Latest / The Parenting Podcast / Family Media Plan: A Blueprint in the Digital Age | Ep. 98

Transcript

Family Media Plan: A Blueprint in the Digital Age | Ep. 98 · The Parenting Podcast

• 0:06
  Hello, dear parents, I'm Cheryl Lang, your host, and I'm delighted to welcome you to another episode of the Parenting Podcast.
• 0:15
  We here at TPP are your partners, supporting you as the guiding force in your family's journey through the ever evolving online arena.
• 0:26
  On today's episode, we take a closer look into the intricacies of crafting your family's media plan, a task that goes beyond just setting rules.
• 0:38
  It's about fostering a culture within your family.
• 0:42
  One that's characterized by balance and an awareness of the digital world's challenges.
• 0:49
  During our conversation, we will touch on vital topics such as safeguarding your family's privacy.
• 0:56
  Setting thoughtful boundaries and recognizing and mitigating online risks.
• 1:02
  From ever present clickbait to catfishing and the impacts of social media.
• 1:09
  Although the cyber realm can feel intimidating, please remember that you are not alone on this journey.
• 1:15
  Our aim is to equip you with knowledge and strategies to help you confidently navigate your family through the digital sphere.
• 1:24
  Together, we want to ensure your family's media plan isn't merely a list of do's and don'ts.
• 1:31
  and don'ts, but a pathway to bonding and connecting with your loved ones.
• 1:36
  So get comfy and let's jump into this important discussion.
• 1:47
  Ellen: It's kind of been a busy week, just kind of getting organized with different things.
• 1:51
  Ellen: But I was laughing because I was actually watching the news or something came across my feet.
• 1:56
  Ellen: I don't know what it was.
• 1:57
  Ellen: But, um...
• 1:58
  Cheryl: Oh, you were on media?
• 1:59
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 2:00
  Cheryl: I was
• 2:00
  Ellen: on media.
• 2:01
  Ellen: This is how I got these juicy facts.
• 2:02
  Ellen: Uh huh.
• 2:03
  Ellen: Well, poor Tom Hanks.
• 2:05
  Ellen: Yes.
• 2:05
  Ellen: Because of the influx of AI and the capacities of AI, which is a whole different discussion in itself.
• 2:12
  Ellen: Uh huh.
• 2:13
  Ellen: Um, somebody programmed their AI to completely do Tom Hanks.
• 2:18
  Ellen: What?
• 2:19
  Ellen: Looked exactly like him.
• 2:20
  Ellen: Same mouth movements, his voice.
• 2:23
  Christie: Do you like make a video?
• 2:24
  Cheryl: Yeah, he's doing commercial.
• 2:26
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 2:26
  Cheryl: Some dental plan.
• 2:27
  Ellen: Yes.
• 2:27
  Ellen: And so, you
• 2:28
  Cheryl: know, Tom Hanks telling you, I love this dental plan.
• 2:31
  Cheryl: You
• 2:34
  Ellen: should get it.
• 2:34
  Ellen: And he had to come out.
• 2:35
  Ellen: He's pretty sour when he came out like I did.
• 2:37
  Ellen: That was not me.
• 2:39
  Ellen: But, but that was part of the actor strike that's been going on.
• 2:44
  Ellen: That's part of what it is, is the AI and making sure people, because they can just take a character, do the AI portion.
• 2:52
  Ellen: And you think you're watching,
• 2:54
  Cheryl: well, Tom Hanks, like CGI, what they could do.
• 2:58
  Cheryl: It's now available so much.
• 3:01
  Cheryl: This is a big deal here.
• 3:03
  Cheryl: I mean, media is changing every single day.
• 3:05
  Cheryl: I mean, it's just the whole world.
• 3:07
  Cheryl: Uh, and.
• 3:09
  Cheryl: He was sort of the first famous person that got COVID back in the day.
• 3:14
  Cheryl: Yeah, yeah, I remember that Australia.
• 3:16
  Cheryl: So he was sort of the, you know, Tom is Mr.
• 3:19
  Cheryl: Every day.
• 3:20
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 3:20
  Cheryl: And he was everybody likes it pulled us into COVID.
• 3:24
  Cheryl: And then now he's the first victim.
• 3:28
  Christie: We need to have him on our watch list because he was also the first one.
• 3:32
  Christie: I think.
• 3:33
  Christie: One of the first ones to do the CGI with Polar Express where they put the little things all over his face to make him into an animated character.
• 3:42
  Christie: And yeah, when he got COVID, my kids were like, Oh, now this is serious.
• 3:47
  Christie: Somebody turn on the news.
• 3:48
  Cheryl: Well, it's the same thing with AI.
• 3:50
  Cheryl: This has really gotten attention.
• 3:52
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 3:52
  Cheryl: Besides the geek, because geeks, well, the geeks have been
• 3:55
  Ellen: warning us, but now we got to see what they were talking about and how dangerous that's going to be in the future.
• 4:01
  Ellen: If we don't have some regulations on AI,
• 4:03
  Cheryl: definitely.
• 4:04
  Cheryl: So we want to definitely assure our listeners that this is real.
• 4:08
  Cheryl: We are not AI
• 4:12
  Christie: generated conversation.
• 4:12
  Christie: they may, they may want this peek behind the curtain.
• 4:14
  Christie: Remember we recorded an AI episode, but before we could get it out, it was outdated.
• 4:20
  Christie: That's how fast things are changing.
• 4:22
  Christie: So, yeah.
• 4:23
  Christie: And
• 4:23
  Cheryl: it's been outdated, like, 6 times.
• 4:26
  Christie: You'd laugh if you heard it.
• 4:29
  Cheryl: it was just back
• 4:30
  Ellen: four months ago,
• 4:31
  Cheryl: when we did It's Now Outdated.
• 4:33
  Cheryl: Just after it.
• 4:37
  Cheryl: It was released and so we thought, Oh, we'll be cutting edge and had it ready, but it was outdated.
• 4:43
  Cheryl: So yeah, stay ahead of it.
• 4:45
  Cheryl: It is really something.
• 4:46
  Ellen: And it's be interesting to see what
• 4:47
  Christie: the future holds.
• 4:48
  Christie: Interesting.
• 4:49
  Christie: I don't know if that's the word I'm going to use.
• 4:52
  Cheryl: So we're going to get back to our conversation.
• 4:55
  Cheryl: We've been had several episodes, y'all, where we've been talking about what to do.
• 5:01
  Cheryl: about screens, devices, media, and as you know, we've, we suggested parents, you become the media mentor in your family.
• 5:10
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 5:10
  Cheryl: I love that term.
• 5:11
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 5:12
  Cheryl: And then we've said what we would recommend is you come up with a media plan.
• 5:16
  Cheryl: So we began last time with some ideas to incorporate.
• 5:21
  Cheryl: And yes, I want us to get back and do some more of those.
• 5:25
  Cheryl: And again, lay the groundwork.
• 5:27
  Cheryl: That we're not trying to say do these 17 things hard and fast and it will take care of all the issues.
• 5:35
  Cheryl: Right.
• 5:35
  Cheryl: But we want to equip you parents so you can equip your families.
• 5:39
  Cheryl: And pick
• 5:39
  Ellen: what works for you.
• 5:41
  Ellen: Yes.
• 5:41
  Ellen: And at what level it works.
• 5:42
  Ellen: For one family it might be a little more to the right, another family a little more to the left.
• 5:47
  Ellen: But whatever works for you, figure that out when you're getting ready to Right.
• 5:52
  Christie: Take it with your family's dynamics.
• 5:54
  Christie: Yes.
• 5:54
  Cheryl: That's it.
• 5:55
  Cheryl: Family dynamics and your philosophy and what you're, whether you have, again, if you have little ones, it's one situation.
• 6:02
  Cheryl: If you have olders who've been on screens for 10 years or they're in the releasing years, it's, different Right we've talked last time about trying to be balanced and that's what we're going to talk.
• 6:14
  Cheryl: Right.
• 6:14
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 6:15
  Cheryl: We're just encouraging you ideas for you to form your own family plan.
• 6:19
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 6:19
  Christie: And again, just with intentionality, I, I'm so jealous of parents today having the advantage of making a plan.
• 6:26
  Christie: I feel like this is where we really, in our house, we were just floundering because everything was coming out so fast.
• 6:32
  Christie: We didn't know what to do.
• 6:33
  Christie: We thought it was all fun.
• 6:34
  Christie: And then we see all, you know, kind of like we just talked about with the AI.
• 6:37
  Christie: So the, the ability to make a plan and being intentional is really,
• 6:42
  Ellen: Rather than the tidal wave hit you
• 6:44
  Christie: and you're trying to not
• 6:45
  Cheryl: drown.
• 6:46
  Cheryl: Right.
• 6:47
  Cheryl: Well, if you've been listening to TPP for a while, you know that we're always talking about conversations, whatever the issues have a conversation about it, Right.
• 6:56
  Cheryl: Yes that's very important, and this is an area to talk about not just the event, like AI.
• 7:04
  Cheryl: but approaching it as a intentional ongoing conversation.
• 7:09
  Ellen: Well, yeah, I think that's a really almost every day.
• 7:13
  Ellen: Around the dinner table, you can have your, what was your virtual journey today, you know, and debrief.
• 7:20
  Ellen: Yes.
• 7:20
  Ellen: Yeah, because you would normally at the table might say, Oh, I watched the show on television.
• 7:27
  Ellen: Now we're in a different area era where it's not now just different types of media.
• 7:32
  Ellen: But oh, this is what I've found today on the internet.
• 7:35
  Ellen: It was really interesting, right?
• 7:36
  Cheryl: See, that's what I love that idea.
• 7:38
  Cheryl: I never would have thought of it because you're talking.
• 7:41
  Cheryl: How was your day?
• 7:42
  Cheryl: Oh, well, this happened in soccer.
• 7:44
  Cheryl: This happened in my class or my friend hurt my feelings and you know, Just those kind of conversations, but that to intentionally now start talking about our virtual worlds, or you
• 7:57
  Ellen: can just annoy your spouse by going, honey, you got to see this is the funniest video, right?
• 8:02
  Ellen: And he's like, uh,
• 8:05
  Christie: I've probably already bombarded him with 14 memes today,
• 8:10
  Cheryl: because it's sort of private, because you're on your phone, right?
• 8:15
  Cheryl: Or your watch, or your, Laptop and it ends up being sort of my own private thing.
• 8:22
  Cheryl: And if we don't introduce it as we're gonna talk about, right.
• 8:25
  Cheryl: Not just the usage of it and our philosophy, but actually share from what we've experienced.
• 8:31
  Cheryl: Mm-hmm.
• 8:31
  Cheryl: even if it's sponge, SpongeBob square pants.
• 8:34
  Cheryl: Right.
• 8:35
  Cheryl: Oh, guess what?
• 8:35
  Cheryl: Today he, Right.
• 8:36
  Cheryl: That because what you're
• 8:37
  Ellen: watching is not inclusive with everyone else.
• 8:40
  Ellen: That's right.
• 8:40
  Ellen: Unless you invite them, Hey, wanna see this funny thing?
• 8:43
  Ellen: Exactly.
• 8:43
  Ellen: Because you know, You go out and you just see people sitting around and everybody has their phones in front of their face.
• 8:50
  Ellen: I saw something, uh, people riding a bus.
• 8:53
  Ellen: There was not a single person that didn't have the screen.
• 8:56
  Ellen: No one was interacting.
• 8:57
  Ellen: In fact, the whole point was.
• 8:59
  Ellen: There was a little old lady, I mean, really old, like 80, who no one got up for her on this crowded bus because they were unaware.
• 9:07
  Ellen: And she's just barely hanging on to the little pole, yeah, where somebody could have gotten up and given them a seat, but nobody was even noticing.
• 9:15
  Ellen: Yikes.
• 9:16
  Cheryl: Of course, we want to communicate our philosophy and how we're doing, but actually talk about Yeah, we've been that day or what we've seen, you know,
• 9:25
  Ellen: and sometimes maybe your kids will want to show you something really dumb because to them it was funny.
• 9:30
  Ellen: And so you have to kind
• 9:31
  Christie: of, well, that's my whole life right now.
• 9:36
  Christie: I live with two, you know, Gen Z years and they're late teen, early 20 years.
• 9:41
  Christie: And every morning I wake up to what Taylor Swift posted.
• 9:45
  Christie: You know, what concert, uh, Noah Kahn announced or, you know, just all these things.
• 9:50
  Christie: And you're right.
• 9:51
  Christie: You have to, just like when they're seven playing Legos, wanting to tell you about every creation they've built.
• 9:57
  Christie: That's their world.
• 9:58
  Christie: Yes, that is their world.
• 9:59
  Christie: And you have to be interested, just like we've said before, listen to the little things.
• 10:03
  Christie: So they'll share the big things.
• 10:04
  Christie: That's
• 10:04
  Cheryl: a really good way of approaching it, because, you know, they're sharing different things they did online.
• 10:10
  Cheryl: It may not be what I want to do, or I got to this level on this game.
• 10:14
  Cheryl: Um, But we need to show interest so we've got the dialogue going on to share our private worlds with each other.
• 10:22
  Christie: And I think it's even more powerful if I can initiate.
• 10:25
  Christie: I don't do this very well because I kind of want to avoid the topics if I can.
• 10:30
  Christie: But if I can initiate and say, Hey, so you know what, what's Taylor saying the next album is going to be?
• 10:35
  Christie: And then they, they hear that I'm a little bit more interested.
• 10:38
  Christie: I always ask
• 10:39
  Ellen: my grandkids.
• 10:40
  Ellen: Hey, well, you know, what are you following, you know, online and stuff, you know, and then they usually that lets me be drawn into each of their lives, what's interesting to them.
• 10:49
  Ellen: And, you know, and then I could go, Oh, I didn't even know that half the time.
• 10:53
  Ellen: This is me.
• 10:53
  Ellen: Oh, I didn't even know that existed.
• 10:57
  Christie: But I love being the expert.
• 10:59
  Christie: Yeah.
• 11:00
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 11:00
  Cheryl: And another thing, Chrissy, you talked about it before, but I saw the phrase, talk alouds.
• 11:06
  Cheryl: And so this would be more probably if you had younger children, but you know, you were talking about your children accusing you, well, mom, you're always on your phone.
• 11:15
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 11:16
  Cheryl: Talk about what, what it is and how we can use talk alouds to
• 11:19
  Christie: narrate it.
• 11:20
  Christie: Because yeah, I mean, I think what I shared before, I might be looking up a recipe for dinner.
• 11:27
  Christie: Reading my Bible study, texting a friend about plans, you know, that we were supposed to meet up later.
• 11:33
  Christie: So these are all valid things to be on my phone for, it's not like I'm just scrolling Facebook.
• 11:37
  Christie: But vocalizing those things to your kids of, Hey, I'm going to call your dad back real quick, or I've got to submit this form for the insurance.
• 11:45
  Christie: Whatever it is that you're working on so that they know, Hey, she's being intentional with this time, but she has to take care of some things.
• 11:51
  Christie: And shouldn't that be a
• 11:52
  Ellen: form of online manners?
• 11:54
  Ellen: Because we should inform one another for sitting here and I got my phone and I go, Hey, guys, I have to answer this right now, because I'm waiting for the doctor to call me, right?
• 12:03
  Ellen: So you would be okay, she's not getting on her phone just to look.
• 12:06
  Ellen: So if we start introducing that thought, with young children or teens and everything.
• 12:11
  Ellen: Hey, this is just a polite issue, you know, say, Hey, just give me a minute.
• 12:14
  Ellen: I got to answer, you know, I'm looking up something
• 12:17
  Christie: right now, right?
• 12:18
  Christie: And that can be part of your family culture, especially if you have younger kids.
• 12:22
  Christie: You can start that now teaching them to do the same thing.
• 12:25
  Christie: Then you don't
• 12:25
  Ellen: feel shut out, because it is really hard when you're talking to someone with a screen in their face.
• 12:29
  Ellen: Right.
• 12:30
  Ellen: And you don't know if you're interrupting or not.
• 12:32
  Ellen: Right.
• 12:32
  Ellen: Are they looking at Tom Hanks, or are they looking at, you know, how many atoms are in...
• 12:38
  Cheryl: Or is it the real Tom Hanks?
• 12:39
  Cheryl: Right.
• 12:41
  Christie: Ben, go ahead.
• 12:42
  Christie: So speaking of, you know, not knowing what somebody is doing on their phone, as your kids get older and they start having a little more autonomy physically in their physical world and privacy, then you start wondering how much privacy should I start allowing them virtually?
• 13:00
  Christie: And you know, one thing we had on our kids phones, we knew their passwords and they knew we knew their passwords and we wouldn't always snoop on everything, but.
• 13:10
  Christie: But we knew we had access if we needed to, and then gradually releasing that, it's kind of horrifying.
• 13:17
  Christie: But you do have to start giving them some freedom at some point.
• 13:20
  Christie: What, what do you guys think
• 13:21
  Cheryl: about that?
• 13:22
  Cheryl: Well, and it is this privacy in this whole realm because the reality, there is real danger out there.
• 13:31
  Cheryl: And there's so much we need to talk about to inform our children, and particularly the younger they are.
• 13:37
  Cheryl: But the Naive tear the innocence of not realizing what is so readily available, right?
• 13:45
  Cheryl: And that they can be Directed in a
• 13:48
  Ellen: click they can be somewhere.
• 13:50
  Ellen: You don't want them to write
• 13:51
  Cheryl: so that is a huge discussion for You and your if you're married your spouse to decide this is what we're gonna do and here's how we're gonna do it And then I love what you did with their kids you talk about it.
• 14:02
  Cheryl: Yeah, you're not sneaking in so, you know
• 14:05
  Ellen: and you need to be knowledgeable.
• 14:07
  Ellen: If you're not very knowledgeable of what's out there, you need to educate yourself.
• 14:12
  Ellen: You need I'm I don't have any recommendations where you can go.
• 14:16
  Ellen: But I'm sure that there's probably so many groups out there that can help you.
• 14:20
  Ellen: This is what this term means this.
• 14:22
  Ellen: These are sites that kids are going to right now.
• 14:25
  Christie: Right.
• 14:25
  Christie: Well, and I think as adults, we We do know a lot of those things, but we forget to communicate them to our kids, you know, about what is misinformation on the internet and what is inappropriate content and how, how do you safeguard against
• 14:41
  Cheryl: that?
• 14:42
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 14:42
  Cheryl: Well, there's so many aspects of it because there's even the aspect out of not knowing and you're oversharing something.
• 14:50
  Cheryl: Right.
• 14:50
  Cheryl: And you're sharing private information for your family or a photo of someone.
• 14:55
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 14:56
  Cheryl: Did not want their picture out there or, uh.
• 14:59
  Ellen: Well, you as the parent didn't want your child's picture, but they're giving their picture.
• 15:03
  Cheryl: So it's a big world and to have these conversations isn't enough.
• 15:09
  Cheryl: This is what you can share or we just have a family policy.
• 15:12
  Cheryl: We don't share a picture that the people in the picture haven't said it's okay.
• 15:16
  Cheryl: Right.
• 15:17
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 15:17
  Cheryl: You know.
• 15:18
  Cheryl: And even our children, you know, uh, I have known parents that shared a lot, particularly as their children got older, teens, late teens, and even into adulthood.
• 15:29
  Cheryl: And I know my children would not have wanted me to share those pictures out freely.
• 15:35
  Cheryl: So I love this is part of the conversation.
• 15:38
  Cheryl: Educating them.
• 15:39
  Cheryl: and us for privacy, both directions.
• 15:42
  Christie: Yeah, and mutual respect.
• 15:44
  Christie: I think my kids had an age when I was on social media that they did not like me telling things.
• 15:50
  Christie: They didn't like whenever we would go to a friend's house and that friend knew about their new shoes or something that wasn't as.
• 15:57
  Christie: It's innocent, something that I thought was cute and funny and maybe was embarrassing to them.
• 16:02
  Christie: And I, I see that too.
• 16:03
  Christie: A lot of, or have seen it when I was on social media, a lot of oversharing of parents, you know, I, I feel it now as the mom of teens, I don't want them putting on their be real me and my pajamas.
• 16:16
  Christie: That's not nice.
• 16:17
  Christie: So,
• 16:18
  Cheryl: and a more serious thing are, you mentioned Go and learn about the information, but there is a lot of inappropriate contact, and if your kids don't know, um, how to even know how they can be pulled into something, For example, I think we just
• 16:36
  Christie: have to give our kids vocabulary, explain what clickbait is, and talk to them about marketing.
• 16:42
  Cheryl: So why don't you, let's talk about it so parents listening go, I don't know what that is.
• 16:46
  Cheryl: Tell me what clickbait
• 16:47
  Christie: is.
• 16:47
  Christie: Well yeah, you know the, the ad that says...
• 16:52
  Christie: Jennifer Aniston eats this salad every day, and that's why she looks like she does.
• 16:56
  Christie: No, it's not.
• 16:57
  Christie: Click here and we'll show you the recipe.
• 17:01
  Christie: Or...
• 17:03
  Cheryl: Well, and I remember one time I made the mistake and I downloaded off the internet.
• 17:07
  Cheryl: One time.
• 17:08
  Cheryl: It was an app I actually really wanted.
• 17:10
  Cheryl: It was a good app, but I didn't go to the respected app store.
• 17:16
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 17:16
  Cheryl: I clicked on something on someone's deal, and I had to go in and spend a bunch of money having...
• 17:22
  Cheryl: junk taken off of my computer.
• 17:24
  Cheryl: Oh my goodness, sir.
• 17:25
  Cheryl: The clickbait can be enticing them into something right or Placing malware and things.
• 17:31
  Cheryl: Yeah, and yes
• 17:32
  Christie: spams I heard a story of a girl who got an email that looked like it was from their bank.
• 17:37
  Christie: It was an older teen Yes, asking for all your information your mom your parents But this girl said, don't worry, mom, I handled it for you.
• 17:44
  Christie: I gave her all the information and she just, she didn't know.
• 17:48
  Christie: She thought she was helping out because she had an account there as well as her mom and yeah.
• 17:52
  Christie: Yeah,
• 17:52
  Cheryl: it's so we need to inform our kids on that.
• 17:56
  Cheryl: Don't talk about catfishing, which is really dangerous.
• 18:00
  Cheryl: So
• 18:00
  Christie: dangerous.
• 18:01
  Christie: Yeah.
• 18:01
  Christie: I mean, it can be really horrible because it seems innocent.
• 18:05
  Christie: Right.
• 18:05
  Christie: Yeah.
• 18:05
  Christie: And so they draw you in.
• 18:07
  Christie: And if your child has an innocent mind and thinks, well, yeah, they said they were my age and they showed me their
• 18:13
  Cheryl: picture.
• 18:14
  Cheryl: And that's what catfishing is, is it's someone.
• 18:18
  Cheryl: with ulterior motives, coming in and presenting themselves.
• 18:23
  Cheryl: There could be
• 18:24
  Christie: some 50 year old guy in his apartment and he's posing as a 14 year old girl.
• 18:30
  Christie: He's like soccer.
• 18:31
  Christie: Yeah, exactly.
• 18:32
  Christie: Or it's really prevalent
• 18:33
  Ellen: with gamers.
• 18:35
  Ellen: Because, you know, they have games all over everywhere and people are allowed to join.
• 18:39
  Ellen: And then everybody's friends.
• 18:41
  Ellen: So you may be playing with a 40 year old man thinking
• 18:45
  Christie: he's 15.
• 18:45
  Christie: Right.
• 18:46
  Christie: when our kids first started getting on social media But the younger set when we were actually doing it somewhat.
• 18:52
  Christie: Well, um One of our rules was if I don't know them in real life, right?
• 18:56
  Christie: You can't be friends with them, which that's not fully It's foolproof because they can duplicate accounts, but it's a good step.
• 19:05
  Cheryl: But that's why you need to be informed parents and then inform your children and show them because it's not a scare tactic.
• 19:13
  Cheryl: We're not trying to go, Oh, big boogeyman.
• 19:16
  Cheryl: It's real.
• 19:16
  Cheryl: Yeah, it's real.
• 19:18
  Cheryl: And
• 19:18
  Ellen: what to give or not to give online.
• 19:20
  Ellen: If you're in a group and they go, Hey, well, give me this other information.
• 19:24
  Ellen: You've already talked to your child about it or your teen about it.
• 19:27
  Ellen: We don't give out any of
• 19:29
  Christie: that information.
• 19:29
  Christie: I think another thing on that on as far as giving out things, not just information, but remembering that whatever persona you are online is It's.
• 19:40
  Christie: Always out there and reminding your kids of that is really important and it doesn't, I'm not talking about, you know, horribly inappropriate things.
• 19:48
  Christie: I'm just saying, just remember the things you say and share, you know, when they Google your name, when you're 22 looking for a job, this is what they're going to come
• 19:57
  Cheryl: across.
• 19:57
  Cheryl: And now.
• 19:59
  Cheryl: Companies say, give us access to your account because we want to go back and see your social media accounts.
• 20:06
  Cheryl: And
• 20:06
  Ellen: something you did at 20 being stupid, or now for this dignified job, is really going to make your employer go, Mmm, I don't know.
• 20:16
  Cheryl: And one of mine, uh, probably 16, happened exactly this, because we didn't know, was a game, and it was an online game of some sort.
• 20:28
  Cheryl: And then they started, looked around, and everybody was gone because they went into a chat room.
• 20:34
  Cheryl: So the online game had some parameters about what could go on.
• 20:39
  Cheryl: But then they moved into the chat rooms, and then pretty much all the conversation in the chat room was sexually oriented and so forth.
• 20:48
  Cheryl: And then, hey, you want to come over here?
• 20:50
  Cheryl: And so they were led and we hadn't talked about it I didn't know they existed.
• 20:53
  Cheryl: And so, this child got into a...
• 20:57
  Cheryl: An online inappropriate thing, and as far as I know, it was really actually a teenager, but it happened just, oh, like, like you would if you were in this room and then you walked into the next room, it just happened.
• 21:12
  Cheryl: So we need to know and then.
• 21:14
  Cheryl: Equip your children with knowledge about how all this works.
• 21:21
  Cheryl: One more thing.
• 21:22
  Cheryl: There are very good protection programs to buy.
• 21:27
  Cheryl: And I would just say absolutely research what works for your family.
• 21:32
  Cheryl: And then that you have it protecting where you go and what comes in.
• 21:37
  Cheryl: Because it's just a necessity in today's
• 21:41
  Christie: digital world.
• 21:41
  Christie: And let your kids know that you're using those so that they don't think, Oh yeah, everything on the internet is safe and fine.
• 21:48
  Christie: Let them know this is filtering out a bunch of things.
• 21:51
  Christie: And then as they age, you know, out of needing your protection, then they know you're going to have to be wise on your own now.
• 21:59
  Ellen: And I think in the beginning, the devices should be In the main room.
• 22:04
  Ellen: Right.
• 22:04
  Ellen: You know, until they are at a maturity level.
• 22:07
  Ellen: Yeah.
• 22:07
  Ellen: So that you can walk by and just kind of glance and see what they're looking at.
• 22:11
  Christie: Well, I think, yeah, that's another layer of this is deciding when and where devices are allowed.
• 22:17
  Cheryl: Well, and there are recommendations everywhere that say we recommend that you decide and you have screen free zones or screen free times.
• 22:28
  Cheryl: So what do y'all think about, what are some ideas in this area?
• 22:31
  Cheryl: Well, yeah, I
• 22:31
  Ellen: mean, I can't imagine having dinner with, and I'm not putting judgment anywhere, but I can't imagine having dinner with all my grandkids, and they all had their phones.
• 22:41
  Ellen: Right.
• 22:42
  Ellen: I would be very offended.
• 22:43
  Ellen: This is the reality.
• 22:45
  Ellen: Yes,
• 22:45
  Cheryl: it is.
• 22:46
  Cheryl: reality.
• 22:46
  Cheryl: It
• 22:46
  Christie: is.
• 22:47
  Christie: That is one thing we've always done is, uh, not had phones at the table.
• 22:51
  Christie: And we had a guest over one time, and they didn't have that same rule.
• 22:54
  Christie: And so they just.
• 22:57
  Christie: They were like, oh, they were engaged in the conversation, but they were going to look for more information on the topic.
• 23:03
  Christie: And so they pull out their phone and it was like this, you know, gasp that everyone felt.
• 23:08
  Christie: And we were lighthearted about it, but the person who had invited them was like, That's our only rule in the house.
• 23:15
  Christie: We don't have a lot of rules here, but that's kind of
• 23:17
  Cheryl: the big one.
• 23:18
  Cheryl: we didn't establish it because it came in later in parenting, and I just didn't know to do it.
• 23:25
  Cheryl: And now, I don't like what's happened.
• 23:29
  Cheryl: Looking forward to my kids getting a little bit older where maybe it won't be, but for me, that's one of the challenges when you have older children and particularly young adults, then to come down And impose this knew standard, uh, it's really hard, right?
• 23:44
  Cheryl: And so I would encourage your parents particularly the younger kids are, but that you, you start saying, well, how about we have one screen free day or, like you say, not at meals or maybe this, because that's the reason they called them TV trays.
• 24:03
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 24:03
  Cheryl: TV trays didn't exist before 1960, and it wasn't these kind of screens.
• 24:10
  Cheryl: It was the black and white television screen, and everybody ate their meals there, and so.
• 24:16
  Cheryl: Parents reclaimed a little territory and some said, well, we won't do it.
• 24:20
  Cheryl: What are some ideas y'all would suggest to parents if they want to venture into screen free zones or screen free times Well,
• 24:28
  Ellen: I think it's really reasonable at the dinner table, we're talking probably less than an hour that your child doesn't have the phone in front of them, so to turn it off and put it away.
• 24:39
  Cheryl: So that means mom and dad too, right?
• 24:41
  Cheryl: Right.
• 24:41
  Cheryl: Of course.
• 24:42
  Christie: At our house.
• 24:42
  Christie: That means everybody.
• 24:43
  Christie: It was a pretty easy thing to implement because we already had a little bit of a tradition in.
• 24:48
  Christie: Not a little bit, pretty...
• 24:50
  Christie: Everyone's pretty strict about it, saying our favorite part of the day and our bad part of the day.
• 24:54
  Christie: So some people got high low and going around and by the time everyone gets around sharing their favorite part of the day or their bad part of the day, the dinner, our dinner's done.
• 25:03
  Christie: And so you could introduce something to replace that time if you did, you know, high low Buffalo or, um, you know, just conversation cards or something like that, that would be a positive replacement.
• 25:16
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 25:16
  Cheryl: Very good.
• 25:17
  Cheryl: Another one.
• 25:18
  Cheryl: Thank You know, all of us know the facts and the stats, but so many of us are messing up our own adult sleep because we're on some sort of screen.
• 25:29
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 25:29
  Cheryl: And so, you could use that information to say, okay, we don't do screens after this time at night.
• 25:37
  Cheryl: Right.
• 25:37
  Cheryl: Or, like, Christy, you said y'all had a central.
• 25:41
  Cheryl: Charging station
• 25:43
  Christie: until a certain age, they charged at 930 and then they were away for the night, basically,
• 25:49
  Cheryl: because it's hard to shut off your brain.
• 25:51
  Cheryl: Yeah, I mean, it actually we know it does stimulates it, you know, and that's one of the things I've been looking into some help getting trying to sleep better at night.
• 26:00
  Cheryl: And it's really talks a lot about how exposure to that light keeps you keeps you awake.
• 26:07
  Cheryl: And so I've actually like started reading books.
• 26:11
  Cheryl: It's this thing that's paper.
• 26:12
  Cheryl: Or you can get
• 26:13
  Ellen: the Kindle Paperwhite, which doesn't have that lighting.
• 26:16
  Ellen: You must have a device.
• 26:17
  Ellen: Just to be aware.
• 26:18
  Cheryl: But yes.
• 26:19
  Cheryl: And that parents, we want to encourage you, empower you to consider where could we start walking in this to bring some freedom and some control the way we would like to for our family media plan.
• 26:36
  Christie: I think another time that's popular for phone usage is drive time.
• 26:41
  Christie: Well, hopefully not for the driver, obviously, but the passengers.
• 26:45
  Christie: I've seen drivers.
• 26:46
  Christie: They're on their phones.
• 26:48
  Christie: But I think that's such a valuable time for conversations to and from school.
• 26:53
  Christie: You could have...
• 26:54
  Christie: You know, conversations that you have every day at the same time, whatever your habits are and where you talk about their day or, or pray for the day ahead and instead of having phone time there.
• 27:05
  That's
• 27:05
  Cheryl: a really good one.
• 27:06
  Christie: And now they have settings where you can't use the phone when it's moving.
• 27:12
  Cheryl: So just, again, parents, we want to empower you to consider these areas and do what you all decide you want to do don't be intimidated by the little one who throws a temper tantrum on the floor because you're not going to do it, so you bribe them with their phone.
• 27:28
  Cheryl: And don't be intimidated by the 16 year old who thinks they know everything.
• 27:33
  Cheryl: You take charge of what you want in your family.
• 27:38
  Ellen: That'll set them hopefully up for good patterns when they leave
• 27:41
  Cheryl: home.
• 27:42
  Cheryl: even now.
• 27:43
  Ellen: Well, yes, but I'm saying learning the habits at home, hopefully they'll carry them into adulthood and they'll find it's helpful.
• 27:50
  Cheryl: One last thing that we haven't really talked about social media.
• 27:53
  Cheryl: Yeah.
• 27:53
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 27:53
  Christie: Yeah.
• 27:54
  Christie: That's a whole other animal.
• 27:55
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 27:56
  Cheryl: Okay.
• 27:56
  Cheryl: Maybe we'll come back and have a whole session sometime on social media, but I do want to encourage you parents.
• 28:02
  Cheryl: It is required by the social media companies and apps that you have to be 13 when you sign in for now, they're working on raising.
• 28:11
  Cheryl: Yeah, yes, they are.
• 28:13
  Cheryl: And you have to be there are some states that have done that.
• 28:15
  Cheryl: You have to be 13.
• 28:18
  Cheryl: I would challenge parents.
• 28:20
  Cheryl: to really consider having that as a line in the sand for their family.
• 28:26
  Cheryl: For one thing, you would be telling your children, Oh, it's okay with me for you to lie.
• 28:30
  Christie: Right.
• 28:30
  Christie: Yeah.
• 28:32
  Christie: Yeah, I, I remember before they put the age limit, I think it was on Instagram was the last one to put an age limit.
• 28:38
  Christie: If I remember right.
• 28:39
  Christie: I could be wrong, but We had made these fun little accounts for our kids with their names thinking, well, we made their Gmail accounts early on.
• 28:47
  Christie: So they'd get a good email with their names and now they still tell us that's the best parenting move we ever made because they don't have goofy emails.
• 28:53
  Christie: But, um, it was fun for a while until we realized.
• 28:57
  Christie: Some of the dangers of social media.
• 28:59
  Christie: And then when they put the age limit on there, I told my kids, I'm not going to lie.
• 29:04
  Christie: I mean, that's the same as me going and buying you alcohol or, you know, whatever.
• 29:09
  Christie: And they thought it was kind of silly, but I do think it sets a precedent when you, when you're.
• 29:13
  Christie: Lying for your kids.
• 29:14
  Cheryl: Also, it makes it easier.
• 29:16
  Cheryl: It's always easier when you say, well, this authority over me or the government says.
• 29:21
  Cheryl: So it empowers us as parents where we don't have to just be the bad guy.
• 29:26
  Cheryl: We can blame them a little bit.
• 29:28
  Cheryl: Yeah, exactly.
• 29:29
  Christie: Well, and I think
• 29:30
  Ellen: it reinforces, that's what you're saying too.
• 29:32
  Ellen: It's reinforcing what we already know.
• 29:34
  Ellen: The government saying yes.
• 29:36
  Ellen: or whatever, Instagram, whatever.
• 29:38
  Ellen: This is the age your child has to be.
• 29:40
  Ellen: Now that may be in flux because they'll give into the pressure and the monetary demands.
• 29:44
  Ellen: But at the same time, they recognize that it's not good for them,
• 29:49
  Christie: for everyone.
• 29:50
  Christie: And just because They say you can't have a Facebook or Insta.
• 29:54
  Christie: Well, no kid wants Facebook, but they tell you you can't have a tick tock.
• 29:57
  Christie: It doesn't mean you have to say yes.
• 30:01
  Christie: Like you can say a little longer.
• 30:03
  Christie: Yes.
• 30:04
  Cheryl: Well, and we have to wrap this up.
• 30:06
  Cheryl: What would y'all say in leaving the parents as we look back over this?
• 30:10
  Cheryl: What's one last thing you would say to the moms and dads?
• 30:13
  Ellen: Stay educated.
• 30:14
  Ellen: Know what's out there.
• 30:15
  Ellen: Pay attention.
• 30:17
  Christie: Yeah, stay engaged and We have compassion for you, that it's a hard thing that we're swimming in and, um, but fight the good fight for the sake of your kids mental health, for their, um, physical relationships and physical safety.
• 30:34
  Christie: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
• 30:35
  Christie: It's a
• 30:36
  Cheryl: battle worth fighting.
• 30:37
  Cheryl: Right.
• 30:37
  Cheryl: That's kind of what we want to say.
• 30:39
  Cheryl: We want to encourage you, empower you to do what you feel you want to do.
• 30:45
  Cheryl: We've begun talking about different aspects of it and the different levels that you want to be involved.
• 30:53
  Cheryl: If you think you need some more help, reach out.
• 30:56
  Cheryl: There are a lot of professionals that can help you.
• 30:58
  Cheryl: There's information online.
• 31:00
  Cheryl: There's a lot of help out there.
• 31:03
  Cheryl: We want to empower you to reach out.
• 31:05
  Christie: Yeah
• 31:05
  Cheryl: And then for you to lead your family.
• 31:08
  Cheryl: Don't be intimidated to do that.
• 31:10
  Cheryl: Because...
• 31:11
  Cheryl: Like we always say, hang in there, keep loving, keep persevering, because it's worth it.
• 31:20
  Cheryl: Yes.
• 31:20
  Hi, this is Cheryl again, and I'm adding a couple of extra footnotes I thought would be helpful to you.
• 31:27
  First, in this series we discuss social media and the dangers it can be for our families, not just as a time waster, but particularly to our children and their vulnerability in social media.
• 31:42
  Just yesterday, A bipartisan group of 33 state attorneys general sued Meta, alleging the Facebook and Instagram parent knowingly issued products and features through those apps that pose psychological risks that negatively impact children and teen users mental health.
• 32:03
  So, finally, the government and the courts are waking up to the dangers of social media.
• 32:09
  But don't wait on them.
• 32:11
  Let this spur you on now to protect and direct your family.
• 32:17
  And also, as we finish up this whole series on families and devices and the digital world, we know that we have just skimmed through an enormous topic, which we wanted to use to equip you and your family.
• 32:31
  There are so many different excellent apps, programs, services, and tools that you can use to do the kind of things that we've talked about.
• 32:41
  Whether it's protecting and directing your family, or crafting your own personal family media plan.
• 32:47
  Do your research, find the ones that you're comfortable with and that meet your needs.
• 32:53
  Our hope is that we've convinced you that taking the time to create and maintain a media plan, personalized to your situation, values, and reality, is the best way for you to lead your family in this realm, I highly recommend you go to the American Academy of Pediatrics website, HealthyChildren.
• 33:15
  org, and then to their
• 33:18
  Cheryl: free
• 33:18
  Family Life Media Plan.
• 33:20
  I would have loved to have walked you through the entire thing because it's loaded with practical, thoughtful guidelines and evaluation, and even reasons for why you might want to do it.
• 33:34
  Certainly way more than what we've been able to do through this series.
• 33:39
  But as always, take what you need for your family and learn from the resource.
• 33:44
  So again, that's HealthyChildren.
• 33:47
  org Family Media Plan.
• 33:56
  Thank you for joining us in this exploration of your family media plan.
• 34:02
  As you take these steps to protect and connect with your loved ones in the ever changing e world, remember, you're not alone on this journey.
• 34:12
  TPP is always here beside you.
• 34:17
  But, before we wrap up, I have a question for you.
• 34:22
  What small change can you make in your family's digital habits?
• 34:27
  Starting today.
• 34:31
  Share your ideas with us on our website, through social media, or simply shoot us a message at contact at theparentingpodcast.
• 34:41
  com.
• 34:42
  We love hearing from you.
• 34:45
  Don't forget to follow us so you don't miss any of our episodes.
• 34:49
  And next time, we're going to explore an interesting aspect of parenting.
• 34:56
  Birth order.
• 34:58
  I hope you can join us on the parenting podcast.
• 35:01
  Until then, work to keep your family's digital world secure, balanced, and filled with meaningful connections.
• 35:11
  You are the key.