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Transcript

The Midlife Fashionista · The Uplifters

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[music]
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SPEAKER_01: Hey, Uplifters, you know how much I love experimenting and trying new things.
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SPEAKER_01: It's how I build courage capital every day by testing and learning
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SPEAKER_01: and discovering what really works for me.
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SPEAKER_01: while discovering great stuff for yourself.
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SPEAKER_01: And they do these terrific surprise boxes,
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SPEAKER_01: which make perfect effortless gifts for literally anyone on your list.
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SPEAKER_01: Because I mean, who doesn't love a little surprise in the mail?
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SPEAKER_01: Check out Join the Tribe and use code UPLIFTER20 for 20% off the website for your first order.
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SPEAKER_01: It's jointhetryb.com, T-R-Y-B.com.
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SPEAKER_02: Susan Kanoff really inspires me for so many reasons,
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SPEAKER_02: not the least of which is that she rose out of a very difficult young life with
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SPEAKER_02: a lot of adversity.
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SPEAKER_02: And she became a social worker and she has a very strong love of fashion.
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SPEAKER_02: She had social work clients coming into her office and she started to dress them
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SPEAKER_02: because they didn't have money for clothes.
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SPEAKER_02: So she started to style them with her own things.
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SPEAKER_02: And she ultimately turned that into a nonprofit that's now serving more than $5,000.
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SPEAKER_02: And she
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SPEAKER_02: does not let this stop her in any way.
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SPEAKER_02: I am just very inspired by her driver motivation.
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SPEAKER_02: She is a beautiful connector.
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SPEAKER_02: She brings women together.
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SPEAKER_02: She's an uplifter of the highest degree.
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SPEAKER_02: She champions women.
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SPEAKER_02: And so for those reasons...
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SPEAKER_02: Susan Kanoff is on my list and should
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SPEAKER_01: be on yours.
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SPEAKER_01: I'm Aransas Savas.
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SPEAKER_01: I've spent the last 20 years at the intersection of behavior change research
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SPEAKER_01: and coaching, helping midlife women do big, brave things.
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SPEAKER_01: One of the things I hear again and again from women who are going
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SPEAKER_01: through major pivots and changes is...
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SPEAKER_01: I don't know how to show up as my full self.
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SPEAKER_01: I feel like my body is changing.
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SPEAKER_01: I don't know how to dress it.
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SPEAKER_01: I feel like my needs and the way I spend my time is changing.
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SPEAKER_01: And I don't know how to embody who I'm becoming.
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SPEAKER_01: And I feel that every day.
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SPEAKER_01: I have very consciously created spaces and a wardrobe for this chapter and gone
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SPEAKER_01: through the messy divorce of giving away the clothes that felt like who I once was
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SPEAKER_01: and how I wanted to show up in the world.
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SPEAKER_01: And I also know that that way of being is a real privilege to get to have the choice
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SPEAKER_01: and About how to dress myself and how to show up in the world and to get to think
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SPEAKER_01: so consciously about what my clothes say about me,
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SPEAKER_01: which feels like the first creative act of every morning and the first moment
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SPEAKER_01: that I step into who I want to be for that day.
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SPEAKER_01: And yet there are so many around us who don't have that privilege.
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SPEAKER_01: And when it comes down to it,
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SPEAKER_01: our clothes signify our sense of self and how we feel about ourselves in
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SPEAKER_01: a given day.
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SPEAKER_01: Research often calls it enclosed cognition and tells us
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SPEAKER_01: that clothing doesn't just reflect how we feel,
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SPEAKER_01: but actually shapes how we think, how we perform and how we move through the world.
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SPEAKER_01: And whether you're a woman navigating midlife, We're just a woman navigating change in general.
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SPEAKER_01: That's a very big deal.
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SPEAKER_01: And it could be a real tool in our process of redefining ourselves
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SPEAKER_01: and reintroducing ourselves to the world.
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SPEAKER_01: My guest today is Susan Kanoff.
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SPEAKER_01: She probably knows more about this than anyone.
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SPEAKER_01: First of all, she is a well-known blogger and influencer.
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SPEAKER_01: You can find her under the handle The Midlife Fashionista.
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SPEAKER_01: Her work is so fun and so accessible and just like warm and inviting and I think
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SPEAKER_01: For all of us in midlife,
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SPEAKER_01: she's going to have so much to tell us about how we think about these new bodies
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SPEAKER_01: that we're trying to show up in the world in.
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SPEAKER_01: But she's also the founder of Uncommon Threads,
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SPEAKER_01: which is a nonprofit that empowers women in need through clothing,
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SPEAKER_01: personal styling, and confidence building.
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SPEAKER_01: And she's created Uncommon Closet,
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SPEAKER_01: which is a social entrepreneurial endeavor,
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SPEAKER_01: which is providing funding for Uncommon Threads.
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SPEAKER_01: She also co-founded Kicking Cancer and Heels on the heels
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SPEAKER_01: of her own cancer diagnosis in a search for community and connectivity
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SPEAKER_01: and impact there.
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SPEAKER_01: And that's a platform for women impacted by cancer.
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SPEAKER_01: She's a contributor to Midlife Private Parts,
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SPEAKER_01: which is where you may have heard of her either in the book or from Dina Aronson
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SPEAKER_01: who nominated her for the show.
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SPEAKER_01: She has so much to tell us today about courage, about transition, and yes...
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SPEAKER_01: Please join me in welcoming Susan Canoff to The Uplifters.
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SPEAKER_01: Susan, thank you so much for being here today.
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SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I'm just blown away.
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SPEAKER_00: Wow.
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SPEAKER_00: I don't think I need to say much more.
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SPEAKER_00: I think you just covered it.
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SPEAKER_00: Wow.
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SPEAKER_00: I need you for marketing.
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SPEAKER_00: So nice to be here.
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SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
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SPEAKER_00: I'm really excited about our conversation.
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SPEAKER_01: I am so happy to be here with you and so grateful to Dina for introducing us.
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SPEAKER_01: You are such an uplifter in every way.
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SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
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SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
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SPEAKER_01: So honestly,
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SPEAKER_01: I feel like the worry for me was how do we talk about everything we need to talk
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SPEAKER_01: about with Susan in just 35 minutes when really I feel like we need
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SPEAKER_01: about six episodes here, one for each major chapter of this.
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SPEAKER_01: So we'll try our best to capture it and then just keep connecting from here.
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SPEAKER_01: So I know you started your career as a social worker.
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SPEAKER_01: And then founded the nonprofit.
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SPEAKER_01: So tell us a little bit about that journey and specifically the moments in
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SPEAKER_01: which you experienced some fear or doubt about that transition.
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SPEAKER_00: I was a social worker.
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SPEAKER_00: I ran up a federal program for low-income families to coach and move them out
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SPEAKER_00: of poverty over five to seven years.
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SPEAKER_00: It was a very long relationship that I had with my clients.
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SPEAKER_00: It was really special.
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SPEAKER_00: Most were single moms.
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SPEAKER_00: And during that time, this is probably around 2000, maybe 12 or 13.
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SPEAKER_00: I just honestly, I needed a fun outlet.
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SPEAKER_00: I needed something creative.
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SPEAKER_00: Not that my job wasn't fun, but it had its dark moments too.
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SPEAKER_00: And I just wanted something really light and fun and to make some extra money.
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SPEAKER_00: And so I love to dress my friends and one of them wanted me to dress her for a wedding.
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SPEAKER_00: So I did.
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SPEAKER_00: And her friends were asking if I could do it for them.
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SPEAKER_00: So one of the things about me is I kind of jump into situations sometimes
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SPEAKER_00: and I said, okay, I'll put cards together.
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SPEAKER_00: Like here I am, not an ounce of fashion background.
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SPEAKER_00: I did not know one designer from the other.
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SPEAKER_00: All I knew was like, what colors would look great on you at styles.
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SPEAKER_00: And I also had like the psychological piece
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SPEAKER_00: of understanding women's self-esteem issues and why we dress the way we do and all
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SPEAKER_00: that.
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SPEAKER_00: So I started this little business and within a pretty short time,
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SPEAKER_00: like within a year or two, I was styling for television.
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SPEAKER_00: I was a local style editor for a magazine.
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SPEAKER_00: I started my Instagram account because my private clients wanted inspiration.
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SPEAKER_00: They were saying to me,
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SPEAKER_00: can you just like post to social media every day what you're wearing so
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SPEAKER_00: that I can copy it?
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SPEAKER_00: So again, knowing nothing about social media, I was like, okay, sure.
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SPEAKER_00: Sure.
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SPEAKER_00: And I started that and it took off and I started getting a really nice following.
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SPEAKER_00: And I started working with brands like Chico's,
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SPEAKER_00: big brands being sent on trips and doing all kinds of fun things.
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SPEAKER_00: But what happened that was really pivotal was that my private styling clients wanted
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SPEAKER_00: a place to bring their products.
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SPEAKER_00: Clothes that they didn't want anymore.
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SPEAKER_00: And they wanted them to go directly to Women in Need.
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SPEAKER_00: They were tired of putting them in a bin or dropping them off at Savers or Salvation Army.
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SPEAKER_00: They wanted to know they were really being put to good use.
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SPEAKER_00: So again, I said, okay, bring them to my office.
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SPEAKER_00: And so I became like a drop-off center for clothes.
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SPEAKER_00: Luckily,
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SPEAKER_00: I had a very big office and I set up racks and Thought I was going
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SPEAKER_00: to actually get fired.
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SPEAKER_00: I'm just kidding.
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SPEAKER_00: But my director was having a heart attack.
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SPEAKER_00: She's like, what is happening?
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SPEAKER_00: I worked for a housing authority.
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SPEAKER_00: And she was like, this is not like clothes, what we do here.
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SPEAKER_00: This is housing and social services.
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SPEAKER_00: But she let me go with it.
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SPEAKER_00: And in 2000, it was either the end of 2015, I think it was,
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SPEAKER_00: It won a state award in Massachusetts for innovation, even though it was nothing.
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SPEAKER_00: It was just a closet in my office that was helping women when they were feeling down.
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SPEAKER_00: We would put a cute outfit together or they were going on a job interview.
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SPEAKER_00: I would help them put an outfit together from my little curated collection.
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SPEAKER_00: And it won this award.
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SPEAKER_00: And I was just like, oh, my God, like this is I don't even have a name for this.
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SPEAKER_00: This is just.
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SPEAKER_00: Clothes.
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SPEAKER_00: So in 2016, with my director's encouragement, she probably wanted me out of the office.
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SPEAKER_00: She probably wanted those clothes out.
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SPEAKER_00: Just kidding.
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SPEAKER_00: She really encouraged me.
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SPEAKER_00: Name was Kathy.
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SPEAKER_00: And she said, you really need to start a nonprofit.
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SPEAKER_00: So Uncommon Threads was born in the fall of 2016 in a small room in the back of
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SPEAKER_00: a mill building in Lawrence.
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SPEAKER_00: And Fast forward,
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SPEAKER_00: we are going on 10 years old in the fall and having a big celebration
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SPEAKER_00: to celebrate it.
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SPEAKER_00: And now we're serving from 400 women the first year we were in operation to
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SPEAKER_00: over 8,000 a year now.
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SPEAKER_00: And we went from 400 square feet of space to over 4,000 square feet of space.
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SPEAKER_00: It's grown and it stayed within the same space.
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SPEAKER_00: Back of the building in Lawrence.
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SPEAKER_00: So we are in the same location.
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SPEAKER_00: We just took over the whole wing of the building.
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SPEAKER_00: So it's been a wild ride, I'll tell you.
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SPEAKER_01: Oh my goodness.
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SPEAKER_01: What an extraordinary impact from one tiny decision.
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SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah.
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SPEAKER_00: And I think part of it is,
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SPEAKER_00: you know, it's good and bad about my personality is that sometimes I just do things.
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SPEAKER_00: And I think if I had thought about it too much,
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SPEAKER_00: you know, I had to take an early retirement from my job.
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SPEAKER_00: There were risks for sure.
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SPEAKER_00: But I just did it.
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SPEAKER_00: And I think sometimes that's what holds us back is overanalyzing and not
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SPEAKER_00: that you should just jump into everything.
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SPEAKER_00: But sometimes when we think about things too much, we find reasons not to do it.
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SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00: So it's kind of a good and a bad treat.
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SPEAKER_01: I think that is absolutely true.
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SPEAKER_01: And I think if we can hear stories like yours too, it reminds us like, you know, what's right.
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SPEAKER_01: You knew this need was there.
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SPEAKER_01: And the thing I take from your description of it is you knew you'd figure it out.
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SPEAKER_01: And taking a we'll figure it out mindset is truly transformative because so much
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SPEAKER_01: of what we say to ourselves is, will I figure it out?
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SPEAKER_01: Can I figure it out?
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SPEAKER_01: And those questions are just really too impossible to ever answer.
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SPEAKER_01: And so then we stay stuck.
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SPEAKER_01: And so it is like if we find ourselves talking about doing something over and over
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SPEAKER_01: for years and not actually doing it,
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SPEAKER_01: I think we can just listen to you on repeat and just be like, okay.
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SPEAKER_01: We're just going to jump in, figure it out as we go.
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SPEAKER_00: You're passionate about it.
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SPEAKER_00: Life is short.
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SPEAKER_00: As far as I know, we're only here once.
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SPEAKER_00: Who knows?
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SPEAKER_00: But yeah, I mean, if you're not going to do it now, when are you going to do it?
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SPEAKER_00: And if it fuels you and lights you up, why are you not doing it?
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SPEAKER_01: Well,
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SPEAKER_01: and that question I think leads to the conversation about your cancer diagnosis
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SPEAKER_01: and how that shifted some of your thinking about the tenuousness of life,
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SPEAKER_01: about how temporary our possibilities to do big, brave things are.
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SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
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SPEAKER_00: It's taught me a lot about life.
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SPEAKER_00: One of the gifts, I guess, of cancer.
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SPEAKER_00: So I was diagnosed in 2018 with In the middle of a huge transition,
13:29
SPEAKER_00: we were moving, we were building a house.
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SPEAKER_00: We had issues with the construction.
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SPEAKER_00: We were displaced for a year without all of our stuff and storage and no furniture
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SPEAKER_00: and blah, blah, blah.
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SPEAKER_00: And I had just started on Common Threads about a year and a half before.
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SPEAKER_00: So that was still, you know, kind of in a crazy place.
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SPEAKER_00: And I just kind of did this.
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SPEAKER_00: And I said, that's weird.
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SPEAKER_00: I have a lump on the back of my neck.
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SPEAKER_00: And It didn't go away.
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SPEAKER_00: I went to the doctors and the doctor said,
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SPEAKER_00: you're just biting something, it's a lymph node, no worries.
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SPEAKER_00: I got another one.
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SPEAKER_00: And again, do you have allergies?
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SPEAKER_00: It must be allergies.
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SPEAKER_00: Finally,
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SPEAKER_00: I went to someone who figured it out and I have chronic lymphocytic leukemia,
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SPEAKER_00: which is a treatable but not curable leukemia.
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SPEAKER_00: So in the beginning stages,
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SPEAKER_00: Many people like me, not everyone, but many people stay in a watch and wait.
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SPEAKER_00: We call it worry and wait.
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SPEAKER_00: You just are kind of the doctors are watching it, seeing what's going on.
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SPEAKER_00: And then when you get to a certain place,
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SPEAKER_00: kind of the whole picture lines up, you start treatment.
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SPEAKER_00: So in 2022 to 2023, I started a year-long treatment of infusions and an oral drug.
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SPEAKER_00: And this was hard.
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SPEAKER_00: I had to hire a director to take over the operations piece and kind of do the behind
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SPEAKER_00: the scenes.
14:53
SPEAKER_00: It is what it is, right?
14:54
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I got a bunch of awards.
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SPEAKER_00: I couldn't go to the ceremonies.
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SPEAKER_00: It was
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SPEAKER_00: It was tough, but I got out of it.
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SPEAKER_00: And to your point about life is short, and you honestly just don't know.
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SPEAKER_00: None of us know.
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SPEAKER_00: Cancer, no cancer.
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SPEAKER_00: We don't know what's going to happen in the next 10 seconds.
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SPEAKER_00: We don't know what's going to happen in the next year.
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SPEAKER_00: And so I'm someone who's really anxious, really anxious, and really fearful of life.
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SPEAKER_00: I mean, fearful of everything and whatever.
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SPEAKER_00: My husband calls me a whatever.
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SPEAKER_00: But cancer taught me to take a breath and kind of throw some self-talk in the air
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SPEAKER_00: and appreciate every day because, like I said, nobody knows.
16:09
SPEAKER_00: I mean,
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SPEAKER_00: it was like just a meteor that dropped in the ocean that we all felt this huge boom
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SPEAKER_00: from here in Massachusetts a few weeks ago.
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SPEAKER_00: Nobody knows what's going to happen.
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SPEAKER_00: So seize the moment,
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SPEAKER_00: you know,
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SPEAKER_00: live life and appreciate it and do things that you feel really passionate about.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: And yeah, it's not easy.
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SPEAKER_00: I say all this, but I have to push through.
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SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm always, you know, oh, what if?
16:38
SPEAKER_00: Let me Google.
16:39
SPEAKER_00: I have this like weird symptom.
16:40
SPEAKER_00: Let me go Google it.
16:41
SPEAKER_00: You know, worst thing you can do.
16:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
16:44
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01: Was there a point in there that you thought, okay, I can't do Uncommon Threads anymore?
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SPEAKER_01: I have to just focus on my health?
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SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00: I mean, I ended up hiring a director.
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SPEAKER_00: I couldn't go in.
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SPEAKER_00: I knew I would always be involved,
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SPEAKER_00: but I had to kind of re-look at the situation and kind of pivot my job,
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SPEAKER_00: which had always been doing A lot of everything,
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SPEAKER_00: you know, into kind of funneling and into, okay, this is what I can do from home.
17:16
SPEAKER_00: And, you know,
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SPEAKER_00: now the program's taken off and we have, we just hired a really wonderful director.
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SPEAKER_00: We had a transition, but now I'm able to get in there and to be a part of the magic.
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SPEAKER_00: And I don't go in every day, but at least once a week, twice a week.
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SPEAKER_00: And that's what I missed was being part of
17:34
SPEAKER_00: that incredibly wonderful magical community,
17:38
SPEAKER_00: which, Women supporting women is the best, as you know.
17:42
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
17:43
SPEAKER_00: What you're doing.
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SPEAKER_01: Well, and I think too,
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SPEAKER_01: it's like one of the questions I think we ask ourselves a lot is
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SPEAKER_01: a stalling technique or actually is a protective tactic is, is this the right time?
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SPEAKER_01: And I've been thinking so much about how it's just never the right time.
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SPEAKER_01: No, never, never.
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SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because look, things happen all the time.
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SPEAKER_00: Now, having said that, there are some times that truly aren't the right time.
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SPEAKER_00: Like if I was in cancer treatment, would I have started Uncommon Threads?
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SPEAKER_00: No.
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SPEAKER_00: But it wasn't an ideal time for me either.
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SPEAKER_00: I mean, when I started it, I'm not getting much of a pension from my job.
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SPEAKER_00: It was a financial hit.
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SPEAKER_00: It was giving up a job of almost 25 years.
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SPEAKER_00: But you have to make,
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SPEAKER_00: sometimes you just have to take a little leap and you have to take a chance.
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SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
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SPEAKER_01: We're never going to know all the answers.
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SPEAKER_01: And like you said, there will always be something.
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SPEAKER_01: And one of the things I think that's really interesting
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SPEAKER_01: about you is you have continually added pieces to your puzzle,
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SPEAKER_01: all in service of others, while also honoring different facets of yourself.
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SPEAKER_00: Yes, and kind of all having common threads.
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SPEAKER_00: Yes.
19:06
SPEAKER_00: Because it's really all about empowering women.
19:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
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SPEAKER_00: Through different avenues,
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SPEAKER_00: through clothing,
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SPEAKER_00: low-income women,
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SPEAKER_00: helping them to feel strong and powerful,
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SPEAKER_00: helping everyone,
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SPEAKER_00: every woman through the midlife fashionista,
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SPEAKER_00: maybe making small shifts or getting an inspiration for an outfit or,
19:26
SPEAKER_00: you know, sometimes I try to throw a little life Stuff in there too.
19:31
SPEAKER_00: And the blogging, I haven't been great at blogging.
19:33
SPEAKER_00: I took out a Substack thanks to our friend Dina.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: And I love to write, but finding the time is always difficult.
19:41
SPEAKER_00: But I find it easier to do my Substack than to actually blog.
19:46
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know why.
19:48
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
19:49
SPEAKER_00: There's no reason actually.
19:50
SPEAKER_00: But I got my first paid subscriber.
19:53
SPEAKER_00: And now that's really putting some pressure on me too.
19:58
SPEAKER_00: You have to write a lot more.
20:00
SPEAKER_00: So, but even through that,
20:02
SPEAKER_00: like I've shifted a little bit to a little fashion tidbit at the end,
20:07
SPEAKER_00: but talking about life stuff or,
20:11
SPEAKER_00: you know, trying new things or, you know, whatever it is.
20:14
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I love that.
20:15
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
20:16
SPEAKER_01: And it's, I think, an opportunity to play while also finding your people.
20:21
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like very, very big on Substack.
20:25
SPEAKER_01: It's like my favorite place on the internet.
20:27
SPEAKER_00: It's great.
20:29
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
20:30
SPEAKER_01: Because we get more than just like glossed over, right?
20:33
SPEAKER_01: You kind of get a more in-depth view of a person's perspective and it's really meaningful.
20:39
SPEAKER_01: I'm glad you're there.
20:40
SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
20:41
SPEAKER_01: Let's talk a little bit more about the Midlife Fashionista.
20:44
SPEAKER_01: I want to talk about the platform building piece of it
20:47
SPEAKER_01: and like putting yourself out there and what that experience was like.
20:52
SPEAKER_01: And then I also want to talk about clothes,
20:54
SPEAKER_01: you know, as a 51 year old woman who has no idea what my body is doing.
20:59
SPEAKER_01: Like I did my transition of my closet this weekend and I I have no idea now,
21:08
SPEAKER_01: season to season, what will fit.
21:10
SPEAKER_01: For 25 years, I knew that if it fit one summer, it was going to fit the next summer.
21:15
SPEAKER_01: Now, it's not even like, oh,
21:17
SPEAKER_01: these clothes are bigger or smaller because it has nothing to do actually
21:20
SPEAKER_01: with size anymore.
21:21
SPEAKER_01: It's like, oh, weird.
21:23
SPEAKER_01: This dress that was too small last year fits now.
21:26
SPEAKER_01: These pants that were too big last year are too small.
21:30
SPEAKER_01: Like, I don't know.
21:31
SPEAKER_01: I know.
21:31
SPEAKER_01: It's bonkers.
21:32
SPEAKER_01: It is a total mystery every time.
21:34
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
21:35
SPEAKER_00: Wait, wait till you're 60s.
21:38
SPEAKER_00: I hate to tell you, but it doesn't get any better.
21:40
SPEAKER_00: It's good we shop at Goodwill.
21:41
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm the same weight.
21:43
SPEAKER_00: My weight does not shift much.
21:44
SPEAKER_00: However, everything does shift and the clothes don't fit.
21:49
SPEAKER_00: Month to month, sometimes I'm trying things on.
21:51
SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I just wore this last month.
21:53
SPEAKER_00: Why is it not doing what it's supposed to do?
21:56
SPEAKER_00: So just like life, right?
21:59
SPEAKER_00: Everything in life, we evolve, our bodies evolve, things change.
22:04
SPEAKER_00: Staying stuck in the, it used to fit.
22:07
SPEAKER_00: I used to love this.
22:09
SPEAKER_00: It used to light me up when I wore this.
22:12
SPEAKER_00: If it's not doing that now, get rid of it.
22:15
SPEAKER_00: It's not doing you any favors,
22:17
SPEAKER_00: like emotionally beating yourself up every time you look at something
22:21
SPEAKER_00: or like I spend so much money on it.
22:22
SPEAKER_00: So I have to keep it.
22:23
SPEAKER_00: It's just taking up room in your closet.
22:26
SPEAKER_01: How long do you save things?
22:28
SPEAKER_01: Because my thing right now is I'm like, I'm saving them.
22:33
SPEAKER_01: Put away.
22:34
SPEAKER_01: So they're not in my view,
22:35
SPEAKER_01: but I don't think I can get rid of anything because I have no idea what's going
22:39
SPEAKER_01: to fit next month.
22:41
SPEAKER_01: Because it's not even, like I said, it's not bigger or smaller.
22:43
SPEAKER_00: I guess it depends.
22:44
SPEAKER_00: If you think you are going to get back into it and you really love it
22:49
SPEAKER_00: and you know you're going to wear it, that's one thing.
22:53
SPEAKER_00: For me at 64, it's really not going to...
23:00
SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna get back into it.
23:02
SPEAKER_00: If my rear end looks terrible in it now, like it's not gonna look any better at 65 or 66.
23:10
SPEAKER_00: And I work out.
23:10
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm not like a heavy hardcore exerciser,
23:14
SPEAKER_00: but I do exercise, I am active, but your body changes and it's a natural thing.
23:22
SPEAKER_00: So to your question,
23:24
SPEAKER_00: if you really think it is going to fit at some point,
23:28
SPEAKER_00: Then put it in a box in the basement with a question mark on it or
23:32
SPEAKER_00: in another closet.
23:33
SPEAKER_00: Revisit it in a couple of months.
23:35
SPEAKER_00: And you love it.
23:36
SPEAKER_00: That's the other point.
23:38
SPEAKER_00: You absolutely love it.
23:39
SPEAKER_00: If it's like, well, it's okay.
23:40
SPEAKER_00: I might need it.
23:42
SPEAKER_01: Or just regret because you purchased something you don't need.
23:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
23:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
23:46
SPEAKER_00: But, you know, keeping the things just in case is not usually working.
23:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
23:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
23:54
SPEAKER_01: Unfortunately.
23:55
SPEAKER_01: Unfortunately.
23:57
SPEAKER_01: That's good advice.
23:58
SPEAKER_00: It's okay because then you can buy something
24:00
SPEAKER_01: that does, right?
24:00
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
24:01
SPEAKER_01: And there's room.
24:02
SPEAKER_01: I have a very small closet and I actually really love that
24:05
SPEAKER_01: because it's this great forcing function.
24:07
SPEAKER_01: There are only so many dresses I can fit in eight inches or whatever.
24:13
SPEAKER_00: I kind of wish I had the same issue.
24:18
SPEAKER_00: It's like a handbag.
24:20
SPEAKER_00: The bigger you go, the more you keep stuffing into it.
24:23
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
24:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
24:25
SPEAKER_01: That's why I try not to have shelves.
24:27
SPEAKER_01: And my house,
24:28
SPEAKER_01: because I feel like you just end up with more stuff because there's a place
24:31
SPEAKER_01: to put it.
24:32
SPEAKER_01: Very important topic.
24:34
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it is.
24:35
SPEAKER_00: You know,
24:36
SPEAKER_00: and it makes us feel,
24:37
SPEAKER_00: when we have too much clutter, we feel like cluttered in it and it causes anxiety.
24:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
24:42
SPEAKER_01: Well, it's also holding on to the past instead of creating space for the future.
24:46
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
24:47
SPEAKER_01: That's right.
24:48
SPEAKER_01: So talk to me about building your platform.
24:51
SPEAKER_01: How old were you when you started Midlife Fashion Isis?
24:55
SPEAKER_00: I think I started it in 2014.
25:00
SPEAKER_00: So I am 64 now.
25:03
SPEAKER_00: So it's been years.
25:07
SPEAKER_00: And like I said,
25:08
SPEAKER_00: it just kind of happened organically
25:10
SPEAKER_00: because my wardrobe clients wanted some visuals.
25:12
SPEAKER_00: They wanted to know if they could copy day to day, like a little lookbook, you know?
25:17
SPEAKER_00: And oh my God, I looked back at some of my earlier photos.
25:20
SPEAKER_00: They were so amazing.
25:22
SPEAKER_00: I was taking them in like a narrow over-the-door mirror on my closet.
25:28
SPEAKER_00: So like the photos were all really narrow, like none of them filled the square.
25:33
SPEAKER_00: They were really bad.
25:35
SPEAKER_00: And then as I started to grow a little bit more and I started
25:40
SPEAKER_00: to actually get brand deals,
25:42
SPEAKER_00: I worked with some photographers or I'd get my husband to take outdoor photos
25:47
SPEAKER_00: or someplace else.
25:48
SPEAKER_00: But it really...
25:50
SPEAKER_00: Like most things in my life, just kind of, you know, happened organically.
25:54
SPEAKER_00: It wasn't anything I planned on.
25:56
SPEAKER_00: It just happened.
25:59
SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I've had a lot of fun with it.
26:01
SPEAKER_00: And I have met so many incredible women like you.
26:05
SPEAKER_00: And others,
26:06
SPEAKER_00: you know,
26:06
SPEAKER_00: across the country,
26:07
SPEAKER_00: every time we go on a trip, I meet someone that I met through Instagram.
26:11
SPEAKER_00: We just went to Ireland a few months ago and I met someone in Dublin who had been following me.
26:17
SPEAKER_00: We became friends and we got together.
26:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
26:20
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's been an amazing experience.
26:23
SPEAKER_00: And even through my treatment,
26:24
SPEAKER_00: the year of treatment that I had,
26:27
SPEAKER_00: oh my God,
26:27
SPEAKER_00: I connected with so many women who were also going through cancer treatment
26:31
SPEAKER_00: or had been through treatment and We supported each other.
26:35
SPEAKER_00: We helped each other.
26:36
SPEAKER_00: It was amazing.
26:39
SPEAKER_01: So I think the reason a lot of people don't put themselves out there,
26:42
SPEAKER_01: even if they feel like, oh,
26:43
SPEAKER_01: I have this vision or I have this thing I want to say,
26:45
SPEAKER_01: is because they're concerned about other people's opinions.
26:48
SPEAKER_01: And they're like, oh,
26:49
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to do it wrong or people are going to judge me and think I'm too much
26:53
SPEAKER_01: or I'm like too big for my britches or show-offy or whatever.
26:59
SPEAKER_01: Did you have any of those fears or were you just like, yeah, I'm just going to post a picture?
27:03
SPEAKER_01: I didn't have...
27:05
SPEAKER_00: So much the fears at first, I was very self-critical.
27:08
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I'm a very self-critical person.
27:11
SPEAKER_00: So I knew the photos weren't great, but I didn't know how to take photos.
27:14
SPEAKER_00: I didn't know about lighting.
27:15
SPEAKER_00: I didn't know about any of that.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: But I've had a bunch of really negative comments, not so much lately, but in the past.
27:25
SPEAKER_00: Come on, honey, that skirt's a little too short for someone your age or...
27:31
SPEAKER_00: You know, making a very negative comment about, you know, isn't it time you cut your hair?
27:36
SPEAKER_00: And my granddaughter yesterday said to me, and it probably is true, she said, she calls me Susu.
27:42
SPEAKER_00: And she said, Susu, I think it's time you got a haircut.
27:49
SPEAKER_00: So maybe it is.
27:50
SPEAKER_00: But who is, and besides my granddaughter, who are we to tell each other?
27:57
SPEAKER_00: Like, if I like my hair long, I'm going to wear my hair long.
28:00
SPEAKER_00: So you don't like it, but you know, that's my choice, not yours.
28:04
SPEAKER_00: And if you don't like the way I look on my grid, then follow me.
28:07
SPEAKER_00: I don't care.
28:09
SPEAKER_00: Follow someone with short ear.
28:10
SPEAKER_00: I mean, you know, but yeah, I've had plenty of those moments.
28:15
SPEAKER_00: And my son,
28:17
SPEAKER_00: one really bothered me and I won't go into it,
28:19
SPEAKER_00: but it was kind of a political thing, a statement that I made and I got bashed.
28:25
SPEAKER_00: And my son said to me, you just hold your head high.
28:29
SPEAKER_00: And tomorrow you just post fashion again.
28:32
SPEAKER_00: And so I try to take his advice when I, you know, get a negative comment.
28:37
SPEAKER_00: I'm just like, well, sorry, I don't like it.
28:40
SPEAKER_00: Don't follow me.
28:43
SPEAKER_00: Don't look.
28:43
SPEAKER_00: Scroll by me.
28:44
SPEAKER_00: Yes.
28:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
28:46
SPEAKER_01: I love that.
28:46
SPEAKER_01: And I think that's probably a good mindset for everything we do in life
28:49
SPEAKER_01: where we're worried about other people's opinions.
28:52
SPEAKER_01: Then I think all these things, right,
28:53
SPEAKER_01: when we talk about them, though,
28:55
SPEAKER_01: we're able to find our way out of our own heads and out of our own fears
28:59
SPEAKER_01: by saying like, hey, do you feel this way too?
29:02
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
29:03
SPEAKER_01: And then we say, oh, okay, well, Susan, I see her doing all these amazing things.
29:08
SPEAKER_01: And I understand that,
29:09
SPEAKER_01: yeah, she's had this fear as well or this worry as well that she's self-critical.
29:14
SPEAKER_01: All right, maybe I can do this as a self-critical person.
29:18
SPEAKER_01: And like, look at Susan.
29:20
SPEAKER_01: She was self-critical.
29:21
SPEAKER_01: She went and did the thing.
29:23
SPEAKER_01: She figured it out.
29:24
SPEAKER_01: She's had all this impact.
29:25
SPEAKER_01: I want to have impact, right?
29:26
SPEAKER_01: So we create these models of belief and we shift our own sense of capability.
29:32
SPEAKER_00: I am still so self-critical.
29:34
SPEAKER_00: I still worry, but not as much, which is I think that's the other thing.
29:40
SPEAKER_00: If you can recognize in yourself that I've taken a little baby step here,
29:44
SPEAKER_00: like I'm not as self-critical as I was when I was 30 or 40.
29:49
SPEAKER_00: That's a good thing, right?
29:50
SPEAKER_00: Because none of us are perfect.
29:51
SPEAKER_00: No one's going to, I don't care who it is.
29:54
SPEAKER_00: No one is 100% confident.
29:56
SPEAKER_01: Maybe especially the people who look the most confident.
29:59
SPEAKER_01: Totally.
30:00
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
30:01
SPEAKER_01: So I know when Dina introduced us, she was like, this one, like no brainer, total uplifter.
30:08
SPEAKER_01: You're going to love her.
30:09
SPEAKER_01: Your audience is going to love her.
30:11
SPEAKER_01: And obviously Dina is all-knowing and was right.
30:15
SPEAKER_01: So who would you like to nominate for The Uplifters?
30:18
SPEAKER_00: I would like to nominate my Kicking Cancer in Heels partner,
30:23
SPEAKER_00: co-founder,
30:24
SPEAKER_00: Michelle Nadine Baker, who is an incredible patient advocate, And had to pivot.
30:31
SPEAKER_00: And so, you know,
30:32
SPEAKER_00: she had a huge job in communications, huge,
30:36
SPEAKER_00: and got diagnosed with my cancer and had to pivot and use her communication skills
30:42
SPEAKER_00: in the cancer field.
30:44
SPEAKER_00: And so she runs numerous groups.
30:47
SPEAKER_00: She interviews famous doctors.
30:50
SPEAKER_00: She's incredible.
30:52
SPEAKER_00: But the most incredible part about her is that she will help anyone who needs it,
30:57
SPEAKER_00: who's going through cancer.
30:59
SPEAKER_00: You can email or you can text her.
31:02
SPEAKER_00: She's just always there.
31:04
SPEAKER_00: So she's an incredibly giving human being.
31:07
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
31:07
SPEAKER_00: Even though she's going through it herself.
31:10
SPEAKER_01: We're going to have to introduce her to Rebecca Bloom,
31:13
SPEAKER_01: who just wrote When Women Get Sick and is another patient advocate.
31:18
SPEAKER_01: And I feel like, again, two women who could take over the world.
31:20
SPEAKER_01: You are such a connector.
31:23
SPEAKER_01: It's such a delight.
31:25
SPEAKER_01: It's like,
31:26
SPEAKER_01: I think that's one of my favorite things about being in midlife is like,
31:29
SPEAKER_01: whatever we've been up to, we've accumulated a whole wealth of resources.
31:33
SPEAKER_01: And then it's like,
31:35
SPEAKER_01: what if we start like sharing them and all getting stronger
31:39
SPEAKER_01: and getting better resourced by sharing,
31:42
SPEAKER_01: whether it's,
31:42
SPEAKER_01: you know, you know a lot about law or cancer or whether it's tactical information.
31:48
SPEAKER_00: Doesn't it just feel so good to support each other at this stage in our life?
31:53
SPEAKER_00: You know,
31:54
SPEAKER_00: it's no longer that I don't feel it anyway,
31:56
SPEAKER_00: you know,
31:57
SPEAKER_00: competing or like,
31:59
SPEAKER_00: you know, me and girls, it's just like, let's just, let's just help each other.
32:02
SPEAKER_00: This is an amazing thing.
32:03
SPEAKER_00: I love seeing another woman's success.
32:05
SPEAKER_00: Like that makes me so happy.
32:07
SPEAKER_01: Same.
32:08
SPEAKER_01: We all rise higher together.
32:10
SPEAKER_01: I also, to that effect,
32:12
SPEAKER_01: one of the things I ask every guest,
32:14
SPEAKER_01: because as Uplifters, we love nothing more than supporting Uplifters.
32:18
SPEAKER_01: How can we lift up you, Uncommon Threads and your work?
32:23
SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's so sweet.
32:24
SPEAKER_00: Well, I would love if you would follow Uncommon Threads on social media.
32:31
SPEAKER_00: We're at Uncommon Threads Boutique.
32:33
SPEAKER_00: You can check out the website, UncommonThreads.org.
32:37
SPEAKER_00: And we have this huge birthday bash coming up in the fall.
32:41
SPEAKER_00: And we need to raise a significant amount of money to keep the program going.
32:45
SPEAKER_00: If anyone is in the greater Boston area or if it's a drive or train ride or whatever
32:51
SPEAKER_00: and you want to come,
32:53
SPEAKER_00: it's going to be on September 17th in the evening in North Andover, Massachusetts.
32:57
SPEAKER_00: Everything's on the website.
32:59
SPEAKER_00: And we're looking for sponsors.
33:01
SPEAKER_00: So businesses who would like to sponsor And be a part of this incredible event and community.
33:08
SPEAKER_00: And auction items too, silent auction items.
33:10
SPEAKER_00: So that'd be great.
33:12
SPEAKER_00: Amazing.
33:12
SPEAKER_00: Amazing.
33:13
SPEAKER_01: Well, count me in to Donate Coaching.
33:16
SPEAKER_01: And we have a bit of a community fund in that all of my paid subscribers,
33:23
SPEAKER_01: all of that money goes into a community fund that we use to make donations
33:28
SPEAKER_01: to Uplifters and the nonprofits that...
33:32
SPEAKER_01: They lead or are a part of and buy books of our guests.
33:37
SPEAKER_01: And so I will make a donation on behalf of The Uplifters as well to Uncommon Threads.
33:42
SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.
33:44
SPEAKER_00: And I would love it if you're ever in the area
33:47
SPEAKER_01: to come by a video tour.
33:48
SPEAKER_01: I would love that.
33:49
SPEAKER_01: It would be so much fun to meet you.
33:52
SPEAKER_01: And I'm so grateful for your time.
33:54
SPEAKER_01: So grateful for what you're doing.
33:55
SPEAKER_01: And I really do believe that The work that you're doing is changing generations.
34:01
SPEAKER_01: That these women, my mother was a victim of domestic abuse for many years.
34:07
SPEAKER_01: And I think like,
34:08
SPEAKER_01: what if somebody had been able to reach her and say,
34:12
SPEAKER_01: Hey, let's give you a sense of dignity and a reminder of who you are.
34:16
SPEAKER_01: It could have changed the trajectory of her life too.
34:20
SPEAKER_01: So just incredibly grateful for the lasting work that you do and
34:24
SPEAKER_01: the way it must ripple through generations.
34:27
SPEAKER_01: And I look forward to following along and hearing more and more stories of
34:32
SPEAKER_01: that work,
34:32
SPEAKER_01: but also the fashion inspo because it's all connected and look forward to more.
34:38
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being here, Susan.
34:39
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
34:40
SPEAKER_00: This is wonderful.
34:41
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
34:44
SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening to The Uplifters Podcast.
34:47
SPEAKER_01: If you're getting a boost from these episodes,
34:50
SPEAKER_01: please share them with The Uplifters in your life and then join us in conversation
34:56
SPEAKER_01: over at theuplifterspodcast.com.
34:59
SPEAKER_01: Head over to Spotify,
35:01
SPEAKER_01: Apple Podcasts,
35:02
SPEAKER_01: or wherever you get your podcasts and like, follow, and rate our show.
35:08
SPEAKER_01: It'll really help us connect with more uplifters and it'll ensure you never miss one
35:14
SPEAKER_01: of these beautiful stories.
35:17
SPEAKER_03: Big love.
35:19
SPEAKER_03: Painted water sunshine with rosemary and tongue.
35:24
SPEAKER_03: Dwell in the perplexing though you find it vexing.
35:29
SPEAKER_03: Toss a star and hover.
35:30
SPEAKER_03: Be your own best lover.
35:33
SPEAKER_03: Relish in a new prime.
35:36
SPEAKER_03: Plant a tree in springtime.
35:38
SPEAKER_03: Dance with idle hindsight.
35:40
SPEAKER_03: Bring the sun to twilight.
35:44
SPEAKER_03: Lift you up.
35:45
SPEAKER_03: Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh.
35:48
SPEAKER_03: Lift you up.
35:49
SPEAKER_03: Lift you up.
36:19
SPEAKER_03: Beautiful.
36:21
SPEAKER_03: I cried.
36:25
SPEAKER_03: It's that little thing you did with your voice.
36:30
SPEAKER_03: Right, in the pre-chorus, right?
36:32
SPEAKER_03: I was like... Mommy, stop crying.
36:36
SPEAKER_03: Mommy, stop crying.
36:37
SPEAKER_01: You're disturbing the peace.