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Mental Health Isn't SImple · Pete Vs Anxiety!!!!!

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Head over to the link in this episode and use my code, Pete, at checkout to get 20 % off your first month subscription to PsychPAL. PsychPAL, because your mind deserves a companion too. There we go. I think that's the one I like. We got it. We got it. Boom. peter: but Pete: went to doing like pre-recordings. Well, Keith, we're at the part of the interview where I'm gonna ask you those two questions. All right, Amanda Landes: that I had been kind of like since head for a while about about writing the story because Mia Mason: you are not the only one that experiences thoughts, Pete "mental Health Champ": Well, Dr. Erica, before we start wrapping up, I'm going to ask you Pete "Da Common Denominator": To another exciting episode of Pete Freaks Anciety. My guest today is the author of I'm Almost Okay, the book that chronicles her experience managing her father's cancer diagnosis. Please welcome in the one the only Amanda Landis. Amanda, how are you doing today? Amanda Landes: I'm doing great. Thanks for having me here. Pete "Da Common Denominator": So Amanda, why don't you tell everybody a little more about yourself and then we'll get into the book itself. Amanda Landes: Sure. I so I'm a licensed psychologist and I spent most of my career working in the forensics field, which is where psychology and the law kind of collide with each other. And since then I've gone into private practice, which I do mostly now, and I also wrote the book that you were just talking about. Pete "Da Common Denominator": So, Omeda, my first question for you though is forensics and and psychology that's that's gotta be kind of an interesting thing. How did you get into that? Was that something you you meant to go into originally, or is it something you kinda stumbled across as you were doing your studies? Amanda Landes: So it's it's the thing that kind of got me into psychology. when I was Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Amanda Landes: in college, I wanted to be a writer and I was taking you know, communications classes and journalism classes. And I just I didn't like the energy of like that field. it was I I've always liked writing, but but Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Amanda Landes: just being in the field, it felt like it was kind of like taking the fire out of something that I really liked doing. And I was like super conflicted about what that meant for me. And I was up really late at night and I was watching all of these like true crime shows. And when I couldn't sleep and my you know my stepmom actually at the time had said, you know, you should like look into this field, forensic psychology, because then like that like you can do that, like you can do that stuff. And I thought it was super cool. And so I got my masters from John Jay in the in New York City in forensic psychology and just kind of hit the ground running from from there. I my first job was working at like a It was in a hospital in Brooklyn on a a jail unit where people had come would go when they were people the judge or lawyers thought that they weren't competent to stand trials, that they needed some sort of mental health stabilization or information about the legal system in order to move forward in their case. So I worked with those guys for a while. and then I ended up going back to school and getting my doctorate because you can't or at the time you couldn't do much in New York with it. Just a master's in psychology. You needed to you needed You needed all of the the street cred in order to get a job. and then after that I worked in a forensic hospital with people who had been found not responsible for their crimes because of mental illness. And so it was a lot of we call it risk mitigation, which is trying to help people get better with the ultimate goal of making sure that we're keeping society safe by keeping people who are not safe or at risk for hurting other people, in a place where they would get treatment and not have opportunities to hurt people or make people unsafe. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Jesus, wow. Did you deal with some really Amanda Landes: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": interesting individuals though? You had to have some, you know, interesting people come across, especially in in that area of field. So, you know, when when was the moment though you wanted to write this book? I know it's about you dealing with your dad's cancer diagnosis and things like that, which I know is hard though, because when you hear those words, it it's a real rough subject to deal with. Amanda Landes: yeah, it is I mean, it was totally a rough subject and a rough pretty like long stretch of time in my life. I when I was I knew I always wanted to write a book and I just I didn't know it was gonna be about about this. So I didn't know that this was going to be a thing, but I used to always joke with my family that I was gonna have to wait until everyone was dead in order to write my memoirs because otherwise there would be like too much backlash, which like obviously made everyone uncomfortable because like what am I gonna say? Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Yeah. Amanda Landes: But that but this this ended up not being that, right? Like this isn't this book is not me kind of like saying like let me air out all of like my dirty family secrets and like make them into jokes for like people's entertainment. this was something that I had been kind of like since my dad got sick, I had been mulling this around in my head for a while about about writing the story because the one one of the things that I that I like personally experienced through My dad getting sick, my my marriage kind of falling apart, having problems getting pregnant, losing losing a baby to a miscarriage, was that like there's a lot of shame that people hold for these experiences that we have that are out of our control. and I think it it becomes like this natural human reaction to kind of like turn inward and just like feel badly that like maybe something is wrong with us for the things that we are going through or have gone through. And what I was really hoping to do for other than kind of just like have it be this like cathartic thing where I got to tell my story, was to be able to kind of like disempower some of that shame. Because when we when we talk about things and we normalize them, it's a way of saying like, this isn't my fault. This isn't something that I need to feel badly about. this is nothing that I've done. Pete "Da Common Denominator": No, I agree. I think that's I think it's really great though. I think you bring up some really great points there, you know, especially with like mental health as well. You know, it's another one of those things where it's like when you talk about it, people feel so guilty about it. Like, you know, I had a miscarriage. Okay, well, and you know, because that's no baby's first response is my god, you know, something's wrong with her. You know what I mean? Like that whole thought process Amanda Landes: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": comes up because we're all thinking worst case scenarios, you know, instead of just being like, Okay, you know, things things happen like that, you know. And especially grief. Grief's an interesting topic though that we come across a lot of times with people because a lot of people don't want to handle that conversation. They're like, there's a timeline for grief. There really isn't, you know, and you you could probably tell them that too, because you know, it you we all deal with it in our own way, you know, and it takes our own timeline for it, you know. Some people get over it right away, other people sit there, you know, and it kind of bothers them for a bit, you know. And and it's great that, you know, you're you're willing to share these kind of things because you know, it doesn't have to be a weird conversation. Like, you know, you had a lot of things going on at the time, you know, all that stuff. And you look what you shared now. You gotta got your own book published and everything else. You're doing things great. You know, I mean, it sometimes you gotta go through the rough times to get to the better times, you know, and it I think a lot of people when they experience those things, they're like, you know, God, woe is me, this and that, instead of, you know, like just having an open conversation because they're scared of that. You know, think about it, like people that share things on the internet, hey, listen, hold no holds barred there because you don't know what people are gonna say nowadays. Amanda Landes: Yeah, and I think I think it is it is scary. and and I think it is hard. And and I I do think there is a place though for the woe, the woe is me, like in in grief and in and in being sad about things, right? Like you have to feel how you're gonna feel. And sometimes it does seem like, wow, I just got like the worst end of the stick. Like I have the bad, like the worst luck. Like, why did these things happen to me? And like you can feel that and feel it and and and think it and but only do it for a little bit, right? Because if you if you stay in that place, I think that's when it when it becomes a problem. because yeah, like bad things happen and we all go through it and life is messy and it's messy upon messy sometimes. but but I think the knowing that like you can you can move through it and that there is another side to it is it's really important to hold on to that like even when things are super hard. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. So you have any advice for people at home, like just dealing with grief? Like e either side of the coin, obviously, you know, because a lot of people that go through it, you know, got got a lot going on. And then the people that are always trying to help those people, they don't know what to say in those moments. You know what I mean? It's like, what do you say to somebody that's grieving besides trying just to be there for them, you know, and just offer to do things, you know? Do you have any other advice for people? Amanda Landes: I think I think it's important like as somebody grieving to kind of like figure out what you do and don't like from the people around you and to find ways to like communicate communicate that to them. And like, no, it's not your responsibility necessarily to tell the people in your life like how to treat you or what you need. But I think, you know, to your point, like nobody knows what to do or say, and everyone becomes like really awkward around this. so So you do and in you do to some degree, right? Like if you don't want the people in your life to disappear and give you your space, if the thing you want is for them to kind of like treat you like you're you're normal because you are, or you know, to show up for you in a certain way, you have to let them know. you have to let them know that because otherwise they might be thinking that they're doing the thing that you want and doing the completely wrong thing. so I think letting people know what you're looking for can be really helpful. And I think also like as a friend, family support of somebody grieving, show up, right? Like and and and showing up doesn't mean like, let's talk about this horrible thing all of the time. Like, or expecting somebody to to kind of just constantly want to go to that place where they're talking about their their, you know, traumas and their emotions about what happened. But where maybe you just want to talk about normal things, right? Or like Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Amanda Landes: maybe you just want to you know, have somebody send you like a recipe or a funny video or just be like, hey, I like thinking of you and just like kind of like engage with you in like a more normal way. So like show up for the people in your life. Like you don't have to know what to say. There is no right answer. Like nobody knows what to say. But like just when you don't know what to say, just say anything, say something. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Don't make it awkward, you know, or remember the person for the great things that they did and all the great memories they had. You know, things like that. Try and keep it positive, you know? And and it like I said, it's hard though. I mean, I mean, like you know, especially when you lose your your parent, you know, 'cause you were taking care of all that time. You're watching them slowly deteriorate with the cancer and things like that. It had to be hard though for you, wasn't it? There were you I mean, well, you you know what you're you have more insight to this than we do though, but you probably had a little more, you know, how probably knew what to say in some of those moments that other people didn't though. But you know w after he passed though, and this book came out, what is the response of the family members? Anybody out there really getting upset about it or did they disagree with some of your statements in the book at all? Amanda Landes: No, you know, I I think that most people kind of respect the position that that I that I came from. What I I really tried to do was I try to tell my story honestly without Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Amanda Landes: the in without hurting other people in the process. so yeah, I talk about some things with my, you know, my my previous marriage, some conflicts that I had with like a sister during this. But my my goal wasn't to make them look bad. I wasn't trying to like use this as a platform to like win, to win some sort of like unwinnable argument. so I tried to be Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. No, I get that. Amanda Landes: really diplomat I I tried to be really diplomatic about it. I I just, you know, I I wanted to tell my version of things. and my dad was a super positive person. And so I try to like keep him on my shoulder for that too and say, like, okay, well, like if if this is supposed to be positive, if this is supposed to help people. Do I really need to include this anecdote? Do I really like need to just like make this like my my venue for complaining about somebody in my life? Like, no, I don't. Like it doesn't, it doesn't match the goal of like my overall like point in doing it. So most of the people, most of the people have been fine with it. I mean, nobody's nobody's really told me if they hadn't and I but I imagine just like knowing the the fieriness of some of my family members that like I certainly would have heard it if they like really were horrified by something I said. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Right, yeah. Well you mean you could have came from the scorn lover aspect where when you talk about your ex husband, you're like, Amanda Landes: Right. Pete "Da Common Denominator": you know what, forget you. Yeah, you know, those kind of things, you know. But I mean, I I like that though. I mean, you just came at it as it was, you just were very respectful of the people. There was no need to throw people under the bus. I mean, it things didn't work out between you and your ex, you know, you d you like it's proof that you don't have to be an asshole about everything. You know what I'm saying? Like some people just like to Amanda Landes: Right. Pete "Da Common Denominator": trash their exes. Like, you know, and it's just not I don't see the point. What's the necessary need? Like I was that person at one point, but now I'll just look after it and I go, Amanda Landes: Mm-hmm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Wow, what a dickhead I was for no reason. It's like, you know, things happen for reasons, Amanda Landes: Well. Pete "Da Common Denominator": you know? And and if it didn't, I wouldn't be where I'm at now, you know, because me and my ex when we were together, I started this show originally because when I I noticed that I was having problems, I was like, you know, I was wondering, like, hey, listen, I wonder how many people are talking about mental health these days. And when I looked it up, you'd Amanda Landes: Mm-hmm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": see a lot of doctors, which don't get me wrong, I respect what you guys do, respecting but Like where's a regular conversation that people just like me who have no idea Amanda Landes: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": what we're talking about? You know, and we we can we can lean on you guys though too to learn some new things. Like you guys can teach us new techniques and you know, and that was a great thing when I opened the doors to the show. I was just like, you know, I put it out there, a lot of people responded, you know, and and people have been responding ever since because it's just real and raw. We're like we're just having a real conversation here. Like I could sit and drill you twenty questions, but you know, I won't get the real answers out of you know what I mean? Amanda Landes: Yeah. Yeah. I Pete "Da Common Denominator": So Amanda Landes: I think I mean I I think it's good to have real conversations about it. And I think Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Amanda Landes: like one thing that I always try to bring to it, yeah, I have a degree. I went to school for this, I studied a really long time, but like I don't know. Like I don't always I don't know the answers to somebody else's problem. Like I can try to help you figure out what will help you, but like Pete "Da Common Denominator": Do do you get a lot of those questions of hey Amanda, what's my problem? They start asking Rand things. You're like, I'm not a psychic guy Amanda Landes: Right. I mean it's sometimes you know, when I'm working with clients, even in private practice, they'll say, like, well, do like, do you think that I should do this? And I'm like, I don't know, you know, and like nobody loves Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Amanda Landes: that answer. But like it's I'm not gonna I'm not gonna pretend that I'm somebody that I'm not. Like I can I can give you my opinion on something, but that's like people you don't you're not coming to therapy for my opinion necessarily, right? Like you would talk to your friends if you would just wanted somebody's opinion about what you should or shouldn't do, right? It's like the idea of like how do you How do you figure it out for yourself? And how do you like use therapy or like use somebody for support that can be like just like not judgmental and Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Amanda Landes: and and kind of like guide you through to like whatever like your correct is? because I don't I mean I tell I anybody who read my book can see like I am a messy person, like my I it's not like I am sitting on some like mountain, you know, like with all of the answers. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah, but I think that's what makes it relatable though, Amanda. They could read about your life and see that, you know, you you had your own problems and you're still pushing. So it's like it's inspiring in ways to people because it's like, Amanda Landes: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Okay, well, she's not perfect. Cause you know, when you go on to see a lot of these doctors, a lot of people don't have their preconceived notions about therapists and all Amanda Landes: Mm-hmm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": these other pe you know, different things like they just they were going on the internet and use Wikipedia so like to tell them to stop using. Amanda Landes: Right. Pete "Da Common Denominator": You know what I'm saying? It's all fat it's all f people's thoughts, not really actual facts here, you know. But it it's really cool though, because like people that read the book then come see you, do they do reference it at all to you? Like, hey, listen, I read your book, da-da-da. You know what I mean? Like they're getting a little starstruck because it's like, hey, listen, my therapist wrote a book, man. This is really cool Amanda Landes: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": that she's so open about her life because a lot of people don't realize a lot of therapists have their own therapists too. Because some of the things Amanda Landes: Right. Pete "Da Common Denominator": y'all deal with, man, let me tell you, I give y'all credit because especially where you went from forensic science to where you're now, it's like I Amanda Landes: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Man, I don't know. That's that's such a crazy turn though, because like the things you've seen, the people you talk to, the st this the stuff you see, you know, it's really cool that that you get both of the perspectives of things. Like, you know, you've seen some pretty extreme cases, I'm sure. Now you go Amanda Landes: Mm-hmm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": to private practice and it's like, yeah, you're you know, I'm sure you have some interesting cases that come across. Amanda Landes: I do, you know, it's I do and it's nice. And I and I think I like appreciate the difference between both. Like I really liked working in like, you know, they consider it like a really high risk acute population. There were there were some real challenges there, but I feel like there were some real wins. and and in private practice, it's different wins. And and it's not that if to me it's not that it's not as interesting. Like it because I think it's all interesting, but I I I think in private practice, like you can you really can feel like you're helping somebody or you know, in a way that is for me as a professional maybe, maybe a little bit more gratifying, right? In the in the short term, because that somebody can come to me and be like, you know, I'm afraid of I'm afraid of spiders. And we can walk through like, okay, here are five steps that we can take to make you not afraid of spiders as much. And if at the end they're not afraid of spiders, like that's a win, right? Like you've done it and their life is better because of it. you know, versus like in forensics where it like the problems are way more complicated. it's it's a lot more complex and like unfortunately like the endings just aren't always as happy. Pete "Da Common Denominator": So I mean, I gotta say I read your profile here, Kate, and I remember the last line of it says I share a good metaphor, TV show reference. It's like, yep, that's my lady right there. Because I like to reference a lot well, I use a lot of Amanda Landes: Ha ha ha Pete "Da Common Denominator": different like movie references and things for certain things, you Amanda Landes: Sure. Pete "Da Common Denominator": know? So do you do you do that during your practice too? Like you give a little more like like real world aspect to people, like, hey, listen, I've watched this show, have you ever seen this? You know, that's the kind of conversation you have with me sometimes. I'm like, have you ever seen this movie? And then you start describing the moment to them like this is what I'm thinking of, what you're making me think of right this minute. Amanda Landes: Yeah, yeah, no, I definitely I I with movies, with TV shows, with songs. It's a little bit sad now that now though because I feel like I'm like middle aged. So like I make some of these movie references and I'm dating myself and people don't necessarily like know what I'm talking about. And it's like astonishing to me. Like, wait, you what, you have not seen Fight Club? Like you do not know about this specific line from Fight Club because you're Pete "Da Common Denominator": Exactly. Right. Amanda Landes: 25. Like, okay. I gotta recalibrate a little. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah, no, I get that too. They all look at me like I'm strange when I make these movie references. I always tell them, you know, bonus points if you know what movie I'm referring to. Most people are like, wait, what movie Amanda Landes: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": is he talking about? They say they tried to figure out what movie I'm talking about. I picked the most random ones. Like Clerks was my favorite one because I just loved everything Kevin Smith did. But the it set the aspect Amanda Landes: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": for people that have worked in retail for as long as I had, you know, in dealing with the customer aspect of things, like it was spot on with some of these things that you deal with, like just stupid questions you get, I'm less like. my god. So I used to quote that movie Amanda Landes: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": all the time to people. Or like, you know, I like those parody movies like Meet the Spartans was a favorite one of me and my one of my coworkers. So we sit there and start quoting the movie to each other across the room. Everybody around us, you could tell, had no idea what we were talking about. But Amanda Landes: Thank you. Pete "Da Common Denominator": me and him would just go back and forth. You know, that one in Nacho Libre was a big one for us too. We started, Amanda Landes: Uh-huh. Pete "Da Common Denominator": you know, we're quoting that one as well, the Eagle Powers thing. It's like summon your eagle powers, and you hear him in the back of there screaming, I'm trying. Amanda Landes: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": You know, and things like that. You know, but it's it's always fun because it mixes up the conversation, but at the same time, it doesn't feel like, you know, you're getting like you're getting talked to like a by a good doctor. Like some people don't like therapists 'cause they don't like they feel like it's like you lay on the couch and start, you know, asking them questions and things. And it's like, Yeah, it's not like that though, you know? Amanda Landes: Yeah. Yeah, it doesn't have to be. I like I definitely don't take myself seriously in that way. I worked with I worked with a a psychologist who used to make like she used to make our hairdresser call her doctor. Like she just in the world, she would just introduce herself as doctor so and so to everybody, which is I'm like very I'm uncomfortable with that. It's not that's not it's not my style. I have a I have a lip tattoo with my my credentials on it. Like I I'm not like a I don't feel like a grown up serious person a lot of the time. I just I try to act like one so that people have you know some confidence that I know what I'm talking about, right? Pete "Da Common Denominator": She's like I try to act like one. Amanda Landes: Like I and I do I I more or less know what I'm talking about, you know, but but I don't I don't I don't think it's it's helpful to kind of like come from this like authoritarian place. the thing the thing that I Pete "Da Common Denominator": So no go ahead, sorry, I'll cut you up. Amanda Landes: yeah, yeah, no, the thing that that like I have found to be most helpful in therapy in you know, forensics in professionally and even in like my personal relationships when I've had therapists, it is it is the connection that you make with a person. Like and hopefully Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Amanda Landes: there's like the education and all of the knowledge to back it up. But like you have to wanna talk to the person for it to be helpful, like at all. Pete "Da Common Denominator": You know, some people don't know the art of a conversation anymore. And that's the scary part. When I was doing was on some of these dating apps, I noticed that that was the problem with a lot of these people. One girl, in fact, she was a behavior analyst. So I asked her this question. I was like, So let me ask you a question. When you're dating people, do you sit there and study their different behaviors they do? And she's like, Yeah. I was like, That's really weird though. Like you're sitting there like Amanda Landes: Ha ha ha. Pete "Da Common Denominator": judging me before even judging me. You know what I mean? It's like you're like watching all these strange behaviors and just watching them. Had no personality either. Nice girl, but no personality whatsoever. It's like you can't even have a conversation. And I'm like, is it really that we're at that point now where we just can't have a simple conversation anymore without it turning into something else, you know, right off the bat? Like, it's like, it's it's so crazy because like I some of these people I met were just like, what the hell is wrong with them? Like I get, I get they're so jaded because the things I dealt with the past, but at the same time, it's like. Okay, cool. Yeah. All right. I don't see this going anywhere because you can't talk to It's like what's what's the point? So, you know? But I I Amanda Landes: Right. Pete "Da Common Denominator": did want to ask you, what got you into psychology? Was it something you've always been interested in though? Like, I mean, I know you got into forensics and things like that as well, but you know, it's interesting Amanda Landes: Mm-hmm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": to hear people's stories about how they got into it. Is it is it mental health been a big thing for you guys and your family or something, or is it just something you've always been interested in? Amanda Landes: I think I think I didn't realize like how much of a thing mental health was in my family until I got into psychology really. But like one as I was starting to to like learn about it more, one of the things that I really did find useful was that it was it was really helping me like understand and make sense of a lot of like the things I guess like in my earlier life, and even in my like, you know, through my twenties, like things that I had been like confused by or didn't make sense. It was a really great way to kind of say, like, okay, like this is why maybe that person was acting that way, or like this is why, you know, like I wanted to like smash that fish tank in my room when I was like, you know, this age, right? Like so I see like it helped me figure out a lot about me and the world around me. And it's something that I I try to like impart on the people that I work with. It's just like, how do we understand our own little ecosystems and and how we like fit into The rest of the world. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah, yeah, that's that's true. And it's that's interesting too, you know, because like a lot of people that get into the fields, they usually branch off to something else. So, you know, have you looked at have you added anything different into your practice now? Have you looked at like holistic medicines or what's that stuff? Because I know you mentioned energy early on. So I don't know if you're if you're familiar with the principles of energy and things like that. You're like some people are energy sensitive, some people are empaths and things like that too. Do you do you deal in any of that kind of stuff? Amanda Landes: Not not so much like on the books. I and and honestly I would say before before my dad passed away, I was a person that like unless you showed me the facts, like I didn't believe it. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Amanda Landes: and so I kind of like discredited a lot of that stuff. but like I I've had a personal experience since my dad has passed, which just make me question like how energy moves through the universe, like what Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Amanda Landes: really happens to people after they die, and and just like about like the interconnectedness of of a lot of things that I would have, you know, 15 years ago maybe would have said like, you're crazy, like for for Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Amanda Landes: saying these things or like what do you what do you mean you like felt your dad's energy in this place or Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah, same. Amanda Landes: like, but but but I've had that experience personally. I don't think I'm particularly crazy. And I it's it's something I like I appreciate and I evalu and I just like value. being able to be a little bit open to. so like when I talk to people about it in therapy, like I will say things just like that, like, you know, like be open to the experience, like look for signs, you know, because I think if for nothing else, like maybe we don't have a a lie detector test to kind of like gauge if this is real or not. But like if it makes you feel good to feel that you are still connected to somebody that is gone and it's not hurting anybody else, then believe it, you know, believe Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Amanda Landes: what makes you feel good. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah, see, I didn't really know much about energy until I interviewed a few people that were doing energy healing type things. And you know, I had the weird Amanda Landes: Mm-hmm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": sensations, like I couldn't tell you what they were, but then it's made sense after a while. Like, you know, I found them energy sensitive. So like I have this intuition that I can I could tell within the first few minutes if I like somebody or not. I know it sounds weird, but like you could feel Amanda Landes: Mm-hmm. No. Pete "Da Common Denominator": the vibe off of somebody. You know what I'm saying? Like you know how to start reading people Amanda Landes: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": a little bit. Like, you know, I've learned how to read body language and things like that too. I started studying human design a little bit too. So I found out, you know, I'm a man generator, which explains why I do twenty thousand things at once, you know, on top of everything I'm doing now, you know. So I I thought the principle was interesting. Even spirituality. We had Mel Goldman come on. She she talked a lot about spirituality as well. And I thought it was interesting because so many people discredit it, but I'm like, okay, so are you religious then? Okay, so tackle your spiritually I it's something then because you believe in something. You know, whatever you put there in Amanda Landes: Right. Pete "Da Common Denominator": place of it, you know, whether you're Roman, Greek, whatever, you know, have the multiple gods for different things. It doesn't matter. I think we're still talking to something up there that you feel that's there at at the end of the day, kind of thing. So, you know, in and I agree with you though. Like you sometimes you can feel the presence other people. Like when my my godmother passed, I knew something was wrong the day I that it happened. I didn't know right that moment, but I knew something weird was going on and like I could feel it. And I was like, Whoa, Amanda Landes: Mm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": hey, something's not right. And I was I was talking to another c friend of mine who has another podcast called You Have the Power. And we were interviewing and like in the moments, like you feel it, you're like, Mm. And then I went to check my messenger and I got a message from my cousin that my grandma my godmother had passed. And I was like, Damn, that's what that feeling was. You know what I mean? Like you could just feel like something's wrong. And and people just look at you weird when you tell them that. But it's like, you know, we're all made of energy. Think about it. Everything around us is made of energy. Like, you know, just tapping into it is it's pretty interesting too, you know. Now, like I'm not saying like we're psychic, which I mean, there are some people I've met that have some very interesting stories where one of them she was in the UK. She said she found somebody in Canada, but because she could see through the person's like eyes of where they were spiritually, which, you know, it's hard to explain that kind of stuff. Like, how are you gonna say she's wrong Amanda Landes: Huh. Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": when she's literally She found this person nobody else could find, you know. Amanda Landes: Right. Right. And and I my general feeling about it is like again, like if you're not if you're not hurting anybody, believe believe what you want. And I think I just think that there's so much about the universe and the world that we we don't understand. And so Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah, exactly. Amanda Landes: kind of like I don't wanna be on the wrong side of that of standing in some authority of like, well, I know for a fact, you know, religion is real, religion is fake, their life after death or isn't like I don't I don't know, just like with everything else in my life, like I don't know anything other than what's happening in this moment and what's happened in the past. Like I can't tell you what's gonna happen 30 seconds from now. so believe it, right? Like if you, if you get comfort from it, if it gives you clarity, if it helps you in some way, it's not hurting other people, like have at it. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Exactly. So Amanda, the real question though is are you do you have any other books planned? I know a lot of authors when they get that first book going, some of already planned the next one going on. So do you have anything coming down the line you haven't told us about yet? Amanda Landes: I don't, you know, I would like to write I would like to write another book about some of the other experiences I had like when I was younger in my childhood, probably written in that funny vein, probably in the like maybe I have to wait until some people have passed in order to write the book. but it's gonna be but Pete "Da Common Denominator": okay. Okay. Amanda Landes: it it'll be it'll probably be it'll probably be a little bit before before I do that. I I loved writing this book. I I really enjoyed the process. It's a lot of work. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Amanda Landes: And it and it and it was a lot of a lot of just like I I put a lot of myself into it. And I feel like I need to kind of just like sit in that space for a little bit before I before I kind of go back go back into it. Pete "Da Common Denominator": It it had to be hard though because you're remembering somebody who's gone now and then you feel the feelings and moments and you know I I know I've met some authors who wrote their books. Like one was about her dad who got a gunned down because he was a cop in front of the school and she was like, you know, there's moments where she had taken months off between chapters of the book because it was that rough to relive it all, you know. But she was feeling Amanda Landes: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": the feelings in the moment of it, you know, and and things like that too. And another girl, she was writing the story about her brother. He had battled addiction. Of course she lost him to suicide. And I found out that her grandfather and her dad used to beat him in the corner of the kitchen, which was weird because when we were talking, she was telling us like I he kept attacking me in the corner of the kitchen, the same spot. And then we found out that's why he did it though, you know? So I Amanda Landes: Mm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": I find the whole subject's just interesting. Like we've I did a whole series in September about suicide awareness last year. Okay. We met a woman who told her kids about the father taking his life, but the way she explained it to him was in color and and things like that too. And then there's another girl that really turned our heads That we were talking to her, didn't realize that she had actually shot herself in the head, but lived because it missed she luck, Amanda Landes: my goodness. Pete "Da Common Denominator": she lucky when it landed, but she we were leaving from the ice from the perspective of the person that had actually attempted and was laying there trying to figure out what was going on. And like I'm sitting there going, like, wait a minute, dude, something here's not making sense, you know? Like, I've had some really Amanda Landes: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": strange stories on here and things like that too, you know. So my my question though is when it comes to mental health, do you think it What do you think the early stages that we should start talking to these children about it? Like I mean, obviously if we're talking to younger kids, break it down to somebody understand because we want them to understand what their feelings are, do we not? Amanda Landes: Right. No, I think I think we do, you know, and and when I was studying this, there like there's different levels of prevention. So primary prevention is talking to Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Amanda Landes: people before there's a problem. Secondary is like when they're in the midst of something, and then tertiary is when it's kind of like really bad. So like if we're gonna break it down, primary would be like talking to elementary school kids about Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Amanda Landes: their feelings and you know, what to do if they don't feel good and who's safe and who's not, and you know, secondary would be then maybe like somebody in high school or in college who's battling with depression or you know symptoms of of something that's that's starting to impact them. And then tertiary is forensics where like things have already gone pretty wrong and now we have to try to figure out how to like undo whatever of that that we can. And and tertiary is what's exciting, right? Like that's the like sensational stuff. And the primary prevention stuff can kind of feel boring like when you're looking at it. But like it's it's so it's so important. So I, you know, I think things like you know, like having better classes for women who have just had babies when they get out of the hospital, right? Like that is super important. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Amanda Landes: and because when you I don't know if this is everybody's experience, but when when I was in the hospital after I had my son, they make you watch like five videos about like don't shake the baby. which is you're like, yes, you're not supposed to shake the baby, but like I didn't have under any understanding of like why I had to watch so many of those videos. Or or what they were alluding to, which is that like postpartum depression can be a really Pete "Da Common Denominator": Exactly. Amanda Landes: debilitating thing. and some people have psychotic features of that, and that's really would be like a terrifying thing. So, so giving some parent education, giving some guidance to people, so that, you know, I think as good parents, like our our goal is like, I don't want to ruin my kid, right? So like let's help people not ruin their kids as as a first step. And and then provide people with the supports that they need to make sure that they can kind of like follow through with that goal. Pete "Da Common Denominator": So I did want to ask you though, in your own opinion, what do you why do you think people are so afraid to talk about their mental health? Do you think it's because of the judgment thing? I I know I know people share things in internet, yet again, we're back to this subject because my co-host Amanda Landes: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": of another show I do called Voice of the Voiceless, she and I met and she had told me she had shared her story, but she's schizoaffective. So you know, with that, it gets really complex. So she's sharing Amanda Landes: Mm. Sure. Pete "Da Common Denominator": her experience of this thing online for people to better understand this what she deals with. And the people just responding were so nasty. go to the hospital. Go talk to you need to go to his this. You need to and it's just, it's, it's crazy though. But why, why are people so afraid of it? Like you think about it, all the school shootings that happen, notice that mental health always gets brought up, and but then they brush it under the rug right away. Like nobody wants to deal with it. Why are we so afraid of that? Do you do you have any thoughts on that? Amanda Landes: It's I think it's really stigmatized in our society. And I think a lot of times people are very fearful of things that they don't understand. And and mental health is one of those things that fits into this kind of like like amorphous, ambiguous gray area, right? If you go to the doctor because you have diabetes, they'll test your blood, you'll have facts, they'll give you like a like a clear treatment plan and say, here's what's gonna work, do these things, and then you'll feel better. And with mental health, it's not always like that. sometimes it is. And sometimes it's simple, but a lot of times it's much more, it's much more complicated. And the the things that we experience are such a tangled up combination of lived experience, genetics, you know, what we expose ourselves to in terms of drugs and alcohol. Like there's just there's so many pieces in the puzzle that I think it can be it can be it can be hard to figure out. And another part of it is I think that like it's easy to say, that person's crazy, or Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Amanda Landes: you know, or to kind of like do the stigmas because for some of for some people, like it makes us feel normal, right? Like it, like if you can separate out and say, this person is so distinct from me, it means that whatever they're going through can never happen to me. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Amanda Landes: and and and people look for that. It's not a healthy way to like look for comfort, but it's it's something that people do to kind of say like to reassure themselves that they're okay, I guess. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah, a lot of people say, you're so nar those are narcissistic traits and things. I I just like it drives me crazy if people say this like, do you even know what Amanda Landes: Mm-hmm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": that word means? Like, do you have any idea what or is it I I met somebody who had O C D and they were like, Yeah, it's so O C D and she's like, I hate that when people say that 'cause they have no idea what we deal with. Like, you know, they don't understand the level of things that we go through. And you know, Tourette's was an interesting one too. Me and my my co-host Amanda Landes: Mm-hmm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": of the other show, we actually had somebody come on and we were talking to him and he told us statistically Yeah, a lot of less people do a lot of those like I I I like I love movies, but at the same time, I feel when it comes to those kind of things, they they go a little too extreme with it. Like the girl that had Tourette's and Deuce Amanda Landes: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Bigelow. Remember how she just kind of blurred things out? Well, this gentleman Kevin I met, Amanda Landes: Mm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": he runs a podcast about his own experience with Tourette's, but it's nothing like that though. He said, Kevin's like, No, that's actually the low end of the statistics that do it though. But then there's that girl on TV who had Tourette's as well, and she had all the outbursts and things like that too, you know? And I think that's where we start stigmatizing it a little bit too because people see that and think that okay that's instantly how you tell somebody has threats when they really have no idea about ninety percent of these things that, you know, like BPD, they always say, well that's bipolar no, no. Borderline personality disorder and BPD run Amanda Landes: Mm-hmm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": run the same we're the same with bipolar, you know, but BPD is way different. You know what I mean? And like when you see these people online that are talking about it, you see the people responding and things like that too. I feel like a lot of these situations If someone used this magical thing, we have a phone, you know, we we pick it up and maybe Google for five minutes. We'd understand a lot more things about other people or just ask A lot of people don't mind talking about it. Ask They're like, they're okay telling you about it. If they don't want to talk to you about don't worry about it. Then look it up and see. Like, hey, excuse me, can I ask you a question, you know? What what you I Amanda Landes: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": mean, it's like people forgot how to be human to each other. And it's like now that the internet's introduced, now it's like it's a free-for-all out there. It really is, you know. So my my last question before we get to the last two. is about your son, okay. So my question to you is what Amanda Landes: Mm-hmm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": what age range is he, if you don't mind me asking? Amanda Landes: He is six. He just heard six. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Okay, so with the internet the way it is, are you concerned about his interaction with people on the internet? Because I asked this question because early this year, ten to fourteen, the rate of suicide in that age range is going up now. You know, with him being sixth, Amanda Landes: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": obviously you have an honest conversation with him about things and you'll notice things before other people. Are you concerned with Amanda Landes: Mm-hmm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": with the internet with the way he's gonna be in four years? What what's gonna be like for him? Amanda Landes: It i it is. I mean and and I think even like in school now I went in on a school trip and the kids were all like doing something on iPads, a learning thing, but they were all like the learning is very like screen based. So they were like all sitting on their iPads. And he didn't even realize that I came in the room for like 10 minutes because they're just like so focused on this on the screens. and I think it's like a delicate balance. definitely Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Amanda Landes: will kind of monitor, surveil what's going on Pete "Da Common Denominator": For sure. For sure. Amanda Landes: with him with the internet for sure. And even even screen time though. and I and I think it's it's how I approach a lot of things parenting is like I don't want to deprive him of something because that's when kids then kind of like search for that thing when like that's what then like that's how they're sneaky, right? If you tell them they can't eat candy, they're gonna sneak and eat candy because they're gonna want to do it. So it's a balance of like how do I how do I allow enough of it so where it doesn't feel like it's something that has to be hidden. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Amanda Landes: But also like kind of like enforce like, well, there's limits or like here's what you can do, here's what you can't do. and and generally create a safe place where he would be comfortable telling me if he did something or found something on the internet that was like Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Amanda Landes: something he shouldn't be looking at. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah, definitely. So Amanda, we're at that part of the show where I've said told you at the beginning we have two questions to ask every guest. Now the first Amanda Landes: Mm-hmm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": one is kind of a fun one. So the question to you Amanda Landes: Okay. Pete "Da Common Denominator": is if your mental health had a song, what would you say that song would be? Now this is a fun one because you get a lot of interesting answers that come out of this question. Amanda Landes: That is an interesting one. And I wish I knew that this question was coming because I could have like agonized over like picking the perfect song for that. I guess the first thing that comes to my mind, and again, this is like another dated fight club reference, I guess, is is Where is my mind by the Pixies? Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Okay. Amanda Landes: is is is one that I would I would go to. and I could probably come up with like 10 other amazing answers. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Well, you know, I asked a lot of people that question and I tell them I'm like, if there's multiple songs, you can break it down for different things. Like I had two answers to mine Amanda Landes: Yeah. Pete "Da Common Denominator": because I have my anxiety, my depression songs, you know, things like that. Cause I love music. music's a very big Amanda Landes: Mm. Pete "Da Common Denominator": part of my life. I I love music. Every time we get a musician in the studio, I love picking their brains about asking about things, what they feel about stuff. And you know, I actually met a guy that's out of the Minnesota area named Joseph. He's he lost a twelve year old student to suicide ten hours after writing a song called Weird. Weird hearts, but he was using music as a their Amanda Landes: Anyway. Pete "Da Common Denominator": outlet for these guys to come in and and just kind of say well how they feel about things. So it was an interesting question, though, because somebody asked me that too. I was like, you what? That's a real fun one. Let's see what it comes up to. So, Amanda, it's time for the last question of this interview, okay? So, my Amanda Landes: Okay. Pete "Da Common Denominator": question to you, and the reason I started this whole podcast is if you could break the stigma about mental health. Now, anything that you hear that you just want people to stop believing, what is that one thing you feel like is a common denominator? Amanda Landes: Stop believing everything that you read on TikTok and on the internet. You don't Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yes, thank you. Thank you. Somebody said it. Amanda Landes: there I you know lots of like the internet has a lot of good information, it's a great place, but like you don't have to read and believe everything that you see online. And also I think like just because you and your partner didn't work out, it doesn't mean that somebody has like a mental disorder. sometimes, yes, right? Like, but but that's You don't have to you don't have to pathologize everything in order to like justify why you love someone. Like you said at the beginning, right? Like sometimes you're just right. They're not your people, and that's fine, Pete "Da Common Denominator": Sometimes it just doesn't work, you know what I mean? Sometimes it just Amanda Landes: and you can move on. And it doesn't have to be it doesn't have to be a thing. And Pete "Da Common Denominator": Yeah. Amanda Landes: I guess the fine the the the final thing that I'll I'll say, which I tell to everybody, is I think it's really important the way to know if something is a problem, which is that if it's interfering with other parts of your life. So if you are If you are a social drinker and you're in a a world of social drinkers and that's fine, that's fine. But if you are a social drinker and that's interfering with your interpersonal relationships or financial or work or something, right, like that's when you can tell if it's a problem. Like whenever the thing is like seeps out into the rest of your life. And that's a good place to kind of get some support. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Love it. Amanda, thank you so much for coming to hang out. It was so nice to meet you. I'm so happy for the book. If you listen, I'm gonna Amanda Landes: You too. Thanks. Pete "Da Common Denominator": send you the same invite. I tell all my other officers to come in here. When you get ready to write that next book or whatever, you hit me up because you are more than welcome to come back and visit me because I had a great time hanging out with you. Before we wrap up this episode, where can everybody find you? Do you you know do you want to plug a website? You want to plug your socials? Let Amanda Landes: Sure. Pete "Da Common Denominator": them have it. Amanda Landes: Okay. So I have a website, but it's it's it's not the greatest. I don't really know that much about web design, but it's I'm almost okay.com is my website. a better place to find me is probably on Instagram. the tag is Amanda E. Landis. Pete "Da Common Denominator": Mm-hmm. Amanda Landes: And you can also find my book, which is out in a bunch of different formats on on Amazon. And at some point I'm gonna be recording an audio book, but I haven't done that yet. But it's out in Pete "Da Common Denominator": Hey, there you go. Amanda Landes: other formats or now. Pete "Da Common Denominator": There you go. Well listen, Amanda, we're gonna put all those links in the bio for everybody. Let me know when you get that audio book so I can update it for everybody. you know, and Amanda Landes: For sure. Pete "Da Common Denominator": and once again, thank you so much for coming hanging out with Dave. It was real great. I enjoyed meeting you. Like I said, you you're more than welcome to come back and hang out me anytime. We could we could sit here and quote movies all day. I got you. Don't worry. So So Amanda Landes: I would love that. I would love that. I'll come prepare. Pete "Da Common Denominator": With that being said, guys, we're going to wrap up this episode of Pete for Anxiety. You guys overfind me at Pete for Anxiety on X all the way down to TikTok. I'm on Spotify all the way down to Pandora Radio. And as always, say it costs nothing, absolutely nothing to be kind to somebody. One kind act you do can save somebody's life, or hell, it can make their day. I'm Pete for Anxiety, so I'm saying don't ask how your day is today. Say, hey, how's your mental health?