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Stop OverIndulging Your Children · 5–Minute Parenting: Tips to Help You Raise Competent, Godly Kids.

• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to a new year and welcome back to a new episode of Five Minute Parenting.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: Today our topic is stop overindulging your kids.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: Well, just coming off Christmas is probably isn't the most popular topic to talk about because if we admit it, we often indulge our kids at this time of year, giving them way more gifts than they need.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm not trying to make anyone feel guilty.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: I just discovered this topic myself and wanted to share some things that I discovered from an article excerpt from the book Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World by Jill Wrigley.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: The book will be in the notes for your reference.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: One of the first things she asks is, What do your children really need from you?
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Her answer is love, guidance, shelter, food, clothing, medical care, and an education.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Everything else is a want, a luxury.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Video games, gadgets, phones, the latest fashion, whatever new item their friends have.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Today, far too many parents fall for the nag factor.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: Their kids are bombarded by ads and have many wants.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: The pressure also comes from our children's peers.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_00: And so we buy our children far more stuff than they can even use.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: And we hope that our children will fit in and be accepted by their peers.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: According to a recent survey of youth commissioned by the Center for a New American Dream, the average 12 to 17-year-old asks a parent for products nine times until the parents finally give in.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: For parents of tweens, the problem is even more severe.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: 12 to 13-year-olds admit to asking their parents more than 50 times for products they've seen advertised.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: And kids learn if they nag long enough, their parents will give in.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Sadly, our self-absorbed society has told parents to help their kids feel good about themselves.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: That it's the parents' duty to make their children happy.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: But underneath it all, kids don't need parents who make them happy.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: They need parents who will make them capable.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: Dr.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Connie Dawson, co-author of How Much Is Enough, writes, when parents give children too much stuff that costs money, do things for children that they can do for themselves.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Do not expect children to do chores, do not have good rules, and let children run the family.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Parents are overindulging.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: According to one study in 2001, children who are overindulged are more likely to grow up to believe the following.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: My happiness depends on most people I know liking me.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: If I fall partly, it's as bad as being a total total failure.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: I can't be happy if I miss out on many of the good things in life.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: Being alone leads to unhappiness.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: If someone disagrees with me, it probably indicates that the person doesn't like me.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: My happiness depends more on other people than it depends on me.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: If I fail at my work, I consider myself a failure as a person.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: For the sake of our children, we need to stop overindulging them.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, we need to teach them the difference between a need and a want and then make them work for their wants.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: For instance, rather than buying that new video game your child wants, give him or her two options.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_00: Tell them they can place it on a wish list for a birthday or Christmas present, or they can do extra duties to earn the money to buy it themselves.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: If your children are willing to work for their desire and their want, they'll take better care of it and be more grateful for it.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: We can actually begin to help remedy the damage done by overindulgence by doing two things.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: One, helping our kids cultivate patience.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_00: We live in a society that tells us we need everything, ASAP.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: We've forgotten that real life problems aren't solved in 15 minutes, so we also shouldn't be so quick to solve our children's problems for them.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Letting them struggle is good for them.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: Second, we need to give our children opportunities to develop responsibility and to feel valuable.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: Our children need to learn the life skills to survive in the real world beyond their home.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: They need regular, age-appropriate chores or duties, and they need to and we need to hold them accountable for taking care of those duties.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: In doing so, we will be helping our children learn practical life skills and also helping them develop good character traits such as respect for authority, obedience, endurance, being trustworthy, and so forth.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: And they will need these skills throughout their lives.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: We will also be helping our children become a valuable member of the family.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: By giving our children opportunities to help and serve each other within the family, we are preparing them to take care of themselves and go out and serve society.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: And lastly, we are helping our children to become valuable members of society.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, we can never indulge our kids too much with real love, God's love.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: Love that molds and shapes them into the young men and women that God can use and bless.