Latest / QUESTION EVERYTHING / Orgasms, Fetishes, Boring Sex and More - Shan Boodram Answers Sex Questions Women Are Embarassed To Ask

Transcript

Orgasms, Fetishes, Boring Sex and More - Shan Boodram Answers Sex Questions Women Are Embarassed To Ask · QUESTION EVERYTHING

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: I'm Pia Baron Jeanie, a creative director of LPA, an entrepreneur,
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: a wife, and a dog mom based in Los Angeles.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: This is my new podcast, Everything is the Best, where
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: we basically ask interesting people, how did you go from
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: zero to yacht? I'm always curious how to help people
• 0:17
  Speaker 2: became successful, and I figured you would be too.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: Get on the internet with me.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Let's laugh, let's cry, let's overshare, and let's get inspired
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: to live our best lives. Check out new episodes every Wednesday.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: It's all for you, baby, Thanks for listening.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Love you mean it.
• 0:40
  Speaker 3: Big things happen when you're pretty, pretty bold, pretty clever,
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: pretty strong. I'm Danielle Robe and each week my guests
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: and I have conversations that put a new spin on pretty.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: This is pretty smart. Who we are going there today?
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: Nothing is off limits. We are talking orgasms, fetishes, boring,
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: sex vaginas, basically sex questions women are embarrassed to ask.
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: But before we get into it, I have a request.
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: Can you go to Spotify or iTunes or wherever you
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: listen to this pod, rate it and review it? If
• 1:17
  Speaker 3: you dm me a screenshot of your review on Instagram
• 1:20
  Speaker 3: and send me your delivery address. I'm going to send
• 1:23
  Speaker 3: you a PS product for free. You can't buy one.
• 1:26
  Speaker 3: I'm never putting it up for sale. It's truly a
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: pretty Smart product for people who write a review, and honestly,
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: I would be so grateful. You know, it is so
• 1:36
  Speaker 3: cool to see the numbers grow each month. The pretty
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: Smart community is growing. And if you're listening to this episode,
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: you've been here. You've been here from the beginning, and
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: I know that, and I want to thank you. You know,
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: I saw this great meme online about not getting discouraged
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: about growing your social media. If you have twenty five views,
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: you filled up a classroom. If you had one hundred
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: or three hundred views, you filled up a movie theater
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: or an airline. And if you have five hundred views,
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: you filled up an auditorium. If we can even get
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: one hundred reviews, that would be like filling up a
• 2:09
  Speaker 3: small airplane or a movie theater. Okay, time to get
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: into the good stuff. She's a certified sex educator, dating coach,
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: and relationship expert with over seventy million views on YouTube
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: and five hundred thousand followers on Instagram. She's a best
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: selling author. She has a new show with Andy Cohen
• 2:32
  Speaker 3: out on Peacock, and her own podcast is about to
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: launch Lovers and Friends with Shan Budram. What's all the
• 2:39
  Speaker 3: fuss about? Well, Shan Boudram is dope. She's the type
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: of person you want to be around. Every time I'm
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: with her, I stare at her and think, Damn, you're magnetic.
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: She's honest and fun and sincere, and she has a
• 2:54
  Speaker 3: way of making conventionally taboo topics easy to discuss.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: So today we are.
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: Diving in and I have a feeling I'm gonna blush
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: a few times during this episode. But this isn't about me.
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: This is about answering sex questions women are embarrassed to ask. Okay,
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: so I have a ton of your questions for you,
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: but I want people to get to know you first.
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: You are from Toronto. Yes, you have a daughter.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: Now I do have a daughter.
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: Now, your sister just came to move like she moved
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: to La to hang out with you. Guys.
• 3:27
  Speaker 4: If this was a fortune telling session, I'd be blown
• 3:30
  Speaker 4: away right now, Like, how do you know all these things?
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: This is true?
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: What are other important tidbits?
• 3:36
  Speaker 4: I am married. I own a production company with my husband.
• 3:40
  Speaker 4: We hired my sister full time, we hired his brother
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: full time. I think at this point in my life
• 3:46
  Speaker 4: it's about getting more people invested involved. I feel like
• 3:49
  Speaker 4: I'm on my second mountain of life, where it's less
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: about my personal success and more about a community success.
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: I am Did that happen after Ryuth?
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 3:59
  Speaker 4: Maybe? Yeah, yes, exactly, I think so. I think maybe
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: January of this year. It's interesting because I moved to
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: Los Angeles the typical way that everybody moves here, Like
• 4:06
  Speaker 4: you just drive your car down and you have nothing,
• 4:08
  Speaker 4: and you sleep on a friend's couch and then you
• 4:10
  Speaker 4: think to yourself, Okay, so either I die or I
• 4:13
  Speaker 4: figured this out. And I remember, maybe about two years
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: into my move, there was a book that came across
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: my life called The Second Mountain, and essentially it was
• 4:21
  Speaker 4: about being in a space where you wake up every
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: day and your first thought isn't here's how I hustle
• 4:27
  Speaker 4: for myself. Your first thought is like, what can I
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: do to align someone I love with their greatest potential
• 4:32
  Speaker 4: or somebody else? I mean, the real second mountain is
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: when you get to the place where you want to
• 4:36
  Speaker 4: help people you don't know. And I remember reading that
• 4:38
  Speaker 4: book and I was like pissed off by it, Like what,
• 4:42
  Speaker 4: I do not have enough in life to be worrying
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: about anybody else, And so I stopped reading it immediately.
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: And then it occurred to me this year, which is
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: probably three years after the fact of my first introduction,
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: that like, wow, I'm starting to really embark on my
• 4:55
  Speaker 4: second mountain.
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: Now, that's really beautiful and interesting. You say that because
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: I think about this idea often. When I interview people
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: and I ask them about the best advice they would
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: give their younger self. Almost everybody says, just to chill out,
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: that everything works out the way it should. And in
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: my head, I'm like, that's actually kind of what I
• 5:14
  Speaker 3: would tell my younger self. But at the same time,
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: I don't know if you get to a place where
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: you find success if you're not, if you're chill on
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: the way there, like easier to say twenty years down
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: the road.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: Yes, it is easier to say.
• 5:29
  Speaker 4: And I think it is that grittiness, that stressfulness, that
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: hunger that pushes you over some really big mountains and hurdles.
• 5:38
  Speaker 4: Because I think that people think of the grind as
• 5:41
  Speaker 4: this consistent momentum.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: It's not.
• 5:44
  Speaker 4: It's really like a staircase, right, Like you go up
• 5:46
  Speaker 4: like you're going in this drastically crazy, stupid incline, and
• 5:50
  Speaker 4: then you're coasting for a second, then you go back up.
• 5:52
  Speaker 4: So you need that craziness for those stupid inclines.
• 5:56
  Speaker 3: I think so too. Were you always in in teaching
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: people about sex? Like what did you want to be
• 6:02
  Speaker 3: as a kid?
• 6:03
  Speaker 4: Oh?
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Girl, that's it? Really, I think I wanted to be that.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: I didn't know. I mean, it's kind of like, let
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: me ask you the question, what did you want to
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: be as a kid?
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: Britney Spears?
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: Are you Britney Spears of podcasting? No?
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: None of it. Although when I look back, I just.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: Got a kid. How old were you when you had
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: that thought?
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: Like when you really think about before you put it
• 6:21
  Speaker 4: to anything, like what was your natural passion?
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: What were you interested in?
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: I was interested in society and culture? Like every book
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: report I like did on Hillary Clinton, eleanor Roosevelt, Shirley Chisholm.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: That's kind of what you do right now.
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: It is kind of what I'm trying to interview those.
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: People because I'm basically Hillary Clinton. Yes, what people call me.
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: I've heard that several times behind my back. But I
• 6:44
  Speaker 4: think that we have this idea that passion and purpose
• 6:47
  Speaker 4: are these things we have to find, Like you got
• 6:49
  Speaker 4: to find your purpose, You've got to find why you're
• 6:51
  Speaker 4: here at life. And I think for most people, if
• 6:53
  Speaker 4: you reflect back on what your earliest tendencies were, the
• 6:56
  Speaker 4: things that you knew were true to you before anyone
• 6:59
  Speaker 4: else had an influen on your opinion and your likes,
• 7:02
  Speaker 4: it usually is somewhat in line with what you do today.
• 7:05
  Speaker 4: And so for me, I really was a very sexual kid,
• 7:09
  Speaker 4: and I was a very intimate kid because it wasn't
• 7:12
  Speaker 4: always tied to sexuality. It was just tied to sensuality.
• 7:15
  Speaker 4: Like I was very very affectionate, but to a place
• 7:18
  Speaker 4: that it was like troubling to my mom. And I
• 7:22
  Speaker 4: was very drawn to the human body, again in a
• 7:24
  Speaker 4: way that was troubling to my parents. And because this
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: was so heavily discouraged for me, it felt like I
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: also went to a Catholic school, so it was also
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: just discouraged from like a systematic place. But because this
• 7:37
  Speaker 4: area of mine that I thought was good was like
• 7:40
  Speaker 4: constantly refirmed as being bad by the time that I
• 7:43
  Speaker 4: went through puberty, and now it went from being something
• 7:46
  Speaker 4: that I felt was good, something that was like I
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: have to do, like I've got to do something with
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: my body because these hormones are racing through me. I
• 7:53
  Speaker 4: already had the notion in my head that I couldn't
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: tell anyone about it. So I learned about sex all
• 7:58
  Speaker 4: in very secretive ways, which obviously was porn based on
• 8:02
  Speaker 4: a generation, and it was fiction books, and it was
• 8:05
  Speaker 4: fiction TV shows. And then when I turned nineteen years old,
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: I'd had so many negative experiences. I had multiple partners,
• 8:11
  Speaker 4: I had no orgasms, I had no self respect, and
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: I had an opportunity to really press the pause button
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: to say, either my parents and everybody was right, this
• 8:20
  Speaker 4: is a bad thing I should not interact with or
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: I'm doing it in an irresponsible way. And I have
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: to see if there's another way to present myself or
• 8:28
  Speaker 4: to exist as a sexual being without suppressing myself. Is
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: there no other options? So I got a library card
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: and just read a bunch of books, and then I
• 8:35
  Speaker 4: thought to myself, Wow, there's great information here. But I
• 8:38
  Speaker 4: would never pick this up if I had not gone
• 8:40
  Speaker 4: through what I did or had that natural interest area,
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: So how do I make this information accessible to people?
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: And that's like really how it began. But I think
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: it officially began when I was like four.
• 8:50
  Speaker 3: Part of the reason I'm so drawn to you and
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: your content is that it feels like you have ownership
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: over everything you're saying and doing. You're very empowered. How
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: do you walk the line or have you thought about
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: how to feel and be sexual without being sexualized?
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 9:09
  Speaker 4: I think I do a pretty damn good job of
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: it somehow because I'm not very sexualized.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: I think this is nice.
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: Then you're hot, so I'm curious to know you.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you.
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: And I told my best friend from home that I
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: was interviewing you today and she was like, she looks
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: like a sex god.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Oh wow.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's a thing, and I'm wondering if that's
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: something you consciously think about.
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: It's not because I, you know, take pictures in lingerie
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: and I'm not afraid of that part of myself. I
• 9:37
  Speaker 4: think there was definitely a time in my life that
• 9:39
  Speaker 4: was purposefully trying to de sexualize myself, especially because you
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: go through these ebbs and flows, so I was hyper
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: sexual in my teens, and then in my twenties, I
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: thought the way to cure that was to be under
• 9:52
  Speaker 4: sexual so that people wouldn't look at me that way.
• 9:55
  Speaker 4: And so I like didn't wear deodorant and only wore
• 9:57
  Speaker 4: u'sed clothes and I was like reallyyish, but like not
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: in a cool way.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: I think in a hopboish kind of way.
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: Like you didn't want people to look at you. I
• 10:06
  Speaker 4: didn't want to be looked at like that. I didn't
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: want to be thought of only for that. And ask
• 10:12
  Speaker 4: this question too, when people meet you, what is the
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: thing that you want them to think about you the most?
• 10:19
  Speaker 4: Like they walk away and they say, wow, Danielle, is
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: what is the thing that's most important to you?
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: Two things? One? I know, just one, just one.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Smart, my game smart smart, mine smart too?
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: Really yeah, And I always growing up I had a
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: really big chest, and I felt like part of my
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: work my career was trying to overcompensate for making people
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: think that I was like making sure they knew I
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: was smart and not just like a bimbo with big boobs.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, now I got to look at your boobs. I'm sorry.
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: Look at the same time looking at I have breastfeeding boobs,
• 10:56
  Speaker 4: which are my favorite thing in the world.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: No, my baby's my favorite thing in the world, second favorite.
• 11:01
  Speaker 4: But yeah, I think smart is very important to me,
• 11:03
  Speaker 4: so I just think naturally leading with that, and oh
• 11:08
  Speaker 4: that's interesting. Yeah, I just for whatever reason. It's interesting
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: because I have other people who obviously work in this
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: space who I'm friends with, and they get far more
• 11:16
  Speaker 4: dick pics and inappropriate dms, and you know, I just don't.
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: But it's also interesting because I was mentioning my brother
• 11:22
  Speaker 4: in law works for me, and so he was going
• 11:24
  Speaker 4: through my DMS for something.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: He's like, you get the weirdest DMS.
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: I was like, what, and so he's like, yeah, like
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: people DM you like some really specific sexual requests.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: And I'm like, I don't even see them.
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: So it's also possible that I'm not tuned into those
• 11:36
  Speaker 4: type of things, and even if I see a glimpse
• 11:38
  Speaker 4: of it, I would just move past it.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: But I don't feel like I'm overly sexualized.
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: I don't either. It's something I really noticed, So that's
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: interesting to hear. I think it's it must be because
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: you lead with your intellect, I hope. So, yeah, could
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: we have some viewer questions, and we can't let the
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: viewers down.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: Can't do it, hie people.
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: Number one, so these are these are specifically questions that
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: people feel embarrassed to ask.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, they don't.
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: Want everybody said, do not use my name, so there
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: are no names here. Number one, Is there such thing
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: as a loose vagina?
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: Yes?
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: I went to Layby a plasty surgeon who is in
• 12:18
  Speaker 4: obgyn recently and she said that one of her patients
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: described sex as throwing a hot dog down a hallway.
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: So just by virtue of age and maybe multiple children,
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: that it is possible. And then doctor Pouchet, which is
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: her name, I said to me that, yeah, there are
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: some vaginas that are larger than others. And it depends
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: on how larger hymen is. It depends on your muscles,
• 12:41
  Speaker 4: your PC muscles. So yeah, there are some vaginas that
• 12:44
  Speaker 4: are are larger than others.
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: And how how about when people feel self conscious about theirs?
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: Well, one, there's anything in life, right, I mean, this
• 12:52
  Speaker 4: is thing. We live in a time where if you
• 12:54
  Speaker 4: really do feel concerned, like go and see your obgyn
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: and ask questions and say, like doctor Pouchet for example,
• 12:59
  Speaker 4: can like measures people based on like finger girth, and
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: then she'll tell you about that there's actually a procedure
• 13:06
  Speaker 4: you can get that tailors your vagina to your partner's
• 13:09
  Speaker 4: penis because it's also determinant, like how big or small
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: your vagina is is probably only noticeable depending on what
• 13:16
  Speaker 4: kind of partner you're with, right, and if penetration is
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: important to you or what the factors are. So just
• 13:23
  Speaker 4: if you are concerned. I never want to tell people like,
• 13:25
  Speaker 4: just think differently about yourself, because that's always the first option,
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: right when someone says like, hey, I think that I've got,
• 13:32
  Speaker 4: you know, back acne, and someone just like, no, you don't,
• 13:34
  Speaker 4: and you're like, but I'm not, but I do, but
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: I do.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: Right, So, if you've been thinking.
• 13:38
  Speaker 4: About it for a long time and it's bothering, you
• 13:40
  Speaker 4: go and see your obg y N. And if your
• 13:42
  Speaker 4: OBGYN dismisses you, go see another one. You know, really
• 13:45
  Speaker 4: ask questions to see and then get the answers. I
• 13:48
  Speaker 4: have like chubby under cheeks and it's like called buckle
• 13:52
  Speaker 4: fat pads. So I sorry you, I don't really have
• 13:55
  Speaker 4: it that much anymore, to be honest with you. With
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: age has gotten better, but I you know, look at
• 14:00
  Speaker 4: models who have the like cheekbone look, it's all sunk in.
• 14:03
  Speaker 4: I was like, I want that, and everyone's like, you're crazy,
• 14:05
  Speaker 4: you're crazy. And then I went to a plastic surgeon
• 14:07
  Speaker 4: and then they were like you're crazy. I went to
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: another one who like sat me down and was like,
• 14:11
  Speaker 4: here's what you could do if you want to fix this.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Here's what's going to be the cost.
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: Down the line, as you age, you're gonna look older
• 14:16
  Speaker 4: because that's actually keeping your face looking youthful. And like
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: having the conversation was enough to sober me up, and honestly,
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: the insecurity went away after that. So I'm a big
• 14:25
  Speaker 4: fan of like, if it's bugging you, go down that
• 14:28
  Speaker 4: rabbit hole, see what the options are, ask some questions,
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: talk to your professional. Even if you don't do anything different,
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: the fact that you saw it through, I think will
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: change your perspective.
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: I like the realistic approach. Number two. This viewer has
• 14:42
  Speaker 3: some dirty, slash unconventional fantasies. How does she bring them
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: up with her partner without freaking them out?
• 14:49
  Speaker 4: Porn there's a category for everything. I think when you
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: have a video and you can show a video, it
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: one gives a visual example some concede in real time,
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: and two it affirmed like I'm not the only person
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: in this world who's ever thought of this, Like there
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: has to be a director and porn performers, and like
• 15:06
  Speaker 4: a viewership that also aligns with this desire. So that
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: can also help you feel like I'm not alone. You
• 15:12
  Speaker 4: know that this is valid. This is a way that
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: people seek pleasure, and it's a way that I am
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: deserving a receiving pleasure. I also think it's really important
• 15:19
  Speaker 4: that whenever we introduce new things to our partner, we
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: don't expect an immediate yes, because it takes us a
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: long time to accept our own desires. Right, So if
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: you have an idea of like, man, I want somebody
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: to smoke a cigarette out of my pussy hole.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: So I'm not saying that's your thing, but.
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: If you have that thought, you probably were like, oh,
• 15:38
  Speaker 4: that's kind of weird, and you know, that might have
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: been your first reaction, and then maybe you watched a
• 15:42
  Speaker 4: few videos or you had a couple of fantasies, and
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: then two weeks later you were like, no, I really
• 15:46
  Speaker 4: want that to happen. So when you present your partner
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: with a new idea. Don't put so much stock on
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: how they initially respond, Like, give them some time to
• 15:54
  Speaker 4: sit with it, maybe watch a cute few other things,
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: think about it, fantasize it on their own time, and
• 15:59
  Speaker 4: then see how they feel integrating it into the bedroom.
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: So I actually have an interesting anecdote on the flip
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: side of this. When I was twenty two, I had
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: a boyfriend and I was l yeah, right, Like I
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: was like, I know, he's cheating on me. I know.
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: So he went to work and I went through like
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: have you ever seen sex in the city? Okay, there
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: was an episode where Carrie Bradshaw goes through everything in
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: her boyfriend's apartment and he walks in because like he
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: forgot his keys, and she's like in the midst of
• 16:30
  Speaker 3: all of his stuff and holding up, like holding up something,
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: and she's like, sorry, that was me. I went through
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: everything in the apartment, every nook and cranny, specifically his email,
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: his search history, and I found in his search history
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: some porn that at that time was very alarming to me,
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: and I asked a therapist about it and she said
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: something that was so interesting that a lot of times
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: people watch porn and they're actually not interested in that
• 16:59
  Speaker 3: aspect in real life, and so like it can turn
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: you on in your mind, but they're not actually interested
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: in practicing.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: It one hundred percent. I mean that's even with fantasies.
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: A lot of fantasies are not indicative of what you
• 17:10
  Speaker 4: copy and paste want to happen.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: It's a theme that you enjoy.
• 17:14
  Speaker 4: So like my sexual fantasy is I'll just share it's
• 17:18
  Speaker 4: like going to a jail and walking around with like
• 17:21
  Speaker 4: the smallest skirt and like my boobs are popping out,
• 17:24
  Speaker 4: my ass is popping out, and like everybody is like
• 17:27
  Speaker 4: banging on the bars and they want me, and.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: Like there's so much lust.
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: I don't want to visit a prison and have this
• 17:33
  Speaker 4: experience copy and paste. But what I like about that
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: fantasy is the idea of just being so desired by
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: people who would do anything to get to you but can't.
• 17:42
  Speaker 4: And so I am an exhibitionist. I like to be
• 17:44
  Speaker 4: watched but not touched. So that's where that comes from.
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: So you can look for like what is the theme
• 17:49
  Speaker 4: versus what is the actual copy and paste?
• 17:51
  Speaker 3: But I like that. Thank you for sharing that because
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: I think it's helpful to understand our own wants and
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: desires in a way that's not shameful. Okay, Number three,
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: her man is either asleep or back to work right
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: after they have sex, and she wants to cuddle. What's
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: a girl to do after sex?
• 18:10
  Speaker 4: Care is a really big part of sexuality that people
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: often neglect.
• 18:15
  Speaker 3: This is a thing.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: Well, so Master's and.
• 18:17
  Speaker 4: Johnson has a four prong model of what sex looks like,
• 18:21
  Speaker 4: and it starts off with the arousal, and then it
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: goes to plateau, and then it's orgasm, and then it's
• 18:26
  Speaker 4: refractory or recovery period. And it's an arc that looks
• 18:30
  Speaker 4: like a mountain, but the entire right side, left side
• 18:33
  Speaker 4: that the backside of the arc is all recovery, which
• 18:36
  Speaker 4: means that like a substantial part of the sexual experience
• 18:39
  Speaker 4: has to do with what you do after climax or
• 18:42
  Speaker 4: after completion, And a lot of people overlook this, but
• 18:45
  Speaker 4: it makes a massive difference for how somebody feels about
• 18:48
  Speaker 4: the experience based on what happened in the aftermath. So
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: it's something to negotiate with your partner. Cuddling doesn't have
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: to look the exact way that you want it to.
• 18:57
  Speaker 4: Maybe your partner gets really hot after sex, or maybe
• 18:59
  Speaker 4: they need time to themselves, so maybe rather than cuddling
• 19:02
  Speaker 4: where you're all over each other, you're just back to
• 19:05
  Speaker 4: back butt to butt touching, so there's still contact, but
• 19:07
  Speaker 4: they still have the space they need. But I think
• 19:09
  Speaker 4: I would just say it, like I feel better about
• 19:12
  Speaker 4: the sex, I have a better time. Like if this
• 19:14
  Speaker 4: is what I get afterwards, what do you like to
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: do afterwards? Maybe for them it's like they want a
• 19:19
  Speaker 4: sandwich and then they cuddle, Like that could be a thing.
• 19:22
  Speaker 4: Like my after sex care of my husband is like
• 19:24
  Speaker 4: we will sit for like maybe fifteen twenty seconds, get up,
• 19:28
  Speaker 4: we both go to the bathroom, we wash ourselves with water,
• 19:32
  Speaker 4: ipe first, then we wash selves with water, and then
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: we do go back to bed afterwards and we have
• 19:36
  Speaker 4: like a moment. So you have to negotiate what that
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: looks like and don't just leave it up to chance.
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: I didn't know that was a term. And I love
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: that idea because I think people feel weird or bad
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: asking for that, because they're like, well, we did the thing.
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: It's cool that it's a big part of the thing. Yeah,
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: it's a big part of the thing. Okay, if you
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: were rode in she smells down there after sex or
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: when she wears a certain act where she says she
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: uses boric acid, but it doesn't work. Sometimes, what can
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: she do?
• 20:04
  Speaker 4: I would go see a gynocologist plausible that it's bacteria
• 20:08
  Speaker 4: of vaginosis.
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: And I had a.
• 20:10
  Speaker 4: Reoccurring about of bacteria vaginosis, which means that it's a
• 20:14
  Speaker 4: balance thing, right, So essentially you've got more bad bacteria
• 20:18
  Speaker 4: than good bacteria, which is throwing things off and causing
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: like a fishy odor. And when I first got bacteria vaginosis,
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: I went to the doctor and I had medication and
• 20:27
  Speaker 4: it cleared up. But then my balance was just weird
• 20:30
  Speaker 4: after that, like I just couldn't find my footing and
• 20:32
  Speaker 4: it took me a year and a half.
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: But that was a long time ago.
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: I'm sure now it probably would be better at it
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: because I'm more knowledgeable, but it might take several trips
• 20:40
  Speaker 4: to the doctors just to get back to a normal
• 20:42
  Speaker 4: and then find a routine. A really big part of
• 20:44
  Speaker 4: my routine is probiotics that are specifically designed for vaginal
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: health and vaginal care.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: I keep them in the fridge.
• 20:51
  Speaker 4: If I was going through really tough times, I would
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: get the like five billion count that's in the packet.
• 20:55
  Speaker 4: So you just might have to figure out where your
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: balance lies and what you need to do, and then
• 21:00
  Speaker 4: what are your go tos when you get off balance
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: because that might be an issue for you. But a
• 21:04
  Speaker 4: doctor will be best person to go to guide you
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: through this.
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: You know, as you're saying this, I was thinking, like,
• 21:09
  Speaker 3: as a kid, people teach us to like consider our
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: heart health and our brain health. And you know if
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: our arm is broken and they as girls, they don't
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: really talk to us about vagina health.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: Crazy, Yeah, they really is.
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: It's like it's it's important. Her partner said he'd like
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: her to touch his bottom. How far should she go
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: and how does she approach it? I felt weird saying bottom?
• 21:34
  Speaker 3: Why would we call it a bottom?
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: But did she say bottom?
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: Was no? She?
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: I feel like she said.
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: No.
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: I was going to say like buttered ass, but it
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: says bottom, So I was like I should just read
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: it how it is.
• 21:47
  Speaker 4: I feel like, watch videos, do some work on your
• 21:50
  Speaker 4: own time to get to a place of comfort, because
• 21:53
  Speaker 4: the best thing you could do for your partner isn't
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: about technique. It's about enthusiasm and interest and curiosity. If
• 22:00
  Speaker 4: your partner feels like they have to drag you through
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: that process, it just doesn't feel as joyful, and they
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: might close up that part of their desires to you,
• 22:08
  Speaker 4: which is okay. You can always open it up later.
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: You know, life's not linear. You don't get one shot.
• 22:13
  Speaker 4: But if you are interested in making this particular shot impactful,
• 22:17
  Speaker 4: I would say, do some work on your own end
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: so that you have one more confidence and to less judgment,
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: because I think that there can be some judgment we
• 22:25
  Speaker 4: have when our heterosexual partner asks for butt play.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: So eradicate that on your own end.
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: And then I think when you come into the bedroom,
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: you'll have even if you don't know everything, because you don't,
• 22:37
  Speaker 4: at least you'll know what questions to ask because you've
• 22:40
  Speaker 4: watched something.
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: What happens when a partner is really interested in something
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: the other partner isn't Because you don't want your partner
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: to shut that part of themselves off to you.
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: What happens I mean, one, they just may not feel
• 22:56
  Speaker 4: comfortable bring new ideas to you. And then two there
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: might be a level of fear of rejection that happens.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: But then nothing.
• 23:05
  Speaker 4: Again, nothing is linear. So just because you weren't comfortable.
• 23:08
  Speaker 4: You know, in that moment, you can make it up
• 23:10
  Speaker 4: to somebody later on down the line, especially if you
• 23:12
  Speaker 4: admit like I wasn't ready then I didn't have the
• 23:14
  Speaker 4: knowledge and I wasn't as comfortable. I had a conversation
• 23:16
  Speaker 4: with a friend. I'm really excited about this now and
• 23:19
  Speaker 4: I want to engage with you. So I don't put
• 23:21
  Speaker 4: the pressure on people to respond perfectly, because again, like
• 23:23
  Speaker 4: you said, we just don't get education about anything in
• 23:26
  Speaker 4: this area, and so we're really feeling our way through it.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: And a lot of times.
• 23:30
  Speaker 4: People are forced to make decisions that are really important
• 23:33
  Speaker 4: before they ever even thought about what somebody asked. Like
• 23:36
  Speaker 4: I'm asking you in the moment to do something you'd
• 23:38
  Speaker 4: never even heard of before. Naturally, your first reaction is
• 23:41
  Speaker 4: not going to be the most perfect one, So give
• 23:43
  Speaker 4: yourself grace and space. I think as much as you
• 23:45
  Speaker 4: can lead with curiosity, and especially if you don't, if
• 23:48
  Speaker 4: you're shocked by something, the best thing you could do
• 23:50
  Speaker 4: is just ask any questions as possible. If you don't
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: know something, ask any questions as possible. But if you
• 23:55
  Speaker 4: make the mistake of giving a judgment, that's okay. Just apologize,
• 24:00
  Speaker 4: come back with humility, affirm the other person, and then
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: you can always open that chapter again.
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: I like that a lot. This is actually my question. Ooh,
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: you didn't make it anonymous. No, this is mine the
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: art of seduction. So I was in Chicago, like right
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: before I turned thirty, and this trainer that I love,
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: and he's like weirdly in tune. He always gives me
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: words of wisdom, and he was like, how's your dating life?
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: I was like, kind of nonexistent?
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: Is your dating life?
• 24:28
  Speaker 3: Now we'll tell me to that, okay, And he was like,
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: I really think you need to start asking people out, Like,
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: don't let them come to you, because sometimes the people
• 24:38
  Speaker 3: that have the guts to ask you out are like
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: a little bit into themselves, are narcissistic. I know you're
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: not looking for that kind of guy. Ask someone out.
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: I was like, I love that idea. I feel empowered.
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: I see someone on an airplane, so cute, so cute.
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: I shut down, can't I don't. I can't even say hello.
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: And in my head for two hours, I'm thinking to
• 24:59
  Speaker 3: myself like, Danielle, get some gut, go accidentally bump into him,
• 25:03
  Speaker 3: go say hello, Hi.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: I'm Danielle, nice to meet.
• 25:05
  Speaker 3: You couldn't do it, left, got my bag and moved
• 25:09
  Speaker 3: on with my life. I still think about him. What's
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: a good opening line? What can I say if I'm
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: at a bar on an airplane?
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: What do I do? Something that's environmental?
• 25:18
  Speaker 4: I think that a lot of people make the mistake
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: of thinking that you have to make the first move.
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: It's not making the first move, it's just opening up
• 25:27
  Speaker 4: the possibilities for a move to happen.
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: I like that.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: So instead of me going up to you and be
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: like hi, I'm Danielle, like.
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: Oh, I like that's a move, right, just being like, oh,
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: like do you know, like if if they've called group five,
• 25:40
  Speaker 4: I'm sure you're group one? Do you know if they
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: called group five? Or you know, I got to run
• 25:44
  Speaker 4: to the bathroom, do you mind this? Or even like
• 25:46
  Speaker 4: the something like you can just say like did I
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: just see you at the wherever you went and wherever
• 25:52
  Speaker 4: city you were at? And they'd be like, oh no,
• 25:55
  Speaker 4: I didn't, Oh you look super familiar. Okay, anyway, sorry,
• 25:58
  Speaker 4: and you we all know what it is. If somebody
• 26:00
  Speaker 4: is interested, they will engage and ask a followup question.
• 26:03
  Speaker 4: If they're not interested, their body language won't open up
• 26:06
  Speaker 4: to you like an interesting because I talked to a
• 26:08
  Speaker 4: stripper about this, So I met my book The Game
• 26:10
  Speaker 4: of Desire that came out, and this is like a
• 26:12
  Speaker 4: really big topic because I'm so hyper passionate about women
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: making the first move or opening up the possibility for
• 26:19
  Speaker 4: the first move, because it's such an insane thing. It's
• 26:22
  Speaker 4: insane we leave. We're passengers in one of the most
• 26:24
  Speaker 4: important parts of our lives.
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: It's ridiculous.
• 26:26
  Speaker 4: We're the dame, the damsel in the tower waiting for
• 26:30
  Speaker 4: someone to talk to us, waiting like why imagine waiting
• 26:33
  Speaker 4: for your dream job to ask you out. Imagine waiting
• 26:37
  Speaker 4: for like your career move that you know is right
• 26:39
  Speaker 4: for you to first send you an email you wouldn't
• 26:42
  Speaker 4: get anywhere.
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: So we don't do it in any aspect of our
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: lives anymore.
• 26:45
  Speaker 4: So the fact that we are still waiting for somebody
• 26:48
  Speaker 4: else to choose us for such a very important selection
• 26:52
  Speaker 4: is nutty Boddy. But you have to learn, like anything else.
• 26:55
  Speaker 4: And so I spoke with a stripper about it, because
• 26:57
  Speaker 4: in essence that this is their job. They have to
• 26:58
  Speaker 4: walk up to people and try to spark an instant
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: connection and to see if this is a potential client
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: or not. So they're hyper in tune to see if
• 27:05
  Speaker 4: somebody is receptive to them or not interested, because they
• 27:07
  Speaker 4: don't have time to waste. So she was saying that
• 27:10
  Speaker 4: when you walk over to somebody, well, first before you
• 27:12
  Speaker 4: even approach us to them, Before she even approaches a client,
• 27:15
  Speaker 4: she makes sure that there's at least three different bouts
• 27:18
  Speaker 4: of eye contact that were made. You know, like I'm
• 27:21
  Speaker 4: sitting across and you're at the airport terminal. Okay, like cool, one,
• 27:23
  Speaker 4: we caught eyes. I'm gonna talk to somebody else, I'm
• 27:26
  Speaker 4: gonna laugh aha, look over at you. Okay, too cool,
• 27:29
  Speaker 4: we caught eyes. And then the third time, you can
• 27:31
  Speaker 4: give a gesture like a wave, or like you can
• 27:34
  Speaker 4: kind of like look away from the person shyly or
• 27:36
  Speaker 4: something like that. So now I'm not walking over to
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: a stranger.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: And then when you.
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: Walk up to that person, try to see how they respond.
• 27:43
  Speaker 4: So she was saying that when your food's coming at
• 27:46
  Speaker 4: a restaurant, what do you do, like naturally clear the table,
• 27:49
  Speaker 4: like and you align your bodies like you're ready for
• 27:51
  Speaker 4: your food. So somebody should have a physical reaction if you,
• 27:54
  Speaker 4: especially you've already built an established rapport. So but if
• 27:57
  Speaker 4: you're walking over to them and they look annoyed and
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: closed off, just keep fucking walking, you know, Like there's
• 28:02
  Speaker 4: things that you can do to see your likelihood of
• 28:05
  Speaker 4: getting a response. You don't have to walk up cold turkey,
• 28:08
  Speaker 4: especially if you are in the privileged environment being around
• 28:11
  Speaker 4: the person for two hours, like it's a long time.
• 28:14
  Speaker 3: You know, there's some times like he would just come
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: up to me if he was interested.
• 28:18
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but no, you know, it's interesting that too, because
• 28:20
  Speaker 4: if I spoke with a pickup artist and he said
• 28:21
  Speaker 4: this line that always stuck with me. He said, he
• 28:24
  Speaker 4: met a navy seal because he does, you know, he
• 28:26
  Speaker 4: coaches men for a living, who said that it was
• 28:29
  Speaker 4: less terrifying to walk into enemy fire than it is
• 28:32
  Speaker 4: to go and talk to a woman that he finds attracted.
• 28:34
  Speaker 4: Please stop, he said, it's less scary. So if you're afraid,
• 28:39
  Speaker 4: why can't they be afraid? And then he said a
• 28:41
  Speaker 4: line that thought was so clutch in that a lot
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: of people associate. You know, if someone really likes me,
• 28:46
  Speaker 4: then they'll come and talk to me. But coming to
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: talk to somebody is a skill like riding a bike.
• 28:52
  Speaker 4: So the more that you do it, the better you
• 28:54
  Speaker 4: get at it. And just because someone can ride a bike,
• 28:56
  Speaker 4: it doesn't mean that your ideal match a great.
• 28:58
  Speaker 3: Point. Great, your answer to that was even better than
• 29:02
  Speaker 3: I was hoping for. Yes, you're so good at what
• 29:05
  Speaker 3: you do.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: Point affirmations. Okay, call me smart, you're really.
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: Okay. This viewer wrote in that she cramps badly after
• 29:15
  Speaker 3: sex sometimes and she feels like, quote, oh my god,
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: what is happening? What is happening?
• 29:21
  Speaker 4: Possibly vagin ismus. I don't know where she's cramped. Who
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: vagin ismus?
• 29:25
  Speaker 3: We never heard of that.
• 29:26
  Speaker 4: It's a sexual dysfunction disorder, not dissimilar from a rectile dysfunction.
• 29:30
  Speaker 4: I mean it is very dissimilar, but in that like,
• 29:32
  Speaker 4: it impairs your ability to have and enjoy sex. And
• 29:35
  Speaker 4: you should go and see a doctor because there are
• 29:38
  Speaker 4: treatments you can undergo, both psychological and physiological, that can really.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: Help with this.
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: Wow, okay, okay. Next question. This viewer says she's been
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: dating her man for two and a half years. In
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: the last two months, he can only come if she
• 29:50
  Speaker 3: gives him head. What's going on?
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: Oh, nothing is wrong with that.
• 29:56
  Speaker 4: I mean, I think that as women, we experience a
• 30:00
  Speaker 4: lot where it's not that we're experiencing pleasure, it's how
• 30:03
  Speaker 4: we're experiencing pleasure.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: It gets the most.
• 30:05
  Speaker 4: Emphasis, So explain what do you mean, Like, if you
• 30:08
  Speaker 4: can't orgasm from penetration, we're going to work on that.
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: But I'm like, yeah, but I'm fine with oral or
• 30:12
  Speaker 4: I'm fine with just fingers, Like why do why do
• 30:15
  Speaker 4: I have to have like a goal oriented approach to
• 30:17
  Speaker 4: my pleasure? If I am able to achieve pleasure this way,
• 30:21
  Speaker 4: like that should be and could be enough, and I
• 30:23
  Speaker 4: can still enjoy other aspects of intimacy and they don't
• 30:26
  Speaker 4: have to lead to climax without being caused for something different.
• 30:29
  Speaker 4: Unless her partner said this is weird. I don't like this,
• 30:33
  Speaker 4: Like let's try to figure this out. If they're happy
• 30:36
  Speaker 4: with how they're receiving pleasure and you're getting pleasure, then.
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: I wouldn't really put an emphasis on that. How wonderfully open.
• 30:44
  Speaker 3: I like that she's never squired it and she's dying
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: too help there.
• 30:50
  Speaker 4: I've never scored it either, and I know many tricks
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: and I've tried many things. There's an argument that based
• 30:56
  Speaker 4: on the size of your gland is called the skins gland,
• 30:59
  Speaker 4: which is analogically similar to the prostate. So you have
• 31:05
  Speaker 4: two skins glands, and dependent on the size of them
• 31:08
  Speaker 4: might dictate whether or not you can squirt. Dependent on
• 31:12
  Speaker 4: how strong your pelvic floor muscles are may depend whether
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: you can or can't squirt. But I'm always a fan
• 31:18
  Speaker 4: of trying. So what you could do to try is
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: put yourself in a position where you're putting a lot
• 31:23
  Speaker 4: of pressure on your pelvic floor. So just say you're
• 31:25
  Speaker 4: on your back, like hooking your knees underneath your elbows.
• 31:28
  Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, like happy baby pos. So
• 31:31
  Speaker 4: a lot of pressure is being placed in that area,
• 31:33
  Speaker 4: and then clitteral stimulation with G spot at the same time.
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: But start with clitteral to get the area really aroused,
• 31:40
  Speaker 4: and the clitterist grows up to three hundred percent when
• 31:42
  Speaker 4: it's fully aroused. And so puffy is better when it
• 31:45
  Speaker 4: comes to squirting, because again it's about pressure in the area.
• 31:48
  Speaker 4: So wait until you feel the pressure really build and
• 31:51
  Speaker 4: then add in G spot stimulation and then if you
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: get the sensation of needing to pee, lean into that feeling.
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: She wants to have sex the shower or a hot tub,
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: but she's scared of getting a UTI.
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: Definitely heard the hot tub one. I've never heard the
• 32:08
  Speaker 4: shower one. But all things are possible because usually you
• 32:12
  Speaker 4: use water to avoid getting a UTI. Just by wiping
• 32:15
  Speaker 4: up with warm water. You just try and see how
• 32:19
  Speaker 4: your body goes. If you had a UTI, it's on
• 32:20
  Speaker 4: the end of the world, you know what I mean, Like,
• 32:22
  Speaker 4: just get that cleared up and then try something different.
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: So I don't know if you've ever felt annoyed by this,
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: but every time I have to get medicine for a
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: UTI or something of that sort, I'm so pissed that
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: it's so difficult to get. Like if men had UTIs,
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: it'd be over the counter. Yes, it makes me so mad.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: I haven't had a UTI in a while.
• 32:45
  Speaker 4: I actually had a UTI five years ago, and I
• 32:50
  Speaker 4: did not go to the doctor because I was like,
• 32:52
  Speaker 4: I can just clear it with cranberry juice. I would
• 32:54
  Speaker 4: do this for myself, and then it got so bad
• 32:56
  Speaker 4: it became a kidney infection. So go to the doctor
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: and go through that process and then figure something else out.
• 33:03
  Speaker 3: Yes, this one's very interesting because I've heard you talk
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: about turn on triggers and why they're important to communicate.
• 33:10
  Speaker 3: So this viewer has been in a relationship for seven
• 33:12
  Speaker 3: years and says she feels bored in bed.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: Mmmm, that happens.
• 33:20
  Speaker 4: The great thing about the brain, Like do you ever
• 33:22
  Speaker 4: have a favorite meal and you get kind of bored
• 33:24
  Speaker 4: of it?
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah? It goes through phases though, because I come back
• 33:26
  Speaker 3: to it usually.
• 33:27
  Speaker 4: But if you just add a little something different, it
• 33:30
  Speaker 4: like revitalizes it again. And sometimes a different environment or
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: different drink that you pair with. It doesn't have to
• 33:36
  Speaker 4: be something massively different. So if you're bored, I would
• 33:39
  Speaker 4: just say, like, invite novelty. Doesn't have to be anything extreme.
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: It could just be like, hey, let's try having sex
• 33:45
  Speaker 4: to the left of the bed, or let's change up
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: the lighting a little bit, let's try playing music, let's
• 33:50
  Speaker 4: try role playing. Like there's a lot of things that
• 33:52
  Speaker 4: you could do without buying anything that are just within
• 33:54
  Speaker 4: your current home right now, to switch things up. I
• 33:57
  Speaker 4: also think when we get bored in the bedroom, it's
• 34:00
  Speaker 4: sign that we aren't responding authentically to each other because
• 34:03
  Speaker 4: it's always new if I'm in the moment, right because
• 34:06
  Speaker 4: each moment is unique in its own way. But if
• 34:09
  Speaker 4: I'm getting to a space where I'm just like adding
• 34:11
  Speaker 4: a script on top of it or a routine, and
• 34:13
  Speaker 4: I'm just doing going through the motions. That's when it
• 34:16
  Speaker 4: becomes really boring.
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: That's a beautiful assessment because I've always I've not really
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: understood the idea of variety. I know that like a lot.
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: I hear a lot of men talk about that as
• 34:26
  Speaker 3: being important to them. I don't want to underestimate that.
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: I don't know what it feels like to be a man,
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: but I've never felt like that with a partner as
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: a woman, And so it's interesting to me that.
• 34:35
  Speaker 4: You think it's because you're always present. Yeah, so each
• 34:39
  Speaker 4: time feels a little bit different.
• 34:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so, but I've never thought of it that way.
• 34:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, because I think that that my husband was the
• 34:46
  Speaker 4: first person that I has been with that I was like, Oh,
• 34:48
  Speaker 4: that's what that feels like to be with somebody who's
• 34:50
  Speaker 4: really present. I remember this because when I first met him,
• 34:54
  Speaker 4: I was like looking for someone just to have sex with,
• 34:56
  Speaker 4: like that was the goal because I just came out
• 34:57
  Speaker 4: of a shit relationship with that person and it was
• 35:01
  Speaker 4: like a month afterwards, I'm like, man, I'm not ready
• 35:03
  Speaker 4: to date but I'm definitely ready for some bomb ass sex.
• 35:06
  Speaker 4: So I just auditioning people like I would have somebody
• 35:08
  Speaker 4: come over, I would vibe with them and we'd make out.
• 35:10
  Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, it's not going to be you. And
• 35:12
  Speaker 4: the reason why I was like, oh, I definitely want
• 35:14
  Speaker 4: to fuck this guy is he was fingering me and
• 35:17
  Speaker 4: the look on his face was like a painter or
• 35:21
  Speaker 4: like a conductor of an orchestra. It was just like
• 35:24
  Speaker 4: he was so deeply in tune with my body and
• 35:25
  Speaker 4: paying attention to all the small things and just like
• 35:28
  Speaker 4: enjoying the act. Not like you like what I'm doing
• 35:32
  Speaker 4: to you, huh, like that kind of like I'm doing
• 35:34
  Speaker 4: this thing and I'm looking for your reaction. He was
• 35:37
  Speaker 4: listening to my body and paying attention for reactions. And
• 35:40
  Speaker 4: I've never been with somebody who was just so present before,
• 35:42
  Speaker 4: and I feel like that is what makes us great
• 35:45
  Speaker 4: sexual partners.
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: And I definitely try to copy him in that he
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: was there for you and with you.
• 35:50
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 35:51
  Speaker 3: Okay. The orgasm gap, so in hetero sexual relationships, women
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: on average are having fewer orgasms than men, known as
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: the orgasm gap. I don't want to like get into
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: citing all these surveys because it'll get boring, but.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: Like they're in one of them.
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: Ninety one percent of men said they climax during their
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: last sexual encounter, compared to sixty four percent of women.
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: And then there's another gap that I learned about while
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: researching this, that sex with a partner and then sex alone.
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: There's a gap for women. So like thirty nine percent
• 36:23
  Speaker 3: of women said they always orgasm during masturbation and six
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: percent said they orgasm with a partner during sex.
• 36:30
  Speaker 4: I'm surprised that's so low. The only thirty nine percent. Yeah,
• 36:34
  Speaker 4: do you ever orgasm? Do you ever masturbate in not orgasm?
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: No?
• 36:37
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that seems like a lower That seems like a
• 36:40
  Speaker 4: low study. Sometimes too, it's like asking the question of
• 36:43
  Speaker 4: like what was the sample, where was this study taken,
• 36:45
  Speaker 4: like how many people? And like how strong was the right?
• 36:48
  Speaker 3: How old were they because it's like then if you're older,
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: you're more in tune with your body. So yeah, there's
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: a lot of different studies, but the orgasm gap for
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: sure exists.
• 36:57
  Speaker 4: Yes, can you tell me about it? Yeah, I think
• 37:00
  Speaker 4: it's the note. It's gotten so much better. When I
• 37:02
  Speaker 4: first got into this space in like two thousand and
• 37:04
  Speaker 4: five ish, the orgasm gap was three to one for
• 37:07
  Speaker 4: every three orgasms someone with a penis had someone with
• 37:09
  Speaker 4: the volva had one, and then now it's two to one.
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: So that's a really big difference. And I think that
• 37:14
  Speaker 4: why that is changing is because socially we're expanding our
• 37:19
  Speaker 4: definition of what sex is. Because I think traditionally idea
• 37:23
  Speaker 4: of sex is there's two major goals, right. Sex begins
• 37:26
  Speaker 4: when a penis is erect, and it ends when a
• 37:29
  Speaker 4: penis is flaccid, and a woman is supposed to have
• 37:32
  Speaker 4: multiple orgasms between those two events and nothing else matters.
• 37:36
  Speaker 4: Foreplay is optional. After sex, care is optional, toys are optional.
• 37:41
  Speaker 4: What really matters is a hard dick, right, And for
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: a lot of people, that's not the recipe for success
• 37:47
  Speaker 4: for them. So I think that the fact that we
• 37:50
  Speaker 4: now have more knowledge about the glitterists, we have more
• 37:52
  Speaker 4: knowledge about the various different spots. A lot of the spots,
• 37:54
  Speaker 4: even within the vagina are not accessible or not as
• 37:58
  Speaker 4: responsive to a penis they would be to a toy
• 38:01
  Speaker 4: or to a finger. So I think that the awareness
• 38:03
  Speaker 4: of that is definitely helping to decrease the orgasm gap.
• 38:06
  Speaker 4: And I think that all we can do is lean
• 38:08
  Speaker 4: more into education, and lean more into learning about our
• 38:12
  Speaker 4: own bodies and teaching our partners. I think when I
• 38:14
  Speaker 4: was growing up, the way was hope that you find
• 38:17
  Speaker 4: a partner who knows what he's doing, versus I know
• 38:20
  Speaker 4: what the fuck I'm doing, So I can be with
• 38:22
  Speaker 4: anybody and have a decent time because I can communicate
• 38:25
  Speaker 4: my wants and needs. But again, I'm not saying that like,
• 38:28
  Speaker 4: if you can't do that, there's something wrong with you.
• 38:29
  Speaker 4: We live in a society that doesn't teach you, and
• 38:31
  Speaker 4: if you didn't do it by yourself, how would you know.
• 38:33
  Speaker 4: But that I think is naturally going to change. So
• 38:37
  Speaker 4: the orgasm gap, whenever I hear about it now, I'm like, oh,
• 38:39
  Speaker 4: it's things are going well. Even though it could be better,
• 38:42
  Speaker 4: it's going well.
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: So I actually see it improving through media. I always
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: like look at media as sort of a mirror as
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: to where we are and where we're going. When I
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: was growing up, I never, not once in a TV
• 38:55
  Speaker 3: show or a film saw a man going down on
• 38:58
  Speaker 3: a woman. It was always the opp Yes, I think
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: in the last three shows I've watched, there's a scene
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: where a man is going down on a woman.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: You watched sex Life?
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, but that but that like even was like
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: a sexual show. I'm talking about, Like what did I watch?
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: The Uh? There was like an HBO show about a spy,
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: like regular random shows, and there's scenes and I'm like,
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: I think it's because there's more women behind the scenes
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: making these.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes, right, yes.
• 39:27
  Speaker 4: Sometimes when I watch a TV show and I'm very
• 39:29
  Speaker 4: critical about this where I know it's a woman writer
• 39:33
  Speaker 4: or I mean that's always that you say the greater
• 39:35
  Speaker 4: assault because there's a writer's room, so it's not just
• 39:37
  Speaker 4: one person's perspective.
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: But when I know.
• 39:39
  Speaker 4: That there's a female leadership there and yet the sex
• 39:44
  Speaker 4: is like you came in, we made up for three seconds,
• 39:47
  Speaker 4: you pulled down my pants.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: Now you're hammering, and I'm like, oh oh, I'm like,
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: what we fucking know? This is not I mean it might.
• 39:54
  Speaker 4: I always am weary too because kind of what happened
• 39:57
  Speaker 4: with like the boom and c literal knowledge or out
• 40:00
  Speaker 4: claral stimulations. A lot of people who do experience pleasure
• 40:02
  Speaker 4: from penetration alone, they've actually felt like they are not
• 40:06
  Speaker 4: being represented because they're like a lot of people will
• 40:08
  Speaker 4: tell them like If you don't like oral, something's wrong
• 40:10
  Speaker 4: with you. Like I just prefer penetration, So maybe you
• 40:13
  Speaker 4: do just need a hard dick and that's all that
• 40:16
  Speaker 4: sex requires for you. Statistically you are not the majority though.
• 40:20
  Speaker 4: That's all that's important to know.
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: Right, Okay, rapid fire about orgasms? Can he feel my orgasm?
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: Now?
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: How can my boyfriend and I synchronize our orgasms?
• 40:31
  Speaker 4: You have to whoever's faster to come has to get
• 40:35
  Speaker 4: the party started by themselves first, and then invite the
• 40:38
  Speaker 4: other person in when the person is ready to go
• 40:40
  Speaker 4: wherever slower to come.
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: That's all I shouldn't say.
• 40:43
  Speaker 4: So we did myself and my husband synchronize orgasms, and
• 40:46
  Speaker 4: we do that by like, I get oral first, and
• 40:47
  Speaker 4: when I'm like almost there, then I start djaing or
• 40:51
  Speaker 4: manually mastered being myself and my fingers, and then he'll
• 40:53
  Speaker 4: penetrate at the same time. So we kind of time
• 40:56
  Speaker 4: it out.
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: I was one, I was like, what's the DJ got you?
• 41:00
  Speaker 3: Thank you never had an orgasm during intercourse? Is there
• 41:03
  Speaker 3: something wrong with me?
• 41:05
  Speaker 4: If you're defining intercourse from vaginal penetration, there is absolutely
• 41:09
  Speaker 4: nothing wrong with you. If you are defining intercourse as
• 41:13
  Speaker 4: everything that entails sex, including clitteral stimulation, oral sex, toys, fingers.
• 41:21
  Speaker 4: You possibly are part of the two to five percent
• 41:23
  Speaker 4: who can't orgasm at all. But then again, it sounds
• 41:27
  Speaker 4: like you're saying you can orgasm from masturbation. There's not
• 41:29
  Speaker 4: enough information for me to answer that question.
• 41:31
  Speaker 3: I saw a YouTube video that you did with Jared
• 41:33
  Speaker 3: that I really enjoyed, and you were talking about how
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: arousal is different for both of you, and so for him,
• 41:40
  Speaker 3: maybe it was for you. You tell me somebody needed
• 41:43
  Speaker 3: it throughout the entire day, like bringing you coffee. Was
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: that you or him?
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: Him?
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: Okay, so he felt like arousal and sex for him
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: started like from the beginning of the day to whenever
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: you guys did have sex. Will you talk about arousal
• 41:57
  Speaker 3: in terms of like different versions of it? People really
• 42:00
  Speaker 3: think about it in those terms. Yeah.
• 42:01
  Speaker 4: So we talked about this briefly, about turn on triggers
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: and so essentially is what gets you in the mind
• 42:07
  Speaker 4: frame of sex and when you first get into relationship,
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: you don't have to worry about that because there's neurochemicals
• 42:13
  Speaker 4: who are doing all the work for you.
• 42:14
  Speaker 1: I can just see.
• 42:15
  Speaker 4: You and my body is immediately, like dopamine and adrenaline
• 42:19
  Speaker 4: drump and serotonin like levels are boosting because you're around me.
• 42:23
  Speaker 4: So and that's because your body is trying to create
• 42:26
  Speaker 4: that bond. Once that bond is created, it doesn't have
• 42:28
  Speaker 4: to go through that process. And furthermore, is interesting fun
• 42:31
  Speaker 4: fact if you continue to get butterflies from your partner,
• 42:34
  Speaker 4: like long term, it shortened your life expectancy because every
• 42:37
  Speaker 4: time you get an adrenaline dump, it weakens your tissue
• 42:40
  Speaker 4: because it's lactic acid. So, oh my god, the fact
• 42:43
  Speaker 4: that you don't get that rush of excitement from your
• 42:45
  Speaker 4: partner is actually beneficial for you.
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: But you need to do a whole thing on that, right.
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: Isn't that so fascinating?
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: WHOA Because you always hear that butterflies are like mean
• 42:55
  Speaker 3: that something's wrong, like we misinterpret them.
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: Well, don't you get butterflies first meet someone? Yeah, you
• 43:01
  Speaker 4: like them, Like when you're at the airport and you
• 43:02
  Speaker 4: saw hot dude. If he walks by you, he's getting.
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: So much airtime, you know, you get that like rush.
• 43:07
  Speaker 4: And so I think a lot of people look at
• 43:10
  Speaker 4: the loss of that as an indication that something is
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: wrong or that they don't feel the same about their partner.
• 43:15
  Speaker 4: It's not that at all. Your love has gone from
• 43:18
  Speaker 4: passionate to companionate, and that's beautiful to celebrate. And just
• 43:21
  Speaker 4: like you now can just go to that person and
• 43:23
  Speaker 4: share parts of yourself without having to be afraid they're
• 43:25
  Speaker 4: going to reject you. Like that's a plus. One of
• 43:27
  Speaker 4: the minuses is that you have to be more intentional
• 43:30
  Speaker 4: about arousal. Your partner isn't going to be automatically turned
• 43:33
  Speaker 4: on by you. I always say, like I gave my
• 43:34
  Speaker 4: husband head for the first time. He came in like
• 43:36
  Speaker 4: two seconds. That doesn't happen anymore. Now I'm down there
• 43:39
  Speaker 4: for like five ships. Like I'm not as exciting, I'm
• 43:41
  Speaker 4: not as new, but like, there's other benefits to being
• 43:44
  Speaker 4: a long term partner. But I also acknowledge that in
• 43:47
  Speaker 4: order for him to get turned on, I have to
• 43:50
  Speaker 4: put him in the right mind frame, because when he
• 43:52
  Speaker 4: looks at me, he doesn't just see a sexual partner.
• 43:55
  Speaker 4: He sees the person that's to get groceries, the person
• 43:56
  Speaker 4: that he has to remind to do something, or the
• 43:58
  Speaker 4: person he wants to watch Netflix sit with later he
• 44:00
  Speaker 4: wants to talk to. So I got to put him
• 44:02
  Speaker 4: in the space of like, no, I'm the person you're
• 44:04
  Speaker 4: going to fuck later on My turn on trigger is
• 44:08
  Speaker 4: just direct language. So if you look at me and
• 44:10
  Speaker 4: just say the filthiest thing that's specific to me, like
• 44:13
  Speaker 4: I can't feel a copy and paste. I have to
• 44:16
  Speaker 4: feel like you are looking at me and you deeply
• 44:18
  Speaker 4: desire me. You can explain that like that's my thing.
• 44:21
  Speaker 4: His thing is environmental, and so the mood has to
• 44:25
  Speaker 4: be set, and like yesterday we had sex and I
• 44:28
  Speaker 4: was flirting with him the entire day we went to
• 44:30
  Speaker 4: the park, like the way that I was bending over
• 44:32
  Speaker 4: with around the baby, Like whatever I did, I was
• 44:35
  Speaker 4: just intentional to make it in his mind that like,
• 44:37
  Speaker 4: later we're going to have sex.
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know. One of my biggest takeaways from our
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: conversation today is that we personalize everything and it's really
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: not about us.
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: Oh say more, say more.
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: Well, when you were saying, like when you were giving
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: Jared head at the beginning and it was two seconds,
• 44:55
  Speaker 3: it really the fact that he's it's not as quick
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: for him now has nothing to do with your really
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: is nothing interesting. Okay, have some rapid fires for you.
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: We've been rappiting.
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: That was just okay, Okay, it's as past.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: I can go.
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: No, we don't have to go that fest best sex
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: tip anybody gave you.
• 45:16
  Speaker 4: Oh, actually, yesterday somebody said it's not necessarily like putting
• 45:20
  Speaker 4: more intention on pressure. And they explained to me like
• 45:24
  Speaker 4: they were hugging me in several different ways to teach me. So,
• 45:27
  Speaker 4: like you can hug somebody and like press your body
• 45:29
  Speaker 4: into theirs, right, Like that's one thing. You could be
• 45:31
  Speaker 4: very light, that's another thing. And they said that then
• 45:33
  Speaker 4: you could hug somebody and pull down like a weighted blanket.
• 45:36
  Speaker 4: And I felt that and it felt very different. So
• 45:39
  Speaker 4: I hate those kinds of hugs when someone pulls down.
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because I'm little, I'm like i'd hurt.
• 45:45
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna try it on you afterwards and seeing even
• 45:46
  Speaker 4: though you said you hate it, which is not responsible
• 45:48
  Speaker 4: of me, so I'll ask her consent. But I think, yeah,
• 45:52
  Speaker 4: it's not like we think about like we did the thing,
• 45:54
  Speaker 4: you know, like oh I did.
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: You kiss their neck? Yeah?
• 45:57
  Speaker 4: I kissed their neck, but like did you like plean
• 45:59
  Speaker 4: your tie her face into it? So there's a million
• 46:02
  Speaker 4: different ways to do the exact same things, and it
• 46:04
  Speaker 4: just depends like turning different dials up and down, whether
• 46:07
  Speaker 4: that be pressure, speed, temperature, or style of touch dials.
• 46:12
  Speaker 3: I like that one thing that changed your sex life.
• 46:15
  Speaker 4: Oh man, I want to, in a corny way just
• 46:18
  Speaker 4: say my husband, it's a major thing. I think, like, yeah,
• 46:23
  Speaker 4: he definitely did. I think with him. I used to
• 46:25
  Speaker 4: fake orgasms a lot because I consider myself to be
• 46:28
  Speaker 4: slow to orgasm. And I would feel guilty because again,
• 46:33
  Speaker 4: when we look at media the way that we see
• 46:35
  Speaker 4: sex happening, it doesn't have a lot to do with
• 46:37
  Speaker 4: just the woman's pleasure. So I would feel bad that,
• 46:40
  Speaker 4: like the man was down there performing on me and
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: getting nothing out of it in return, And I would
• 46:44
  Speaker 4: assume that he was bored or getting irritated or getting
• 46:47
  Speaker 4: tired or his mouth hurt or something. So if it
• 46:50
  Speaker 4: felt like it was taking too long, I would fake
• 46:52
  Speaker 4: an orgasm. So when I first met Jared, I would
• 46:54
  Speaker 4: do that in the beginning because I was like, oh,
• 46:56
  Speaker 4: it's taking a long time. But then I thought to myself,
• 46:59
  Speaker 4: I don't really ever see because you can kind of
• 47:01
  Speaker 4: tell when someone's grateful that you're like glad that's over,
• 47:03
  Speaker 4: you know, or they even say to you and they're
• 47:05
  Speaker 4: down there like oh, like come for me, and you're like, fuck,
• 47:08
  Speaker 4: do you have twenty more minutes? So let me just
• 47:10
  Speaker 4: wrap this up for you, because obviously this is what's
• 47:13
  Speaker 4: on your mind. He never did that, and he never
• 47:16
  Speaker 4: came up like let's move on. It was always like oh,
• 47:20
  Speaker 4: like I was like, what if I just let it
• 47:22
  Speaker 4: happen and saw and I just kept letting it happen,
• 47:26
  Speaker 4: like letting myself get there for as long as needed
• 47:28
  Speaker 4: to take me. He never ever ever complained, So I've
• 47:31
  Speaker 4: never faked an orgasm. You no since And that was
• 47:33
  Speaker 4: a big change.
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: Did you tell him that you did or did you just.
• 47:35
  Speaker 4: Oh, hexiya, there's no secret beeen him? And I didn't
• 47:37
  Speaker 4: tell him obviously, not like afterwards like I just fake that,
• 47:41
  Speaker 4: you know. Years later, I was like, hey, just so
• 47:43
  Speaker 4: you know, this is an experience of mind that we
• 47:45
  Speaker 4: had in the beginning. But I'm really grateful to say
• 47:47
  Speaker 4: that was probably like maybe the first month of us
• 47:49
  Speaker 4: having sex. It wasn't like a long term thing, because yeah,
• 47:52
  Speaker 4: it was very evident to me that he genuinely was
• 47:54
  Speaker 4: there for my pleasure and did not find it to
• 47:57
  Speaker 4: be an inconvenience.
• 47:59
  Speaker 3: Okay, a book that your life the Laws.
• 48:02
  Speaker 4: Of Human Nature by Robert Green just gives a lot
• 48:05
  Speaker 4: of perspective in one book.
• 48:07
  Speaker 3: Okay, oh we do pretty smart. Question talk about a game?
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: Is this your card game? Congratulations?
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: Thank you? This is the old model, so when the
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: new model comes out, I'm gonna send it to you.
• 48:19
  Speaker 3: But pick a card, any card?
• 48:20
  Speaker 1: Congratulations, this is beautiful. Thank you.
• 48:23
  Speaker 4: Do you fall in love easily? What is your love language?
• 48:26
  Speaker 4: What a perfect question. Answer to you.
• 48:28
  Speaker 3: I don't fall in love easily. When I fall, I
• 48:31
  Speaker 3: fall hella hard. And my love language is physical touch
• 48:37
  Speaker 3: and quality time.
• 48:39
  Speaker 4: Okay, you only pick one, but I'll let you slide
• 48:42
  Speaker 4: unless you do the score. Did the test and you
• 48:44
  Speaker 4: were equivalently scored on I thought you're allowed to have three.
• 48:47
  Speaker 4: You can, but there has to be a predominant one.
• 48:49
  Speaker 4: It's it's like non.
• 48:50
  Speaker 3: Physical touches one. It's probably it's fine too.
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: And also same answer as you really Twinsy's.
• 48:57
  Speaker 3: Last question, the smartest decision you've ever made? Moving to
• 49:01
  Speaker 3: laius so interesting. Everybody says that, really they say a
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: move and they say it's it's because it's betting on yourself.
• 49:10
  Speaker 4: Yes, yes, well it's putting yourself in an environ. I mean,
• 49:13
  Speaker 4: I wouldn't have met my husband. I wouldn't have dove
• 49:15
  Speaker 4: into this career. Like my additional schooling happened in La,
• 49:19
  Speaker 4: some really big life changes. It forced me out of
• 49:21
  Speaker 4: my toxic relationship. It forced me even just being around
• 49:25
  Speaker 4: my family, who I love and adore, but like they
• 49:27
  Speaker 4: interacted with the old version of me, and they constantly
• 49:29
  Speaker 4: reminded me of the old version of myself. So when
• 49:32
  Speaker 4: I moved here, I had a chance to like reinvent myself.
• 49:34
  Speaker 4: Even like my name is Shannon. I hate that name.
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: I hate it. I've hated it my whole life.
• 49:39
  Speaker 4: I've always tried to change my name, And when I
• 49:41
  Speaker 4: moved here, I'm like, it's Shan, which I actually found
• 49:44
  Speaker 4: out from Jad's wife. I could have been Shae, which
• 49:46
  Speaker 4: haunts me daily. Oh I like Shan, I love Do
• 49:48
  Speaker 4: you like Shan?
• 49:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 49:49
  Speaker 1: I think Shane's better. You're Shan, I know, but Shae,
• 49:53
  Speaker 1: booty Sha.
• 49:55
  Speaker 3: What it changes the whole Like the way I perceive
• 49:58
  Speaker 3: you is so different Shae versus Shan. I think Shan
• 50:01
  Speaker 3: has some gravitas. Okay, thank you, Shan. Every time I'm
• 50:07
  Speaker 3: with you, I feel grateful for the time that we
• 50:12
  Speaker 3: have spent so thank you for your time today. I
• 50:14
  Speaker 3: like you so much.
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: Oh my god. And you narrowed your eyes while you
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: said it. It's very intimate. Thank you.
• 50:19
  Speaker 4: I really enjoyed this. Your's incredible of what you do.
• 50:22
  Speaker 4: You let's touch.
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: It's your love language.
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: And thank you.
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 50:47
  Speaker 3: All right, today is a good day. To have a
• 50:48
  Speaker 3: good day. I'll see an exce