Latest / Project Candor: Ordinary People. Unexpected Stories / Shattered. Lost. Then Love, with Kerisma Vere | Ship's Log #32

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Shattered. Lost. Then Love, with Kerisma Vere | Ship's Log #32 · Project Candor: Ordinary People. Unexpected Stories

• 0:02
  Kerisma Vere: You know, I have that accessibility policy where I give free PDF copies of my books to anybody who can't afford it because I know what it's like not to have access to resources based on on your financial situation and stuff like that, right?
• 0:17
  Kerisma Vere: So you play the two truths in a lie game.
• 0:20
  Kerisma Vere: I often play the if I was in charge of the world game.
• 0:24
  Jeanne Andersen: Welcome to Project Candor.
• 0:25
  Jeanne Andersen: I'm your host, Jeanne Andersen.
• 0:27
  Jeanne Andersen: This is the show where ordinary people share the unexpected stories that shaped who they are.
• 0:32
  Jeanne Andersen: Stories about turning points, about hard seasons, and about what it took to keep going.
• 0:37
  Jeanne Andersen: You're going to want to hear from today's guest.
• 0:40
  Jeanne Andersen: Our guest today is Kerisma Vere.
• 0:43
  Jeanne Andersen: Kerisma Vere is a holistic wellness coach and author whose work was shaped by navigating trauma, mental health challenges, and addiction firsthand.
• 0:53
  Jeanne Andersen: She turned those hard-won lessons into a philosophy of compassionate, non-prescriptive change, the kind that actually holds.
• 1:01
  Jeanne Andersen: She's the author of The Light Switch Myth and its companion journal, Ways I Showed Up for Myself, and the creator of the course From Pressure to Path.
• 1:11
  Jeanne Andersen: Kerisma welcome to the show.
• 1:13
  Jeanne Andersen: Thanks, Jeanne.
• 1:14
  Jeanne Andersen: It's so nice to be here.
• 1:15
  Jeanne Andersen: So the way we go is I first ask you some questions, then we transition to play our two truths and a lie, and then I'm ready to go with questions if you're ready.
• 1:23
  Jeanne Andersen: You betcha.
• 1:25
  Jeanne Andersen: Okay.
• 1:25
  Jeanne Andersen: You've described your path into this work as coming from lived experience rather than a textbook.
• 1:32
  Jeanne Andersen: Take me back to an earlier chapter of your life.
• 1:35
  Jeanne Andersen: What was it actually like to be in the thick of it before you had any of the language or framework you have now?
• 1:42
  Kerisma Vere: Okay, I sort of see um my life in in two parts.
• 1:45
  Kerisma Vere: And one, there was the getting out of home finally and and sort of hitting the world and doing my best to survive and try to sort of work on work on things.
• 1:55
  Kerisma Vere: And uh I I actually kind of got somewhere with that or so I had thought.
• 1:59
  Kerisma Vere: And then and then everything came crashing down to me.
• 2:02
  Kerisma Vere: And I had I had a pretty much a full nervous breakdown and discovered that uh I really had to become willing to do things differently.
• 2:11
  Kerisma Vere: And so that was in 2018.
• 2:13
  Kerisma Vere: And everything that I've learned since then is has been basically like, you know, enhanced what I already know, but it's it's so different.
• 2:22
  Kerisma Vere: And you know, I can actually say that that that breakdown ended up being a breakthrough because I've learned things that I wouldn't trade, even though I I wish that those lessons had come along in an easier way.
• 2:34
  Kerisma Vere: It's just that, yes, uh, my willingness to accept help, my my willingness to um put the relationship with myself first, and my understanding of unconditional self-worth and learning how to treat myself with unconditional love and and positive regard has taken the priority in my in my life and basically informed all of the work I do with other people and the books that I've written.
• 3:01
  Jeanne Andersen: Okay.
• 3:01
  Jeanne Andersen: Well, I wasn't intending to ask you this question, but I joke a lot when I get under stress about, oh, I'm having a nervous breakdown.
• 3:09
  Jeanne Andersen: What does that feel like?
• 3:11
  Kerisma Vere: Yeah, well, you know, I think we we've all, you know, been there a little bit, but you know, the difference for me in in when I'm referring to that as a breakdown, and like everything it like I literally shattered inside.
• 3:24
  Kerisma Vere: And um I actually got um rather acute amnesia and couldn't remember really who I was, who had been.
• 3:32
  Kerisma Vere: Like we draw on our experiences every single day, whether it's washing the dishes or interacting with with a loved one, like you know, the things that we've learned, the who we've been, how we got here all really plays a big part in how we move through the world.
• 3:47
  Kerisma Vere: And I no longer had access to any of that.
• 3:50
  Kerisma Vere: I wasn't really able to function, I wasn't able to go to the store.
• 3:53
  Kerisma Vere: I didn't remember how to cook.
• 3:55
  Kerisma Vere: Basically I could kind of get out of bed and and sit there all day.
• 3:59
  Kerisma Vere: And I was uh I did manage to um do a few things to try to get some help and and that, but pretty much for like a a year and a half I was I used the word comatose because I my I had a flat affect, you know.
• 4:13
  Kerisma Vere: I I couldn't even listen to music or anything like that.
• 4:17
  Kerisma Vere: Having conversations with people was exceptionally difficult.
• 4:20
  Kerisma Vere: My brain just was not working the way that it ever had, and I was in a state of panic pretty much 24-7 for for about sixteen months before I was able to bring it from like acute panic into like um acute anxiety, and then from anxiety we we brought it down a little bit more and and continued to heal.
• 4:44
  Kerisma Vere: So I mean, I didn't know it at the time, but what had happened was um I had still been fairly dissociative up to that point in regards to the trauma that I had been through when I was younger, and it all came back and it flooded me and it did so in in such a way that as to completely overwhelm me.
• 5:01
  Kerisma Vere: Um sometimes the way I describe it to people is a little bit like a brain injury, right?
• 5:06
  Kerisma Vere: Because it's just and how somebody who had relied on using my brain to get me through everything, it was just like a whole new way of of of being.
• 5:15
  Kerisma Vere: But yeah, it was my level of functioning was just not there, right?
• 5:19
  Kerisma Vere: Like it was just not there.
• 5:22
  Kerisma Vere: It took a an awful long time to rebuild from that place.
• 5:25
  Kerisma Vere: So that that was why I called it a breakdown.
• 5:29
  Jeanne Andersen: Well, that sounds like a breakdown of magnitude.
• 5:32
  Jeanne Andersen: So thanks for sharing that.
• 5:34
  Jeanne Andersen: But that took what I'm trying to count in my head, that was maybe th two and a half to three years.
• 5:41
  Kerisma Vere: Well, it happened in 2018, and like yeah, the first year and a half was still rather intensely horrible.
• 5:48
  Kerisma Vere: And um so and then uh I think it started to kind of progress from there.
• 5:53
  Kerisma Vere: There was a relapse after the breakdown, there was a relapse, so that probably aggravated situations, but like that was kind of like the only way I knew how to cope with what was going on.
• 6:02
  Kerisma Vere: So as I got help, I slowly were did the harm reduction approach to to um just slowly using um less of the substances and bringing in more of the healthy tools.
• 6:12
  Kerisma Vere: And I I would actually say it was really probable.
• 6:16
  Kerisma Vere: Like in 2023, I finally got um clean again, and my mental health had been getting better, but until I was actually able to to completely get clean again, it was still fairly problematic.
• 6:28
  Kerisma Vere: And and then I I had emergency surgery with my my colon ruptured, and so that was rather traumatic and and it sort of actually made me dissociative again because it was so sudden and I almost died, and that took um three months of physical recovery and and probably closer to six months of um more mental emotional recovery from that.
• 6:51
  Kerisma Vere: But later in um by the beginning of 2024, I was in a lot better condition than I had been in, and probably even better in a lot of ways compared to um before the breakdown, because now I had new tools, new understanding, and and had developed a new relationship with my um self.
• 7:09
  Kerisma Vere: But yeah, things didn't really get they didn't really get stabilized mentally or emotionally until uh probably very early 2024.
• 7:20
  Jeanne Andersen: Now this is a personal follow-on to that first question about what it felt like.
• 7:25
  Jeanne Andersen: Were you all alone in this?
• 7:26
  Jeanne Andersen: Did you have support system?
• 7:28
  Jeanne Andersen: How did you get through this?
• 7:30
  Kerisma Vere: Well, I I was all alone.
• 7:32
  Kerisma Vere: I that's the thing, and that was sort of partly what was leading up to the the breakdown.
• 7:37
  Kerisma Vere: I had um my friends had been falling away because I was starting to see the world through the lenses that I had when I was a kid, and I was perceiving rejection and judgment and all kinds of things, even when it wasn't there, probably.
• 7:51
  Kerisma Vere: So I wasn't navigating relationships well at all.
• 7:54
  Kerisma Vere: I have a relational trauma as part of my history.
• 7:57
  Kerisma Vere: And so I had pretty much and I actually had one one good friend who I had known for 30 years, but in the state I was, I I kept forgetting that I had her.
• 8:07
  Kerisma Vere: So, you know, and and she worked full time and and lived uh about an hour away.
• 8:12
  Kerisma Vere: So I really only talked to her every four weeks or so, I think, you know.
• 8:18
  Kerisma Vere: But she was there and that that uh did make a difference.
• 8:21
  Kerisma Vere: And actually as I started to recognize more that she was there, um I'm so grateful because her her love and support was so unconditional.
• 8:29
  Kerisma Vere: Like she let me come over and I didn't have to be able to communicate or or anything like that, and she just uh accepted me in the state I was and the fact that she had known me so long was really grounding for me because I um it gave me something sort of to work back towards because you know, like it it reminded me of who I had been just to be with her.
• 8:52
  Kerisma Vere: But other than that, no, I was on my own.
• 8:54
  Kerisma Vere: I and the first attempts I made at finding um help did not go very well.
• 8:59
  Kerisma Vere: Um but eventually I hooked up with a a really good therapist who uh was uh then able to kind of help me for the next eight years.
• 9:08
  Jeanne Andersen: Right.
• 9:08
  Jeanne Andersen: It is hard to do anything without a support system, so kudos to you for getting through that.
• 9:14
  Jeanne Andersen: That's quite a bit.
• 9:15
  Jeanne Andersen: And were you in the hospital a lot during this breakdown or were you at home?
• 9:21
  Kerisma Vere: In uh in 2018, yeah, I did go into the hospital.
• 9:25
  Kerisma Vere: And unfortunately, like when I checked in, they they left me in this tiny little room for about eight hours.
• 9:30
  Kerisma Vere: Then they put me in a bed and they ignored me for five days, you know, and and I was that just aggravated the situation so much more.
• 9:39
  Kerisma Vere: And then they sent me home, you know, with um a nurse was gonna check up on me twice a week or something.
• 9:45
  Kerisma Vere: And I was quite convinced that one of the medications I was on, one of the antidepressants I was on was actually like exasperating things.
• 9:52
  Kerisma Vere: So I kind of made a decision, like, I'm going back and I'm not leaving until until they, you know, help me.
• 9:57
  Kerisma Vere: And so I went back and the same thing happened, only this time I was left in the hallway.
• 10:02
  Kerisma Vere: And then it's with somebody with acute PTSD being left in a very busy hallway for five days was not a good situation.
• 10:11
  Kerisma Vere: So um I actually got into the the psych ward and um this other place called Crest on the same day, and I had to choose.
• 10:19
  Kerisma Vere: And the the place called Crest, you got your own bedroom.
• 10:22
  Kerisma Vere: So I uh I went there, but it was just a a two-week kind of thing.
• 10:26
  Kerisma Vere: So they did help me um stabilize the medication and and kind of stabilize, but after two weeks I was sent home and I was very much alone and very much not well.
• 10:38
  Kerisma Vere: So that's when I started trying to find uh different services and access, different resources.
• 10:44
  Kerisma Vere: Um but it was it was a it was a slow grind.
• 10:47
  Kerisma Vere: Those first couple of years were were really brutal, right?
• 10:50
  Kerisma Vere: But I mean, but that's where a lot of my work is derived from is like you know, I can help people with upper level kinds of creating change and and stuff like that, you know, like where we're finding how often you're going to the gym or your nutrition or all the rest of it.
• 11:04
  Kerisma Vere: I'm trained in all of that.
• 11:05
  Kerisma Vere: But my non-judgmental unconditional regard kind of comes from like, I know what it's like to just try to like, you know, um do laundry or brush your teeth or have a shower or any of those really, really basic things, you know.
• 11:19
  Kerisma Vere: I I know what it's like to be sitting in shame or judgment or uh discomfort or even fear, because you know, when we're not able to take care of ourselves on those basic kind of levels that there's a threat there, you know, like that, oh my God, I'm not okay, right?
• 11:36
  Kerisma Vere: So that's kind of like the bottom in the in the trenches kind of experience that I've had so that it that it kind of allows me to meet people wherever they're at.
• 11:46
  Kerisma Vere: Most people tend to be a lot more functioning than that, but it is where my kind of non-judgmental approach comes from because I've been to some places and I understand how difficult it can be there, and I would never judge anybody else for struggling with whatever it is that they're struggling with.
• 12:02
  Jeanne Andersen: Well, I'm so surprised at the medical system that they know you're not communicative, you're having trouble just doing your basic necessities, uh, such as cooking or doing laundry, and they send you home alone.
• 12:17
  Jeanne Andersen: That is shocking to me, but I I don't really understand what else could have been done, or I just don't know what they're thinking doing that to someone.
• 12:27
  Jeanne Andersen: This is why a lot of times I think we end up with a lot of homeless folks.
• 12:31
  Jeanne Andersen: They just don't know what to do.
• 12:33
  Jeanne Andersen: So I'm thankful that you're not like that.
• 12:36
  Kerisma Vere: I I was really grateful because um that's the thing.
• 12:40
  Kerisma Vere: Everything else, I lost like I couldn't figure out like my accounts and everything, but I I maintained access to my bank account and I prioritized paying the rent.
• 12:49
  Kerisma Vere: So, but I have often thought about that time as oh, I came so close.
• 12:53
  Kerisma Vere: I used to came so close to being out on the street.
• 12:56
  Kerisma Vere: But you know, I was lucky enough that I was able to continue to pay the rent.
• 13:00
  Kerisma Vere: I put uh Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a a triangle, and I I printed that out or or I drew it out or something, and I put it on my fridge and I just focused on that.
• 13:10
  Kerisma Vere: Okay, like right now we're just the basic needs, you know, food, shelter, clothes on our back.
• 13:16
  Kerisma Vere: That's it.
• 13:16
  Kerisma Vere: We're just there.
• 13:17
  Kerisma Vere: And then and that was sort of like was my model for rebuilding over the next couple of years, is just like we're slowly moving up that triangle to to more sophisticated kind of needs and care, right?
• 13:28
  Kerisma Vere: But that's the truth.
• 13:29
  Kerisma Vere: I think a lot of people out there, it's just like they got to a place where it was overwhelming to even meet those basic needs, right?
• 13:36
  Kerisma Vere: And then that is a difficulty within our society that I see all the time is that once you get bumped out of that basic stability, so hard to get back in, right?
• 13:47
  Kerisma Vere: Like, you know, because if you don't have a phone or a roof over your head, you don't have access to those kinds of things, there's just everything else gets incrementally that much harder.
• 13:57
  Jeanne Andersen: Right.
• 13:57
  Jeanne Andersen: You're absolutely spot on because once you're out there, no cell phone, uh no address, I mean, can't even apply for a job because they want to know how to contact you and you have no way to be contacted.
• 14:11
  Jeanne Andersen: So I'm truly grateful you didn't get to that point, but um, I can see how scary it is, and I'm just so surprised they let you go home without just like a caregiver or somebody there for you.
• 14:25
  Kerisma Vere: Yeah, unfortunately, it's uh sometimes systems I think systems fail people all the time, right?
• 14:31
  Kerisma Vere: You know, so but then I also see that as a a place where, you know, the coaching and the books that I've written and stuff like have it have a place because it's just like, you know, I have that accessibility policy where I give free PDF copies of my books to anybody who can't afford it, because like I know what it's like not to have access to resources based on on your financial situation and stuff like that, right?
• 14:54
  Kerisma Vere: So you play the two truths in a lie game.
• 14:57
  Kerisma Vere: I often play the if I was in charge of the world game.
• 15:00
  Kerisma Vere: When I when I run into things that like just really bother me and stuff, I was like, well, if I was in charge of the world, it would be like this.
• 15:09
  Jeanne Andersen: I like that game.
• 15:10
  Jeanne Andersen: Well, at some point though, I'm sorry we went deep diving into all that personal uh trauma, but at some point something shifted for you.
• 15:20
  Jeanne Andersen: It wasn't overnight as you uh described, but a moment or a season where you started moving in a different direction.
• 15:28
  Jeanne Andersen: So what does that turning point look like when you look back at it now?
• 15:33
  Kerisma Vere: You know, I think there's been a resilience within me that I I really appreciate.
• 15:37
  Kerisma Vere: And even in my darkest hour where I have parts that have given up, there's always a part of me that has uh a life force and and uh, you know, like I'm just I thought of that uh breakdown.
• 15:49
  Kerisma Vere: My whole life things have happened and I I just got back up, you know, and and I've refused to let those things define me, and I've refused to um stay in in in bitterness or anything else is gonna take away my ability to actually enjoy life, right?
• 16:05
  Kerisma Vere: So it's just be like, okay, all right, that's suck, let's try again, you know.
• 16:09
  Kerisma Vere: Um let's learn from what and let's try again.
• 16:11
  Kerisma Vere: And that that's kind of been a beautiful gift I've had my whole life.
• 16:15
  Kerisma Vere: But that when I had the breakdown, like I couldn't get back up.
• 16:18
  Kerisma Vere: That was the problem.
• 16:19
  Kerisma Vere: I I sometimes I think of it as a like a bouncy ball that's been bouncing, and then all of a sudden it gets flat.
• 16:24
  Kerisma Vere: It's just stopped bouncing, right?
• 16:27
  Kerisma Vere: You know, and so it's it just took a while.
• 16:30
  Kerisma Vere: But what I can recognize is is that energy, that that get back up energy.
• 16:34
  Kerisma Vere: It was still there.
• 16:34
  Kerisma Vere: It was just very, very muted, and it took a lot of work, and I did find connecting myself with some resources to slowly start to have that energy of like, okay, we're we're starting to stand back up.
• 16:46
  Kerisma Vere: Okay, we're standing back up.
• 16:48
  Kerisma Vere: And now, you know, now I live life, I'm in the world very differently.
• 16:51
  Kerisma Vere: I don't um I'm not so bouncy, you know, but I I absolutely have joy and energy and and my quality of life, I think, is is uh better than it's ever been before.
• 17:03
  Kerisma Vere: And you know, it it took a long time to get from that flat affect to actually being able to feel the joy and the gratitude.
• 17:09
  Kerisma Vere: And, you know, unfortunately, that also means feeling the grief and the pain and the and and all the rest of that stuff.
• 17:16
  Kerisma Vere: But it's uh we're a packaged deal, you know.
• 17:18
  Kerisma Vere: I I often think of it at like it's the sun and the moon, right?
• 17:22
  Kerisma Vere: We all want to hold on to the sunshine, but the the moon in the darkness, um, that's a part of it too, right?
• 17:28
  Kerisma Vere: So on a daily basis, I I try to make peace with with that's what it's like to be human is to to embody all of that, right?
• 17:35
  Kerisma Vere: So, but I think from that I have a quality of life now that I that I wouldn't have had if um that stuff didn't happen, right?
• 17:43
  Kerisma Vere: But yeah, just that I think that, you know, like just that um I don't know, there was something in me, you know, because I was I was um I was at the end definitely when that breakdown happened, I was just like, you know, oh I don't once again I was just not sure how I could possibly go on.
• 17:59
  Kerisma Vere: But something did, you know, something would pick up the phone and call some numbers and and try to find some help.
• 18:04
  Kerisma Vere: And something kept showing up at therapy week after week, and something got, you know, it's like, okay, I'll go to these groups that they're offering, you know, and like, okay, I'll try to reduce the substances by just a tiny little bit.
• 18:16
  Kerisma Vere: And like, okay, I'll try to eat like once a day or something, you know, like there's just there's something within me that has always continued to um, you know, and and uh I talk about that with people too, because sometimes we we believe ourselves when we say we give up, right?
• 18:31
  Kerisma Vere: But I look at my own history and I think, okay, so yeah, you you hit those places, you think that you've given up, so then you kind of go about destroying everything.
• 18:40
  Kerisma Vere: But it turns out you didn't really give up.
• 18:42
  Kerisma Vere: And eventually the future you has to deal with the mess that the present you made.
• 18:46
  Kerisma Vere: So now I I have caught on.
• 18:48
  Kerisma Vere: So when I'm in that like, oh, kind of give up or set back place or anything like that.
• 18:54
  Kerisma Vere: I I try to do as little damage or make as little of a mess as possible because I I recognize that eventually I'm gonna get back on track.
• 19:02
  Kerisma Vere: So, you know, let's not make a huge mess that I have to clean up.
• 19:06
  Kerisma Vere: Let's not destroy all the progress that that I have made, you know, and all of us as adults.
• 19:11
  Kerisma Vere: It's just like nobody else is gonna come along and clean up the mess that we made.
• 19:15
  Kerisma Vere: So, you know, I just I like to think that it's like if I gotta throw something, I'll throw a pillow instead of a rock because it does a lot less damage, right?
• 19:23
  Jeanne Andersen: Right.
• 19:23
  Jeanne Andersen: Well, I like your analogy of the the sun, the moon, and the stars being a package deal.
• 19:29
  Jeanne Andersen: I like that because you're absolutely correct.
• 19:32
  Jeanne Andersen: I mean, you're always it's also cyclical.
• 19:35
  Jeanne Andersen: You all you need both of them.
• 19:37
  Jeanne Andersen: I mean, if you had sun all day long, you would burn.
• 19:41
  Jeanne Andersen: And if you had night, you wouldn't be able to just move around.
• 19:46
  Jeanne Andersen: I mean, it would be just too dark if you had no light at all.
• 19:50
  Jeanne Andersen: And the stars, they're out some nights and not others.
• 19:53
  Jeanne Andersen: So I like that analogy.
• 19:55
  Jeanne Andersen: You must use that in your framework.
• 19:57
  Kerisma Vere: I definitely do, right?
• 19:59
  Kerisma Vere: It's been a way for for me to understand things about myself and but uh also help help clients and stuff like that as well, right?
• 20:08
  Jeanne Andersen: So Right.
• 20:09
  Jeanne Andersen: So before you had your language of the framework, when you were still in the middle of everything, you know, pulling yourself out of the trenches, what did trying to get better actually feel like from the inside?
• 20:21
  Jeanne Andersen: And what were you telling yourself?
• 20:23
  Kerisma Vere: Well, after the breakdown, it was pretty hard.
• 20:25
  Kerisma Vere: Um, but uh I don't know.
• 20:28
  Kerisma Vere: It really made a difference that I had that counselor who believed in me.
• 20:31
  Kerisma Vere: You know, like the first time I went to see her, I was just like such a mess.
• 20:34
  Kerisma Vere: And and I'm not really one to even cry in front of people, but I was just like my face was leaking so badly, and I was just like, you know, and um I know this is an actual counseling trick, right?
• 20:45
  Kerisma Vere: Like, but it was genuine.
• 20:46
  Kerisma Vere: And you know, like she leaned forward towards me, and that just symbolically was like, okay, you're in this with me, and and you're gonna help me.
• 20:56
  Kerisma Vere: So what it was like, it was um trying to really trying to cope and and trying to um learn from the things that that people were teaching me.
• 21:06
  Kerisma Vere: I was fortunate enough to be in groups that were they were addiction-based, but they people include on enough into the more contemporary approaches that you know, like this is about mental health.
• 21:17
  Kerisma Vere: So there was a lot of work about distorted thinking and and how to derive real self-worth and other kinds of stuff like that that was really helpful.
• 21:26
  Kerisma Vere: So I like I just kept I just kept kind of learning, you know, like how to put myself back together again, you know, and be whole.
• 21:33
  Kerisma Vere: And and I learned a new understanding of what it means to be whole, you know, like so many, I think I don't think I'm alone in the fact that I spent a lot of my life thinking that overcoming and being whole and being well meant getting rid of parts of myself that were unpleasant or unhelpful or undesirable, you know.
• 21:53
  Kerisma Vere: So, and then like what I really under came to kind of understand is it's like if you're trying to get rid of anything.
• 21:59
  Kerisma Vere: You think about you, that's gonna create chaos inside, you know, because because it's gonna cause resistance, right?
• 22:05
  Kerisma Vere: Like, ah, you're trying to get rid of me, right?
• 22:07
  Kerisma Vere: Whereas when you embrace everything about yourself, right?
• 22:10
  Kerisma Vere: It's just like, okay, yeah, I get you, you're there.
• 22:13
  Kerisma Vere: You tried to you tried to help me in this way.
• 22:16
  Kerisma Vere: That's not how we're gonna do things anymore, but thank you, and you can be here too, and you and all these different aspects of ourselves.
• 22:23
  Kerisma Vere: You can all be here and and I love you all unconditionally, but I'm I'm gonna steer the bus here.
• 22:28
  Kerisma Vere: This is how we're gonna do things.
• 22:30
  Kerisma Vere: But no longer fighting with all of those parts or trying to eliminate them, it eases all the chaos and and the and the disturbed nervous system that many of us have, right?
• 22:42
  Kerisma Vere: Instead, we we start to have real inner peace because that to me that's what healing and wholeness is about is about learning how to be in relationship with the the aspects of myself, right?
• 22:54
  Kerisma Vere: It's kind of like you know, we we laugh because we don't get to pick who our family is.
• 22:58
  Kerisma Vere: We we we tend to pick who our friends are, but we we don't necessarily get to pick everything that exists inside ourselves, but it is what's there.
• 23:08
  Kerisma Vere: So making peace with it and learning how to be in harmony with it, in my opinion, is is a good strategy towards having a a better life, right?
• 23:18
  Kerisma Vere: I don't think that trying to fix, trying to judge, eliminate, or suppress things ever is going to work out in the way that we want it to.
• 23:26
  Jeanne Andersen: Right.
• 23:27
  Jeanne Andersen: I used to tell my kids, you know, you can't get away from yourself.
• 23:30
  Jeanne Andersen: You better like yourself because you're gonna be stuck with yourself.
• 23:33
  Jeanne Andersen: That's it.
• 23:34
  Jeanne Andersen: I know the movie Freaky Friday and all those crazy switcheroo movies are fun and happy, but it doesn't happen.
• 23:41
  Jeanne Andersen: So you are who you are.
• 23:44
  Jeanne Andersen: Just like Pope I said, I am what I am.
• 23:48
  Kerisma Vere: Yeah, for sure.
• 23:50
  Jeanne Andersen: Most people approach change the same way.
• 23:53
  Jeanne Andersen: Decide, commit, push through.
• 23:55
  Jeanne Andersen: What did you have to unlearn about that before anything actually started to shift for you?
• 24:00
  Kerisma Vere: Well, I think what I really started with was like right before my breakdown.
• 24:04
  Kerisma Vere: I thought I was at the I thought I was finally at, you know, I was finally at a place where I get to enjoy life.
• 24:10
  Kerisma Vere: I had lost 80 pounds.
• 24:12
  Kerisma Vere: I had learned learned how much I loved working out, you know, I had started working out l later in my 40s, and I just loved it, you know, and um and yeah, I was like, you know, I'd work out six days a week because I absolutely loved it and with walks and and I had um lost the 80 pounds very slowly, a pound to a pound and a half a week, so in a very healthy way, and I was consistent and and uh persevered and I had become a vegan, which was like thrilling to me because I'd never really believed in in eating animals, but I always had because it's more of a laziness kind of thing than and uh not knowing how to do it differently kind of thing, you know.
• 24:51
  Kerisma Vere: And I um had I had put a lot of work into learning how to be a coach and um and getting ready to come up and be a coach.
• 25:00
  Kerisma Vere: And so I started my coaching business, and you know, I I think I had uh about 10 clients and you know I called myself a weight loss coach.
• 25:08
  Kerisma Vere: I'm not sure that I really helped anybody lose very much weight, but I helped them all have better relationships with themselves, right?
• 25:14
  Kerisma Vere: You know, and uh and changing how they treat, yeah, right.
• 25:19
  Kerisma Vere: So that and that was just like thrilling to me.
• 25:22
  Kerisma Vere: I just I love doing that.
• 25:23
  Kerisma Vere: I had always wanted a more meaningful career, you know, and um so I was doing that, and I, you know, I had muscles and I I felt really good about myself, you know, and all of these different and I I was married and you know, I was finally married and and I had more friends and I would had 14 years clean.
• 25:43
  Kerisma Vere: So that but if you can see what I'm saying, there was all these external metrics that were actually fueling why I felt so good about my life and why I felt so good about myself.
• 25:53
  Kerisma Vere: And I didn't understand that it was all dependent on all those things.
• 25:58
  Kerisma Vere: So as I started to get sick and those things started to fall off, and I was unable to maintain all of that stuff, and I lost the wife, and I and I lost the the fitness routine, and I voluntarily um let go of my clients because I no longer felt like I was in a position to help them with any kind of integrity or ethics.
• 26:18
  Kerisma Vere: And so it it all fell apart, and then I was my relationship with myself was worse than it had ever been.
• 26:25
  Kerisma Vere: Like I was thrown back to when I was a teenager and even worse, you know, because I all of my self-worth had been conditional on the things that I was doing.
• 26:35
  Kerisma Vere: And that in my opinion is never a good idea because what we're able to do can change in a heartbeat, you know, whether we're in a car accident or whether we have a breakdown like that or what, you know, the all of those external things, they are not within our control, you know.
• 26:53
  Kerisma Vere: We can have influence over them often, but but at the end of the day, stuff can happen, right, in a in a heartbeat.
• 27:00
  Kerisma Vere: So I think that was a a real part of this change thing that that you questioned that you asked me is that to learn how to derive my own self-worth just from me as a human being, without the doing anything, right?
• 27:11
  Kerisma Vere: Like just sitting here in this moment doing absolutely nothing.
• 27:15
  Kerisma Vere: I am worthy and deserving of my own love.
• 27:18
  Kerisma Vere: So then the creating change and becomes a place of choice, not I have to feel good about myself or have to to live up to other people's expectations or anything like that.
• 27:29
  Kerisma Vere: Like if I like, you know, I'm I'm working on losing weight again and it's it's actually really difficult, but I keep coming back to my whys, and my whys are about health, you know, they're about health and they're about the what I want.
• 27:41
  Kerisma Vere: And I don't have to be miserable while I wait to lose the weight that I want because I already love myself, you know.
• 27:48
  Kerisma Vere: I'm already in a place of like, all right, okay, you look a little lumpy in the mirror, and I don't particularly like that, but I still love you, right?
• 27:55
  Kerisma Vere: I still I love you and I got your back, right?
• 27:57
  Kerisma Vere: So then the these all these different things like you know, eating better, going to the gym, going for walks, drinking more water, prioritizing rest, all of the stuff that goes into trying to lose weight is all coming from a place of choice.
• 28:10
  Kerisma Vere: And my my self-worth is not tied up into it.
• 28:13
  Kerisma Vere: So it just it changes the whole pressure and approach to creating that change, right?
• 28:19
  Kerisma Vere: Like so it's a bonus, right?
• 28:21
  Kerisma Vere: Like I'm I'm doing this because I want to, not because I need to.
• 28:25
  Kerisma Vere: I mean, I kind of need to for my health, but like not not in a tied up in yourself worth kind of thing, right?
• 28:32
  Kerisma Vere: And then just the me also coming to understand that perfectionism is impossible.
• 28:37
  Kerisma Vere: And I I used to always like, you know, have the bar set so high and and think I had to do things perfectly.
• 28:43
  Kerisma Vere: And and because I I actually thought that that was smart and wise and strategic, you know.
• 28:48
  Kerisma Vere: But when I came to realize that it that perfect is impossible, just like, wow, you've been trying to do something a way that is actually impossible.
• 28:58
  Kerisma Vere: So where whereby you actually wanted to do it the best way and the most efficient way, you were actually choosing a way that is like, you know, up there with fairy tales.
• 29:08
  Kerisma Vere: It's it's not gonna happen.
• 29:10
  Kerisma Vere: So what if we use that same desire to do things uh strategically and efficiently and understand, like, hey, okay, change is going to be a journey like this, you know, and it's gonna have some winding backs and stuff like that.
• 29:24
  Kerisma Vere: So I have a much better understanding of it, right?
• 29:27
  Kerisma Vere: Like, and like even with the food, right?
• 29:29
  Kerisma Vere: If I shoot for 80% eating on point, that allows 20% whatever, because whatever happens, right?
• 29:38
  Kerisma Vere: You know, and there's a lot more freedom with self, there's more quality of life because let's face it, I like fish and chips.
• 29:45
  Kerisma Vere: So if every once in a while I can have some fish and chips, that's gonna improve my quality of life.
• 29:50
  Kerisma Vere: If I'm having fish and chips every single day, there's going to be a cost and a consequence.
• 29:55
  Kerisma Vere: So I like 80%, right?
• 29:57
  Kerisma Vere: And I lower it a little bit if there's other stuff going on.
• 30:01
  Kerisma Vere: But let's shoot for 80% because that gets a rule.
• 30:04
  Kerisma Vere: 20% allows that freedom of choice, which leads to quality of choice.
• 30:08
  Kerisma Vere: I mean quality of life.
• 30:10
  Kerisma Vere: When we shoot for 100%, there's a couple of things.
• 30:13
  Kerisma Vere: One, it's not possible.
• 30:14
  Kerisma Vere: Life is going to happen.
• 30:15
  Kerisma Vere: You're going to get stuck out having to make a choice that doesn't fit within that perfect thing, right?
• 30:21
  Kerisma Vere: Life is going to come along and it's going to make it so that you can't do it as perfectly as you want it.
• 30:26
  Kerisma Vere: The other part of that is that when we are that strict with ourselves, it's just a matter of time till it backfires, right?
• 30:33
  Kerisma Vere: So then all of a sudden, you there's a part of you that feels so hard done by you go, you sneak, you buy the box of cookies, you eat the whole box of cookies because you're basically telling yourself to have off because it's just like you've been coming down too too hard, too strict on yourself, right?
• 30:49
  Kerisma Vere: So this is what I mean, having a more realistic understanding of change and being a little bit more flexible and understanding with ourselves and allowing for these ups and downs and and being able to adjust and and not be so rigid about it actually ends up getting like way better results than the whole trying to be perfect or trying to do it instantly does.
• 31:10
  Jeanne Andersen: Yeah, well, I think that you're a very compassionate person and working with people.
• 31:16
  Jeanne Andersen: So you have just kind of outlined my next question, which was what kind of conversation would would you have with someone who is losing faith in themselves?
• 31:25
  Jeanne Andersen: And what would that conversation actually look like?
• 31:27
  Jeanne Andersen: And I think you just answered that before I could ask it, because you're saying basically love yourself and give yourself some slack and don't go for perfection.
• 31:39
  Jeanne Andersen: Um, would you have more to add there?
• 31:41
  Kerisma Vere: I would. I I think sometimes so simply the critic doesn't take things into context, right?
• 31:49
  Kerisma Vere: It's like, okay, you're a loser because you didn't go to the gym, or you know, or you messed up royally because you had pizza for dinner or whatever.
• 31:58
  Kerisma Vere: It's just it's a very narrow lens that labels and judges without context, right?
• 32:04
  Kerisma Vere: The compassionate lens looks at the whole picture.
• 32:07
  Kerisma Vere: It's like, oh, you didn't go to the gym because you got a really crummy night's sleep, because you're really stressed out about this, or because you had nightmares.
• 32:15
  Kerisma Vere: And then like you woke up in the morning and you got that very stressful phone call.
• 32:19
  Kerisma Vere: And by the time you were done, that you were actually like completely wiped out emotionally.
• 32:23
  Kerisma Vere: So you didn't end up going to the gym, right?
• 32:25
  Kerisma Vere: And then, but that's where the problem solving can come in, is this like, oh, okay, if we really understand what was going on, all right.
• 32:32
  Kerisma Vere: So maybe today's not a day for the gym.
• 32:34
  Kerisma Vere: I wonder if I could go sit outside for 10 minutes, or I wonder if I could just go for a little walk around the block or something, right?
• 32:40
  Kerisma Vere: Maybe you can, maybe he can't, or maybe I'm gonna go lay down in my bed and just like, because it's still nine o'clock in the morning, just after I've already been through it.
• 32:49
  Kerisma Vere: So let's go have a little rest and then see what we can do with the rest of our day.
• 32:53
  Kerisma Vere: So I I always think that the compassion is that it's bringing in the bigger picture, which allows us to make wiser decisions about what we're gonna do in the moment, right?
• 33:03
  Kerisma Vere: And the critic tries to help, but it's it's a very, very narrow lens.
• 33:07
  Kerisma Vere: So the point of that is if you're feeling like you're losing faith in yourself, or if you're feeling like you're the problem or you're messing up, or you just can't do it, I would really encourage you, whether you do it with yourself or with somebody else, to look at what is really going on.
• 33:23
  Kerisma Vere: Chances are you are struggling somewhere in your life.
• 33:26
  Kerisma Vere: Chances are feelings are building up inside you about something.
• 33:31
  Kerisma Vere: And kindness, validation, acknowledgement, and support are gonna go way, way, way farther than judgment or strictness or trying to push yourself even harder ever, ever will.
• 33:45
  Kerisma Vere: You know, and and sometimes it's as simple as just like, you know, giving yourself a little hug and going, Wow, yeah, yeah, things are really hard right now.
• 33:53
  Kerisma Vere: And it doesn't have to be something that anybody else would even understand.
• 33:57
  Kerisma Vere: Just be like, you know, for you right now, you're having a tough time, right?
• 34:01
  Kerisma Vere: And if you can come in with that love and support, when you're feeling like the lack of faith in yourself or really struggling, or it's all too hard or whatever, you know, that's what you likely need is is some tenderness and some some love, you know, and and we can actually give that to ourselves.
• 34:17
  Kerisma Vere: And it does, it absolutely does end up having a more powerful effect than the um coming down hard on ourselves or just just trying to push through or or you know, oh I gotta try, just gotta try harder.
• 34:30
  Kerisma Vere: No, you don't.
• 34:31
  Kerisma Vere: You gotta meet yourself where you're at and offer yourself some kindness and compassion and then like you know, take a breath, take a breath, give yourself a little bit of time.
• 34:40
  Kerisma Vere: Guaranteed you'll find the energy again to work towards the thing it is that you that's important to you.
• 34:46
  Jeanne Andersen: So my last question for you is you know, you work in a space where the language of self-compassion can start to sound like wallpaper.
• 34:53
  Jeanne Andersen: I mean, just you Google it or look at YouTube and say you want to learn about self-love.
• 35:00
  Jeanne Andersen: There's a million people out there with videos talking about, you know, loving yourself and treating yourself with kindness.
• 35:07
  Jeanne Andersen: And how do you stop the noise?
• 35:09
  Jeanne Andersen: What do you say to people when they really need to find help?
• 35:14
  Jeanne Andersen: Where do they go?
• 35:16
  Kerisma Vere: That's a multi question there.
• 35:18
  Kerisma Vere: You know, for one thing I like to tell people there's a really big difference between knowing something and doing something, you know, and self-love and changing that relationship with yourself is it's a practice.
• 35:29
  Kerisma Vere: It's not a it's not an idea, it's not something you read in the book.
• 35:33
  Kerisma Vere: And affirmations can come in handy, I think.
• 35:36
  Kerisma Vere: You know, I don't want to I don't want to diss Louise Hayes because she's got some really great points.
• 35:41
  Kerisma Vere: But if you really listen to Louise Hayes, you would hear her say the same thing.
• 35:45
  Kerisma Vere: So this is about practicing, taking care of yourself, right?
• 35:49
  Kerisma Vere: You don't have to do it perfectly.
• 35:51
  Kerisma Vere: But I mean, yeah, whether you know you you're practicing, like I'm I'm going through some stuff right now, and I tend to go through things mostly on my own, right?
• 36:00
  Kerisma Vere: So I am practicing, letting my my best friend know what's going on on a regular basis.
• 36:06
  Kerisma Vere: I pick up the phone and I I share what what it is that I'm feeling.
• 36:10
  Kerisma Vere: So I'm practicing that right now.
• 36:12
  Kerisma Vere: But, you know, like feeding myself, putting myself to bed, having a bath, you know, being kind to myself, all of these things, they're there's things I practice on a regular basis, right?
• 36:22
  Kerisma Vere: The you're right about the noise.
• 36:25
  Kerisma Vere: And the journal I have, the um Ways I Showed Up for Myself, a 60-day self-gratitude practice, people are so used to gratitude being like, you know, oh, I'm grateful for the roof over my head, I'm grateful for my husband or my mom or my whatever.
• 36:38
  Kerisma Vere: And it's like it's that is wonderful to be grateful for everything that is in your life.
• 36:42
  Kerisma Vere: But I propose that if you're not actually acknowledging yourself and understanding how you yourself are showing up for yourselves in ways that are meaningful, everything else is going to be somewhat superficial.
• 36:58
  Kerisma Vere: We can say it till the cows come home, but can we really be truly grateful for all the other stuff in our life if inside we're feeling miserable and struggling and and we're being in relationship with ourselves in a way that is is is painful, right?
• 37:13
  Kerisma Vere: Like I don't I don't think we can.
• 37:15
  Kerisma Vere: But when we start to get really good with ourselves by treating ourselves with love and kindness, which is not an instant perfect all the time kind of thing.
• 37:24
  Kerisma Vere: It's like, oh wow, I was yeah, I just said that mean thing to myself.
• 37:28
  Kerisma Vere: I don't like how that feels.
• 37:29
  Kerisma Vere: But I wonder what else could I I could say, or you know, like, oh wow, yeah, I was really pushing myself hard all day.
• 37:34
  Kerisma Vere: Hmm, what could I do for myself tonight?
• 37:37
  Kerisma Vere: You know, like even if I just take five minutes to be a little bit kinder to myself, or, you know, like the journal is like, what's something I let go of today?
• 37:46
  Kerisma Vere: Even if it was for 30 seconds, right?
• 37:49
  Kerisma Vere: You know, or acknowledging something that you maintained, or something that was difficult or took courage, or we really, you know, starting to learn how to acknowledge ourselves.
• 37:59
  Kerisma Vere: And it also changes our relationships with other people because if I'm already learning how to acknowledge myself, one, I recognize it when you're not, and I'm no longer so vulnerable to when I'm not getting it from other people because I know how to give it to myself, right?
• 38:13
  Kerisma Vere: Which I kind of ups our game in in who we will share things with and who we actually want in in our life because we've now learned to treat ourselves the way that we deserve to be treated.
• 38:24
  Jeanne Andersen: Yeah, that's great.
• 38:25
  Jeanne Andersen: I guess I'm thinking too about like, you know, videos that I've seen, it's like have this drink before you go to bed and you'll wake up with a feeling of happiness every morning.
• 38:35
  Jeanne Andersen: And and oh, by the way, it will help your skin.
• 38:38
  Jeanne Andersen: Or, you know, do this uh particular exercise, and all of a sudden your joints and everything will flow with energy and and you'll be very cognizant and be able to, you know, do math skills.
• 38:53
  Kerisma Vere: Tai chi walking is the solution to all my problems from what I've seen.
• 38:57
  Jeanne Andersen: Exactly.
• 38:57
  Jeanne Andersen: So this is like what you're doing, is this is just really uh serious business.
• 39:03
  Jeanne Andersen: And I guess that's what I'm saying. How you cut through all that noise to get people to come to you or to somebody like you instead of following, and I I'm not saying Tai Chi walking isn't good, but...
• 39:13
  Kerisma Vere: I think I just wait for people to get sick of trying things the same way and like because I mean eventually gonna come to the same conclusion that I did, which is like, you know, okay, that's all BS and there isn't a simple solution, you know.
• 39:26
  Kerisma Vere: Me drinking lemon water every morning's not gonna like make me lose 50 pounds in two weeks, right?
• 39:32
  Kerisma Vere: You know, but me working towards eating better and sleeping better and taking care of my emotional health and getting regular movement, that actually will, right?
• 39:42
  Kerisma Vere: You know, and if it doesn't, then I need to do more research to get more help and figure out what else is going on to work with myself.
• 39:49
  Kerisma Vere: But I certainly understand why we're so vulnerable.
• 39:52
  Kerisma Vere: If we've struggled with something our whole life and we've tried things and they didn't work and they didn't work, and somebody comes along and they go, I have the solution for you.
• 39:59
  Kerisma Vere: I can cure, I can cure your trauma in 15 days, right?
• 40:04
  Kerisma Vere: You know, for $4.99.
• 40:05
  Kerisma Vere: And it's like, yeah, like we're yes, we're inside, we're deep in pain about this thing that we've been trying to change, right?
• 40:13
  Kerisma Vere: So somebody comes along and they they offer us a solution.
• 40:16
  Kerisma Vere: It's just like there's a part of us that wants to grab on to that because it's like, yes, would you take this pain away, please, right?
• 40:22
  Kerisma Vere: Can you help me with this, please, right?
• 40:25
  Kerisma Vere: And it's just like some point we gotta realize those are false promises.
• 40:30
  Kerisma Vere: You know, I I think it's you know, the modern day snake oil salesman, right?
• 40:34
  Kerisma Vere: The guy on the on the soapbox, right?
• 40:36
  Kerisma Vere: Dr.
• 40:36
  Kerisma Vere: McGillakari, cure all cure all, drink this and you'll be you'll live to be 150.
• 40:43
  Kerisma Vere: But yeah, so it's just like, you know, you can keep doing things and trying for the quick fixes and and jumping like from one fad diet to another or one fad thing to another and everything like that.
• 40:55
  Kerisma Vere: And you'll probably get little results here and there.
• 40:57
  Kerisma Vere: And I mean, at least you're doing something, right?
• 40:59
  Kerisma Vere: But at some point you might want to sort of get strategic about it and build a solid foundation with yourself first and then figure out what is going to actually work for you in your life and be the person who decides what is best for you.
• 41:15
  Kerisma Vere: Like you can take information from all of the rest of it, use critical thinking to kind of cut through, right, and grab, extrapolate the truth in it all, right?
• 41:25
  Kerisma Vere: And then apply it to your own life in such a way that you likely are going to get results, right?
• 41:30
  Kerisma Vere: But that isn't gonna be an instant transformation, you know.
• 41:34
  Kerisma Vere: Like, unless you want a bald hat, get a razor and shave your head and you that boom.
• 41:39
  Kerisma Vere: You can you can do that really quickly, but most things are gonna take a little bit of effort, a little bit of time.
• 41:44
  Kerisma Vere: And you know, one of the courses I took a long time ago is like your chances at creating the change you want and maintaining the change you want go up by 80% when you enlist the proper kind of help, right?
• 41:58
  Kerisma Vere: Like, you know, actual supportive people, not not people just like preying on you, but actual legitimate kind of help that's gonna support you as you move through those stages of change, right?
• 42:10
  Kerisma Vere: So nowadays when I'm just like stubborn about trying to do things on my own, I'm like, uh, okay, well, you can do it, try to do it on your own, and it can take you a lot longer, and you can bang your head against the wall an awful lot, or you could just like bring in some support and and maybe actually go through this a lot quicker and and maybe even enjoy yourself more while you're doing it.
• 42:30
  Jeanne Andersen: Oh, that's fantastic.
• 42:31
  Jeanne Andersen: Well, this has been a great conversation, and I thank you for sharing some of the details that uh maybe are a little bit you know, personal and scary and vulnerable, but thank you so much because I think it could help a lot of people.
• 42:44
  Jeanne Andersen: Um, we're gonna transition into our two truths and a lie.
• 42:47
  Jeanne Andersen: And the way this works, folks, is that Kerisma has given me three headlines about her life.
• 42:53
  Jeanne Andersen: Two of them are true, and one of them is a lie or a twisted truth in some way.
• 43:00
  Jeanne Andersen: But these will show a little bit even deeper, more personal.
• 43:03
  Jeanne Andersen: If we can get more personal with you.
• 43:05
  Jeanne Andersen: But more of the, you know, just the kind of fun things that she's gone through.
• 43:11
  Jeanne Andersen: This episode is sponsored by Rebel 180, the home of brave pivots and fresh starts.
• 43:19
  Jeanne Andersen: Rebel 180 is all about helping you rediscover what's possible when you stop settling and start listening to that little tug inside that says, life can be different.
• 43:29
  Jeanne Andersen: Whether you're navigating a career shift, dreaming about a new direction, or standing at the crossroads wondering if it's time for your own 180-degree turn, Rebel 180 is a reminder you don't need permission to change your story.
• 43:42
  Jeanne Andersen: And now, as we open the door to our second sponsor, we're stepping into the world of tech.
• 43:47
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• 43:55
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• 43:59
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• 44:05
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• 44:13
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• 44:15
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• 44:18
  Jeanne Andersen: Thank you to our sponsors.
• 44:20
  Jeanne Andersen: Number one headline: Kerisma rebuilt her life from barely functioning to leading wellness groups, providing trauma-aware coaching that helps others improve their relationship with self and publishing books that highlight more realistic approaches to change.
• 44:39
  Jeanne Andersen: The number two headline is once charisma walked away from a workout to sit by a lake and discovered a completely new way to approach discipline and self-trust.
• 44:49
  Jeanne Andersen: And number three, while writing her first book, Kerisma lived off grid in a cabin for a year with no electricity.
• 44:56
  Jeanne Andersen: So those are the three.
• 44:58
  Jeanne Andersen: Now I get to guess, and then you're going to walk us through the stories and then not reveal the lie till the end.
• 45:04
  Jeanne Andersen: So I'm going to guess number three, because I can't believe you would live off grid in a cabin for a year with no electricity.
• 45:11
  Jeanne Andersen: But you also said you couldn't do laundry there was a period of time where you couldn't do laundry, couldn't cook, and also maybe you could do that.
• 45:19
  Jeanne Andersen: Anyway, take us through the stories.
• 45:22
  Kerisma Vere: Absolutely.
• 45:22
  Kerisma Vere: You know, I I did rebuild my life.
• 45:25
  Kerisma Vere: Um I came from a place of barely functioning.
• 45:29
  Kerisma Vere: And uh as I prior to that, you know, like I that's what I've always done is I've shared what I have learned with others to help them because I I believe in that that kind of a relationship uh and and helping people.
• 45:45
  Kerisma Vere: So as I learned new ways to be in the world and new ways to heal, I um put that to good use and and shared it with others and uh eventually even to the point of um publishing some books as resources to put out there to other people and uh it definitely was the like let's dismantle this idea of instant permanent kind of change and and look at what the actual real practical realistic steps to creating change are.
• 46:16
  Kerisma Vere: And uh number two, yeah.
• 46:20
  Kerisma Vere: So there was this day and I I had finally found a good mechanic and they had a courtesy car, and so I um took the courtesy car up to the the sister gym and I was at the gym and I I always start with a red light workout in the total body enhancement.
• 46:37
  Kerisma Vere: I I dance for 12 minutes.
• 46:39
  Kerisma Vere: That's kind of like my personalized warm-up.
• 46:41
  Kerisma Vere: I don't like the treadmill, so I go dance for for 12 minutes as I warm up.
• 46:46
  Kerisma Vere: And I w I was in there and I was thinking about the the workout I was gonna do next, and I was realizing that I was like, you know, 15 minutes away from a lake I hadn't been to in in quite a while.
• 46:57
  Kerisma Vere: So I uh grabbed my stuff out of the locker and I and I headed to the lake and I had uh packed lunch, of course.
• 47:04
  Kerisma Vere: So I got to sit at the lake and and have a beautiful exchange with with nature.
• 47:09
  Kerisma Vere: And I would have to say that probably my mental health and and my emotional and my physical health were all the much better for it.
• 47:17
  Kerisma Vere: It's like that's the listening, you know.
• 47:19
  Kerisma Vere: Well, I I would have like had to grind through the workout at the gym because I didn't want to do it.
• 47:24
  Kerisma Vere: Whereas I went, I went for a walk around the lake, I got to have a picnic lunch, and I had just an absolute beautiful day.
• 47:30
  Kerisma Vere: That was, you know, so things don't always have to look the way you you think they're gonna look, right?
• 47:35
  Kerisma Vere: And uh the third one, yeah, it's like, you know, I I always believe that, you know, to write a book you're gonna have to like buckle down, focus, put everything aside, pull out the typewriter, and get her done.
• 47:48
  Kerisma Vere: And that's not gonna happen overnight because it it takes time.
• 47:51
  Kerisma Vere: So I had to go, you know, find a cabin and and get out my uh typewriter and click, click, click away until I was done.
• 47:59
  Jeanne Andersen: Oh wow.
• 48:00
  Jeanne Andersen: Yeah, with no electricity, you'd have to use a typewriter because you couldn't use your computer.
• 48:06
  Jeanne Andersen: Number two story, I can believe that.
• 48:10
  Jeanne Andersen: I could talk myself out of working out easily.
• 48:13
  Jeanne Andersen: So I still think that one's true.
• 48:15
  Jeanne Andersen: But number three, which one is the lie?
• 48:17
  Kerisma Vere: Which one is the lie?
• 48:18
  Kerisma Vere: It's three.
• 48:19
  Kerisma Vere: I never went to a cabin.
• 48:20
  Kerisma Vere: I I absolutely used modern software.
• 48:22
  Kerisma Vere: But the the truth is number three is what I thought it was gonna take when I was 16 years old, right?
• 48:28
  Kerisma Vere: And that back in that day, I was on a typewriter, right?
• 48:32
  Jeanne Andersen: Oh, how funny.
• 48:33
  Jeanne Andersen: Oh wow, that was fun.
• 48:36
  Jeanne Andersen: That was fun.
• 48:36
  Jeanne Andersen: And I think we really talked about number one, so it was kind of not a surprise.
• 48:41
  Jeanne Andersen: But anyway, I know folks are gonna want to reach out to you, um, especially those people that feel like you were feeling and just don't know how to get through life, you know, they're shutting down.
• 48:52
  Jeanne Andersen: So I'm gonna show the contact information for folks and how to reach you, and all this information will be in the show notes and then on the webpage of ProjectCandor.com after the show uh releases.
• 49:06
  Jeanne Andersen: But uh, you want to talk about your quote here?
• 49:09
  Jeanne Andersen: You gave us a great one.
• 49:11
  Kerisma Vere: Yeah, you know, I I heard that when I was a teenager, and um I just I've always sort of, you know, walked the path of a different drummer, so to speak.
• 49:19
  Kerisma Vere: So and quite often the world, the way it's set up, has been a little bit disappointing.
• 49:25
  Kerisma Vere: So the way that I have coped with that has always been to just be like, okay, well, I'm I'm gonna be the things that I want this world to be.
• 49:32
  Kerisma Vere: You know, I'm gonna be the I'm gonna step forward and be the kind of change that I would I would like to see reflected around me.
• 49:40
  Kerisma Vere: And that's been, you know, by and large, a a pretty good way to live and a pretty good way to channel any of my um frustration with uh systems.
• 49:50
  Kerisma Vere: Because I think what politics and and everything else, we can just all get so bogged down, you know, in in resentment and frustration and disappointment and all the rest of it.
• 50:00
  Kerisma Vere: And it's not that those feelings aren't valid, but I just kind of choose to sort of put a put a different spin on it so that um I uh can not not be as impacted by all those things that that I am out of control of.
• 50:15
  Kerisma Vere: And that's where that game I mentioned, my my game of uh uh if I was in charge of the world, and just so I'll finish with that.
• 50:23
  Kerisma Vere: If I was in charge of the world, when they're shutting down streets, they would have to negotiate with other traffic people shutting down other streets so that you couldn't have two streets that were connected, both having work done on them at the same time.
• 50:40
  Kerisma Vere: If you know what I mean.
• 50:43
  Jeanne Andersen: Okay, if I could change the world, I would not allow e-bikes.
• 50:48
  Jeanne Andersen: No, my neighborhood is overrun with e-bikes.
• 50:54
  Jeanne Andersen: Oh my gosh.
• 50:56
  Jeanne Andersen: Well, that's a good game.
• 50:57
  Jeanne Andersen: I might have to play it sometime.
• 50:59
  Jeanne Andersen: Okay, well, thank you so much for being on the show.
• 51:03
  Jeanne Andersen: Um, for those listening, I hope you'll tune in next time for another great guest.
• 51:08
  Jeanne Andersen: And until I see you again from your Admiral of the Unexpected, I wish you all smooth sailing.
• 51:14
  Jeanne Andersen: Thank you, Kerisma.
• 51:15
  Jeanne Andersen: Bye.
• 51:16
  Kerisma Vere: Bye-bye.
• 51:18
  Jeanne Andersen: Thanks for joining me on Project Candor, where the doors are open, the stories are unexpected, and the treasure is always real.
• 51:24
  Jeanne Andersen: If today's episode made you laugh or think, follow the show and share it with your crew.
• 51:30
  Jeanne Andersen: Otherwise, I might just make you swab the deck.
• 51:33
  Jeanne Andersen: I'm Jeanne Andersen, your Admiral of the Unexpected.
• 51:36
  Jeanne Andersen: See you on the next voyage.