Latest / More Organised Less Clutter / 252. The Invisible Load of Neurodivergent Parenting
Transcript
- speaker-0: Welcome to More Organized Less Clutter, a podcast to empower individuals and neurodivergent families with practical, realistic tools to create a more organized, sensory-friendly, clutter-free, and intentional home that works with your lifestyle and brain, not against it. I'm Norelle King, a professional organizer and neurodivergent mum who understands the unique challenges of family life. I help people just like you simplify your space. Build sustainable organizational systems and create more breathing room physically and mentally. Every fortnight you'll hear solo episodes and guest conversations filled with practical strategies on decluttering, home organization, routines for neurodivergent families, mindful living, and how to build a home that feels safe, calm and functional. You'll walk away with actionable takeaways you can implement even if you only have 10 minutes to spare. Ever feel the invisible load of neurodivergent parenting is quietly running your life, no matter how organized you try to be. In today's episode of More Organized Less Clutter, I sit down with executive coach and fellow neurodivergent parent Francine Bass to talk about the real mental load behind managing sensory needs, executive functioning challenges, and daily life. She shares how simplifying her home, schedule, and expectations. Can reduce your mental load and help you create more personalized routines for your family. She shares a useful tip around using AI as a tool to support executive functioning and planning for the unexpected. And if you're ready to feel more organized and more confident navigating the invisible load of neurodivergent parenting, then this episode with Francine Bass is for you. Today on More Organized, Less Clever, I'm talking with Francine Bass. She was an executive coach and speaker who works with women navigating leadership, parenting, and meaningful life transitions. As a single mum and parent of a neurodivergent child, she is going to be sharing with us ways of managing the invisible load. So welcome, Francine. speaker-1: Thank you, Norrell. It's so nice to be here. Thank you so much. ⁓ speaker-0: Well it's so nice to have you and on the other side of the world as well. So and making the time the time difference and making it work. speaker-1: Yes. Flexibility. We learn flexibility. speaker-0: You sure do with podcasting. So let's start so we can get to know you a little bit. If you were a Barbie doll, what two accessories would you come with? speaker-1: Goodness. Color-coded planner that's built out for me, custom, and a enormous insulated coffee tumbler. speaker-0: Is this in summer and win and winter, the coffee? speaker-1: It's year round. It's year round. Rain or shine, heat or cold. I'm a hot coffee gal. So the tumbler com comes with for sure. The planner would represent, you know, creating order from complexity. I'm definitely not in your lane as far as providing organization ⁓ support to others. I do I'm pretty organized and I lend that ⁓ proficiency, if you will. ⁓ to support my daughter, definitely in leading teams, project management, and and just being a support to others that are navigating any kind of change. I always want to add value and having, you know, lived several different experiences in this lifetime, I've come across ⁓ a lot of situations that I've come out on the other side of, you know, learning a lot. So if somebody needs that insight ⁓ and is open to it, I'm more than willing to share it and add a little clarity to what could at that moment for somebody else feel very overwhelming. speaker-0: Mm, definitely. And I'm sure this is some of the things that'll come out as we ⁓ explore some of the things that you have done. So if you did have myself fly over as a professional organizer, what area would you want some support with? 'Cause it sounds like that you've got that organization overall outlook working for you, but what other areas would you like support with? speaker-1: You you would come right into my home and immediately go right in enter my office. And you wouldn't leave my office. You would sit in front of my computer for however long I could I could have your services and you would organize my digital life. So everything, calendars, project I wanna have that calendar that has rules in it, that sends emails to a certain place in your outlook that is ⁓ you know, just this automatic system. I want to be that person who has an email that you only see like 10 unopened emails. ⁓ so that would be your role to support me in my digital life. And because when you when you're just not aligned with something, I think it's just not your thing. it becomes so much bigger than it needs to be and it's a it's a distraction to like other things that are more meaningful. ⁓ it's I I still wanna get it done. It's just never quite as I would like to have it. So I think I'm meant to be aligned with ⁓ people that are really good in that space. And one day I will have the ultimate calendar. speaker-0: What about your phone? Is that is that messy as well or it needs a little bit of order? That's not so bad. speaker-1: If you if you got through with my computer really ⁓ now in an expedient fashion, ⁓ you would then be handed my phone and you would ⁓ categorize my pictures. You would you would catalog all those and then you would my text messages. Yeah, text messages. ⁓ I've tried and like just not good at it, but I've tried and I won't give up to try to manage my text messages. speaker-0: Yeah. speaker-1: ⁓ and recognize that they're not a library. ⁓ they are in fact meant to be deleted and let go of, but I I need an invention, I think. speaker-0: No, I'd use mine as a library as well, but speaker-1: And female too, right? speaker-0: Yeah, definitely. Otherwise I'll forget. And I've tried other systems. So it's easier if it's just there. It's a visual. It's that ⁓ object permanence. I need that as well. So tell us about your strengths that you bring to when you've been a speaker, when you've also worked as an executive coach. What are some of the unique unique things that you've bought strengths? speaker-1: So th the executive leadership, you know, and then ⁓ mesh that with lived experience. So I think ⁓ just professionally I've led teams my whole ⁓ professional life and through through the type of work I do, ⁓ I have the privilege of coaching people, you know, through change, whether it be professional change or working closely enough and developing enough trust with them that they ⁓ I I could support them through some personal changes. ⁓ supporting organizations grow ⁓ and navigating just really complex situations and and compartmentalizing them and creating strategies to get through them on the and get on the other side and lead teams through that. ⁓ in parallel path being a mother, ⁓ being a mother of ⁓ you know, exceptional, extraordinary child that Has been a different journey for both of us. What I've learned is bringing some of those executive leadership skills over to my parenting. And once I made that connection, my life got so much easier because I'm like, hey, I have transferable skills that can help this area of our life. And it doesn't have to be that overwhelming. It's just looking at managing something so close to you in a way that's organized. And that's that led me to feeling. About this area of my life and supporting my daughter through many things, you know, like school and executive functioning and finding different tools to make processes streamlined for her, understanding, you know, how to apply a sensory supportive ⁓ lifestyle into everything that ⁓ touched our lives that felt like. Yeah, this is just how we live and this is this is this is how we live. This is our normal. And ⁓ you know, supporting her became manageable once I learned to apply managerial techniques to it, if that makes sense. speaker-0: No, definitely, definitely. So what about that invisible load? What does it look like that people may not understand or fully understand? What does that look like? speaker-1: Well, as much as I'm you know, I'll share, yeah, you know, I can come up with organizational techniques and, you know, create schedules and color coding and, you know, organize our lives. ⁓ you're constantly as a parent, ⁓ processing next steps and planning for next steps and contingency planning. And so we're we're managing for somebody else that that needs us full you know completely there and we're so hyper aware of the needs and the needs that aren't even presenting yet. So you're in a constant ⁓ state of this contingency planning. And at the same time, you know, you you're you're supporting yourself. So there's two things going on at once. And then there's the unknown that I think if you're a parent, you if you know, you know ⁓ of of an exceptional child that you are considering things that may or may not occur. And that takes up, you know, space and energy. And it's a learned skill to care for yourself while that's happening. And in a way that is preserving your well-being. ⁓ so you can be, you know, all things to the people that are relying on you the most. ⁓ but primarily prioritizing yourself gets you there. And I think I think learning those techniques and applying them with rigor, ⁓ mm just makes you better at at being there for your child. I know it did for me. speaker-0: And so what are some of those techniques that you've used for yourself that have been useful? speaker-1: Putting myself first, you know, the basic needs, you know, eating really well, if taking time, being outside, exercising, ⁓ not like recognizing if Recognizing paying it being in tune to your signals. ⁓ when you feel stress coming up and and you you know you know yourself well enough to ⁓ pay attention to them, but not just pay attention to them and then ignore it, but like do something at that time before before it occurs. So 'cause you're you're your most precious asset. And I think by really like zoning in on caring for yourself for myself, it helped me ⁓ to just manage the load better. And ⁓ and also losing the need to do everything just so well. ⁓ that messy action is better than no action. And as long as we're constantly moving forward, ⁓ you know, I I found a lot of beauty in just the lack of perfectionism. And I think that was a major life lesson for me in all of this. It helps ⁓ because it's it's just ⁓ you know the whole your lifestyle is unpredictable. But as long as we're moving forward, you're showing your child a great example one and you're you're living rather than, you know, just trying to perfect something that doesn't need to be. speaker-0: Mm. And it's yeah, there's so many things in there that I just related to. It's it's just so important, isn't it, to think about yourself. Otherwise you've got two dysregulated people who are not then benefiting or helping each other, supporting each other. And it takes a while though to get to that stage to realise what you actually need. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely, definitely. speaker-1: Personal journey. ⁓ it's a personal journey. I think once you recognize, you know, that they're you you want to give them you wanna give your child what they need and ⁓ sometimes your steadiness is what they need most. ⁓ and just to be alongside them and I found that, you know, just just the more calm you're approaching every day. Not that that's gonna be achieved every day, but put your best step your best foot forward. ⁓ You know, it helps. It helps. speaker-0: And just letting go of all those other expectations that are around us, which I think maybe also sh social media being around us with parenting these days, and we see this in front of us. Whereas, you know, our parents didn't see this. So there wasn't that comparison unless they were, you know, physically with other people to compare. Whereas we see it around us all the time. This what what parenting could look like or should look like. ⁓ and whereas we need to just take that off and and go with what is actually gonna work for our own families and our own children. speaker-1: Absolutely. And it's become easier. I think taking things away rather than adding things ⁓ to make life easier to actually taking them away, simplifying, minimalizing. you know, minimizing. I'm sure that's that might be an approach for you and your work. it it just makes your paths clearer and removing the clutter, if you will, you know, sometimes just create so much more space for for what matters and and the things that 'cause it your your child is constantly evolving. You're evolving in the relationship. ⁓ their needs are shifting. And to be able to adapt to that, adding things to your plate, it's it's just not it it shows you how to prioritize, I think. speaker-0: Yeah, definitely. Yeah. And set up boundaries. So what are some of the boundaries that you've had to navigate and set up that have helped you? speaker-1: Yeah. So saying no, ⁓ saying no to just ⁓ obligations or or accepting things into my space, my time has become much more precious and I don't lean into that too obligatory ⁓ as much as I had at different times of my life. ⁓ you know, if it's gonna add value to me, if it's going to add value to my family, it's considered, but everything isn't a yes anymore. So the power of no, thank you, ⁓ has been a a big boundary for me. And ⁓ just the non-negotiables as far as my health, my well-being, and then, you know, ⁓ my daughter being absolutely like the time that's that's there for her because you're, you know, you're navigating work. ⁓ but her well being is paramount. So anything that could intrude on that that I can control, you know, and manage through I do. So so she can count on ⁓ you know, having a haven because the world's kind of chaotic. So yeah. So the power of no, ⁓ I think is is the biggest boundary, prioritizing ⁓ our well being. above all things and then just, you know, preservation of our energy. We don't have to do so much. speaker-0: Yeah. think also just being really aware of the sensory needs of, you know, each person really helps too and makes you more aware around, you know, things that you're going to decide to do, whether it's going to a shops or whether it's going to a family function, what are some of those things that maybe aren't being met? And actually maybe that's going to be a no, isn't it? speaker-1: Yeah, it could be a no or it could be ⁓ you know before we step into this, just understand, you know, when when it it's when it's your time to to leave, it's your time to leave and we will go. ⁓ you'll be ⁓ you know, your needs will be honored and and we'll leave. And let's just really talk this through before we make a plan. This you know, there's a lot more conversation to it, ⁓ but the the ability to choose and to, you know, know that that they're supported through a decision to do or not to do something, ⁓ I think has led us down a path of wanting to do more because they're empowered to to choose. And it normalizes, hey, I'm hitting a limit. ⁓ so let's leave before that occurs. ⁓ and then honoring time to reset for for them has been, you know, just part of our process. speaker-0: Yeah. Yeah, definitely. And what about ⁓ any simple systems that you've implemented that have really helped or made a a ri ⁓ a big difference to reducing the mental load? speaker-1: I think you know, I I ⁓ aligned with AI really early on when it came to embracing executive functioning techniques, scheduling, ⁓ making scheduling a little more interesting and fun. ⁓ it take it helped me create schedules for my child in a way that incorporated the the very essential breaks. making the routine more more palatable, more like micro micro scheduling. ⁓ so aligning with with artificial intelligence helped me do that and not like it didn't it wasn't so difficult. So there wasn't like schedulers and calendars and whiteboards. You know, you could just like prompt, you know, chat and what you needed for that day. And I was like, wow, this is a miracle. And it really helped a lot. because executive functioning and until it's it wasn't necessary it really helped our system a lot for you know keeping ⁓ her herself on task with schooling and sh you know sh there's a pretty aggressive academic load so sk that scheduling time is precious ⁓ but also is the incremental ⁓ break time so I think I think being open to AI tools ⁓ was a big help and managing through breaks ⁓ I think helped helped a lot as far as what we were doing. speaker-0: Yeah, yeah, definitely. I do use that as well with clients. Sometimes I might actually just put it in, ⁓ we want to do this and it'll break down the task. yeah, just to see what it would come up. Yeah. ⁓ it's so good with some things. speaker-1: Yeah, I want, you know, a sensory supportive experience when we're going from here to here. It can be the simplest thing, you know. and your algorithm like it's gonna start to understand, you know, what you're seeking. ⁓ and you'd be surprised. It's it's a very, very helpful tool. And I I don't know what parents do utilize it or not. I just know when I started it was it was like wow. This is this is terrific. speaker-0: Yeah, yeah, definitely. And I suppose not necessarily yourself, but there's other parents that I will work with and generally I will find that the parents are neurodivergent as well as the children and therefore the executive functioning of both of them may not be what they need to do the task. So the parents do have then that other thing to use there at their fingertips, their AI tools, to be able to work out some steps for that day if there's changes needed. speaker-1: Yeah, and plan A, plan B, and it it just I don't know. I'm not I couldn't think of all the contingencies the way artificial intelligence does and I just I appreciate it so much. and I think I think part of being ⁓ in this ⁓ also definitely being an executive is that you know, knowing that you don't have to be perfect at everything, but aligning with people that are better at what you need support with, that it that's a strength. And if that happens to be an AI tool, that happens to be an AI tool. Use it. speaker-0: Yeah, definitely. Definitely. yes, and that's the thing when we're also, you know, around picking up the energy from our own children and it's like you your brain isn't functioning and thinking up all those contingencies when it's a little bit of stress going on and it's like everything's changing. So yeah, it does it's a really great tool for us to ⁓ access, isn't it? speaker-1: Yes, yes. speaker-0: So what about mindset shifts? What mindset shifts have you had to change? You did touch on it before, ⁓ as a parent, so that you can be less overwhelmed and more empowered. speaker-1: compare a lot less. I I think that having an exceptional child creates this opportunity to ⁓ just r you know ⁓ it gives you a great priority shift and ⁓ as you as you grow through it and as you're on that journey ⁓ you learn what's really important and it could be a small win Where you know your child just grabs your hand. Or it could be like you're really celebrating different things from other families, and that becomes your normal and you're like you're less likely to compare because your experience truly is so different. And if you've had an experience with another child or we've been around other families, you know yours is unique and you treasure that. ⁓ so I think being very I bec becoming very comfortable with personalizing your own experience and as best as you can give yourself the gift of of not comparing. ⁓ that for me was was very helpful. And again it was a journey. Definitely ⁓ definitely not ⁓ 15, 20 years ago where I would say I was I was at, but it was it was path. ⁓ But I think when we stopped measuring ourselves or I did against, you know, other families and what should it should look like and what it could look like, ⁓ our life just took on a different form and it was designed based on, you know, a curated approach to us. And that's beautiful and something to really be be proud of. And ⁓ and it's a lot more like relaxed. And it's just, you know, I think ⁓ to answer your question. It was really what works best for our family. Yeah. speaker-0: Yeah, I like that that that personalised approach rather than trying to fit what everyone else is doing, but just this is ours and this is this is what's yeah, that this is what we need as a family and this is what our family is going to look like and that's beautiful. I love that approach about thinking about your personalized and what you need for your family. speaker-1: Yeah, and it might be something as simple. An example is ⁓ like not taking a vacation. That could be the the reset that your family needs ⁓ so it doesn't look like others, like where'd you go this summer? Well, you know what, we had a staycation and that was exactly what we needed after a very rigorous school year. So it's just like what's good for you. speaker-0: Yeah, definitely. Yeah, there's so many so many examples that are popping into my head of things that we've done as a different way of doing things that now work for our family, that over time we've like, you know, we know what what's gonna work best and not try the other things and just go with the flow now. speaker-1: Yeah. Holidays look different. Like it's just it's it's yours. It it might not look traditional to but what is? I mean, I think everybody, you know, if it could get down to it, you know, we're all like doing what's best for us and it looks different than the family next door. And and theirs looks different from yours and ⁓ next and so on and so on. And I think ⁓ so that's been very liberating and that that was a big shift. speaker-0: Yeah. ⁓ Francine, thank you so much for your time and sharing your knowledge and also your personal experience. What is the best way if people wanted to connect with you? speaker-1: Th you know what, I don't really have a platform. I think right now ⁓ I'm looking to form some kind of platform that can be nonprofit and support other families ⁓ that are, you know, crossing a path that I've taken already in any way I can help, I would love to. there's no path to me that's direct and and I'm sorry for that, but I do hope that this works helpful one day. Yeah, I think the speaker-0: LinkedIn. speaker-1: Creating something that's just a resource for other parents would be a goal of mine. ⁓ not a kind of a monetize a monetizing approach, but more of a ⁓ I got a lot of help along the way and I want to give back. So that's why I'm here tonight. And ⁓ I appreciate your platform. I think you're doing really great work and ⁓ I thank you for your time. speaker-0: ⁓ no, thank you so much, Francine. Sick of wasting time looking for your keys, wallet, or that one charger that always disappears. Your space needs visual anchors. Grab the ADHD friendly organization checklist, a 10-minute setup, a weekly reset, and troubleshooting map to adapt your space. Create an environment that works with your brain so that you can stop losing or forgetting things and start leaving on time with your sanity. Head to simply happy.com.au and click on the resource tab to get instant access today. I'd like to acknowledge the Watherong people of the Kulin Nation on which this podcast is recorded as the traditional custodians of the land. I pay my respects to their elders, past, present and emerging.