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DA CREW PODCAST SEASON 1_ EPISODE #180_ HOST TRIVEDA HARRIS · DA CREW Podcast

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At Wings of Transformation Publishing, we are committed to helping our authors reach their
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putting you on the path to writing your book. Hey, and welcome to
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the Group podcast. We are the hottest podcast rocking right now. We are
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three two What is Going Town Like Pretty? Or to No One's King Sleep
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Sweet Sweet Name No, it was sweet Sweet Sweet see No. Good evening
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and welcome to Believing the Journey podcast where I am your host, Trevida Harris,
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and listen to you guys. We are winding down to the final episodes
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in season one of the Crew podcast family. So if you have not tuned
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in to any of the shows. It's not too late. You still happen
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to December the thirty first to check us out. I promise you you will
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be spirit filled and highly favored when you tune in, because there's something for
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everybody. I promise you. This is the one hundredth and one hundred and
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eightieth show for the Crew podcast, but it's episode number twenty two for me
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for believing the journey. So as always, you know, we cannot do
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anything without going to God first, So let us go to God in prayer.
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Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for bringing us together tonight, as you
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do each and every time. Let the words of my mouth be comforting to
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the ears that are listening tonight. Please allow inch and every person to take
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away what they need from this conversation tonight and be helpful in the way that
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you see fit. Let us be able to breathe life into them, whatever
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they may be going through and whatever they may hear tonight, suse their soul
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in the way that you see fit. And your precious and holy name,
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Jesus, we pray Amen. My guest tonight is gonna be misgrace trying.
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She is a former marketer, marketing manager for Google. She was the Tech
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Workplace Lord, my words are getting all twisted up tonight, workplace fellowship leader,
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multi site church marketing director, and a ghostwriter. She also hosts a
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podcast with her husband Alex, and it is entitled Let's Unpack That with Alex
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and Grace. Please welcome my guest tonight, Miss Grace. Hello, thanks
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for having me, Thank you for being here. Tell us a little bit
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more about yourself, like where are you from, where are you born,
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those little things so that we can get to know you a little better tonight.
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Yeah. Sure, So hi everyone. I'm based here in the Bay
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Area in California, so if you've been in San Francisco, I'm not too
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far from there. But we were just sharing earlier. But actually that won't
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be the case for very long. God is just writing an adventure as he
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always does, so he's been leading us in guiding us, and we're actually
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going to be moving in a couple of weeks to southern California. So if
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anyone has connections in San Diego, please reach out because we are definitely praying
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for We are praying for housing, or praying for community, just everything in
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faith. Knowing that where he guides he will provide, you know. So
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that's a little bit tidbit of my story. But yeah, you're right when
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you were this describing, you know, the things I used to do,
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the formal roles I had. I just feel like I've lived multiple lives already.
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You know, I used to work in tech. I used to in
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a very corporate setting. I went into full time ministry just felt the Lord,
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you know, leading me there. And that was also a crazy wild
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ride that was so rewarding and I also learned so much and challenging too in
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many ways. Has done that leap from corporate to ministry, you know what
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I mean. And yeah, last year also again just felt another level of
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Okay, the Lord wants me to step out in faith to do what Like
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I had no idea, but you know, Loo he continued to guide,
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He guided me and continued to reveal to me so much about myself and who
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he made me to be, which we'll share more about later. But through
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that is where the podcast was born that me and my husband now and also
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his coaching business. He launched it or we launched it together, but he's
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like the main coach. This past summer, I guess in August he and
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just a few weeks ago he actually resigned from his corporate job so that we
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can both pursue our entrepreneurship full time. So okay, in progress story for
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sure, Yes, that is definitely a lot to unpack in that moment,
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but you know, that has basically been the core of making those decisions,
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because you know, you go from the corporate lifestyle and it's like, okay,
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God, you're you're pulling me away from this, but this is what
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I know. This is where I felt comfortable, and now you're telling me
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I need to give that up. What was that like when you decided to
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actually just be obedient? Yeah, it was I want to say, oh,
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it was so easy. I just trusted God, you know, and
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I definitely know it was not. It was not. It was very hard,
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and I think, you know, looking back, I'm I can look
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back and be grateful for all the things that he showed me and taught me
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through that process. But when you're in a thick of uncertainty and you know,
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all the doubts, all the what ifs, or is this okay?
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Like is this right? It is challenging, and so I feel like that's
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like I just want to validate if anyone feels like they're at a crossroads.
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And sometimes we can get in our heads like self shaming ourselves, being like,
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oh, I should be a better believer, Like why am I having
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doubts? You know? But I think it's very human to to not be
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sure and to want to be careful and thoughtful, and then through that tension,
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allow God to reveal to you, like what are the lies that you're
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actually believing that you didn't know you were? And so yeah, that process,
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I realized like I hadn't. I'll give a little tiny backstory on like,
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so when I was working at Google, I was there about four years,
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but I remember very clearly when I got the job four years prior,
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I told God. I knew so clearly. I knew it was God telling
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me to never hold onto this job and always be willing to let go if
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he wanted to take it away. And I didn't know what that meant.
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I just I just felt very convicted, like, yeah, needs to be
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kind of like an Isaac Abraham situation. Otherwise be an idol, Like it's
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not supposed to be my you know, foundation, my identity, my worth.
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It's something that I Steward and I, you know, God has called
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me here in the marketplace for his purposes, his mission, but if he's
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ever gonna direct me elsewhere, I need to be willing to let that go.
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So, you know, when I was at this crossroads, I remember
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flashing back to that, and I was like, that is a lot easier
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said than yeah, because now I have, you know, the golden hair
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cus of like the perks and the cushiness of the job security. And plus
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that was actually in like right after the pandemic first started, so everybody was
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losing their jobs. The economy was crazy. But I just knew, this
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is something the Lord keeps speaking to me. And if I don't do it,
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I know, if I'm honest with myself, my reason is because I'm
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afraid and I want to control my situation. I don't want to, you
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know, go both feed in and that's never a good reason to do something
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or not do something. And so, like one one of the many lessons
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I'll just share that came up was also realizing this deeply ingrained lie that I
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had believed that I hadn't realized. I believed that doing doing a non conventional
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like going into ministry or going into a nonprofit, you know, like taking
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that quote unquote step down in terms of people perceive to be secure. I
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kind of had this track, this soundtrack in my head from my parents and
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my family upbringing. You're ruining your life, You're ruining your children, your
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future children's lives. Yeah, married at the time, but I was like,
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my parents would never do this, Like I owe it to my kids
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to like be a safe secure Yeah, I don't ruin their lives, you
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know. And it's just such a lie from the enemy because that basically shows
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you're putting a job on a higher pedestal, treating it like God treating it.
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You know, that's going to provide for you and your future generations when
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God wants to be that exact provider. Yes, So I just you know,
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I don't hold any resentment because my parents they weren't believers and they still
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my dad still isn't, so they had no paradigm for that. But I
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remember that moment very distinctly believing and feeling that God was shifting my perspective to
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start a new generational legacy. Maybe decisions by faith and not fear or human
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logic or what's only possible by man because he can do the impossible. So
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yes, and it's funny that you say that, And this is basically confirmation
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for me because for the last couple of days, the thing that he's been
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saying over and over to me is that you can't have your feet so planted
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in a space that I'm not meant for you to stay there. You're only
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in spaces for a temporary moment so that I can move you to better and
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greater. But if you want to be so solely planted here, I'll never
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be able to uproot you to where I need you to be. And that
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has basically been replaying in my head literally all week, and I'm like,
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God, I don't know what it is that you're telling me to do with
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this, but now it makes sense, you know, because you've said that,
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and I think somebody else needs to hear that as well. Is that
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you can't be so set on staying in a space where God is trying to
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move you from, and he will let you know when your time is up,
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and if you continue to hold on to something, he's gonna make it
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more difficult for you to stay. So it's best to know when God is
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talking better list and in better move because he will continue. And so you
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do exactly so well said, I feel like that. You know that is
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so true for any any area of your life, Like, yeah, thing
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that you hold onto too tightly, your hands are closed for the things that
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he wants to give you, right, And so I see that a lot,
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even in you know, my friend's relationships or you know that they feel
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like, oh, I need to do this one way or one thing.
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Yeah, because out of fear or out of control, out of familiarity and
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complacency. But yeah, it's so true. We need to let go.
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That's a whole point of surrender. Yes, Oh, and like god,
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I know it's cliche, but it's so true. We can't allow him to
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do the works that he wants to do in us and through us if we're
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just holding on so tightly. Yeah. And also not you know that makes
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us not ready to be better stewards when he does give us the blessing,
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right, like if he gives us what is bigger or more responsibility or whatever
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it is in the future, Like we need to be able to be molded
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by him and changed from the inside out and not just like stubborn, Like
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I don't want to change. I want everything the same. Well, then
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you're never going to grow as a person and as a faithful steward right be
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able to hold those things. So I want to say one last you know,
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a caveat and I think a nuance that is that makes that even harder.
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Actually is when the thing that God is telling you to let go looks
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really good. Yes, And because that's exactly how I felt when he called
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me out of ministry too, was I was like, are you sure you
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want me to leave this great job at the church, and you know,
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I'm in leadership, like I feel like I'm having a lot of kingdom influence,
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you know, and the pastor and you know, all my colleagues like
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they were like, are you sure? Like I love having you here,
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and the culture was so good. And so it's interesting because when I left
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the corporate world, it was a bit more clear, Okay, God is
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directing me here. But then when I was leaving the church rule, it
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was a lot harder for me because it's perceived as a godly thing. When
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you know, we can't mix up what's good with what is actually God you
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know, might be saying this is this was your assignment for the season,
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but I watch it now approved just like you said, take those take your
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feet and take you somewhere else. But if you dig your feet too far
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into this soil, then you know you're now making this an idol. And
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that's you know, that makes you yes, yes or parasitical, like yes,
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yeah, anyway, yeah, that's definite at least. And I think
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so much we get so. I think we have a love hate relationship with
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fear, you know, and fear sometimes gets the best of us. And
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we'll pray and ask God and it's like, God, I know that you're
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telling me this, but I'm still a little fearful, and it's like,
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Okay, you can't fear what I'm asking you to do, because I wouldn't
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tell you to do it if I didn't know the outcome. So either you're
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gonna trust me or you're not, because I'm not gonna lead you into harm's
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path. But I will teach you some lessons along the way. Don't get
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it on twisted, but I'm gonna teach you some stuff. But you gotta
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be open to receiving because I have so much more. God promised us so
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many things in our lives. But we hinder that because we're so closed and
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everything that looks good it feels good. It's like, God, are you
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serious right now? You really want me to go over here? But this,
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this feels good, This feels comfortable. And I've learned for myself to
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look to whenever i'm feeling uncomfortable that he's about to make me move out of
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a comfortable space. And I'm like, God, I'm uncomfortable right now.
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What is it that you're trying to teach me? What is it that you
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want me to do? You know? And that's the current thing that I'm
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dealing with right now, Like I'm really uncomfortable in my space. And it's
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like I know that you're shifting something, but I don't know what it is.
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And I keep asking. He's like, and when in due time,
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you'll know what it is, but stop trying to make me reveal when it's
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not time. You're uncomfortable, but I can't tell you why right now.
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And I'm like, okay, but I still got questions and you're ignoring me
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right now. I need something. He's like, no, you need to
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be patient. And so that's what I'm struggling with. And I think sometimes
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we struggle with being patient in the moment too, because we'll see that good
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thing that's coming, you know, because he'll give you a vision before he
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actually puts you in that space. And once you get that vision like okay,
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Harry up, God, I'm ready, I'm ready, and he's like,
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no, you still got a couple of steps to take before you actually
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fulfill the vision that I gave you. And we don't know how to be
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patient sometimes. Do you struggle with that too all the time? Yes,
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it's the story of my life, and yeah, I'm going through the exact
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same thing. Even it's very real, very too real. But I think,
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yeah, exactly what you said. It just makes me think. You
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know, I've been trying to change my personal relationship with fear. Like over
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the years, I used to just you know, if I'm afraid of something,
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just avoid, just don't do it, you know. Yeah, like
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he's bad because that's our human instinct. But you know, I've learned a
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lot about actually fears off in a signal that shows us Okay, there's something
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here where we're either not trusting God, or we have a misunderstanding of his
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character, or you know something else. Like even for me, I was
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I was literally reflecting on this exact thing last night because I was like,
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I have done moves like this in the past, you know, locationally.
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And I remember a couple of years ago, before I had met my husband,
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I moved with two suitcases across the world to Australia. I didn't have
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any housing, I didn't know anybody, but I had no fear. What
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was interesting was I was reflecting. I was like, why is it that
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this move in the same state feels so much harder than moving to Australia across
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the ocean. And one thing I'm still this is very raw, I'm still
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processing it. But one thing I'm marinating on because I just feel like God's
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been, you know, really molding me and stretching me in this aspect a
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lot is letting go of over responsibility for other people. Yeah. I realized,
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you know, when I was single and I did, you know,
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I could make mistakes and who's gonna be harmed? Like only right, I'm
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accountable for myself and the only person effect it would be me, and so
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there's less to lose in that aspect. And then like now that I am
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married, and it's means my spouse doing things together, taking risks. Part
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of me, you know, subconsciously is still playing the track from my again
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my family upbring of like yeah, you're you're gonna do that, or like
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oh I told you so you shouldn't have done that, and now you look
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what you did, like kind of like that that shame and guilt of like
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oh yeah I messed up and look how it's like harmed other people and I
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shouldn't have you know, blah blah blah. And so it's really it's been
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really interesting just like navigating this journey because it's like noticing the fear and brain
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it to God has actually allowed me to deepen not just my understanding of like
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God's character and trust and you know, like how can I root myself as
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his child and see him as my father? Like how do I really understand
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and believe that? But even more so, like with my husband, like
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actually understand he's an adult, like he's making decisions with me. I'm not
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accountable, like I'm not responsible if you know, it doesn't work out the
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way we think, or like I'm not I can't control those things and I
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can't control other people's reactions your journey, And that's been hard because I think
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that's women, especially like a lot of having condition like you need to make
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everyone happy and things are easy. People don't cause trouble and don't do anything
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that's like too out there that I'll upset or you know, just look like
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yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think that's been another layer that God
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has just been like working in me as I've been navigating the uncertainty and the
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fear, and it's it's up town. There's ebs and flows like yeah,
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you know, several days last week I was like, this is great.
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I have no fear. I'm like I'm really good. But then, like
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I think last night, I just suddenly had this moment of like is this
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actually okay? Like what am I doing? But yeah, thank God.
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I think he always, you know, knows, he knows what we need
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and trying to help us get redirected and recentered on his truth. And that's
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very true because there's one thing that I can say that as women, I
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know that we oftentimes tend to carry the weight of other people, you know,
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And one thing that I've been telling myself recently is that I can't carry
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the weight of everybody else. I can only carry the weight that it is
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mine, and I can't carry anybody else's burdens because their burdens begin to be
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heavy, heavier than the ones that I'm already carrying. So I have to
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learn to let go. And you know, I've had to learn to limit
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conversations, you know, where I feel like I'm taking on that emotion and
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that feeling for someone else, and I'm like, God, listen, I'm
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gonna give you what they gave me because I can't carry that, you know.
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And I've been learning, you know, how to you know, let
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people carry their own burdens but still be a shoulder for them when they need
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it. But at the same time, I'm like, listen, I can't
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carry yours, but I can. I got somebody that can. You know.
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God can definitely carry that burden for you and I, but I can't
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carry it myself. And you know, being able to go to Him when
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I'm in a moment of fear and like gotten uncertainty, It's like, God,
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listen, what's going on right now? I'm really fearful. I'm terrified.
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I'm scared. Like I started my publishing company, well business, almost
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two years ago, and I'm like, I have no idea of what I'm
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doing, simply the fact that I know what I've done for myself, and
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I know if I've done it for myself, then there's a reason why you
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told me to do it in the first place. And so just maneuvering through
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that and you know, helping other people become published authors and things of that
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nature. It's been a test. And I had a really huge one this
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year because my first client, I was getting her book together and during that
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same process, my mother was going through the transition of her final stages of
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life, and the deadline that was approaching was within that time, and I
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was like, God, I don't know how you put this on my plate.
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I don't know if I'm going to be able to complete this, but
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I trust you because you said that I can do it. So if you
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say I can do it, then I'm gonna do it. And I did
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it, you know, And it was an amazing test. It was an
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amazing test of endurance for me, amazing test of my faith and you know,
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the capabilities that He's actually instilled within me. And you know, I'm
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like, okay, God, you saw something that I didn't see that I
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was like, I don't know, I don't know. Yep, just like
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Moses, just like you know, so many careers in the bocas like are
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you sure about this? I don't know. God, I crack up when
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I imagine like the Disciples, when Jesus is telling them things like oh,
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just like you know, feed these thousands of people, and they're like,
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how are we gonna do? Yeah, like, we got some bread,
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and we got a couple of pieces of fish, and you gotta thous five
25:45
thousand people you want us to feed? Sir, I don't quite see that
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everybody's gonna get some somebody's gonna be left out somewhere. But he was like,
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just trust me, I got it. You just do what I asked,
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and I promise you no one will be left without what they need.
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And that's the thing that I think that we struggle the most with is understanding
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that if God gives you the vision, he'll provide all the provisions for it.
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You just have to say, okay, God, I trust you completely,
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and to trust his timeline because nothing that he gives us is past the
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deadline. The assignment that he gives is for us, and there's a deadline
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that only he knows. We just have to keep walking through it. You
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know. I think a lot of the things that we've overcome in life in
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general, God has always been there, and it takes us as we get
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older. And I think that's part of where the fear comes in, because
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you get stable in a space, and then it's like, God, you're
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uprooting me from what I built right here, and now you're saying, I
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got to move, and I don't know where I'm going. I don't know
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if I'm going to have a if I'm gone. And he's like, I
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didn't ask you all of those questions. I just told you this is where
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I need you to be, you know, and you're like, God,
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no, no, no, no, no, no, exactly, you're
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literally describing my life. So because I feel like that's as we get older.
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I think, you know, as kids and the young adults in our
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early twenties and things of that nature, we have no sense of fear to
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the fact that it keeps us paralyzed in a space, are confined to a
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space. But as we get older, we're like, you go up the
27:38
little step ladder or whatever, and you're like, and you used to jump
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off as a kid, Now you're you're taking it step by step to get
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down. You're like, hmm, can't jump down like I used to because
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something mighty not make it in the same position of when I went up,
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you know. So it's like God is like I got you. It's the
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same way you believe in me. You had no fear when you were smaller.
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Just trust that same space. And I say to myself, you can
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be a kid again when you're listening to God, because you're always his child
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anyway, right, Yeah, that's exactly why if He tells us to be
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like little children, you know that kind of how like faith is something that
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is so easily crowded out when we have so many people around us in the
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world telling us you need to do this, you need blah blah blah,
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and it's like, as a kid, you don't really care about any of
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that. You're just like, I just want to do you know what God
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tells me, right, fear and so yeah, I think also as you're
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you know, talking about just like fear and overcoming these these like it's a
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very common you know, tension that we all feel about should I go for
28:49
this scene that seems impossible or you know, is that at least for me
28:55
I constantly am wondering like, is this realistic? Yes, he's trying to
29:00
do too much, or is this actually God telling me, you know,
29:04
to do the impossible because he's going to show up and show me something only
29:08
he can do. Right, So I think again, just like recognizing that
29:12
attention and embracing it rather than being like, oh, I just need to
29:15
believe and I just need to have more faith. Like, I think that
29:19
process of leaning into it actually teaches us to discern his voice, to actually
29:23
cultivate a deeper relationship with him, because otherwise, yeah, it's like any
29:29
idea could be either him or not, only you can tell based on your
29:34
personal relationship with him. Yes, I think from my experience that's what I
29:40
just constantly see in my own like cross roads or decision making when I'm trying
29:45
to discern, okay, is this God or is this you know, something
29:48
in a security that is driving me to do this, and just being really
29:52
honest with him and through that learning so much about myself and about him,
30:00
also getting deeper and more levels of freedom and so oh, I don't need
30:04
to be afraid because of these lives I've been believing or you know, the
30:08
things that I'm holding on to that I think are gonna save me or keep
30:12
me secure. And I think as we grow older, just going back to
30:17
what you're saying about the childlike faith, you know, as a kid,
30:18
when you hear songs like you know, Jesus loves me, or hear about
30:23
you know, John three or sixteen, you just take it as it is.
30:26
You're like, wow, Jesus loves me like God loves me. You
30:30
relish in that. You're like, oh, that's so awesome, and you're
30:32
like very joy filled. But I think something I've been realizing for myself is
30:37
like, as we grow older, one of the things that I personally struggle
30:41
with is thinking it must be too good to be true, that like I'm
30:48
really going to take care of me if I quit my job, if I
30:49
leave here without a plant, Like who does that? Right? And so
30:53
like it's just increasing. I think it's a challenge, but it's definitely a
30:57
challenge of worth stepping into to really believe God is who he says he is
31:03
in scripture and all the things that you know you read the Bible. It's
31:07
funny because you can read it in a Bible study or in a small group
31:11
and be like, oh, those are good things to believe and the sudden,
31:15
but then when you're in situations where you have to believe those otherwise you
31:18
know, your life depends on it. Yeah, that's where it really gets,
31:23
you know, becomes concrete and becomes real for you rather than knowledge.
31:27
And so that's exactly I really one of my favorite verses is in James one,
31:32
you know, rejoice in the trial in the trials, which I can
31:36
laugh at. I was like, who who in their right mind would rejoice?
31:38
And like easy? Exactly, But I think it's so like this is
31:44
something that you know, God really has taught me a lot and continues to
31:48
teach me. Is seeing your trials and your challenges as a really good thing
31:52
because it does produce all the things you need for the future, the character,
31:56
the experience and understanding of the bigger picture of who he really is.
32:00
And ultimately, his greatest desire is that really close intimate relationship with us,
32:07
so that we know where his children and he's our God. So yeah,
32:10
I feel like if we just went through life without any troubles and no struggles,
32:15
you know, we wouldn't get that opportunity. We would just know on
32:17
our own strengths and be like Okay, cool, God see you later,
32:22
Like don't Yeah, I agree with that too. And I think that God
32:29
wants us to go through those trials for the reason of understanding that he's instilled
32:36
us with everything that we need to be the person that He's created us to
32:40
be. And if we didn't go through those trials, we will never gain
32:45
the knowledge or and the strength and the tools that we need to get to
32:47
the next level that He's trying to get us to. And each one of
32:52
those trials you need, Like you can't have the sun without the rain,
32:55
So if you can't have one without the other, then you understand that you
33:00
got to have the pain and the joy at the same time to understand.
33:04
And that's one thing that I can say during my mom's transition is that we
33:08
found humor and the things that she was going through. And I said to
33:15
her, I said, Ma, this is not the time for us to
33:20
be making jokes. You know, you're leaving us, you know, slowly,
33:24
And she was like, yeah, I understand that, but there's still
33:29
a reason for us to smile, and there's a reason for us to go
33:34
through this, you know. And she told me she was like I wouldn't
33:37
want this to be with anybody else, you know, and like we had
33:42
a difficult relationship. But what I got from that was that the relationship that
33:47
I had with my mom was the relationship that I needed, you know,
33:52
and not the one that I wanted, But it was the one that I
33:53
needed because it taught me to be the woman that I am today. And
33:59
the strength of my mind had was beyond what I even knew, you know,
34:05
until watching her go through those final days and having those final conversations with
34:09
her brought full picture of the woman she was, you know, and the
34:15
child that she once was, you know, So all of it became full
34:20
circle, and I was grateful for that then. So she taught me that,
34:23
and she also taught me, you know, what her relationship was like,
34:28
because I remember one time we went to church together. She had had
34:34
a stroke, and you know, we were going to church one Sunday and
34:37
we got home and she was like, I can't go back in there.
34:42
And I was like, what do you mean, And she was like,
34:44
I can't go back because my mom was dealing with her own demons or whatever.
34:47
And so she said it really was tough on her because she was dealing
34:52
with those demons while at the service, and it wasn't a space that she
34:57
was ready to enter in with God. So she wrestled a lot with that,
35:00
but she made peace in her relationship with God before leaving here, and
35:07
that was one of the greatest things and conversations that we had. And so
35:13
I think oftentimes we run from what God is showing us within us because we
35:19
don't want to because so many times we've been told bad things about ourselves from
35:23
other people, and those stay embedded and ingrained for a long time. And
35:29
so when once we get to things and certain people out of our space,
35:37
you know, and people aren't ready when you start talking about God, so
35:40
you'll lose a lot of people along the way when you start to become closer
35:45
to God, and people bends. Okay, I think we're back up.
36:15
I don't know if you caught everything. Sorry, it's going a little in
36:23
and out. Yeah, Like anytime we start to really talk about God,
36:29
this is what happens every single time. Yeah, Like it never fails,
36:35
and it's like this messages don't get out any way, you know, because
36:39
I won't to eat what I said. But you know, I think when
36:44
you start to get closer to God in every aspect. You lose people along
36:50
the way because they start to say that you've changed, you're not acting the
36:52
same. But it's like, no, I didn't change in the aspect of
36:59
what you needed anymore. So I can't feel the space, and I can't
37:01
fill your cup how you need me to. I'm feeling it in the way
37:06
that God desires me to feel it, and so that the people that He
37:09
needs with me are getting filled by what's in my cup. So my cup
37:15
overflows to fill someone else's with what God has given me. So my cup
37:20
is never empty anymore because it's overflowing to the people that He needs for me
37:24
to fill that cup with, you know. And that's one thing that I
37:29
can honestly say that I am grateful for and learning who God is for me
37:35
for my personal relationship because and you wouldn't believe this though, but in two
37:40
thousand and nine, I had a stroke. In twenty and thirteen, like
37:45
two thousand and nine, I had a stroke, I was diagnosed with a
37:49
brain aneurysm. Twenty and thirteen, I lost my speech due to the condition
37:53
that I have, and it was very difficult for me to walk and to
37:58
talk. And so for me to sit here in front of you tonight is
38:01
God's grace and his mercy that has, you know, instilled in me to
38:07
be able to do this. Because the neurologist that I was seeing was basically
38:10
told me to get used to being a stroke survivor basically not being able to
38:17
use my left side of my body, to not being able to regain my
38:22
speech or anything like that. And I said, I didn't have to get
38:24
used to that at all, and I didn't because me and God became I
38:30
can't say, I don't know if we're the best of friends, but I
38:32
know I get on his nerves a lot because I'm always talking to him,
38:36
and I know he wants to put me on hole sometimes because I'm always talking
38:39
to him, and I'm like, God, listen, we got some things
38:43
we got to talk about. I got some questions I need to answer,
38:45
you know, And He's like, waste your turn. I'll talk to you
38:49
in a little while, but right now you don't have your tend question the
38:52
limit today, So talk to me tomorrow, you know. But with everything
38:58
that I have been through, and for me to tell people that it's it's
39:02
God's grace and his mercy that he's kept me here and there's a purpose that
39:07
I have yet to fully understand, but I'm slowly learning, you know,
39:14
and being obedient to what he's calling me to do. So yeah, that's
39:17
so good. Wow, Praise God, thanks for sharing that. I would
39:22
not have guessed a stroke and all. Yeah. Yeah, I had a
39:29
stroke at thirty and it was basically out of the blue, you know.
39:36
And then in twenty thirteen, I went to bed and the next morning,
39:40
within a week, I could not talk. I was having to use a
39:44
pen and paper to communicate with family and friends. And you know, my
39:47
family didn't know, I didn't know, so it didn't look like I was
39:52
gonna be here for a moment because no one had an answer. Doctors didn't
39:55
know. You know, it was it was stressful, but I can the
40:00
faith, and you know, I'm stubborn and hardheaded anyway. But God knows
40:02
who he created, so you know, it was only a matter of time
40:07
where I started to learn who he created. So but I'm great as Grace
40:14
and his mercy to watch over me to be able to be in this space
40:16
right now because he saw this way before I did. A Wow, that's
40:22
amazing, and it also shows of course, yeah, his grace and mercy,
40:25
we're definitely there, but also shows the power of your faith too,
40:29
righte. Like I just I just kept thinking about like how Jesus says your
40:31
faith has healed you, and your faith has made you well, and the
40:35
fact that you when the doctor you know, told you it was impossible,
40:38
you're like nope, Like God, you know, that's not what God told
40:45
me. And I have faith that He's going to be true to his word,
40:49
you know. I think that's that's just so powerful and we can't discount
40:52
that. And I think I've heard many amazing times money's from my own.
40:57
I haven't gone through a similar like medical thing like that, but one of
41:00
my friends she like shattered her knee. Like I forget what she was doing,
41:04
but she basically had the same exact thing. Her doctor was like,
41:07
you are probably not gonna walk for either the rest of your life or like
41:10
many many years. But she actually just told them straight up, oh it's
41:15
okay. God is gonna told me He's gonna fix it. And they're like,
41:21
uh, okay, and behold that really did happen, and everyone was
41:25
so amazed. So yeah, I feel like God gets so much glory when
41:30
we not only believe, but also show other people who didn't know, like
41:34
there's a God who can do impossible things. So yeah, let's always listen
41:43
to anybody anytime there's a listening ear, I'm gonna let people know that this
41:47
is what God did for me, and if he could didn't do it for
41:50
me, he can do it for you. You just have to be open
41:53
to receiving him because God is waiting for a lot of us to invite him
42:00
into our lives and into our spaces. And a lot of times it's like,
42:04
well, I don't know who God is. I'm not I don't hear
42:07
him. And it's like, are you being still so that you can hear
42:10
him? Because God talks to us every day, But are you actually open
42:15
to listening so that you can hear what he's saying to you? And if
42:19
you're not opening, you're not gonna hear what he's saying because he's sitting there
42:22
just saying, hey, I tapped you on the shoulder, I got something
42:28
to tell you. Are you ready to listen? And it takes sometimes a
42:31
drastic life changing event for people to actually sit down and hear what God has
42:37
to say, you know, and it's unfortunate that that's how it is.
42:44
And I've learned to be more specific in my prayers because I would always,
42:51
you know, be very like vague in a prayer. But it was like,
42:54
God, I'm tired. I need a break. I didn't know that
42:58
he was gonna give me a two year break, and he was also going
43:00
to you know, take my speech and all of this stuff. And I
43:05
was like, this ain't what I asked for. You know, I asked
43:08
for a couple of days off work. I didn't ask for two years.
43:15
But during that time, I can honestly say that my faith in my relationship
43:21
got so much stronger with him, because that's really all I had, because
43:27
you know, I was like, God, I know I'm stubborn, I
43:31
know I'm hard hitting, but I know I need to do this and I
43:35
need to do that. And he was like, Okay, you asked for
43:37
resk. I'm finna give it to you. You're gonna sit down and you're
43:40
gonna do what I told you to do. And every day I would talk
43:45
to him, you know, and I write in my journal and I'm like,
43:47
God, whatever I need to do because you know, sometimes we sit
43:52
and we ask ourselves why, we ask God why. And I stop asking
43:57
God why during that time, and I started asking was what is it that
44:01
you're teaching me in this moment that I'm going to need for tomorrow. That's
44:07
when I started doing so anytime I go through something, I'm like, Okay,
44:09
God, what is the lesson in this space right now? Because I
44:14
need to know what it is that you need from me. Yeah. God
44:17
was just waiting on a yes for me, and once he got it,
44:20
he's had a hold of it ever since. And I have not stopped talking
44:23
about how good he has been to me, you know. And He's placed
44:28
me in spaces and connected me to people that are connected to the destiny that
44:31
he has for me, you know. And I can only say thank you
44:37
because if it had not been for him, I don't know where I would
44:40
be. And that's the true It's truly. It's like our whole lives.
44:46
It's like a test of faith but also an opportunity. Every time we do
44:51
say yes to God, it's like more and more glory, you know,
44:54
like because experience. Wow, Like God really did show up. God made
44:59
the impossible. Like I was working on the same thing again because of you
45:04
know, I was going in that worry cycle again about like, oh,
45:06
what's gonna happen with our you know, the unknowns of the future, and
45:10
God was just reminding me of all the times in the past where He's provided
45:15
the most miraculous supernatural like where did it come from? It wasn't me,
45:19
like I literally it was. Oftentimes it would be like me actually putting my
45:23
foot off the pedal and say, Okay, God, I'm going to stop
45:27
trying, you know, like stressing myself out and losing sleep over this and
45:30
trying to grind and hustle. I'm actually gonna step back. And then that's
45:36
actually when things started happening and clicking and coming together. And it's like I
45:40
think, oftentimes I don't know. For me, I get in my head
45:44
about like oh, maybe you know all those things were yeah, God provided,
45:49
but like I don't know, maybe my luck is running. I don't
45:51
like, maybe yeah, maybe it's not. It's again, it's too good
45:53
to be true, right, That is such a lie from the enemy.
45:57
And every time I think those things, I just know there's a spiritual battle
46:00
happening for my soul that the enemy wants to take away that faith so that
46:05
I don't believe that God is that good, so I don't step into the
46:07
things that God has for me, not even for me, but for other
46:10
people through me. And so I definitely think, like as you were talking
46:15
about your your testimony and just God doing the miraculous the impossible, like that
46:21
is like the whole point of living by faith and living with him is to
46:25
like give him the opportunity to show us how he can do that. But
46:30
he can't when we're just like controlling everything when we say no to his invitations.
46:34
When you know, you could have when you were, you know,
46:37
resting and being put on a kind of like a spiritual time out, you
46:40
could have just resented God. You could have been like, oh my gosh,
46:44
this is the worst thing ever, Like why do you do this to
46:45
me? And and why do other people? This is unfair? You know,
46:49
so many people harbor bitterness inside and then it just eats them up alive.
46:53
And I definitely think you know that I love you, know how you
46:57
shared you actually on the other way and you ask God, what are you
47:00
teaching me? Let me sit with you, Let me, you know,
47:02
be be submitted and humble before you, rather than think that I need to
47:07
you know, you need to listen to me and like do what I want
47:09
you to do. Right, that's just so entitled, And I feel like
47:13
that's definitely the kind of culture that we live in is yes, is we
47:17
are in control and we can push through and do anything on our own strength,
47:23
when actually the culture of the Kingdom is exactly opposite. It's yay to
47:28
God and asking him, Okay, regardless of my circumstances, I know you're
47:30
good and I know you're for me, So how can I in the circumstance,
47:36
no matter what it looks like, actually just continue to walk with you
47:39
and even if it's uncomfortable, even if I have pain and you know,
47:44
discomfort or disappointment or grief, like knowing that I can actually bring those to
47:49
you and still be in a loving, close relationship with you because you're my
47:52
dad, you know. And I think that's the other thing is, as
47:57
you were saying, yeah, it's so important for us to go to God
48:00
and you know, talk with him, converse with him. And yet I
48:04
find that because I was having a conversation with a friend a couple of weeks
48:07
ago about this, because I asked her, you know, she was going
48:09
through a very difficult situation trying to concern what to do, and I just
48:15
straight up asked her. I was like, well, what has God been
48:17
telling you? Like, as you here, you've brought this to him and
48:21
you've been praying about it. And she's like, Honestly, now that I'm
48:24
processing it, I think I'm afraid of bringing it to God. Like I
48:29
haven't really I kind of know what he might say, and I think I'm
48:31
afraid of it. And I'm like, okay, Like as a friend who
48:36
loves you, like, I think you already know what, Like you already
48:40
know what to do. You're just not willing to, you know. And
48:45
I think like oftentimes when we don't, when we know we should go to
48:47
God, but we don't, it's either because we already know the answer,
48:51
we just don't want to do it because we're stubborn, or we have this
48:53
misconception that God is gonna shame us, you know, condemn us, scold
48:58
us, you know, whatever we experience in the in the past from our
49:00
own upbringing like we are, we don't want to feel bad, and so
49:05
we just shut ourselves down. But something huge that kind of touched on earlier.
49:10
But what I've been learning is just the openness with God of like to
49:14
be healed and transformed, we need safety, we need vulnerability, and in
49:19
order to be vulnerable, you need to feel safe. And so I don't
49:22
feel safe in a situation, whether it's with God or whoever else, Like
49:25
what is underlying that? What let me like look a layer deeper? And
49:30
so for me, like when it comes to God and this whole process where
49:34
I was realizing, Oh, I still feel shame because I assume that God
49:39
is a father the way I experienced my earthly father, I had to be
49:45
perfect in every way before I came to him because otherwise he would school and
49:49
me, criticize me, you know, make these false assumptions about me.
49:52
And you know he had loving and tent but you know, all parents,
49:55
all humans are imperfect. Especially because he doesn't have a relationship with God,
50:00
like he doesn't know how to love me with kind of that kind of compassionate
50:05
love God has. And so a huge like healing journey, like turning point
50:10
for me has been just reworking my understanding of who is God as a father
50:16
and like what is compassion Like, Well, how do I actually believe and
50:22
experience that so that I can be my full self with God and I don't
50:25
feel like I need to hide or feel bad or guilty for not being perfect,
50:30
you know. Yeah, because the more we do that, the more
50:34
we push him away, and then the more we are struggling because we're,
50:37
yes, exactly what the enemy loves is being trapped in that shame away from
50:44
God and doing things for God but not doing it with him. Yeah,
50:49
and God is always going to He knows, He accounts for our stupidity.
50:55
He accounts for that because he created it. So he knows that we're gonna
51:00
have those dumb moments that we're gonna just you know, mess up something and
51:05
try to do it our way, and then we have to go back with
51:07
our head down. God. I'm sorry I should have listened the first time,
51:14
but you know, I had to try my way, and you know,
51:19
it's just it's learning and it's life and you grow with God as you
51:24
go, you know. But I have literally enjoyed this conversation and we could
51:29
talk about God all night because I just listen. He taught me, you
51:34
know. So, but how can the guests get in touch with you and
51:38
watch your podcast. Yeah, yeah, if Atlanta is interested, clearly you
51:44
can tell I love talking about God and yeah, they saith all things,
51:47
you know, living real life and the tensions. And that's exactly what me
51:51
and my husband are podcast is about, is how to live life with God
51:53
through God's lands in all areas of life. And we're very real about it.
51:58
We share our own struggles that people don't feel like you're crazy and alone
52:02
right in it with you, So it's called Let's Unpack That with Alex and
52:06
Grace. You can also find us at with the trans tr a and us
52:09
that's our last name, dot com, or you can follow us on Instagram.
52:15
And I do want to make a quick plug because I know it's the
52:16
beginning or almost the beginning of the year. We do actually have a free
52:21
twenty twenty four goal setting guide with God. And I'm really excited about this
52:24
because I feel like there hasn't been many resources that I found about doing this,
52:29
yeah with God, and I really just want people to be blessed and
52:32
be activated for their year, to be intentional and focused and clear about how
52:37
God is leading you. So you can grab that guide if you just go
52:40
to with the trans dot com. Slash Goals or you can find us on
52:45
Instagram and it's also there too, So okay, well awesome. I'm definitely
52:50
gonna have to have you back in twenty twenty four, so we'll talk about
52:53
that. But I have enjoyed you as always. Thank you guys for tuning
52:59
in. And you know what I say as I end this show, This
53:02
is my final show for the season, so I definitely thank you again for
53:06
being part of this. Listen, stay out of God's business. The only
53:10
thing he needs from us is to be obedient to what he's called us to
53:15
do. So I love you, guys, and thank you for a wonderful
53:17
first season. Until next time next year. Bye.