Latest / RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way / Ep. 9 – Emotional Suppression

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Ep. 9 – Emotional Suppression · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk Life.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: If you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcasts or video production, head over to walkwife.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Rise Up.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Live Joy Your Way with Comedy Wood.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's time to step into your power.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: Hi everyone, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: Today I wanted to talk about emotional suppression.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_01: What do I even mean by that?
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Well, as humans and us going through the human experience, we end up feeling emotions constantly.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of times we don't know necessarily how to process our emotions, and we think that we have to put them in a container to maybe deal with them later, or just if we can put them away, maybe they'll go away.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: But emotions are meant to be in motion, they are meant to rise and crest and go through their own process.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_01: If you think of a child, for instance, a child having a temper tantrum, you know, when we try to quiet the child and tell them to just stop, stop crying, just just stop.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: What they end up doing is they scream louder.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_01: But if we leave that child alone, they may scream bloody murder for a good you know 10 minutes even, but eventually that scream will turn into a whimper, and then eventually the whimper turns into a giggle and a laugh, and they're totally on to something else.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Why is that?
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's because when they have that emotion that they're feeling, whether it be overwhelm or frustration or anger or what have you, when they're allowed the space to actually emote, have their emotion actually be in motion and do its thing, they're allowed to let it rise and then crest almost as if it were a tidal wave.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it high tide goes down to low tide.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's the same thing with our emotions, and so when we let that child have their emotion, they're able to move through it and then move beyond it.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of times as adults, what we end up trying to do is either, you know, try to put on a brave face, for instance, and so I'll get into that in a minute.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: But what we try to do is move past it as quickly as possible.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so, what I wanted to talk about just a little bit today are some of the techniques that we end up covertly using to not actually deal with our emotions.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then I just wanted to go through why it's important to allow our emotions to actually have their time and place.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: So the first technique that I actually wanted to talk about today was the technique of distraction.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: And so what happens with distraction is it's a way that we as humans try to cope with a negative situation by moving our attention to something that we either think is neutral or positive.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: So, for example, we'll try to just immediately focus on positive thoughts.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: What happens though with distraction is it temporarily removes our attention from the intense emotion that we may be feeling, but it doesn't allow us to actually process through that emotion.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: So it's that emotion of whatever it was we were feeling that we're trying to distract ourselves from, it's still there.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's still left unprocessed.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: So even though we have distracted ourselves for a certain time period, eventually it's gonna recycle itself, and whatever emotion we were feeling is gonna come back around.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, some people will say, well, comedy, you know, I go for a run.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: I go for a run, and that helps me process uh whatever it is I'm going through.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: And I completely agree.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: Going for a run has always been a great way for me to um to have time to think.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, when I'm um when I've got that quiet time, it's just me, I'm able to think through things.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: But we have to be careful that we're not trying to distract ourselves from actually processing the emotion.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um because again, if you distract yourself, it's great in that moment, but the emotion is still there.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: The emotion is is still sitting there, and quite frankly, when you when it recycles back around, it might even be more intense than when it was first there.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_01: So that's why it's important that we actually take time to process whatever emotion it is that we're feeling.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: Another technique that people use is the technique of numbing.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: Numbing is when we um an emotional numbing in general refers to um how we tend to try to make an emotion just go away by not um not dealing with it at all.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: Some people numb through um you know shopping, some people numb through drugs and alcohol, some people will choose to numb through uh overeating or undereating, and so the way that they're trying to deal with the emotion that they don't want to process is to simply cover it up, to try to make it just try to not feel it anymore.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: But again, it's temporary when we do that.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_01: Whatever emotion we have is still there, and truthfully, we're still feeling it in on the subconscious level, whether or not we want to realize it.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so, some of the ways to actually deal with um the you know, try when we catch ourselves in the numbing action is to make sure that we are taking care of ourselves, making sure that we are actually um uh um actively participating in the concept of self-compassion, that we are actually staying active.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_01: It is true that physical activity, um, when what you want to do is numb out the world, physical activity is one of the best things that you can do to actually at least get those endorphins running again so that your um your brain actually re-engages.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because what happens when we numb is we're actually shutting down our we're trying to shut down our thought process.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: And another way when we find ourselves resorting to numbing is to reach out to our support system.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: When we are connected from a social or a familial standpoint, and when we feel like we can share the vulnerabilities that we are having and bring to light the things that are really affecting us, that's when we can actually overcome some of the emotional challenges that we're facing.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: And it's when we get caught up in this process of numbing that we just cover it up and try to make it go away.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: It's almost as if we think that if we stick our head in the sand, the emotional disappear.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't disappear, it's still there, it still has to be processed.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: Um, a third technique that I think I know as a mom I do this routinely, and it's the concept of um being strong and just putting on a brave face.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: And a lot of times we even covertly think these messages to our children when they're younger.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: We'll say things like, um, you're fine, don't cry, be strong, it'll be fine.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_01: It'll be fine.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_01: You'll be fine, just don't cry, be strong, put on your don't let them see you cry.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yes, you know, you can be resilient, right?
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: You but resilience doesn't mean muscling through an adverse situation, it means being able to see the adverse situation, being able to adapt yourself to that stressor, being able to figure out ways of how you're going to handle the adverse situation, but it does not mean in any sense of the term that you should go ahead and put on a brave face and just muscle through it.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: Because what ends up happening when we consistently just muscle through the stressors in our life, first of all, the stressor actually being stressed out actually becomes normalized, which is quite unhealthy when you sit and think about it.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_01: When your normal is to be overstressed and overwhelmed, that that in and of itself is an indicator that something needs to be addressed.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: But what happens when we consistently put on a brave face and we consistently muscle through whatever it is that we're facing, and and and we don't deal with the emotion that we're facing because we're being strong through it, is we are constantly put in that stage of fight or flight.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: We're constantly in this mental state of I've got to be strong here, I've got to be strong, I've got to get through this.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_01: Well, what happens when you stay in a constant state of fight or flight is your body actually on an emotional and physical level starts to feel and starts to suffer trauma.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_01: And before you know it, the longer you stay in that position and you don't address it, you will end up suffering from PTSD because the habitual response will have become be strong, and then suddenly, when little things happen, you're you actually have a physical reaction to it where you're overwhelmed and you think that you know you've got to just uh put on that brave face and muscle through it, and you actually don't process anything anymore.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_01: So, how do we deal with these sensitivities?
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: How do we actually figure out ways to um deal with our emotions rather than trying to be strong and rather than trying to suppress them?
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: Well, first of all, when you have an emotion, practicing self-compassion is huge.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: And what do I mean by self-compassion?
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_01: It's the process of recognizing number one, you are not alone, you are not isolated, you do have a support system, and there are other people who have gone through similar experiences.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: Number two, you are just human.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: So it's you know not getting into this position of judgment, it's into the position of I'm a human having a human experience, doing the best I can with the information that I have at any given time.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's actively practicing non-judgment of what's going on, but figuring out what you can learn from situations and how you can move forward, and it's also mindfulness, which I know is a very big buzzword right now, and I actually think at some point I'll probably end up doing a show just on mindfulness in general and ways and tips to practice it.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: But in short, mindfulness is the actual practice of slowing down and getting present in the moment that you're in.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_01: And so instead of suppressing these emotions and numbing, distracting, being strong, instead of doing that, it's to get in tune with your body, breathe deeply, take a moment, listen to what it is that you're thinking, what it is that you're feeling, what the emotion is.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's sort of like if you think of a snow globe that's shook up and the snow is falling all over, it's it's falling in the water and you can't see through the water, and it's very murky.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: If you think of yourself when you're having emotions as something like the snow globe with these, with the snow going everywhere, if you slow down and give yourself a moment to settle, as though you were to place that snow globe on a table, for instance, and just not touch it and let it be.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: That the snowflakes in the snow globe eventually settle to the bottom and you can see through the water, you can see through that glow through the glass in the snow globe.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: The same thing happens with us as humans.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: If we allow ourselves to settle, to breathe deeply, to get in touch with ourselves, ask ourselves what am I feeling in this moment and what do I need?
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: And just concentrate on that and focus on how we can allow the emotion, whatever it may be, to rise and then crest.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: And as that emotion finally settles, we will see that our mind can think more clearly, and we suddenly are able to figure out our next best step.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_01: It is so important to learn how to express and allow our emotions to have their time and place.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: When we don't do that, we're not being authentic to ourselves, and it's very difficult to make choices from I guess from a calm state, but also it's very difficult to figure out what choice you actually want to make or what is the next best choice when you're in a state of flux.
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_01: When you're in a when you're in a numbed out state, or you're distracted and not even present, or you're just muscling through, it's very difficult to figure out when you're faced with a choice point the best next choice, rather than if you're able to actually process the emotion that you're feeling and let it settle, you're in a much better place to be able to figure out the next best step for yourself.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: I hope you enjoyed this talk on emotional suppression and how we as humans end up suppressing our emotions and the importance of processing our emotions.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_01: I am always available and always ready to talk.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: So if you ever feel that you want to discuss more about this topic or anything else in terms of your um emotional health, feel free to reach out.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: Feel free to email me at contact at it'sauthenticme.com.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, I can be found on the web at www.itsauthenticme.com and on Facebook at facebook.com slash it's authenticme.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, I'm Comedy Wood.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for listening to Rise Up.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: Always remember your uniqueness and the gift that you bring to this world.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: Life happens for you, not to you.