Latest / DA CREW Podcast / SC BOOKGAL AND FRIENDS PODCAST LIVE EVERY TUESDAY 8PM EST 7PM CST 6PM MST5PM PST

Transcript

SC BOOKGAL AND FRIENDS PODCAST LIVE EVERY TUESDAY 8PM EST 7PM CST 6PM MST5PM PST · DA CREW Podcast

• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Shut up.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: Down in South Carolina, where the stories rise. There's a
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: queen with a mission, fire in her eyes.
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: 20 years and counting, serving wisdom on the shelves. Helping
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: voices find the courage to believe in themselves. She opens
• 1:35
  Speaker 3: up the pages, lets the hidden stories shine.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: Black and brown authors stepping boldly into time. With a
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: mic and a message, she's changing the scene.
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: Everybody knows her name.
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: She's the literary queen. From the library's hills. the podcast
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: stream you lift every offer you.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: Wake up a dream Tuesday night at 8 and the
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: room leans in Patrice Grimball let it all begin Tennessee
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: book goal keep shining your light.
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: Lifting up the offers bringing stories to life Patrice Grimball
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: we see your dream literary queen literary queen Tennessee book
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: goal let the whole world see Patrice Grimball your legacy
• 2:13
  Speaker 3: from the page to the air you said it free.
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: Literary Hey everyone, this is your girl Estee Bookow 843.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: And it is another Tuesday night. So of course I'm
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: going to start off asking, how are you? To me,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I'm good. I'm good.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: I did catch a little bit of the gubernatorial, y'all know,
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: the governance debate. I'm going to check the rest of
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: it when we get ready for this show. Because y'all
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: know midterms coming up.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: Make it do what it do.
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: Okay?
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: In the state of South Carolina, you have had to
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: register to vote Monday, electronically yesterday, to be able to
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: vote in the midterms on November 3rd.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Okay? So, Do your homework, do your research, and let's
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: make our voices heard, okay? Well, we got that out
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: the way.
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: Y'all know it's Tuesday night, and y'all know what I'm
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: about to do. So, if you can write a letter
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: to yourself, what would you say to yourself? I guess
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: for me, I would say, Give that one another chance.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: Run for the hills. What were you thinking? And, dang,
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: I messed up that one.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: Those would be the different sections of the letter. But,
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: you know, they have the other little subtitles in it.
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: But I have an author who wrote the book, Letters
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: to Myself.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: Okay? You guys, this one.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: I'm going to just bring her up and we're just
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: going to get started. Come on up, Miss D. Come
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: on up.
• 4:21
  Speaker 3: Hey.
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: How you doing, girly?
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: I'm doing well. How are you?
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: I am good. I am good.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: But before we get started, we're going to let you
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: tell us a little bit about yourself.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: Well, I am good. I'm Deshane. I am an author,
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: a speaker, a servant of God. I am a transformational
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: life coach. I'm a wife. I'm a mother. I'm a sister.
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: I'm your girlfriend. I am me. And I'm grateful for
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: being able to sit here today and say that I
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: am me and I know all these things about me.
• 5:05
  Speaker 3: And that all these things are really a part of
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: my makeup. So, yep, that's me.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: Now, you said you're a transitional what again?
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: Transformational coach.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: Misty, you got to explain that one to me. What
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: is that?
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: Well, if you read the book, you would know that
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: there was a lot of transition and a lot of
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: transformation that had to take place in me. And now
• 5:34
  Speaker 3: God has given me the charge to to walk other
• 5:37
  Speaker 3: people through their journey to intentional healing. So intentional healing
• 5:42
  Speaker 3: has to be the end result. It's got to be
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: on purpose. It's got to be in purpose. And you've
• 5:49
  Speaker 3: got to do what I did to start this process
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: of writing that book to get there. And it all
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: starts with acknowledgement.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: OK, so hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on,
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: hold on. Healing journey is hard. But now you want
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: me to write a letter to myself while I'm on
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: the healing journey?
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: It needs to be intentional. It needs to be intentional.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: That word intentional is coming up a lot. I've been
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: seeing it in a lot of places. So explain to
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: us what intentional... How intentional in your book for marriage?
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: So.
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: Whenever you see intentionally healing for me, it means that
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: I made a decision to heal on purpose and in purpose.
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: On purpose meaning it's choice. I decided and it's what's
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: going to happen. In purpose for me is because God
• 6:51
  Speaker 3: has ordained and ordered my steps to do so many
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: things and to be so many things to people and
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: to poor and I can't do that if I'm always
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: in a broken state. I'm not saying that healing is
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: like the end all to be all. For me, it
• 7:09
  Speaker 3: is a journey that I am absolutely on. When it
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: comes to my book, I didn't know I was on
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: a journey until I wrote the letter. The part of
• 7:20
  Speaker 3: the letter that's on the front of my book is
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: what started it for me. Um, I was on, I
• 7:28
  Speaker 3: was at a women's conference or it was a women's
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: kind of mindfulness session. And we were at the end
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: of the session and they said, write a letter to
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: your younger self. Now keep back up, backing up a
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: little bit. I had, it was the last day of
• 7:42
  Speaker 3: a fast. I had been praying because I've been told again,
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: write the book, write the book, write the book. I'm like,
• 7:46
  Speaker 3: what the book going to be about? And when they said,
• 7:49
  Speaker 3: write the letter to your younger self, I just busted
• 7:51
  Speaker 3: out laughing. I said, that's the book. But I hadn't
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: written the letter. I didn't know what was going to
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: be in the letter. And in the letter, it said,
• 7:59
  Speaker 3: dear younger me, I wish I could tell you that
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: I love you, but that would mean that I love myself.
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: I was 51 years old when I wrote that. And
• 8:11
  Speaker 3: that's when I found out for the first time that
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: I was broken and that I did not love myself.
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: That's how this journey started for me.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: See, it's crazy that we're talking about this journey and
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: we're talking about grief. And I don't know if you
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: guys see, but this shirt right here, that is my mother.
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: And this year, I'm off five years.
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: Matter of fact, on the night of her passing. And to.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: Be very transparent, you guys, me and my mom had
• 8:44
  Speaker 2: a rocky relationship.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying?
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: And her death, I'm still grieving, but it's a, it's
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: a grief that I need to heal from, you know,
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: and I know I need to heal from, and I
• 9:04
  Speaker 2: feel like I'm on that process of healing from it
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: because the relationship that I have with my daughter is
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: totally different than I have had with my mom.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: And that is intentional.
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely. Well, let me, let me, I know you
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: might not be ready for what I'm about to say,
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: but I'm going to tell you.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'm holding, I'm holding.
• 9:25
  Speaker 3: You brought it up. So when I started this journey,
• 9:28
  Speaker 3: this writing journey at 51, I had lost my mother
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: in 1993, my father in 2018, my grandmother in 2008.
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: I had not met grief yet when I wrote this,
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: when I started the process. I did not meet grief
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: in my life until the 50s. 15 minutes before my
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: 52nd birthday my 9 year old niece and her best
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: friend were killed in a tragic fiery car crash so
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: when I woke up on the morning of my 52nd
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: birthday and got that news, that's when grief entered my life.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: Okay? And this is not a fiery crash or crash that.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: Okay. Okay.
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: Now that I'm healing, I understand all the God stuff.
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: But in the moment, a person made a dumb decision
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: that caused my niece and her best friend at nine
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: years old, their life, which caused my sister, my younger sister,
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: she's 17 years younger than me to have to be
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: on this spiral that, you know, she's on it. And
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: as she's trying to learn how to heal without her daughter. So,
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: For me, you're saying you're five years out. You're still
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: going through the process of grieving. I just started this
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: journey at 52. I am now 53. And three months ago,
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: on Father's Day, I lost my son. And I didn't
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: just lose my son because my son lived with me.
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: I didn't just lose my son. I lost my son
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: in my home.
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God.
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: So when we talk about this grief thing, And we
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: talk about intentionally healing. That's what I mean by it
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: has got to be on purpose and in purpose. You
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: can't have step healing. If you're going to have step healing,
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: don't heal at all. That's just how I feel about it.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: Makes sense. Makes totally sense.
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Girl, you have my, oh my God. You have my prayers.
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: Thank you.
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: I thought losing, I don't want to say my favorite cousin.
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: I want to say my closest cousin. I'm going to
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: say my G cousin, because that was that cousin who
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: would pick up that phone and be like, hey, cuz,
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: what you doing? Losing him on the same day that
• 11:55
  Speaker 2: I lost my best friend 10 years before. Well, that
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: was 11 years before. I thought that was something.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: I see a lot of people are focusing on grief.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: And healing. Do you think people are now willing to
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: listen and willing to take the steps to heal now
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: than they've ever been in the past?
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: Absolutely. I can tell you for myself, I wasn't allowed
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: to grieve. I was allowed to cry, which I thought
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: was grief. And a lot of people from my generation
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: did the same. We cried And then after the person
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: was in the ground or we didn't see them no more,
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: we learned how to keep going because we weren't able
• 12:52
  Speaker 3: to be expressive of our feelings. Our thoughts didn't matter.
• 12:57
  Speaker 3: I'm from that generation where we were somewhere in the middle.
• 13:00
  Speaker 3: We always knew that we wanted to say something. We
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: wanted to do something. But if you were like me,
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: raised by grandparents, so you better not because it's disrespectful.
• 13:11
  Speaker 3: So now what we're seeing is a lot of people
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: who are saying, hey, I'm taking the mask off. I'm
• 13:19
  Speaker 3: not who you said I was. I'm not who I
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: thought I was. I'm doing the work of finding out
• 13:24
  Speaker 3: because I've been holding on to this hurt. I've been
• 13:28
  Speaker 3: holding on to this guilt. I've been holding on to grief.
• 13:31
  Speaker 3: And for me, grief, I had to write a letter
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: to grief. And if you saw the book, the letter
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: is in the book. But I had to write a
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: letter to grief when my niece died to say, where
• 13:42
  Speaker 3: have you been? Why don't I know how to do this?
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: And grief told me because you let avoidance get in
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: the way. You let avoidance replace me. You let, you know, um, disassociation, uh,
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: to replace me. You got all these things in place
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: so that you wouldn't have to deal with grief. And
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: so as a result of that, now, as I'm walking
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: with grief, grief, and especially with this, you know, losing
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: my son, Me and grief go hand in hand. Sometimes
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: we be dancing together. It's just a thing because it's
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: a necessary part of my life in order for me
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: to intentionally heal. I can't heal without it.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Now, you know what? I'm going to tell you the truth.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: What you just said was so true. That's what gives
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: me the strength.
• 14:29
  Speaker 2: To walk in my library where I work at every day.
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: To be able to deal with that because My best
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: friend and mentor was killed in a church by somebody
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: who didn't like her skin color. So to get the news, well,
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: I already kind of knew because I knew where she
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: was and everything. But to get the confirmation in my
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: job where we both worked at and then have to
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: go to that building every single day, there were times
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: when I thought I was going to lose it. There
• 15:07
  Speaker 2: were times when that day would come up and my boss,
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: and Lord, she is so beautiful, the boss I have
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: right now.
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: You all right? I'm like, fine. Now I can actually
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: do it. I can get around.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: I can joke and I can laugh and I can
• 15:21
  Speaker 2: come back to me because I understand that.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: She in a better place, Tresha. She's still there. You know?
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: And I allow myself to heal. And I went through counseling.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: Because in Black families, we didn't believe in therapy. I
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: went to a therapist. Shout out to my therapist being.
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: Back in the States.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: Don't be calling me a girl. She was so real
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: with me. And it developed. And I was like, okay.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: And then when I finally walked back in that building
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: after the renovation, and even when we first went in
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: there after the renovation, it was eerie. Because everything had changed,
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: but I still had the same feelings and the same emotions.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: And the whole building had changed from the inside.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: But now I can actually walk in there and act
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: like a clown and get my work done. So let's
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: bring up this book. The cover of your book, my darling.
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: Might I say it is beautiful.
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: It is so beautiful. It That little person in the background.
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: See, I catch the things that a lot of people
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: love that the words are in the mirror and you're
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: looking at yourself in the mirror and you have those words.
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: Was that your vision?
• 16:50
  Speaker 3: Yes. Oh, I did that. I could, that was one
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: thing that I could not let go. Like when it
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: came to time to, to do the book and you know,
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: had paid the money to get somebody else to do it.
• 17:04
  Speaker 3: But I said, this is the vision that I want.
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: And they were like, we're not even going to touch
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: it because it's good just the way that it is.
• 17:11
  Speaker 3: So yeah, that was it.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: It is perfect. Tell us in your words about your book.
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: My book, it is my journey absolutely to intentional healing.
• 17:26
  Speaker 3: It is through every letter. When you read, that I've
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: written to myself, I realize I'm talking to myself, but
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: one of the things that I wanted to convey was
• 17:39
  Speaker 3: that both my younger self and my older self, while
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: we are kind of, we can do some things with words, right?
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: We know how to talk to each other, but if
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: you really look at the letter that I started with
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: apologizing about not being able to love her because I
• 17:59
  Speaker 3: couldn't love me, it was trying not to, it was
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: apologizing without apologizing. And then she would come back to
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: me and be like, well, you know what? I'm sorry,
• 18:11
  Speaker 3: I didn't do X, Y, and Z. Because if I
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: would have been stronger as a kid, you wouldn't be
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: in the position that you were in. And so we
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: went back and forth for a little bit. And then
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: it began to be some of the things that my
• 18:23
  Speaker 3: younger self would say to me, like, you got daddy issues. Like,
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: she told me that. And I didn't realize that. But
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: I didn't realize that my parents were young. My mother
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: was 14 when she had me. My father was 17.
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: They couldn't treasure me because they didn't know how to
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: be treasured. My dad was one of 12. My mom
• 18:44
  Speaker 3: was one of seven. And even though she was one
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: of seven, she was the only one of the seven
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: who didn't have the same father. So growing up, not
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: realizing that and not realizing where some of these issues
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: that I had came from some of my identity issues
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: so who am I really a half of my life
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: what is missing because I don't know who my mother's
• 19:06
  Speaker 3: father was and who that family is and because she
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: died so young I will see people on the street
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: that I passed I'm like oh she's like my mother
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: I wonder if she and then I but I can't
• 19:16
  Speaker 3: I can't say are you my aunt or you know
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: was this person related to you or whatever so I
• 19:22
  Speaker 3: learned from my book I had those issues with just
• 19:26
  Speaker 3: not understanding or giving grace to my parents because they
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: didn't know any better. I learned from writing this book
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: that the reason that I was so, I'm going to
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: show you better than I can tell you is because
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: all of the male figures in my life basically told me,
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: and all of the major male figures, my father, my stepfather,
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: my grandfather, my husband, none of them knew words to
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: support me. They were words to say what I wasn't
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: going to be, what I wasn't going to do, how
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: I wasn't going to make it, and all those things.
• 20:04
  Speaker 3: And so I heard that so much that instead of
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: believing it, it became, I'm going to show you better
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: than I can tell you. But that made me hard.
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: That made me not really be able to feel, not
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: be able to process. You might say something to me
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: and you would see tears, but it was tears of
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: not punching you in your face instead of, you know,
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: you think you're hurting my feelings. No, I'm trying to
• 20:27
  Speaker 3: not punch you. So, like, it just became hard.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: And so.
• 20:33
  Speaker 3: I learned that from writing this book. You know, why?
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: Where it came from? And so the whole premise of,
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: you know, kind of going through page after page, even
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: as a preacher, I'm a whole preacher. I really do
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: that thing.
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 20:49
  Speaker 3: But understood that even in that realm and at that
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: point of service, there were a lot of things that
• 20:55
  Speaker 3: were done. Well, there was a lot of mishandling me
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: as a gift. being taken for granted in the church.
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: And I'm not, listen, I'm not one to harp on
• 21:07
  Speaker 3: church hurt because I believe that everything that God allows
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: for me is fuel for me to get to the
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: next place. So I don't say, oh, they hurt me
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: and I ain't never going to church again. No, I'm
• 21:16
  Speaker 3: not going to do that because, okay, you did that. Okay, fine.
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: The Lord must've thought that I needed that. The Lord
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: must've thought that I can handle that. And now I'm
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: going to use that as a stepping stone to get
• 21:25
  Speaker 3: to wherever I'm supposed to go. So that's kind of
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: how This book has some of the things that I
• 21:30
  Speaker 3: learned when I was writing this book.
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: The last statement you said, that.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: God allows you to go. That was wow. That was,
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: I never thought of it that way.
• 21:48
  Speaker 3: I was, wow. let me tell you something. And this,
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: this just happened a couple of weeks ago. I had
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: to do a speaking, a speaking engagement. And it was,
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: the theme was broken crayon, still color. And while I
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: was up there talking in the moment, the Lord told me,
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: he said to Shane, and this was when I'm talking
• 22:11
  Speaker 3: about my son. He said, I broke your heart by
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: taking your son because you were a far off from me.
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: And I want it to be close to you because
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: the Bible says that the Lord is close to the
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: broken hearted. And when I say I'm in the moment
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: and the Lord is telling me he did this. And
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: I know that, you know, that God is in charge
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: of all of that. But in that moment, it was like,
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: I felt again that the Lord loved me enough to
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: want to be close to me because obviously I wasn't
• 22:44
  Speaker 3: doing what I was supposed to be doing. And I'm
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: not saying my son was a consequence. I'm just saying
• 22:49
  Speaker 3: that That he used something so big and something so
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: magnified in my life just to get close to me.
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: So even as I walk this journey of, you know,
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: being day to day without my son, I'm walking day
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: to day closer to the Lord. So, you know, that's
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: what fuels me. That's what helps me. And that's what
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: keeps me going and doing what I'm doing.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: So many questions. Oh, God. I don't even know what
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: to say.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: It's like, let me just, okay. I'm coming to you
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: and I have your book in my hand. What chapter
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: would you tell me to read? And why did you
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: choose that chapter?
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: I would tell you to read the letter to grief.
• 23:52
  Speaker 3: I would honestly tell you to read the letter to grief,
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: not tell you that because many of us are afraid
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: of grief. We're afraid of the process of grief. For
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: some of us, we misidentify grief and we think grief
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: makes us weak because we cry. We think grief makes
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: us weak because there's a depression element to grief. We
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: think grief makes us weak because at the end of it,
• 24:24
  Speaker 3: we've got to accept something that we don't want to accept.
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: So I would tell you, read the letter to grief
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: and find out if you did what I did and
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: replace grief with something else. Because you're setting yourself up
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: for a life of being uncomfortable, being miserable, and then
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: having to do it all over again anyway. Because at
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: some point, you're going to realize... beyond somebody closing their eyes,
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: that we don't just grieve somebody dying. We grieve relationships.
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: We grieve jobs. We grieve friendship. We grieve a lot
• 25:01
  Speaker 3: of stuff. And so if you don't take the time
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: to identify what grief really is and what things in
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: your life you really are grieving in, it's not going
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: to work out well for you.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: See, that's what I tell people. It is not always
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: the death of someone. It's not, your grief does not
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: always come from the death of someone. It can come
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: from you just being involved with so much and you
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: lose sight of yourself. It can be the fact that
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: you just lost a job. You got replaced on a job.
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: There's so many aspects of grief and it's not just
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: the loss of someone. Thank you for saying that. A
• 25:49
  Speaker 2: lot of people do not realize that. You wrote the
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: letter to yourself. How do you think yourself is going
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: to accept the letter?
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: Well, she did. So we went back and forth. When
• 26:09
  Speaker 3: I started writing and telling my younger self the things
• 26:14
  Speaker 3: that I tried to, as an adult that I haven't,
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: you know, accomplished or that I felt a certain kind
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: of way about, my younger self came back to me
• 26:21
  Speaker 3: in the initial letter and was like, yeah, that's one
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: of the reasons why I did this. Now I understand,
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: you know, I understand this better because, you know, or
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: I understand the position that I put you in because
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: instead of, like for me, being molested at a young age,
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: My younger self told me I didn't tell nobody. And
• 26:40
  Speaker 3: I feel like if I had told somebody, you might
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: be in a better position. Because that molestation starting at
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: eight years old affected my married life. And so some
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: days it still affects my married life. And it's because
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: I'm intentionally healing. Maybe I ain't got all the way
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: there yet in that space. But there are so many
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: things that I'm working out as a result of having
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: this back and forth conversation and not only having the conversation,
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: but being forced in the book to address, you know,
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: address certain things. So like, I think one of the
• 27:17
  Speaker 3: things that I saw that you were asking about, like
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: with my husband, my husband and I started as a
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: booty call. And we've been married 27, 27 years now,
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: but we got married. When the day that we got married,
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: the Lord said, no, don't do it. We got married.
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: Three days later, we were in the Bahamas saying when
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: we get back to the States, we get a divorce.
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: We dealt with infidelity. We dealt with just not, we
• 27:47
  Speaker 3: just knew we weren't supposed to be, we weren't supposed
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: to be together. And when infidelity entered my marriage and
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: I should have got out, I didn't get out because
• 27:57
  Speaker 3: the church said that ain't what you're supposed to do.
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: You're supposed to be in it. Divorce is not an option.
• 28:02
  Speaker 3: And then when enough was enough and I really wanted
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: to get out, the Lord said, oh, no, no, no.
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: You said that I said he was the one. Now
• 28:13
  Speaker 3: you got to wait until I make him the one.
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: That was in the early 2000s.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: The Lord didn't make him the one until.
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: Like 2018, 2019.
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: That's why I say write the letters because you find
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: out what you find out when you're honest with yourself.
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: Don't nobody have to read your letters, but you're honest
• 28:46
  Speaker 3: with yourself in writing those letters. And the thing about
• 28:51
  Speaker 3: writing it is not to necessarily move to action, but
• 28:56
  Speaker 3: it's acknowledgement first. When you write it and read it,
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: You're acknowledging something. And now you've got to decide, what
• 29:04
  Speaker 3: am I going to do with that?
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: Starting the writing, you're acknowledging it.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: And then you have to get that action plan.
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: So please tell me you got the action plan in
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: the book.
• 29:21
  Speaker 3: No, the action plan is in my journal. This journal
• 29:27
  Speaker 3: is called Letters to Me on the Road to Intentional Healing.
• 29:31
  Speaker 3: And it literally is three pages, repetitive pages. First two
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: pages are the spaces that you write your letters. then
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: the third page says, now that you've written your letter,
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: what did you find out? What was revealed to you?
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: And then it says, based on what was revealed, what
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: actions do you have to take? And then the last
• 29:53
  Speaker 3: question is, are you ready to take the action? Because
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: if you're not ready.
• 29:58
  Speaker 3: Acknowledge write it down then I ain't ready I can't
• 30:01
  Speaker 3: handle this it's too heavy but at least you've acknowledged
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: it at least you know so that so when I
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: tell you listen when I tell you that this journal
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: wasn't intentional this was not intentional this was when when
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: my son passed and I just began to Give over
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: to God. Okay, God, I don't know what you're doing,
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: but I'm sitting at your feet in expectancy of what
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: you're going to show me from this. From the book
• 30:32
  Speaker 3: came the journal. The journal came. The t-shirts came. Now
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: the coloring book has come. Like all these things that
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: were locked up in me that I didn't know what
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: to do with because I was still walking this journey.
• 30:47
  Speaker 3: And as I walk and I heal in a particular place,
• 30:50
  Speaker 3: Something else is unlocked. Something else is unlocked. So that's
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: why I keep saying write the letters. That's it.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: Okay, you guys.
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: So y'all know y'all need to go ahead and get
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: this book. There's very little books that leave me speechless, okay?
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: And this one, and it's not a bad thing, you guys.
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: It's one of those ones where as now I'm thinking,
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: you know, this might need to be something that I
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: embark on. And yeah, I know y'all saying, oh, Trish,
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: you said that.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: But you know what, you guys? Books are stepping stones.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: I mean, a lot of people don't realize it.
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: Sometimes things are brought into your presence that might be
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: just for you. And there are times when God actually
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: speaks through these authors, through me, and make me say,
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: all right, now stop playing with me.
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: I gave you all these.
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: I gave you that show to get this from it.
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: Now I need you to do what you're supposed to do.
• 32:04
  Speaker 2: So who loves?
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: Okay. Well, guess what, Ms. D? What?
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: I don't know if you've seen my show, but we
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: have something that's called the fun questions.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 32:17
  Speaker 2: All right. And the five questions always have to do
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: with the book. And it's, it's a way that I
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: use for reader's advice.
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: And it's a way that I recommend books to others
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: because people don't realize that books are mainly what you
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: watch on TV and what you watch in the movie. Okay.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: So I love Lifetime.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: Lifetime has now become my new best friend.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: I used to call it the killer man channel. Oh, sorry.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: I said that word.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: But I used to call it that because my grandma
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: and my mom used to sit up there and watch
• 32:52
  Speaker 2: it all day long. And they'd be like, oh, yeah,
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: she did it.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: She did it. I'm like, what? She done beat him up,
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: but she done did it.
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: So that's why I call it the killer man channel. Okay?
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: Lifetime calls me and they say, you know what? That
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: author you had on your show who wrote the letters
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: to me, we need to contact her. Okay, cool.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: So I got you on the line. I said, hey,
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: Lifetime wants to speak to you.
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: We really want to bring you on to speak about
• 33:23
  Speaker 2: your book on a worldwide level. Who would you want
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: to interview you.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: And why did you choose that person?
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: Who would interview me?
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: Yes. Okay.
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: Okay, so the person that I, and this probably makes
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: no sense, but the person that I would want to
• 33:45
  Speaker 3: interview me is David Mann from Tamela and David Mann.
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: Like Tamela Mann saying, take me to the king. Yeah.
• 33:55
  Speaker 3: The reason is because when, like, I look, I don't,
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: I'm not starstruck by any magic, anything, but to sit
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: down and have a real conversation with him because I've
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: been watching kind of his story and his plight and
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: like a struggle some of the struggles that he's had
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: and then the fact that they're just real people they
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: do what they do for you know the shows and
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: TV and stuff but they're real people and he's a
• 34:24
  Speaker 3: real person and I just believe that there'll be something
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: that I would be able to gain from that interview
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: with him just he's a God fearing man and yeah
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: it'll be him Always the unexpected with me, though.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: I like it.
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: Because he can take something so serious and make you
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: smile at it, but still keep the seriousness. Absolutely. So
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: we have David Mann. He is interviewing you. So then Lifetime.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: Says, you know what? We need to do a TV.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: We need to do a TV. A TV. Documentary.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: About your life and your journey with writing this book
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: who would you want to play you.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: And why did you choose that person.
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: So I would want this is again another weird one
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: but it's only it would be more for her than
• 35:26
  Speaker 3: for me but because I want to see her vastness
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: but with her that lady her name Tasha Smith like
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: she's Angela in the Tyler Perry movies like the loud
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: one And the reason that I say that, because where she, Angela, is,
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: is what I was. And so I would like to
• 35:47
  Speaker 3: see her. Yeah, I was rah-rah. Like, it was crazy.
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: But I would like to see her transition from who
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: I was being that to who I am now. Like,
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: I would love to see that. Because I don't know
• 36:00
  Speaker 3: if that's possible. But I would love to see that.
• 36:03
  Speaker 2: Okay, so we got David Mann who's going to interview you.
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: We have Tasha Smith who's going to play you. But then,
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: you know, every good movie has its title track. Listen,
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: your girl been on this wait and exhale title track.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: I'm not, you know. But I love the wait and
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: exhale title track.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: So now you, my friend, Miss Jones, what would be
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: your title track? letters to me and why did you
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: choose that song?
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: The song that's been with me all week is an
• 36:39
  Speaker 3: old Meret Brown Clark song it's called Even in the
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: Rain it just simply says I'm working even in the
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: rain like brighter days are coming it speaks to what
• 36:53
  Speaker 3: little bit that I knew enough to hold on to
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: as a child to get to where I am now
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: regardless of what it looked like that he was still
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: working even in the rain. So that's what it would be.
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: You did it.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: You survived the fun questions.
• 37:12
  Speaker 3: See?
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: But I'm going to bring up your book cover because
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: we had someone say, I love the cover art.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: Journaling is so important. I can only imagine what's inside.
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Some good stuff's in there. it's some true stuff
• 37:32
  Speaker 3: in there and that's what matters if you're going to
• 37:37
  Speaker 3: start writing anything down make sure it's true unless you're
• 37:42
  Speaker 3: a fiction person but if you're trying to heal from
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: some stuff make sure it's true yep.
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: That part oh and someone says.
• 37:55
  Speaker 3: That is my sister that is my younger sister that
• 37:58
  Speaker 3: I spoke about Yep.
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: So before we close out, what would you like to
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: say to your old readers, to your new readers and
• 38:13
  Speaker 2: the readers you gain.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: Once they see the replay of this podcast? What would
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: you like to say to them?
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: The only thing I want to say is, and I
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: have to show you my shirt again, get on the
• 38:25
  Speaker 3: journey to intentionally healing on purpose. In purpose. Don't fake
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: it till you make it. Don't, you know, let somebody
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: make you think you're already there when you know you're not.
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: Get on the journey. Start the journey. If you're in
• 38:40
  Speaker 3: the middle of a journey, keep going. I mean, you know,
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: delays happen. Things, you know, come, stumbling blocks happen, all
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: that stuff. But keep going. You don't have to do
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: everything at one time. And that's what I thought when
• 38:52
  Speaker 3: I started the book. In the very beginning of the book,
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: it said, by the time I finish this book, I'm
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: going to be healed. When I got to the end
• 39:02
  Speaker 3: of the book, there was a list of things that
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: I still needed to be healed from. So, and I'm
• 39:07
  Speaker 3: still on the journey. So start your journey, continue your journey,
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: but do it on purpose and in purpose.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: There you go.
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: Intentionally healing you guys. Y'all go ahead and get this
• 39:20
  Speaker 2: letters to me. So now, Oh, somebody said they need
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: that shirt.
• 39:30
  Speaker 3: Hey, you.
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: She said, hey, I don't know who you are, but hi.
• 39:38
  Speaker 3: That's one of my people. That's my people. So, yeah. Yeah,
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: but if you can get this.
• 39:46
  Speaker 1: Great advice. I look forward to reading your book.
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: Thank you, Brianna.
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: So speaking about reading the book, how about you give
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: them the rundown?
• 39:57
  Speaker 1: We have your social media at the bottom.
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: You can tell them again and we're going to put
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: where they can actually give them the book.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: So once you just give us the rundown on everything.
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: All right. So you can get you can follow me
• 40:10
  Speaker 3: on social media, Instagram at the Shane Jones Instagram. Deshane
• 40:15
  Speaker 3: Jones underscore author and my website is www.deshanejonesauthor.com you want
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: to contact me have a conversation with me hit my
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: website and hit that contact form or email me and
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: I will reach back out to you you can also
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: get the book on Amazon and you might see a
• 40:34
  Speaker 3: surprise something else out there that has my name on
• 40:37
  Speaker 3: it you can get that too.
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: Well you know what you had me tonight girl You
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: had me thinking, and I'm hoping that everyone who sees.
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: This, intentional.
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: That word, y'all don't know how many times I've seen
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: that word this year alone. Intentionally healing. Intentionally moving. Intentionally this.
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: Intentionally that. And it's like, okay, so, like, all right.
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: You know, for me, it's.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: Like, all right, time to go to battle. Time to
• 41:12
  Speaker 1: go to war. It's time to make it do what
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: it do. And I thank you for that. I truly
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: thank you for that.
• 41:18
  Speaker 3: That's what it is. Let's go.
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: You guys, go and grab your copy. That's what I'm
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: going to tell you. Y'all know how it is. Go
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: grab your copy. We thank author Dee Jones for being
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: with us tonight. It's another Tuesday with another book in
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: the book and another author interview. So you guys remember,
• 41:41
  Speaker 2: next week I'll be here with another book. and another author. Remember,
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: there's no such thing as an old book because not
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: everybody has read every book.
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: I'll see you guys next week, Tuesday.
• 41:53
  Speaker 3: Bye.
• 42:17
  Speaker 1: Down in South Carolina.