speaker 1: and moving on. We had this conversation already that moving
26:39
Speaker 1: on is hard and you know, you feel guilty and
26:41
Speaker 1: you're not sure if you should be doing it. Did
26:43
Speaker 1: you ever really think that you were going to find
26:45
Speaker 1: love again or did you think that like you had
26:47
Speaker 1: the best it's hard to replace.
26:49
Speaker 2: I hoped. I was just very nervous. You know, you
26:53
Speaker 2: hear such horror stories about dating and all this stuff. Yeah,
26:56
Speaker 2: so you know, I was very hopeful that I would
27:00
Speaker 2: I just didn't know what it would look like. And
27:02
Speaker 2: would I be able to find somebody who was strong
27:06
Speaker 2: enough and confident enough to understand that like Bob wasn't
27:09
Speaker 2: going anywhere and he was always going to be a
27:11
Speaker 2: part of my life.
27:11
Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, you have to find a pretty amazing Yeah, so,
27:15
Speaker 1: you know.
27:15
Speaker 2: And I kind of find that found that, right, off
27:18
Speaker 2: the bat, like I didn't even I didn't date very
27:21
Speaker 2: much at all.
27:22
Speaker 1: Is that right? Okay?
27:22
Speaker 2: So you I went on the two basic little like
27:26
Speaker 2: coffee dates pretty much and that was it.
27:29
Speaker 1: And and then and then you met Brecken. Yeah, can
27:31
Speaker 1: you tell us a little bit about him. I know
27:33
Speaker 1: who he is, but I'm not sure if everybody knows
27:35
Speaker 1: who he is, they might, but tell us about Okay,
27:37
Speaker 1: so tell us about who he is. Explain to the
27:40
Speaker 1: audience who he is, and then tell us about how
27:41
Speaker 1: you met. How do you meet?
27:43
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, we mel at our His best friend was
27:47
Speaker 2: one of Bob's best friends, Seth Green, and he Seth
27:50
Speaker 2: and his wife Claire, had an anniversary party, and Beckon
27:52
Speaker 2: and Seth have been best friends since they were teenagers.
27:55
Speaker 2: And so I I met him briefly before with Bob
27:59
Speaker 2: because he Bob were friendly. They weren't best friends. They
28:01
Speaker 2: weren't like very close. Okay, i'd be weird, but they
28:03
Speaker 2: were that friendly. So we just reconnected, I guess at
28:07
Speaker 2: Seth and Clair's party and just hit it off. And
28:10
Speaker 2: then like a few weeks later, he asked me out
28:12
Speaker 2: and we went on a date, and like that was it.
28:14
Speaker 1: That was it. Was almost one day three year guys,
28:17
Speaker 1: like you knew right away, he knew right away.
28:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean we knew at least that we wanted
28:23
Speaker 2: to definitely continue whatever that was. And then like after
28:28
Speaker 2: the first date, I just didn't have an interest, Like
28:30
Speaker 2: we didn't say fro like on date one, like by
28:32
Speaker 2: the way, let's never talk to anything else, right, But
28:35
Speaker 2: we did both kind of internally just be like, oh,
28:39
Speaker 2: I don't really feel the need to date other people. Yeah,
28:44
Speaker 2: But then you know, a few months later we were like, Okay,
28:46
Speaker 2: let's this is actually not date other people.
28:49
Speaker 1: And do you guys live together? Like how you know
28:51
Speaker 1: he lives.
28:52
Speaker 2: Like four minutes away from me. He lives like a
28:53
Speaker 2: mile away kind of good, right, It's we're in the
28:56
Speaker 2: same neighborhood. We literally bump into each other like on
28:59
Speaker 2: the street. It's really funny. But it's nice because we
29:02
Speaker 2: you know, he has two kids, and you know, he
29:05
Speaker 2: doesn't have them every day, but he has them a
29:07
Speaker 2: few days a week, and so you know, he does
29:10
Speaker 2: his thing, I do my thing, and then you know,
29:12
Speaker 2: he'll come hang out at my house or I'll be like,
29:14
Speaker 2: all right, be over in five minutes, and yeah, then
29:16
Speaker 2: I'll go to right, so it's easy. Yeah, it's really nice.
29:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, okay, good. What are your thoughts on marriage
29:23
Speaker 1: and do you want to get married again?
29:25
Speaker 2: You know what. We've even talked about this, and I'm
29:29
Speaker 2: I don't have to I'm open to it, but I don't.
29:32
Speaker 2: I've been married twice. I was married once before Bob
29:35
Speaker 2: and got divorced, okay, And so for me, I'm just
29:39
Speaker 2: more about having the relationship and the connection and like
29:42
Speaker 2: the commitment. But I don't need to legally get married.
29:46
Speaker 2: But I'm I'm open to it, but I don't have
29:49
Speaker 2: to have that, which is a great place because like
29:50
Speaker 2: I don't want kids. I don't have kids, you know,
29:53
Speaker 2: he doesn't want more kids, and so like that doesn't
29:56
Speaker 2: have to be a factor in it, and it's like
29:57
Speaker 2: we just get to enjoy each other and I something happens, happens.
30:01
Speaker 1: I feel like we are really the same person because
30:02
Speaker 1: I feel the same way people I got engaged you
30:04
Speaker 1: know on the batchel thank you, But people ask you
30:07
Speaker 1: basking is when we're getting married.
30:08
Speaker 2: And I'm like, do we have to get married because.
30:10
Speaker 1: We are liking what we're doing? And why your husband
30:13
Speaker 1: you don't have to why do you need to change this?
30:14
Speaker 1: And like, yeah, at our age, I mean much older
30:17
Speaker 1: than you, but you know, as you're like, we're not
30:20
Speaker 1: in your twenty and thirties, we're not trying to have kids,
30:22
Speaker 1: we're not like establishing careers, like we're kind of like
30:25
Speaker 1: past that part of life, Like is there a need
30:27
Speaker 1: to get married? I don't wondering And I don't feel
30:29
Speaker 1: like I need to personally thank you for saying it
30:31
Speaker 1: so people.
30:32
Speaker 2: I don't. Yeah, I don't feel like I have.
30:34
Speaker 1: To, but it's so traditional, right, we don't have to
30:37
Speaker 1: do it.
30:37
Speaker 2: I'm I'm open either way.
30:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel the same way. This has been a
30:41
Speaker 1: great conversation. I'm sorry Kathy was supposed to be with
30:44
Speaker 1: us today but she got held up. She was a
30:46
Speaker 1: great to have been talked. But we have to get
30:48
Speaker 1: over to the award. Yes, we have things to do.
30:49
Speaker 1: So are you listeners like us and trying to move
30:53
Speaker 1: through your grief after loss? Need some help and advice?
30:56
Speaker 1: Call us or email us. All the info is on
30:59
Speaker 1: our show notes fow us on socials. Make sure to
31:01
Speaker 1: rate review the podcast. I do Part two an iHeartRadio
31:05
Speaker 1: podcasts where falling in love is the main objective,