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Bonus IMPROV - I'm a Big Scuba Person · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  welcome to friends like us bonus improv yes bonus improv
• 0:22
  Joe can we please get a suggestion
• 0:25
  debonair
• 0:27
  that's a fun word debonair is a fun word
• 0:32
  doesn't get used enough
• 0:34
  I'd say you're debonair Francis
• 0:36
  what does debonair mean
• 0:37
  um
• 0:38
  yeah I think of it as like a
• 0:41
  like a
• 0:42
  dashing's a probably a good
• 0:45
  way to think of it
• 0:47
  like I think of gentleman as being
• 0:49
  a gentleman being debonair
• 0:51
  confident stylish and charming yeah in parentheses typically used of a man
• 0:55
  yep oh and you find me to be debonair very and a man thanks yeah um thank you
• 1:02
  that hasn't got me anywhere got you here baby you think yeah i wouldn't be here if i wasn't
• 1:10
  debonair no wow do you think we'd be i'd do a podcast with somebody who's not debonair
• 1:14
  i just didn't know that was a requisite for podcasting now you know
• 1:20
  Wow.
• 1:21
  When I think debonair, I think pageants.
• 1:24
  Oh.
• 1:25
  Which I guess doesn't apply because it's mostly for men, right?
• 1:27
  Yeah.
• 1:29
  That's okay.
• 1:30
  I mean, it does have that same kind of, like, stately air to it.
• 1:35
  That makes me think of, like, Pride and Prejudice.
• 1:38
  And how, like, everyone was trying to marry their daughters off.
• 1:41
  You know?
• 1:42
  Yeah.
• 1:44
  We don't do that enough anymore.
• 1:48
  I know.
• 1:49
  Yeah, we should start having daughters and marry them off.
• 1:55
  Just to be trendsetters?
• 1:57
  Well, I think I could be a really good matchmaker.
• 2:01
  I could see that.
• 2:03
  I tried it in high school.
• 2:05
  There was this guy and this girl.
• 2:08
  I'm doing great.
• 2:09
  Yeah.
• 2:09
  And I was like, oh, these guys would be great for each other.
• 2:12
  And so I was friends with both of them.
• 2:15
  So in math class, they would bring their desks near me.
• 2:17
  And we were done with our math and we would talk.
• 2:19
  and I would like tee them up for conversation.
• 2:21
  And it was so cute to watch.
• 2:23
  And I was like, I could tell like he liked her
• 2:26
  and like she was being really nice.
• 2:27
  So one day I was like, oh, are you liking him?
• 2:29
  And she's like, no.
• 2:34
  Damn.
• 2:35
  I think it's because he was short.
• 2:38
  Oh no, he was a short king?
• 2:39
  Well, yeah, but it's like,
• 2:40
  I was doing such good work.
• 2:44
  You're the same height when you're sitting down.
• 2:46
  That's good.
• 2:47
  You spend most of your life sitting down.
• 2:49
  that science yep and now improv i i can believe it come to this i can believe i actually seeing a matchmaker but
• 3:09
  here i am oh don't be scared a lot of people are nervous i am i'm a little nervous but i'm also
• 3:16
  I gotta be honest
• 3:17
  I'm skeptical
• 3:19
  you don't believe
• 3:20
  I'm kind of doing this as like a last resort
• 3:24
  I
• 3:26
  I don't know I can't imagine
• 3:28
  you could find anyone that would
• 3:30
  meet my particular
• 3:32
  standards
• 3:33
  well if you don't mind me asking
• 3:36
  what are your standards
• 3:38
  well I want him to be
• 3:40
  nice and funny
• 3:42
  of course
• 3:43
  um
• 3:45
  I want him
• 3:46
  to
• 3:48
  be you know
• 3:49
  someone that's
• 3:50
  nice to his mother
• 3:51
  okay
• 3:52
  uh
• 3:53
  I love it
• 3:54
  if he loves dogs
• 3:55
  okay
• 3:56
  this is all
• 3:56
  normal great stuff
• 3:57
  if he had
• 3:58
  gills to breathe
• 3:59
  underwater
• 4:00
  that would be great
• 4:01
  oh okay
• 4:01
  can we back it up
• 4:02
  no the dogs
• 4:04
  is a kind of
• 4:04
  a non-negotiable
• 4:05
  for me
• 4:05
  yeah
• 4:06
  no
• 4:06
  okay we'll go
• 4:07
  forward a little
• 4:07
  did you say
• 4:09
  I'm sure you didn't
• 4:10
  though
• 4:11
  gills
• 4:11
  yeah
• 4:12
  mm-hmm
• 4:14
  you mean you want
• 4:15
  someone named gill no no no i'm not that particular no no he can be named whatever
• 4:20
  he's named okay okay then i'm not sure what you mean uh no i just i i want him to have gills to
• 4:25
  be able to breathe underwater um he's gotta love the ocean um more than the forest we're moving on
• 4:31
  but i'm not ready to do that because you're talking about a merman i don't know what the
• 4:38
  technical term for it is well people don't breathe underwater so some people must well
• 4:44
  let me tell you what I've been a matchmaker
• 4:47
  for 38 years and every
• 4:49
  single person I've ever met has gone like this
• 4:51
  no well you can
• 4:53
  do that too I want to be able to breathe on land as well
• 4:55
  okay I want them to be adaptable
• 4:57
  I want them to be able to
• 4:58
  I'm a big scuba person
• 5:01
  and so it's important for me
• 5:04
  and
• 5:05
  but here's the thing is
• 5:07
  I hate the way scuba gear looks
• 5:09
  on another human being
• 5:11
  it is instantly
• 5:13
  and irrevocably a turnoff for me.
• 5:16
  I know, it is unattractive.
• 5:18
  I get that.
• 5:18
  And so I would like someone to share my scuba interests,
• 5:22
  but I still want to be attracted to them after we scuba.
• 5:24
  Okay, can I just clarify one point?
• 5:27
  You want to wear the equipment
• 5:28
  and find someone who's okay with that.
• 5:31
  Yes.
• 5:34
  I'm one of the few people that actually looks cute in scuba gear.
• 5:36
  Oh, you look nice in the equipment.
• 5:38
  Yeah, no, I've had multiple men,
• 5:40
  after we've scuba
• 5:42
  try and like lean in for a kiss and be like
• 5:44
  you look so adorable under there and then I'm just
• 5:47
  like immediately I was like well no I seen you in scuba gear we are done we are done here I thought maybe you be the exception to the rule but you are not Good day sir
• 5:58
  That's happened to me every relationship I've ever had.
• 6:02
  Okay.
• 6:02
  Well, this is a tough one.
• 6:06
  You're the best, though.
• 6:07
  I know.
• 6:08
  I know I'm the best.
• 6:09
  You said 100% match success.
• 6:14
  Yeah.
• 6:15
  That's why I came to you.
• 6:17
  I know.
• 6:17
  And I put it in writing on my website, so you could sue me if this doesn't work out.
• 6:22
  I'm very litigious.
• 6:23
  I got that vibe from you.
• 6:25
  Thank you.
• 6:25
  Yeah.
• 6:26
  I've been trying to put it off.
• 6:28
  Put out that vibe.
• 6:29
  I'm getting suing vibes.
• 6:30
  Yeah.
• 6:30
  Yeah.
• 6:31
  Okay.
• 6:32
  Well, I think I had the perfect guy for you.
• 6:34
  Okay.
• 6:35
  All right.
• 6:36
  Cut to the date.
• 6:37
  Hi.
• 6:40
  Hey.
• 6:42
  Oh, you must be...
• 6:45
  You must be Doug?
• 6:47
  It is I, Doug.
• 6:50
  Hi, Doug.
• 6:52
  I'm sure the matchmaker told you.
• 6:54
  It's Jennifer?
• 6:56
  Yes.
• 6:58
  Oh.
• 6:59
  Jennifer.
• 7:01
  I like the sound of that.
• 7:03
  Yes.
• 7:05
  So, Doug, tell me a little bit about yourself.
• 7:10
  I swim.
• 7:13
  I breathe.
• 7:17
  Ooh.
• 7:19
  I free dive.
• 7:21
  Oh.
• 7:22
  No equipment.
• 7:24
  Whoa, Doug.
• 7:26
  No gills, though.
• 7:27
  Oh.
• 7:30
  No gills?
• 7:33
  No?
• 7:35
  No.
• 7:37
  Doug, I gotta be honest.
• 7:39
  Even though you're barely able to breathe on land.
• 7:42
  i i i specifically said gills bitch cut to the matchmaker's office
• 7:52
  damn i thought for sure because of the trach no you'd be into him no it's gotta have it's gotta
• 8:04
  have gills yeah well that's kind of like a gill it's not though it doesn't flap gently in the wind
• 8:10
  It flaps roughly.
• 8:12
  It doesn't really flap at all.
• 8:14
  They put it in there tight.
• 8:16
  Okay.
• 8:16
  I really don't want to be sued, but you're asking for someone to evolve beyond the point of humanity.
• 8:21
  That can't be true.
• 8:23
  Have you ever seen someone with gills?
• 8:26
  Okay.
• 8:26
  There was this one time I went into a really huge dark auditorium.
• 8:33
  There were other people sitting in chairs there.
• 8:35
  And then this screen came on and there was suddenly it was like we were peeking into an underground laboratory where there was a fish man underwater and there was a cleaning lady who couldn speak who fell in love with him And and they made their relationship work
• 8:56
  I just want to find a fish man like the cleaning lady in that movie.
• 9:02
  The one that couldn't speak.
• 9:04
  I hear it now.
• 9:06
  Movie.
• 9:07
  Movie.
• 9:07
  It was a movie.
• 9:08
  It was a movie.
• 9:09
  Oh no.
• 9:11
  I'm sorry.
• 9:11
  Was I tricked by the shape of water again?
• 9:13
  Yeah.
• 9:14
  That's Shyamalan, right?
• 9:16
  No.
• 9:16
  No, no.
• 9:18
  No, I think it was Alfonso Cuaron.
• 9:21
  Wow, it's weird that I know so much about that.
• 9:23
  No, it's not.
• 9:23
  No, it's...
• 9:24
  It's someone else.
• 9:30
  Sorry, your whole world is...
• 9:33
  Maybe you should go to the beach and reflect on all this.
• 9:37
  We should cut to the beach.
• 9:41
  What am I doing with my life?
• 9:44
  Excuse me.
• 9:47
  Yes?
• 9:48
  Miss?
• 9:48
  Yes, stranger?
• 9:50
  Can you come closer to the water?
• 9:53
  Oh, sure.
• 9:55
  I used to love the water, but now I don't know what I love anymore.
• 9:59
  You're mumbling out there.
• 9:59
  Come closer.
• 10:01
  Okay.
• 10:02
  Hey.
• 10:03
  Hey.
• 10:03
  Saw you from afar.
• 10:06
  Oh, yeah.
• 10:08
  I, oh.
• 10:09
  My name is Burial.
• 10:13
  Burial?
• 10:13
  That's so beautiful.
• 10:15
  Thank you.
• 10:16
  B-A-R-I-E-L.
• 10:19
  Not like burial.
• 10:23
  Not like B-U-R-I-A-L.
• 10:25
  Yes.
• 10:26
  No.
• 10:26
  Yes.
• 10:26
  Like Ariel with a B.
• 10:28
  Yes.
• 10:29
  I just noticed you.
• 10:30
  And you look so attractive.
• 10:33
  Well, thank you.
• 10:35
  Here, stand up and come.
• 10:37
  I can't.
• 10:38
  What?
• 10:39
  I can't stand up.
• 10:42
  Burial.
• 10:42
  What do you mean?
• 10:43
  You can't stand up.
• 10:44
  I'm, this is hard.
• 10:46
  It's just really hard to talk about, but I will, uh, put your hand under the water.
• 10:51
  I want you to feel something.
• 10:53
  Okay.
• 10:54
  You have kind eyes.
• 10:56
  So I'm assuming this is not at all weird.
• 11:01
  I'm not a perv.
• 11:02
  I didn't think you were.
• 11:03
  No.
• 11:04
  You look like the most not pervert I've ever seen someone look, actually.
• 11:08
  You really mean that?
• 11:10
  Yeah, I do.
• 11:11
  you're saying that you're opening your heart finally
• 11:14
  to trust
• 11:15
  burial look at me
• 11:18
  and now watch my hand as it goes
• 11:20
  underwater
• 11:20
  okay it's under there now
• 11:24
  that's my penis
• 11:27
  I haven't seen that
• 11:41
  You