Latest / The Ben Maller Show / The Fifth Hour: Benny's Travel Log

Transcript

The Fifth Hour: Benny's Travel Log · The Ben Maller Show

0:00
Speaker 1: Cutbooms.
0:02
Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes
0:05
Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants
0:09
Speaker 2: of the Old Republic, a soul fashion of fairness. He
0:12
Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the
0:15
Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. Wow to Clearinghouse of
0:19
Speaker 2: hot takes, break free for something special. The Fifth Hour
0:23
Speaker 2: with Ben Maller starts right now.
0:28
Speaker 1: In the air everywhere. The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben
0:33
Speaker 1: Maler and Danny G Radio. Happy Friday. It is the
0:38
Speaker 1: thirteenth day of February. We were recording this early in
0:42
Speaker 1: the morning on a Friday, and it is Valentine's Day weekend,
0:46
Speaker 1: So hopefully at some point we'll have an emergency Tinderoni
0:50
Speaker 1: Tips with Danny G Radio. But today on this edition
0:55
Speaker 1: of the podcast, we've got the Mather travel Log a
1:00
Speaker 1: little bit different, Malard Travelogus. This is our first Fifth
1:04
Speaker 1: Hour podcast since the weekend getaway in Northern California. We're
1:09
Speaker 1: gonna call this Barnacles on the Mayflower. We're gonna call
1:13
Speaker 1: this one Barnacles on the Mayflower. Now, I did notice
1:17
Speaker 1: it was World Radio Day today. I saw this. Now
1:21
Speaker 1: I did not know that it is World Radio Day.
1:24
Speaker 1: I did not realize this was a thing. However it is.
1:28
Speaker 1: It hasn't been a thing for that long. World Radio
1:31
Speaker 1: Day was first proposed in Spain in September of twenty ten,
1:37
Speaker 1: and then it began shortly after that. In twenty eleven,
1:43
Speaker 1: World Radio Day was accepted by all member states of
1:48
Speaker 1: the I guess there's a world body that puts these
1:51
Speaker 1: things together. And the first official World Radio Day was
1:56
Speaker 1: the University of Pisa, the Leaning Tower of Peace in Italy.
2:02
Speaker 1: They hosted an event there and we can thank the
2:05
Speaker 1: great Marconi who invented radio, and then this guy James
2:12
Speaker 1: Clerk Maxwell who proposed radio's possibility. But it was Marconi
2:19
Speaker 1: that invented the first practical radio device and providing me
2:24
Speaker 1: with a lifetime of employment. And the gadgets have changed
2:29
Speaker 1: right to watch you McCall. It's the thinking. My jiggs
2:31
Speaker 1: are all different now. But the radio it's as many
2:34
Speaker 1: radio days today as one of them. So we honor
2:39
Speaker 1: broadcasting and the history of the wacky, wacky business. And
2:45
Speaker 1: it was some of the things that took place here
2:49
Speaker 1: in radio. I don't know that I want to get
2:52
Speaker 1: into this right now. Actually, I had to study this.
2:55
Speaker 1: When I was in Saddleback College. I learned a little
2:58
Speaker 1: bit about radio, and like the first radio station was
3:01
Speaker 1: KDKA and Pittsburgh and nineteen nineteen and then radio FM
3:09
Speaker 1: radio began. There was a bunch of pirate radio stations.
3:12
Speaker 1: That's why the government regulated radio to avoid pirate radio.
3:18
Speaker 1: Of course, now we have the Internet which has nothing
3:21
Speaker 1: but pirated this, that and the other thing. So celebrate appropriately.
3:26
Speaker 1: It is again World Radio Day. Meanwhile, the Mallard travelog
3:31
Speaker 1: has been activated. The road from Los Angeles to San
3:37
Speaker 1: Francisco is not merely a drive. Now, I've done this
3:41
Speaker 1: a few times over the years, but this is a pilgrimage.
3:44
Speaker 1: And I was reminded, having not done it in a
3:48
Speaker 1: little bit of time, that the trip from the South
3:51
Speaker 1: to the north, you feel like you're reading about Lewis
3:55
Speaker 1: and Clark, but you're living it. But you get better snacks,
3:59
Speaker 1: better snacks, conditioning, heating, that kind of stuff. Manifest destiny
4:04
Speaker 1: in a malormobile. As we traveled the overnight sports talk
4:11
Speaker 1: conn of Hall in the malomobile made the migration right
4:14
Speaker 1: up the spine of California, right up the spine. Now
4:19
Speaker 1: as you are aware because you are a loyal minion
4:22
Speaker 1: of the Fifth Hour podcast. We completed a world wind
4:28
Speaker 1: journey at what used to be called Radio Row. That's
4:32
Speaker 1: the colloquial term Radio Row and is now more accurately
4:38
Speaker 1: Influencer Row. A bizarre of ring lights and really self
4:46
Speaker 1: important people. The guy I used to do the podcast
4:48
Speaker 1: with West of the four h five. These are his peeps, right,
4:51
Speaker 1: real smarmy, arrogant people who think their gods give the world.
4:57
Speaker 1: That is what was here. It was a meet way
5:00
Speaker 1: of marketing. Look like a lot of interns and dudes
5:04
Speaker 1: who use the phrase content vertical and they use it.
5:11
Speaker 1: There's no irony there they use it. So Fox Sports Radio,
5:15
Speaker 1: as you are aware, they send the daytime Royalty. There's
5:20
Speaker 1: two types of radio. There's night radio and there's daytime radio.
5:23
Speaker 1: So the daytime radio shows get treated a little bit better.
5:27
Speaker 1: The overnight peasants, as usual, are left to finance their
5:32
Speaker 1: own travel expeditions, while the daytime guys get hotel rooms
5:39
Speaker 1: and per diem and things like that. So fortunately, my
5:43
Speaker 1: brother in law happens to live about ten miles from
5:47
Speaker 1: the heart of San Francisco where this was going on.
5:51
Speaker 1: At the convention, center and my wife, bless her. Intrepidzoul
5:56
Speaker 1: loves a good road trip the way some people love
6:00
Speaker 1: of breathing. So the journey north on I five Interstate
6:06
Speaker 1: five is a lesson in humility regarding geography, and California
6:13
Speaker 1: is a massive monster. It's vast, it's got the agriculture,
6:20
Speaker 1: and it's empty because of that in the middle. There's
6:24
Speaker 1: not a lot going on when you're driving through the middle. Bakersfield, Fresno, Visalia,
6:32
Speaker 1: towns like that, I just feel like Commas in a sentence.
6:37
Speaker 1: No one ever finishes the cows. They just outnumber people,
6:41
Speaker 1: which drives the animal rights wackos crazy. Oh my god,
6:44
Speaker 1: they're farting and there's come on, I want my milk,
6:48
Speaker 1: I want my meat. Fart away boys, flatulence everywhere, And
6:53
Speaker 1: what I enjoyed. One of the things I laughed at
6:55
Speaker 1: was the billboards scolding the bozo gas newsome and I
7:02
Speaker 1: didn't realize that this was as big a thing still,
7:06
Speaker 1: and things maybe moved on, but no, there were a
7:10
Speaker 1: bunch of billboards with this rural venom, which is a
7:14
Speaker 1: different kind of venom. Farmer venom is a different kind
7:18
Speaker 1: of venom, the kind of venom that could curdle milk.
7:22
Speaker 1: And we're talking about the bread basket of California, which
7:24
Speaker 1: stretches out like it's this green ocean. And you realize
7:31
Speaker 1: that driving again from LA to San Francisco is the
7:34
Speaker 1: West Coast equivalent of driving from Boston to Washington. Of
7:39
Speaker 1: course we don't have the charming colonial plaques and historical monuments,
7:44
Speaker 1: but you're going through. If you're going from Boston to Washington,
7:49
Speaker 1: you're traveling through seven states. Right now, We in California
7:53
Speaker 1: have a great deal of garlic. That's our advantage. Now,
7:58
Speaker 1: we made the required stop at In and Out Burger.
8:02
Speaker 1: We stopped right across the Grapevine, which is when you're
8:05
Speaker 1: leaving LA, you gotta go up through the hills and
8:07
Speaker 1: go down into the place where they have all the food.
8:12
Speaker 1: They make the food, and that's the Grapevine. It's a
8:14
Speaker 1: little like truck stop there, and there's hotels if you're
8:16
Speaker 1: not familiar with it. And so we stopped at the
8:18
Speaker 1: Grapevine at the in and Out Burger, which is less
8:21
Speaker 1: a restaurant and more it's like a civic duty to
8:24
Speaker 1: eat an in that burger. I don't eat there very much,
8:26
Speaker 1: but when I see one on the road, we always
8:28
Speaker 1: try to stop, so we kept going. After that, we
8:32
Speaker 1: were fortified again from a Loves truck stop, not the
8:36
Speaker 1: Flying j Not the Flying Jack. There was no Flying
8:40
Speaker 1: Jay at this off ramp, so we went to Loves
8:43
Speaker 1: Now keep Inlind. My wife piloted. It was a two
8:47
Speaker 1: person operation. My wife piloted while I attempted to assemble
8:50
Speaker 1: an overnight radio program from scratch while sitting in the
8:55
Speaker 1: passenger seat. It was truly a dynamic duo maneuver that
9:00
Speaker 1: would have impressed the road warriors. They were, oh, man,
9:03
Speaker 1: that's the way to go. So the show on the
9:05
Speaker 1: West Coast begins at eleven PM, and there is no
9:10
Speaker 1: grace period in radio. I have friends that have normal
9:14
Speaker 1: nine to five jobs, and if traffic is bad, they
9:17
Speaker 1: show up at nine thirty or ten o'clock. The microphone
9:22
Speaker 1: does not care about your plight, your journey, your traffic,
9:26
Speaker 1: doesn't care about it, doesn't care about it. So Gilroy
9:31
Speaker 1: announced itself before we saw it. The windows immediately came down.
9:35
Speaker 1: That's a requirement. The windows came down. We inhaled the
9:39
Speaker 1: stinking rows nature's antibiotic gangster name garlic, and that was awesome.
9:47
Speaker 1: I just love the smell of the guard. Now, by
9:50
Speaker 1: the time we reached San Francisco proper, it was now
9:54
Speaker 1: rush hour. My wife was driving, trying to negotiate lanes
9:59
Speaker 1: like a diplomat in a dispute at the border, and
10:04
Speaker 1: no one gave an inch, No mercy was shown, and
10:08
Speaker 1: the wife was not enjoying this part of the trip. Now,
10:11
Speaker 1: eventually we reached the sanctuarya at my brother in law's home,
10:16
Speaker 1: where I converted a room with cathedral ceilings into a
10:23
Speaker 1: broadcast bunker, Benny's broadcast bunker. I brought this big, giant
10:28
Speaker 1: container with a remote studio setup, including the microphone, the headphones,
10:34
Speaker 1: the thing that we need to connect to everything. So
10:37
Speaker 1: it was all there, and I was worried. I was like, well,
10:42
Speaker 1: this is probably not going to sound that good. But
10:43
Speaker 1: we had nowhere else to broadcast from because the cable
10:47
Speaker 1: that we had wasn't very long and it had to
10:50
Speaker 1: be connected to the do Hickey, and if it was
10:54
Speaker 1: not connected to the dow Higgy as Alf the Alien
10:56
Speaker 1: Opinter and Fergdog No, that would cause a problem that
10:59
Speaker 1: would cause So the acoustics were horrific. My voice ricocheted
11:07
Speaker 1: like a racquetball. In a gymnasium. Callers wondered if I
11:12
Speaker 1: was ill. They were convinced that I had gotten the
11:16
Speaker 1: creeping crud. No, no, I I was just echoing off
11:21
Speaker 1: drywall to six hundred radio stations. So we improvised, which
11:27
Speaker 1: meant going on our phones, well mostly my wife's phone,
11:31
Speaker 1: to Amazon. We ordered a longer cable and we wanted
11:37
Speaker 1: a lower ceiling. And in order to get a lower ceiling,
11:40
Speaker 1: we're not doing the work that just Josh does. We decided, okay,
11:44
Speaker 1: we'll get a longer cable, and so we used the
11:46
Speaker 1: Malor method. My right hand was getting a workout, not
11:51
Speaker 1: the Malor maneuver. That's something different. The Malor maneuver, as
11:53
Speaker 1: you know, is on the game shows. But the Malor
11:55
Speaker 1: method you adjust, adapt and broadcast, not man deflect and absorb. No, no, no.
12:04
Speaker 1: We use the Malord method to just adapt and broadcast.
12:07
Speaker 1: So the following day there was a package that showed
12:11
Speaker 1: up at the door and it had the cable needed,
12:15
Speaker 1: so we were able to broadcast where we wanted to. And
12:18
Speaker 1: then we also had a luncheon. That's right, a power
12:21
Speaker 1: luncheon at the fly Trap in San Francisco. This is
12:24
Speaker 1: a relic of the olden days in San Francisco, with
12:28
Speaker 1: more than a century of stories. If those plaster walls
12:34
Speaker 1: could talk, My god, the things that likely happened at
12:39
Speaker 1: the fly Trap. How great is that? What a great
12:42
Speaker 1: name that is? So this event, there's a patriarchy to this.
12:48
Speaker 1: So the daytime host who had their trip paid for,
12:51
Speaker 1: with their nice jackets and all that, they were there.
12:55
Speaker 1: But I had a chance to meet some really cool people,
12:57
Speaker 1: the big sales executives for the company who came in
13:01
Speaker 1: from New York and Nashville. A bunch of producers there.
13:06
Speaker 1: Danny G was a bunch of my old producer, Danny G.
13:10
Speaker 1: Wrong Button Bob the talent was also there. The big
13:15
Speaker 1: daytime guys, Rob Parker and Jonas Knox and LaVar Arrington
13:21
Speaker 1: and Brady Quinns. First time I met Brady quinn he
13:23
Speaker 1: was there, the old Notre Dame quarterback Covino and Rich
13:27
Speaker 1: and I did not see Stu Gotts. I did not
13:30
Speaker 1: come across Stu Gotts. He was not at that event,
13:32
Speaker 1: at least not when I was there. And we made
13:36
Speaker 1: the rounds and said hello to everyone and all that,
13:39
Speaker 1: and did did our thing that got to see the
13:42
Speaker 1: president Yellow FaceTime with the president of the Premier Network.
13:44
Speaker 1: She lives in Nashville there, Julie Talbot, very nice woman
13:48
Speaker 1: who I haven't seen that often, obviously not living in
13:51
Speaker 1: California anymore, and it was great to catch up with
13:54
Speaker 1: her as a kind of a summit of the big
13:57
Speaker 1: people at the company. And like I said, a lot
13:59
Speaker 1: of these guys I'd not met, really cool dudes, and
14:03
Speaker 1: they're the ones that keep us going because they're the
14:06
Speaker 1: ones that sell all the commercials for dude wipes and
14:09
Speaker 1: all the other stuff, and then we just have to
14:10
Speaker 1: read them on the air. I did break my fast
14:13
Speaker 1: a little early. I was not happy about it, but
14:14
Speaker 1: I did break my fast little early for free food,
14:17
Speaker 1: a small betrayal of the regular routine that I justified
14:23
Speaker 1: it rare and appropriate. Rare, rare and appropriate. You got
14:27
Speaker 1: to live life if you can't just be so locked
14:30
Speaker 1: in that you gotta follow this. So I did fast
14:33
Speaker 1: the very minimum amount of time. Then came a walk
14:39
Speaker 1: to try to get to the credentialing gauntlet courtesy of
14:43
Speaker 1: the National Football League see Radio Row. You can't just
14:46
Speaker 1: walk into radio Row, No, you have to be approved
14:50
Speaker 1: by the NFL and their security, and you have to
14:53
Speaker 1: send in this thing and that thing, and I don't
14:56
Speaker 1: know what the other thing is and all that stuff.
14:59
Speaker 1: So when I say has to approve you, we are
15:02
Speaker 1: talking NFL security, which includes a facial scan which leads
15:08
Speaker 1: to you getting your badge printed. Pentagon level vigilance for
15:14
Speaker 1: a room full of men and women who are arguing
15:20
Speaker 1: about the future of the on side kick and you
15:25
Speaker 1: have facial recognition, Pentagon level security. Now, my wife received
15:30
Speaker 1: the pass as well, and so she was able to
15:32
Speaker 1: hang out with me, and together we crossed over, crossing
15:36
Speaker 1: the Rubicon into the funhouse. Radio Row. Now, legend has
15:42
Speaker 1: it that radio Row began with Mike and the Mad Dog,
15:47
Speaker 1: Mike Francesa and Chris Russo, who both did a stint
15:50
Speaker 1: at Fox Sports Radio. A lot of people don't know
15:52
Speaker 1: that they both did a stint at Fox Sports Radio
15:55
Speaker 1: twenty five years ago. Their weekend shows from WFN picked
16:00
Speaker 1: up in simulcast on Fox Sports Radio. However, we learned,
16:05
Speaker 1: and I didn't know this, that even though Russo and
16:07
Speaker 1: Francesa both had weekend shows, they almost never actually did them,
16:12
Speaker 1: so they were mostly carrying the fill ins for Chris
16:16
Speaker 1: Russo and Mike francessa but a couple of New Yorkers
16:18
Speaker 1: with microphones and ambitions. They would go to the super
16:21
Speaker 1: Bowl site. They'd set up in the lobby of the hotel,
16:24
Speaker 1: and then word got out, and since Mike and the
16:28
Speaker 1: Mad Dog, it has over the years metastasized into a
16:34
Speaker 1: convention now which has been taken over by selfie sticks
16:38
Speaker 1: and beautiful women who are really trying to dress down
16:46
Speaker 1: unless they're not. Hey, good for them, you got it,
16:49
Speaker 1: show it. The NFL, they really do seem more invested
16:53
Speaker 1: in TikTok trends than terrestrial radio. I can't believe it.
17:00
Speaker 1: I don't know why. Uh, this is the part where
17:03
Speaker 1: I would go into a rant. It's the matrix. I've
17:05
Speaker 1: already done that, you know how I feel about it.
17:08
Speaker 1: At some point there will be the great Awakening. At
17:11
Speaker 1: some point a bunch of really powerful people are going
17:15
Speaker 1: to realize that they have been taking to the cleaners.
17:22
Speaker 1: They're going to realize that. Now it hasn't happened yet,
17:24
Speaker 1: but at some point it's going to happen. The fake
17:29
Speaker 1: level of activity that goes on on these platforms is
17:32
Speaker 1: next level. Like there's obviously a lot of people on them,
17:35
Speaker 1: just not as many as the numbers indicate. So the
17:38
Speaker 1: vibe has shifted from a barroom debate the old classic
17:44
Speaker 1: sports radio Tom Rady is the great lo Joe mont Taylor.
17:48
Speaker 1: Now it's this curated spectacle. To describe it, and if
17:54
Speaker 1: you haven't been, you probably have it. It's Costco. If
17:57
Speaker 1: Costco sold egos in bulk, this would be the loading dock,
18:02
Speaker 1: this would be the loading dock. And still there were
18:06
Speaker 1: friendly faces, colleagues, a bunch of other people that behind
18:10
Speaker 1: the scenes pr veterans who I have crossed path with
18:15
Speaker 1: in my time in radio, so it was cool to
18:18
Speaker 1: see him. JT the Brick, who had a seventeen year
18:21
Speaker 1: run I think at Fox Sports Radio. I got to
18:24
Speaker 1: catch up with JT. And of course he does some
18:28
Speaker 1: stuff with Tom Looney and I do Benny Versus the
18:30
Speaker 1: Penny with Tom Looney, so it was great to see him.
18:32
Speaker 1: Some of my old TV people who I knew from
18:37
Speaker 1: the Benny Versus the Penny Show on NBC. My buddy
18:39
Speaker 1: Bill was there. He was nice enough to come over
18:42
Speaker 1: and say hello, so I got to catch up with
18:44
Speaker 1: him and I briefly did some stuff at WEEI. I
18:50
Speaker 1: can't believe it's been almost ten years twenty seventeen, twenty eighteen,
18:54
Speaker 1: and they had a booth and I saw WIGGI, who
18:58
Speaker 1: used to play for the Pages Old Tight like a
19:00
Speaker 1: morning guy, but he was there in the afternoon. I
19:02
Speaker 1: didn't ask many questions. Ted Johnson, the Old Patriot was
19:05
Speaker 1: there also, So those guys were wandering around. A Rash
19:08
Speaker 1: who I've known since he was an intern, and my
19:11
Speaker 1: buddy from Canada. I'm always guys. It was cool. I
19:13
Speaker 1: was shaking hands. I'm not much of a small talk guy.
19:16
Speaker 1: This was mostly small talk. Did my interviews, traded pleasantries
19:21
Speaker 1: that may or may not be remembered. I'm gonna go
19:23
Speaker 1: with not remembered. And then on a sidewalk not far
19:28
Speaker 1: from the madness of the convention center, which was secured
19:31
Speaker 1: by a massive police presence, I nearly collided with Dave Chappelle. Yeah,
19:41
Speaker 1: my right shoulder on my left, not my left. My
19:44
Speaker 1: right shoulder passed within a foot of the Comic Royalty.
19:50
Speaker 1: The gesture Dave Chappelle the court jester, and that was
19:55
Speaker 1: that was pretty cool. And I didn't notice it that
19:58
Speaker 1: there was a gaggle like group of people. These dudes
20:03
Speaker 1: were following one of these influencer ladies who was shaking
20:08
Speaker 1: her tooks while she walked and it was not ugly,
20:12
Speaker 1: and so everything was slowed down. And then ahead of
20:15
Speaker 1: her was Dave Chappelle. Was some dude just walking around.
20:19
Speaker 1: Oh that's Dave Chappelle, very recognizable from all the Netflix
20:24
Speaker 1: comedy stuff and all that. So there he was, and
20:27
Speaker 1: we had that brief moment. That that brief moment there
20:31
Speaker 1: and this in my private ledger. Not a big board
20:36
Speaker 1: unless it is not a list. This is a big board.
20:39
Speaker 1: So Terry and England come to so the celebrity siding.
20:44
Speaker 1: Now this elevates me to the next level. I'm no
20:48
Speaker 1: longer at the kiddy table and Dave Chappelle somewhere between
20:54
Speaker 1: David Beckham when he was still playing Footebois and the Hoff,
21:00
Speaker 1: the legend David Hasselhoff. Would they wink at a nod
21:03
Speaker 1: to Justin Bieber the Beebes who's hoodie touched my arm
21:07
Speaker 1: while he was going out to a Lakers game years ago.
21:11
Speaker 1: So we are now me and Dave Chappelle the most
21:14
Speaker 1: using the most generous interpretation of proximity lifelong acquaintances like
21:20
Speaker 1: I'm sure next time, Dave Chappelle does a comedy show
21:23
Speaker 1: in LA in Hollywood, I'll be like, hey, uh remember me, Dave.
21:26
Speaker 1: Can I get a couple of tickets? Should? No problem,
21:28
Speaker 1: No problem. Now, the city itself presented a curious amount
21:32
Speaker 1: of theater in San Francisco because near the convention Center
21:37
Speaker 1: it was fine. Order was there, laws were being followed.
21:44
Speaker 1: I don't want to say the streets were scrubbed, because
21:46
Speaker 1: there was still a lot of dirt around. The police
21:49
Speaker 1: presence was abundant. Now, one of the offers, one of
21:53
Speaker 1: the officers, confided with me and the wife, and you know,
21:57
Speaker 1: the wife knows the lingo. She's a nine and one operator,
22:00
Speaker 1: so she knows the lingo of the cops. And so
22:03
Speaker 1: this guy was really cool and he's like confighted. He
22:05
Speaker 1: used to be a radio guy names Marcus. I'm sure
22:09
Speaker 1: there's more than one cop named Marcus. And it was
22:11
Speaker 1: really cool. He's like, yeah, give me the whole rap.
22:13
Speaker 1: And he essentially said, and this blew me away because
22:16
Speaker 1: I heard guys like Pat McAfee who were like, oh,
22:19
Speaker 1: people said San Francisco was, but it's not about at all.
22:22
Speaker 1: And you're right around the convention center it was fine.
22:27
Speaker 1: And the cop told me that the politicians in San Francisco,
22:32
Speaker 1: they gave the mandate to treat the Super Bowl convention
22:36
Speaker 1: area where all the media people were going to be
22:38
Speaker 1: and the influencers, as a geopolitical event, like they swept
22:45
Speaker 1: up the vagrants. And it was reminiscent the officer said
22:50
Speaker 1: of when the President of China came for some meetings.
22:53
Speaker 1: Is a similar thing, and so okay. But then you
22:58
Speaker 1: leave that bubble you want under a few blocks, and
23:03
Speaker 1: the varnishes thinned, the reality reasserts itself and does about
23:09
Speaker 1: as subtle as a brass band about us, subtle as
23:12
Speaker 1: a brass band. Traffic downtown was medievil, medievil. And I'd
23:19
Speaker 1: like to meet the politician that decided we have these
23:23
Speaker 1: three lane roads in downtown San Francisco. Why don't we
23:27
Speaker 1: convert one of the lanes in all of downtown as
23:30
Speaker 1: a busway or ride share corridor. Will paint that lane red,
23:39
Speaker 1: and we will provide one of the legendary boondoggles in
23:43
Speaker 1: any city I've ever been to. Now, traffic's bad in
23:46
Speaker 1: la and it's bad in Boston. It's a lot of
23:48
Speaker 1: it's underground, and New York City's terrible. And I've been
23:51
Speaker 1: able to travel and drive in all these places, but
23:54
Speaker 1: it once took us. This was I think on Thursday,
24:00
Speaker 1: might not it was Friday. It took us forty five
24:02
Speaker 1: minutes to go a mile and a half. We were
24:05
Speaker 1: a mile and a half from where we needed a park.
24:07
Speaker 1: Took forty five minutes. I could have crawled in my
24:13
Speaker 1: knee pads or whatever. I would have made it in
24:16
Speaker 1: less time. Now, after waiting, there was another moment where
24:21
Speaker 1: we left Radio Row. We were going to go out
24:23
Speaker 1: and get a bite to eat, and we walked a
24:26
Speaker 1: few blocks over from the convention center. He's like, all right,
24:29
Speaker 1: let's go a few blocks over. There'll be less traffic. Well, A,
24:31
Speaker 1: there wasn't less traffic, and B we could not believe
24:35
Speaker 1: every corner had a cop on it to avoid the
24:38
Speaker 1: people that were down on their luck from hanging out
24:41
Speaker 1: with the tourists and all that. So we went to
24:44
Speaker 1: is it Union Square? I think something Union. We went
24:47
Speaker 1: down there and it's like this really cool park surrounded
24:50
Speaker 1: by these old buildings, and you might you could have
24:53
Speaker 1: been in any city, could have been in Chicago, New York, LA.
24:55
Speaker 1: Whatever the buildings are all. And so we saw we
24:59
Speaker 1: were like all right, Let's order an uber all right,
25:02
Speaker 1: no problem. The uber says, six minutes, will pick you
25:06
Speaker 1: up from this spot. Walk a half a block to
25:09
Speaker 1: this spot. Okay, I can walk a half a block.
25:12
Speaker 1: So we walked a half a block and the app,
25:17
Speaker 1: the uber app, said traffic is building. Car is still
25:21
Speaker 1: six minutes away. So we said, okay, understandable. I was
25:26
Speaker 1: just going to wait here. And we waited, and we
25:29
Speaker 1: waited for about thirty to forty minutes. I forget exactly
25:32
Speaker 1: how long it was. It was more than thirty less
25:35
Speaker 1: than forty, but I'll say between thirty and forty. And
25:40
Speaker 1: I was getting annoyed, and I said, you know what,
25:43
Speaker 1: cancel it now. We had no other audit. We could
25:45
Speaker 1: not walk the hills of San Francisco. We're not lunatics.
25:50
Speaker 1: These hills are insane. I'd like to also go back
25:52
Speaker 1: on a hot top time machine find out who decided
25:54
Speaker 1: this is a good idea. Let's uh, this is almost
25:58
Speaker 1: the hill is almost straight up. Let's build a house here,
26:01
Speaker 1: Let's build a skyscraper. That's the way to do it. Anyway,
26:05
Speaker 1: So I had this brilliant epiphany. I said, you know what,
26:09
Speaker 1: we're in San Francisco. Cancel the uber. We did, and
26:14
Speaker 1: I was overwhelmed with the tourism disease, if you will.
26:20
Speaker 1: We boarded one of the iconic cable cars, you know,
26:25
Speaker 1: the red cable cars, which is really only there for
26:27
Speaker 1: the tourists, and it was packed. It was absolutely packed.
26:32
Speaker 1: It was so packed. How packed was It was so
26:34
Speaker 1: packed that we had to cling to the exterior like
26:37
Speaker 1: barnacles on the Mayflower. Okay, we had to cling. The
26:42
Speaker 1: only places they had were on the side, you know
26:44
Speaker 1: the poles on the side you can stand up as
26:46
Speaker 1: the cars movie. So we spent eight dollars each sixteen
26:50
Speaker 1: dollars for a thrill ride like at an amusement park.
26:54
Speaker 1: And at multiple points did we flirt with being the
26:57
Speaker 1: lead store on the eleven o'clock news. Overnight radio host
27:02
Speaker 1: is in the hospital after being hit while riding in
27:05
Speaker 1: iconic San Francisco cable car. Yeah, the automobiles came about
27:12
Speaker 1: as close as possible with no shame in their game.
27:16
Speaker 1: So close they could smell our cologne or perfume, or
27:22
Speaker 1: we could. They literally could read the expressions on our face.
27:27
Speaker 1: They could have hugged us. It was wild and now
27:31
Speaker 1: we obviously survived. I'm doing this podcast that felt like
27:34
Speaker 1: a minor achievement, just surviving, and we were planning on
27:38
Speaker 1: eating at my favorite restaurant in San Francisco, the Stick
27:43
Speaker 1: and Rose. However, by the time we navigated the cable car,
27:50
Speaker 1: we didn't have enough time, so we decided to cross over.
27:53
Speaker 1: We went all the way to the end of the
27:54
Speaker 1: cable car, too afraid to get off because of what
27:58
Speaker 1: was going on. We almost got almost hit a car
28:00
Speaker 1: that stopped. This white jeep stopped right in front of
28:04
Speaker 1: the cable car. Why would you stop in front of
28:06
Speaker 1: the cable car. Those things take a couple of minutes
28:08
Speaker 1: to stop it. They don't stop right anyway. So we
28:11
Speaker 1: were all way down to Fisherman's Wharf in San Francisco
28:13
Speaker 1: and then walked over to Girideli Square for the Cookie Sunday,
28:19
Speaker 1: a very decadent dessert that should require a coast. It's
28:23
Speaker 1: my favorite dessert and I had to have it. So
28:27
Speaker 1: from there we took the dessert and sat down on
28:30
Speaker 1: that little park in Fisherman's Wharf and admired the silhouette
28:35
Speaker 1: on the distance of Alcatraz Island, this amazing monument to misbehavior,
28:41
Speaker 1: and I looked at us. Imagine how much a condo
28:44
Speaker 1: would go for if you could put a condo on
28:46
Speaker 1: Alcatraz Island and watch out, Oh my god, would that
28:52
Speaker 1: be great? And also we admired the mighty Golden gate
28:55
Speaker 1: Bridge was off to the left. It was a cool day,
29:00
Speaker 1: San Francisco. Not East Coast coal, not Wooster Mask Cole,
29:05
Speaker 1: but it was coal. And a woman who was just
29:10
Speaker 1: a normal looking woman put on she put it on
29:14
Speaker 1: somewhere else, but she had a bikini on. I don't
29:16
Speaker 1: or she put the bikini on, but she was wearing
29:18
Speaker 1: a bikini and she plunged in to the water. She
29:22
Speaker 1: plunged into the water in San Francis. I was like, whoa,
29:27
Speaker 1: what is this woman doing? It's wild? And uh yeah,
29:32
Speaker 1: I admired her fortitude. I questioned her sanity equal amounts.
29:39
Speaker 1: I was like, well, that's kind of cool. That's a
29:40
Speaker 1: little different. What are you doing, my goodness, what are
29:44
Speaker 1: you doing? And she see him fine, I'm guessing that's
29:47
Speaker 1: not the first time she's done the Arctic plunge. And
29:50
Speaker 1: she survived as far as we could tell. And that
29:54
Speaker 1: was it. So we we had to get back the
29:57
Speaker 1: radio road to get my bag. And the reason we
30:00
Speaker 1: to go back and get the bag was because Radio
30:02
Speaker 1: Row was going to shut down. It was Friday, So
30:04
Speaker 1: we made it back to an uber. Had to walk
30:07
Speaker 1: six blocks. The traffic was so bad. The guys like, listen,
30:10
Speaker 1: I can you know we can keep going, or you
30:13
Speaker 1: can just get out and walk. You'll get there sooner.
30:15
Speaker 1: So we got out and walked a little bit, saw
30:17
Speaker 1: some of the debauchery, and then we got closer and
30:21
Speaker 1: the cops were there, and so everything was fine, and
30:24
Speaker 1: we didn't eventually go back to the stinking Rows and
30:28
Speaker 1: have dinner. So we did have that and just reeked
30:31
Speaker 1: of garlic and it was just wonderful. And then on
30:35
Speaker 1: Saturday we made the journey back. The following morning, there
30:39
Speaker 1: had a brunch with the brother in law, and then
30:41
Speaker 1: made the trip down the winding road of Highway one
30:45
Speaker 1: oh one, stopping at all our favorites. The Madonna Inn
30:49
Speaker 1: in San Louis Obispo for the champagne cake, the Old
30:53
Speaker 1: West Cinnamon Roll Shop, which is about thirteen miles down
30:57
Speaker 1: the coast. There iconic Cinnabon, Iconic Cinnabons, and I had
31:03
Speaker 1: to stop at Costco in Central California for the Sacrament
31:08
Speaker 1: of gasoline. And how long did it take us to
31:12
Speaker 1: get back? We took the long way. Normally it takes
31:15
Speaker 1: about six hours to go from LA to San Francisco
31:18
Speaker 1: and vice versa. It took us ten hours, ten hours.
31:22
Speaker 1: My brain was thoroughly sautaed by the time we got
31:25
Speaker 1: back to California. I drove most of it. I didn't
31:27
Speaker 1: drive the whole thing, but I drove about nine of
31:30
Speaker 1: the ten hours. And it's always one of these things
31:34
Speaker 1: when you look back at stuff like this, it was like, Wow,
31:36
Speaker 1: that was a lot of fun. Man, that was fun.
31:39
Speaker 1: It was a Tasmanian devil like journey. It really was
31:45
Speaker 1: a Tasmanian devil like journey. The microphones, whirlwinds, power lunches,
31:52
Speaker 1: hanging out with old radio friends, garlic, celebrity brush bys,
31:57
Speaker 1: me and my buddy Dave Chappelle, cable call a peril,
32:01
Speaker 1: all of that stuff. Now, none of that stuff's gonna
32:05
Speaker 1: happen next year, because the Super Bowl sixty one will
32:08
Speaker 1: return to Los Angeles in the hood in Englewood and
32:13
Speaker 1: up to no good. There will be no trips through farmland,
32:17
Speaker 1: no Gilroy perfume, no Northern pilgrimage, only traffic glorious grinding
32:26
Speaker 1: gridlock traffic as only they can do it in La
32:29
Speaker 1: La Land. And if all goes well, we will be there, microphone, live,
32:34
Speaker 1: metaphors loaded, ready to declare once more that the show
32:40
Speaker 1: has to go on. Whether we're invited or not. We're
32:42
Speaker 1: gonna be interlopers. We're gonna crush the party, and that's
32:44
Speaker 1: how that's going to go. And on that note we
32:48
Speaker 1: will say goodbye for now. We got another episode of
32:50
Speaker 1: The Fifth Hour tomorrow on Saturday, and then on Sunday
32:55
Speaker 1: the mail Bag. Still time to get your questions in
32:57
Speaker 1: for the mail bag. Send them in right now care
33:01
Speaker 1: of Reel fifth Hour at gmail dot com. That's real
33:04
Speaker 1: fifth Hour at gmail dot com. Have a wonderful rest
33:08
Speaker 1: of your Saturday. I tell you to watch the All
33:11
Speaker 1: Star NBA stuff, but I know you're not gonna do that,
33:14
Speaker 1: So have a great day. Gotta murder, Gotta go