Latest / The Trauma Therapist / Guest Host Series John Clarke interviews Tammy Sollenberger

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Guest Host Series John Clarke interviews Tammy Sollenberger · The Trauma Therapist

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Trauma Therapists Podcast. My name is Gymick
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: person I interview incredible people who've dedicated their lives to
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: helping those who've been impacted by trauma. A big thank
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: you to our sponsors and our guests who are supporting
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: this show.
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  Speaker 2: My name is John Clark.
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  Speaker 3: I'm the host of the Going Inside podcast, and I'm
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  Speaker 3: here with my guest, Hammy Salenberger. She's an author, podcaster,
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  Speaker 3: and psychotherapist and a certified IFS therapist and consultant.
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  Speaker 2: She loves helping people.
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  Speaker 3: Who are new to IFS discover their authentic self. She
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  Speaker 3: co authored a chapter on the enneagram and IFS with
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  Speaker 3: Joan Ryan in IFS Integration. She's the author of the
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  Speaker 3: One Inside Thirty Days to Your Authentic Self, and the
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  Speaker 3: host of the One Inside podcast.
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  Speaker 2: Tammy, thanks for being here. How are you doing?
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  Speaker 3: And what else should people know about who you are
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  Speaker 3: and how you got here?
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  Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, that's such a big question. Now who
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  Speaker 4: am I? Well?
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  Speaker 5: I am made up of parts as we all are,
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  Speaker 5: so I would I would first say that, you know,
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  Speaker 5: there's a part of me that wants to be on
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  Speaker 5: the couch watching TV right now. There's a part of
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  Speaker 5: me that wishes I was out to lunch with girlfriends
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  Speaker 5: on this beautiful sunny day. There's another part of me
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  Speaker 5: that's so honored to be hanging out with you and
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  Speaker 5: talking with you. I adore you, and so any excuse
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  Speaker 5: to hang out with you is always a yes. So
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  Speaker 5: those are three parts I'm noticing.
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  Speaker 2: I love it.
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  Speaker 3: You're a big part of my IFS kind of journey
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  Speaker 3: because I reached out to you when I was just
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  Speaker 3: kind of like new to it, and we yeah work
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  Speaker 3: together in a way for me to learn the model
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  Speaker 3: was of course you helping me work with my own system,
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  Speaker 3: even though I'd love to just talk about other people
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  Speaker 3: and their problems, pointing back to myself annoyingly.
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  Speaker 2: Thank you.
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  Speaker 3: But you have sat an interviewed literally every person under
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  Speaker 3: the sun who has anything to do with IFS, including
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  Speaker 3: the founder himself, Dick Schwartz, close friend of yours, and
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  Speaker 3: he's been on the podcast many times. So it's really
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  Speaker 3: amazing to see all of those conversations you've had. And
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  Speaker 3: part of the reason why I want to bring you
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  Speaker 3: on here is I don't see as many times the
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  Speaker 3: table is being turned and hearing you and your story,
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  Speaker 3: whether it's relating to IFS the podcast Everything, Your Your Life,
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  Speaker 3: Your Evolution is a therapist. So that's just I'm just
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  Speaker 3: kind of opening the floor in that.
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  Speaker 2: Way for you.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, well, the thing that is, I mean, I think
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  Speaker 5: the timing of this is really cool. Like I just
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  Speaker 5: shared with you that my dad died unexpectedly on Valentine's Day,
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  Speaker 5: So this was a couple of months ago. And one
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  Speaker 5: of my you know, other therapy modalities, they'll call it
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  Speaker 5: like a core wound. So one of my core wounds
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  Speaker 5: or one of my burdens, we would call and IFS
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  Speaker 5: a burden is around being unwanted. So my parents were
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  Speaker 5: teenagers when they had me. They were forced to be married.
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  Speaker 5: They got divorced like a year later, and then they
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  Speaker 5: both remarried other people. As I got older and have
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  Speaker 5: been in long term marriages, and I saw my dad.
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  Speaker 4: I live with my mom and.
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  Speaker 5: My stepdad, and I saw my dad like every other weekend,
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  Speaker 5: and he had three sons.
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  Speaker 4: And so.
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  Speaker 5: One of the things about parts work is this idea
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  Speaker 5: that if if my if a core wound of me
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  Speaker 5: is being unwanted, of mine is being unwanted, then I
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  Speaker 5: have all of these parts that for me make sure
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  Speaker 5: I'm wanted. We'll do we'll do all of these things
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  Speaker 5: to like kind of go out and make sure like oh,
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  Speaker 5: you're gonna want me, or oh you're gonna want me.
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  Speaker 5: And it's kind of the podcast right, like, oh, let me,
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  Speaker 5: let me make myself wanted.
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  Speaker 4: You want to be on my podcast?
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  Speaker 5: And Sally for my parts like not because of me,
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  Speaker 5: my parts like, oh, you want to be a podcast
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  Speaker 5: because of because you love me?
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  Speaker 4: No, that's not why people want to be on your podcast.
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  Speaker 4: But you know they have.
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  Speaker 2: Definitely have something to do with you.
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  Speaker 4: I don't know, but go ahead.
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  Speaker 5: Well, parts of me saying no, it's only because they
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  Speaker 5: have like a book, like they want to you know,
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  Speaker 5: they want to share their book, or they just think
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  Speaker 5: it's going to be fun to be on a podcast.
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  Speaker 5: It's a cool opportunity. It's so funny. My parscode is
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  Speaker 5: all or nothing, right. It's either all about me and
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  Speaker 5: because they love me, yeah, or it's.
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  Speaker 2: Because they have.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 4: So this is the first time I've heard.
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  Speaker 3: This holding both right and yes, that's struggle to hold
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  Speaker 3: both yeah.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah.
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  Speaker 5: So that's the other cool thing about IFS is right
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  Speaker 5: is I'm just sort of sitting in care of shutting
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  Speaker 5: my eyes thinking, Okay, what is it like for me,
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  Speaker 5: my true self to hold both?
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  Speaker 4: Like, so I can hold both. I can hold that.
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  Speaker 5: Some people might want to be on the podcast because
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  Speaker 5: of me and whatever that means means, and then and
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  Speaker 5: then some people want to be on the podcast because
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  Speaker 5: they want to advertise their thing, and I, I, as
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  Speaker 5: the third party, can hear both parts of me, and
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  Speaker 5: as I name that and just shut my eyes for
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  Speaker 5: a second just to kind of take that in, I
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  Speaker 5: feel myself relax.
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  Speaker 4: I can feel myself.
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  Speaker 5: Like saying okay, those things because I know and my
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  Speaker 5: energy is sort of big enough that I can hold
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  Speaker 5: both instead of just being one or the other.
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  Speaker 2: So yeah, as as Tammy would say, I love that.
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  Speaker 4: I love that. Yeah, I didn't even know that I
• 5:42
  Speaker 4: said that.
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  Speaker 2: I love that.
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  Speaker 4: I didn't even know that. I said that all the time.
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  Speaker 2: I know, and I love that that you didn't even know.
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  Speaker 4: I know. I love that.
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  Speaker 5: Is there something that you say on your show that
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  Speaker 5: you didn't know you did until.
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  Speaker 3: Probably like hang loose bro or something really growing and
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  Speaker 3: un helpful or.
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  Speaker 2: Like or just me making it about me? You know?
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, well we don't get chances to make things
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  Speaker 5: about us, so it feels so nice when we do.
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  Speaker 2: Well.
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  Speaker 3: All jokes aside, You know this piece around, like a
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  Speaker 3: part that goes it can't possibly be me or my
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  Speaker 3: like specialness or how special am I? How wanted am I?
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  Speaker 3: Or are they just wanting to promote a book? And
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  Speaker 3: what if it were both? And also what's the fear
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  Speaker 3: from that part around thinking that way that it is
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  Speaker 3: also about Tammy, that I'm wanted in that way.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's a great question. And I got like chills
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  Speaker 5: as you said it. I just noticed, like my whole
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  Speaker 5: body got like chills.
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  Speaker 4: It's like.
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  Speaker 5: It would be such a a let down. Doesn't even
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  Speaker 5: begin to describe the power of it, but it would
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  Speaker 5: be such a letdown when I discover I'm unwanted again.
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  Speaker 4: So it's safer or.
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  Speaker 5: Sort of, I don't have the let down for me
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  Speaker 5: just to know that I'm unwanted, like just to go
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  Speaker 5: through life being unwanted, so that I never have that
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  Speaker 5: let down or I never have that trigger like I
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  Speaker 5: never have that triggering event of feeling unwanted because I
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  Speaker 5: just know that I'm unwanted.
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  Speaker 4: So it's really like a safe, safe way to move
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  Speaker 4: through the world.
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  Speaker 3: Yep, yeah, I mean you're really capturing this well. And
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  Speaker 3: so when we experiment with what if I were wanted
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  Speaker 3: and then open myself to those opportunities, I'm opening myself
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  Speaker 3: up to that opportunity and also that devastation if I
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  Speaker 3: put myself out there in that way and then the
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  Speaker 3: core wound is confirmed.
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  Speaker 5: Yeah right, yeah right, So then so I have these
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  Speaker 5: in ifs. We call these managers, these proactive parts of us, right,
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  Speaker 5: So these proactive parts that work really hard to make
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  Speaker 5: sure that I'm wanted, isn't it funny?
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  Speaker 4: Right?
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  Speaker 5: And even though I'm never going to take that in,
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  Speaker 5: so they make sure that I wanted. And then when
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  Speaker 5: that unwanted does get triggered, because it will, then my
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  Speaker 5: reactive parts, which we call firefighters, come in and I eat,
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  Speaker 5: like yesterday something tiny happened teeny teeny tiny, and I
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  Speaker 5: went for the bag of trail mix, like the yummy
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  Speaker 5: peanut butter, like the eminem's yeah so good, And I
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  Speaker 5: was like, I was very aware of like because that
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  Speaker 5: part cannot be satisfied. I mean it was one of
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  Speaker 5: those really big bags and I just kept going and
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  Speaker 5: I was like, Okay, I can feel that I'm very
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  Speaker 5: triggered something has happened here, and I'm just trying to
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  Speaker 5: calm down whatever has happened right that activation. So I'm
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  Speaker 5: just trying to calm that down by these by this
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  Speaker 5: trail mix.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, sometimes I find that just bringing awareness to that
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  Speaker 3: pattern is enough to interrupt that pattern, because so much
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  Speaker 3: of psychotherapy and is about interrupting patterns and challenging thoughts
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  Speaker 3: and making a behavior plan and a lot of or
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  Speaker 3: just quote psychoanalyzing it to death so we can understand
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  Speaker 3: how it is rooted in X, Y and Z. And
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  Speaker 3: that can be all fun and good, and you might
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  Speaker 3: get thirty days like off the trail mix, so to speak.
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  Speaker 2: But then what like, right deeper.
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  Speaker 3: Healing in IFS looks like this slow real connection, this
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  Speaker 3: inner attachment work, and this healing, this corrective emotional experience
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  Speaker 3: between self and your parts. What if there was a
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  Speaker 3: world in which they didn't feel like they needed to
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  Speaker 3: do that thing out of that pain?
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  Speaker 2: You know?
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  Speaker 5: Yeah? Yeah, so I love that, And then is so
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  Speaker 5: true and this idea of being with so yesterday I
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  Speaker 5: was like, you know, because I'm you know, famous IFS.
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  Speaker 4: Clearly healed person.
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  Speaker 5: Obviously, I was like, very aware, and I wrote down
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  Speaker 5: on my to do list, I wrote like annoyed trail mix,
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  Speaker 5: and I wrote like more and more and more, and
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  Speaker 5: I just had this like I just kind of said
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  Speaker 5: hi to this part, and I was like, you just
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  Speaker 5: want more and there's not going to be enough trail
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  Speaker 5: mix to help you feel better. But I really get,
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  Speaker 5: like I just mean, it wasn't this elaborate, but it
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  Speaker 5: was very much like I'm aware of you, buddy.
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  Speaker 4: I get what you're trying to do.
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  Speaker 5: You don't have to and I'm like, you don't have
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  Speaker 5: to stop right now, but I'm aware that you just
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  Speaker 5: want more and more and more, and I'm very aware
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  Speaker 5: of you, and I get you're annoyed, and because there
• 10:46
  Speaker 5: was something about the more and then I felt it
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  Speaker 5: and then I had to shift. I had another client,
• 10:50
  Speaker 5: so I had to shift, but I literally this part
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  Speaker 5: of me. I was like, let's say the client was
• 10:55
  Speaker 5: at twelve o'clock. Literally it was like three after two twelve,
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  Speaker 5: and my body wanted to instead of letting the client
• 11:03
  Speaker 5: in on zoom, I wanted to go back to the drawer.
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  Speaker 5: And I literally was like, just sit in the seat,
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  Speaker 5: let your client in.
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  Speaker 4: Like it was. It was wild. It was a wild experience.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know. You and then my original.
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  Speaker 3: IFS teacher, Derek Scott, are a big part of how
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  Speaker 3: I got here because I he taught me IFS just
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  Speaker 3: before he passed, and then I saw a session of
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  Speaker 3: him doing IFS with you and I was like, whoa,
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  Speaker 3: And then I sought you out. But something Derek would say,
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  Speaker 3: and he was just a master at doing this is
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  Speaker 3: of course to your part, like of course you want
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  Speaker 3: more trail mix, right, Yeah, he had this thing he
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  Speaker 3: was talking one day and like a consultation group about
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: how a therapist felt some some part of them that
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: was attracted to a client and then a part that
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: had so much shame and judgment over that. And so
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  Speaker 3: Derek talked about a time where that that happened to
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: him and he just met that part of me and goes, yeah,
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  Speaker 3: of course of course you're feeling that, Yeah, this is
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  Speaker 3: an attractive person and in another context like you'd be thrilled,
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  Speaker 3: of course, and can you kind of let me be
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  Speaker 3: here and be their therapist? And then the whole thing
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  Speaker 3: just kind of softens.
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, whoa.
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  Speaker 3: That I didn't know there was an option to just
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: go of course, because we also have parts that go, well,
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  Speaker 3: you can't endorse that part because then it might do
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  Speaker 3: something crazy or whatever and it's out of control. And
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: then therapy becomes about control and working with our own
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: psychology becomes about control, which is I think we can
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: all agree is like not the way. But he was
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  Speaker 3: just such a master at like honoring everything that came
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  Speaker 3: up inside and going, yeah, of course, of course, the
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  Speaker 3: tra mix, of course or whatever, and then just watch
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  Speaker 3: it soften.
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  Speaker 4: I love it.
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  Speaker 5: I love that, and I think that's that's that's what
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  Speaker 5: IFS is bringing to the table the idea of multiplicity
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  Speaker 5: and that there are no bad parts. Parts can do
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  Speaker 5: bad things, et cetera, safe awful things to us, but
• 13:02
  Speaker 5: there are no bad parts, so that we can turn towards.
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  Speaker 4: Them and say, of course, buddy, of course you want that.
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  Speaker 4: Of course you want that tra mix.
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  Speaker 5: And do I have two hours to sit here with
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  Speaker 5: you and meditate with you. No, but just me saying
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  Speaker 5: like you're saying, of course, buddy, of course you want
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  Speaker 5: that tra mix. It just does soften something. And let's
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  Speaker 5: that part because that's again like what like normally what
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  Speaker 5: would happen is another part of me would be like
• 13:26
  Speaker 5: so mad, and then I'd start and then I'd start
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  Speaker 5: going on like okay, we're gonna have to go on
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  Speaker 5: an app and start like this manager would be like, okay,
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  Speaker 5: now we're gonna start writing down everything we eat all
• 13:34
  Speaker 5: day long and we're gonna get an app, and da
• 13:36
  Speaker 5: da da da da da da da da, like trying
• 13:38
  Speaker 5: to fix that instead of like, of course, I love that.
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  Speaker 4: That's great.
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: I know you're a parent, and you talk about parenting
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  Speaker 3: quite a bit. I find that for myself, being a
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: parent is this immediate proxy of learning and practicing all
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: of this. My daughter, we put her in taekwondo camp
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  Speaker 3: this week and she went yesterday and had a horrible experience.
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  Speaker 3: And I was like, only little kid there and she's
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: like a five year old girl and there's like these
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: teenage boys, probably like your son's age, and so you know,
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  Speaker 3: she comes home and it's like, how is camp?
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  Speaker 2: How is camp? And she's like terrible.
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  Speaker 3: It was scary, right, And on one hand, you know,
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  Speaker 3: my wife was trying to kind of like reassure her,
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  Speaker 3: kind of talk it out out.
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  Speaker 2: Of that, like it wasn't that bad.
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  Speaker 3: And you know, my inclination at least in that moment
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  Speaker 3: was just like, yeah, of course it felt scary, and
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  Speaker 3: of course there's these big boys that are rambunctious and
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: loud and like three times bigger than you, and like,
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  Speaker 3: of course that was scary, and of course you don't
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: want to go back, and just like quote, letting her
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  Speaker 3: have that feeling is somehow revolutionary still because so much
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: of the parenting we do, and god bless you know,
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  Speaker 3: my own parents is talking us out of our feelings. Right,
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  Speaker 3: cheer up, it's not that bad. You should be grateful
• 14:52
  Speaker 3: you have taekwondo camp at all. You should be grateful
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: you got any presents at all. Whatever it is, right,
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  Speaker 3: go to your room until.
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  Speaker 2: You're not angry anymore.
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  Speaker 3: This is how a lot of our own parts get
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: burdened and polarized.
• 15:05
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, well, so speaking of that, like so I
• 15:10
  Speaker 5: feel like my parents and my grandparents did like this
• 15:14
  Speaker 5: extra like of course they wouldn't say this word, but
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  Speaker 5: kind of like we really want you here, We're really
• 15:19
  Speaker 5: glad you're here. Like as I kind of went back
• 15:21
  Speaker 5: and forth between homes or you know, for the weekends
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  Speaker 5: or and I think there was something in my system
• 15:28
  Speaker 5: or in my body maybe like in my nervous system
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  Speaker 5: that was like that doesn't ring true, Like there's something
• 15:33
  Speaker 5: that feels very not true about that.
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  Speaker 4: Not that you don't love.
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  Speaker 5: Me, but like it was almost like they were going
• 15:40
  Speaker 5: out of their way to let me know that I
• 15:43
  Speaker 5: was wanted or loved.
• 15:45
  Speaker 4: So I think there was a lot of like what
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: is that word in incongruence?
• 15:51
  Speaker 5: Yes, like sort of like with what And this still
• 15:54
  Speaker 5: happens to me as an adult right where I'm like
• 15:56
  Speaker 5: someone's saying this thing, but my body I'm noticing my
• 16:01
  Speaker 5: parts are like something's not right, but I trust them.
• 16:04
  Speaker 5: I trust the other person, like I sort of trust
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  Speaker 5: the adult. The adults are saying, yay, we love you,
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  Speaker 5: we're glads you're here, and my body saying I don't
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  Speaker 5: know that that's true. And so that's kind of a
• 16:17
  Speaker 5: pattern that my parts have really I've really struggled with
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  Speaker 5: as an adult of like what you're saying and what
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  Speaker 5: I'm feeling is a mismatch.
• 16:29
  Speaker 4: I'm and I'm going to believe you over me.
• 16:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you could call this like not an IFS term
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: like self abandoning, right, And so in many moments in
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: our life, there was a reason to not trust ourselves
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: and then as an adult, you're sitting there in therapy going,
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: let's say you're trying to make a big life decision,
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: and it's like, I don't trust myself to make that
• 16:52
  Speaker 3: decision or to face whatever consequences it brings. Right, And
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: when we have burdens and these polarizations in our systems,
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: it's really hard to tell, like what is intuition?
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: What is my wisdom? You know? I had a client
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: recently where we.
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: Were talking about it was parenting stuff and like the
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: ten anxious decisions she could make, And then I just asked,
• 17:15
  Speaker 3: like what would the courageous choice be and how does
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: that feel in your body?
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: And she knew right away, like what would I do
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: if I wasn't scared?
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: Wow?
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: If I really connect with my intuition. We would also
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: do little things like in this can go either way
• 17:29
  Speaker 3: with people, like if there's a drink on your table,
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: look at it and just wait until your body gives
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: you a yes or a no. If you don't get anything,
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: like just keep waiting and see what that feels like
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: in your body, See what a yes feels like in
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: your body? You know, if someone asks you do you
• 17:44
  Speaker 3: want to hang out on Friday?
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: Night.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: You could do that too, and you could notice parts
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: that give a clear yes and a clear no, and
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: then again like this whole self thing, like where are
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: you in that? Can you try to find a decision
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: from that place of your your wisdom right himself?
• 18:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 18:01
  Speaker 5: I love that, And I think that's the thing is
• 18:04
  Speaker 5: is understanding that we're multiple and that these different parts,
• 18:08
  Speaker 5: like you and I were just talking about dating, and
• 18:10
  Speaker 5: like different parts are choosing different partners or different you know.
• 18:14
  Speaker 5: I had said like this one, you know, one part
• 18:16
  Speaker 5: of me was like, oh, I had a good conversation
• 18:18
  Speaker 5: with this guy and he's cute, so I'm going to
• 18:21
  Speaker 5: go out with him, even if he's twenty years younger
• 18:24
  Speaker 5: than me, or he's unhoused.
• 18:27
  Speaker 4: Or whatever it is.
• 18:28
  Speaker 5: These some parts of me are like okay, that's fine,
• 18:30
  Speaker 5: and other parts of me are like what are you
• 18:32
  Speaker 5: even talking about?
• 18:34
  Speaker 4: And so it's really.
• 18:36
  Speaker 5: Helpful to just kind of say, like, Okay, what part
• 18:38
  Speaker 5: of me is making that decision? Not to either say okay,
• 18:42
  Speaker 5: it's my fourteen year old part and it's you know,
• 18:44
  Speaker 5: it's just like just noticing, okay, what part of me
• 18:46
  Speaker 5: is doing that is another way of just unblending, like Okay,
• 18:50
  Speaker 5: I the.
• 18:51
  Speaker 4: Total of me is not doing that.
• 18:53
  Speaker 5: And then where I love this this idea too is
• 18:56
  Speaker 5: like where do I know my wisdom?
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: Like where in my body?
• 19:00
  Speaker 5: Like is my wisdom coming from my gut, my heart,
• 19:02
  Speaker 5: my head? And the enneagram I think teaches us a
• 19:05
  Speaker 5: lot about that is like where you know we have
• 19:08
  Speaker 5: these three centers of intelligence that's not just from the enneagram.
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: But if i'm my head is not where my knowing is,
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: That's where my figure it out is my my gut.
• 19:20
  Speaker 4: Is my knowing.
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: And so I can notice the like especially around dating,
• 19:24
  Speaker 5: like dad da da da, all in my head, but
• 19:26
  Speaker 5: it's like, oh, my knowing really comes from that quiet
• 19:30
  Speaker 5: taking my dog for a walk, going out to see
• 19:32
  Speaker 5: the trees, and then my knowing just comes.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: It's amazing different ways of knowing things.
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: You know that One of the first things that I
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: experienced about IFS and what made it different is Okay,
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: yes we have parts and oh my gosh, you can
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: speak to them and oh my gosh, if you listen
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: and are truly open to it, they will speak back. Yeah,
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: and you can have an actual dialogue and you go,
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: so ask that that part what it's afraid of and
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: just wait, don't think, just wait, just listen, take a
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: posture of listening. And sometimes they go blah blah blah,
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: and you go, oh my god, And sometimes it's not
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: what you thought. Yeah, but we're so used to figuring
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: stuff out and being in our heads and thinking we're
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: really smart.
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: At least I tend to think.
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: That and then get humbled by life and my parts,
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: and like and your kids and my kids. Like connecting
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: from your heart to your parts, or from your heart
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: to your partner or your kids or whatever, and like
• 20:31
  Speaker 3: getting information from our parts that way, or getting information
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: from from self is just it's a different way of
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: moving through life. And I love having clients learn to
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: see things that way right and actually create real relationships
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: with their parts, not just a top down like I
• 20:50
  Speaker 3: control my inner critic and like beat him into oblivion.
• 20:54
  Speaker 2: Like how's that working for you? Yeah?
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: Love it, Love it.
• 20:59
  Speaker 5: And the difference right between sort of thinking about parts
• 21:02
  Speaker 5: and being with parts. So we can think about parts,
• 21:05
  Speaker 5: and we could think about what they might say or whatever,
• 21:07
  Speaker 5: but if we are with them, then we are more silent.
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: We are asking and then listening.
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: I knew this twenty minute cap would be a problem
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: for us, and I was right because it's already like
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: twenty one oh nine, and I'm thinking, like, guy is
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: going to be mad at me. And then I have
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: parts that are like, oh, I did it wrong, and
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: John was too chatty, he talked too much, and Tammy
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: is is to talk the whole time. And then I'm like,
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: also know that Tammy doesn't care, and Tammy's.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: Happy to be here.
• 21:38
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and my my parts wants to I also was
• 21:40
  Speaker 5: noticing the time, and I was like, whenever you want
• 21:43
  Speaker 5: to say well, thank you for coming and blah blah
• 21:44
  Speaker 5: blah blah blah, I'm ready for you to do that,
• 21:47
  Speaker 5: knowing that I'll get to hang out with you again,
• 21:48
  Speaker 5: or I can email you, or I can say, hey,
• 21:50
  Speaker 5: let's hang out. So I was kind of already saying
• 21:52
  Speaker 5: to my parts, like, you can hang out with John
• 21:54
  Speaker 5: another time.
• 21:55
  Speaker 4: It's okay.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I love it that being said. You know, there,
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: there you have it.
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: I guess that's our conversation for today and we'll leave
• 22:04
  Speaker 3: it there, Timmy. Maybe just a little more about how
• 22:07
  Speaker 3: people can learn more about you, your show, your book,
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: all the things, and then yeah, how they can reach
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: out and connect with you.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 22:16
  Speaker 5: So if you go to Tammy Salimberger dot com, everything
• 22:19
  Speaker 5: is there. I just put out these new three, five
• 22:24
  Speaker 5: and seven minute meditations like for the one of you,
• 22:27
  Speaker 5: for the one inside who is embarrassed, for the one
• 22:30
  Speaker 5: inside who is worried about having a conversation. So this
• 22:33
  Speaker 5: is a new fun thing we're just kind of putting
• 22:35
  Speaker 5: out into the world. So if you go up to
• 22:36
  Speaker 5: my website, it has all the things.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: I love it.
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: We'll put links to that and thank you all for listening.
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: Go check out Timmy's stuff. And if you're interested in
• 22:45
  Speaker 3: my show, it's Going Inside, so you can just search
• 22:48
  Speaker 3: John Clark Going Inside, John Clark Therapy dot com and Tammy.
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much again.
• 22:55
  Speaker 4: Thanks Jan see you soon.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: Five Ke