Latest / Cash Confident with Brie Sodano / Embracing the Season of Giving Without Breaking the Bank

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Embracing the Season of Giving Without Breaking the Bank · Cash Confident with Brie Sodano

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Cash Confident podcast.
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: I'm Brie Sedano, your fearless host, personal finance expert and the visionary behind the revolutionary Cash Confident community.
• 0:10
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• 0:22
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• 0:32
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• 0:43
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• 0:55
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• 1:02
  Speaker 1: So buckle up, my fierce and ambitious friends, as we embark on this transformative journey to becoming Cash Confident together.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: The holidays can be a place where money and shopping and busy, broke and exhausted all really get tangled up.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: So today, what we're going to be working on is some of the things that you can do to avoid like a holiday financial hangover.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: Right Like avoid the headache of spending too much money and then having to pay for it all the way into the summer.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: So holidays can sometimes are a time where I don't know we feel obligated to do certain things, maybe not even our most generous self.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: So let's just start there.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: When I'm working with clients, one of the things that I like to work on with them is the difference between true generosity and a feeling of obligation, because a lot of times when people give and they're not just giving to the people that they want to give for, but they're giving to really long lists of people it doesn't really feel generous.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: It can feel like obligation.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: Now listen, if it feels generous for you, carry on.
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: I know nobody wins if the money coach takes away your generous heart.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: That's not the objective.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: That's not what I want to do here, but I do want you to notice the difference in your body and the difference between when you're giving because it feels so good to give and when you're giving and it feels generous and it comes from your overflow and it's something that you're doing just to make the other person happy and it's not an exchange, it's just like a pure gift.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: And then I want you to feel into that obligation.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: It feels like they got you something last year and you have to get them something.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: You have to participate in the Secret Santa at work, even though you really don't want to, and it feels like a waste of money and time for you, but you're going to do it anyways because you don't want to be the person blah, blah, blah.
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: Right, I just want you to start to notice the difference between the truth of generosity and the truth of obligation and what that feels like.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: And you can even also play with feeling into reciprocity and what that feels like.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: It's like oh, I'm going to really think about you in nail a gift and you're going to really think about me in nail a gift and what that reciprocity feels like when it's really done well and what that reciprocity feels like when it's not done well.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: And I just want you to start to notice these feelings in your body, because when we come from really, really true generosity, there's much more satisfaction and there's much more contentment in our giving than when we're coming from obligation.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: When you give from a place of obligation, there's really no wait Like you're not going to.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: It doesn't feel good to do that.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: It doesn't feel good to give out of obligation and reciprocity can feel good, but it can also feel bad, especially if you really nail it and they don't really nail it, or if they really nail it and you don't really nail it Really.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: When somebody nails a gift and you're like, yes, this was so good, and you hand them something like you know, like a gift card, which is nice, but it's like not the same level of joy.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: So reciprocity is a place that can feel good or not feel good.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: So that's just the thing to start to notice, because it's generally given from obligation or from uneven reciprocity.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: That can really be the root of the holiday financial hangover and headaches.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: So I just want you to start to notice that.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: All right.
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: So on a very practical level, here's what I would suggest doing so grab your pen and your paper and start to make the list of the people that you want to buy for, the list of the people or even all the gifts.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: So let's just say you are going to participate in a Secret Santa or two.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: You know any gifts that you need to get for that, but for most of the time you're going to be buying for a person.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: So start to make the list of the person that you're going to buy for Now, next to their name, I want you to write a budget, a dollar amount that you are able to spend in such a way that feels really good for you.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Okay, so you know their name, their budget.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: Then I want you to think of what you want to get them.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: What is the thing that when you think of them, you're like, oh, they would really want to have this.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: They would they mention this to me.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: This would feel really good to give them.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Like, what's the thing that you want to give them?
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: And then write the store that you would expect to be able to get that thing at All right now.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: The reason that you want to think about the thing that you want to give them is because one, it keeps your focus on them.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: A lot of times when people are shopping, they end up buying a ton of stuff because they're just at the store and something reminds them of the person and that's not a terrible way to do it.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: But if you could really nail it with a gift, then a lot of times you're going to get that really good, that really good feeling of exchange, and that may or may not be expensive.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: Right, I'll tell you the operation.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: My operations director at Cash Confident is one of the best gift givers ever, and sometimes the gifts are not expensive but she nails it.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: She nails it.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: One time she got me custom made socks that are covered in money and the face of a cello a cellist that I really, really love, and at the time I was sending her cello videos on a very regular basis, like listen to this cello song, and so like.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: I don't think they were especially expensive, but they brought me so much joy, they like made me feel so happy.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: I don't even wear the socks during my sector and I smile at them literally every single day, right, and so there's and that's a gift that I remember, and I'm sure that I got much more expensive gifts that year, but that was the one that I remembered because she really, really nailed it Right.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: She just it was silly and funny and it just made me so happy, right, and so that's what I'm talking about.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: It's like when you really really nail a gift and you see the other person and you you feel them and you you think about what's gonna make them happy and you really just nail it.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: That's the thing, like that's the thing, and that that may be expensive and it may not be expensive, right, and like.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: I'm sure we've all gotten expensive gifts that did not nail it and we're like, hmm, what am I gonna do with this watch?
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: I don't know, this is not.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: This watch is not for me, right?
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: Or this, this beautiful sweater, is not my size.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: That a nail it, right.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: So so think about that.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: Well, you're, while you're giving you, you know, while you're thinking about the person that you want to buy, it's like what would be the thing that would nail it?
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Because oftentimes, where we get, we write down the budget and then we're trying to get as much stuff in the budget as we possibly can to like make a big show, but a lot of times you could just nail it.
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: It's nailed it.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: So make the make the list of the people, write the top of the budget, right, and then think of what would it?
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: What do they really want?
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: What would really Nail it for this person, what would it be the gift that made them feel seen and important, you know, and something that they would use or enjoy or whatever else, and then write the store and then Then go over your list and total up the budget and make sure that that budget makes sense for you.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: Make sure that when you really really look at all of the things, make sure that that makes sense.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: Now, additionally, when you're making your holiday budget, I want you to also put in there, like, if you're going to a lot of parties and you have to bring a lot of special dishes, or you have to bring a lot of bottles of wine, or you have to bring, you know, things, total that stuff up, because that stuff really adds up, especially if you know, especially if you're like doing a lot of networking, you know, for your job, for whatever reason, like when I was um, when I sold, when I was a stockbroker, I used to get invited to a ton of holiday parties.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: I used to go to a ton of holiday parties and I would always bring something.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: You know, I would always bring wine or I would bring a dish that I made.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: But when you start going to a couple parties a week, that that stuff, you know it can really really add up, especially when you're doing your shopping, especially when you're doing those things.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: And those are the things that are easy to not notice because you you didn't think about it right.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: And if you have to, if you're going to a lot of places, you know, you could even think about ordering a case of wine at a discount.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: So that way it's just one trip to the store, you know, and then you have wine for your whole season to bring to a party, if that's what you bring, you know, or if you're somebody who brings a lot of specialty dishes, just really being aware.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: So that way you can at least eliminate trips to the store, you know.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: So that way you could just be on top of it for yourself.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: All right, so then we want to think about the stores that we're going to go to, and when we go to the stores we want to have the specific list of the things that we're what we're doing, because a lot of times with the holidays, it's not just the money that we're spending, but it's the time, it's the energy, it's the exhaustion, it's the running in and out, it's just that entire season of running in and out of places.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: So if we can at least be efficient with our holiday procurements, that is a thing that will really help this season to be more restful and less busy, broken, exhausted.
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: All right now if you want to have any conversations with people.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: I would really really suggest having an awkward conversation, if need be.
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: So let me give you an example.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: So let's just say you and your adult siblings always get gifts for the kids, and that's a place where it feels like a lot of generosity and it feels like a lot of joy to give presents to your little nieces and nephews.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: But let's say, you and your adult siblings all just give each other a gift card for the same amount of money and it's nice, but it's not a thing that you actually want to do anymore.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: Have that awkward conversation because chances are, if you're like this feels like obligation, this feels like reciprocity, but it's like not even really juicy, chances are they're feeling the same way and they're also feeling obligated and like you could just do less and it could be great.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: Wait, I've had many clients come back and be like, oh, I decided that I wasn't participating in certain aspects of the holidays and it was just such a relief.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: It's just such a relief to just be like, hey, we don't do this, like we're not doing this this year.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: And sometimes it opens itself up to like going out to dinner together and come January, when the money's a little bit more free or spending time or having a home cooked meal or other stuff.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: That's like you don't have to necessarily feel that crunch in December.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: You could essentially move it over and have a little enjoyment.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: I'll tell you one of my sister-in-law she cooked dinner, she invited us all over for dinner and that was my Christmas gift and I loved it because I didn't have to cook dinner.
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: It was so good to get to spend a day with them.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: Obviously, I mean, there was an expense, like obviously there was food to be eaten, but it wasn't on Christmas day, it wasn't all due at the exact same time, and so, anyways, having that awkward conversation or getting creative with a gift where you can spend time together instead, if that feels good for you, you know, that's a great way to avoid the holiday hangover Because, again, the holiday hangover often comes from really doing things from a place of obligation or even reciprocity, but not the super great reciprocity, that like reciprocity.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: So if you are really looking at your list and your list is too long and you're like, hmm, I really don't want to do some of these things, I would just have that awkward conversation with people and just agree to not exchange gifts if that feels good for you, and oftentimes I've talked to people and it does feel good for them.
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: I feel like a little bit of a grinch saying this out loud, like a little bit of a Baham bugger, but I think it's really important to do, especially like, especially if these gifts were going to end up on your credit card, you know or especially if what you the gift cards that you were going to get in return like are like you didn't really want or need them, you know.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: All right, one other little tip I will say, especially if you have a lot of kids to give for, is don't get nuts about being exactly fair.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: That's a place where sometimes somebody will go over their budget $10 for one kid and then all of a sudden now they're going back and they're buying extra stocking stuffers for the rest of the kids and then they, instead of their budget being a little bit busted because it took that extra $10 to nail it for the first kid, now they're buying extra candies and charge keys for the rest of the kids and you know, what was a little overage now becomes a lot of overage.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Just to make it fair, you know, in America we generally don't leave the price tags on our gifts.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: So unless there's a very big discrepancy, I wouldn't don't get nuts about going to going in to make it make it perfectly fair.
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: And then the last thing I will say about avoiding the holiday hangover is to really be a good receiver of the gifts that you get, because when we've really really received, there's such an energetic nourishment in that and it feels really good to receive and also it feels really good to the giver.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: So you know, when you receive gifts, take a second to really just relish an effort that somebody thought about you and put you on their budget and went to the store to get something for you and picked out something that they, that hopefully they did nail it for you, hopefully you got a gift that made you feel seen and loved and appreciated and all the things.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: And sometimes we will get gifts that maybe we could be appreciative, that we made it to the list and we could be appreciative to that.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: They went to the store and then the actual item is maybe something that we will re-gift or, you know, give away or you know something else and that's okay.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: But just really become really focus on how will you receive, because when we give and we give and we give, but we don't really let ourselves receive, we get really out of balance, and that those are the places where resentments build and reciprocity starts to feel not so good and that obligation creeps in.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: And so really let yourself receive the love and attention and item you know that came your way and really make sure that if you get gift cards, you go and you use them and you buy yourself something that you really wanted and take a second to really, you know, do the receiving and let people know how good it feels.
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: Because I just want you to think for a second if you've ever given a gift to a little kid and they're so excited, they're so excited to get the thing and they love it so much and they're jumping up and down and like it feels so good to be the person who gave that gift, right.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: And so make sure that when you know, and if you've given a gift to somebody who says something like I sure don't have, or for me, you know, or you get a really flat thank you, you know that's okay, it's not the worst, but it's it's like you'll know that when you're the giver, the person who receives it really gets to make your experience, and so oftentimes, in an attempt to, you know, not be too excited or whatever else, we really turn off our receiving.
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: But when you're a really good receiver of gifts, it makes it so much more fun to nail it for you.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: So make sure that you think about that for everybody who's gone to the trouble of giving you a gift.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: Make sure that you know you'll receive that in a way that makes it fun for you and fun for them, because there's a lot of nourishment in that.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: It restores the balance, especially when you've gone and you've spent all of your money and you've spent all of your time and energy, you know, at 15 stores looking for the best sales and whatever else.
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: The last little tip I would say is, when you go to all the stores and you have your lists, make sure you keep your list with you and check it off as you go, because, especially if you have a lot of people to get for or you're picking up a lot of things, it can get really, really easy to forget what you've gotten and what you haven't gotten, and what's wrapped and what isn't wrapped and whatever else.
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: And so if you keep a little, and so if you keep your list and everything.
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: Then you're not going to accidentally overbuy for somebody while underbuying for somebody else, because that's another thing that can cause some things.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: And lastly, I will just say make sure that when you're doing your budget, do your best to keep this paid for in cash and don't put you know, do your best to not get the stuff on credit.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: And if you don't have enough for the things that you want to get, I mean, obviously you can use credit if that's really important to you.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: But you could also just really look and see, well, what did I spend this year and how much did I really want to spend this year, and then start in January saving for the things so that way next year you could do it the way that you want it.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: But if you do it on credit, then you'll be paying on your credit for the year and it will be harder to save to be able to get ahead of it.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: So that's another thing.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: And then alright, and I think those are some ideas to avoid the holiday busy, broken, exhausted hangover.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: I hope this was helpful for you.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: I love you and appreciate you and I wish you the smoothest, best holiday season that's ever been.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: It was my pleasure and joy to talk with you today.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: Thank you for listening.
• 19:25
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• 19:37
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• 19:46
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• 20:02
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• 20:21
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