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96) How Starting His Digital Nomad Business Forced Daniel to Grow Like Never Before · Digital Nomad Life Podcast

• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Hey there and welcome to the Digital Nomad Life Podcast.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: I'm your host, krista, also known as KristaBellaTravels on social media.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: Feel free to slide into my DMs at any time.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Feel free to ask me any questions about the content of this episode or about what your personal questions are and how you can create a completely freedom-focused, location-independent career and lifestyle.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: Location-independent career and lifestyle.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: In this episode today, I am actually joined live by a friend, daniel Lawson, who comes from New Zealand but has a very I don't know like eclectic story so many travels that I know we will be able to talk about today, but also a really interesting career history.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: We saw each other at a party the other day and we got into this really deep conversation about life and career and why are we living this lifestyle?
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Are we running away from something?
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: Are we running towards something?
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: What are we looking to build?
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: Who are we at this moment?
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: Who were we in the past?
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: And just like, wow, I just was in this conversation and I was like I think that our listeners would benefit so much from just hearing this and hearing your perspective and how, daniel, you're like really advanced, if you will.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: A lot of my listeners are people who are aspiring towards the digital nomad or location independent lifestyle, and they might not feel super empowered to say yes to what it is that they want.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: They might not know what their options are.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, I'm excited for them to hear all about how you've kind of tested so many options.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: You've tried so many things and you've really lived so many different lifestyles.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: So would you like to introduce yourself to the audience and just kind of catch them up on who you are today, what you're doing where you're at?
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much.
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: Well, thank you for having me here Really advanced.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: It never feels that way.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: It's been such a journey, so many things and also so many more things to come.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: But I appreciate that and I do reflect back on where it is that, well, I don't know where it started.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: I don't even know where I should start with the story, but where it is that I am now in the journey is doing personal leadership.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: Coaching, specifically helping consultants in Europe is typically where the people that I'm working with they are working really wonderful jobs, they've got really wonderful careers and now they're just like you know what and I resonate I hear this from my clients all the time they're like you know what?
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: I always wanted a great job, and now what I want now is just having a great life, and I don't know how or where or like a whisper that I had in my in my ear I think it was six years ago when I started.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: I just felt like I don't know, this is a path that I need to navigate.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: So back then I was working in a corporate job in Sydney, then international business development manager, flying back and forth from Sydney to New Zealand, and you know I was in a tech company had I don't know in quotations it all figured out, at least visually.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: I had a convertible European sports car, high-rise apartment, very comfortable, six, multiple, six figure income, uh, the amex credit card, everything was taken care of and, uh, like I I kind of joke, but like honestly, if I really tap into the feelings of what I had back then, it was like my soul had been stolen and something needed to change.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: It was the first day back 2019, actually after a road trip up the Queensland coast with my brother I walked into the office and whatever PTSD might smell like and I want to say it with respect for the people that do have that that's what walking into the office drew into my being and I resigned on the spot.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: Wow.
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: And moved interstate.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: Actually, I rang my brother I said, oh, I think I've just resigned.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: And he's like, oh, wow, congratulations.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh okay, thank you, thank you, I needed that.
• 7:25
  Speaker 2: And so, yeah, moved interstate and that was the start of everything.
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: I say that the start of everything consciously.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: Before that, throughout my 20s, I start.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: You know, I love the saying you can only join the dots looking backwards.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: I didn't know what I was doing and I start.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: You know, I love the saying you can only join the dots looking backwards.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: I didn't know what I was doing.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: I love that quote too.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: And so I look back and I'm like, ah, all of those challenges and all of those things that we went through, that makes sense to lead up to that moment but at least I think in 2019 when I finally quit my job and I went into consulting independent sales consulting so again, it was very still early on.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: That was when I started becoming more conscious of going.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: I need to build a life that I can fall in love with for me, not according to anyone else.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: It was for me.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: I want to zoom into this moment where you walked back into the office and you felt this kind of PTSD and you know you said that this was the first conscious moment.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: So it sounds like you were unconsciously experiencing some trauma being in that office environment and I can only imagine the people.
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: So many people tell me they listened to this podcast on their commute to work.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: So, whoever you are, maybe trigger warning, but, daniel, can you describe what you mean by this PTSD of going back into work?
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah Well, for me it was really really just trying so hard to take response.
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: I think like it came from a place of really wanting to take responsibility, like, at this stage, to paint a picture I'd been through my 20s.
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: I've traveled a lot as a backpacker.
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: It was awesome.
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: There was this roller coaster of like it's really awesome traveling and then running out of money and it really sucks going home and having to do some labor work to save up enough money to travel again, and there was all of that, and then arriving and going.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: Okay, I need maybe, maybe, comfort, but I think it was like I need certainty in my life.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: I need something that's just a bit more predictable, having a nice income and growing this myself, the corporate ladder, and just being able to afford things and live a, a normal life.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: I thought that's what it is that I wanted.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: Whatever normal means, um so you kind of were doing this back like, uh, travel, save, save, save, travel, save, save, save, travel, save, save travel system on repeat.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: And then I guess that gets old after a little while to be constantly like wait, now I'm broke all of a sudden, um, and then, yeah, doing this more laborious work.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: So then you were like, oh, what seems really good is the cushy job and all the things that you just described you ended up having.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, so how does you, having a cushy job with like a car and a multiple six-figure income, like how does that become traumatic?
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a really good question.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: I put it down to going like, I think, the hardest thing about achieving.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: So I'm really proud of myself for having achieved the position that I got, and I did it relatively quickly.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: I've had lots of different jobs, lots of different experiences.
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: I think I'm relatively I don't think it's that I'm really smart.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: I'm just dedicated and apply myself and what I want to achieve, and so then I get results relatively quickly.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: I think anyone can do that if you follow just strategies at work.
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: So I did that and I got to this position and it was a position that I probably couldn't have even dreamt of.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: But then I hit it and I realized like that was the breaking point that made me hit rock bottom.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: That you accomplished your dream.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: Well, I hit the dream and it wasn't what it was sold to me.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay visually everything, emotionally nothing, nothing.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: And this is how I see this so much with the people that I work with, especially in like consulting or these high pressure sales jobs.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: You know it's like it's a lot of.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: It is mental and this is a little pet peeve of mine, if you like is like people talk about mindsets, all about the mindset, mindset coaching.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: I'm like it's one pillar.
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: Mindset is really good, like for the drive and the determination is showing up, but it's one pillar.
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: Mindset is really good for the drive and the determination of showing up, but it's not everything.
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: I think Andrew Tate's a great example of this.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: He's a really great demonstration of how mindset to crush at life.
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: But then what about the heart set, the emotional availability with yourself, with others, to really have loving, caring relationships, to be intimate?
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: I love the saying that comes from a study from the Gottman Institute and it's a huge study, like one of the biggest studies in this field is that the quality of our life is determined by the quality of our relationships.
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: What determines the quality of relationships is our ability to connect emotionally and then we can take it further and go well, if I want a life to fall in love with, I need to be able to feel love and I didn't have that.
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: I wasn't even able to say that like I remember, it took me probably a year of coaching in bali before I could even come and say be courageous enough to stand for love.
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: That's where I was at back then, but that's why I say it's like it was whispered in my ear, it it was my inner guidance, whatever it was.
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: That was like well, let's go after this journey and then, once we can experience emotions, now we can experience life, and that was a big key turning point that I've somewhere picked up along the way.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: Okay, so I have a very visual imagination and when I hear your story and I have an image of you walking back into that office.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: So, basically, you've just gone on this beautiful road trip with your brother, obviously, and I met your brother, the other day.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: So it sounds like you guys have a really close, awesome relationship.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: So you have this dream vacation, if you will, and then you go back into the office and then it's this stark contrast.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: This is what I'm seeing the stark contrast of like grey lack of love, like lack of passion.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: It's like a very emotionless kind of or the emotion that is present is like stress.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: It's more that because, like working in the tech industry so let's rewind.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: This is first day back of 2019.
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, when we go back to 2018, the last days leading up to the Christmas break so summer holiday in Australia, southern hemisphere, leading up to that is like again we're in Barangaroo, which anyone from Sydney will know is like this high-rise waterfront beautiful, where all the tech companies, all the companies with heaps of money hang out and we're looked after so well.
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: But like the way that I see it now is it's almost like bribery, like give you everything so then we can treat you any way we want and we can put kpis that will crush anyone's soul, unless you're so hardened in the mindset, but like a chip on your shoulder to like keep going at all costs, that's.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: I think that's the kind of people that would thrive in that, but and some people might love that I just don't think that is what the human being life is is made for.
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: You know that's the kind of people that would thrive in that, but and some people might love that I just don't think that is what the human being life is is made for.
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: You know that's what.
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: So to paint the picture is like had everything.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: Big, beautiful office again, beautiful view, amazing, like everyone's hustling, grinding, getting paid.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: Really well, we go into the kitchen.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: That's stocked with everything.
• 14:14
  Speaker 2: We've got beer on tap flowing anytime we want.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: You know, like everything we could want.
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: The thing was is coming up to the end of the year.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: I had a sales target that I wasn't going to meet unless I close this one deal.
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: It's a $50,000 deal with the New Zealand government and it was coming to the last day of the year.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: If I hit that then I would achieve it.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: I'd achieve my sales target and I ended up hitting on the last day of the year.
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: I my sales target, uh, and I ended up hitting on the last day of the year.
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: I got it through and the celebrations were like yes, and like the weight had lifted off my shoulders and it was a really great feeling.
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: But then there's also another feeling of going oh shit, I gotta do all this again next year, next quarter.
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: The kpi, like the sales targets increase, yeah, and it was like it was like it gives me goosebumps still thinking about it now.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: It's just like this moment fuck, it took everything from me, everything.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: And then, in order to do it again, it will require even more, and in that moment I was like let future Dan figure that out.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: I can't handle that.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: Right now.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: It's the last day of the year, we're going into the summer holiday, it's all celebrations and Christmas parties Worry about in the future, and so I think that's what it is that I'm tapping into when I say about the PTSD is walking back in and going okay.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: Well, I've escaped from that for the last two weeks and now I've got to face the reality of what I'm walking back into.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: Wow, I love what you just said about let future, dan, figure that out.
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: I want to take that quote and give it to people as well, because, yeah, I think it kind of embodies this concept of surrender, of like you know what, I don't know what the future holds.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: The future might be scary, but right now, this moment, like I just can't do this anymore.
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: So I just want to say, like that's so courageous to be in that energy.
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: So courageous to be in that energy.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: It sounds like you probably had some financial security at the time to be able to quit your job like that.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: So what did you do next?
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: Like okay, so you quit your job and then what I mean Kind of.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: But when you talk about financial security not really Like so in a sales position, business development it's pretty normal that if you resign they'll pay you out, whatever the period is.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: So I was supposed to give them four weeks notice, give them four weeks notice.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: But then they pay out the four weeks because they know especially a company that's got money they know that you're probably going to do more harm than good if you've already quit.
• 16:32
  Speaker 2: So I got paid out four weeks.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: So it was like you quit and then you, that was immediately your last day, yeah oh my gosh, and so that's a big shock.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: It's a little abrasive it is.
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: But it's also quite nice to go, okay, clean, finish.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: Okay, okay, clean, finish and walk out.
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: But it's a shock to the system to go, okay, I'm there one day and now I'm not.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: And especially and I think this is is a really challenging part is and I ask my clients this all the time, especially the ones that are hustling and working, and they've been doing it for so long, the longer you've done it for I was lucky I'd only been doing it for like two years, but some of my clients I've been doing this for 10 years, 15 years or, like you know, a couple of decades.
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: It's all they know.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: And I ask them like, who are you, your career?
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: And they're lost for identity.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: It's actually a current challenge.
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: I'm going through with a client at the moment and he's rebuilding his entire identity.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: Now does that mean he doesn't?
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: For him it doesn't mean he has to, and I love this actually is.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: You know, it's work is not the problem, it's the lack of life for most people that's the problem.
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: And so, sure, maybe you do need to leave your job, but that's not the first thing to focus on, and so I don't know where this goes and like it's helpful for the listeners on this podcast.
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: You know, to go and build a independent lifestyle, remote work, digital nomad, whatever the lifestyle is, it doesn't have to be binary, it doesn't have to mean like, okay, quit your job and go all in on at least from my experience an entrepreneurship, it's a big jump.
• 18:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: It can start just going.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: Okay, what if my job I'm pretty comfortable with, knowing my job Okay, it's boring, it's a bit stressful, it kind of sucks.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: I'd love to leave it, but let's focus on okay.
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: Well, who is it that I need to become in order to start creating the life that I want and then start coming from that place to go through?
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: Okay, well, these are the skills, these attributes.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: This is what I need to start building up, and what I've seen so many times is the problems of work kind of start fading away, because now we're focusing on something that's way more exciting and inspiring and it doesn't always work, you know, of course.
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: You know people have excuses of I just don't have enough time or, like you know, work just takes so much of my energy and all of these things.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yes, and what if you develop the ability to say no and, you know, not commit to 12 hours a day at work and all of these things?
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: You know you just step back and start managing yourself a little bit better, to start stepping into that new world.
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: So I know that's not the path I used.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: It might seem hypocritical or whatever, but now, having gone through it, I'm like it doesn't have to be that way, and I think it's also important not to wait until the breaking point.
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah totally.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: The breaking point is what mess a lot of people up?
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: Start early, just start being curious about what's my next life going to look like, or this next chapter look like early about.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: Or what's my next life going to look like, or this next chapter look like early.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: Yes, I just want to interject there to talk about my business for a sec, which I didn't introduce myself at all, actually in this episode yet.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: So, if you're new here, I am a business coach and I help people start location independent businesses.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: A lot of my clients actually have no idea what business they're going to create when they first start working with me.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: We have to go through this whole.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: I call it a career assessment process, but it's really this like identity overview.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: It's like who are you, what do you stand for, what do you value, what are your major life stories, what are you interested in, what are your skill sets, what are the things you're curious about?
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: You like leave no stone unturned.
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: And then I help them figure out a path forward and a big, I think, thing that holds people back from saying, okay, yes, I want to pursue this path with working with me is that they feel like they're too busy at their job and they don't know exactly what it is that they're going to do, and so they feel like they need to quit their job in order to start pursuing entrepreneurship.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: But then when you do that, if you do it that way, you're kind of starting from a place of scarcity.
• 20:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: A place of urgency.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: So true Desperation, yeah, and, as you said, like you can start small, like so much, of making the transition from this corporate world or just a world where you're working without life like kind of like a lifeless sort of career.
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: You need to become someone in order to step into entrepreneurship once you quit your job.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: And if you want to quit your job and then go straight into entrepreneurship, you better be doing the work on yourself before you quit.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: Big transition.
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it is.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I always say entrepreneurship is not, it's not for rocket scientists, but it's also not easy.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: It's like not simple.
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's simple, but it's not easy, um, anyway.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: So if you are listening to this and you want to have a location, independent lifestyle, even though you're burnt out from your work, like we can go at a pace that makes sense for you and can get you to a point where you don't have to do what, what dan did, which is just quit and then figure it out.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: Wouldn't recommend it to anyone.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: You know they talk about burn the boats.
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: I like the saying, it just it's like I felt that I think romanticized, yeah, I I think it really slowed down my journey of like going all in and coming from that place of scarcity like I sort of bankrupted myself after.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: So the next part was I got into consulting and I made more money than what I knew what to do with.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: I was making 10 grand a week, 10, 11 grand a week in Melbourne and I come from a place like my.
• 21:51
  Speaker 2: I've grown up with a single mother household, my brother and I my mum did the best that she could really fantastically like amazing, but like you know, I my mom did the best that she could really fantastically like amazing.
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: Um, but like you know, my money mindset and scarcity and like being taught and demonstrated that every dollar really counts.
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: You can't go and spend it on anything other than something that's going to be like super valuable, like fair exchange and all this kind of thing.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: So 10 grand away.
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: Call my sales consultant friends, they were colleagues.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: They were like going out, going to the strip club, boozing up, and I was kind of envious.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: I was like why can't I spend money like that?
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: I couldn't spend money on anything.
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: I couldn't even spend money on myself, because you didn't feel free to spend the money.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: Well, because of my conditioning, yeah, okay, and so what I did spend money on is going okay.
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: Personal development, and that was my entry point into the next entry point into this new world, I suppose, is going okay.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: I need to invest in myself, but you know like to go and spend.
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: It was affiliate marketing then, and it was $8,000, which is a big amount of money.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: That was a huge amount of money, considering I couldn't even spend $14 on a domain in case I didn't make good of it.
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: Wow, but there was a part of me that said, well, I'm making $10,000 a week.
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: You know like, even if it is a scam, let's call it something.
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: You know, and it wasn't going to work out, or I didn't Really what it came down to is.
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: I didn't trust myself to make good of whatever the education was, but I was like, oh, I'll spend the $8,000 because, well, I and I did it and you know what, I didn't make the money on the affiliate, I didn't make no money on whatever the business thing was, but what I learned was to invest in myself, and which was way more valuable anyway.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: So, even though you invested in yourself by, or you invested in this affiliate marketing program and you didn't make money from it, what return on your investment do you feel that you got from that?
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's well.
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: It was exactly that like investing into myself, and when I look back on it now is like showing myself that I mattered oh my gosh, that is so beautifully put.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much for saying that.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: Yes, investing yourself is showing yourself that you it's a demonstration that what it is that I want in life is important to me.
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I didn't know it back then, but that's what I look back on.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: I think anything like so.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: For someone that's sitting here and you know they're in a job or they're doing something that they don't really want to be doing and they've got some dreams that maybe they've already given up on but is still holding true in some part of them, because I believe our dreams are in there, whether we're connected with them or not, but they're there.
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: And to hold back on making the investment into ourselves that would allow us to go after them, or even just going after them, it's a sign of self-neglect, it's a self-abandonment, and so the opposite of that is prioritizing ourselves and going.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: You know what I think?
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: Going after our dreams, our desires, how it is that we want to live and who it is that we want to become.
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: It must be the most noble, one of the most noble causes that we can go on and one of the most courageous things as well.
• 24:46
  Speaker 2: And so, you know, I look back on it now and it was a really big deal for me, and it doesn't have to be.
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: If it, you know $8,000, it's an arbitrary number, could be $50.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: It could be whatever, but just to show and start demonstrating that my dreams matter.
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: This is a demonstration that I matter and I'm going to go after what it is that I care about.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: I remember the first time that I invested in a coach and it was a similar amount of money and she had asked me like oh, have you ever spent money like this on yourself before?
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: And I was like no nothing even remotely close to this.
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: I'm just like what's the most amount of money you've ever spent on yourself?
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: And I was thinking about it and I was like, well, I guess I bought that like handbag for like a couple hundred dollars and that, literally, was maybe the most amount of money that I spent quote, quote on myself.
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: But, as I think about that, even spending like a couple hundred dollars on a handbag, that's like a social status.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I was going to say that, and you're not even investing in yourself.
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: You're investing in what other people think of you.
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: Some kind of significance, yeah.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: So when you invest, when you say, like I invested in myself, the affiliate marketing thing, even though maybe you didn't get a direct return on the investment by making money from that, what you got was like I can spend this energy of, I can spend money on myself, and big money on myself, just because I want to, because I deserve to grow, because I want to reach my potential, and it's a very like self-loving thing to do.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: I think that's so beautiful, thank you, it was a really big deal.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: It was a really big deal.
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: It was a really big deal for me and it laid the foundations in being able to do it again in an even more important way.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: So still then it was okay, I'm investing in myself and who it is that I can become, but to earn money I still wasn't investing in myself for my potential.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: Maybe it was my potential life, but it was then later.
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: So I started creating a business.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: I ended up studying my water sports apparel brand, which is really cool.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: I don't know about that one, uh, parallax apparel.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: I'm kind of just winding it up a little bit at the moment.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: Um, so that was all about, and again, like parallax.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: Parallax means and I I learned this when I was working in aerial imagery in this tech company it was parallax.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: It means like parallax era.
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: For any engineers or photographers, maybe web designers, when you change your perspective on an object, the object appears to change, and I discovered this before.
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: I heard that Wayne Dwyer talked about that.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: He's got some famous quote as well.
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: But I was like, oh well, isn't that a great?
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: And when I quit my job and then moved into entrepreneurship and really taking responsibility for the value that I could create as a human, I was like, wow, isn't that just a metaphor for life.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: When we change our perspective on life, the opportunities open up.
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: And I spent all of my 20s looking for an opportunity, looking for a business or some idea of how to get started, and soon as I closed the door and so this is kind of in contradictory to what I mentioned before, but this is how it came up for me as soon as I closed my door on really trying to be a great corporate worker, then all the all the doors are opened to entrepreneurship and the different opportunities.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: And I was like, wow, so it's just a matter of perspective.
• 27:53
  Speaker 2: And so I called my parallel.
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: I called my business.
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: I registered in australia parall Life Co.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: That's when I started doing sales consulting.
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: It was in solar.
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: Then Parallax has got nothing to do with solar, but I just knew that the direction that I was heading in is.
• 28:06
  Speaker 2: I wanted to share that epiphany with others that it's just a matter of perspective, and so I wrote it on my surf poncho.
• 28:14
  Speaker 2: It's a water sports apparel bearing because I love kite surfing, and that's what it was built off.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: Of sports apparel bearing because I love kite surfing, and that's what it was built off.
• 28:23
  Speaker 2: Later I discovered that, well, inspiring perspective is one thing, but this is how I ended up, reluctantly, by the way, becoming a coach.
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: Was coaching, then, really empowered people to create their own perspectives, which is much more powerful than just inspiring?
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: so, so, okay, so, wow, so many entrepreneurial endeavors.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, so there was affiliate marketing, there was the sports apparel brand and then coaching.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: Or there was also consulting in there and then coaching.
• 28:54
  Speaker 1: Okay, so tell me about your first coaching business.
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think what you mentioned before was like getting into entrepreneurship and how it's like it's not for the faint-hearted.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: I think what I've seen it must be the quickest or one of the quickest ways to discover personal development.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I completely.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: I'm so passionate about that.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: Yes, I feel like entrepreneurship is a vehicle to personal growth.
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: I think romantic relationships is a huge vehicle for growth.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: And entrepreneurship.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: It's like those two are just neck and neck.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: You're going to be forced to look at your shit, All your shadows are going to come up.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: You just can't succeed in either of those without taking responsibility for your own shit and really developing who it is that you need to become to become successful in those.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: So that's what led me into becoming a coach.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: Really, I was one year into parallax apparel.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: It was doing relatively well.
• 29:45
  Speaker 2: Um, I didn't like the idea of coaching coaches.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: I was like who, who, who are you to stand on the hill and point down and tell me how I should live my life?
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: That's what I thought of coaches.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: Coaching is definitely not that Well.
• 29:59
  Speaker 2: Some people try to make it.
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: That Depends.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah depends here in Bali.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: We've got a bit of that.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: I don't think we need any more advice in the world.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: We've got enough advice.
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: Now we need something else.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: We've got chat GPT now yeah, yeah.
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: And so, but I got invited to this event.
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: It's so funny I try to reject it so much.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: I got invited to this event.
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: It was a coaching event and I was like, don't want to go, I'm too busy building my business.
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: But he goes, I've paid for tickets.
• 30:27
  Speaker 2: It's a whole weekend, it's a two-day event.
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: I've paid for tickets.
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: It cost me $60 and you get a free lunch with it.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: And they gave me just a plus one.
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: I'm like, well, if you paid for a ticket, well it must be a good event.
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: I don't do free.
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: Okay, because I don't want somebody selling to me Standards.
• 30:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, love it.
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: So I went there.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: It turns out it was a sales event and the payment is to attract people like me that don't take free.
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: I went there and the lunch was okay, but really, what I?
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: I discovered they did the sales pitch on the first day and I was sitting there coming from a sales background.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: I saw the whole sales structure and I was like, oh, my god, this is amazing.
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: Oh you were impressed I want this, yeah, because, like this is a whole nother conversation.
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: But there's tiers of um like understanding, and so one of the, the fourth tier, is like systems, being able to see this system.
• 31:12
  Speaker 2: So going from, uh, ego into a place of going okay, and like I want, and it's all for me, going into a place of going okay.
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: Well, how do I systemize this so then I can create it for others?
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: And that's kind of what I was looking at.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: Then I was like I really want the system.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: This is amazing.
• 31:26
  Speaker 2: And I was like, well, if the sales pitch is on the first day, what's coming the next day?
• 31:30
  Speaker 2: So it made me come back and I was talking to the um.
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: I was talking to the coach there.
• 31:35
  Speaker 2: He's's still my coach, kind of, by the way, six years later actually.
• 31:38
  Speaker 2: Wow, which is pretty cool.
• 31:39
  Speaker 2: But he talked.
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: I don't know how we opened up this conversation, but he asked me how it was.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: I was like good, he's like good, yeah, good, good, and he goes and for whatever reason, how are you doing emotionally?
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: See, I thought I was going there to become the person I need to be for my business and scale my business and be impressive to others and all of that.
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: And he goes and how are you doing emotionally?
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: And I was like, yeah, I'm good, I'm, I'm emotionally stable.
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: He's like what do you mean by that?
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: Well, like, I don't get overly excited about things, I can manage my excitement, you know, as if I was judging like being a child, you know, excitement before Christmas.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: And on the other side, I'm not really.
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: I'm never really sad, I don't cry, I don't get upset, I'm not really.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: I'm never really sad, I don't cry, I don't get upset, I'm not angry.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: He's like, oh, wow, okay, so is this emotional stability or is this emotional numbing?
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: And I was like, holy shit, I felt it.
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right there, and he looked me in the eyes and he asked me and I was like, wow, like going back to that moment, and I was like it, just it kind of it blew my mind but it also opened up my heart and that moment to go, wow, okay, becoming the person I need to be for my business is nowhere near as important as becoming the person I need to be to live the life that it is that I want and experience the relationships that I know deep down I really wanted and this is a whole nother avenue that we can talk about in just a moment and I was like, wow, one of the things that I really I'd been single for like five years by this stage because I didn't allow myself to get into a relationship, because I didn't have the compassion that I knew that I would need and want to have a really great, functional relationship.
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: I knew that I was emotionally manipulative through I have a value of honesty, but then and like my ex-ex-ex-girlfriend back then, she shared with me that it was well not telling the full truth is not honest Manipulating the situation to get what it is that I want.
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: So I didn't have to deal with my shit and all of this started coming flooding in, I was like, okay, well, this is way more important.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: And so in that moment I said yes to myself again personal development program.
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: This time it was only $5,000, because I was kind of.
• 33:35
  Speaker 2: I didn't invest so much into my apparel business, I was almost bankrupting myself, but I was like this is, I was driving around in an Audi, sports car, spending I don't know a hundred bucks a week on fuel, and then this coaching program was going to be $80 a week, and I love the sales tactic that they use.
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: And they're like well, where's your priority?
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: $100 on fuel, $80 on yourself.
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, that's a good point.
• 33:54
  Speaker 2: So I said yes to that and it that's what opened up.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: It was a three-year coaching degree, so it was five, five thousand dollars turned into thirty thousand dollars, which is now six years in, turned to a hundred thousand dollars.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: Nice more, I'm sure.
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, wow, okay, so you invested in yourself in really big ways and, by the the way, I love the whole like, oh yeah, now, this time it was only $5,000.
• 34:19
  Speaker 1: It's like you kind of desensitize yourself.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: Once you invest in yourself in a big way, then it's like anything less than that feels like oh yeah, and at that point you probably already had a degree of trust in yourself that you would show up for whatever you invested into yourself.
• 34:36
  Speaker 1: Okay, so just to pivot a little bit because you mentioned that you had been single for a while and you were desiring a romantic relationship.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: You had had some challenges in the past and also, by the way, just like want to commend you for the acknowledging of the capacity to be emotionally manipulative, like we're all just humans here and nobody is perfect.
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: And really, until you do a lot of inner work, probably most people are pretty emotionally manipulative until they actually look at themselves and take full responsibility.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: So now I know that you're in a really beautiful relationship with someone that you've been committed to for years and you guys have traveled the world together and what you were telling me in our conversation the other day, which was kind of what inspired this podcast you just said something so beautiful where you were like I want to be able to provide for Louisa in the way that she deserves to be provided for, and that's a pretty big shift from saying oh yeah, in my past I was emotionally manipulative, so can you talk a little bit about the journey of maybe going from single to relationship and how you've made it work with such a flexible location independent career that?
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: you have One of my favorite conversations.
• 35:54
  Speaker 2: Probably it could be a whole other podcast in itself.
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a conversation, it's a journey that's very close to my heart.
• 36:00
  Speaker 2: I'm very proud of it because it has just taken so much courage and so much personal responsibility and so much growth and shitloads of heartbreak to go through and end up where it is, that I am now and whatever is coming in the future.
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: There's two big turning points for me.
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: It was one time in Melbourne before moving to Bali it was during the pandemic I was work, work, work, work, work.
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: Like 60, 70 hours a week building my lifestyle business with Parallax Apparel, thinking like, okay, I'm a big swinging dick entrepreneur.
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: I was earning 10 grand a week and building my lifestyle business that was there to inspire others and I thought I had all my shit figured out.
• 36:38
  Speaker 2: And then going into this coaching program and realizing that, ah, it was the perfect avoidance strategy like this is what I mean by like escapism is going.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: Ah.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: So there I was, thinking I was going after what it is, that I want a lifestyle business, but really it's the illusion of just feeling really deeply lonely inside.
• 36:59
  Speaker 2: Going through becoming a professional coach, we get lots of coaching, we have to and that was one of the biggest things.
• 37:07
  Speaker 2: It was just heartbreaking for me.
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: It was so hard and Tinder was a wonderful thing.
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: Great way to numb the loneliness for sure.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's what it was.
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: You know, what I learned is girls don't like going on a date, a really great date, and then being forgotten about for two weeks.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, don't love that.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: They didn't love that Not the best.
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: No, and so like dysfunctional dating strategies and then like I had friends that I was hanging out with and would go on morning walks and things, and you know, one of the big fears that I had then was committing to someone and it not working out and then feeling like I'd wasted my time, my effort, opening myself up for judgment and feeling a failure if it doesn't work out.
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: So there's lots of things there.
• 37:45
  Speaker 1: I want to pause on that actually, because I think that a lot of people that choose the nomadic lifestyle have maybe an avoidant attachment style style, have maybe an avoidant attachment style, but I don't think there's actually a lot of information out there or a lot of support for people that do identify as avoidant, because maybe people that identify as avoidant don't actually know or they're avoiding the fact that they are like that.
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: So could you take a sec to just sort of talk about the symptoms?
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: I mean, you just mentioned that it sounds like you're hesitant to get into a relationship in the first place, because what if it doesn't work out?
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: It's like you're kind of avoiding that potential vulnerability, that potential heartbreak in the future, even though right now it might be really great.
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: But were there other symptoms that you noticed, like once you were sort of acknowledging the avoidance?
• 38:36
  Speaker 2: Yeah, for me it was just really it was.
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: What was it Like when I came out of working 12 hours a day or you know, for 10 days straight, and I came out and I realized I had no one in my life.
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: It was really painful to feel like I had just no one, no friends, no relationships, and it was painful, but also I didn't really know how to experience that emotion.
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: And so then I'd go on these dates and then, okay, I was like, okay, I'm gonna commit to commit to someone and allow myself.
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: I think what it was is allowing myself to get close with someone and like emotionally close, which then required me to let down my defenses.
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: And to let down defenses and become emotionally close with someone takes a lot of vulnerability.
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: But since I didn't know how to feel myself, I struggled with the vulnerability with myself how am I ever going to give that or experience that with someone else?
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: And so it was all wrapped up like the symptoms of it.
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: It's for me it was just knowing.
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: Like I'm trying to keep it as simple as possible I don't really know, like I didn't know what I didn't know.
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: All I knew is I wasn't living the life that I wanted and it was way easy to go back to work, and so that's what I kept on doing.
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: That was the, that was the distraction.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: So you were kind of noticing that you were distracting yourself from feeling what was deep down.
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: This is the other thing is going okay.
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: Well, um, looking at my actions and what the priority of a relationship like, what level of priority did a relationship have?
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: So there I was saying I would love to have someone amazing in my life.
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: But I call a coach, called me out and I'm like so, okay, look at your actions, look at your results, what is it you're valuing?
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: And turned out like relationships like four or five.
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: You know my business, my hobbies, the things that I like, enjoy doing and everything else, maybe even fitness.
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: And then there I was.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: If there was time left over, oh, maybe I'd go on a date, okay, well, you're not going to get great results if something's fourth or fifth on your priority list, sure?
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: So then the question was okay, if I am going to make a priority number one, what's that going to mean?
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: And for some people that means sacrifice, sacrifice, business success.
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: But then I started looking at I was like, well, is it really a sacrifice to go after what it is that I'm most deeply craving?
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: I don't think it is.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: I think think it comes back to going.
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: Well, this is what it is that I really.
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: This is the self-love.
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: This is self-care.
• 41:00
  Speaker 2: This is allowing me to step into what it is that I really desire most and I need to go after that.
• 41:06
  Speaker 2: And so it was.
• 41:07
  Speaker 2: It was stepping into that fear of going what if it doesn't work out?
• 41:09
  Speaker 2: And allowing myself to be open to that heartbreak.
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: And then the next fear after that is then going okay, I'm gonna trust myself to go after it and then handle the heartbreak.
• 41:20
  Speaker 2: And this is I remember saying this to one of my friends one time.
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: I was like and then I fear that I'm not gonna want to do it again because I've just proven myself right that I'm a failure.
• 41:30
  Speaker 2: I'll go after something, I'll commit to it.
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: It doesn't work out, and then I'll.
• 41:34
  Speaker 2: Then there'll be a part of me that says see, told you.
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: So you suck, don't go after it again and I don't want that.
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: So then it was like well, why even start?
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: yeah and so that can apply to business or relationships or whatever it is yeah, so it's like the fear of failure.
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: Actually, whether it's relationships or or business, um can really hold people back from even getting started because, yeah, if you fail then then what will happen?
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: But what's ironic about that is like if you fail at a relationship, then you don't want to start again, but then you you still really don't have what you want, like then you kind of have failed already by not even starting and it's just uh, it's this weird loop that we get ourselves into well the thing is and you can't think your way through it.
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: And this is why I talk about, like in personal leadership, emotional intimacy.
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: We can only resolve those problems through experiencing the emotions and the vulnerability, the courage to be vulnerable with ourselves and get close to those relationships, to be able to experience them, so then we can process them and not fear them.
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: Relationship, like our entire world, is based on emotions, whether we want to feel them or not.
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: And if we're not feeling them, if we're trying to bypass them through thinking or other things, then they're going to rule our lives and we've got no ability.
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: We have no ability to harness them.
• 42:46
  Speaker 2: Allow them to guide us, um, to create really great circumstances from yeah, so.
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: So you got really real with yourself here, and then, um, you started dating and you met someone that you wanted to commit to.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah.
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: So I moved to Bali.
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: So actually I did that.
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: I found someone really great in Melbourne.
• 43:07
  Speaker 2: Um, turns out didn't work out.
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: I felt really heartbroken.
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: What I feared came true.
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: You were like I suck yeah, Well, kind of.
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: And then I was.
• 43:15
  Speaker 2: I was like you know what?
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: I don't want to go down this path again.
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: So I and I was like it was kind of cool that it actually came true, because then I had the opportunity to sit and go.
• 43:24
  Speaker 2: My worst fear just came true and is it as bad as what I imagined?
• 43:28
  Speaker 2: And in that moment I was like you know what?
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: No, I can acknowledge myself for at least giving it a go and I've learned so much.
• 43:34
  Speaker 2: And I've yeah, I've learned so much and some real specific things which is going to be super valuable for when I do choose to take that step again.
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: And I gave myself permission to make the choice when I do not, if I do.
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: And so then I let it go.
• 43:47
  Speaker 2: And it wasn't that big of a deal, nice.
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: So that was a really nice step because what I what I learned is then I could trust myself to give it a go in the future.
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: These are all little micro steps of learning to trust myself.
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: I think self-trust is super underrated.
• 44:04
  Speaker 2: The way I define self-trust is having the ability to trust that I can handle it whatever happens.
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: Whatever happens as a result, I can handle it.
• 44:08
  Speaker 2: And so then, if you know you can handle it, then you're just going to go after whatever is required.
• 44:13
  Speaker 1: Totally yes.
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: And it's very freeing to have that.
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: Now that's not to say that I can trust myself to handle anything.
• 44:19
  Speaker 2: I'm not there yet, so it's just going okay.
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: Whatever happens based on this decision, whatever the worst is, can I probably handle it?
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: It might be painful, but can I handle it?
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: I'm like, yes, okay, Well, then I know that I can take the action.
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: And if I say no, well, that's cool, I need to work towards that, and so that's the way I see it.
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: And I ask myself that question a lot when I'm going up to really big dreams and goals and whatever the next action is.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I moved to Bali during the pandemic.
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: That took a lot of courage, that took a lot of self-trust.
• 44:48
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: Facing the judgment during the lockdown in Melbourne.
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: Who's judging Society?
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, melbourne.
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: Who's judging society?
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, everyone.
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah, basically, if you're not locked up in your room and like I'm a non-conformist by heart, like I played a game, it was ridiculous, but like in melbourne, like that was the first part, the first worst lockdown you know there was many, but like that was the first one in the world- like worldwide it's.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: Melbourne seemed like it was the hard, most hardcore hardcore.
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: So anyway, I moved here and a lot of people were like, oh, but what about you're going to kill the little old lady next door if you're irresponsible moving?
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: Blah, blah, blah.
• 45:20
  Speaker 2: And, like you know, people in Melbourne, like in Australia, they were showing in here in Bali literally like disinfecting the streets with like water trucks.
• 45:28
  Speaker 2: And my brother was living here.
• 45:30
  Speaker 2: He's like dude, that doesn't exist here, like everyone's just living their life, like everyone's just living their life, just come.
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: And so I came and it was, it was awesome and but, like those people that judged me back in Australia and online and whatever it was, you know it was a lot.
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: I could feel it like, both directly and indirectly, but it was the same category of people that were like, oh wow, you're so lucky.
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: And I was like, seriously, luck Is luck, had anything to do with it.
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 45:59
  Speaker 2: I had to make some really tough decisions.
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: I was just talking about that earlier.
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: The ability to make decisions and to face a challenge is, I think, a major criteria to success.
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: Most people haven't learned that.
• 46:03
  Speaker 2: That's one of my favorite topics to coach on as well.
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: Really, some of the criteria is knowing what it is that's important, who it is that you are and what's important to you, and making decisions based on that.
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: Everything has a consequence.
• 46:15
  Speaker 2: We've got to go after the intentional consequences.
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: Nice.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: So yeah, I trust myself.
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: Back myself, went and did it, got here and while I was here oh, this is another really hard breaking point, going back to escapism is got to Bali, and you'll know this is.
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: Bali's a great place to live.
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: Everything's taken care of.
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: Great place to live.
• 46:37
  Speaker 2: Food is taken care of, groceries, never have to clean, never have to make the bed, never have to do the dishes, never have to like life responsibilities, yeah, life like, and you know how much time.
• 46:44
  Speaker 2: That frees up so much time, but then it creates a vacuum.
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: That time doesn't just suddenly like go away.
• 46:51
  Speaker 2: We need to fill it with something.
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: And I what?
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: Maybe you've noticed this as well we've got one of two things that we can fill it intentionally or, and then intentionality means really having to face what it is that we need to take care of and the clarity.
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: What a lot of people do is go.
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: Oh, we've got all this time.
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: Um, this is what happened to me as I got here.
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: I had all this time and I could just keep working.
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: Whatever the compulsion is, keep doing that.
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: So, whether it's more parties, more serial dating, drugs, spiritual bypassing, it's filling the time with whatever it is, and keep doing that.
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: And for me, I realized I came here, I was living this dream life and I was still just working 60 hours a week, 70 hours a week.
• 47:28
  Speaker 2: And when I stopped, I realized I was still fucking alone.
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: And there I was repeating the same pattern.
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: I was still chasing the opposite of what I didn't want, which is manifesting more of what it is that I didn't want.
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: What you focus on is what you get, and that's what I got.
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: So then I was like, okay, I got to come back to this dating thing and I just happened to manifest, if we can use that word, my dream woman.
• 47:51
  Speaker 2: I always dreamt of having like a mini Shakira, a mini one, maybe not so famous.
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: She had the hair, she had the look, you know what?
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: She was Colombian, she was from the same town as Shakira.
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: Oh cool.
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: How crazy is that?
• 48:04
  Speaker 2: Like our textbook magazine, exactly what it is that I ever dreamt of.
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: And she made me and I'm going to say that intentionally, because it was like through her actions or she allowed me, but I think she made me feel like an absolute king, like the best feelings ever.
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: I loved it so much but I loved it so much.
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: But then also and I might say this is like the emotional immaturity was like a ticking time bomb that whatever I would do, something that would be a major trigger to her and it would just be like a nuclear bomb would come across and just flattened everything that our relationships did.
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: And so that was really hard.
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: I went through it about three times and I was going through a time in my life taking ultimate responsibility, and especially when I was really wanting a relationship and I felt the best thing I found, the best thing I'd ever dreamt of, and I finally got it, matched with this responsibility of like almost okay, I need to take responsibility for everything, and it was really hard.
• 48:54
  Speaker 2: I finally shared it with my coach and he said well, when, when one person's emotional maturity is up and the other one's down, there's only two things that can happen is the one that's higher can then hopefully bring the other one up.
• 49:07
  Speaker 2: You can play at that level.
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: If it doesn't happen they don't have that capacity then the one that's higher will just come down, and that's where it will be that you're going to equalize or equalize some way.
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: Okay, it has to.
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: And so, like there, I was thinking that, okay, I study this, I know this, I coach it, I come so far but nothing was working because she didn't have the capacity to come up to where it is that I needed and wanted her to be.
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: I feel like culturally, that's sort of something that's in the Latina culture is like very reactive.
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: I thought it was fiery passionate, but passion goes both ways.
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: Oh true, so you know like none of this is good nor bad.
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: Right Like this is all just like matter of perspectives.
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: And you know, I had all my own shit going on as well Like this, and this is why I say no judgment to that.
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: But what I learned from that, it was like wow again, like quite similar to my corporate job I created.
• 50:00
  Speaker 2: I succeeded on my biggest dream and it crushed me.
• 50:04
  Speaker 2: I was like fuck, I failed again.
• 50:05
  Speaker 2: And so I got in touch with my coach and another coach.
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: Coaching community is great.
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: I've got so many coaches.
• 50:12
  Speaker 1: I've worked with so many coaches as well.
• 50:14
  Speaker 1: When you become a coach, like you said, you just get coached, you're fully bought in.
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: I have to.
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: And he said this line stood out to me me as daniel like okay, you got your business values figured out.
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: What are your values in relationships?
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: And I was like like again, mind blank.
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: Okay, got it, I'll go and take responsibility for that.
• 50:32
  Speaker 2: So I went sat down and I realized I thought, like you know, I coach people in this.
• 50:36
  Speaker 2: I sat down I had no idea and I was like, oh, like honesty.
• 50:39
  Speaker 2: And then I was like that's a bullshit value.
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: Like, of course it's honesty as opposed to what non-honesty.
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: You know, like what is it that I'm gonna really value?
• 50:47
  Speaker 2: And I couldn't figure it out for the longest time, meaning like I was sitting there with a coffee.
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: I finished one coffee, then I drank another coffee.
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: I'm not gonna leave until I get at least something out of me.
• 50:55
  Speaker 2: I text the coach.
• 50:57
  Speaker 2: He wasn't there, he wasn't available, and I was like, okay, well, how would I coach myself on this?
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: And so I asked myself different questions.
• 51:01
  Speaker 2: How do I want to feel in a relationship?
• 51:03
  Speaker 2: And this is what opened up a lot of emotional vulnerability within myself.
• 51:08
  Speaker 2: Um, the start of the next chapter.
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: So I was doing a.
• 51:11
  Speaker 2: I call it adventurepreneurship coaching.
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: It was like entrepreneur for adventure lifestyle oh yeah and this is what started opening up into this emotional intimacy type thing.
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: How do I want to feel?
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: And, um, then I went through all the best for anyone that's looking for a relationship, especially in the digital nomad world, like I've shared this with a lot of people and it works so well.
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: So how do you want to feel?
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: Think of all the best relationships that it is that you've been through.
• 51:37
  Speaker 2: Um, you know friendships, intimate relationships.
• 51:40
  Speaker 2: What are the experiences that you really loved, that you'd love to just fill your life with and write them all down.
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: And then the contrast all the best relationships and all the worst relationships.
• 51:49
  Speaker 2: What do you never want to feel again?
• 51:50
  Speaker 2: And not from a place of going, ah, anger, I don't want to feel anger.
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: Anger is a feeling, but what was it about the anger that triggered that within you, or like you know?
• 52:00
  Speaker 2: So one of the things that I I felt is I didn't want to feel like shamed because that triggered something within me.
• 52:07
  Speaker 2: I I wanted to feel supported.
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: So then go, like all those negatives, to go.
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: What would you have instead?
• 52:11
  Speaker 2: And then add them as positives and then, from that, taking responsibility it's not your job to make me feel any way so say we're in a relationship, I'm like I want to experience spontaneity.
• 52:22
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to be sitting there waiting for you to go.
• 52:24
  Speaker 2: Oh, daniel, let's go and do this.
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: I'm going, I'm on a date.
• 52:28
  Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, I've got to test whether this person is going to be accepting of my level of spontaneity.
• 52:33
  Speaker 2: So I'm like, hey, krista, shall we go?
• 52:35
  Speaker 2: I'm skinny dipping down here right now and you're like, oh no, I can't do that.
• 52:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and then I'll have to look a bit deeper.
• 52:42
  Speaker 2: Are you capable of having this experience?
• 52:45
  Speaker 2: And so I created these 12 criteria, went out looking for them.
• 52:48
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh, these are impossible criteria.
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: But the amazing thing was is that as soon as I had them, then I found someone that met them all.
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: Okay, you met her after this.
• 52:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: Oh, okay.
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: Okay, this wasn't Louisa who I'm currently with.
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: This is someone else.
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: Oh, so okay.
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, of course, because Louisa's from Bulgaria.
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, louisa's from Bulgaria.
• 53:06
  Speaker 2: Right, right, right, Okay, okay, so this is a previous partner here in Bali Met her she still lives here, actually, by the way.
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: I haven't bumped into her yet, but it was amazing.
• 53:15
  Speaker 2: It was the first time we discovered.
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: Like you know, coming up to one year.
• 53:26
  Speaker 2: I didn't want one year standard relationship, I wanted the standards of a second year relationship, and that's where attachment theories that are coming in, like I wanted more, and then she started pulling away and then we opened up a conversation.
• 53:35
  Speaker 2: I kind of I feel like maybe I backed her into a corner saying, well, this is what it is that I really want.
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: Can you give it to me?
• 53:39
  Speaker 2: And she didn't know whatever.
• 53:41
  Speaker 2: And her she was torn between going well, what is it that she wants?
• 53:44
  Speaker 2: And then, who are people pleasing, and everything.
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: And then she ended up breaking up with me.
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: I was like, wow, I didn't see that coming, um, but then I had to commend her.
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: I was like well done, like everything, I know, I stand for going after the life.
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: That it is that you want.
• 53:56
  Speaker 2: And fundamentally we had different trajectories and what it is that we wanted to experience in life.
• 54:00
  Speaker 2: So she met my entire criteria, apart from the one that we're on the same trajectory and how it is that we want to live.
• 54:06
  Speaker 2: So we parted ways and it broke my heart so like again like first time, but this time was the first time I'd ever experienced love and the first time experiencing heartbreak, and it was really hard.
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: Um, so that was the first time.
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: And then that, like, I remember sitting in my villa totally heartbroken in tears, and then this wave of gratitude came over me going ah, I get it now.
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: It's not about feeling happy, it's about feeling more, and for the first time, I could sit there in total sadness, total vulnerability, total heartbreak and feel gratitude for finally feeling wow.
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: To like just benchmark that from earlier on in the conversation, when I was like, oh, in my imagination, when I tune into what you're describing, I see this kind of like gray room, like this office building where you go in and it's just like the only emotion that's there is stress, but everything else it's just kind of void.
• 54:58
  Speaker 1: And with this image, what I'm seeing is like, okay, you're in your villa and like you're feeling the depths of it and okay, it doesn't feel good to be heartbroken, but like there's color there, there's life there, there's yeah, it's passion, it's energy, it's just you're living now.
• 55:15
  Speaker 2: It's everything.
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: And even though I'm sure nobody wants to experience heartbreak.
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: I think the hardest part about grieving for me at least, and I see this within- others as well is not grieving what?
• 55:29
  Speaker 1: it is that the moment's past.
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: It's grieving the moments in the future that we'll never have.
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I know that is no.
• 55:31
  Speaker 1: That was real hard.
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: That was the hardest part, for me um, and then walking around being here in bali and like everything I looked at was all just memories of what we had together.
• 55:37
  Speaker 2: Like changu is not a big place, I was living in brouhaha and then crossing, crossing paths in unfortunate times and just not knowing how to handle that.
• 55:48
  Speaker 2: But you know, over the course of about four months I got over it and then I had this somehow at some point that was actually through another coach did some deep state repatterning and healing work and rewired some of the emotions and allowed connecting with gratitude and appreciation.
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: How awesome it was to walk down the beach and like have tears running down my face from the sunsets and you know, amazing things like I'd never experienced.
• 56:12
  Speaker 2: I was so proud of myself, like for just allowing myself to be so colorful, like all of it that was.
• 56:16
  Speaker 2: It was really incredible.
• 56:17
  Speaker 2: And then I just got to this place of like you know, I'm just gonna be me, not no fucks given.
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: But it was just like, no expectations, just whatever.
• 56:25
  Speaker 2: I feel like in the moment, let my emotions guide me, because this is the first time I'd ever been able to feel and I'll just let that go.
• 56:30
  Speaker 2: If I feel like doing something, I'll do that, and if not, I'll do this or whatever.
• 56:33
  Speaker 2: And then that's when there's a big story of how Louise and I came together.
• 56:38
  Speaker 2: At first I met her through a mutual friend at um, one of the local cocktail bars, and I thought she was just an annoying russian.
• 56:44
  Speaker 2: I judged her hardcore, really.
• 56:47
  Speaker 2: But then we bumped into each other at one last at crossfit, and then I didn't even realize it was the same person to begin with.
• 56:52
  Speaker 2: And then, and then she was telling me and she signed up for the 4x48, which is a crossfit challenge every four hours for 48 hours, and then and she's talking about, like you know, like this grit and this drive and this determination and seeking discomfort, and she'd do a cold plunge every day and I was like, wow, this is awesome.
• 57:07
  Speaker 2: And you know, sure she was attractive.
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: I didn't really necessarily see her physical attractiveness.
• 57:11
  Speaker 2: I was just like blown away and so inspired by all the characteristics that she was talking about.
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: And then I was going through my criteria and I was like, wow, she's far exceeding this.
• 57:20
  Speaker 2: And then we just hung out every day and we went on this 15-hour date and I was like, wow, this is like amazing, amazing.
• 57:27
  Speaker 2: And she was moving to Bulgaria, so it was like no promises.
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: I was kind of seeing someone else at the same time.
• 57:34
  Speaker 2: So then I had to make this really hard decision between two.
• 57:36
  Speaker 2: I'm not a multiple data kind of person, so I had to make this really hard decision.
• 57:40
  Speaker 2: There's a whole story around that.
• 57:41
  Speaker 2: But then I just realized that she was everything that it is, that I was more than what I ever could have dreamt of.
• 57:46
  Speaker 2: So I had to say yes to that Beautiful.
• 57:48
  Speaker 2: Then she was like, oh, I'm off to Bulgaria.
• 57:54
  Speaker 2: I'm like, well, should I come?
• 57:54
  Speaker 2: We navigated there and moved over there, and then we've been traveling for two and a half years Wow, straight now.
• 57:58
  Speaker 2: And we just arrived back in Bali, like 10 days ago arrived back in Bali like 10 days ago.
• 58:01
  Speaker 2: So cool, back to where it all started.
• 58:02
  Speaker 1: Wow, I know Amazing.
• 58:12
  Speaker 1: First of all, like congratulations on finding your life partner and just finding someone that you've made it work with and just it sounds like it's been a really beautiful experience.
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, at the very, very, very beginning of this episode I alluded to the like you've had so many adventures and so many travels, and just a few things I want to pull out of that for the listeners too.
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: Okay, so something that I feel really strongly about and I feel like I clarify this on almost every episode that I have is being a digital nomad doesn't necessarily mean that you're traveling full time.
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: It just means that you could, if you wanted to, if you choose to, and you don't have to be traveling like a backpacker because you just want to like I don't know compulsively see as many countries as you can.
• 58:53
  Speaker 1: An amazing reason to just say you know what I feel like moving countries today is because you just met someone that you really like and you want to see their relationship forward, and so I think the fact that you were able, you had the just literal freedom to say you know what I really like this girl, I think, can I come to Bulgaria?
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: And that she was like yeah, you can come too, and I assume she works remotely right, yeah.
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: So you both had this freedom.
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: And then I know you didn't obviously stop at bulgaria.
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: You said you've been traveling for two and a half years, so like where else where?
• 59:30
  Speaker 1: Did you guys go and what did you do and how have you been occupying your time?
• 59:34
  Speaker 2: yeah, well, one of the things about traveling and working it's not hard to occupy time but one of the things that I see is like trying to build a business and travel at the same time.
• 59:41
  Speaker 2: Lots of decision making, yeah.
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: So, like the last two and a half years has been really fun.
• 59:44
  Speaker 2: We've gone from, we went from Bulgaria, we drove all the way to Spain in three days and then hung out in Spain and then went down to Morocco and then drove all the way back to Bulgaria, which is like 3000 Ks, it's a long way.
• 59:55
  Speaker 2: We stopped in all the different places and then we went down to Dominican Republic and then Mexico and Colombia.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 2: I drove across Turkey that's another really big country and then up to Georgia.
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 2: We're riding motorbikes in Georgia.
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, like lots of adventures.
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 2: And we're just down in New Zealand for three months going up on the Fox Glacier and skydiving and you know South Island, new Zealand, is beautiful Like it's been ages since I've been back and did that trip and, yeah, traveling all over the place.
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: And so it's really hard to travel and build business at the same time because there's just so much decision making for just you know, for traveling, you know like what to wear, what bus to take, what flight to take where to eat what laundry, where you're going to live, like just everything.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 2: Navigating a new place yeah, it's really hard and it doesn't gel well with building a business, as if you've got a remote job that you're just being directed on what to do, you know, like, say, a va or something like that.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 2: It's much more doable.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 2: Entrepreneurship and travel just doesn't really work simultaneously, like.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: What I learned back five years ago when I first moved to bali is like trying to build a business from the beach with the coconut, like it looks really good but the reality of it is that's not how you build a business and that's what I've been learning over the last, like especially to begin with, and so this is what I've come back is you don't really catch me much outside of my workspace now, because I'm really getting in the hustle and grind and I love it.
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 2: It's so good.
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 2: It feels like the first time I've done it and like since, well, I didn't even really do it, I've never really done it what?
• 1:01:24
  Speaker 1: oh my god, you're like a serial entrepreneur.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: What are you talking about?
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 2: well, like the real hustle, the hustle that needs to be done and taken care of, and this is what we're talking about the other day really taking responsibility hustle.
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: Okay, just so I just want to.
• 1:01:36
  Speaker 1: I just want to pause and like interject in the story a little bit.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 1: First of all, okay, again to like benchmark from the beginning of this episode to what you just described like, oh my gosh, all the visions, just like the mountain biking on a volcano and skydiving and just wow, so many adventures.
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, life and adventure filled relationship, like the contrast of the life that you've built now from what it was that day that you quit your job, where you were like I just can't, I just cannot.
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: I can't be here anymore.
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 1: I can't be doing this.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 1: That kind of grind.
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 2: Something that I would really love to point out here is looking at our lifestyle from the outside in, I don't think is the same as how we experience it.
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 2: Looking at and so I think you know a digital nomad or remote worker is sensationalized in this way that it seems like live this great life and you don't do any work.
• 1:02:36
  Speaker 2: It's like we do a shitload of work.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: We work so much.
• 1:02:40
  Speaker 2: I work now more than what I did in that corporate job.
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 2: To be honest, the difference is I love what it is that I do and that's so important.
• 1:02:47
  Speaker 2: Like I, I work with my clients.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 2: I I admire my clients so much, you know, in one-on-one coaching calls or group coaching calls, or like building the next lead magnet or program, or being in the studio and recording something or whatever it just like it inspires me and fills me with so much pride and excitement and I'm like, oh yes, the next thing one of the things that louisa helps me with is pulling me away from work to go like let's just spend some time together, let's create some experiences.
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: So then it's being really intentional that on the weekends or after work, what is it that we're going to do?
• 1:03:17
  Speaker 2: And the real cool thing about it is like, okay, one of the things I had to get over was this FOMO of like working in a new place.
• 1:03:24
  Speaker 2: So we're in midi in and we're like, oh man, I want to go out and enjoy the city, no, I gotta do my work.
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 2: And being torn between the passion of work and getting sucked into that but then also going, oh, I'm not experiencing that, but the lifestyle that's cool is like oh, we'll just stay here, for that's the one place that I've stayed, for I was there for four and a half months and I was like, great, well, we don't need to rush to do everything, we just have super full weekends and really exciting after work days and amazing lunches at restaurants or cafes that are close by, or however that is.
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 1: Thanks for clarifying that, because when you were like it's like not really conducive the two things together and I'm like wait, wait, wait, hold up, hold up, because I don't necessarily believe that you can't build a business while traveling.
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 1: But I do think that when people think about traveling, when most people think about traveling, they think about the way that they know how to travel, which is as a vacationer or a holiday maker and it's just not the same Like you can travel.
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: But I think what you're doing now where you're like, okay, bali for nine months, that's still traveling.
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 1: And it's like.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: You get to spend weeks where you're just all in on building your business, but also you have these really amazing weekends and, if you want, to you know, leverage your visa, run to whatever country and go for a week or something you, you can and you're still having the percentage of adventures that you're having, even when you go to a new place for like six to twelve months is so, so, so much higher.
• 1:04:54
  Speaker 1: So if you're listening to this, just like you know, I think the message I'm really trying to convey is you can have your cake and eat it too.
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: It's just probably not going to look like what you've been seeing on Instagram or what you've been imagining.
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 2: It's so important to recognize that.
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like I sit by the beach with a coconut and work from there all the time, because for me I can't stand a co-working space Like it feels too corporate.
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 1: It's a little PTSD for me.
• 1:05:17
  Speaker 1: Like, I'm like, oh my.
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 1: God, this is like the opposite of what I want.
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 1: So I do go with my laptop and sit by the beach, but I'm in the shade and I make sure that there's not a lot of music behind me.
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 1: And it's a day when I don't have calls and when I'm just going to be like doing creative work, and I love that.
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: I can choose to do my creative work there.
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: But when I actually really need to sit down and focus or have a bunch of client calls, I'm at home and I'm in my little office and it's not as glamorous looking and um.
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: But yeah, you get to have it all.
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 2: It's a lot in the way that we frame it and and I think it's so important that being a digital nomad or a remote worker is not being on holiday, it's simply having a job that is location independent yeah, like and that you choose to work from.
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 2: And whether it is a co-working office space or whether it is a beach, you have the choice and the flexibility to me, it's about freedom and it's about being able to design your life the way that you want.
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 1: And there was a time when I, like you was, I was traveling often, like you know, bouncing around the world and going here and going there, because that was my main priority.
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 1: I wasn't focused on scaling, but the second that I was okay.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 1: My priority now is to actually build something.
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: I moved to Bali and I haven't moved anywhere else.
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: I mean, I have traveled for a few months of the year, every year, but it's like then I'm kind of on maintenance mode.
• 1:06:35
  Speaker 1: So I'm building my business from Bali and I do go sit by the beach, often with a coconut, but I'm just able to have everything because I'm completely free.
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 2: And so are you and Louisa.
• 1:06:50
  Speaker 2: One of the big things that I learned and this applies for both business and relationships is understanding what your priorities are.
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 2: I think there's actually these three major things.
• 1:06:59
  Speaker 2: It's going okay.
• 1:07:00
  Speaker 2: What is it that you value?
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 2: A lot of people think they value something, but then okay, okay, how are you demonstrating that value?
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 2: And I say, for example, I value growth.
• 1:07:10
  Speaker 2: But then we look at it and they just really value and comfort.
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 2: It's like you can't really have growth and comfort at the same time, because growth means discomfort, it's uncertainty, it's about change and comfort is all about well, staying still and not taking risks.
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 1: And it sounds like that is a specific example um that you're pulling from.
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 1: So like what is the example of someone that says that they value growth but actually they value comfort?
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 1: Like what does that practically look um?
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 2: that was just a random example.
• 1:07:38
  Speaker 2: But, for example, somebody wants to go and grow their online business and they and they're talking about, okay, yeah, I value freedom, I want, I want the freedom, but then their actions don't align with what freedom would entail.
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 2: I think we need to even define what freedom is a lot of the time, because freedom is kind of like respect is another one, but like they kind of catch all phrases and going, okay, what is that value?
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 2: Adventure or value these different things?
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 2: And then you go, okay, well, what are the?
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 2: I'll say value healthy lifestyle.
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 2: And then look at them and their actions don't really align with that.
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 2: It's like, okay, eat out at restaurants.
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 2: A lot.
• 1:08:17
  Speaker 2: Restaurant eating is not healthy.
• 1:08:20
  Speaker 2: Generally, there's some, sure.
• 1:08:23
  Speaker 2: Or, like, you know, you don't even really have.
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 2: Okay, you got a gym membership but you go to it twice a week.
• 1:08:28
  Speaker 2: Maybe that that is good for some people, but like, is that really the value that it is that you're demonstrating?
• 1:08:33
  Speaker 2: So, um, you know it's case by case basis.
• 1:08:36
  Speaker 2: We break it down and go, okay, well, what is it that you think you value versus what is it that you're currently demonstrating in terms of value?
• 1:08:42
  Speaker 2: And then looking at, going, well, who's the future self, like what is the lifestyle that I want?
• 1:08:46
  Speaker 2: If I want that lifestyle, who is that need to become and what is that version of me?
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 2: Value and demonstrating and so like consistency is another one.
• 1:08:55
  Speaker 2: Like really valuing, showing up for me I didn't have that.
• 1:08:59
  Speaker 2: I really had to demonstrate that.
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 2: Louisa helped me with with that a lot as well.
• 1:09:01
  Speaker 2: And doing the hard thing, valuing like vulnerability, even when it's hard, or the courage and it's easier to, and the times that it matters most, and I see this all the time with my clients and I try to see it.
• 1:09:16
  Speaker 2: I like other people calling it out when, because you know, our own ego is getting in our way.
• 1:09:19
  Speaker 2: I like other people to call me out when I'm holding back from showing up where it matters most and whatever that value is.
• 1:09:25
  Speaker 2: But really uncovering what that is, it's such a personal thing.
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 2: There's no values that are better or worse.
• 1:09:30
  Speaker 2: They're just dependent on what it is that you want, and so that's the first category that I often open up with with my clients and then underneath that becomes priority.
• 1:09:38
  Speaker 2: So what do you need to prioritize in order to live those values?
• 1:09:40
  Speaker 2: So like, okay, I have a value of love, or even self-love more specifically.
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 2: But then we find out that they're people pleasers and they've been looking after everyone.
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 2: Entrepreneurs are a big one for this.
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 2: So you look at successful entrepreneurs, even men, that are like the hustlers and the grinders and everything, and it looks like they're kind of narcissistic from the outside.
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 2: But then we start really digging in deeper and it's like it just turns out that caretakers and the people pleases and they've been abandoning themselves to take care of someone else.
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 2: And so what is it that we have to look at?
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 2: We go, okay, well, you want to value love, you want to value self-love.
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 2: What are your priorities?
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 2: Oh, we're going to have a look at going okay, how are you going to prioritize yourself, to stop neglecting and abandoning yourself and what's important to you, so then you can show up better in your business and your relationships with your kids, whatever it is.
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 2: And then beyond below, that then becomes boundaries.
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 2: How can we protect those priorities and put boundaries around that boundaries with ourselves and then boundaries with others as well and be able to communicate them really well?
• 1:10:38
  Speaker 2: And the reason why I share that values, priorities and boundaries is that has been one of the big keys that has allowed louise and I have to be able to travel and get pretty great results, both business and relationships and our social activities.
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 2: We do everything together like this.
• 1:10:53
  Speaker 2: Is the first time now that we haven't been stuck together in two and a half years like we go to different gyms, different co-workings and we we are not like usually would be living together, working together, socializing together.
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 2: We're like literally stuck together.
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 2: And it's still I've looked at this and gone is it healthy or is this codependency?
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 2: It's still really healthy because we're really clear on what our values, priorities, boundaries are, what our criteria for how we want to live is, and we really align on them.
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 1: And when they don't align, we have mutual understanding for each other to say, yeah, you do you.
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm still going to do me.
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 1: Wow, as we had spoken earlier about like these two vehicles for growth, romantic relationships and entrepreneurship, I think you guys doing the digital nomad well, you don't want to say digital nomad, the living wherever you want lifestyle together has, just like you've just been on such an amazing growth journey yeah do you feel like you're even the same person as you were like at the beginning of this story?
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 1: we have grown so much I think, a takeaway from what you were just describing about the, the three criteria that you take your clients through.
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 1: It's like do your actions match your words?
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 1: Are you saying that you value these things and doing something totally different, or are they actually aligned?
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 1: So if somebody is listening to this episode and maybe they're, you know, a consultant and they're feeling like they want to live a richer life, a more colorful life they just want more life in their life.
• 1:12:20
  Speaker 1: What would be the best way for them to get in touch with you?
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 2: LinkedIn has been my platform of choice.
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 2: At the moment, I'm aiming to post on there seven days a week All the value nuggets that I can think of I can share I can really help people with.
• 1:12:35
  Speaker 2: But the one thing that I've been sharing at the moment that's been super helpful is it's called the High Achievers Priority Audit and it goes through the nine ways that I see high achievers and, whether it's an entrepreneurship or whatever, you're getting great results in life and you want more.
• 1:12:48
  Speaker 2: These are the nine ways that we tend to abandon and neglect ourselves.
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 2: That come out to be three major categories, which is needs, emotions and boundaries, and it's a really it's been amazing and helping raise awareness of the areas that then we can go okay, I'll stop doing so much of that and do more of this, and then that allows us to connect with ourselves and grows our the imagination or direction or clarity, and how it is that we can build a more intentional lifestyle.
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 2: So happy to share that.
• 1:13:13
  Speaker 2: It's like a two page document.
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 2: That's been really valuable.
• 1:13:16
  Speaker 1: Cool, I want to download it when is it?
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 1: It's on your.
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 2: LinkedIn.
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 2: It's a good question, dm me.
• 1:13:21
  Speaker 1: We'll put your handle in the show notes.
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Um it's a good question.
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 1: Dm me, we'll put your handle in the show notes.
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah and uh.
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: If anybody is listening to this and you are wanting to, yeah, step into this next chapter of your life, but you're not sure what direction you want to go in, uh, then you can message me on Instagram, at Christabella travels, and we can have a conversation about just really where you're at.
• 1:13:41
  Speaker 1: If you feel like you have no idea what career you want to pursue, maybe you're like Daniel was in the beginning, where you're considering affiliate marketing, you're considering consulting, you're considering this, you're considering that, or you've already dabbled in a bunch of different things.
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 1: As I mentioned earlier, I can take you on this career assessment process and help you get on track with a clear, straightforward direction.
• 1:14:04
  Speaker 1: And really, I think my business and what my specialty is is just getting you started, like getting you to leave the nest, getting you to actually take that action and, yeah, start creating the life of your dreams.
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 1: And the life of your dreams can look whatever way you want.
• 1:14:20
  Speaker 1: You can be in a beautiful relationship.
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 1: You can travel the world.
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 1: You can stay in one place.
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 1: You can just have it be whatever you want.
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 1: You can be in a beautiful relationship, you can travel the world.
• 1:14:24
  Speaker 1: You can stay in one place.
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 1: You can just have it be whatever you want.
• 1:14:28
  Speaker 1: You can have your cake and eat it too.
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 1: Have it all, you can have it all.
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 2: I love it you really can.
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 1: We are, I think, two great examples of people that have just decided this is a life that I want.
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 1: I don't want to live that corporate sort of gray boxy situation.
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 1: I want to do things my way, even though it might look different, even though people might judge us.
• 1:14:47
  Speaker 1: And here we are now.
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 2: Here we are now.
• 1:14:50
  Speaker 2: It's a wonderful place to have arrived to and know that we're still on the journey as well.
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 2: Yes, there's always more.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 1: There's so much more.
• 1:14:57
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I'm so excited for the future.
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 1: Which future, krista, future Daniel.
• 1:15:00
  Speaker 1: We can figure it out too.
• 1:15:02
  Speaker 1: That's it so thank you so much for being here on the podcast, daniel, so such a pleasure to have you.
• 1:15:07
  Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to the Digital Nomad Life podcast and we'll see you in the next episode.
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 1: Thanks, bye.