Latest / Burning Brightly / 121. Do Less, Not More: How to Slow Down Without Giving Up on Your Goals

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121. Do Less, Not More: How to Slow Down Without Giving Up on Your Goals · Burning Brightly

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  We know that God has asked us to work and to serve and to build and to sacrifice and endure to the end.
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  But being still kind of feels like the opposite of those things sometimes.
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  It can almost sometimes feel irresponsible.
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  If I sit still, well, that means someone doesn't get served.
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  That means this doesn't happen or that doesn't happen, all these good things.
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  But in the end, constantly chasing that achievement ends up burning us out instead of drawing us closer to God.
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  If you're a Latter-day Saint or another woman of faith feeling called to build a business, welcome.
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  I'm Bonnie Wiscombe, and each week we'll combine faith and practical business strategy to help you answer that calling with confidence.
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  This is Burning Brightly.
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  Consider yourself a woman who is obsessed with getting things done.
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  You love to check things off a list, you love to feel accomplished, and when you reach a goal, you just wanna shout from the rooftop because it feels so good.
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  Well, I am right there with you, but recently I've been asking myself what it's all for, and if maybe some of this speed and accomplishment is actually detracting from the things that matter most.
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  That's what we're gonna talk about today.
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  So when I was a kid, I loved to go fast.
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  I still do.
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  It's one of my favorite things.
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  It's just the wind in your hair, Going fast makes you feel like you're on top of the world.
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  I used to run all the time in elementary school.
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  I would sign up for all the track and field events.
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  I rode my rollerblades everywhere.
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  I rode my bike everywhere.
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  My first car was a really fun little convertible that I liked to drive really, really fast.
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  Maybe got pulled over a handful of times.
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  And that need for speed, you might say, also closely mirrored my obsession with accomplishments.
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  I always wanted to get things done and check things off, and I wanted to do them as quickly as possible.
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  But now I'm in my late 40s, I'm asking myself, is all this need to hustle and grind and accomplish all the things really necessary?
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  I have a family.
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  I have a business.
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  I have a home.
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  I have responsibilities.
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  There are things I have to do, but also I've accomplished so much.
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  Why do I still feel guilty when I'm not accomplishing something?
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  first of all, let's talk about productivity being a virtue.
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  Ask yourself this: Do I think being productive is a good thing?
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  Most of us are probably gonna say yes, especially if we are Western women who love to check things off a list.
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  It just feels good, and our society has told us that people who are productive are useful, they're valuable.
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  In fact, we might actually think and believe that they are more valuable than someone who is not productive, especially as women who have a million things on a million different plates.
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  We make a list, we check it off, we feel good about ourselves, so we make a bigger list 'cause we wanna feel better.
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  Every time we check it off, we feel amazing.
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  And not only does this happen in our personal lives and at home, it also sneaks into our business.
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  We wanna create more content.
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  We want more followers and more offers and more email subscribers and bigger launches and more clients and another course and another strategy.
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  And eventually, we burn out because we are not capable of doing more forever.
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  We are only capable of doing a finite amount, and we have a finite amount of time and energy and brain capacity, and we have other much more important things that we wanna spend our time and energy on as
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  well.
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  So eventually, we get to a point where we're not actually building a business, we're just chasing the feeling of doing enough and maybe even being enough.
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  If we can do more, do more, do more, maybe then we will finally feel okay with who we are.
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  I don't want that for you, my friend.
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  I want you to feel okay with who you are right now in the middle of it all, 'cause that's the point of life,, is to do, but it's also to become.
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  More on that later.
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  I have a business friend who I talk to almost every single day, and we often end our messages to each other at the end of the day with something like, "Well, it's time to stop working because now I'm
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  just chasing that sense of achievement."
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  We've acknowledged that checking off our to-do list is not the most important thing, and sometimes we need to just close up shop because we just keep trying to feel better, and building a business is not about feeling better.
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  Building a business is about helping and serving and feeling fulfilled, not necessarily just accomplishing things.
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  I want to tell you guys about one of my favorite books of all time, besides the one I wrote, and it is called The Gap and the Gain by Dr.
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  Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan.
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  And the idea is this:.
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  The gap represents between where I am right now and where I think I should be.
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  So it's from here to the future.
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  The gain measures between where I am now and where I used to be, so it's how far I've come, okay?
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  I would argue that most of us spend the vast majority of our time living in the gap.
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  That's, "I wanna be more, I wanna do more, I wanna have more, I wanna keep accomplishing and being productive," instead of looking back at how far we've come and acknowledging, "Wow, I am awesome.
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  I have accomplished so much.
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  I have done so much.
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  I have been blessed in so many ways."
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  Now, I think one of the reasons that we, as Christian women in particular, hesitate to live in the gain and how far we've come is it feels prideful, right?
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  It feels like we're thinking, "Oh, this is all about me."
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  That doesn't have to be the case at all.
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  You can focus on how far you've come thanks to God and thanks to the blessings that he has given you, and the challenges and all the things that you have become.
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  But I think that's one of our hesitations, is we don't wanna feel prideful in thinking and talking about the things that we have done.
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  But I think even worse than that is being constantly dissatisfied and discontent with where we are because there's always more to go after.
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  I am all for goals.
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  You guys know I'm so goal-oriented.
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  I love it so much.
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  It's always fun to want more and to desire more, but not at the expense of what we already have and what we've already accomplished.
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  If we cannot hold both at the same time, then I think we would do much better to hold the things we already have than the things that we want.
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  One bird in the hand is better than two in the bush, right?
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  We have been blessed in so many ways.
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  If you find yourselves constantly living in the gap, it might be time to step back and say, "Let's just look for a second at how far we've come so far."
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  so let's look at the gap and the gain in regards to our business.
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  We can look at our business and think, "Ugh, I've only made X amount this year."
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  Or I can look at the last ten years of building businesses and see how far I've come, how many women I've helped, what I've built, the things that I've done, and be so content with where I am right
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  now.
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  I want you to do the same thing, especially if you are a newer business owner.
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  It's so easy to think, "Well, when this business is profitable, I'll feel differently.
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  I'll feel better."
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  Or, "When I have this amount of clients, I'll feel differently," or, "When I'm doing XYZ," right?
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  It's always in the future, those positive emotions we're looking for, but we know better.
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  We know we can conjure up and experience any emotions we want at any time based on our thoughts.
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  So choose to think about how far you've come and choose to focus on what is instead of what you still want.
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  Because here's another thing I've noticed.
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  If we allow ourselves to sit in the gap too long, then the measuring stick keeps moving, we make a goal, we reach the goal, we feel great.
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  We make another goal, we reach the goal, we feel good.
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  We make another goal, we keep going, but when is it going to be enough?
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  Can we sit at each goal and go, "This feels amazing.
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  I'm so grateful," and I could create another one just for fun, or I could just sit here and be content.
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  I don't want you to keep chasing productivity and happiness because you think it's on the other side of your goal now let's talk about what I think God wants from us when it comes to productivity and hurrying.
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  I recently did just a quick perusal of the scriptures and realized that there were more than fifteen instances of the terms be still or stand still.
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  I thought, "That's really telling," that I think God is trying to remind us of something important.
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  Why is this so prevalent in the scriptures?
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  Why is God so frequently asking His people to stop, to slow down, to stand still?
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  Well, I think it's a number of reasons.
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  Number one, if we have faith in Him, we don't have to hustle and grind.
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  If we believe that He has our best interest at heart, we can rest easy knowing that He's got it and still work towards our goals.
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  We know that God has asked us to work and to serve and to build and to sacrifice and endure to the end.
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  But being still kind of feels like the opposite of those things sometimes.
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  It can almost sometimes feel irresponsible.
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  If I sit still, well, that means someone doesn't get served.
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  That means my kids don't get fed.
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  That means this doesn't happen or that doesn't happen, all these good things.
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  But in the end, constantly chasing that achievement ends up burning us out instead of drawing us closer to God.
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  So I want to give you guys an analogy that I thought of this week when this topic was on my mind, and that is of going on road trips.
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  I love to go on long road trips with my kids.
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  We've been lots of different places.
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  We've, we did a two-day road trip from Arizona to Tennessee once.
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  It's really fun for us to get in the car and just drive.
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  Arriving at the destination is always awesome.
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  It always feels good, right?
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  But for some reason, I'm also able to enjoy the actual trip itself as well.
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  We look at fun sights along the road.
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  We enjoy the weather.
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  We stop at funky gas stations and buy treats.
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  Never ever have I said, "Ugh, I just can't wait to get to mile marker one hundred.
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  It's gonna feel so much better than mile marker ninety-five."
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  No.
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  It's so arbitrary.
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  It makes no sense.
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  It makes us laugh, right?
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  Because it's all about the journey.
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  This fun road trip is gonna eventually get us to an amazing destination.
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  That will be fun too, but we can enjoy the process as well because it's part of it.
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  Can we do that in our business as well?
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  Can we say, I just love where I am right now with just a couple of clients, or no clients, or just discovering what my messaging is like, or just building a website, or just growing my email list"?
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  Are we able to sit still in where we are and enjoy the process?
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  Now let's go back to that thought I had about doing versus becoming.
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  I've been thinking a lot about this difference because doing feels so good, and it is very visible.
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  It's not as visible to see someone become something, but you can see me do stuff all day long, the whole point of mortality is to become something else.
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  It is to become more like God.
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  It is to become more Christ-like.
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  It is to become better humans.
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  And sometimes the doing makes us become better humans, as I serve, I learn to love more.
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  As I sacrifice, I become more like God.
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  But sometimes the doing, especially if it's in a frenetic pace and just chasing a feeling, gets in the way of the becoming.
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  Sometimes it's just a distraction.
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  So that's what I want you to ask yourself.
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  Is all the doing in my business, in my life, even in my church calling, is it distracting me from becoming something better, or is it helping me on my journey to becoming something better?
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  Maybe we can be so busy building a business that we're not able to be present with our family.
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  Or maybe we can become so focused on becoming healthier that we can't enjoy the body we have today.
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  Or maybe we're so focused on checking the boxes spiritually that we're not able to just sit and be at peace with our relationship with God If we are too focused on getting to the next goal or the next
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  level of our business or life, we might not actually stop and notice the life we've already created, and it's pretty amazing All right, now you're probably saying, "Okay, great.
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  I wanna slow down.
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  Give me a three-step plan."
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  But that would actually be kind of the opposite of this message that I have for you guys today, okay?
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  Instead, I wanna give you a handful of questions to ask yourself when you feel like you're working at that frenetic pace, like you're focused on doing and checking things off a list versus actually becoming.
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  Number one, what am I doing simply because I feel like I should?
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  Now, not all of these are bad.
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  Sometimes I read scriptures because I feel like I should, even if I don't really want to, but I know it is genuinely important on my path to becoming, so that one's gonna stay in.
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  But I might be folding my kids' laundry thinking I should be doing this, and actually it's distracting me from serving in a better way or from finding some time to relax myself.
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  Number two, where am I rushing when I don't actually need to?
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  This is something that's been really critical for me in spending time with my family.
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  There's always lots to do around the house, so I find myself hustling and moving quickly when I could be sitting and enjoying my children, so that's something I'm working on.
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  Number three, what would happen if I left some space in my day, if I didn't schedule every last minute, if there was some downtime?
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  And what I've discovered about myself is that I am very uncomfortable in downtime.
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  It makes me very, very uncomfortable to not have anything to do.
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  In fact, I start wondering, "Am I missing something?"
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  Instead of just sitting and being still.
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  Number four, when was the last time I did something that had no productive purpose?
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  Ask yourself that.
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  Sometimes even the things we do for fun can actually seem productive, right?
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  Like a puzzle or reading a book.
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  When it's done, it feels quite accomplished.
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  But is it something that you genuinely do to enjoy the process, or are you just doing it for the end result?
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  Ask yourself that.
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  Do you cook because you enjoy cooking or just because dinner needs to get on the table?
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  Obviously, you still have to cook to feed your children even if you don't enjoy the process.
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  But see if you can incorporate more things in your life that are enjoyable for you during the process and not just at the end Number five, am I pursuing this goal because God is leading me there or because
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  I think I should want it?
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  And number six, can I enjoy where I am right now while also still wanting to grow?
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  Holding those two in your hands at the same time is not easy, my friends, especially in today's modern culture, where it's all about more, more, more, more, more.
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  Can I be content?
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  Can I be still?
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  Can I enjoy the glorious, amazing, blessed life that God has given me and also still want to improve?
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  Because I think in the end, that is part of our divine nature, is to want to improve.
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  I don't think you can be a child of the God on high and not want to become better.
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  But I think that's the challenge of earth life, is to stay content and stay grateful while also still trying to improve.
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  In the end, I don't think we have to stop having goals.
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  We just don't wanna make our contentment contingent on reaching our goals.
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  I'm gonna say that again.
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  We don't wanna stop having goals.
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  We just don't wanna wait to be content and happy until after we've reached them.
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  I have one more story I wanna tell you guys.
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  For the past twenty-two years, ever since I married my husband, we have gone on quite a few trips.
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  We've been really blessed to be able to travel.
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  My husband works in travel, we have a family that loves to travel, we've been lots of amazing places.
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  And only recently did we realize that every single one of those trips was built around doing and going and seeing, we wanted to experience an amusement park.
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  We wanted to see Europe.
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  We wanted to go and do.
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  Now, some of that happens just by virtue of the fact that we have 10 children.
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  Everything we do is very, very busy.
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  But recently, at the end of last year, we planned a trip, just the two of us, that was only for relaxing.
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  And honestly, I felt a little guilty about it.
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  I'm like, "We're not gonna go see anything there?
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  We're just gonna relax?"
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  And yes, we did.
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  We took three or four days to just play on the beach, be in each other's company, eat food, watch movies, take naps, and it was glorious.
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  And we talk about that trip all the time, even though we didn't see anything.
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  We just spent time with each other, and we just relaxed, and we were just present, and that apparently is very hard for us to do.
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  But I'm not here to tell you you need to go book a vacation on the beach to make that happen.
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  You can make that happen in your everyday life as well.
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  It's just a little bit harder because you're in the midst of all your distractions, even while trying to carve out some time to be still Now, if you are building a business right now, especially if you're in the
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  early days, I want you to listen to this specifically.
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  You do not need to post every day.
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  In fact, if you are trying to without a team, I highly recommend you stop that immediately.
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  You don't need to launch all the time, meaning like, "Here's a new program, here's a new offer."
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  That is a surefire way to burn out.
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  You do not, you should not chase every trend.
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  Just because somebody's on TikTok and somebody's on LinkedIn and somebody's on Substack does not mean you should be all those places.
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  You should not say yes to every opportunity or even probably half the opportunities you see.
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  You should not be working every spare minute of your day or turning your entire life into this productivity project.
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  Like, if I'm not working, I'm not doing something productive, okay?
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  This is a very difficult thing for those of us who are productivity-oriented.
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  We get into business and we think, "More, more, more, more, more.
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  I'm gonna do more.
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  I'm gonna feel so accomplished."
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  But I want you to build a business that fits inside your life, doesn't take over your life.
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  And I want you to have financial success and still be content with where you are right now.
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  And I want you to have goals that are not driven by dissatisfaction.
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  I want you to have goals just because they'd be fun and because it'd be interesting to see what you could accomplish.
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  And lastly, I want you to trust that God's timeline does not look like the internet's timeline, and it is often, I would almost say always, much slower than we would want it to be.
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  But that is the way He operates, and I think we can take a cue from the God of the universe to sit still, to slow down, to appreciate all the things He has given us while still wanting to
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  improve Now that I'm realizing I spent my entire childhood learning how to go fast, maybe this season of my life is about learning that I don't always have to.
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  In fact, maybe I don't want to.
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  Maybe the goal of this life isn't to accomplish as much as humanly possible and rack up our to-do list of good deeds.
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  Maybe the goal, is to become the woman God is asking me to become, and sometimes that requires doing less, not more Don't forget Matthew 11:28 says, "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I
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  will give you rest."
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  Sounds pretty good to me.
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  Talk to you next week, my friends.
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  If today's episode encouraged you, my book, Burning Brightly, is the next step to answering God's call to build a business through faith and confidence.
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  Grab your copy and the free companion workbook through the link in the show notes.
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  The world needs more women willing to burn a little brighter.