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Transcript

"I Sh*t Myself In His Car..." | DIABOLICAL DILEMMAS · Two Broke Chicks

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This podcast is recorded on Gadigal land, always was, always
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: will be Aboriginal land. Hey chicks, I'm Sal. And I'm Anne.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: And this is Two Broke Chicks, the show that shares
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: life lessons and tips to help make you rich in life.
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: And welcome back to another Chicks Chat. We're diving into
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: your diabolical dilemmas, giving our two cents, first reactions, advice
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: where needed. Mm-hmm.
• 0:26
  Speaker 3: And I'm excited.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Should I dive into the first dilemma? Let's do it.
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: Chicks, I'm not proud of this one.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: Excellent start. Yes, very good.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: Around six months ago, my ex-boyfriend broke up with me.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: Like any level-headed woman would do, I decided to deal
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: with this by getting as drunk as humanly possible.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: Hey, we've all been there.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we have, but drink responsibly, of course. Like, I'm
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: talking blackout. So I got a group of the girls
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: together and we went to another friend's house party. At
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: the party, I decided to start by drinking some wine
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: and then switch halfway through the night to tequila.
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: Did I write this?
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: Horrible decision. Follow for more life hacks.
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: That's the fucking best. Oh, my God.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: In a shock to no one, I was blackout drunk
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: fairly quickly.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Poor thing.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: I have a little habit of running off after a
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: few drinky poos and there's almost no limit to.
• 1:27
  Speaker 3: Where I'd go.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: I am crazy, but I am free.
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: Call me an adventurous spirit.
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: So I told one of my friends I was getting
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: some air and decided to walk home. I made it
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: a few streets away when the world started spinning. I
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: knew I had to do something. Either I needed to
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: lay down ASAP or my body was going to make
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: that decision for me. The street I was on was
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: lined with cars on either side. I started trying to
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: open all the car doors. I eventually opened one and
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: wriggled into the back.
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: Seat for a nap.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: Stop. This is amazing. Shut the fuck up. Oh, my God. Oh,
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: my God.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: I woke up in this stranger's car feeling cold and
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: the spins were even worse than before. As I laid
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: in the back seat, I got those shakes you get
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: before you're about to be sick.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: I feel so much better about myself than, like, any
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: drunk scariest I've.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: Ever had, ever.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: We all know the ones.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: Within seconds, I was throwing up all over this poor
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: stranger's car.
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: Fuck.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: Oh, my God.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: After I got everything out of my system, love that take,
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: I snuck out of the stranger's car and walked to
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: a park bench where I passed out until my friend
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: found me a few hours later.
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: By this point, the sun was rising. Oh, my God, girl.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: It didn't take long for the tales of the vomit
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: bandit to surface in my neighborhood. It's been months and
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: just the other day I overheard someone talking about it
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: to their friend at the local cafe.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: Oh, my gosh, she's the vomit bandit.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: Is there even a way to make this right while
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: still keeping some dignity intact?
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God. Okay, I just have to say, if
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: you were my friend, this would be my favourite story ever.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: Like we would be talking about this every chance we
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: could get. Yeah. The fact that she said, like the
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: fact that she was like, I must lie down. Now. Yeah. Like,
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: there was no timeline for that for her. She was like, now.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: And I'm just picturing her, like, walking down the street going, Locked. Dammit. Locked. Oh,
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: fuck yeah. Yeah. Like, in what part I know when, like,
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: that she.
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: She wasn't in her right mind.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: No. She was wine and tequila.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: Like, you know. Yeah.
• 3:55
  Speaker 3: And she can't be held responsible.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: No, not at all. But she literally... break and entered,
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: and vomited. It's B-E-V. Honestly. It's not B-N-E now. It's Bev. B-E-V, literally.
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Bev.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: Bev. Literally.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: She Bev'd a car. Oh, my God. That is amazing.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: I love the fact that it's become like an urban legend. Yeah,
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: the lore. Yeah, it's like Bloody Mary but it's like
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Vomitron in your car. Like the Vomit Bandit.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: Imagine that and you like get up to go to
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: work the next day and someone's just puked all in
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: your car.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Do you know what I like to think? I like
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: to think that person's not a very nice person and
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: somehow this was the universe paying them back. Like imagine
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: if they were like a dirty dog and like– They've
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: just gone in. That's what I'm telling myself. They're not
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: a nice person.
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: And you've done them their serving of karma.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: Exactly.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: For some reason.
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: And I don't know.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: She was like, is there even a way to make
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: this right? I'm like, without knowing whose car it is.
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: Does she know.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Whose car it is? Like, could you find the car again? And, like,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: if that was me and I was like, I need
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: to relieve my conscience. I would not own up to it. Yeah.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: I would be taking that to the grave.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: But I would write a letter. I would write a
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: note with like some cash in an envelope. And just
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: be like, it's me, the vomit bandit.
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry for vomiting in your car. It was tequila
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: and wine's fault. And I'd just been broken up with.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: And I'd just been broken up with. Exactly like, you know.
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: Empathy on a human level.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: Empathy.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: Here's some cash to get your car cleaned.
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: Sorry.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. A car wash voucher or something. Yeah. Yeah.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: If you can, do that. If not, maybe just pay
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: it forward.
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: You know, I remember.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Surely she could find the car again.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: Also, life lesson for them, lock your car. Yeah. That's
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: a hot take. I bet they will never.
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: Not lock their car again.
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: You shouldn't have to lock your car so that some
• 5:52
  Speaker 5: drunk girl doesn't vomit in it and have a nap.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: Like, her... survival instincts were not high then. I think
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: they kind of were because she at least found shelter. True.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: I probably would have just laid in a gutter, you
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: know what I mean? What happens if they were crazy
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: cuckoo bananas and they go, oh, yeah.
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: Or imagine if they got in, didn't realize that you're
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: lying in the back and they drive off.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: That would be so fucking funny. Imagine if they were
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: like some tradie that gets up at like 4 a.m.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: and they just start driving to work and she wakes
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: up in the back and they're like.
• 6:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. Who would be more frightened?
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: Oh my God. Yeah. I reckon if you want to
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: make it right. you can leave a note on their
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: car and just be like, sorry.
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and if not, do a good deed for somebody
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: who's had a couple of drinks too.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: Many the next time you're at a house party, you know. No,
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: my favourite thing in picturing this, though, is that she's
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: going to have to, like, Pink Panther spy her way
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: to the car to leave the note because if she
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: gets caught leaving the note, they're going to be like,
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: it's you.
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, caught love at hand.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Oh, my God, that's so funny. I
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: love that. Thank you so much. That made my day.
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: Good girl. Good girl to see.
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: Anyway.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: Dilemma number two. I have this friend. Let's call her Maria.
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: Do you remember that one time that a chick sent in.
• 7:17
  Speaker 5: Like her diabolical confession and halfway through she forgot about
• 7:21
  Speaker 5: like the alias names and she just started saying their
• 7:25
  Speaker 5: real names and we were pissing ourselves.
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: We were like, wait, who's that? We were like, who's Jessica?
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: And then we were like, wait, that's her real name.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: And then we had to beep out the names and
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: we were just pissing ourselves.
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: Oh, and then when we like sent her the email
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: being like, thanks for sending your thing in.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: Here's your prize.
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: She was like, oh my fucking God.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: She was just like, I hate myself.
• 7:48
  Speaker 3: Iconic.
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: Maria. Back to Maria. All right. Maria and I have
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: been friends for about a year. She's a lot of fun,
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: gives great advice, and we have a lot in common.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: There's just one small issue. Maria has a crush on me.
• 8:02
  Speaker 3: Oh my God.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Okay. Okay. Maria is bisexual and I'm straight, and she
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: knows this about me. I'm also pretty inexperienced, whereas she's
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: told me some wild stories about frisky adventures she's been on,
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: which like, go girl. But beyond that, I know that
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: unfortunately I'm just not into girls, and that's okay. I
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: have just been so worried about hurting her feelings as
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: a result. How does she know Maria has a crush? Oh, okay,
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: we're getting into it if I just keep reading. So
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Maria is also friends with my sister, Belle. And Maria's
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: confessed to Belle that she has feelings for me. Belle
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: told me this confession. Whether she should have done that
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: or not is up for debate, I suppose. Since then,
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Maria hasn't really been shy in holding it in. She
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: won't necessarily try and make a move on me or anything,
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: but she's openly flirty, touchy, just comfortable with being close
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: to me. And I don't mind because I tend to
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: be quite affectionate in platonic ways with my friends anyway.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: This all comes to a head when we both went
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: to our friend's birthday party. It was your typical house party, backyard,
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: warm summer nights. Mid-July, you and I were forever one.
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: That's what Maria was saying as she, like, watched her
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: walk into the party.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: Maria, I would too. House party, backyard.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: Literally, I'm like, okay. So we'd all had a couple
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: of drinks. Two of our other friends, both girls not dating,
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: started kissing. Taylor's oldest time.
• 9:32
  Speaker 4: Oh, no.
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: We've all been there.
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: Hey.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: No?
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: Okay.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: Just me?
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: Okay. Fine. Maria looked at me and kissed me.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: Oh, no.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: Why am I getting like full body chills? Oh. In
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: my warm and buzzy state, I kissed her back. Oh.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: It was nice as far as kisses go, but I
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: didn't feel the sparks fly like I would if I
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: was truly attracted to that person. But now I'm freaking
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: out that I've given her the wrong idea and I'm
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: potentially Ooh. Oh. That is tough. Maria, Maria, Maria. I
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: want to know her name.
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I know.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: Let's call her.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: It can't be Jessica.
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it can't be.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: We'll call her Lily. Lily. Lily.
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: Oh, Lily. Lily. Lily.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: I mean, it's tough because if she kissed you and
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: then you were to like, you know, really pull away,
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: like that could have hurt her feelings or embarrassed her
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: in the moment.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: Especially when two other friends were kissing in a kind
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: of platonic way as friends often do.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but also like she shouldn't just even have to
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: kiss her if she doesn't want to kiss her. Totally.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: So like, yeah, like. The kiss was consensual, which I
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: think that's, like, the most important part of that. Yeah.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: But I think, like, the main thing I get from this,
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: which is, like, making it a nice... Like, I know
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: it's a dilemma, but, like, I can hear how much
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: she truly cares about her friend. Yeah. Like, I can
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: tell how much she, like, truly loves her friend in
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: a platonic way, which I think is really beautiful. It's
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: not like... you know, she is uncomfortable or doesn't want
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: to continue the friendship or anything like that. Um, but yeah,
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: I think that's probably the most important part of this
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: whole thing is that you still hold love for your friend.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: You just are not like in love with your friend,
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: which is fine.
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: You know, that's all good. Everyone's unrequired. Love is, Part
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: of life. Exactly. You know, I once asked a guy
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: to be my boyfriend in year seven and he said no.
• 11:44
  Speaker 5: Really?
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah. But he fucking regrets it now. No, I don't
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: even know. He's probably married with kids and has the
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: best life ever. And I'm like, no, no, no. It's humbling.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: I asked him over text. He said no. So I've
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: been in Maria's position. Yeah. You know, but I think
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: like if your friend also cares about you, if Maria
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: also cares about you and loves you, I think you
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: guys can just have the conversation and you can just
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: be like, look, That probably shouldn't have happened. I don't
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: feel that way about you. I care about you genuinely
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: as a friend, but like, because I actually think this
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: kiss is like the perfect opening to lay boundaries to
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: the friendship. Like I actually, and like she gave it
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: a crack. Yeah, exactly. I also really love that she said,
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: I didn't feel the sparks fly like I would if
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: I was truly attracted to that person. She didn't bring like,
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: Like it wasn't like it wasn't like if I was
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: truly like if they were a guy. Yeah, exactly. Like
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: it was more like she was like, I just am
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: not attracted to her in that way. Like I'm straight.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: You know, we kissed. I didn't feel that spark. And
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: that's more than okay.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: Well, just it would be the exact same if a
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: guy friend kissed her and she wasn't attracted to them.
• 12:59
  Speaker 3: You know, like, and you didn't feel the spark. It
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: would be, it's the same thing.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: But what's tricky is I still am not 100% sure
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: if Maria knows that Lily.
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: Knows that she has a crush on her. But I
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: don't think she has to go into it with that. Like,
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: I think you just use the kiss as the opening
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: to have that conversation. Be like, look, I've been thinking
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: about that and I just want to make sure we're
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: on the same page. Like, you are my friend. I
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: love you. I just don't feel like that way. Like,
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: if you... You know, if you want to bring in
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: sexuality into it, you could talk about it through that
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: way and be like, I'm just not attracted to girls,
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: as she said in her dilemma. Or, you know, I
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: see you as a platonic friendship and I just wanted
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: to ensure that, you know, we were both on the
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: same page with that because I love you so much
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: and I would never want.
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: To mislead you.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: And you can use that as the opportunity and you
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: don't even necessarily have to bring in that bell.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: To hold you. Yeah. I don't even think you need
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: to bring it up, honestly.
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: I think like– Just say like I realised after the
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: fact that maybe I might have given you the wrong
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: idea and I don't want to do that because like
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: I love you so much and I would never want
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: to lead you on.
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: And you can also be like, and maybe you didn't
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: think that either.
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: Like I'm not– Like I might be reaching here. Yeah.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: But like that's just how I feel and I just
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: wanted to– like, be on the same page. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: And I think that's also, once that conversation happens, then
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: Maria knows where she stands and she can move on. Yeah.
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: Because I think it's part of.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: The, like, ooh, does she, doesn't she, is probably what
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: is fueling the crush a little.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: Sometimes, like, a crush is just a crush. Yeah. Like,
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: Maria might not be sitting here being like, like, there's
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: friends that we're, girls that we're friends with that I'm like,
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: I absolutely have a crush on them. I'd be like,
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: They're gorgeous.
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: But like a.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: Romantic crush where you would actually want to like pursue something.
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: It sounds like she, that's what she wants.
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I don't think we know that. So like
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: she said to her sister, like she has a crush
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: on me, but it's not like it's this, we don't
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: know that it's this like big love moment. Do you
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: know what I'm saying? Like it doesn't mean that you're like,
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: her one true love. Like she might just have a crush. Yeah.
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: Crushes come and go.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Crushes don't, they're not always like this big, huge thing,
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: you know? Yeah. It can just be like a, yeah, would. Yeah, exactly.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: You know, like in that, in that type of way.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: So even just like, I don't think, you know, it
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: needs to, I don't think you need to be scared
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: of like ruining your friendship or breaking her heart because
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: it might not be that big of a thing. And
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: if it is that big of a thing, then you're
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: doing the right thing By talking to her about it
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: and letting her down easy. Yeah, exactly.
• 15:46
  Speaker 3: Maintain the friendship.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: Yay. It's important.
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: Dilemma number three.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: Number three.
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: I've been dating this guy for a couple of months.
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: It's been awesome.
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: We've been on eight dates so far and we've had
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: a really great time.
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: The ninth date rolls around and he plans to take
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: me on a picnic.
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: Oh, God. To preface, I have severe food allergies. Oh.
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: He knows about them and has been super accommodating so far.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: Most of the time, I find it's easier to do
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: home-cooked food and picnics rather than risk it at restaurants.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: Okay. So he picks me up for the date. We
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: go and have our picnic in the park. It's beautiful.
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: The sun's out.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: There's a few people around, but not too many people
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: that it's annoying, and the food he prepared tastes awesome.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: A little while later, my stomach starts to ache a bit,
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: and I think, Okay.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: Does she shit herself? Does she shit herself?
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: We'll have to find out.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: Because I will pass away if she shits herself. These
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: are my favorite stories. I really, oh, I don't know
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: if I've jumped the gun, but if she shits herself,
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be so happy. I'm so sorry if
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: this is you. She's like, excuse me, I haven't even
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: told the story yet.
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: What if she has like an anaphylactic shock and ends
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: up in hospital?
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: I would rather she shit herself. Okay, keep going. Okay.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: And I think, okay, maybe I've eaten something that has
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: set me off. I bring this up to him and
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: suggest maybe it was something I ate. He defends the
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: food and says, nah, it can't be that. I start
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: to feel worse, but he's persistent that it isn't the
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: food and must be something else.
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: We make it to the car and start to drive off.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: No.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: It's at this point where my hunch has proven correct
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: and I promptly shit.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: My pants in the car. Shit. Oh, my God. Yeah. Oh,
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: my God. Oh, my God.
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: Instead of asking.
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: No, I hate that for her, though. On a date? Yeah. Oh.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: Instead of asking if I'm all right, he pulls over
• 18:01
  Speaker 1: on the side of.
• 18:02
  Speaker 3: The road then and there.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: No. We're in a residential area. No.
• 18:08
  Speaker 2: And it's around a 30-minute walk to get to my house.
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: Wait, what?
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: No, I hate this now. Yeah. Oh, my God.
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: No, shut up.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: We're in a residential area and it's around a 30-minute
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: walk to get to my house. 10 minutes if we
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: continue driving. He tells me to get out of the
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: car and walk home in my shitty pants.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: I would take the pants off and I would throw
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: them in his car. And I would walk home bare-assed.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: I'd be like, I would shit on his car.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: I would literally crawl into the boot and I would
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: shit there too. I would go on the steering wheel
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: and I would wipe my ass with it. Like I
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: would literally. I would cover his car in my shit
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: that the smell of it would follow him for the
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: rest of his life.
• 18:59
  Speaker 3: What's with like the vomiting and shitting in the car
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: this episode?
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: Great job, by the way. Love it. But like. Okay, one,
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: you created this situation. Yeah, he made the food. And
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: also nine dates in is a pretty good stint.
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, like you know each other pretty well by that point.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: Also, you know she has allergies. She can't help it.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: Like get her to– that is not your person. That
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: is not your person because especially if you've got tummy
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: allergies like this, like.
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: Well, it makes you unwell.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: You need someone that's going to have your fucking back. Yeah.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: That is like– I've got you, babe. And they're going
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: to get you to a Macca's toilet in like two
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: minutes flat. And they're like, here if you need. their
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: whole they're cupping your.
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: Bum like you know yeah they're gonna wipe your ass
• 19:46
  Speaker 4: literally they're wrapping a t-shirt around you like they've got
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: wet wipes in the back probably already prepared like adult
• 19:54
  Speaker 4: diapers here if you need yeah literally okay that is
• 19:57
  Speaker 4: not your person oh my god it continues so he.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: Tells me to get out of the car and walk
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: home in my shitty pants So what do I do?
• 20:06
  Speaker 2: I get out of the car with my newly dyed
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: brown pants and trot on home.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: I actually want to cry. What the fuck?
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: A 30-minute walk home.
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: Even in regular situations, that's like a bit of a trek.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: Let alone when you're sick. I wouldn't walk 30 minutes
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: without shit in my pants. So, like, literally.
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: And because, like, that's the thing as well.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: Like, what's she going to do, call an Uber or
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: something when she's covered in her own shit?
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: Oh, no, I can't smell anything. Yeah. Come on. Oh,
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: my God.
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, my dilemma at this point is do I keep
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: talking to him?
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: What? I know.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: It's been great up to this point. Or do I
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: message and say, what the fuck, bro? What would you
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: chicks do?
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: Go sue.
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: I would sue.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: I would sue him for emotional damages. Yeah. There's no
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: way you could ever. You've already wiped your ass with
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: this steering wheel after my advice. So I don't think
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: there's much coming back from that.
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you can't go back.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: What the fuck? He kicked you out of his car,
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: vulnerable and shitty. And sick and unwell.
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: Like you have a genuine food allergy and you shat
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: yourself because of him.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: Because of him, you shit yourself in his car, which
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: he then made you walk home by yourself. I would
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: be bawling. Oh, my God. I would be bawling my
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: eyes out. I would be crying so much. Like, I
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: would be calling you. I'd be like, you come and
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: get me now. Yeah, with the diaper and the wet wipes.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: I'd be like, you must come here right now. Yeah. Like,
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: I can't. Like, this is not even an option for you.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: This is not even, like. Because you know what the
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: cute version of this story is? And I'm like, yes, absolutely,
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: lock in. Is, like, he wrapped, like, he gave me
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: his shirt and wrapped it around me. He took me
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: to a Macca's and, like, made me feel so much
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: better about it. Yeah. Like, but I'm too embarrassed. Do
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: I keep seeing him? Like, then I'd be like, yes, yes. Yeah,
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: he's a good man. We tell the story at the wedding,
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: you know?
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: Whereas you can't tell this story to anyone. Anyone you
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: ever tell this story to will hate him, myself included.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: And all the chicks. Literally. I hate him. Do you
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: hate him?
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, put your hand up. There's an army of women
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: who hate him. I hate him. You can't depend on
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: this guy.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: Like what a fuckwit who's made you feel probably so embarrassed,
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: like also probably made you feel a bit gross about yourself,
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: which like this is a natural thing.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: Like, girl, I've shit myself like three times. That's why
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: I love these stories. Makes me feel better. Yeah. You know,
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: shooting yourself is a rite of passage.
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: Honestly.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: I actually feel bad for, I know you haven't, I
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: feel bad for anyone that hasn't shit their pants.
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: My time will come.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: But, like, that's the thing is I don't think you've
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: got anything to be fucking embarrassed about.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: No, but he has made you feel very embarrassed.
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: Like, I actually think if he went to anyone and said, yeah,
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: she shit herself in my car so I kicked her
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: out and made her walk 30 minutes home. If someone
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: said that to me, I'd be like, you're a fuckwit.
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: Like anyone said that. I'd be like, you kicked someone
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: that was sick, had a sore tummy, and they pooed
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: their pants. And they shat themselves. I'm not laughing at
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: the fact that he kicked you out. What a fucking dog.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: Go find his car. Wait, go get the vomit bandit
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: and both of you go back and find his car.
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: Double whammy both ends. Double whammy him. She vomits in
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: the back. You shit in the front.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: Done. Done.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: I'll come too. I can contribute. Or Sally, maybe this
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: could be your first time.
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. My debut into the shitty pants world. Fuck
• 23:37
  Speaker 3: that guy.
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: Fuck that guy. There's no way that you can. People
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: show you who they are like on these dates. Yeah.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: So first date, don't know who that is. Everyone's like, oh,
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: I'm the best version of myself. I'm so kind and
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: nice and lovely. And then you start getting to like
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: the later dates. But this is who he is now.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: And that is not someone you want as your partner.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: You want the partner that's like. I've got you.
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: Like, what do you need? Goal attack, here if you need.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And, like, if you want, we'll never bring this
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: up again.
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't have to ever talk about it ever
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: again or we can giggle about it in six months.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: We can tell it at the wedding. Like, you know,
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: that's just, that is not your person. Because in all seriousness,
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: you cannot depend on this person.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: No.
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: Like, I know that it's kind of like, ha-ha, like,
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: You shout yourself.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: But the thing is, is, like, you were sick. You
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: told him you weren't feeling well. And then his first
• 24:28
  Speaker 2: instinct is to kick you out of his car. Like,
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: that is so wrong and not the person that you
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: want by your side.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: Fuck this guy.
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: Like, there are so many people that would tick all
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: of the other nice requirements and also not kick you
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: out of their car.
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: Dump his ass.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, never. I reckon this is worthy of a ghost.
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: You don't even have to go to the effort of
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: being like, fuck you. Yeah, honestly.
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: I don't usually.
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: Shit on his car. Shit on his car.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: Like, you know, that sounds like hit him with your car.
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: Yeah, shit on his car.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: Shit on his car.
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Fucking get the Vomit Bandit. I'll link you guys in emails.
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: Let me know where you're located.
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: Honestly, it's like the Avengers.
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Now we need somebody with like really bad, like
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: congested allergies who can really just.
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: Like huck a loogie. Who like pees their pants all
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: the time.
• 25:18
  Speaker 2: Well, I feel like that's where I can come in.
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: Somebody tell me a good joke and I'll just sit
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: on the back seat.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: Just piss on his car.
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: That's all it takes.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: My mom's going to love this section of the podcast.
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: She's going to be like, Alexandra.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: This is where Hexnet goes to.
• 25:31
  Speaker 3: And you know what?
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: I couldn't be happier. If we help one girl shit
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: on one guy's car, then I've done my job.
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: Honestly.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: Well, that's a wrap for today's episode of Two Broke Chicks.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: Loved it, Queens.
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: Honestly, this is the energy that we want.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: The more diabolical, the better. If you have a story
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: like these, please email us. We've got the details of
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: how to do it in the show notes and everyone
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: that sends in their diabolical confessions because you give us something,
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: we give you something and we send you a little
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: pack to say thank you with some goodies in it.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: So get around it, get on it. More shit in
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: the better.
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, honestly.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: More shit in the better. That was the best. That
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: was the best. Thanks for having us in your ear
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: holes chicks. We love to be here.
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: Bye.