Latest / The You Project / #1898 Interviewed By A Listener (the last bit) - Kelly Smith

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#1898 Interviewed By A Listener (the last bit) - Kelly Smith · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: Oh good a you bloody champions. It's Kelly, it's Craig,
0:03
Speaker 1: it's us. We're back. It's you know what was going
0:05
Speaker 1: to happen everyone? Kelly and I were going to record
0:08
Speaker 1: three five question podcasts in a row last night. So
0:12
Speaker 1: it's Wednesday night, the twenty eighth of the fifth, twenty
0:15
Speaker 1: twenty five as we record this, but I have this
0:18
Speaker 1: ongoing ear ear issue which sounds so bloody ridiculous, Kelly,
0:22
Speaker 1: doesn't it so so nothing so marculous it is it is,
0:28
Speaker 1: And it's like it's not painful, it's not. But what
0:32
Speaker 1: happens everyone is, and it's happening right now. Is my
0:37
Speaker 1: left no, my right ear what it varies, but at
0:39
Speaker 1: the moment it's my right ear totally blocks and so
0:42
Speaker 1: it makes concentration and communication and focus very hard. And
0:48
Speaker 1: so we recorded too, and we're about to record the third.
0:52
Speaker 1: In fact, we started the third and Fatty Harps's ear blocked.
0:56
Speaker 1: It's like somebody just walks up and puts their finger
0:58
Speaker 1: right in your ear, and so everything I say comes
1:02
Speaker 1: back into my head and there's like this weird pressure
1:06
Speaker 1: in my ear right now. But I realized to the world,
1:10
Speaker 1: they don't hear any of that, they don't sense any
1:12
Speaker 1: of that. So I'm going to sold John Kell. I'm
1:15
Speaker 1: going to see how I go. We might have a
1:17
Speaker 1: little break or two, but right now it's like somebody's
1:20
Speaker 1: put a block of cheese in my right ear and
1:24
Speaker 1: my voice in my head is very fucking loud. But
1:27
Speaker 1: we'll do our very best. And we were chatting just
1:30
Speaker 1: before we came on. You had a bit of a
1:33
Speaker 1: listen today, so the first episode went up today. Is
1:36
Speaker 1: it hard listening to yourself?
1:39
Speaker 2: It's interesting listening to yourself. And I think there's always
1:43
Speaker 2: that thing your voice sounds different, and you're obviously experiencing
1:47
Speaker 2: that right now in your own head, but your voice
1:50
Speaker 2: sounds different when you hear it back. I did think
1:54
Speaker 2: it was different hearing your responses in a different context
1:58
Speaker 2: of just being the listener, not the interviewer. And I'm
2:03
Speaker 2: still determined to learn how to serve. That would be
2:06
Speaker 2: pretty cool. And yeah, no, I got a lot out
2:12
Speaker 2: of it, so I hope other people did as well.
2:14
Speaker 1: Yeah no, you asked some really good questions. And we
2:17
Speaker 1: were talking before and I said one of the things
2:19
Speaker 1: that I find like, I get it, but for me,
2:24
Speaker 1: who's the subject of that curious is how many people
2:27
Speaker 1: want to know, Like a lot of people don't. Of course,
2:31
Speaker 1: if I was a listener, I would not want to know.
2:34
Speaker 1: I wouldn't give a fuck about what Craig Carpet eats
2:36
Speaker 1: or how he lives, or why he's married or not married,
2:38
Speaker 1: or you know, like, but so many people care about
2:41
Speaker 1: what I do and why I do it and when
2:42
Speaker 1: did you start that? And how long you've been doing that?
2:44
Speaker 1: And why don't you eat lunch? And you know, how
2:46
Speaker 1: far do you walk every day? And how often do
2:48
Speaker 1: you lift weights? And do you do machine weights as well?
2:51
Speaker 1: Or would you do anything like pilates or body weight
2:55
Speaker 1: circuits or you know, like so many people are interested in,
2:59
Speaker 1: like how I live my life on a personal operational level.
3:03
Speaker 1: And for me, that's very amusing because I feel like
3:08
Speaker 1: I'm one of the most boring fucking people in the
3:12
Speaker 1: Bayside area of Melbourne right And I'm not fishing, Like
3:17
Speaker 1: my life is so boring, Like I live by myself.
3:20
Speaker 1: I don't drink, I don't smoke. I walk to the
3:22
Speaker 1: cafe every day, I have a coffee, eat the same
3:25
Speaker 1: breakfast every day. I eat a version of the same
3:27
Speaker 1: dinner every day. I don't eat through the day. If
3:29
Speaker 1: I'm hungry, I have maybe a few almonds or something
3:32
Speaker 1: like that. You know, I lift weights. You know, it's
3:34
Speaker 1: like it's very it's kind of groundhog day. I mean,
3:38
Speaker 1: there are different things because I do work with different
3:40
Speaker 1: teams and groups and individuals and organizations, and I travel
3:43
Speaker 1: a bit. But I talk about a lot of the
3:46
Speaker 1: same stuff. But I think what keeps me sane is
3:52
Speaker 1: the fact that I do something that I truly love
3:56
Speaker 1: and it doesn't feel like work. You know. It's like
3:59
Speaker 1: apart from this annoying ear I've got right now, like
4:02
Speaker 1: I'm talking to you, somebody that I like, somebody that
4:04
Speaker 1: I have a good connection with, and we're talking about
4:07
Speaker 1: things that are of interest to me and hopefully you
4:10
Speaker 1: and hopefully the listeners. And there's no sense at the moment,
4:15
Speaker 1: or there's no feeling of oh my god, I'm working.
4:18
Speaker 1: You know, I'm working. I've got to do this because
4:22
Speaker 1: you know, this is what I do. I'm a podcaster.
4:25
Speaker 1: Oh fuck, I better do another. You know. There's none
4:28
Speaker 1: of that. There's none of that. There's just like the
4:31
Speaker 1: experience and.
4:33
Speaker 2: That's the dream. Right Like I work at a place
4:36
Speaker 2: that I really enjoy working at. And you know, there's
4:39
Speaker 2: days when there's things that you have to do. Sure,
4:42
Speaker 2: but I've got a really great team and I get
4:45
Speaker 2: to work with some really great people. So I work
4:47
Speaker 2: with adults with disability, and I think that's an absolute
4:52
Speaker 2: honor to be able to do that. So I love
4:54
Speaker 2: my job so I can relate to that, and I think,
4:58
Speaker 2: I think that's the absolute dream, isn't it to have
5:02
Speaker 2: something in your life that you I mean, technically it's
5:04
Speaker 2: called work, but it doesn't feel like it for the
5:07
Speaker 2: majority of the time.
5:09
Speaker 1: And I think that's the thing, like if you can,
5:13
Speaker 1: I mean, and look, it sounds judgmental because there are
5:15
Speaker 1: a lot of people who don't necessarily love what they do,
5:18
Speaker 1: but they don't necessarily hate it, but it ticks the
5:22
Speaker 1: boxes that they want to tick. It's like, well, it's
5:24
Speaker 1: pretty good money. I don't hate it. It's close to
5:26
Speaker 1: home or I'm working from home. I've got the skills,
5:31
Speaker 1: I know how to do. It doesn't cause me a
5:33
Speaker 1: lot of stress and anxiety. I get four weeks or
5:36
Speaker 1: six weeks, annual holiday or whatever it is. I get
5:39
Speaker 1: you know, sick pay, I get this, I get that
5:42
Speaker 1: and for many people that's a beautiful operating system or
5:46
Speaker 1: that's a beautiful, beautiful model of career or work for them.
5:50
Speaker 1: And we as we've spoken about many times, you know,
5:53
Speaker 1: it's like what works for Kelly won't work for Craig,
5:56
Speaker 1: or what works for Craig won't work for Brian or
5:58
Speaker 1: Dave or Sally. Right, So it's trying to figure out,
6:02
Speaker 1: you know, while for some people to do my job
6:06
Speaker 1: where there's very little security, where I don't have a
6:10
Speaker 1: set wage, I don't have I don't have you know,
6:13
Speaker 1: holiday pay, I don't have sick pay. I don't have
6:17
Speaker 1: a lot of things, a lot of the benefits that
6:19
Speaker 1: come with a good job. But what I do have
6:22
Speaker 1: is I have a life that doesn't really feel like
6:25
Speaker 1: I ever work, you know, I mean, which sounds weird,
6:29
Speaker 1: but like there are some things that are you know,
6:33
Speaker 1: more challenging and difficult than other things. But yeah, I
6:37
Speaker 1: guess because I don't have any what's the word set
6:43
Speaker 1: protocol where I've got to be at a certain place
6:45
Speaker 1: every time each day and then go and sit in
6:48
Speaker 1: that room and then do these things, or I've got
6:50
Speaker 1: to be I've got to jump in that truck every
6:52
Speaker 1: morning and then deliver those things or whatever it is.
6:55
Speaker 1: You know, none of those things are bad. In fact,
6:57
Speaker 1: for many people, they're great. But I think that's one
7:00
Speaker 1: of the things is trying to figure out and we
7:03
Speaker 1: spoke about I don't know it's episode one or two,
7:06
Speaker 1: but trying to figure out what not what's optimal, but
7:10
Speaker 1: what's optimal for you, you know, And we talk about
7:12
Speaker 1: you know, food and exercise and sleep and managing stress
7:16
Speaker 1: and anxiety and the kind of relationship that works for
7:19
Speaker 1: you and all those things. And then you figure out
7:22
Speaker 1: how many hours you know, the average adult works over
7:27
Speaker 1: their life time. You know, they're working life between whatever,
7:31
Speaker 1: eighteen and sixty sixty five seventy, Like, that's a lot
7:35
Speaker 1: of waking hours to be miserable if you hate what you.
7:40
Speaker 2: Do absolutely And maybe that's why people are so interested in,
7:45
Speaker 2: you know, how many steps you take and what you
7:47
Speaker 2: have for breakfast and why you don't have lunch or
7:50
Speaker 2: what you have for dinner, because you are in a
7:53
Speaker 2: position of having something in your life that is work
7:56
Speaker 2: but not work.
7:58
Speaker 1: And I think likeascinated with the idea of everyone every listener,
8:03
Speaker 1: you Kelly Me, you know, Tiff and Melissa who work
8:08
Speaker 1: with us. I'm really interested in people finding out what's
8:13
Speaker 1: the best operating system for me. Yeah, you know, what's
8:16
Speaker 1: the best way to eat for me, what's the best
8:17
Speaker 1: way to live for me. What's the best way to
8:19
Speaker 1: work for me. What's the best way for me to
8:22
Speaker 1: manage my relationship with money? What's the best way for
8:26
Speaker 1: me to do relationships? Like I was talking to a
8:30
Speaker 1: dude the other day and he and his girl have
8:31
Speaker 1: been together. Lady been together for about ten years, and
8:39
Speaker 1: they like I see them sometimes separately, as in I
8:43
Speaker 1: bump into them, and you can tell they are in
8:46
Speaker 1: love as fuck right, they love each other, and he
8:51
Speaker 1: talks highly of her. He's fucking in love head over heels.
8:53
Speaker 1: She's in love with him head over heels. It's beautiful.
8:57
Speaker 1: But the funny thing is they don't live together, and
9:00
Speaker 1: they might stay at each other's house once or twice
9:03
Speaker 1: a week, but they have their own. Now, I'm not
9:05
Speaker 1: suggesting everyone should do this, but it's like they're well
9:09
Speaker 1: and truly locked in. It's not like, oh, they're kind
9:11
Speaker 1: of just seeing if it works out. No, they're absolutely
9:14
Speaker 1: a couple. And I said to I've asked both of
9:18
Speaker 1: them individually, like how did like, was this a conscious thing?
9:23
Speaker 1: Like did you? And they're like, you know what, it
9:26
Speaker 1: just it just works way better. Like we are head
9:30
Speaker 1: over heels in love. We don't want anyone else, We
9:32
Speaker 1: only want each other. But she said to me the
9:35
Speaker 1: other day or the other week, I actually get excited
9:38
Speaker 1: to see him when I haven't seen him for a
9:41
Speaker 1: day or two. Right, I get excited. He gets excited.
9:46
Speaker 1: We have date nights. It's fun. They've had like one
9:50
Speaker 1: blue in ten years. And I'm like, that is so atypical.
9:55
Speaker 1: But and again it's not a suggestion or a recommendation.
9:58
Speaker 1: But you think, wow, that's not something a lot of
10:02
Speaker 1: people would even think about. But when you also think
10:06
Speaker 1: about the fact that some people not all you know,
10:10
Speaker 1: five ten years in it's like groundhog Day and there
10:14
Speaker 1: doesn't seem like me who has spent a lot of
10:18
Speaker 1: time coaching, mentoring, teaching, working with people who are one
10:23
Speaker 1: of two in a relationship, and those people so often
10:26
Speaker 1: talk to me. Even when I was a trainer, I mean,
10:29
Speaker 1: the thing that my clients would talk to me about
10:31
Speaker 1: most was not their carbs, their micros, macros, they're training,
10:35
Speaker 1: their recovery. It was their relationships that was very interesting.
10:40
Speaker 1: I mean, they talk to me about everything, but if
10:42
Speaker 1: you said, what's at the top of the list, especially
10:45
Speaker 1: once you're three or four months into the relationship with
10:48
Speaker 1: a client, as in into the professional relationship, and you know,
10:53
Speaker 1: you've kind of got the food sortage, you've got the
10:55
Speaker 1: training sortage, you're in a routine, you've ticked all the boxes,
10:58
Speaker 1: and then now they're on the journey and we've got
11:01
Speaker 1: a pretty good operating model for everything. Invariably, what I
11:06
Speaker 1: would get, you know, told or spoken to about a lot,
11:11
Speaker 1: was the shitty relationship that they were in, and I'm like,
11:15
Speaker 1: oh wow, and so yeah, it's but anyway, it's it's
11:20
Speaker 1: that's why I don't think there's a best way to
11:23
Speaker 1: do almost anything. It's like, well, what's what's great for you?
11:26
Speaker 1: And that's you know, even with me and I never
11:29
Speaker 1: I never had a plan to be you know where
11:33
Speaker 1: I am and single, But I didn't also have a
11:37
Speaker 1: plan to go, well, by this age, I'm going to
11:39
Speaker 1: be married, I'm gonna have a wife, I'm gonna have
11:41
Speaker 1: two kids. By that age, i'm gonna have a couple
11:42
Speaker 1: of grants. Like, there wasn't an absolute plan and maybe
11:48
Speaker 1: my life would have taken a different turn, and it
11:50
Speaker 1: would have ended up very differently. But this is just
11:53
Speaker 1: how it kind of ended up. And while I'm not saying,
11:58
Speaker 1: you know, the way that I live is the way
11:59
Speaker 1: that anybody should live at all. But the amount of
12:02
Speaker 1: people who like look at me with pity, like they're like, oh.
12:09
Speaker 2: Poor you, what a shit life you've got?
12:12
Speaker 1: Hey, yeah, poor you. You're sixty one and you don't
12:15
Speaker 1: have anyone somebody. I mean, I've had more than a
12:18
Speaker 1: few people. And look, they may be right, who knows,
12:21
Speaker 1: I've had more than a few people. Tell me you're
12:24
Speaker 1: going to die lonely and miserable. I'm like, oh, well,
12:26
Speaker 1: thanks for the fucking thanks for the pep talk, you know.
12:32
Speaker 1: And it's like somebody said to me recently, and we'll
12:37
Speaker 1: get off this and we'll get onto your question. Sorry
12:39
Speaker 1: for babbling for a bloke with a block, dear fuck,
12:41
Speaker 1: I'm talking a lot. Somebody said to me, what have
12:46
Speaker 1: you got against relationships?
12:48
Speaker 2: Oh?
12:48
Speaker 1: Wow, Like I've never in my life said that or
12:51
Speaker 1: intimated that, or you know, I'm like, I have well, nothing.
12:56
Speaker 1: My parents have been in a pretty good one for
12:58
Speaker 1: sixty three years, and you know, most of my friends
13:03
Speaker 1: my training partner is in a long term you know,
13:06
Speaker 1: my best friends. And it's so funny they assume because
13:11
Speaker 1: I don't have a partner, that I'm anti relationship.
13:16
Speaker 2: Yeah. And I think there's also those people that assume
13:18
Speaker 2: that because you don't have a partner, that you don't
13:22
Speaker 2: have intimate relationships with other people, assuming that intimacy is
13:26
Speaker 2: based purely on romance.
13:28
Speaker 1: Yeah, so true, so true.
13:32
Speaker 2: I get the comment of you know, well, you don't
13:34
Speaker 2: have kids, so who's going to look after you when
13:36
Speaker 2: you're old? Yeah, so I'm just bribing my niece to
13:40
Speaker 2: make sure she's around when I'm old.
13:43
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think that's a good idea. I think bribing
13:47
Speaker 1: nieces and nephews, keeping them cashed up, absolutely, making sure
13:52
Speaker 1: you're the favorite. All right, So we got five questions
13:56
Speaker 1: to go. We do, and thank you for installment one
14:02
Speaker 1: and two. Let's see how we go. Let's see what
14:07
Speaker 1: you got.
14:09
Speaker 2: So this is a question that I actually sent to
14:12
Speaker 2: you in a message, and you said that you would
14:15
Speaker 2: tell me when you saw me, And so now that
14:17
Speaker 2: you're looking at me, I'm going to ask you, yea,
14:21
Speaker 2: when did you stop equating your physicality with contentment or happiness?
14:26
Speaker 1: Mm, So that is a really interesting question. I've spoken
14:30
Speaker 1: a lot. You know. What was funny. I was at
14:32
Speaker 1: the gym tonight. This is totally coincidental, and a guy
14:38
Speaker 1: used to work for me. His name is Nigel Chamberlain,
14:41
Speaker 1: Jambo Nige. You would have sent him. He's a bald,
14:44
Speaker 1: good looking dude, six', three a o's couple of three
14:48
Speaker 1: child care. Centers, anyway he was there tonight and we
14:55
Speaker 1: were just, chatting and somebody else was there and they,
14:59
Speaker 1: SAID i heard you used to Be they didn't say,
15:03
Speaker 1: fat but they were, saying you, know like not in
15:06
Speaker 1: the shape you're in. Now AND i, said, well ask
15:09
Speaker 1: this bloke Because i've spoken before about being the fat
15:15
Speaker 1: gym owner and you, know like knowing what to do
15:18
Speaker 1: but not doing WHAT i know and telling and, Anyway
15:21
Speaker 1: niger was talking about WHEN i first met. You SO
15:25
Speaker 1: i was quite a high profile. TRAINER i owned multiple
15:28
Speaker 1: gyms at that, STAGE i owned. THREE i was writing
15:31
Speaker 1: for The Herald sun In, melbourne the. NEWSPAPER i was
15:34
Speaker 1: writing for. MAGAZINES i was working with elite athletes AND
15:38
Speaker 1: i was very strong AND i had lots of, muscle
15:40
Speaker 1: BUT i was also out of, shape LIKE i HAD
15:44
Speaker 1: i had lots of excess body, fat and we were
15:48
Speaker 1: just talking about, that and, Like i've always had this, tempestuous,
15:53
Speaker 1: tumultuous on, again off, again fucking love hate relationship with
15:59
Speaker 1: food and myself and my you, know my body image
16:04
Speaker 1: and body. Dysmorphia even WHEN i was in good, SHAPE
16:07
Speaker 1: i THOUGHT i. WASN'T i, know this sounds, pathetic and
16:10
Speaker 1: some people are, like oh my, GOD i get. IT
16:13
Speaker 1: i get. It BUT i, remember you, know looking at
16:18
Speaker 1: myself WHEN i was in like really good, shape WHEN
16:22
Speaker 1: i was, younger and THINKING i looked like. Shit and
16:26
Speaker 1: you know how so many people do. That you, know
16:29
Speaker 1: generally it's more women than, men but it also can
16:32
Speaker 1: be men, too. Obviously BUT i think for a long,
16:37
Speaker 1: time because BECAUSE i grew, up you, know being the
16:42
Speaker 1: fattest kid and all of that, STUFF i really sought
16:45
Speaker 1: approval from not being the fat. Kid AND i saw
16:50
Speaker 1: the consequence of me being the fat kid was not
16:53
Speaker 1: having a, girlfriend not belonging to, groups not being socially,
16:57
Speaker 1: connected not being highly regard, arded and so there were you,
17:04
Speaker 1: know in my. Mind, anyway by the, way nobody was
17:07
Speaker 1: actually really horrible to, me, RIGHT i, MEAN i did
17:10
Speaker 1: get picked glass for sporting. Teams but that's literally BECAUSE
17:13
Speaker 1: i was morbidly, obese AND i would not have been much, help,
17:17
Speaker 1: Right but in my mind there are always these, psychological,
17:22
Speaker 1: emotional and sociological, consequences all of these things THAT i equated, With,
17:27
Speaker 1: well this bad shit is happening because of HOW i.
17:30
Speaker 1: Look this bad shit is happening Because i'm. Fat this
17:33
Speaker 1: bad shit is happening because you, know my name is
17:36
Speaker 1: Literally jumbo at, school, Right so my fat body became my.
17:41
Speaker 1: Name and THEN i got in. Shape now this is
17:46
Speaker 1: this happens with a lot of. People Call SO i
17:48
Speaker 1: got in, shape and then all of a, sudden my
17:52
Speaker 1: social life opened. Up all of a. SUDDEN i got treated,
17:55
Speaker 1: better all of a. SUDDEN i wasn't. EXCLUDED i was
17:59
Speaker 1: included all of a, sudden you. Know and by the,
18:02
Speaker 1: way it didn't happen in three, minutes BUT i went
18:06
Speaker 1: from not being able to jog around the block to
18:08
Speaker 1: being one of the fittest kids in the school BECAUSE
18:11
Speaker 1: i trained like a. Maniac SO i got very, fit very,
18:14
Speaker 1: strong you, know and for somebody with limited athletic, ABILITY
18:19
Speaker 1: i became an okay. Athlete and then all of a,
18:22
Speaker 1: SUDDEN i was playing. FOOTBALL i was playing in the.
18:25
Speaker 1: SENIORS i was, playing you, know OR i was being
18:29
Speaker 1: picked in the WHATEVER i was in under, fourteen under sixteen.
18:32
Speaker 1: TEAMS i was being picked in the TEAM i wasn't you.
18:34
Speaker 1: Know and all of these great things in my mind
18:39
Speaker 1: happened in these teen. Years and so you have this
18:43
Speaker 1: correlation where you, go, oh WHEN i look like, that
18:47
Speaker 1: all these bad things. Happen WHEN i look like, this
18:50
Speaker 1: all these good things. Happen and so very MUCH i.
18:55
Speaker 1: Was my identity and my body were very much, intertwined
19:00
Speaker 1: AND i equated to the BETTER i, looked whatever that,
19:04
Speaker 1: meant the BETTER i get, treated the more LOVED i,
19:07
Speaker 1: am the more VALUED i, am the more POPULAR i,
19:09
Speaker 1: am the more DESIRED i, am the more all of these,
19:12
Speaker 1: things WHICH i know all come out of fear and
19:14
Speaker 1: insecurity and all of that. Stuff but, SORRY i know
19:19
Speaker 1: this is a very long.
19:19
Speaker 2: Answer it's good.
19:22
Speaker 1: For me That i'm going to. SAY i don't struggle
19:27
Speaker 1: with it. Today But i'm still going to, say while
19:32
Speaker 1: my priority is my health and my health, span, lifespan
19:42
Speaker 1: my immune, system my level of, function cutovascular, health physical, health,
19:46
Speaker 1: bundensity muscular, health all of those, things they're my. Priorities
19:51
Speaker 1: BUT i still care sometimes too much about HOW i.
19:54
Speaker 1: Look If i'm being, HONEST i don't want to say, that,
19:57
Speaker 1: Right but nothing like WHAT i used To. Like i'm
20:03
Speaker 1: well aware that you, Know i'm a sixty year Old
20:05
Speaker 1: blokou's in not bad. Shape you, KNOW i get. That
20:10
Speaker 1: But i'm way more interested In like that used to
20:15
Speaker 1: be my, Priority but these, Days i'm way more interested
20:17
Speaker 1: in training my brain than my, mind my brain than my.
20:21
Speaker 1: Body i'm more interested, in way more interested in WHO
20:24
Speaker 1: i am as a person rather than HOW i look
20:26
Speaker 1: as a. Person, yeah but it's really only WHEN i
20:34
Speaker 1: got through. THAT i don't THINK i got through that real, manic,
20:37
Speaker 1: obsessive almost, addictive BECAUSE i think people who are really
20:42
Speaker 1: down the rabbit hole with eating disorders and body dysmorphia
20:48
Speaker 1: and you, know that whole kind of, irrational emotional kind
20:51
Speaker 1: of behavior that goes on around, food hidden, behaviors, lying you,
20:56
Speaker 1: know all that stuff THAT i, did all of. That
21:00
Speaker 1: it's very similar to the behavior and the thinking of
21:05
Speaker 1: people who struggle with. Addiction because you're lying to yourself and.
21:09
Speaker 1: Others you're pretending that you're not doing all this shit
21:12
Speaker 1: that you're. Doing and when people are, watching you kind
21:16
Speaker 1: of behave a certain way when people are not, watching you.
21:19
Speaker 1: Know so for, ME i don't THINK i got through that,
21:23
Speaker 1: dark kind of, shitty addictive period TILL i was about thirty.
21:26
Speaker 1: Five SO i would Say i've, been you, know somewhere
21:29
Speaker 1: in the ballpark of much healthier and much more logical
21:32
Speaker 1: and reasonable for the last twenty five years or. So
21:36
Speaker 1: but you, KNOW i think all of us still NEED
21:39
Speaker 1: i don't Reckon there's many people THAT i know that
21:43
Speaker 1: at some stage are not a bit irrational about their,
21:48
Speaker 1: body even people that are super, smart you, know super.
21:53
Speaker 1: Qualified the amount of you, know men and women THAT
21:58
Speaker 1: i know That i've worked with who have an, obsessive
22:02
Speaker 1: unhealthy preoccupation with one their appearance and to what they
22:08
Speaker 1: think people think of their, appearance it's a huge number of.
22:12
Speaker 2: People huge put my hand up for, that, Absolutely and
22:17
Speaker 2: that's WHY i asked you that, question because it was
22:20
Speaker 2: something that was definitely going through my mind at the,
22:24
Speaker 2: time and that came from a journey of losing a
22:28
Speaker 2: fair bit of weight and then getting into the their
22:31
Speaker 2: headspace of oh my, GOD i can't let that go back.
22:34
Speaker 2: On mainly FROM i would say eighty percent from a health,
22:40
Speaker 2: perspective and then absolutely, honest honestly twenty percent from A
22:46
Speaker 2: i love fitting into all of the clothes THAT i
22:48
Speaker 2: really enjoy fitting.
22:50
Speaker 1: Into, now of, course how much weight do you will?
22:53
Speaker 1: Take did you lose.
22:56
Speaker 2: Ten?
22:56
Speaker 1: Kilos, yeah and you're not you're not a so that's
23:00
Speaker 1: quite like you're reasonably with love and kindness and. Respect
23:04
Speaker 1: you're kind of, little so that's quite a lot of. Weight.
23:07
Speaker 2: Yeah.
23:08
Speaker 1: Yeah but here's here's the other. Thing think about, THIS.
23:11
Speaker 1: Celp so we can simultaneously know two. Things we can know, that,
23:16
Speaker 1: hey all this Bullshit i'm doing with food and the
23:19
Speaker 1: successive exercise and the obsession with you, know buying a
23:23
Speaker 1: million clothes and all of, that we can simultaneously know
23:28
Speaker 1: that that's kind of unhealthy and toxic and. Disempowering and
23:32
Speaker 1: also know that, sadly, culturally the better you, look the
23:38
Speaker 1: better you get treated to a, point right for. Sure
23:42
Speaker 1: so there's all of these especially for, kids that's fucking.
23:45
Speaker 1: Terrifying if you're a gorgeous teenager or young person twenties even,
23:51
Speaker 1: thirties and you're online and you're, beautiful AND i mean
23:54
Speaker 1: men and, women you're a beautiful look and, dude a
23:56
Speaker 1: beautiful looking, lady and you're going to get lots of.
24:01
Speaker 1: Attention then all of a, sudden you're getting all of this.
24:03
Speaker 1: Dopamine you're getting all of this kind of brain candy
24:06
Speaker 1: because people are, Going oh my, god you're so, gorgeous
24:08
Speaker 1: you're so, gorgeous you're so, jacked you're so. Amazing oh
24:11
Speaker 1: look at you, girl so. Beautiful look at you, Dude
24:14
Speaker 1: you're oh. Wow, right and then this light's all run
24:16
Speaker 1: up like A christmas. Tree, well that's. Addictive that's, addictive.
24:20
Speaker 2: You know it.
24:21
Speaker 1: Is and you think, about like how many people have
24:26
Speaker 1: got An instagram, page and let's say there's two thousand
24:31
Speaker 1: images on their, page and one thousand of those images
24:35
Speaker 1: or of, them, yeah in some kind of, pose if
24:39
Speaker 1: not more LIKE i. Saw it doesn't. Matter somebody THAT
24:45
Speaker 1: i know and they Their instagram page come across like
24:50
Speaker 1: this PERSON i personally. Know i'll just say not male or,
24:53
Speaker 1: FEMALE i won't, say but there are. Pretty you, know
24:58
Speaker 1: they're a very attractive. Person nearly every, photo nearly every
25:03
Speaker 1: photo was of them. Posing i'm, like it does nothing
25:10
Speaker 1: when you look at your page and that's just like
25:12
Speaker 1: hundreds of pictures of your, Face like we know what
25:17
Speaker 1: you look. Like this one is like yesterday's, one it's
25:20
Speaker 1: like Last you don't have a new. Face we've seen.
25:23
Speaker 1: It and, yes you're amazing and you're beautiful or you're,
25:26
Speaker 1: handsome and yes you've got a good. Body BUT i
25:29
Speaker 1: think a thousand pictures of you is? Enough like, yeah
25:34
Speaker 1: like what drives? That like the? Psychology And i'm not
25:37
Speaker 1: trying to sound Like i'm being hateful or. Hurtful i'm definitely.
25:40
Speaker 1: Not i'm fascinated with how when you look at Your
25:44
Speaker 1: instagram page and there's hundreds of pictures of you and
25:47
Speaker 1: then you, Go i'm going to take another picture of me?
25:49
Speaker 1: Today like why.
25:53
Speaker 2: Why they're not looking at themselves though they're looking at
25:56
Speaker 2: the likes and the follows and potentially how you, know
25:59
Speaker 2: them making money out of? It so or maybe they
26:03
Speaker 2: are looking at. Themselves who, Knows maybe they are if
26:05
Speaker 2: they're posting that many.
26:06
Speaker 1: Selfies CAN i say that we've only done one? Question
26:10
Speaker 1: AND i blame?
26:10
Speaker 2: You, WELL i am during the book of the.
26:13
Speaker 1: Talking, no you're definitely. NOT i totally blame. Me all,
26:17
Speaker 1: right let's go question.
26:19
Speaker 2: Two question, two what's next after THE?
26:23
Speaker 1: PhD that is a good, question and this is Not
26:29
Speaker 1: i'm not even been. Funny what's after THE PhD within
26:32
Speaker 1: a month is a? Puppy, yes a. Puppy. FUCK i
26:37
Speaker 1: just need a puppy in my. LIFE i need some
26:42
Speaker 1: little cute thing just THAT i can love and can love.
26:46
Speaker 3: Me AND.
26:49
Speaker 1: I love. Dogs i've had three dogs in my life
26:53
Speaker 1: AND i haven't had a dog for quite a. While
26:56
Speaker 1: and last TIME i got a dog wasn't really my.
26:59
Speaker 1: Dog it WASN'T i didn't really think it. Through SO
27:01
Speaker 1: i applied for a blind a guide dog to, be you,
27:05
Speaker 1: know a kind of a, trainer and they live with
27:07
Speaker 1: you for about ten. Months and between WHEN i applied
27:12
Speaker 1: and when they rang me and went, hey we've got
27:14
Speaker 1: a puppy was a year and a. Half and my
27:16
Speaker 1: life was very different a year and a half, later
27:20
Speaker 1: AND i almost went no BECAUSE i was just traveling so,
27:25
Speaker 1: much you, know AND i should have said. No BUT
27:29
Speaker 1: i had the puppy for a few months AND i had.
27:31
Speaker 1: TO i had to take him back because with those
27:36
Speaker 1: guide dogs, anyway, yeah you need. To you need to
27:39
Speaker 1: spend most of your time with. Them and it was my.
27:42
Speaker 1: Dad he was fucking. BEAUTIFUL i loved, him and there
27:46
Speaker 1: was that there was LIKE i. Was so that year
27:49
Speaker 1: WHEN i got, HIM i did something like one hundred
27:51
Speaker 1: and thirty presentations WHERE i had to you, know a
27:55
Speaker 1: lot of them were into, state So i'm. Traveling THEN
27:57
Speaker 1: i need to get someone to mind, him and it's
27:58
Speaker 1: a nightmare AND i. CAN'T i couldn't give him WHAT
28:02
Speaker 1: i needed to give him or what he. Deserves so
28:06
Speaker 1: they found somebody, else which had a lot more time
28:09
Speaker 1: THAN i. Did but with my next, puppy that won't
28:13
Speaker 1: be the. Case So i'm going to get a, puppy
28:16
Speaker 1: AND i might DO i might do some kind of
28:21
Speaker 1: more casual or informal, research BUT i really need to more,
28:27
Speaker 1: IMPORTANTLY i really need to focus on the business for
28:32
Speaker 1: a year or two or, three Because i've really not neglected.
28:36
Speaker 1: It but you, know so LIKE i used to do
28:40
Speaker 1: somewhere between ten and fifteen like public events Around australia every,
28:46
Speaker 1: Year australia And New. Zealand i'm talking about open to
28:49
Speaker 1: the public. WORKSHOPS i hardly do any of those anymore
28:54
Speaker 1: just because of all the Stuff i'm, Doing So i'd
28:56
Speaker 1: like to do more of, those and, yeah just probably
29:02
Speaker 1: chill out.
29:02
Speaker 2: A little, Bit, yeah fair. Enough will it be a rescue. Puppy,
29:09
Speaker 2: yeah probably it'll LOOK i.
29:13
Speaker 4: LOVE i love labbies because IF i was a, Dog
29:17
Speaker 4: i'd be a labby BECAUSE i love food AND i
29:20
Speaker 4: like being cuddled and licking people and.
29:26
Speaker 1: Not really the last, one of, course and SO i love.
29:31
Speaker 1: LABBIES i Love Golden, retrievers BUT i Love i'm more
29:36
Speaker 1: a medium sized dog person than a LITTLE i like all, dogs,
29:40
Speaker 1: right there's not a dog THAT i don't, like but, yeah,
29:44
Speaker 1: probably BUT i Think i'll get a rescue. Dog AND
29:47
Speaker 1: i Think i'll just go with no real plan and
29:53
Speaker 1: just see WHO i fall in love.
29:55
Speaker 2: With that's. Exciting, yeah, Yeah so.
29:59
Speaker 1: That's that's my POST. PhD and that hopefully will. Happen,
30:09
Speaker 1: well all of my work will be handed in Before,
30:12
Speaker 1: christmas and then you, know you go back and forth
30:16
Speaker 1: with different you, know where you write something and then
30:21
Speaker 1: it gets reviewed and revised and then your supervisors send it.
30:25
Speaker 1: Back And i'm going back and forth at the moment
30:27
Speaker 1: with my literature, Review systematic Literature. Review another paper That
30:33
Speaker 1: i've written has been sent off for potential. Publication but
30:37
Speaker 1: you send something off to an academic journal and you
30:41
Speaker 1: basically sit on your hands until they say yes or,
30:43
Speaker 1: no which could be six, months and they could in
30:48
Speaker 1: six months just send you a two word or a
30:51
Speaker 1: two line email saying nah thanks. Anyway so there's a
30:54
Speaker 1: fair bit of, uncertainty but hopefully all of the work
30:57
Speaker 1: THAT i need to do will be done in the
30:59
Speaker 1: next few months and then, yeah with a little bit of,
31:03
Speaker 1: luck i'll be Doctor harps somewhere Around, Christmas New year
31:08
Speaker 1: or a bit. BEYOND i don't. Know we'll see what. Happens. Fantastic, yeah,
31:12
Speaker 1: yeah all, right too, down it's free to. Go i'll
31:15
Speaker 1: see IF i can speed it up a little.
31:17
Speaker 2: Bit all, right let's. Go you have the opportunity to
31:21
Speaker 2: interview anyone dead or. Alive who is it and? Why?
31:26
Speaker 1: Yeah this IS i, MEAN i don't, know LIKE i really, like,
31:30
Speaker 1: UH i actually read this. QUESTION i THOUGHT i need
31:34
Speaker 1: to think about this because, like there are so many
31:37
Speaker 1: like modern day people THAT i WOULD i would like
31:40
Speaker 1: to chat with that other people go what the fuck
31:42
Speaker 1: is wrong with? You Like i'd love to chat With Ricky.
31:45
Speaker 1: Gervais oh, GREAT i know he polarizes, people BUT i
31:49
Speaker 1: FUCKING i think he's all. Right Joe, rogan same polarizes.
31:54
Speaker 1: PEOPLE i get. It, uh you, know like Mother. Teresa
32:03
Speaker 1: BUT i MEAN i grew up my. Mum my mum's
32:07
Speaker 1: like More catholic than the. Pope, Right SO i grew
32:09
Speaker 1: up with all of these saints in my kind of.
32:12
Speaker 1: Life but IF i can't give you, One BUT i,
32:17
Speaker 1: mean OBVIOUSLY i don't know how we'd go on a.
32:21
Speaker 1: Podcast But jesus would be. Good he'd be good to chat.
32:24
Speaker 2: To he, would you, KNOW.
32:29
Speaker 1: I wouldn't mind interviewing Sid Arthur. Gutwama do you know
32:34
Speaker 1: who he?
32:34
Speaker 2: IS i don't The, Buddha, OKAY.
32:39
Speaker 1: I wouldn't mind chatting with The. Buddha he was around
32:42
Speaker 1: about half a millennium Before. Jesus he was around five
32:48
Speaker 1: one HUNDRED bc or something like. That. Uh Marcus, Aurelius
32:56
Speaker 1: he's like my favorite stoic because he was actually like
33:04
Speaker 1: an emperor slash king slash Philosopher roman. Emperor he wrote
33:09
Speaker 1: a very famous book Called, meditations which was he wrote
33:13
Speaker 1: that as like a private journal of reflection to, himself
33:18
Speaker 1: and then people got a hold of it and it got,
33:20
Speaker 1: out and he was like this rare example of immense
33:25
Speaker 1: power combined with absolute humility and self reflection and. Restraint
33:32
Speaker 1: so he lived a really like he was really a
33:38
Speaker 1: person who lived of service in, service despite the fact
33:42
Speaker 1: that he could have had and done anything he, wanted
33:45
Speaker 1: so he lived a stoic life under. Pressure so any
33:50
Speaker 1: of those and also for obvious. REASONS i, MEAN i
33:53
Speaker 1: would love to chat With. OPRAH i find PEOPLE i
33:57
Speaker 1: don't love everything About, oprah BUT i like a lot about,
34:00
Speaker 1: her AND i, think you, know it's like all of
34:04
Speaker 1: those people, like, yeah there's there's pros and, cons But
34:07
Speaker 1: oprah has done some amazing shit and for you, know
34:11
Speaker 1: when you hear her, backstory and, YEAH i just think
34:14
Speaker 1: she'd Be But i'd like to get through the public
34:18
Speaker 1: super Polished, oprah you, know like she's so, polished she's
34:23
Speaker 1: so good at, television she's so good at being in
34:26
Speaker 1: front of the. Camera i'd love to just fucking mess
34:29
Speaker 1: her hair up a little bit and just just hang
34:32
Speaker 1: out with, her you, know, no no, Cameras, NO i,
34:37
Speaker 1: MEAN i know you can't really do that in an,
34:39
Speaker 1: interview but, yeah i'd like. To i'd like to interview
34:43
Speaker 1: The oprah behind the, camera behind the, mic behind the.
34:47
Speaker 1: Persona i'd love to chat to that.
34:49
Speaker 2: One, YEAH i imagine what that what that real version
34:56
Speaker 2: of her is, like and it's hard to imagine, also
35:01
Speaker 2: given that she has been in the public eye for
35:03
Speaker 2: so long and she has got this distinct persona where everything's,
35:08
Speaker 2: happy everything's. Great sometimes she'll ask those probing. QUESTIONS i
35:12
Speaker 2: wonder has that begun to blend and if there is
35:17
Speaker 2: a real version of her that's just at home with
35:19
Speaker 2: her feed up and you, know a cup of, tea
35:22
Speaker 2: binging On, netflix.
35:24
Speaker 1: Yes, interesting eating some chocolate and patting a. Dog. Yeah,
35:29
Speaker 1: Look and that's no. DISRESPECT i, mean she's a fucking.
35:31
Speaker 1: Weapon she's. Incredible like her, success what she's, done it's. Amazing,
35:37
Speaker 1: Absolutely BUT i feel like that version of her everyone's,
35:41
Speaker 1: met you. Know and it's not to say that's disingenuous at.
35:45
Speaker 1: ALL i think she's an incredibly gifted. Communicator BUT i
35:50
Speaker 1: don't want to talk to that version of. HER i
35:52
Speaker 1: want to talk to the, barefoot no, makeup messy, hair you,
35:56
Speaker 1: know feels a bit full from. DINNER i want to
35:59
Speaker 1: talk to that, version you. KNOW i want to talk
36:02
Speaker 1: to that could be a little bit grumpy in the,
36:04
Speaker 1: interview you, know that, one you. Know but, anyway so
36:08
Speaker 1: that's my answer question for kel question.
36:12
Speaker 2: Four, okay what is something like one thing in the
36:17
Speaker 2: course of your. PhD that has absolutely surprised.
36:20
Speaker 1: You, YEAH i, think and this surprises a lot of.
36:27
Speaker 1: People so keeping in mind That i'm doing a PhD in, psychology,
36:31
Speaker 1: Right but what people don't really get is that you're
36:37
Speaker 1: it's like you're. Researching it's like you're researching a drop
36:43
Speaker 1: of water in a thousand oceans of what there is
36:47
Speaker 1: to know about human behavior and people and. Psychology so
36:52
Speaker 1: when you do you, know like when you do an
36:55
Speaker 1: undergrad in, psychology you're learning broadly about human behavior in
36:59
Speaker 1: different styles of you, know profiling personalities and all of
37:02
Speaker 1: these myriad of, things says the bloke who's never done
37:05
Speaker 1: an undergrad in, Psychology, Right but when when you do
37:09
Speaker 1: a research based PhD in psych like, me you design
37:17
Speaker 1: and implement and create and execute all of your own,
37:21
Speaker 1: research and you are examining one very very very specific,
37:27
Speaker 1: thing and you are trying to basically fill a hole
37:32
Speaker 1: or a gap in the. Science and so even though
37:37
Speaker 1: you Know i'll come out with a doctorate in, psychology you,
37:41
Speaker 1: know it's, like, oh he's got a PhD in human.
37:43
Speaker 1: Psychology it's, like, yeah but of all the things that
37:47
Speaker 1: fall under the banner of, Psychology i'm not studying almost
37:52
Speaker 1: all of, them do you know WHAT i? Mean and
37:55
Speaker 1: so when it comes, to you, know my very specific
38:00
Speaker 1: topic of meta, accuracy which is understanding how people see me,
38:05
Speaker 1: you understanding how people see, you you, know and that
38:08
Speaker 1: my hierarchy of thought That i've said many, times mentioned
38:12
Speaker 1: many times on, here which is, metacognition which is thinking about.
38:15
Speaker 1: Thinking and then the next one up is theory of.
38:18
Speaker 1: Mind as we're climbing the cognitive, pyramid the next one
38:22
Speaker 1: is theory of, mind which is thinking about or having
38:24
Speaker 1: an insight into how other people. Think and then the
38:28
Speaker 1: next one, up which is my area of, research which
38:31
Speaker 1: is meta, accuracy which is understanding how people see, you
38:34
Speaker 1: think about, you perceive, you experience. You and at the
38:38
Speaker 1: top of that is really my research, focus which is,
38:40
Speaker 1: metaaccuracy which is understanding how good you are at that right.
38:45
Speaker 1: Now this is an incredibly specific, construct a very, specific
38:52
Speaker 1: finite area of. Research and so then you go into
38:56
Speaker 1: that space and you look at all the others search
39:00
Speaker 1: that's been done in that, area and you, you you,
39:04
Speaker 1: know you try to build on, that you try to develop,
39:06
Speaker 1: that and you try to find gaps in. That so
39:10
Speaker 1: my long winded answer is What i've learned a lot
39:14
Speaker 1: is how to do research at a high. Level but
39:19
Speaker 1: HAVE i? DO i know a huge amount more broadly
39:24
Speaker 1: speaking about human behavior than five and a half years
39:27
Speaker 1: ago WHEN i. Started, No, No. No in, fact most
39:32
Speaker 1: of my understanding of how people work and think and
39:35
Speaker 1: behave and act and react and do life and do,
39:37
Speaker 1: relationships most of that is really just from paying attention
39:42
Speaker 1: for forty. Years, yeah you, know so a PhD teaches
39:47
Speaker 1: you the kind of PhD i'm, doing teaches you how
39:51
Speaker 1: to do high level.
39:52
Speaker 2: Research it's almost very full. Circle given your answer before
40:00
Speaker 2: about how you were the fat kid who then realized
40:04
Speaker 2: that you, know once you lost that, weight that people
40:07
Speaker 2: had this different perception of you because you looked. Better
40:10
Speaker 2: that you then are now studying what it is to
40:15
Speaker 2: understand how people think about, you and how accurately you
40:20
Speaker 2: understand what people think about, you given where you come.
40:24
Speaker 1: From, well that is that is very fucking, Insightful Kelly,
40:28
Speaker 1: Smith BECAUSE i was the person who used to worry
40:33
Speaker 1: a lot about what people thought of him and HOW
40:37
Speaker 1: i was perceived by others and whether or not they
40:40
Speaker 1: liked me or wanted to connect with, me OR i don't,
40:44
Speaker 1: know THOUGHT i was a, dickhead or THOUGHT i was
40:46
Speaker 1: a good, guy or so BECAUSE i was widely insecure
40:51
Speaker 1: and fearful and you know all the other. Stuff, YEAH
40:55
Speaker 1: i worried a lot about. That and it is very
40:58
Speaker 1: interesting that all these years, Later i'm now, doing you,
41:02
Speaker 1: know high level research in understanding how people actually see,
41:05
Speaker 1: me understanding that kind of metacognitive sorry that met a
41:12
Speaker 1: perceptive kind of skill or. Trait but also that is
41:20
Speaker 1: true what you're, saying and maybe that was the genesis
41:23
Speaker 1: for my. Curiosity but ALSO i truly believe. THIS i
41:29
Speaker 1: believe that being able to one understand how others, think
41:34
Speaker 1: which most people don't think about. MUCH i, mean really think,
41:37
Speaker 1: about what is it like being Inside kelly's? Mind IF
41:41
Speaker 1: i looked at the world Through kelly's, window what AM
41:44
Speaker 1: i seeing right? Now what Is kelly? Feeling how Is
41:48
Speaker 1: kelly on this podcast in this, Moment and then for
41:52
Speaker 1: me to have some insight and some awareness and some
41:54
Speaker 1: understanding of that for you and me in real, time
41:59
Speaker 1: knowing THAT i am not having probably anything like the
42:03
Speaker 1: experience you are currently, having despite the fact that we're
42:07
Speaker 1: both kind of doing the same, Thing we're both on
42:10
Speaker 1: the you project at six point fifty one On wednesday,
42:15
Speaker 1: night and we're both talking on zoom and we're both
42:18
Speaker 1: doing a version of the exact same. Thing and then you,
42:23
Speaker 1: know being able to in real time understand That kelly's
42:26
Speaker 1: not in my, Reality i'm not In kelly's, reality and
42:29
Speaker 1: also then to have enough curiosity and empathy and hopefully
42:34
Speaker 1: awareness to try to at least be curious about interested
42:38
Speaker 1: in understanding how you're going right, now what you're thinking right,
42:44
Speaker 1: now what you're feeling right. Now because IF, i or
42:49
Speaker 1: anyone in real, TIME i can understand the individual reality
42:53
Speaker 1: of the person in front of, ME i can understand
42:57
Speaker 1: to an extent how they see the, world or how
42:59
Speaker 1: they see that, conversation or how they see, themselves or
43:02
Speaker 1: how they see. Me in other, WORDS i can tap
43:05
Speaker 1: into what they're currently, thinking, feeling or experiencing to some.
43:10
Speaker 1: Extent THEN i open a door of connection and rapport
43:13
Speaker 1: and trust and engagement THAT i can't open without that.
43:19
Speaker 1: Knowledge right If i've got no idea how you, Think
43:23
Speaker 1: If i've got no idea of What kelly's, about or
43:27
Speaker 1: what drives her or motivates her or scares her or excites,
43:31
Speaker 1: her If i've got no, idea Then i'm you, know
43:34
Speaker 1: in terms of, Socialization i'm just guessing in a conversation.
43:40
Speaker 2: And probably still worrying about what people think about, you.
43:43
Speaker 1: Right, yeah. Yeah and you, know there's a Concept i've
43:47
Speaker 1: spoken about probably ten times called the false consensus. Effect
43:51
Speaker 1: you've heard me say. That do you remember what it?
43:53
Speaker 3: IS i, don't, Right the false consensus effect is just
44:00
Speaker 3: the fact that we think that other people think like.
44:03
Speaker 1: Us we automatically assume. That so we automatically, assume for,
44:09
Speaker 1: example That i'm saying something to you and my intention is,
44:12
Speaker 1: Good so Therefore kelly's experience of WHAT i said will be.
44:16
Speaker 1: Good So i'm assuming you think like, me Whereas kelly
44:22
Speaker 1: might be thinking totally. Different So kelly's experience of my good,
44:26
Speaker 1: Intention kelly's experience is, bad, Yep BECAUSE i, said, hey
44:32
Speaker 1: da da da da, da which was meant to be,
44:34
Speaker 1: whatever some positive feedback or, something and for, you the
44:40
Speaker 1: experience is unwanted, feedback it's, judgment it's somehow for, you
44:44
Speaker 1: it was, criticism or it was some kind of you,
44:48
Speaker 1: know whatever from me that you didn't, want didn't, need didn't,
44:51
Speaker 1: expect didn't. Enjoy And i'm over here In, craigland assuming
44:57
Speaker 1: That kelly's In, craigland all good bet at, eight you,
45:04
Speaker 1: know and THAT i think being able to understand how
45:07
Speaker 1: other people, think And i've said this many, times not
45:10
Speaker 1: agree with, them not align with, them but understand how
45:13
Speaker 1: other people think is a fucking interpersonal. Superpower if you're
45:21
Speaker 1: in a position of, teaching, coaching, leading managing people and
45:24
Speaker 1: you're not interested in how your people, THINK i was
45:29
Speaker 1: going to, say you're a fucking. Idiot that's a bit.
45:30
Speaker 1: HARSH i won't say, that But i'll just say you
45:33
Speaker 1: should probably get.
45:34
Speaker 2: Interested, yeah or maybe you're in the wrong. Job.
45:39
Speaker 1: WELL i Mean i've literally Had i've said to leaders
45:45
Speaker 1: cow When i've gone into, companies what do you think
45:50
Speaker 1: it's like being around you for your? Team And i've,
45:54
Speaker 1: had admittedly mostly men SAY i don't. CARE i don't
46:00
Speaker 1: care if they like it or. Not they're here to
46:02
Speaker 1: do a. Job i'm not their. Friend i'm not trying
46:04
Speaker 1: to be their. Friend i've got a, job they've got a,
46:07
Speaker 1: job And i'm, like you're the dumbest motherfucker. Ever you,
46:12
Speaker 1: know if you don't understand the importance of, connection, communication,
46:15
Speaker 1: culture you, know valuing people like even, if, firstly don't
46:20
Speaker 1: do it this, way but even if you're just doing
46:23
Speaker 1: it because it's good for, business we'll fucking do, it you,
46:27
Speaker 1: know like the THE i mean not many, times but
46:31
Speaker 1: probably five times over the. Years and usually it's you,
46:35
Speaker 1: know somebody who's you, know close to the narcissistic end
46:41
Speaker 1: of the old, scale you, know the, sociopathic, narcissistic ego.
46:46
Speaker 1: Maniacal it's my way of the. Highway but also that
46:52
Speaker 1: for whatever, reason quite a lot of those people end
46:55
Speaker 1: up in positions of.
46:56
Speaker 2: Leadership, absolutely and they are delightful, though aren't. They but
47:05
Speaker 2: enough about?
47:06
Speaker 1: Me what do you think about? Me a bit of?
47:08
Speaker 2: That? Absolutely, yeah the best leader That i've, had she
47:13
Speaker 2: said to, me if EVER i had the opportunity to
47:17
Speaker 2: lead a team of, people she, Said, look majority of
47:20
Speaker 2: people can do the, job but they can learn the
47:22
Speaker 2: skills to do the work that is. Required what you
47:25
Speaker 2: need to do is get to know them as a human.
47:27
Speaker 2: Being so that, is go for a coffee with, them
47:30
Speaker 2: go for a walk with, them see what it is
47:33
Speaker 2: that makes them tick outside of. Work if you get that,
47:36
Speaker 2: downpat then the actual skills of the, job no.
47:41
Speaker 1: Worries, yeah one d per AND i know it's really
47:44
Speaker 1: basic and. Fundamental but if the people that work with,
47:48
Speaker 1: you alongside, you for, you under, you above, whatever if
47:52
Speaker 1: they like. YOU i know this is real, basic but
47:55
Speaker 1: if they like, you guess what they're going to enjoy
47:58
Speaker 1: working with.
47:59
Speaker 2: You like?
48:00
Speaker 1: You you don't have to be their best. Friend but
48:02
Speaker 1: don't be an. Asshole that should be like fucking rule.
48:06
Speaker 1: One don't be an. Asshole, yeah we know you. Clever
48:09
Speaker 1: we know you've got a fucking master's in. Business da
48:11
Speaker 1: da da. Da we know that you used to work
48:13
Speaker 1: at that. Company we know you're on five hundred grand a.
48:16
Speaker 1: Year well, done. Champ don't be an.
48:17
Speaker 2: Asshole, Absolutely, look this is something That i've been talking
48:21
Speaker 2: about with a friend and we used to kind of,
48:24
Speaker 2: say you, know just come, in be, nice it's all that's.
48:27
Speaker 2: Required but even, that now it's literally just don't be an.
48:31
Speaker 2: Asshole totally.
48:35
Speaker 1: Understand we're on the same. Page all, right home? Straight
48:39
Speaker 1: what have we?
48:39
Speaker 2: Got home? Straight this is very. Philosophical for the last,
48:43
Speaker 2: question oh, yeah it's sad and.
48:47
Speaker 1: Reflective this.
48:47
Speaker 2: Question, YEAH i thought it was quite quite, deep which
48:53
Speaker 2: is WHY i included. It, so if you died, tomorrow
49:00
Speaker 2: what is the one thing you want people to remember you.
49:03
Speaker 1: For, YEAH i don't. KNOW i, mean like some of
49:10
Speaker 1: the like sometimes you, know when your answer is it's
49:13
Speaker 1: not it's not, exciting it's not an impressive, answer but
49:16
Speaker 1: it's the. Answer like sometimes with these, QUESTIONS i feel,
49:21
Speaker 1: like And i'm not going to but OH i need
49:25
Speaker 1: to say something like fucking mesmerizing and people, go oh my,
49:27
Speaker 1: god that was so. Profound kelly asked him, this and
49:30
Speaker 1: he went that and fucking let's write that. DOWN a
49:35
Speaker 1: good one would be he wasn't an. Asshole yeah that
49:40
Speaker 1: on my termstone wasn't an asshole in. Brackets, MOSTLY i
49:47
Speaker 1: MEAN i would like people, to you, know remember. That, like,
49:51
Speaker 1: honestly this is going to sound not in A i
49:58
Speaker 1: don't really. CARE i, MEAN i care about what people
50:02
Speaker 1: think of me When i'm, gone but Like i'm going
50:04
Speaker 1: to be, GONE i care more about the impact that
50:07
Speaker 1: the ongoing impact THAT i might have in their lives
50:11
Speaker 1: as a result of them being you, know connected to
50:14
Speaker 1: me in some. WAY i GUESS i would want people
50:18
Speaker 1: to remember me for being a good student and. Teacher like,
50:24
Speaker 1: no somebody who wasn't you, know super, gifted talented or,
50:29
Speaker 1: special but did the best with what he, had somebody
50:35
Speaker 1: who was you, know, flawed but spent his life trying
50:38
Speaker 1: to be better than he's, bullshit you know that kind of.
50:42
Speaker 1: STUFF i GUESS i don't and this Is i'm not
50:46
Speaker 1: fishing here at. All BUT i think my listeners know.
50:48
Speaker 1: This LIKE i don't have an overwhelming opinion of myself at.
50:53
Speaker 1: All and.
50:57
Speaker 2: You, know.
50:59
Speaker 1: When people, are you, know critical of, me which they
51:03
Speaker 1: have every right to, be it's LIKE i feel like, going, Hey,
51:07
Speaker 1: champ get in the, Queue like you could not be
51:11
Speaker 1: more critical of me THAN i am of. Me so
51:14
Speaker 1: BUT i hope people THINK i was a good. GUY
51:17
Speaker 1: i had good. Intentions for the most, PART i did
51:19
Speaker 1: good THINGS i. Had MAYBE i left a little bit
51:21
Speaker 1: of an impact and maybe that'll trickle. Down but you,
51:28
Speaker 1: Know i'm also what's the, WORD i don't know what
51:31
Speaker 1: is the? Word there's a, word it's not coming to.
51:33
Speaker 1: Mind but you, know there's eight billion people in the.
51:36
Speaker 1: World we've been around for three hundred thousand. Years nobody's
51:40
Speaker 1: going to miss. Me there's about six people who'll be
51:44
Speaker 1: sad till Fucking, THURSDAY, avo and then that's. It i'm
51:48
Speaker 1: very practical and realistic like.
51:49
Speaker 2: THAT i think you might be wrong, there but it
51:53
Speaker 2: is such a lovely thing to want for people to
51:59
Speaker 2: like for you to still have that, Impact and it's
52:02
Speaker 2: probably something that you're not even aware of that you
52:05
Speaker 2: have that impact even when people aren't engaging with what
52:08
Speaker 2: it is that you do on a daily, Basis like
52:10
Speaker 2: they might have seen a, whiteboard you, know on a scroll,
52:14
Speaker 2: session or they might, have you, know listened to a
52:16
Speaker 2: podcast here or. There, YEAH i think you might be.
52:20
Speaker 1: Surprised well, maybe but don't tell me that Or i'll
52:24
Speaker 1: get a fat head and Well i'll be in. Trouble, hey,
52:29
Speaker 1: kel you. SURVIVED i. Survived my ear still, blocked BUT
52:31
Speaker 1: i think for a bloke with a blocked, EAR i
52:34
Speaker 1: actually did all. Right it's not OFTEN i give myself a.
52:36
Speaker 1: Wrap thank you so much for doing, This thanks for
52:40
Speaker 1: putting up your. Hand how have you enjoyed?
52:43
Speaker 2: It it's been. Amazing I'VE i really loved. It i've
52:49
Speaker 2: felt very very selfish That i've been able to ask
52:54
Speaker 2: all of these questions of, you like completely, uninterrupted like
52:57
Speaker 2: so not at a conference and you, know battling with
53:00
Speaker 2: other people WHERE i would not have put my hand
53:02
Speaker 2: up IF i had to stand up in the. Crowd
53:04
Speaker 2: that is not. Me so to be able to HAVE i,
53:09
Speaker 2: guess you, know a free go at asking WHAT i.
53:12
Speaker 2: Wanted it's been really really fun and certainly dragged me
53:17
Speaker 2: out of my comfort, zone which is.
53:19
Speaker 1: Great, well you're definitely. NOT i, MEAN i Think i'm
53:23
Speaker 1: right WHEN i say you're not an, extrovert right close
53:26
Speaker 1: to the introvert end of the. Scale i'm actually surprised
53:31
Speaker 1: that you And i'm grateful And i'm. Glad it's LIKE
53:36
Speaker 1: i think it's you, know it's encouraging for others because
53:41
Speaker 1: you're not naturally the, loud attention seeking. Extroverty like if,
53:48
Speaker 1: anything WHEN i used to see you at the gym years,
53:51
Speaker 1: Ago i'm, like that girl is painfully. Shy, Yes AND
53:57
Speaker 1: i tried not to be the big, intimiday you, know
54:02
Speaker 1: and SO i was conscious about not overwhelming you but
54:07
Speaker 1: also being you, know hopefully whatever it was that would
54:13
Speaker 1: make you feel comfortable interacting with me for twenty seconds
54:17
Speaker 1: or three minutes at the, gym you, know because you're again, like,
54:23
Speaker 1: yeah we're very, different but, yeah you did a good.
54:26
Speaker 1: Job did you learn?
54:27
Speaker 2: Anything like absolutely, ABSOLUTELY i learned a lot more about,
54:33
Speaker 2: you and you, know it's it's very different asking the
54:40
Speaker 2: questions and listening to particularly like some of the things
54:45
Speaker 2: when you, KNOW i thought WHEN i asked, you what would,
54:48
Speaker 2: be you, know the one exercise you could, do and
54:49
Speaker 2: then you came up with. Surfing that's it's still just
54:51
Speaker 2: stuck in my. Mind, yeah there's been a lot That i've.
54:56
Speaker 2: Learned the more in depth information that you were talking
55:01
Speaker 2: about tonight with what you've learned from your, PhD, like
55:04
Speaker 2: that's all very, exciting AND i hope that once you're,
55:07
Speaker 2: done you share that in a way that is easy
55:10
Speaker 2: for you, know the everyday listener to digest because it's incredibly.
55:14
Speaker 2: FASCINATING i didn't realize that you'd want to interview a Barefoot.
55:19
Speaker 2: Oprah that was. Surprising BUT i can picture, it can
55:24
Speaker 2: absolutely picture.
55:25
Speaker 1: It, barefoot messy, hair no, makeup just had.
55:29
Speaker 2: Dinner, yeah slightly, Grumpy.
55:31
Speaker 1: Yeah a little bit.
55:32
Speaker 2: Grumpy, Yeah, YEAH i can imagine. IT i can imagine.
55:35
Speaker 2: It and if anyone could Get oprah to drop AN f,
55:38
Speaker 2: bomb it's going to be, You so for, sure that.
55:41
Speaker 1: Would that would be. Mandatory how you've done. GREAT i appreciate.
55:45
Speaker 1: YOU i will see you at the. Gym we'll say
55:48
Speaker 1: goodbye our Fair but for the, Minute, kel thank you
55:50
Speaker 1: so much for being on The you project and taken
55:54
Speaker 1: me for a test. Drive you did a good.
55:55
Speaker 2: Job thanks it's been fun