Latest / Feedbag with Nat Lauzon / Episode 11: Snoring Apps, Mom Sweaters & Fluffers - Oh My!
Transcript
- Nat Lauzon: This is Bolt. This is for all the people watching the YouTube channel. see him. You can just see one eye. I know. Look, you can't even really. He's just peeking his eyebrows are peeking over. It's Count Chocula, actually. Yeah, this is Bolt. He lives here now. I feel like I shouldn't block his face. It's like like you're feeling being rude. I feel like I'm rude. It's like I'm blocking his. vision at a show or at a concert and I'm like, yeah, it doesn't seem to mind. I can't see. He doesn't want to be on camera in the first place. Maybe that's why he's doing that. Yeah. Naturally shy. He's pretty handsome, though. He deserves to be on camera. Definitely. Look at him. He's even hiding as you move. We don't deserve to be in his company. No, he's too gorgeous for us. ⁓ This way he looks ⁓ like a hat. Looks like an extra pillow. He looks like ⁓ a George's sable hat. ⁓ That's right. Hi. Hi, baby. How you? I'm How are you? Excellent. Thank you for making me a tea. You're welcome. ⁓ And ⁓ can you pass me my ⁓ Yeah, but. ⁓ it's OK. ⁓ Nobody if you're out frame. ⁓ do you want to show the people? ⁓ it's over there. This is Zoom in. Yeah, but that's Nats. I want my mommy mug. You said it. You called it my sad girl mug. My sad girl. want my mommy mug. This is the cute thing about you. You really like because I was feeling a little bit nauseous. So he made me a tea and he put it in this mug because it's from my mom. Right. And you you selected the. the mug based on that. Well, you get that mug if I'm making you a tea. I always put in that mug if you're feeling a bit bleh. But if you're just regular, I won't give you that mug. If I'm regular bleh. Well, no, like if you're just baseline you, which is not bleh. Yeah. You get a regular mug. Yeah. But this is for like. Sad girl I want my mummy Sad girl or I want to be cozy with a blanket lady. Yeah. So thank you for that. You're welcome. I feel dangerous around microphones with this. just going to move over here. ⁓ many wires, so many things to spill, so much technology to destroy. ⁓ your shirt. ⁓ yeah. ⁓ is my shirt. This is a very YouTube episode because ⁓ listening to the audio is going to be like, man, why do they always talk about shit I can't see? Okay. My shirt says, I'll spell it out for you. Ping, P-I-N-G like ping pong ⁓ floille ⁓ which is a French Quebecois pronunciation of F L O I L L E, which anybody who is an Anglophone in Quebec ⁓ this aloud will probably know what it's supposed to say. It's supposed to say Pink Floyd but pronounced like a Quebecois might say it. Ping Floille Ping Floille. Ping Floille. Hey, J’aime ça Ping Floille. But what? But it's not mean, is it mean? I don't think it's mean. I think it's funny. Well, let's ask the French Canadians and Québécois. Yeah. Is this offensive? Because it surely is not meant to be. I feel like it's not. I feel like it's just it's a play on how we pronounce things. Right. And it's a popular band with Quebecers. Ping Floille. And Super Tramp. Yeah, I'm picking off dog hair. ⁓ This is the thing about having it. OK, ⁓ Bolt. Bolt is the new puppy. And I'm going to do a whole episode about... pet grief and deciding to when to get another dog etc etc but Bolt is just here for now and ⁓ he's half husky and half pomeranian and he has two times a year in which he sheds he's only been here a month so we haven't been through a shed yet ⁓ But you wear black clothes all the time. All the time. I think I'm going to have to change that because now he's it's just like I go home and I'm like gray instead of black. Yeah. You just have hair all over you. And it's like I never see this because I don't wear black because I own pets my whole life. don't wear black. I don't wear black clothes because pets. guess Johnny Cash had no dogs. I guess not. let's talk about when we were shopping yesterday. ⁓ yeah. I hate. Shopping. And you know that I hate shopping. Do most women like shopping because I have always hated it. I've always like, here's what I need and I'm going in and I'm on that mission. I'm not a browser like. Yeah, ⁓ in my experience, I ⁓ think you're more it's ⁓ more likely that women like shopping, but I hate generalizing, but just. ⁓ But it's cliche that they say when they love to shop. you're right though. Like I think I'm the exception to the rule, but I do like I have a couple of other friends that really hate shopping too. But that's why I always look like a slob. But it's not I don't think it's the act of shopping you hate. It's the environment in which you have to shop. Yes. Okay. Explain to them why it annoys you. Why the environment? Because I hate being I hate malls. I don't like overhead lighting. They make me feel dizzy. They make me feel sick. The smells in the mall, the people, the heat. I would say crowds, but crowds don't really bother me. Like crowds don't bother me as a fear thing. They bother me as an annoying thing. Yeah. Like, and waiting in line. Like I just, I really hate malls. And so then I ended up hating shopping. Yeah. Yeah. But actually, don't do you like the actual act of picking out clothes? Because you seemed perfectly content yesterday for the. Yeah, but I have to be in the mood. Yeah. Right. Because I shopped and then I said to him, I'm reaching my limit now. You said it before we went in. You said, just so you know, when I get when I get to the end of my wick or whatever, it might be really, really fast. I got to get that. And she's like an off off the cliff type of mood person was like. I'm happy and now I'm not and I must immediately leave this place. it's the overhead lighting. They make me feel sick. It's fluorescent lights maybe. ⁓ don't know. It's just a vibe. Yeah, but also like I get vestibular migraine too. so that's like not pain, but it's a reaction to lights ⁓ and smells and it just makes me feel ⁓ So anyway, ⁓ we went shopping. ⁓ Okay. And when we walked in immediately on the rack was a sweater that we both went, that's fun. That's ⁓ cute sweater. And I'm I like that That is, I'm going to try that on. I'm going to show you the sweater again. ⁓ again for the YouTube I'll describe it when you're So hold my mic. All right I'm in stereo stereo ⁓ She's holding up the sweater and it is a white something kind of like ⁓ a comfy soft synthetic fiber ⁓ Sweater yes, and it's got on it in various poses But there it's just cat heads ⁓ and some of them have and some of them have glasses and it's just a cute little black and white sweater Yeah, black and white kind of kitschy kind of fun. And I was like, I like that sweater. So I'm going to try it on anyway. And we get to the cash So as you saw the girl take the sweater to take the tag off, I said, really like, I really like that sweater. That's, that's, that's cute or something. I just commented again that I liked it. ⁓ Yeah. And then what did she say to you, ⁓ Well, she said, yeah, my mom would really this sweater And at first it didn't, was like, okay, I guess your mom's cool. Like me and not old. Not old like you? Yeah. And then I was like, wait a second. Because I was doing the math, how old were they? Like she's trying to, she's saying without saying, but not intending mean. No, think she wasn't intending to be mean. Like her mom probably likes cats. Maybe her mama has a lot of cat sweaters, but I don't, ⁓ I don't have cat sweater. I don't have anything cats or. I just, for some reason, really enjoyed that sweater. like, is her mom a crazy cat lady who has all things cat and she gets cat stuff for every birthday? No, I didn't get that from it. No? I just got from this is something a mom would wear. older generation would wear. not an older generation, like, somebody in their sixties, but like when you get to a certain age or your clothes tend to change taste. I think it might've been the first time in my life and I'm 50. The first time in my life, went, Oh, Oh, you were old? Not that I'm old. What? Oh, nothing. I'm not that I'm old, but that like, don't do I not know about clothes? Oh, are you out? Yeah. Oh, you're so out and so am I. We don't know shit. like, I mean, look what the fuck I'm wearing now. It's just everything is dumb. Everything is old and gross in my closet. I know everything's, I have no taste apparently because my kids, have three, 28, 23 and 20. And whenever I'm like, oh, this doesn't fit me anymore. Would you like it? They're always like, no. It all comes to pass, man, because it reminds me when I was a teenager and, ⁓ my mom would go through her clothes. be like, you girls have to keep me in fashion. My sister and I. You girls have to keep me in fashion. You have to tell me what's cool. We're like, no problem. And now who's going to help me? It's true. Who's going to help me? the internet help me? Is this a gross sweater though? But I don't think it is. I think it's cute. It's cute. it's I could see girls any age wearing that. I could see a 20 year old girl wearing that. Because why would they have it right at right there? Because we know their demo and it's older ladies. Anyways, so at the cash we were like, when she said, my mom would like this sweater and and I both just kind of looked at each other. I still like it. I'm going to wear it. I'm not wearing it now because I haven't washed it yet. OK, that's it was another thing we're talking about. Do you wash your clothes from the store before you? I do all of them except for socks, because like, I don't know, nothing's going to infect my feet, I guess. I don't know. but underwear like absolutely underwear. Absolutely. Even though it was in a package. But you don't know, maybe some guy at the factory was wearing Yeah, it's like got all kind of chemical jizz on it or something. good band name, chemical jizz. Chemical jizz. Wasn't that, didn't they open up for Our Lady Peace? Wasn't it chemical jizz in the first? Yes, I saw them at metropolis back in the day. I think so. Let's talk about your snoring app. Okay. I just want to give a word of warning for people because the snoring app is great because you actually have it on every night. It's triggered by sound. Yeah, it's like you just put the phone next to the bed and when you sleep and if you raise a certain threshold, if you make enough noise, it'll start recording. So and then it can even categorize talking and animals because you sleepwalk sometimes i use i haven't slept well sorry talk you sleep talk sleep talk sometimes yeah not as often as i used to and ⁓ yeah so it records all these things and then you can look at it but it's also a health app or something because it's trying to tell you if you maybe have sleep apnea which is something very serious and if you're snoring a lot you can it's a sign that you might have sleep apnea and you might need a c-pad machine or whatever so i've been watching it for that because i don't want one and so I've just been monitoring my snoring and then it's always fun to hear yourself say something in the middle of the night and you're like, what am I talking about? But. You have to remember ⁓ ⁓ turn it off. To turn, turn it off you wake up. Yeah, because otherwise other stuff can be Yeah. And you don't want that. No, this is like remember when you the first time he was like, ⁓ it recorded something other than me just snoring. I was like, what? No, no, no. And he was like, but you want to hear it? And I was like, I definitely don't want to hear it. I certainly don't want to hear that. did. But but there was a curiosity. Yeah, you want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. But play like a tiny play, just just just go. And then you played it and it was like. Turn it off! Turn it off! Turn it off! Instantly Turn it off! Turn it off! It was it's like hearing your own parents. I don't think anyone wants to hear themselves. But this happened my too, right? Is it? Yes. I'm not going to say name names, but she went camping. and he had that snoring app that you have. And when they but he likes they like ⁓ the sound of rain it was raining on the tent and she said ⁓ put your thing on. ⁓ okay. But it stayed on. I see. For sexy times and they were both mortified. It's not a thing that you want to save. It's funny ⁓ because while you're in the act of it this is great. ⁓ but listening back it's like people who decide to like film themselves. I've never done that. Never done it no thanks. No thank you ever. It's funny, but yeah, I never want to see that. No, never want to see it. But people do and you know, all power to him. Like that's just not for me. I I know people said, well, while we're young and beautiful, we should get a nice picture of it. But you think you're young and beautiful and then you see the video and then you're like. I didn't know that thing is jiggled in that way. Hats off to porn stars because they must be editing the shit out of that because it always looks not like real life. Yeah, got lighting and fluffers and makeup and everything. don't think they need fluffers anymore. I was actually wondering about this. With Viagra, you don't need a fluffer. Viagra put fluffers out of business. I thought fluffers was for pubes. What? ⁓ What? ⁓ Would fluff up pubes? Are you serious? You didn't know what a fluffer was? You thought fluffers were to groom your pubes in between takes? Half of them don't even have pubes. Yeah, but not back in the day. That's why when you said, don't know if they have fluffers anymore because no one has pubes anymore. No. What's a fluffer? well, you said viagra so I can imagine. A fluffer is like an off screen, I guess a woman to make sure that the man maintains his erection while they're ⁓ all the cameras or whatever. fine. I a fluffer was actually fluffing pubes. That's crazy, you put that on your CV ⁓ ⁓ you work it in hey, dude, don't scratch it, okay? ⁓ boy the party. This is bolt ⁓ recently adopted ⁓ just lovely and we adore him. What's that lovely? Yeah, because he is cuz he just is yeah, I got a smile Hi, buddy, what's up, Hey, you want to make him? See if we can do it Oh, Bolt has this thing where when you howl, he likes to howl. Because he's a husky. Well, he's half husky. This might really annoy people, though, when we're listening to the audio. OK, we won't do it. But he does it. If we start howling, he will start howling. If you want to hear him howl, we'll do it for you. yeah, for $9.95 and we'll send you your own personalized, we'll have him howl your name. Yeah, I didn't know that I thought fluffers were pubes. I can't believe you thought a fluffer was somebody who took care of pubes on But it makes sense. It makes more sense than the other thing. It really does. Because why do you want a fluffy d* they're... It's not fluffy. No. But the pubes are fluffy and so therefore a fluffer fluffed pubes. ⁓ makes sense. I'm just wondering if I ever thought dumb shit about jobs and realize that's but that's really crazy. Anyway, you I wanted? You know what the first job I wanted to be when I was a kid? What? Because you know how your parents have those like books where they track literally everything what she wanted to be this year and her age and oh, And there's a snippet of her hair And then they. just get bored with you after like age seven. Yeah, and the third kid, my third kid got none of that He's like, when did I walk first? I'm like, I don't remember. I remember everything about my first kid. first kid is like all the things. I'm sorry, James. But in one of my books that my mom kept, said, what does Natalie want to be when she grows up? And I wanted to be the girl that puts lifesavers on the shelf. Right. You told me this. You want to be the girl that puts lifesavers on the shelf. I thought that was. The best job anyone could ever have. What a job. That's a great job. Right? Make people happy. Maybe get some lifesavers. ⁓ Wow. And then those like ⁓ mega you get at Christmas. ⁓ I remember I had my best friend in elementary school. Shout out to Sean Murdock. If you're listening, we were like best buds in elementary school. ⁓ And I remember I got him the The lifesavers book for his birthday or for Christmas or something when we were like think they only came out at Christmas. That must have been at Christmas. I don't remember when his birthday was, but and I was jealous of the gift I was giving to him. I wanted it for myself. It was a lifesavers and they were like, I don't know what, 10 packs. Yeah, they're awesome. And it was like a book. It was so cool. Yeah, we used to get those. So cool. We got those every Christmas. You could have been the girl putting those on the shelves. Yeah. We were meant to be. Right? I know. I thought that was the greatest job anyone could have was the girl who put lifesavers on Not astronaut, not doctor nurse. You wanted to be lifesaver stocking girl. I'm amazed. Seriously, really makes me laugh. You thought fluffer was coming in and grooming the pubes. a little tiny pick. Little tiny hairspray bottle. ⁓ Maybe putting some beads on there. think I'm done. You think you're done? I definitely feel better. Thanks for my tea. How's belly? A lot better. I could eat now. ⁓ good. Are we going to have the shish ta'ook in the fridge? Yeah, leftover shish. What are we having the turkey? My mouth just watered. You're strange like that. You're very like sensitive. Well, when I gave you a piece of kiwi this morning and my mouth watered, thinking about you eating the sourness and you didn't even... There was no sourness in that It's doing it now. What? Yeah. You're like an amazing human where you can just... What's that? Was that your belly? Yeah, it's hungry now. Cause I thought about shish ta'ook at the shish ta'ook in the fridge. Shish ta'ook? ⁓ I don't know if any of this is gonna make sense for anyone. But I had fun. Me too. My hair is really strange though. I gotta get a cut. gross and I... ⁓ the light of day, you're gross and disgusting. Yeah, you know, ⁓ I wish that I would have just done this as an audio feed because I have to look at myself every time I edit this and I really don't put a lot of work into myself. You don't need to because you're pretty. that's great answer and boyfriendy as heck. But it's true too. You know, but then we look at this and we're like, ⁓ Yeah, but nobody likes himself on video, You have really good hair for a 57 year old man. I've been blessed with the full set of hair. Do call it a set of hair? Yes, it matches your teeth. But people say set of hair. No, they don't say set of hair. My brother-in-law said set of hair and the family is never letting him forget it. He said it once. Wow, he's got a great set of hair or she's got a great set of hair. And my family, I think he probably said it 20 years ago once. and everybody just keeps laughing about set of hair. to me that sounds like like like wigs or toupees that you might have on rotation Yeah, I mean like this this set. Yes a whole set of hair. Yeah, this is my mullet This is the 80s set. This is the 80s rock star set. This is like like themes Yeah, yeah, like you have a great set of pipes boobs Hooters T this is a set but hair can't be a set Hair cannot be a set. I don't think one thing even though it's many things I think we're done. Yeah, this is, we're really dumb now. Now. Pink fly. Hi and welcome to Feedbag. I'm Nat. I'm joined by Rupert. everyone. That's my man. Yeah, y'all. ⁓