Latest / I Do, Part 2 / DeAnna’s Dating Dilemma

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DeAnna’s Dating Dilemma · I Do, Part 2

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: iHeart podcasts bring you the ultimate summer of love tree.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: This is Famously Available. Hi, it's Kathy Schwartz.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: And I'm Deanna Stagliano and.
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: We are back with Famously Available and we are just
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: getting ready to dive back into all things about dating
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: with some more girl chat.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: All right, So I know we're all going to be
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: at jingle Ball. You're going to be there. You've had
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: the pleasure of already seeing me go on one date.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: I got to tell you that looked so I'm I
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: don't know even at my age. You put a man
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: in front of me and let me talk to him
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: for five minutes. When I see his eyes and his smile,
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: I can tell you whether I'm interested in the second day.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: That's how quickly I can do it. But it was
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: painful to watch you because you clear in my mind
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: you clearly were not interested in that date that you had.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Well, I won't I won't go back because we already
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: did a podcast over that. But I think you're right, Kathy.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I think I realized pretty early on. It also was
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: a It was also was a weird scenario, you know
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: what I mean. It's not like it's like you go
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: out to dinner with one guy and get to yeah,
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, different scenario, like all the
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: friends were there who were right, Which is why I'm
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: also I feel a little apprehensive now about bringing this
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: one because he's okay. No one on the podcast introduced
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: me to him. He's somebody that I met myself. A
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: lot of our friends do not know that we have
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: been seeing each other. So then to bring him to
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: such a public event.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: Well but it's well, it's not going to be. I
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: don't think you and he would be on camera. I
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: just had a brilliant idea. This is Kathy, this is
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: my min mind works. You bring him, and you bring him,
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: and you know, we don't nobody don't know who he is.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: We won't put one camera, we won't say his name.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: And then they can reach out to the East Coast
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: guy and ask him if he wants to come and
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: have a second date with me, a third date I
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: guess would be and then if he isn't nice to me,
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: you all could torture him.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: No, we're not bringing him back, Kathy, because you're worth
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: more than what he gave. You are worth more than
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: what he gave to you. We're not bringing him back.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: I'm not even going to stand for it because now
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: I have a tainted little taste in my mouth for him.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: So we can't have him back. We need to set
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: you up with someone fresh and new.
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: Are you? Have you been doing dating apps?
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: I did dating apps, I guess about a year ago.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: I haven't been on them in over a year. Okay,
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: it's a show, don't do it.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: Wait, wait, I have to tell you. I don't know
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: if you know this, but Joan and Susan and Nancy,
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: all from my season with Golden Bats for one, all
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: came to Austin like three weeks ago.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: I saw.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: Okay, we had a blast. But one of the things, uh,
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: Susan and Joan were harassing Nancy and me. You've got
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: to get on a dating site. I said, guys, it's brutal.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: It is brutal, and Nancy's younger than I am, and
• 2:48
  Speaker 2: it's still brutal. So just you know, one too many
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: glasses of wine, and we said, we said uncle. We
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: got on and then we spent the rest of night
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: going really all literally. We took turns holding up guys
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: pictures that were fifty pounds overweight, holding up dead fish
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: with bear cans, ball caps backwards, you know, ridiculous, or
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: thirty year olds that said, hey, you know you do
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: want to be my baby mama. I mean, it was
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: the whole thing. We died laughing. It is. So, I
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: do not think that online dating works.
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: So here's the thing. I did do it for a
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: period of time. I did go on a few dates.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: One guy I dated off and on for about a
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: year and a half, off and on. Wow, I did
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: date another guy who I still keep in touch with
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: to this day, who's he's super nice. You know, Yeah,
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: I think it can be good. But I am with you, Kathy,
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: where I would really like to meet someone the old
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: fashioned way, And I would say in my age group
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: in particular, what I found from the dating apps were
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: just a bunch of men who wanted to have sex.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: That's all it was. Yeah, men these days are so
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: quick to send you pictures of their private parts they
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: fast forward, or you just get the ones who aren't
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: real and just want to message you for a month
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: on end.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: Well they really like you to send a check to
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: them for you know.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: Right or that, or it's just some old man who's
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: married at home at diaanes board, you know, what I mean.
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: You know, I'm ready for advice on this because honestly,
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: I get out, I have friends, I got, I go
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: out for dinner, I go out to bars, I do.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: I do a lot of dating. I'll give myself a
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: lot of opportunities to date. But the thing where I
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: need help is how do you how do you meet
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: men organically? I think it's where you could give me
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: some advice because you've been around. I mean I've been around,
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: but I've been married, you know, for a long time too.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know, Kathy. I do believe that you
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: should give the dating apps a shot. I believe that
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: you are putting yourself out there. I also as cuckoo
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: as the sounds like, let everybody call it what it
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: is like. I believe we're all destined for a path,
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: and it may just not be in your path right now. Kathy,
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: you are meant for so something else. You are meant
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: to do all of these things right you did, You
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: did the Gold Baster, then you did Paradise, now you're
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: doing this podcast. You know what I mean? There could
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: be a point in your life that you are destined
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: for more and you are not fully open into a
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: space to have someone. I'm not God. I'm not going
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: to tell you what that is, but these are the
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: things that go on in my twisted mind. Whatever my
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: path is, I just want to be on that.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: Well, let me ask you, do you ever think I mean?
• 5:24
  Speaker 2: I will tell you the thought has crossed my mind
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: that I am. People always accuse me of being friends
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: of friend zoning men. I don't think I do. But
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: maybe maybe that's maybe that is my path. I don't know,
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: but I know that where I was when I was
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: your age and when I was in my thirties, I
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: wanted that man twenty four to seven. That is something
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: that I'm now thinking about. Do I want a man
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: twenty four to seven? Do I want a man to
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: live with me? Or do I like waking up and
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: reading my book in my bed sometimes till ten in
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: the morning, you know, or going to bed and I
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: want to go to bed. But I do think it
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: our age, at my age, a relationship can look differently.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: Do you feel like it ken at your age or not?
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: Absolutely? And I've shared this multiple multiple times on the podcast.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: Is that I A. I don't know. I definitely don't
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: want more children. B. I don't know that I want
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: marriage and also seeing like I don't know that I
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: want to cohabitate.
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: With anyone permanently or at all.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm really on the fence about that.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: See I would cohabitate. I don't think I need to
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: live with someone full time. Susan from our show, you
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: know she has a long distance boyfriend. I think that's
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: I don't think I could do that. Like, I know
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: the parameters that I have. I if I dated a
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: guy that's in California, I would jump in that. I'm sorry,
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: I have to rewind my brain. Gary Teresa, Joan and
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: Chalk and mel and Peg three couples who to this.
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: I mean one's divorced. But the issue is always around
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: living in the same town and moving, and I actually
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: don't have that issue. I would move wherever, and then
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: I would come back, keep my home here and go
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: back and forth. I think what I'm trying to say
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: is I am much more flexible now because I don't
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: have children at home like you do. I would think
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: i'd be. But here's the rub. And I was talking
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: to my guy friend about this the other day. He said, well,
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: maybe you're just looking for friends with benefits. I said no, no, no,
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: I want the commitment I want, but it doesn't mean
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: I have to spend twenty four seven with you. It
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: doesn't mean I want you to live in Paris and
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: I'm living in Texas. But I feel like I'm so
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: open to an evolved relationship because my kids are grown,
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: because I'm retired, and I don't know if you're in
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: that space or not. Well, obviously you're not tired. I'm saying,
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you're in the space of looking
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: at a relationship differently than you marriage.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: Here's the thing I have been struggling with this as
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: I've been dipping my toe back into dating because I'm
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: so used to. Obviously, I was with my ex husband
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: for over fifteen years, right, that's a long time. It's
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: a large chunk of my life. I find personally that
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: as women, we are raised and in our generation, it
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: was you find a man, you take care of a home,
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: you birthed his babies, you're barefoot and pregnant, and you
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: take care of him.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: That's my generation. You're saying, that's your generation.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: I'm on the cusp of whether that was right or wrong.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: The matter is, Kathy, I never felt that in my soul.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: I always wanted more. I did not want to give
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: up the chance to have a career. I wanted a husband.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: I was on the fence for a while about kids,
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: but I love my children. But I never ever was
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: fully comfortable being him the traditional values of what people
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: interpret the Bible to say, man is the leader of
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: the home, the women is subordinate, and then everything else
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: in line. I never felt really comfortable with that. That's
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: just like, to my core, that's not how it is.
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: That's just not how I feel. That's not the relationship
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: that I want. I do, on the other hand, believe
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: that we are built for partnership and companionship. I do
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: believe in monogamy. I do absolutely believe in that. I
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: believe that the Lord designed us to have partnership, to
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: refine ourselves and be able to live a life with
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: another human being. Now let me get twisted for a second.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: I also believe we can have many great loves of
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: our life. Right. I have had that young, crazy love, right,
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: that high school sweetheart. I've had that. I loved that
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: man more than like me too. It was the sick part,
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: the butterflies, you know what I mean, That unhealthy love
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: where I was just like I needed him. I couldn't.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: I couldn't. I had to be with him like it
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: gave me the butterflies, that gave me, the craziness, it
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: gave me all of those things. I've had the mid twenties.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Love where I was really unsure. I've had that when
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: I met my ex husband, the one that I thought
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: was going to change my life. This one was it.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: This one was the one the person that I chose
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: to be my partner and have children with. So I
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: am sharing that with you in a sense that like
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: I think this is where I'm getting confused in dating
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: right now, because I don't have that piece when the
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: few people that I have dated to where they come
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: in and they blow me away. But I believe that
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: is because I am different, I have matured. I am
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: in a place in my life just like you that
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: I don't really need a man, do you know what
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: I mean. I don't need the kids, I don't need
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: the diamonds. I can buy them on my own. It
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: is a desire to have someone to share my life with.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: So therefore I am confusing the two because I have
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: had the opportunity to date some really great guys. The
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: guy that I saw off and on for a year
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: and a half, he was wonderful, and he was emotionally
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: safe and great in bed, all of the wonderful things.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: But in the long run we did not line up
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: for me what I felt was going to last a
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: period of time.
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: This man well so and therein I think that is
• 11:15
  Speaker 2: maybe a difference in age or maybe again I don't know.
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: And you have both, Bathy. Can you have someone who's
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: really wonderful, who shows up and devis you an amazing
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: bouquet of flowers, who takes care of you, who takes
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: you out to dinner, who never asked you to pay
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: for a dime, and is also amazing in bed? Or
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: do you have to choose? Do you have to pick
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: one or the other?
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: Who knows? But I think maybe again, our experiences to
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: help define who we are. Our past helps define who
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: we are in the present and our future. So I
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: think your situation was very different than mine. I think
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: maybe that's why you're struggling to jump into this, because
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: you don't want to have what you had before, and
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: you see that as a negative, like it was rough,
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: I look at the positive. I don't know for me
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: not that my marriage was perfect. You show me a
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: perfect marriage, and I'll show you two liars. But but
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: I had a good marriage and a great man. Having
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: said that, where I look as is this vessel. I'm
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: an open vessel now, and I'm looking for that person
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: who will walk with me, who will enjoy things with me,
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: because I'm at a time in my life that I
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: can do that. I don't need any more diamonds. I
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: don't need all that. I don't need all the trappings need.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: I don't need a guy who's living on Social Security
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: alone either. But I'm saying, but Ben asked me that.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: He said, well, I said, I'm looking for the guy
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: to spend this last great chapter with. He said, why
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: does it have to be one guy? I'll tell you why,
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: because I believe that for me, I'm not interested in
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: serial dating. I'm interested in a monogamous relationship. And if
• 12:56
  Speaker 2: i have a monogamous relationship, I feel like I'm old
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: enough to know when I find the right one, I'll
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: know that he's right because I'm taking all those past
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: experiences I've had into this relationship. And that's why for me,
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: when I go out on a date with a guy,
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: I can tell you very quickly whether there's And that's
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: why this guy East Coast guy, that's why he's still
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: in my head, because I could see a future with him.
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: I could see. It's just you know, timings, everything kind
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: of thing.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: Not the right time, Kathy. Maybe he will pop in
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: and it'll feel right. Maybe now is just not the
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: right time.
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: You know what.
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: Here's the thing. You're a freaking catch, Kathy, and who
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: am I? And we're at a point in our lives
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: that we do get to be picky, right. We're not
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: trying to have someone's babies, We're not trying to get
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: me here.
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: But wait a minute, you're just I've got I gotta
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: call you on this. Danna. I calling you Danna for
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: everybody out there. I call her Dianna because my sister
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: in the last name is Dianna, not Deanna. So now
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: I'm going back to d you. It seemingly have this guy.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: So what is in your way here?
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: I'm in my own way because I think too much,
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: because I don't want to ruin a friendship, because I'm
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: scared about the age difference. I'm in my own way.
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah, won't know unless you jump in and try.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: Here's the thing, he's very patient. I haven't scared him
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: off yet, and I am one thousand percent. Everything that
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: I am telling you are things that I have said
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: to him. I would not be saying anything to you
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: right now that I have not already brought to his attention.
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: So if he knows this about you, and he's still willing,
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: he's he's in, I should tell you who he's in.
• 14:31
  Speaker 2: I know. Here's the thing. You you're clearly reticent to
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: jump in with this guy, and you keep saying you
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: don't want to lose the friendship. We started this whole
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: podcast with you going on about all your fabulous friends
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: that you spent and yes, albeit girlfriends. What makes this
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: friendship with him? It's so special that you're afraid to
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: quote unquote risk it.
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: I think because we have mutual friends, do you know
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: what I mean? And I am traumatized by a divorce.
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: Oh, so could get messy. It's not really the friendship.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: It could get messy.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what. There's so much fallout with divorce,
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: like friends that chose sides, friends that I don't speak
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: to anymore, and those were it wasn't just the loss
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: of my marriage. It was the loss of family, it
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: was a loss of friendship. I grieved on multiple levels.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: That was so very hard for me. And it's the
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: same thing with this. We have mutual friends, we see
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: each other pretty frequently, and a lot of our mutual
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: friends do not know that we have moved into more
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: of a dating.
• 15:40
  Speaker 2: So you see it sort of as a then diagram
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: that we're going to grow trees out of this branches
• 15:45
  Speaker 2: and you don't want to cut off branches.
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: And it's all out scares me if it doesn't work out.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: If I wake up tomorrow and I'm like, ah, man,
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: I don't know your age difference, I'm scared to see
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: you naked, you know what I mean? Like the age
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: difference really gets to me, Like.
• 15:56
  Speaker 2: Okay, now you're hetting close to home here. Would you
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: talk about it? I don't know. I will say to
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: you that if that's how you feel, you're always it
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: seems like you're going to find it a reason the
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: next guy you know maybe doesn't know your friends and
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: and you know, I mean.
• 16:15
  Speaker 1: Right, or I get to decide that I don't want to.
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: So we said this before. There are lessons and everything.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: This this man, for whatever reason, is meant to teach
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: me lessons and he has been really wonderful to me.
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: He does he live in the same town he does?
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, not far from her.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: Yes, seriously, I know, I know, I know.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: He's really great.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: Okay, I need you to bring him to jingle Ball
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: so I can have a little chat with him, because
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: I'm a.
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: It terrifies me to bring him around other people. Uh,
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: the judgment from others really terrifies me. Are they going
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: to think he's good enough? Are they going to think
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: he's good looking enough? They? Are they going to think
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: I'm good enough for him?
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: Guess what? Guess what matters? Guess what matters? I'm being
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: your mother. What matters is do you think he's good
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: enough for you? And does he think you're good enough
• 17:03
  Speaker 2: for him? It matters what you guys think of each other.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: That's girl talk. That is girl chat right there, and.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: The same thing to him. You also get to decide
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: this is not a one way street.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: He did decide, Dary, He has decided. So you know,
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: now you're going to have to strap on your big
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: girl boots here and decide, you know, whether or not
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: you're willing to go down the road. But as someone
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: who would love the opportunity of going down the road.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: I'm saying, not thinking, what the hell is wrong with you?
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: Not?
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: And there's nothing wrong with you, by the way, with me, Kathy, No,
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: can we be positive here? Can we be positive?
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: I say that in the best way.
• 17:40
  Speaker 2: Well, we all have issues. But do you have this
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: guy who is sending you flowers, who is calling you,
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: who knows what you do for a living, who is
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: saying I know you, I know all your foibles, I
• 17:52
  Speaker 2: know your children, I know your friends, and I want
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: to go down this road with you. And you're sitting
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: there saying, you know what are you on Aisle one?
• 17:58
  Speaker 2: Are you the guy? And I yeah, but maybe on
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: Aisle six, this guy is standing at the checkout line
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: waiting for you. What you know? You gotta think of that.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: It's me, Kathy, I am holding back. What if it's
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: not all there?
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: The friendship is really great. We have wonderful conversations.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: I will like, you've already wait, you've already made it
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: a foregone conclusion, which I think is wrong. By the way,
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: that should you date him, Let's go call him Joe
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: Supermarket Joe. We've heard that before. Let's just say you
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: date Joe, and then three months in, you know what,
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: you as an adult and a beautiful, strong woman, and
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: Joe over there can say, you know what, we tried,
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: but we're going to go back to being friends. That's
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: where our lane is, that's where we fit best. And
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: you know what, your other friends are going to support
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: that because they love you and they care about you,
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: so don't I would encourage you to not blame what
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: if this? What if that? You never know unless you
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: go down the road of trying. And a year from now,
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: I hope we're sitting on this podcast and you're saying,
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: I can't believe it worked out. I can't believe you.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: Remember a year ago, Kathy, when I was saying I
• 19:05
  Speaker 2: was so afraid, you know, to go down that road
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: with him, all of those things. It could be everything
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: you want, all wrapped into one little package. Great sex,
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: great romance, a guy who cares about you, will treat
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: you well, who will love your children, who will do
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: the dishes, He'll bring you coffee in bed, whatever it
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: is your dreams are. He could be just standing there,
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: you know, waiting for you to wake up.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: I know, and it's only I am scared. I am scared.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: I am one hundred percent scared.
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: I am Well, you're the only one that can change you,
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: my darling.
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: I know. Do you get all of it? Kathy? Do
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: you get every bit?
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: Do you get the we never get every bit? D
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: nobody does?
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: Asking you what do I have to figure out? In
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: places where like that's not as important to me?
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: Do you get You're like, you'll know you're not even
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: giving him the chance to show you. For example, maybe
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: your thing is and I'm being funny here, but maybe
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: your thing is. I can't stand it when my husband
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: left the dishes on the sink and didn't put him
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: the dishwasher. And now you're with this guy. You're rolling
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: out of bed. You know, he bought you a great
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: Christmas present. You're you're on a week's vacation in Port
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: of Iarta, and you know what, You get home and
• 20:19
  Speaker 2: he leaves the dishes in the sink and you'll sit
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: there laugh and why did ever think that was such
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: a big thing? Because he'll give you enough of everything
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: else you want. I'm trying to get you to think
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: on the positive side here. Stop looking for pitfall, Stop
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: looking for the train wreck that isn't there. Let me
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: ask you have you kissed him yet?
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: I have it?
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: Can he kiss Yeah? It's good?
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah it was good.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: Well, you know what if his kissing's good, as you
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: move down, he's probably just fine. I mean, give it
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: a chance. I want you to give it a chance.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: You know, there's a lot of fish in the CD,
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: but a lot of them are carp and you know
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: you found this beautiful eel stare. I mean, I'm trying
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: to think of a pretty fish. You know. He's standing
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: there saying come on, come on, and you're sitting here
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: giving me a thousand reasons why you shouldn't try. I'm saying,
• 21:13
  Speaker 2: you only have one reason to try.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: I do many things. Well. I can do this and
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: put my life out there and be really vulnerable, really
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: well to a bunch of people who I don't know
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: who are listening to our podcast. I can do it
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: with you in the most intimate places in my life.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: The walls are really thick. Those are the hardest ones
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: to come down. I can be open and honest with
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: you and go on a television show and do a
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: podcast and do all of that and be true to
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: myself and all of those aspects. But then you put
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: me in a situation where exactly what I am hoping
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: for shows up and the walls are so thick because
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: I'm really scared. I'm really really scared.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: Let's reverse the tables here for a second. What I
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: this for me? What if the tables returned and I
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: was saying, de I met this guy, he said in
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: the most gorgeou boy I'm gonna put out. I'm putting
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: this out at the university of it happens. I met
• 22:07
  Speaker 2: this great guy. He's a great kisser. He's a little bit.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: He's twelve years younger than I am. Let's just yeah,
• 22:16
  Speaker 2: he's twelve years younger. But he sent me flowers. He
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: loves me. We have mutual friends. But I'm so afraid.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: What would you tell me to do?
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: I would tell you to go for it.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: Hello, I know, get that beautiful mirror, mirror on the wall,
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: look at it and say I can do this because
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: the upside potential D is amazing. Like this is what
• 22:36
  Speaker 2: By the way, this is what women do. I think,
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: which makes women's friendships different from men's. I think I
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: am supporting you because I think you are a lovely
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: kind you have so much to offer, and I'm encouraging
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: you to go down this road and be vulnerable because
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: this may be the guy at the checkout stand. You
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: know he may be, and if you don't take the risk,
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: you're never going to know. And so thank you, Kathy.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: It is easy for me, as my friend to take
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: those compliments. It is easy for me. It is easy
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: for me to project that and say I know that
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: I'm a real catch. It is not easy for me
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: in an intimate relationship like that, to accept that, to
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: allow someone to treat me.
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: We are going to continue working on that, because you
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: know what it's getting to be. The end of the
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: year twenty twenty six is around the corner. Do you
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: have any New Year's resolutions?
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: No, I don't do resolutions, and I have welcomed a
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: new year. I have been ready to wash the last
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: year off of me, let it be gone. I am
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: welcoming a new year. I believe that I am as
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: close to my path as my soul's purpose is supposed
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: to be.
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: Well, you're going to get closer if that guy comes
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: to the jingle ball. I'm going to make sure of it.
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: But it's funny you say that I don't have any resolutions.
• 23:54
  Speaker 2: I just hope that this has been a great year
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: for me, even though I haven't, you know, found the
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: person that's going to walk with me down that Sunnybrook road.
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: But I've had lots of great experiences, and that's what
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: I want in twenty twenty six. And I think what
• 24:10
  Speaker 2: I realized with each passing year. It's on me to
• 24:14
  Speaker 2: make every year great, every day great. I can't rely
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: on somebody else. I don't rely on my kids or
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: my friends. I look to myself to make my days
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: and my year's the best they can be.
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: You're freaking catch, Kathy, Well, so are you. It's in
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: the cards for both of us. You are a freaking catch.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: We are a freaking catch.
• 24:35
  Speaker 2: Well, I think the king in the deck has found you.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: So well, let's not put the car before the horse. Okay,
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: everybody slow down. We'll see if I bring him to
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: Jingo bol.
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: Or not keed. All right, So, so tell me what
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: you want in the new year. I know you don't
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: make resolutions, but tell me tell me. What I would
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: like to see happen to be in the new year
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: is finish that sentence.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: What I would like to see to me in the
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: new year is peace. I would like peace in my life.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: I am tired of the highs and I am tired
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: of lows. I want to finally, for the first time
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: in my life, be riding at a level pace that's
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: never happened for me ever.
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: Wow, No, yeah, I think for me what I want
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: in the new year is continued good health and opportunities
• 25:25
  Speaker 2: to just keep enjoying life and obviously you know, finding
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: that person, but just keep having experiences that where I can,
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: I can want be a One of the things that
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: I've liked in last year is people coming up to
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: me and saying I've given them hope. I like being
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: that beacon of light that shows people who are golden
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: that there is life after sixty, there is life after seventy.
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: So I want to keep doing that. My wish is
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: for you. I'm going to tell you what my wish
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: for you is that you will find a way to
• 25:59
  Speaker 2: calm the fear in your brain and take some good
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: risks for yourself.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: Thanks, Kathy, I love you.
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: I love you too.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to seeing you in a couple of
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: weeks when we are on a date together with someone else.
• 26:15
  Speaker 2: Well, you and one thing I can be sure of
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: you and I are not going on a date, but.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: We don't have a romantic relationship, but we get to
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: be friends the best time ever.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: You're right and I wish you a very happy Thanksgiving
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: you and your family, and I cannot wait to see
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: at jingle Ball.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: Me too, Kathy. This is so wonderful to see you.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: Happy Thanksgiving.
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: Love, Thanks Weedie