Latest / The Mark Simone Show / Mark interviews comedian Jackie Martling.

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Mark interviews comedian Jackie Martling. · The Mark Simone Show

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: It's the Mark Simon Show, Live from the Double R
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Life Back Studios.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: Well, you know Jackie Martling, Jackie the joke Man, the
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: great comedian. By the way, next Saturday night, August fifteenth,
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: he'll be at soul Joel's pottsdown, Pennsylvania. You're always appearing
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: all over the place. Oh, you know what's coming up
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: in February, The Long Island Comedians Reunion Cruise Jackie Martling
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: and other great comedians on Holland America. Go to his website.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: You can see everything there. Go to jokeland dot com.
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: Jokeland dot com. Jackie Martling, how you doing.
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: I'm doing great. Everything is pretty peachy, except for the
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: fact that it's very very very very hot. At least
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: I got the sound to jump in.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: And now you live. You live right on the beach, right,
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: you can just jump in the water.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Yes, right on glorious Long Island sound. I jump in
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: every morning, every morning.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: And you well, now people think Long Island sounds not
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: as good as the ocean. It's better than the ocean
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: freezing cold like.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's cleaner, wonderful, it's wonderful.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Hey, you're going on a cruise.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: Sure, you know the sand. That sand is so fine.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: That's sand on the south shore gets in your crotch,
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: you know. Yeah. The cruise is great. It's it's Holland
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: America on the Nude Stodterdam. I'm with Richie Minabini and
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: magician John Farrantino, and it's it's the Long Island Communion Crew,
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: the Median Reunion Cruise and starting in Fort Lauderdale and
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: we're hitting seven different places. We're leaving on my birthday,
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: my seventy ninth birthday, February fourteenth, and it's it's Bench
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: at Sea Tours. But the best thing to do is
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: just to go to jokeland dot com. Otherwise too hard
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: to figure it out.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, jokeland dot com. But does this mean you're stuck
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: on a cruise ship of like a thousand people with
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: flowered shirts on?
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: And well, you know, some some comics don't like to
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: interact with God crawd me. I love the crowd. I'll
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: sit there and answer how it's stern questions and listen
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: to old jokes until the cows come home. I love it.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: So you know, it's like I done and went to
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: heaven to do this, plus plus good food, not to
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: mention that. Right.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Now, you're a professional comedian with more jokes than
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: me in the world, and so you're saying, when people
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: come up to you, they try to tell you a
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: joke like you're not going to.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: Know they always do, and you half the time, I
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: wind up, you know, reworking and explain to the people
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: how they're supposed to tell the joke. But you know,
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: you never know. Once in a blue moon, somebody gets
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: me with a new one and I and I just
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: love it. You know, it doesn't happen too often, But
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: what the hell? You know, that's how I learned all
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: these jokes by being the last one standing every night
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: for seventy years. You know.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but this is like going up to Tom Brady saying,
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: let me show you how I throw the football. I mean,
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: it's kind of stupid to tell you a joke, isn't it.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Well, it doesn't hurt that you're getting paid, all right,
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: So let's go. So it's adult education, adult sex head class,
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: and the teacher says, all right, class, let's take a survey.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: How many people have sex once a day? A few
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: people raise their hands, all right, how many you have
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: sex once a week? And a lot of people raise
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: their hands, all right, how many people have sex once
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: a month? Then a bunch of people raise their hands,
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: how many of you have sex once a year? And
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: the guy in the back says maybe over here, me,
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: right here me. The teacher says, Harry, if you only
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: have sex once a year, why are you so excited?
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: He says, because tonight's tonight, tonight tonight. I love that job.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: So the guy walks in and his wife is naked
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: on the living room floor with a stranger. He says, Sylvia,
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: what are you doing. She turns the stranger and says,
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: I told you he was stupid. All right, I here's
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: a great one. Here's a great one. A guy's doing town.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: He walked in a restaurant and there's a horse tending bar.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: And he looks on the bar and there's a goldfish
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  Speaker 1: bowl full of ten dollar bills. He tends you guy
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: at the bar and says, what's going on? What's with
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: the goldfish bowl? With a ten dollar bill? And say, well,
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: we got a thing going. You put ten dollar bill
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: in the goldfish bowl and you're try and make the
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: horse laugh. If you make the horse laugh, you get
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: all the money. Well, I want to give it a shot.
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  Speaker 1: So he throws a ten dollar bill in the goldfish
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  Speaker 1: bowl and leads the horse out back. They come walking
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  Speaker 1: back in and the horses laughing his ass off. So
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: the guy scoops out all the ten dollar bills and
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: he leaves. A couple of days later, he walks back in.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: There's the horse behind the bar, the goldfish bowl full
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: of twenty dollar bills. He says, what's going on now, guy, Well,
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: we got a new game. You put a twenty dollar
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: bill in the goldfish bowl, and if you can make
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: the horse cry, you get all the money. You know,
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: I want to give it a shot. So she puts
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: a twenty dollar bill in the goldfish bowl and he
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: leads the horse out back. They come walking back in
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  Speaker 1: and the horse is crying his eyes out. So the
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: guy scoops out all the money. He goes to leave,
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: and the guy'say, wait, wait, wait a minute, pal, wait
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: a minute, what the hell did you do? He is, well,
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: the first time I told the horse I had a
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: bigger penis than him, and this time I showed it
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: to him. How great is that? That is a great one.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: It's great, and for you relatively clean it's the relatively
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: so guys.
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: In a huge department store. He gets separated from his wife.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: He runs into a old friend. He said, Walter, boy,
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: I haven't seen you in so long. How you doing?
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: He said? Boy? You know I got divorced, I got remarried,
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: and you know we're shopping. I got separated from my
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: wife and I can't find her. First guy says, you
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: know I can't find mine. Let's go looking for the wives, Walter,
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: what your new wife look like? He's well, early thirties,
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: really big jugs, very pretty, really nice body. What's your
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: wife look like? Is it? Never mind, let's look for yours.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: Jackie Martina, what should you do?
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: What should you do if a pitbull starts up in
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: your leg?
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: I hate to ask?
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: What let him finish? All right? What were you gonna ask?
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: What we're gonna ask?
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: I was gonna say, Oh, you've been coming on this
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: show for like thirty years. I have never heard you
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: repeat a joke. How could you have?
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: I told you, I keep telling you. I do my
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: research and work very hard. I run into so many
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: people that hear me on your show, and they all say, God,
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: it's always new jokes, and they're always funny, and he's
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: just enough to make Mark squirm, but not too dirty
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: that you can't tell him. And the guys Bayville Seafood,
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: those guys go crazy because people come in there and
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: start telling them the jokes. They don't tell us the
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: jokes we were listening to. You know, at Sunday, it's
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: my god daughter, Jesse's twins.
• 6:47
  Speaker 2: It's his seventh.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: Birthday, and the whole family loves shrimp. So I'm gonna
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: be loading up the shrimp from the Bayeild Seafood place,
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: and what a party we're gonna have. The beautiful kids,
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: and I hope they're not listening to these jokes.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: I really doubt seven year old kids are listening to
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: talk radio. I don't think they want to hear about Iran.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: But so so in your house, is there a room
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: like that's just an entire room of joke files.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: No, I have a garage that is end and and
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: you know in my like my documentary joke Man is
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: on Amazon Prime, and you see the whole place. It's
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: this wall to wall everything everything I ever did. You
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: know the videotapes and and uh, you know loose leaves.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: You know, long before there was a computer. You know,
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: there was loose leaves and loose leaves and all kinds
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: of stuff. You know, it's actually the same joke time
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: typed a thousand times.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: Now, like me, you probably have a million VHS tapes
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: of TV shows you did, and what the hell are
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: you ever going to do with them? You're never going
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: to convert them?
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Well, I got a guy that's you know, I get
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: them transferred a few at a time and some some
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: of them are pretty good quality, you know, some are horrendous,
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  Speaker 1: and it's so fun to look at them because most
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: VHS tapes you haven't seen in so long. You know,
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: when's the last time you played a VHS?
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: You know that's true.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: It's really not expensive to get them changed. To get
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: them changed over, you'd be very surprised, you know.
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Now, Jackie Martin will be next Saturday, not tomorrow,
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: but a week from tomorrow, August fifteenth, you're going to
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: be at the Soul Joel's potsdown Pennsylvania with Rich Harkaway
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: and then the big cruise in February. You're going to
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: be on this cruise. Let's go to jokeland dot com.
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: You can get everything there Jokeland dot com How long
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: are you in this cruise? It's like a week, right,
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: You're stuck in there a week?
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah, seven days, seven days, seven stops. It's a great cruise.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: It's not very expensive, and it's really gonna be fun.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: They're flying me down there and I'm bringing my girlfriend.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: It's going to be a free for all. You know,
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: it'll be great.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: Now, how do you do that? But if you do
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: a seven nights in the same audience all the time,
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: you got to new new stuff every night.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Well, I do a show one night, and then Richie
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: Mundavini does his show, and then John Farrantino does show, and
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: one night we're going to show my documentary and another
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: night we're just gonna sit around and tell stories and
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: Q and a. You know, and people still have lots
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: of questions about comedy. So it's just gonna be really
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: really fun, you know.
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Hey, you should watch it. It'll never get boring.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: It'll never get boring.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Watch this documentary about Jackie's life. It's called Joke Man.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: It's on Amazon Amazon. You can see their Amazon Prime.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: A lot of celebrities came in and did it with
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: you and Willie Nelson, who else is in.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: That Mark Cuban Penjulette. Yeah, Anthony, Comia and Opie both
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: and Anthony are on it separately.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: You have to keep them separate, now right. You can't
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: put them in the same room.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I've been friends with both of them
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: for forty years. So what am I gonna do? You know,
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: Artie Lang is in it. You know everybody's in it.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: It's on Amazon.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: It's really fun.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: Go look at a joke man on Amazon. Jackie Martlin
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: got like a one minute left.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: All right. So a farmer comes down from the from
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: from the out west, and he goes to go to
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: the movies, and he's got his pet goose with him,
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: and the ticket girl says, I'm sorry, sir, you can't
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: bring that thing into the movies. Well, he came all
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: the way into town. He wants to see the movie.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: So he goes around the corner and puts the goose
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: down his pants. He buys a ticket, he goes into movie,
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: and halfway through the movie, the goose is jumping around
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: inside his pants, so he pulls down a zipper so
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: the goose can stick its neck out and get a
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: little air. And this two ladies sitting next to him,
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: and one turns the other and says, you know, myrtle,
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: you're seeing one. You've seen them all, but this one's
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: eating my popcorn. I love you man. Happy birthday to
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Janie and James, and I love the baby. They'll seafood
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: and Mark, I appreciate you, and let's do it again soon.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: All right, everybody go to it. If you want to
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: get information about the cruise or Jackie where he's appearing,
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: go to jokeland dot com. Jokeland dot com. Jackie Martlin,
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: thanks for being with it.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Mark, appreciate it.
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: All right. Take care. See now that's a professional. I
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: tell them we got one minute left. You know, see
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: does one minute stops?
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: Now?
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: Most people, if you say to the guests, we got
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: one minute left, they start talking for an hour. But
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: very good. Now, don't forget. The show is three hours
• 11:15
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• 11:18
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• 11:21
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• 11:26
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• 11:29
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• 11:31
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• 11:35
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• 11:39
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• 11:43
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• 11:46
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• 11:52
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