Latest / New Manager Conversations with Fexingo: First 90 Days, Managing Former Peers, and Leadership Basics / Why New Managers Ignore Their Team's Energy
Transcript
- Lucas: There is a specific kind of blindness that hits new managers around month two. They have spent weeks learning the systems, memorizing the org chart, and setting up the weekly cadence. But they start treating their team like a machine that needs oiling rather than a group of humans who need fuel. And when the engine starts sputtering, they blame the mechanic instead of checking the gas tank. Luna: Exactly. It’s the obsession with output over input. You see it all the time in those early performance reviews where the manager is proud of the numbers but the team looks like they haven’t slept in a week. Lucas: Right. And the irony is that they think they are being professional by focusing on the data. But data is a lagging indicator. If you only look at the completed tasks, you are watching the rearview mirror while driving off a cliff. The leading indicator is energy. And energy is messy, qualitative, and terrifyingly easy to ignore if you are still trying to prove you are tough enough to lead. Luna: So we are talking about reading the room in a way that feels intuitive but actually requires deliberate observation? Lucas: Precisely. Let me give you a concrete example from a mid-sized software firm I spoke with recently. A director named Sarah got promoted from senior engineer. She was brilliant at code, but her first quarter was a disaster. Not because the product failed, but because two key developers quit in six weeks. When she looked back, she realized she had interpreted their silence as focus. They weren’t deep in work; they were emotionally checked out. She was asking for status updates every day, mistaking pressure for progress. Luna: That is heartbreaking because it is so common. She thought she was supporting them by staying close to the work, but she was actually suffocating them. Lucas: And here is the kicker. Sarah didn’t know what to do once she saw the exit interviews. She tried to throw more resources at the problem, which just added more meetings and more overhead. She treated the symptom, not the cause. The cause was that her team was running on fumes, and she kept hitting the accelerator. Luna: It sounds like she needed to step back from the tactical execution entirely. Lucas: She did, eventually. But the lesson for us listening right now is that managing former peers requires a different lens. You cannot rely on the shared context of doing the same job anymore. You have to build a new language based on well-being, not just workflow. And before we go deeper into how to spot these signs, I want to pause for a second. If we've helped you think through a career move or decision, knowing that our listeners support us directly helps keep this show ad-free and independent. You can find us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It takes thirty seconds and it makes a real difference in keeping these conversations going. Luna: Yeah, and honestly, the feedback we get from that community often shapes the next episode, so it’s genuinely useful for us too. Lucas: Okay, let’s get back to Sarah. Once she stopped pushing for daily status reports, she started noticing something else. The tone in the Slack channels changed. People stopped using exclamation points. Jokes dried up. The water cooler talk vanished. These are not HR metrics. They are human signals. And they tell you everything about the capacity of your team. Luna: So how do you catch that if you aren’t in the trenches? You’re sitting in a separate office now. Lucas: You create low-stakes spaces for high-trust conversations. Sarah started doing one-on-ones that had no agenda. No project updates. No blockers. Just, 'How are you holding up?' Most new managers panic when there is no agenda. They feel like they are wasting time. But that empty space is where the truth comes out. If your team says 'fine' to everything, they are lying. Or worse, they are protecting you from having to deal with hard truths. Luna: I love that distinction. Protecting the manager from the truth is a huge dynamic when you come from within the team. Lucas: It is. Because they don’t want to be the person who complains about the new boss. So they perform competence. They smile. They nod. And then they quit. The trick is to normalize vulnerability without making it awkward. You have to model it first. If you walk into a one-on-one and say, 'I’m struggling with this deadline,' you give permission for them to say, 'Me too.' Luna: But isn’t that risky? Don’t you lose authority if you admit you’re struggling? Lucas: Not if you frame it correctly. There is a difference between weakness and transparency. Weakness is saying, 'I don’t know what to do.' Transparency is saying, 'This is heavy for me right now, and I need your perspective.' One invites rescue. The other invites collaboration. Your team wants to collaborate. They just need an opening. Luna: So it’s about shifting from a commander mindset to a facilitator mindset very quickly. Lucas: Yes. And this brings us to the second big mistake. New managers try to fix everything immediately. They hear a complaint about a process, and they launch a committee. They hear someone is burnt out, and they suggest a vacation. These are band-aids on bullet holes. You have to identify the root cause of the energy drain. Is it unclear priorities? Is it political friction? Is it just too much volume? Luna: Because if you fix the wrong thing, you waste everyone’s time and make the problem worse. Lucas: Exactly. In Sarah’s case, the issue wasn’t workload. It was ambiguity. Her team didn’t know what 'good' looked like under her new style. They were working harder because they were scared of failing. Once she sat down and defined clear success criteria for each project, the anxiety dropped. The energy returned. And ironically, they finished faster because they weren’t second-guessing themselves. Luna: That is such a powerful example. Clarity is energy-saving technology. Lucas: It is. Think of clarity as a utility bill. Every time you send an ambiguous email, you charge your team extra. Every time you change direction without explanation, you add interest. Your job as a new manager is to reduce the tax on their attention. Stop sending vague requests. Start giving precise instructions. It feels restrictive, but it is actually liberating for your team. Luna: I never thought about it as a tax. That makes the administrative side of management sound really valuable. Lucas: It is. People hate uncertainty. They will tolerate hard work if they know why they are doing it. They will revolt against easy work if they don’t understand the goal. So pay attention to the questions they ask. Are they asking for clarification? Or are they asking for permission? Permission-seeking is a sign of low trust. Clarification-seeking is a sign of engagement. Luna: So you can diagnose the health of the relationship just by listening to the type of questions coming your way. Lucas: Absolutely. And here is the final piece of the puzzle. You have to protect their energy from yourself. Yes, it sounds arrogant, but new managers are often the biggest source of distraction. We send late-night emails. We call impromptu meetings. We assume our urgency is their priority. But your calendar is not a gift to your team. It is a demand on their life. Luna: Ouch. That is a hard truth to swallow. Lucas: It is. But it is necessary. Start batching your communications. Send one update per day instead of five pings. Schedule meetings in blocks so people can get deep work done in between. Respect the boundaries of their focus time. When you do that, you signal that you value their output more than your own convenience. Luna: That builds immense loyalty. People stay with bosses who respect their time. Lucas: They do. And it compounds. Over six months, the teams that operate with high clarity and low friction outperform the teams that are constantly put out by managerial chaos. It’s not about being nice. It’s about being efficient. Emotional efficiency. That is the new metric for modern management. Luna: I like that term. Emotional efficiency. It sounds counterintuitive but makes total sense. Lucas: It does. So my challenge to you this week is simple. Look at your last ten emails. How many of them created clarity versus how many created noise? And in your next one-on-one, ask your direct report what drains their energy the most. Then do nothing about it for a week. Just listen. See what sticks. Luna: Just listening. That feels like the hardest part of the job, yet the most important. Lucas: It is. Because once you stop talking long enough to hear the answer, you’ll realize the solution was already there. You just had to turn down the volume of your own ego to find it. Luna: A quiet leader might be the loudest influence in the room. Lucas: Or maybe just the most present. Either way, it’s worth the effort.