Latest / The Uncommons / I Survived a War Zone in Afghanistan at 21 (The Story of How I Found Faith Again) | Ep 26

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I Survived a War Zone in Afghanistan at 21 (The Story of How I Found Faith Again) | Ep 26 · The Uncommons

• Parisa Bady: I came to the US with only 150 bucks in my pocket, not knowing anybody here. I was only 21. I was in the middle of a war zone in Afghanistan. The next day, the hotel that we initially were going to stay at gets bombed and completely destroyed. He puts his hand in his pocket. He takes out 2,000 US dollars and gives it to me. It's pre-cancer, but it's progressing fast. And I need you to have a surgery within the next week. Every time I'm scared, I look back at this story and I'm like, if that worked out, I'm good. Hi, welcome to the Partnership Project where we discuss what it really takes to build a meaningful life. I'm Parisa, and today I'm going to do a solo episode. My beloved husband was supposed to be here, but He had a very important meeting and he called into it. So it's me today. And I think it's very appropriate because I want to tell you a story of how I came to the US with only 150 bucks in my pocket, not knowing anybody here. I was only 21. I was in the middle of a war zone in Afghanistan. I mean, the wildest thing that now when I look back, I'm like Wow. What was I thinking, first of all? How did it all plan out? And how did I get here without having a single clue of what to do when I get to the US? Where to stay? I didn't know anybody here. I did not have any money for a hotel night, more than one night. And I was coming here for school. So now that I look back, It sounds very interesting, but it also sounds scary. It sounds like like the movies. And I want to tell you this story because I feel that it shaped me a lot. And when I want to have a proof that things will work out, every time I'm scared, I look back at this story and I'm like, if that worked out, I'm good. It will be fine. Things will work out. And it really gives me this confidence that it was a miracle what happened. And it gives me confidence that miracles can happen. And they do happen. You might know this already, but I'm Iranian. I grew up in Iran. I went to college in Iran. When I was 21, I decided that I want to move to the US. It was a difficult situation because we don't have a US embassy in Iran. So we had to go to other countries to acquire student visa. I was coming here to go to grad school. I applied for different colleges all around the world. I got admissions from I think five or six different universities for masters in engineering. And I picked one in Texas out of every college that I could have gone to because it would allow me to work as a research assistant and I would earn some money because of that. I wouldn't have to pay out of state tuition. I could pay in-state tuition, which at the time was a lot of money, paying out-of-state tuition for somebody who's converting money from Iranian money to dollar, US dollar. I mean, it was huge. And my mom was a single mom and she was supporting me, so I wanted to have the least amount of burden on her. I picked Texas and I picked the country that's most difficult to obtain a visa. From. So I had to go to another country to gain my visa. And I got my admission for that university so late that the next semester would start in a month and a half. And I would need an appointment with a US Embassy within a week. I tried everywhere, around in the vicinity of Iran, in Dubai, in Armenia, in Turkey. But there was one place. And the only place that would give me a visa appointment, visa interview appointment, within a week, and that was Afghanistan, because they had just opened the UN's embassy there and it wasn't as busy. So I decided it was an amazing idea to go to Afghanistan. And this is 2011. Still in the middle of the war zone, still military all over the streets. I decided it was a good idea to go there. So I took a trip with my uncle. And with a friend, we went to the US Embassy, we did the interview. It felt very unsafe and very scary, because you would see all these tanks, military tanks, and soldiers on top of them with their machine guns going around on the streets, and it was it felt somet terrifying, something that I'd never seen in my life. I came back to Iran and waited for my visa to be ready for pickup. I waited. And waited and waited. It felt like eternity. And I kept calling them. I kept emailing them. I need to go. My school has started. I need to be there. And they would be like, ⁓ if your visa was ready, we would let you know. Lo and behold, my friend that we went together to US Embassy got an email from them that her visa is ready. And I'm like, you know what? Screw you guys. I'm going there. I need my visa. So without even knowing that my visa is ready or not, I book a trip. And I go overnight, I pack a backpack to go there and get hopefully my visa and come back with all my luggage ready, all my stuff packed to move to the US because a few days later would be census date, which is a cutoff date for registration for that semester. And the US Embassy in Kabul in Afghanistan at that time wasn't open every day. So I had one day to be there to get. Get my visa, come back, and two days later get on a flight that I had already booked to land in Texas. There was no airplane ticket to get to Kabul on that day. So I thought it's a great idea to drive. And I hired a driver and drove from my hometown in Iran to Afghanistan, a city called Harat. Now, between Harat and Kabul in Afghanistan. There's a lot of shitty shit happening. There's a lot of decapitating. The Taliban is going nuts. We get to Harat. Now I gotta figure out a way to get from that town to Kabul. It feels like the movies because I remember the images of sitting in that car, driving across the border, driving in between all these trucks and like passing the border and going through areas that are deemed to be unsafe really for a woman especially to go through. So we go there. Me, my friend and my uncle. We get to Harat, very unsafe. We go to this hotel to stay at for the night. So the next day we can figure out how to get to Kabul, which that day is the last day I can pick up my visa and that's it. We s we go to this big hotel. We look at it. We see a bunch of military people in front of it and we look at each other. We're like Maybe we shouldn't stay here. It feels so scary. So we go find a little motel in the basement of a building and we stay there. The next day, the hotel that we initially were going to stay at gets bombed and completely destroyed. And we're like, thank God, we went to this shitty motel. We stay there. That night my uncle goes to a travel agency and he's like, We need to be in front of ⁓ US Embassy in Kabul tomorrow morning. Any way you can get us there, they're like, it's unsafe, you cannot go by land, you're gonna die. The only way is to fly, and there are no flights. So he pays some people and they give us tickets, airplane tickets, only two. They didn't have one for my uncle, so it's only me and my friend. And we're two girls, obviously. The names on the ticket says Muhammad Afghan and Abdullah Afghan. These are male names. We look at it, we're like. How are we gonna get on the plane? It's not even our names. So we're like, fuck it. What else do we have to do? We have to go there. There's no other way. We show up in the airport the next morning. The guy who sold us the tickets, he's like, don't worry, I'll be there, I'll figure it out for you. He shows up, thankfully, like half an hour late. We're like freaking out. He shows up there. The airport is literally, there's no pavement. Okay. Just so if you have never been to a third world country. I am from Iran, which is a third world country. I have never seen anything like this. It's there's no pavement, it's all dirt. Your luggage is there's nowhere to scan a luggage. They open it, they go through your stuff, and they close the luggage and they're like, Okay, you can go. And then they threw it in this luggage carrier and throw it in the back of a truck to take it to the airplane. So we go through that. The guy really pulls a trick and gets us on the airplane. We actually get on airplane with the tickets that are not in our name. We land in Kabul, we go take a taxi, go straight from the airport to the US Embassy because they would be open only for two more hours to get our visa so we can go back the next day and take a flight with our luggage and everything to the US. We show up in front of US Embassy and they say it's closed. We're like, excuse me? They're like, yeah, we had to close the embassy. We're like, why? They're like, well, there was a threat. We're like, we talked to you yesterday on the phone. We killed ourselves to get here. My friend starts crying. She cries for I think at least like two hours. We stand there, we're like, please, just we need to get. No matter what we do, they don't let us in. Rightfully, because the next day we find out there was bombing in the US Embassy and they had to like figure that out and it was attack. So we go and find a hotel that the last time around, when we went to do the visa interview, we stayed at that hotel. So we go there, we stay there. The little money we had, we spend on the hotel. I think at the end of it we had like a hundred bucks left or something like that. This was a Thursday. They're like the next day US Embassies open is on Sunday. Monday is census date. My flight from Iran to the US is that Saturday, which obviously is gonna be missed. We're like, we're here, we wait three more days, see what happens. There's shooting on the streets, we hear the the things going off, and it's just it's literally a war zone. And we're staying in this hotel. I don't know how I was so brave. Honestly, when I look back, I'm like, Was I scared? Probably not. I don't remember. I remember it was kind of weird and sketchy. I don't remember shaking and shivering from fear. Anyways, we wait. We call the school, we tell ⁓ we won't make it to this semester. Please help us defer to the next one and help us keep our registration, keep our admission for the next semester. And they're very cooperative, very nice. So we're sure. That we're gonna wait, go back home, wait three more months, then go, everything's gonna be fine. Meanwhile, I don't even know if I have a visa because they told me my visa is not ready. But I show up anyways. We go Sunday morning in front of ⁓ embassy, we talk to the officer, they tell me my visa was issued the next day after our visa interview, which is about two months, one and a half, two months before that day. That means I cannot defer. my admission to the next semester because the visa only has three months to live and if I defer it, I lose it. I worked so hard for this thing. That was my goal of my dream, of everything I had, I put through this, into this, and they handed to me. It was issued all the times that I called and they said, ⁓ it's not ready. It was ready. And it would expire before I could come here. So I'm standing there. I'm in this whole, like everything's blurry. I'm staring at this thing. I'm just going through these different zones of okay, what do I do now? And then I overhear this guy talking, arguing with the officer, saying, Hey, I have to go. I ha I need my visa. Tomorrow is the last day I can be at school. I'm going to this university in Texas. And that's the exact university I'm going to. So I overhear this conversation. I look at this guy, I'm like, you're going to this school. He's yeah, I'm going to UTA. I'm like, I'm going to UTA. He's Do you have your visa? I'm yeah, I have my visa, but it's gonna expire because it was issued two months ago. And these guys didn't tell me. I don't know what to do. And the last day I can be there is tomorrow morning, cause it's census date. Now, mind you, you have twelve hour advantage because that part of the world is twelve hours ahead of the US. So if I would get on a flight. Right then and there, I would make it the next morning. And I look at him, I'm like, he's like, go now, find a ticket, go now. I'm like, I only have hundred bucks left. I don't have money. I don't have time to get married. Like, what am I gonna do? He puts his hand in his pocket. He takes out two thousand US dollars and gives it to me and says, Go buy yourself a ticket, pay me back, I'll see you at school. And I look at him. And that's the moment that I will never forget. Yes, completely stranger. I've never met him before. He doesn't know if I'm gonna see him again, in all honesty. He doesn't even know if I am going to the same school. That's what I told him. And the amount of trust that that guy had giving me the money. To go buy a ticket. I saw him again at the ticket agency because he ended up getting his visa and he came there to buy his own ticket to get to school. So we actually went on the same flight. My friend, she shows up to the embassy and her visa is not ready. She cries for like an hour and a half again in the embassy, and I ⁓ an officer tells her, Just stay. I'll make sure you get your visa. So she stays for another two hours, she gets her visa. And she shows up at the travel agency where we were booking a ticket, get a ticket for her, same guy. And we end up coming to the US. I saw him at school a few days later. My mom managed to find a way to send me the money, so I had paid him back. But the moral of the story is that this guy didn't think twice that I might not pay him back. Maybe I'm not telling the truth. Maybe the amount of trust this guy had in. Just giving me the money and hoping things will go well really changed how I see life, really changed how I live my life, gave me an unbelievable amount of faith in life. That when I do my part, when I take the leap, without second guessing, without fear, without, I mean, I was scared, but without really holding back. The universe provides. And it did. And I got to the US exactly on census date, which was really hard to register in that day. I mean, if you have been to a college, you know, especially as an international student, I had to pay for school. I didn't have money. I don't know how they managed to get me a loan. I just landed in the US. The people in the financial aid department, they Got me a loan so I can register. Never heard anything like that in my life. They don't give a loan to foreigners. I didn't have a social security and I got a loan to pay for my intuition. They did all my medical stuff. I mean, for international student, you need to go through extensive medical exam and everything. Did all of that within few hours and I was registered and I remember standing. In the Office of International Affairs and looking at this woman and thinking, Where do I stay now? Cause I just landed here and I it occurred to me on the way here, where am I gonna spend the first night? I was like, I have a hundred bucks, maybe I can find a cheap hotel or motel or something for like two, three nights, and I'll figure it out. So they take me to the engineering school and I talk to the receptionist and she's like, ⁓ my god, you're the girl from Kabul! I'm like, well, I'm from Iran, but yeah, we came from Kabul. And she's like, Yeah, the Afghan girl, yeah. I'm like, I'm not Afghan, but okay, thank you. And she's like, I know a Persian guy. Let me call him. Maybe he can help you. Maybe he can take you to his friend's house or whatever. So they call this guy, he shows up, sweetest guy ever. And he's like, ⁓ I know these two girls. I'm sure they will love to take care of you. Don't worry about it. We've all been there. So he takes us, me and my friend, to these two girls' house. It feels like I am in a trans state at that point. I remember the first night sleeping in their house on the floor. The only thing that repeats in my head is my phone call with my mom in the airport. I am holding a backpack on my back. I'm holding with one hand the carry-on for my friend, and with the other hand, I'm holding her hand and I'm just pulling and going. And she's crying and she's having a tough time and I'm just pulling and walking and walking and that's the scene that's repeating in my mind and my phone call with my mom that I call her and say, Mom, I have to go now. I know I was supposed to come back and I was supposed to go a few months later, but I have to go right now and I don't get to say goodbye to you. I don't get to hug my brother and say bye to anybody. I'm going. And my mom says something in Farsi that God is your protector, you'll be protected. Go. And I am forever thankful to her for that level of trust, that level of faith in life. Because later on, when I had my own kids, I never had that. I never had that level of trust to say, God will protect my kids. Go. From Afghanistan, middle of war zone, to the US. I don't know when's the next time I'm gonna see you. And what's amazing is that I read a lot online recently that people say the advice I would give my 21-year-old self. And I always think to myself, when I'm scared, when I'm fearful, when I'm stuck, I always think, what would my 21-year-old self do? Because she was bold. She was Fearless, she was fierce. She had faith. She had belief that things will work out. But somewhere along the lines, after moving, after immigration, after going through a divorce, it was the hardest part of my life. Because when I landed here, yes, everybody helped me out. Yes, I was so lucky. To meet the angels that showed up in human form in front of me to protect me, to help me settle. But I was struggling with my English. I was struggling with simple things, transportation. I didn't have driver's license. I didn't have a car. I was in Texas. I bought a bicycle and I thought I can go grocery shopping with a bicycle. Horrible idea. Everything is far in Texas. A single bicycle going grocery shopping and then not thinking how am I gonna bring everything back? I mean, I didn't start from zero. I started from minus a hundred. There was a time that I could not speak English in a group setting. I could not talk. I would join people for two hours, three hours. I would not say a single word. I did not have the confidence because I didn't want to be called fresh off the boat. There was a time that my mom would send me money from Iran. And it it's very difficult to send money from Iran to the US because there's no common banking. And somebody stole the money. I never received it. And I couldn't pay my rent. And I had one day to pay, or I would be evicted. I would sit in my car crying. There has been a lot of challenges that all the immigrants, me included, we've been through. And building everything back up. required a lot of grit, a lot of survival, a lot of hard work, and a lot of detachment from emotions. I could not sit and think, ⁓ I completely lost all my family and I don't know if I've ever gonna see my grandparents again. I don't know when I'm going to see my mom again, my brother again. I could not sit and have that kind of thoughts because you cannot connect with emotions that well in survival. So going through all that, Going through the divorce, going through having my own children. It really, I had really bad depression after a child. I think I lost connection with my 21-year-old self, who was full of faith and full of trust throughout all these events in my life. And a point came that really changed everything for me. I was struggling with. my kids, I was struggling with being a mom, I was struggling with depression, I was struggling with really managing everything, managing working. I started working two weeks after I gave birth the first time. ⁓ managing my household, my husband, relationship, kids, being a stepmom from day one and ⁓ did I say work? Yeah, I did. Because working was very important for me. But what really changed it all? was that I was at dinner with my family with my father-in-law in LA. We went to see him, we went to have dinner together. And I get a phone call at 7 p.m. from my doctor. And I look at the phone. I'm like, should I pick this up? I probably should pick this up. So I walk out of the restaurant, I pick up the phone, and she says, I need to talk to you right now and I need you to sit down. It's not cancer yet. Like, okay. And she says it's pre-cancer, but it's progressing fast. And I need you to have a surgery within the next week. I'm like, thank God it's not cancer, but she's like, Well, this kind of condition it doesn't go stage one, two, three, four. It goes from pre-cancer to stage four because it's close to your lymph nodes. And I just had another one happening f a month ago. I don't want you to be the next one. We need to do surgery. And I think that really. Did it for me because I did not do the surgery, of course. My 21-year-old kicked in and she I was like, I need to figure this out because cancer in my mind doesn't just happen for the sake of cancer. Yes, it is physical, but there's a lot of emotional, there's a lot of energetic things happening. So I need to go through it and I need to figure out what is my body trying to tell me and where. Am I in my life emotionally that is showing up in the form of cancer? Where am I rejected myself? That my body is gonna give me a warning like this to come back to myself, to reconnect. So I did a lot of work, a lot of work, a lot of emotional work, and a lot energetic work. Thankfully, I have access to a lot of amazing, amazing people that help me through this. And a year later, I did the surgery too. Just to make sure physically, nothing's gonna happen because I have kids. I don't want them to experience life without their mom at this age. So I think that's what really brought me back to thinking: what would my 21-year-old self do? What would she do? How would she feel? How would she connect? How would she trust? And the amount of faith that she had in life. I did everything I could to bring that faith back. I did everything I could because I was killing myself over my kids. I was killing myself over controlling to make sure that I'm managing their life right. And God forbid something goes wrong for them. A lot of anxiety postpartum, a lot of depression postpartum. And I think it showed up in many different forms that started attacking my own body. And the last person on the list was me. And that changed through a subtle warning from my body, which I'm very thankful for. I'm very thankful that it was managed and I'm very thankful that it happened, because if it didn't, I would not have a calling to connect with my 21-year-old self. And I'm not saying that because I want to be a risk taker and put myself in danger and go in the middle of war zone again. I have gained a lot of wisdom in the last almost two decades. I want to take that with me, but she had something that I was missing, which was pure faith. Sufis say if your protector is who you believe him to be, he holds glass in embrace of stone. And I grew up with that level of faith. But somewhere along the lines, somewhere after I moved to the US and after I was put in extreme survival mode, I forgot what believing feels like. I forgot what surrendering and flowing with life feels like. But thankfully, I got a wake-up call, like most of us do. And we have a choice to accept that wake-up call and go with it and explore it, or we have a choice to Choose the path of fear again, even after a wake-up call. I'm sharing my story because yes, I am proud of it, but also because I know a lot of us get these wake-up calls and we're not alone in it. We do share a lot more than we think. We do have a lot more than we feel in common. And I hope that all of us can reconnect with our younger self who was fierce, who was bold. Who was courageous and cultivate more of those qualities while we have our wisdom too. Thank you for listening. Thank you for watching. I'm so lucky to be able to show up here and connect with you. And I'll see you next time. Ciao.